Tuesday’s Workwear Report: Habotai Blouse
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Our daily workwear reports suggest one piece of work-appropriate attire in a range of prices.
I love the detailing on this silk blouse from Brooks Brothers. I’ve been looking for some blouses that give the feeling of a crisp, collared, button-up blouse without the stiffness or the collar, and this is perfect. Layer this navy top under a gray suit for a business formal look that’s still feminine.
The blouse is $228 at Brooks Brothers and comes in sizes XXS-XL.
Hunting for silk button-front blouses for work? As of 2025, readers love Boden, Everlane, M.M.LaFleur, Club Monaco, and Lilysilk. For more affordable options check Quince ($69!) and Grana; for fancier options check L'Agence, Equipment, and Vince. We've also rounded up other kinds of silk blouses (tanks, popovers, etc.)!
Sales of note for 9/5/25
- Nordstrom – Summer sale has started, up to 60% off top brands
- Ann Taylor – Friends of Ann Event: 30% off your entire purchase, including new arrivals
- Anthropologie – 30% off clothing and accessories
- Banana Republic Factory – Up to 50% off everything + extra 20% off
- J.Crew – Everyday styles from $34.50 — see our full roundup of what to buy for work at J.Crew
- J.Crew Factory – 50% off fall faves + extra 60% off clearance
- L.K. Bennett – 20% off all new-season
- Nordstrom Rack – Season Closeout: extra 40% off select clearance dresses, sandals, shorts, and swimwear(ends 9/11)
- Rothy's – Up to 50% off last-chance sales
- Soma – 5 panties for $39 + 35% off 3+ styles + buy 2 get 3 free panties — readers love these PJs and these no-VPL panties
- Talbots – 25-40% off select fall styles + extra 30% all markdowns — here are all the reader favorites at Talbots
- White House Black Market – 50% off all sale styles (ends 9/5)
Here’s a fun question question for the day – what have you bought recently that’s a joy to wear because the fabric is so nice?
Not to wear, but I switched my preschool-aged daughter’s bed quilt out. The old one was polyester and the new one is organic cotton and I absolutely love it. It’s soft and lightweight and just makes me really happy every time I tuck her underneath it. She used to wake up drenched in sweat, and changing to the cotton quilt has eliminated that problem.
Where is it from? I need a new quilt.
MakeMake Organics. I think they only have children’s items.
I got a really nice cotton quilt from Target.
Is the fill cotton too?
My kids have quilts from the Company Store that are lovely. I actually wish they were less well made because they’re outgrowing them “design wise” and I don’t want to get rid of them and don’t know what to else to do. I think in retrospect a “plain” non-kid specific quilt would have been better.
You could try putting them in a duvet cover. I’ve done that with old-school comforters.
PACT sells quilts that are organic cotton with cotton fill! Lots of companies advertise cotton quilts and it’s only the outside fabric not the fill too.
I have a Wamsutta comforter that is cotton cover and fill. Love it!
I bought a pair of double muslin button up pyjamas and they are so nice. They are just H&M – nothing fancy – but so soft and breathable.
Following this thread as nice fabric is hard to find these days. I got a pair of cotton elastic pants from Donni that are amazing!
I had been doing natural fabrics for a while, so I was surprised when I bought some 100% rayon, non-stretch fabric drapy pants how light and comfortable I found them.
Still avoiding polyester and spandex, but may let up on rayon now!
As a fellow polyester hater, I don’t mind rayon and sometimes viscose.
I have an old viscose blouse from Roller Rabbit that still has a nice crisp poplin sort of texture all these years and launderings later.
Spanx quarter zip sweatshirt. I can’t wait for the temperature to drop so I can wear it more often.
I wear my spanx crew neck sweatshirt all the time – it’s so comfortable.
Not to wear: I recently bought a fat quarter of fulled wool twill that I used to sew myself a tailors ham and matching pincushion. The wool was SO nice and I am now dreaming of sewing myself a whole freakin’ blazer. My sewing skills are absolutely not at that level.
The peter millar flora knit half zip pullover. I got a company branded one for work, and it is so soft.
I bought a summer dress from Marine Layer in a hemp/rayon blend and it is so soft and breathable. I’ll note that I had to have it tailored because it was designed for someone much taller than I, but I love it.
ooh have you bought any of their pants? I keep eying them (esp the saturday pants!)
Bought the Maxine Ruffle dress from JCrew in July. 100% linen in a weave that doesn’t crease easily. The fabric is the perfect weight and weave to hang and drape nicely without either clinging or being stiff. It’s lined too. I’m finding recent (past 9 months or so) purchases of suiting and dresses from JCrew to be of decent fabric and construction, noting that I am an Old and I have “Expectations” of mall clothing’s fabric and construction that I know are no longer reasonable. With that said, I think the JCrew sweaters, of any fiber, are sadly thin and clingy.
Maxine dress
True to size. Highly recommend. Note that it’s final sale.
https://www.jcrew.com/p/CK713?color_name=NAVY&N=L
I am wearing a J. Crew merino wool sweater today that is 10+ years old and in perfect condition. It is exactly the weight I want in everyday tops for most of the year.
The older the sweater the better it is. I remember them being of decent weight material and not sloppily cut and sewn. I have some J Crew clothing tucked away from their quality heydays of the 90’s. Not sure I’m ever going to fit in them again though.
Second hand silk blouses in thick woven and brushed silk with great hand and drape.
Second hand Brunello Cucinelli cashmere blazer.
Cotton muslin dressing gown.
Jigsaw silk front modal jersey back top with sleeves, secondhand.
A Peruvian Connection tee.
I have a couple medium weight silk kaftans and some silk scarves that are so so soft.
I don’t have anywhere to wear them, and they are too nice for puttzing around the house in.
Heading to Chicago for a weekend soon. Any great bookstores that I should hit? And any REALLY good consignment/vintage/second-hand stores? Won’t have a car but can uber. Would like to avoid the distant burbs. Thank you ladies!
This may be a hot take, but Chicago does not have a great bookstore scene compared to other large cities, especially downtown. While some of the neighborhoods do have good bookstores – Hyde Park, for example – they’re a 20 minute Uber trip in each direction. If you are up to that trip, then the Seminary Co-op and Powell’s Books Chicago have a solid selection.
and 57th street books
I agree with these. A trip down to Hyde Park is a great way to spend a morning or afternoon. Walk through University of Chicago, hit the bookstores mentioned, have lunch. Sounds perfect.
Here’s downtownish bookstore recs. If you’ll be in a different neighborhood there’s probably more:
Exile in Bookville, in the Fine Arts Building
After-Words – Illinois St.
Sandmeyers – Printers Row
I went to Exile in Bookville when I was in Chicago a couple weeks ago. Very cool place!
It’s been a while, but I loved vintage shopping in Andersonville.
It’s a bit north of lincoln park, but unabridged bookstore was my favorite.
Broadway Antiques Market at 6139 N Broadway is amazing. I spent hours there. There are also a bunch of smaller vintage stores in the area.
Unabridged Books at 3251 N Broadway is a pretty good bookstore, not huge, but nice.
Chicago is one of those cities where I am on the train or leaving the driving to locals. There is an elevated expressway that wraps around a church. My people still can’t grasp that ramps and elevated surfaces freeze easily, so I avoid to avoid them when ever our temps dip below freezing. Chicago people can handle all this plus real winter but I’m not ready.
If this is a response to the poster above who’s visiting soon, it’s not an issue. It’s going to be 85 in Chicago this weekend…
And the OP on the Chicago question comes from an even worse climate than Chicago, if you can imagine that…so no weather worries.
Chicago climate is not bad. Global warming has made the winters milder, with much less snow.
It is also not an issue bc the poster explicitly states she will have no car but might use Uber. Reading is fundamental.
I feel like the ride in from the airport in Chicago and NYC are the most amazingly urban things I’ve seen (from any of the areas’ airports). Urban in a way many US cities aren’t. Roads layered over history (versus the opposite). Obeying the lays of physics (do not understand why an out of towner would ever rent a car and try driving in those cities — the intersections are not like what we are used to). In Boston — different vibe — the tunnels and 17-day intersections and not even knowing where to look to cross a street. It’s an amazing country — each city has so much history personality that is definitely on display.
With a handful of exceptions Chicago’s streets are laid out in a neat grid. Plus the lake is always East so it’s very to navigate. If you’re into history read up on the Great Chicago Fire. It provided a post industrial revolution reset, which is uncommon. We also reversed the flow of our river, raised up an entire neighborhood to create a network of underground roads, and tourists are always shocked by the number of revolving doors. Of course I’m biased as a Chicagoan but the city is suited for modern life and the climate in a way many others aren’t.
Reversing the flow of the Chicago River is just wild (but OMG prior to that the waste went down the river into Lake Michigan, which was where drinking water comes from). The Fugitive with Harrison Ford made me really like how the downtown is. I’ve been in a cab on an elevated freeway that was going straight until it literally went around a church on the streets below it, which was wild. The driver said you could see it from space. And there is a beach!
Do you ever ask for favors from people knowing full well you would never and will never return the favor?
Well sure, depending on what it is.
No.
I need more context. My initial reaction was no. I ask for favors from my close friends and family, and I would happily do a favor in my ability for them. But then I thought of my brother, who has helped out a lot since I had a kid. And I can’t return all those favors, since (a) he doesn’t have kids and (b) I’m pretty close to my max capacity currently. But I’ve done him lots of favors in the past and expect to do more in the future – just not right at this moment.
Because you won’t (no, be a better person) or because of circumstance, like you’re about to move, but otherwise would? Yes, in this case.
Honestly accommodations often feel this way to me, and it makes me deeply uncomfortable.
Like for disabled people?
Obviously for offering a bed to sleep in.
This wasn’t obvious at all
Agree with @10:10 that this isn’t obvious, because I still have no idea what you’re talking about. Does this mean hosting a friend?
Yeah I know in theory someone could be unable to do X but totally able to do Y or Z, but it doesn’t always work out that way!
I meant favors that accommodate some kind of disability or special need, since they can be hard to reciprocate. People can be very kind, but people who have the extra capacity to help don’t always need favors that are within reach!
Though one of the first things my household did when healthcare costs skyrocketed was downsize, and I definitely regret how that affected our ability to host guests, so I guess that applies too.
Depends on the circumstances / favor.
I don’t think so, but in general I have a really hard time asking people for favors.
I really try very hard to avoid asking for favors from anyone.
Do you not find that not asking for favors limits the depth of your connections? I find the fact that someone trusts me with the hard and not-so-hard bits in life (whether picking up their kid in a crisis, or letting them vent about a tough student interaction) always makes me feel more connected? It feels like deep, meaningful relationships are forged in that vulnerability. Obviously, there are limits, and if you feel hard done by, that’s not good for relationships either, but at the same time, never asking for favors seems limiting.
And lots of people like doing favors/being of service. Give them the opportunity to be of use to you.
I’ve read that asking for favors is supposed to deepen connections but I’m not sure I really buy it. If I need help or ask for help it means I can’t handle my life or obligations and I’ll be harshly judged. On the other hand, I don’t judge people who ask me for to do things so maybe that feeling is wrong. But I’m not willing to risk it.
So I think it’s fine as long as you recognize this and don’t judge others. This might be a piece of growth for you to consider when you’re ready.
I think you might be onto something by acknowledging that maybe that feeling is wrong. In my experience, most people like helping out and lifting burdens off of people they love when they can.
I don’t like to ask favors, either, but I recall from my college Social Psychology class that there is a theory/phenomenon that having other people do things for you actually makes them like you more. The theory was that the favor-giver’s brain sort of justifies it by saying “I did this for someone; I must really like them.”
I was waiting tables at the time, and I tried to use this by deliberately asking my customers to do small things, like hand me something on the table. I don’t know for sure that it helped, but I sort of thought it might have a little. Of course, this was long before the replication crisis was a thing, so it all may be BS.
I also feel uncomfortable asking for favors even when I really need help. For me, I think this is a result of the family culture/ environment I was raised in, which was highly chaotic but also emphasized the importance of independence and emotional regulation/ repression (stiff upper lip!), and in which I was expected to and did take on a huge amount of responsibility as the eldest child. I do think it limits my connection with other people, so not a good thing.
It might not be a 1:1 return the exact same favor, but no I’d never ask for a favor from someone I’m not prepared to return the favor for…
Sure. Isn’t that the point? I ask for a favor for something I can’t do. I return the favor by saying yes to helping with something I can do later on
In terms of never ever helping that person or never offering that exact type of help? I’ll ask our handy neighbors for help with simple home issues or my husband will ask another dad on the street for help moving something heavy. I can’t reciprocate that exact type of favor but I’ll offer childcare/pet help in return or drop off some food as thank you.
I also give a lot of grace if someone is having health issues or just a difficult time. I will pitch in to help a neighbor/friend/parent of my kid’s classmate for a meal train or childcare help without ever expecting something in return. I’m part of a community and sometimes you give to your community because you can, without anything expected in return.
When you say “would never” do you mean that if they needed a favor from you, you would say no? Because in that case – no. I would not ask a favor of someone I disliked enough that I would refuse to do them a favor in return. But then there are really very few people in that category for me.
If you mean that you are not likely to be in a position to do them a favor, then sure. I do favors all the time for people with no immediate expectation of return, but I count on the universe to even things up in the end. (For example I regularly do favors for neighbors, co-workers and members of my church community, but am reasonably sure that they would do similar favors for me, even if the donor and recipient do not line up exactly.).
I think of returning the favor more broadly. If parent A gives my kid a ride, I may not have the chance to give parent A’s kid a ride in return because of schedules etc. But someday parent B will ask me to give her kid a ride, and I am happy to oblige because it’s all part of maintaining the village.
Agree with this. It’s more of a pay-it-forward thing much of the time. I’ve been the recipient of a lot of support from family and friends due to a long-time illness and can never hope to repay all of that kindness to them, but I can pay it forward to others, particularly in my caregiver community.
I am single and have certainly asked friends to take me to medical appointments where I needed a driver. I likely won’t ever be asked to return that favor because they’re partnered. But if they needed a favor I would absolutely help. I also think it’s about our community so maybe that person doesn’t need a favor but someone does.
Of course. When my mom was rushed to the hospital, I asked my friend without kids to pick up my daughter, feed her dinner, and take her to an extracurricular activity. I will never return that favor because she doesn’t have kids. I will, however, help her with dozens of other things because friendship doesn’t require a 1:1 exchange of favors.
Would I ask for a favor from someone who I wouldn’t help out if they in a jam? Of course not. That’s taking advantage of someone’s generosity, knowing that you would never be generous to them.
Recommendations for petite silk blouses?
I’ve recently realized how addicted I am to phone scrolling before bed and how much it is messing with my sleep. I am kind of appalled by it but I also can’t seem to stop. Reading a book is the obvious substitute but I can’t seem to make the swap. Has anyone had this problem? Do I just need to rip off the bandaid and reading will eventually become more appealing? Or is there a type of book or other light activity I could do instead?
i am trying to get better about leaving the phone in my kitchen when i go upstairs. i used to do that and then a few times right after COVID my kids and i would be up and ready to go only to learn that they were remote or quarantining or whatever so i started bringing it upstairs… i find not having my phone with me is much easier than not checking it when i do.
Is there a type of reading you particularly enjoy? if so, of course use that kind of book. I love to have a novel by my bed, knowing that i’m going to get to enjoy the story a while as I head to sleep.
But also, there is a certain “rip off the bandaid” need here. I think you’re going to fail if you wait for an activity that is as gratifying as scrolling feels. Reading is unlike scrolling in that it doesn’t give you dopamine hits. In fact, most activities are unlike scrolling in that way. Phone apps are DESIGNED and coded and built to engage you and keep you coming back for more. Your nervous system is going to feel the distress of not having that enjoyable activity available. And that’s OK. The distress will dissipate, but it may take some time.
I set a daily recurring appointment on my phone’s calendar at 9:00 pm with a reminder that pops up that says “put your f*€king phone down”. It works more often than not, so it’s an improvement.
I also set myself a somewhat lengthy household bedtime routine of: set or check my alarm on the phone and put it on the charger in my bedroom, check that all doors are locked, close the kitchen, fluff the living room, let the dogs out for their last break of the day, and then me and my stuff, with an intention that it is a phoneless process that gets my full attention for every task.
Yes I’ve found ripping the bandaid off best. Start with an easy fluffy book
Highly recommend The Sleep Prescription: Seven Days to Unlocking Your Best Rest by Aric A. Prather. He’s head of the sleep clinic at UCSF. Other ideas:
1. Leave the phone in another room where it would be a pain to go get it.
2. A Kindle can be a good substitute for a phone but without the blue light. It aligns with the habit of holding a small device in your hands before bed.
3. Don’t read page-turners before bed, whether it’s a hard copy or Kindle. Read something calm, especially something you’ve read before.
4. Think about what else you already enjoy doing before bed and consider whether there’s an analog version of it.
5. How about an evening meditation or gentle stretches or a hot bath or shower?
I think reading before bed can help, IF you’re a reader. As to what kind of book, choose your absolute favorite. If you’re not a reader, then asking a book to do for you what your phone has been doing is a big leap. Also given that reading is not an activity that will ever give you the same dopamine hit that scrolling and clicking does. Books are a quiet, long-form type of interaction. Scrolling is buzzy.
So yes, some bandaid ripping and fidgets/agitation is probably inevitable during the transition week(s) when your nervous system/brain is learning how to leave scrolling behind. Leave your phone somewhere else in the house. (Get an alarm clock if you’ve been using your phone for that.) Put together a “calm down” routine to help your brain/nervous system learn how to quiet itself away from a screen.
You need the right book. I can only focus with books that interest me–Tana French, JK Rowling’s detective series, Inspector Maigret. If a book holds my interest, I’m set.
I used to finish mediocre books but now can only read page turners. Kind of a bummer but the siren song of the screen is so strong.
My problem is then I just end up reading the book until 2 am…
Do you think your brain wants a screen? You could start with reading on a Kindle and see if that helps. I also usually tell myself that I only need to read a couple of pages – some nights that’s all I have the attention for and then I go to bed.
If you want something more in the “mindless activity” stage, what about a sudoku or puzzle book?
Also, consider the rest of your environment and if it signals to your body that it’s time for sleep. In my room, I turn on a fan and play white noise on my phone, while I read, and when I close the book the light goes off, no matter how much (or how little) I’ve read.
I bought a Brick and put it on my fridge. Before going upstairs, I scan my phone and it blocks social media and games. I like that I still have access to email, phone, and text, but can’t doom scroll.
I’m interested in the brick. Tell me more.
You need to remove the stimulus before you can consider alternatives. The Roots app is good. You can set up daily limits for certain apps and also shut off certain time windows. I have mine set up so that all my scrolling apps (you can make groups) go dark from 7p, and again from 7a-10a (I struggle with scrolling when I should be getting my WFH day started).
This is not true. You should consider alternatives as soon as you decide you want to make a change.
Agree. Come up with a good replacement and the problem solves itself.
Journaling, knitting/crochet/cross stitch, a crossword or sudoku book are all other things you could use to replace scrolling if any of those are appealing to you. Myself, I have a personal rule that I cannot sit down while scrolling, which is a great way to limit mindless scrolling time.
I listen to podcasts on YouTube. That way I can shut my eyes but still get my silly content fix.
try the Forest app to gently lock your phone!
I’m trying my first Orange Theory class this weekend. Any tips for me? I’m coming off a period of being in bad shape and at my highest weight and I’m a little nervous about not being able to do the workouts. Also, should I wear leggings or would shorts (my preference) be ok?
I remember the first Orange Theory class I ever took feeling extremely hard. Seems to be a very normal experience.
Its 1000% OK to walk on the treadmill instead of running or jogging if you’re more comfortable with that. If you have any restrictions that make the treadmill difficult, you an ask about using a stationary bike or strider.
Shorts are totally OK.
For the floor exercise portion, if there’s planks or anything with kneeling (in addition to full laying down ab exercise), I like to grab a mat off the wall so I don’t have to touch the floor.
Good luck!! You got this.
Not OT specifically, but I’ve found group fitness classes to be the least judgmental, most helpful people people out of all the groups with which I am involved. Report yourself to a coach (if they don’t have you tagged already), tell her you’re brand new and don’t know how to do anything, and let her take it from there.
I wear shorts for my class, but most women wear leggings. Wear what is comfortable for you.
I have found Orange Theory the most welcoming and least judgmental of the group fitness classes I have taken, of which there are many. people are just chill and all focused on their fitness journey. Not on others or looking cute, or whatever else. The range of ages, sizes, and fitness levels I appreciate too.
Yay exciting! Absolutely no shame in modifying exercises or walking on the treadmill. Literally no one will judge or even notice–they’re all focused on their own workouts. It’s pretty easy to just go slower if you’re out of shape. You’re going to love it!
shorts are fine. lots of people wear them. no one is looking at you (honest!) and it’s a pretty non judgmental type of routine….. i hope you love it! i do!
It’s not about looking/appearance but I want to make sure I’m comfortable if there are any exercises requiring bending, etc. I get too hot in leggings and always have trouble with them riding down.
I get this. I don’t like to do yoga in shorts because the mat feels gross on my bare thighs.
re: shorts, you will be on the treadmill, on a rower, and doing weights (depending on day and work out may have to lie on floor or on the bench). personal preference how you feel about shorts but definitely it’s OK from a style perspective.
I love OT! Consider wearing foam earplugs (also some have these at the front desk). You can still hear, like at a concert, but it’s not eardrum crushingly loud.
No need to be nervous about a first Orange Theory workout. You choose the intensity of your workout – your speed on the treadmill and rowing machines, and the amount of weight you lift on the floor. At my studio, people vary widely in age and fitness level everyone does their own thing, and there is no pressure to go fast/ lift heavy as in some other programs.
I found these types of classes difficult when I was not in good shape. It is surprisingly easy to injure yourself, and I never got good technique instruction, which also was a problem. For me, starting with something slower was better. But you are probably in better shape (and younger!) than I was.
Pros and cons to serve as a law firm managing partner?
Looking for general feedback but if it matters, at my midsize regional firm the role is technically paid (very little, “salary” of 25k/yr), members are expected to continue practicing full-time, minimum of 3-yr term but most serve for 6 years.
in biglaw (so YMMV) the buzz was that the role was all encompassing so it was hard to step back into practicing when it ended. I’d think hard about what your motivation is (does it increase your profile? is it something everyone takes a turn at and your number is up?) compared to the likely impact on the rest of your work.
I wouldn’t up my stress and weaken my client relationships for $25k extra.
$25K a year is… not very much for how much added stress that role is.
I took a genetic test based on family medical history and the results indicate an increased lifetime risk for breast cancer. My ob-gyn is recommending both annual mammograms and annual MRIs, trading off every six months. I’m only 40. My mom had cancer at 56. I don’t even know why I’m posting, I’m just a bit down about the news. I used to only worry about it once a year. For people who have similar Schroedinger’s news, does the oppressive feeling go away?
I’m sorry, but I do think that 56 is young and knowledge gives you time and options, should you need them. Time and options are luxuries. Not ever cancer is screenable and not ever cancer is treatable. Br3ast cancer is both, which is a blessing amidst the vigilance and possible bad news.
FWIW, I am 55, no family history, 23andMe noted no increased global risk, and I’m going in next week for a biopsy after a BI-RAD-4 mammogram after years of being in BI-RAD-1 land. If it’s a thing, I have options. I will be OK.
I have the same and I just look at it like it’s an amazing time to be living that this screening is available for a disease that killed my grandmother and aunt. And sometimes I treat myself in the time when I’m waiting bc ‘if I have cancer, I’d really regret not going to the Eras tour.’ It’s not a super financially responsible way to live:)
How wonderful that you have proactive care that will likely catch any cancer you may develop at stage 0 or 1. Your cancer story will probably look quite different from your mom’s, if you even end up having one at all.
+1. Unfortunately I know someone who has family history but waited too long to begin frequent screenings. If her doctors had encouraged her to start earlier, despite her “young” age, they would have caught her cancer before it progressed so far. It’s wonderful that you’ll spot it early if it ever happens. You should feel reassured that you’re protecting yourself as much as possible.
Btw, I’m saying this as someone who is ultra high risk for a different form of cancer and also has very frequent monitoring. It is annoying but less annoying than metastases would be.
Hit submit too soon. That being said, when I was first diagnosed with being ultra high risk, it took a good few months before it just became part of the background noise of my life. In some ways, the hardest parts are the very start and obviously, the very end. There is a wonderful (and hopefully forever!) boring middle ahead of you.
Better to know and be proactive than to not know and possibly receive a worse diagnosis when discovered, no?
This right here. My mother was diagnosed at Stage 4 of a cancer that is not able to be screened for (pancreatic cancer). It was a miserable year of living and a grim time leading up to her death a year later. Stage 1 BC is so, so treatable and you get to live out the rest of your life. Don’t let it go and get found at a later stage by not screening.
Yes, actually. I’m in a very similar boat (every six month MRIs and mammograms, alternating) and am only 30. Have a similar family history of cancer.
I find it empowering to have the knowledge and be able to do something to get ahead of any future cancer.
Yes, it goes away. Or as the other poster mentioned – it falls into the background.
It was helpful for me to join the Facebook group for my genetic mutation. Everyone there understands, and it helps keep you up to date with current recommendations / research. It also helped me think through the “worst case” scenarios, and realize that chances are super high that even if one day my scans find something, I know how to deal with it. And I can deal with it. And you can too.
Now I feel lucky that I know. My cousin wasn’t so lucky, and she died way too young.
I have dense tissue and due to my mom being diagnosed with BC at 50, always get higher lifetime risk scores on various models.
First, a score is just that, a score. It is the result of a calculation that takes a couple of data points from your medical and family history and applies a mathematical probability model that has itself been derived from large population data sets. What a score doesn’t tell you is your very own trajectory, just a likelihood. If your lifetime risk is 30%, then there’s a 70% chance you won’t be developing the condition. I am slightly above the score threshold to fall into the “high risk” category – had my mom been diagnosed at 52 instead of 50, my score would have been below the threshold!
Second, knowledge is power. Do the screenings, or talk to your provider about what screening makes sense. I now alternate mammograms, ultrasounds and MRI as mammo-ultrasound-MRI-ultrasound with 6 months between each, i.e. a mammo every two years only, as I did not like the idea of annual X-rays every year starting at age 35. My doctor is confident that we would catch anything early enough.
Third, I have shared this here before: A very kind radiologist told me after my most recent mammo callback situation that in general, cancers double in volume every 6-12 months, which correlates to an even longer period to detect a doubling of the diameter of any irregularity you see on an image. This means that something that’s sub-detection on the image today (maybe 3-5 mm in dense tissue), takes at least 1 yr or more to be confirmed as a growing area of suspicion. Hence, if you’re following the regular annual schedule, you will have an excellent chance to detect it at some “early” point, with many interventions available. Advanced cancers (e.g. with lymphatic involvement/metastases) are most often diagnosed in people who do not have regular screenings. Of course, there are exceptions for very rare fast-spreading types of breast cancer, but statistically, those doomsday scenarios are unlikely.
Any new novel recommendations for someone who likes Ruth Ware books?
Have you read The Woman in Suite 11? Lisa Jewell’s Don’t Let Him In came out in June. The Blue Hour by Paula Hawkins is recent.
+1 to Lisa Jewell, all her books are great.
Crowd sourcing ideas
When I know I have a hard conversation coming up, I get nauseous. I *think* all the “right things” – clarity about this matter will help both of us, it’s part of my job to have these conversations, we’re going to work together to solve this problem, I’ve prepared well and know what to say, etc. But my body doesn’t cooperate.
Does this happen to anyone else? What works best to make it go away? In my personal life, a hard workout/fast run can stave it off, but I can do that all the time at work!
I think this is a very common reaction. Have you tried writing down talking points to organize your thoughts? What about grounding techniques, like breathwork or 5-4-3-2-1?
Rather than trying to talk myself out of nervousness in these scenarios, I’ve been trying radical acceptance of my nervousness–thinking something more like, “I don’t think this will be that fun, and I don’t like anticipating it happening, and I’m just not going to feel awesome in the lead up.” Weirdly, that keeps my overall stress level lower than trying to not be stressed at all. From there if need be you could do some of the more basic, less cerebral, soothing stuff. I don’t have resources for adults in mind, but, at risk of seeming out of touch or inadvertently condescending, I’ve been reading Usborne Books “All About Worries and Fears” with my kid and they talk about some calming techniques that I’ve considered trying myself.
I agree with this. If you accept the uncomfortable feeling, it actually becomes less uncomfortable. The physical manifestations are also quite tolerable if all you’re doing is talking. (Not so tolerable if you are doing something that requires a lot of motor control such as performing music, but for that there are always beta blockers.)
I have similar reactions, and the only thing that keeps them at bay is running at least 25 miles a week every week.
not moral issue but as there seem to be a lot of orangetheory folks, want opinions. I am 50 and often go to a morning class and shower. There is no separate locker room so people are coming in, washing hands, using toilets etc. I certainly attempt to stay covered (wrapped in towel) but i take off my clothes and put on new ones in the open area. I have noticed that others 1) change their clothes in the toilet stalls or 2) get dressed and undressed in the showers. I feel like people shouldn’t be changing in the toilets because the line backs up and i don’t see how people change in the showers without getting everything soaked. that said am i now the crazy old lady who is getting naked in a world that no longer thinks strangers change next to each other? i do wonder if it’s generational….
I mean you just described my junior high school gym locker room. Lots of girls changed in stalls. I didn’t. I don’t think this is generational as much as it just different people do different things.
I’m 45 and would be doing exactly what you’re doing. When I went to a gym pre-2020, that’s what I did. I didn’t restart my gym membership post-2020, but I cannot imagine changing how I change clothes after a shower at the gym. I’m also not a very modest person. I don’t strut around naked, but I have no problem if other women see my squishy bits for the few moments between removing my towel and pulling on my clothes.
When I was really little and raised religious, I thought that being naked anywhere kinda public was wrong. Then I grew up and was a little uncomfortable with people getting dressed in the locker room where I could see, but figured others could do what they wanted. Then I grew more and was jealous that people were comfortable enough with their bodies to do that. And now I get dressed just out in the locker room because it’s more convenient and I’m not as self conscious anymore.
Are you talking about a locker room at the gym? If so, totally normal to change like you do in the open area.
If you are talking about going to your office bathroom after a workout class and changing in the open area instead of a throne room or shower stall, that is unhinged, IMHO.
OMG, I’m imaging a post on Askamanager if someone were to prance around naked in an office bathroom…
I’m 40, I know that it’s okay to change in locker rooms but I’m not comfortable doing that so I do change in the bathroom or shower stall.
You’re fine. I wouldn’t even think twice. People are naked in my gym long enough to blow out their hair so it might not be that the whole world has changed.
The stereotypical crazy old lady (or man) in the locker room hangs out in the nude far longer than necessary. They stand around chatting or perform tasks that could be done while clothed. It’s fine to be naked while you’re actively changing from your towel into clothes. If you can’t be naked in a women’s locker room where *can* you be naked?
Combination of generational and if you grew up playing sports. I will either change in the open area or occasionally in the designated changing areas – mostly when I have a strappy situation top that I am not confident on being able to execute on the first go.
Personally, I’m not comfortable with locker rooms that aren’t single sex. I try to hurry in a stall so I don’t occupy it forever while people are waiting, but I’m not going to change in the open anymore.
i don’t think you mean single sex. no one is suggesting that the locker room isn’t all women.
I think she is trying to make a trans reference, but let’s not go there.
I posted exactly what I meant.
Every gym I’ve been to has single sex locker rooms. I wonder where you live that doesn’t
My gym has stalls without showers for changing for this very reason. I think this is just personal preference, and I don’t care to change out in the open area. But if I’m changing in the toilet, I also go to the toilet. I would probably never change in the open because I also don’t want to juggle a towel and change.
What am I doing wrong with clothes? So often, I try on something and look in the mirror and it’s fine. Then I look from the back and tops and dresses are either visibly lumpy above the waist or pants are way too snug in the seat (even though nothing is too tight from the front — no creases or camel toe). Sizing up means that the pants start drooping below my waist (so the crotch hangs down several inches below where it should). Am I just oddly shaped in the bottom? Do I need a smoothing cami under things also? Late 40s; a bit of body squish in a size 8/10.
Clothes are mostly poorly made today. I would blame them rather than your body.
One of the things I did not expect about getting older was the extent to which my upper body got squishier (great word!) without any weight gain. My skin is just not as elastic. The current trend toward unlined clothing in poly blends does not help.
In terms of my upper body, my choices are to either wear tops that are less form fitting or wear a camisole to smooth things out. It does not need to be compressive but that extra layer helps.
I cannot help with pants except that you might need to get things tailored. But also, the current trend is to have pants “cup” to buttocks so this might be a feature and not a bug.
+1 to the chorus of ‘I can’t wear unlined cheap poly and look good in it in my 40s’. I find thicker knits, cotton/linen that skims the body, and basically any fabric that has more structure to it are necessary.
Are you trying clothes from the same shops, brands, and styles? You might branch out and see if a different option is cut better for your body shape. If your measurements are more pear or curvy than the clothes themselves, you will have a much better fit if you buy according to your largest section and have garments taken in where you are more slim so they don’t sag form being too big or pull and wrinkle from being too tight.
I don’t think you’re doing anything wrong. Our bodies are not symmetrical, so it makes sense that a garment that looks fits the front of your body well might not fit the back of your body well.
I find the lumpage situation on tops happens to me because the front of the top might be cut a tad differently than the back, and my chest is causing a different fit than when a top drapes straight down from my shoulders. I’ve had to start looking at the back view and rejecting tops (e.g., not buying them) if they aren’t cut well for me.
Same thing regarding pants — play around with different cuts and see if there’s a style or brand that tends to fit your particular body better. Your fit issues don’t mean you’re oddly shaped. Pants are very hard to fit, because there are so many measurements and fit points that need to be met, and there’s no way mass manufacturing can do that.
Help me plan a menu?
The specs:
10 people or so, casual, will be eating while sitting in a living room (eg, not at a table with a setting). People will serve themselves. Vegetarian and gluten-free options needed. This is for something 5-7 pm, so either a casual dinner and/or enough heavy appetizers that it can function as a dinner. I like to cook and am happy to, but I won’t be spending time in the kitchen during the event itself. Thank you for any and all menu ideas!
I would either make or order a few Indian dishes. Chana masala and bhindi masala are my weeknight go-tos.
This was going to be my recommendation, too (you could have people add paneer or chicken separately), but since people won’t be sitting at the table, I was worried that a saucier dish might be easier to spill. I was thinking pasta would be less drippy. But maybe this is just me and everyone else is a tidier eater!
Are you trying to impress people with your culinary prowess? Or just feed them? I would probably do a big charcuterie board with some GF crackers and a pasta where the meat can be added separately (so have the pasta and sauce already combined but the meatballs or whatever in a separate dish). You can also have a GF pasta option for that. Plus a big salad.
Sorry, hit post too soon – I ask the questions to start because I recognize the above isn’t that impressive, but it seems the easiest option to me. If you were sitting down at a table to eat, I would do a taco bar or similar, but I think those are hard to eat not at a table.
some sort of pasta that is not spaghetti or linguine, if not a mac and cheese or rice, some kind of carb that’s vegetarian shrimp or sliced steak or chicken tenderloins, salad, bread. otherwise sandwiches?
I would probably opt to do the whole thing vegetarian and gluten free. So Thai red curry with tofu and veg with both rice and rice noodles as serving options, and fresh wraps with peanut dipping sauce.
I would make everything gluten free, and make it very, very obvious what isn’t vegetarian. Things like:
Greek green salad with olive oil vinaigrette (no gluten dressing), feta cheese and nuts.
Lentil or quinoa salad (check for traces of gluten on packet if quinoa) with snowpeas, pomegranate and scallions.
Cowboy caviar or other bean salad.
Meatballs, and spearate beetroot chickpea falafels, make both with gluten free flour.
Charcuterie and cheese, olives, hummus, crackers, Spanish potato tortilla omelet, smoked salmon.
Glutenfree sourdough or focaccia with aioli.
Make a veggie risotto that afternoon then put it in a crock pot to stay warm. A variety of mediterranean dips (baba ghanoush, hummus, and tzaziki picked up from a local restaurant) with sliced veggies, pita, and gluten free crackers. Charcuterie board with goodies like marinated olives, sun dried tomatoes, candied nuts, honey, fig jam…
Taco bar! Make sure to have GF tortillas. People can do whatever combinations they want or need to accomodate dietary restrictions. Plus, people who only want heavy apps can have one taco and people who want dinner can have one or more.