Coffee Break: Strappy Ballet Flat

75 Comments

1. Office style- I got hooked on @onelane_studios (young woman in London) for chic neutral capsule wardrobe inspo. Only for her to apparently do well enough with her influencer side hustle to quit the job she had to dress that way for! Sigh.

   I miss The Directrice for quirky office style inspo. Good archives, though, plus witty writing.

   1. Yeah, where did she go?

      1. I loved The Directrice. At another board I’m on, we were talking about alterations and somebody said she actually uses the famous Fatima, The Directrice’s seamstress. It was a real “I danced with a man who danced with a girl who danced with the Prince of Wales” moment.

         (For you young’uns: https://youtu.be/IXndvWwZuaA?t=9)

2. To the person whose 72 YO father was only texting emojis – did you connect with him? I’m thinking of you and hope all is well.

   1. That was me, thank you! The neighbor went over there and said he seemed fine. Now my dad is mad at me for sending the neighbor. Trying to get home to see him next week. I know he has a doctor’s appointment in a few weeks.

      1. Eeek, I’m sorry your dad is upset. I also would’ve been worried and sent a neighbor over to check.

      2. I’m so glad! Way better to have him mad than finding out something bad happened.

         FWIW, grandparents on all sides of my family and my husband’s have caused us to face similar situations. Having someone knock on their door has helped convince them that they need to engage with family in a way that we can tell they are okay. It’s a small thing, but especially for the one grandpa who was prone to turning into a hermit, the little bit of interaction seemed to give him something to look forward to and prepare for. We learned about the birds he saw outside, the new family across the street, the local aging agency volunteer who brought library books to his door, etc. He seemed to like finding little things like this to tell us about when we called him each Saturday morning.

   2. I didn’t see the earlier post, but I once had to call the police for a welfare check on my 80 year old mom because she had turned her ringer off and was answering FB messages only with the thumbs up. I wasn’t sure what to think! But wondered if maybe there was an intruder and she could only get to the thumbs up. She was fine. Just not paying attention 🤦🏻‍♀️

3. All the pop-up ads on this page (using Safari) that keep glitching and refreshing the page (causing me to lose my place) are helping me break my addiction to visiting. I guess it’s actually a win.

   1. I don’t have any problems with pop-ups since installing an ad-blocker. Nearly every site I visit works just fine.

      1. Any specific ad blocker rec?

4. I put butter in a baked good batter yesterday but the recipe called for shortening. I just wasn’t paying attention. They seem to be the same type of ingredient but the result wasn’t as good. Can a baker chemist sort of person tell me why?

   1. Butter has a bit of water in it (~20%), while shortening is 100% fat.

   2. In cookies, butter melts and spreads more than shortening.

   3. Definitely not a chemist sort, but I’ve noticed that in some recipes, butter vs. shortening will affect texture. Sometimes flavor, too, but texture is more noticeable to me. Example: I have a molasses cookie recipe from my grandma that calls for shortening. Once I was out of shortening, so I subbed butter. The cookies were not great. The butter version had almost a greasy taste, and they spread out way more than when I make them with shortening.

      1. My understanding is that shortening = less spreading. That can be a good or bad thing depending on the outcome you’re going for!

   4. Butter has a lot more moisture (water) than shortening. That’s my guess.

   5. Butter is only 80% fat and about 20% water, plus the type of fat is different, which affects the melting point and the amount of spreading.

   6. I have a degree in biochemistry and I make around 800 cookies every December! I dream of being asked these questions!!

      I’m not sure about your exact recipe, but generally speaking, shortening has a higher fat content and a higher melting point. That means that cookies made with shortening have less “spread” during baking and the extra fat content also gives the cookies a more tender/crumbly texture. If you replace that shortening with butter, your cookies are going to spread out and just feel a little bit greasier than they would with shortening.

      1. I love that there is a subject matter expert lurking here for almost any off the wall question!

      2. OMG you may have just solved my angsty cookie conundrum. I dream of replicating the ball-like cookies a local bakery features and while I have the flavor dialed in, the shape and texture eludes me. Thank you!

      3. OP here and thank you! It was for a quick bread of the breakfast variety, like banana bread but with applesauce. Noted that fats are so different and probably the reason I hate baking is that baking is a precision sport vs something like braising, which is a “generous rounding” sort of precision cooking.

5. can anyone speak to the quality of Pond LA bags?

6. Does anyone else feel like you’re vibrating after a fight? Not a fight but my kid comes home from school every day and screams at me. Restraint collapse. Real fun.

   1. This was me last night. Not a fight, but after a dinner with my parents that left me deeply unhappy. I’ve been in therapy for years, but still struggle with my relationship with them and then I get embarrassed and angry with myself for still struggling. After they left, I definitely experienced what you called “restraint collapse.” I cried like I haven’t cried in years. I also remember my previous foster son would struggle when I picked him up from school. Took me awhile to learn to have the car be silent (no music no podcasts) when I picked him up. I have no words of wisdom, just recognition from the struggle bus

   2. Yes. 100%. DH and I don’t fight very often. When we do, my hands are shaking during and after. I try to control it, but generally fail.

   3. Yep, it affects me really badly. I wouldn’t be able to tolerate it every day after school and would do just about anything to change the routine, set a consequence, or whatever else would be appropriate.

      1. Or a new school; daily restraint collapse doesn’t seem like a great sign.

   4. I get this way after encountering road raging drivers. It’s so much adrenaline coursing through me that I can have to find a safe place to pull over until I stop shaking.

   5. It’s normal. Your body is burning excess adrenaline.

      If your kid is routinely doing this after coming home from school, you should (1) make sure the school environment is safe, and (2) send your kid to a sport, preferably basketball or track.

7. I think I am losing it. We are booked on a flight on Wednesday at 12:50 p.m. I have had it in my head ALL THIS TIME that it’s Wednesday night, after midnight. Which is of course ridiculous because 12:50 Wednesday night is in fact Thursday morning at 12:50 a.m. Just figured it out last night and let me tell you there was a MAD PANIC at Case de Senior Attorney!! If my driver hadn’t texted to clarify the pickup time, we would have missed our flight by 12 hours. Yikes.

   Anyway, don’t be like me. Double triple check those flight times and don’t keep it all to yourself — show it all to your traveling companion so they can set you straight when you are being a big dumb idiot.

   Thank you for coming to my TED Talk.

   1. This is why I’m a fan of the 24-hour clock for things with schedules at all hours of the day/night like flights, trains, etc. and am convinced it should be more widely adopted in the U.S.

      1. RIGHT??? Last night I was so confused I literally googled “is 12:50 p.m. day or night?”

   2. For my last trip, I reserved one leg on the wrong day. I double-checked after purchase and did not catch it because I was coordinating multiple people’s arrivals from multiple locations on multiple days and it was the correct day for someone else. I finally noticed when I checked just my own flights a week before the trip. If I hadn’t done that, I could easily have failed to notice until I tried to check in, and would have missed an important family event. I am now more paranoid than ever about airline reservations.

   3. If it makes you feel any better, I once missed a connection in Salt Lake City because I was relying on my old school watch which was set to Pacific time and forgot SLC is in Mountain Time. So while I was enjoying my leisurely lay over (at least it was leisurely in my mind), my plane took off. I missed the meeting I was flying for. DOH

      1. I hate to say it, but that does make me feel better!

         1. I’m so glad! I still feel completely stupid about it.

   4. I hate the 24 hour clock because my mind always wants to convert it to the 12-hour clock, but has the wrong instinct and subtracts 10 from the time rather than 12. I am perpetually having to correct myself that 20:00 is 8, not 10. Although that would indeed make me less likely to miss a flight!

      1. Yeah I sometimes do the same. But the 24 hour clock is so much more sensible and intuitive. We just need to have learned it as children.

   5. I literally just canceled a round trip with layovers in favor of nonstop both ways because I am paranoid enough about TSA delays that I don’t trust myself to book all the legs correctly.

      1. who chooses layovers over a nonstop any time??

         1. People concerned with costs, depending on the circumstances.

            1. Weird destinations, or depending on what hubs your airline of choice (or your employer’s airline of choice) uses.

         2. Anyone on any semblance of a budget? It’s often much cheaper. I just paid $1500 for nonstop flights that would have been $500 with one layover. For a family of 4-5 people, that’s quite a chunk of change…

         3. LOL this is such a “What’s a banana cost, $10?” kind of comment.

         4. Besides the cost difference, the nonstop is shorter in-air duration but means I have to leave earlier on my way out, then get much later on my way home. The layover schedule often works better for me.

   6. Yeah; not to sound too spoiled, but I got really used to my admin booking my travel and putting alarms on my calendar. I am getting better at handling everything myself, but now ask a travel companion to check everything.

8. Thanks to all who commented on my post about becoming an unintentionally frumpy work-from-home worker bee. I ordered some jeans – wide leg, cropped – and we’ll see how we do. I kind of swore off jeans for working from home right as we were transitioning from skinny to straight leg styles. If they weren’t so stretchy I was hiking them up all the time, then they were so rigid they were uncomfortable in the belly area while sitting for long periods. I’m hoping wide legs might right some of that. We’ll see.

   What shoes do you wear with wide leg crops? My daughter says birkenstocks, but I’m thinking I might look for some mule style sneakers I can just slip on. So far I like the ones from Chloe ($700!) but that’s not in the budget so I will keep looking.

   I will be more open to cropped, boxy styles, but I carry some weight below my belly button and have used hip length tops as a security blanket, I think. Does anyone else worry about this?

   Thanks again and if there are more tips, I’m all ears!

   1. If the jeans you ordered don’t work out, I heartily recommend trying the Meg cropped wide-leg by Kut from the Kloth. They are labeled high-rise but are really the perfect mid-rise–high enough to hold everything in, but not so high that they are uncomfortable sitting. The amount of stretch is right in the Goldilocks zone. And they are inexpensive to boot. They run enormous so go down at least one size.

      I wear them with Birks or fashion sneakers.

   2. I’ve found the Evereve website/catalog to be helpful for styling ideas.

      1. I really like Evereve too. OP here’s a styling example: https://evereve.com/products/meg-linen-wide-leg-jungle

   3. I don’t think long wide tops are any more flattering than a shorter top that isn’t actually cropped and doesn’t ride up high enough to show a bunch of skin when you lift your arms. My most stylish friend carries her weight in her midsection, and she looks fantastic in her wide-leg pants and waist-length boxy tops.

   4. Dolce Vita has cute sneaker mules. You could also get Birkenstock clogs, which are basically the same thing as a mule. Check out Rothy’s clogs as well.

      I find that 100% cotton jeans are comfortable if they’re 1) the right size 2) more of a mid-rise. But also, there’s no need to sit in jeans all day! You can get a soft pant in a current shape, which would also look cute with a mule/clog situation.

      https://fahertybrand.com/products/topanga-drape-ankle-pant-spellbound

      https://www.frankandeileen.com/products/penny-black-triple-fleece

   5. I think it just takes our eyes a little time to get used to things. I’d focus on looking and feeling fresh and updated over focusing on only flattery for a little bit. You can still use color strategically, but pairing a long top over wide pants will probably have you reaching for skinny pants and feeling dated.

   6. If your goal is to not look frumpy I wouldn’t choose Birkenstocks as your primary footwear. Maybe they have their place, but that isn’t it.

      1. I know everyone has their opinions about this but I just clicked through to the Evereve link above as suggested for styling ideas, and the model is wearing Birks. Haha. I don’t actually like the original Arizona style, but I do like my Sienas. Only in the summer though, and I’ll still switch into sneakers for a longer walk.

         My daughter and all of her friends seem to be wearing the Birkenstock clogs as everyday shoes. I have some and they’re strictly house slippers for me. My eye hasn’t adjusted yet, I suppose.

   7. I like wide-leg crops best with sandals or low-vamp closed-toed shoes. Or boots with a shaft high enough to close the gap.

      If those jeans don’t work for you, look for pants in technical (athleisure) fabrics. They could be cut like trousers, joggers, wide legs, straight legs, etc.

      If you’re worried about the tops, wear the pants to a mall where you can to into a bunch of stores and try on different shapes of tops until you find the hem length / width that has the proportions you need. Or look for tops with a welt. Or half-tuck a drapey t-shirt. Or take one of your button-front shirts and play around with tying it at the waist — higher, lower, looser, tighter — and see where you like it best.

      1. Adding: I’m not suggesting that you wear your shirt knotted — that look can skew frumpy. I’m suggested you do that as an experiment to find out what top width/length looks best.

9. Any recs for housebreaking an adult dog?

   We thought the rescue we adopted 8 months ago was doing pretty ok (pottied in the house only when we were gone too long), but my husband just discovered last night that he’s been using a room we never go in, and my husband’s furious. This plus some other behaviors has my husband wanting to rehome the dog…so help’s needed, and quickly. The dog was likely an outdoor/working dog before being abandoned and rescued, so he’s probably never been taught but has all sorts of adult dog habits.

   1. Crate training, taking the dog out regularly, and keeping an eye on them so they can’t head to the forbidden pee room.

      Anytime you are not home, the dog is in a crate. No unsupervised run of the house time at all. If the dog cannot sleep in your room and you cannot wake up to let them out. Anytime you are home, the dog goes outside at least every two hours. Long leash the dog to you so they can’t wander off to do their business. Any time they get antsy in the slightest, outside they go. Effusive praise when they go outside, whether that is a treat, a toy, pets, whatever motivates them.

      1. All this, and close the doors to any rooms you don’t use.

         1. This is the answer. Your husband’s fury has no place here. Tell him to get a grip. Yes peeing animals can make you insane, but only if you let it.

            1. Yeah the dog was clearly trying (he went out of his way to go into the room you don’t use!). They just don’t understand.

            2. Exactly! Poor pup. Dogs can be house trained *because* they like to keep their spaces clean. That’s why crate training is so effective – that is their space, they are not inclined to soil it unless they can’t help it. Gradually make “their” space bigger as potty training progresses. Don’t forget to praise them excessively when they do go potty outside, and give treats. That positive reinforcement is really helpful. Punishing them or showing anger is not helpful and will just make them confused and scared.

   2. Book some sessions with a local trainer – esp one that has experience with working dogs/rescue dogs.

10. Question: I like Evereve and feel like it speaks to my demographic (past Anthro, not ready for Eileen Fisher). But is it the new Chicos?

    1. Evereve is basically Nordstrom’s women’s department. Some in-house label pieces, mostly a collection of other labels.

    2. I think it is telling that the original name for this store was ‘Hot Mama.’ Not in a bad way.

    3. Please let the answer be no. It is my go-to because the ladies who work in the store have opinions and will suggest things that very frequently work.

    4. No. I think if Chico’s as nice but boring for women of a certain age. Evereve is… well, I wore an outfit from there any my friend said that I was smoking hot. I joked that it was “my second ex husband isn’t going to find himself” outfit.

    5. Haha. I can see that. I do like that they show styling. They carry a lot of brand I wear. I think the cringy thing is the name. Evereve? It’s weirdly biblical to me and I wonder if everything is homeschool mom oriented. Hate the name.

11. Anyone have experience dealing with a family member with psychosis? I’ll take any advice you have to offer (on really, anything). My husband’s brother has struggled with addiction and severe bipolar disorder. He had a very bad episode two years ago and was eventually persuaded to seek treatment. He’s having another episode–has been behaving erratically towards in-laws (with whom he lives); police have already been called to the home twice, etc. The in-laws recognize the gravity of the situation but will not leave the home. My partner is concerned about their safety. My experience from the last go-round is that involuntary commitment is extraordinarily difficult. Is there anything to do?

    1. In California it’s a 5150 but other states have similar temporary holds when someone has expressed a threat to themselves or others. Are you there?

       One of my friends’ sons struggles with psychosis now, which didn’t appear until he was late college aged. He made various threats until someone called the police and described exactly what he had been saying.

       The 5150 was the best thing that could have happened, because it led to him getting inpatient help. He’s not “cured” and never will be, but now he’s able to live in sort of a halfway house and get a low level job, which is better than they expected when this all started.

    2. This won’t help with the immediate concern, but I took a class through NAMI and found it very helpful. Their classes for family members of those with mental illness are peer-led. Their website also has some resources. I’m sorry you are dealing with this – it’s scary and our culture doesn’t have good solutions.

    3. If they won’t live separately from him, they do not in fact recognise the gravity of the situation. There are multiple cases you can find in the news of a person killing family members during a psychotic episode, and if police have already been called, this situation is already headed in that direction.
       Try for involuntary commitment. Can your spouse visit and try to get him on medication?
       Try to get the in-laws out of the house, even on pretext of a temporary visit with you.
       I’m so sorry you’re dealing with this. I’ve dealt with it in the past and it’s scary and disorienting to have close contact with someone who is disconnected from reality like that.

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