Coffee Break: Miss Havisham Crystal Encrusted Snake Chain Collar Necklace

77 Comments

1. Ugh, I totally f*ed something up at work for my favorite partner. I hate disappointing. I apologized, explained I understood my mistake and how I’d handle it differently. The reality is I was just superbusy and dropped the ball. Kills me. It will be ok though, right?

   1. Of course it will be OK. Beleive it or not, when I first started, I made a big mistake on a pleeding and the manageing partner signed the pleeding. He was embarased when the court called him out on it, but he did NOT get mad at me. He expleained to me that none of us are perfect, and that we all make mistake’s. The key, he said is to LEARN from those mistake’s and not to let those happen again. I alway’s remember how sweet he was to me, b/c I was onley in my first month here. I also remember NOT to make that mistake again. So as long as you learn from that goeing forward, you will become a success, like I did.

      Even last month, when I was 2 hours short in billing, and was NOT abel to reach 5000 hours thru 7/31, the manageing partner was NOT disapointed. He said I was on track for a record year and told me to maintain my pace. So it can work out well for all of us ladie’s! YAY!!!

   2. It will be ok. We all f*ck up sometimes. Most importantly, you recognized it and admitted it.

   3. That feeling is the worst. We’ve all been there. Go home tonight and go for a long run or drink a glass of wine (or both!) – whatever turns your brain off – and the immediate obsessing over it should stop enough for you to feel better. It’ll all be ok :)

      1. +1. It’s such an awful feeling, but everyone makes mistakes sometimes. Practice some self-care and you’ll get through this.

   4. Thanks all. It just helps to hear it!!

   5. Thanks all. It really helps to hear it!

2. I like that the snakehead is really subtle. I would definitely wear this necklace with a collared shirt or jacket.

3. This is silly of me, but I cannot for the life of me come up with the right words for this job-seeker email.

   I’m relocating back to the city I went to law school in. I stopped by last week and had a great chat with the dean who suggested I email Professor X, who’s SUPER connected in my field, about jobs. I had this professor for one class and I wasn’t the greatest student. When we were in class, he used to tell us that if we ever needed a job, to come to him and he’d try to help because of his connections.

   Well, I’ve been attempting to draft an email for days now and can’t come up with what to say. “Hi, I’m moving back in a month…and help me, Obi Wan, you’re my only hope.” Any ideas how to email a prof you weren’t that close with to say you’d like to take him up on his offer for job help? Do I offer to take him to coffee? (That feels strange.) Do I send my resume? (That seems forward.)

   1. Hi Professor,

      I was a student in your class in Fall 2011 and have just moved back to town after being in Other City. I’m looking for a job here but haven’t had as much luck being out of law school. Dean XYZ suggested reaching out to you, and I remembered that you were always great at networking. Could I take you to coffee one afternoon and pick your brain about how to get back in the New City job market?

      *Include your phone number after your signature. Don’t attach your resume yet, but have it ready to go before your meeting (he may ask for it beforehand, too). Either way, I’d have a printed version in my bag at the coffee or ready to send that very same day. And take him to coffee- it’s the least you can do. Networking requires doing things that feel strange. And don’t forget to thank him and follow up with him. I can’t tell you how frustrating and rude it is to take time out to help people who then don’t email you back or don’t follow up with connections you make for them.

      1. Thank you! That’s perfect!

         Last question: New City is across the country and I won’t be there until I move back in a month. A month out is too far in advance to send a coffee email, so I’ll send it in a couple weeks…unless there’s a polite way to ask him directly about jobs over email?

         (The anxiety of moving cross-country with no job lined up makes me want to send crazy emails.)

         1. Just change it to “can I take you to coffee when I’m back in city in xyz month?” And then follow up to set a date later on.

            1. Yes.

            2. Thanks so much! Just sent it and it sounded great.

4. I posted this at the end of the earlier thread and have received some really thoughtful advice that I can’t begin to explain how much I appreciate. I am posting again in case there are any other insights:
   I am dealing with an incredibly difficult situation with my husband and I would appreciate some advice. We have been together for 10 years and generally have been happy, but have been struggling over the last year or so. In the last few months, things have been better and I thought we were trending up, but last night I came across some things on my husband’s computer that were very upsetting to me. I found messages between him and several other women. The messages that I saw were not terribly sexually explicit, but more so sweet (which in some ways feels worse). There were references to other conversations on kik, but I could not see those messages.
   I confronted him about it and he admitted to talking to other women. He said that over the last year, I have been very condescending and mean when I talk to him and he asked me many times to be nicer to him (this is true). Eventually, he said he got tired of asking without me making any changes and so he said that he sought out other women to talk to because it felt good to talk to someone who was kind to him and didn’t make him feel bad about himself. He also said that he has NEVER actually met any of these women, and I tend to believe him.
   I am so confused about what to do. I know that what he is saying about my attitude is true. He asked me for months to be nicer to him and I really had a hard time with that because my stress level was so high and I felt like I couldn’t control myself sometimes. Often, I would recognize that I was being rude or dismissive after the fact, but I had trouble stopping myself in the moment. I really do understand where he is coming from, but I am also incredibly hurt by this. Also, when things are not great with us, I sometimes seek out attention from a male co-worker (just flirting), so in some ways, I feel that what he has done is not all that different.
   I asked him to show me the messages on kik, but he is refusing because he says it is embarrassing and that he doesn’t want it to hurt me more. I don’t know that I can really move forward without being sure that I know everything. I did tell him that we have to go to marriage counseling and that HE has to be the one to arrange it if he wants to show me that he wants to move forward, too. Has anyone else gone through this or can offer any advice?

   1. I think you already got a lot of good advice. It doesn’t seem reasonable to me for you to demand that he set up the appointment when your behavior was the catalyst for the rough times and you have been flirting with other men.

   2. You’ve mistreated him for a year. You’ve flirted in person with someone you know. Does he get to read a transcript of all of those flirtatious? Nope. So stop it with insisting he show you chat records. Why does he have to make a counseling appointment? Just as a punishment?

      I think if you want to save your marriage, you need to apologize profusely, step up your own counseling schedule, and ask him to come to counseling with you.

      I read your replies on the other thread, and it really sounds like you don’t fully get what you’ve done. You took forever to stop being mean to him. That’s unacceptable. You think things are good now. Are they? Did you ask him about that?

      1. Also? He has been showing you he wants to continue to be married. By not leaving you!

   3. I also think the distinction between ‘fixer’ and ‘controller’ was spot on.

   4. As someone who also perceives herself as the fixer in her relationship, and is also at the end of her rapidly fraying rope regarding life in general, the replies to the other thread brought me to tears. Whatever meanness slips out of your mouth, it’s clear that you have a good heart and are doing your damndest. I’m sending every good wish your way.

      1. +1, I get that you’re feeling some kind of connection to the “fixer” label right now, but there’s just no excuse for spewing meanness, and “having a good heart” doesn’t excuse it. A heck of a lot of damage is done to a heck of a lot of people by those who use their “good hearts” to excuse their bad acts. When you like/love/respect someone, you act like it. Full stop. If OP said she just couldn’t stop herself from occasionally smacking her husband in the face when stressed, no one would be making excuses because she’s just a fixer with a good heart (or at least, I hope no one would) – intentional meanness is also a form of abuse, and there are no free passes for abusing someone you’re supposed to love.

         For the OP: Personally, I think inhabiting the “fixer” role in a relationship is absolutely toxic – the “fixer” sets him/herself up as the supreme authority on adulting, which puts the other partner in a subordinate/child/hapless-loser position. There’s not much out there that kills mutual respect and appreciation faster than that.

         OP, if you feel like you’re always fixing everything and doing everything, it’s no wonder you’re demeaning your husband – you’re demeaning him because, on some fundamental level that you may not even be consciously aware of right now, you don’t actually respect him, because you view him as something in need of fixing, instead of as a capable adult.

         Focus on individual therapy, and start untangling why you feel like you need to “fix” another adult (who, it sounds like, is a pretty normal dude who probably does not need the level of micromanagement you described in some of your responses to the morning posts). This isn’t about his kik messages or whatever – this is about you having real contempt and disdain for your husband for some reason, and not being able to prevent that contempt and disdain from leaking out when you’re stressed. Fixer, fix thyself.

         1. Yup. All of this. Times a million.

         2. +1,000

         3. I get the fixer thing, but have a lot of space for someone who might be dealing with a passive aggressive person. My partner completely buys in to the male stereotypes. Waits a week to do the dishes. Gets peevish if I ask for him to help – says I’m “mean”. After 10 years, it builds.

            I am currently on overload with my dad in hospice, my mom helping out, and mom is horrible about boundaries. Decides to go shopping for me, overloads my kitchen, after explaining for the 50th time, the kindness has worn through to directness. Now she’s telling me that the “kids want it”(potato chips from a library vending machine with the credit card we gave her to use for gas, a giant tub of nutella that doesn’t fit in an overloaded pantry that the kiddo only eats with peanut butter, which he doesn’t want at his classes because he has to sit alone for lunch when she makes him a PBN when she forgets 4 days out of 5 and gets peevish when I start making the ham & cheese that he’s been fine with for the last 2 years, Kiddo complains, Hubby complains, I can’t win. Daycare is starting to look WAY healthier for all of us.

            I get that this can sound like micro-managing. She wants to make elaborate breakfasts every morning that the kids barely pay attention to, and she makes too much and has no interest in the leftovers. Gets upset when I throw away old scrambled eggs two days later. I used to wait a week. Now she’s doing everything that DH says he will get to, her way…it’s not helping. Work is simple compared to this.

            So, yep, take a break. Cut yourself some slack. If you had it going on back in year one, consider Retrouville to find the magic again. This could be a sign that things have run their course, and that process could also help with an amicable split.

            After finding the last three couples therapists over 13 years because it was (his words) “my insurance” (which covers the family) and having him complain about them, it’s not punishment for him to find one through the family plan – it’s a sign of commitment to a healthier relationship. I’m working on myself, supporting the kids and perhaps he will surprise me by following through. I let that go. We all have relationships. If he is giving out his chummy energy elsewhere as a replacement activity & blaming you – he skipped over friends and friends with hobbies that he shares when there’s a rough patch in bloom…what does your gut say?

   5. While you are interviewing potential marriage therapists, you might read John Gottman’s “Seven Principles for Making Marriage Work.”

   6. Make an appointment and go for counseling.

      1. Thank you all for your thoughtful responses. I really appreciate that you took the time to offer me advice and I am really hearing what you are saying.

5. Just another guy rant. I know this is an age-old frustration, but why oh why do men say they’ll call/text and then don’t? In the past two weeks I’ve gone out with two men. Man A kept saying how he couldn’t wait to see me again and at the end of the date said he’d see me soon – then never heard from him again.

   Man B wasn’t an Internet date but a guy I’d had a fling with a few years ago. We randomly reconnected online and he asked me out. During the date, he kept saying how he always liked me and how he’s thought of me often during the years, wishing he had been more emotionally available back then. He kept talking about future things, how he wants me to cook for him, how he wants to take me to the movies. We kissed a lot, but I don’t think he was just trying to sleep with me – he politely put me into a taxi at the end of the evening. Afterwards, he texted to be sure I made it home safe and said he hoped to see me again “sooner rather than later.” This was Thursday, and I haven’t heard from him since. He knew I was moving over the weekend, so maybe he is just giving me space to be busy. But I just don’t get it.

   I know, “he’s just not that into you,” – but why talk so much about future dates/plans and then never make them? Just politeness? I am a very polite person and have never done this to someone.

   1. Man A liked the idea of being into you, and tried it on for size, but in the end he had to return it because it just doesn’t fit.

      Man B is a normal person who is giving you space to move. Why not text him “free for drinks Thursday?” and see what happens.

      1. Yes. Forget about Man A.

         Today is Monday and you saw him Thursday, that’s nothing. I agree with Anonymous above – text him and ask him to do something!

         1. If you want to see Man B, then by all means text him yourself.

   2. Sigh, I don’t know. They were probably having fun and might have genuinely meant it at the time, and then got home and something else happened, and they forgot. Man B might or might not be gone for good (but I gotta say, he might turn out to be as flaky as he was the last time around). You must have forgotten to get back to someone at some point in your life, right? Nobody’s perfect?

      Don’t focus on the “he’s just not that into you” thing. I find it just gives me something else to obsess about (*why* wasn’t he into me?!)

   3. Because people generally lack the spine to say that sorry, they’re not interested. However, if you’re interested, you need to do the texting/calling/initiating. If they don’t respond within a day or two, they are not interested and you close the book on them. Don’t wait around for people to contact you.

   4. Modern Romance (Asiz Ansari) might have some advice – I listened to a podcast I think on how to send better text messages that was so informative.

   5. I’m single and struggle with this myself, because it happens a LOT. Regarding the lack of contact, there’s really only three possibilities: (1) they’re not interested in seeing you again, (2) they’re interested in seeing you again at some point, but not interested enough to try to make that happen as soon as possible, or (3) they’re interested in seeing you as soon as possible, but are holding off on reaching out for some specific reason (afraid it will come across too desperate, want to give you time to move, are trapped underneath something heavy, a la When Harry Met Sally). If it’s 1 or 2 I would hope you’re not interested anyway, and if it’s 3, they will get in touch with you when the holding period ends. Sure, you could text them — I once had someone say he wouldn’t have gotten in touch again if I hadn’t first, because he didn’t think I was interested during our date (so not true!) and he was super shy/afraid of rejection. But that’s rare. In my experience, gender norms still persist to the degree that there is a general expectation that a guy will get in touch first after a first date, and a guy will rarely ASSUME a girl isn’t interested because she didn’t get in touch first. In other words, of all the reasons they’re not texting you, it’s unlikely it’s because they think you’re not interested. If it’s bothering you and you want to confirm, get in touch with something casual and specific — “I had a great time last week. Drinks this Thursday?” is perfect. (And yes, read Aziz’s book; it’s super quick). But I think if either one is interested in you, he’ll probably reach out himself. You already know all this, though–I think your bigger question was WHYYYY???

      Regarding the future talk, if they aren’t interested now, they’re either (1) jerks who were leading you on, or (2) nice guys who really did believe those things in the moment and then changed their mind later. Giving them the benefit of the doubt on this one, sometimes there are guys (and women) who enjoy talking/thinking about future relationship activities because they want to do those things with SOMEONE, and in the moment, that someone is you. It’s not really a good/kind thing to do that much or that heavily at the beginning of a relationship, before you really know how you feel or whether you’ll feel the same way down the line. But there are plenty of “nice” guys and gals who don’t realize this and do it anyway, because it’s fun to dream about the future. As someone who spent several years with a guy who talked about what our wedding would be like, what kind of house we would buy, and what we would *name our children,* and who ending up marrying and fathering a child with someone else, I know this “future talk guy” all too well. At best, they’re just really excited about those phases of their life and want to think about it. But it’s not super considerate of your feelings, especially after they quickly slip someone else into that mold they’ve been dreaming about.

      Dating sucks. I’ve been there, I’m still there, and I totally get it. The best thing that you can do is (1) try really hard not to read too much into anything at the beginning (or for that matter the middle), no matter how interested they seem, (2) try your best to treat men well when you’re on the other side of the interested/not-interested equation, and (3) take care of yourself: give yourself breaks from dating, have fun with friends, etc. Good luck out there. <3

6. Help, oh worldly women! I have two lovely DVF silk wrap dresses that come back from the dry cleaner smelling… not so fresh! I’ve sent them back a couple times, but the smell in the arm pits has not disappeared. I’ve tried spraying on vodka &water – supposedly that’s an old theater trick for freshening clothes – but they’re still stinky. What else can I do? The dresses are in great shape otherwise, and I don’t really want to get rid of them just cause they’re stinky.

   1. Hmmm….that’s tough. I would have recommended the vodka spritz. Since you’ve already tried that, how about turning the dresses inside out and letting them sit in direct sunlight for a while?

   2. Febreze maybe?

   3. What kind of stinky? BO-stinky or chemical-stinky? I would cautiously second the sunlight suggestion, with the caveat that silk and sunlight don’t go well together long term (I think it can break down the fibers, and you should not expose it to extended sunlight on a regular basis).

      You might also consider wet washing, since the dry cleaning isn’t doing anything. Cold water, gentle detergent, soak, swish, rinse and towel dry (Lay on a towel, roll up the towel and squeeze but don’t twist to remove water).

7. If you had 9-10 days to take a vacation in December, where would you go?

   Budget is about 4-5K total, and would be my husband and I going. We aren’t against the idea of a cruise. We come from a moderate climate, so we won’t be yearning for a beach vacation in the middle of December, but we aren’t adverse to it either.

   In general, we love traveling, he’s a hobbyist photographer (so will want cool things to take pictures of); I’ll just be glad to get out of Dodge. We aren’t very outdoorsy people, but you might be able to convince us to go traipsing about for good views.

   1. London. At Christmas it is magic.

      Australia. 10 days is enough time to make the travel worth it. I’d go to Sydney and then up the coast and spend a few days at the Great Barrier Reef.

      Paris. Is there anything more romantic? I’d do a 2 day trip to Strasbourg and rent a car one day to visit a few chateaux.

      1. ETA: Australia would depend on whether I could somehow finagle one ticket on miles. 5k for two people isn’t going to cover both of your flights and on ground expenses.

         1. United has had a lot of award space to Australia lately. Possibly due to Quantas re-opening a route between SFO and SYD. If you have United miles, check for award flights. We were able to get round trip tickets for 80k miles a piece for our honeymoon last month.

            I’m big on recommending Australia right now because we just got back a couple of weeks ago. It was absolutely fantastic. We did Sydney for 5 nights (split into the beginning and end of our trip) and 6 nights up near the reef in Port Douglas and Cairns. The flight from Sydney to Cairns was totally easy and not very expensive. Plus, the US dollar is really strong compared to the Australian dollar so it seemed like lots of things were 20-25% cheaper than their sticker price.

            1. Australia has been bandied about. What was the weather like when you were there? I realize we’ll be there in the summer if we go in December, and I’m not sure about that!

            2. It was winter while we were there. The area up around Cairns is somewhat close to the equator, so the weather is supposedly similar in summer. It was in the 70s most of the time we were there but cooler in the high 40s/low 50s in Sydney. I think it can get really hot in Australia in general during the summer though.

               We seriously want to try and go every 5 years. There is so much more to see there and we loved everything we’ve already seen.

            3. Personally, 9-10 days would be the minimum length of trip for an Australian visit and I would want more. For such a long flight (15-20 hours in the air, maybe more than 24 hours of traveling time in one calendar day from there to here), it almost seems too short.

               I did a study abroad in Melbourne in college, so obviously prefer it over Sydney. It is further south, so might benefit from cooler summer temps. I really doubt you’ll want to be in theQueensland rainforest during the high summer months (rainy season and super muggy). The Gold Coast (also Queensland) will also be hot and muggy, but you’ll have the benefit of being on the ocean, except you won’t want to go in the ocean because it’s jellyfish season.

            4. We went to Sydney last year during the last week of November/early December. It was over 100F on two of the days, in the 80s and 90s most of the other days, and 60s and extremely windy on the day we’d planned to spend doing the Bondi to Coogee coastal walk (we ate Gelato Messina anyway–worth freezing for!).

               Personally, I felt like 9 days on the ground was more than enough for Sydney (+day trips to Hunter Valley and Blue Mountains–would recommend skipping the latter if you’re short on time). We opted not to go up to Cairns because the flight times were not convenient for a quick trip up to do a boat tour, and after our last vacation where we stayed in 3 hotels in 4 days, we were happy to settle in and unpack our suitcases, and not have to worry about having a small bag for the short domestic flight.

         2. I don’t think 9-10 days is enough for Australia. If you’re going all that way, you should aim for at least 14 days on the ground (which is about 16-17 days total).

      2. I can tell you all the good things to do in London in December if you want to do that…but you need to book them now. Like for realz Christmas shows are already being advertised for.

         1. We’ve done London before, but I’m dying to go back. I need to convince my husband though…he’s usually a ‘go once, and never again’ type person. What would you recommend around Christmas?

            1. Sir John Soane Candlelight Tours -First Tuesday of every month-Free- Best in Winter because its actually dark out in London (open til 9 pm but you have to get there EARLY to get in – We got there are 4:30, and were let in at 6 pm, and were out by 7 pm. However, some people when we left were still in line waiting to get in. I would suggest to get there early, so you aren’t standing in line waiting to get in all night. Only 200 people are let in. )

               Ice Skating at Somerset

               Ice Skating at History Museum

               Downton Abbey House with Holiday Decorations

               Geffrye: 2 things
               Period Rooms Decorated: Each year, the Geffrye Museum’s eleven period living rooms are transformed with authentic festive decorations, lighting, music and greenery to give visitors a magical glimpse into how Christmas has been celebrated in English middle-class homes over the past 400 years.
               Farewell to Christmas: Join us in the Geffrye’s own traditional burning of the holly and the ivy, with carol singing, stories about Epiphany and a taste of mulled wine and Twelfth Night cake. This event takes place in the garden, so wrap up warm!

               Seeing a movie at an Everyman theater because ordering mulled wine during a movie is the best

               Going to a British totally over the top Christmas show: http://www.bricklanemusichall.co.uk/news/vincents-christmas-wonderland

               Going to Borough Market and sampling all the special Christmas Food (mince pies for example)

               Waiting until very late at night and walking down Oxford street to look at the window displays with all the lights on and NO CROWDS

               Walking through London on Christmas Day when its totally deserted!

               Doing a Christmas Carol Sing Along at Albert Hall: http://www.ticketmaster.co.uk/Christmas-Carol-Singalong-tickets/artist/1890004

            2. My comment got stuck in moderation but a huge list of London Xmas activities hopefully will come through.

   2. Morocco!
      Christmas markets in Germany (all the mulled wine!)
      Prague and Budapest
      Belize

      1. I’ve thrown out Germany, Prague, Budapest to DH before, but I should push it a little more. I would LOVE to be able to do those three plus London, but I don’t know how d0-able that is. My husband was actually born in Belize, so if we were to do that, we’d have to visit family too. Not a bad thing, and we’ve considered it too. I think we both just have too many ideas and can’t settle on one!

         1. Four European cities in four different countries in ten days is madness and you’d come back exhausted. I think two sounds manageable. I recommend Germany (Christmas markets!) and Budapest for the holidays, I think it would be lovely.

   3. I would love to see Florence, Italy and the surrounding areas in December. There’s no lack for photography opportunities, either. You could easily separate the days between exploring the Chianti region (Sienna!) and just sitting on a piazza and drinking wine.

      1. We were scheduled to go to Florence at first, and then do a Mediterranean cruise, but that didn’t work out because of timing. Have you been to Milan? We were debating doing Milan, Bologna, Florence, and maybe some place in Switzerland, but there are just too many places to pick from!

   4. Cape Town,South Africa.–the city has stuff to do but there are other surrounding areas like Franschoek, Stellenbosch with stunning scenery and good vineyards. But you have to book tickets early in order to make sure you don’t go over budget.
      I also second Morocco.

      1. My husband desperately wants to go to South Africa and has mentioned Morocco. If we were to do Morocco, is 9-10 days too long for that? Should we plan to go somewhere else as well?

         1. My husband & I are planning 14 days in Morocco/Spain in April. Our plans are to fly into Madrid, stay there two nights, then take a one-way flight to Marrakech and then work our way back north via trains & buses. We are planning on two nights in Marrakech, a three day Sahara desert tour (camel ride!), two nights in Fez, one night in Gibraltar, four nights in Seville then back for an overnight in Madrid. We are going to backpack to make it easier to move so much.

            I personally enjoy figuring out different public transportation in different countries, and enjoy the interaction with locals & scenery you have while on a train. Conversely, once I’m in a city, I’ll pick one or two sights to see, and I love old architecture, but we are not big museum people, so after seeing the ‘biggie’ we usually spend the rest of our time wandering the streets, just absorbing sights & sounds, and food, then move on!

            But, only you know you… would you enjoy four days of leisurely wandering a souk in the Medina in Marrakech, then maybe four days in Fez doing the same kind of thing (but in a very different city)? Or, like me, would you get itchy to be on a train? In 9-10 days you could certainly cover a lot of Morocco, the trains are supposed to be pretty good, and there are an abundance of private tours for reasonable rates. Pictures of the Sahara look incredible, we are going to Erg Chebi and spending a night in the desert, but that is optional. Your dollar will also go really far there, I’ve booked hotels (Riads) that got good reviews for very good prices on hotels.com.

            If you need any further info I’d be happy to share my research with you. My vote is for Morocco!

            1. My inlaws did Spain and Morocco for a couple of weeks last year and loved it. They still talk about how fantastic Morocco was and they travel pretty extensively.

   5. Lisbon and Porto.

   6. Last time I didn’t know where to go I used http://www.weatherbase.com ‘s vacation finder tool.

   7. Japan! Tokyo and Kyoto are sunny and clear in winter, the skiing in Hokkaido and Nagano is amazing, and there is nothing better than soaking in outdoor hot springs in the snow. The food is amazing, and there are interesting things to photograph around every corner.

      The yen is ridiculously weak right now so Japan is super affordable. 4-5K for a week would buy a very nice trip. It’s a 10-hour flight from the West Coast.

      1. +1 I’ve been in Japan in the winter and it was fabulous. If you do it, you might want to consider hiring a private guide from http://www.toursbylocals.com. We did it in Hiroshima and Osaka and it worked out really well — we had limited time and it saved us having to stress out about navigating the subway and figuring out where to eat and so on.

   8. NZ South Island

8. Thoughts on what kind of pant leg looks best/ sleekest in a suit? A bootcut pant or a straight leg? Is a tapered pant weird-looking in a suit?

   1. I think it depends on your body shape, but it probably also depends on other things too, like what shoes you wear or the tailor of the jacket. I don’t think there is ONE answer.

      1. +1.
         Trouser legs would only look good on my thicker thighs if I wore 4+ inch heals. Tapered legs work better if you wear flats or low heels, but it takes careful tailoring to avoid a Hillary-esque look. I find straight, fitted, but not tight, to be the best for me. Go to a place like Banana Republic that sells multiple pants for each suit and see which looks best.

   2. Trousers – so straight leg but not tight.

   3. Depends what shoes you want to wear. I like boot cut because I have a curvy figure. I love curvy or reverse fit pants that nip in at the waist, so the boot cup balances me out. Also, I wear actual boots in the winter.

9. Stupid question – what part of the necklace is the snake? Are there multiple snakes, the back piece and each loop? Are the connector pieces snake heads? Not that I’m planning on getting it either way, but I can’t make it out from the picture and now I’m just curious.

   1. I am totally with you on everything in your comment. I have no idea what is going on here.

   2. Snake refers to the type of links on the chain. It has nothing to do with the design of the necklace (other than that they chose that type of chain). Personally, I hate snake chains because I find they always catch – and tear out – my hair.

      1. Haha, thanks! I was trying to zoom in to see if they actually looked like snake heads. :p And good to know about the hair catching.

      2. +1 on the hair pulling!

10. I don’t see the point of spending $100 (on sale!) for costume jewelry. It will tarnish and look like crap in under a year.

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