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Updated: Nov 1, 2018 171 Comments · by

Coffee Break: Extravagant All-Purpose Tote Bag

Coffee Break· Under $150

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Amerileather Extravagant All-purpose Tote Bag Reader M wrote in to recommend this bag:
I would like to recommend for posting, a well-made, stylish, leather tote bag at Overstock.com that is very inexpensive: $67. I can't understand why it hasn't sold out. I've been using the black bag for the past six months and it looks brand new. It is supposed to be convertible, but it looks a little kludgy as a smaller bag; however in its larger tote form it looks elegant. I have the bag in “coral” also—the color is actually cognac.
Nice! The bag nearly has sold out by this point, with only red, coral, and caramel remaining; the good news is that they're marked down to $53-$56 at Overstock. Amerileather Extravagant All-Purpose Tote Bag (L-0)

Sales of note for 9.10.24

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Comments

  1. Flying Squirrel

    TJ right off:

    I’m hoping that some of you legal ladies can help me provide some advice to my younger, attorney, brother.

    He’s about 5 years out of law school (T5) and he works in patent law. No advanced STEM degree, but his focus is high tech which matches his undergrad degree. He went straight to law school from undergrad, and straight to a boutique IP firm from law school. He really excelled at his firm (on the fast track to partner) and was the sought after associate for his major client. But he didn’t like some of the culture of his old firm, and he ended up going in-house less than two years ago for the same client (very large company).

    Now he’s a little bored there (which I predicted would happen) and trying to figure out his next step. He has possible opportunities at an even smaller boutique firm started by a couple people he liked from his old firm or at a growing IP practice in a larger firm in the office in the city where he lives. Personally, I think in the long run he’d be happiest in house at a very small startup (which would, I assume, require learning about a lot more areas of law than just IP). He agrees with this, but he doesn’t really know how to get there. If the larger firm opportunity becomes real, it might help broaden his horizons…but I don’t know. He’s not in a tiny city, but he’s also not in a tech hub like Silicon Valley.

    Anyway, as a biased big sister (with some outside confirmation), I think he’ll be extremely successful at whatever he does. The trick is just finding something that fulfills him…which I’m not at all surprised neither of his choices has done for him so far. I thought he might also check out places like a tech transfer/patent office at a university which would expose him to more cutting edge technologies and additional IP-related tasks like licensing (mostly he does patent enforcement right now)…but there don’t seem to be too many opportunities. That said, he’s not the best at networking or thinking creatively about how to get what he wants professionally.

    Any tips/ideas I could pass along to him?

    • Ellen

      Yay Cat! I love the leather bag! And very FRUEGEL!

      As for the OP, He sound’s to be about MY age and has prospects. Is he MARRIED? If he want’s to meet a nice girl, I know JUST the person for him, but he would HAVE to work in NYC or LI, b/c that is where I want to be. Right now, I am haveing to deal with guy’s who are NOT as ambitius as he sound’s. I would mabye support him workeing in house for a start-up if the company was sure to be doeing an IPO. I alway’s thought Mark Zuckerman was cute, and I did NOT even know that he is worth over 2.3Billion dollars! Can you imagine how wonderful life would be having the run of the Zuckerman household? My dad says that Mark’s father was a dentist in NY and advertized in the Pennysaver. Dad says that old man Zuckerman probabley drilled his last tooth the day his son made that movie! YAY!!!!

      Now I do NOT demand your brother be as smart of rich as Zuckerman, but he should be abel to support me and our children. He must respect me and give me the oportunity to work (but NOT require that I work after he IPO’s his company. If he want’s I could meet him some where and he could interview me and I could interview him. No string’s attached. He should know that I am a good girl and do NOT sleep with men any more until I am at least engaged. That is Willem’s shortcomeing. He is over 40 and evidenteley guys that age seem to demand sex very early in a relationeship b/c they do NOT want to spend money on a woman unless they are comfortabel having her have sex with him without any clotheing on. FOOEY! My dad says I should NOT sleep with men like Willem b/c they will ONLY walk away and burp but NOT marry me. I agree. YAY!!!!!

    • k-padi

      As a patent attorney in a tech hub, i will respond. Honestly, he has lots of time. to move around in his career. I would ask him if he has enough prep+pros experience to really stay marketable in the long run. With only 2 years at a firm, my gut says no. I would tell him to take an opportunity that will give him the most prep+pros experience. those are fundamental skills that keep patent attorneys relevant into their 60s. Small firm vs big firm…either will give him that. I wi”ll caution that “patent enforcement ” sounds alt like trolling or NPE activty. I would steer clear of those “opportunities

      • k-padi

        Phone acting up….anyway TT and university licensing positions are dead ends in patent law . Honestly, if he wants to work with startup eventually, I would w.advise him to go to the small firm now. Short answers for now but he can email me at karenpadi at hotmail if he wants to talk.

    • Tiger

      I am IP focusing on computer/business method patents. I’m interviewing with a full service firm that represents a lot of start ups and I’m very excited about this. I’m currently at a boutique and also hate the culture here. He should at least interview with full service firms; he may be surprised. Also, so many firms are hiring that I finally broke down and started working with a recruiter. Much less stressful. Just be sure he’s picky about who he uses. I have at least 3 recruiters call every day. Some are definitely not trustworthy.

  2. Equity's Darling

    The comment on the splurge discussion about St. John and Chanel being too “old” makes me wonder what other people associate with various brands? Does Chanel read old? What about Theory? Or Milly? Or DVF?

    • Kanye East

      I’ve been wearing Eileen Fisher since my late 20s, so it should come as zero surprise that my answer to all of your questions is “No.”

      • Lady Harriet

        I’m in my mid-20’s and have been wearing Chico’s for years. Yes, it’s my grandmother’s favorite store, but a lot of what makes clothes/accessories look old is how you style them. I definitely have a thing for what I call “retired-lady jackets” which I can’t pull off yet. I agree with BB below–if you mix different styles it usually works better than wearing one “older” brand head to toe.

    • Senior Attorney

      I’d say part of the reason certain of these high-priced brands tend to read “old” is that by the time most people can afford to buy them, they’re not exactly super young any more! I’m in my mid-50s and would happily wear any of those brands (except St. John, which is too “old” even for me!). That probably sends you young ‘uns running screaming in the other direction…

      • KC

        Agreed. I think some of those brands read “old” because 1) they’re expensive and thus out of reach of those just beginning their careers and 2) they’re known for certain timeless pieces that appear season after season without shifting in response to current trends. (Not to say that Chanel doesn’t do trendy, but the key pieces associated with the brand don’t change.)

    • mintberrycrunch

      If any of those brands are old, I don’t want to be young…. I think even St. John has some beautiful pieces that I would wear tomorrow if I could afford them, and I’m barely 30.

    • Susedna

      Some may be reluctant to answer this question for fear of starting a flamewar with those who like that brand. *shrug*

      If you like a brand, or like pieces from a certain brand, go for it. Don’t worry if other people think it reads “old” or whatever.

      • Equity's Darling

        I generally buy based on the specific item and whether I like it, regardless of brand, I was mostly just curious.

    • BB

      I’m late-2os and sitting here in my St. John jacket. Some of their pieces are “old,” but most are good on women of all ages.

      • Senior Attorney

        I’m sure they are and I’m sure you look great. I am really thinking of the quintessential ladies-who-lunch head-to-toe St. John look.

        • BB

          Totally agree. I almost always do their pieces as separates – coral blazer + jeans = awesome, but coral blazer + matching coral skirt = old lady!

    • Citrus Girl

      I’ll bite…I am mid-40s and have worn St. John for a few years. I have several of the knits – cocktail dresses in black and fuscia. They fit beautifully and are classic. I have no suits – I agree that the knit suits can look too “ladies that lunch”, but I have several pairs of pants and several jackets. None of them are the traditional knit except for one scarlett jacket that I wear over a black dress to court (standing collar with no lapels and close cut). They are ponte (I hope that’s right!) and I get compliments often when I wear them. It’s no longer your mother’s (or more specifically, my grandmother’s) St. John.

      Otherwise I’m a mix and match consumer, shopping sales racks for good quality at good prices, and buy what I like rather than what is on trend. Shopping is an all-day affair for me at a local high-end outlet mall, or a Sunday afternoon with my mother browsing the racks. I shop BR, AT, The Limited, Bennetton, all the way up to Saks, Neimans and the boutique stores. I never touch the regular price racks other than to see what’s new with a view to watching for it on sale. I appreciate the durability and construction of some of the higher end brands, but if I’m in a weight flux, I’ll happily buy a hold-over suit and treat it kindly until I’m back where I need to be for the regular wardrobe.

    • TCFKAG

      I think any piece can be old or young – its all in the styling. So a full Chanel suit – or some of the full St. John suits – do read a bit old to me. But if you took a beautiful, classic St. John blazer and paired it with a fun, modern skirt or dress or a brightly colored shell – I see no reason it couldn’t read as young. Same with Chanel. And DVF and Theory tend to read quite trendy to me – almost too trendy at times – but again, its all in the styling (you can get away with a skinny leg suit in my book if you pair it with a super classic blouse and traditional heels.)

      I guess what I’m saying is…yes AND no. Because I’m a lawyer and that’s what I learned to say in law school. ;-)

    • ss

      Actually, I find the fit of current Chanel clothing quite youthful – it runs quite small and the house style is for a high tight jacket shoulder which can be surprisingly slimming even if the body is cut boxy.

      The issue with this label for professional wear is the logos – there are a lot of eye-catching buttons and so on, which seem unnecessarily distracting. I’m thinking of Christine Lagarde of the IMF, who is super-accomplished and doing nothing more than supporting the local team when she wears Chanel, but who still attracts comment and notice when she is photographed in it.

      The bags though, just look matronly and a bit unimaginative to my eye. If I were advising a young executive who’s set on treating herself to an expensive bag, I’d say to pick out a great piece of contemporary design – maybe Celine ? You’ll love it for the next couple of years and then move on to something else. If it’s good enough design, you’ll get it out in 10 years and still love it. And if you still hanker after a 2.55, chances are that you’ll be able to buy a new or vintage one, at any time in the future, as long as you have the $$ on hand.

  3. Blonde Lawyer

    Travel question regarding carry-on v. checked and what to wear.

    I’m traveling for pleasure this Thursday through Monday to visit a friend in Florida. I will be leaving straight from work, driving to a bus station, and taking a bus to the airport. Repeat in reverse on Monday, including going straight to work except that I will have to wait outside in cold New England to catch the bus for up to a half hour.

    Normally when I make this trip I just take a carry on because I hate waiting on my checked bag – particularly when arriving late or going straight somewhere from the airport like I am here. I might end up shopping in Florida, however, and I’m flying Jet Blue which allows one free bag. Is it worth the hassle to bring a checked bag so I can bring back more stuff if I do go on a shopping spree? Other options include shipping it back if I buy to much or buying a cheap junk bag down there to check if I over do it shopping.

    Next question is the what to wear. If I go the carry on route, I want to maximize my space by flying in something that looks presentable but something that I will also use on the trip while not looking ridiculous leaving a cold or hot climate in it. I wasn’t going to bother with a jacket but I might really want the jacket on my return if I’m waiting a half hour outside for a bus. I can change at work or at the bus station so I don’t have to wear my work clothes to fly.

    Other considerations – I LOVE my Brahmin weekender travel bag and kind of am leaning towards carry on just to use it. I also fly with a Cpap which does not count against my carry on allowance since it is a medical device but I also try not to call too much attention to myself with a carry on, personal item (usually a small tote with the stuff I want during the flight) a cpap, and a jacket. I’m also debating whether to pack my good camera or not since it will take up valuable space in the carry on.

    My gut says carry on and buy a bag down there if I buy too much stuff to schlep back. For outfit, I’m thinking my jeans, flats, a tank that I would wear while down there and a structured sweatshirt/blazer thing that I would likely wear if cold indoors down there or a cardigan. I’m thinking I need to bring the jacket to avoid freezing on the way back. I can wear it onto the plane so I don’t look like I’m carrying a million things and either sit on it or after every one else fills up the overhead, stack it on top of the bags.

    • TO Lawyer

      Your trip sounds like fun! I would carry on and buy a cheap bag if you need one there. And your outfit sounds like it would work – I would add a warm scarf to that list and perhaps socks to put on once you’re on the plane but I’m always freezing on planes. I think you would be fine to bring a warmer blazer and maybe layer a sweater underneath? That with a scarf may be warm enough for Monday morning?

    • Godzilla

      I would pack along a super compressible tote for the shopping purchases so that I don’t have to buy a bag (such as LeSportSac or whatever). But it might take up too much room. ymmv

      • Wildkitten

        +1 This is what I do. If you buy a lot, check your bag on the way back and carry on your tote.

      • CKB

        This is what I’m planning for our trip to Vegas next week – packing my Le Pliage just in case I do too much shopping.

    • mascot

      Eh, I would go with something on wheels. I can’t handle that many over the shoulder bags. Plus, you have more options for an expandable bag if needed. Those also get gate-checked frequently so you aren’t wrestling bags in overhead bins (I’m short so this isn’t a fun task)

      • Blonde Lawyer

        I’ll consider my wheeled carry on over my favorite weekend bag for the reason you suggest. I successfully flew with it before but I was with my husband and I’m guessing we either shared a “personal item” bag or he carried my cpap.

        • Anon

          This is late, but you should be aware that your cpap is NOT included as one of your “carryons” because it is medical equipment. So, if you could manage to haul it all, you would be entitled to a carry-on, a personal item, and your cpap.

    • SC

      When I travel and think I might need extra space on the way back, I roll up a cheap nylon duffel bag in the bottom of my carry-on and check that if necessary.

    • Anonymous

      I vote for carry-on only. It’ll encourage you to pack light, and at least for me, bringing a bad I intend to fill up with stuff while shopping is a spending disaster waiting to happen (because I’d hate to come back empty handed after all my trouble)!

      If you end up buying a bunch, you can always buy a bag there or ship it back home.

    • Bonnie

      I’d check a bag and put my coat in it and bring a le pliage tote as a carryon. If you end up doing a lot of shopping, you can take your coat on the plane.

    • Blonde Lawyer

      Just had the best idea after browsing the splurge post. Someone mentioned taxi rides. I can take a taxi from the airport to the bus station for $18 rather than waiting for the bus to pick me up. The bus usually goes airport, bus station, then to my regular destination. If I take a cab I can wait for my bus in the warm bus station and I might not need to fly with my coat after all.

    • Citrus Girl

      I fly Fla to NY frequently, and in winter, and I make sure I have my Lululemon scarf with me – use it as a blanket on the plane, wrap in AC in Fla and double wrap as scarf for warmth in NY. The rest of the outfit sounds ideal. And Jet Blue to Ft. L. should be ok for checked bag – it’s AA to Miami that is a painfully slow wait for checked bags.

        • Lady Harriet

          Have fun! I’m in SWFL too (closer to Naples) and the weather here is incredible right now. I turned off the AC last week at home and it’s warm but not hot, plus the rain has stopped. I was just up in Fort Myers visiting my BFF last night. There are two outlet malls in the area if you like that kind of shopping. (I haven’t been there, but friends tell me it’s good.) If you like thrifting, this is an AMAZING area for that. You pass a store every few miles and there are so many wealthy people who donate really fancy things.

        • Anon

          Oh – if you’re worried about checking baggage between Ft Meyers and Boston, I wouldn’t waste another minute. The Ft Meyers airport is tiny, and I’ve always found the baggage claim at Logan to be pretty quick.

  4. Francie Nolan

    Isit bad form to send thank you email from work email for internal position?

      • Francie Nolan

        NOLA that made me laugh out loud, I guess I was worrying too much! Thank you both!

    • noted

      handwritten thank you notes go a long way. and if you are competing with external candidates a personal delivery and (brief, nonpushy) follow up is an advantage you have over the others.

      • Ashley

        As someone who accidentally spent about and hour watching cat videos yesterday evening, I am seething in jealousy at anyone who gets kitten kisses at work.

      • TBK

        I can’t look at adoptable animals. I so almost brought home an 8 week old golden last weekend. Luckily I remembered: 1) the dog we have already still acts like he’s a puppy; 2) my husband is allergic to non-hypoallergenic dogs (like golden retrievers); and 3) we have two frickin’ babies on the way! Still…Puppy!

        • preg 3L

          My building doesn’t allow pets, but since I got pregnant, I’ve wanted to “adopt” every last plant I see. It’s very odd — also odd because I’m terrible with plants and once killed a cactus I had.

    • Woods-comma-Elle

      This is the best idea ever! We were just discussing today how we should have an ‘office cat’ and this could be the solution we were looking for to maintain productivity (instead of just playing with the office cat all day…)

      • Orangerie

        I used to work at a firm that had two office cats, one of which used to sleep under my desk 80% of the time. It was AWESOME (Ellen caps necessary).

          • Orangerie

            Without giving away identifying details, it wasn’t the greatest place to work for a myriad of reasons…. but I do really miss the cats!

        • Blonde Lawyer

          I had a mediation at opposing counsel’s office once that had office cats. I loved it. She ended up with office cats when she got got married because her husband’s cats and her cats could not co-exist. Since she is the boss of her office and no one was allergic, her cats became office cats!

          • MH

            This is pretty much my dream: become successful at something I love – start my own practice – do whatever I want because I’m eccentric, but ultimately respected. Ahhhhh.

          • Susedna

            I think about doing this, too (sometimes). Except, I’d get an office puppy and an office “elder statesman” dog.

      • Wildkitten

        You can foster a cat at your office through the Washington Humane Society.

  6. anon

    Does anyone have any recommendations for a classic, simple, high-quality dark brown leather bag? Would prefer something that’s not easily recognizable (ie, not jcrew or coach). I feel like I see them everywhere until I’m actually looking for one, then there’s none to be found. Want to try to stay under $400.

  7. Itchy&Scratchy

    I need some winter work clothes that are NOT wool. My office is freezing almost always but after just a week of my wool cardigans and dresses my skin is a hot mess. I always put a cotton long sleeve shirt underneath but it doesn’t seem to be enough. Trying to search websites for “not wool” is exhausting, so if you’ve seen/bought anything recently that fits this bill (and will keep my coworkers from worrying I have the chicken pox or fleas) please share!

    • SFedits

      This is my situation as well, though sometimes I can get away with a shirt underneath a cashmere (never regular wool or wool blend) pullover or cardigan. I’m therefore a big fan of lower end brands like AT Loft that often feature more cotton/rayon and maybe silk blended in. Silk sweaters with a bit of stretch used to be a lot easier to find than they are now. The “August Silk” brand at Macy’s is still around in a variety of sizes (eg reg, petite). One could layer them (scoop neck under a heavier cardigan). I also have done the silk underwear underneath a bulkier type of cotton sweater. That doesn’t solve the dress problem, but at least creates options with skirts/pants. For dresses, it would have to be a ponte or rayon-blend dress with sleeves, with jacket over it, or if you can manage it, a cashmere swacket.

      If you have other suggestions, let ME know!

      • Itchy&Scratchy

        I’ve been too cheap to try cashmere, but maybe I’ll give a look during the Black Friday sales. So far I’ve only found a handful of 100% cotton sweaters of medium weight at Express.

        • MJ

          Itchy,

          Honestly…you may be fully allergic to wool. Allergies develop over time, and your body may have had it. I could wear wool fine in high school, but by mid-college I _could_not_do_it. At all. Even a cuff of wool on my wrist or a slight bit at the neck would give me the heeby jeebies and make me crazy. I switched to cashmere. Lands End also has a ton of really nice sweaters, some cotton, some cotton/acrylic which are really polished looking. Ditch your wool…you’ll be better for it. I promise you won’t miss how crazy it drives you.

  8. cbackson

    This morning’s thread got me thinking: setting aside all conversations regarding the relative merits of purchasing travel/hobbies/clothes, if you were going to splurge on your dream trip, what would it be?

    My answer: I’ve always wanted to do a full circumnavigation of the Mediterranean (like Paul Theroux in The Pillars of Hercules), from southern Spain, through Italy, Greece, Turkey, the Levant, Egypt, Libya, and Tunisia, ending up in Morocco. I think this would take forever and cost about a zillion dollars, so maybe it’ll have to wait until I marry minor European royalty, but anyway: there you have it.

    • Anon

      That’s one of my dream trips too. Another is to travel as far up the Amazon as I can in a river boat.

    • mascot

      African safari. But the fancy kind where I can stay in a well-appointed lodge/tent for at least part of it (no idea how realistic those are). Then a wine trip in South Africa.

      • cbackson

        Oh, that DEFINITELY exists – check out Abercrombie and Kent (my favorite site for travel daydreaming…).

        • Orangerie

          My mom went on a safari through this company for her sabbatical and absolutely loved it.

    • Susedna

      Not possible now, because some of the places aren’t really safe for tourists, but:

      Afghanistan, Pakistan, India (this alone would take years, potentially), Bangladesh, and Burma. No ties whatsoever to any of the cultures and ethnic groups in these countries, and that’s part of the interest. Learning about the unfamiliar and having time to learn from locals.

      • Burma

        You can go to Burma. My parents are there right now and they are major oldsters. There are some annoyances but for the most part it’s no biggie!

      • Mary Ann Singleton

        I’d like to do these too. And Iran – always been fascinated by that country. Hope some day it’ll be a possibility.

    • Senior Attorney

      I did two weeks in Vietnam and Cambodia last winter, inlcuding a cruise down the Mekong River. It was very much a dream trip and I loved every minute of it!

      Next up, I think would be the same as Mascot’s choice — the luxury African safari.

    • Equity's Darling

      Yes to your trip. Other dream trips include: TransSiberian Railway, canoe the Nahanni, motorcyle diaries through South America, cruise the Antarctic, see the Galapagos Islands, bike around the British Isles and see castles, run the Great Wall of China marathon, go on a safari (the non-hunting luxury kind), tour French vineyards and drink all the wine, yoga retreat in India, sail the WhiteSundays, see Milford Sound.

      Basically, I want to see the world. All of it. This is a much longer list than “things I want to buy”.

      • Sydney Bristow

        Same! I wrote out my life list a few years ago and the list of places I want to see is way longer than the list of things I want to accomplish aside from travel.

        I want to see the Northern Lights in Iceland, see the pyramids in Egypt, Christmas bazaars in Germany, drive a Ferrari with my dad in Italy, see where my family is from in Norway, and about a million other things.

        Transsiberrian Railroad was not on my list, but it totally is now. All I’d have to do is mention it to my boyfriend and we would be on the next flight out (he loves to travel by train).

        I’m taking my first step into international travel in February (probably). I know we are going to Amsterdam but I’m not sure where else. Planning to travel for 2 weeks!

        • Equity's Darling

          Christmas Markets are amazing. I lived in Austria during Christmas season one year, so I saw probably a dozen in various cities, and I loved all of them. Christmas in Germany/Austria is just magical, I felt like I was 5 again.

          The Northern Lights are on my list, but they’re really so close to me that I didn’t list them (honestly, 5-8 hrs drive north, and they’re clearly visible…), so I really should just do it this winter.

          I’m doing Lisbon/Sintra/Algarve and the Netherlands, Belgium, Luxembourg in spring (for 3 weeks), and I’m so excited. Luckily, Portugal is first, so I’ll be able to lie on the beach and hike a bit before I gain 15 lbs from all the belgian beer, chocolate, waffles and fries.

    • Coach Laura

      Renting several villas – first Italy, then France and then Ireland. Spring to summer. Doing some tourist things but also just living like a local. Have ancestors from all three of these places.

    • Anonymous

      Antarctic! After spending three months in Africa after the bar, my goal is to save up for a trip to Antarctic (and somehow find the time).

      • Penguins, please

        Save well! Incredibly pricy but I am hoping my dreams and readings about Shackelton and penguins will be fulfilled…Check out Abercrombie and Kent…if you can fly fairly quickly to Argentina, the rest can be as long or short as you like it seems…going soon…getting near…

    • Woods-comma-Elle

      Orient Express in First Class across Europe (friends of mine did this for their honeymoon, not at all jealous). Or Tahiti, Hawaii, all those beautiful places it would take me two days to fly to.

    • Anne Shirley

      I’d really love to retrace all of the travel in The Far Pavilions, from Mumbai to Kabul. And also circumnavigate Australia. And explore the entire Silk Road. And see all of Canada’s national parks, even the ones where you aren’t allowed to stay overnight because polar bears will eat you. And sail around the Baltic.

    • LH

      Antarctica is my #1 dream trip. Other trips I want to take that would be huge splurges are an Arctic Circle cruise to see polar bears & an African photo safari. My list of trips that are more likely to happen in the next 10 years: Iceland, Alaska (both a cruise in Glacier Bay & some time in the various National Parks), Thailand (I am crazy about elephants and want to visit one of the nature parks where you can interact with them in a way that doesn’t harm the animals – I don’t want to ride them or anything), a driving trip in the desert Southwestern US (Grand Canyon, Zion and other Nat’l Parks) and Italy with my husband (I’ve been but he hasn’t and I want to hit Rome, Florence and Cinque Terre, which I haven’t been to).

    • Ski Vacation

      I want spend three weeks at Dolomiti Superski. Then I’d embark on a tour of ski resorts in Asia – China (new place opening soon in Xinjiang Province and Jade Dragon Snow Mountain in Yunnan province), Kazakhstan, India, Lebanon, Iran, and finally top it off at Afri-ski in Lesotho (one of only two ski areas in sub-Saharan Africa).

  9. MH

    Holiday party threadjack! Have any of you wonderful ladies hosted successful smallish (6-12 people) dinner parties for bosses and potential clients? I would love some tips. I’ve hosted lots of dinner parties for friends, but not for people that I’m trying to impress, or that I work with.

    Are there certain things that I need to keep in mind? How formal should it be, what about dress code, what about invites (evites okay?), how elaborate a meal, cocktails or beer and wine okay, how clean does my house need to be (baseboards?), etc. I know there used to be elaborate rules for dinner parties, but I don’t know if those are still relevant in 2013.

    I’m thinking about throwing some little partays soon and would love some advice.

    • Senior Attorney

      My best advice would be to hire some help. If not full-on catering, at least one or two people to do some of the serving and keep the dishes and empty glasses under control.

      And yes, the house needs to be very clean indeed, including baseboards and the tops of picture frames. And don’t forget clean windows. Again, easiest to have a service come in and do it.

      Beyond that, I think the level of formality and menu is up to you, based on whatever is most comfortable. And I think evites are great.

    • Senior Attorney

      Forgot to say good luck! I love entertaining!! And you probably know this, but Pinterest is a never-ending rabbit hole of ideas.

      • MH

        Do you think it’s professional and work-appropriate to host a party like that? I know we used to do it all the time when the wife stayed at home in order to assist the husband’s career, but I’m not sure if it’s still relevant today to have your boss over for dinner. Instead, should I just make dinner reservations some where and make it easier and less personal?

        • Senior Attorney

          I think entertaining at home is the highest and best form of social interaction, and I would hate to see it die out altogether. There is just nothing like a seated dinner party in a lovely home, you know?

          So if you are confident you can do it successfully, I say by all means do it!!

          • Dinner with the Boss

            I just watched Who’s Afraid of Virginia Woolf for the first time and it gave me an entirely new perspective on hanging out with the boss at home… There’s nothing like having a few drinks with your boss and wife in their lovely home!!!

        • ss

          Know your office but yes, it’s definitely the case that having your boss, colleagues or clients in your home is done and relevant. It’s a big part of maintaining our professional network for both my husband and I, and over the years, we’ve acquired a large number of friendships which have crossed over from professional relationships over a shared dinner at home. If nothing else, it’s always nice to be reminded that my professional life really does comprise of live humans with interests, aspirations and back-stories of their own.

          I’d say don’t strive for perfection – it is not the 50s and you are not Betty Draper – but do make sure that your husband/ partner is ready to step up as a co-host, and that you both have a similar idea about the tone/ formality of the party. Since you say you’re planning on a few parties, why not warm up with an easy crowd before trying anything out on anyone’s boss ?

    • Dulcinea

      I have never done this, but if I were going to, I would want my normally messy, dusty house to be immaculate. (at least the public spaces, but including my bedroom if people will be piling coats in there). I think I would need to hire a cleaning service for this purpose because, for example, I might not think to dust the light fixtures in the bathroom and hopefully they would.

      As for dress code, as much as I love cocktail attire, I think you might have clients/colleagues who don’t, so leave it casual. I would use candles and flowers for decor, though. I would probably wear a simple sleeved dress with tights and pumps, something that could blend in with casual or dressy people.

      I would find a 1 or 2 cool cocktail recipes and make pitchers, plus have beer and wine on hand. I’ve tried having cocktail parties where I make indidual elabrate drinks to order and I spen tthe entire time in the kitchen.

      If you are cooking the meal yourself, make something that’s about half as complicated as you think you can handle with a bunch of people in the house, (See, above, spending all night in the kitchen). or make something that will be 99% prepared before guests arrive and all you need to do is take it out of the oven. Think meat and vegetables roasted together, or stew and rice, with salads on the side.

      If possible, I would recruit a friend or SO to be your assistant for the evening, who can make an emergency ice run or what have you. I think hosting people from your professional network, as opposed to friends, it is super important that you appear calm, cool and collected and that evreything go smoothly so you can spend time with your guests.

      • Godzilla

        Please don’t decorate with scented candles for when you have guests over. Even unlit ones are a menace for some people. People like me.

    • Merabella

      Mint Love Social Club is a good place to check out decor and cocktail ideas.

    • Anon

      I think that parties like this are still very common in certain fields and professions. My dad works in science and these have been incredibly commonplace throughout his career – large potluck gatherings, small parties with just a few co-workers, small parties with the boss, etc. Most were pretty informal (scientists tend to be that way, in my experience), but they definitely varied based on size, holiday, etc.

  10. here's the mail i wanna wail

    I have a strange problem.

    My father’s mother, with whom I don’t really have a relationship, uses my home address as her junk mail address. She has been doing this since I graduated from college and moved out on my own. When I moved a few years ago, I specifically asked my father not to give her my new address, for fear of this problem following me to the new house; he didn’t listen, she continued the creepy practice. I have it on good authority that her junk mail continues to arrive at my old address, and it started arriving at my new address after I’d been here for about three months.

    She lives more than a thousand miles away and we don’t see or speak to each other, and our names are not similar, so it’s not as though this is a mix-up on the part of the institutions that mail her stuff on a weekly basis. I realize that this is a small thing to get upset about, but it feels very invasive to be getting mail for someone. At the same time, I don’t feel like expending the effort of calling all of these institutions and getting on their do-not-mail list.

    Is there any action I can take directly against her to make the mailings stop? Seriously, I’m not above making threats–I don’t want this woman in my life in any fashion (for a variety of reasons), and that includes her junk mail.

    • k-padi

      Fill out a change of address form for her from your address to her address at the post office. The post office processes them for individuals and the good post offices will also stop delivering her junk to her “former” address.

      • Anon in NYC

        Wouldn’t that divert the OP’s real mail to her? Maybe I’m missing something here.

        • Olivia Pope

          You can specify a particular individual on the form, not just the whole household. So “Edna’s” mail will go to OP’s granny while OP’s mail will continue to arrive at her place.

          • here's the mail i wanna wail

            Olivia Pope, do we secretly know each other? Because my other grandmother–with whom I’m very close–is named Edna.

        • rosie

          You can specify that you’re only changing the address for a particular person, so no. You can do this online (I think it costs $1) or go to the post office as k-padi suggested.

          I am wondering if maybe putting a note on your mailbox with your name only could help, or talking to your mail delivery person. It might be worth asking her/him for ideas in any case.

          I would also be tempted to sign her up for all kinds of stuff at her correct address.

          • Blonde Lawyer

            My friends did this to each other as a joke in high school. Signed each other up for the strangest mail order free samples we could find. My dad put a stop to it when female condoms arrived.

          • Lady Harriet

            I would be careful with this–I ended up with all my mail returned to sender or forwarded elsewhere for a while this summer because another member of my household was gone for a few months and filled out a change of address form. The form specifically stated that it did not include me, but our mail carrier isn’t very good. If you’ve ever had problems with mail delivery in the past, you don’t want to risk important mail being sent to a crazed relative.

          • Calico

            Lady Harriet, that happened to me as well! I would be wary of trying to divert just one person’s mail from the address. It really depends on how diligent your carrier is. No other thoughts, just commiseration.

    • SSG

      I say to hell with the old woman! What nerve she has trying to “mark” her territory like that. Your husband (her son) is being pulled by her even tho you are now his spouse and he should be clinging to you. She needs to learn to stop doing this or you will start directing your junk mail to her address. That ought to stop that old woman in her tracks; if not, then prepare for an onslaught of crap old lady!

    • Anon

      That is so weird! If you don’t want her in your life, I don’t suggest you contact her to threaten her. Try filling out a change of address form for her (as though she’s moved away from your current house). It might help reduce the volume.

    • Pink

      For catalogs, you can also spend an evening drinking wine and delisting your address.

      That is quite strange.

    • Anon

      Can you just mark “return to sender” or “not at this address” and stick it back in the mailbox? Might not stop all of it, but maybe will help cut down on the amount.

    • just Karen

      Unfortunately, the change of address won’t help stop all the true junk mail, but it might help – I would sign up for a service like paperkarma (I have their iphone app) that makes it super easy to unsubscribe from mailing lists by snapping a photo of the junk mail. I’m sorry you’re dealing with this – it would frustrate the heck out of me as well!

  11. Olivia Pope

    YOU GUYS! I’M NOT GOING TO BE LONG DISTANCE ANYMORE! Major Ellen caps required.

    I accepted a job at a law firm in City B, even though I wanted to live in City A and my husband had to stay in City A. The firm has an office in City A, but it’s a smaller office and there wasn’t enough work for me at the time. It was the right choice for my career. Plus I love the work, it’s in my ideal practice area, and I like the attorneys in both offices. In an economy like this, I did not take that for granted. But it’s been hard, as many of you know from your own long distance relationships/marriages. Great decision long term, hard decision short term.

    But now I’m getting transferred to our office in City A! Yay! Now I have the career and no more long distance. So worth it. I’m glad I stuck it out.

    I’ve seen recent threads where people ask whether to go long distance. Some anonymous commenters were saying that long distance career moves are just heading for divorce. Obviously I disagree. My time in the City B office will positively affect my career, and therefore our household and our ability to support our future children, in numerous ways for years. While it was hard, I do think it made my marriage stronger. We know what we’re willing to sacrifice to make our lives work. I’m just glad the sacrifice is over.

    • LH

      I totally disagreed with those comments too (about choosing to be long distance = headed to divorce). I was long-distance from my husband for the first couple years of marriage for career reasons (as in, we got home from the honeymoon and moved across the country from each other). It was hard, but I agree with you that it made our marriage stronger, not to mention was the best thing for our careers (really, the only way we could continue to both have our careers). Making a short-term sacrifice for your career doesn’t mean that your overall priority is career over your marriage. I’m so glad it worked out for you & that the long-distance is over!!

    • AnnonFoo

      Wonderful, congratulations ! Glad to hear about real life examples of both the marriage and career intact and stronger after LDR.
      I am wondering if there is any good advice if one is long distance in begining of the relationship? does that even work or utterly doomed if both people don’t have concrete plans or flexibility to move in the short term without potential career sacrifice for one? I am so deeply conflicted about this. Met a guy this weekend, introduced by a common friend but he is 2-3 hour plane ride away. He is great in every respect but there are hardly any opportunities for my career niche in his city and vice versa. Plus it seems so difficult to grow a relationship without the initial regular dates, spending time together, sleepovers that can happen easily if both are closeby. It seems so much more effort and tiring to just see if we could get along.

      • Olivia Pope

        LDR at the beginning seems really difficult. In my case, we got the beginning in the same city, then I moved away after a few months of marriage.

        I know multiple married couples who started off dating long distance so it can work. I went to a wedding just this summer for a couple like that. I say go for it, and if it doesn’t work then it doesn’t work.

        Have a lot of video chat dates is my only suggestion.

      • Anon

        I did it. It’s working out great. Over 2 years now. Gets tedious but we are lucky enough to be able to afford regular (every 3 weeks or so) trips to visit each other. Go for it!

      • Flying Squirrel

        DH and I both started off long distance (for about a year) and later spent our early marriage LD (for a couple years). So it is possible. In our case, we had at least known each as friends (not particularly close) beforehand. But since we didn’t know each other all that well, I’m not sure that had much impact on our working. We’ve only been back in the same place for a few months (with a baby on the way no less), but I definitely think the LD made us a stronger couple in many ways…and it allowed me to pursue my career in the way I needed to. I don’t know how happy I could have been personally in the long run, regardless of our relationship, if I hadn’t done that.

        All of that said, whether this can work depends strongly on who you are individually and as a couple (i.e. it could work for you in one relationship and not another). In some ways, LD was a good start for us since DH is not the type who’s generally very verbal with his feelings. Being LD forced him to learn those skills, which made him easier for me to relate to. The other thing is that we both knew going in (and given our age and life stage) that we wouldn’t be doing this if we didn’t at least see the potential for something long term and agree in broad strokes about what we each wanted eventually for ourselves (marriage, kids, etc).

        I can add to this that we also went through two years of fertility treatments (and two losses) long distance…so if the ingredients are right, LD doesn’t require ideal circumstances.

  12. jcb

    Speaking of splurges, this summer I spent $800 on a pair of gold earrings that I loved. Those earrings and one other ring are the only really nice jewelry that I’ve bought for myself. And, this past weekend, I lost one. I am so sad about it. I’ve been in denial.

    I can’t remember the original jewelry maker’s name for the life of me, or of the boutique where I bought them (though I am trying to track that down). Does anyone know of any reputable jewelers who might make a replacement for the one gone missing? I’m in Chicago, FWIW.

    • jcb

      ah, nevermind! With a hint of the store name, I was able to track it down and figure out the jewelry-maker name, track her down (she’s also in Chicago! though I bought them in Seattle!), catch her on the phone, and she agreed to make the replacement. She is really very nice and personally I love her style, very nature-influenced: Sarah McGuire, if anyone is interested.

  13. Boston clothing help

    I am shopping for a dress that is warm enough to wear in Boston in early December (with hose and a coat) for some, but not too much, walking outside (i.e., hotel to office, office to restaurant, etc.). I live somewhere without cold weather and generally run cold, but I greatly prefer dresses for work. In terms of style, I prefer fitted sheaths (with sleeves, for this particular dress). I’ve checked the websites of my usual brands but haven’t seen anything that looks at all weather appropriate. Budget is up to $350.

  14. ahh510

    Etiquette question! Just stopped by senior partner’s office to drop off a document for him to review. Knocked on the door – he often works with it closed — and he called out “just a minute!” then “come in” a beat or two later. When I walk in to hand him the docs, I notice that he’s holding a pad sort of thing over his stomach – backstory is that after a recent diagnosis (rheumatoid arthritis), he’s mentioned that he has to do these shots periodically. We’re work-friendly, but not really in each others’ business much; I think he would have mentioned the shots just to explain the big box in the office fridge marked something like “medical products,” and the sharps disposal he leaves in plain sight in his office. It’s a small firm. So now I feel all awkward, like I barged in on a private moment, but why? He would have just ignored the knock if he wanted to – I’d have assumed he was on a phone call or something (no way to see who’s knocking). It’s not like he was showing skin or anything; his shirt was draped down over the pad he was holding onto his stomach. Anyway, I just kind of dropped the document and told him to let me know any comments. He seemed like he wanted to chat (asked me a question about something else), but I just gave a vague answer and hightailed it out. Maybe I’m just being too sensitive — or insensitive — and this is just something he’s going to have to do now with the dx and rx he has? Any experience with this kind of in-office medication etiquette?

    • roses

      It sounds like he has it handled. I think it would be different if you were a superior to someone with a medical condition so they felt pressured to answer when you knocked or whatever, but in this case, it’s a partner – he could yell “Go the away!” if he wanted to, but he didn’t. You acted politely; don’t make it awkward by treating him differently.

      • ahh510

        Thanks for the reassurance. I was definitely caught flat footed, but you’re right – he’s got it handled and I just follow his lead.

    • Blonde Lawyer

      I worked w/ a diabetic who would give himself shots in the middle of meetings or at lunch. He would just keep talking, lift up the corner of his shirt, jab and move on. No explanation, no apologizing. I would just follow the guy’s lead.

      There is one hazard of the no comment shot approach though. During a dinner party, I pulled up my diabetic cat’s shot and had a guest’s date (male) faint!

  15. SoCalAtty

    Hive! I’m credit-card debt-free!! The funding from the home equity line came in today. We also now officially have an emergency fund that would last about 4 months. We made it!! (I know, the debt’s not gone, but it is certainly less of a burden at 6% on a credit line that lets me deduct the interest)

    Our new refinanced mortgage + our new HELOC is actually $100 less than our old mortgage alone. Now I’m just down to car (for 4 more months), student loans, and mortgage. SO excited.

    To celebrate, I’m getting a couch on black Friday. My bonus comes in December, and it should just about cover the whole thing after taxes…and, since I don’t have to totally stress out about finances, I’m spending my bonus on US for once (instead of bills).

    • Anonymous

      I know you don’t want to hear this, but you should throw all your $$ at your car debt and student loans, NOT toward a couch. Think about retirement!

    • DM

      I agree with above! The happiness/relief you’re feeling will be so much more the sooner you get your car and student loans paid off and only buying what you need until they are. I’m working towards it now and am always tempted to reward myself but that means the debt just stays there longer :/ you’re so close! keep the big picture/long run in mind!!

    • jcb

      Disagree w the above. You spend a lot of time in your living room and on the couch, most likely. Get one that you like and will enjoy. A purchase to improve your quality of life every now and then is okay. You are working to have a nice life, not just to retire one day. Congrats on your hard work towards financial security!

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