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Tuesday’s Workwear Report: Aria Wool-Blend Stripe-Detail Knit Dress

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A woman wearing a dark olive green maxi dress with ivory stripes down the side, with dark brown boots

Our daily workwear reports suggest one piece of work-appropriate attire in a range of prices.

I have several great sweater dresses hanging in my closet that I just haven’t been reaching for this winter. I’ve been doing a little poking around to find something a bit more modern-looking and came across this striped number from Reiss.

The color is fabulous, the stripes are fun, and most-importantly, it looks like it’s light enough that I won’t be sweating bullets if the temperature goes above 15 degrees. 

The dress is $345 at Reiss and comes in sizes XS-XL. 

Looking for more wool-blend workwear?

If you're hunting for wool-cashmere sweaters in 2026, check out these lovely ones from Kule, as well as Vince, Reformation, Favorite Daughter, and the budget-friendly Caslon. This Jenni Kayne cardigan/sweater jacket is fabulous.

Sales of note for 2/6:

265 Comments

  1. At my age, my shape resembles a toddler: stocky, with stomach. Adorable on them. Hanna Andersen makes cute sweater dresses for littles. What is there for adults with this shape that is cute? Is there a size 40T? I used to live sweater dresses. Back when they lived me back.

    2. I believe that’s the “apple shape” body type—there’s tons of advice out there but it boils down to either redirecting the eye (via big/bold choices elsewhere) or deceiving it (via color-blocking, design choices, etc). Unfortunately it’s tough to find “looks cute” off the rack because most items are designed for the literal opposite (hourglass shapes).

      Some common advice is empire waists or a-line tops, tunics with side slits over slim-cut pants, peplums, ruching, and/or surplice/wrap tops–basically you want to avoid a big stretch of uninterrupted fabric “highlighting” the “problem area”. Mid-rise to lower rise pants, and some balance on bottom (boot or flares, substantial shoes).

    4. I have a cute sweater dress that’s sort of shirtdress/shift styled, that works well on my apple body.

    5. Same here. I do find that the Vince brand (the less expensive stuff, not the designer stuff) is very forgiving and kind of flowy without looking like a maternity top.

    6. You want the dress to show a bit of skin to lengthen your neck (doesn’t have to be cleavage, a boatneck works), nip in at the natural waist, and be loose-ish around your belly and hips.

      I have two from Amazon. The Zeagoo long sleeved dress looks like sweater material but it’s pretty thin. The prettygarden V neck mini sweater dress (it’s knee length on me) is sweater material and looks especially cute when belted.

    7. You want Boden’s Ottoman dresses. They are machine washable, great with tights, look polished enough for most biz cas workplaces. Highly recommend.

    8. When I was younger, I love sheath style sweater dresses. Now, I love shift and A line sweater dresses. I searched those terms on Poshmark and bought used ones, but you could use those terms to buy new ones.

      For other types of clothes, Karen Kane is very tummy friendly.

  2. Out of curiosity does anyone else feel like their formerly secure jobs are in jeopardy or is it just me and a surprising number of my friends? For all different reasons but lots of AI concerns. Hate that this is middle age.

    1. I don’t feel like mine is in jeopardy (for now, at least), but I also don’t feel as secure as I used to.

      2. Same. I do feel like my formerly secure *field* is way less secure than I thought it was.

        A combo of AI and general economic instability

    4. My job is technically at risk but I just don’t care. If they fire me so be it, they’re only hurting themselves.

    5. Mine feels secure because my organization is terrible at firing people unless they are wildly out of line, but I feel fully stuck and unable to get another job. I’ve been looking for years at this point. (I’m 49, niche field, senior role, not willing to relocate, and my salary is high enough that most lateral moves would be a pay cut).

      1. Oh, I feel this so much. Relocation is not an option, for many reasons. And there aren’t a ton of lateral options at my level. So I soldier on and try not to lose my mind.

    6. Not me, but that’s because my in-house legal department is severely understaffed (so layoffs would be like taking a wheel off a car) and AI is no where close to being able to manage litigation and regulatory compliance for a regulated entity.

      1. Yea, I’m a mid-career litigator. I have played around with AI and it’s very clear it’s nowhere close to taking my job. I do think it will eventually take some tasks from junior attorneys, but it’s not good enough yet. (Westlaw’s AI assisted research tool, for example, is… not good. It’s frequently wrong or misses importance nuance)

        1. I think it helps that there are standards and accountability.

          In some fields it seems like the move is to accept clearly inferior AI work as “good enough” and lower the standards.

        2. There will also be the problem that the work junior attorneys do is valuable in its own right for training them. If we replace them with AI, we will have a shortage of mid-level attorneys five years later and experienced attorneys ten years later.

          2. More broadly, if no human knows how to code or how to write, what will AI algorithms eventually be trained on? Their own output?

          3. That will be a problem for the field as a whole (and the economy more broadly), but what worries me is that it’s not really a problem solved by individual firms hiring entry level attorneys. For each invididual firm, “don’t hire entry level, just wait and hire the 5+ yr experience folks away from competitors” is a rational choice: you skip the time and expense of all that training, *and* offering your competitor’s hires a 50k raise is cheaper than you having to deal with them for those first 5 years. The problem is that when everyone makes “the rational” choice, we end up with no experienced people, a pile of frustrated underemployed young people, and probably an inequity-perpetuating system of long years of unpaid internships the richest kids’ parents can get for them as favors while smart kids without those connections are screwed.

          5. I’m the Anon at 12:23 pm and I absolutely agree with the tragedy of the commons problem. I am not certain what the solution is….

          6. Solution is to eschew AI since it causes more problems than it solves. As far as I can tell, the only reason we’re not doing that is that we’re playing games with the economy in the mean time.

      2. Are there opens reqs for your department? I was under the impression that legal hiring is still a tough market for job seekers.

    7. I think I will be able to keep doing what I am doing (a niche field of law) until I retire in 8-10 years, but AI and other factors (regulatory, mostly) have changed my field so much that I feel like I will be getting out in the nick of time. Demand for what I do has already declined sharply since I started practicing decades ago. I am fortunate that supply of lawyers in my field has dropped off as well, but I figure 8-10is all I am going to be able to get out of it. I suspect, though, this this is something that happens to a lot of lawyers as they close in on 40 years in the same field.

    8. I am not worried about job security but am worried that algorithm-based screening has broken hiring irreparably. An economy where workers are unable to change jobs is one where growth and productivity are handicapped and everyone suffers.

      2. This this this. If you haven’t gone through ATS in the past three years, you have no clue how impossible the process has become.

      3. As the mom of a college senior who is actively job hunting, I agree with this. The number of jobs that do not actually exist and the complete inability to get a good resume in front of a real person for the ones that do, is shocking. My kid will find something (he is an engineer with the aforesaid good resume for an entry-level jo), but the number of applications required to get to a real person is mind-boggling. I am sure it is worse for mid- or late-career applicants.

        1. It honestly does seem likely that some of the ads only exist for research/data collection.

          1. (Some of them do. Some of them also exist only because LinkedIn prioritizes your company’s job posts if they’re an ‘active hirer’ – which means posting a lot of new roles, not, y’know, actually actively hiring. So if you think you might need 10 real hires next year, you need to post 50 baloney roles right now)

          3. From a pure technology perspective, they can absolutely improve it (probably not eliminate it entirely, but at least make it a lot better); but from a business model perspective, it’s probably impossible. It’s kind of like dating apps, LinkedIn makes money (by serving you ads, and negging you to pay for premium) when you spend more time on the site/app. People looking for jobs likely spend more time on average on LI than people who have jobs. Ergo….

      4. (Some of them do. Some of them also exist only because LinkedIn prioritizes your company’s job posts if they’re an ‘active hirer’ – which means posting a lot of new roles, not, y’know, actually actively hiring. So if you think you might need 10 real hires next year, you need to post 50 baloney roles right now)

      5. I work at a nonprofit that doesn’t have the capacity to use AI for screening. We don’t have ANY paid AI tools as far as I know. It’s not universally used yet!

      6. I agree. Being unable to screen and hire is a real problem if a company actually wants to grow.

    9. As someone who works in communications, I definitely feel my job shifting. I’m no longer just writing – I’m writing prompts that create drafts that I then edit and revise as needed. I have mixed feelings.

    10. Yep 100%!
      My government-adjacent almost-tenured-job is now on the chopping block.

  3. how do college students and celebrities choose their ‘causes’? Given what is happening in Iran, Venezuela, etc. – I’m surprised by the lack of protests

    1. Same way everyone else chooses their focus, including you. It’s what touches them, is advertised to them, explained to them, momentum built around, etc.

      To answer your surprise (I say this as a college professor with direct experience): some of the lack of protests is that students have been cowed by fascist administrations, which have gone after protestors hard and in ways that are truly disturbing. There are private security firms that specialize in identifying student protestors and coercing them into confessions and into identifying others; students have been followed and threatened with all sorts of things. Couple that with fear of ICE (yes, even by students who are citizens) and it seems like the culture of fear produced over the last several years is working to silence people. Not to mention that many of the students I know feel disempowered — protests don’t really seem to move the needle, as far as they can see.

      1. Also: it is cold outside and classes started yesterday. No one protests when it is very cold or raining. Same way crime goes down in bad weather.

        1. Fairbanks Alaska had a well attended vigil for Renee Good/anti ICE protest when it was -20. Good on them!

      2. Great answer, and I’d put a big emphasis on both the parts about people getting scared by the backlash to protesters and wanting to do things that make a difference. I didn’t support a lot of things about the Gaza protests, but I do think that the students were correct in identifying an serious injustice that had the potential to be improved by Americans getting upset about it, given the importance of American support to Israel. That’s in contrast to Venezuela, and especially Iran, which we’d already been in strong opposition to for decades, but there aren’t easy solutions to solve the problems there without going to war, though that might change a bit now. But I’m pretty sure that the state of our own democracy is a higher priority for most people in the US than Iran’s or Venezuela’s right now.

        1. This is how I feel now. Gaza was a little disconnected but Iran/Venezuela is so disconnected especially when there are very real issues here right now. I’d rather seen and I’d rather join an anti-ICE protest.

        2. I feel that people really favor soft white bubble causes: bike lanes, the rain forest, pronouns. And they won’t do anything that makes them inconvenienced or uncomfortable, like give blood or invite a family into their home or give a lot of money (maybe a little, sometimes).

          1. This is a wild mischaracterization. Lots of the bike lane people are car free, that’s a huge lifestyle commitment which I’m sure you havent made.

          3. I think real work for change is hard, incremental, and not cathartic. Yelling at the man is so much easier.

          4. As someone who genuinely cares about the environment and social justice, I find the soft white bubble people insufferable. My nephew and his spouse bragged incessantly about their car-free lifestyle. They live in a VHCOL city where it is actually feasible to be car-free, in a home that his wealthy parents helped purchase. Then when someone gave them a car they happily accepted it. Nephew has worked for a series of evil startup tech firms. Meanwhile I am over here driving my ancient Prius, paid for with my public interest lawyer salary.

          5. Car free people are ones living in $$$ walkable neighborhoods. Talk to someone who is the other type of car free for a change.

          6. My local Bike Evangelists all have family money or are married to very high-up people in terrible industries. And they are almost all men who have successfully offloaded all domestic tasks to their spouses or staff.

          8. So disliking the messenger justifies causing air pollution, endangering children, suburban sprawl etc?

    3. My college student is afraid to protest because she doesn’t want to be executed in the street.

      More broadly, I don’t believe that demonstrations are effective these days. The New York Times and NPR have barely covered the massive protests in Minneapolis this weekend, and they have not covered the ongoing atrocities in the Twin Cities at all. What good are protests if the media suppresses coverage so there is no pressure on the government?

      Finally, most college protest is performative and empty. When we toured colleges, many of the tour guides bragged about how their colleges had cancelled classes so that students could “reflect” and “do the work” on what was at that time a hot-button issue. But interrupting students’ education does nothing to effect change. How about actually educating the students to fit them to go out into the world and make real change by working as doctors, lawyers, teachers, legislators, and researchers? I have a public-interest job, and my time is much better used doing substantive work on the issues than it is waving a sign in the street.

      1. Eh, I mostly agree with you — but the binary between classroom education as a pathway to “making real change” and pausing to do some reflection (which isn’t from “interrupting students’ education”) is a false one. Public performance (protests of various sorts) historically has been a change-agent — not the only one, certainly, but it’s not a totally empty gesture, either. And the relationship between classroom training and outside discussion, reflection, etc. is an important one.

          1. I fail to see how skipping or cancelling classes is not an either or situation. Either you go to class and learn or you don’t. Either the college gives my student the math and literature and philosophy instruction I am paying for or it doesn’t.

          2. That’s really flat-footed. First, the equation of going to class and learning shouldn’t be taken for granted — plenty of students go to class and do very little, take in very little, pay attention to very little. Second, plenty of stuff goes on outside of class, including math, literature, and philosophy.

            And I am begging people to stop the “I’m paying for it, so college should work the way I say it does!” stuff. It’s not that kind of consumer good, and if you want something more direct, then pay for your kid to learn a specific trade.

        2. I told my daughter that the only legitimate reason to walk out of class is to protest something seriously wrong that the college itself was doing, and that had to be something more than just investing the endowment in the wrong country. Something big like suppressing a Title 9 scandal. Otherwise, you go to the classes that I am literally paying my entire take-home for.

          1. Agree when it’s my turn next year to remind them that I’m not here hustling for them to have an insuring or just keep yelling about sticking it to the man.

          2. Often the faculty teaching the class don’t support the institution’s bad decisions anyway, so I’m still not sure this makes sense. On the other hand, walking out to protest something that lands on the class’s instructor and not the institution makes sense.

          3. Your “something big” is not everyone’s “something big.” And I really hope your kid is allowed to grow up and make decisions you don’t like.

            If you’re holding “I’m paying for it!” over their head, then you’re seriously missing the point of college and should have your kid live at home and attend classes in a way you can oversee, send them to a trade apprenticeship, or not foot the bill.

          4. You’re paying for her to get a degree, not specifically to attend classes. I’m a college prof and obviously I prefer my students to come to class, but I’d be the first person to admit that I learned at least as much outside of class as I did in class. I don’t generally think that universities should cancel classes in other than extreme circumstances, but my students are adults and I respect their judgement about whether they decide to come to class, as long as they also accept any potential consequences for not attending. Skipping a class here and there for a good reason seems perfectly reasonable to me.

          5. I definitely worry less about students who skip class because of other important commitments (including causes) than I do about the students who skip class because they just couldn’t drag themselves out of bed/off their phones yet again.

          6. Yes, thank you for saying it so clearly — you’re paying for a degree, not to attend classes, and lots happens both in and out of the classroom.

            As another college professor, it is truly disheartening to witness parents take on enormous expenses and believe that in return they should manage their kids’ college experience. I get told that I don’t accommodate x and y enough; that I accommodate x and y too much; that I don’t teach AI; that I shouldn’t teach AI; that I should have a skills rubric and checklist; that a skills rubric and checklist damages real learning; that I shouldn’t bring politics into the classroom; that I should make politics central to the classroom.

            Send your kid to college and let them figure things out — which they won’t do according to your plan. Or don’t send your kid to college. You don’t have to.

          7. I don’t want to control what you teach in the classroom. But I expect there to be classes and for my child to attend them and learn the material. She has always understood that if this does not happen, I will not continue to pay tuition.

          8. Sounds like you’ve made a deal with your kid. That said, you won’t necessarily know what she’s doing, and that’s a good thing. And I do hope you understand that college (at least residential college) is significantly more than classroom time.

      3. Tangential to the thread I know, but I can’t believe how little attention the NYT and NPR (and similar) are paying to what’s happening in the twin cities right now. What I’m hearing from reliable local sources is really frightening secret police stuff.

          1. Very true, but the scary part is that there is no US-based alternative. We’ve started watching BBC news, which we get for free with our digital antenna. I really had to dig for a couple of local outlets that are covering the situation. Then there is what appears to be legitimate coverage from some sources that in the past I assumed to be foreign fake news clickbait.

        2. I’m in the Twin Cities and it feels like we’re at war with the federal government. Most people who aren’t white are afraid of getting snatched off the street, including our Hmong mayor. Even Native Americans are getting detained, and as we saw with Renee Good, being white doesn’t protect you if you dare to be disrespectful. My teacher friends say that huge numbers of kids have stopped coming to school (30% at one school last week) so Mpls is allowing remote learning and apparently St Paul will now allow kids to transfer to an online school, but I’m sure that will have consequences for kids if it goes on for a lot longer.

          1. White people are also afraid of being snatched off the street or executed in the middle of it even if they are not “disrespectful.”

          3. Yeah, in case it wasn’t obvious, that was an extremely sarcastic use of the word “disrespectful.” At this point, it seems like it requires only the slightest pretext for them to decide you’re a terrorist who deserves to be executed.

    4. For celebrities, it’s also about the greed and money. Gavin Newsom just vetoed what would’ve been a generation-changing bill to ban toxic PFAS chemicals (“forever chemicals”) in cookware due to personal lobbying from celebrity chefs, including Rachel Ray and Thomas Keller, who sell PFAS cookware at Target and other stores. It was gross. That bill would have changed what is sold in stores across the country because of the size of the California market.

    5. How do you choose your causes? You’re not so different than college students.

      For me when I was about 12 I realized there was a profound injustice perpetuated by pretty much everyone, so that became my cause and I’ve only become more committed as I became an adult.

      3. Mine was the Equal Rights Amendment. I couldn’t understand why it couldn’t get ratified. What is wrong with people?

    6. it might also be where you get your news, that’s not telling you about protests. There was an Iran protest in LA on Sunday. There are Venezuela related protests in the Bay Area. I’m sure they are happening elsewhere too.

      3. There was a massive protest on Sunday in Los Angeles. There are almost always a few Iran protestors in front of the federal building in West LA (often the ones who want the monarchy back), but this was thousands of people and blocking the streets and whatnot.

        Honestly, I don’t see a lack of protests, but maybe I have low expectations as a GenX who’s been through a few cataclysms at this point.

    7. Everyone should watch the video of Mark Ruffalo’s comments at the Golden Globes.

    8. Given how volatile things are now, I wouldn’t necessarily be encouraging my college student to join a protest!

    9. Student protestors have been expelled and denied their degrees in the past few years.

      The 2 college students in my family are both also worried about school shooings as well as ICE violence. There was a recent lockdown scare at one of their colleges, when someone was running around with a realistic looking assault rifle. She hid in her dorm, dressers piled against the door, locked down for hours until police escorted them out with their hands up. Terrifying stuff. Brown University had a horrific shooting recently as well, and the shooter then went to an MIT professor’s home. There’s 50+ colleges just in the Boston area, and all of those students are undoubtedly feeling could they be next.

      1. Did we ever figure out what the deal was with the Brown / MIT shooter? Did he even know the prof he shot more than tangentially in the distant past? That seems almost like the Ohio dentist / wife murders by her ex-husband (short marriage, time had passed, no common kids, didn’t live nearby).

      2. My college student is terrified for the same reasons. There was a lockdown this fall because someone in the community immediately adjacent to the campus was threating people with a f i r e a r m. She and her roommates also barricaded their door with furniture. She is in MN and now worried about ICE, especially for her friends who are doing a teaching practicum in the Twin Cities this month. I already disapproved of her decision to pursue a teaching credential because of the risk of school violence, and now I am beside myself.

    10. So it’s the college students’ job to save the society that their elders wrecked?

      1. What is this comment?

        No, it’s not their “job.” But they’re inheriting a gross world, and many college students want to try to make it better.

        1. The OP is implicitly blaming college students and celebrities for not protesting enough.

      2. You are failing to read between the lines of the OP. She wants people to stop criticizing Israel when there are other countries where they are getting to oppress and slaughter people in relative peace.

        1. I don’t give a flying nun about the middle east until the people in our country are safe.

    11. Maybe because throwing cobblestones at the police isn’t an effective tactic?

  4. For anyone with teens or college students who believe everything they see on tik-tok, show them the story of how many people were duped into thinking there would be fireworks in NYC on NYE. Media literacy is truly lacking these days

    1. Not following but in NYC there are always fireworks somewhere. Were they expecting July 4th? Can I sell these people a bridge?

    2. Ah yes, so amusing to see people looking for a little beauty and fun and then get tricked. Love that for Gen Z.

    3. Is today the day we crap on teens and college students?

      The people with the least media literacy are older Americans, who see the internet as akin to newspapers, and who see newspapers as following the journalistic standards they used to. Those are the folks who have been duped by the media’s deliberate refusal to do its job well.

      A kid thinking perhaps there would be NYC fireworks isn’t worth your contempt, and “show them they were wrong!” turns out not to be the awareness-producing truth-bomb you suggest it is.

      1. Yeah, my in-laws are in thrall to Fox News. They don’t even believe that their own white US citizen descendants are currently being terrorized by the US government in Minnesota despite the firsthand accounts.

      2. Agreed, the boomers in my life are more addicted to their phones than the teens. And, they are absolute suckers for a made up headline, false click bait story, or AI generated video. No, mom, Angelina Jolie did not just die in a fiery car crash and that lion did not really do a somersault.

    4. I’m all for teaching kids about the downsides of the internet, but lots of cities have fireworks on NYE, including Philly, so this doesn’t seem like an implausible thing to believe….

      I read a story about a teacher who asked their students to have AI write an essay on topic X, and then research other ways to describe how AI was incorrect, as what I thought was a great idea along these lines.

    5. This seems pretty low stakes. So what if someone thinks there are fireworks when there aren’t? They go out with their friends and have fun anyway and laugh about it after? I get that media literacy is important and I certainly don’t support AI slop but the amount of time I spend fact checking things is also proportional to their importance and I don’t really blame people for falling for this.

    6. My retired boomer parents believe everything they see on TikTok, as well as Facebook. And they’re liberal. They love to send me links all day and get annoyed when I don’t reply. Because…I’m working.

  5. Our house went on the market an hour ago – send all your house selling energy my way, please! We’ve had an offer accepted on a new house – so just need to get this one sold. There are only 11 houses on the market in our town, and only 1 other of similar size, age, and price range, so hopefully someone has just been holding out for the perfect house!

    1. Are you the poster who wrote in shortly before Christmas about your dream home being on the market, having a home exchange person in your own house and not wanting to list it sooner than planned, etc? Did you get the dream home??

      1. Yep! Their sellers haven’t found a place to buy yet so they were quite happy to give us a bit more time to get our house on the market. So we had an offer accepted before Christmas, left for my parents for 2 weeks holiday, and have been working flat out to get it ready for sale ever since. We will be downsizing- but the trade off of a smaller space versus being close to family, great local school 5 minutes walk away feels worth it! So many chains involved – so I’m trying not to pin all my hopes – but still…

    2. congratulations!! my tips: declutter as much as humanly possible (while still keeping enough furniture there to show the dimensions). have flowers in every room, at least for the pictures… we literally just moved one vase from room to room. Bake cookies or something before a showing so the house smells nice; there are also “recipes” for things you can boil beforehand to make the house smell nice.

      1. We have decluttered like maniacs – I’ve made so many freecycle posts in recent days. Photos are done, and it looks really good. Garden is a bit wild but it’s winter – and it’s the only mid-priced, mid-sized “nice” house on the market in our town so I’m hoping the right buyer will not be put off by a bit of overgrowth.

  6. Feel a little silly asking as I feel as though this is something I should know, but is it typical to give your EA a gift as you retire? I have a wonderful EA who has truly made my life better and I was thinking a getting her a gift (mainly cash) when I retire in August. If so, how much? (If location matters for this, am in Chicago). Appreciate advice.

    1. Idk if it’s typical, but it’s very thoughtful of you and I’m sure your EA would appreciate it.

    2. I’m not sure “what’s typical” matters here. This is someone you care about and value, and it’s hard to go wrong by showing that, however you’d like to do it. How can any of us ever have too much of that in our lives?

    3. Yes – whether it’s a small token or larger gift depends on your budget, tenure with the person, and how much you liked them, so you sound 100% on point here.

    4. I did. She’d been with me for 20 years and I spent about $1,000 on a David Yurman necklace — with gift receipt. And before you get all up in my grill, she is a jewelry person and I had high confidence she would love it.

      1. OP here – and Senior Attorney, I was hoping you would weigh in! Thank you and the others for your thoughts. I struggle a lot with these type of norms (and possibly care more than I should about what is usual/expected v just weird). Grew up in a chaotic world and still realizing – close to retirement age – just how many social cues I missed.

      2. Were you in government? I am and have wondered if a gift of that size would violate applicable ethics laws if given while still on the payroll. I guess this varies by jurisdiction and I should investigate.

        1. State government. I think the “no gifts” ethics rules are mostly at the federal level.

          1. I mean, I certainly wouldn’t have accepted a gift from somebody who had business in my department, but honestly it never occurred to me to even think about gifts to subordinate employees…

          2. I mean, subordinate employees couldn’t accept gifts from outsiders either, of course. I’m talking about from senior employees. And I’ll stop now because I am just getting in a tizzy…

          3. Okay, one more thing. I feel like any ethics rules have exceptions for bona fide personal relationships, right? Which is certainly what we had after 20-plus years.

          4. Even federal gift laws allow superiors to gift to subordinates without limits. It’s the hazard of coercing gifts from subordinates or currying favor with superiors that drives the federal gift regs, which forbid underlings from giving bosses anything more than a cup of coffee at Starbucks, basically.

    5. If it feels right, do it! Good EAs are worth their weight in gold. And I’m sure it would be very meaningful.

    6. I spent five years each at two law firms as a lawyer. At each firm, I had the one assistant for all five years. Upon each departure, I gave the assistant’s cash gifts around $1k, as I recall – this would have been in 2008 and 2011. They both were excellent, I enjoyed working with them, and I could afford to do so. I also would say yes, give the gift when you leave.

  7. My brunch party got bigger than I was expecting. What are some good brunch options for a large group? Quiche? I can order bagels but that doesn’t seem that special.

      1. This. I like to go all out with all of the above, plus capers, dill, lemon zest (lemon and a zester), tomatoes, etc. If you have a nice place to get it, smoked sable is a nice addition to lox.

      2. This! And add a yogurt or waffle bar. For the waffle bar put out giant bowls of fruit and whipped cream.

    4. I like the egg bites from Starbucks and I have heard the ones from Costco / Sam’s Club are pretty good dupes. If you do shop at one of those stores, they have pretty good options for pastries, croissants, etc. in the bakery department.

    6. DIY waffle bar. Get a fun waffle iron. I have a cheap dog one from Macy’s. People love it!

    8. Costcos croissants are pretty good. That, plus fruit and egg bake can be easily scaled up. Egg bake is also nice because you can do it all in advance, leaving you free to do the actual hosting and celebrating.

    10. Lean into casseroles you can prepare in advance and buy muffins, bagels, and yogurt you can just sit out. You could make something like oatmeal in a slow cooker if it’s a really large gathering where you need multiple options. Cook bacon or sausage on sheet pans in the oven. Buy pre-cut fruit.

  8. Hoping someone has ideas on a starting point. My friend has a cousin who has been alone for along time. This cousin has no siblings and both parents have passed years ago. Friend has tried to help with things the cousin needs- driving to appointments, etc. Cousin has no/very little assets, and lives in a small subsidized apartment. Cousin recently passed in a boston hospital, and they are calling friend for what to do. Friend is not an executor and has no information about finances, accounts, etc. there is a plot in a cemetary for her, but friend has been told its 6k to open it which friend cannot cover. She is jewish, which impacts desire for cremation. Area is Boston if it makes a difference. Any ideas on resources of where to start? A lawyer? a social worker of some sort? immediate concern is the body, but also thinking about apartment etc

    5. There are funds to ensure Jewish burial for those desiring it. Reach out to a synagogue or Jewish funeral home. There is charity available because it’s considered a huge mitzvah to ensure Jewish burial.

      AI suggests: For indigent Jewish burial in Boston, contact the Jewish Cemetery Association of Massachusetts (JCAM) (offers free graves and assistance), Jewish Family Services (JFS), or local synagogues, as these organizations often coordinate with funds like the Michael I. Jacobson Memorial Gomle Fund and funeral homes like Brezniak Rodman to provide dignified Jewish burials for those with no means, ensuring traditions are met through community support.

  9. I’m looking to replace my old Lowa Renegade hiking boots, as they are 15+ years old and the soles have become slippery (apparently, this happens with the plastic).

    I live in the Midwest and would wear hiking boots for actual hiking in spring, fall and winter, and will also wear them for general snow activities in the winter, with a thicker pair of socks. Need to have good profile soles.

    Looking at Keen brand, or at something from LL Bean, or Lowa again – obviously, will order a few and try them on.

    Any recommendations from this crowd?

    1. If Lowa fits your feet, Keen will not. I wear Lowas and found that Keens are too flat and wide for me. Ideally, I’d go to REI and try a bunch on in person.

      1. Good point about the fit and trying on in person – to be honest, I’m looking for a better fit, because after pregnancy there is one spot by the toes where my current boots feel a bit tight. Nothing that would cause blisters and hasn’t impacted the hikes I’ve done (max. 3 hour walking), but maybe at least sizing up half a size is advisable.

        1. The Renegade and some of the other Lowa styles come in a wide width if you order from their website. I also ended up going up one size with their updated design.

    2. Go into a store and try on a bunch of if you keep something for 15 years, it seems more efficient than trying on and dealing with packages. Many stores stock them, especially in the colder months. My feet like Keens. Husband hated Lowa.

      1. True. I live more than an hour away from the nearest REI but maybe it’s worth the trip.

        2. You will save a lot of time if you just go and try them on in person instead of ordering and returning 15 pairs by mail.

    3. I love my Merrell waterproof hiking boots. They’re 8 years old and going strong. I suggest visiting your local REI!

      1. +1. Got my Merrells for ~$50 on Sierra Trading Post. I prefer them to the Keens I had previously.

      2. I am also a fan of Merrells, but agree this is worth driving to a store to try on multiple pairs in person.

    4. FWIW military folks who actually use their boots in the outdoors consider lowas the gold standard.

    5. I have tried a lot of brands and I love my Merrell the best. They have a bit wider toe box which is great if you need it but also for different thickness of socks. They are comfortable from the get-go so no break in period. I have both the high top and low top and the running sneaker from them.

    7. I’m a big fan of Danner boots, though they’re definitely investment pieces. I got mine at REI, so seconding that you should go there or somewhere similar to try things on.

    9. I don’t know if these work for snow, but on a recent hiking trip I was surprised by how many people were wearing Ons.

      1. Trail runners/hiking shoes have gotten *really* popular in hiking communities over the last ~10 years – the idea is basically that having a lightweight shoe on your foot (rather than a heavy boot) is both easier (wearing 1 lb weights on your feet is a lot for your legs to pick up and put down all the time), and maybe better for your feet long term (your foot can flex more naturally), and dry faster if they get wet. If you haven’t tried it, I’d recommend it!

        That said, I do most of my summer hiking in sneaker-style shoes, but I do still have boot style boots, and I absolutely prefer the boots for both winter hiking and walking-around-town when it’s slush, so if that’s your majority use-case, maybe stick with real boots.

    10. I love my Merrells – used for hiking mountains and long distance trails, and for general wear during the local ice and snow seasons. I have broad toes and narrow heels.

    12. Artic grip mocassins or midcalf boots have technology such that the soles grip ice in our slippery Midwest walks and parking lots. I used to fall and break bones but now have gone through the boots and mocs several times and have done well. were $120 to 170 but can get them on sale sometimes like 90. for mocs. good luck and stay safe!!

  10. De-lurking to ask a basics questions. I cannot seem to find the right white long sleeve tee for under sweaters. I recently got some beautiful wool sweaters from a relative, but goodness are they itchy! The tees I already have just have too loose of a neck so the wool keeps irritating my neck where it touches my skin.

    Please share the best white long sleeve with a tight neckline (happy to have it show as that’s apparently the trend these days). Some of these sweaters are handmade with love so I really want to make it work for sentimental reasons.

    1. PUMIEY Women’s Long Sleeve T Shirts from Amazon. It’s a skims dupe that is double layer of fabric.

    3. Why not a turtleneck? LLBean has great ones as does Lands End, along with regular necks.

      1. I was just about to recommend this but with a JCrew Tissue Turtleneck. I have a really cute but itchy wool sweater and it’s my go to underlayer & looks very nice together.

      1. +1 I have cream and a black silk long undershirts from LLBean exactly for this purpose

    5. LL Bean Pima Cotton shirts come in all kinds of necklines, sleeve lengths, and colors.
      I’ve been praising their white shirts for years on this forum – they are truly opaque and hold up for years.

    6. Thank you ‘Rettes!
      I’m going to look these up and hopefully enjoy these sweaters fully.

    7. I wear Uniqlo heat tech long sleeve shirts under all my sweaters. They come in various weights and necklines and have held up well to years of daily wear.

  11. One of my least favorite things: buying a new pair of pants, which seem to fit nearly perfectly, only to find out that the waistband feels a lot tighter when I’m sitting at my desk all day. It’s so frustrating and happening more frequently in perimenopause. They’re from Ann Taylor, so I’m surprised the waistline isn’t more generous. :(

    1. Since you mention that it’s happening more frequently in perimenopause, are you getting bloating as a medical symptom? I know I used to need adjustable waist bands or to size up and wear a belt until I got some medical stuff handled.

      1. I don’t know if I’m bloated or all the fat in my body is just starting to collect there for fun. I haven’t gained weight, fwiw.

        1. I was thinking more of something like fibroids or gallbladder issues, but I think eventually you’d know if it was some kind of uncomfortable perimenopause complication!

    2. This is what happens with high-rise pants. They fit great when you are standing up, but not when you are sitting down.

      1. This. I just can’t wear high rise pants unless I never have to sit in them. I will be so happy when they go away!

      2. Yeah I’ve realized where the pant hits is the issue. If its on my stomach (not hips) its just not going to be comfortable.

      3. These were marketed as midrise, but they’re really not. They aren’t the ultra high rises, but calling them midrise is not really accurate (for my body, at least).

        1. The labels are meaningless. I’ve seen a 10-inch rise labeled as high, medium, and low.

          1. +1 it’s a know your own body thing.

            On me 10 inches is a low to mid rise, but totally get that for others it might be high.

  12. What’s your third place?

    This year I want to add some third places – places other than my home or office where I feel at home. What are your third places?

    For me it’s my volunteer job (at the library), and a drop-in yoga class. I’m thinking that I should find more volunteer work, ideally something where I’d work with the same people repeatedly. What are your ideas?

    1. My gym! Also love the library. And weirdly enough, the cul de sac I live on- it’s a gathering place for all the neighbors in nice weather to hang out and chat and have a drink.

    3. A local winery. They have a huge outdoor space where kids and dogs run and play while the parents chat and sip wine and snack.

      During the winter months, we just sort of hibernate.

    4. Unfortunately my phone and my bed recently as I moved to a new suburban area and miss my earlier city and third places :(

    5. The library, the gym, my church. I also spend a lot of time hiking and in playgrounds with my son.

      JustServe.org is a good place to find places looking for volunteers, if it’s used in your area. I’ve had luck with it, but I’m west coast US.

    6. We have a pub that we are regulars at, and it’s where we met all of our friends. All ages, all family compositions, tons of variety in careers and avocations, all walks of life. It’s pretty lovely.

    7. Local music academy, where I am in the Chamber Singers and Glee Club and take piano class and voice lessons.

      Local theatre, where I am a donor (hoping to get on the board — have a meeting coming up in that regard), attend shows, and take classes.

      Senior Center (and may I say it’s weird to be the same age as the old people!), where I take exercise classes.

      Rotary Club (not necessarily a physical place, but a community).

      A couple of clubs where we are members and go to lunches and events.

      1. Choir is also my place! I sing in our city’s symphony chorus, my church’s chancel choir, and the church chamber choir. Musicians are the best people.

        1. Yeah, if you’re not making friends at choir, it’s because you’re really trying not to!

      2. Wishing you luck in getting onto the board, Senior Attorney! (And I, too, qualify for the Senior Center.)

    8. Mine’s my barn.

      If you’re already happy at the library, could you increase your hours? Could you go to yoga more frequently? That might be easier than finding a whole new place. If you want a new place with a low barrier to entry, lower than volunteering, you could try going to a coffee shop or dive bar at the same time a couple days a week.

      2. Mine’s also the barn. Which, on your volunteering question, therapeutic riding centers often need volunteers.

    9. A local coffee shop, a local bookstore, the town library, our town’s walking trails, and two local farms with farm stores and activities.

    10. *Kung fu/tai chi school (3+ classes/week)
      *Yarn shop + local bookstore/cafe (adjoining in small shopping area)
      *Local nature center (my husband serves on board)

      1. There was a period in my life where all my time was either home, work, or dojo. Good times, man.

    11. The yoga studio is my third space. It’s a small-ish studio, not based in a gym, and I go often enough that I’ve built a community there. It’s really important to me.

      Other ideas: walking/hiking groups; other hobbyist meetups (knitting, reading, Mah Jong, etc.).

  13. Over the holidays some posters shared their experiences with their mothers, including insights that I found really helpful. “People can be vicious about becoming what they fear. People who project are very, very difficult to be around: nothing you do is ever good enough, because what they’re really looking for is a way to make themselves feel better about their own shortcomings.”

    To poster whose mom had a meltdown when you got temporarily turned-around going a restaurant: Your story has really stayed with me, especially your observation that your mom comes apart whenever someone around her is less than perfect. (I’ve been thinking of you; how did the rest of your visit go?)

    Also the posters who wrote that they observe their moms’ declining abilities and react badly, out of the realization and fear that they’ll decline themselves, someday. And the poster whose mom’s codependency manifests as a need to help.

    Your stories prompted some needed reflection on my own behavior and also helped me understand the dynamic with my mom. I’m really grateful for the time and effort you took to write.

    1. The comment quoted in your first paragraph can apply to the children as well as to the moms.

    2. I wrote on that thread. I might’ve started it? I’m the one whose mom says horrible things like, so you’re going to have an abortion if the tests come back bad, as the first response to my pregnancy announcement last Christmas (after a 5-year infertility battle). I was worried about what she would say this Christmas (my baby’s first).

      True to form, she complained about how messy our living room was. On Christmas morning. While the baby was still opening his gifts. She later complained to my brother, who was not there, about how messy the room was. So she will not be invited back on Christmas Day next year. Maybe we will do Christmas Eve instead. Or just skip Christmas entirely as far as she’s concerned.

    3. That was me!
      Overall, the visit went fine. My mother is who she is, and she suffers from it more than others. We did have some embarrassing moments with wait staff, luckily at places I don’t visit regularly. And in a twisted way, I think my mother taking out her frustration on me early in the visit made my sister’s experience better.

    4. I’ll probably regret posting this here but I’ve noticed that it’s been more challenging than I thought to be different from my stepmom, who was callous and cold to me whenever I was sick (acted like it was a huge inconvenience to her, etc.) I swore I’d never be like that and when it comes down to it, I’m not, but I’ve had to actually stop myself from sighing and rolling my eyes when my husband (who will self-admit to a tendency to have mancolds) does a dramatic cough or sniffle. He’s the kind of person who is just looking for a little sympathy and then he’ll move on and he’ll still do all his responsibilities, but for some reason, I find myself acting in that cold and callous way I swore I’d never do – like come on, stop playing it up.

      1. It’s definitely different when it’s a man cold vs taking care of a child. I have annoyance for one and sympathy for the other

      2. I had to change my perspective on mancolds when my husband ended up with complications from one. Apparently men’s immune systems are just a bit worse at every stage of life. After that the battle was to get him to see his doctor, take sick days, and recover since he still has the push through mentality.

    5. I appreciate this comment and remember the OP as well. I have a difficult relationship with my mom; for most of my life I felt she was resentful of me and I could never do anything right or do enough for her, so I dropped the rope and now she’s lonely and we just don’t have much to talk about. That said, I had a daughter 3 years ago (her only grandchild) and she’s an involved and loving grandmother, so I make space for her for my daughter’s sake.

      I want to show my daughter how we treat our family and model those relationships, but at the same time my mom often tries to pick fights with me and doesn’t take an interest in my life, so it’s hard.

      A recent example from last summer’s vacation: my husband went out to the car (I usually try to have him around with her bc then she’s nicer), and she said hey I’m thinking of bypassing you in the will and leaving all my jewelry and more assets to your daughter instead of you. Then she went on to say that’s what her sister, who has the only other daughter in the family, is doing. Keep in mind this sister’s daughter is a hot mess who can’t keep a job or money, meanwhile my mom is in cognitive decline, my brother is kind of a jerk and doesn’t talk to her anyway, and by all outward accounts I have my life together. I was just shocked and told her that, and that while I don’t count on her money it’s hurtful she thought of me that way.

      Another example is every trip she asks if I like being a mom and if it’s easier or harder than I thought it would be. I can’t answer this question correctly for her. I had awful PPD that lasted over a year; when I said no I’m drowning she’d say “what do you have to complain about, your daughter is perfect, get your act together. When I would say “some good, some bad” or anything positive, she’d say I have it easy bc I’m married and work from home a few days a week. I hope I’m never like that with my kid because it’s exhausting.

      1. My mother also said that she was going to bypass me on her Will and leave everything (including a house!!) to my child, who is in elementary school.

        I have helped her out a lot financially over the years, and she owed me not-insubstantial money when she said that. She did it to be hurtful.

        I haven’t spoken to her since. If you want to alienate me, bye bye.

        1. My grandma left everything to her favourite grandchild (my cousin). I really wasn’t hurt, I was just like grandma doing grandma things and then moved on. Mostly jealous my cousin no longer has a mortgage.

      2. Holy moly, how destructive, hope her awful attitude never spreads to affect your daughter.

    7. I like the way you phrased “your mom comes apart whenever someone around her is less than perfect.” My mom is like that mom and unreasonably freaks out at the slightest perceived inconvenience. I think it’s an anxiety and control issue. Like she’s doing everything she can to hold herself together so everyone in her orbit must act and react in a predictable way for her and if not…. Crashout. I try so hard to not be that way with my daughter.

      It’s also why my mom is very rarely a safe emotional space for me. Her reactions are unreasonable and I end up having to mollify her. It’s exhausting.

      1. This description of the meltdown mom in the OP was about my mom, and it is accurate. This statement from your comment is also a very apt description, telling me you have a very similar experience: “everyone in her orbit must act and react in a predictable way for her and if not…. Crashout”. Solidarity!
        My mother, despite being a highly intelligent and articulate person, also really lacks the tact to communicate in a way to correct situations without heightening them, like when the hotel attendant gave her only keys to one hotel room instead of the two she had rented under different names and she was not able to just clarify the error without belittling them and then sinking into a whimpering mess and panicking that the reservation wasn’t being observed. She also expects to be treated very well as a rich white woman (she will admit this, pretending to joke) but seems to think she lacks agency – e.g., gets big sad/frustrated/angry when her Starbucks drink doesn’t come with whipped cream because the drink is not generally made with whipped cream but rejects my suggestion to just request it.

  14. PSA: If you’re an alice + olivia fan (it’s not for everyone!) their sale section includes a ton of very beautiful special occasion pieces right now. I am trying not to buy aspirational clothing right now, so limited myself to the cashmere wrap sweater, but came very close to buying a VERY impractical pair of pants and velvet blazer/shrug thing.

  15. out of curiosity did anyone here do debate in high school (or recently mentor a high schooler involved in debate)? any summer programs to recommend? i’m assuming the only people who go to the big tournaments are the ones who place well enough at the regional levels (and not, say, the people who place well enough at the regional levels as WELL as apply to the tournaments?)

    1. We didn’t have a team at my (poor, rural) high school but I debated in college. It was a great move because now people think I’m this amazing public speaker and I’ve gotten more opportunities because of that. I was a middle of the pack debater but my ability to think on my feet and make something sound convincing is higher than it would have been without it.

    2. If it’s Harvard, anyone who signs up can go. Regionals and nationals you place into the right to go. Our school has a phenomenal speech and debate club / team. But it’s all-comers. Paying your way is how you go to things like Emory / Durham / Harvard / others. Some kids do that and some place at tournaments and just do those. Everyone has told me that Harvard is miserable so we have never gone.

      We have two excellent local camps that teams do as fundraisers and one private one. Look locally? Area colleges (UNC / Wake Forest) do them in summer. One kid straight out Election went to Harvard and posted a ton about it. Overall, speech kids seem to be much less stressed than the L-D kids. L-D is like taking another class each month.

    3. I did mock trial in HS with zero prep or teacher coaching. Ill-advised, but we were a poor school and didn’t know what we didn’t know. IMO, acting in a couple of summer plays helped me just be able to buckle up and go. That is a hurdle that if you can clear, you will do well in life.

      As an adult, I have to judge when my kid competes. Kids get louder and faster as they get more nervous and it is like someone is yelling at you for 8 hours on a Saturday. Not fun. Someone needs to coach kids that they can be right without yelling and we enjoy what they have to say more if they speak at a more normal pace and with a normal volume.

    4. I coach debate in a small rural high school. None of my debaters have the means and/or desire to do a summer camp, so I don’t have any firsthand experience. Reddit has some good discussion of various debate resources (camps, briefs, etc). Beyond that, encourage your students to stay abreast of the news, sharpen their research chops on whatever topics interest them, and branch out into drama or any other speaking opportunities to sharpen their speaking chops. For my students striking the balance between reading/research and speaking has been a challenge. I love having voracious readers but they need to present well to do well against their opponents.

    5. I did debate all 4 years in both high school and college but I never attended any summer programs for it. Debate in college is super fun, it was basically a social scene with a side of debate.

  16. New to management and curious about how you all would handle this. One of my employees is fresh out of undergrad but incredible at the job. Another has been in the work force for a few years (2-3) and has a masters degree in the field. The younger employee has been noticed by senior management (some of which I’ve driven) and is getting pulled into interesting side projects and his profile is being elevated. The other employee has started to notice and asked to be included in similar things. I don’t know whether my response should be to put him on some smaller projects or be candid and tell him that it’s largely driven by his underlying work not being that strong (obviously more kindly that). How do you all handle it?

    1. What would it take for your 2nd employee to elevate their work to that level?

      I think the answer is a mix of both – you don’t owe your employees “equal” projects, especially when senior leadership is requesting a specific person because of their track record of excellent work. But if you’ve got someone who’s interested iin getting to that level, willing and able to put in the work to do it, then yeah, a good manager gives them opportunities to show it. You know best what that would be in your company – a small interesting side project, or a higher visibility position on an existing project, etc. The key IMO is evaluate each employee separately – don’t look at it as “Employee 1 needs a project equivalent to Employee 2” but look at is as “Employee 1 is doing solid work at B+ work and might be able to do A- work — what’s the right project to let them show that”.

      It’s okay if that conversation is “To put you on a project like XYZ, I’d need to see ABC first”; or “CEO picks people for their special projects themselves; but I know what they value is ABC, if you want to raise your profile let’s talk about how to incorporate that in BoringExistingProject”.

      2. this is perfect phrasing. talking about employees to one another in comparison terms is not a great idea

  17. Couple of travel recommendation requests:
    1) Kansas City in mid April; taking a long weekend with my husband (no kids) for his birthday to visit my brother who is there on a military exchange for a year. Seeing Stephen Wilson Jr. on Friday night, any other must dos? We love to eat.
    2) Burlington, VT over Valentine’s weekend. Taking my ten year old on her birthday trip with her best friend to Jay Peak for skiing and water park. We have been before and love loading up on Trader Joe’s supplies and the Ben and Jerry’s tour. Anything else really fun?
    Thanks!

    1. BBQ in KC!
      Lake Champlain cruise in Burlington. My kid also loved the science museum there (ECHO center) but she was 4 at the time. 10 year olds might have aged out of it.

        1. Not Anon at 2:42, but Kansas City Joe’s at the 47th and Mission location (it is a gas station). The suburban locations are nice, but this is the original. Jack Stack for beef ribs.

    2. For Burlington, check out the Shelburne Museum. It is the oddest collection of really neat things, and my kids love it!

      1. Agree. Admittedly, it’s been 20 years since I was there on my first road trip in the US, but I really enjoyed this museum, even in the cold rain in November.

  18. In case it’s helpful: I’ve been wanting to participate on a board [something in my profession] for a while, and I finally just emailed a colleague and bluntly said that I’d like to circulate my interest. And I was just asked be on a great board!

    My point is that I was sitting back, being a little shy — so if this helps someone ask for what they want, then here’s a story to give you some motivation!

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