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Coffee Break: Dash Top Handle Bag

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blue bag with blue top handle and long brown crossbody strap with white and blue details

Oooh: this blue Veronica Beard bag caught my attention last week, and I can't stop thinking about it — I love that color blue!

The Dash bag has been around for a few years and it always looks great — the architectural vibes of the bag mixed with the somewhat loosey goosey flaps. I appreciate the interesting blue-and-white chevron pattern on the crossbody strap here, also.

This version is $595, but Nordstrom also has a few other colors on sale (including “dark raisin,” which has light blue sides). (Huh: and there's exactly one left of the rather large Dash tote marked 50% down — gogo!)

If you like this exact bag, you can also find it at Veronica Beard, Saks, and Neiman Marcus (as well as Nordstrom).

Sales of note for 4/24:

144 Comments

  1. Going for an onsite interview this week with a startup for a senior level finance role, meeting with a CFO, in the SF Bay Area. The recruiter said to dress “business professional”. Are suit separates okay (nonmatching jacket) or should I plan on a full suit?

    1. Full suit, especially if the recruiter said business professional. Which is odd in the bay area

    2. A lot of people in the Bay Area, particularly in startups, think “business professional” means the equivalent of a dress shirt and something nicer than jeans.

      There is a decent probability that suit separates are totally fine, but I can’t say exactly how likely it is based on the information here. That probability decreases if the CFO and the HR recruiter came from companies where full suits were the norm.

    3. I would ask the recruiter what their version of “business professional” means.

      I work in tech and people mean it to use “more than just a t shirt”.

    4. To rephrase my question – is there any downside to wearing a suit, like looking stuffy and out of sync with startup culture?
      I’m inclined to play it safe because of what the recruiter said, otherwise I would’ve just gone with separates.

      1. I’d go with a more colorful/modern cut of a suit vs. a traditional blue/black/grey skirt suit. Kate Hudson’s character on running point would be my inspiration.

        1. This is wrong for finance. Bay Area finance is just like NY. Wear a regular suit and good luck OP.

      2. No. I work in finance in the Bay Area and we wear suits. For an interview I absolutely would. You can be a little more creative, wear flats, etc but wear a suit.

  2. Oof! That is one sweet little bag! Good thing/too bad I already I have a bag that color.

  3. what are your favorite not-too-sweet and vaguely healthy snacks? all the protein powder and protein bars are getting to me. merci!

    1. I like triscuits and cheddar, maybe with fruit on the side. Cottage cheese (or a cottage cheese based dip) with veggie crudite. If you’re looking for purely savory this won’t be a fit, but if you really just mean not super-sweet: greek yogurt, fruit (usually frozen blueberries, defrosted in the microwave, for me), and granola is also a good one.

    2. Cheese sticks, filtered milk protein drinks (fairlife), cottage cheese with tomatoes on toast, Kodiak cake muffins, an apple (add cheese or peanut butter to round out with fat and protein), a small greek yogurt bowl with berries, hard boiled eggs with everything but the bagel seasoning, a handful of pistachios. I try to eat a high protein diet as a vegetarian and these are my go tos! It seems like jerky or meat sticks are popular too, just not on my list since I don’t eat meat.

    4. This might qualify as too-sweet, but I love the little Chobani Flips. It’s like a healthier ben and jerry’s vibe.

    5. Popcorn I pop on the stovetop and then drench with butter while telling myself it is healthier than powdered cheese.
      If you are on a roadtrip, though, and want a snack to pass the time or keep you awake, I’ve recently discovered bags of flavored pickles at QTs in my area. I am not the biggest pickles-as-a-snack fan, but these are perfect for late-night drives. The brand is Oh Snap! (exclamation point included), but QT has a store brand as well that I have not tried. Oh Snap! makes a cranberry version also, and I liked it as well.

    6. Roasted lentils or chickpeas are nicer than roasted edemame in my opinion. It helps my salty snack craving, and has protein too if you must.

      Try to cut down on all the protein supplements, especially if you are sacrificing vegetables and fruit with fiber, or you are trading one problem with another (hello colon cancer among others).

    7. My go-to snacks are fruit (dried or fresh), veg + hummus, pretzels, nuts. Sometimes beef jerky or babybel cheese.

    8. Boiled egg, crackers with paté, cottage cheese with black pepper and cucumber, hummous with carrots, plain Greek yogurt with chia seeds, nuts and berries, buckwheat pancakes, olives, brie cheese with peppers, tinned fish…

    9. cracker, goat chevre and olive tapenade. Techincally, since i have so many food allergies my olive tapenade is literally only chopped up greek olives in the most plain brine available at the olive bar. Still delicious.

    10. Crunchy Roasted Edamame Beans from “The Only Bean”. I get them from amazon and strongly recommend siracha flavored

  4. How do you view your home – something to stay in until you want to leave, or a limited time flip where you do a lot of work in a short period of time but plan to sell it after the work is done? I live in a pretty upscale neighborhood (new construction) and I’m always surprised when someone sells their house but stays in the area.

    1. I wouldn’t assume that everyone who sells their house but stays in the neighborhood did a planned flip. Sometimes a house ceases to meet your needs but you don’t want to move away from schools, neighbors, etc.

    2. Somewhere to live until I want or need to leave (for context, I am in my third house). I sold my first house and moved about 4 miles away to downsize and get a bigger yard, and then sold my second house to move 45 minutes down the road to be closer to the office I needed to go into 3x a week after switching jobs.

    3. I’m in my mid-40s and live in the second home that I’ve owned as an adult. With both, I’ve viewed them as places to live until I want to move. The move from House 1 to House 2 was only a couple of miles, but it was a lifestyle upgrade for more space. I imagine I will live in House 2 until I retire and move out of state.

    4. We waited to buy until our mid-30s. Picked our home and neighborhood in the city intentionally. Have owned it for seven years and I see us staying through retirement as the floor plan is designed with the option of installing an elevator. We will likely buy a holiday house in the next decade, and may consider short term rentals for the current house.

    5. Definitely a place to stay until I am ready to leave. My house is small so there are only so many upgrades to be done, I don’t think there is a great ROI on upgrades to this house, either, and I frankly don’t have a lot of $$ to spend on that, so I’m more in the mindset of fixing and if I stay long enough, updating via replacing.

    6. I moved a short distance to get all bedrooms on one level. I may move again to get a downstairs main bedroom as I get older.

    7. I’m with those who’ve said it’s a place to live until I want to leave. We’re on our second house. The first was a starter home and we moved to something larger in a better school system when we started our family. We are still there, but with one kid moving out entirely and the youngest going to college this year, we’re getting antsy to move into something smaller. We have several updates to do first so it’s ready to sell, though, so it will probably be a couple of years.

    9. When I bought my first house, I thought I would live there forever or until I could afford to trade up. That didn’t work out because we had to sell it as part of a divorce. My second house, which I bought on my own, same. Lost that one in my second divorce. Third house, I bought on my own and definitely thought I would live there forever, but I ended up moving in with my husband when we got married. I still have it, though, as a rental. Current house — we plan to stay here until we die or can’t manage it any more, whichever comes first. Hubby has been here for 40-plus years. Don’t plan on ever leaving the area.

      For the record I would never even attempt a flip.

    10. I think this is personality based – some people like to move around and some don’t. Some people are more annoyed by the buying/selling process than others. Sometimes there are seasons to this. We moved around a ton for career reasons before our late 30s, and preferred renting for the flexibility, so we only bought a house when we moved somewhere we intended to stay for a while. Now, we’re staying put until we’re ready to downsize. We’ve done a lot of work on it, but it’s for our own enjoyment of the house.

    11. Stay until I want to leave! And, I don’t buy if I”m not planning on staying for a long time. Moving is a pain!

    12. Something to stay in until I want to leave. But that doesn’t mean we won’t do some upgrades that make it nice for us now and might appeal to a potential buyer if we wanted to sell. We don’t have any plans to leave (2.25% interest rate), but you never know.

    13. I live in a craftsman cottage that I bought 10 years ago and could stay here indefinitely. I would also love to take on an older home and remodel it for fun if I had the resources to do that.

    14. Anecdotally, I and many of my friends moved from one house to another a few years after having kids. We had all moved into our first houses imagining that we would raise our families in them, but when the kids were a few years old we realized our needs were different or had changed. In every case, schools were part of the equation but there were other factors (aging parents moving in, commutes, etc).

  5. I posted a birthday invite idea yesterday afternoon and everyone said it was horrible / that my fiance should leave me. Can I ask why there was such a strong reaction? People always say that I’ve made him a changed man (no more partying / random hookups and chasing girls / bad decisions) and that they can’t believe the effect I’ve had on him in 3 years of being together. It’s supposed to be a tongue in cheek joke about growing up and getting more mature….

    1. Because people here assume that all men are sneakily looking for women to stealth parent them and react accordingly. Yes, it was cringy, but not more than any other birthday idea (I usually dislike all adult themed birthdays.)

      1. I don’t think that, because all the men in my life are responsible adults that didn’t act the way OP describes even as teenagers. I found it horrifying that OP really is marrying a man-child, and appears to be proud of it!

        1. Couples have all kinds of dynamics. Some women like to mother their spouses and some spouses thrive w that kind of attention. Who cares?

          1. People can do whatever they want on their own, and I’m happy for them, but when you decide to flaunt it on a party invitation, you’re clearly doing it because you want people to notice!

    2. honestly, i found it kind of hard to follow. i like jokey things, but this was a bit much to me

      1. It felt like it was full of in-jokes specific to an industry their peer group is familiar with.

        1. As an ex-Silicon Valley-ite who hated the social climbing tech culture there, it felt VERY SV-coded to me.

    3. I mean… it was cringe. Was there overreaction in the responses? 1 bajillion percent, yes. But you asked if we liked it or not and the resounding response was a strong “heck no, we do not.” Also, for what it’s worth, I had to read it no less than three times to even understand it. I’m not in tech, I’m in finance. I don’t know what new product roll out means… the cringe was totally lost on me until I reread it a couple times. Unless your whole circle is in that space, I think you’d similarly confuse people.

      But like… deep, deep overreaction from several people. Sorry the pile on was so strong.

    4. People explained their comments yesterday, so maybe take a second read through them. One thing that I think didn’t get emphasized enough but seems especially relevant based on your comment today was that it really seems to be about *you* and a bunch of ostensibly great things you ostensibly did. It’s weird for an invitation to a birthday party celebrating one person to be about how great a whole other person is. Also, notably, “this great stuff I did for the birthday boy,” is really not at all the same as “growing up and getting more mature”. All of this stuff depends on the specifics, but an invitation about that might have worked fine.

      1. Yeah, it was more like how awful and incompetent he was until he met you. That’s not really how I’d want to celebrate my birthday.

      2. Agreed, this was my take too. Not to pile on, but even your post today seems to not get this – it can be absolutely true that you had a positive effect on your fiancé, but his birthday invitation is not the place to make note of that.

      4. Yeah I actually said cute on first blush (am in tech so got it) but a party for someone else shouldn’t center you. I’d take another track. It’s also never good to make fun of your partner. I also thought you got the invite from someone else, didn’t realize it was one you were thinking of sending.

    5. I didn’t participate yesterday. But as an old person, I have to say — people don’t change. And the idea of a woman making a guy into a better man is a sexist, outdated, and unrealistic trope. If he’s not self-motivated to be a responsible adult and only motivated by the reward that is you, you’re in for a world of hurt because he will not maintain his newfound “maturity” over time and will resent you. Please do your due diligence before proceeding with him, by which I mean talk to his party buddies and also SNOOP cause your man ain’t no good behind closed doors. And if he is, it won’t last!!

      1. +1. Tread carefully, OP. I have seen this dynamic blow up in too many people’s faces.

        Also, it’s really weird to make the birthday invite about you, when you are not the birthday person.

          1. Not the above poster but will chime in here as I’ve also seen similar blow ups, thankfully not in my own marriage but several very sweet friends and colleagues.

            Usually, and commonly, this dynamic ends horribly for the woman when the man gets bored or when there’s a change (I’ve seen replication, parenthood and death of a parent) which triggers reversion to the man child, who then becomes another toddler to parent, or often strays from the marriage.

            The “savior” wife is then traded in for a younger still naive model and the kids are collateral damage.

            In the best scenarios, the couple can weather the shitstorm thanks to wealth, which is depleted but avoids poverty.

            It’s very triggering to see what seems like this same pattern repeat itself in a younger generation.

      4. Have you seen it happen before where someone seems changed for 3 years (loyal, responsible, no longer craving the chase) and then reverted to old patterns later on?

        1. Yes, unfortunately. As soon as life got complicated or kids came on to the scene.

          Sorry OP, but your post today makes me concerned about the future of your relationship. I wish you well.

          1. I do hope it’s not as bad as it sounds, as people can change a lot (for the better!) in their 20s. I’d be more concerned about a guy who was still doing that ish in his 30s and beyond. Still, I don’t think it’s cool for her to rip on him for past behavior and act like she was his saving grace. I mean, maybe that’s true, but if so … it’s not something to brag about.

        2. Yes, you’re just the current dopamine supply. So many guys can keep up the act for years, then kids happen or the wife eclipses his career and boom the old ways come back complete with infidelity and abuse.

        3. “Craving the chase” – has he used these words? Have his friends? This phrasing makes me worry.

        4. Happened to me. Dont be me. It’s not a great place. Dump his sorry ass and find someone who doesn’t attribute their behavior to you. The fact you think their change is attributed to you, just tells me what type of narcissist you are dealing with. Run far far away as fast as you can.

      5. I sort of disagree. I think a lot of people change significantly in their late 20s and early 30s. My husband, my friends and I all grew up a ton in that ~5 year stretch between 25 and 30. That’s why so many people who marry young end up divorced, because you often grow apart from your spouse as you grow up. But I agree that change is only likely to be permanent if it was self-motivated. People don’t charge (at least not permanently) just to please a spouse.

        1. Yes. If this guy chose the OP because he was starting to grow up and wanted to mature, it can work.

        2. I’m here too, the don’t marry him feels like quite an overreaction. The invite is cringe bc it’s all about OP but don’t make it more than it is.

    6. Because it sounded like everyone’s told you your fiance was a dog for years and you took it as a complement that you changed him

      but also I guess the concept – have these people not seen him in 3 years? it’s like you were introducing them to the concept of adulthood. going with the product rollout theme imagine if everyone was like and now… a car! with wheels! and you can listen to music!

      major Main Character Energy

    7. It is one thing if your fiancee jokes about this himself and calls himself a changed man. But for you to be writing this is patronizing and insulting him, at the expense of promoting yourself as the redeemer. It also plays into the age old stereotypes of women marrying men that need fixing. Of course, it’s a stereotype for a reason in that there are many men like that, but it is not something to be proud of that he needed a woman to step into his life to reform him. He should be doing that himself and from his own impetus.
      If he wants to make a self-deprecating joke about turning 30, no more late nights, being a “family man” now, that is ok, but the change should come from maturity and wisdom, as opposed to being externally imposed by a fiancee.
      Regardless, there are good reasons someone articulated why your future plans to have kids shouldn’t really come into it. Perhaps not even the wedding plans until it is concrete (and everyone at the party is coming, etc).

      My husband who I married at about that age was raised to be very self sufficient at house chores (his mom had a career) and could cook. He also had a higher standard for cleanliness than I did (I was clutter prone, a little better now). Yes, he still liked partying at that stage and loved fast cars, but I didn’t want to reform him, and wouldn’t have wanted to take credit for any changes that came with age, maturity and growth.

      1. Only replying to one piece of this–aren’t we supposed to continually fix and redeem each other AND ourselves? I don’t buy it that we can improve ONLY ourselves–it takes experience and relationships to change us.

        1. Yes, but it’s like the joke about the lightbulb –
          How many people does it take to change a lightbulb?
          One, but it has to really want to change.

          We all change in response to our surroundings and relationships, yes. But we shouldn’t all be *expecting* to change our partners. If the partner wants to change and is open to change, it will happen. Go back and read Senior Attorney’s advice: “People are not improvement projects.”

          1. My friend from high school’s mom (who, while I love her, I do think is a bit shallow) sat us down one day and was like here’s the thing girls, looks don’t matter, money doesn’t matter, the car he drives doesn’t matter. What matters is that he’s a good person and he’s kind to you, because the clothes/money/etc can change, but who he is at his core won’t.*

            But, because Mrs. Smith was not about to be dating a guy who looked like a slob, she then gave us tips about the rest. She’s like once you’ve been together a while you can slowly guide his choices into things you prefer. So, on occasion, come home with a new shirt for him and say “oh honey, I saw this at the store and thought you’d look wonderful in it” and because you bought it for him, he’ll probably wear it on your next date. When its time for him to get a new car, you’re there and can give suggestions about cars you prefer.**

            * Yes, some men change. Or, some men play the long game and appear nice, marry you, and then show their true colors.
            ** I wouldn’t be buying my husband clothes because I don’t like his current clothes, nor would I really influence his car decision as long as it worked for our family (safe for the kids, in budget). But, if you care a lot about that stuff, YMMV. My mom certainly didn’t buy my dad clothes, but she would tell him it was time to retire the old ratty jeans or t shirt.

          2. Want to reply to Anon above who made a comment about her friend’s mom Mrs Smith and her advice.
            I would be mostly okay with that, if it was mutual. Otherwise, its patronizing.
            What if the analogy was Mr. Smith telling his son:
            Look, dude, girls tend to spend a ton of money on frivolous things like nails and hair and botox just to keep up with their friends, wear what’s the latest trend on instagram, etc. For an ambitious guy, marriage will hold you back. But if you pick the right girl who is smart and kind, with time, you’ll be able to teach her to be sensible, be frugal with household expenses, put the family first, ease up on the drinking and making bad decisions while hung over, not always have to buy the latest fast fashions and beauty treatments. Just buy her an M M La Fleur or a Boden dress sometimes and compliment her when she wears it….

        2. No, definitely not. Sure, there are always things we can do better, but I’m not broken or need of redemption nor is my husband and I wouldn’t want to marry someone who I thought was or thought I was.

          1. Agreed. Are there little things I wish my partner would/wouldn’t do? Sure. Are there little things they wish I would/wouldn’t do? Sure. But, they’re price of admission.

          2. I thought the idea is all humans are broken in some way and in need of redemption. No one is perfect.

          3. That sounds like religion talking. I make no claim to be perfect, but don’t impose your religion’s idea of original sin on the rest of us.

      2. P.S. The product rollout thing was great, I am in the industry and fully understood it. Save it for the baby announcement maybe?
        I am also not against the general theme, for example – for a milestone birthday we have used analogies like “leveled up” in the video game context, and built the party around that.
        For another friend in finance, expecting a baby, we used the theme of “company spinoff”.

        1. There’s a guy on Instagram who does “reviews” of his baby at various ages. Like “movement module has come online and that creates a lot more work, but it’s more than compensated for by the upgrade in the affection pack.”

        2. My boyfriend wrote me a cover letter as part of asking me to marry him (applying to be promoted from boyfriend to husband), and I thought it was cute and sweet! I agree with other commenters here that the focus on how you’ve improved him/he was terrible before is off-putting, but the concept itself could be fun if you have the right audience for it.

          1. Yes, the concept isn’t bad. The execution was embarrassing.

            My ex’s 30th was Mario Kart “level up” themed. He was the one leveling up, I wasn’t the one forcing him to “improve”

      3. Yeah – at that age I wanted to go to the parties with him, and ride in the fast cars. Not take credit for reforming my party-and-fast-car-loving husband. Ick.

        1. I don’t know what type of partying her fiance was doing, but I agree. I wasn’t ready to trade my Friday nights in for sitting at home with my partner every weekend either!

    8. It came off as very patronizing and that you didn’t really respect him/he had to change for you. I don’t know if you’ve seen Love is Blind this season, but it came off as the way Bri talks to/about Connor.

      Many people grow out of their partying phase in their mid to late 20s so maybe he changed for you or maybe he’s just growing up.

    9. People are not improvement projects… the concept of changing someone or changing for someone is not great.

      Of course we all change over time, grow, and mature (and his age is when many people do this naturally), but changing a partner? Or changing for a partner? Gross.

    10. I went back and read it because I missed it yesterday. Girl, yes, that’s bad. Do you even like or respect your fiance? Presenting him as an improvement project, in his own birthday invite, is mean, not funny. Think about your less favorable traits and actions from the past, and if someone turned that around on you. In an invitation. If I were one of his friends receiving this message, I would not be impressed, even if I liked you before that. It’s also weirdly self-serving … like why are you taking credit for him growing up and acting like an adult? Either way, I hope for your sake that he’s changed as much as you say he has.

      1. Right… there’s a good chance a lot of this recent changes are just due to age and maturity. He’s turning 30 and you’ve been together for 3 years? Yeah. Most of us cut back on partying in our late 20s too.

    12. I didn’t see your post until this morning, but it struck me as super cringey too. It plays on all of these tropes about women who adopt mothering roles for their partners, or treat them like improvement projects. This is not only cringey but also centers you and how great you are for him, and anyone else who has to deal with him.

      It also came off as super insulting to your fiancé. It paints him as a hot mess with no agency who needed you to help him get it together. He sucked before but now he’s so improved and you deserve the credit. Maybe there’s a kernel of truth to that, per your comment today, but it hardly seems appropriate to be blasted out to friends for everyone to laugh at. I think couples (and maybe also their close friends) can acknowledge that one partner has helped another shed bad or self-destructive habits and grow or change for the better, but that has to be done in a respectful way that acknowledges the inherent vulnerability in admitting that you were behaving in some bad ways and that your partner helped you change. The stuff you described is kinda gross, tbh. I don’t think it’s gross to joke about growing up and getting more mature, but you’re not just highlighting things that are immature – bad decisions, crazy partying, random hook ups, commitment issues, lack of emotional regulation and panic are problem behaviors. I’m sorry, I would just die of humiliation if my partner highlighted by previous lack of emotional regulation on my birthday invitation.

      1. This. I was undiagnosed ADHD in my 20s and my behavior totally changed when I got out of a bad relationship/got therapy/had a more stable and supportive career. If my fiance had talked about me being a hot mess/drinking too much/short term hookups/chaotic work life before meeting him at a milestone birthday party I probably would grin through it and then dump him immediately after.

    13. I didn’t say he should leave you but I said it was cringey. I agree with those who are saying the biggest issue was the focus on you. For his birthday, that’s super weird. It would be less weird for something like a joint Bach party. I also find “Marriage 1.0” pretty cringey since it strongly implies there will be a second marriage. That would be an easy phrasing tweak though.

      1. I had the same reaction to Marriage 1.0. That’s not something to joke about, ever.

    14. 1. It was about you, not him, on his birthday.

      2. Hopefully, we all grow and change; there is something unseemly about mocking the person that someone used to be.

      3. It was all negative (“he finally stopped doing that”) and didn’t include anything like “Features that carry forward to the new release: love of dogs, amazing sense of humour, and killer math skills.”

      1. Your point 3 is so key. It would have been so much better with a sentence like this. Still cringey but way less mean.

    15. People saying you’ve made him a changed man is a compliment to you.

      You saying you’ve made him a changed man is self-complimentary in a weird way, especially for a birthday party invite, where you’re supposed to be celebrating him. I get that you’re trying to make a joke, but if you try for funny and miss, you usually sound like a jerk.

    16. I didn’t comment yesterday, but I thought it was cringe because it’s just plain dumb. Adults don’t need birthday invitations. Send a text with the time and location and be done with it.

      1. She asked if it was cute or cringe! It’s better to get reactions here than to get this response from people who know her in real life and would never let her forget how cringe it was.

        1. Omg, I looked back, and not nearly enough dogs jumped into that pile. It’s mean!!!!

        1. I actually looked back, and yeah, it’s just mean??? Why would you talk about your partner that way?

      3. People dont love to dogpile they have just lived enough to know what’s up. Unfortunately it looks like op needs to make hew own mistakes so we can read the ‘oh em gee he changed so much and I’m miserable’ post in 5 years.

      4. People here do love a dogpile but she asked if it was cringe or cute so she can’t really blame people for answering “cringe.”

    18. You got people’s reasoning yesterday. To reiterate my “ick” — the repetition of “a good woman changes a man” and the mommy-ing is repeating an old, tired, sexist trope. The over-precious performance of the idea that you’ve been a force for maturity is something I find to be infantile and sexist, as well.

      Do what you want. I don’t know you or your fiancé, so perhaps this is a personal thing. But from afar, I found it really gross.

    19. OP, if I was a friend who received that invitation it would make me uncomfortable and I would feel hesitant about going to this party or hanging out with you both.

      2. Yeah, it reflects a dynamic where you think you are better than him and you want everyone to know it, even on his birthday.

        1. Exactly. Going into marriage with contempt for your partner does not bode for marriage 1.0. Which was another YTA statement.

    20. Honestly, it was so bad that I thought maybe you saw it in the world and were posting it to make fun of it.

    21. It wasn’t tongue in cheek or even particularly clever. It read like you were patting yourself on the back through a really lame metaphor about him being some kind of upgraded tech product, which also made it look like you were trying to incorporate a lot of boring corporate lingo into what was supposed to be a party invite. That is no one’s idea of a good time. It was a weird way to approach a birthday party invite given that you seem to not care about the invitees or the guest of honor, but were weirdly congratulating yourself.

      Look, I’m older than you. I’ve seen marriages crumble.
      I’ve seen people live miserably married. I’ve seen people end up pretty lonely and isolated because they don’t get that not every social interaction is about them. It feels like you’re heading for bad things here. My most generous interpretation is that you are socially awkward. You’re going to have to figure out how to be a good partner and let your fiancé shine in social situations, not put him down to make yourself look good. People say I’ve changed my husband too. I don’t harp on how I’ve improved him. I say flattering things about him to his friends and family because I love that guy.

      Youre also going to have to figure out how to be a decent person in social situations without dragging your work into everything. If your first instinct is to make everything about work, or if that seems funny or clever to you I’m betting people find it to be really hard to hang out with you. The vast majority of my circle at your age were attorneys but if I did an extended legal metaphor about my husband everyone would have rightfully cringed. Because not everything is about work and people who make everything about work are insufferable and end up lonely. If this sounds harsh I’m sorry but it’s true.

      2. I think the tech product rollout theme is fine. It’s a little cheesy for sure but if she thinks her friends would find that amusing, I trust her, and at worst people would roll their eyes to themselves and move on.
        The real issues are that she’s centering herself on someone else’s birthday and absolutely trashing her fiancé – as someone else pointed out, not one positive thing about him except how she improved him.

  6. Low stakes question: I’m currently looking to replace the bath towels that we’ve had for the past 10-12 years, as they’ve finally gotten threadbare and I can’t stand it anymore.

    The last ones came from Costco, and the company is no longer in business. Does anyone have a set they really like and that’s holding up well? They don’t need to be fancy, but we are hoping to keep them for several years, so I’m willing to spend up for quality.

    Other desired features: has matching or coordinating hand towels and wash cloths, and are large-ish for a standard bath towel. We are a two-adult home, but we’re both tall and muscular and like a roomy towel.

    1. Coyuchi Mediterranean towels in the beach towel size. We’ve had them four five years and do not baby them.

    2. I have Restoration Hardware towels that have been used for the master bath for eight years and are still in truly excellent condition. No flaws. They are super fluffy and absorbent and thick enough to hold heat from being in a towel warmer for several minutes once you’ve wrapped yourself in one out of the shower.

      I have four full sets that are normally rotated out after two days and laundered every four days. So they’ve been washed and dried a lot.

      Caveat #1:
      these towels when new resulted in the only service call my Speed Queen dyer has ever had. It wasn’t just lint in the lint trap that you clean between loads – they clogged up the whole vent path.

      Caveat #2: $$$$ to purchase, although cost over time has been good.

      1. +1 our Restoration Hardware towels are just now starting to show wear after 7 years, and towels (and sheets) get washed on hot/dried on high heat so they take a beating.

      1. I agree with this rec, I have a few that are at least 15 years old and still nice. I’m not using this brand in my current bathroom because at the time I moved Vera Wang’s muted color pallette did not go with the room (and I didn’t want white).

    4. We have some from Lands End that we’ve had for about 10 years. The Frontgate ones are very very thick but look like new after 5+ years. A year or two ago we got some from The Company Store and they’re fun but already have some threads coming out.

      “Bath sheet” is what you want.

      We have this in Mediterranean blue and I’d say that’s mostly what the color looks like.
      https://www.frontgate.com/frontgate-resort-collection-26trade-3b-bath-towels/bed-bath/bath/bath-towels/18414?uniqueId=18414&isNewProduct=false&newItemBadge=true&hideNewTagFromPLP=false

  7. How are you in big law managing with expanding ratios of attorneys to secretaries? Is this what AI is supposed to help with? I try to prioritize tasks for running conflict checks and opening matters but there are so many documents to process and no one will pay my rate for that. Ideas? Help?

    1. For conflicts, does your firm not have a department (non-secretaries, typically staffed by underpaid attorneys) for that?

      1. There’s a group that runs conflicts after a lot of stuff is input. And if you clear conflicts, then there is more to input to actually open a matter. Huge PITA and I open a lot of matters each month. Without an open matter, I can’t bill time or save to our document management system.

        1. I would discuss expanding that group’s role and/or looking into automation solutions. This is a firm wide problem that is a gating issue to making money; it’s the sort of thing competent leadership groups should be interested in addressing. If that is your biggest problem, I actually think you’re in a better position than if you were, like, fighting for a secretary’s time to compile and send courtesy copies, which no one will pay for. If you can’t start billing until the matter is open and the client has a firm deadline in, say, 72 hours, every hour that this process takes is an hour less that you could theoretically be billing to the client.

          As an ex-in house counsel, I also notice how long it takes to get engagement letters generated and signed. It’s not the barometer I would use to decide who to hire, but it is really obvious which firms have thought about this and which haven’t, and there is a loose correlation between “have thought about this” and “have thought about other things that are important but annoying,” like actually remembering to return my data at the end of a matter…

  8. I want to get new, matching tupperware. All of my old/random/stained tupperware is driving me crazy. Any favorites?

    I think I prefer glass over plastic.

    1. It’s incredibly annoying to buy in the US–lots of sets, hard to know exactly the size and shape of what you’re getting if you manage to find individual pieces–but I *love* the Glasslock I have. I think Wirecutter recommends a Pyrex set, and I bet it works well, but last time I looked I found I absolutely 100% couldn’t find the individual piece that I wanted (with Glasslock it was difficult but possible) and I’ve had annoying experiences with Pyrex discontinuing replacement lids for other products in the past.

    2. Mine are from Costco – I think they’re the Snapware line? I’d say just pick 2-3 sizes and go all in on those. I feel like square ones fit more than round ones do.

    3. Okay, hear me out: I switched to plastic deli containers a while back and I have not looked back. They’re sturdy enough for the freezer, dishwasher, and microwave, but they’re cheap enough that if something happens to one it’s not the end of the world. And best of all, they all stack together and ALL THE LIDS FIT ALL THE BOTTOMS. Plus you can write on them in Sharpie and then it just wipes off with a damp paper towel and a tiny bit of elbow grease.

      https://www.amazon.com/vivigu-Deli-Containers-Lids-Set/dp/B0CXXWGYP4/ref=asc_df_B0CJZZY5BS?tag=bingshoppinga-20&linkCode=df0&hvadid=80264538862920&hvnetw=o&hvqmt=e&hvbmt=be&hvdev=c&hvlocint=&hvlocphy=79904&hvtargid=pla-4583864005237094&msclkid=34efe7735ee61b1182ea8eed4b441565&th=1

    4. Just a thought, you can buy multiple sizes of mason jars and can also get complete plastic lids (to replace the canning rings that come with the jars). I guess they are not good for toting to an office, but they look very pretty in the fridge.

    5. Pyrex. Some of mine are nearly 20 years old and still as functional as the day I bought them.

      1. +1. I try to avoid storing food in plastic and definitely don’t want to microwave it in plastic, so I like being able to heat up individual portions directly in the container. I’ve also had a lot of mine for almost 20 years and have had to replace some of the lids over time, but still have a decent number of the originals.

    6. Anchor Hocking is US made and its lids are pretty interchangeable with Pyrex Simply Store line. They are small profile, so better for stacking and storing if you have tight storage. But for leakproof, I prefer Pyrex Snapware. My salad dressing or soup never leaks in my bag when I use the Snapware. We have a set of both and I like the versatility. We also re-use Bonne Maman jelly jars for snacks like single servings of grapes, strawberries, pretzels, etc. I like the vintage look and it makes the food more enjoyable to eat than eating out of plastic!

      1. Adding that I much prefer square or rectangle shape to round containers. The round ones cause so much wasted space in the fridge.

    8. Shout out for IKEA glass tubs with the plastic clip on lids (same glass tubs also work with their wood lids which are not dishwasher friendly but look prettier). Comes in various sizes.

      Also systema I think is the brand, at Costco also glass with a plastic lid. Brilliant quality and they nestle together for easier fridge storage.

    9. I adore the Rubbermaid Brilliance glass containers. I have some plastic ones, and they’re great too, but I’m trying to switch to gradually switch to glass. The lids are leak proof, and food stays fresh for a really long time.

      1. I love the Rubbermaid Brilliance too, and I have a mix of plastic and glass. I love that the lids are interchangeable between the glass and plastic ones.

    10. I love my ello containers! Got them at Costco. The silicone sleeves really help with handling them straight out of the microwave and the lids never leak.

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