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Splurge Tuesday’s Workwear Report: Belted Striped-Skirt Midi Dress

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Our daily workwear reports suggest one piece of work-appropriate attire in a range of prices.

How pretty is this crisp two-piece dress? And it has pockets! This would be a great pick for a more formal office – I’d be comfortable wearing this in a room full of men in suits and ties.

I would keep accessories to a minimum with this one, though I might add a fun shoe just to add some color. It would be a great time to break out the purple pumps!

The dress is $434, marked down from $1,085, and available in sizes 4–10. Belted Striped-Skirt Midi Dress

A couple of more affordable options are from DKNY ($99, marked down from $175) and Maje ($118, originally $295; final sale).

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Seen a great piece you’d like to recommend? Please e-mail tps@corporette.com.

Sales of note for 3/15/25:

  • Nordstrom – Spring sale, up to 50% off
  • Ann Taylor – 40% off everything + free shipping
  • Banana Republic Factory – 40% off everything + extra 20% off
  • Eloquii – 50% off select styles + extra 50% off sale
  • J.Crew – Extra 30% off women's styles + spring break styles on sale
  • J.Crew Factory – 40% off everything + extra 20% off 3 styles + 50% off clearance
  • M.M.LaFleur – Friends and family sale, 20% off with code; use code CORPORETTE15 for 15% off
  • Spanx – Lots of workwear on sale, some up to 70% off
  • Talbots – 40% off 1 item + 30% off everything else (includes markdowns, already 25% off)

Sales of note for 3/15/25:

  • Nordstrom – Spring sale, up to 50% off
  • Ann Taylor – 40% off everything + free shipping
  • Banana Republic Factory – 40% off everything + extra 20% off
  • Eloquii – 50% off select styles + extra 50% off sale
  • J.Crew – Extra 30% off women's styles + spring break styles on sale
  • J.Crew Factory – 40% off everything + extra 20% off 3 styles + 50% off clearance
  • M.M.LaFleur – Friends and family sale, 20% off with code; use code CORPORETTE15 for 15% off
  • Spanx – Lots of workwear on sale, some up to 70% off
  • Talbots – 40% off 1 item + 30% off everything else (includes markdowns, already 25% off)

And some of our latest threadjacks here at Corporette (reader questions and commentary) — see more here!

Some of our latest threadjacks include:

355 Comments

  1. College kids @ various hotspot colleges. Bored. College not as fun as it used to be. To one college’s credit, it cancelled fall break and will be all-remote after Thanksgiving, with the idea that kids aren’t going back and forth, being vectors and so forth. Not sure re the other. College kids visit at each other’s campus. Then each comes home for the long weekend, visits each other and other families, and then will return to their respective campuses. Everyone seems cool with this. [And, honestly, I’d be cool with this if every single one of these people laid low for 2 weeks following all this, but I am sure that’s not happening and I bet masks, the no-brainer easy thing to do, aren’t happening.]

    FWIW, I haven’t gotten it yet, but attribute that to being brief/masked/distanced/outside with any non-household contacts since mid-March. My kids aren’t in school physically at all and likely won’t be until next fall. They are lonely too and their lives aren’t as fun as they used to be, either (my life wasn’t really fun, but it seems so in retrospect now that it is 1000% more stressful and lonely). I will probably be forced into PT status given my work output (but at least I can WFH, but at a snail’s pace now that I am supervising remote learning and re-teaching about 50% of their lessons, including all of the math).

    I want to scream.

    1. My freind’s kids went back to college, and the boy’s roommate tested positive. Unfortunately, my freind’s son was not timely notified, and he visited with his girlfreind, and in a few days, he tested positive and so did she. It is a fore gone conclusion that if you have a girfreind in college, you will be having s-x with her, and she with you, and if you test positive, she will to b/c even if you do not have P in V s-x, you will at least be kissing, and mouth to mouth is an easy way to spread it. That is why some men have said that it is safer then kissing to just have P in V s-x where you are not face to face.

    2. I get it, but the crucial part of your title is “du jour.” Of course college kids aren’t going to be responsible–any plan that hinges on them being responsible was doomed to fail from inception. I put the blame for that on administrators who open schools in person. However, again, as a nod to your “du jour” label, let us not forget the 60+ somethings that have acted recklessly throughout this pandemic, citing they are willing to take the risk, the people still having (and attending) in-person weddings (that wedding in Maine killed three people who didn’t even attend the wedding), and the non-maskers. I’m sure we’ll see a spike from all the non-masked Trump boat parades this long weekend. This is a crisis that requires collective action and America has failed on that front, spectacularly.

      I feel you OP, we all want to scream.

      1. I sent my tweens to a camp where they had to mask and were mostly outside and distanced. They would have been kicked out had they broken those rules (with my blessing; these days I am all about rules and following through).

        These are adults. Why do we expect less of them than kids who are just over half their age?! Do they not know how lucky they are to get to go to school?! If I were a parent, I would stop paying tuition if my kids were doing this. They can gap year for free if they are going to do cr@p like this.

        1. Obviously, every child there was not in perfect compliance at all times, including yours.

          1. No doubt. But being 99% compliant is great — it is the 15% compliant reckless booze and hookup and it isn’t fun anymore people that are ruining it for the rest of us. Any more of these reports and I am going to have to start day drinking in earnest, Tuesday or no.

        2. Yeah, but your tweens have a boat load of supervision, purportedly. Also, on my walks, I see LOADS of teens and tweens without supervision, without masks, and in huge groups (clearly, not in one household). So that shows you what is going on when there isn’t a parent or camp counselor monitoring things. My point was that adults have been acting recklessly, so I think it is naive (at best) to expect that college aged kids will act responsibly.

          1. I guess it is quarantine for thee but not for me. Sort of like how contact sports are safe if you are an SEC school.

          1. My parents scrimped to send me to State U. If they had thought that I was out partying, those tuition checks would have stopped. My mom took a second job that she hated at one point and I was so guilty about that that I never would have waste their $.

            College is a lot more expensive now. I know some parents who pod-ed their college kids in an off-campus apartment, but these were girls who were known as rule-followers in high school that if they said they’d do X, they were going to do X. They were everyone’s first choice for babysitters. They did this b/c they wanted their kids not to be lonely at home but to be roughly shut in with their friends.

            But vectoring around seems to be . . . OK? Not frowned on? Not really discussed? I get that parents of seniors just want them to finish. But I think that this is going to be around a lot longer than anyone planned on (mainly b/c people cannot sit at home and watch TV, etc., etc.). I am tired of being grounded too.

        4. Wait, you sent your kids to camp and you are complaining about college kids? Pot, meet kettle.

          2. Not sure how many anons there are, but I see these as people of very different risk tolerances.

            I am probably at the strict end. Say 90%. I could probably break bread with someone at 85% (these days, that is chat masked in the parking lot of the grocery store). But someone unmasked, traveling a lot to/from hotspots: no. Maybe after they have been home for 2 weeks if back to acting like us.

            It is hard. Harder when you feel that no one else plays by even a limited version of the rules.

        5. Look, I put myself through college, but I still partied. Of course I did. That’s part of the experience and just a part of that age. OP, I think you are being really naive. I get that you are upset and stressed by all of this–I am–big time, but again, I see not just college students acting risky, but adults of all ages. I don’t get the clutching to the sanctimonious outrage over partying college students, as opposed to the other covidiots out there who are also acting risky.

          1. I think latching on to the idea that “oh, it’s THIS group’s fault” probably makes it easier to deal with the fact that we’re in a freaking pandemic? Not that it is at all correct, but I can see how it becomes a mental crutch.

          2. Big SEUS city. In the beginning, COVID was for the very old and very sick. Now, it is for the < 40 crowd. I think the worry about the Labor Day holiday spreading it more was aimed at this crowd.

          3. But why are some campuses doing so much better than others? The differences are striking (e.g. “40% of students tested positive this week, which adds up to hundreds” vs. “15 students tested positive this week” just comparing two residential public university campuses near me). Do college students behave that differently on different campuses, or is it something different like plumbing or HVAC, or what?

          4. IDK but I think it is like countries where tax cheating is rampant. Once you hit the tipping point, no one wants to feel like they are the only ones paying taxes and the good guys stop, too.

            I think things like this get us closer to the point where the following-the-rules crowd starts following them “mostly” and then just quits entirely as the pandemic seems to be over for most people they see.

            Until you socialize with someone who knocks out you and your inner ring and the inner ring’s inner ring.

          5. I think you have to know whether you are comparing apples to apples to know if the two campuses are truly divergent. At one campus in my state the entire student body is tested twice a week. At another, they are testing everyone twice within the first two weeks of school and then have some sort of unspecified monitoring testing. Right now it looks like the twice a week campus is a disaster and the other is fine, but I’m sure they are equally bad in reality.

    3. Aren’t you the same person who wanted to have her middle-school kids get together with classmates? And complains here daily about the fact that they don’t know any math? And sent them to camp? It’s not right that college kids are out partying, but you are part of the problem too. Until you are truly locked down like my family is–no camp, no ice cream outings, nothing–you don’t get to complain about everyone else’s being out spreading the virus. Your family is at risk of spreading it too.

      Also, quit complaining and teach your kids to do math already. If they haven’t learned to do long division by middle school, get them out of the magnet program you are so proud of. All the rest of us working parents get photos of math problems texted to us during work and we just deal with it.

      1. “Until you are truly locked down like my family is–no camp, no ice cream outings, nothing–you don’t get to complain about everyone else’s being out spreading the virus.”

        This is known as the tu quoque fallacy. OP could literally be covid positive and licking the handles of all the local nursing home’s doors and still have a legitimate complaint about other risk factors being a problem.

        1. This isn’t a fallacy unless she’s trying to argue that the complaint isn’t legitimate. But she didn’t say, “the complaint is not legitimate,” she said, “you don’t get to complain” (i.e., no one wants to hear this from you).

      2. This will be infuriating, but being truly locked down with no camp, no ice cream, no outings, is a personal choice. If the rules in your area allow these things, and they are available, and you decide your family will not partake in anything, well, that ‘s your choice. Shaming and blaming others who make different choices isn’t helpful and isn’t changing anyone’s mind. And, they still get to complain or feel bad or whatever.

        1. Well, college is allowed too, and OP is complaining about it. Sauce for the goose is sauce for the gander.

        2. “This will be infuriating, but being truly locked down with no camp, no ice cream, no outings, is a personal choice. If the rules in your area allow these things, and they are available, and you decide your family will not partake in anything, well, that ‘s your choice.”

          Whether the rules in a given area allow something is really not the best measure of whether it’s a wise / safe thing to do, as some states are run by governors who completely ignore public health recommendations.

    4. My daughter’s college is one of the ones that is sending them home for Thanksgiving and then having the last week of classes and finals remote, which I think is a great idea. I would have preferred to have them start two weeks earlier but understand that would have been difficult logistically.

      Look – college kids are probably as a group less careful than the general population, partly because they are at lower risk. (And yes I know that is not the same as no risk.) And yes a fair number are not following public health guidelines. On the other hand, neither did the RNC so can we really blame them? They are looking at adults in much higher risk groups behaving like idiots and deciding to take their chances. As a society we have not set a particularly good example.

      Also and as the mother of a college junior (and yes she is going back to school next week), I have to say that many of you are seriously overestimating how much control you have over their lives. Unless you want to electronically monitor them 24/7, which has its own issues, I am curious how you think you are going to be keeping track of their socializing habits? My daughter is required to get good grades in return for me paying her exorbitant tuition, which is not compatible with being completely wild, but she lives a thousand miles away during the school year. I do not know when she is out unless she takes an Uber to get home (and our deal is that I NEVER question her Uber rides). I certainly hope she will be careful but group living is not really conducive to complete Covid safety.

    5. Not going to pile on here, but I wanted to make a point that I haven’t seen elsewhere in the thread. I’m also in the Bay Area and frequent Napa/Sonoma. Wineries are not essential businesses, and as such, they have a lot of restrictions in place and protocol to follow – things like required meal service with tastings, outdoor service only, strict party limits of 6 people or fewer, masked and distanced, etc. You may find that the wine tasting/winery wedding experience in reality is quite hampered by some of these restrictions, and you may not have a backup indoor option at all, as it might not be allowed by county or state regulations. Which, keep in mind, have changed every month since this got started, and certainly will change again before December. I think everyone hopes that any changes would mean a loosening of restrictions, but when this all got started in March, April, May, the wineries weren’t even allowed to be open at all, and we could very well go back to that if our numbers surge again.

      1. Great point–that is different than what anyone else had said! That’s a different thread, but I really hope that OP finally gets it and plans something close to her. This is her third time posting about her wedding (at least she finally gave up on the 200 person idea, after months of it being obvious she would need to) but the flying/destination thing is reckless as well. I don’t want to see a fourth post from her–I am ready to tell her to just freaking elope sooner rather than later so we can stop hearing about it. Either get with the program or be prepared to have hundreds of comments telling you your plan is ill advised and dangerous to others.

  2. Does anyone know how to turn off the People album in iPhone? I’ve searched online and can’t find anything. I have some photos with my ex that I’m not ready to delete, but my phone keeps recognizing his face as a person and filtering to create a “profile” for him in the People album. I delete the profiles (it won’t let me delete the album entirely), but as soon as I connect to power, it rescans my entire photo library again looking for “people.” Can I turn this feature off? I don’t want to see his face every time I open my Photos app.

    1. While we are on the topic of “help with media” — whenever I open up Facebook now, there are a bunch of videos that are being pushed at me with topics I presume that they think I”ll like. They are a mishmash of political (Lincoln Project, et al) and then stupid DIY craft ideas or hokey “you won’t believe …” types of videos. This seems to be a new feature — it shows up as if I have x number of unwatched videos the same way it would show that I have x number of unread notifications. I have not been able to figure out a way to turn this off — any suggestions? (I’m not talking about the Story feature, though I’d love to turn that off as well.) Thanks!

      2. download facebook fluff buster (it’s free) and it makes it easy to remove this notification (and customize a lot of other things)!

    2. Hugs! I have pictures of my ex and me dating back to my iPhone from 2008, and they just keep carrying forward b/c of the iCloud, where he remains, bad teeth and all. I think you should call Apple b/c your problem is not unique. Virtually every one of us women who has stopped dating some useless schlubs ineviteably have pictures of him (or us) on our iphones, and like a bad penny, they keep showing up, some very embarassing, like the one of him holding a green garden hose at Dad’s house, and me drinking from it in a very suggestive manner. He posted it on Instagram until I had Sheketovits’s mother convince him to take that down. I go back to Instragram monthly just to make sure he has not put that picture back up, particularly since the women he has taken pictures with up there now are not nearly as pretty as I was when I I let him do that. But now that I am an admitted attorney and law firm partner, you can imagine how embarassing that picture would be if my cleints ever got to see it. My reputation would be ruined. UGH! FOOEY on him for posting it, and FOOEY on me for letting him take that picture, but at the time, I was just a dumb girl just out of college with a boyfreind who I thought had long term marrage possibilities. Now that I am so over him, I am happy to say I have moved on and share this news with the hive with this warning not to do what I did. PTOOEY!

    3. So sorry, I do not have an answer for this. The iPhone people album can trigger anything from smiles and laughter to tears. After my breakup, once I was ready to stop seeing photos of my boyfriend regularly, I uploaded all of the photos from my iPhone to my MacBook, and removed the photos from my phone. I still have all our photos, nothing was deleted. They just lives on my computer instead of on my phone. I tend to look at photos on my computer less frequently than I do on my phone. Maybe that can help you too, good luck…

      1. This is what I did to remove the profile but it just comes back the next time my phone is connected to power

        1. Can you put more shared albums on your phone so the “people” album is lower and you have to scroll down to see it? Maybe I just have a lot of albums but it is work for me to view the people option.

    5. Can you crop him out? It won’t permanently alter the photo; you can always “restore to original.”

  3. What bras do you ladies like for golf? I’m a new player and my regular sports bras are way too warm for walking around in the hot sun; I get pools of sweat in my cleavage. Normal bras result in a lot of strap slippage when I swing. Also would appreciate refs for blogs and you tu bers aimed toward women golfers. TIA!

    1. Not quite the answer to your question, but I feel that a very wicking outer layer is key. I have some ICIKULS (they seem to switch the name around periodically) shirts that are very good for this and also have a high SPF and things also geared to women tennis players. I’m not a fan of sleeveless due to sun exposure concerns re my shoulders, but most women golfers I see are in sleeveless sport polos in the summer if collars are required where you golf.

      1. Thanks! I did switch to wearing a n Ike dri fit collared shirt instead of the cotton polo I had been wearing and it made a big difference in keeping me dry and cool on every part of my body that wasn’t covered by the bra, lol.

    3. I wear a sports bra and sweat wicking athletic fabrics (no cotton!) – but can’t recommend enough putting megababe bust dust in your bra!

    4. I have two br@s that are everyday/workout that have hooks to convert from regular to racer-back. I wear those for cycling or hiking and attach the hooks, but don’t do the hooks for work or shopping. They are wicking and comfy but still offer separation. Bali women’s lifestyle active are the ones I have. I also have a Freya with the hooks and wicking fabric.

    5. Consider Icebreaker thin merino wool sports bras – I wear them year-round for sweaty summer activities and also backcountry skiing in the winter, when sweat management is particularly critical.

  4. Does anyone know of a cheaper alternative that is similar to Athleta’s “conscious crop”? I love the workout outfit I got from there but it definitely is too expensive to buy multiples from there.

    1. Have you looked at Girlfriend collective Paloma or Dylan? I’ve not tried Athleta, but from face value they look similar?

    2. Not exactly what you asked, but I have had good luck saving a search on eBay for the Athleta pieces I like, and it sends me a notification when they come up for sale. I’ve gotten them for way below retail that way.

  5. Did anyone watch anything good on TV over the long weekend? There are so many choices now, I feel like I’m missing out on so much. I watched Maddman on NetFlix – it’s about Steve Madden, the shoe guy. It’s 90 minutes long and WOW….I had no idea he was even a real guy. He got caught up in the “Wolf of Wall Street” guys and served time, and now he’s back selling shoes. It was really entertaining. Anyone else??? TIA!

    1. Oh adding that to my watch list. We watched a few episodes of All or Nothing, on Prime – a documentary of Spurs football (/soccer) club – which was surprisingly good for both my husband (a keen football supporter) and I (not at all interested).

      1. My husband and I just started that one. We’ve become Premier League fans in the last couple of years, and it’s been fun to learn the history of the various clubs.

    2. We binge watched Cobra Kai on Netflix. I remember watching the originals when I was young. It was kind of cheesy and soap opera-ish at times but a fun watch. Other stuff on Netfilx I’ve liked – Dead to Me, Ozark, Mindhunter, Warrior Nun, I’m Sorry. Currently on season 3 of Schitt’s Creek.

      I liked the Wolf of Wall Street movie. Not sure if it’s streaming, though. I had some Steve Madden shoes back in the day, so I’ll have to check out this documentary.

    4. I just started The Baker and the Beauty for those wanting romantic storylines. I think I’m going to like it? (Watching the Israeli one on Prime).

      I’ve also been rewatching The Mindy Project :)

    6. A little late to the game here, but I started watching The Crown a couple of weekends a go, and just started Season 3.

      We got sucked into a Friday Night Lights marathon on E! It is my absolutely favorite show. I had it “on for background noise” but found myself sitting and watching segments, even dealing with commercials…then I finally turned it on on Peacock so I didn’t have to deal with the commercials, ha.

      We also started watching Yellowstone. Only one episode in so far, but I think we’ll finish it out.

    7. We’re watching Lovecraft Country on HBO (I’m also reading the book right now) and also The Vow, which is about the Nxivm cult. Both excellent. I am really enjoying Lovecraft Country but I am a horror and sci-fi fan.

      I really, really recommend Watchmen on HBO for those who have not watched it yet. I am a longtime fan of the graphic novel and when I heard the show was set in an “alternate timeline” I was disappointed, but I could not have loved the show more. I have already watched the whole series a second time.

      Our stupid fun show right now is Lucifer on Netflix. I find it almost unbearably cheesy at times but overall it’s fun, pretty brainless TV. Lots of good eye candy!

      Thanks for the recommendation on Maddman, I just added it to my watchlist!

    8. We watched Beforeigners on HBO. Fun and unique- it’s a sci-fi police procedural with time travel.

  6. Talk to me about the house/neighbourhood quality tradeoff? We’re seeing a house this evening and the house is uninspiring (former social housing stock) but is in a lovely commuter village, on a little green, with a playpark a stones throw away. It’s semidetached so there isn’t much structurally that can be done to modify or expand, maybe a small extension out the back. There is a small neighbourhood school in walking distance, and the high school is very highly rated (although I feel like such a stereotypical nice white parent for even considering it).
    I hate the idea of leaving the city, but we just can’t afford a third bedroom within the city limits and our neighbourhood, with regular police call outs and dramas, is starting to wear on us a bit.

    1. I live in a close-in ‘hood of smaller older houses. There were a tons of kids my kids’ age when we moved, but it is a starter house area that people eventually leave (while we stayed). I would give anything for my kids to be able to walk to a friend’s house (even if not a BFF, someone their age or close; not someone 5+ years younger). If that is this area, I’d go for it. School “goodness” can shift over time, so unless you have a highschooler, if it is good now, it’s OK but not proof that your local school system won’t ruin it before then (our elementary school was “good” until it switched principals and now it’s the school that everyone leaves for a charter (if typical) or private (if grandparents are paying) school by third grade).

    2. I would go with it. I’m in the middle of a major kitchen and master bath reno and you’d be amazed at what a difference a well designed room can make in how much space you need. I also did captains beds for both my kids so they would have room in their bedroom for a craft area instead of needing dressers.

      We back onto a greenspace and DH and I were just talking on the weekend about how nice it is that as the kids get older, we are able to allow them increasing amounts of independence for outdoor play.

    3. This sounds lovely. Some landscaping, a back patio/deck/leisure space, some interior decorating–once you make it your own, it will feel more “you” and less cookie cutter. All the other features of the neighborhood sound great. I think highly rated schools are important, a neighborhood school is invaluable in creating community, and well, you just can’t go wrong with these choices.

    4. I live in a neighborhood like this and I loved it, until covid. It’s not so charming to walk to town with every shop closed. It’s no consolation to be walking distance to the park, but without a yard for a swing set, when the playground is closed. It’s really frustrating to pay to be near public transportation when you no longer commute. Don’t get me started on “good” public schools and high taxes when all your children have is zoom. In short, this has taken away all community-minded amenities and changed my worldview. You can’t count on access to things intended for the community; you need your own big home, big yard, private school, ect. because those things can’t be taken away as easily.

      I know you’re coming from the city but I’d really encourage you to look at far out suburbs; they make more sense in today’s world.

      1. Hi princess we can’t all afford big homes big yards or private schools; those things are not needs; not all of us woke us as Debbie Doomsayers this morning.

        1. Hey- I’ll assume best intentions here. To clarify, in my area you can get a much larger home and more property for comparable money if you forgo the amenities of the closer- in suburbs and move much further out. I assumed that was pretty universal, and I apologize if it’s not.
          I certainly wasn’t trying to suggest the op pay more for a bigger home, just that a comparably-priced home further from the city makes more sense, in my personal experience. I’m not trying to be Debbie downer, but my very real experience is that paying for community amenities no longer makes sense.

          1. Yeah this is not remotely universal or a reasonable suggestion to make in the tone you used.

          2. But why are you making it sound like that is the case forever? The current situation is not good in different ways wherever you are, but everyone understands that however long it lasts it will not be indefinitely? Buying a home is a decision that you make for longer than one or two years.

        2. Generally the further you move from a city, the cheaper, bigger, and nicer the houses are. It’s not a princess situation where you necessarily need more money to do it – you can actually save money overall.

          1. Yes, in both my current metro area and the metro area I grew up in you can get a huge house in the outer areas for a fraction of the cost of some of the close-in, desirable area, small old houses. She’s not saying everyone in the world can afford the big far out house, she’s responding to the OP who clearly can afford a small close-in house in a desirable area and making the argument this particular OP should move farther out, given what her finances indicate.

            I’m not saying it’s the right call, but I don’t get the attacking her for making a generalized statement about far out big houses = an option given the question here.

          2. +1 this is pretty universally true, often you can get the big house/big yard for a lot less than what you’d pay for a closer-in suburb that is much smaller. Not a princess situation at all, just a reality of how real estate generally plays out the further you move away from city center.

          3. “Generally the further you move from a city, the cheaper, bigger, and nicer the houses are. It’s not a princess situation where you necessarily need more money to do it – you can actually save money overall.”

            And the more likely your neighbors will be Trumpers. No thanks.

          4. “And the more likely your neighbors will be Trumpers.”

            The more reason to move to these communities to swing the vote more blue/break up Republican strongholds.

          5. Well Cb isn’t even American, but still that’s kind of silly because aren’t many suburbs around major US cities still blue? Mine is even though I live 20 miles from the city. It’s not like your choice is urban area or toxic wasteland of people only watching OAN.

        3. What an ugly little troll thing to say. Her comment seemed relevant and reasonable to me. Some of us are sick and tired of some of you who get your undies in a twist because someone has something nice that you don’t. It’s not a good look.

        1. I would have agreed with this a year ago. But when they close every restaurant, store, and community space, you don’t have a neighborhood with much soul anyway.

          1. Wow where do you live? I’m in NYC and we still have stores and restaurants and parks!

          2. Fellow NYCer here, do you really feel like you still have the city? I don’t. It’s unrecognizable from a year ago. Sure there’s outdoor dining (for some restaurants) and most parks are open but crime is out of control, as is homelessness, blatant drug use on sidewalks in broad daylight, muggings in broad daylight, hotels turned into homeless shelters where there are constantly first responders outside responding to fights, violence, drug overdoses, etc. FFS they pulled a body out of one of the most heavily trafficked areas of Central Park yesterday. Broadway is closed. Concerts (including all my favorite let’s go catch a new band playing at xyz small bar/venue) are cancelled. Sports have no spectators. Museums are just starting to open in limited capacity. Outdoor dining is nice but still not risk free and nowhere near the scene that dining in New York used to be, especially when it was ungodly hot in July and August. The random events that would happen here (festivals, street fairs, etc.) that made the city feel like an adventure was just a few blocks away are gone. Every week another bar, restaurant or local shop closes permanently. Half the neighborhood is boarded up. All the good parts of the city are gone and all the bad parts of the city have been amplified. I’m no shrinking violet but the neighborhood I used to feel safe walking home alone a year ago anytime before midnight, now I’m not comfortable walking around alone in the middle of the day and there’s no real positives of living here to offset this.

          3. Wow idk what NYC you are living in! It’s different but it’s not the apocalypse.

          4. I didn’t say it was the apocalypse but am curious which parts of my post you think are inaccurate or aren’t applicable to the area you are in. Seems my experience is pretty universal amongst my friends that live in various neighborhoods in manhattan so maybe there’s a magical part of the city that’s not as bad we should go visit? Where are you located?

          5. @ Anon, sounds like you’re describing the UWS (where I also live). UES feels far less impacted

          7. Yes, UWS is bad, I’m in Hells Kitchen, which is also bad but most of midtown seems similarly impacted. A friend witnessed two young women get mugged on fifth avenue at 4:00 last week. UWS is getting a lot of attention, especially as schools are reopening and parents are rightfully concerned about some of the drug use they are witnessing in their neighborhood and the fact that the city won’t ensure that no s*x offenders are housed in the hotels turned homeless shelters that are only a block or two away from schools. Maybe Chelsea is insulated but a simple google search can tell you about increases in 911 and 311 calls and how many people are fleeing the city.

          8. I disagree with anon. I live in NYC, and tho there are a few grungy people around and the police are kind of stepping back in light of all of the negativity, I still love NYC b/c of all of the things you can see/do/eat within a short walk or subway ride. I wanted to go to the Yankee ballgames, and would take the 4 line up there, but they are not allowing people to watch. FOOEY! I have no diseases, and would not give the players COVID if I went. I am back in NYC and have just gotten home from my first day @ the office, and let me tell you, there is no substitute for being there. I billed 10 hours today in the 4 that I was @ work, and expect to exceed my lowered quota by about 50% this year, which will translate into a 50K bonus! Where else can you have such a great arrangement, and I can be manageing partner in 2 years or so!

      3. This will not last forever. I know it feels like it. I know even thinking it could last until…next Fall?…feels like forever, if that’s indeed what happens vaccine wise. But this too shall pass and one should buy a home one wants even after that, as even a year and a half is a relatively short time in the grand scheme of the typical timeframe of owning a property. A lot of the small businesses that exist in the village might not make it, but new opportunists will seize on the low competition to stray something new. Commutes will happen again. Maybe not for every poster on here personally, and maybe not every day like before, but they will happen and I would argue the majority of the time for most.

        1. A vaccine could take much longer (or never happen). And it’s not as though a vaccine is going to come out and life will go back to how it was in 2019. I agree it’s not forever but I do think there are definitely some forever changes that will come out of all of this.

          1. I think if a vaccine takes much longer, life kind of goes back anyway because at a certain point what is a life worth living.

          2. I don’t think people will put up with shutdowns, but I don’t think we are ever going back to life like 2019 ever or for a very long time. This is a major upheaval. We aren’t going to be stuck in this world for now but I don’t think anyone can say what the new normal is going to look like. Even if we had a vaccine tomorrow with 100% participation, we wouldn’t flip a switch and it’d be like 2019 again, there will be lots of permanent changes as a result of the pandemic and related economic fallout and it’ll be a few years before anyone can say for certain how all of that will shake out.

      4. Covid restrictions are not forever. Why are you pretending like this is the new world order? For all you know, OP’s city isn’t as shut down as yours appears to be. Being deprived of things that you value for a few months has made you feel it’s better to choose a situation where you will forgo them permanently? Shops will open. You can still play in a park even if there’s no swing set. Schools will eventually go back to normal. This just seems illogical and, obviously, deeply privileged.

        1. It may not be forever, but it will be here for a long time and we will probably see more restrictions going forward with a second wave or even a bad flu season.

          I’m not sure why it’s privileged to say it’s worth considering a farther out cheaper place where you get more bang for your buck. Why spend the year with fingers crossed that your kid can access a community pool or playground this summer when, for the same money, you can move father away and garrantee they’ll have those things in their own backyard? If the money is all the same, I’m not sure why this point makes me seem “deeply” privileged. Again, I used to value a walkable lifestyle and community amenities but if that lifestyle is gone, or no longer appealing, I’m not sure why it’s privileged to acknowledge it.

          1. You are engaged in short term thinking and real estate transactions should be based on long term thinking.

    5. Go for it! You’ve posted that your apartment is tiny, your neighborhood unsafe, and your schools bad. If “cute renovated cottage in a great neighborhood” were an option, obvi yes. But it isn’t! You can make an uninspiring house a home much easier than you can make your neighborhood nice.

      1. It is true, our neighbourhood is pretty terrible. But I am feeling some very middle class guilt about leaving the marginal neighbourhood and opting out of the local schools in favour of a little bubble of Boden.

        1. I get it, and yet … what you’re describing is not a place I’d want to live with kids, either. It’s OK to recognize that your needs and desires have changed. (Also, I love the phrase “little bubble of Boden.”)

        2. Do you want to feel vaguely guilty for leaving or actually guilty that your son gets a sub par education? It’s ok to take care of your family!

          1. This. I was forced to attend terrible public schools as a young child. 30 years later, those schools are still terrible and I am still suffering the consequences. Your individual choice to live in an unsafe neighborhood and send your child to lousy schools will do absolutely nothing to improve the neighborhood or the schools for anyone else. Live where you can be safe and happy, and work to improve the system for everyone.

        3. Made a similar choice recently. Turns out that though my block is a pocket of Boden (well, Patagonia — it’s Seattle), the school is still quite racially and socioeconomically diverse. That was a relief, because I live in fear of our (eventual) children only knowing white and Indian children of rich tech parents. Will the new school have any non white students? One way to allay the guilt is to just not be the parent who advocates for only their children. There was a recent NYT (I think, maybe Atlantic) article about how nice white parents basically create schools within schools for their kids. We can see it very clearly in our area, where schools are 9/10 if you are white and 4/10 if not. Maybe live where it’ll work for your family and just try to close that gap?

          2. NYT also made a short series podcast “Nice White Parents” – totally worth the listen. As a midwestern small town native with no kids (so I don’t generally pay a lot of attention to schools), the peak into the NYC school system was fascinating and truly seemed like a whole different world.

          3. Bonnie Kate ah yes that’s what I was referring to! I read a summary of the podcast.

            @Anonymous — I forgot; you’re right about that.

    6. When house hunting my motto was ‘you can change everything except location’ obviously that’s a bit of an exaggeration but the point still stands. I prioritized neighbourhood above all else, I have no idea how that will work our long term, but for now I really value being able to walk to everything.

      1. +1 The best advice I got was: “buy for the things you cannot change, and change things you can”

    7. Neighborhood matters a lot, as I’ve discovered during this pandemic. I have spent hours walking and biking around my neighborhood; it is one of the only things I could safely do for a very long time! I feel like you can do a lot to improve an uninspiring house, even if adding on isn’t an option.

      1. Yes, true! And if I were a 15 minute bike ride from the sea, my uninspiring house feels less relevant.

    9. We did a smaller house in a good school district close to work and walking distance to errands and for all but this year it has been the right choice for us.

    10. If it’s uninspiring but not a bad layout, I’d say go for it for sure. You can do a lot with decorating. If the layout is really bad and not fixable, I’d think more about it/maybe keep looking in the same neighborhood.

    11. Being in a safe neighborhood is SO important. We moved from an area where we didn’t feel safe to an area that we do and it’s made an enormous difference in peaceful feelings at home and quality of life. You don’t have to sacrifice diversity to do that either. Just do your research and find somewhere that offers the best of both worlds.

  7. I’m really struggling at work. Wfh has come with some really strict productivity metrics. I find myself glued to my computer for my entire workday and several hours afterwards, just trying to meet expectations. I never had the “Sunday scaries” in my job before, but it’s getting to the point where I almost just wish something bad would happen so I didn’t have to do this. My boss says I’m doing great, and actually gave me an unexpected mid year bump, but that came as an absolute shock given the deluge of daily emails about everything I do wrong or work that’s being piled on my plate. I did try talking to my boss but she just insisted everything was fine and I shouldn’t worry.

    My partner, meanwhile, has the ability to run errands or exercise during the workday. He makes about 3x my salary and casually floated that I could quit at any time. I really don’t want to be unemployed or throw away my career but im just so miserable, it sounds like a good idea. It seems like I’m just toughing it out for a while, but I dont have an endgame. It seems impossible to get another job without the same kind of requirements. Ive been at my job for a decade and was something of a star back before covid, but my strongest skills just don’t apply anymore.

    Advice? Commiseration? Thanks.

    1. That sounds like an example of bad work from home management. Employer should not be instituting ridiculous metrics to make sure your butt is in the seat as long as it would be at the office. They should be judging the quality of your output and deliverables and how fast you can get important things done. Can you pinpoint what exactly is stressing you out about the metrics and talk to your boss about it? Being a high performer may give you leverage.

    2. Sounds like your company doesn’t know how to manage remote employees if they have all sorts of metrics in place. There are lots of letters on Ask A Manager about how some companies are not doing well with the WFH transition.

      If you’re miserable, then start looking for a new job. Instead of quitting can you take some vacation time to reset and get your resume in order to get started on the job search? But if it’s financially feasible then, maybe quit and start looking for a new job because being miserable all the time is not good.

    3. Ugh, that stinks. But – “It seems impossible to get another job without the same kind of requirements” – maybe not! Unless you work in an industry where this is the normal culture, there might be a job out there that is a better fit. Of course job searching itself is time consuming and stressful, but it doesn’t hurt to look if you are really so unhappy. Alternatively, can you try pushing back on some of the metrics, projects, or time expectations? If your boss is happy with you and even gave you an out of cycle raise, it sounds like you have enough capital to ask for some reasonable modifications. And/or, start giving yourself permission to worry less about the emails saying ‘you did things wrong’ if your boss is clearly happy.

    4. What about going back to school? Is there a post-grad diploma or certificate that would be useful to you? Ask for a leave of absence from your job to pursue that and job hunt for something else to start after your program is done.

    5. Don’t just up and quit your job before you even bother trying to find a new one! Sounds like you won’t be homeless if you lose this job. That’s wonderful! So stop working all hours for it. Leave things undone if you need to. Focus on finding a new job. If it truly doesn’t work out you have a back up option but it is much easier to get hired somewhere else when you are already employed. At least give it a real shot.

    7. Can you take a few days of vacation? It sounds like you just need a breather. Don’t quit, just step back and realize this won’t go on forever and that next year will be better as we transition out of WFH.

    8. Before quitting, try just working the way you’d want to. Company may have metrics, but if your performance (or output) is good, it’s not likely that you’ll have issues, especially if you were a star before. A lot of company “expectations” are amplified in our own minds and aren’t actually as strong as you think they are. I’d also look for something else.

      1. +1 Lean out, see what happens. You may be able to get by with a lot less effort than you’re exerting right now.

    9. How about posting what you do here — as a gut check for how things work elsewhere if there are readers who do/did the same as you do.
      What are your strongest skills — maybe there is a way to incorporate those into your work that you are not seeing and others here could help you see how to do that. Doing things you are good at is usually easier and more fun.
      What about evaluating which of your skills are transferrable to another type of job or industry — again post your strengths and what you like/love to do as well as what you hate and others can help.
      Life is too short to be miserable about work if you don’t have to be.

      1. I’m unfortunately an attorney with a high volume litigation practice. We’ve been told that the days of packed courtrooms might never come back. Now I just do virtual calendar calls and tons of paperwork and motion practice. I guess the subject matter was always boring but going to court was always fun. I’m not cut out for desk work but there’s not a ton of options.

        1. Ummmm what? You’re a busy attorney? There are tons of firms who have not implemented any more tracking measures than before. Look.

  8. I tried Overtone and wanted to report back. You can see it on my very dark hair, which is good, but you can also see it on my scalp, my hands, and my pillowcase! So I pretty much look like a high schooler whose experiment at rebellion went badly – which is perhaps true except for the high schooler part.

    1. And, btw, I did apply it with gloves but it’s just hard to deal with after that without getting it on your hands (like when you blowdry).

      1. Hi there! What color did you use? I’ve used several this summer on medium brown hair and the only colors I had trouble with were the purple (rubbed off on pillowcase until first wash), and the ginger (that stuff stained my hands badly, but not clothes or pillowcase). Rose gold was fine on all counts.

      2. Ha, I just pulled back my hair for the first time and saw that my neck and upper shoulder is pink too. I don’t think I’m going to do this again . . . .

    2. I’ve used Overtone multiple times (the Ginger color) and haven’t had a problem with it getting all over. It sounds like you didn’t rinse the color out enough before blow drying. Did you rinse your hair until the water ran clear? I also tend to scrub my scalp with my fingers while rinsing to help get the color off my scalp…it does go away after shampooing my hair the next day though.

  9. I need lipstick recommendations! I entered into COVID after 6 months of maternity leave followed by a 12 month remote only position where I never had to show my face.

    I now have a toddler who are or colored with the only makeup I once had. I lost a bunch of weight and I want to do a makeup refresh.

    What’s a good lipstick/color? Right now my pale pink skin looks sad. Brand recs or colors would be great!

    1. I only wear pretty neutral lipstick and like Clinique “Almost Lipstick Pink Honey” and Burt’s Bees “Hibiscus” tinted lip balm.

    2. Depending on your budget, you may want to check out one of the kits/sets of lipsticks at Sephora. It can be a good way to try a variety of brands/shades for a cheaper price. Maybelline actually has a set of lipsticks they call universally flattering, and I have really liked the ones I tried. When my skin looks tired, i tend to go for brighter colors.

      1. No budget. I can splurge. I was thinking a set might be a good idea but was sort of overwhelmed by the options. Any good brands?

        1. I love Kosas — they have a set of three (rosewater = natural pink, stardust = sheer warm red, undone = medium pinky-brown neutral) that I love for everyday, and some high impact colors as well (Violet Fury is a great fuchsia color, they also have some good reds). I also agree with the sephora suggestion above — they have a sampler called “give me some more lip” that would be a great place to start. (They almost always have one like this; sometimes just “give me some lip”).

          a lot of drugstore lipsticks taste off to me, but I do like Revlon Balm Stain — there’s a brick red color that’s good for fall (I think it’s called Adore), and honey is a good neutral/your lips but better. I also like the orange-y color, but it feels more spring/summer to me.

    3. I’m pale/pink with cool undertones. I love rose and mauve lipsticks, whereas anything coral looks clownish on me.
      I am also a drugstore shopper, and I recommend trying out less-expensive lipsticks to get a sense of the colors and formulas you like. NYX, Rimmel, Wet N Wild, and Revlon are surprisingly good for the price. In my little lipstick bag I have Rimmel Rose Blush, NYX Butter Gloss in Tiramisu, Wet n Wild Liquid Catsuit in Chic Got Real, and Revlon Vinyl Lip Polish in Birthday Suit. Have fun!

    4. https://bluemercury.com/products/laura-mercier-sheer-lip-colour

      Laura Mercier sheer lipstick in Healthy Lips. It’s hydrating so feels good on the lips (unlike those drying matte lipsticks) and the color can be sheer to intense depending on how you apply it. If I barely apply any, it’s almost like a balm. If I apply heavily it’s a rosy red. It’s been perfect for zoom calls and is often the only makeup I wear for them.

    5. Clinique’s “Black Honey” is one I always go-to. My sister makes fun of me for wearing the same color at 36 that I did at 13, but there is a reason it has been around so long!

    6. I’m very fair and a favorite shade is Revlon’s sheer lipstick in Pink Truffle – a good “my lips but better” color.

    8. If you like Shimmer, the Burt’s Bees shimmer lip balm in Watermelon and Peony are really nice for cool-toned gals. I am fair but look best in muted shades vs. bright or high contrast. These give just enough color to perk up my skin. Mac Syrup, L’Oreal Saucy Mauve (in the gold tube) and Clinique Pink Spice are favorite lipsticks that perk up skin while looking natural.

    9. So many. I’m fair skinned, blue eye, and Laura Mercier Stickgloss in Brown Sugar is a favorite for daytime shimmer/gloss. For a more matte light-toned look, I love MAC Powderkiss in Sultry Move. For a bit more color, I love MAC Velvet Teddy. I think that one is matte, so you need to apply Prep and Prime first (also MAC).

  10. I‘ve posted on here twice in recent weeks as my fiancé and weighed the pros and cons of postponing our 200-person December wedding and instead eloping this year. I emailed our wedding planner (who has been amazing) this morning to share that we have officially decided to postpone the reception until late 2021 for the safety of all of our guests. I’ve shed a lot of tears and have felt very anxious throughout this decision-making process, but I now feel so peaceful, happy, and even excited about our mini-wedding. We told our parents that we were going to elope in Wine Country (which will require one round-trip flight on our part, as we live in a different part of the US) because it was our desired honeymoon location. Our parents, all of whom are in their 50s and none of whom have pre-existing conditions, asked if they could fly out to attend the ceremony. We were pleasantly surprised by that suggestion! Our 2 adult siblings and one of their spouses have also excitedly asked to attend. We now have 3 months to plan a 9-person outdoor “mini” wedding at Napa or Sonoma winery and are extremely excited. Some well-meaning relatives have already asked to attend, but we’ve had to hold firm and have gently said no.

    Thank you all for your thoughtful feedback on both of my previous posts! It will be a first-time visit to Wine Country for all of us, so we are thrilled. Any recommendations?

    1. My recommendation is not to do it in wine country, actually. The reason is because the wildfires have been so insane and out of control here that there is truly a chance your preferred venue will either be in an evacuation zone or burnt to a crisp. Read the news from the past month for the state of CA and you’ll see what I mean. If you’re talking December 2021, it would probably be okay as long as the venue survives wildfire season, but if you’re talking September? No. It’s apocalyptic here right now and there’s reason to believe that it will be worse next year.

      1. We are the thinking December 2020 for the mini ceremony. Our googling has led us to believe that the wildfires were an issue last month and that, if we wait to book our venue until early November, we would be in the clear. Is this assumption incorrect? Thank you very much for your feedback.

        1. It’s hard to say. In 2018, I started a new job in late October and had to wear an N 95 mask to commute to work in late November. Personally, I would not find that situation relaxing or conducive to the wedding of my dreams. If there is still smoke, that also increases your risk for Covid because of inflammation in the lungs. Only you can make the decision, but you should be warned that there are a lot of risks in that area.

          1. Thank you so much! This is very good to know and I will take it seriously into account. Sad to hear, but useful information.

        2. Uh, yes. That assumption is incorrect. Look at the front page of CNN for 4 stories on the wildfires that are raging right now.

          1. yeah, this seems like not the year to do a CA getaway… as another 7000 acres go up in flames thanks to some idiot’s baby s3x reveal

          2. I don’t live in a part of the country that gets wildfires so, as I understood it, a fire happening now would no longer be an issue in December. It looks like I need to do some more research though, I will freely admit :)

        3. So, I don’t mean to also be a debbie downer but this is definitely something to seriously consider. I live in the Bay Area. The last 3 falls have been miserable with fire after fire, and this year is proving to be one of the worst. Even if you aren’t directly in a fire path, if there are enough raging at once I am not exaggerating when I say you cannot be outside in most of the area (depending on the wind, which of course is unpredictable).

          The wildfires can last through November. Halloween is actually typically some of the worst times for them. If it helps to know, the reason is we are a semi desert climate and we do not get rain at all between basically May-end of November, so by the time Fall comes everything is super dry and basically kindling. This is why rain never comes along to save us. Then the reason it ends in December? Because that is the start of our rainy season.

          Sorry, just want to make sure you understand the nuances here for such a high stakes thing. A vacation? Fine. A wedding in December? You will absolutely need an indoor back up plan you are comfortable with.

          2. You could look at the central coast if you want to do wineries (paso robles) – I would recommend Justin for an event and they tend to be close enough to the ocean to avoid the worst of the smoke from southern fires

        4. I’m sorry you’ve had to change your wedding plans. That stinks.

          Wait until the rains start to think about booking. Could be early November if we’re lucky, but could be later.

          But also, consider Covid rates in your destination and each of the areas of origin for your guests immediately before departure. Small-ish family gatherings, even without airplane travel, are driving Covid spread in my area of California.

          1. Thank you! This is very helpful. We may ditch this plan altogether, but we will definitely wait until November to book anything IF we decide we can proceed.

      2. So I live here and none of the wildfires this year (so far) are impacting the wineries. I wouldn’t worry about that. What I would worry about is the weather – December in wine country can have a nice day or two, but it’s actually winter/raining a lot of the time. Wineries with wedding venue space have that outdoors for the season, which is generally April to October.

        1. Thanks for that insight. I am confused about how many of the commenters actually live in the Napa area, as I haven’t seen anything online about wineries being affected by wildfires.

          2. Nope. California is a huge state and I live across the country during a time when our news cycle is filled with important issues. I am not particularly up-to-date on the weather conditions in each part of every state.

          4. …. the LNU complex fire did a number on rural napa/sonoma. Most of us who live in the bay area have been choking on the smoke from it and its sisters the CZU and SCU complex fires. Luckily these are dying down, but fire season continues thru November and into December sometimes. If there isn’t fires, it’s because the rains have started so, kinda no matter what, December isn’t particularly pretty.

            I appreciate that you want to have a celebration, but for the sake of my community, please don’t have multiple people flying to my town- we can’t afford the disease risk. No matter what, your wedding will be special because it’s your wedding.

          5. In fairness to the poster, while I certainly know about the wildfires in California, I haven’t the slightest clue what you mean by LNU, CZU and SCU, and I don’t know why a Californian would assume others would know what those meant. I mean, all of you on the coasts just recently learned that Kenosha, Wisconsin is near Chicago; it makes sense you wouldn’t have known that til now.

          6. Thanks, LaurenB! I’m glad to know I’m not the only one with unfamiliar with these terms.

      1. This is so unkind. Op, I’m interested, and I’m glad to hear you seem excited about this solution. I wish you all the best in your wedding and marriage and I’m sorry that this all happened during what should have been a special time.

        2. I’m interested too! I want you to plan a great getaway and I want it to be lovely for you. I know it was disappointing not having it be the way you envisioned.

        2. Ha, but if you really wanted to light up the board, you should have posted about the conundrum of changing your name upon marriage.

    3. Gently, I’m confused why you’re still trying to plan a wedding that multiple parties will have to fly to.

      1. Same. I love the idea of a small wedding now! I think a wedding with parents and siblings is fine. I do not think that it makes any sense to pick a location that everyone is flying to.

        1. +1. This also seems ripe for expansion. First thing it’s just your parents, then your college friend who lives nearby, then your brother flying up from San Diego…

      2. That is a very fair point and I appreciate you asking kindly. We were originally telling our parents and siblings about eloping last week and they invited themselves. Admittedly, we were excited and relieved to think we could have our 7 closest relatives with us, but it would never have occurred to us to ask them to attend. We all live within driving distance of one another and could take one plane and sit together, so as to minimize exposure.

        Granted, if wildfires are going to be an additional issue, that may be one too many factors to contend with and we may need to stay in our own state.

        2. No. Just no. I’ve taken interest in your story and have tried to remember wedding stresses myself, and offered you grace and some productive, kind and thoughtful comments over the last week or so…. but at some point, no. Do it somewhere driveable. We are in the middle of a global-friggin-pandemic. This is insanely unnecessary. The Maine wedding where 3 people died and all that… that was real. That is real. You are adding flying. It’s at best irresponsible and at some point downright selfish.

          2. +1. I’ve been following your story with interest and I feel bad about the situation you’re in, but please reconsider this plan. You can still have a small wedding closer to home, if that’s what you want to do, but enough with the destination stuff.

          3. +1 This situation sucks, but we’re all missing out on a ton right now. Nine people getting on an airplane and flying across the country for something totally unnecessary is absurd. Find somewhere nice you can all drive to, go to wine country once we’re all no longer potentially walking disease vectors.

          6. Not the OP, but I’m going to counterpoint this. We are getting married in December in an outdoor wedding, likely around 30 people. Some guests l need to get on a plane if they want to attend, and I am not disinviting them. We will comply with local rules, but beyond that, they can come if they want. Sorry not sorry.

          7. +everything. If you don’t NEED to fly to be together, don’t take that extra risk, especially not for hundreds of strangers that get no say in your decision. I understand wanting your closest people there, and I can SO relate (my intended elopement turned into a 15 people affair that was lovely)! But if you can do it driving, please do that.

        3. If you live within driving distance of one another, do the wedding there. It makes zero sense to fly and will only harm others right when the pandemic is predicted to peak/overlap with flu season. You can honeymoon in wine county in the future, but please do the right thing (it IS the right thing) now.

          1. “do the right thing” who knew that would be such radical and controversial advice.

        4. “We all live within driving distance of one another and could take one plane and sit together, so as to minimize exposure.”

          If one of you can spring for NetJets and you have your own private plane, then OK. But really … no. If you all live within driving distance of one another, just get married someplace outdoors in that region. Honest. it’s fine. It can be lovely.

        1. I didn’t realize that internet fashion blogs were reserved for only posting the questions about the most important things happening in the world.

          I purposely have posted here several times now because I was getting biased answers from family members and friends (many of whom wanted to be at the wedding or didn’t want to hurt our feelings) and needed outside, objective perspective.

          The comments here made it much more apparent that we needed to cancel the 200-person wedding than the feedback I was getting from people I know in real life.

          I have been nothing but open to constructive criticism.

          1. I think a lot of people are reacting to a certain amount of tonedeaf-ness, despite your professed openness to criticism. Maybe it’s about clinging to your plans.

            We are in a global pandemic where people are dying! There are headlines everywhere about the wildfires in California! Flying is just a bad idea! It’s annoying we all have to keep telling you this, and you keep coming back with tweaks to your plan that show you still aren’t really thinking this through.

          2. +1. You’ve made tweaks, but you’re not really getting it. Please REALLY listen to the feedback you’re getting from most (all?) readers.

          3. To go from a 200-person wedding and reception in my dream venue to a 9-person ceremony doesn’t feel like a tweak at all to me. It feels like a massive overhaul.

            Perhaps I am being blind here, though. I’ll step back and reassess over the following days/weeks.

          4. Except that you are getting your reception in your dream venue, just not on the date you originally chose. I agree with others that you’re being far more rigid than you realize.

          5. You went from a 200 person wedding to eloping. A few close people invited themselves along.

            Ignore the haters; this is exactly the kind of change of plans that is appropriate to the pandemic. Some people won’t be happy unless you’re dressed in sack cloth and ashes, and a lot of women here are smugly trying to outdo each other on policing other people.

            Congratulations on your upcoming nuptials.

          6. “I have been nothing but open to constructive criticism.”

            Yeah, actually no. You haven’t been. You’ve written words that make it seem like you’re open to constructive suggestions but you haven’t actually been receptive to those suggestions; they just spark a lot of defensive pushback from you. If you doubt this, go back through this thread and some of your others and read your responses (and subsequent responses) aloud to yourself.

            Ask yourself this. You are envisioning an event that will be warm and wonderful, where you will get to share an important moment with family and then you will embark on your new life with your husband and everything will be fantastic. If someone who attends your wedding later dies, or becomes disabled, due to contracting Covid-19 traveling to your wedding – how will that feel? How do you think that will affect your marriage, even if it just affects the memories of your wedding?

            You’re proceeding with your wedding planning betting that no one will get sick and everything will be fine. That is in no way assured. Please believe me, I am much less conservative about quarantine restrictions than most here. I went back to shopping in stores, doing distanced happy hours with a friend or two, and eating at outdoor restaurants much earlier than many people who post. I still would not want my older parents to get on a plane and travel to me for any reason, even my wedding. Especially my wedding. Because that can always be done later, or be done over Zoom, etc. It’s not essential. I know it doesn’t feel that way, but that is the truth.

            I understand your pain and I wish things were different. I am sorry you aren’t going to get to have the wedding of your dreams. As someone who has been married over 2 decades, let me assure you: your wedding day is just one day, of hopefully many to follow. And it’s one day that is not worth risking anyone’s life over.

          7. Gently, the fact that you needed to ask about whether it was wise to have a 200 person wedding says that you’re not thinking clearly about this.

      4. +1. You’re just a little too obsessed over the actual wedding. Honestly, plenty of people are now getting married in their backyards or public parks within driving distance with only parents / immediate family in attendance and just champagne and no food reception .. it’s FINE. You’re just a little too overinvested in The Perfect Day.

        1. Which, by the way, correlates inversely with marital success, as I understand it.

          4. I meant there was no need to imply that her marriage will fail. It’s cruel and in what world would this comment make her see reason and relax about the wedding?

          6. I posted this comment yesterday and you all were right – it was unnecessary and cruel. I apologize to the OP for making it.

        2. Geez, this is pretty mean. (And believe me, I don’t think OP’s plan is a good one, but this is unnecessarily below the belt.)

    4. There are plenty of beautiful places all across the country that could be a better choice for you than traveling cross-country and risking COVID and wildfires. We got married in a little open-air chapel in the Appalachians, driving distance from us.

      1. We may need to do this instead. I will start paying close attention to California news over the next few weeks.

        1. I responded above, but didn’t realize you were planning to do the mini-ceremony this year. Please don’t come to my state. We’re struggling with the wildfires, horrendous air quality, and one of the worst pandemics of any state. A second wave is predicted starting in November. Please have your wedding in your own state.

          1. Thank you! We know a lot of people from other West Coast states, but not California. We truly
            didn’t recognize the gravity of the situation. We may need to reassess. We have a winery we like in our state, so that may be our best bet.

          2. It is grave. And my kids can’t go to in person school until our numbers get better. Please do not come here with a party of any kind. Sorry.

      2. I got married last month with just immediate family (ended up being 15 guests), and it was totally lovely. I’m so glad we did it somehwhere within driving distance. It made things so much easier (and I didn’t have to feel guilty about my parents flying – even though they would have volunteered to do so). There was nothing fancy about the wedding, but it’s everything I could have hoped for. Just a bit of anecdota.

        1. I’m so glad your wedding day was so beautiful! Congratulations and thank you for sharing your perspective.

    5. I don’t mean to pile on to the many threads about your wedding but…. are you asking the 9 people to fly to a destination mini-wedding right now??

      1. No, she is not. Immediate family members asked to fly to attend, she wasn’t even inviting them herself much less insisting they go.

        I don’t think this is a good idea anyway but please read more carefully before jumping to comment…

        1. Timestamps don’t mean they’re published in sequential order. Her response was not published when I typed this. And, I don’t care if you asked or they “invited themselves” (?!?! wtf is that – someone invited themselves to a private wedding??) be an adult and say no for Christ’s sake.

          1. I concede. Forgive me for being unable to digest every word from her post because of the insanity of her inquiry.

    6. I am near wine country and also recommend that you pick another beautiful location like Temecula (same vibe, beautiful, less risk). There may not be a wildfire going on during your wedding weekend, but your venue may be compromised and/or panicked about more important things in the 3 months before your wedding. They will be glad to take your money now, but they may not be able to communicate with you or may cancel your event without refunding your deposit.

      1. (Setting aside concerns about flying/traveling right now, OP you clearly have to decide on whether that is something that makes sense to do right now.) But +1 to Temecula. One of my good friends got married at a winery in Temecula and it was absolutely beautiful! Also, the Willamette Valley in Oregon is another very pretty wine region and I would 100% recommend checking out Soter for it.

          1. Watch the wildfires in Oregon/Washington too. Seattle is coated in a smoke and new fires are popping up everywhere.

            This is definitely a time to game plan 2-3 scenarios and pull the trigger at the very last minute.

            FWIW, I think a mini wedding with your closest family is going to be a beautiful, intimate, loving affair. Your venue won’t matter as much as you think.

          2. Seattle won’t have wildfires in December, but we’ll be dark and rainy, with ~9 hours of light in the day. Yakima (our wine country) is a COVID hotspot and has been since the start of the pandemic. With lots of love, I’d recommend staying more local.

          3. (facepalm) Temecula has the same climate as the bay area (cold and wet in december, unless there’s drought then Temecula is very much fire country). There are no airports near Temecula as well- you’d be driving 2+ hrs from SAN, 2+ hrs from SNA.

            Also, please stop proposing to fly to my state (I live in the bay area, my folks live spitting distance from Temecula). There’s lovely places in driving distance of you (guaranteed), then no one you love is risking their health to celebrate with you. Think about how special it would be to get married at your favorite park, or your parent’s back yard, or near the stream where you played as a kid and know that you’ve helped prevent disease spread.

        2. No. Carmen Sandiego and others, I get that you don’t want OP coming and creating a spreading event in your neck of the woods, but I think it’s just as wrong to send her south to Temecula or north to Willamette. The whole PNW is suffering from wildfire smoke right now (check out what is happening in eastern WA), and may I remind everyone that Washington was one of the first covid hotspots. Don’t do the NIMBY thing but just send a risky event to others. Not cool.

          1. Hi – I’m in New Orleans, where basically everyone has decided the pandemic is not happening and/or is over, and it’s a complete free for all. OP traveling to any state, including here, will make no difference to me personally.

          2. I live in a SEUS state where my fiancé and I are some of the conservative people we know when it comes to Covid. I work in healthcare, I work from home, I rarely go anywhere but necessary errands, I wear a mask constantly.

            I know multiple people on vacations that they flew to right at this moment (including friends visiting their Seattle-area home town without any mention of wildfires) and so planning a 9-person wedding in Napa really felt reasonable to me.

            I posted here to get some much-needed outside perspective, but this group is MUCH more conservative about Covid than the general population.

            I admit, I was not appropriately educated on the wildfire situation and have learned a lot this morning.

          3. Just because you have friends that dgaf about the pandemic or other people doesn’t mean that you should follow their example.

          4. “Other people are doing reckless things so I deserve to do them too” is the whole reason why we’re in this mess with no end in sight.

          5. Keyword: You live in a SEUS state where you’re one of the few people working from home, wearing a mask, etc. You know people on vacation or who are visiting elsewhere and not quarantining elsewhere. So from that perspective the 9-person wedding in Napa feels reasonable.

            But what you aren’t getting is that the rest of the country looks at the SEUS and says — omg, they’re handling things poorly. The rest of us were horrified by how cavalier Alabama, Georgia, Florida have been. We KNEW that it was just a matter of time before the pandemic hit those areas, but by golly, they still had to eat in their restaurants and go to their beaches and go on vacations and play their football games.

            You’re in a part of the country that is just woefully lax. You cannot treat the people around you as responsible. Because they aren’t. Sorry. Take your playbook from the parts of the country that have dealt with the pandemic *well* – like the Northeast, Chicago, etc.

          6. @LaurenB, the good news is the South doesn’t actually care about your ridiculously conservative judgy opinion. We are generally fine with our restaurants and stores being open, and our unemployment being far below the blue states. But the good news is you don’t have to live here!

          7. “@LaurenB, the good news is the South doesn’t actually care about your ridiculously conservative judgy opinion. We are generally fine with our restaurants and stores being open, and our unemployment being far below the blue states. But the good news is you don’t have to live here!”

            I am definitely not envious of Florida having the same number of Covid cases as the number of people who live in my Southwestern city. I am really, really sorry you feel like having a low unemployment rate and having stores and restaurants being open is worth people dying. Just FYI, my husband and I have both received multiple calls over the years to relocate to the South for jobs. Regardless of the job, we turn the recruiters down. Your attitude and outlook is why. I literally could not stand living next door, or working with, people who are so arrogantly cavalier about other people’s lives. Be ashamed.

          8. LaurenB, aren’t you someone who responded poorly to my characterization of the Midwest as a dumpster fire recently? Do you not see the parallel between my post and yours? The NYT today lists as many midwestern states as southern states in the list of highest cases per capita. It is convenient for you to select out your city, but the same can be done in the SEUS. I’ve got statistics you won’t like on racism, police brutality toward Black people, and white supremacy, too, if you want to challenge me.

          9. Eyeroll. The people I know in Florida were so smug when we were locking down in Chicago — oh, no, it’s just a northern big-city thing, it won’t ever happen here, we’ll just keep on keeping on. Hair salons and indoor restaurants without masks? Sure, why not? Here’s a picture for Facebook! And whaddya know – their county now has *double* the per capita infection rates and death rates as my county up here. So no, I’m not remotely envious. In fact I’m angry, because we actually had bought a home in Florida right before the pandemic (who would have known?) and it’s not safe for us to go down there at this point precisely because of the kind of cavalier, science-denying attitude you espouse.

        3. Cool, so you are in NOLA and sending OP to spread the virus in other parts of the country? Again, not cool, Carmen Sandiego.

          2. I hate that I’m all over this thread, but seriously? I’m not sending OP anywhere! OP clearly has to decide if it makes sense to travel right now – which I said in my post! I didn’t feel the need to pile on about it, since more than half of the comments are about that. I was just responding with my location as to Anon at 11:17’s “NIMBY” comment – I’m not sending her to some other part of the country to keep her out of my backyard. She sounds like she’s going somewhere, and I was just commenting on other wine regions that are alternatives to Napa/Sonoma.

          3. Carmen Sandiego is not a travel agent, a pilot, a guest of my wedding, or my fairy godmother. She made one (helpful) recommendation that I am free to use or not use. No need to attack her.

          4. Got it. My apologies to Carmen Sandiego–I misunderstood what you were trying to do. OP, I would strongly discourage you from having a destination wedding that you and an undetermined number of others have to fly to. My personal family has cancelled/postponed weddings, funerals, a 90th birthday party, and we have preemptively cancelled the holidays. Or if you are determined to fly, do it just you and the husband and have a quarantined honeymoon on return. Your wedding will still be magical and you will have loads more time alone with your new husband than you would have with a 200 person wedding anyways. I agree with other posters that yes, you’ve reduced your risk but you’re still contemplating unnecessarily risky behavior. Let it go and just focus on your huge reception next year. It will be ok.

      2. Good to know! Thanks. None of the many venues I have reached out to have even mentioned the possibility of wildfires, so clearly they are holding back. I appreciate your insight!

      3. Don’t come to So Cal. We are on fire, too.

        And on a lighter note, here is the best ever post from my neighborhood NextDoor over the weekend:

        “Does anybody else have a lot of ash in your yard and on your car from the fires?”

        Heh. No. No, it’s just you.

    7. I agree with everything everyone else has said and just want to point out that there are a lot of areas of the country with beautiful vineyards that would be better travel locations right now. Depending on where you are coming from– Ohio/Michigan, Virginia, and Georgia/North Carolina stand out to me. December in the SEUS is generally pretty pleasant– mid 60s, and my guess (I am not a doctor/epidemiologist) is that cases will be lower in the fall/winter in the SEUS since it will be easier to spend more time outside due to the climate.

      1. Thank you! Many of the states you named are within driving distance, so we will do some research. We have a winery we like in our state, so that could also be an option.

        1. Anonie — here is the point you keep missing. We (the collective we) are really not supposed to travel at all, unless it’s for a true necessity (like a medical reason). This is why other countries do better than us. Everyone else seems to be doing just fine with holding outdoor weddings of immediate family within driving distance of all participants — you seem to have a much harder time getting past this than seems to be the norm. Of course it isn’t what people planned — but the outdoor weddings I’ve “seen” (via pictures, of course) look perfectly lovely and everyone’s happy, and everyone feels safe that at least grandma and Aunt Ethel weren’t put at risk.

    8. Congratulations! I remember your previous posts and shared that our mini-wedding (almost exact same size and close family only requirement) was wonderful and magic – yours sounds like it will be too! Very excited for you!

      1. Thank you so much!! I remember your post and it helped me see an elopement as a potentially special affair. I truly appreciate the kind words and I love that description “magic.”

      2. oh jeez, I only replied after reading your original post, then I just went back and read the comments. I’m going to stay out of all that mess, but only add some encouragement that local locations can be magical. The most beautiful wedding I’ve ever seen pictures of (it was a mini-ceremony/elopement too) was in the forest/waterfall area – two hours from where the bride/groom lived. SO beautiful. Our wedding was by a lake on the property where I grew up – 20 minutes from our house. The magic is in the ceremony and the people, less about the location.

        This might be an unpopular opinion, but assuming you’re outside – I’d encourage you to still get a good wedding photographer. Masked, socially distanced, outside – there’s no reason why a photographer needs to get close. My cousin is a photographer, has a fairly high sense of COVID19 safety, and feels good about the jobs she’s had this summer.

        1. Thank you so much for those words of assurance that “magic” isn’t tied to a specific location. I appreciate it and I absolutely am hoping to have photography, no matter how, when, or where we get married. I’m glad to hear that photographers like your cousin are staying safe and also keeping business!

        2. “This might be an unpopular opinion, but assuming you’re outside – I’d encourage you to still get a good wedding photographer. Masked, socially distanced, outside – there’s no reason why a photographer needs to get close. ”

          Why would that be an unpopular opinion? I have seen absolutely lovely photos taken of *appropriate* outdoor weddings — bride/groom, parents and siblings, maybe 12 – 15 people total — taken outdoors, in beautiful settings, it’s clear that everyone is remaining socially distant. Some of the photographers are also setting up Zooms so others can dial in and share the festivities.

    9. I just wanted to chime in to say I’m sorry about your wedding. So many people have had to miss out on major milestone events this year.

      I have good friends that cancelled baby showers, weddings, first birthday parties, 40th birthday parties, retirement parties, the first day of kindergarten, career award ceremonies, family reunions, once in a lifetime vacations, graduations (preschool through college!), first communions, bar mitzvahs, and most awful, funerals. Basically, think of any of your favorite Life Moments and imagine them being cancelled.

      It is awful. It’s okay to grieve. It’s ok to try and make the best out of a shitty situation. I wish you the very very best.

      1. “Make the best out of a shitty situation” = do the best thing for everyone, which is have a local ceremony with driving distance family only. You get the wedding ceremony, you get the reception in the future, and you don’t add in unnecessary LONG flights to a COVID and wildfire hotspot. Yeah, it sucks to have to think about these things and change your plans, but swapping one inappropriate plan for another isn’t the solution.

      3. +1 to being super sorry about your wedding. FWIW, I flew to my sister’s wedding, and it was just barely worth it, mainly because my mom couldn’t have pulled it off without my physical support. (I got sick after, which was scary, even though it turned out to not be COVID). But for the 8 people who were local it was just perfect. They had a lovely setting on the edge of a pond and an outdoor dinner.

        With love, I would say I wouldn’t wish the potential experience of “flying and then getting sick” on you and your fiance or your family. Can you imagine if that’s what you remembered of your wedding? *shiver* I bet there is somewhere absolutely beautiful and you can make a wonderful dream elopement locally with the $$ that would have gone to plane tickets.

    10. I’m in the Bay Area and I will differ from some of the others.

      For background I have lived in Berkeley for 30 years. We vacation in western Sonoma in early August every year, then tend to spend a long weekend either between Christmas and New Years or over MLK weekend there as well. Obviously I’ve taken other trips to wine country – we used to belong to a handful of wine clubs at the wineries and would visit to pick up our wines. My friend had a place in Silverado (RIP, burned in the Altas fire) that we used to stay in whenever. I also used to go to a conference at Silverado every spring. The wine industry was my dad’s business (he was a supplier to wineries.)

      Ok so with that established, I think December is relatively safe from a smoke perspective. There may be rain but then again, December tends to be drier than February – April.

      There is no question that the fires and smoke have gotten worse over the years. Our plans to retire to western Somoma are no more. But wine country is still a great place to visit if you can time it right. We have only experienced really heavy rain on one of our many many December-January visits over the years.

      I’d say do it. Have a backup plan for rain. Have a place where you can move indoors if needed. But that should be a lot easier to accomplish with <10 people than it would be with a huge wedding.

      Congratulations!

      1. Nope. It’s a pandemic. 3 people died in Maine after catching covid from some idiots who decided to host their wedding – and the people who died didn’t even attend. Maine has one of the lowest burdens of disease of any state and this STILL happened. How can you possibly have a special day to remember forever in circumstances like this? I would never forgive myself if I caused others to die so I could get married in my top-choice location.

        1. +1 and the same sentiment to the other poster who is “sorry, not sorry” about going forth with her wedding others will have to travel to. It’s selfish.

      2. This would be a great response if not for the fact that you’ve completely ignored the pandemic

        1. +1. I was one of the Bay Area responders above. I have definitely been to wine country in late November and December when it has been raining cats and dogs, but to your point agreed it is not as likely as Jan-Feb.

          But the pandemic is the big difference here. Normally we still enjoy our rainy wine trips because oh well! Just go inside the tasting room and enjoy the tasting that way, and it’s still pretty. But with the pandemic, simply just moving your event inside creates a whole new level of risk. Maybe the OP and the people that are supposedly traveling here are okay with that, but if they’re not they need to assume that may happen. The wildfires have really shown to me how vulnerable we are to not being able to do things outside. Like, we were going to see one family distanced outdoors this weekend but we had to outright cancel because the fires were too bad and nobody felt comfortable doing it in the house. The same could apply to the rainy season unfortunately, but we’ll see how numbers are.

    11. Please get married near your home. Reduces risk of spreading COVID + supports local businesses (venue, caterer, and photographer) that you can continue to enjoy throughout your life to help remember your wedding. I’m sorry your plans have had to change but also note that you seem to keep getting swept up in other people’s ideas for your day. Consider what your goals and plans are (simple, near home, hopefully) and just make a plan.

  11. I am looking for a periwinkle blouse to go with a navy suit. I didn’t think this search would be so hard. I am hoping to spend less than $75.

    1. Hm, it’ll be a tough find this time of year. Maybe there’s something on clearance on the Talbot’s website?

    6. In case I get stuck in mod for a while, Ann Taylor factory has several blouses in this color and on sale!

  12. I am realizing I’m more anxious about the pandemic and general state of the world than I was acknowledging for awhile. This is manifesting as being overly picky about the state of my house, over-researching purchases, and just generally trying to control too many little things. I know this isn’t healthy at all, but I can’t seem to stop, either. I’m getting concerned that this is veering into OCD territory. It doesn’t help that I’m working from home, and thus I’m always hyper-aware of my environment — and can’t really escape it, either.

    1. Hi this is what we have therapy and medication for. I’ve been there. There is so much help available!

    2. I read something interesting on the subject from Amelia Boone (a Big Law lawyer and professional endurance athlete) about how the pandemic brought back her OCD and took away her usual coping mechanisms. When she was a kid and terrified of getting the flu year-round, her therapist had her go to public places and be around other people. The experience showed her that she could live life without getting the flu – it’s “exposure therapy.” Now, that option isn’t available to us because we’re in this pandemic where being around other people will truly increase your risk of a poorly understood, possibly fatal disease. Instead, we’re encouraged to Clorox everything and be hyper-vigilant, which is exactly what you don’t want for OCD.

      My recommendation? Find a therapist who specializes in OCD and who can offer some strategies for coping in this new situation.

    3. I think this situation is impacting anxiety in a lot of different ways. You are not alone. For me, I have some social anxieties and have really enjoyed being a hermit. I hate the thought of returning to what we all consider normal and it is making me realize how much I was always pushing myself to live a “normal” life.

  13. When you’re actively deciding to pursue shopping as consumer therapy, what is your favorite thing to buy or that you have bought? Frivolous, small, big. I just bought a Madewell tank bodysuit to wear under my comfy sweaters in my cold cold house and a cute pill case from Nordstrom because I’m tired of opening several different containers for various Rx or vitamins I’m taking.

    1. Nail polish. Especially the seasonal stuff from Essie. The pretty colors suck me in. Unfortunately, I’m also pretty lazy about keeping up with nail care, so I can’t say this is a particularly wise purchase.

      1. This is really good. Wise or not (for the same reasons!), it definitely fits the bill for me!

    2. I’m gradually replacing most of my old bedding. I’m very comforted by an appealing bed right now. First my pillows, then sheets, next mattress and bed frame.

      1. +1. I’ve been obsessed with bedding the last few months. My Linoto king pillow cases were my first splurge and so worth it. Parachute Cloud Cotton Quilt is next.

        Also I’ve purchased a few art pieces in the last few months and they’ve been making me very happy.

        1. Bedding is so practical and you’re right, a smart indulgence! I’ve been so annoyed recently that my husband likes to only sleep with a comforter (no sheets). I’ve dreamed about buying a twin set of sheets for the top sheet, and a twin blanket, and just putting it on my side. Now is the time, I think, to see if this works.

          1. Hey, this is so weird, but I’ve literally been considering doing this exact thing! My husband is accustomed to a top sheet and I’m team comforter forever. Please report back if you do it – I would love to know if it works!!

          2. We’ve been doing this for the last two decades. It works well from a sleeping standpoint. Drives me nuts from a making the bed standpoint, but I’ve learned to deal with it!

          1. They’re real linen, which I’ve never had. That is the big thing. They’re really well made in the United States. I love the colors I got (natural and white, nothing really crazy – going for calm/peaceful) and the color selection was quite wide. My husband, who was quite skeptical of the entire order, even said he was impressed. Eventually I’d love to get a linen sheets, but our sheets our fine right now. They have duvet covers that would be quite lovely for me, but husband is very bad (like it’s shocking and I don’t understand it) at sleeping with duvet covers.

            Linoto is also a smaller Black-owned U.S. business that had great customer service, even when they were swamped with orders. I’d highly recommend.

    3. I love to entertain (sob), so I enjoy buying serveware or linens and imagining how I can use them. Maybe you have a hobby?

      1. Yes, and it requires yarn ? which I’m figuring out places to stash. I’ve been buckled down with my budget since March and am just feeling sorry for myself in a totally normal this is stupid coronavirus times and was also thinking about how I have gone no where so I have money to waste. Shamelessly soliciting more ideas for things to consider for my consumer therapy. As for your entertaining enjoyment (RIP ?) what about things that will help with outside small hangouts? For me it was food nets (to protect against bugs) and one of the electric tennis racket looking things to zap bugs. Moving forward I’m considering a heat lamp…

          1. I’m honestly shocked (ASHAMED) I did not think of this! My yarn stash needs a new pretty home for sure.

    4. Plants! Omg plants. My husband gets the look that worried look most husbands get when wives go to the mall when I go to the local nursery. I legit had to plant a shrub in the night and claim it had been there.

      1. I’m dying. This is incredible. But I bet it’s a pretty shrub! I did something similar, just not in the middle of the night, and I’m not entirely certain my husband even noticed though! I just redid my front planters with rather gorgeous annuals. I’ve forever been a perennial girl, but I’m all in on annuals this year. I need a better supplier for indoor plants, this has been added to my list.

      2. We’re buying plants too! We went to a local nursery and dropped about $75 … and then the next day I saw some sad plants on clearance at the grocery store and I just had to save them! I figure this winter will seem extra long and surrounding myself with green might help.

      3. I can relate to your husband! Additionally, I get the worried look whenever my husband eats stonefruit, cherry, citrus or avocado. All these seeds can be planted and in this house, they will be.

          1. They can! I don’t expect any fruit in the next 15 years(also it’s probably not warm enough in the Bay Area), but we get to say that we have a tiny avocado tree.

    5. In early COVID days, I bought a few pairs of nice-ish stretchy pants (from Amazon and Old Navy, mostly). My existing sit-around-the-house pants were so old and worn they were literally see-through. So I bought a few pairs, including a pair in pink, which is a color I do not like near my face, but I like as pants.

      Now I’ve been perusing containers for my pantry – it’s not big and it’s a mess. So I feel like if I corral things in containers, it might be more functional.

      Also, I get 3-4 emails a day offering cheap Kindle books. Something about having a ridiculously full Kindle makes me feel happy.

    7. Guilty of buying 40 new houseplants since the start of pandemic in my country. Zero regrets.

    8. Lipstick. Sometimes shoes. Decor items for my house like throw pillows and seasonal kitchen towels. All new bath products like shower gel, a new pouf, scented lotion, a new bath mat. Loungewear (hybrid pajamas/hanging around braless type stuff).

      In the spring, six packs of blooming annuals to tuck into various pots in my backyard.

    9. Actively buying? Cut flowers. Thing I want to stop buying but can’t? Dresses. I am not a dress person and I have nowhere to wear them.

      1. Cut flowers – I saw this a couple weeks ago and can’t get it out of my mind – ordering wholesale cut flowers in bulk online. I want to order them all and fill the house with bouquets everywhere.

        https://globalrose.com/

  14. I posted on Friday about how my employer asked in a survey “how much of your Christmas bonus are you willing to give up to pay for a diversity/BLM speaker to come to the virtual retreat.” I sent a complaint email and so did several others. Update, the CEO apologized in a somewhat less than sincere way via email (it read more like a justification than anything). The woman who sent out the survey apologized sincerely on Zoom. The CEO didn’t apologize on Zoom and instead made vague hints about how “working from home has changed norms” and “things are challenging at home right now.” I think she’s setting the stage to bring us back to the office since she’s a known WFH-hater and one of her fellow WFH haters has been complaining in her ear that WFH has been bad for the office culture (funnily enough, the POC I speak to at work don’t agree and have instead told me that a lot of our company’s problems have been going on for ages). I’m disappointed that the CEO wants to use this racial justice f*ck-up as an opportunity to further her own agenda. I’m talking to my POC friends here and figuring out what we can do next.

    1. Whoa wait. Your employer asked you all to pay for a speaker? Wild! Going to hunt for the original post.

      1. Yeah, it was…not good. I’m kind of glad it happened in a way because it helped illustrate some of the problems that have thus far been sneakier/harder to identify so clearly.

      2. Yeah, it was a cluster F to say the least. Seemed like mgmt was pitting non POC against POC by demanding diversity training come out of bonuses. Toxic.

    2. Wow. Thanks for the update and for doing the right thing. What on earth does WFH being challenging have to do with sending a blatantly racist threat to cancel your bonus??

      1. I know. I think it’s the CEO’s attempt to pretend like none of the deep-seated cultural problems making the environment less than welcoming to POC are her fault – it’s easier to blame the pandemic than do the work to change, you know?

    4. You and the POC who work there need to be looking for new jobs. Your CEO sounds like complete trash.

  15. Good morning! I am hoping for some collective wisdom from the hive!

    I have been approached about an objectively great in-house job opportunity, very high up at a large company. My role would be almost exclusively focused on litigation-related counsel and management. I am a senior associate at a large law firm, one step below BigLaw in hours, pay, etc. I practice in a specialized area of litigation that I love. While there are no guarantees, I have every reason to believe if I stick around, I will make partner in the next couple of years. Aside from long hours, I am very happy at my current firm and have a substantial amount of autonomy, but I still service other people’s clients almost exclusively, so I wouldn’t be leaving behind a book of business.

    The in-house position is more of a generalist role than I am currently in. I don’t actually have the preferred years of experience, but they seem willing to make an exception, as they were aware of my background and experience when they reached out. Pay is substantially higher than I make right now, but there are no opportunities for career advancement, so compensation long-term would probably even out or lag behind a bit. From what I can tell, work life balance would actually be better (I know that isn’t always the case with in-house these days), company culture is good, and the company is in good financial health.

    I am sincerely conflicted. For a variety of reasons, I think it’s safe to say that if I leave my firm, there’s no coming back, so I need to be sure I don’t want to be a law firm partner. I think I am one of the few people who loves the law firm grind (at least for right now), the challenging issues that arise, the variety of clients, etc. I also like being in the action of litigation, e.g. arguing motions, settlement negotiations, depositions, etc. I think the in-house job would be less collaborative, as the legal team is very small and most of teams and outside counsel I would support are in other cities, but I no doubt I would still be helping to solve challenging problems.

    I have a supportive spouse who is also a high earner, and we can make either decision work with our lifestyle. Has anyone been in this position and can provide some insight as to deciding factors and whether you’re happy with your choice?

    1. Normally, my advice is to take the in-house job. However, if you are the type who gets a rush off being in the thick of litigation, continue where you are. This is especially true if kids are not in the picture.

      1. +1

        From what I can glean from my litigation counterparts, it is far more “managing outside counsel’s response” to doing whatever it is yourself. One of my acquaintances went in house and less than a year later was back to the firm for that reason.

        1. +2 if you love the litigation grind, in-house is probably not for you. I knew I didn’t want to touch litigation with a 100 foot pole and am very business focused so I love in-house work. I think you’d hate it based on what you are saying you love about law firm litigation life.

    2. I have not been in your position (I wish!) but if money is a factor, one thing to consider is whether you will actually make more money as a partner if you are servicing other people’s clients. At my firm partners without a book of business do not make that much more than senior associates.

      When you say you like it except for the long hours, are those long hours going to become less acceptable as the years go by? (Whether because you want to have kids, really want to be able to take a week off at some point in your life, or just because you are getting older?) If the hours are something you are willing to live with until you are 65 (or whatever your preferred retirement age is) and you love litigation, you might not be happy in-house. On the other hand, the hours that are fine when you are 30-35 start to look pretty grim at 50 (ask me how I know!)

  16. My state reached over 1000 new cases yesterday – halfway to our peak back in the spring. I cannot believe the governor, who was a rockstar at handling the pandemic in the spring, isn’t starting to shut anything down again. Schools are starting and gyms are allowed to open this week. What are the priorities here?

    2. If I were governor of a state, I would shut down almost everything except elementary and middle schools. The schools would have to do outdoor classes and open windows as much as humanly possible, everyone would have to wear masks, etc. There would be robust aid for unemployed workers and shuttered businesses (paid for with special wealth taxes). One can dream.

      1. We have thunderstorms near daily since school started remotely weeks ago. I live this idea, but it just wouldn’t work in my state. Maybe somewhere arid that isn’t too hot?

    3. Is your Governor up for reelection in Nov? That could have a lot to do with it, if your Governor thinks they can’t lock down again and get re-elected.

    4. Are you in Illinois? I’m in Chicago and not that worried, but I will admit it’s because the city’s cases are still pretty low. It looks like a bunch of further out counties, including ones with colleges are really spiking.

      1. Also in IL and I think we’re more around the 2K per day, plus or minus, mark – so I don’t think it’s us. The regional mitigations seem like tiny baby steps that aren’t making any difference or slowing the spread, and most of the schools in my region are remote, so I would like to see more action from JBP.

        1. I think the one thing that does slightly concern me in Chicago is the out of towners coming in during mostly the weekends from hot spots. Because if they are positive, they count for their home county/state, right? But could be here spreading the virus for the day?

    5. Our state’s public health expert mentioned once that those kinds of measures are only effective the first time. When you shut down again, it just isn’t as effective.

      1. Genuinely interested — why would it not be effective a second time? Because people don’t follow the guidance (fatigue) or something else. It seems like other countries have toggled up and down on shut-down with some success.

        1. Because people just ignore it the second time around.

          I’m in NH, a purple state, and we did great with our lockdown for a long time. It seems a lot of people just decided it was over and are going back to normal. Surprise, surprise, our cases are starting to go up.

          I know a lot of workplaces had their staff go back in person after Labor Day. My husband has a colleague he has to do in-person work with so he’s someone we would see socially since they were around each other regardless. He had been a very careful person. Mentioned us coming by for a drink Saturday. We did. What he didn’t mention is he invited half the neighborhood, had people bringing food pot luck style, everyone was in the house (though windows were open). We stayed on the deck, had a drink, chatted up a few people out there and then did an Irish goodbye.

          Another friend was the most serious of everyone I know with her precautions and she is having a large outdoor BBQ this weekend and letting a couple friends from out of state sleep over. I get that our numbers are low but they won’t stay that way if we just go back to normal life.

          I’ve done more “normal” stuff in the last week than I have in the last 5 months and I’m not a fan.

    6. Are you in Michigan? Nobody I know in metro detroit has the option to send their kids to school, everything is fully remote. Is this different where you are?

    7. Sounds like Michigan as gyms are opening up in the next few weeks, I think. The local Unis are covid hotspots so the big State Uni’s TA are going on strike.

      I, too, an disappointed w her leadership right now. Esp w how nursing homes were handled.

      1. Yes, I’m talking about Michigan. UM is opening at approx 30%, some smaller schools that opened are already finding they have to close. Some private secondary schools have been allowed to open as well, from what I’ve seen on the news.
        Governor Whitmer did such a great job with closing everything down despite pushback, I was very happy with it. I wish she would roll us back to an earlier phase of re-opening. I can’t believe that we have adapted to this level of illness and death.

    8. Can we stop with the “my state” and just say where you are? It’s the same thing on AAM — “my country” this and “my country” that. Just say it!!

      1. Agreed. It’s an anonymous blog with readers from every state. No need to be evasive.

      2. I don’t do this on purpose because I work in a specific enough industry in a small enough town that the right people could probably find me quite easily. I get why “my country” would be pretty unnecessary, though. Maybe for Liechtensteiners.

  17. How would you compare the quality between Ann Taylor Factory and Loft clothes? Is fit consistent across both brands and Ann Taylor?

    1. I like Ann Taylor, but I do notice a large drop in quality between AT and Loft. I have only bought a couple of things from Factory, and IIRC they were comparable to AT.

    2. I stopped buying tops at Loft because of quality issues. I still have their chinos that are amazing and have lasted forever, so that means I haven’t bought anything at Loft in the last 3 seasons. I had about 20 tops from them at one point maybe 3 years ago and only one is still wearable – it’s the vintage tee that was pretty much seethrough to begin with and only worn very casually.

  18. Hello everyone,

    I’m breaking the cardinal rule of “don’t ask the internet for medical advice” but I have a decision to make and I’d love to hear other people’s real world experiences. Dr. Google only gives me the worst case scenarios.

    My asthma has been acting up and my pulmonologist wants me to start a regular medication instead of just using my rescue inhaler. He has suggested I choose between Singulair (pill) and steroid inhaler. I was on Singulair years ago for a few years with no side effects. Since then though, it has been given a black box warning for increasing suicide risk. When I was on it, I really wasn’t dealing with much anxiety and depression. Now I have both and am treating it with medication. I don’t suffer from suicidal ideation.

    The steroid inhaler comes with all of the risks that regular steroids come with. I’m currently on a steroid nasal spray and topical anti-inflammatory for a joint injury. I am not having negative side effects with those. However, I do have lots of the published side effects when I’m on oral steroids. Not sure how I would react to inhaled steroids.

    I’m leaning towards going back on the Singulair since I took that in the past without problems and my asthma is allergy induced and Singulair is specifically for that.

    Has anyone with asthma had particularly good or bad experiences with either steroid inhalers or Singulair?

    1. I would talk through the options with the doctor treating you for anxiety and depression.

      1. This is genius and I have no idea why I didn’t think of it. I’ll do that today!

    2. Honestly, this stuff is so individual, you really just have to try it and see, and both these drugs are generally well tolerated. That’s not to dismiss side effects, it’s just that it varies so much that there’s no way around trial and error. That said, I’ve taken both and have some thoughts. First, oral steroids and inhaled steroids are totally different, so don’t be put off them because you don’t like oral steroids (nobody does). However, if you’ve taken singulair in the past with good results, that’s probably a good place to start and likely to be much cheaper than an inhaler. That said, I took it a few times with no problems and then a third or fourth time it did seem to markedly increase anxiety, though it was an already stressful time. I stopped taking it and my panic attacks stopped so I’m inclined to blame the drug since I was still pretty stressed out. I’ve also had some issues with steroid inhalers, but specifically the ones combined with a long acting beta agonist (likely the problem), which gave me horrible heartburn, the likes of which I’ve never had before or since, and stopped immediately after stopping the medication. So in both cases, stopping the drug stopped the problem right away.

    3. This isn’t directly responsive to your question, but I wanted to say that having a reaction to oral or injected steroids does not necessarily mean that you will react to inhaled steroids. My experience is that I react badly to oral or injected steroids, so much so that the reaction is worse than whatever condition is trying to be addressed with the steroids, but I tolerate twice daily use of a Symbacort inhaler just fine. I also tolerate the use of a rescue inhaler, so if you’ve not had problems as a result of using yours, the steroid inhaler alternative might work for you.

    4. I’m on both a steroid inhaler (have been on many- on Advair now but have also been on Qvar and Alvesco), as well as Singulair. i also have a significant history of depression and anxiety.

      Bunch of things:
      1. I doubt Singulair has affected my anxiety/depression but maybe? I haven’t been off of it for any signficant period of time since my anxiety/depression flared 3.5ish years ago.
      2. Singulair helps me a LOT- if I miss it for a night or two, I definitely notice. I also have some allergy-induced asthma (among other issues) and I notice a huge difference.
      3. You are unlikely to have the issues from inhaled steroids you would get from oral steroids- inhaled steroids aren’t handled the same way as oral steroids, as I understand it. I am a complete mess on oral steroids but nasal and inhaled steroids don’t bother me at all.
      4. That being said, REMEMBER TO WASH YOUR MOUTH if you go on oral steroids. Thrush sucks.

    5. I am on Singulair and have been for several long stretches. I was concerned about the anxiety / depression correlation but I had a close medical friend look at the scientific papers available on it for me. Apparently, a lot of toddlers/preschoolers struggle with increased nightmares on Singulair but there is not any evidence it causes anxiety / depression in older children or adults. My asthma (and consequently my allergies) are so much better when I take it every day. I have not noticed any side effects and I am fairly sensitive to them normally.

  19. Destination wedding OP, I posted an apology for my unnecessary comment on the other thread. I shouldn’t have made it. I’m sorry.

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