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Sales of note for 10.10.24
- Nordstrom – Extra 25% off clearance (through 10/14); there's a lot from reader favorites like Boss, FARM Rio, Marc Fisher LTD, AGL, and more. Plus: free 2-day shipping, and cardmembers earn 6x points per dollar (3X the points on beauty).
- Ann Taylor – Extra 50% off sale (ends 10/12)
- Banana Republic Factory – Up to 50% off everything plus extra 25% off your $125+ purchase
- Boden – 10% off new styles with code; free shipping over $75
- Eloquii – Extra 50% off a lot of sale items, with code
- J.Crew – 40% off sitewide
- J.Crew Factory – 50% off entire site, plus extra 25% off orders $150+
- Lo & Sons – Fall Sale, up to 35% off
- M.M.LaFleur – Save 25% sitewide
- Neiman Marcus – Sale on sale, up to 85% off
- Spanx – Lots of workwear on sale, some up to 70% off
- Talbots – 50% off 2+ markdowns
- Target – Circle week, deals on 1000s of items
- White House Black Market – Buy one, get one – 50% off full price styles
And some of our latest threadjacks here at Corporette (reader questions and commentary) — see more here!
Some of our latest threadjacks include:
- What to say to friends and family who threaten to not vote?
- What boots do you expect to wear this fall and winter?
- What beauty treatments do you do on a regular basis to look polished?
- Can I skip the annual family event my workplace holds, even if I'm a manager?
- What small steps can I take today to get myself a little more “together” and not feel so frazzled all of the time?
- The oldest daughter is America's social safety net — change my mind…
- What have you lost your taste for as you've aged?
- Tell me about your favorite adventure travels…
Anonymous
Anyone have a fidget spinner? Do you like it (not for ADD or a reason like that – just as a distracting toy)? How much do they sell for now – I know initially they were expensive as ppl were searching for them, but is it just like any other cheap toy now?
Swiss Miss
Target had them in the $5 section at the front of the store a few weeks ago. A friend’s son has a nicer one that I checked out for a few minutes, but I didn’t find it interesting in the least. I’d find a stress ball more useful and less distracting but YMMV..
Ellen
Rosa got spinners for her children, but then found out they might have had paint on them with LEAD in them. FOOEY! So she threw them out! We have to be SOOOOO carful, these days, with all of the lead out there. DOUBEL FOOEY!
Sloan Sabbith
I got a fidget cube from my local drugstore to fidget with while in therapy, but found it f-ing annoying and loud. I like play-dough, honestly. It got me through bar prep, I just needed something to do with my hands.
Blonde Lawyer
The original fidget cube by Antsy Labs is better than the $5 knock offs.
Sloan Sabbith
Good to know. I realized I probably also need something that’s softer/malleable and I can turn in circles in my hand.
Jules
Sloan, I was too late to yesterday’s thread, but I wanted to tell you I am so, so happy over the good news about your health!.
Sloan Sabbith
Thank you! My parents sent me flowers today and I started to cry again. So, so happy.
Anonymous
I got a mini-sized slinky as a little gift somewhere years ago, and it’s become my thing to keep at my desk and play with when I’m on long phone calls. Pull it apart, smush it together, make shapes with it …
anon
My child has a “fancy” metal one ($20- thanks husband). It’s fun to play with I guess, but I don’t feel compelled to seek one out. They are a little distracting and can be loud, especially if dropped. Know any elementary school teachers? I bet they have a drawer full that they confiscated during the school year.
ponte python's flying circus
I got my husband a relatively high-quality one for Father’s Day for about $15 on Amazon. He’s a world-class fidgeter already, so it just gives him some variation in type of fidgeting (and gives me some variation in what fidgeting I have to watch, although I am also quite a fidgeter). Watch the size – the one I got him is too big for me to spin one-handed. And a good thing too or I’d pinch it.
Veronica Mars
Full moon jewelry on etsy has orbit rings (thin wire rings with a bead you can move around it). I find them more effective and fashionable.
Anon
We had worry stones growing up. I’m pretty sure you can now buy them pre-worried, but they were basically smooth flat stones (like skipping stones) that you kept in your pocket and rubbed your thumb over when you needed something to do with your hands. Eventually they’d get a little divit in them. Not noisy and super discreet.
Fidgety
I play with my Walmart $5 spinner all the time. I have anxiety and it’s hard for me to sit still when I’m stressed. It’s helped me not eat everything in the house.
Linda from HR
I tried one at a souvenir stand once, not sure if it was just bad quality or what but it didn’t really seem like something I needed. I might get a fidget cube, they sell them at a local game and puzzle store.
I used to have a spinner ring though, more than 10 years ago. My boyfriend at the time gave it to me, it had a band around the outside that you could spin, it was a pretty excellent fidget device. I think I still have it somewhere, I should probably sell it.
Anonymous
I have a spinner, and I really like it. I like that I can just sit and spin it and feel the balance shift, or have it on my desk and run my finger along the top to feel the friction. But my boyfriend finds it too boring and prefers more active fidgiting so he has a little swively pen thing that he can do tricks with. or he shuffles cards.
couples therapy
I’m in the first year of marriage. My husband and I recently started going to couples therapy to talk through some challenges we’ve been having in dealing with conflict, intimacy and past trauma (we each have some trauma in our past). I’ve been coming out of the sessions feeling clear-headed and a lot lighter. He’s been feeling the opposite though. He feels overwhelmed by emotion after the sessions that he has trouble talking with me about much of anything for several days and it interferes with his work. I’m not sure whether I should suggest that we stop going or if this is a normal part of therapy. I also don’t really know what to do to be supportive other than giving him space. Any advice for me?
ohc
Definitely do not stop going. Also, congratulations on going in the first place! That is a hard and important step.
Has your husband identified his post-session overwhelm as a problem, or is this something that you’re diagnosing from afar? It is unclear from your post. If this is purely your hunch, then disregard the input below.
Assuming that your husband is also articulating this as a problem, I wonder if it would be useful for him to do a solo session (or a few) with your counselor. My husband also tends to retreat in the face of strong emotion; in fact, that’s something we’re also working on through therapy. In my husband’s case, his instinct to retreat or even flee comes out of other challenges, including a lot of fear-based anxiety. I do not mean to suggest that your husband is suffering the exact same inhibition, but based on what you describe, it sounds as though there is more going on for him than just emotional fatigue.
I also wonder if your therapist is focusing more on you during these sessions or offering you more validation. Even if your husband isn’t navigating other issues in the aftermath of a session, I can imagine how isolating it might feel to sense an imbalance in therapy.
Finally, one really small idea from our own therapy journey: we go out together for a treat (usually ice cream, but ymmv) after each session. That forces us into low-stress facetime, so we resist the urge to either a) continue the therapy session at home, after we’re both already pretty emotionally wrung out, or b) immediately go our separate ways at home as a result of the wrung-out-ness.
Ellen
Good luck! I had alot of intimacy issues with my ex. His idea of intimacy was to make me do stuff that I did NOT care to do, all under the guys of being his boyfreind. It is NOT intimate to have to do stuff with a drunk’s body that you do NOT want to do. Dad says it is $exueal harassment, and NOW I know he was right. FOOEY on him!
couples therapy
That does sound like my husband, and I appreciate your suggestions.
Cookbooks
While I’ve never attended couple’s therapy, I did attend therapy for years, and I often felt the same way as your husband after a session–enervated, emotionally drained, kind of down. I needed time to process and digest things before I felt better.
I think ohc’s suggestion about individual sessions for your husband is a good one. If dealing with just my own issues and emotions left me feeling worn out, I can only imagine what doing that times 2 must feel like. Focusing just on him could be less overwhelming.
But don’t stop going!
couples therapy
I will suggest the individual option- I could see that helping.
me
I hated couple’s therapy. I didn’t like our counselor and it felt like they were ganging up on me. My husband didn’t like her that much either and eventually we bonded over disliking her and we quit. We didn’t try again, but I wonder if I might have had a better reaction with a different counselor.
Anon
I’ve wondered how effective couple’s counseling works when one person is “in the wrong.” How does a counselor get that person to see the error in their ways without taking sides or making the other feel ganged up on. I’m not saying you were in the wrong “me,” your comment just made me think of that.
Anonymous
Late to the party, but that’s not the point of couple’s counseling. It’s definitely the reason a lot of people go to counseling – maybe if a neutral third party tells spouse he’s wrong then he’ll see how wrong he is. It’s also the reason a lot of people are disappointed by counseling. The “wrong” spouse feels ganged up on and the “right” spouse gets frustrated by the lack of progress. If someone really has his mind set on something then there’s really no changing it.
anon
Speaking from my parents’ experience — it took a while for them to find the right counselor and also realize the right balance between individual and couples therapy, especially because the “right” counselor made them actually address how the childhood trauma implicates how they interact with each other. For them, it really help that the couples and individual counselor were in the same practice and talked to each other (with permission) but were not the same person.
legal cancuk
For us, I shut down and he was more vocal. We had 3 miscarriages in 3 years and it nearly destroyed me and my marriage. I felt that individual counselling worked ( I needed to work on myself before I could work on us), and then once I was in a better headspace, I could work on the marriage. It took time but we are stronger now (as individuals and as couples).
ohc
Trumpcare delayed! KEEP CALLING YOUR SENATORS. Even better, hassle them while they’re on recess next week.
Anonymous
Anyone know the length of the recess – when do they leave, when do they return? Do they do town halls/somehow meet with people in their communities while they’re home? I (wishfully) have been saying if they have to go home and get screamed at/see protests from people whose insurance will double in price/be threatened etc. — there is less likely that it passes than if they voted before they flew out of DC. Any idea if any protests etc. are being planned or do we think senators will just hide in their homes?
Anon
Because screaming and protesting is clearly the appropriate way to effect positive change * eye roll*
Anonymous
Um isn’t that what people are doing about everything now? Womens march? Insurance etc.? Don’t care how they do it. Selfishly I want an affordable insurance option that is NOT tied to employment — it will open up opportunities to start one’s own business if insurance isn’t a ridiculous cost.
anon
Because reasoning and listening to other opinions and having empathy is a major component of the GOP. *eye roll*…
Anonymous
I don’t even understand what all of you are eye rolling about – I’m not expressing affinity to either party (bc I have none to either). Simply asked if there are planned protests or not.
cbackson
If you’re opposed to “screaming and protesting” I’m sure you’d be happy to give back your right to vote, child labor laws, and the existence of the United States as a nation, right? Because people who were willing to scream, protest, carry signs, chain themselves to fences, and generally make life uncomfortable for the government are where we got all of those things.
anon
Bingo. Sitting back and not engaging is very elitist.
Suburban
+1 I really don’t understand this argument and I see it a lot lately. Is employing the basic mechanisms of our democracy (public protests, calling your gosh dern representatives) somehow unbecoming now? I just don’t get it.
Anon
The argument is that your vote is how you actually effect change.
Crying, screaming, whining, complaining, and being disruptive are not so much mechanisms of democracy as ways to communicate displeasure with how things are going when you didn’t get your way. These kinds of ways to communicate absolutely are unbecoming.
How about being civil and writing letters to your representatives or the newspaper instead? Or volunteering on future campaigns? Or anything constructive really.
Anonymama
Uh, all of those things are kind of an American tradition, dating back to the days of the Revolution. Read some history, it’s actually really interesting and inspiring!
Anonymous
Um, the right to whine and complain is baked right into the First Amendment, so you’ll have to explain to me how that’s not a mechanism for democracy.
Suburban
But I did vote. I didn’t vote on this bill and you didn’t either. No one saw it until a few days ago. You can be a republican and not like this bill. You can hate the ACA and not like this bill. You think it’s unbecoming to call senators and tell them what their constituents want? That makes no sense in a representative democracy.
nasty woman
“Crying, screaming, whining, complaining, and being disruptive are not so much mechanisms of democracy as ways to communicate displeasure with how things are going when you didn’t get your way. These kinds of ways to communicate absolutely are unbecoming.”
Wow, you’re a real treat. Did it ever cross your ignorant, closed, privileged mind that sometimes writing letters to your senators isn’t sufficient and people NEED to get more disruptive to be heard? Particularly where those people are in the minority, disenfranchised, or otherwise at a huge power disadvantage?
Come on. The fact that you characterize someone standing up for their civil rights/interests as “crying, screaming, whining, and complaining … when things didn’t go [their] way” says a lot more about you and your respect for other people’s humanity than it does about anyone who is protesting. Advocating for your rights is in no way comparable to a child sobbing in the check out because he can’t get candy.
Enjoy your right to vote that other women went through h*ll to win for your ungrateful a$$. Would you tell suffragettes that their actions were unbecoming?
cbackson
You know who was unbecoming? Suffragettes, with all of that marching and yelling and chaining themselves to fences when they should have been home cooking for their husbands.
Martin Luther King, with all of that stirring up black people and getting them marching when they could have been quietly writing letters to Congress and waiting for white people to see the error of their ways – so unbecoming.
Garment workers, who had the gall to protest the Triangle Shirtwaist fire. All of that screaming about women who burned to death because of poor worker safety – so unbecoming.
The March for Life – so unbecoming, all of that yelling about dead babies.
The Tea Party, screaming at congressmen during town halls. Hearing women yell like that hurts my ears, and it’s just not how ladies behave! Shouldn’t they stay home and write some letters?
We live in a democracy, and the contest of ideas is rarely pretty, but it is critical. You’re free to stay home, of course, and write letters, and wait two years or four years to see change. Perhaps you’re fortunate enough not to live a life so insulated that none of the issues debated today seem urgent to you.
That must be nice.
But the true lack of decorum isn’t protesting – it is denigrating your fellow citizens for exercising rights that our founding fathers deemed so critical that they protected them in the Constitution.
Trish
I am pretty sure that gathering in the street and protesting are EXACTLY the behaviors contemplated in the First Amendment where it says we have the right to assembly.
Anonymous
It’s working, isn’t it? So those sour grapes aren’t doing anything but making you thirsty.
I’m sure it’s very difficult to see the same tactics you and other Trump supporters used in the election turned around on your own party. Poor you. This must be a very frustrating and confusing time for you. I’ll keep you in my thoughts.
Anon
But I didn’t vote for Trump and have had no part in those kinds of “tactics” which you reference. I just don’t think that whining and protesting are constructive ways to effect change when there are options such as writing letters or running for office or actually voting.
Anonymama
I don’t think it’s very seemly to accuse people of “whining” when they are genuinely concerned about millions of their fellow citizens losing their health insurance. And politics has never been polite, at least today the politicians aren’t generally shooting each other (Aaron Burr, Sir!) or beating each other to death with canes. Your nostalgia is for something that never existed.
Anon
Here’s the schedule. They don’t come back until the 11th. Yes, they’ll have town halls and such. They won’t hide out that whole time.
https://www.majorityleader.gov/wp-content/uploads/2016/11/2017_ANNUAL_CALENDAR.pdf
ohc
Though in my case–I live in PA–I wouldn’t be surprised if there were protests planned outside Toomey’s (presumably empty) house.
Anonymous
Toomey is the worst. UGH.
~Fellow PA resident
Anonymous
I am a working mother of two young children. Maybe I’m the sort of person who should be in politics (or maybe politics should have more people like me (and more of all other sorts of people)). But while protests at people’s homes are a thing, I will absolutely not consider it. The crazies out there are real. And even without crazies like the Alexandria shooter, I don’t want my children having to live with this outside of their bedrooms, which are a few feet from the sidewalk. I wouldn’t consider being even on strickly local things like the school board. No civics until we become civil.
Anonymous
Oh please. Your kids aren’t gonna die because you’re on school board. Get a grip.
They might because they go to school in a country that doesn’t sensibly regulate guns though. But I’m glad you’re sitting out that fight because it doesn’t sit well with your lemonade and white gloves.
Anonymous
to Anonymous @4:34: This type of comment is uncalled for. I have come to appreciate this forum for fair responses.
Swiss Miss
Facebook recently announced a revision to their mission statement and sounds like they are going to be putting more emphasis on “meaningful groups” as a way to build community. Since I’m not a mother, pyramid schemer,or garage saler, I’ve never found any interesting Facebook groups to join. Any recommendations from the hive?
Anonymous
Pantsuit Nation
Local Women’s Shelter or Refugee Support Group (Search ‘Friends of Local Centre Name’)
Jdubs
Cooking / Recipe groups, local groups about your town/neighborhood for local events, book club groups
anon
Lawyers for Good Government
(IANAL but I still follow)
Anonymous
I am a member of several groups that pertain to my hobbies. I also am a member of neighborhood/city groups. There are groups for various podcast’s fans too.
There is a group out there for just about anything, although sometimes you have to weed through to find one that has the tone or discussions that you like!
Anonymous
Re-Lilly Group
it’s buy-sell-trade one’s old Lilly Pulitzer
Torin
I’m really only a member of hobby groups. About half a dozen for climbing and cooking interests.
Jules
My small town has a “bulletin board” page and a general community page for upcoming events and news, announcements, etc, an “open discussion” page (which can get surprisingly unpleasant sometimes), a virtual yard sale for buying and selling things (I’m not a yard-saler either but am drinking delicious cold-brew coffee from my recently purchased, brand new brewer purchased there) and an animal rescue/lost-and-found-pets site.
These sites do help build community, at least where I live. There were updates and commiseration when a storm knocked out power in most of the town last weekend, celebration when our longtime UPS guy came back from a medical leave and more dogs and cats reunited with their families than I can count.
Anon.
My boss recently took credit for some work I did and I’m trying to decide if this is something worth being annoyed at or if this is just the way of the world since I am the underling and boss is entitled to my work. Boss was assigned a special assignment by someone high up in the organization – not her direct boss and the assignment was not within our normal workflow. Basically she was asked to redesign the TPS report for company wide use. Assuming the redesign goes well, it has the potential for big visibility within the company. She was told to use software program A. My boss does not know how to use software program A so originally she asked me to teach her, but then just decided I should do it instead. I did the whole project in software A and then did an alternate version in software B for reasons X,Y, &Z. Boss told me that software B was off the table. Last week when she presented the end product to the higher up, I was within hearing distance but not invited to the meeting. She didn’t mention me once and then told boss that she was recommending him to use software B for reasons X,Y&Z. Is this normal boss/team work dynamics? Or do you think I have a right to want a little credit for the redesign?
Anonymous
The money is the thank you.
I.e. Not you don’t get credit.
Pompom
A+ Don Draper reference.
waffles
I was just going to comment on how I appreciated the Office Space reference! Too funny.
Anonnn
errhmmm….
Things that are actually said at my office for 500, Pat.
Suburban
+1
Anon.
Thanks. I needed the reality check. I sort of knew I wouldn’t get credit, but wasn’t prepared for boss to be totally condescending about software B to my face, but then turn around and use my selling points word for world to the higher up. In my previous position leading a team, I absolutely would have given my team members credit for work like this.
Anonforthis
Are you me? My boss seems to think that her job is to present my work to her boss, passing it off as her work. It super sucks. I’m hunting for new jobs. Hugs to you.
UKanon
I manage people and I would have given you credit for this. Because it’s the right thing to do, but also she’s left herself wide open to being caught out (like someone goes can you just change this colour/widen this margin/change this layout or whatever, and you’re out to lunch and she can’t do it). But I’m a big fan of the person who did the work and understands it being in the room – the appropriate thing for the boss to take credit for is putting the team together that gets this stuff done.
Anonymous BigLaw Associate
Yeah, this. More senior people taking credit for more junior people’s work is a short-sighted, toxic management technique. Not much you can do aside from look for a new job if this is a common thing.
SC
I agree. There are ways to manage teams and make everyone look good.
Depending on the organization, Boss might be doing herself a disservice long-term because she needs to justify her own position as manager/supervisor. If the higher-ups think she’s literally doing the work, not putting the team together and providing them resources, they might conclude there’s no reason for her to manage other people.
SO AWKWARD
There is an older man who works for the same company that I do who is a second cousin of my trainer for one of my hobby sports. My trainer is not close with this second cousin. I don’t recall how we made that connection, but when I was still working in the same building as him, we would have very casual conversation at the coffee station if we were both there at the same time. I do not work with or even in the same segment as this person.
Today I received an email from him inviting me to be his guest at the wedding of a couple he knows through square dancing.
I’m sorry, WHAT? This is so awkward. I do not want to go, but he is nice and no matter how I frame it, it’s going to be even more awkward if I see him in person again. I am sure he will be gracious in the face of my rejection BUT WHYYYYYYYY???
Sassyfras
I think it’s only awkward if you make it awkward. He sounds like a lonely, older man and I wouldn’t assume anything beyond maybe he doesn’t have anyone else to invite. Politely decline, just say you have another obligation on that date, and then pretend it never happened.
SO AWKWARD
That’s exactly what I am going to do, but I am struggling to see how someone goes from random coffee
stop conversation once a month to wedding date (which to me is an invitation to extend to a romantic partner/interest or a very close friend).
anonymous
Some weddings are more casual about the guest list than others. He may well see a “I need a +1 who can dance!” invitation as less of a big deal than asking someone on a regular date.
Anonymous
But he didn’t meet OP through dance, right? I think it’s way less weird to invite someone you dance with socially (as a friend) then to invite a colleague you’ve never seen outside the office!
SO AWKWARD
That may be true, but how does he know that I will think the same way?
He did admit in his email that it was awkward, but that he starts out that way in order “to get to forward, onward, and/or upward.”
I need to get back to work, but I am distracted now.
SO AWKWARD
Also, for me, any type of dancing is something that is more intimate than I ever want to be with a very far removed co-worker. I have no interest in physical touch with people I do not really know or care about. Maybe I am a grinch, but no thank you!
Anonymous
He probably didn’t know how you would see it, so he asked. It’s ok if you ask something and people turn you down, right?
Linda from HR
OP, that’s an absolutely normal attitude towards dancing! But as a social dancer in a different scene, I know plenty of people who are comfortable dancing with friends and strangers. Although dancing with coworkers can feel weird, I’d rather dance with a stranger than someone I work with.
Anon
Yuck, I’m sorry this happened to you. Sometimes as a woman I feel like we’re sitting ducks for all this- awkward at best, possibly creepy. Your plan sounds right. I think what I want to say is that yeah, it’s awkward, and he made it awkward, so don’t feel badly.
anon
Is it creepy or is it an older man asking a younger woman out on a date? He may have thought she was more interested than she is due to the polite chit chat. If she doesn’t want to go, she should just politely decline. But I don’t think it’s creepy.
Anon
I said possibly. I’m really not sure. I don’t have an answer but I got a lot of this type of attention when I was young and single. Did it make some older man creepy that he was interested in dating a younger woman? To be fair, probably not. Did it make me feel awful, disgusted (“creeped out”) that someone my father’s age wanted a romantic relationship with me? Yup. Sure did. All the time.
Anonymous
I think a date request from a co-worker generally falls under the category of “creepy” unless there has been flirting, socialization outside the office or the “askee” has otherwise indicated s/he’s open to going on a date with the “asker.” Asking a co-worker out is very, very different than asking out a stranger in a bar or someone you know socially.
Anonymous
Anon at 3:17 – putting aside creepy vs. not creepy, why can’t women go about their days, being polite (so as not to be labeled a B, or you know just because they are actually nice and polite), without having to worry about whether a man will take it for more than it is – being polite. I can’t speak to the OP’s situation, but if I say hello to someone while I am walking down the street, I expect them to say hello back, not ask me on a date. It would be rude to ignore someone who is inviting casual conversation, but the response to politeness shouldn’t have to cause a woman to reject a man’s advances.
Linda from HR
As I’ve learned through comments in this corner of the internet, not everyone sees going to a wedding together as something only serious couples do. Sometimes a person asks you to be their +1 because they feel they need a date, and you seemed like a good option, so you shouldn’t always assume someone is serious about dating you just because they invite you to be their +1.
That said, it’s totally valid and okay to only want to attend weddings with a serious romantic partner, and turn down +1 invites from friends, coworkers, partners you’re not serious about yet, etc.
Anonymous
Ahhhh. Sorry, but I think this is so awkward and I would not assume the guy is well-intentioned. I have too much experience with creepy old men I guess.
SO AWKWARD
This has also been my experience and while he is very sweet in-person, it’s just another thing I don’t want to deal with at work.
Sloan Sabbith
Ooh. On one hand, I feel so much secondhand heartbreak for him- it must be so, so hard to have literally no one to invite to a wedding other than your second cousin’s trainer’s client who works in the same building as you. But on the other hand, ouch. That’s a super, super un-fun situation for you.
SO AWKWARD
But that’s the thing, he has square dancing partners, and based on our conversations, I know that he spends a lot of time with the members of his church. He has friends here at work that he walks with every day at lunch (I see them on occasion). I find it really hard to believe that I am the only person he could come up with to invite.
Sloan Sabbith
Oh. Yeah, okay, so weird.
Rainbow Hair
Just want to give you some validation — I’d be weirded out too.
(1) weirded out to be invited to a wedding with someone where there had been neither a long friendship nor a romantic anything.
(2) weirded out to be asked out – cold – by a COWORKER.
(3) weirded out to be asked out by someone who seems really age-inappropriate.
SO AWKWARD
Thank you. At least up until now, the workplace was one location in my daily life where I felt I could go about my business without being subjected to unwanted attention. Whether that’s true or not in reality, I don’t know, but it’s how I felt. I work in a very small group and we all get along extremely well and it’s a really wonderful environment and now I’m uncomfortable.
I am sure that some of the people up thread will think I’m overreacting, and yes I’ll be fine, it will pass, but still.
Anon
+1 to Rainbow Hair. It seems from the comments above that others see this differently, but I would have the same reaction. It’s super weird and awkward and I would totally wonder if there were romantic intentions. Also, is it that big of a deal to go to a wedding on your own? I’ve done in a few times, even when I didn’t really know many of the other people at the wedding. I would definitely rather go alone to a wedding than ask a coworker I barely know to be my date!
Anonymous
Same. And if I couldn’t bear to go the wedding alone, I’d a) ask someone I didn’t work with or b) not go. I cannot fathom asking a coworker I barely know.
Swiss Miss
Oh no. I feel so much secondhand awkwardness about this!
Anon for this
Does anyone have anyone in their lives who just makes you feel bad? My husband’s best friend and his wife just always make me feel crummy about myself. They’re nice enough, but the problem is on my end.
This woman is much more successful than me (same field). She’s much thinner than me (I struggle with weight), their house is bigger/ fancier, her kids are better behaved and they are always talking about the latest greatest restaurant/ vacation / new car. It just makes me feel like an ugly duckling.
Anyway, we’re seeing them this weekend. Any tips on not feeling like an insecure 12 year old?
Anonymous
Why does it matter if she’s better than you? Sure maybe she is more successful and thinner with better kids, so? There’s nothing you can do about it so why not talk about other things and not sit there saying – wow her 5 yr old isn’t throwing a tantrum. Besides while professional successful and weight are challenges, I’m sorry but if your kids aren’t well behaved that’s on you and is fixable.
Anonymous
“if your kids aren’t well behaved that’s on you and is fixable” Super nice of you. I used to think like that when I had one kid, then I had twins.
OP – Don’t let comparison be the thief of joy. Focus on the positives in your own life. You have no idea about every detail of their lives. It might not be weight but it might be family issues (sick parent or grandparent) or health issues unrelated to weight. Everyone has their own challenges -they may ebb and flow in how challenging a certain phase of life is but no one is coasting birth to grave.
Op
Thanks- that’s a helpful reminder. The kids are babies so I’m not going to bash myself for being a bad parent on top of being fat and stupid. It just looks like easier for her I guess was my point.
Sloan Sabbith
:( You aren’t fat and stupid. It may also help to write out or remind yourself of ten or fifteen things you’re grateful for beforehand and reframe your own self-talk.
Cookbooks
I like Sloan’s idea about a list of positives things in your life. It’s a good way to remind yourself that just because she seems to have it all together, that’s not a reflection on you. You have good things in your life, and just because they may not be same good things as the wife, it doesn’t mean they’re worth any less!
Anonymous
It helps to think that while you see 100% of your life/day, you only see a tiny sliver of hers, maybe 10% tops. Someone who only sees 10% of your day might think you have it easy too. I odn’t know you personally but I’ve had people share these feelings with me when I thought the reverse.
Example: a friend of mine thought I had a prettier face and more money and felt bad for it. She didn’t see me putting overtime. I’m jealous of her wonderful hair and her awsome dancing skills. She reminded me of whole days spent in bed sore after a tough practice or the time her knee gave out
Think of it as the same issue there is with social media. You see all the nice holiday photos but not the funerals, you see the new shoes, but not the nail infection, etc etc
You see the small inner struggles in your life but can’t see everyone elses, and it leads you to think they just dont exist. If you’re close, consider sharing these feelings with her. She will be surprised (and probably flattered). Anyone would be surprised. Nobody’s lives are perfect and you’re just seeing an edit, a cropped picture, if you will
anon
Wow. Perhaps you’re not aware that all kids are different? I don’t want to take this too far off-topic, but surely you realize that some children are easier to parent than others? Ask me how I know.
OP, I’m sorry, I totally feel you. Remind yourself of all the ways that you rock. Not in an “I’m better than HER because of X, Y, Z” way, but more, “Hey, she’s good at this, but I’m really good at things, too, like, A, B and C.”
anon
There’s a HUGE overlap in my friend group among parents who think their kids are different and harder to parent than most kids, and parents who just plain do a poor job of parenting. Like, their kid hits other kids. But I watch the same kid (from 2 years old onward) hit the parent in the face when they get mad with no consequence beyond a mild “We use our words, right? OK?” I’m so tired of these parents just giving up on discipline (which admittedly is hard and no fun) because they can excuse it with their child being an indigo child, or just being so sensitive that they get overwhelmed and can’t help it, or whatever.
anon
Hey, thanks for basically calling me a crappy parent. I didn’t elaborate, but if you “ask me how I know” it’s because I have two kids who are night and day different. One responds very well to all the usual, recommended discipline techniques. The other? I have to work a lot harder at it. I have to be more creative. Believe me, he doesn’t get away with being a little a-hole, like you’re implying, but trust me that you don’t see the full picture or how hard we’re working behind the scenes to get through to him.
Your comments on this topic are straight-up mean.
Senior Attorney
I think the first comment above is pretty mean-spirited, but I actually really like the idea of “she’s better than me — so what?” We tend to make life a contest but it doesn’t have to be! Enjoy her fancy house and let it go! You can’t lose the contest if you don’t compete!
PatsyStone
Yep. I get this feeling from all people my mom. She’s even told me she feels bad for her daughters that she has perfectly created a perfect life. And now from a lot of my law school friends who have all the fancy lawyer trappings give me a not-good-enough pit in my stomach.
And the right answer is Who Cares?! I am awesome at being imperfect and I get better at it everyday. Who likes to hang out with perfect people? Frankly, they’re the worst. They’re like white couches to me- what’s the point?
I am not destined to be (seemingly effortlessly) thin, have a beautiful home, and go out all the time. Turns out I don’t value that for me, but for others, fine. My job is cool if not fancy, my kid is hilarious if not perfectly behaved, my husband is a wonderful person if not a model, the dog is amazing but old and gassy, my (rental!) house is a mess, and I’m rockin’ a fat ass. (and one leg haha)
Only you have to power to release yourself. I also really worked on this in therapy (Mom issues!) and it’s given me the freedom to let those feelings go when they come.
CountC
Love this!
Anonymous
Exactly! “I am awesome at being imperfect!”
Sloan Sabbith
Oddly enough, I thought of Big Little Lies when reading this. I’m not saying she’s going through DV, but she may be struggling and you just don’t know it. Her husband might be gone a lot, she may be silently struggling with depression, etc. Just remember that you’re seeing the facade- no one’s life is perfect. If she’s actively condescending, that’s different, but in all likelihood, there’s stuff that she probably thinks “Wow, I so wish I was like Anon for this, she’s got it together!”
Also, remember she’s a person, too. Find those little things you connect about- maybe it’s that her kids are angels during the day but like yours (no assumptions, just an example) are tiny little devil-terrors at bedtime. Connection! Maybe it’s that she cannot for the life of her figure out how to make her garden look as nice as yours (REAL GARDEN, EVERYONE. WITH DIRT AND PLANTS.), and you can talk about the nursery you love.
I’ve got a person like this and everything seems to be wonderful for them- until I started talking about “OMG this is so annoying!” and it turns out they felt the exact same way. Be yourself.
Anonymous
Or she might be great. Really genuinely great.
She so isn’t the point. She doesn’t make you feel bad you do that to herself. Don’t fix it by comparing more. You need to build up your own self worth.
Sloan Sabbith
Even really genuinely great people aren’t perfect. Just reminding OP to not see her as perfect and treat her like anyone else, while being kinder to herself.
Anon also
+1 Let her have her lovely life, home, career, and children. And enjoy yours while you change what you don’t like about yours. No need for her to fail or make herself smaller so you can feel better about yourself because you can feel better about yourself all on your own!
Anonymous
Agree, I hate the implication that if you think someone has a great life, it must be a facade and she’s secretly mentally ill or something. Some people are happy and have nice lives. Deal with it.
Sloan Sabbith
Oh for the love of god. I’m not saying she doesn’t have a nice life, I’m saying she doesn’t have a perfect life and that’s good to remember. JFC.
Anonymous
And what we’re saying is that she might have a perfect life. She might have done everything right, is a really awesome, nice and never really had any obstacles in her life. It’s possible. The point is – it doesn’t matter. Whatever is going on in her life is irrelevant and by focusing on how her life isn’t perfect, you are STILL making a comparison to her life, instead of focusing on living your own best life.
Anonymous
Not trying to pick on you specifically, Sloan, but it always bothers me when someone posts about some seemingly perfect person and everyone chimes in with “Maybe her husband hits her! Maybe they have hundreds of thousands in consumer debt! Maybe the jobs that afford all that wealth make them miserable!”
Maybe. But maybe they really do have genuinely great lives. Rather than inventing (probably false) justifications for why these people are secretly miserable, I think it’s better to let go of the comparison and just focus on trying to be happy for them and happy about all that you have.
I have a friend who has the most gorgeous home. It costs at least three times what mine does, and is beautifully decorated and always immaculately clean. It has a back deck that’s basically the size of the first floor of my house, and overlooks a beautiful lake. Every time I go over there it’s like being on vacation. Rather than being jealous, I just think “How lucky am I that I don’t have to pay for a spa day or a weekend getaway because I can hang out at my friend’s house and get the same amount of relaxation”. Of course it helps that my friend is very gracious and compliments my (small and not nearly as fancy) house too. Don’t be friends with a-holes who are smug about their wealth.
Anonymous
+1. Be happy for your friends (and yourself!), instead of finding reasons to find yourself wanting. Life is not a contest.
Sloan Sabbith
Thanks. Again, though- trying to put it in perspective. No one’s life is perfect. No one. Thinking someone’s life is perfect is a good way to make yourself feel terrible. I’m not saying she’s miserable, I’m saying she’s human and probably struggles just like everyone else.
Anonymous
But there are some people whose lives ARE perfect, or close to it. I think it’s fair to say that everyone has had some sad or disappointing things happen to them at some point in their lives – if nothing else, by age 30 almost everyone has lost a grandparent – but not everyone has experienced tragedy and there are plenty of people who aren’t currently “struggling” with anything. I’ve had my fair share of career struggles in the past, but right now I honestly feel (knock on wood) my life is perfect or as close to it as I can reasonably expect it to be. I mean, sure, it would be nice if someone handed me a huge stack of cash or gave me a one year sabbatical to travel the world, but I have more than enough money to fund my lifestyle and at my current savings rate I should be able to travel as much as I want in retirement. I don’t have a big worry hanging over my head and haven’t in years. I have several friends and family members that feel the same way. It’s really, truly possible that she is enjoying the h*ll out of her great career, beautiful body, lovely family and fancy house/car/vacations.
The point is, it doesn’t matter whether her life is perfect or not – OP should focus on being happy with her own life.
Cookbooks
(REAL GARDEN, EVERYONE. WITH DIRT AND PLANTS.)
This made me laugh out loud! I kind of needed that this afternoon.
NewRecruit
+1
NewRecruit
LMAO: Maybe it’s that she cannot for the life of her figure out how to make her garden look as nice as yours (REAL GARDEN, EVERYONE. WITH DIRT AND PLANTS.)
I agree with ^^^ But no harm in making yourself feel better too. Tell yourself that your “garden” REALLY DOES LOOK BETTER!! Hahahahahah! Your soil is moist and fertile, your flowers are sweet and plentiful. It is BLOSSOMING!!
Sloan Sabbith
I just spit water everywhere, thanks for that.
Op
I might actually do this. If only to make myself laugh.
anon
I am not thin but I am relatively successful and I have a long-time friend who I know feels this way about me. It bums me out. I adore her. She chose a different path than I did (dropped her career and did SAHM after her kids were born) and it becomes clear through subtle comments when we get together that she’s comparing her life with mine, unfavorably.
But there’s nothing to compare. I just love her fundamentally as a person & don’t give a rat’s ass if she spent all day doing laundry. I hate that anything I’m doing with my life makes her feel bad about hers.
OP I sincerely doubt this woman in your life would be spending a bunch of time with you if she genuinely felt superior to you or thought you were “fat and stupid.” Give her the benefit of the doubt and keep on being your awesome self.
Anonymous
This is lovely.
anon
I wonder if all of these feelings are truly self-imposed? I had a very competitive friend at one time and she frequently made comments and insinuated things that had me second-guessing my weight (oh, you need to eat more? Sorry, I put all the food away…), my education and job (wow, I wish I could dress so casually at work) and my life in general. I always thought that it was me until I heard about the concept of a “mean friend” or “frenemy.” After that, I was able to put it in perspective and be proud of myself and realize that these comments were reflections of her own shortcomings. I also severely limited contact with this person during certain low points in my life, knowing that my self-esteem couldn’t take it. I also recommend listening to Act Three in the This American Life episode 245: Allure of the Mean Friend, called “The Underminer.”
Pompom
I have this same friend! My favorite quote over the years has been something like “yeah, but I’m like a real lawyer. I have to wear suits. You don’t even have to wear suits.” (Um, yes, I do have and wear suits, and I’m also a *real* lawyer…regardless. Beeyotch.)
PatsyStone
Wow. Did you tell her her insecurities were showing?
Op
Yeah, I’m not 100% sure. It makes me feel bad when she or her husband will talk about third parties. In particular, a close friend of mine that they know casually. They call her ‘disgusting’ and laughed at her bc her son was very tall(?) (seems crazy when I think about it). I guess I think they must be saying that about me too?
Anonymous
Okay, that’s gross. If she is making mean-spirited and rude comments about mutual friends behind their backs, I wouldn’t want to continue my friendship with her. I don’t have time in my life for “friends” like that.
anon
Woah, there’s no call for that. No wonder your Spidey sense is going off. I would avoid personal subjects all around and have some neutral topics lined up to talk about and change the subject if they do that to your mutual friend. And don’t let them think they are getting to you. The best self-defense for people like this is confidence. I think people like that are very insecure, otherwise they wouldn’t think and talk about others with such scrutiny.
Anonymous
When they say stuff like that, you don’t have to laugh along. You can tell her that she’s being mean and that you don’t agree.
SC
My SIL used to be like this. She would say really mean-spirited comments about other people, and I was convinced (and probably right) that she talked about me behind my back. One Thanksgiving, she was criticizing and laughing at someone’s new girlfriend, who I hadn’t met yet, and I said something like, “She’s probably just having a hard time fitting into the group.” SIL started crying because she thought I thought she was mean. (Alcohol had been consumed.) The point is, she was so insecure that she broke down when called on it in the most mild way possible.
Interestingly, SIL has mellowed in the last few years and has talked about how she struggles with social anxiety. She’s a much nicer person, and we have a good relationship now.
Senior Attorney
Yeah, that’s a whole ‘nother kettle of fish. I think you should definitely stick up for your friend.
Rainbow Hair
Thanks for saying this. I had a “friend” who made me feel awful, and I was like “ugh what’s wrong with me?” but it turned out she also made all our other friends feel awful, so maybe it *wasn’t* just me! She was never overtly insulting, but she was competitive in stupid ways (like she wouldn’t let anyone else even have a chance to guess an answer on our trivia team???), talked constantly about how skinny she was (not bragging – arguably deprecating, but still!), loved to low-key remind us how much $$$ she had, was judgmental about people who weren’t there, etc.
Finally, when I came home one night all frustrated and down after hanging out with her, my husband said, “RainbowHair? Maybe you just *don’t like* Person?” and it was a revelation! I didn’t have to like her, and I certainly didn’t have to spend time with someone who made me feel low.
anon
Yep. I have since gained so many friendships that are positive and affirming I can’t believe I put up with it for so long. You have a choice and it’s freeing. I’m almost 40 – I have no space in my m**f** life for people like that. Now I think, geez if we were all hanging out, none of my current friends would let her treat me that way. I seriously thought I was having mental health problems, like paranoia. Turns out I was having problems, but they were depression and anxiety. Which the friendship made so much worse. I’m now on medication and much more confident. Don’t get me started on the counselor that I saw while friends with her who told my undermining friend some of my problems, thinking she was helping me. That’s why I won’t go back in therapy.
anon
I just always remind myself people all have things going on that you don’t see or don’t think about.
I’m probably this friend for a lot of people. I also have a very serious scary health issue that doesn’t affect my day to day but is sort of lurking that people don’t always know about. Everyone has their own battles.
I went to a party at the house of a woman whom I don’t know well the other day and it’s gorgeous and her kids are perfect… and her dad drank too much and hit on me. And I was again reminded, everyone has their own battles.
Sloan Sabbith
This is what I was trying to point out.
Anonymous
Yes, but the point the other poster was trying to make is that you need to get to the point where you’re not even comparing at all! It doesn’t matter if people’s lives are perfect or if they’re not, you should be enjoying your own or working on yours if you’re not. Once you can get to that point, these issues won’t even come up.
IME, if you are set to point out that there are flaws in other peoples lives, it pivots you away from having to actually do something to improve your own.
ELS
This is a great sentiment, but not really all that practical, right? I mean, I’d like to say that we’re all evolved, wonderful humans who don’t compare each other.
But we do.
So maybe instead of being condescending about how everyone is wrong (over and over! Every time someone says something!) we could just, you know. Let people do what works for them?
AB
At your respective funerals, no one will say “she had such a nice career” or “she was so thin” or “remember when she took that fantastic vacation?” You are a woman of worth regardless of all those things. And by being loving to yourself, you increase that worth.
profmama
Brilliant!
Anonymous
What do you do in your life that you like or are proud of? I’m sure you have your own hobbies and accomplishments. If not, go do something you enjoy instead of spending time with this person.
Torin
Stop hanging out with them.
Seriously, why are you doing it? Why force yourself to hang around someone whose company you don’t enjoy?
I tend to agree with people who say you need to stop comparing yourself to her/them, but also, just stop hanging out with her/them altogether. Do something you actually want to do.
Anonymous BigLaw Associate
Yeah this. I get this woman is your husband’s best friend’s wife, but there is no reason for you to have to hand out with her if you don’t want to and she makes you feel bad. Have you told your husband how you feel?
Anon
+1
Maybe your husband can hang out with his best friend alone? No need for you to be there at all.
Stati
I used to feel this way about a “friend” (husbands were friends, wives were friends by association). I felt inferior to her in a lot of ways, same as some of those you mention (i.e. weight).
She turned out to be a closet alcoholic and was addicted to Percocet and phentermine. I guess that’s how she stayed so thin.
Everybody has insecurities. Don’t give her any power over yours.
PJ
FYI – LK Bennett has an additional 30% off all sale items right now. Use code “CELEBRATE”
at checkout.
Anon
Advice for tapping the brakes when you’re head over heels for a guy? Everything is going great, I’ve just temporarily lost my mind and become a teenager daydreaming about diamond rings and white dresses, which is very out of character for me (always been team “who needs marriage maybe I’ll never marry”). I need help getting my feet back on the ground so I can see logically where this is going!
Anonymous
Sounds like he might be the one! ;) I think this is super normal and there’s no reason to tap the brakes. I mean, don’t put a deposit down on a church or anything, but I think as long as it’s all daydreaming in your head it’s fine and totally normal.
Anon in NYC
Or…. just enjoy it?
Scarlett
+1 – enjoy it. that’s the best feeling. If it works out, amazing happy awesome. If it doesn’t, you’ll be sad & you’ll recover. But enjoy the high!
January
I know, this isn’t the most helpful advice, but really – if you got to feel this way, and it ends anyway, you’ll probably look back and be glad you got to feel this way.
Senior Attorney
That’s what I told myself when I was dating Lovely Husband: “Even if this doesn’t work out, I am so so happy to be with someone so lovely and this is so fun that it will be worth it to be sad when it ends!”
Baconpancakes
I know this feeling, and the feeling of needing control over one’s emotions. (Even when it ends up great and you DO need to start looking for white dresses later on!) The attitude of “calm down, Bacon. Look at this rationally,” helped me a lot, and not being blinded by adoration has helped a lot as we’ve combined lives. I can say to myself “You knew he didn’t pick up his socks going into this,” which helps me not be as angry about it, and focus instead on how to fix the problem.
I did it by putting off being exclusive and purposefully scheduling myself days and weeks with friends and family when I wouldn’t see him or contact him. Having a book club and happy hours with casual friends and work friends, where it would be inappropriate to gush about my wonderful SO, helped me to feel like I was still myself, and not getting lost in being in love. Having a standing weekly social obligation where he’s not invited, like a pottery class or book club or girl’s night, will help a lot.
Senior Attorney
Definitely the standing obligations that don’t include him are very helpful! It keeps you from seeming too available, it gives you something to do other than sit home thinking about him, and it keeps you from putting all your eggs in his basket.
Jules - BR sales?
I love the cropped cardigan from BR that Midwestern Constituent posted to earlier today. I hardly ever shop at BR, though (just the outlet store that is all too convenient for me) – do they have frequent sales like AT/Loft/LE, such that I should wait for a while for a sale before pulling the trigger? Or do nice basics like this sell out so fast that I should just buy it while they have exactly what I want?
Thanks.
Anonymous
I would never buy anything from BR that wasn’t 30-40% off. They have constant sales, sometimes even greater than 40%, but usually the inventory is low by then.
PatsyStone
If I HAVE to have it, I wait 24 hours, and if I can’t bear to see it go in my size/colors I go ahead and buy the next day. Otherwise, I’ll wait for a sale. It should be 2-3 weeks from when it first arrived online.
Jules - BR sales?
Thanks, both of you.
Anon Lawyer
Any recommendations as to a Microsoft surface or Apple MacBook Air or an iPad pro? My computer (MacBook Pro) has died and I’m trying to figure out what to get next. I really want something relatively small and light. TIA!
Sloan Sabbith
I was talking to the Apple guy yesterday and (note: this is not something I have experience with) he said that he doesn’t think the iPad pro is quite at computer-replacement stage yet. I have an iPad Air 2 and, from my own experience, would tend to agree. Of course, the iPad Pro has a lot more features than the iPad Air, but for some things, the iPad is just not a replacement. Examples: research, anything web-based that requires selecting/dragging/dropping/uploading, multitasking (I don’t find the iOS multitasking ability quite up to prime time yet).
I’m thinking about getting a Surface once my MacBook dies. Classmates in law school had one and loved its flexibility.
Swiss Miss
I have an iPad Pro and I love it, but it’s definitely not a laptop replacement, even with the new keyboard (which I love). I find it perfect for the basics when I’m traveling or don’t want to lug my laptop around.
Anon
+1. I didn’t want the keyboard cover so I got a bluetooth keyboard for it. Used it in the car on an 8 hour drive to sign-up a deal – on the large one I liked that I could fit a word doc and a PDF side by side to be able to look at/input changes. Definitely not a laptop replacement, but I also like using it. But for the computer games husband and I play, I probably wouldn’t even bother with a personal laptop. Between the home desktop (yes I’m one of those and I love it), work laptop and iPad pro, I think I would be set (but it is nice to have one personal laptop between the two of us to travel with if I’m not bringing my work laptop).
Anonymous
I bought a MacBook this year and absolutely love it! It’s so small (it’s actually smaller than the MacBook Air), but still large enough to be functional. The Apple Store advised me not to buy a MacBook Pro unless I was going to be gaming or doing photo-editing so there was no need to spend additional money. I have an iPad, but I found it difficult to do work on it so I switched back to a laptop. Given the size of the MacBook, I haven’t even picked up my iPad since I got it. (Plus, it’s gold! Ok, not a reason to drop over a grand on a laptop, but it’s so pretty!)
Walnut
I owned a first generation MacBook Air and upgraded in 2015 to the MacBook. Love it to pieces and, yes, the gold is so pretty. I have a strong preference for a real keyboard and the track pads on Mac’s are fantastic.
Cornellian
Not sure what you do, but I think iPad Pro will be a replacement for a computer when the new OS comes out. Wired has an article on it. Of course that leave a few months open for you…
For me the apple pencil has been life changing (and not just because drawing is so much fun).
AZCPA
Shopping help please! I typically rotate 3-4 times a year through my handbags, but they are all 5-6 years old and are either getting shabby or I’m super tired of them (I own maybe 5, but am planning to donate or consign a couple when I decide on a new one). So they need to be large enough to carry all my daily stuff and hold up well. I typically buy a mid-range leather bag on sale – so something that runs $300-$500 and actually pay $150-$250. Does anyone have any suggested brands or styles? I don’t want Kate Spade or Coach. I’m in love with the medium Chloe Marcie, but it is way outside my budget.
Anony Mouse
I bought a Cuyana tote a few months ago and love it.
Pompom
I have had excellent luck finding Cole Haan bags on sale (and better luck yet at tj maxx and marshalls-type stores).
Pompom
Stuck in mod but C o l e H a a n, and on s a l e at six pee emm dot com
Sanders
Furla
Anon
+ Furla
Anon
Henri Bendel! Bought one earlier this year and have been very pleased.
Anon
+1. My mom started buying Henri Bendel for me a few years ago and I love them (and they’ve held up well).
Anon
There are some beautiful Rebecca Minkoff and All Saints bags in the NAS catalog I just got (posted below). Can you hold out until July 13?
Old Lawyer
Brahmin? I haven’t found any on sale, but they are really well made.
there's a kitten outside my office
And my boss is out of town. I am so impressed with my willpower for being at my desk instead of out there playing with it. (I will in a bit, I promise.)
Rainbow Hair
is it gonna be ok though? maybe you should bring it in??!? (my day would be OVER if playing with a kitten were an option)
Blonde Lawyer
There was recently a hockey team on twitter that went viral because they found a kitten and let it in. You can be the new marketing genius of your company. We want kitten pics!
Anon
A kitten outside your office window is a legit holiday. It’s actually against the law to keep working.
Anon
Yeah, I’m in cat law, and this is definitely true. (Also, it’s against the Geneva Convention to disturb a cat or kitten that is cuddling with you.)
Blonde Lawyer
Yes!! I for years have invoked “cat law” and called it that when my cat is cuddling on me and I need something. Me – hey husband. Cat law here. Can you get me the remote? LOL.
Anonymous
How does it compare to bird law?
Sanders
Furla
Sanders
Please ignore.
nutella
For an interesting lesson on news coverage, check out the front pages of CNN, FoxNews, and BBC News.
Anonymous
I’ve been pleasantly surprised by Fox News’ web coverage in recent weeks, particularly with regard to the Russia investigation, but that headline (about Obama’s so-called “lavish” vacations, if you don’t want to click through) is ridiculous.
anon
Right? Why is what a former president does with his own d**n money our problem? I thought the Repubs liked Trump because he was so fancy, lol. Screams of racism to me – uppity black person doing things above their station, etc.
Anonymous
Yeah, it’s absolutely racism. How dare a black man take his family to a Four Seasons!
Anon
Ha! I just did…Funny but also sad..
Anon
Ooh. I got the Nordstrom Anniversary Sale catalog in the mail today. Preview starts July 13.
Me too
I didn’t get the catalog (DH is out of town and I’m too lazy to get the mail) but I actually looked it yo this afternoon and took the 14th off specifically to go shopping! I never go shopping!
cars
estimates for how long an appointment to get car tires rotated might take? Is it something easy enough to wait for?
Anonymous
Yes. Maybe 20 min at most? Depends on if you’re having other things done too, like oil change or something
Anonymous
was there any update to the woman whose husband beat her? I’ve been thinking of her everyday- hope you are doing ok
jan jeske
Book I recommend to every lawyer: Gift of Fear by Gavin de Becker who protects presidents and celebrities. Chapters on when we should be afraid. Ch. 10 or 11 is nice short read on domestic violence required reading for everyone. If you have children and are leaving a batterer read excellent book Batterer as Parent by Lundy Bancroft on how they operate with the children to control the victim/survivor. $60. and deep read but so worth it if you are going to be co-parenting with a batterer. Bancroft has other excellent books about angry men and what they do to the women they are involved with. Then, read With Impunity by Michael Paymar, seriously thought provoking about men who take no responsibility for their battering. IF you are in a battering relationship, get out now because in a huge percentage of cases it is only going to get worse. After years recovering from every kind of abuse imaginable in childhood and 19 year marriage I finally went to law school at age 52 to help victims not have a nightmare life like my children and I did. Not self-pity, but 40+ years later friends I have not seen for many years still comment on the terrorizing things that my father did to me. Again, get out but for sure leave with a safety plan from your local domestic violence resources providers, safety is your first priority because leaving an abuser is proven to be the most dangerous time for the victim. Very carefully make secret copies of any important documents you will need,, stash money and the important documents (birth certs, school records, prescriptions, etc.), make sure you have enough prescription meds/eyeglasses, try not to be with the batterer in the kitchen (knives) or the bathroom (small and contained-he can easily corner you and beat your head on the fixtures-dont ask me how I know). Be extremely careful of computer usage, anything you say can be tracked-maybe use computer at public library. For those who are abused, two things to know 1) you will be all right if you leave and 2) there is hope. Remember how many times he has told that you are stupid, too dumb to get/keep a job, lazy, crazy, ugly, and no one else will ever want you? Well… they were all lies to undermine and control you!-thats right it was a game to dominate and control you. Abusers are not out of control, they did not just lose their temper, they purposefully verbally and physically abused you to keep you down and to keep you from leaving them. If you think this is what love is, then get to therapy asap as this has helped many victims. Good luck!!