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Updated: Oct 30, 2018 241 Comments · by

Tuesday’s Workwear Report: Soft Black Oriane Dress

The Personal Shopper (TPS)

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Our daily workwear reports suggest one piece of work-appropriate attire in a range of prices. I often forget about Agnes B., in part because I don't like their online store, but if you're looking for a cool, French girl vibe, they've got that in spades. The price point is higher — it's not cheap clothing, for sure — but it's always lovely and very, very simple stuff. Right now I'm liking this soft black Oriane dress, which is a stretch knit with a little bit of darting under the bust, almost like an empire waist. It comes in red and black; the black is full price at $285 and the red is on sale for $171. It's a nice way to mix it up if you want a soft stretch knit, and note that you can steam and wash it, but they say not to soak it. Soft Black Oriane Dress Looking for something more affordable but similar? Don't discount this reader favorite (available in regular, plus, and petite sizes). This post contains affiliate links and Corporette® may earn commissions for purchases made through links in this post. For more details see here. Thank you so much for your support! Seen a great piece you’d like to recommend? Please e-mail [email protected].

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Comments

    • Pompom

      Several pairs of beautiful J Crew flats circa 2005/6. Those were the days! Mostly Princeton loafers and Barcelona perforated leather flats, both styles in several colors.

    • Metallic Tory Burch

      This will definitely out me, a pair of metallic pink Tory Burch Reva flats from, I’m guessing, 2007-ish. They are pretty beat up but I just can’t quit them (and also no one seems to be able to service them).

    • Cat

      Accessories – a plain tan leather Coach crossbody that my parents gave me in middle school (1995) before Coach got trendy. At the time, my friends made fun of it as a “granny bag” but who’s laughing now??

      Shoes – Lilly Pulitzer McKim sandals from 2005 – cannot believe how well they’ve held up.

      Clothing – Black JCrew Jackie from 2004, when they were first introduced. I baby it in the wash/lay out to dry, but totally worth it.

    • anon

      I actually have a fair number of casual summer shirts that I bought in high school. So ~2006. Also I still wear my prom dress to weddings and things, although I think I need to stop that.

      • Anon

        I wore a hole through my similarly aged fleece this spring :(. It was exactly the same color as a glacier, which made me look great in hiking pics.

        • Anon

          So sad! I absolutely love having something so old that is still so functional. I wear it for workouts several times a month and on ski trips every year.

      • Anonymous

        I had an awesome Gap cream-colored fisherman’s sweater that I wore from 1993 till it finally unraveled past the point of repair in 2005. It was so comfortable and went with everything. I still miss that sweater.

        • givemyregards

          I have a fisherman’s sweater from the gap that I got…two years ago maybe? And I wear it constantly. My boyfriend calls it my “Hemingway sweater.”

      • Anonymous

        I just realized this weekend that my fleece pull-over is ~18 years old, and I’m 31. It’s just got so many memories!

    • Anonymous

      Not counting silk scarves (some are 12+ years old), I have a brown linen shirt-jacket that I still love and wear and a long red tiered skirt that I wear each year on Pentecost. The latter is the only red item I own (as a redhead), but it’s a keeper!

    • Anon

      Denim jacket handed down from my mom. I look like a total hipster because it has her name embroidered on the lapel. (She thought that would keep us from absconding with it…haha)

    • Anonymous

      Can I count the sweatshirt I stole from my older brother’s room when he left for college in 1992? He’d outgrown it and it was huge on twelve-year-old me, but as an adult it fits me pretty well. I’ll be devastated when it finally disintegrates.

      P.S. Don’t tell Brother I’ve still go it. He’ll demand it back just on principle.

      • Anonymous

        I have a hoodie sweatshirt that my sister won from a radio call-in … 25 years ago. It never fit us so it just sat in a drawer.

    • Cookbooks

      I have a winter coat from 2005 that still gets worn.

      It’s not mine, but ages ago I stole a wicked old UCLA sweatshirt from my dad that I wear all the time. It’s from…1972ish?

    • Gail the Goldfish

      Red sweater from Loft that I got in college, so it’s at least 10 years old. Meanwhile, the sweaters I buy from them now last maybe a season.

      • Cookbooks

        I recently donated a few items from Loft that I’ve had since college, and I was surprised at how well they held up. I wish they still made stuff like that.

    • Wanderlust

      I am 35. I have a shirt I bought on the sale rack at the Gap during a trip to the mall in 7th grade. It’s still part of my sleepwear rotation.

    • Baconpancakes

      Item I’ve personally had the longest: black silk J.Crew short-sleeve cardigan, from 2000.

      Item that is the oldest: My grandmother’s beaded clutch purse from the 40’s? 50’s?

      This doesn’t include jewelry, as I have a few pieces from my grandmother as well.

    • Marshmallow

      Excluding scarves and jewelry from my grandmothers, a pair of Frye boots I bought in 2005 and have had resoled twice.

    • Blonde Lawyer

      A fitted grey blazer from my MIL that she wore in the 70’s. A pair of basketball shorts a teammate gave me in 1998. I just threw out a pair of underwear that I realized I had since 2002. A sweatshirt from my boyfriend/now husband from 1999/2000. A pair of black pants and a pair of grey pants from Kohls (the kind you think you will wear for a year between sizes) from 2007 that are still going strong, though I did have them taken in around 2010.

    • In-House in Houston

      A pair of Levi’s that are pretty ratty. I’ll admit, they’re a little tight now, but if I suck in my gut, I can still wear them!

    • Anon

      Persian wool coat.

      100 years old.

      Beautiful

      Weighs a ton. Literally gives me back pain.

    • CountC

      I have several casual items that I acquired in college (pre-2002) that I still wear!

    • anon

      A maroon velvet embroidered blazer from Anthropologie in 1999, before I had ever heard of the store. I wanted something trendier, but that’s what my mom bought me. Now I wear it almost twenty years later and think of how right she was!

    • MJ

      A pair of Cole-Haan buffalo leather tasseled mocs that my dad bought me when I was 11. I thought they were hideous and refused to wear them through HS. And then I realized “I AM PREPPY” and they are my favorite shoes…ever. You can see the patina on the leather, but they look classy-worn, not worn-worn.

    • Not that Anne, the other Anne

      It’s probably a tie between the cream calf-length wool cape and the 3/4 sleeve grey wool blazer/jacket, both of which were resale finds and both of which are 60s at latest. It felt a little goofy to be buying a cape at the time, but I love it. It’s so warm, it’s in great shape for its age, and I get so many compliments when I wear it.

        • Not that Anne, the other Anne

          It really is. I feel very glam when I wear it (and I am not generally glam).

      • AZCPA

        I have two different capes – one short and glen plaid, another in a charcoal gray wool and I can’t believe how much I wear them!

        • Not that Anne, the other Anne

          Same. I bought it mostly because it was so fun but didn’t expect to wear it as much as I do. The one complaint I have is the lack of pockets.

      • Rainbow Hair

        I parted with a gorgeous cape because I couldn’t figure out how to carry anything while I was wearing it. Where do you put your wallet/keys/etc? A purse doesn’t work…

        • Linda L.

          You can use a bag that has short handles and carry in your hand, not one that is meant to go over the shoulder. You could wear a small cross body bag under the cape or use a small clutch. But yeah, tote bags and large purses don’t work well with a cape.

    • Jo March

      Never to work, but on weekends, my Sperry shoes from 6+ years ago make frequent appearances

    • Never too many shoes...

      My undergrad frosh week tshirt (1991) and multiple Grateful Dead ts of that same vintage – around the house/cottage only.

      For work? LV Alma (2003). I don’t really keep clothes around that long but I have a winter wool long jacket from around 2002.

      • Never too many shoes...

        Oops, in terms of jewels, a bunch of vintage costume pieces belonging to my grandmother. And a long wool patchwork “hostess” skirt from the 1960’s – I wore it to her visitation in her honour.

    • Fishie

      Late 1990s black “microfiber” ballet neck top from the Gap. That stuff holds up. Also a red ballet neck wool sweater from Banana circa 2000. Fitted at waist, 3/4 sleeves. Just gorgeous. Nothing I have bought from Banana in the last 10 years comes close to the quality.

    • CPA Lady

      A sweatshirt from my college from the 1980s that used to belong to a dear older friend of mine who passed away suddenly. You can pry that thing out of my cold dead hands.

      Also a handful of “fun” blazers and wool skirts I bought at Loft/Ann Taylor in the early/mid 00s. Because they are “fun” they aren’t really in or out of style. Back when you could get wool at Loft.

    • PrettyPrimadonna

      A pair of dark grey slacks from NY& Company that I bought in college, probably 2000, that I wear as a last resort when I need to do laundry and pick up dry cleaning. I just looked at them over the weekend and thought, “maybe you need to get rid of these…”

      • PrettyPrimadonna

        Also, a houndstooth tweed trench coat from Express circa 2009. Each winter, I think about replacing it with a new coat, but someone always compliments it and I end up keeping it another year.

    • H

      A black BCBG short sleeve turtleneck sweater that I got right before college in 2002. It is dry clean only so I don’t wear it that often and it is still looks great.

    • Marie

      Not the oldest piece in my wardrobe (I have a few vintage items), but today I am wearing a peach cotton knit top from Tweeds — anyone remember them? — that I’ve had for twenty years or more. I have a skirt from Tweeds from that era, too, and I wear it regularly. It’s a dark brown below-the-knee synthetic pleated number that always looks good when you pull it out of a suitcase and simply Will. Not. Wear. Out.

    • Anonymous

      A red crepe slightly swing dress (Liz Claiborne, IIRC) that I’ve had since at least 1996, it still looks great.

      A perfect black coat that I am terrified will finally look shabby, since I don’t know where to find a replacement. It came from a house brand of the former department store Parisian at least 15 years ago; its a classic reefer style with a zip-out lining and I don’t know what to call the fabric – it’s too smooth to be gabardine but it’s not a microfiber, either. Anyone have any recs for an eventual replacement?

      Runners-up:

      Black matte jersey shift dress tipped in white from a defunct Liz Claiborne line at Target that I know I’ve had since at least 2003 because I have a picture of me in it. I had to re-sew the hem but otherwise it looks brand new.

      A black and taupe print, crepe short-sleeve shirt dress from Talbot’s from roughly the same era.

    • Tech Comm Geek

      A Northern Reflections sweatshirt – 26 years old now! Still in great shape. Super casual but warm and comfy. Dark red with the usual floral motif on the front.

    • anon

      I bought my first John Fluevog shoes in 1998 (the beginning of an obsession) and I still wear them.

      • Anon

        +1 to Fluevog shoes! I have a Fluevog store just down the road from my office – I love to go in and shoe-stare at lunch.

    • Anonymous

      In public: Merino wool sweater from J. Crew, purchased my junior year of high school.

      In private: My track t-shirts from my freshman year of high school, which was spring 1997.

      • Anonymous

        In public: Black silk 3/4 sleeve boatneck sweater from Banana, circa 1995. Still lovely, classic, and a transitional season workhorse.

        In private: A hideous green Gap tee shirt circa 1992. I remember thinking it was quite fitted at the time, but I also wore men’s XXL undershirts as tee shirts at the time, so perspective. Now it’s the softest, loosest tee I own, perfect for days I just want to be cozy when I get home from work. It has a lot of wear along the edges, but is holding up for now. I used to have another one in a far more flattering purple, but the green is all that remains.

    • Rainbow Hair

      I wore a concert tee from 2005-ish last night (out of the house, even – though just to my parents’ place) and thought that was old, but I guess not compared to some here!

    • Torin

      Some t-shirts from high school are still in my workout/sleepwear rotation — I’m 32.

      The oldest things I wear out of my house are a pair of DKNY boots from college and a skirt I had made for myself when I was in Asia 8 years ago. Both are getting to the point of shabbiness that I should really stop wearing them, but I love them so. Nothing fits like a skirt made for you from scratch!

      I also have an heirloom string of pearls from my grandmother.

      • AttiredAttorney

        I have a tshirt from the musical I was in my senior year of high school that is my favorite work out t. I’m 30.

    • TheElms

      Work: A silk wool blend black V-neck cardigan from Banana Republic circa 2005. I bought it for my first job and I think it was the most expensive sweater I had ever bought at the time ($60 or so). It has worn like iron.

      Home: Soccer shorts from senior year of high school (2001) that were too big at the time and didn’t get much wear at the time. Now used for gardening or other outdoor type tasks. Sweatshirt from my college that I bought on a visit during my senior year. Black Steve Madden wedge sandals (not the super popular design but a more dresssy / strappy design) that I remember buying for some senior year event.

      Jewelry: Grandmother’s engagement and wedding rings from the late 1920s.

    • Ms B

      Outside of a couple of pieces of family jewelry that dates to the 1950s and 1060s and some of my mom’s costume pieces from the 1960s, my oldest public wear items are a blond mink shrug from some time in the 1960s, a wool multicolored glen blazer that my dad had made in Taiwan while he was posted to Vietnam (so probably from somewhere between 1968 and 1970), a black rabbit fur coat purchased from Berman’s Leather circa winter 1985-86, my Banana Republic black lamb leather aviator jacket from circa 1988 (LOVE this, so glad I bought oversized at the time because it still fits now!!), and my LL Bean boots purchased Christmas day 1989 (and about to get a new set of soles this month).

      I keep things a long time, but I come by it honestly — my parents are both “keepers”. I wore a number of my mom’s 1960s dresses to college formals and have designs on the white fox fur stole she got given as a 16th birthday present because she will not wear it again, but I would totally wear it to galas, etc.

    • Anonymous

      A black fleece that my youngest sister donated to me when she felt it had already passed its sell-by-date thirty years ago. I still wear it on occasion and it always reminds me of her. Which is special because we live on different continents.

    • Anonymous

      Camel cashmere Charter Club crewneck cardigan from 2003 or possibly even 2002. Still looks new. Tried another sweater from this brand more recently and the quality has gone way down hill.

    • Lilly

      Land’s End thick felted wool coat from, ahem, 1982. I think it may be indestructible. It doesn’t even show signs of wear. The only reason it still fits is that it was quite large on me back then. I’m not sure anyone still makes clothes of this quality any more.

      • Lilly

        And until I sized out of them about six years ago, some very lovely sheath dresses that had belonged to my grandmother that she purchased from a Palm Beach boutique in the 1960’s.

    • GirlFriday

      If you count accessories – I still wear my Mickey Mouse watch that my aunt brought me back from Disneyworld as a souvenir. I think I was 9? I may have been 12. Anyway, it was over 20 years ago. :)

    • Anonymous

      A long cable knit sweater I’ve had since high school (25 years). Its back in style now! It makes me sad that clothes these days barely last 2 years.

  2. Ugh

    I’m currently on an international assignment for work (six weeks to go) 10,000 miles away from my husband. His mother lives in another country and we just got word that she’s been having some very concerning medical symptoms. She hasn’t been to a doctor in probably 20 years or more and is dragging her heels on going now (it simply isn’t the norm to go to the doctor there). While we wait for her to go, I’m really, really concerned that it will prove to be serious and that I won’t be there to support my husband because of this work assignment. If it is serious, it will also affect care for his severely disabled younger brother, whom his mother is the sole caretaker for. I am trying not to get ahead of myself, but I can’t help minor panic at the thought of a family emergency while we are separated like this (trust me, this situation already has so many damn complications without me being this far away). A) What can I do to reduce anxiety in the short-term so I don’t drive myself crazy with worry? and B) Do you think it would be justified to cut my trip short if it is bad news? I am not sure how understanding my company would be; I’ve only been here a year and “husband’s mother in another country is ill” might be less compelling to them than if it were my own parent in the U.S. It’s very compelling to me, of course, but I am not sure how it would be received by my supervisors, especially since we most likely cannot travel to her country because of safety/political reasons. I would just want to be home to support my husband and offer any help that I can.

    Also, husband’s mother lives in a middle-income country with acceptable-to-poor medical care. I don’t speak the language and am of little help to anyone in terms of handling logistics and bureaucracy and contingency plans for his brother. This sucks.

    • Anonymous

      Breathe. Slowly. Often. Wait and see what happens and what support your husband needs at home. If you aren’t near his mother and can’t visit, I don’t think just being near him is an important enough reason to cut your trip short.

      • Anonymous

        I disagree. It may not be at that point yet, but I think this certainly could constitute a family emergency if her health issue was serious enough. At the end of the day, your job should understand that you may need to cut that trip short for a family emergency.

        • Anon

          There is no emergency. She can’t even travel to the country if there was an emergency.

          It’s her anxiety that is the problem right now.

          • Anonymous

            I said that it could get to the point where it did constitute an emergency. The OP’s issue is that she is concerned that she couldn’t be there for her husband if need be for the next six weeks. If it got bad enough, I think she’d be within her rights to cut her trip short. Knowing that should alleviate some of the feeling of helplessness and anxiety.

      • Ugh

        A huge part of it is that I want to be near him, of course, but I would also want to provide practical support in the home (i.e., take care of the dog, handle errands and chores, etc.) so he could focus on the logistical/bureaucratic stuff I can’t help with as much. Still, not sure if that is super compelling to my boss.

        • Anon

          Try to step back a little….

          He can take a few days off work if he needs to.

          Walking the dog will help him.

        • Anonymous

          Walking the dog and doing errands is not a compelling reason to cut short an important work trip. It just isn’t. And he hasn’t even suggested this is a need.

        • mascot

          I agree that cutting your trip short at this point is premature. I get the urge to want to help, but he may not have a need for it right now. If he does, can you arrange a dog walker, gorocery delivry, whatever he needs or at least have that information handy . Or, does someone need to do some research into what happens for the brother when mom passes (it may not be now, but it will be some day). Can you send him a care package to let him know that you are thinking of him?
          To deal with your own nervous energy, exercise, a new book, whatever relaxes you.

    • Anon

      You’re really jumping the gun here. She could have nothing going on, and you are already considering cutting the trip short. Slow down…

      Just be there to talk with him. On the phone. He is an adult, and I assume understands his family situation well. Just listen.

      And when you get home, sounds like you guys have some talking to do about what your husband’s expectations are with regard to his family long term.

      • Ugh

        It’s definitely not nothing – if she had these symptoms in the U.S., she’d be on her way to the ER right now. We’ve had many long discussions about his expectations for his family and our plans, but everything is extraordinarily complicated by immigration law and his brother’s disability. It’s definitely contributing to my anxiety and always has because it’s truly a messed up situation with no easy fixes and no easy plans, and a medical problem like this just makes it that much worse. Hence the need for tips on reducing anxiety…

        • Anon

          Close your eyes. Lean back. Breathe

          Mindfulness meditation techniques online. Get an App.

          Palming.

          Get outside. Walk.

          Exercise.

          Work. Throw yourself in.

          Call a local friend. Meet them for a drink. Talk.

          Stop drinking caffeine.

          Call your mother.

          Call your best friend.

          Call your husband.

          It will be ok.

          The vast majority of people who go to the ER are not having an emergency. Even if they think they area. Unless she is bleeding out, can’t breathe and it is rapidly progressing, there is time.

    • Blonde Lawyer

      If no one can get out to her could your husband come to you for a week or so? I’m assuming your assignment has you working semi-normal hours and you still have nights and weekends free. Disregard if that is not the case. In the end, it all depends on your company and you know your company best. My husband bailed on a work trip when my grandmother died. Spouse’s grandmother isn’t covered by his work bereavement policy but everyone understood that he wanted to be there with my family. He had his own relationship with my grandmother and it was important to him to be at the services. We ate the costs of that lost airfare though and just applied it to a future personal trip rather than submitting a reimbursement. He had booked the flights but hadn’t left when she passed.

      I agree that things are murkier though where there isn’t much either of you can do from home.

      • Anonymous

        Attending an in-law’s funeral (or traveling to the bedside of a seriously ill in-law) is a way better reason to bail than wanting to be near an adult spouse who’s perfectly healthy.

        • Ugh

          So you wouldn’t want to be there for your spouse if he/she lost a parent? I wouldn’t go home unless the worst happened, but I don’t think it’s crazy or over-the-top to want to support your loved ones. I’d want the same if my husband were the one traveling. I’m not literally saving lives on this trip.

          • October

            I would. I completely understand where you’re coming from. Family, and particularly a spouse, is the most important part of life. You will hopefully be with your spouse for 30, 40, 50+ more years; you will not be with your job nearly that long.

            For now, try to relax and take it a step at a time, and if the worst comes to pass, gauge from your spouse how you can best support him (luckily, men are a bit more direct than women in this area!), and go with your gut.

  3. Anonymous

    I really really like this dress. Looks easy, comfortable, professional and it’s nice to see a different brand. Anyone here actually bought stuff from them?

    • French lawyer in Canada

      I own some Agnes B and the quality is nice – good tailoring and fabrics. The designs are usually very simple, although I have a bolder print blouse from them that I really like. It’s my mom’s go-to for work (she lives in France) and I would buy more but the price point is a little high for me.

    • Anonymous

      I haven’t been in an Agnes B in years, but I remember it being one of those European stores that had nice enough stuff yet every article of clothing was made out of awful polyester fabric. I thought their store at my local mall went out of business in the aughts. I guess they’re coming back?

      • Anon

        Did you look at the website? Nary a strand of polyester in sight, lots of cotton, linen and wool. It’s lots of well constructed natural fibre garments made in France…

    • MJ

      Yes, but since it is a French brand…cuts very tiny. Think manic pixie dreamgirl Audrey Hepburn. If you are not a waif body type, much of their stuff will be cut too narrow for you. Also, I don’t recall them having tons of awful polyester–I do recall them having some of the most interesting, gorgeous tailored cotton shirts I’ve ever seen. Their stuff is darling…just way to small for a 5’11” gal.

  4. BFF's Mom Passed Away, Anon-OP, from yesterday

    For everyone who provided suggestions on how to be there for my BFF while she’s dealing with her mom’s sudden death, thank you! I’ve made a list and will keep revisiting to see what I can just do for her as she needs it, and it is so so helpful to have a list of what others needed during similar situations. Sorry I didn’t just back in, I was getting work in order and making flight/travel arrangements. I am a fan of the wine in the trunk with a solo cup, but she’s pregnant so I’ll find a good alternative :-)

    • Pesh

      Stay on her. When someone dies, everyone surrounds them with love and concern – at least at first. About 2 weeks after the funeral, when all the planning and preparation have died down and people have gotten back to their usual lives, the grief can really set in. Make sure you’re there for her after everything dies down. Plan fun stuff to do…maybe baby related stuff so that she doesn’t feel alone in doing that without her mom, etc. You sound like a really good friend!!

    • Out of Place Engineer

      The sweetest thing a dear friend did for me when my brother unexpectedly passed away: she came to the funeral with a hair brush, make up bag with one-use samples, and a covert alcoholic drink. Before the service started she made me go to the bathroom with her to cry, then freshen up a bit. I’m tearing up at my desk just thinking about it. I am ever so grateful she was so thoughtful & practical — especially since I had to stand in front of everyone for the eulogy.

      You’re a good friend.

  5. Cb

    My PhD is due in on Friday, I’m 8 months pregnant, and not sleeping because giant baby is pressing on my hips. Last day at work is next Friday. I can do this, right?

    My colleagues are currently taking bets on whether I’ll go into labour as soon as I hand in.

    • June

      Congratulations on both pieces of good news! You are in the home stretch, and you’ve spent a long time getting to where you are now. You’ve got this!

    • C

      You are an incredible woman! Congratulations on the baby and on the PhD- no matter what anyone says, don’t let one overshadow the other! You’ve come so far and accomplished so much to get here, you can get through the home stretch too. What an amazing way to enter a new chapter!

    • Baconpancakes

      Congratulations on both pieces!

      Maybe there’s something wrong with me but the first thing I thought of is that I think I’d be tempted to name the kid Patricia Hannah Dawn or something like that. Then you’d have two PhDs this week!

    • Anon

      I pulled an all nighter 3 days before I went into labor. Not recommended! But yeah, it’s totally doable. Get it done so you can hopefully relax.

    • Fishie

      Just remember – perfect is the enemy of the good. Just get it done. You can do this!

      • January

        +a million – and you’ll have such a great story for both your kiddo and your colleagues and maybe your students someday. Congrats and good luck!!

    • Rainbow Hair

      WOW! You’re a badass!

      At the risk of being TMI, my water broke about 2 hours after I left work to start maternity leave. I am pretty sure there was this overwhelming vibe like “it’s mellow now, it’s ok to be born.”

    • Anonymous

      Absolutely! I returned to graduate school to finish a Ph.D. late in life, which will happen within the next few months – I think! I am so ready to be finished, and start on my next project. But you are truly awesome. Congratulations

  6. Anonymous

    Ladies,

    Networking-type question. My husband is a lawyer interested in an inhouse position at a company I worked at several years ago.

    When I was there, I interacted with one of the lawyers a fair amount. According to Linkedin, he’s now pretty senior there. I think he’ll remember me, though I was junior when I was there and we haven’t kept in touch.

    I’d like to reach out to him about my husband. I can’t tell if he’s in the chain of command for the job my husband is interested in or if they are different legal areas.

    But, I don’t know what the ask should be. Do I 1) simply send the resume as an FYI, he’s applying (with the implicit hope he pass it along to the hiring team) or 2) ask if he’s willing to meet my husband for coffee to learn more about the position? Or something else?

    If you were getting this ask, what would you want? Is it weird to reach out because it’s for my husband? I hate asking people for favors and generally avoid things like this but my husband really deserves to find a job he likes.

    • AKB

      I am in house and get these types of emails whenever there is an opening. I always help the person out. It’s never an imposition – just write a nice email and don’t overthink it!

    • In-House in Houston

      I’m in-house too and get these requests a lot. If I know the person fairly well, I really don’t mind. And I’d be happy to meet with them. But if it’s someone I worked with years ago, that I didn’t even know well when we worked together, I would think it a little inappropriate. If you sent me his resume and asked me to forward it to the hiring manager, I’d do it. I think it just depends on how well I knew you when we worked together.

    • LAnon

      If I were you, I would follow my usual policy for making connections like this, which is to make the connection and at most pass along a resume. I wouldn’t ask for anything beyond that. So, basically writing a nice email, cc’ing your husband, and saying, “Hi LawyerFriend, Hope all is well with you etc. Wanted to introduce you to Hubby; he saw you had an opening in the legal department etc.”

      Your husband can ask for coffee or whatever if he thinks it appropriate, or just reply to that email and say, “Hi, nice to meet you, blah blah blah”. You could include his resume with your email or leave it to him to send as a follow-up once the introduction is made.

      • nutella

        Yes, your husband should do the ask, whatever that is (meet for coffee, send resume, etc.) You do the introduction.

  7. Minimalist Man

    I need birthday ideas for a relatively new romantic man friend in my life. He’s one of those guys who doesn’t like stuff that would clutter up his apartment, but does really like the finer things- nice scotch, cigars, fancy coffee. The problem is that he’s super particular about all of that and buys it for himself (cigars excluded since he goes back on forth on whether or not he’s quitting) so he has a bit of a stockpile. On the day we’re going to go to dinner with friends and he said he’s happy with just doing that, but I’d like to get him something too. Obviously birthday gardening is going to happen, but I’m trying to think of a more tangible gift.

    • Baconpancakes

      For a minimalist, experience gifts are good. I agree that going to dinner with friends often feels like a cop-out gift, but tickets to a game or a show he’d love to attend would probably be well received.

    • AnonZ

      Try googling “scotch tasting [your city]”. If you’re in a larger city, there are often events or bars that have a selection of really good scotch.

      Another option if you want something tangible is to buy an accessory for one of these interests, like whiskey stones or glassware, a personalized cigar case, etc. I have a similarly minimalist boyfriend but he still loves to get small, high-quality accessories.

      Depending on how much of a nerd he is about this stuff, and his feelings on books, you could also buy a nice fancy/glossy book about one of these topics.

          • ohc

            I realize the roast idea might be snark about the wfh thread from the other day, but I once cooked a birthday dinner wearing only the fancy apron, heels, and pearls. Said dinner included an element that had to cook for a while, so there was plenty of time to, um, enjoy each other before it was time for the meal.

          • LAJen

            Uhhh, I mean…I’m a type-A career woman go-getter, but I still absolutely make homemade cookies for people’s birthdays. Because I can kick ass in a courtroom and still love to bake (and rock pearls and a girly dress if I choose to after my yoga class). That doesn’t make me a 1950s stereotypical housewife. I know some of these comments are just funny snark and not actually meant to be judgy, but honestly this binary narrative has got to go. Homemade treats are a perfectly lovely gift if the person likes to bake or cook and truly wants to give the gift (doesn’t feel obligated to do so as some sort of bizarre gender norm thing). I don’t see anything wrong with Anonymous’s suggestion (and arguably apple pie or a butterscotch cookie would go perfectly with some scotches…).

    • Pesh

      Since he loves Scotch, what about a set of monogrammed double old fashion glasses and maybe a decanter? Or else, I’d do an experience gift (concert tickets, tickets to a play, or a series of planned trips for the two of you – to the zoo, to the aquarium, to the museum, etc)

      • Anonymous

        The post explicitly states that he “doesn’t like stuff that would clutter up his apartment” and you are suggesting glasses and a decanter? No, just no. Not cool at all.

        • Anon

          Woah. The only thing not cool is your mean comment. He needs to drink the scotch out of something. I hope it made you feel good to be so rude.

  8. In-House in Houston

    Has anyone tried cold sculpting to re move fat? It’s supposed to be safer than Lypo. I’d love to try it on my muffin-top. Not matter what I try and how much I diet, I can seem to get rid of it. Thanks!!

    • Pesh

      I read through lots of reviews out of curiosity and it seemed like it was more effective (or maybe the difference was more noticeable) on some areas more than others. I read through a site where people outlined their whole experience and posted before/after pictures. Google around (“cool sculpting experiences”, etc) and you should be able to find it, it had a ton of information as well as insight into the procedure itself from each person.

    • Anon

      I don’t know anything about cool sculpting but I just had to mention that I heard a 10 year old girl talking about Botox and cool sculpting in Ulta yesterday! Her mother just told her she was too young for that. I was absolutely horrified that she had ever heard of those treatments. I hope mothers of young girls encourage them to focus on their education and becoming well rounded adults rather than their looks. It was truly sad.

      • Anonymous

        No, knowing about stuff is not sad, it’s great. Your post is truly sad and closed-minded.

        • Anon

          She’s 10! I highly doubt 10 year old boys are thinking about this. Girls are taught to focus solely on their looks while boys are taught to focus on their career aspirations. What happened to telling girls that they don’t need to live up to these unattainable expectations. Again, she’s 10!!

    • AZCPA

      I did it and was distinctly unimpressed. However I’ve also done Exilis (similarly noninvasive, though a completely different technology) and was very pleased.

      • In-House in Houston

        AZCPA, can you give more info? What part of your body? How much did it cost, approximately? Thank you!!

  9. Birthday Travel

    My boyfriend has a big birthday coming up and I’m trying to think of somewhere special to take him for a 4 day weekend. We live in D.C. and he’s the outdoorsy type. Unfortunately, money’s a concern, so I’m hoping for somewhere within driving distance (that we wouldn’t do on a regular weekend, like Shenandoah) or one of those insanely good travel deals (that other people seem to find but I never do). Any suggestions? Thanks :)

    • Anonymous

      not sure but if you can find a “glamping” spot, those places look amazing!

      • Pompom

        There are fancy yurts (…a phrase I never thought I’d type out) in western MD near Deep Creek.

    • Anonymous

      How about New River Gorge or camping at Assateague? You could also do the Smokies if you want to drive that far and do a bourbon tasting or two along the way.

    • Bonnie

      A b&b in Culpepper. Lots of places to hike and tons of wineries where you can chill.

    • CountC

      Bf and I just recently stayed in an adorable 1970s pop-up camper in the middle of PA (Sugarloaf, PA for mapping purposes). It’s on a small farm, which is very cute and there are several parks within an hour drive (Ricketts Glen – the Falls Trail with 22 waterfalls is a must, Hickory Run State Park, Lehigh Gorge, Locust Lake, Mauch Chunk Lake), Jim Thorpe, PA is about 40 minutes away (which is adorably quirky and has fun shops. museums, and such), you can take the Lehigh Gorge Scenic Railway or bike the rail trail, there are wineries, and white water rafting.

      If your willing to drive to things, instead of wanting to be in an all inclusive-type area, it’s a neat area to explore. I can give you more specific info if you are interested.

        • CountC

          Absolutely, it’s “Retro Camper Located Upon A Farm!” Address is 101 Whitewater Lane, Drums, PA 18222. Host is Blasklee Masters – they are super hosts.

          I am not sure this link will work but https://www.airbnb.com/rooms/15330369?location=Jim%20Thorpe%2C%20PA&s=i6G4HRM2

          The hosts also have a room in their farm house for rent, as well as a loft above their garage that sleeps 7. They are in the process of building a tiny house that will be for rent in the future (and which I plan to go back to).

          • CountC

            Oh! They also have trails around the farm that you can hike, although we didn’t have time to do that as our stay was short.

    • January

      Delaware beaches? It’s drivable, but room rates could be kind of expensive in August.

  10. Bonnie

    I found the perfect shorts – White House Black Market cabana shorts. They’re not too short or too long and don’t squeeze my legs. I haven’t worn shorts in years but will be wearing these for the rest of the summer. Marked down to $15 now and shipping is free if you sign up for their rewards program.

    • Cornellian

      I always think I hate long shorts and then my bare legs on the subway convince me otherwise! thanks for heads up.

  11. Anonymous

    Thinking I’m a terrible person. Got pushed out by a law firm a few yrs ago in a way that felt very personal; in retrospect it wasn’t, they were starting to hurt for business but didn’t want to show it so it was easier to push long time associates out saying they were bad lawyers. Was down for a long time but ended up doing fine, moved out of NYC (which I wanted) for a fairly selective job. So heard at an event that the old firm has like no active business in half its practice areas and partners are sitting around worrying about how they’ll manage the next 20 yrs of their careers fighting for non billable scraps. I know this makes me terrible but after how they treated so many of us who worked 24-7 for them in the busy yrs – their turn to worry about their jobs . . . . Can’t say I feel bad in the slightest – not that I want to see any associate get hurt though all the associates that were my friends or peers are long gone.

    • JuniorMinion

      You aren’t a terrible person. This is why the phrase “the best revenge is living well” was invented. It probably isn’t a good situation for the people who are left there but they probably had many exits off that highway they chose not to take, and anyone super junior will likely not be blamed for their situation.

    • AnonZ

      You definitely are not terrible! I left a start-up that was very poorly managed and made me miserable for several months before I finally left. Now they are struggling and I feel really smug about it… and I have equity in the dang company!

      I think it only becomes a problem when feeling a little smug (keeping it to yourself) turns into gloating (sharing your feelings with others).

    • anon

      I had a similar situation where I left a sexist sweatshop work environment for a normal 40 hour a week job that paid better, and as I was leaving, the head of HR sent me a shaming email saying she didn’t understand how I couldn’t make it work “like all the other moms” [who go home for dinner, put their kids to bed, come back to the office and work til midnight]. I didn’t respond because I couldn’t think of anything nice to say.

      I’m enjoying my easy, cushy, better paying job. The HR lady has since been relieved of her position. I was secretly not sad when I heard about that happening.

      • anon

        Unrelated to law firm life, I once heard my exact salary repeated back to me by a colleague I didn’t know beyond pleasantries. I asked her how she knew it, and she said “If A. knows something, it may as well be posted on the internet.”

        A. was our HR director.

        It gives me a great deal of schadenfreude to see A. posting on Linked In more or less annually that she’s looking for a new job. Wonder why she can’t hold one down?

      • Ellen

        I hear you, SISTA! I had the same issues with the firm I worked for serving supeenies! They treated me like a piece of meat. I could NOT do anything right, and the boss always wanted to rub up against me while makeing grunting noises. What was THAT all about? Did he think I would get turned on by his gross sounds? Men are totaly cluless when it comes to what professional women like us find to be $exy. He was the opposite of $exy. He was a smelley TURDE. FOOEY!

  12. Anon for this

    Anyone have a success story after going through one of those “every time you work out you injure yourself” kind of cycles? Anyone have success stories with kinder, gentler means of exercise like barre/Pilates? (Do you include swimming laps in that kinder/gentler category or no?)

    I keep injuring myself when working out — it started with hip flexor pain (psoas), then some knee trouble, now lower back. Running is a no go for me right now. I started swimming laps, and was trying to do weights (Lift app) but I recently killed my back either through deadlifts, a music class with my kid (involving rolling around on the floor, rocking backwards, etc). Swimming is good but it’s a lot of twisting and I feel like my core is my weakest part — not sure if that hurt my back more. Any advice? TIA!

    • fdba

      Honestly, it might be worth visiting an orthopedist. I had repeated back and hip injuries and it turns out I have a curve in my spine. It’s not severe enough to be scholiosis but it definitely contributed to my repeated injuries. This was all discovered after my last (and most severe) injury. Basically, my treatment has been to strengthen my core with a combination of home exercises and pilates (and similar) workouts. I was also advised to stop running to ensure that I maintained my mobility in old age. I’m still searching for an aerobic alternative (I’m not a huge swimmer) so no advice there. However, I’m very glad to know where I stand and have some solid advice on how to protect myself going forward.

    • anon

      That’s me–I have some joint conditions and poorly-healed old sports injuries that make me all the more injury-prone now. For a long time I focused on Pilates/yoga thinking that the kinder/gentler would help, but ultimately it did not make me strong enough to compensate for joint issues. I have since worked with PT and chiro and realized that just making those muscles stronger can protect against injury.

      Go slow, know your limits, and focus on strength training and flexibility in tandem to make sure your muscles are well-balanced and you don’t start a chain reaction when you get injured in one location. I have had good success lately doing weights and body-weight strength training stuff, and had a couple sessions with a trainer to make sure I am using the right form so I don’t reinjure myself. I started with light weights but over the past 6 months have been able to methodically work my way up to pretty good amounts of weight, and am seeing great results in terms of definition and putting on muscle. I simply don’t run (not good for my joint condition) but I will do walking, elliptical, some swimming for cardio. I also make a point of not listening to music or being distracted while I work out. By just focusing on the movement I can make sure I’m not doing anything wonky that could cause injury. Make sure you’re building in rest days and other kinds of restorative work (foam rolling, massage, stretching, etc.). I’m doing BBG now, modifying some of the exercises as needed, and have found it really helpful. Only one injury–but I took some time off, healed it, and got back on track.

    • Anon

      How about body weight circuits? Then you can work up to adding weights back in if you feel you need more resistance. You can also try resistance band exercises. Also ellipticalling is much easier on the joints than running.

    • Anon

      A trainer. Even if it is just for a month or two.

      You need to learn safer techniques for approaching exercise. And to learn how to do core/back exercises safely.

      Stop deadlifting.

      Agree with Pilates and swimming. Swimming does do core.

      • Anonymous

        You don’t have to stop deadlifting, but I would absolutely see a physical therapist and a good personal trainer (recommended by a physical therapist from a sports medicine practice) to work on all these things.

      • nutella

        +1 millllllllllion. Stop trying to do weights on your own, don’t pick up BBG or Jillian Michaels or some at-home intense program!! Hire a trainer to teach you how to do plyometrics properly, HIIT safely, and weight-lifting form properly. You are hurting yourself. Swimming or biking are good for cardio, but keep in mind that cycling classes like SoulCycle won’t focus on your form and you could hurt yourself jumping up and down in the saddle. Just hop on a boring bike and do 30 minutes of cardio of varying intensity — but never to the point of pain or discomfort.

    • Blonde Lawyer

      Been there. Biking replaced running for me. Vinyasa yoga replaced p90x style stuff for me. Swimming can be rough on the shoulder/neck if you don’t have proper form. I wasn’t good about keeping my head in the water so swimming wasn’t gentler on me due to my poor form.

    • LondonLeisureYear

      I work with someone in London who is a personal trainer for people who have had injuries or surgeries or cancer and want to get back in shape but need someone to guide through it. I have autoimmune stuff that if I go to a typical work out class I end up with a flare up and stuck in bed for 2 days. She is able to get me to move, get me stronger and healthier without pushing me to the point where I am injured. Its a miracle.

      I suggest googling for someone in your area that is a personal trainer for people who were sick and want to get their oomph back.

      • anonymous

        This sounds amazing; I am so glad there are trainers like this out there, and I’m going to look for one!

    • anon

      are you me? after two years of mystery hip injuries coming and going, i finally am going to PT.

      unsurprisingly – in retrospect, all of the injuries are related to underlying muscle weaknesses in my hips. working on that now with the hopes most of it will clear up in the future.

    • Torin

      Go see a physical therapist. I’ve been several times in the past 5-6 years (always for completely new and different injuries, because I am just so talented like that), with good results. Sometimes it feels discouraging when it feels like EVERYTHING IS BROKEN (ask me how badly I coped when I couldn’t run OR climb) but if you treat injuries well they heal and you can get back to it.

      Generally no matter what my injuries have been I’ve always been able to stick with yoga. Sometimes you have to modify depending on what the problem is, or stick with a low-key class, but I’ve always found it doable when healing from various issues.

      • Old Lawyer

        Go to a physical therapist. A good one can help you figure out both what strengthening exercises would help and what exercise routines will hurt. I’m swimming, hiking and doing recumbent bike despite having a bad knee, hip, back and neck, but there’s no way I could have figured this out with out help.

  13. Anon

    Work question (Biglaw midlevel associate here) — I find that I am having trouble remembering details of projects from a while ago when they pop back up, and when partners come into my office and pick up right where we left off several months ago, it takes me a few confused minutes to get back into the mindset of that project. Is there anything I can do to be better at this? For example, a partner will come in and say “remember that thing you drafted two months ago? What did the case law say about XYZ issue? Did you happen to see ABC case? What’s the timing if we file that this week?” and I spend a few minutes frantically looking in my email folders and then remember what we’re talking about. Is this just a hazard of working with partners? Any advice?

    • Cornellian

      Oh god, this is my life. Also when clients call me about something they tabled three months ago and want to talk about section 7.2.

      No real advice, but commiseration.

    • Anon Lawyer

      I think that’s normal. I remember things generally, but I don’t remember details of case law research I did three months ago.

      It’s frustrating. My only response is let me check and I’ll get back to you, or I pull it up and scan while they’re there – usually a quick scan is enough to jog my memory.

    • cbackson

      It’s totally normal and legit to say, “Let me pull that back out and take a look. I’ll get back to you [timing.]” And then the timing can be later today/in a few minutes/after my 1 PM call/etc., as appropriate based on your day and how urgent the issue is. Be realistic from a timing perspective based on how long you’ll need to get back up to speed and figure out what else is going on (and bear in mind that the partner likely has no idea how much time you’ll need, so you’ll have to tell them what’s feasible).

      • Anonymous BigLaw Associate

        Yeah, if I don’t know, I just say I’ll look into and will email the research or answer or whatever later. I wouldn’t let it stress you out.

    • Walnut

      This is why my desk is covered in subject files and binder clipped stacks of documents. Even after something is old and crusty, it’s never far out of reach.

    • Rainbow Hair

      Depending on the level of formality in my relationship with the person, I say something like, “woah one sec I’ve gotta switch gears!” and open (on my computer) the file. I tell myself it’s a good thing, that my mind doesn’t stay cluttered with detail once I’ve written it down — but I just have to be sure to take notes in the proper level of detail so that I can pick back up quickly.

    • anon

      My script: “Hmm, I believe x, but let me confirm. I don’t want to give you the wrong answer.”

      This is just a hazard of working on lots of different things and doing lots and lots of work. It happens to everyone, especially partners. You’ll never be able to remember everything and no one reasonably expects you to. The best thing you can do for yourself is get a good organizational system going so that you don’t have to take tons of time searching for the answer. Take good notes.

  14. PSA - Talbots Sale

    Talbots’ summer sale just launched today, and there’s a ton of work-appropriate dresses and suiting separates and shells in the mix. Wide size range. Great if you are trying to build a work wardrobe on a budget.

    MJ

    • Anonymous

      Any idea how talbots fits? I’m hourglass shaped, and usually wear a size 6 in BR and AT. Also I’m short – 5′ 2″.

      • Anon

        I’m a pear-ish hourglass and I find that Talbots is cut very slim/straight through the hips and thighs and that I need to size up and then have the waist taken in.

        • Anonymous

          Agh, I had heard the opposite (that they were cut for “fuller figures”). Alas, I will not make the trek.

          • Anon

            I’m the anon from above… That’s true, they’re cut for a more mature figure that’s filled out. In my normal AT/J.Crew size, the items are often huge on me in the waist but snug through the thighs. They do well for straight or apple ladies, I believe.

        • ITDS

          You have to watch what “model” of pants you buy. Not sure what they are called now, but my round behind fits nicely into what used to be called their Signature cut, but the Heritage cut was a no-go. I do find that their sheath dresses are cut with more room for behind and belly, so I can wear them without feeling like I’m wearing a sausage casing that highlights what I would rather camouflage.

      • Anonymous

        Talbots runs ginormous (as in I’m a 6/8 who is an XS), but I can’t speak for petites.

        • anon

          it’s funny, this varies by size range. Plus sizes are TTS, maybe a bit slim in the hips compared to other plus brands.

      • Miss

        I’m hourglass. The pants don’t work for me, for the same reasons others have noted, but I’ve found excellent shirts, jackets, and dresses. I haven’t been in a while, but last time I was there, they divided their clothes into categories and, if I remember correctly, the Marilyn (for Monroe?) designation meant the clothes were meant for a curvier figure.

    • Cat

      Knits run HUGE (like I am a 34C and XS is sometimes too big).

      Pants and pencil skirts rarely work for me (pear/hourglass) — the “curvy” cuts seem designed for saddlebags I don’t have, but the “regular” cuts are too straight.

  15. Pesh

    My aunt and uncle hosted me (and my parents) this weekend while we were in their city for a family wedding. They went above and beyond, driving us around, going out of their way to bring me to the airport, etc. I brought them a gift when I arrived and tried to take them out to breakfast before I left but my uncle insisted on paying. I’d like to send something as a thank you gift, any ideas? I was thinking maybe a consumable from GoldBely (or a similar concept)? They’re located in the Bay Area. Any ideas?

    • LondonLeisureYear

      Movie theater gift card?
      Local ice cream gift card? if they are near Palo Alto Tin Pot Creamery is DELICIOUS
      Frog Hollow Farms is from CA and has delicious fruits that are delivered.

    • Anonymous

      If you really want to be kind and generous, I don’t want to kill off that impulse. But also …sometimes you just have to let people who love you do things for you. And you thank them, and, when they come visit you, you take them all over the place.

      • Anon

        +1 to this. Sometimes (and maybe this isn’t the case here), an unwillingness to just accept generosity turns into gestures that make one party feel comfortable at the expense of the other.

    • Anonna

      I just sent someone some burgers and dogs from Omaha Steaks as a thank you, and it was a big hit!

    • Senior Attorney

      I’m the age of you aunt, probably, and although it’s sweet I cringe a little when young people spend their hard-earned money on thank you gifts for me. Send a nice note saying you will pay it forward!

  16. Anonymous

    Just found out that someone I helped cross-train was let go. I understand why, and it’s no reflection on me. But it’s sad. He is a really nice person, very intelligent, but will probably still have huge trouble finding work for the same reasons he didn’t succeed here. :(

  17. Reality Check Needed

    Could use some perspective on my current work situation!! I’m a first year associate at a small firm. There are 2 partners and 4 associates, all either first or second years. It’s become apparent to me that because the partners opened this firm right out of law school, 10 years ago, without ever having practiced at a firm, that they seriously lack the depth of legal knowledge and experience that they should. All of my litigation cases are matters from previous attorneys who have quit and have been seriously mishandled. Whenever I have basic 1st year questions, neither partner has a clue. In fact, the main partner I work for told me he doesn’t “do” procedural law. I often have to explain litigation concepts to them (as neither of them have actually been to court or drafted a pleading in ages). I feel that new attorneys grow from being mentored by those more experienced, which is why law firms traditionally have hierarchies. But here there is no one to learn from, we are all chickens with our heads cut off. Figuring out everything for myself can have its perks, but I fear malpractice everyday. The firm has had malpractice claims before and the associates were named. How bad is it???

        • IslandGal

          +1 The firm’s reputation matters. If you recognize these issues then the legal community probably knows also. Don’t jeopardize your license or your credibility.

      • anon

        Agreed. This is awful. Get out now. You can definitely find a firm where you are able to figure things out by yourself (honestly, most all firms) but where you will be supported, have competent people to look up to and to work with, and you will not fear malpractice.

    • Anonymous

      Totally worked at a place like this – the firm decided to do bankruptcy for the first time…which was me (fresh out of law school) trying to figure out how to Bky because there was nobody senior to ask. Everything was “figure it out” and it drove me absolutely nuts. I lasted 8 months and quit without anything else lined up.

      At least one of the senior associates I worked with has since been disbarred and the name partner got in some hot water for other ethical issues.

      • Reality Check Needed

        Yes! I am often assigned matters in new practice areas that neither partner (or any associates) have experience in. Draft a pre-nup, create and fund a living trust, draft website terms and conditions, apply for a trademark. I’m a litigation associate. I also am given litigation matters in random areas- like special education law and condo foreclosure and told to figure it out, do some research (but don’t use Lexis it’s too expensive!)

        • Anonymous

          No but really, you need a new job asap. Your reputation is going to suffer if you do not get out asap. The community already knows this firm is bad news, I can promise you that.

          Out of all the things you listed, the only one you should really be winging it through with no help from a more senior attorney is website Ts&Cs.

          • Anonymous

            also looking ahead to your job search, it’s great that you can relay this info as a benefit. Not that you should trash that previous job in interviews, but it’s always great to take negatives and spin them into good interview fodder….

            you can say that you recognize it is a tough situation where you are thrown into the deep end without mentoring or guidance, but that you use your skills and judgment to be very cautious, and that you can work well under pressure, etc.

            ** Just trying to look on the bright side here for you as I would freak out in that situation :) **

          • Rainbow Hair

            I had a job like this, and it *was* great to be able to say, “for example, I’ve taught myself how to [thing!] and successfully [outcome]d on my own” when I was looking for other jobs.

          • Anon @ 12:14

            +1 – get a new job. You are probably also not being given leave to get any training in these areas. The partners are not interested in you learning how to be a lawyer – they are interested in making money and keeping business coming in the door.

            At the most, I’d say you can stay a year – maaaaaaaybe two – with the excuse of being new and trying to get out. But you really have to limit your time here and get out.

  19. Mel

    Favorite open (no button) cardigan that is NOT waterfall style or high-low? Regular length (hip or low hip), not long? And not sheer? please help.

        • Midwestern Constitutent

          You’re welcome! I’d thought about posting about it earlier, but it didn’t seem to fit into any of the conversations. I’m hoping it’ll go on sale (and that the hours reduction I’ve had to take ends as scheduled :P)

          • In-House in Houston

            Why does the black one look so much longer than the others? The one where the model is wearing a dress??

  20. Panicked

    I’m a wreck. I was hired into a newly created position to handle X, an area my company is trying to grow into. Because I only started 4 months ago, my company already had an agreement in place with Contractor to finish up X on a certain project. Our clients on this project don’t know we’re using Contractor and believe we (I) do all this work.

    Contractor is not doing their job. Epic levels of failure. I’ve been sounding the alarm for months and my bosses are fully aware. And it’s going to be painfully obvious tomorrow when we DON’T have the deliverable that people are flying in from all over the country to see. But my bosses won’t fire the contractor because ours is a small field and they don’t want to be seen as not playing nicely with others and because it’s the principle of it – “they’ve been hired to do X, we’re going to make them do it.”

    I’m incredibly worried about 1) my company’s well-respected reputation being tarnished by this contractor’s failure, 2) the likelihood of my job continuing because no more clients will hire us to do this work after tomorrow’s incredibly public failure, and 3) my own reputation in the field because my bosses won’t throw contractor under the bus to our clients and our clients believe this is all me.

    So the only thing to do now is breathe, right? And have a glass of wine when I get home? Anything I can do?
    Other than this Contractor’s failure, I really love my job and my bosses (aside from their curious inability to be firm with this contractor, which makes me furious).

    • Anonymous

      Have you informed the people flying in that you don’t have the deliverable? Do you have a presentable unfinished thing to show them instead? Do you all have a plan on how to deal with the fallout?

    • AnonZ

      This sucks a lot – you have my sympathy.

      A couple suggestions:
      – However tomorrow goes, use it as leverage to have a conversation with your boss. You can get a little angry or upset, and say that you felt personally humiliated and somewhat betrayed by the company, or whatever you think would be appropriate. But you’re really getting thrown under the bus here, and I think you have some right to express your frustration.
      – Remind yourself that no matter what happens during the day, at the end of the day it’s going to be over, you’re going to come home, have a glass of wine, life will go on, etc etc. When I have days or meetings that I’m really dreading, I look at my clock in the morning and think, “In twelve hours, I will be back here at home and whatever’s going to happen will have happened.” It sounds weird but it makes me feel way better.

    • Anonymous

      I’m assuming you CYA’d in email or some other way, but just in case you did not, email your boss or the persons who will not take action and lay out what you told us, as well as the times you brought it to their attention. Then ask them if they would like to meet to discuss some talking points(plan of action?) after the inevitable fallout tomorrow.

  21. Anonymous

    Gardening with a new partner. He seems to put a lot of effort in to wanting me to…. flower(?) every time. I enjoy gardening with him whether or not this happens, and the reality is it doesn’t always happen for me but I still enjoy the actual gardening part. (I haven’t and won’t fake it) I appreciate that he comes from a place of wanting it to be really good for me too (it is multiple-times good for him) but it is regardless.

    I don’t know how much of this is learning curve and how much is inexperience/misunderstanding (ignorance?) on his part. Any advice?

  22. anon

    Informational meeting this afternoon with a woman who heads a nonprofit I would love to work for someday… I’m not trying to ask for a job, but I am wondering some good questions or ways to phrase things that show I’m open, does that make sense?

    (We have a mutual connection and it’s a what’s the worst that can happen? sort of situation. I’d like to basically just get on her radar)

    • Rainbow Hair

      Ask her how she got where she is! Ask her what the industry, more generally, is like. I think it’s fine to say things like, “wow, that sounds so great! I’m hoping to move my career toward [thing].”

      If say, she’s the CEO and you’re looking to go in-house there or at a place like that, you can say, “how do you work with your in-house counsel? what should i be doing now that could help me get a job like that?”

      In my experience, people love to give advice, so I would just plan to do a lot of listening.

    • AB

      Ask her how she got where she is. Tell her that you’re interested in doing some volunteer work/ joining a board/ whatever is relevant and actually true, and ask what she recommends you do to achieve that.

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