Coffee Break: The Commando Keeper Sheer Tights

I was intrigued when I noticed that one of the few accessories that MM.LaFleur sells is this tight from Commando, and while I haven’t tried this one myself I thought it might be an interesting discussion — which are the best “sheer tights” for people who want the durability of tights but the general look of pantyhose? The pictured ones are $32 at MMLF, Zappos, and AmazonAnn Taylor has something similar, as does Hue. I’ve been hunting for reported deniers of pantyhose and tights to see which one has the highest denier (thickness) and it’s tough info to find right now — I would guess these Wolford tights have a denier of 40, which is the thickest I’ve found. Readers, what say you — have you tried “sheer tights”? Do you have an opinion on which brand makes the best sheer tights?

Whoa: just saw that skincare brand The Ordinary is shutting down immediately — I know a lot of readers were huge fans. Beautylish and Amazon still have products in stock, and the Deciem store is still open as well.

This post contains affiliate links and Corporette® may earn commissions for purchases made through links in this post. For more details see here. Thank you so much for your support!


  1. Mommy Monster :

    How do you wear pants with booties in the office when your feet are cold? I’m struggling with what style of pants go with booties and my Pinterest-fu is failing me. I’m in a business casual leaning casual office and prefer pants to skirts.

    • Anonymous :

      It seems like every day we have a question like this! I wear them with all styles of pants. Booties go with literally everything…they’re a completely neutral option and you don’t need to overthink it.

      • For some of us, booties are surprisingly hard to style. I’m tall. Ankle pants + booties = looking like I don’t know how to wear pants the correct length. I can make it work with jeans, sometimes, but any attempt with dress pants have looked really, really bad even though I’m supposedly doing it right.

        • Anonymous :

          I’m also tall and struggle with this. Depending on the pants and the bootie, there can be 4-5 inches of exposed skin. Does this mean I need either longer pants or higher booties? Or do I just go with it and have that much skin or sock exposed? I feel like the large gap makes it look strange.

          • Probably longer pants. I am somewhat old (51) so maybe this isn’t the most stylish option, but I’ve always worn booties so that the hem breaks slightly on the boot. This doesn’t work for extremely narrow pants, but will work for trouser or straight pants.

            Of course, based on what I’ve seen at meetings, you can have a small gap (no socks!) between the top of the boot and your pants hem if you want to look hip and European. Which is not a bad look, in my opinion, although not practical once it gets cold.

          • I’ve tried higher booties, and it looks riiiiidiculous. I’d err on the side of longer pants.

            To avoid the issue altogether, I wear short boots with trouser-cut pants.

          • Anonymous :

            I’m tall too. I either get ankle pants in a size long or get regular length pants that end up being ankle pants on me!

    • Well, first of all, wear socks. I wear my booties with ankle pants. Sometimes I wear longer socks and you can see them, so I wear socks with patterns that are meant to be seen and sometimes I wear ankle socks and there is some exposed skin but it’s not really that much so it doesn’t make me cold.

    • cat socks :

      I wear skinny jeans and booties. I like the top of the pant to hit right at the top of the boot. This means I have to fold the hem of the jeans underneath. I wear regular socks. By regular, I mean ones that come up a past my ankle. Sometimes you can see a sliver of sock when I sit down, but it doesn’t really bother me. I also wear socks with patterns.

    • AnonInfinity :

      I think any pants go with booties. Wider leg pants fall such that they just look like normal shoes. If I wear skinny ankle pants with booties, I just cuff the pants a bit so that the top of the bootie is visible.

      I always wear no-show socks with booties, but I don’t live in a cold climate, so the little 1/2 of exposed skin outside really doesn’t affect my comfort.

    • Anonymous :

      My office dress code sounds similar to yours. I can’t make ankle pants work with booties. I think this is why ankle pants are not shown with booties in the product photo – it’s always high heels. The gap is weird/cold. I’m short and I still have this problem. What I tend to wear with booties are slim/skinny pants (e.g. the BR Sloan) that go right to the top of the bootie. Ponte/stretchy pants seems to work best for me. I wear socks underneath that may show when I sit down. Also, slim corduroy pants or chino/colored denim with my booties basically worn with them as I would skinny jeans.

    • Wear a sock, and or longer pants. A straight leg pant you can fold up to break on the boot. I like sock boots and solid tights or leggings in winter. I don’t mind a business casual look with black skinny pants a little bit of sock pattern and a boot Oxford. For early fall a bit of skin is fine. A cropped pant and sock boot in the same color works for me no skin no sock showing.

  2. I have been finding myself listening to high-energy “angry woman” songs at the gym recently, and wanted to expand/improve my collection through crowdsourcing. Mind sharing your favorites with me? Mine is “The Million That You’ll Never Make,” by Ani DiFranco.

    • Anonymous :

      I have an entire playlist, although some of mine skew more inspirational/girl power than angry. These are the ones I can remember off the top of my head:

      BO$$ – Fifth Harmony
      I Love Me – Meghan Trainor
      Confident- Demi Lovato
      Run the World- Beyonce
      White Flag- Joseph
      I Am Your Leader- Nicki Minaj
      Broken Glass- Rachel Platten
      Independent Women- Destiny’s Child
      Diva- Beyonce
      One Girl Revolution- Superchick
      Bad Reputation- Joan Jett
      F*** You- Lily Allen

    • Anonymous :

      What’s Up by 4 Non Blondes.

    • BeenThatGuy :

      Great topic…

      Misery Business by Paramore
      Going Under by Evanescence
      If You Can’t Hang by Sleeping with Sirens
      All Around Me by Flyleaf
      Salute by Little Mix

    • Never too many shoes... :

      Ani is so the perfect choice. Not a Pretty Girl is also really empowering!

      • I LOVED that song so hard in college and adored getting to see her sing it live! Great reminder to listen to it again though of course I still remember all the lyrics ;)

    • Woman by Kesha is my current favorite of this genre!

      • Rainbow Hair :

        So good! I hate that I have to skip it in the car with my (Kesha loving!) three-year-old.

    • Blown Away by Carrie Underwood.

    • NO by Meghan Trainor

    • Anonymous :

      Fighter – Christina Aguilera

    • Comeback by Ella Eyre
      Sorry not Sorry by Demi Lovato

    • Dixie Chicks – Not Ready to Make Nice

    • MIA – Bad Girls is a major pump up song for me!

    • Shananana :

      This is the time to go on a solid Riot GRRL spotify binge. This is my go to angry weightlifting music. Bikini Kill and L7 make getting through the last year achievable.

    • My songs (oldies but goodies?) would be by Alanis Moriset te, Gwen Stefani, Nelly Furtado, that “Bad Reputation” song from Shrek…I would include Tori Amos and Fiona Apple except that they are low-energy, as DJT would say, not great for the gym.

    • Anonymous :

      Melissa Ethridge! Pretty much any, but the two that come to mind are “if I only wanted to” and “all American girl.”

  3. Anonymous :

    Lordy no, I haven’t tried sheer hose since the 1990s.

    • Which means they are about to come back into fashion and people will be posting “you will take my tights out of my cold, dead hands” any day now.

      I loved sheer hose and (my now old lady) legs will be thrilled when they are officially back.

    • Anonymous :

      I wear sheer hose on two occasions: job interviews and jury trials.

      • I like sheer hose because otherwise I get blisters on my feet and also need to wear self tanner October-May. I think they had a moment with Kate Middleton circa 2010-ish. That moment may be over but I’m still in it. FWIW I still wear riding boots with jeans tucked in, so I may just be off-kilter with the style thing.

      • I wear them all the time (and am in my late 20s in a cold city)! They’re good for when you’re wearing something black tights don’t go with (suiting fabric, white/brown/cream dresses, etc.) and are noticeably warmer than bare legs.

    • Anonymous :

      This is from people with nice looking legs or in warmish climates. In New Jersey, below 40 degrees and over age 50 = sheer hose for me.

    • Ok but I think this post is about sheer tights, not hose, though I know the terms are interchangeable in the UK.

      I do have some nude-ish colored tights that I wear on cooler days when I’m wearing something that will not work with my black or navy tights. I don’t think they’re the most elegant things ever, but I also think bare legs look (and feel) pretty stupid when it’s cold out. And mine are definitely tights, not sheer hose. They’re made by Berkshire and I got them on amazon.

  4. I switched jobs in June and with that came new health insurance. I just received a medical bill from May. Can I use money from my FSA through my new employer to pay for that medical bill?

    • Anonymous :

      Yes, that’s what it is for. :)

    • Anonymous :

      Maybe. Your FSA will have eigiblendates of service and that is usually like 1/1-12/29 of a year. You can try and submit but they may reject since for this year you may only be able to use it for expenses while you were contributing.

  5. Elegant Giraffe :

    I have finally worked up the courage to discuss anxiety medication with a doctor. I have an annual with my OB/GYN on Monday and am planning to raise it with him. I don’t think he’ll prescribe it for me but surely he can refer me to a psychiatrist, right? I have this (irrational?) fear that my OB/GYN won’t believe me, will tell me to toughen up, etc. I’ve never had an interaction like that with this (or any) doctor. In fact, I’m pretty sure that’s my anxiety talking. Anyway – does anyone have any tips or reassurances for bringing this up with my doctor? I could use some encouragement.

    • Ask your OB to assess you for depression and anxiety disorder. There’s a pretty standard in-office test. This request takes the emotion out of it.

      If he refuses to do that, he’s completely unprofessional and at a minimum you should switch doctors, but I find it unlikely he would.

    • Odds are good that your Ob/Gyn has a bunch of therapists / psychiatrists to recommend and refers patients to them regularly (pre/postpartum depression makes these connections a must).

    • Make sure to ask your doctor about the risk of addiction from benzos. I am not an expert on the types of medicine available, but addiction risk should be a part of the conversation. An addiction specialist (MD) who is treating a family member of mine said that out of all the addictions she sees in her work, benzos are by far the hardest to kick.

      • Anonymous :

        SSRI discontinuation syndrome is no joke either. My psychiatrist was able to correctly predict that I would have no issues with benzos (not sure how). One reason to see a psychiatrist is that buspar and bupropion can also be prescribed for anxiety and are much easier to quit, but only psychiatrists seem to prescribe them.

    • Anonymous :

      Do you have access to some sort of patient portal where you can email your doctor? If so, send a note to him that you want to discuss it during the appointment. If not, perhaps try calling the front desk and asking them to add a note to your appointment that way.

      If you don’t do that, then try to mention it to the nurse who takes your history/gets you settled (the one who asks “anything else that you want to talk about with the doctor while you’re here today?”).

      And as a last resort that will still do the trick, perhaps jot this down and take it with you. You can literally read it aloud if you need help finding the words: “I need to talk about one more thing. I am having anxiety that I think I need help managing, and I want to talk about the possibility of medication and/or a referral to a psychiatrist.”

      Once you open the conversation, your doctor will take it from there. They have training in exactly what to say next — you just have to give the ball the tiniest nudge and it’ll get rolling. In general, I think that OB/GYNs are actually particularly sensitive to helping with anxiety/depression, because they are increasingly accustomed to raising the possibility of PPA/PPD with a mom who’s struggling. (Not that I’m saying that this is at all your own circumstance — just that OB/GYNs have more comfort in discussing these topics than you might imagine at first glance.)

      And, he may well offer you a prescription — at different times in my life, I’ve had both an internist and an OB/GYN write scripts for antidepressants to help me get started in managing my symptoms. And yes, he will ABSOLUTELY be able to refer you to a psychiatrist/therapist if that is your treatment preference.

    • Anonymous :

      I’ve asked two different OB/GYNs for help with mood issues and both were happy to help with medications and referrals. They didn’t act like it was odd at all.
      It might also be worth looking to see if any of the psychiatry practices in your area also have therapists/counselors as part of their group. Having that option for comprehensive care is nice.

    • “I wasn’t sure if an ob/gyn appointment is the right time, but you’re my doctor and I need help. I am struggling with anxiety; will you recommend a few names that I can discuss medication or treatment options with? It’s something I have pushed off for too long and would like to see someone soon.” Make the ask and be your own advocate. If the doctor doesn’t prescribe something then and there for you but makes a referral instead, make an appointment with that psychiatrist that day so you don’t put it off any longer.

    • Elegant Giraffe :

      Everyone has been so helpful. Thank you. I can do this!!

  6. Anonymous :

    Did anyone else see the new A Star is Born this weekend? The soundtrack is fantastic (been listening to it all day at work) and the acting/directing were great, but it was so incredibly depressing to watch a woman in such a dysfunctional and harmful relationship. The trailer really plays it up to be this great love story…but no.

    • Cookbooks :

      I agree, the soundtrack is great! That movie was really a labor of love on Cooper’s part, and it shows.

      I only realized it just now–she (Ally) interacts with so few women in the film.

      • Anonymous :

        I think that’s because it was very much Jack’s story even though it was ostensibly about Ally becoming famous. We saw so little of Ally’s life outside Jack. Pretty typical for a male director and writer (especially one who is directing himself).

    • For those of you with issues about the movie – had you seen any of the three prior versions? This is pure curiosity on my part. I was talking to a friend who was bemoaning the story line (and blaming it on Cooper) and was apparently not aware that this is a old story that has been told many times (only this time in music instead of acting).

      And it is a lot of things, but standard romantic comedy is not one of them.

      • I hadn’t seen any of the old movies, but I knew the plotline. I definitely did not expect a romantic comedy (not sure where you’re getting that idea).

      • Senior Attorney :

        Yes I have seen all of them. In the previous versions it was quite clear that the Lady Gaga character eclipsed the Bradley Cooper because she was a better actor (in the older versions) or musician (in the Streisand version). In this version there’s a suggestion that perhaps it’s not because of her talent but because she is willing to sell out to the marketing machine, which is a shame.

        • Anonymous :

          That made me so mad! I hated that he mocked her pop songs. But while he was so concerned with being “authentic” she was a huge success without compromising herself so joke’s on him I guess.

        • Anonymous :

          I actually thought she did sell out a little bit with some of her songs/the fake hair/dance moves. It just didn’t seem like her (the song she sang on SNL was pretty ridiculous, which I thought was the point). However, I thought the last song/going back to her natural hair signaled that she would going to go back to being more authentic. Interesting to hear others had different takes.

          • Senior Attorney :

            Right in the movie she did seem to sell out rather than prevail on just her talent. In the movie that was Bradley Cooper’s vision. *sigh*

    • Anonymous :

      Yeah, I was aware that the movie was a remake but not the exact plot of the earlier stories. I kept waiting for the other shoe to drop in their relationship and I think her tolerance of his addictions was by far the weakest part of the story. However upon reading about the earlier versions, I realize they were probably bound to the structure of the original story, which is 80 years old now.

      I can’t help feeling like they could have told a better story about the relationship (although the music side was great), but not sure if they were beholden to copyright issues if they wandered too far from the story or tried to tell it without the nod to the earlier versions.

  7. Senior Attorney :

    Yes, I loved Lady Gaga but I agree that Bradley Cooper’s character was just awful. The awards show scene where he humiliates her… hard to watch, man.

    • Anonymous :

      The more I think about the movie the more mad I am. Still love the music though.

      • Thanks for these comments. I was vaguely thinking about seeing it, now I can cross that off the list! I DO NOT need extra weekend occasions to be angry and offended right now.

    • It’s also potentially very triggering for folks who are in recovery.

    • Anonymous :

      It was sad for me because it was so relatable – practically anyone I know who dates men, but especially women, have put up with way too much bullshit at some point or another. I saw my own and others choices in the movie so many times (obviously it was a very extreme version but you know what I mean). I enjoyed the movie and especially the schmaltzy parts, but some parts were really painfully real to watch despite how cheesy it was overall.

  8. Marketplace Health Insurance?? :

    Is anyone familiar with the Marketplace open enrollment process? Are there groups or individuals who can assist a family member located in another state with figuring out the process? I’ve found some names on the healthcare . gov page but no one is calling me back or responding to emails.

    She’s a recent widow and does not work due to poor mental health , although she is not technically “disabled” (probably should be). I’m trying to do this from afar, but I’m maxed out with the rest of the estate stuff so I’m calling uncle…. We just need local expert knowledge who can talk to us about medicare/aid, disability and health insurance options for the coming year. I know open enrollment begins Nov 1. Help. I can’t do it all and we need this family member to be insured because of said health issues. Any guidance is much appreciated.

    • Anonymous :

      How old is your relative? If she’s not over 65 or under 65 and receiving Social Security Disability Insurance benefits, Medicare won’t be an option. Medicaid income limits and other eligibility requirements vary by state.

      If she’s interested in applying for disability benefits (either SSDI (based on work history and disabilty) or SSI (based on income, assets, and age or disability), she can make an appointment at her local Social Security Administration office.

      Some states have county agencies or nonprofits who can help people with this stuff – if you say where your relative is, others might have suggestions for organizations that can help.

    • Anonymous :

      I know there are people who do this in the 2 states I am familiar with, but my sense is that it is very state-dependent. I would start with poking around the relevant state’s exchange website and look for a “find help” or similar page. If you post what state your family member is in you might get more detailed info.

    • Anonymous :

      The reason you can’t get anyone to call you back is that the Trump admin de-funded them all. Really. Google something like “Obamacare X county” and see what community orgs you come up with.

      Also, if she’s over 65, her county gov’t may operate an office/ombudsman for seniors that may be able to help.

    • Call/email a local insurance broker. Many will still help with options on the marketplace even if they don’t get much (or any) commission on the purchase. If you don’t know a broker, call the local Blue Cross/Blue Shield insurance company and ask for one. Then tell the broker you’re looking at all options, not just BC/BS.

    • My doctors office is a not for profit medical center, and assisting with marketplace open enrollment is a service that they offer. It might be worth looking into local medical practices, especially those that treat low income folks, to see if you can find help there.

    • Thanks, everyone. She’s 56. Lives in Florida.

      What I’ve gathered is there are SIGNIFICANT subsidies available if you make +/ $13,000 per year, but not less. Investment income, social security income, normal wages, etc, all count. She won’t get her social security income until 60. Clearly the program is structured to incentivize someone to earn money/have a job, but it’s simply not an option for her. When she’s 60, even with the early distribution penalty, she’s due $15,000/year from social security so we’ll be all set assuming that income benchmark holds. Between now and then… I just have no idea but know we/she can’t afford insurance at face value.

      • Anonymous :

        There aren’t subsidies available for people earning under $13,000/year because that’s just over 100% of the federal poverty line. Theoretically, people earning that little per year should be on Medicaid, but of course not all states expanded Medicaid or even have Medicaid programs available for adults. Marketplace subsidies are for people earning 100%-400% FPL.

        +1 to talking to an insurance agent or patient financial counselor at a hospital for help with a Marketplace application.

      • This might be helpful:

        That said, it sounds like she might fall in the hole between Medicaid eligibility and subsidy eligibility since FL didn’t expand Medicaid.

        Good luck to her & remind her to vote Gillum in November. No idea if he’ll be able to deliver on it, but he’s made expanded access to healh insurance part of his platform.

  9. Sorry to repeat – posted late. What’s your go-to neutral manicure color?

  10. Anonymous :

    Going with a friend to Costco this weekend – I know people here love it. What should I get?

    • We like to stock up on meat, cooking oils, allergy medicine, coffee (Ruta Maya beans are great!), paper products, and dog food when we make a run (usually once a month or less). We keep an eye out for a few things that they don’t have all the time too, like chickpea pasta and my favorite granola. Then we pick up a ridiculous quantity of whatever fruit looks freshest, and we’re almost never disappointed. If we don’t eat it all, I cut up what’s left right before it goes bad and freeze it. They have really good produce. It’s just not worth the hassle to go there for that every time we need some.

      The strawberries are incredible right now. I anticipate no trouble devouring 2 lbs of them before they go bad, between me and my husband.

      • Disappointed :

        I am surprised you like the fruit. I will buy almost everything from Costco but was so disappointed by the fruit. Tasteless every.single.time. so I have imposed a ban for fruit unless I am buying the frozen bags or bananas for shakes

        • Different Anon :

          Weird. I am pretty picky about produce and I have almost always been happy with the fruit I’ve gotten from Costco.

    • I responded to a similar post a few weeks ago, but here goes…
      Small stuff–beauty products (but only if you already use them), OTC meds, vitamins, batteries, Sonicare toothbrush heads, razors.
      Paper and cleaning products, if you have the storage–toilet paper, paper towels, diapers/wipes, dishwasher tabs, trash bags, ziplocs, laundry detergent. The best deals are on their brands.
      Food–stick to things you know you like and will eat. Think about how much room you have in your refrigerator, freezer, and pantry. Our family of 3 regularly buys hearty produce, chicken breast and thighs, pork tenderloin, Aidell’s chicken sausages, hummus, cheese, and milk. We rarely buy things like chips or bread because we can’t finish them before they go bad.
      Alcohol, if you consume alcohol.
      If you celebrate Christmas, Costco has my favorite wrapping paper, and it’s a great price.

    • Worry about yourself :

      I used to be a member, and I would always get:

      – paper towels and toilet paper
      – cleaning products, especially laundry pods and Mr. Clean magic erasers
      – razor blade cartridges
      – rice, rice pilaf, and quinoa
      – pasta
      – frozen meat
      – energy shots

      Basically, anything that doesn’t spoil and will be used on a daily or weekly basis.

      I also used to buy socks at Costco, sometimes blu-rays if there was a movie I really wanted, and they have good housewares as well.

      • Oh yes, socks! Costco has wool blend socks (more hike-like, not dressy) that are the best socks ever!

        My Costco carries the RoC night cream I use, so I buy it there when I see it. I also love their bagged kale salad – it’s a mix of shredded kale, Brussels sprouts, cabbage, maybe radicchio, and includes a little bag of sunflower seeds and dried cranberries and a lemon poppyseed dressing. I add tuna or hard-boiled eggs and that’s lunch for a week. The stuff lasts, too. As does their tubs of mixed greens, the rectangular ones – will last a solid week without going limp and mushy.

  11. Anonymous :

    If you’re a heavy drinker thinking about stopping, is it ever as easy as just stopping? Any sobriety resources other than AA people like?

    • Elegant Giraffe :

      There was a thread about this a few days ago – in reference to someone’s brother I believe – and people mentioned medications for alcohol addiction. I found the links for you; I am just copying/pasting to save you the trouble of digging through past posts.

    • I didn’t like the way my drinking habits were going, and I started seeing a therapist (for related reasons, but not just for drinking) and she was also very helpful in that regard. One of her specialties happens to be substance abuse counseling. I”ve successfully cut way back on my drinking since I started seeing her.

      • My husband stopped drinking entirely with a reputable therapist. I’m not saying it’s for everyone, but it certainly can be done without AA.

    • That depends on WHY you are a heavy drinker. I have gone through periods in my life where I drank a lot, certainly more than was healthy. It was largely because I worked for a firm where everyone drank a lot and drinking was part of our company culture. I stopped when I started trying to get pregnant and never started back up again (partly because I changed jobs while still br**stfeeding so before I would otherwise have started drinking again). Now I am a one drink at happy hour/glass of wine with dinner once a week person. For me, it was as simple as just stopping but I was not physically or emotionally dependent on alcohol.

      Try just stopping. Replace the alcohol with something else (I found that diet tonic water with lime satisfied my need to separate the day from the evening). If that does not work and you find that you cannot stop, then you need professional help. If AA is not your thing (and it is not everyone’s), talk to your doctor and/or a therapist – especially if you think you are managing depression or anxiety with alcohol. There are non-12 step programs out there but they tend to be locations specific.

    • Anonymous :

      I know a couple people who were what I considered to be heavy drinkers who stopped completely when they got pregnant. In general, I think it’s definitely possible to be a heavy drinker and not be addicted. But I also think it matters how you define “heavy drinking.” I’m thinking of people who have 2-3 drinks on the weekdays and more on weekends. That’s very heavy compared to my 1-3 drinks per week, but might not be what you had in mind.

    • There’s a very active reddit board – r/stopdrinking, I believe. No 12 step nonsense. Lots of encouraging posts by people who have X number of days talking about how things have improved (this is much more motivating for me than rock bottom stories).

      • Anon plus :

        I wouldn’t call 12 Steps nonsense – it does work for some, often many, and if you cannot afford licensed professionals, it’s a solid option. The challenge is finding a home meeting that is a good match.

        Had an atheist friend who needed more than meetings and did an Intensive Outpatient Program with Kolmac? Colemack? No idea how it is spelled. They were able to work and the rest of their time was spent getting back to health and away from numbing behaviors. They also have groups for friends and family to build out a support system.

    • My post is in moderation (sigh) but check the r3ddit board “stopdrinking”.

    • Hey, I’m actually about four months sober. I never had some kind of big crashing dramatic rock bottom. I was just drinking a bunch of wine every night and doing a few red flag type things and it was really starting to get to me. I’ve found the following resources very helpful:

      – This Naked Mind book by Annie Grace
      – This Naked Mind podcast
      – Smart Recovery online
      – Hip Sobriety website
      – Laura McKowen’s website
      – HOME podcast
      – Spiritualish podcast
      – I also go to AA every once in a while, when I’m struggling. I’m not doing the 12 steps at this point, and I’m not really planning to, but who knows how the future will unfold. Basically I use AA meetings as positive peer pressure. I don’t really identify myself as an “alcoholic” except when I’m at AA. Because it doesn’t really matter to me if I am or I’m not, all that matters is that if my drinking bothers me, its for the best that I quit.
      – I’m also in therapy, though it’s not for drinking specifically, I’ve been honest with my therapist about quitting
      – I also follow a bunch of sobriety themed instagram accounts and I’m in a couple of facebook groups.

      If you’d like to reach out, you can email me at cpalady1234 at gma il dot com.

      For me, yes I did “just stop”, but what is the hard part is building a life you don’t want to escape from. And you typically need a bit of support to do that.

    • This is probably going to be unpopular but I used to drink some amount of wine every day (1-3 glasses) and I did just stop. But I do have an occasional drink socially so I didn’t stop drinking 100%. I just don’t drink at home for the most part. I did it for health reasons and not because I thought I had a problem.

      • Glad that worked for you. Sometimes people need more. Glad you, like OP, identified an issue, and for you, your plan worked for you. It’s not about popularity. We’re not carbon copies of each other, not by a long shot.

    • I am not a drinker — never was, but my ex, Alan, was a drinker, and from what I have been able to gather, still is. I tried EVERYTHING to try and get him to stop. I pleaded, spoke with his family, and even did sexueal stuff I found distasteful just b/c I wanted to lift his spirits so that he would NOT keep drinking, but all for nothing as he continued to drink and puke his guts out almost every night, staining my carpet and my sheets and never cleaning up. I even tried his former employer and asked them to give him his job back. I was not sucessful in trying that tack, but the boss thought highly of me for trying. He also asked me what I saw in my Alan! I said that I had known him forever and that he was there for me when I was in the dumps so I was trying to be a good girlfreind. I hope you find the answers you need from the HIVE, b/c we are always strongest when we stick together on these important issues du jour! YAY!!!

    • Thank you guys for this – lots to think about. Numbing behavior definitely sounds right, and I’m aware I self-medicate with alcohol. I keep making rules for drinking and breaking them so I think maybe I’ll try a bright line rule for a while.

  12. Paging LArettes :

    [Reposting from earlier]

    I moved to the area fairly recently and would love to meet some of the rette’s out in the real world and perhaps create some long-term friendships.

    DH and I are hosting an open house in the LA-area this Saturday. If you are free and would like to join us, send me an email at larette00 at gmail and I can send you the invite.

    p.s.- Thank you to everyone who encouraged us to go ahead and do it despite the number of guests on our list

  13. Riot grrlnplaylist on Spotify esp Le Tigre Feminist Sweepstakes and Kimya Dawson would work, anything by Peaches Boys Wanna be Her. Valerie by Amy Winehouse.

  14. Take that news from Deciem with a grain of salt. The ceo is known for having bipolar disorder and has had many manic episodes before. Their social accounts are his personal accounts and shouldnt be taken seriously. He’s just one person, not the whole company.

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