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Updated: Oct 30, 2018 143 Comments · by

Coffee Break: Metro Pouch

Coffee Break |

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Really big pouches inside totes: yea or nay? (This one is 13″ x 10″ if you are on the hunt for one.) I'm a huge fan of smaller pouches for purses (I pretty much just move my makeup pouch and wallet whenever I switch bags, although I often have a tiny Purel container, pack of gum, and several prepackaged snacks floating free in my bag.) The bigger pouch always seems like it would be a great idea, and yet I never successfully use it with totes. (In my work tote I do keep keep a smaller pouch with a pen, post-it notes, a snack bar, tissues, Purel, and one of those 3-pronged wall taps… and I suppose if I'd kept my Bluetooth keyboard in a bigger pouch it wouldn't have gotten damaged recently.) If you do use the big-removable-pouch-inside-totes, what do you keep inside it?  If you're on the hunt, this one is $55, colorful, lightweight, and from MZ Wallace; there's also a purple multi-colored “laser print” and a bright pink. Fun! Metro Pouch This post contains affiliate links and Corporette® may earn commissions for purchases made through links in this post. For more details see here. Thank you so much for your support!

Sales of note for 10.10.24

  • Nordstrom – Extra 25% off clearance (through 10/14); there's a lot from reader favorites like Boss, FARM Rio, Marc Fisher LTD, AGL, and more. Plus: free 2-day shipping, and cardmembers earn 6x points per dollar (3X the points on beauty).
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  • Boden – 10% off new styles with code; free shipping over $75
  • Eloquii – Extra 50% off a lot of sale items, with code
  • J.Crew – 40% off sitewide
  • J.Crew Factory – 50% off entire site, plus extra 25% off orders $150+
  • Lo & Sons – Fall Sale, up to 35% off
  • M.M.LaFleur – Save 25% sitewide
  • Neiman Marcus – Sale on sale, up to 85% off
  • Spanx – Lots of workwear on sale, some up to 70% off
  • Talbots – 50% off 2+ markdowns
  • Target – Circle week, deals on 1000s of items
  • White House Black Market – Buy one, get one – 50% off full price styles

And some of our latest threadjacks here at Corporette (reader questions and commentary) — see more here!

Some of our latest threadjacks include:

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Comments

  1. Veronica Mars

    Best housewarming gift you’ve ever gotten? I’m looking to buy something for my niece who is moving to the big city and living in a tiny studio. She has some stuff from college but is also lacking some of the basics/essentials of being out on her own. Budget is around $100.

      • Anonymous

        +1

        To have been a fly on the wall when my first roommate and I realized how expensive garbage cans actually are…

      • formerstudioowner

        +2 In a studio everything, including the trash can, is on display. It’s nice to have one that looks good!

    • Aunt Jamesina

      Gift card! Especially with a studio, she’s likely to be picky about what stuff she wants in her space.

      • BabyAssociate

        +1 as a studio dweller, definitely this. Normally my answer would be “plants, all the plants.”

        • AIMS

          Gift card + one of those cute hammers with screwdrivers inside? I have one at work and it’s great in a pinch.

          For other ideas: nice, neutral towels; a fancy candle; a good omelet pan.

    • SC

      A nice chef’s knife. My grandmother gave me one (her old one) when I graduated from college, and it’s still awesome 12 years later.

      • anon

        And you could include one of those magnetic knife strip things that are great for small spaces.

    • Mrs. Jones

      I like a return address stamp, but I am a sucker for personalized items.
      I also like the trash can idea, because they are not cheap!

        • Pompom

          Or that she won’t move around. If she’s staying put, go for it.

          My lovely awesome friends got us one…and we ended up needing to sell and relocate like 2.5 years later. I felt so bad that their gift went to waste!

    • IHHtown

      Giftcard to Etsy so she can personalize the space with unique items, but without forcing her to shop at one place.

    • Anonymous

      A big jar of Nutella and a bottle of laundry detergent. I didn’t actually have laundry detergent (I moved from a different city) and Nutella straight out of the jar was my dessert for quite a while.

    • Lana Del Raygun

      If it’s her first apartment, get her a really good toilet plunger (long handle, good seal — look for one that comes back in under the bulb with narrow mouth that fits into the pipe) and a really good toilet brush (with a wire brush for scrubbing up inside the edge — just upward-facing bristles do not scrub as well and are splashier).

      • Veronica Mars

        Oh! I wanted to do this. A real toilet plunger and not a sink plunger as they so often market as a “toilet plunger.” I was also thinking a plug-in flashlight for power outages (impossible to lose because plugged into the wall). But they’re also very utilitarian and I thought I’d see about other ideas. I guess if I did the trash can I could put the items inside!

        • Lana Del Raygun

          Personally I think super-utilitarian gifts are fun (and really enjoyed helping pick out a toilet plunger for my big sister’s wedding), in part because it seems like a very tangible “I love you and want to help you with [problem] even though I live far away.” I know someone whose boyfriend got her jumper cables for Christmas because he was worried about her and her crappy car — it was a cute protective thing. :)

      • S

        I’ll be the dissenter and would say (to myself of course) “yuck” to a toilet plunger gift. A gift to me reads indulgent and a toilet plunger is the opposite (reads chores and cleaning which I really dislike).

    • Anonymous

      Maybe a compact paper shredder she can put over a trash can? It’s a really practical item a lot of young people don’t realize they need.

      • Anonymous

        A lot of young people don’t need it. Most of my things are paperless and my very limited amount of personal stuff I shred at work.

  2. Cat

    I LOVE my big removable pouch combined w/ my Longchamp for traveling. Inside the pouch goes the things I’ll want during the flight — Kindle, phone, extra battery, etc. — so I can quickly extract just what I need. Then when I’m at the destination, I use the pouch to keep a guidebook and any itinerary info for the relevant day (tickets, other printouts, etc.) organized.

    I also use it it in my beach bag; it’s the perfect size to stash the Kindle (again) with a few thin magazines, keeping them from getting all scrunched up.

  3. Vegan houseguest?

    A friend who recently became vegan is spending the weekend at my house. We will eat out for a meal or two, but I would like to make some meals at home, too. Looking for things to have on-hand for breakfast, as well as easy lunch or dinner ideas.

    • Anonymous

      Breakfast: oatmeal; avocado toast; I’d have almond milk and coconut creamer on hand as well
      Lunch: salad with chickpeas and avocado; veggie burgers; lentil soup
      Dinner: black bean & sweet potato chili

      • Fishie

        Read the ingredients of veggie burgers carefully – some have egg in them and are not vegan.

    • K

      Tofu scramble with potatoes and toast is my favorite vegan breakfast. You can even put it in a burrito. Could also be made for lunch!
      +1 Anon at 3:11 on oatmeal, avocado toast and non-dairy milk. I would ask her which she prefers. I know I prefer plain unsweetened soy milk for coffee and almond milk for cooking. Don’t bother with vanilla or chocolate.

    • Anona

      Oatmeal is easy for breakfast, with some fresh fruit and nuts to dress it up. For dinner I love making grilled veggie tacos. Cut bigger vegetables like sweet potatoes or zucchini into long strips and grill, then put them in a corn tortilla with some black beans, guacamole, pico, cilantro, radish, onion (and optional cheese/meat). If you have an instant pot you can do curries (try the blog Vegan Richa for recipes). When I do veggie burgers on the grill, I love making this grilled green bean recipe to go with it: https://www.seriouseats.com/recipes/2016/06/grilled-green-bean-salad-red-peppers-radishes-recipe.html

    • Anonymous

      Breakfast: oatmeal, pancakes, avocado toast, breakfast burritos with beans, tempeh, potatoes and veggies, or breakfast sandwich on an everything bagel. I find a good bean chili is a great lunch very filling, healthy and tasty. Coffee creamer is a must, but it’s so individual ask their preference. For dinner I like lasagna with a tofu ricotta, some form of a stir fry or sushi bowl, burritos or taco bowls, even pizza use frozen TJs dough and splurge on Miyoko’s mozz

        • Anonymous

          substitute apple sauce or mashed banana, vegetable oil or vegan ‘butter’, and vanilla soy milk

        • Anonymous

          The Viet vegan blueberry pancake recipe is easy and excellent. Quite similar to my own.

        • CountC

          I make mine with flax “eggs,” vegan butter, and either soy or nut milk.

    • Anon in NYC

      Coconut yogurt can be a good alternative yogurt. I prefer it over almond milk yogurt. Add in fruit, peanut butter, and granola, and it’s a super filling breakfast.

    • Anonymous

      Ask your friend! They most likely have a go-to breakfast, and ideas for lunches and dinners that they like to eat. Get an idea of what restaurants and take-out places near you have some good vegan options, but ultimately, let your friend take the lead.

      Also, remember that Oreos are vegan!

    • Anonymous

      This is one of my all-time favorite recipes that is pretty easy, but also delicious/impressive. Easy to make vegan — olive oil rather than butter, non-egg pasta instead of egg noodles, nix the sour cream. https://smittenkitchen.com/2009/01/mushroom-bourguignon/

      Another of my favorites is a sweet potato pineapple curry, but the specific recipe I used seems to have disappeared from the internet. But recipes for vegan curry dishes abound if that kind of thing sounds promising.

    • Purple line

      Watch out for egg and milk related ingredients in bread, as well as honey if that’s an issue.

  4. anon

    Internet friends, talk to me about carpets. My pup recently had an episode of something giardia-like, and of course soiled the one room in my house that has carpet (the living room). (And I’m talking repeatedly over a weekend, not just a one time, one spot thing.) I have had it professionally cleaned twice (with enzyme treatment etc), but it still smells of dog urine (strangely, since it was soiled with #2 not #1, but could have been both, given how sick pup was) to the extent that I don’t want to be in the living room. I’m not a fan of carpet anyway and in the back of my mind I’ve thought about getting rid of it. The rest of the house has hardwood floor so I’m guessing that’s what’s under the carpet. If I get rid of the carpet, do I have to refinish the floors in my entire house so they match? (I’m guessing the floors under the carpet will need refinishing.)

    If I decide this is too big a project for now, how expensive is it to replace carpet in one relatively small room?

    Thank you from a clueless first time homeowner

    • Walnut

      You can buy cheap carpet and have it installed inexpensively. If it’s a small room, I bet you can do it for 1,000 – 1,500. I’ve done this in basements with a high likelihood of pet and kid damage in multiple houses.

    • Anon

      Pee-like smell can be the result of the carpets not drying out fully after cleaning and thus developing yeast. Try carpet dry cleaners or low-water cleaners (we have Chem-Dry) to get it out and be extra diligent with fans and air movement after cleaning. Replacing carpets in one room is $400-1K. Refinishing hardwood in the same area is ~2K. Refinishing hardwood in whole house (let’s say 1500 sq ft) is ~10K. All this depending on where you live.

      • Anon

        I’d say the figures above are a little low on the carpet side and too high for the refinishing side, in my experience. I used to work in a complimentary industry and saw bids for this work frequently. When I last had hardwood floors redone, I had 240 square feet of damaged floor that had been hiding under carpet for 40+ years sanded and refinished for $1200, which included some significant patching and use of a dustless system. I live in a MCOL area. To the OP: hardwood + area rug is my personal preference. If all your other floors are in good condition and the color is to your liking, I’d get them done so it all ties together and looks seamless.

      • Anon OP

        this yeast thing might be exactly what it is, because at first I used my own carpet cleaner machine and it malfunctioned so it wasn’t vacuuming up the water the way it should. I may even have damaged the wood floors underneath at this point. (facepalm)

    • Assistant Professor

      I don’t think you *have* to refinish all of the floors in your whole house to perfectly match your living room floors if you pull up the carpet and have them refinished. You can try to match the color of the wood stain in the rest of your house to the new stain color for your living room floor the best you can (bring home sample chips of stain color from a hardware store and compare them to your current floors). If the new wood stain doesn’t match exactly 100% to your old stain, whatever- it’s likely something that most people won’t notice (ore at least aren’t going to really care about it). I think it would be a better option if you aren’t a fan of carpet anyway. Good luck!

  5. Au pair housing Q

    I have two kids in school and a smallish older house where we all share walls on our bedrooms / bathrooms (so our master BR/bed headboard shares a wall with our guest room). I’d love to get an au pair when our kids are slightly older (for driving / loose kid supervision when they are home from school / cultural exchange). Our house isn’t ideal and H hates the idea of sharing space for years at a clip (vs houseguests who have a departure date). I totally see his point (no private space for stupid family arguments, etc.) — it would be great to have a separate bed/bath not just for an au pair but for visitors who probably don’t enjoy sharing such close quarters.

    We have my condo that I got a LONG time ago (so long ago it is cheap to keep even if we didn’t rent it out). It is near by (2 miles?) but not part of our house. I know that au pairs are supposed to be part of your family, but if it is ever permissible to have a live-out au pair, I’d forgo a tenant to house an au pair in it in a heartbeat. Or is this just totally not done?

    • Anonymous

      I think that would be fine. Make it clear that the Aupair is still welcome to share dinner with you and come over on weekends and continue to include them in family events. An older Aupair – like mid-20s or someone who has been an aupair before might be more comfortable with the arrangement vs. an 18 year old on a gap year away from home for the first time.

    • DCR

      I think this is just totally not done, especially at a distance of 2 miles. Depending on the public transportation system, that can be a 20-40 minute commute since an au pair wouldn’t have a car.

      Could you finish the basement and create a bedroom/bathroom?

      • Anonymous

        We’d rely on the au pair to drive (or it would make no sense to have one) but we’d provide a car / minivan that is a third car for her to use when not on driving duty.

        We live somewhere where there aren’t basements, so digging one out would be prohibitively expensive (and gloomy).

    • Anonymous

      I don’t know if this is done for au pairs–they’re usually young people coming from another country, and I can imagine it being really isolating to live apart from the family. But I imagine that you’d find plenty of people already living in the U.S. (college students or recent grads maybe?) who would accept room and board as part of their compensation for being a nanny. You could also just keep it all separate but use some of the income from your rental to pay for an after-school nanny.

      • Anonymous

        This. You don’t need An au pair for older kids who just need after school driving and supervision.

        • Anonymous

          What about the cultural exchange / language aspects of an au pair?

          I loved having exchange students stay with us for a week or so in high school and think that this is something you don’t otherwise get with a driver / PT nanny person.

  6. Horse Crazy

    Posted late on the morning thread, so I’m re-posting here:

    This is a very low-importance question, but I’m having trouble making a decision, so I figured I’d ask you ladies for help. I just bought this sectional sofa from Costco, or at least a very similar one: http://scarschwartz.com/18102-6-piece-sectional/6-piece-sectional-elegant-modular-fabric-july-2017-intended-for-10/

    Because of the ottoman, we no longer have space for our coffee table. I intend to purchase a small side table for one end of the sofa, but I’d like to get a tray for glasses and such to place on the ottoman. I have a gift card to H&M, so I’d like to purchase one there. Here are a few I’ve found – which one do you think would look best with the grey sofa? I’m leaning towards C, but I have no sense for interior decorating, so other opinions are welcome.

    A. http://www2.hm.com/en_us/productpage.0464712005.html
    B. http://www2.hm.com/en_us/productpage.0495634001.html
    C. http://www2.hm.com/en_us/productpage.0487897001.html

      • Anonymous

        It should look good, but I’d keep in mind that the cool thing right now is not to match for the sake of matching.

        • Anonymous

          You’ve posted this inane question multiple times. It’s a tray from H&M just pick one.

          • anon

            Do you need some vicarious shopping help from the hive to get yourself a new mouse with a functioning scroll button? Maybe an adult coloring book to so you can self-soothe without taking your irritation out on others?

          • Horse Crazy

            I posted it twice. Excuse me for looking for advice on a threat where people frequently do so.

    • Cookbooks

      I like option B. I think the slightly lighter color will contrast nicely with the grey. Plus, I think the rectangular shape coordinates better than the circular.

      • Anonymous

        I think I like option B the best too, but also agree with the above that it depends on what else is going on in the rest of your house – not really just this sectional.

        And, sorry about Rude Anonymous above. I don’t know why people even both typing a comment out if that’s what they’re going to say.

    • C

      I kind of like option C just to break up the triangles of the sofa with a different, contrasting shape.

  8. My first phone (for kids)

    It seems that in my city you get a phone in middle school. I’m pushing for later (the wait for 8th thing is big here, but IRL is is when a girl first gets asked to babysit so she has a way to reach parents / coordinate bookings) (which may be sooner; that also means that they can contribute nominally to the cost of their phone, maybe $20/month so they have some skin in the game).

    I’m in favor of something that will call/text, but am not sure re whether it makes sense to start with any more bells/whistles than that.

    Are there basic phones that people get for their kids? Do not feel like they need internet / camera on their first phone (but if there is a reason they might, I’m all ears. I grew up thinking that b/c of the expense of per-minute calling plans and roaming charges, a phone was basically for if your car broke down / you missed a flight or something of urgency. FWIW, I plan on enforcing the same phone curfew I have myself: no phones in bedrooms, they are off from 10pm-when your morning alarm goes off (which is on a clock in our house).

    • Anonymous

      I think for kids these days, having a phone is key to having a social life. They aren’t using the phones to call each other to make plans, instead they’re socializing via the phones. Not having the option to do that may be limiting for your kid. I don’t think kids get basic phones these days, the only ones I’ve seen are for senior citizens who are bad with technology. Even pay as you go phones are now mostly smartphones.

      • Cat

        +1

        Middle school kids in my area will often get an older sibling/parent’s hand me down iPhone for their first phone.

      • Anon

        That said, I think the flip phone in middle school for the sole use of call and text to parents, emergency, and to their friends is perfectly appropriately. Your child not having a social media presence until high school is perfectly fine and normal (most sites have a 13 yr old requirement to have a profile anyway, whether or not that is actually enforced). Particularly as middle schoolers tend to be crueler with less development of empathy, it is better that your child has fewer outlets to be bullied until they have stronger internal fortitude to deal with it and more empathetic class mates (which comes with age and associated brain development).

        • Anonymous

          +1

          And to phone curfew. Good sleep hygiene is a good habit to have as a grownup and model to your kids. Good phone curfew as a family is not depriving a kid of a social life. After 10, esp. on a school night, you should be asleep as a kid, esp. if you are in middle school.

    • K

      I’m pretty sure they still make flip phones. My first phone was a flip phone and I didn’t even have texting enabled until I got a smart phone in 10th grade. It was only used for calling someone to pick me up after school.

      • Anonymous

        The still make flip phones. My father in law has one. (He’s just one of those people who doesn’t like technology at all).

    • anon a mouse

      It’s common (or at least not uncommon) for our babysitters to have flip phones at first. Seems simple enough – they can make calls and text, but web surfing is basically nonexistent. One of our babysitters saved up for 6 months to buy her own iphone.

    • Anonymous

      I don’t know if you can realistically enforce that rule, honestly. It’s a good idea, but wildly out of touch with how young people use their phones nowadays. Get them basic phones if you must, but understand that even the most basic phones nowadays have camera and internet apps, good luck telling your teen whose friends all have Galaxies and iPhones that they’re only allowed to call or text, and only in emergencies.

      I got my first phone 15 years ago, a basic flip phone (which was considered fancy at the time), I was 14 in a group where most kids were told “not until you’re sixteen!” so they all borrowed mine when calling for rides home after rehearsals for the school play. I was black and white, not sure it had a camera, and I didn’t text that much, I didn’t even use it to call unless I needed. But just because that’s what I got for my first phone doesn’t mean I think that should be the case for all young people today! Technology changes, and with it, the norms around it. I know I can’t tell people how to parent their kids, but I will make a case for getting with the times.

    • BigLaw Sr Assoc

      My two older kids have less expensive iPhones like the SE. Agree that not having a phone is socially limiting. I also find it convenient they can text me if something comes up, and it gives me peace of mind because they walk to school alone. We didin’t “wait for 8th” for that reason mostly.

    • You're a good mom

      Yes. Flip phones are popular for kids these days in my circle (suburban Atlanta). Sometimes it is an old flip-phone from eBay or whatever. The point is to keep track of kids and let them have a social life but not really encourage them to do social media all the time. Not to be rude, but I have some other resources for you: your local parenting group, your school counselor, your best parent friend or mom friend to your kid’s friend (“Hey, Marsha told me that Jan got a phone! We were thinking about that but decided on a flipphone… do you know where to get one?”)

        • Anon

          Fellow (former) Decaturite here! I thought most of the middle schoolers, including mine, had hand-me-down smart phones.

    • Lots to Learn

      In my daughters’ circles, everyone got phones in 6th grade. And they were all smartphones – no flip phones. While it may be shallow, I think girls are going to be really embarrassed if they have a flip phone when everyone else has a smartphone. My kids were frustrated enough that we made them have Androids for a while, when all their friends had iphones. But more importantly, it’s definitely true that phones are an integral part of kids’ social lives these days and they are going to be really out of it if they don’t have one. Maybe not the day they start 6th grade, but at some point.

      While they may not NEED all the bells and whistles, they are going to want to have internet access and the various apps that kids use these days (Instagram, Snapchat). It’s tough to monitor, but I think ultimately, teaching them how to use those apps and internet access responsibly is an important part of growing up. So I wouldn’t shy away from getting them a regular smartphone. You’ll have to make some difficult decisions about how you’re going to monitor and what restrictions to place on their use of the phone, but they’re worthwhile.

    • Jules

      FWIW, my niece’s daughter – admittedly slight spoiled and until this year, 8th grade, went to a ritzy private school with much richer kids – has had an iPhone since at least 4th grade. Each was a hand-me-down from a family member, but it was always nicer than the one I owned.

      And I had to laugh at Big Law Sr. Associate’s comment, because I actually have an iPhone SE – I didn’t want anything bigger (and certainly not pricier).

    • SMC-SD

      Wait for 8th is a great idea, but in my view requires a critical mass of parents to really work. We did not have that critical mass in my neighborhood, but maybe you do. Otherwise, you are guaranteeing that your tween/teen is the odd man out. (Group projects started in middle school and they did a lot of coordinating for both school and social lives via text.) The social media part of it did not really start in our area until high school and I disabled those on my daughter’s phone in any event while she was in middle school.

      Rather than focusing on the phone, I would focus on the plan/parental controls. There are some out there that will allow you to control when and how the phone is used. Apple in particular has pretty good restriction software. Combine that with a no-data plan and you should be able to exercise a lot of oversight. My daughter had a phone that looked like everyone else’s; but with major limitations on its use.

      Having said that, when she started high school, I cut back a lot of my monitoring of her usage (other than not exceeding her data allowance).

      • anonymous

        +1
        Yes, a phone is needed, but focus on parental controls. Set and consistently enforce firm boundaries for use with much oversight. IMHO, social media/smartphones are one of the biggest challenges for parenting and education today.

  9. Ipsy Pouches

    I collect the pretty and unique couches that come with Ipsy and use those for different categories of stuff. One has medicines and small emergency kit (bandaids, alcohol wipes, etc), one has my makeup, one has pens, another has miscellaneous personal items. I move these from purse to purse as necessary since they are pretty small.

  10. Anonymous

    My SO is going to be traveling for work in the next few weeks and can add on a long weekend — he asked if I’d like to do a few days in Knoxville.

    I’ve never been and know nothing about it — would it be a nice place to just get out of my large, humid east-coast city for a few days? We have direct flights there. Any thoughts appreciated!

    • BabyAssociate

      If you’re trying to escape the heat and humidity, I’m not really sure Tennessee is the place to go in August. That being said, I’ve only passed through Knoxville on the way to other places and can’t speak to the city itself.

      • Anonymous

        I’ve been all over the country this summer for work and I haven’t been anywhere I actually escaped the humidity so I figured that part was a bust — just wasn’t sure if it was a nice place to spend two days for a mental break!

    • Knoxvillian

      Wow, I never get to reply to these!

      First off, you’re definitely not getting away from humid city life here. It’s very hot and humid. Knoxville is a really nice city to live in (and flying in and out of the small and comfortable airport is a dream), but I’ll admit that I’m not really sure what someone just visiting would really do. There are fun festivals periodically (check online) and you could definitely spend an afternoon walking around downtown (Market Square is really nice), but there’s not a lot in the way of local attractions.

      But, if you don’t mind traveling about 45 minutes away, you could definitely spend some time the Pigeon Forge/Gatlinburg area. If you like mountains, there are a lot of outdoorsy type mountain things to do (or you could just get a cabin and enjoy the views), and there are a ton of kitchy tourist attractions which can be fun. Plus, there’s Dollywood, and you can never go wrong with Dolly.

      Have fun!

    • L

      I don’t know if there is anything that would interest you in Knoxville, but it is probably not a far drive to a mountain cabin you could rent for the weekend. That would get you out of the hot and humid for at least part of the day.

    • Anon.

      I don’t know about staying in Knoxville for a weekend, but it is only about an hour from Great Smoky Mountains National Park which is beautiful. And it should be cooler/less humid if you are in the mountains.

      • Anon

        Asheville is also only about an hour, which would probably be less humid and is beautiful.

  11. Anonymous

    I have a terrible habit of picking at the skin on my upper arms and chest. It started as a teenager when I had acne and kp everywhere. I still have some in my 30s but now I realize I do it more when I’m distracted or frustrated. Short of wearing long sleeves all the time (its literally 100 degrees right now) and I’ve already cut my nails down, how to I get myself to stop? I don’t even realize I’m doing it half the time until it is too late.

    • Anon

      It may sound silly, but while you work can you use those rubber tips on your fingers, like the kind people put on to thumb through documents? You will definitely feel the rubber tip on your skin and it won’t do any harm.

    • Picking

      Cognitive behavioral therapy is great for this. I used to pull my hair out in similar situations, and CBT has helped me virtually eliminate the habit.

    • E

      I had a similar problem and got therapy for it, which really helped. About six sessions and it was much better. If you’re in Chicago by chance I went to Lindsey Brauer at the UChicago hospital, but if you’re not I would go to see someone who specializes in OCD/compulsive behavior.

    • Anon Excoriator

      I do similar, and have for ages – it’s a BFRB (Body Focused Repetitive Behavior) CBT is helpful in changing the habit and underlying reaction to situations.

      Remember that it is going to take time, and be a process of trial and error to get to a place where you don’t pick often. There’s a few things to get a handle on: tackling new ways to handle distraction and frustration, as well as new ways to keep your fingers busy.

      Sometime I have a bit of bubble wrap in my pocket that I can run my fingers over, cause I find the bumpy texture soothing/satisfying. I have a fuzzy steering wheel cover that keeps my fingers busy in traffic – I can run my hands over the soft (fake!) fur instead of my skin. I changed up my skincare to a routine that really works well for me, and I do it faithfully and never go to bed without makeup on – since improving the quality of my skin there is not as much to pick at, and I got out of the habit of examining my pores minutely in front of the mirror then getting angry with myself for another picking binge.
      Those things work for me – it’s a real personal thing, so these might not be a match for you. I still struggle with keeping my fingers off my scalp. As Bob/Bill Murray would say, “Baby steps!”

      there are lots of resources on the web -a great place to start is at bfrb dot org,

      From the front page of bfrb website: “Body-focused repetitive behavior is a general terms for a group of related disorders that interludes hair pulling, skin picking, and nail biting. These behaviors are not habits or tics; rather, they are complex disorders that cause people to repeatedly touch their hair and body in ways that result in physical damage. … There ARE many tools that can help one recover from these problems.”

      You are definitely not alone, and you can tackle this for sure. I go to a hair pulling/skin picking group hosted by a local therapist, and it is healing to be with a group of people confronting this same issue. If you can find that community on line or in person, it can be a real boost to your progress.

      • pugsnbourbon

        I pick at my nails and there’s a definite uptick when I’m stressed. The reddit thread /r/calmhands has some resources, too. If you find something that really works for you, please come back and let us know!

  12. Anonymous

    I’m flying to Knoxville, Tennessee for a Friday evening wedding in a few months. Because I’m flying out of a smaller city in the Pacific time zone, my only flight options were (1) take all day Thursday off work; (2) leave at midnight Thursday and get there around 9:00 am Friday morning; or (3) arrive after the wedding has started. I’m going with option 2, but historically I don’t sleep well on planes. I’d really like to get in, eat breakfast, check in at the hotel, and then sleep until mid afternoon. What’s the best way to do this – book a hotel room for both Thursday and Friday night and let them know I’ll be checking in very, very late? Book a hotel room for Friday and request an early check in? Any recommendations for chains that might be more likely to accommodate something like this would be appreciated.

    • BigLaw Sr Assoc

      “What’s the best way to do this – book a hotel room for both Thursday and Friday night and let them know I’ll be checking in very, very late?”

      This. Even elite members aren’t guaranteed super early check-ins.

    • Marshmallow

      I’d ask for the early check-in. They may or may not be able to accommodate (maybe you offer to pay an early check-in fee that is less than the full cost of a night’s stay?) but it’s worth finding out.

      I’m about to have to take a similar red-eye and am also just terrible at sleeping on planes or any kind of public transportation. I’m so jealous of people who can conk out on command!

    • Anonymous

      Probably book Thursday night but also call the hotel and ask and make sure it is noted in the reservation AND reconfirm by phone and in writing the day before.

    • Carrots

      I would go early check-in – most hotel chains can accommodate that, especially if you request when you book your hotel.

    • Senior Attorney

      Ask for early check-in on Friday, and if they can’t guarantee access in the morning (I feel like I’ve occasionally done this by paying an amount that is less than the cost of a full night), book for Thursday night and tell them you’re taking the redeye and will be there early Friday morning.

    • Anonymous

      I’ve had good luck calling ahead and saying that I’m expecting to arrive early and would appreciate being able to check in early. But by “Good luck,” I mean getting into the hotel room between 12 and 1. If checkout is at 11 am, it’s unreasonable to expect a room to be available and clean before 12.

      If you want the room available by 9 am, you need to reserve the room for Thursday night. However, most hotels require the person making the reservation to check in personally, and will give the room away if you haven’t arrived by a certain time. Your safest option would be to have someone else make the reservation in their name for Thursday night and check in, and then reimburse them.

      • Anonymous

        No, you don’t need to have some one check In for you! If you want to be 100% sure, book the room for the previous night and note late arrival, there’s usually a note or memo section on the reservation. Then call that hotel the day before, tell them you will be a late arrival, checking in at 9:00 am or whatever, and to have led your room. Get the name of the person you spoke with, and they should have your room available. If not, you have a name and the room will be made ready ASAP.

    • Anonymous

      Are you going to downtown? There’s a Hilton right downtown and the Tennessean, which is lovely. I’ve stayed in both for work and both have been accommodating. I think they are both the types of places that if you just called to book, they would tell you what you needed to do.

  13. Finance Question

    We unexpectedly received $35,000 and I don’t know the best way to use it.

    I max out my 401(K)s and a bit more towards retirement, and I’m comfortable with our current retirement savings.

    Pay off debt? We owe $12,000 on our car and $22,000 on my student loans, both of which are fairly low interest (1.9% and 4%). We have a mortgage, but we have more than 20% equity and have a 3.75% interest rate. The mortgage is big, so this would not make a noticeable impact. These are our only debts and it’s not a burden to make monthly payments, but maybe paying down debt is good?

    We don’t have a significant emergency fund, but we are comfortable paying most expenses that come up unexpectedly and I have an account with 50% of my salary saved that I can’t touch unless I leave the company (quit/am terminated) so I am not overly concerned about an emergency fund.

    My only “bucket list” want is taking DH’s parents on a nice trip (they live overseas) because they are older and not in great health so there won’t be many more chances to do this for them.

    I know this is a good problem to have, but it seems like a lot of money and then not that much compared to ALL THE THINGS all at once.

    • Lyssa

      I would prioritize as follows:

      1. Small emergency fund. I know that you said you don’t think that you need one, but I would make sure that you have at least a good $5,000 in a just in case fund. There are a lot of things that could come up without losing your job.
      2. The trip with parents. If that’s something that you really want to do, then do it – like you said, it can’t wait forever. Though I would try to keep it fairly modest.
      3. Pay off the non-mortgage debt. Yes, the interest is not a huge burden, but it adds up, and if you’re as comfortable as you make it sound, there’s really no excuse for carrying around extra debt. Pay it off, and then use the monthly payments to save for nice things. I wouldn’t worry about the mortgage until the other debt is paid.

    • Mtl bagel

      Congratulations!!! I would pay off the 22K you still owe in student loans so you will be done with student loans, which is nice. Then with the 13K you could pay the 12K for your car payment but if it was me, I would probably take your husband parents on a nice trip. You mention they live overseas: may be you could just go see them where they live and spend some quality time with them for a week or two? Some persons, as they grow older, prefers to stay home and do day-trip activity then go on sleep in an hotel…

    • Emergency Fund!

      Emergency Fund. There are plenty of things that can happen that are expensive and don’t mean losing your job.

      Signed,
      The person who had to annihilate her emergency fund this year while being healthy and employed.

      • Finance Question

        I’m sorry to hear that you had such a rough year.

        Part of me feels like we will never be able to weather something catastrophic because every part about living is just so expensive.

          • Emergency Fund!

            Yep… it was there when I needed it, and rebuilding it is priority #1!

        • Emergency Fund!

          Ah, but you will be able to weather almost anything with a good emergency fund… I kept approx 6 months of living expenses as an emergency fund (nowhere near 35k), and between getting out of a crappy relationship (not married, thank goodness) and a rental house with tenants who manage to break everything they touch, it’s been rough but do-able because of that emergency fund and a good credit score that’s allowed for a card with 0% interest for a good long while.

          My income is substantially less than what is generally represented on this site and I don’t have family who would be able/willing to be a financial backstop. That emergency fund is *really* important and is the reason why I’m not perpetually freaking out right now and/or working a second job.

    • Walnut

      I’d pay off the car and drop the rest of it into a taxable investment account for whatever your future cash needs may be.

    • AIMS

      How much is a nice trip for you? I’d pay for that, put $5K in an emergency fund and put the rest toward the 4% loan. Depending on how much the nice trip turns out to be, maybe also put $1K into a low fee index fund.

    • Anonymous

      Of what you list, I would probably pay off my student loans just because that’s such a wonderful feeling, and then save the rest. Maybe a portion to an emergency fund ($3K) and the rest in a Vanguard account.

    • SC

      Honestly, take the “bucket list” trip with DH’s parents. I was going to say pay off the car and student loans, and then save for the trip, but it sounds like they may not be able to make the trip in several years or however long it would take to save the money. If you are saving sufficiently for retirement, have low-interest debt and can afford the payments, and have sufficient funds/insurance to handle emergencies, now’s the time to take the trip.

      • AnonInfinity

        +1,000,000

        This seems like the kind of situation that could result in great regret if you have the means and time to do such a trip now. Oftentimes one means to do this kind of thing and looks up a few years down the road, having never done the thing, but it’s too late.

      • Aggie

        +1 Pay off your student loans and increase your car payment by the amount of your student loan payment. The snowball effect in paying off your car payment should be sizable.

        …and then take the trip. There are only so many opportunities you will have to travel in this life.

    • Anonymous

      I would pay off your student loans literally today and put the rest in savings to enjoy contemplating for a while.

    • Finance Question

      Thanks for all the input!

      I try to read finance blogs, but this is one area where I feel overwhelmed.

    • Gail the Goldfish

      Can you split it between emergency fund, student loans, and trip with in-laws? Normally I’m all for paying back loans, but it sounds like the trip may not be something you’re able to do in a few years, and if you aren’t in a financial pinch, you might value the memories more than the money in the future.

    • DLC

      I would take the trip. Pay down some of the debt, but definitely take the trip. My husband’s parents both passed away suddenly within a year of each other and we are always wishing that we had more memories with them.

    • Emmie

      I’d lean towards the trip, and doing nothing with the rest of it. You don’t have to spend it especially if you don’t know what to do with it. I’d save it for something special if the money was a gift or inheritance. Otherwise, I’d eliminate the debt that was most burdensome to me.

  14. Panelist

    I’m presenting on a panel at an industry conference tomorrow. The head of a division of a major corporation to which I just applied (corp. and specific division) will be the keynote speaker at the conference tomorrow. I’m not actively looking, but this is a unicorn job. It’s also extremely competitive. I doubt this person will be sticking around until my panel in the afternoon. Besides generally introducing myself, should I say anything? If so, what?

    • Anonymous

      I think this is a challenging situation — you want to “lean in” and say something but not risk appearing tone deaf. In hindsight, you could have maybe reached out ahead of time, but also you have the struggle of reaching out to somebody hiring for a position you want which isn’t always appropriate.

      Will there be a situation where all the speakers/presenters will be a in a green room where you could try and make a connection? Your challenge otherwise might be a busy exec who is doing a keynote will be swept in/swept out of the conference.

      Regardless, good luck!

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