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Splurge Tuesday’s Workwear Report: Birkin Wool Blazer

Our daily workwear reports suggest one piece of work-appropriate attire in a range of prices. I always love a good blazer from Smythe. It's really hard to think of another company that does such gorgeous, gorgeous blazers. (Veronica Beard, maybe.) I love the strong lines on this one, as well as the double pockets and the extra wide lapels. It's nearly sold out at Nordstrom and Forward by Elyse Walker. Birkin Wool Blazer A few more affordable options are from Free People, Calvin Klein, and DKNY, and two plus-size alternatives are from Nipon Boutique and Lafayette 148 New York. This post contains affiliate links and Corporette® may earn commissions for purchases made through links in this post. For more details see here. Thank you so much for your support! Seen a great piece you’d like to recommend? Please e-mail tps@corporette.com.

Sales of note for 12.5

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157 Comments

  1. For those of you who play an instrument, how did you pick it? I have long told our kiddos that they could quit choir but would need to keep a musical activity and learn an instrument upon quitting. Any thoughts on how to help them pick one to pursue?

    1. Can’t be piano due to local teachers insisting that you have your own upright at least (house is too small for that).
    2. Kid #1 is getting braces. When I got braces, I was told no wind insturments (particularly clarinet). True?
    3. It seems that some kids just play guitar on their own (vs having formal lessons all the time). True? True if you just strum chords?

    I played violin and while I was not the most avid practicer (I couldn’t tune it on my own, I now have a tuner that can do that), I loved ensemble playing in a youth symphony and being able to play show tunes (older relatives and wee babies all enjoyed, so family visits have often featured show tunes free-for-alls).

    It’s too bad that there aren’t musical free-for-all camps where you can road test things . . .

    1. I definitely played the clarinet while I had braces – never heard that before!

      4. I got braces the same year I started playing sax in 4th grade. No issues at all. If you have some sort of miscellaneous mouth gear I could see it being a problem (bridge between teeth at roof of mouth, if that’s even still a thing…), but not from the braces alone. I also recall taking out the elastics from my mouth when I was practicing, but that’s about it.

      5. I was told to avoid some sort of wind instrument (might have been clarinet?) because there was concern of it contributing to over bite (might have been under bite?). I preferred orchestra anyway but your post jogged my memory on that a bit. Wanted to do cello but did violin instead since it was easier to transport.

      6. +1 played clarinet 3 years with braces, with no issues. I played through college in a wind ensemble and still occasionally play with a community band. I have no recollection of actual reasons why I picked clarinet, other than liking it.

      7. I had to stop playing oboe once I got braces because the double reeds are so fragile, and I had difficulty keeping them from chipping or cracking from accidentally contacting the braces. But the bigger problem was the braces tearing up the skin of my inner lower lip. Made it very painful to play with the amount of air pressure needed for oboe.

        Might not be as bad for clarinet, though, as it’s a single-reed instrument.

        1. I played Oboe before/during/after having braces. Most if not all of my friends who played music also had braces. Heck, I even had a palate expander for a year (to widen my upper jaw) and played throughout. I think a brass instrument might be tough on occasion with braces, but anything else should be fine.

        2. For all doublewinds, 20+ years ago there was a plasticish/gummyish substance I put over my braces to protect my lips from being torn up. I’m sure it’s still around somewhere, but I have no idea what the name of the product is. Oboe/English horn player. :)

    2. I played violin for 12 years- a great teacher brought me to mediocrity, and I didn’t have time or space to keep going in college.

      I would recommend keeping your kids doing some kind of semi-classical music, at least as part of their study. Very established brain research shows it helps kids learn math and physics later, which I found to be true. Even without explicit “music theory” classes.

      1. Related, I thought I was fluent in reading music as I played instruments since I was 3 years old and enrolled in “music theory for non-music majors” at my university as a gen ed… it was SO HARD. VERY mathematical. I think the music-math/physics connection is very true.

    3. You can find not snooty piano teachers. I had an excellent teacher who was more than happy to have me use a practice keyboard at home and take lessons on her fancy piano.

      1. My mom has been a piano teacher for 40 years (the not-snooty kind), and she was always fine with students using a practice keyboard as long as it was touch-sensitive.

        1. _1 my mum has taught piano for decades and a touch sensitive keyboard should be absolutely fine.

          1. +1 – or an electric piano (ie, Clarinova) that has hammer action keys. Not quite as portable as a keyboard, but has a smaller footprint. Piano is such a versatile place to start – reading music, coordinating different hands, learning chords, etc.

            I did grow up playing on a real piano, and I do think they are superior to the electric version, there are some electrics that really get close, and can be preferable due to size/weight. The key action of the electric is important for going between an electric and an acoustic. It should mimic the acoustic as much as possible in order for kiddo to go between pianos (for lessons, performance, etc.)

    4. All children at about age 8 are strongly encouraged to pick and pursue a musical instrument in the district where I live. I am not an expert, but anecdotally it seems that violin/viola, flute, and trumpet are the most low-maintenance choices. They’re not too big, so kids can take them on the bus with no problem. They don’t require reeds like the woodwind instruments. Of course, in my family, no one chose any of these instruments!

    5. I played piano as a kid throughout college. TBH, I started because my best friend was taking lessons and I wanted to be like her.

      How old are your kids? Is there a school orchestra that they can join? If I recall correctly, at the early stages, you can try lots of different instruments.

    6. If you couldn’t play a wind instrument with braces I’m pretty sure middle and high school bands would cease to exist! I played flute with braces for 3 years and it was fine. As to how to pick I think you either have an inclination or try a couple different instruments out and see which one speaks to you

    7. Some orthodontists will tell you not to let the kid play clarinet or saxophone because these can cause an overbite. With any wind instrument, there will be a period of adjustment when the braces go on and another period of adjustment when they come off. Plenty of kids deal with it.

      The best thing to do is to let the child choose the instrument, subject to constraints such as cost, car size, etc. They should think about whether they want to play in an ensemble, and if so, what type of ensemble. If they don’t want to do band or orchestra, I would have them play guitar or piano. You should be able to buy an electronic piano with weighted keys that will be fine for practice.

      If they want to maximize their chances of future employment as musicians, they should play the viola. Flute is the worst choice, as there are hordes of fantastic flutists out there and only 2-3 spots per orchestra.

    8. I picked violin back in elementary school. I wanted to play the upright bass but was told I was too short. I also took private lessons for piano and guitar. I had an electric keyboard at home to practice on and it was fine, no qualms from my teacher. Lots of kids learn guitar on their own, I liked having private lessons but to each their own. Yes you can play wind instruments with braces.
      Is there a local music store in your town? They may be able to help you and your kids find something that they like.

    9. I played the clarinet from 3rd grade till 12th in band (and I definitely had braces for a few years during that time, fwiw). Does your local school system offer music lessons? If so, that is probably the easiest way. Since it was in school, my parents didn’t have to find a teacher. And I had a ton of friends in band (seems to attract the academic type, so that worked for me), so it wasn’t a weird thing. the first question I would ask is why are you looking at having to get a private teacher?

      1. Our school system has cut funding for music, so if you kid wants to play an instrument, that’s on the parents to do / fund outside of school. Middle/High school is different but IMO that is a late time to start an instrument.

    10. Violin, viola or bass are all fun string instruments that allow for fun cross genre work to keep them interested (folk, jazz, classical, even hip hop has many heavy orchestral songs). And it even sets your kid up to have a good side gig for college – playing weddings in a trio or quartet (I know many friends that paid for their room and board this way).

    11. Braces make things a bit harder, and there’s going to be some re-learning and adapting to a new-to-you embouchure when the braces go on but lots of kids have braces and continue with their wind instruments.

      IMO, lessons are the way to go. If it turns out they enjoy it, there will be plenty of learning and exploring on their own, but having that bit of structure makes a world of difference.

      1. I had issues playing clarinet with a weird orthodontic thing that covered the roof of my mouth but not when I had braces. Initially, the braces do irritate your mouth when you’re playing but you get used to it.

    12. Actually, there are instrument “petting zoos.” If you have a local orchestra or military band, they often do these for children to let them try them out. Talk to a local band or orchestra teacher and see if they’d be willing to let the kids try. They’ll be a lot more interested in learning and practicing an instrument they selected themselves. They could also listen to some classical music and see what sounds they like.

      That being said, piano is an excellent instrument for singers, as you can accompany yourself and others. I got many years of enjoyment out of accompanying my school choirs. You can get full-sized keyboards, (not the short practice ones) and bonus– they come with headphones.

      1. A local music shop does an hour intro class. They introduced 5 or 6 instruments, I think – violin, french horn, clarinet, flute, viola…maybe some other stuff (DH took my son).

    13. Do they want to play an instrument? I would probably have them do guitar if they liked it, that way they can take lessons and learn about music but won’t be forced into joining the school band if they don’t want to. Unlike say a trumpet, it’s an instrument that can stand on its own. They could feasibly pick it up around friends hanging out, play some chords, make up silly word for the blues or whatever, and it’s possible that other people would enjoy it. No one enjoys a clarinet or most other instruments that belong in a marching band or school orchestra, and if the kid has to join a school band that they’re not into in order to play, it’s going to be another struggle.

      1. Thank you. I absolutely hated band and my parents forced me to stay in it. Isn’t it OK if they have another activity or passion? I would probably have been OK with guitar lessons.

        1. I was also in the “I hate band” camp. I hated practicing (part of the problem, for sure), so I would practice for 10 minutes and spend the remaining 20 minutes cleaning my instrument. I may have been the worst person in the band, but my instrument was shiny as the day it was handed to me.

      2. My son went to a school where they did Suzuki music from kindergarten onward. He picked the cello, and played until the end of 5th grade. At the end of 5th grade, the school allowed him to quit playing if he wanted to, and he said he wanted to, so we let him. He loves science and math; he participates in karate (classes 3x per week plus tournaments) and chess club, and does Environmental Club at his middle school. We feel like that’s plenty of activities, and he’s well-rounded enough. He never really enjoyed playing music. It just wasn’t his thing. Robotics is his thing; environmental science is his thing. Karate is his thing. So we’re letting him do what he’s interested in, and not forcing him to do something he doesn’t care about. No one I know who was forced to play a sport or an instrument still participates in those activities as adults, and some of them have a fair amount of resentment about their parents forcing their participation. Just my $.02.

        1. I resented mybparentsnfor forcing sports on me but I actually am still very into sports. Ow as an adult and glad I can do basic things (tennis, swimming, kick a soccer ball, etc). They also made me play violin (so no volleyball) which inhated but I loved being in symphony, the friends I made and it has made me appreciate classical music, operas, etc. so I guess it’s fine in the end. :)

    14. Do your kids actually want to play an instrument? My parents forced me to do four years of orchestra because they thought it was just what you did…I hated every minute of it and quit as soon as they let me. I’m still annoyed at all of the time I wasted on the stupid viola and learned absolutely nothing helpful for my life.

      YMMV.

      1. This. I was forced to play an instrument- piano, but I could have swapped if I were interested in something else – until I was 12. I hated it. I pretended to practice and never got better at it.

        Also, guitar lessons are valuable. Guitar is as real an instrument as any other, and technique is important. DH had a bad teacher when he was young and still has hand problems from it.

    15. I had an overbite and braces and was told I shouldn’t (not couldn’t, but shouldn’t) play the flute or clarinet, because the ombisure (sp?) could impact the correction of my overbite. I played the oboe as a result. Double-reed instruments do not have an impact on overbite.

    16. I learned how to play the flute after I played the recorder in 3rd Grade. The flute teacher said I should have considered to make it a career, but I did NOT want to do that all day. FOOEY!

    17. I picked my instruments randomly in music class in school; there wasn’t a whole lot of thought put into it but luckily we had a great music program at school and I played several instruments throughout middle and high school.

      I wouldn’t force your kid to play an instrument if they’re not into it. That’s a great way to get them to despise music.

    18. I played violin and thought playing in an orchestra was a great gateway to appreciate classical music. I wouldn’t classify myself as a classical music aficionado, but I generally attend 3-4 concerts per year. I always wished I had played piano instead though, I started taking lessons as a senior in high school and it is MUCH harder to learn then. For what its worth, my piano teacher recommended a high quality keyboard (the kind with weighted keys similar to piano keys) that took up much less space than a piano

    19. Just so you know, there absolutely exist musical free-for-all camps where you can test all the things! Some of my college friends worked at them over the summer (I remember because I was always impressed how many instruments they could play).

    20. My kids play a number of instruments. Being in band or orchestra at school, if your school has that, is really helpful in teaching them to read notes and just keeping them active on a regular basis in music.

      From there, my kids have experimented with other instruments. My daughter picked up ukulele, my son is becoming a surprisingly good guitarist, and their learning is 90% based on youtube videos. In addition, my daughter learned a couple of pieces by memory on the piano (we do have one) and actually asked for lessons, which she now has once per week.

      I think having a musical household helps – if you play something yourself, and you do it regularly, there’s a good chance your kids will become interested.

    21. I played violin from second grade just in my public school, no private lessons until I was in college, and became a fairly advanced player in college. Music brought so much richness to my life and has been a big part of my identity. A few thoughts:

      — I wish my parents had sprung for at least SOME lessons because I wound up with non-ergonomic habits from my public school program that ultimately caused pain and some minor nerve damage that put an end to any serious playing as an adult. This is an issue with any instrument, not just violin. You need to learn to play in a way that’s healthy for your body.
      — If I could do it all over again, I’d pick a less ubiquitous instrument than violin. Probably cello because it sounds so gorgeous solo and is more in demand if your kid ever wants to play in college or professionally. Oboe is also lovely.
      — In addition to skills like math and physics, ensemble play is a fantastic way to find leadership positions and make friends. My two oldest BFFs are orchestra friends and I found great leadership opportunities in high school and college orchestra.

    22. How old are your kids? For young kids, you can often find concerts geared towards them with one or more featured instruments. Carnival of the Animals or Peter and the Wolf are fun, and each has distinct instrument solos.

      I picked cello when my dad took me to a local teenager’s recital.

  2. I think it was this site where someone recommended a plug-in that emits a noise to deter bugs? Could you remind me what you used?

  3. This blazer at once seems to me too short to be a trench or jacket, but way too long to be a blazer. With the shoulder pads and double pockets it feels like the designers through a bunch of retro accents together to see what would stick. It just feels…awkward.

    1. I see this looking very stylish on a tall woman. On 5’1″ me, it would look ridiculous.

    2. Plus the way it’s open below the button makes it look like it’s too small around her hips.

    3. The 90s are back, apparently. In the mid-to-late 90s all blazers were this long; we wore them with pleated pants. It was not an attractive look on 95% of women, myself included.

      2. Yep. I have been so happy in this era of short jackets and now it sadly seems to be coming to an end!

  4. What is your usual strategy when you get a large windfall/bonus? I recently received a much larger-than-expected bonus, and I struggle with how to allocate it. Should I splurge on something I’ve been eyeing? Save it? I don’t really have substantial debt (other than a car loan with a 1.2% interest rate, which I could beat by just letting it sit in an Ally account).

    I’d like to buy a place in the next few years, but not immediately (more for lifestyle factors than financials ones – I travel a ton for work right now and like the ease of renting in my HCOL city).

    Anecdotal advice welcome!

    1. I remember reading advice here before that said save most of it, invest some, and do splurge (a little).

      1. This is what we do. A little splurge – maybe 10-15%? Then bank/invest the rest.

    2. I always saved/invested/used for large purchases over 90% of my biglaw bonuses. One year, I brought a car. One year, it finished off my house down-payment fund. Most years, it just went to pay off student loans or to my investment account. I would spend at most $500 on a splurge, but many years didn’t even spend that.

      As you can see from the above, I recommend treating a bonus just like any other income and not wasting it. But I was also in a position that I knew I didn’t want to stay in biglaw long term, and would eventually be taking a huge salary cut. Therefore, I felt I had to make every penny serve a useful job. I might (but probably not, since I don’t have that expensive of tastes) have treated it differently if I expected to be making that kind of money for the rest of my life.

    3. Do what I did. Give it to your dad and have HIM invest it for you, either in a 401K or in a ROTH IRA, if you do not make to much money. I thought of investeing it myself, but then thought better of it when I got my first bonus as a partner. That was to much to spend and to much NOT to invest properley. YAY!!!

    4. Invested the entire bonus for each year and thus walked out of biglaw in 7-8 years with a great nest egg investment account which isn’t tied to retirement. So glad I didn’t spend it or use it to pay down loans esp since the market return exceeded my student loan interest rate for 6 of my 8 years in biglaw. In my class people seemed to throw their bonuses at loans but IDK then you walk out of biglaw without a few hundred k in hand and it’s not like you can easily make up for it later because most post biglaw jobs don’t hand you 50k in bonuses yearly.

    5. I always overpaid my taxes a bit. I invested my federal refund but I always let myself spend my state refund. I’m not sure if the ratio is 4:1, but to me that is a good save/spend ratio.

    6. Yay! If I were you I would buy That Thing You’ve Been Eyeing (if I get a bonus this year I’m upgrading my phone) and maybe get a nice-ish dinner (suuushi) and then stash the rest in savings!

    7. Thanks for the advice. I think I’m going to use part of it (the splurge part) to upgrade some furniture that desperately needs it (so I’d call it a practical splurge?) and then save/invest the rest.

  5. After a very very lengthy process, I’m at the cusp of the offer stage for a new job. Current job is such that if I’m not working 60 hours a week, I’m behind. My husband travels for work and we are parents. I’m taking this job to make work-life balance a thing.

    New job is government and a strict 40 hour work week. I have a specific set of expertise and am in a power position because of my skill set here. Because it’s government, I know that they’re limited in what they can offer as vacation/salary/pay grade are set. Any good ideas of what I should be asking for?

    Right now, I want to ask for some flexibility in my work week so that I can work 8-5 one day and 7-3 another to accommodate workflow/meetings/etc. I also want to ask about remote work (which is just becoming an option for this organization) on intermittant days. Any other ideas?

    1. Based on what happened to one interviewee last week, I would not recommend asking for remote work at this stage, especially since it is a new thing for this office. Same for flexibility. You do not want to give the hiring people any idea that you are less than enthusiastic about working at their office or are already looking for ways not to come in to the office (in some people’s views). All of that is said with the assumption that you are notin the position where they will do ANYTHING to hire you. If you happen to be in that fortunate position, then you may go for it, but I would still tread carefully. Someone farther up the line less enthusiastic about your hiring could use this as an excuse to go with someone else, someone less expensive, or someone less likely to push back.

      1. I actually disagree, but I’d wait until you had the offer in hand to ask about schedule. Government workplaces can be quite flexible; a number of people in my office have Alternate Work Schedules (AWS) that involve longer days on average with every other Friday off. Also, I wouldn’t assume that they can’t negotiate; you can always ask if there’s flexibility on the vacation/pay. I was able to successfully negotiate higher on both, but it can depend. Doesn’t hurt to ask.

        1. When I started as a fed about 9 years ago, I asked for more money/higher step than they initially offered. My manager also was able to bump me up in the vacation time cycle because she convinced them to count some of my previous work experience toward time in the fed job.

          As a matter of course, almost everyone in my group, far as I know, was offered AWS if they wanted it, and once you are past the 6 month (?) probationary period it’s assumed you’ll probably telework some. In my group it’s limited to twice a week, but ad hoc telework is also widely used.

          I mean, it totally depends on the supervisors, but in my office schedules are very, very flexible. And if you are in DC, of course you will telework if it snows! They actively encourage us to telework and leave the roads for people who really need to go to the office.

      2. I’d second this, and approach the flexibility conversation after you have a proven track record with the new office (minimum 6 months; one year would be better). In my government office, flex time is very much “awarded,” rather than being a general blanket policy. I don’t agree with that approach, but that’s what it is.

      3. Ah, yes, I definitely remember that poster! This is actually a very different situation.

        Without going into too many details, I am the only candidate they are considering. The supervisor who is hiring me is someone I have a multi-year working relationship with and has made it clear that I should have a list of ‘asks’ ready for when the formal offer can be made. He’s been clear as to what it cannot be but suggested I make a list of needs that they might be able to accommodate.

        I also am not going to be requesting a regular work from home schedule – we’re talking like ‘hey, on snow days is it acceptable to work remotely?’ To me, that’s a much smaller ask.

        2. I would not even worry about this kind of thing at this stage. For example, new guidance was recently issued for all federal employees that says everyone needs to work from home if there is a snow day

        3. Since you have a relationship with the supervisor, why don’t you ask him what the office policy is on flexible schedules?

      4. I’m the one who got dropped from a job interview process for asking about remote work (for a job I was very well-qualified for, no less). My advice is wait until the offer is in hand! If you know for sure the company/agency is becoming more open to remote work, then it won’t come out of left field to ask about it later.

    2. I wouldn’t ask for those during the offer stage. Those generally are not things that can be negotiated in gov’t. Either the agency/dept can offer flexibility and you’ll get it when/how you’re entitled to it or they can’t because of rules and regs. (And you may run the risk of sounding like the poster who wanted to know about flex working because of her 4 hour daily commute.)

      Instead, ask for the max pay grade/step you can and try to negotiate vacation. Vacation is often X days for X years, but see if they can do anything with that.

      1. +1. Based on my experience and that of my friends, gov’t offices either offer flexibility or they don’t. If they offer it, there is a specific system that must be followed and it is offered to all (in good standing) on the same terms. I wouldn’t be turned off if someone asked in the interview how the process worked, but I would be if they demanded it as part of their offer.

      2. +2 the best negotiation would be to make sure you’re in the highest pay grade/step possible.

    3. No one wants to hear from a new hire who asks about remote work on day 1. They need to evalueate you and you need to have face time at this stage of your job. Once people hear you are interested in “flex time” or “working from home” or remotely, you will be tagged as a laggard lookeing for ways NOT to be there when needed. Once you have attained a good reputation, then and ONLEY then should you start asking about such things. Right now, if you are NOT willing to put in the time — IN PERSON — don’t be surprised if you are NOT the selected candidate. Dad does not like it when people immediately start lookeing for ways NOT to show up for work. FOOEY he says and I agree!

    4. I wouldn’t ask for those in the offer stage. You should be able to go back into the original USA Jobs posting and see what the official work schedule is and see if alternative work schedules and telework are officially permitted. I would stick with that for now and once you are officially onboarded, discuss the details. FWIW, most agencies are very flexible now with exceptions being intelligence agencies, of course. In my agency, no one would blink an eye at your schedule.

    5. My husband works for the federal government and he has some flexibility to work flex hours and work from home, but it all got determined after he got hired and was in the job for awhile. Similar to what others have recommended, I would not make this seem like a condition of you coming to work there but instead take the job, get in and do good work, and then bring this up later. Once people know what you can do, this ask becomes a lot easier. I was told when I started my current job 9 months ago that “there is no telecommuting” and yet today I am telecommuting because I have plumbers working at my house. Things get a lot more negotiable once people know you can produce.

  6. I’m applying for jobs and one position I’m interested in has a salary range on Glassdoor (based on the average of only a few salaries). The highest salary reported there is about 3K lower than the low end of my desired salary range. Should I expand my range (if asked in my upcoming phone interview for expectations) or keep it as is? I’m pretty confident it’s realistic for the field and the area, but hard to know for sure.

    2. The obvious answer is to try to get them to give their range first – or you can ask the range of the salary band that this job falls in.

      But no I wouldn’t expand that range. I don’t find glassdoor salaries to be accurate until there are >10 entries so they can get rid of the outliers. I worked in Comp so I am pretty well versed in pay at my own company and sometimes I wonder if people look at the wrong lines on their paystub (like gross vs net or total comp vs salary) or get confused on their title. Like, I saw the marketing analyst has a high of $135K – we don’t have an associate in that role making anything close to that. But I also saw a Finance Manager low of $80K, which again we don’t have a manager making anything close to that low.

    3. Piggybacking off this question– how would you go about determining what the market salary is for a really unique position– for example, something comparable would be like looking for a doctor with three years experience in orthopaedics to coordinate development of a new orthopaedic product. It’s easy enough to find salaries of orthopaedic doctors with three years experience, or project managers with three years experience, but those two salaries fall so far apart it’s hard to tell what this position would be.

    4. I make a small amount more then the high end of the glassdoor range for my position and I know peers that are paid more.

  7. Anyone have suggestions on beating allergies in a new office? Suggestions on work appropriate air filters? I started a new job 2 months ago and my allergies and skin seem to be freaking out since. I already take Zyrtec and have been to see my dermatologist, so I’m just looking for suggestions on what I can do to clean up my office to make it better while I’m here for 8 hours a day. I’m in an office with a door that closes, probably 12×15, no windows sadly!

    1. I had this problem at my last job, and I hate to tell you that you are in for a rough time. My windows were not really sealed, so any pollen from outside would collect in the office. The office was also never really cleaned. I basically was ill for most of the time that worked there, and whenever I complained about it, no one took me seriously because they did not have problems themselves and I really just ended up seeming like a chronically sick person.

      I would recommend getting an air purifier with a HEPA filter as soon as possible. Keep your door closed to your office as much as you can, especially overnight for it to clean. It really helped me. It also may be worth trying to vacuum your office yourself, my guess is that that is probably not done very well in your office. I would also recommend keeping Alaway in your office and adding on Flonase. (Zyrtec only really works for me for a few weeks at a time, and my doctor has confirmed that it is only designed to work that way.) I would also recommend seeing an allergist and getting the drops/shots. I have not done that myself but have known others that have and said it makes a world of a difference.

      1. Can you explain what this means – Zyrtec only really works for me for a few weeks at a time, and my doctor has confirmed that it is only designed to work that way.

        Are you supposed to cycle on and off Zyrtec? My doctor told me to take an allergy pill every day because it has to build up in your system. I’ve never heard that you can only take it for a couple weeks at a time. I want to know if I’m doing it wrong though!

        1. Zyrtec/claritin/most antihistimines are designed to only work for 3-4 weeks at a time. If these are what you want to take, you should alternate taking Zyrtec and Claritin, otherwise it won’t be effect. I’m not saying that Zyrtec won’t be effective again later in the year, just not right that second. Certain allergy medications like Flonase and Singulair that are not antihistamines are designed to be taken year round or long-term and do not get less effective at any course in the treatment.

          Disclaimer: I’m not a doctor so this is really just the gist of what my doctor told me. I do remember finding some scholarly articles on the subject when I was talking to my doctor about my allergy meds, and what he advised (Singulair + Flonase during allergy season) really has worked for me. I unfortunately can’t really comment on Allegra because I have bad side effects while taking it.

    2. 1) Small space air purifier
      2) Mini duster
      3) Appointment with an allergist who can give you real advice on allergies and medication options. The dermatologist’s specialty is not adequate for full spectrum allergy reactions.

      After my allergies going nuts, my doctor put me on a combo avoiding allergens (ie the duster), air purifier, OTC Zyrtec, and Azelastine and Flonase (which tend to work better together than apart). Basically you need to be more aggressive in your treatment. Also, when you get home change your clothes and wash your hands to decrease chances of the allergens spreading in your home environment.

    4. Get a prescription allergy medication. I threw away far too much money on OTC allergy meds that became ineffective over time. My fluticasone nasal spray has worked wonders. Ironically it smells like flowers. I also take Clarinex at night because a side effect is drowsiness (I don’t know if it causes drowsiness in me because I haven’t been able to potentially sacrifice a day to find out).

    5. I have a whirlpool hepa filter which I swear by -it’s quiet and pulls dust out of the air like nobody’s business

  8. Talk to me about dating someone who works nights. I’ve been seeing a new guy for about a month. He works nights and his days off are both on weekdays. I’m in biglaw so my hours are all over the place too.

    In the past, I’ve mostly dated guys with 9-5s. It’s incredibly refreshing to date someone who isn’t all pouty that I can’t do happy hour every night. But now I’m sort of on the flip side of that because I’m feeling a little pouty that we can never do fun weekend stuff together. I know it sort of is what it is and I have to decide whether I like the guy enough to spend my weekends alone… but I’m curious if anyone else has experience with this? What worked and what didn’t?

    1. When I started dating my husband he often worked very early shifts (like 5 am – 1 pm) or very late (5 pm – 1 am) while I finished law school and started in BigLaw. I still found my schedule the harder one to work around, because at least his was predictable. When he worked early, I would often get up with him and drag my @ss to the sbux by his place of work and put in a few hours of work on my laptop. It was nice because by 8 am I already had three hours of work under my belt, and sometimes on his break he’d come over and kiss me. When he worked late, at least I didn’t feel any need to rush home after work.

      Generally, I think you just have to be creative. If there’s a particular weekend thing you want to do (Figment on Governor’s Island?) he can take a vacation day. If it’s just general weekend hangs, maybe you can plan a park date before he goes into work on Saturday, etc.

    2. Echoing the “you just have to be creative” comment. I worked unpredictable nights/weekends for many years and it’s tough to maintain a relationship. My ex simply couldn’t fathom anything that required effort beyond his 8-5 routine, so the fact that you have empathy for his situation and a desire to work with his schedule is huge.

      Also… don’t ever ask someone who works nights, “What do you have planned for today?” when they get home at 6:30 in the morning. Ever. The breakup was inevitable, but that was one big nail in the coffin.

      1. Breakfast dates instead of dinner dates.
        Evenings when I didn’t have to work.
        Astronomy in the Park/Night at the Museum type special events.
        Friday night people watching at WalMart.

        It can be fun with the right person.

    4. Honestly, it’s the best. My now-husband worked nights for many years through my law school and early working years. I was busy with work or school when he was working, and it gave me more independence to stay connected to girlfriends and colleagues than many others do during new relationships. It was nice that I could spend as long as I wanted at work without worrying that he was sitting around waiting for me. It made us more deliberate about and protective of the time we did get to spend together.

  9. I am very far along in an external interview process (just waiting for offer – no guarantee of offer being extended, of course). I was recently offered an internal promotion/functional change. I feel like I have to pursue the internal offer, though it may ruffle feathers as I’ve only been in my current position for 6 months (with the company for 5+ years). Do you all think this is the right course of action given that I might receive the external offer and end up leaving anyway?

    1. Yes. Take care of yourself and keep your options and opportunities open. You never know what’s around the next corner and chance favors the well prepared.

  10. There’s an interesting series in Outside Magazine right now about “Rewilding the American Child” with pieces about electronics use, combating loneliness, encouraging risk-taking, and others. I’ve seen similar topics posted here before so maybe some of you will enjoy!

  11. First time traveling to Europe (Amsterdam and surrounding cities) as an adult in a few weeks (I was 17 on a school trip the last time). Please talk to me about purses. I live in a Big City and generally have my wits about me with respect to pickpockets, etc, but I know Europe is more intense. My everyday purse is a Coach Willis bag, will this be okay? Willing to shop for something else. Would wearing a small backpack be a good idea? I have this idea that backpacks are more vulnerable because they’re behind you, but on travel blogs they always have backpacks.

    1. YMMV, but I hate having a bag when I travel – if it’s colder out, I opt for a vest with pockets and only take the bare necessities (phone, credit card, key, lipgloss) to walk around. This is what I do at home normally, so it doesn’t feel strange to me. If I have to have a bag, I use the smallest possible cross body to approximate pockets. I like the small cuyana one (I used to use the Pearl by lo & sons but I find that too big now).

      1. I have the Pearl but worry about the strap being hooked on to the bag, rather than sewn – a pickpocket could easily unhook one side and slip the bag right off my shoulder.

    2. Any crossbody of medium to small size will work. In Europe you should be far more worried about pick pockets there than in the U.S. I always make sure that I have a cross body bag zips closed and, ideally, also buttons over the zip. I also keep my arm over the bag opening while walking.

    3. I just looked at pictures of your bag online… looks like a pickpocket’s dream. They can reach their hand through the sides without even opening it. Get a bag that zips and has internal zippered pockets. The pockets should be somewhere that won’t be affected if someone cuts open the bottom of your bag.

      1. +1

        I travel with whatever crossbody bag I’m currently using. Must zip closed and be big enough for wallet, phone, and water bottle; those are my only requirements. I’ve used many different ones. This is the style of bag I carry around when I’m at home and I find it works well for travel.

      2. +1, medium size zippered crossbody that comfortably fits a wallet, water bottle, guidebook. I always carry it in the front, never sling it to the back. Keep a hand on it while walking in crowds/cities. In addition, I only carry a small wallet with ONLY the cards I need for the trip, leave all the random cards and membership cards at home. I usually throw in a small coin purse for Europe, too – if you’re in a place where cash is prevalent, you’ll be getting a lot of coins back.

      3. +1

        I think travel purses make you stand out as a potential target (if my husband’s polo shirts and sneakers don’t do that for me first).

        Personally, as long as a bag is cross-body and zips, I think it’s good to go. Definitely carry on the building side of your body (which I do in the US as well) so that someone going by on a bike and/or scooter can’t grab it.

        Otherwise, have fun!

    6. I carry a small crossbody (an old Coach I bought on eBay for $9) for these purposes. My priorities are – fits my wallet, phone, and Kindle for reading in parks and coffee shops. Some people like larger bags for water, but I figure I’ll just buy a bottle on the street if I need it.

    7. I took my regular purse, but I made good use of the inside, zippered pockets for my valuables. It didn’t make my stuff impossible to steal, but I’d like to think that adding an extra step would make me a less attractive target. Most pickpockets want to reach in and pull something out before anyone sees or feels them doing anything.

    8. The appropriate degree of concern depends totally on where you’re going. Many Northern European cities, I’d be less worried than in a US Big City, at least outside major tourist areas. But in Barcelona, Sicily, etc., I was totally alert at all times with my hand on a very securely closed crossbody bag. Some people I know (who I’d consider very cautious) were pickpocketed when they took their wallet out to buy a subway ticket, or some other similar small cash transaction. A guy just ran past and grabbed the wallet out of their hand and disappeared into the crowd. So be conscious of your surroundings! (fwiw, I’ve spent quite a lot of time in Europe and have never been pickpocketed there, only in NYC.)

  12. For lawyers who’ve left firms and gone/considered going in house or government (also applicable to any business person leaving client service/consulting to go to a company) — were you ever fearful or unable to make the move because you got stuck on “but what comes next? Would I be stuck here for the next 20 years?” I guess with firms you’re promoted yearly, can move to other firms, have new clients etc so it doesn’t feel like it’ll be the same thing forever. For some (like me), you’re motivated by billable hours, beating last years hours/bonuses. But of course the grind gets old. I’ve never looked in house and know how hard/long shot it is but seem to see 2-3 interesting jobs all at once. Part of me thinks, how great. Part of me thinks — yeah but 11 years from now, wouldn’t I be in the same role, super tied to 1 industry? Thoughts?

    1. If you need extra slim shirts, try Charles Tyrwhitt. My husband has this issue (muscular shoulders/neck and slim waist), and also the issues of long torso and arms. He has very good luck there (run even narrower in body than Brooks Brothers slim cut).

      If he needs custom suits for same issue, try My Suit or Indochino.

    2. I moved to government and yeah, it’s basically the same thing 13 years in. But I have this amazing life outside the office including being very involved in a local service organization (this year I’m president). At this point I’m kind of running out the clock and concentrating on life outside of work. If I were younger it might be more of an issue but I couldn’t be happier with the choices I’ve made.

    3. I’ve been in house for my entire career. I feel that my practice has been so interesting, so varied, so international. Every day/month/year is a new and exciting challenge.

    4. I was in litigation for about 8-9 years, both biglaw and small-ish law. I went in house almost 2 years ago and while there are fewer exit opportunities, I am personally very happy with my decision. I occasionally stress about “what would I do if….” (fill in the blank) but for the most part, I am better compensated and have a quality of life I never knew existed at either of my firms. So I guess even if it IS temporary, I’ll be thrilled that I spent this phase of life LIVING outside the office AND enjoying challenging work instead of KILLING myself at the office and never having a life outside of work.

  13. I was out with my husband buying dress clothes this weekend and he has lost a lot of weight and needs new work clothes desperately. We ran into an issue where his neck size (17″) is apparently a significantly larger shirt size than his waist (34″) requires. This means that every single shirt he tried on looks humongous on him. Is this just something that he will have to get tailored? Even Calvin Klein’s Extra slim shirts easily had 6-8 inches of too much fabric. Has anyone else run into these issues? Is there a brand that caters to the large of neck men?

    3. My ex had this issue. Did you ask the store if they can special order other sizes? Macy’s had a pretty decent selection but didn’t necessarily have all the sizes in stock.

      Other than that, shop at stores where tailoring is included. One time for a wedding, he had to get a suit and shirt from… Men’s Warehouse? Jos A. Bank?… and it looked like a sail on him. He had to go back 2-3 times for tailoring but it ended up being his favorite shirt and he didn’t have to pay extra for all that tailoring.

    4. My husband has this same issue. He needs an 18 neck in dress shirts but his waist is a 38. So yes, the only way to deal with this is with tailoring, or custom-made shirts. My husband has a few custom-made shirts but in general, he buys the large-neck shirts and then immediately takes them to the tailor. It’s not expensive to get them taken in but you do need someone who knows what they are doing; my husband had some nice shirts ruined by an inexperienced tailor a few years ago who cut the shirts so that they bloused out on top and looked ridiculous. Have your husband buy the smallest/slimmest cut shirts he feels comfortable with, that makes it a lot easier. My husband also has big shoulders and long arms (yes, he is basically a gorilla) and that’s a complicating factor.

      Don’t even get me started on suit-buying, that’s a whole other nightmare. My husband’s only decent suit had to be custom-fitted because everything we found that fit his shoulders, the arms were too short.

    5. A few of the men in my family have this issue and they buy shirts for their neck size and get the rest of the shirt tailored.

    6. I have a super slim husband with a 16.5 inch neck and 33 inch waist. When I asked how that was possible, he said it’s probably because he clenches his jaw a lot. We have good luck with Brooks Brothers tailored fit shirts and also like the slimmest/most tailored cut from LL Bean.

    7. If you need extra slim shirts, try Charles Tyrwhitt. My husband has this issue (muscular shoulders/neck and slim waist), and also the issues of long torso and arms. He has very good luck there (run even narrower in body than Brooks Brothers slim cut).

      If he needs custom suits for same issue, try My Suit or Indochino.

    8. I think a tailor is going to have to become his friend. My husband is a “large of neck man” (I love that phrase) and has a small waist (18″ and 32″). It may depend on how else your husband is built, but mine has no choice but custom made shirts because he is built basically like The Rock, but is even taller. If he were a bit shorter, tailoring would work, although tailoring a shirt that much can cost as much as just getting shirts made.

  14. I had a small car accident last week – I was turning around in a parking at night and hit a wooden post I somehow didn’t see. It was entirely my fault – there was no one else there. The car is usable but there is some bent metal and my passenger side door no longer opens fully (I hit the side of the car). The garage I went to estimated 1k in repairs. It is worth making an insurance claim for this? I can afford to pay this myself but would obviously prefer to have some insurance money, although I have no idea if this will drive up my premiums and not be worth it. I have a $500 deductible for collisions and $250 for other damages (I’m assuming this would count as a collision). Apologies if this is a silly question – I have never had a car accident before and have never made an insurance claim.

    1. I would never submit a claim for $1000. Your premium will go up and counteract the $500 you’d get from insurance.

      1. A lot of insurance programs have “one accident free” or something like that, so it may be worth it. Generally you can ask your insurance agent and they’ll let you know if filing a claim will be worth it. I’ve found mine to be very honest about when the increased premiums would cancel out any money I’d get for the claim.

    2. Over 25 years of having car insurance, we have found that for situations like this, it’s almost always better to just take care of it ourselves and not file a claim with the insurance that will cause our premiums to go up, and knock us out of eligibility for “good driver” programs. We’ve had three situations like this – one that was caused by an insured driver on the policy, and two that were caused by hit and runs. In all three cases it was cheaper and easier over the long run to just pay for the minor repairs out of pocket. If your repair bill was $3k it might be different.

      That being said, if you have never filed a claim and you have been with your insurer awhile, there may be an “accident forgiveness” program where one claim won’t be held against you when it comes to premiums. It’s worth doing some investigation before you file.

      1. But do it without calling to ask! Apparently insurers will put a note into your file with what you call about because they know you’re not asking idly.

    3. I wouldn’t. The risk of increasing your premium and losing whatever good driver discounts you have isn’t worth $500. Frankly the headache of dealing with an insurance company isn’t worth $500 to me but obviously ymmv.

    4. It could very well drive up your premiums (depends on the insurance company and how long you’ve been accident free). I wouldn’t bother going through insurance for $500.

    5. Don’t file an insurance claim. Your insurance will go up and if you are unlucky enough to have another accident in the next few years, your insurance could be outright cancelled and you’ll wind up with a really high premium company. Not me, but my sister who had just been diagnosed with cancer had a couple of minor fender benders and this happened to her. Don’t get me started on State Farm, or its treatment of homeowners after Katrina!

    6. This is why we always elect the highest deductible in car insurance because realistically we know that anything below that (I think its $2000 right now but I’m not sure), we’re going to pay ourselves. *Especially* if it doesn’t involve another car.

      I’d just get it fixed. Going through your insurance just gives them an excuse to jack up your rates and will make changing insurance a pain if you decide to do so at a later date.

  15. This weekend I’m going to a birthday party for a woman I don’t know very well. The party’s at her house in the suburbs, in the evening, and there will be drinks and heavy apps. The invite was via evite, which says… not dressy? I think? Any thoughts on what to wear?

    1. Whatever you’d wear to a bar in the same area. I’d expect most people to be in jeans. Footwear is really the only thing I might change – wear something easy to remove and put back on in case you’re not allowed to wear shoes in the house.

  16. I finally caved and bought the AGL cap-toe flats. Question is, did I get the right size? They are comfy but not super snug. I have wide feet so went up a half size from my usual. Wondering if they will stretch out much, in the experience of others?

    1. I have some that are probably 8 years old at this point. They sort of softened but didn’t really stretch. I have slightly wide feet, and mine feel comfy but not snug.

  17. I have an interview later today for what is basically my dream job, and I am incredibly nervous for it. I don’t know if an opportunity like this will ever pop up again. Trying to stay calm but it is hard!

    2. Good luck! At this point I’m sure you’ve fully prepped and practiced, but if you want to read some more helpful stuff in the meantime I always like Ask A Manager’s interview guidance. One piece of her advice that I find helpful (and takes a bit of edge off the stress) is that even if the position is your ‘dream job’, remember that the conversation is still an opportunity for you to make sure that the job really will be a great fit for your needs and goals. That can help you feel like you have some of your power back – to some extent, you are interviewing them too. Also, a little activity usually helps with my nerves – maybe a walk outside at some point to get the jitters out. Again, good luck!

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