ByKat Hours Updated
Comments 192 Comments

Tuesday’s Workwear Report: Jodee Sheath Dress

This post may contain affiliate links and Corporette® may earn commissions for purchases made through links in this post. As an Amazon Associate, I earn from qualifying purchases.

Work Dress: Our daily workwear reports suggest one piece of work-appropriate attire in a range of prices. Ooh: I've been a fan of the Black Halo Jackie dress for years, but this Jodee style is new to me. Sleeves! A high neckline! A work appropriate length! (But watch out for that slit in the back.) It's selling out fast at Shopbop, with lucky sizes still available for $345. Black Halo Jodee Sheath Dress Here's a more affordable alternative (sizes 2-16) and a plus-size option. Seen a great piece you'd like to recommend? Please e-mail tps@corporette.com. (L-4)

Sales of note for 3/26/25:

  • Nordstrom – 15% off beauty (ends 3/30) + Nordy Club members earn 3X the points!
  • Ann Taylor – Extra 50% off sale + additional 20% off + 30% off your purchase
  • Banana Republic Factory – Friends & Family Event: 50% off purchase + extra 20% off
  • Eloquii – 50% off select styles + extra 50% off all sale
  • J.Crew – 30% off tops, tees, dresses, accessories, sale styles + warm-weather styles
  • J.Crew Factory – Shorts under $30 + extra 60% off clearance + up to 60% off everything
  • M.M.LaFleur – 25% off travel favorites + use code CORPORETTE15 for 15% off
  • Spanx – Lots of workwear on sale, some up to 70% off
  • Talbots – $64.50 spring cardigans + BOGO 50% off everything else

And some of our latest threadjacks here at Corporette (reader questions and commentary) — see more here!

Some of our latest threadjacks include:

192 Comments

  1. I am starting to learn to run and need new running shoes. Any recommendations for a wide forefoot/narrow heel?

    1. Get fitted at a running store! You’ll want one where they watch you run and based on how you land they will recommend some shoes for you to try.

      1. This. Best way to do it. Plus, they’ll usually have a generous return policy with a good window to try the shoes out.

      2. How does this work? Do I run barefoot?Do most stores sell lots of brands? I was hoping to pop out at lunchtime tomorrow and try a few on but my feet are a state (pedicure booked for Friday)

        1. No one at the running store cares about your pedicure. Also, socks. Yes they carry lots of brands. Go to a specialty store. You’ll run in one pair and try others.

        3. Trust me, runner people will not care what you feet look like since ours are usually terrible. also, you will run barefoot with socks on and in shoes, so no one will know.

          If you go to a running specific store they will carry a lot of brands, you will have a lot to choose from.

        4. After measuring your feet and talking to you about how your current shoes fit, if you’ve had any issues with them, what sort of shoes you normally wear, how much/what terrain you run on, they bring out several different types of shoes. They watch you walk barefoot and in the shoes, and they have treadmills that you run on. You try them on and run for a bit; they’ll observe how the shoe works for you and you decide if you like the feel.

          Most stores have lots of brands. And they’re very knowledgeable. Most employees seem to be serious runners themselves. But I’d make sure that you go to a specialty running store- Fleet feet, insideout sports, or something local. Don’t go to a footlocker or some mall store- you just won’t get the same level of expertise.

          Also it does not matter that your feet are unpedicured. When I ran I lost toenails on the regular!

          It can be a little time consuming (45 mins?) but the time investment is worth it.

          1. All of this. Getting a properly fitting pair of shoes from the get go will make your running experience so much more enjoyable. I urge you to go after work or on the weekend when you are not rushed, so that the staff can take the time needed to get you in the right pair.

            To repeat everyone else, no other runners care what your feet look like. We are a group that routinely posts nasty foot pics online for everyone’s analysis/diagnosis. I don’t even bother with pedicures anymore as they don’t last very long!

    2. This is the kind of thing that is best done at the running store the first time.

      I have a similar foot and use Brooks Adrenaline, Asics gels, Mizunos and Saucony. More than the shape of the foot, you want to pay attention to whether you roll in or out on the foot with your stride.

    3. On a similar note, any recs for a specialty running store in the Boston/Cambridge area?

      1. Marathon Sports. There are several locations–I used to shop at the one in Wellesley.

      2. Yes! Bought new shoes there three weeks ago (and for the last many years). They’re great!

      3. Definitely Marathon sports. I’m a total recreational runner (like I do a mile a couple times a week), and they are totally welcoming and awesome.

    4. I have a similar foot and recently got the Pearl Izumi EM Road M 3 v2 and have been blown away. I have problem feet and I’m in love. So I’d recommend that you put these on your list to try.

  2. I’m thinking of buying my husband a briefcase for his birthday at the end of the month. Budget of about $500-600, though I’d be happy to spend less if there is something great. I’m in the UK, so would be especially interested in British or European brands.

    He likes bags with a lot of storage and pockets – not super sleek.

    1. Hidesign is a stalwart brand you can get at John Lewis – honestly I’d recommend just going to John Lewis and looking at their selection

    2. saddlebackleather dot com

      I think they do a good job in the rugged and manly department (although I have some of their ladies bags — I like things that I can’t ruin)

      2. My husband loves his Saddleback. He’s got the classic briefcase in Tobacco, which is more tan in person than onscreen. It’s more of a professorial look, but he gets a ton of compliments from other men. Not a UK brand but I’m sure they’d ship.

    3. My Husband got his briefcase for $500 on Mr Porter (male version of net a porter). Google it and I’m sure you’ll find many options. I think he bought Dunhill , cannot recall.

  3. Recommendations for things to do in Dallas or Arlington TX with kids? I am going to be there and would love to take them to an outdoor pool or cool museum. I am aware of the Six Flags. Any other ideas?

    For me, any good yoga studios or places to get my nails done?

    1. If you can go to downtown Dallas, the Perot Museum is fantastic and my kids love it. Try and buy tickets online in advance, though. Same with the Children’s Park at the Dallas Arboretum. It’s a huge outdoor play area/science park/water park, but it gets pretty full on weekends. If they like football, it’s cheesy but the tour of AT&T Stadium (where the Cowboys play) is really interesting just from an architecture/science/football fan perspective.

      Sunstone Yoga is a local chain of studios that specializes in hot yoga, but they also have a bunch of classes that aren’t specifically bikram.

      1. +1 on Perot and Arboretum. If you go to the Perot, you can follow up with a visit to Klyde Warren Park – food trucks, playground and fountains to splash in. We typically walk from the Perot to KW (there’s a green stripe on the sidewalk directing the way). About a 10 minute walk but it is straight uphill by a busy street so depending on how old your kids are that may not work. Have fun!

        1. I can’t believe I forgot about the park. Yes, there’s an awesome splash pad and kids’ park there, and the best Dallas food trucks. I also recommend lunch at Meso Maya, which is between the Perot Museum and the park.

    2. Was just in Dallas – they have a Miniluxe there (for nails) right next to a macaroon/French bakery (!).

    3. Second Sunstone Yoga – it has multiple locations in the DFW area. I went there for years and enjoyed it. If you’ll be near Fort Worth, try Indigo Yoga. Grapevine Mills mall now has an aquarium and lego land, and Grapevine itself has cute shops up and down the main street. In Dallas, you can check out the Perot, the Aquarium, and the Zoo. Also, grab lunch to go and picnic at the Klyde Warren park.

    4. I do NOT know how old your kid’s are, but if they are older then 10, I think you should have them all visit with YOU the Texas School Book Depository, which is now a historical museaum. This is where Lee Harvey Oswalt shot President Kennedy in 1963. It is a VERY good exhibit and within walking distance of alot of places including the HYATT hotel where I stayed with Dad, Mom and Rosa. Granted it is NOT a fun place, but we all have to be smart by knowing our history. This is a BIG part of our history. Do not pass up this chance to learn something. YAY!!!!

  4. I’m looking to add an AHA or BHA exfoliant to my routine – any tips or advice on which to choose? I’ve been looking on Paula’s Choice and I feel like I just need to jump in and try one.

    1. Alpha Hydrox Foaming Face Wash (6 oz) is not expensive and does a phenomenal job. It’s the original AHA brand, and still one of the best. I get it on Amazon. Do not pay more!

      If you want a more powerful one, Jan Marini…but it smells like sour milk. Also on Amazon.

      Highly recommend both.

    2. I don’t think you can buy them offline, but there’s a South Korean brand called CosRX that does some pretty incredible BHA and AHA exfoliants. Well-formulated, right pH and concentration, and a fraction of the price of Paula’s Choice. I order mine from overseas but they’re also on Amazon Prime IIRC.

      I will say this – no matter which brand you go for, introduce it SLOWLY. There are few feelings worse than overexfoliated skin. Ask me how I know. -.-

      1. I’m going to be traveling through southeast asia this summer, so I’ll keep an eye out for them then!

    3. I think Paula’s choice does a BHA lotion, yes? That’s going to be what I get once the Neutrogena stuff (now discontinued) I have runs out.

      I would do a lotion over a face wash because it actually says on your face to dot he things it’s supposed to do.

      1. +1 I love these, although I find I actually get best results with the gentle version.

      2. I have sensitive skin and even the gentle version irritates it to no end so be careful if you do have sensitive skin.

    6. Peter Thomas Roth has a glycolic acid moisturiser. Olay does a great one too…their pro X and regenerist lines both carry excellent options.

  5. Anyone here have a Roomba or iRobot and think it’s worth it (or not)? What model do you have? Do you still have to vacuum regularly? I’ve been wanting to get one, but we always have some legos on our floor, so I’ve been reluctant. Thanks.

    1. I got the pet hair one about 8 months ago and love it. I run it about once a week and it does a really good job in our 1 bedroom apartment with wood floors, large stone tiles, and an area rug. I don’t vacuum of sweep apart from the roomba.

    2. We have one. We have two cats and a toddler. I hate vacuuming. I would rather do any chore other than vacuuming. The year I lived by myself, I vacuumed twice. For me, the roomba is worth it. For my husband, who does not mind vacuuming, the roomba is not worth it.

      The roomba works well in this situation:
      -you start with a relatively clean floor
      -you program the roomba to vacuum *every single day*– you can’t just run it once a week and expect it to do as good a job as a human vacuuming once a week. if your house is big or dirty (see: 2 cats and toddler), once a week is completely insufficient.
      -you have to empty the dust container and clean off the little brushes each time it vacuums. Otherwise, its not going to work as well, and it will stop when the dust container is full. It takes maybe 1-2 minutes to do all that, bnt its something you have to remember.
      -you roomba-proof your house–it gets choked up on random loose cords like my laptop cord, and it can get stuck under certain combinations of chairs. it will choke and die on a sock, so you have to have relatively uncluttered floors. i’m pretty sure it could suck up a lego, but i’m not sure. they come with little towers you can set up to keep it from going into certain rooms, so if you wanted to, you could just skip the cluttered rooms.

      I think the roomba is great, but you have to work with it. If you’re not willing to do that, you might as well just keep vacuuming with a normal vacuum cleaner.

      1. I’ve had a roomba for several years and agree with all these points. We have two dogs (one who sheds SO MUCH), two preschoolers, and us. The Roomba is great to extend having to vacuum to every other week when our housekeeper comes. But it’s not going to replace vacuuming for us.

      2. Agree with all of this. For me, it ended up not being worth it because all of the time spent picking up cords and rugs and moving chairs, and setting up the invisible walls to break the apartment into chunks (I had to put the chairs somewhere!) meant it took me longer than if I just vacuumed myself. And it never picked up as much. YMMV depending on what you’ve got on your floors and the layout of your furniture.

      3. Yes, all this. My life has changed for the better since we got our roomba. We have two cats and a dog, and hardwood floors, so even if I swept once a week, there were still tumbleweeds of hair. Roomba keeps the hair down to a manageable amount, so I don’t have to sweep as much.

    3. I love my roomba! No kids, but two cats, and it makes a huge difference. We only rarely dig out the real vacuum, though I do sometimes sweep the kitchen (it seems to work better on the carpet than on the hard surfaces). We run it on each floor twice a week, and we have to clean the brushes and empty the dust bin pretty much every time, since the cat hair really clogs it up. You do have to run around and make sure that the floors are uncluttered and make sure all the doors are either closed or propped open, since it’s prone to shutting doors on itself. I hate having dirty floors but also hate vacuuming, so it’s great.

    4. I don’t have any advice about the Roomba but if you’re like me, I just have this mental block about taking out the vacuum. I love clean floors but I HATE vacuuming and for some reason even though I know, logically, that vacuuming really isn’t a big deal and not that hard, I just dread getting the thing out of the closet and dragging it around. It’s heavy and awkward and ugh.

      So I invested in a stick vacuum which is small, lightweight, easy to use, good for getting crumbs and hair off the floor between “big” vacuuming sessions. Maybe if the Roomba doesn’t work out, this could be a solution for you.

    5. I have a Neato and love it. My brother, who researches things like crazy before buying, bought it for his girl friend who has a cat. He then bought one for himself. I bought one for my SO and liked it so much, I bought one for me. Best purchase ever.

    6. I just got the Roomba 650 a week ago, and I think I’m in love. We hadn’t swept up in weeks and have two cats, and it did an amazing job at picking up dust and cat hair. It can get stuck on cords and clothing, but I find that I’m much more willing to spend the ~2 minutes to pick up clutter if I know the floor will be magically vacuumed afterwards (I imagine it’s like with a cleaning service – it actually incentivizes me to straighten up everything else, t0o.)

      I thought thesweethome had a good review of the options and bought the 650 based on their recommendation.

    7. For those of you with cats – does the Roomba bother them? Serious question… our cat is terrified of the Dyson but she is okay with the cheap black & decker dustbuster that we use to pick up litter around her litterbox.
      I would love a Roomba to control the cat-hair tumbleweeds but I don’t want her to be traumatized all day!

      1. My cats got used to it pretty quickly, but they are generally pretty brave (though also scared of the vacuum!). One of them started following the Roomba around immediately and trying to bat at the spinning brush on the side. The more skittish one was freaked out at first and stayed off the ground for a while (he seemed to realize the roomba wouldn’t go onto the couch/chairs, but after 2 cleanings he seems totally fine.

      2. My cat is terrified of the Dyson as well, but could care less about the Roomba. When she hears it start, she perches herself somewhere where it can’t bump into her. She keeps an eye on it, but generally doesn’t care. It’s much quieter than standard vacuums, which may be a contributing factor.

      3. Thanks! The Roomba looks like a toy that we got her (a big plastic disc which spits out a string and then reels it back). She was so afraid of it at the beginning that we nearly took it back… but she has warmed up to it and now she really enjoys it. We call it her “monster” because it was so scary at the beginning.
        Hopefully she would take to the Roomba too – sounds like it might be manageable.

  6. Besides Biore pore strips and manual extraction, is there any other good way to remove whiteheads and blackheads from your nose? I love the pore strips but they are not as thorough as I’d like.

    1. I asked this question years ago here and the answer was basically “no.” I started getting regular facials soon after (3-4 times year) and that has made an enormous difference. After the first couple of facials the clogs would come back quickly so the difference was not huge but over time, all my pores got cleared out and have stayed clear. I also use a clarisonic 1-2 times a week (I was using it regularly before the facials and it made minimal difference – I think it’s better for maintenance).

    2. I find that using a clarisonic does wonders. Esp. if you just use the small inner ring on your nose to deep clean.

    3. The Mario Badescu Silver Powder (I got mine from Nordstrom) in conjunction with Biore pore strips worked wonders for my nose.

    4. Honestly, sitting in the steam room at my gym for 5 minutes after my workout has made the biggest difference in my skin. I really notice a difference if I go more than 3-4 days without it.

      1. +1. What I thought were clogged pores are actually pretty normal sebaceous filaments. I have better luck with BHA exfoliants and washing my face (not just using facial wipes) to keep them in check.

    7. I did a series of professional peels a few months ago and my pores have been noticeably smaller since then. The downtime was much less than I anticipated and my skin is much improved.

  7. I am invited to a company golf event next month. I will be playing. What do I wear? The invite says “golf attire only”. I’m a busty size 14, so hoping I can find something in stores (sporting goods, LL Bean, etc.) What about shoes?

    On another note, any tips for my first golf event? Where can I learn the rules?

    1. You should be able to get by with clothes you already own. I’d wear a polo shirt and either bermuda shorts or cotton pants, depending on weather. Check out some images of the LPGA tour for ideas. For shoes, you can wear regular athletic shoes if you don’t want to invest in golf shoes.

    2. Golf attire generally means:

      * Collared shirts
      * Shorts that are not too short (think bermuda versus 4 in inseam) or capris. You will see a lot of short shorts or golf skorts on TV, but many courses do not all ow this. It should be fine if you wear shorts that hit mid-thigh or lower, but if you are worried, call the pro shop of the course you are going to and ask if they have a dress code for women.
      * Running shoes are fine

      If you are really nervous, I would try to see if you can get a lesson or two with a pro just to show you how to hold the club, which clubs to use.

      I don’t know if I would recommend trying to play a full 18 holes if you are brand-new. Most corporate golf events are best ball scrambles (so even if you’re terrible, you get to try!).

      It’ll be fun. Be relaxed and able to laugh at yourself and it should be great!

    3. I had to do this at my old firm. If you’re golfing at a country club, check the club’s website to see if there is a particular dress code. For me, it was no shorts more than 2 inches above the knee, and shirt had to have a collar. Zero things in my wardrobe fit those requirements so I had to buy a whole new outfit. I think I bought the shorts from J Crew and the shirt from Ralph Lauren, but obviously you could also get these things at Old Navy if cost is a factor. I didn’t buy new shoes – I think I just wore sneakers. Someone on this site suggesting buying gloves, which is nice but if you’re not trying to make golfing a habit, the course probably has some you can borrow.

      I had zero golfing experience but the way it was set up, I was on a team of four and we played “scramble style,” which is everyone hits the ball and the best hit marks the spot from where everyone hits the next ball. So my lack of talent did not matter. It was great. If I had to play individually, I probably would have hit the ball ~4 times before giving up and moving on to the next hole. Hopefully no one you’re playing with is a stickler for rules.

      Also, golf is a LONG game with A LOT of walking. Wear comfortable shoes and bring water and a snack.

      1. Get the gloves. If you are not used to golf it can tear up your hands and leave awful blisters. Gloves are not expensive and you can get them at any sporting good store.

    5. Even if you are awful, you are still helpful in a scramble. You can go first and your team can learn which way the ground slopes by watching how your ball rolls.

    6. I volunteer at a couple industry golf outings every year for work. If I actually had to play, I definitely would get a couple lessons just so that I wasn’t an absolute beginner. But usually the scramble format that outings have (mentioned above) seem like a really good format for beginners, and you won’t really slow down the rest of your team. At all of our golf outings, the teams get a couple golf carts so it’s not so much walking.

      Don’t wear sandals (maybe that’s obvious to some, but it wasn’t to me on a 90 degree day at my first one :)). I wore a dress to one, which wasn’t the end of the world but I wouldn’t do again. I haven’t wore blue jeans, but have seen people do that (our industry is super casual) and it looked out of place. I wear layers, and strongly recommend a jacket with pockets for all the little odds and ends.

      I actually have one coming up in a few weeks – I’m going to wear white trouser jeans, a blue button up shirt, and a navy company jacket that has pockets. I’ll probably wear white converse sneakers since my athletic shoes are bright pink right now.

    8. Definitely try to get a few lessons in before you play. Assuming it’s a scramble format no one should care if you aren’t any good, but it can take a while for some people to get used to the swinging motion so that you can actually make contact with the ball.

    9. Keep your feet square — your toes in a straight line, imagine the line point where you want the ball to go. When you’re swinging, point your lead shoulder at the ball at the peak of your swing. And follow through. And keep your eyes open!

    10. Definitely take a lesson first. I’m only somewhat busty and was the sole beginner and female in my golf group during my 2L summer. Awesome memories of the (older) men telling me to keep my arms straight, not bend too much, etc., when following those instructions meant that my arms would run straight into my boobs when I tried to swing. So so awkward. Save yourself that experience by having someone teach you the basics first.

  8. I am interested hear your thoughts on this.

    It is a really long article, but perhaps some of you have already read it, or are more familiar with the topic than I was.

    Definitely thought provoking for me, not so much for myself, but as a mother of people who are going to live in this words. Or not.

    https://www.google.ca/url?sa=t&rct=j&q=&esrc=s&source=web&cd=1&cad=rja&uact=8&ved=0ahUKEwiO24qyhr7MAhXD9h4KHTVLCRcQFggyMAA&url=http%3A%2F%2Fwaitbutwhy.com%2F2015%2F01%2Fartificial-intelligence-revolution-1.html&usg=AFQjCNGU6kwXnAHS0XYdGrW62oQyMIKnlw&bvm=bv.121070826,d.dmo

    2. I don’t know much about AI and computing, etc. But what really fascinates me about this is the social implications of AI and the reduced need for low-skilled workers in the economy. What happens when >50% of jobs are eliminated? How does society avoid a descent into poverty and crime as people fight for food and shelter? I’m reading a lot about the Universal Basic Income, Negative Income Tax, etc. It’s a possible solution.

      I’m child-free. If I had kids…I’d be encouraging them to take up STEM and hope they are smart enough to land one of the remaining tech-based jobs. Or teaching them how to live off the land. I’m joking, it won’t be that desperate.

      1. +1 I can quickly respond to the frivolous posts much easier than reading a very long two part article no matter how much I am interested in the topic (and I am).

      2. TL;DR version:

        Given the exponential advancement in computer technology, it will be within our lifetimes that AI will be more intelligent that humans. Currently computers are much much better than us at certain things, but are way behind humans in other regards.

        Essentially, the author thinks there are 2 likely scenarios. Humanity either becomes immortal, or extinct. Within the next 50 years, basically.

        It is a pretty fascinating read.

    5. I din’t get why this author thinks the reader won’t believe the world will be unrecognizable in 35 years. I firmly believe the world will be unrecognizable in 35 years. No doubt. The only negative to having kids (seriously – otherwise they are the BEST) is that I care about this now.

  9. MET GALA!

    I looooooooooooooved Claire Danes’s light-up ballgown (Zac Posen) and Zoe Saldana’s feather train. Also liked Misty Copeland’s dress and Emma Watson.

      1. Ugh, no. The platinum is a terrible look on her. She looked like Jenny Humphrey from Gossip Girl last night.

    2. Oh, and also I didn’t care for all of the Balmain b**b-outline dresses in silver. I did really like Lady Gaga’s jacket (imagine it for a regular night out with jeans!) and there were lots of cool makeup looks – like Kristen Stewart’s silver shadow.

    3. The Olsen twins looked like a couple of bag ladies. Seriously shabby. I’m sure the outfits were very expensive, but I just didn’t get it.

      2. They both tend to wear really loose, emphatically not body-con stuff, and I wonder if part of that is a reaction to being so famous from such a very young age, and those creepy people counting down to when they turned 18…. Like a big “FU, my body is not your property.” Or maybe they just get cold really easily.

    4. Loved Zoe Saldana’s dress too. I though Zendaya looked fabulous and I liked Kerri Washington’s hair. I also liked Nina Dobrev’s dress. I did not care for Madonna’s look or the Olsen twins. I sort of liked Kylie Jenner’s dress, but did not like Kim Kardashian’s.

    5. Madonna and Diane von Furstenberg get my votes for WTF outfits of the night, even at an event where people are supposed to dress “creatively.”

    6. I feel like most people really phoned it in regarding the theme. Claire Dane’s dress actually had technology.

      1. Yeah I couldn’t believe how many people interpreted it to just mean “metallic” (Kim K, Brie Larson, Rose Byrne, various supermodels, Lupita – though her metallic was my favorite of the bunch). I appreciated the people who went edgier, like Kendall Jenner and Kate Hudson, even if their dresses weren’t really to my tastes.

      2. I thought Blake looked nice but she’s worn a variant of that dress many times. Girlfriend has one of the best bodies in Hollywood though.

    9. Claire Danes, for sure! Zoe Saldana’s feather train was amazing. Also loved Queen Raina of Jordan and Nicole Kidman. I thought Taylor Swift’s look was fun. And yes, Blake Lively, at least in part because she was one of the few who looked happy!

    10. I feel like a lot of dresses looked like they belong in a futuristic sci fi movie (Kim K I’m looking at you). I don’t know, maybe it is the point, but the dresses were so out there! I actually liked Mindy Kaling’s dress for its simplicity and she looked fabulous in white.

      1. They looked that way because the theme was technology. Every Met gala has a theme.

  10. I was staying with a friend and tried her face wash that had lactic acid in it. I think it was Philosophy’s Miracle Cure? It has since been discontinued. Anyone know of any other lactic acid options? It was AMAZING.

    1. My friend who works in the Sephora skin care section is obsessed with lactic acid masks. Both Sunday Riley and Ren make them. I’d ask for a free sample before investing (I think the Sunday Riley one approaches $100).

  11. TJ- How do you get over a long-standing infatuation? I have had varying levels of a crush on a guy over the past 3 years (as in sometimes I think about him a lot, sometimes I don’t think about him). Over this time I’ve been in 2 LTRs (and for some of the time I was working with Crush) so nothing ever happened. I don’t actually know Crush well at all, so this can only be an infatuation based on the way I imagine him to be. But its gotten to the point where I’m having difficulty moving forward with my current relationship (of over 1 year) with a wonderful guy because I just can’t shake thoughts of Crush. And it’s not for not trying- I no longer communicate with him and I’ve only seen him at group events a few times over the past year. Has anyone ever been in this situation? I’m worried that I’m destined to eff up my life because of *that feeling*.

    1. I reminded myself that it was ok to occasionally wonder what if, but that moving forward means closing off possibilities.

      I also visualized myself in a room full of bubbles- every step you take pops some of them but new ones are always forming.

    2. I would try to think about the why of your crush. Is there something about this person that you are particularly drawn to? Does he remind you of someone in your childhood who you loved (a parent or any other care giver)? Do you find yourself being drawn to people who are either physically or emotionally unavailable (this is me often)?

      I like to think that once you get down to the why, it will be easier to figure out how to move past it if that is truly what you want to do. Out of curiosity, why did you not pursue your crush? Is he married/in a relationship? Were you afraid of rejection? That could also help get to the bottom of it and help you move on.

    3. I had a similar situation. Finally ended up with Crush and he was a dud. Like so lazy in bed, snored, left his laundry in a pile until it stank, had no problem dropping plans with me because the guys called. It lasted like 3 months longer than it should have because I couldn’t bring myself to admit I’d been pining away for this guy who was so not worth it. Ugh.

      1. How did you feel about the relationship you left? I’m trying to figure out whether this crush is a sign I don’t love my bf enough, or if leaving him because I think that would be the biggest regret of my life.

        1. Honestly I felt like an idiot that I’d wasted time pining for this guy. I’d built him up so much that even if he hadn’t turned out to be such a dud – it still would have been so hard for him to live up to the fairy tale I’d built up in my head. It was almost like a celebrity crush where I was in love with who I thought he was and not who he actually was in reality.

          I’d say the enduring nature of the crush might be more about commitment phobia to any relationship on your part. You’re allowing this crush to sabotage current relationships but in three years you’ve done nothing to pursue the crush. If he’s that amazing – why didn’t you ask him out? Probably because the real thing can’t live up to the image in your head. You need to decide to either 100% pursue this Crush – ask him out and date him or let it go 100%.

    4. Cognitive behavioral therapy or even hypnosis. I’m serious. This may go away tomorrow, but it could also last indefinitely. Thinking about it in the way described by CountC may be effective, but more than likely won’t be. Crushes are analogous to a nervous habits that you can’t shake: smoking or biting your nails, for example. Engaging in the behavior (in this case, thinking about him) activates reward cycles in your brain that are extremely difficult to break without professional intervention. Good luck.

        1. What’s the alternative? Do nothing and have persistent, invasive thoughts about someone you’re not in a relationship with for years and years?

        2. Honestly, it was my first thought as well, but you get jumped on if you suggest it these days. Three years is a LONG time and it is prohibiting the OP from moving forward with other potentially great relationships in her life. Maybe those relationships wouldn’t have worked out for other reasons, but pining over someone that you either have chosen not to pursue or you cannot pursue is problematic. The OP hasn’t been able to move past it on her own and while my suggestions could be helpful, the techniques/line of questioning came out of my own therapy sessions. I don’t know if I could have come up with that on my own.

          1. I agree. I don’t think Crush is the issue. I think there’s underlying issues of what-might-have-been, the road-not-taken, how-can-I-be satsified & happy now, and also what-do-i-even-want that therapy could help with.

      2. My first thought when I read it was therapy. She’s been pining over a guy for 3 years! That’s not just a crush – there’s morning on in her mind and therapy could help her explore.

        1. I agree three years is a long time. I was in a situation like this and realized it was because I was just annoyed with myself for not being able to get this man to fall at my feet. There was nothing amazing about him. So, I agree you should try and work out what you’re really feeling and why it’s lasted for so long. Whether you want therapy to help you do that is up to you!

    5. I had a Crush kinda like this…a guy I had really liked in high school who I found out years later had liked me too at the time (bah, so high school), but I was already seriously dating and very happy with my (future) DH so it wasn’t even a consideration of pursuing. For a few years I found myself randomly thinking a lot about him at different times, mostly when I was bored/driving long distances. It felt unfinished/”long lost love” in a way. And it solved itself when Crush posted several ridiculous sexist Facebook statuses. Read them to my DH, ridiculed/laughed at Crush roundly with him, and was able to totally move on. The only thoughts I have of him now are when DH brings up his views as an inside joke between us (DH thought the comments were hilarious).

      So not super helpful for proactively getting over a crush, but pretty effective!

    6. This may be a little cheesy, but this quote helped me a lot in some “what if” type situations: “Life’s missed opportunities, at the end, may seem more poignant to us than those we embraced because in our imagination they have a perfection that reality can never rival.” – Roger Ebert

      2. +1

        Crushes are so fun because you fill in the gaps in what you know about this person with the best case fantasy scenario.

    7. I can think of two crushes that I had as an adult. A few years after I got divorced (for completely unrelated reasons), I actually called up one of the guys and we went on a date. We had a great time, but I realized that his lifestyle and mine were not at all compatible. He’s a motorcycle-riding, entrepreneur with no kids and lots of flexibility. I was a single mom with a demanding job and little flexibility. It may have been fun to date, but seeing that there was no long-term potential helped me let go of the fantasy.

      The other guy I saw almost daily for years. He was in a position of authority, and we had a superficial but good relationship. Then I saw him lose it. It made me realize that the person he is publicly is not the person he really is.

      I would encourage you to take off any rose-colored glasses and try to be honest about who Crush is and what being him would be like, if you can.

      Also, think about your current relationship. Are you happy? I think sometimes crushing on someone else can be a symptom that a relationship isn’t working. My crushes developed when I wasn’t feeling what I would have hoped to feel with my partner at the time. Now that I am happily coupled, it’s easy for me to meet a cute or charming guy, enjoy talking with him in a social situation, and then go home to my wonderful husband.

  12. I am trying to update my spring/summer business casual look. I already have plenty of pencil skirts and cropped pants in both neutral and non-neutral colors, which don’t seem outdated. My existing tops consist mostly of fitted scoopneck t-shirts and J. Crew Jackie cardigans, which don’t feel so fashionable anymore.

    I would like to add some slightly drapey tops, short-sleeved or sleeveless, in colors or prints. The tops can be jersey or woven fabric. I’ve ordered the Vince Camuto v-neck pleat top to try and just sent back two Boden Ravello tops because they looked frumpy on me.

    I would also like to find some lightweight cocoon or wrap-style cardigans in black, white, and grey. I am allergic to all animal fibers, including cashmere, so I need to find something cotton or synthetic. I tried the Splendid Temescal cardigan, but it was much too bulky. I like the look of the Splendid Whitney cardigan, but it’s final sale and I’m hesitant to risk it.

    Any ideas or suggestions would be much appreciated!

    1. Have you tried the Pleione tops at Nordstrom? I really like those and you can usually get some of them on sale.

      1. +1 to Pleione, They have lots of drapey tops and blouses in different sleeve lengths, colours, patterns.

    2. Have you tried Express? I know they are more juniory, but they have some flowy cardigans that are not bulky in the body.

    3. What’s your body type? If you found the Boden and Vince Camuto tops frumpy, then drapey may not be for you, fashion be damned. I’m an hourglassy pear, and anything with too much drape in the middle makes me look like a lump. I need some waist definition to look my best.

      For cardigans, look at the Nic & Zoe 4 way cardigan. They have different materials for summer and winter wear, and come in regular and petite sizes. I got one in black last year, and plan on getting another, maybe in pale grey, this year because I wore it so much.

      1. I have an “athletic” figure with no curves. I find that the flowy stuff works best for me when it’s relatively fitted through the shoulders and then gradually flares out, so I am hoping the Vince Camuto top will work because it appears to have the type of shape (haven’t received it yet). The Ravello was just uniformly wide all over and too short. I have not had much luck with Pleione for the same reason.

        Thanks for the suggestions everyone–keep them coming!

    5. I just got 3 long cardigans at H&M over the weekend that have a “textured” pattern to them. They are really lightweight. I plan to wear them almost all summer with t-shirts and tank tops. Plus they were $12.

  13. Just noticed yesterday’s thread on how to “power” dress, especially for the 40+ and 50+ set. I would seriously love a series of posts on how to dress for different stages of your career. At almost 40, I’m really struggling with the whole mid-career thing. I feel like I vacillate between dressing too young/junior and dressing too old/senior. I’d love a series like “how to dress when you’re in your first professional job,” “how to dress mid-career (e.g., when you’re a young partner or director-level or whatever)” and “how to dress now you’re eyeing the c-suite.” Variations for industry/location would also be helpful. Also suggestions for where to shop for each stage, with a few price points.

    1. yes please! I’m 36 and feel like I can’t wear the stuff I used to pre-babies (don’t have time/energy to keep up on latest trends) but I also don’t look right in the suit separates that I see the 50+ set rocking.

    2. I would love this, too! I’m junior and my office is seriously lacking in midlevel and senior female role models. I’ve been playing it very safe out of uncertainty regarding what fashion “risks” are okay and which aren’t.

    3. This is a great idea. I’m very young and I often wonder how much of what people talk about wearing here is something that you can do as an established employee but maybe shouldn’t do when you’re young.

    4. I’d wear a simple tropical wool sheath from Hugo Boss (they are beautifully cut) and accessorise with pearls, ring, watch plus pointy toed shoes.

  14. I run a small business and am looking to hire a legal assistant fairly soon (entry level). We haven’t advertised yet but it’s known I’m looking to hire. Kids of friends contact me worn questions like “do you want to meet for coffee?” and when I respond with “send me your resume and I’ll get back to you when we are actually hiring” they usually don’t bother. When I talk to them it’s clear they haven’t even googled my business to see what we do or checked our our website.

    What is this? Is this a generational thing? Am I supposed to meet everyone under 25 who asks for coffee? And why are they so slow or unwilling to send resumes? And why do they ask dumb questions about what I do instead of just checking out my website and asking intelligent questions?

    1. I’m guessing that if they are kids of friends that their parents may be pushing them to contact you, even if they know you’re not yet hiring. A lot of people are getting the push that they need to scope everyone out and sell themselves before they even apply, thinking that if they just send in a resume it will just be put in a pile and they wont “stand out.”

      Just a guess.

    2. Yish.

      Students are encouraged to reach out to professionals in their field for “informational interviews.” They’re told to ask lots of questions, including ones that could simply be answered by looking at the website, as a way to start a conversation and to better understand the people, practice and business. Also, it’s hard to ask “intelligent questions” if you’ve never really had experience in a field.

      They have been discouraged from cold-sending resumes because it’s presumptuous. And they might not actually want a job from you. They may really just want additional information about your field and what you do so they can better understand what kind of work they want to do.

      And no you don’t have to meet with everyone. But when you have time, a relationship with the person or their parents, etc, it may be professionally beneficial or just a good deed to sit down with a young person to answer their questions, however “dumb” you might think they are.

      1. Disagree that asking questions that can be answered on a website is a good idea. There are plenty of good questions I get from informational interview seekers all the time. “What does your day look like?” “How did you get to where you are?” “What do you wish you’d known earlier in your career?” “What areas should I focus on if I want to do what you do in 10 years?” “Can you recommend any reading to help me understand the industry better?” If someone is going to be generous with their time, it’s rude not to use their time well. Ask me things my website can’t tell you.

  15. Stupid question, but does anyone know if any of the big box stores will assemble a grill for you or allow you to pay for assembly as an add-on service? Neither my husband nor I is handy and after we almost got divorced this weekend trying to assemble patio furniture, I’d gladly pay someone to assemble it for us. We don’t live in a major metro area so there’s no Task Rabbit and I’m hesitant to invite someone I find directly through something like Craigslist into our home.

    3. Yeah, I think most of them will offer this service. And failing that, many of them will refer you to somebody who can do it for you.

    4. Agree with the above. Even if you find at HD, Lowes, Sears etc. that they don’t assemble — if you tell a sales guy that you’d but except you can’t assemble it — guaranteed they will point you to one of their guys who’d do assembly work for you. There are handy man types who work at these places who pick up side gigs thru their main job; for whatever reason I am more ok hiring those people than a random person off Craigslist.

      1. Good to know, thanks. I would definitely feel more comfortable hiring someone who was referred to me by one of those stores than a stranger off Craigslist.

      2. +1 Our HD has a list of preferred contractors for everything from flooring installation to furniture building.

    5. Know that this type of bickering is totally normal. I thought DH and I were going to get divorced over a DIY hardwood floors project. Then I watched “Renovation Realities” on DIY Network. Apparently everyone gets on each others nerves when renovating / assembling. We still do, but at least we know it’s no big deal.

      1. The divorce comment was tongue in cheek; I know it’s normal to bicker about this stuff, especially when you’re both hopeless at it :) I also want to save time (we have two busy jobs and would match rather spend our weekends on dog walks or cooking together rather than spending hours snapping at each other while trying to assemble furniture).

        1. ha! If you want to put the relationship to the test, an afternoon of canoeing is also pretty frustrating…

    6. Yes. And I made the mistake of not having them deliver and assemble the grill when I bought one a long time ago. Not because I couldn’t’ do it, but because unassembled in the box it is far too heavy for one person, and it was a surprise gift.

  16. Anyone read (or follow) the Wheat Belly diet? After reading the Biggest Loser weight gain discussion from yesterday I wanted to share it with anyone struggling with weight or feeling hopeless.

    Wheat Belly – Dr. William Davis – the main idea is to avoid all grains (flour, wheat, corn, oats) and sugar. Wheat has changed over the years to what he calls “frankenwheat”, short hardy genetically modified plants that can survive almost anything to produce good yields. His argument is that this new wheat combined with all the chemical and corn syrup additives in our foods are messing with our bodies and causing the obesity epidemic. He goes more in depth in his books.

    I’ve followed a version of it for over a year (no grains, limited sugar–I can’t quite kick my chocolate habit or my morning coffee creamer, and I don’t obsessively read salad dressing labels) and I’m down 35 pounds. But what’s crazy is that all those cravings–the warm crusty bread craving, the hangry mood swings, the shaky low blood sugar moments–it’s all GONE. Food is just food, it’s not the center of my day or the highlight of my holidays. Removing the wheat turned off that switch for me.

    I don’t push my diet on to other people because I know giving up bread feels impossible and unsustainable. But I figured I’d share my experience!

    1. I do a version of it in that I moderate grains but don’t exclude them. I try to get a mix of wheat, rye, oat, nonGMO corn and rice and consume only a moderate amount with more emphasis on fruit/veg foods.

      The rice- arsenic link has been a real concern for me (updated as recently at April 2016) and I find wheat free often means adding in lots of rice which I’m not 100% comfortable with. Still definitely eat rice but moderate amount.

      http://www.fda.gov/Food/FoodborneIllnessContaminants/Metals/ucm319870.htm

      Everything in moderation from a variety of food groups is working for me right now.

    2. I firmly believe that sugar and grains are altering our bodies and brains. At one point in my life, I lost 100 pounds. I’m maintaining about 80 pounds of that loss. I pretty much follow a Paleo diet (80% of the time) which eliminates these things (dairy also). Detoxing from the sugar is HORRIBLE (headaches, fatigue, belly issues, anger). Once you get over that hump, your relationship with food changes completely (take it from a long time food abuser). If you haven’t done it before, give it a try. Check out the Whole30 diet.

      1. I’m on day 16 of Whole30 right now, planning on continuing mostly Paleo after that. I’ve done limited grains in the past, and my overall health is definitely better. Then I got lackadaisical about meal planning and choices and went back to the SAD. Throw in a move and a kitchen remodel, I felt like crud and had gained a lot of weight. So I started Whole30. I’m learning how to cook again, and I already feel so much better. So does my husband, who is doing it with me.

        I read the Biggest Loser article yesterday and wondered how much of the post-loss weight gain can be attributed to the fact that they are completely bypassing their natural hunger and satiety signals, which ended up disrupting leptin production. I’m curious if there have been any studies on that.

      2. I did a Whole 30 in November and it was life changing. Giving up grains, sugar, and dairy transformed my energy levels. I wasn’t suffering from the 4 PM sugar crash, I had more focus and concentration. I’ve kept it up in varying degrees since then and have lost about 30 pounds. I’m working on ways to make that style of eating sustainable in my daily life, which is a challenge. But it was truly amazing to see how Whole30 changed my energy and my focus.

    3. I’m sorry (actually I’m not) but the type of grains people are eating is NOT the cause of the obesity epidemic. Eating too much da*m food and not exercising is. But mostly just eating too much food. Bodies come in all shapes and sizes and not everyone needs to be “thin”, but causing the obesity epidemic? really? Cutting out sugar? Great! But cutting out all other grains? No thanks, your body needs those to regulate your blood sugar. That’s why people on Atkins get wacky blood sugar problems eventually.

      1. Yeah. I’m all for more whole grains and less white bread, but there’s a lot of scientific evidence that there’s no health benefit to cutting wheat unless you have a diagnosed allergy like Celiac disease.

        1. Seriously, cutting out grains often causes Ketosis which is a great way to damage your body.

          1. No, that’s incorrect. Ketosis does not damage your body. In fact, evidence shows that Ketosis may actually have a number of benefits. But that aside — cutting out grains does not necessarily means cutting carbohydrates, since there are plenty of grain-free sources of carbohydrates. But, it’s a myth that bodies “need” carbohydrates to function. In fact, they are the one macronutrient that people can go without and be perfectly healthy — unlike protein and fat, which are literally vital to the body’s functioning.

        2. After cutting wheat/grains, I noticed:

          -less bloating
          -no more random “fat pant” days
          -no more feet/ankle swelling
          -regular periods

          If I eat grains (like, eat a piece of cake or a slice of pizza, not trace amounts like a gravy) I will feel bloated and foggy-headed. The effects of eating it vs. not eating it sold the diet for me.

          I rolled my eyes and fought the whole wheat-free concept and thought it was complete crap. My parents were converts and I made fun of them SO BAD…until they lost 50 pounds and my dad managed to reverse his type II diabetes all with diet. Then I gave it a shot, and I’m stunned with how much better my body works without grains.

          1. Isn’t ketosis about carbs, not about grain? I don’t eat grain but I definitely am not eating a low carb diet – I eat a ton of fruit and starchy vegetables, including things like potatoes and squash.

          2. Ketosis is about net carbs. Carbs-Fibre=Net Carbs. Since most veggies are hire in fibre they aren’t that high in net carbs like grains.

      2. +1! Wheat hasn’t suddenly become toxic. Pretty sure if you cut it all out and lost weight, it’s because wheat/sugar is pretty highly caloric and hey, guess what, you eat fewer calories and lose weight!

        1. Ha, that’s what I think every time I hear someone touting the benefits of going gluten-free. Like, no sh!t you’ll lose weight when you stop eating donuts.

        2. This! My friend stopped eating refined sugar and lost a significant amount of weight (she wasn’t obese or anything before, but now she’s very slender). And she’s like “see you guys, sugar is SO TOXIC!” Um, maybe it’s because you went from eating three chocolate chip pancakes with syrup for breakfast to eating two eggs and a slice of cantaloupe? Calories in vs. calories burned. It’s not rocket science.

        3. Kind of like how when I stopped drinking three to four glasses of wine a day I lost weight! Not because I was dropping the sugar in those glasses, but because I instantly cut out at least 600 calories a day. DUH

    4. Yikes, not having food be a highlight of holidays sounds terribly sad to me. So many holidays are celebrated in my tradition with delicious seasonal foods you make just that one time each year. Feasts are important!

      1. Agree. Food is not “just food” to me–cooking and eating delicious, healthy foods (and some treats in moderation) are some of my biggest pleasures in life.

    5. I love food and cutting out so many things that I love to eat – creamy pastas, warm breads, chocolate chip cookies – would make my life absolutely miserable. I exercise and eat pretty healthy during the week, but I eat chocolate in some form every single day and have more indulgent meals on weekends. I take home half of all restaurant meals (portions are way too big in the United States), and when I make homemade chocolate chip cookies, I eat one or two, not 10. I’m a healthy weight and think I’m a healthy person overall. Maybe I could be healthiER if I gave up all the foods I enjoy but an extra few years of life (at the end of my life, when quality of life is not great anyway) is not worth a lifetime of depriving myself of foods I enjoy. I really believe the increased rate of obesity in the US is due to increasing restaurant portions, a higher prevalence of fast food and people working longer hours and not having time for exercise or home-cooked food (which is much healthier on average than restaurant food), not gluten or sugar or any of those things that people have been eating for hundreds of years.

      1. + 1 to the restaurant portion issue. It’s known thing amongst Canadian and European friends and family that a visa to the USA means ordering a main to split between two people or appetizer size portions for their main or taking half of an entree home. The size of the food portions is the first thing I hear about when European friends come back from their first visit to the US.

      2. +1 to “those that people have been eating for hundreds of years.” Grains are not some new thing; they existed long before we had an obesity epidemic. If you find that you can’t control yourself when you eat them, that’s a problem, sure. And many processed grains are loaded with sugar and other additives that will make you crave more food. But grains themselves are not the problem (barring those people with celiac or other actual allergies).

      4. Everyone is different. Gretchen Rubin wrote a fun book on habits (Better Than Before), which talks about how some people are moderators and some people are abstainers. Moderators – maybe like the Anonymous above with the creamy pasta and warm breads – can have a square of dark chocolate every day and feel great about it. Abstainers may need to just cut out chocolate. Moderators can make cookies and eat 2. Abstainers (like me!) will make cookies, eat 2, and then either eat more or have to expend a ton of energy worrying about the rest of them.

        I think most of the nutrition advice in the world is geared for moderators, which is great if you are a moderator! For me, I am actually much happier when I just don’t eat the chocolate. Sure, I’ll have a slice of birthday cake once in a while, but I do so much better when I simply make the chocolate off limits. I think both approaches can be healthy and satisfying.

        The Rubin book is actually a really fun read if anyone’s looking for a recommendation!

      5. +1
        I subscribe to the French philosophy on this one. You can have croissants, macarons, chocolate crepes, frites and buttery filet mignon, just have them in moderation and eat lean proteins and vegetables too. France has a much lower obesity rate than the US, but fad diets like Whole 30 and gluten-free are not a thing there. I’m sure the same can be said of many other countries.

    6. I did the whole life challenge last year which eliminates bread, pasta, sugar, and cheese (eliminates more stuff if you do the harder levels) and I was amazed at how much better I felt while on that diet. I didn’t have any blood sugar swings and my digestive issues were much better. After the challenge ended I’ve tried to keep up a lot of the principals. Sugar and bread are really the devil for me. I crash so hard 2-3 hours after a sandwich!

  17. Best friend went in yesterday evening for a scheduled induction at 41 weeks. (No pressing medical issues, but “advanced maternal age”–blech. She’s 35.) This is a much-longed-for first (and only) child.

    I am about jumping out of my skin with excitement (and slight anxiety) as I wait to hear good news. Any thoughtful and productive ways to redirect my energy?

    (Also, I wouldn’t mind reassuring stories about inductions and first deliveries in general–we were both scarred recently by a third friend’s recounting of her 46-HOUR labor.)

    2. Are you stuck at work? If not, it might be fun to go do some shopping, for the baby or for your friend, for things they’re likely to need after they get home. If you are trapped at the office, can you take a break from work to do something like organize some meals to be delivered to the new family when they get home? One of my friends organized a Meal Train and it was so helpful.

      I was in labor for 36 hours with my first (not induced, though). So while that may not seem reassuring to you now, several months later I can say that it’s all a total blur and I barely remember it! At the end your friend will have a squishy little baby and it will all be worth it. Inductions can take a long time, so I would try not to spend too much time worrying about what’s going on.

    3. How exciting! I have a good first baby induction story. 10 days before my due date my water broke but labour didn’t start. Add that I was on blood thinners (long story) my dr decided to wait until the next morning to induce. Ds was born 8 hours after starting the pitocin drip, and 2 hours of that was pushing because he was posterior. My next 2 were also induced with the gel 2 weeks early each (due to the blood thinners I have to take while pregnant). Those labours were each about 4 hours long.

      I hope your friend has a very uneventful labour & delivery and you get good news about the new arrival soon!

      1. Total side track here – but how was pregnancy/labor while on blood thinners? I’ll have to be on them due to a history of PEs and am pretty freaked out.

    4. I was recently induced for being slightly “overdue” at close to 42 wks – started induction at 8am on Day 1, delivered baby at 1am on Day 3. A long wait but pushing was very quick at least! Hopefully your friend got an epidural, that will make the process less painful.

  18. My husband’s maternal grandmother passed away recently, and MIL inherited some jewelry. MIL offered her mother’s engagement ring to me. It’s about a carat diamond solitaire with a simple white gold setting. It’s gorgeous, but I love my own engagement ring and wouldn’t want to replace it. Would it look odd to wear the inherited ring on my right hand? I’d love to have it re-set but a short conversation leads me to believe that my MIL might prefer to have it remain in the original setting.

    1. I have a friend who does this with her relative’s ring. It looks a little bit strange, but not bad.

      You could save the setting and have the diamond reset in a pendant, if you wanted. They could be reunited someday if someone wanted to wear it as a ring again.

      1. I agree with resetting it into something else but keeping the setting in case it’s ever wanted again (e.g. for a daughter when she is getting engaged)

    2. I occasionally wear my great-grandmother’s solitaire on my right hand. I don’t think it looks bad; my concern was more about wearing a few diamonds at once. My mother offered to reset the stone into a pendant but I like the link to the past.

    3. Given the recent passing, I would accept it graciously and not reset it. Wear it to family occasions to show your appreciation to your MIL even if you don’t love the setting enough to wear it day to day. Reset down the road when the grief isn’t as fresh – I’d wait at least a year.

    4. Thank you all for the excellent advice. I think I’ll go with Anonymous #2’s approach to accept graciously and consider a reset down the road when the loss is less recent.

Comments are closed.