Coffee Break: Magnetic Running Pocket

119 Comments

1. Hi ladies, I am looking for an estate attorney in Brisbane Australia to handle the estate planning for an American citizen who has been living in Brisbane for many years and has substantial US assets and investments. She would like to meet with someone in person. I would greatly appreciate any leads at all! Thanks very much!

2. How do I get into policy work?

   When I first graduated from law school, I had a job in the state legislature doing policy and I loved it. I was excited to go to work every day. Time has passed and I’m now in the private sector in a much more technical, tedious, spreadsheet-driven position and I dread it every day.

   I want to get back into policy, but I don’t know how to transition. I got the first job because I Knew A Guy, but I don’t live in that state anymore. I’m in D.C. now, but I don’t have stellar connections. My current job is insular and they would definitely find it odd if I started asking to go to conferences, going out for lunch, etc.

   How do you become a lobbyist? Can do you that with technical knowledge alone or do they only hire people with legislative contacts? How do I get hired on with trade groups? There aren’t lots of them in my field. I have days when I’m afraid I’m trapped in my niche and this spreadsheet job is all there is.

   1. Do you mean that no one ever leaves the building for lunch? Because I think the only way to do it is to work your network. That’s true in DC generally, but policy even more so. I get the conference thing, but not the lunch thing. But if you really honestly can’t go out for lunch with a friend (which is what networking is) once a week, can you grab a drink after work? A coffee in the morning before work? How many of your law school friends are in the DC area? Go get brunch with them this weekend. Talk to everyone you know. Be really, really social. Go to all the parties. Email someone every day. Not to ask for a job, but to reestablish connections. Did you read something that someone in a policy position wrote? Email the person and say why you liked it, and ask a thoughtful follow-up question. Start a conversation. Get on Twitter and follow all the policy people you admire. Engage them in Twitter conversations (not everyone will bite, but some people will) and get to know them that way. Be thoughtful and interested and engaged, then mention that you’d like to transition back into policy and ask for suggestions, then ask to be put in touch with other people. (These by the way are things that everyone should be doing anyway, especially in DC.)

   2. I work as a lobbyist in DC and second everything that TBK says. I’d also add to check out Women in Government Relations. At the risk of outing myself, I’ll admit that I have a minor leadership role with WGR so definitely have a bias, but there are tons of events and other programming that would be super useful for you to do some targeted mentoring either in the policy areas of interest to you or more generally.

   3. I could be way off on this, but if it wouldn’t be a conflict for your current work, volunteer on a campaign for someone that you admire and would like to work for?

   4. Yes! Go to lunch. Get involved with local politics — a party or a candidate or a cause. Write op eds. Good luck.

3. There seems to be a large number of DC women here so I figured I would try my luck. (Thanks TBK for the response this morning!). We are considering moving into the Van Ness neighborhood, either to the Avalon at Albemarle or the Brandywine apartments on Connecticut. We have two small kids.

   Has anyone lived in either building and can share feedback? Looking for info on general cleanliness, whether there are a lot of loud parties v. more geared toward families, and responsiveness of maintenance/staff.

   Also, any feedback on living in the Van Ness/Forest Hills neighborhood generally would be helpful too.

   1. I’ve lived in the Van Ness neighborhood for the past 4 years – no kids, but I was in the Albemarle for two years and found the building fine and staff pleasant – my first year I lived on the ground floor (actually took the elevator down from the lobby to get to our apartment) and I wouldn’t recommend that because of a leaky pipe/generally less sunlight. For the second year my roommates and I moved up a couple levels and had no problems in the new apartment. In general the building was quiet, although we were at the end of a hall which might have contributed. Also, we had a three bedroom which was HUGE, and a very good price for the amount of space in the city.

      I’ve lived in another Avalon property in the neighborhood for the past 2 years, and like that it’s a smaller and newer building (The AVA).

      In terms of the neighborhood it’s pretty quiet – easy commutes on both the bus and the metro, and a mix of families, graduate students, and young professionals. It’s a quick walk to Cleveland Park and more restaurants and coffee shops, but I also find the options closer by suit most of my needs during the week – Bread Furst for coffee and pastries, Laliguras and Pho 14 for quick take out. It’s not the most bustling neighborhood in the city for sure, but as I consider whether to renew my lease at the end of the month, I’ve having trouble with the prospect of losing the convenience.

4. How do I clean the inside fabric of my purses?

   1. Try baby wipes, and of course leave the purse open to fully dry.

   2. Pretty sure Jolie Kerr has addressed this. Google “my boyfriend barfed in my handbag” — there’s an article on The Hairpin that addresses it.

      1. lol! Okay, I’ll google that! Thanks!

   3. purell

5. How do I consider whether to refinance my loans?

   I am about to graduate from a T14 law school and will be starting at an AmLaw 100 firm in November. I have $180k in law school debt, all Dep’t of Education loans. Some of them are at 7.2%(!). We have no other debt. I have two young children; my husband stays home with them and also freelances 10-15 hours/week. I have been receiving offers from SoFi etc. to refinance, and it seems like… obviously I should?

   1. Lord yes. I have no opinion on who to refinance with, but 7.2% is insane.

   2. Look at their calculator and see if the numbers work out for you. I looked into it 6 months ago and seem to remember that the savings wouldn’t be worth the risk to me of losing my federal protections. It seemed to offer the best deal if you thought you’d be able to pay off your loans in a short period of time. Being single and only make $85k in a HCOLA, I couldn’t make the trade-offs they required.

   3. The downside is losing some of the protections of a federal loan in terms of deferment and forgiveness, which may not matter to you.

   4. I’d also check with the firm as they may have a relationship with sofi or other lenders to get you a better rate/perks.

      I did my federal loan refinance through SoFi and had a good experience.

   5. Link in my name talks about my experience refinancing with SoFi. When you say all of your loans are Dept. of Education does that mean they are all federal instead of private? Keep in mind that you do not have to refinance all of your loans to refinance some. You should absolutely refinance any private ones you have. Whether you should refinance your federal ones depends on your situation. SoFi offers emergency forbearance and the loan is discharged on death or disability just like your federal ones. The only protection that you really loses is IBR/PAYE and public work forgiveness. Do you currently benefit from these programs? Do you reasonably foresee yourself using them in the future? For me, I was near certain they would never be of benefit to me so I went with the full refinance. For some people IBR/PAYE is a better deal. Even with that though, there are risks. First, it is subject to the whim of Congress. No one has yet been forgiven. Who knows what may happen in the future. Two, if you get forgiveness via IBR but not public work, your forgiven debt is taxable. With your high interest rates, that forgiven debt could be a pretty big sum leading to a really big tax bill. Congress could likewise reform the tax code to remedy this situation but who knows if they will. Lastly, you risk being part of any massive forgiveness a new political regime could decide to do. I can’t imagine there would ever be a situation where a mass forgiveness would include private loans absent some crazy bail out situation. I personally do not see mass forgiveness happening before my loans are paid off so refinancing was the choice for me.

      1. And if the big tax bill is the only thing holding you back, take a look at the IRS payment plan options. For amounts owed under a certain amount (don’t remember off the top of my head) the IRS pretty much has to accept a plan to pay off over 5 years. So there are probably options to pay in installments if the big tax bill comes due.

      2. Just a note the forbearance is not guaranteed! You don’t get it if you lose your job for instance. That was the big thing that decided it for me- when I asked about they said forbearance was case by case but that they had job seeking resources for people

      3. they are all federal. I will likely never benefit from IBR/PAYE or public interest loan forgiveness; even if I would lose the BigLaw job I’d stay in the private sector most likely. We plan to pay off the loans in 6-7 years. But somehow the federal loans seem “safer,” and I’m having trouble evaluating if that is really the case… and how likely I am to stick it out/what kind of job security I might have in BigLaw.

         1. No experience with refinancing, but I’d strongly encourage you to pay them off faster than that. That interest rate is high enough that after you build an emergency fund you should be throwing all your $$ at them. $60K a year at least should be easily doable on a Big Law salary if you don’t have to pay for childcare. it will be such a relief when they’re gone!

            1. I hope we can pay them off a little faster too, but 6-7 years is realistic given our other financial commitments and priorities. Which is why I’d like to refinance at a lower interest rate. I think.

6. I have a very close family friend who is going off the rails and needs to go to rehab. Her life has been awful. She was raped in college, married someone from a very wealthy family (who hated her) she thought would be her prince charming, had a kid, got cancer, beat the cancer about five years ago, then a few months ago her husband died of liver failure. She has since found out that their financial picture is not quite as rosy as she thought, since her husband was in control of the money and was spending it at an insane rate. Both she and her husband were/are alcoholics. If I were her, I would be an alcoholic too probably. She clearly wishes she were dead and has given up trying. The problem is that she has a 14 year old daughter.

   I don’t know what to do or how to help. She wont go to counseling and she wont go to rehab. Is there anything I can do? From a legal standpoint? From an ethical standpoint? From a friendship standpoint?

   1. Doesn’t sound like it.

   2. Al-Anon and Ala-Teen might be good places to start for resources. I would suggest that you encourage her to put her daughter in grief counselling. The daughter clearly needs someone to be there for her in all this.

      Sorry I don’t have better ideas.

      1. how much contact do you have with her? Could you commit to having them over for dinner once a week or once every two weeks?

         Maybe look up a therapist who specializes in alcohol issues and grief counselling and go seem them to see if they have ideas. If the therapist agrees, maybe you could ask your friend to accompany you to an appointment (being vague about reason if therapist agrees) and that could kickstart her with counselling

         Addressing it as grief counselling might make it easier for your friend to accept help vs. dealing with the alcohol issues directly where she may get defensive be resistant to intervention.

      2. Does she have any family of her own who might step in and take over the 14 year old? Would you? Another close friend?

         Kudos to you for wanting to help. You can always anonymously report her to CPS, but the risk there is whether there is someone who can immediately volunteer to take custody so that her kid doesn’t end up in the system. I agree that, if dad already died of liver failure, it’s probably at a level where this is warranted. A lot of alcoholics die in house fires, car wrecks, other horrible accidents that can take their kids with them.

         If that is too much, spend as much time with the 14 year old as you can. Do everything you can to make sure she gets time around healthier families and gets a support system. Help her find places where she feels safe and normal, extracurriculars, counseling, friends’ houses, your house.

   3. You can’t force much on her, and you probably shouldn’t try to, either.

      Spend time with her daughter. It will be good for the kid to have a stable, caring person in her life. She just lost her dad. Also try to enlist some male relatives or friends (or your husband, if you are married) to hang out with the two of you.

      Be there for your friend. This also includes not acting like she should be locked up. (Seriously, stop.)

   4. Is she taking care of her child? That is the biggest issue. If not, then you might want to step in and get temporary custody.

   5. Where are you? Are you close enough to be a safe place for the daughter? Just a non-chaotic, non-sad place she can go to talk or just watch TV or eat a meal or cruise the mall with a stable adult? I have no expertise here, but my guess is a girl in her position is way overfunctioning and probably needs a place where the world isn’t resting on her shoulders.

      1. I’m not in the same town, which is what makes this the hardest. I totally agree that it would be great if I could provide those things to my friend’s daughter. I’m only about an hour away but I have a toddler and I work full time. I’m taking a little time off work and going to visit this week, and I’m just trying to think of ways I can help, and coming up woefully short.

         And I’m not sure what I said to make anyone think that I think my friend needs to be locked up. She needs help. My own dad was an alcoholic, and no one ever helped. And here I am, watching this awful situation play out, doing nothing, and feeling clueless and terrible.

         1. Can the daughter come stay with you for a weekend sometimes? Frame it as giving your friend a break and the daughter a change of scenery. Would that work once a month? I realize a teenager might not be interested in being away from her friends that much (would it be too much if you allowed her to bring a friend sometimes?) but she might also enjoy a breather that she can rely on.

            1. Ooooh, that’s a good idea. I’m going to offer to do that.

            2. If the weekends go ok, you could offer to keep her for a longer period once school lets out. Maybe your friend would be willing to re-consider rehab if she knew her daughter had somewhere safe to go during the process?

         2. While you’re there, can you focus on having a “girls day” with her daughter where she gets to do whatever? Like go guys go to a salon or the movies or just chill at a park? She may not talk about what’s going on in her life, but knowing there’s an adult to listen or to have a “anytime you need it” text buddy might help.

         3. Tell the daughter specifically that you are there for her, that she can call you anytime/anywhere and that while you may not always be able to respond immediately, you will check in. Make sure she has your contact numbers.

            As a 14-year-old, I’d find that very reassuring. She needs to know that there is someone adult who will be there for her in emergencies if her mom is unable to cope.

            1. That is a great suggestion. I’d also suggest emphasizing that your focus is on her–if she needs help or wants to talk through something you aren’t going to go tattling to the mother.

   6. If the daughter is in danger then you can anonymously report to CPS, but I would find out if there’s other family in the picture and contact them first. Maybe your friend’s relatives don’t know how bad it’s been for her lately.

   7. Can you take the daughter to Al-a-Teen? Or find out where a meeting is and go with her to the first one or two? Share with the daughter about your own experience with a parent with alcoholism. If you want/ need support, try Al Anon.

   8. Can you ask her daughter to come stay for the summer and help out with the toddler? Even if it’s just a few hours a week, and the rest of the time she goes to al-anon or reads or plays it could give her a bit of structure and self-esteem, and your friend can have some time to get in-patient help

7. Where is the best place to buy gardening party outfits in sizes that fit larger, em, assets? I’m also cusp sized so I need stuff that goes up to xl (some stores seem to stop at l or even m/l). The sort of embarrassing part is that I am (or rather partner isn’t) not looking for anything particularly classy – the more over the top the better! TIA

   1. Bare necessities. Online. In particular look at the brand Curvy Kate.

      1. Thanks!

   2. I bet Fredrick of Hollywood offers what you are looking for. I can’t Google at work to confirm but I believe cusp and plus sizes are fully included.

   3. Online, you might check out herroom dot com. Its a great place for everyday bras etc but they have a racy lingerie section too…

   4. If you want really OTT things, there is a lot on Amazon. I think Herroom is also a seller on Amazon.

   5. Torrid has cute stuff, and so does Lane Bryant for larger chests. Also AlwaysforMe dot com.

8. I saw these running pouches at a race expo and they seemed kind of bulky. Your pants would have to be pretty fitted to keep it from bouncing.

   1. When I don’t need much, I use a cuff (just fabric folded over to make a pocket) and when I want my phone or more stuff I use, yes, a fanny pack. No bounce problems with either.

   2. Yeah, just get a flip belt. It’s amazing, and looks cooler than a pouch.

   3. Agreed. I much much prefer using a FlipBelt.

   4. +3 to Flipbelt or even a Spibelt if your phone fits. I suggest trying them on at a running store to find which you like best.

      1. I like the Spibelt too but I feel a little silly using it at the gym.

   5. My greatest running gear discovery of late is the Nathan Intensity backpack. It seems like it would be a pain to run with a backpack, but it’s not. It’s amazing. The backpack is very lightweight and doesn’t bounce at all. I carry water, energy gels, a key, $20, and my cell phone on runs now and I don’t notice the weight at all. I love it.

   6. +4 Flipbelt. Love mine and use it on dog walks when I don’t have pockets . . . or concerts . . . or football games . . . or beer festivals . . .

   7. +4 Flipbelt. Love mine and use it on dog walks when I don’t have pockets . . . or concerts . . . or football games . . . or beer festivals . . .

   8. My solution has been to stop buying bottoms that don’t have adequate pockets. I now only buy ones that have a zippered pocket in the back waistband, and two smaller pockets in the front. I can get my car key, chapstick, salt pills and enough gels for a 20miler. If I’m running a full, I either gear check the car key or leave it in my hotel room if the start line is walking distance (and leave my hotel key at the desk), and that frees up room for the extra gel.

   9. I bought one of these magnetic running pockets at an expo prior to a marathon to wear to that marathon. (Which was admittedly pretty stupid.) I hated it and dumped it about three miles into the race–it refused to stay in place and nearly dragged my shorts down. Was a sad waste of money but I really didn’t want to run with it in my hand.

9. There’s a really interesting article in the NY Times today about the Biggest Loser and weight loss. It’s a little disheartening, because the conclusion is essentially that it’s impossible to keep weight off.

   signed – the girl eating salad. Again.

   1. I read that! I wonder if it’s the extreme way in which they lost their weight or in general.

      I follow a blogger who lost 125# through calorie monitoring and the addition of regular exercise over the span of a year but not in the extreme manner as the contestants did (200+ pounds in a couple months, exercising all day).

      1. That is my theory as well (back by no really data) – you’ve got to do it slow or it shocks the body too much. A goal to lose a pound a day is really high, and as a result, hard on the body – don’t most plans suggest planning on a pound every week or two? Or at the most 2 lbs a week?

         I think the article and the study are interesting take on rapid weight loss (and why it doesn’t work), but doesn’t really include information on the effects of a more gradual change.

         1. Not backed by anything but anecdata, but I find that slow weight loss isn’t so much about shocking the body as it is creating and maintaining new habits. That’s why I take issue with elimination and extreme diets as a means for weight loss, at least for me… they’re simply not sustainable.

            1. Opal – totally agree and also have no data to point to. One of the points in the article was weight maintenance was harder than weight loss. And with the extreme weight loss they were finding it really slowed down the metabolism, so you couldn’t rely on average measurements of basal metabolic rates to determine you calorie intake – you’d still be eating too much and gaining weight, but you’d still register as feeling hungry.

               Playing armchair scientist, it makes me think that the rapid weight loss makes the body panic about going into starvation mode and the changes up to prepare to exist on fewer calories for the long term. Of course, no data or actual theory to back this up.

         2. Yeah, I feel the same way — after stepping on a scale for the first time in 3 years and having a rather unpleasant surprise (damn you, JCrew, for all of your stretchy enabling fabrics!!) I’m starting about a 30-pound effort with portion control and regularly weighing myself.

            I lost about 1.3 pounds last week (my first keeping track). Which, considering I put on an average of 0.2 pounds per week over the last 3 years (i.e., 30 pounds total), seems like a pretty good pace!

            1. Keep it up!!!!

         3. I have to find this article. Yay if it is really true that you can loose weight, but even if you do you put it back! FOOEY on that! Rosa has NO probelem keeping her body svelte b/c she has a personal trainer 3 x a week, for an hour, and she then jogg’s around Chapaqua — she even saw Bill at the coffee shop! My tuchus is now pretty good, but dad thinks I could loose 6 more pound’s. I can NEVER win, b/c even men do NOT like small girls like me with big tucheses. Kim Kardashian is alot bigger then menand men LOVE her. I really wish I knew the secret of getting a guy to MARRY me! FOOEY on men that just sampel but do NOT buy. DOOFEY Men!

         4. I recently switched to the Renaissance Periodization diet (I’m a hobby athlete, so not just eating it and not working out, though I think you could) and they maintain that you should not lose weight for more than 12 weeks at a time without an 8-12 week “maintenance” in between. The idea is that you have to give your body time to figure out its new normal rather than making a huge drastic change and fighting hunger, etc in regain.

      2. I don’t know about rapid vs slow, but this confirms what I know from my own experience: For some of us it’s darned near impossible to maintain weight loss because your body is fighting you every step of the way. I mean, yeah, it’s theoretically possible but the level of deprivation involved is just crazy-hard.

         This study was about rapid weight loss but the science is similar on gradual weight loss — most people are going to regain regardless of the speed with which they lose the weight.

         People don’t want to hear it because they really, really want to blame fat people for being fat, but it’s really not about being lazy and gluttonous. Some people’s bodies really, really want to hold on to the fat. For me, it took weight loss surgery to level the playing field and give me a fighting change — but even now I totally have to watch what I eat and spend a lot of time at the gym.

         1. You are saying this because your personal experience does not provide a counterfactual. Differences in baseline metabolism exist but the primary driver of obesity is human behavior.

            1. As I was saying. People don’t want to hear it because they really, really want to blame fat people for being fat. Certainly if one were hyper-disciplined and able/willing to accept a truly unpleasant level of deprivation, one could overcome one’s metabolism and be thin regardless. I imagine there are people who do it. But the science doesn’t lie. Generally and over large populations it’s not possible, no matter how much you want to be all blame-y and up-on-your-high-horse-y.

            2. Then why do obesity rates change over time when underlying genetics are almost identical, hmmm?

               Yes, there are *some people* who struggle to maintain a quote-normal-unquote weight. But to pretend that everyone who is large has no choice in the matter, or that thin people are no more attuned to diet and exercise, is counterfactual. If it weren’t, obesity rates would be freakishly constant across regions, cultures, and time.

               And we wouldn’t all know people who lost, and kept off, 50 or 100 pounds.

            3. You can believe whatever you want but scientific evidence is very very conclusive whether you like it or not.

            4. The scientific evidence is that your body deploys multiple hormonal strategies to keep you fat. Did you even read the article?

            5. Have you ever read anything other than this article? Clearly not. Are you an expert in causal inference? Clearly not.

            6. Bridget, you disregard other factors. Genetics were traditionally believed to change extremely slowly, but in recent years fast evolution (in less than two decades) has been observed.

               Also the standard diet has changed over time. Part of that is obviously the individual decision of a person to have french fries, but part of that is also the decision of food manufacturers to include high fructose corn syrup into foods that used to have none. Part of it is portion sizes that you can only control to an extent. The standard single-serve yogurt used to be much smaller, as well as the restaurant meal portion.

               In order to live healthily, the average person today needs to consciously choose the healthy option out of 20 other choices, often based on unhelpful information. Choice-overload is a psychological challenge in and of itself.

            7. Yes, I read the article. If YOU read the article, you would know that the hormonal factors were for people who underwent Biggest-Loser toe starvation, not for people who lost weight slowly.

               I do not need to be an expert in causal relationships to know that obesity is sometimes caused by factors beyond one’s control and often not. Senior Attorney deployed exactly one data point in support of her position. Unfortunately, her position runs counter to logic and data.

               If her position were remotely reasonable, I would not know several people who had lost, and kept off, 50 or 100 pounds. (They all did it slowly, over many years. Like, a half pound or a quarter pound a week. Weight loss like that has never been proven, or even suggested, to trigger starvation mode.) In fact, slow weight loss has been proven to work! It makes for crummy TV, but it works.

               On the flip side, people wouldn’t gain insane amounts of weight when working stressful jobs, if being lean is just magical. People who commit to improving fitness wouldn’t lose weight.

               Yes, genetics change faster than we thought, but not so fast that Americans became obese at an incredibly fast rate. Yes, food companies and restaurants are not helping, but they are NOT forcing a single bite into your mouth. Not one single bite.

               If you are really “smart, empowered women,” then take some responsibility for your own bodies.

            8. “If you are really “smart, empowered women,” then take some responsibility for your own bodies.”

               Bridget, it alarms me that your primary purpose on this site seems to be shaming women. For months now that’s almost all I’ve seen from you. You could have attempted to counter the arguments in the paper and back up your own arguments without making it personal and attacking women on this site.

               “Yes, food companies and restaurants are not helping, but they are NOT forcing a single bite into your mouth. Not one single bite.”

               If you can even reach your keyboard from your high horse, consider doing some research into food deserts sometime.

               “Then why do obesity rates change over time when underlying genetics are almost identical, hmmm?”

               You do realize that there’s more factors at play here than a) genetics and b) behavior, right? Or is that too nuanced for you?

            9. People, Bridget is a troll.

   2. It’s not impossible at all but obesity is endogenous. The same factors that lead to obesity in the first place are making people regain all the weight they have lost. It is entirely behavioral.

      1. Bless your heart…

         1. Not only are you fat, you are also rude. Those are highly correlated!

            1. Woah, saying that most fat people are also rude is….really rude!

            2. Nah, just Senior Attorney!

            3. Who hurt you?

               Seek help.

               Why do so many people on this site *all of the sudden* have such a vested interest in brow-beating overweight people?

         2. Do you REALLY believe that over the past several decades the share of people whose bodies are fighting to stay fat or whatever poor excuse you like to use has been exponentially increasing? REALLY? This is not how evolution works, it’s just not. American obesity epidemic is entirely attributable to changes in diet and activity level whether you like it or not.

      2. You must have missed the part of the article where it said that people who were formerly obese burn between 200-800 fewer calories per day than what would normally be expected.

         1. I didn’t miss anything. A small sample and a major selection issue of this study do not allow for causal inference or any meaningful conclusions.

      3. Citation needed; thanks in advance!

         1. Google Scholar is your friend. I do not have to defend myself when I am stating the obvious.

            1. You are wrong, mean, and ignorant.

            2. Missing the point, fool. It’s a rhetorical request- to show that you have *NOT* proven your argument, you’ve just spouted random crap on the internet.

               And yeah, if you make a point, you have to back it up. That’s how science works. That’s how debate works. That’s how adults communicate over topics they disagree on.

               I feel like I’ve heard the exact same trolly-BS response about google scholar from a brave Anonymous a few weeks ago, come to think of it……

      4. Dear Anony-troll,

         Don’t be mean to Senior Atty here! She is awesome and well-loved (and generally right about things).

         1. Amen.

         2. Lol. That’s subjective. What’s objective is that she’s twice divorced, fat, and poorly informed about causal inference.

            1. False.

            2. Uh, I’m not fat any more and I’m quite sure I’ve done way more research on obesity than you have. But thanks for playing.

               And I feel really sad that you are so hateful towards people who struggle with obesity. It can’t feel very good.

         3. Also, it’s funny how you dismiss a factually accurate comment just because you don’t like it. That’s highly intelligent of you!

            1. I don’t want to dismiss a factually accurate comment. But I do want to dismiss you. Is THAT okay?

            2. I do too. And I’ll do it under the name I use here.

               Science has gone way beyond the old calories in/calories out theory. Hormones, or lack thereof, can play a big part. Other body chemistry issues exist. I have in fact been sad to observe someone who had a portion of his stomach removed walking around a few months later killing a giant bag of cheetos. But he was not following doctors orders and did in fact gain most of the weight back. With him, it appeared to be an issue of bad habits not eradicated. But…that is not the case for many who are obese, and I believe it displays ignorance to assume that an overweight person must be overeating. For what it’s worth, I’m a size 12 who could be a size 4 – if I subsisted on carrots and apples. I chose to eat a normal healthy diet (near vegan normal portions) and this is the size that gets me. So be it.

10. I want to request a meeting with my new and very senior (C-suite) boss to say that:
    – I am ready for more responsibilities
    – I want to jointly figure out what I can take on in order to move to the next level
    – I want a promotion or else clearly spell out what I need to do to get a promotion
    – I already did a great deal of terrific work (ask previous boss who left the company) and deserve a raise/promotion

    Can you please provide advice to organize my thoughts and better phrasing than I’ve laid out here? I have a typically woman problem of having trouble with this conversation and it will be my first time.

    1. Start by not framing it as a “woman problem.” Doing that creates a message in your brain that says “this will be hard for you.” It’s like kids who read about how math is hard before taking a math test.

    2. “Boss – can I put a meeting on your schedule to talk about what my next steps at Company are? I’d like to talk about additional responsibilities and opportunities for promotion. I have some ideas of my own and would like to get your input.”

    3. I can offer no advice, but know that I have had conversations with my husband about meeting/talking with his boss for this very purpose. This is not a woman problem.

11. I’m looking for a weekend cross-body bag. I’d like something medium sized, so it can fit phone, wallet, and a little bit of kid stuff. I prefer something that can be dressed up or down.

    I’m considering the GiGi New York Madison cross body or the MZ Wallace Small Sutton.

    I don’t really like the saddle or bucket bags that are out now. The saddle bags are too structured for me, and the bucket bags seem too annoying to find anything.

    Anyone have a cross body they love, or own either of the two above and have reviews? TIA

    1. Sorry – my reply ended up below.

    2. I have a Fossil bag that fits those criteria (Erin Foldover tote, looks like it’s discontinued), but the suede is starting to tear where the crossbody strap attaches to the body of the bag, so i’m looking to replace it and will be following along.

    3. Henri Bendell Jetsetter series. Luxe, stylish, and nylon (so it is very light weight).

    4. For a phone and wallet – the Lo&Sons Pearl or very very similar Kate Spade bag.

       For something bigger, Kate Spade, Cole Haan, and Coach all have nice cross-body satchels. I use one of these as my weekend bag and I love it.

       Since you’re carrying kid stuff, you might consider a Target bag or a Kohl’s Reed brand bag. They both look sharp online. You’ll want to look at those in person to make sure they are a high enough quality, but they’re both cheaper in case of a kid/handbag emergency.

12. I use the Lo & Sons Pearl. You can shorten the strap to dress it up a bit. There are two side pouches. I use one to hold a toddler size diaper and a travel pack of Honest wipes. The other holds my car key and a bug spray wipe. Cards and cash go in inside zipper pocket and the middle holds my phone, other keys on interior key ring, Chapstick, small sunscreen stick and a few small other things.

13. Is anyone else seeing ads for ~$1,500 designer shoes that are “Foot wear art” by Kobi Levi?
    Kind of hilarious/awesome/extreme. If it weren’t for the price tag I feel like a few would be fun gag/shoe dressing options. Like, the Bicycle. But the price though! (and my poor uncoordinated ankles!)

    1. Wow, those are great! I like the Carpenter.

       Prices are wack, though.

14. I think it’s about time that I start applying makeup like an adult… I’m 34 for goodness sakes. I’ve always purchased drug store makeup and generally have no idea what I’m doing. I use a liquid foundation, blush, and mascara. Sometimes I’ll use an eyeliner pencil on my top lid. I don’t care for the heavily made up look, but I’d like to look more put together.

    I’ve been watching youtube tutorials for application tips, so I don’t think I need too much help there. Can you give me advice re: skin care routines, makeup routines (what do I need?), brands that you like (that don’t break the bank), sources for tips, etc.? Where do I start?

    1. For skin care, the one thing I’d recommend is to add a beauty oil at night (I use Kiehl’s Midnight Recovery oil), and an SPF during the day (I use Clinique City Block SPF 45), and an AHA treatment (I use Dr. Gross Alpha Beta peel) a couple of times a week to take care of texture and make sure your skincare products are actually absorbing into your skin rather than sitting on top of dead skin cells.

       For makeup, I’d start by upgrading the products you already like to use. Nars makes some of the best blushes on the market that blend like a dream (I love Deep Throat and Mad Love). I’m someone who finds high end mascara really worth the splurge – everyone has different preferences for mascara but I love volumizing mascaras with natural bristle wands and would recommend Dior Overcurl, Lancôme Hypnose Drama, Lancôme Definicils, Too Faced Better Then S*x and Marc Jacobs Velvet Nior. If you’re open to adding another step to your current makeup routine, make it filling in your brows – my favourite brow product is actually the L’Oreal Brow Stylist from the drugstore but if they don’t have the right colour for you then Anastasia Beverly Hills Brow Wiz has a wider colour range. If you’re looking to experiment with some fun, non-essential products, I’d add a highlighter for a gorgeous glow just in time for summer – there are tons on the market but my personal favourite are the Becca Pressed Shimmering Skin Perfecters. .

       1. My best advice is to switch from foundation to a combination of foundation primer and tinted moisturizer on top. I ADORE the Laura Mercier brand of both– it’s a classic for a reason.

          1. Do you use an invisible strong powder on top of that or go straight to blush?

             1. *setting, not strong

    2. I’ve been going to Blue Mercury stores. The makeover parties are slowly teaching me how to put on makeup, and the esthetician who did my facial recommended products I like.

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