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We had a great post last year on the best teas to wake you up, calm you down, and maybe even replace your wine, where readers shared their favorite teas in the comments, and I need to go back and take a look at all the great recommendations. One of my favorites, especially as we head into the winter months, is this Harney & Sons chocolate black tea. It's $10.99 at Amazon (free shipping) and is currently sold out at the Harney & Sons website, where it's got tons of great reviews. (I've also seen it at Target and Walmart, but they don't seem to sell it online.) This tea is very chocolatey, and since it's a black tea, it has a little bit of caffeine — and while I also like chocolate mint tea, this tends to blend better with the splash of caramel-flavor Premier Protein I like to add. (Fun fact: The main protein in milk, casein, doesn't play nicely with tea, but the protein in Premier Protein does.) Note that these tea bags are fancy enough for having a friend over for tea. Harney Teas
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Sales of note for 9.30.24
- Nordstrom – Beauty deals through September
- Ann Taylor – Extra 30% off sale
- Banana Republic Factory – 50% off everything + extra 20% off
- Boden – 15% off new styles
- Eloquii – Extra 50% off sale
- J.Crew – 50% off select styles
- J.Crew Factory – Up to 60% off everything + 50% off sale with code
- Lo & Sons – Warehouse sale, up to 70% off
- M.M.LaFleur – Save 25% sitewide
- Neiman Marcus – Friends & Family 25% off
- Rag & Bone – Friends & Family 25% off sitewide
- Spanx – Lots of workwear on sale, some up to 70% off
- Talbots – Fall Cyber Monday sale, 40% off sitewide and $5 shipping
- Target – Car-seat trade-in event through 9/28 — bring in an old car seat to get a 20% discount on other baby/toddler stuff.
- White House Black Market – 40% off select styles
And some of our latest threadjacks here at Corporette (reader questions and commentary) — see more here!
Some of our latest threadjacks include:
- What to say to friends and family who threaten to not vote?
- What boots do you expect to wear this fall and winter?
- What beauty treatments do you do on a regular basis to look polished?
- Can I skip the annual family event my workplace holds, even if I'm a manager?
- What small steps can I take today to get myself a little more “together” and not feel so frazzled all of the time?
- The oldest daughter is America's social safety net — change my mind…
- What have you lost your taste for as you've aged?
- Tell me about your favorite adventure travels…
In-House in Texas
Has anyone ever taken HGH (human growth hormones)? I recently read an article about them and Costco had the oral form discounted recently. The reviews on Amazon for the same product are okay, some reviews say they really work, some say not at all. Just curious if anyone has ever used them…..TIA
Anon
What is the product called? I thought it was illegal to sell HGH like that.
In-House in Texas
Sero-Vital HGH. Costco and Amazon sell it, so it’s not illegal.
Anon
Oh, I see. It looks like this product isn’t HGH, but is an amino acid supplement that is intended to increase HGH levels. For what it’s worth the product seems like it intends to mislead, there’s no scientific evidence backing it up and it doesn’t list the amount of amino acids on the label that I can see, though it does list which ones they are. If you want a cheaper option you could probably try other amino acid supplements first.
Anonymous
Not real hormones. A company called Creative Bioscience has a product that’s actually amino acids and some rhodiola type “adaptogen” herbals that is supposed to encourage fat loss while suppressing appetite. I know a few people who lost weight on it (and have kept it off for years, which is the thing I can never manage to do), so I tried it. I found it calming and appetite suppressing, but I didn’t lose weight (but I have a thyroid condition which is honestly probably counterindicated).
Seeking kindness and advice.
I’ve posted about this before. Seeking kindness, but advice nonetheless. MIL is a manic depressive. DH and I are helping her with finances since FIL’s sudden death earlier this year. She’s 56, has a finite amount of money left (basically $640k) and does not/is unlikely to ever work. She’s a 3 hr plane ride away. Does not do online banking, says she wants ‘control’ of finances but simultaneously doesn’t care to take responsibility for any of her monthly bills or affairs. We are willingly managing them now, so for the moment she’s set, but I point this out to show that her desire for “control” doesn’t really mean anything since she doesn’t care to do any of it herself.
The assistance from us is welcome… until it’s not. And, when it’s not, it’s UGLY. It’s been a few weeks (10?) since the last absolute breakdown, but here we are again. DH just got an irate phone call from MIL screaming at him for “moving money”. The money was “moved” to pay for her health insurance – as in a direct withdrawl from health insurance provider, as it has every other month since FIL’s death. She went to bank branch to talk to a teller, who gave her bad information (mostly because she doesn’t know what accounts she has or how much money is in there) and this confusion on her part set her off into this giant tirade, accusing us of deception, etc.
MIL just doesn’t understand how these things work, and her gigantic swinging moods make it exhausting beyond all words. We want to help. FIL dying was/is incredibly tragic and her life is utterly up on end. But, she’s making it near impossible. We have a young baby and just can’t any longer. She needs to make this money last. I was given permission to put some in mutual funds but I’m so afraid that she’ll come at me in a year, or 5 or 10, accusing us of doing something we’re not.
That was mostly a vent. So here’s the question: how do we support her? Is there someone who won’t charge an arm and leg who can provide her financial advice, if not just do it herself? Her resources are very limited. We want the best for her, but we need to protect ourselves from her at the same time, which hard to put in writing but a truth. She’s in a LCOL area in the south.
Vicky Austin
I don’t have a ton of experience with people with manic depression, so feel free to throw my suggestions out if they would make the situation worse. But can you start by writing things down? “We have agreed that $X will be placed in mutual funds. $Y will be taken out every month on the 15th for health insurance.” Etc. Have her keep a physical document, and refer to it when she has questions – hopefully before she goes to the bank. It might be more trouble for you and husband to keep up a document like this if her finances are continually changing, but it might also give her the sense of control she wants and empower her with a little knowledge – and when she gets upset, you can calmly point her to it.
Hugs and good vibes to you – this does not sound easy and your persistence is brave.
Anononon
I like this plan. However, when a manic depressive person becomes manic, there isn’t a whole lot of reasoning to be done. I think for your own peace of mind, you need to think about the worst case scenario. What happens if she freaks out during one of these manic episodes? Would she sue you? Would she squander her money? Would she show up at your house and harm you/your family? Would YOU suffer in the immediate term from your MIL’s worst manic episode? Consider doing whatever you need to do (manipulate her, bribe her, lie to her) to get the documents you need to get financial POA over her, and then when these manic episodes arise, you can just ignore and wait it out. It will be VERY hard. But IMO, the best way to deal with manic episodes is to completely ignore, and wait them out. Like everyone has said, this sounds incredibly hard. So sorry you’re going through it.
Panda Bear
That sounds really tough, and it sounds like you are doing everything you can to be kind and respectful to a person who does not make it easy. Would she be willing to work with a financial planner? NAPFA website is a good resource for finding fee-only FPs, and you can filter by specialty and area of focus.
anon a mouse
Financial power of attorney. Don’t take any actions without it.
January
+1 to the POA. Consider consulting with a trusts & estates attorney as well, if you can manage it.
Professional Guardian
If you fear she will revoke the DPOA on one of her manic or depressive episodes, you may want to ask the trust/estate attorney about whether a Court appointed guardian over the estate or a conservator would be more appropriate. Since you are far away, checking into whether her state has professional guardians (certified professionals only that would be recommended and monitored by the court) if you feel the distance would be too much for you to handle. If this is not appropriate now, it is good to get the info now in case her condition worsens to the point of incapacity. If she is going to be on Social Security, you should also look into a professional representative payee that would manage her finances for her basic needs. Or you could also apply to be her representative payee.
Ano..
In my community a mental health non-profit offers a financial trustee service. I think it is mostly for people on benefits so the trustee ensures rent etc are paid for and they meet with clients weekly to give them their money for other expenses. There may be a benefit to having a professional rather than a family member involved at times. Take care!
Senior Attorney
This would be great if she would agree to it. And if not I would consider looking into a conservatorship.
Senior Attorney
And also? Hugs to you. This must be devastatingly hard.
Trixie
Are her meds working for her? Can adjustments to her meds make this any better? Perhaps this is the best place to start.
hugs to you!
Anonymous
I suggest contacting mylivelihoid.org for help.
Glasses
Can anyone help me get excited about wearing glasses all the time?
I’ve been wearing contacts since I was around 14, and my eye doctor just told me I need to majorly cut back due to severe dryness (which I am also treating). I find glasses kind of uncomfortable, and I work out a lot and that’s cumbersome for glasses. I don’t like constantly switching between sunglasses and regular lenses. I’m not excited about them daily as a fashion item either.
Glasses-wearers, help me see this differently? What are your glasses hacks and why do you like your glasses?
NOLA
I’ve worn glasses since I was 7 and only attempted to wear contacts (unsuccessfully) for my wedding. I see my glasses as an accessory. I buy frames that I love (and don’t mind paying for them) that are fun and interesting. My current pair are blue with brown polka dots, Lafont Paris. I work out every day and have no issues with them. I also switch to sunglasses when I’m driving. I guess it’s just a fact of my life, so I make the best of it by buying fabulous glasses.
Anon
Try Zenni for cheap multitudes of decent glasses and wear them as accessories – like $15 cheap.
Anon
You get what you pay for with Zenni.
NOLA
I get my computer glasses from Zenni and it’s great because, if something happens to them or the screws fall out or whatever, I can just order a new pair and have them within a week. Unfortunately, they don’t carry my prescription for regular glasses, so I’m out of luck.
RGH
I have dailies disposables I wear for exercise when I don’t want to wear my glasses – like hiking when I switch between dark/light conditions in the woods, outdoor biking, tennis, being in a pool or hot tub. I wear them anywhere between 1-5 times a week, usually 1-2 times, so a box lasts really long.
JTM
I’ve worn my glasses all my life – I spent my childhood and teens wishing I could wear contacts but in my 20s I started to love my glasses. I even wore my glasses at my wedding (which did have a Pi Day theme so glasses added to the nerdiness). I agree to find cute frames that you love, and maybe also try getting Transitions lenses that turn into sunglasses in the sun, that way you don’t have to switch all the time. Also there’s lots of great places to get frames for cheaper online now, which helps.
Overall I like my glasses cause I like being able to see! If you can’t wear contacts, then you’re options are either wear your glasses or be blind (and not be able to drive, work, etc). I’d rather wear glasses than be unable to live my life.
LadyB
I wore contacts every day for over a decade. Due to dryness and irritation (probably caused by all the reading and screen-time) I decided to start wearing my glasses more. It’s been 4 years now and I’ve worn contacts less than a handful of times. Like NOLA said, I started seeing them as an accessory. Now when I go to wear contacts, it just seems like I’m missing something and I go back to wearing my glasses. I work out everyday and am a competitive triathlete, wearing glasses has not held me back. Try many different styles and be sure to have them fitted regularly. Check out places like Warby Parker where you can get several different styles at a very reasonable cost. Prescription sunglasses are also life changing, so definitely get a pair.
K
+1 Prescription sunglasses. I keep them in the case in my purse, honestly made my life so much better.
I agree with all of the above advice. I’ve work glasses everyday since I was 8 years old. Sometimes I take them off when I work out or run on a treadmill, or if I’m doing situps or something on my back.
I love that I can pick out new frames every couple years – it’s like getting a new face. I love it. I feel like I look so much better with glasses than without, I just can’t imagine my life without them .
Torin
For me, hinges that flex outwards are essential. That and finding a pair as light as possible. I also make sure the sunglasses and the glasses both fit in the same case, so I don’t have two cases in my purse. One pair is in the case, the other is on my face.
I have three pairs, one regular, one sunglasses for fashion, and one sunglasses for running. If I had a higher prescription, I’d probably get a another pair of the running sunglasses and have clear lenses put in them for working out inside. As it is my power is low enough that I just ignore the fact that I can’t see very far when I’m working out inside.
Scarlett
Do you qualify for Lasik? Having to switch to glasses is one of the main reasons people get it. I was starting to find contacts uncomfortable so I went to see if I qualified, and luckily I did. It’s life changing. I also hated glasses – they hurt and I never saw as well.
Anonymous
Posted above but I’ll note: if you’ve got dry eyes be careful about LASIK. My regular doctor said yeah sure but I got a second opinion and he said he would never consider lasik for my eyes and I might be so sensitive if I got it that I couldn’t wear eye makeup at all.
Scarlett
Hmm, it’s a bit odd your regular doc would give you an opinion – mine just refers to the top
Lasik doc in town. I definitely agree you don’t want to force the issue and get evaluated by the best (its not a Groupon procedure) but it’s worth looking into if you hate glasses and are a lifelong contacts wearer. I wish I’d done it years earlier. If you don’t qualify, the glasses advice is good. (FWIW, there were a ton of disqualifying issues you could have too besides dry eyes so my advice is if you’re interested don’t get your hopes up)
Anny Nonny
Agree!
I started having problems with Lasik. Yes, it did make my eyes dryer. I now put in eye drops in the morning, and sometimes once in the afternoon. With contacts, the dry eyes were an issue because the contacts dried out, and you had to use the right drops, etc. etc. After lasik (for me) it is just put in tears. I think sometimes contacts can actually cause a reaction which results in dryer eyes.
For OP, I would say wear glasses only for a month or 6 weeks. If your dry eye resolves, then consider Lasik.
Brokentoe
I made the switch from cheaters to full-time glasses wearing this past summer when I became fed up with the constant shuffling to be able to see. I went with clear plastic Warby Parker frames that have kind of tricked myself into not being as visible on my face if that makes any sense….
Anonymous
I wish I started wearing glasses in graduate school when I was looking for a job in order to look more professional (I’m not kidding, because everyone thought I looked too young). So – glasses are a great help!!
Anonymous
I hear you. I also wear glasses mostly for dry eye reasons. 1) dailies for occasional contacts 2) prescription sunglasses – you’ll get a headache if you go between nonprescription and prescription 3) “fun” eyeglasses (warby Parker, whatever) for wearing to work or out & about 4) “comfortable” glasses for exercise, computer, tv watching, whatever
DLC
I have worn glasses since I was eight. I had a brief stint with contacts and found them uncomfortable and a kept forgetting to take them out. I have two pairs of glasses, so I swap them out to match my mood- one is a frameless pair and one has these awesome green marblized pattern frames.
The thing I love about wearing glasses is that I can make the world a little blurry once in a while- it helps me take a mental break to take them off for a few minutes every couple of hours and let everything recede. And then to put them back on and have the world zing back into focus – something about it helps me think and clear my mind.
NOLA
Oh yeah, and if my prescription weren’t hideous (-13!) and I didn’t pay about $750 just for my lenses, I would totally have multiple pairs of fun glasses, just to switch out for fashion reasons. Unfortunately, I have to commit to one pair for a couple years. I even talked to my eye doctor about seeing a specialist for surgery – not to fully correct (not possible with my vision), but to get me to the point where I could buy glasses like a normal person.
Anon
I think you need to distance yourself from this, honestly. She sounds like the kind of person who would sue you and DH for mismanaging her money, even if you haven’t done anything wrong. I wouldn’t be willing to take on that kind of risk.
Torin
Is that truly an option though? Because if OP distances herself and MIL runs out of money, it sounds like she will be a financial burden on OP and her family at that point.
OP have you and MIL sat down and hashed out a formal plan? I might try that. Everything in writing, especially what you’re authorized to do.
Manic people are really difficult to deal with. I’m really sorry you’re having to deal with this and hope you manage to find a workable solution.
MidAtlGirl
And it really sounds like you are perhaps beyond FPOA territory and into guardianship territory?
Paging Torin
Did you ever find good bras for 36AA? That is essentially my size and I’m in the market. I could probably also wear a 34AA, but I am very tall, which sizes me out of some bras. I also recently finished nursing my second kid, which means my b—bs have no shape at all. I’m shaped like a tight fitting sports bra, for better or worse.
I have been wearing a Patagonia women’s barely bra recently, and I really like it despite the high price. The straps show underneath some of my tops, but I don’t mind (I’m in Silicon Valley). I’m interested in trying out some other brands too, though, which is why I’m asking you if you had any luck!
Torin
No, I haven’t ordered any yet. I have some old 34A bras that have a very stretched out band that are comfortable on the on the loosest hook. I’m just wearing the old ones and putting off trying to find new ones for now.
I might try that patagonia one though! Maybe the solution is just give up on regular bras …
ER
OK thanks! please post here if you find something you like! I tried looking at the reddit site abrathatfits but it seems to be geared to people with the opposite problem that we have.
MJ
Check herroom.com – they have every size and a wide variety!
tesyaa
Wacoal makes small sizes. I have also had good luck at Target but it’s hit or miss.
Anon
Another caring for a parent question. I’m worried about my mom, but don’t exactly how to characterize it. She’s 72, single and lives alone, and I’m her only child. I live a plane flight away. She basically seems to never act in her own self-interest.
– She doesn’t leave the house. She just stays in all day, watching Hallmark movies and playing solitaire. When I encourage her to do something (join a club, garden, go to a park…anything!), she says happily that she’s “content.” She goes to the grocery store once a week or so.
– Her teeth are in terrible shape (there’s a reason my grandfather got full dentures at 28) and she won’t look into finding a Medicare plan with dental coverage or even seeing about saving her money to pay for dental work.
– She’s some form of a hoarder. She hardly has any furniture, but she’s surrounded by boxes and boxes and boxes of decorating magazines and fine china. Growing up, we had a lovely house, and I can remember her hosting all of two parties, but she has so much stuff now that both of her guest rooms are unusable. I spent thousands having mom work with a professional organizer who also happened to be a social worker, and mom parted with some stuff, but there’s always a reason why she has to keep other stuff.
– She has an incredibly limited diet: cookies, crackers, chips; doughnuts; canned tuna; bananas; ice cream; maybe a little deli ham or roast beef. That’s it. Ever.
– She has no friends and operates sort of in her own world (see: Hallmark and solitaire) and rarely even reaches out to her siblings. That said, it doesn’t seem to bother her that she never interacts with anyone.
After MUCH pushing with her PCP, I finally got him to give her Zoloft (which I’m on to great effect for anxiety, and tolerance can run in families), but he started her at 25 mg, which isn’t even a therapeutic dose. After weeks and weeks of nagging, I got her to call him to get her up to 75 mg. She is much cheerier now, but she’s still not a productive, engaged human being. It’s like she’s checked out of life completely. She’s literally as useful as a house cat – eat, sleep, find a warm spot in the sun… it’s really kind of scary. When she converses, it’s kind of Trump-like: “Well, I went to the store and it was a great store and I got bananas, they were great bananas, and the bananas you see were really good bananas…”
She’s in good physical health, but never leaving the house, never interacting with others, is just really troubling to me. Any idea what to do here?
anon a mouse
Contact the senior support agency in her area (likely county-level) and talk to them about what services may be available for her. They may be able to deliver meals, or help with light errands, or even just offer limited companionship or periodic visits so that you know someone is checking on her.
Anon
Holy hell, butt out! I’m 35 and never leaving the house kind of sounds like heaven to me. She’s happy. She’s telling you that. Believe her. Her health issues are not your business. You’re not her parent. I can’t believe her doctor put her on meds at your insistence. That sounds like malpractice.
MidAtlGirl
Yeah, +1. I think this is pretty common but it’s bothering you more than her. Time to let her be an adult until you’re really needed.
Anon at 3
I’m not sure what kind of family you come from, but the health of a parent that OP might have to care for sooner rather than later (and clearly already is) is absolutely the business of the child. If you became a recluse, starting eating like a child, and hoarding things, wouldn’t you want someone to try to help? If not, I feel bad that you don’t have close friendships or family.
OP your Mom sounds like she’s deteriorating mentally and not taking care of herself mentally or physically (poor teeth, terrible diet will in short turn lead to health issues). I concur with anon-a-mouse that some social services might be helpful, especially seeing about a volunteer companion that can keep her company a few times a week. If she’s not deteriorating mentally then she otherwise sounds like she might be depressed, so a prescription and companionship may very much help. I hope she gets healthier soon.
Anon
Adults are adults and get to make their own decisions. Just because OP’s mom is making different life choices than you would doesn’t mean she’s mentally incapable or anything like that.
Anon
I am closer to OP’s mother’s age than most of the posters on this site, but if my adult children suddenly decided that they were entitled to dictate my diet, my companions (or lack thereof), and how I keep my house, I would be livid. Being older and making choices they do not like does not make me incompetent. (Fortunately my kids just wanted to know that my estate plan is in place and otherwise remember that Mom is still in full possession of her marbles – and they only very occasionally make comments about my diet and exercise habits.)
From what I can tell, Mom is perfectly capable of getting out, going to the store, buying the preparing more varied food, etc. She just does not want to. And there is her prerogative as an adult. The types of social services people here are recommending are for people who cannot do for themselves – not for the ones who just don’t want to.
Senior Attorney
Amen! Good grief.
OP, I say this with all love and respect: I feel like the most helpful thing you can do is get some therapy for yourself to learn how to tolerate this situation. Because you are not going to be able to change it.
Anon
I come from a very loving family, thanks. I care a great deal about my parents’ health, but I don’t believe it’s my place to be making medical decisions for them or dictating their diet (that just seems so condescending to me – they’re older than me and raised me and it seems way out of line for me to tell them they need to eat healthier). And to the extent you do intervene, it’s one thing to sit your mom down and say “Mom, I care about you and I’m worried. This seems like a big change in your personality. Do you think you might be depressed?” That’s fine. Calling your mom’s doctor and telling him to put her on Zoloft is not! It’s stunning to me that you can’t see the difference between those things.
I’m an introvert and once I’m retired, I can easily see myself going weeks at a time without leaving my house for much except errands. I love cheesy movies and solitaire! My close friends are all long distance, and although I have children and will maybe have grandchildren by then, I don’t expect they will live near me or entertain me. And yeah, ideally OP’s mom would eat well and take care of herself, but she’s 72 and maybe she’s decided life is short and she wants to enjoy it. Nothing OP said suggests that her mom is mentally ill or senile, just that she is making different decisions than OP would make. But that’s her prerogative! She’s lived a large chunk of her life, raised her kid, is widowed or divorced and now she answers to no one and gets to do what she wants. And she’s telling OP she’s happy and likes her life the way it is. OP should let it be! Obviously a different story if her mom says she’s sad or lonely, but that’s not the case.
Mrs. Jones
Perhaps you could hire someone to check on her daily. But honestly it sounds like she’s doing as well as she could hope, even if you would hope for more.
Owl Lover
Yeah, and/or someone to do light cleaning/stuff around the house that she can’t really do. I wouldn’t worry otherwise. Some people just want to be left alon at that age. Especially when there are so many entertainment options. I would find her a really awesome and EASY TO USE entertainment system, like Amazon fire stick or apple tv and a universal remote set up to control it so she can watch a larger variety of stuff, but yeah. She seems happy.
Anononon
Did your mom live with anyone previously? Why does this behavior worry you? Yes of course human interaction is important, but you don’t really have any basis for requiring this of her. If she was previously super social and has suddenly stopped, it could be dementia, but I’m basing that on WebMD and I’m not a doctor. Ultimately, decide what you want from this relationship and go from there. If you push her to do stuff outside her comfort zone, she might decide she’d rather not interact with you.
Torin
I’d be pretty uncomfortable with my doctor following a non-doctor’s instructions in providing me with medication. I get that you want to help but your personal experience with Zoloft doesn’t make you qualified to prescribe it and I would stop trying to practice medicine were I you.
anon
Yeah, I agree that her situation is cause for concern and I don’t disagree with OP’s efforts to help her become more engaged, but I don’t think its appropriate to instruct her doctor to prescribe her meds. I don’t know OP’s mother’s body, but 25 mg zoloft was definitely a therapeutic dose for me… in fact, it totally knocked me out and made be barely care about anything at all. There’s advocating for care and then there’s this, which, if OP were my daughter, would make me resent her and shy away from her efforts to help. Just my 2c.
Vicky Austin
The only thing I can see here where you might want to intervene is her diet, but as anon a mouse pointed out, senior support may be able to get her some more variety.
Anonymous
What if your mom has always hated cooking and never minded a mess? Now that she’s on her own and retired, she’s able to live her life profoundly on her own terms. She likes sappy movies and her own company. This doesn’t sound particularly negative. The only reason I’d really be concerned is if all of this is a huge departure for her. If she used to be the president of every club in town and bake elaborate cakes every Arbor Day, then I would talk to her about getting screened for depression. I might also encourage her to get her hearing checked. Sometimes monologues on bananas can be the result of hearing loss’s impact on conversation ability.
I do think that you kinda have to let her live her life on her terms. You’re going to have a better relationship with her long term if you pick your battles and don’t focus on every single thing in her life you’d do differently.
Anon
Let her live her life. You can’t change her behavior and trust me, trying to do that is going to drive you both crazy.
Of Counsel
Please, please understand that I am saying this with as much kindness as possible and with the understanding that you are worried and everything you are doing is coming from a place of love and concern: Your mother is a grown woman. She is not (based on what you said) unable to care for herself. She is not incompetent or mentally ill. She is making choices that are not the choices you would make or that you want her to make but they are HER choices. You cannot run her life for her; you cannot make her want to do things she does not want to do or prevent her from doing what she wants. Her diet, teeth, medication and daily activities are not yours to manage until and unless she reaches the point where she is not competent to handle them herself. Then and only then do you and various resources you could find for her come into play.
I know it is hard (believe me I really, truly know) but even if she was 20 years older (and 72 is not that old) you really have to back off for the sake of your sanity and your relationship with her.
Requiring email to leave a comment now?
Comments are now REQUIRING an email to just post as opposed to what Kat explained was optionally using an email to get comments to go through.
Why is this happening? It wasn’t like this this morning. Far far fewer people are going to comment having to fill out an email just to leave a comment. That’s why I don’t comment on sites using Discqus and similar commenting programs. This is awful, please make it stop.
Not anonimizing comments is one thing. But the extra step, especially on phone, of entering in an email with periods and @ symbols and possibly numbers is just too much effort to comment on a recreational site.
Kat G
I’ll look into it, my tech guy may have changed a setting in the course of our conversations about editing the comments section. Thank you for your patience!
Anonymous for this
test
Kat G
I’ve changed it back, sorry about that. Thank you!
Anon
Just get a burner email already, I don’t know why anybody wouldn’t do that in this day and age. It’s not difficult.
Getting over an ex
I just learned that my ex is moving to the other side of the country. I shouldn’t care, but I still do. I can’t figure out if it is because this completely closes the door on us getting back together (probably) or if it is something else. Anyone have suggestions on getting over this?
Anon
I was recently in a similar position. So far, time and distance (not communicating with him) have been the only things to help. Distraction (dating others) helps to some extent but that seems short-lived. Breakups suck. I’m in it with you. Hugs.
Anonymous
Kat – is there a reason why the posts are being written in the third person now? I find it pretty jarring but can learn to live with change if there’s a reason :)
Kate
Hi! We’re still doing posts in first person, but the little preview blurbs on the homepage (a feature of the new design) are in third person. Thanks for reading!
anonymama
I think the preview blurbs would be better if they didn’t reference the writer, and were a little punchier. Like instead of “When Kat first saw this, the asymmetrical hem, wide self belt, and wide cuffs caught her eye — the dress seems professional and polished yet interesting and is available in black and cream”, it would be more effective to say “The asymmetrical hem, wide self belt, and distinctive cuffs are eye-catching details on this professional and polished dress, which is available in both black and cream.”
If you are trying to distinguish more between who writes each post, it might be more effective to cultivate distinctive voices, rather than always following the same formula.
Regular reader
Agree! The 3rd person speak is off-putting.
Rolling My Eyes
Amen to that. Definitely not liking the 3rd person-speak at all, even if it is only on the home page. Make it stop, please!
Winter
Co-sign. The warmth and personality of the blog really gets lost in the third person. Those preview blurbs read like ads or celebrity endorsements (“Kat loves…”)