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Splurge Monday’s TPS Report: Dashina Classic Dress

Our daily TPS reports suggest one piece of work-appropriate attire in a range of prices. BOSS Black Dashina Classic DressHappy Monday! This shirt dress is pricey, but looks fabulous. Love the simple cotton/poly blend, the three-quarter sleeves, and the lack of slits in the skirt (not to mention the ladylike length). The dress is $495 at Bloomingdale's. BOSS Black Dashina Classic Dress Seen a great piece you'd like to recommend? Please e-mail tps@corporette.com. (L-2)

Sales of note for 12.5

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165 Comments

  1. This dress is beautiful. Maybe I’ll add “shirt dress” to the ever-increasing spreadsheet I have for the clothes purchases that I want.

    TJ:
    Is there a particular term for those somewhat silly, cotton, wide leg pants with crazy prints? That’s the best way I can describe them. I want to buy five pairs and don’t know how to search for them.

          2. When I say “silly,” I mean it in the best way possible. I wear solid colors 95% of the time, but I am going ALL OUT with the colors and prints on these things.

    2. Okay – first I’d you want a shirt dress – I can find you one in as nice if not nicer for MICH LESS money (not to be “that guy” on the splurge post – but cotton-poly blend!)

      Second – I believe the term you’re looking for is Palazzo pants (or Pallazo not sure how to spell it).

      1. Just want to recommend the Michael Kors shirt dress I bought awhile ago for those looking for lower price point options–I’ve seen it in black, brown, and navy. It’s really comfortable and flattering. I’ve already had a ton of use from it since it’s very easy to dress up or down (I’ll sometimes undo lower and wear a scarf at the neck for a dressier look). The roll sleeves also add versatility.

        Looks like Nordstrom has it in a cherry color, too.

        http://shop.nordstrom.com/s/michael-michael-kors-roll-sleeve-belted-shirtdress/3245013?origin=keywordsearch-personalizedsort&contextualcategoryid=60130182&fashionColor=Chocolate&resultback=4811&cm_sp=personalizedsort-_-searchresults-_-1_13_A

      2. No, I would not buy this shirt dress even though it’s beautiful. I don’t have/make the kind of money necessary for me to spend that much on a shirt dress.

  2. That dress is great, but I’m holding off on buying any more black work clothes. I’ve been running into more and more frequent problems with lint visibility on any crisp fabric (basically anything that isn’t silk, which I can hardly wear, or polyester). At lunch with a potential employer last week, the restaurant had these ridiculous napkins that basically disintegrated onto my black skirt- so embarrassing! I always carry a lint roller because of my pet, but it was useless in this situation. I’ve also run into this problem after taking public transit, sitting in chairs in common areas of the office, and mystery lint that I have no idea where it came from. I know all the standards tricks (lint roller, dryer sheet) and they’re not working. I find navy and grey are much more forgiving, so I’m sticking to those. Am I the only one with this problem?

    1. Ugh, me too! And navy does the same. The furry cat doesn’t help, I’ve been switching into shorts and a tank top as soon as I get home.

      1. Same here. My mama used to say ” Black attracts everything but men and money ! “

        2. That’s a bit offensive. I wouldn’t use that phrase anymore if I were you.

          1. I think you misunderstood the saying. . .it means that (unfortunately) black clothes seem to attract everything ( like lint) but what you want them to ( men and money).

          2. Sweetknee – I have never heard that phrase before and if someone said it, I would definitely interpret it as a racist phrase, or maybe a phrase that began with racist implications (black as in black people ha ha ha look at our play on words we’re so clever) that maybe people are not thinking through and believe means something else. I would definitely not use that phrase – even if that’s not what you mean, that’s definitely how I would read it.

          3. I don’t understand how that can be interpreted to be racist. I’ve heard people say the same thing about black cars – “Black is so hard to keep clean!” – and no one would ever think it’s somehow a comment about any particular race’s personal hygiene. You really have to be looking for offense to think a comment like that means anything other than the actual color of the clothes/car.

          4. You really don’t see how “Black attracts everything but men and money” can be seen as a racist phrase? Like… really?

          5. I’m confused about why black clothing doesn’t attract men or money? In my experience it attracts both?

          6. @Anon 1:10: I don’t think anyone here is looking for racism, however, based on experiences I have in my past, I may interpret things differently. I do not believe that Sweetknee meant anything harmful by using the phrase, but based on my interpretation, I view the phrase itself as offensive.

          7. I didn’t see the racial undertones. But I found it offensive based on its intended meaning. You can’t wear black if you want to date a man? You won’t make money if you wear dark clothing? I know the phrase is attempting cuteness, but the cuteness is trying to mask social threats to women who wear dark clothing. It just seems weird to me.

            If people find a phrase offensive, it’s best to avoid using it. Even if those using the phrase had no idea that it could be offensive. For example, I used to use a common verb to describe getting tricked out of my money. When someone told me it was actually a derogatory verb about gypsies, I stopped.

        3. Yes but as our esteemed Ellen would say, black would help hide your tuchus, which is an important part of attracting a man to MARRY.

          1. It’s just a wacky Southern-ism. There are lots of strange turns of phrase where I am from that have nothing to do with racism. . . .

            I certainly was not trying to be offensive, and have used the phrase when I am lint brushing myself at home and in the office. Good grief.

            To Anon at 1:14, it’s not that black does not attract men or money in reality, its just that it tends to attract things that you normally don’t want, like lint and napkin fragments, which is the opposite of things that you do want, like a man or money.

          2. Umm, the fact that it is a wacky Southern-ism does NOT help your cause…

          3. Sweet knee- there is a reason the phrase isn’t “black clothes attract everything but men and money” stop defending it. And agree with diva, you should especially consider that it’s a sothernism. Jesus

  3. Sorry for am immediate threakjack, but I’m desperate. I’m seven months pregnant (very unexpected, but given infertility issues, I’m thrilled) and desperate to get away from this law firm. I’m a patent lawyer with a software background, so heavily in demand, but with less than a year of experience. I cannot see being here past January 1st. Maternity leave will be over in late October or early November. Assuming, of course, that my current firm doesn’t fire me before maternity leave.

    Within two weeks of announcing my pregnancy in April, things that weren’t at all an issue suddenly came up. I had been expressly told in March that my efficiency for a first year associate was fine, but now it’s not (coming from the same partner over my group.) Other similar issues have popped up. The partner over my group outright said I’m on the maternity track, despite me repeatedly saying I plan to return full time and that my husband is very supportive. And this partner said I need to do some self reflection before having the baby because I will terrorize her (exact words.). I cry daily and am having nightmares after the last comment. I can maybe make it to August, when I’m due, but I can’t see returning here and definitely not long term.

    So, do I submit my resume now? Start working with recruiters now? They call daily with local opportunities. Or when should I look? I’m worried the job market won’t be do hot in January.

    1. Also, I don’t have a maternity suit. Would I need one to go on informational interviews? Real interviews with smaller firms? IP boutiques tend to be more casual.

      1. OP here: omg and I just learned that one of the only two female partners here resigned today. Ugh. Maybe if I throw myself at her mercy she’ll take me with her (said only half joking).

        1. Definitely talk to her! She may be prohibited from soliciting you directly right now (depending on her contract with your current firm) but nothing stops you from telling her you’d be interested in [place she’s going next — although find out first where that is so it looks like you really want to go there and not just be anyplace but where you are].

    2. How about talking to a lawyer before you make any decisions? The firms conduct sounds extreme.

      2. HR is a former paralegal and very much in the partners’ pockets. Honestly, I just want out. Two female associates before me in the past 28 months left with no job to go to. That’s how bad it is here. And they’re being very careful to find legitimate complaints about my conduct or to get others to back it up. I feel like I’m in the twilight zone.

        2. I’m not an employment lawyer, but the term “maternity track” itself does not sound legitimate at all.

          2. OP here: unfortunately, my only two witnesses were new summer associates, so no chance they’ll risk their careers to back me up on that. If I were to interview with another firm, would it be a bad idea to say I’m looking elsewhere at this point because my firm expressly stated I’m on a maternity track, but I have no intention of not returning to work full time? Or should I avoid this fact altogether? FWIW, this partner has a reputation for nastiness with other law firms, and it’s a small city, so other law firms may guess at my reasons for leaving.

          3. Don’t say that’s why you’re leaving. But you can say that you are looking to move your career in X direction and you don’t see that path open at your current firm (but be sure it’s because that path wouldn’t be open to anyone — for example, you want to do more X type work but current firm doesn’t really do that while new firm is 100% about that type of work). If your city is small, they’ll read between the lines without your help.

        3. Regular commenter, employment lawyer: you still need to talk to an attorney. Even a demand letter might get some traction. How big is the firm you’re working for? Do they employ more than 15 people? More than 50?

        1. I’m so sorry! These experiences are horrible, and honestly, shocking to me! I think you DEFINITELY should talk to a lawyer, STAT. They shouldn’t be able to do this to you.

    3. FWIW, I have no experience in patent law practice, so this is just based on my experience: There’s nothing wrong with submitting your applications now, if you honestly feel you can give it the effort and focus it will require. Even if potential employers can’t ask about your plans for post-baby, I’d probably bring it up as a conversation about your start date (assuming you’re not planning to start new job before baby is born). You could lightheartedly say something about how you realize you have some other issues to consider when choosing a start date, but you are planning on resuming full time work by [insert date here]. It sounds like you’re in a tough situation and I wish you the best of luck dealing with it.

      Also, if I were you, I would start discretely documenting these incidents (meaning, don’t keep the records of these at work). It sounds like you’re in a really bad environment, and if the situation escalates, it would be helpful for you to have a record of why you left. Not that you will necessarily bring it up in any job situation ever, but if it rises to the level of something you want to talk to HR about or if it hinders your job search later.

      1. +1 I think there’s so much concern about job-hunting while pregnant but the best way to make it a non-issue is for people just to do it. Even if you don’t get something lined up before the baby comes, you could at least get word out that you’re looking. And, yes, I’d consider getting a maternity suit (at least scope them out so you could do an emergency purchase if you got an interview).

    4. I am so sorry that you are in this position. It really is horrible. Unfortunately, I can commiserate. After I announced my pregnancy, I started receiving negative feedback (after years of glowing reviews) and getting snide, discriminatory comments. I ignored those comments as off-handed and a one-time thing. All I can say is that, in hindsight, they were not a one-time thing but were instead reflective of a deeply held attitude about pregnant women and women who are mothers. The treatment became so very much worse when I returned from maternity leave (refused work, given non-billable work, snide comments in emails to which I became privy). I wish I had seen the writing on the wall while I was pregnant. I did make it out of that horrid place, but it took a while and months of being very upset (how did I get here and so hated when I was a valued associate before?).

      My advice to you is this: Start looking now. Get in touch with recruiters and make initial contacts. It could take time for any offer to pan out. As far as interviewing, it may not be ideal but it is the situation you have. Think of it this way: If they turn you down solely because you are pregnant, is that somewhere you really want to work as a mother? When I was on maternity leave, I started job hunting when my baby was about two months old. At that point, I could make sense in cover letters and sound coherent. So, you may need to take a several week hiatus from the search, but I would recommend starting now. I interviewed while on maternity leave and received an offer too. It can be done. Plus, if you are as miserable as it sounds, simply making the steps toward getting out will do a great deal for your mental health. If and when you get an offer, you can negotiate your start date at that point. Good luck!

      And, congrats on the pregnancy!! I’m due in August too.

  4. Posted this at the tail end of the weekend thread…

    DH and I are expecting…I’d like to get him a book on parenting/ building relationships (we’re having a girl!) for Father’s day. Something that will engage him and be a nod to his upcoming fatherhood without saying “HAPPY FATHERS DAY” to a not-yet-Dad.

    Any great books you can recommend? I’m browsing online/ Amaz0n but would love this crowd’s input.

    I’d like the focus to be more on young child/baby/daughter rearing versus pre-birth advice.

      1. I did see that! Thanks! I’m weighing if that will go over well with my owner-manual focused DH, or if he’d prefer something more academic. He’s been getting really into learning about the cultural differences in baby-raising (way more than me…).

        1. There is a book called the baby’s owner’s manual or something similar. Look it up on amazon and you’ll see a number of books like that for dads so you can read the reviews and see what he might like. Good luck with the rest of pregnancy!

      1. :) I got a mothers day card and flowers from the dog this year. DH said he knows it technically isn’t my first mothers day, but he may as well get himself into the habit of buying cards and flowers. ;)

    4. Maybe ‘Baby Meets World’? I haven’t actually read it myself yet, but enjoyed the author’s series of columns on Slate, and it definitely hits the ‘interesting cross-cultural differences in childrearing’ note.

    5. Let’s All Panic About Babies. Which is much funnier than Keeping the Baby Alive Until Your Wife Gets Home. But seriously, I really enjoyed the column in Slate by the author of Baby Meets World and have considered buying it myself (except that I haven’t read a single book since my daughter was born last fall).

    6. Your Child at Play series by Marilyn Segal (great fun!)
      Your 1, 2, 3, …..12 year old series by The Gessell Institute (what the child likes to do)
      Myths of the Super Parent by Elizabeth Dybell (philosophical)

    7. Be Prepared – A Practical Handbook for new dads is funny and has some surprisingly good advice.

  5. Another wardrobe question–I work in a very casual office with a splash of formal wear (lots of women wear ripped jeans, flip-flops, etc while others wear suits). I find myself apparently very drawn to things that go best with jeans (lots of cotton navy blue tops–some embroidered and very nice, but still, cotton and navy). I usually pair this stuff with a dark denim skirt that i have or trouser jeans, but I’d like to get away from denim. Any thoughts on what I could pair with these tops that isn’t made of denim? Thanks!!

    And thanks to all who have helped with my Finger Lakes planning–we’ve developed a nice little plan centering around wine tasting in the Geneva region!

    4. Awesome! Since you are up that way, I have a few more recs for you. First, in Geneva itself (which is otherwise not exactly a culinary mecca) there is a great wine bar called Microclimate. Really, really excellent. They carry a lot of local wines and then also do flights that allow you to compare local wines with same/similar varietals from elsewhere, which is fun.

      For food directly in Geneva, your best bets would be the Red Dove (a pub) and Leaf Kitchen. Then just a bit out of town is Port’s, which is definitely the best food in the immediate area. A bit further afield, the Finger Lakes Wine and Culinary Institute in Canandaigua is great, as is Rio Tomatlan (very good Mexican, and I moved here from California!). And several of the wineries have food available onsite – the pizza evenings at Billsboro are lovely. Stonecat, partway down to Ithaca, is great. People also love Dano’s, although I have never been because I’m vegetarian and it’s pretty meat oriented.

      Ok, I’ll shut up now, but have fun!

      1. This is great! My bf is a foodie so we’ll definitely hit these places up! Thanks so much!

    6. Maxie’s supper club in ithaca is my favorit. Also, Moosewood and Simeons are town classics too. If you are looking for a quiet/rainy day activity Ithaca also has a fantastic indie movie theater, definitely try one of their amazing artiasinal popcorn types too.

      Also, there’s a new plantations interpretive center with amazing new gardens that you can do a simple tour of in addition to walking through cornell’s campus. definitely worth at least a quick jaunt through campus to see the various gorges. i also enjoy the mcgraw clocktower and AD white library. The johnson museum of art on campus is rather meh but the building itself is beautiful and the views from the top are amazing.

      1. I second those suggestions above, plus would like to add walking around the Commons (the center of town shopping area, which is all pedestrian), eating at The Boatyard Grill, which is right on Cayuga Lake, and having some Purity ice cream, which is made from local cows. I spent 4 happy years in Ithaca and miss those places the most.

  6. Ladies, I’m heading to Lisbon this weekend for a quick trip with a female friend (Fri night to Sun night, so VERY quick) – any tips for bars/restaurants/general fun-ness?

    2. Just got back from Lisbon, so here goes:
      If you want to visit the castle, go early ( Trams 25/28 are a good way to see the city, and you can hop off if you see something interesting. Purchase a ‘viva viagem’ card, which you can validate with the amount you want. Public transport is really cheap, for 2-3 days I recon €10,- is plenty.

      The botanical garden is very pretty.

      If you want to shop at expensive shops/window-shop: Avenida de Liberdade
      the area Baixas for more ‘normal shops’
      I loved the tea house (rua das Salgadeiras) in Bairro Alto, this is also the area with all the fado bars and cute ‘novelty’ shops)

      Belem is nice to visit, although I didn’t have the patience to queue for the monestery, visited the Naval museum instead (gives a great overview of the explorers). You can also take the train along the coast to Cascais (about 30 minutes if I recall correctly), a cute holiday town.

      Have fun!

    1. ZOMG I <3 U!!!!!!!!!! These precious babies are PRICELE$$$$$.

      Non-tumblr users can submit to my Ask (which I've relabeled with a sophisticated "Ask Ask baby"). I think it's located at the top of my page.

  8. Dude, I have had the WORST weekend. After last weekend’s stomach bug, we discovered on Friday that everyone in the family had LICE. Gah! So my oldest and I had to sit in the chair for hours on Friday getting our heads cleaned. My DH had to shave my son’s head, and we had to bathe our heads in olive oil on Saturday night. Plus I have been drying all the laundry every time anyone’s head touches anything (sheet over the couch, drying the kids’ bed sheets and pillows, etc.) and boiling all the combs and combing everyone’s head. ARGH. Today DH is getting his head cleaned, and I am working at home so that the lady can check my head again.

    OK, end rant, just had to get that off my chest. YUCK.

    1. Oh, man, what a lousy weekend!

      :)

      I’m sorry – I’ve never met a pun I didn’t like. It sounds like you’ve had more than your fair share of hassles lately – hope this is the last one for a while!!!

      1. This is a funny! Yay, but sorry for Diana Barry and her turmoil’s. FOOEY on Lice! FOOEY! Lice make’s you scratch alot. Rosa had lice when she was in first grade.

        But beleive it or NOT, there are peeople who can get bedbug’s JUST by takeing the subway’s and the busesse’s in NYC! That is why I perfer to STAND UP instead of getting a seat. Have the rest of the HIVE even seen how SKUZZY the seats are on the MTA bus is? It is suposed to be BLUE, but many seat’s are BLACK or BROWN (don’t even ask what that is), and they smell when they get WET. DOUBEL FOOEY!

        Dad had a great boat ride with mom and the manageing partner and Margie, and he deceided that I may be abel to be a partner, but first, he is goeing to be a paid special consultant to the law firm for 6 month’s and he is goieing to provide consulting advise on restuructureing the partnership. He think’s that with a proper restuructureing, I will have a proper LONG TERM prospect there. He also think’s that thing’s have to be more effecieintly run, and he will make out a report after 6 months. If after the report is given to the manageing partner, he IMPELMENT”s all of the recomendation’s within 3 month’s , then I can be a partner. The manageing partner will pay dad $25,000 to study the firm and to make recomendation’s. Dad says that if all work’s out, I can be a partner, but NOT until after April of next year. FOOEY b/c I need to be pregenent before then so I CAN GET the $50,000 from Grandma Leyeh.

        How can I get married and pregenent before then if I am NOT a partner? Dad did NOT facter that into the equation. He is smart, but that is goeing to cost me $50,000 unless I get creeative myself. TRIPEL FOOEY!

    3. Oh man, I am SO sorry. My whole family had lice when I was a kid once (except for my bald dad) and I still remember how incredibly frazzled my mother was.

      For whatever it’s worth, she found blow drying and then straightening her hair on the highest heat setting killed the nits, after the shampoo killed the live lice. Not sure if there are better remedies today.

      1. This is a fantastic idea. Maybe I will fry my head. :) FWIW, the lice lady told me that the shampoos do NOT work any more – same idea as overusing antibiotics and growing resistant bugs.

        1. You may want to reconsider the shampoos. My daughter had lice earlier this year, and the CVS brand worked perfectly. Not all lice are resistent to the OTC medication, and your ped may be able to get you an Rx for the shampoo with the other drug (the one lice in the U.S. are less resistant to) if you want to give that a try. The CDC website has excellent information on both. FWIW – only my daughter had it, we used the shampoo exactly according to the directions, and had no more lice. None of her sibs had it either, which was great, and no recurrence. YMMV, of course.

    4. Poor you! Like you don’t have enough on your plate. My husband is a family doctor who always tells his patients – “lice are tiny bugs who love clean hair.” I am sure you will be itchy for days for psychological reasons but it sounds like those little creatures don’t have a chance at your place! Go, Diana Barry!

    6. Not sure you’re still checking but my younger sister got lice and my mom ended up getting them from her. My mom used tsal shampoo (the dandruff shampoo) and rinsed their hair in listerine too. Seemed to work very well. Maybe worth reading about them.

  9. Relationship threadjack : I’ve known a guy for about a year, and he’s been a little hot/cold in terms of affection, which didn’t bother me, because we weren’t really doing anything. However, for the past 2 months or so, we’ve been texting/talking every couple days, and it’s been pretty obvious that we like each other (i.e. explicit discussion of the fact that we’re not looking to see other people, dirty texts, etc.)

    He’s working in another city for the next little while (not permanently), so I bought a flight to visit him, and several other friends that I have there. He asked several times whether I was going to come visit, when I was going to come visit, I told him when I booked my flight, and he’s said several times that he’s excited to see me and has a great date planned.

    I emailed him to confirm our plans (in the email I explained that I have a lot of friends I want to see, and I’m only in town for a few days, so before I start saying no to other invites, I wanted to make sure that we’re definitely on, because if not, I will make other plans, not sit around), and his response was basically “thanks for your email, I don’t want to waste your time while you’re here”. I’m so confused- did I do something wrong in my email? Or is he just back to his old hot/cold ways and should I check out of this entirely?

    1. Maybe he was put off by your message, which may have sounded like you were really coming to visit your friends and not him? Hard to say, but from what you said about your email, he may not have realized you were trying to confirm, and he may have felt you were giving him the brush off.

    2. I have been on the receiving end of the “excited for your visit, but please tell me your final plans ASAP for what we will do together so I can make plans with other people” (and I probably have inadvertently sent such emails as well), and because it’s so hard to tell tone over email, it doesn’t feel so good. It sort of sounds like that’s what happened. It’s possible he’s back to his hot/cold ways, but I would guess it was more how the email came across.

      I think I would call him and tell him how much you’re looking forward to seeing him and the trip, and you want to plan out your time. Will he be invited for seeing your other friends at all? Are you staying with him?

      1. I agree with this. I’d give him the chance to respond after you tell him you’re excited to see him. If he’s still cold, then I’d move on, I guess.

    3. He’s hot/cold and if you have other prospects, and find Mr. Hot-Cold entertaining, then by all means, keep him around. (Wait– I’m hoping you didn’t actually agree to exclusivity with someone this noncommittal both in plans and in affection….)

      If you don’t have any other prospects, then I’d just drop him quietly without fanfare. Otherwise, you are in danger of becoming like the labrats who are in this situation:
      http://www.scientificamerican.com/article.cfm?id=a-scientific-dating-insig

      His hot-cold creates uncertainty; you get caught in that addictive loop of hoping, wondering when he might deign to dispense some affection to you. I’d rather be alone than an addicted labrat.

    4. this sounds like some miscommunication about expectations — putting myself in the guy’s shoes, if I were excitedly nagging a new interest about coming to visit, I would expect to be the focus of the visit, and your email may have come across as “oh, it’ll be great to see you and all these other friends” — sort of a reverse hot/cold back at him.

    5. Thanks all.

      I sent a clarifying email, and told I’m I’d call him later tonight. I’ll make my decision depending on his reponse. I think it might have been how the email came off. I have invited him to meet all my friends, but I’m not staying with him. I do want to see him to explore whether there’s something between us, but because he’s been hot/cold in the past (which admittedly, might have been because I can be hard to read), I am wary, which is why I wasn’t cool with staying with him, or putting all my eggs in his basket re: my time there.

      1. Maybe I’m old fashioned, but you could avoid a lot of the miscommunication here by actually, you know, picking up the telephone instead of just texting/emailing. Also, I hope this isn’t the case, but some guys just like to have a texting buddy–he may have freaked out when you pulled the trigger to make this more real by buying the flight. Either way, I hope it works out, but do think about trying to talk on the phone vs. impersonal machine communication–it’ll help almost all relationships–work, personal, family. :)

    6. He might have the impression that you’re not enthusiastic about seeing him. Be straightforward about it. It sounds like you both like each other but are afraid to be too upfront about it and you’re both going to lose if you try to play cool.

  10. You probably don’t want to read this if you’ve never been pregnant . . . The skin on my stomach is so flipping painful. It feels like it is ripping from the inside! It hurts all.the.time. I oil up twice a day and put lotion on regularly in between, but I seriously feel like I need to put more lotion on about every two minutes. Is this normal? Does it mean I’m going to get stretch marks?

    1. I’m at 34 weeks, by the way. It just started getting really bad in the last week or so. It’s just so much worse than I was expecting!!

      1. Bahhhhh. I’m about 8 weeks behind you. Can’t wait.

        (BTW, DH hands me the lotion every morning and says, in a creepy Silence of the Lambs voice, “it puts the lotion on its skin!”.). What we’ve researched is that stretch marks are almost wholly genetic. Lucky for me, i’m genetically primed for limited stretch marks. But sometimes, no matter what you do lotion wise, you get stretch marks.

    2. Not to be a downer, but I got my first stretch marks (and then they multiplied like rabbits) at 39 weeks. And my skin felt the same way. At this point, whether or not you’re going to get them is basically hereditary.

      If it makes you feel better, once you get them and they fade, stretch marks are so low down on my list of “What do I need to do to survive this day?” that I barely ever think of them. Even during swim suit season.

    3. I had been using cocoa butter and my belly was super itchy. My doctor told me to use a lotion that isn’t as rich, so I’ve been using standard Aveeno moisturizing body lotion and it’s felt a lot better.

  11. im going to napa in a couple of weeks. yay! now, what to wear?? ive heard it can be pretty casual, so im thinking sundress or maxi dress, is that too casual?

    1. I was in Napa and Sonoma over Memorial Day and can confirm that it was casual. You see everything from cut offs to short lace dresses. A sundress or maxi would be great. I wore a maxi skirt and saw many women in maxis. Be sure to wear comfortable flat shoes or sandals as there can be a lot of walking. High wedges are not a good idea. Also bring a sweater or light jacket as it can get cool. Have fun!

    2. Sundresses or maxi dresses are perfectly fine in Napa. If you’re going to a really fancy place (like the French Laundry), you will want to dress up a little bit more.

  12. Looking for some home purchasing advice. I am wondering how feasible it is to get a bank to allow a 10% downpayment. For details, I am in NY, and the high end of the homes we would be looking at is $300K. I work in BigLaw, just don’t have the cash on hand for a 20% downpayment.

    1. It shouldn’t be a problem, but it’s probably worth waiting until you can save that extra 10%, assuming it won’t take too long, so you don’t have to pay PMI.

    2. I think it’s probably feasible! My husband and I did a conventional (not FHA) loan through our credit union with only 5% down (in Baltimore). I think it’s only a real problem if you’re doing a jumbo loan ($417k+), which isn’t the case for you.

    3. I just applied for a mortgage on Friday and hope to hear back today. It’s worth noting that it’s not only the bank that wants you to put 20% down, many buildings require it, as well, as you’re seen as a more stable tenant. Many individual buyers also want to sell to someone who puts more down in cash, from what I’ve seen. I would seriously consider whether you’re ready to buy if you can’t put 15% down, especially given the very high costs of PMI.

      1. See if your firm has a relationship with a bank so you can get access to their private bank. I’m going this path, and will have a 20% mortgage, but ~4% of the down payment will be a home equity line of credit. The rates are higher, but the loans can be portfolio loans, and thus not subject to FHA (for better or worse… worse rates, but here, you at least have a shot). I don’t know if any of those banks will go to 10%, but at least 15% down is a possibility. It also gives you access to personalized help… my application has gone through several iterations before being submitted. Normally these banks are for people with multi-million net worth, but they might be accessible thorugh your firm.

      2. Consider your closing costs. I’m probably buying a place for about 480K, and my closing costs will be about 19K. I bet yours would be 17K. Remember you need that + 3 months mortgage on top of your down payment. (So I need approximately 80K + 17K + 10K in cash, NOT investments).

      3. Before you get too far, talk to a loan advisor about other, non-financial requirements. Private bank underwriters want two years’ experience at one job, for example, which isn’t necessary if you apply for a retail mortgage, and which I didn’t consider.

      4. Run the numbers on PMI. You may really do better to wait and save that 20%… when I ran the numbers going even with 15% down meant I paid ~50K over the first ten years of my mortgage.

      Good luck!

      1. Thanks. This is really helpful. We are just starting to look into this, and I didn’t know that closing costs would be so high.

        I do have a realationship with a private bank, and have already reached out to them.

      2. As another point of reference…we put 3% down on a $400k house n 2009. We do have PMI, but for the first 3 years, our income was low enough (DH was in school) that we could write it off on our taxes. We have the cash to pay off our house to the point where the PMI goes away now…but we ran the calculations and it makes more sense to use it to pay down DH’s MBA debt in the short term and then move on to the house.

        Our closing costs totaled $2k, including everything but the up-front FHA fee (which we also wrote off on our taxes).

        Just FYI! But do talk to loan officers; they’ll be more than happy to run the numbers eight ways to sunday.

        1. A good data point, but definitely look in to NYC and NYS taxes, which are pretty high. You can play with a calculator here: http://www.realdirect.com/closing_calculator/ I’m coming around 17K for you.

          Do shop around, but I’d talk to more people who have bought in NYC in the last two years, as it really is a very different world. About one-third of the places I looked would accept only 100% cash, which I don’t think is normal in the rest of the country.

        2. Oh, also, depending on where you’re buying, you may not be able to use a FHA loan, as many buildings (especially recent conversions) aren’t FHA-approved. That’s ultimately what pushed me to the private bank (that, plus the service and lack of PMI).

    4. Shop around. Depending on your other details, income, credit score, etc. You could well qualify for a traditional loan without PMI with only 10% down.

  13. Random question. Mr. and I went out for dinner on Friday night and the host asked if white napkins were okay or if we needed dark ones. Huh? I have never been asked this before. Anyone know why someone might need a dark napkin?

    1. Lint- if your clothes are dark, you’d want a dark napkin so the lint doesnt show. I’ve seen this at many places.

    2. See above! Usually they just do it without asking but it’s for lint. It’s a nice touch!

    4. I find it most common at business lunch places. All the men and women in black suits = no one wants white lint on their pants.

      1. I was a summer associate in two different cities and have done my rounds of the business lunch places as a biglaw associate but have never been offered different napkins until Friday. Very weird.

    5. I’ve been to restaurants where I was given a black napkin and my male companions were not. I was because they didn’t want lipstick stains on the napkin.

  14. Any tips on staying awake at work when you were dumb enough to book yourself a red eye and decide to come into work right after? I feel like I’m asleep on my feet here, and I’m downing caffeine like it’s my job.

    1. Drink all of the water. It’s impossible to fall asleep if you have to pee, plus getting up to walk to the bathroom wakes you up. I had early morning practice in college, and chugging water was the only way I stayed away through classes.

    2. Have you tried taking a walk? Sometimes, moving around helps. In college, I sometimes chewed gum to keep myself alert – I realize it’s not the most professional thing to be snacking on gum constantly, but it might help you get through the day.

    3. Step out for some fresh air, even a short walk if you can swing it. Cold water – drinking it and if you’re not too makeup heavy splashing it on your face both help me. Eye drops.

    4. Do you have anything with mint? Eating a peppermint gives me a little perk.

  15. I know we’ve talked about RSS reader replacements for when google reader disappears at the end of the month but I’m having a really hard time finding a replacement I like. I’ve tried both of these and the Old Reader is slow and clunky while I’m not sure I’m getting all of my posts on Blog Lovin. Am I missing something? Any other suggestions?

    1. I just migrated to Feedly and I like it, if that helps — it seems to do most things Google Reader did.

    2. I switched to feedly and like it. Didn’t even miss Google Reader after about 2 weeks.

    3. I like Feedly too. And I like their app on my iPad/iPhone. It works well. I can’t figure out how to add subscriptions from the app, though. That’s pretty much my only complaint.

  16. Looking for some advice. The husband of a close cousin who I grew up with was in a terrible car accident. The circumstances are heartbreaking – just married six months ago, she’s two months pregnant, she was following and saw the whole accident happen, they’re both young and still in college. Her husband is slowly slowly slowly showing signs of recovering, but has a traumatic brain injury that will require months (optimistically) of recovery.

    She’s across the country and has a lot of family support where she is, but I want to be there for her however I can. I’ve been texting her every morning saying good morning with a quick encouraging message, clearly letting her know when I started that I do not expect a response so she doesn’t have to worry about that. I’m going to keep texting her every morning, but I’m running out of encouraging things/phrases to say. While they’re very religious, I am not religious at all and my cousin knows this, so mentioning prayers/God is out. It probably does not really matter what I say, just that I do it and remind her that I’m here, thinking of her and love her. I just don’t want to be repetitive. Suggestions please?

    Also, I don’t read all the threads, so if this has been discussed before please just direct me to similar threads or good google search words. My google fu is failing me if there’s already stuff out there for this.

    1. They’re not going to be specific to getting through rough times, but Daily Good and Daily Inspiration are nice websites with inspiring quotes/snippets. I think at least one of them even has a phone app.

    2. I’m sure you’ve already done this, but even if you’re repeating it, just saying “I’m thinking of you” might be all she needs to read some mornings. I’m so sorry for your cousin’s situation.

    3. Suggest that they speak with a good attorney! There are many things people don’t know, like they should use their med-pay first. The sooner she can get an attorney involved, the better. It is probably the least of her worries right now but still really important. You could help research some for her.

  17. Just wanted to say a big thank you for the recommendations for my dress dilemma for Saturday night. Your suggestions were perfect and I got the teal Tadashi Shoji and the bangle from Forever 21. I also got the dress from The Limited (orange/red) as a back up, but it will probably be for another event coming up. What a lifesaver you are, and so totally on point for me being tall and curvy. I got to try on several of the dresses because you chose major retailers, and most of them really flattered my figure. You are now my “go to blog” for great fashion advice.

    BTW, I love this shirt dress. But after this weekend’s spending, it will have to stay on my wishlist for now.

  18. My long-time partner’s parents are going through significant financial difficulties, which will likely only get worse (periods of unemployment with no real effort on cutting back on expenses, plus a lot of other issues). SO and I don’t have the financial resources to help them out now, but we will in the future (ie when student loans are paid off), and that will likely end up becoming a necessity. If anyone has been in these trenches and can share some stories on boundaries, things to think about, how to keep yourself from becoming resentful (I’m irritated/we are both irritated at the steps the parents are NOT taking to try and improve their situation), etc, would be very helpful!

    Sorry for the rambles but posting quickly.

    1. A tough situation indeed. If the environment doesn’t make them make the “necessary changes,” chances are that won’t ever happen. If they don’t feel the financial pinch and respond themselves, they just won’t.

      If/when you start supplementing, they still won’t change and “do the right/responsible thing” because the environment isn’t making them change.

      It’s a tough situation. Hard to not be irritated. If they are ok in paying for shelter, food, medicine, then watching them struggle may eventually get them to change. But odds are slim.

      After making recommendations for change, when they complain, “Gosh that’s a tough situation” is about all you can say.

      Otherwise, I find myself even MORE irritated and resentful – esp. as we are subsidizing…without limits on what the subsidy goes for. It’s not a loan in any sense of the word. I find that the “try this” game makes me very #itchy as they just respond with a litany of why the suggestion doesn’t work for them. So I stop suggesting. I also stop looking at what they are spending/using/buying.

      There’s simply no control on this. Parents resent being parented…
      ‘
      Awful stage of life…so sorry you are doing this so soon.

      Advice – be sure once you start subsidizing it is a figure you can reasonably do without jeopardizing yourselves. The amount they want/need/demand will only increase over time.

      Sigh. Rant over.

    2. My husband and I will need to deal with the same thing in the future, and have put some thought into how we will handle it. His parents are likely to need more help than mine, although neither set will exactly be living large. We’ve set the expectation that when the time comes, we will set aside an equal amount of money monthly for each set of parents. If we use his parents’ half to help with monthly expenses and save my parents’ half to give them an especially generous Christmas gift that’s fine, but I really feel that they have to equal. Otherwise I see the help becoming a resentment issue between us, and I don’t want to add that to the other resentment that is sure to come up.

    3. You and your partner need to come to an agreement about what you will and will not finance, if anything, and at what point will you fund, and if necessary, out of what bucket of money. Reaching this agreement before you have to actually make the decision will safe a lot of frustration. Also, are there other siblings? They should be looped into the discussion….

      1. Yes, two. One will not have the same level of financial comfort that we have (single-earner household with lower single income than either of the incomes in our double-income household). The other sibling is part of the problem (refuses to grow up and get a real job despite multiple degrees, has no problem accepting money from parents even knowing that it is coming out of their retirement!!)

    4. We are going to be dealing with the same thing for my parents in the future. Currently in their mid-50s with nothing saved for retirement. This is entirely because they tried their hardest to put us through school with as little debt as possible (something they wished their parents did) and probably unwisely drained retirement accounts.

      My best advice is to talk candidly about the situation. I explained to my parents that I needed to know how big the short fall was going to be so that I could plan accordingly. They used a financial planner to figure out what they needed to save and how big the gap will be. The plus side is this actually spurred them to start saving. It also was someone other than me telling them about the problem which helped.

    5. When you get to that point, it may feel more productive to pay vendors directly – cut the check to their mortgage company/landlord, make car payment directly. . . then it may not feel as resentful if they use other proceeds for things you don’t agree with. What you’re paying will feel more tangible – “they get a roof over their head”, etc. It also acts as an informal cap on what you provide in a way that “daily cash” wouldn’t.

    6. This is the exact thing DH and I discussed this weekend. My mother is financially irresponsible, with annual international vacations despite the fact that she has no income, and I am terrified that her irresponsibility will result in her running out of money before she dies and will look to me to support her. We’re a midlaw and biglaw household, while my 30 year old brother has yet to move out of our mother’s house or graduate from college so per usual he is totally useless. But my mother was a lousy mother, and I am not willing to work my rear off in this tough career and compromise our retirement savings/funds for kids’ colleges in order to fund her bad choices. I don’t go on international vacations because we have savings priorities. Why should she benefit from that? The very thought of giving her money turns my stomach but I also dread being branded with the scarlet BD of Bad Daughter for refusing to give her money when she needs it.

  19. I’m buying my husband Raybans for his birthday. I want to purchase them for a place where he can return/exchange them without a problem in case he doesn’t like the pair I selected. Which store has the best return policy as well as service (in case the sunglasses break)?
    I’m in NYC and have access to most stores (but not nordstroms).
    Sunglass Hut? A department store? Any suggestions would be really appreciated.
    Thanks!

    1. Sunglass Hut is very good about that and they generally have a good selection of Rayabans. I’ve had no trouble exchaning gifted sunglasses with them before. I have not, however, dealt with them re: repairs.

  20. Hi ladies, I’m looking for some clothing fit advice. Tomorrow is my first day at a law firm. I am planning on wearing a new charcoal pencil skirt. However, the more I read about pencil skirt fit the more confused I am. The size 2 was definitely too loose and made me look shapeless, so I got a zero, which seemed to fit perfectly in the dressing room, and I can walk comfortably in it. However, I just tried walking and doing various positions in front of the mirror and noticed that it results in weird creases in the… crotch area. Not exactly a place I’d like to draw attention to. Is this normal? I just tried on my black pencil skirt and realized that it has the same effect, but the shadows are less noticeable due to it being black.

    1. Are the creases just wrinkles or are they pulls in the fabric. The light wrinkles are fine, but if the skirt pulls or shifts while walking, you need to go up a size.

  21. Regular poster, anon today. I will find out by COB tomorrow whether or not I will be the target of a lawsuit. I am asking for good thoughts, prayers and hoping all good karma I’ve stored up in this world will come together and keep me out of this. So freaked…so hard to concentrate today!

      1. +1, but also remember that even if you are sued it doesn’t have to be the end of the world. When I was in high school, both of my parents were sued for malpractice (separately, they had unrelated practices). Each was fine because they hadn’t done anything wrong. I know that doesn’t always mean you’re safe, but it certainly can. They were incredibly stressed out at the time, but now can barely remember it.

  22. It’s only Monday morning, and Friday can’t come soon enough….heading to Vegas on Friday morning and boy, do I need it.

    Give me some good food, some sunshine, a little shopping therapy, some Cirque de Soleil and a couple of hours lounging poolside with a long, cold drink (probably before 10am given the temperatures there right now)….I can’t possibly concentrate on escrow agreements right now.

    Sigh. It’s going to be a loooonnnnggggg week.

  23. Need some advice. I’m in the early networking stage of looking for a new job and recently had a meeting with my former boss’s former boss. I’m in DC and he’s not quite on the level of head of an agency/member of Congress, but just a shade below so a fairly influential contact. While we were talking he rattled off a bunch of his friends I should talk to and wound up by promising to contact them on my behalf, send them my resume, and arrange for them to get in touch with me for at least a quick coffee meeting. These friends are also great contacts and work in the kinds of firms that I think would be a great fit for me. After a few days, I hadn’t heard anything so I sent my resume in PDF form to his secretary saying “not sure if [boss] has sent the emails we discussed, but thought this format might be easier than the Word format if he hasn’t” (although my actual email had better wording than that). She never replied. It’s now been two weeks I have heard a thing. What should I do? He was very enthusiastic about reaching out on my behalf and I know that helping out a former staffer is not necessarily top of mind for him on a day-to-day basis (he’s also a bit of an absentminded professor, like many of his type in DC). Do I check back in with him? Do I email his secretary and ask for an update? He was doing me a favor, of course, but I don’t want to miss out on these introductions just because it slipped his mind. Thoughts?

    1. Does his secretary know who you are? If not, your email may have ended with her (and even if she does know you but is busy or not totally on top of things, same). It sounds like you need to contact the guy directly. It’s probably too late to call or send a card “just to say thank you,” especially if you already did that, but something else just reminding him that you exist is probably what to aim for. Any chance you can email him an article or something that relates to your field? The point isn’t for him to actually read it–it’s to subtly and politely put your name back into his mind so he will make the calls. You can attach the resume too in case it didn’t make it to him before.

      Ultimately, you may not be able to make it happen, or at least not on the scale that you’d like. I have found that sometimes big people like that enjoy being thanked for huge favors in advance but don’t ever get around to doing them unless they stand to gain something from it. You already know this, though–you’re not relying on him to get you a job, you’re just trying to use your contacts to best effect. Good luck!

    2. If he told you who he was planning on contacting, I would handle follow up by asking for their contact info. “When we met, you mentioned Tom, Dick, and Harry as potential contacts I could benefit from meeting. Would you mind providing me with their email addresses so that I can reach out to them? And may I use your name when I do?” Then try to set up informational interviews with them directly.

    3. You could also make a reference to a specific firm or opportunity, i.e., “I saw a couple of openings at X firm/agency and was wondering if you would mind linking me with your colleague to determine if this is a type of opportunity I want to pursue” or “I’m working on my professional development plan and wanted to reach out to some additional experts in the field — your advice was invaluable to me as I’m thinking through my next steps, and I’m hoping your colleagues would be amenable to a similar conversation.” I would skip the secretary — often they’ll weed emails like that out not realizing their boss does want to engage. Good luck!

  24. I have this dress, there’s a very high slit in the front center along the placket. I can’t wear it without a slip to fill the gap.

  25. Good post, keep up the good work… “Splurge Monday’s TPS Report: Dashina Classic Dress” – interesting title Kat. Great job Kat.

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