I think Boss has a hit with this asymmetrical cowl necked blouse — it’s interesting but elegant, and one of those pieces you can wear with everything, dressed up or down. It used to be available in white, also, but right now it’s only left in matcha green (pictured), navy and black. I like the loose fit, and the almost organic feel to the neckline. This is the kind of top I like to wear with delicate round-shaped necklaces, like my Maya Brenner initial necklaces, but you do you. The blouse is fully lined, and a mix of acetate/viscose; it’s available in sizes 2-14. It’s $285. BOSS ‘Imieti’ Split Cowl Neck Blouse Here’s are two similar sleeveless options in plus sizes (white/black and black/red); on the more casual, affordable side of things the top also reminds me of this hugely popular cardigan at ModCloth that comes in sizes XS-4X. Psst: know your office — going sleeveless isn’t always appropriate for every office. Seen a great piece you’d like to recommend? Please e-mail tps@corporette.com. (L-all)This post contains affiliate links and Corporette® may earn commissions for purchases made through links in this post. For more details see here. Thank you so much for your support!
We are a participant in the Amazon Services LLC Associates Program, an affiliate advertising program designed to provide a means for us to earn fees by linking to Amazon.com and affiliated sites.
Workwear sales of note for 9.20.23:
- Nordstrom – 28,000 markdowns, and big beauty sale!
- Ann Taylor – Extra 30% off all sale styles
- Banana Republic – Up to 40% off sale styles
- Banana Republic Factory – 50%-70% off everything + extra 20% off
- J.Crew – 40% off fall finds
- J.Crew Factory – 50%-70% off entire site, and extra 70% off clearance with code!
- Ministry of Supply – Shop fall workleisure, 25% off sitewide.
- M.M.LaFleur – Sale on sale, extra 10% off
- Shopbop – Up to 70% off, 1000s of new styles added
- Talbots – 25% off your entire purchase
- Zappos – 18,500+ markdowns for women!
Some of our latest posts here at Corporette…
And some of our latest threadjacks here at Corporette (reader questions and commentary) — see more here!
- Favorite comfy pants for an overnight plane ride?
- I’ve got a nasty case of tech neck…
- What’s a good place for a relaxing solo escape?
- What’s the best commuter backpack?
- I’m early 40s and worry my career arc is ending…
- I canNOT figure out the proportions in this current season of fashion…
- How is everyone wearing scarves in 2023?
- What shoes are people wearing to work between boot and sandal season?
- What’s a good place for a relaxing solo escape?
- What are some of your go-to outfits that feel current?
- I need more activities that are social, easy to learn and don’t involve extreme running/jumping/etc.
Zelda
Beautiful blouse, but I’m not sure I like the loose, boxy fit in the waist. Why are so many blouses like that now? It makes it more difficult to tuck all the extra fabric into pants and skirts.
Anonymous
Because they are not intended to be tucked in?
Cat
Yep.
Also, I’m thinking it’s cheaper to create boxy-fit garments, due to the reduced labor associated with creating all the seaming.
anon
And on lots of women that would look ridiculous/unflattering/unprofessional in a business formal-leaning environment. These tops are entirely useless as work wear to me. Glad they work for some.
Zelda
This. These tops are generally too long to wear untucked in my business formal environment. Plus, I prefer a tucked in or close fitting silhouette to highlight my waist.
anne-on
Single girl me would have hated this fit. Mom-me with the stretched out skin that won’t go away gives thanks for tops like this. Paired with a pencil skirt it looks intentional and not ‘is she pregnant again?’
hoola hoopa
+1
I love this top. Love the neckline.
KT
Agreed, love the neckline, hate the fit. The boxy shirt thing is getting old. My little waist is all i got going for me, darnit! :)
Anonymous
This, exactly. This kind of fit goes over my chest and straight down – no curves anywhere. Yuck!
Snick
It’s hard to wear a jacket over an asymmetrical neckline like this one. it always looks like something is awry.
Anonymous
I have hips disproportionately wide for my upper body, and I love this kind of bottom. It means the top can actually sit nicely over my hips instead of piling up above it, or riding up all day, without having to buy 3 sizes up and then having giant swaths of excess fabric in the bust, stomach, and back, and gaping underarm holes.
Anonymama
Because fashion trends cycle along, and loose, swingy tops and dresses are the currently “in” silhouette. As a pear, I actually like it, even for tucking in, because the blousier top balances me out a little. And I don’t have much waist to speak of, so not worried about hiding it.
Trousers help
Hi. I’m hoping someone can give me styling help with a new pair of trousers I love but can’t work out how to wear for work. They are a dark blue brocade with a lighter (mid) blue geometric pattern on them. They are 7/8ths length. I just can’t see how to dress them for work.
My office is pretty mixed when it comes to clothes. I’ve never seen my boss with a jacket on and it’s been years since he’s worn a tie (not in law).
lslsls
This sounds like the perfect opportunity to pull out white shirts and knits. Consider adding a camel or tan blazer and accessories, like pointy flats. Personally, I’d wear them with a white high-necked rushed top and my d’orsay pointy toe flats with a blazer.
lsw
Agree with ls. Also, I’d consider a flowing silk top in goldenrod, a cropped and/or fitted black blazer in a stiffer fabric (if the blue is not so dark that that would look like a mistake) over a white top, or a top in a deep magenta/wine/burgundy (whatever shade looks best on you). For shoes, I’d do a pointed or almond toe, either flats or classic thinner heel (not a chunky heel).
KT
A cream or ivory blazer with a gold/camel shell/pale pink shell would be gorgeous.
Or a bold fuscia blouse would be stunning too.
MargaretO
My immediate instinct would be a black turtleneck, and black point toed shoes (either flat or heel, I agree with the poster above that a chunky heel would not work with this look).
anonymous
What’s Halogen’s quality like? Is it good for the price, or is it super cheap quality too? Would you buy at full price or wait for a sale?
TK
Halogen is my go-to brand. Better quality than Banana or J Crew, but not cost prohibitive. I usually wait for a sale for all clothes – I have their signature seamed pencil skirt in half a dozen colors, and on sale they’re usually around $40. Every Halogen piece I’ve ever purchased has held up well, and because it’s a Nordstrom brand I can return anything at any time (not that I’ve had to, just nice to have the option.)
AIMS
I have only one halogen suit and that’s not quite my experience. I’m happy enough with it, but I’d definitely only buy another on sale. Fabric is not wool, usually, so more al0ng the lines of a CK or Anne Klein, with a slightly more modern fit, maybe. I never wear it for anything important and it always feels a bit like a “first job/summer internship suit.” With Banana and JCrew – I’ve at least gotten 98% wool fabrics. All three have pilled but I feel like the BR/JCrew suits looked a little nicer at the outset and for longer.
anon-oh-no
totally agree with this for halogen suits, but I think the sweaters/cardis, blouses/shells are worth what you pay for them
Mrs. Jones
I have several Halogen items, and they’ve held up well. I would wait for a sale.
Anonymous
It’s ok quality similar to anything else around the same price point (Vince Camuto, Ann Klein, Ann Taylor, etc) – it is not fantastic or anything. Some pieces are nicer than others. I went in the store to buy some wool cardigans once, but they were starting to pill on the hangar.
Anon
Their wool sweaters are absolutely horrible quality. I hand washed mine as required on the tag and it shrunk like two sizes….I ended up returning it. Nordstrom’s return policy rocks. I do like Halogen summer weight cardigans though(without wool), I have about 10 of them in different colors.
Anonymous
I had the same experience with a sweater from the anniversary sale. I almost bought another one at this last anniversary sale in a size up to account for shrinking, but decided it was ridiculous to have to do that every year so I splurged on an Equipment cashmere one with a 25% off code at one of the other stores (can’t remember if it was Saks or Bloom). I felt a little guilty for splurging at the time, but I’m happy I did it now and won’t have to buy a third this year.
M
I like the pants and suits. I’ve tried on the tops and sweaters and wasn’t impressed. The quality is fine. I like the suits much better than Banana Republic (which seem to always wrinkle on me). The pants are mostly washable, which I love. I wait for a sale to buy suits or pants.
Anonymous E
My boss offered to move me into a better office that was recently vacated after a round of layoffs. I said yes, but I feel super awkward about it because I’m new-ish here (though I was here before the layoffs started) and I don’t want people to think I asked for the move or am capitalizing on the layoffs. Am I overthinking this?
Spirograph
Yes, you’re overthinking. No one will say anything, and if they do, a quick remark to the effect that the layoffs were unfortunate, but you couldn’t pass up boss’s offer to take the office is all the explaining you need. Someone is going to move into the better office, it might as well be you.
Anon in NYC
Yes. Take the office!
Cat
Adding to the chorus — take it!
Cat
Oh, I skimmed over the part where you already said yes! Don’t fret too much — it’s not like the company is going to leave offices vacant. Yes your peers may be slightly jealous, but it’s not like they would have passed up the offer if they’d gotten it.
tazdevil
So what if people think you asked for it? If you are really worried about image management in your new job, focus on onboarding, mastering your new responsibilities, and cultivating relationships with the people whom you depend on to produce your work product as well as those who depend on your work product in order to do their jobs.
Ellen
Yay! I love this Cowel neck blouse, but sometimes the cowel get’s a littel to loose and Frank’s pencil is right there, pointing to you know what. FOOEY on him. I do NOT wear them to the office any more b/c I realy do NOT need his pencil anywhere near my jewelery and you know what. DOUBEL FOOEY!
As for the OP, yes, go for the best office b/c you will have more confidence if you are behind a desk where you can feel important. When Dad was in the CIA, he had a great office in Langeley, VA (which I was ONLEY once there to visit). All the peeople refered to him as Captian Barshevsky even tho his milieatary service was techniceally over, and he had alot of old picture’s on the wall with peeople wearing funny uniform’s.
So you should DO the same. Decorate with picture’s and you will feel great, and give better legal advise if you have a nice office. YAY!!!!
KT
Totally overthinking it. Enjoy the office!
SH
Haters gonna hate. Take the office.
Jordan
Would a man think twice? Probably not. #moveitonup
Advice Updates
Anyone have any updates about situations they have asked advice about recently? Many ‘rettes post thoughtful advice and it’s nice to hear back about how things did or didn’t work out.
me
I’ve asked a few questions and read others about breakups recently. I can’t overstate how much I have appreciated the advice of all the posters, even (especially?) when it was tough love. Still waiting for the day the sun will shine again, but just sending a thank you to those who reached out.
Anon
I am 100% with you right now. I will be okay. I feel silly though. Everyone else is bringing food to people having babies and making sure they are okay and my friends practically have me on suicide watch this week. Sometimes I don’t know what I would do without you all. Hard to hear it’ll get better. or the next one will be better. Nice to hear “how are you doing today?”
Everything else is going so well. I don’t understand why I keep getting looped in with these good guys who waste my time and end up being jerks. It doesn’t seem like there is any light at the end of the tunnel. I just feel like I have so much to give.
Tax Bill Lady
I loved hearing from you all that I wasn’t a criminal for avoiding my medical bill and taxes!
That took some of the shame out of them both, powered through and did them both and feel much better about myself.
Anon
Awhile back I asked about what I should do for my bf of 6ish or so months not being into having very many LGPs. The advice was to moveon.org and unfortunately after talking to my shrink (after deciding to end it) he told me it sounded very much tied to depression but that he was a good and otherwise loving guy. Cheated (at the very least emotionally) with a text. Found out two weeks after he said I love you. I confronted him and he could not have cared less. Now, I am mad at myself. 9 months wasted. In hindsight, I didn’t really share the LGP issue so from the outside, he looks like a total immature jerk. That doesn’t help AT ALL to my sanity. And I plan on spending the next $250 therapy session breaking up with that guy. Because the free advice I get and have got here has always been better. And cheaper. Love you guise. MEAN IT (Ellen caps).
Anonymous
PS – not 9 months wasted. 9 months of lessons to help the next decisions be better :)
Anon
Thanks. I rationally understand that but emotionally I feel like a sock left behind at the laundromat. A good sock too. One that really wicks the sweat away. Smartwool…
anonymous
I’m thinking of going to Korea over spring break next year. Is 9-10 days enough time there? I’m not a student but my companion is, so I could possibly stay a few days longer.
Anonymous
Definitely enough time, I assume you would home base in Seoul, which would be good for a week. I recommend taking a side trip of a day or two down to Busan, get away from the seoul insanity. Nice hiking out there too.
ChiLaw
Oh yes! I did a 10 day trip in the fall and it was perfect. Left me wanting more, but isn’t that always the way? It’s probably a good idea to base yourself in Seoul. I found Korea dreamily easy to get around (my home base was China at the time, so Korea felt positively tiny and so manageable). Maybe you’d like to stop in Gyeongju for a night or two? Very cool, very pretty, and very different from Seoul or Busan. Busan has great hiking, indeed. We had such fun getting lost on our way to Seokbulsa.
Anonymous
I have family there and I want to see so much so I’d spend more time if you have it, so that you could do/see some of the more remote stuff (jeju island, some of the eastern islands, and quieter villages/towns)
if you spend more time, you can also take it leisurely instead of packing everything into a few days.
it's easier to get a job when you have a job
To what extent do you believe that adage to be true?
I’m in a very precarious work situation. I have survived three recent rounds of lay-offs at my company but have also accepted the fact that I will most certainly be next. I’ve been job hunting since the first round but it’s taking time (as I expected). I’ve had countless friends and relatives tell me I’d better secure something quick before I’m unemployed. How paranoid should I be?
Idea
You’ll be fine.
If you have a good/legit story as to why you’re currently unemployed, that’s what hiring managers want to hear. The first questions are, why are you looking now/what was wrong with your last position?
And, when you’re unemployed, you can devote more hours/week to meeting people and applying. You’ll be fine.
Anonymous
Why are you going to waste time on being paranoid? Yes, it’s true. Do as much as you can as soon as you can, and that’s all you can control.
it's easier to get a job when you have a job
I’m not planning on wasting time being paranoid. I am, however, trying to resist the urge to accept the first not-right-for-me offer that comes my way just for the sake of having something immediately. My friends and parents are encouraging me to “panic grab” and it’s made me wonder about other people’s experiences in similar situations.
Anonymous
I think it is a time to really ask yourself if you are being too picky, yes. Not right for me is a luxury question, after all, so the issue is can you afford that? Do you have reasonable hope of finding something else soon? I have no idea what the answers to these questions are but I don’t think their concerns are completely off base.
Anonymous
I recently took a new job after surviving three rounds of layoffs. I didn’t take the first offer, but I did take an offer at a company I had reservations about. And I am regretting it. My advice is, keep your irons in the fire but if you don’t hate the job you’re at now, stick it out there until you’re certain your next move is the right one for you. Better a month or two of unemployment (assuming you can financially afford it) than taking a job you’re unhappy with.
it's easier to get a job when you have a job
Thank you for saying this. I have a strong feeling that I should still go with my gut when offers come in and not just take ANYTHING for the sake of having SOMETHING.
This is on my mind today because I was just offered a job that, on reflection, I believe would make me absolutely miserable. Those close to me are calling me insane for even contemplating turning it down, and so I’m second-guessing. Ultimately, I do feel lucky to be in a position to afford a bit of time unemployed and think it would be worth the risk if it means a better chance at finding fulfilling work.
Anonymous
I think you are the expert here! Yes, it’s a factor to consider but it isn’t the only one.
Anonymous at 10:41
I think the goal is to avoid having to go through this process all over again. If you take the first job you’re offered, even if it’s not a good fit, you’ll just be looking for a job again in 6 months. I understand why people say to jump ship when the ship looks like it’s sinking. But don’t jump to a life boat that looks less than seaworthy (oh, tortured analogy). Odds are that if you’ve survived three rounds of layoffs (a) the company doesn’t want to let you go or (b) the company may have found an equilibrium point. Either way, be intentional about your next move. Especially if you’re in an industry where you’re junior and/or job hopping is frowned upon.
Care
I would also consider whether the three rounds of layoffs are due to the company struggling or the industry struggling. If it’s the industry – and you are specialized in something particular to that industry – it may be better take the first thing offered because as more people are laid off, the competition for those jobs still out there will get fiercer.
Opal
Yes, but remember: “easier while having a job” =/= impossible without a job
Yes, you should be working on this, echoing everything above. But, if you do lose your job before finding a new one be sure to be able to briefly articulate what happened (ie: no, Potential New Employer, I wasn’t fired).
pockets
I was fired with no great explanation (you have a good one – after three rounds of layoffs no one is going to think you were fired for cause) and I got three job offers while being unemployed. The first offer was not perfect and I turned it down. It was really hard to do that! But it did let me (truthfully) say in future interviews that I already had a job offer, and I turned it down because I was more concerned about finding the perfect fit than finding a new chair to sit in. I think interviewers appreciated that.
s
One other perspective: I have a master’s degree and quit a job once that was true misery and thought I would pick up another in a month or two. 9/11 happened a few days later, and I ended up not being employed again until beginning of May. Would have taken a secretary job if I could have gotten one at that point. Job markets can change very quickly. I wouldn’t go for something that sounds wrong if you don’t have to. But I also wouldn’t wait for perfect if you’re fairly certain things are ending. No one knows what tomorrow will bring. It may take longer (even much longer) than a month or two to land somewhere.
No crying in baseball
I’m going to get my annual review in about a week and need advice on how to avoid getting emotional in my review. The review will be delivered in person with [local] boss and [not local but in-town for this] big boss. I’m expecting to hear that (i) I’m doing good work; (ii) I’m not on track to get a promotion; and (iii) I got an undeserved bad review from a partner I did 1 project with — and otherwise good reviews across the board. I think I could handle either (ii) or (iii) alone, but the combo of both and the unfairness of (iii) has been really tough to swallow.
Any tips? I don’t have a very good poker face when receiving criticism, and while Local Boss has seen me cry/emotion (and handled it well — hasn’t judged me for it, etc.), I really don’t want to go there in front of Big Boss. Thanks for any advice.
Anonymous
Start getting over it now. You’re going to hear that you are doing work. Great. You know one partner had a bad experience- oh well. You know they are going to say you aren’t on track for a promotion, so your goal is to figure out what you can do to get on track.
You know exactly what is coming. There is no reason to be crying about it. And this is part of being an adult. You can’t cry every time life is unfair.
Anon
I think we’ve talked about this before, but bring a glass of water with you – it’s so much easier to stop crying if you have something to distract you, and that you can pick up and hold if you’re getting nervous.
Otherwise, take a deep breath and I’m sure you’re doing great. Reviews are there to help you improve, not to beat you down.
KT
I’ve said this before, but I’m an easy crier. I’m embarrassed, frustrated, angry, whatever-I bawl.
The only thing that helps me is pretending I’m someone else, which sounds ridiculous but works. I pretend I’m Claire Underwood and think about how she would sit, what her expressions would be, and I try to emulate the ultimate ice queen.
I may have to bawl in the bathroom later, but it’s always kept me together during those awful meetings.
No crying in baseball
Thanks, KT, that’s really good advice. Thanks for understanding the easy crier thing and making me feel like I’m not the only one! I can totally handle critical/angry/demanding/questioning/etc. judges, opposing counsel, and even clients, but the “internal” criticism from within my firm and people I trust really taps into my feelings in a different way.
Opal
I need to challenge your calling them “awful meetings”. So long as everyone behaves in a certain way, they are completely normal, professional meetings that we will all encounter over the course of our careers. The meeting itself is not awful. Perhaps starting to frame them differently in your mind – necessary, professional growth, tough love, whatever… – will help reset the emotional response over time.
Anonymous
Right. A performance review where the overall message is you did a good job, and you know the negatives ahead of time and have an opportunity to process, is not awful.
Clementine
I’ve gotten countless Very Good to Exceptional review meetings, two ‘You’re fine’ reviews at a job I knew was a bad fit, and one Very Bad, ‘You need to re-evaluate’ set of reviews (one from each of two bosses) at a job I had coveted for a long time.
Guess which one has had absolutely the biggest impact on my professional life? And guess which boss I keep in touch with still as someone who gave me really rough feedback that I absolutely 100% needed at that point in my life. Look at this as an opportunity for growth- really.
Oh, and drink cold water and wear extra bronzer (helps camouflage redness a bit).
Walnut
To remain composed, I run through the anticipated conversation in my head and also through the best and worst case scenarios. I plan a couple questions to ask so I can deflect back to the other party to buy some time. I also carry in a coffee thermos, pen and notepad. So long as it’s not a pen I will nervously click then I can distract myself by taking notes and taking sips of coffee.
Ally McBeal
I imagine myself as Hillary Clinton during the Benghazi hearings. She was amazing at handling hours — hours! — of people scolding her.
NOT a Soldier
I pretend I’m my mentor, who could probably be told the building is on fire with the only copy of our 90% finished brief inside and would be /totally chill/, and not even “Chill but freaking out inside,” but just totally calm. He was in the military for a long time, so I remind myself that if he was chill while he was literally being shot at, I’m okay.
anon
Disassociate. I was in a similar situation recently (bad review from one mentally unstable boss I knew was coming and a stunning degree of unfairness). You know it’s coming which is the best advantage you can ask for, so go ahead and start imagining what will be said so that it’s not a shock-it won’t be fun, but it’s better than having your hopes dashed/being surprised. If you’re planning on responding to issues like the review and the promotion, rather than just receiving feedback, go ahead and plan those responses. Practice reminding yourself that this is not new information and that you know you’re a good employee and you’re doing the right things. It’s only 20 minutes you have to get through and then you can have whatever reaction you want in your office with the door closed, but all you have to do is play-act cool and collected. If you have to, literally imagine that you’re watching someone else go through this.
B
A mental re-framing thing that helps me is to tell myself that crying is simply not an option – don’t think about it as something that will be embarrassing, or what will happen if you do cry – just completely remove the possibility, because in a business environment with 2 levels of bosses, it really isn’t a possibility. I think about doctors and how when they deliver bad news, they cannot cry. On the physical, then and there side, I agree to bring something to district yourself like a glass of water, I also find that discreetly pressing a nail into my palm helps, as does tensing up and slowly releasing muscles.
Veronica Mars
Make sure that you have a good cry the night before. Maybe watch Up or do a youtube no cry challenge. Getting all your crying out can make you feel better and not like you’re bottling it up or trying to suppress your being upset.
Anon
Clear your throat if you start to feel it coming on. It interrupts the brain waves. Pinch your leg. Agree with watching the Notebook or whatever your go to cry movie is to get it out of your system.
Anon
I think it would really help to practice the conversation with a friend the night before.
Swimsuits
DH and I are headed to Hawaii in a few short weeks, and I am desperately in need of of some new swimsuits. All of my swimsuits are Target bikinis from thinner days, and I would like to buy some higher quality tankinis. Not sure if it matters, but I am pear-shaped and large of bust. Any suggestions on great brands/stores?
Mrs. Jones
Land’s End.
Anonymous
Seconded.
Anonymous
Thank you for this rec! I just found a perfect one-piece with DDD cup support (who knew manufacturers even offered this?!)
Anonymous
Lands’ End makes the best quality, best fitting swim suits hands down. Mine have lasted years.
Anonymous
Bare Necessities. Freya, Fantasie, Panache. Fun, cute, supportive.
Fishie
+1 – I buy my tops from Panache via Bare Necessities, and bottoms from Target.
Clementine
I just got a panache high waisted bikini in my current ‘they come in that size’ nursing size. I absolutely love it! The high waist keeps me from feeling at all self conscious and the fact that it’s still a bikini helps me feel like me (always been a bikini gal). My kid also has this funny way of kicking so that he pulls down my bikini bottoms with his toes (I would have never realized this could be a thing…) and this suit is great for playing with him.
Bonus: I totally look like a pin-up girl, versus looking ‘mumsy’.
Bonnie
If you’re going to get a couple swimsuits, I’d look at Old Navy. In my experience, they’re decent quality for the price. For more active styles, Athleta has a good selection. Target online also has a ton of cute tankinis.
kc esq
I find large of bust and tankinis don’t go well together. My post-partum compromise has been Lands End bikini top for support with a rash guard over it most of the time depending on how comfortable I feel with a bare belly at the moment.
Anonymous
You need better fitting tankinis! Lands End isn’t great above a D cup. There are lots of brands that build actual mesh underwire bras with hooks into tankinis that are super comfortable and supportive. But Lands End is not great at it.
Anonymous
ive actually found that lands end is my best choice for tankinis as a DD – theyve always been well-constructed and supportive
I keep forgetting my fake name
I’ve had unexpectedly good luck at JCPenny with swim suits. My traditional swim suit shopping method for the long beach is to order online every. single. swimsuit. that might possibly work, from every. single. store. I keep the best 3 and return the rest. For the last few years, my favorites have all come from JCPenny. They’ve all weathered just as well as the Nordstrom and other pricier suits.
And it sounds like we’re similarly shaped, so my only other advice is the magic of halter top tankinis with wide thick straps. Being able to tie the straps to the right length helps a great deal with support, in my experience.
Britt
I love Athleta!
Vi
+1
Anon for this
Hope I’m not too late to this party–
Here’s the scoop:
Land’s End makes cup-sized swimwear. So…D, DD
Others mentioned here–Freya, Fantasie, etc.,–make bra-sized swimwear. 32F, 38D, whatever.
So if Land’s End tops work for your band size, great!
I prefer the bra-sized swimwear tops. I read reviews on bra and other sites, and order from Nordstrom first to determine what fits. Tankini tops and bikini tops I’ve gotten this way have been great.
Bottoms I get from LE, because they are less expensive.
Voloom
Has anyone tried Voloom or have any thoughts about it? It’s a hair iron that sort of crimps an underlayer of your hair to give it more volume. I am intrigued – my hair is pretty flat and I hate how teasing feels.
Anon
I just can’t fathom paying $285 for acetate/viscose.
hoola hoopa
OMG, I totally missed that.
That’s so, so wrong.
I no longer love this top.
Abbie
Looking for a bit of advice – I FULLY realize that all of this depends on location, specific information, etc. so I am not going to set in stone anything – just trying to see if we should contact an attorney to get more information.
My husband and I started a business in 2015 that is somewhat different and specialized – we raise a product for resale. We were told that after a year we would start to see cash flow and see the death loss go down in our product. We hired consultants who were ‘experts’ in this field for $10,000 to help us get started and give advice and daily updates. We haven’t seen anything CLOSE to being able to cash flow and have been contacted by others who were ‘helped’ by these same consultants who haven’t seen production like ‘promised’. We bought into their system and advice, yet I think they have not seen profit either from actual production, but rather see profit from having 5-10 new consulting contracts each year.
Long story short, do we have any legal ground to stand on in getting our $10,000 back? Others who used their consulting are considering legal action as well, but I do not want to end up throwing money into the situation to get nothing out of it. Thanks for any advice you can lend.
Anonymous
Without any info (like, are your alpacas dying off) unlikely. Bad advice and a failed business aren’t generally actionable. You’d need to establish deliberate fraud or a violation of your states’ consumer protection laws. And you’re going to wind up spending more on legal fees than you lost. Is this a MLM plan? If so, quit. If not, look for information you don’t have to pay for.
Anonymous
So, anyone interested in starting an MLM alpaca farm company? It’s just silly enough to work. And I do like alpaca and have lroperty zoned for them :-)
Come to my backyard expo! Leave with fancy backyard plans and for a few thousand you can rope others into this awesome experience!
I could do beekeeping, too. Chickens, not so much. Goatscaping? I will be spending my afternoon planning possibilities!
ITDS
Marijuana? Chinchillas? Sounds to me like the consultants you “hired” to help you start a “different and specialized” business were really selling you a get rich quick scheme that isn’t working out.
Anonymous
I really hope it’s pot.
Also, I would be willing to bet that any somewhat-sophisticated consulting company had a lot of fine print in their advertising/contracts regarding results and promises about outcomes.
If there are enough of you who feel misled by this company, consider contacting your state’s attorney general’s consumer protection division. They may investigate if the complaints are numerous/serious enough.
CountC
Chinchillas! SNORT
chinchilla
I really want to know what it is.
Lawyer here- not my practice area, but this does not sound actionable barring an explicit, written guarantee of profit. I’d take a look at the fine print, I’m sure that it states somewhere that results are not guaranteed. You’re probably best off contacting the consumer protection division, or writing a review. It’s an expensive let down and hard to swallow, but sinking money into a lawsuit isn’t going to get you your $10,000 back and you’ll probably spend at least $1,000 on Advil Migraine. .
Anonymous
No. Your post doesn’t suggest that they lied to you in anyway or that they were fraudulent. Rather it suggests that they sold you consulting services and a system that they marketed as allowing you to turn a profit. While you had a reasonable expectation of profit, it doesn’t sound like they “guaranteed” you a profit in any way. If you have any written marketing materials or emails, go back and look — were they ever promising a profit?
Reasonable expectation of compensation in a situation like this isn’t actionable. And in marketing, puffery (salesmenship; making your product sound better than it is) is allowed.
You can sue for anything you want and you can find some lawyer out there who will take it. But unless you have some evidence of actual lying or actual broken promises, you’ll spend more time and money litigating to recover nothing. And if you pursue it — DO NOT go with any kind of legal representation other than contingency; would hate for you to pay big money on a case like this.
Anon
Don’t waste your time – there isn’t a decent lawyer that would take this on a contingency fee plan, and you will sink in more time and energy than you’ve already lost (times five). Just write a scathing review and move on.
Anon
Is there something in the contract that they didn’t do? Maybe a breach of contract cause of action? Also, your state might have a consumer protection law that they might have violated. Worth checking and sometimes a pre-litigation letter can be enough to get a settlement out of them, especially if this is an issue for many of their cuatomers
Embarassed Anon
Anyone have major work done on their front teeth? I may need to get implants on my 3 front upper teeth as a result of some major root damage and am freaked out about the process. Dentist will obviously give me some temporary something so I don’t look like a toothless old crone but ugh….. I know it’s silly but I really don’t want anyone including my husband to know about it in too much detail.
Anonymous
Dental work is pretty routine! I don’t think you need to be ashamed or hide it, and especially not from your husband. People are mostly just sympathetic, because nearly all of us know that pain.
PirateTeeth
I have! I lost two of my front teeth in an accident and ended up getting implants. I had two types of fake teeth when I was toothless, a flipper and a bridge. The flipper basically a retainer with fake teeth attached. (It’s purely cosmetic and you have to take it out to eat.) Don’t be afraid to go back several times to get it refit – an uncomfortable flipper is torturous. The bridge was much better. I couldn’t bite down on, say, apples, but other than that my life went on as usual.
Say Cheese!
Not an implant, but I have a crown on one of my front teeth resulting from an abscessed tooth requiring a root canal. I can’t comment on the implant process, but in my case the temporary tooth looked pretty good and was only in for about 2 weeks. Just be careful not to bite into anything hard – apples, tough bread, etc. I did not have any issues with the temporary.
My only advice would be to make sure you are happy with the color of the implants and that your dentist will work with you on this. My original dentist did not make color a priority and my crown ended up looking gray compared to my other teeth. I asked for a replacement, which ended up not being much better. I am now going to a new dentist who is helping me match the color correctly and replacing the crown for a 3rd time.
Pear
This.
Make sure you work with a dentist with an excellent reputation for this type of work, and look carefully at the replacements to make sure you are happy with color etc…
H
My left front tooth is a veneer and I’ve had it redone for a root canal before. I’m actually about to get it redone again. It’s not a big deal. Most people won’t notice, and if they do, they probably won’t say anything. My advice is to take the opportunity and get all of your teeth whitened.
Also, what kind of relationship do you have with your husband that you can’t talk to him about this???
Embarassed Anon
We have a great relationship. He wouldn’t care. I care. He knows I need to get a bunch of dental work. I’d rather not say “I’m going to get a bunch of my front teeth removed and have fake ones put in, here look!” specifically. I’d compare it to going to the bathroom in front of your spouse. Nothing wrong with it if you’re comfortable with that, but kind of kills the romance for me.
Anonymous
Won’t he notice? Maybe this is when you start trying to communicate about your health. It won’t be the only time and this is pretty benign. Hey, I’m getting veneers on some of my teeth. Can you pick up soup instead of pizza?
Embarassed Anon
Oh geez, that’s the whole point of my post – I’d rather avoid this. It’s not a veneer, it’s much more elaborate but largely cosmetic so I don’t feel like talking about it too much. I can say pick up soup because I had a bunch of stuff done at the dentist without specifying exactly what I’m having done. Maybe your husband is different, but mine doesn’t ask for a dental play by play. As to whether he’ll notice, that’s sort of what I’m trying to figure out by asking for others’ experiences. I’d obviously rather he didn’t, whether he will or not is not clear. If you have had any of your front teeth removed and implants put in, I’d love to hear all about it. But that’s my question. Not whether I need to communicate with my spouse better.
Diana Barry
Dude, it *is* pretty weird that you wouldn’t tell your DH about it.
Anonymous
He will notice. It’s weirder if you’re secretive.
Anonymous
Of course he’ll notice, you share your lives and home together. Are you that ashamed of yourself? I’m getting super weird vibes about your relationship.
PirateTeeth
I get it – I’m not normally self conscious but walking around without front teeth for a few days (poorly fitting flipper) made me anxious about my appearance in general. In all honesty, if you get a flipper I think it’s inevitable for your husband to see you without teeth (at night, for example, or while eating). Just remember it’s temporary and that you’ll see him in bad situations in the future. No one ages with their dignity fully intact. In the short term, do things to make yourself feel attractive – fancy eye makeup, new bathrobe, etc, and hang in there!
Embarassed Anon
My dentist said I could eat with the flipper as long as it’s soft foods and I am careful to clean the area after while my gum heels and they fit the temporary bridge. Is that not possible?
PirateTeeth
My dentist just told me to take it out, but possibly he was over-cautious.
CountC
I am trying to ask this in the kindest way possible . . . what about having dental work done is making you feel this way about it (especially as your husband doesn’t care)? A lot of people have dental work done, both for health and cosmetic reasons. I don’t see this as any different than someone having their teeth cleaned, getting braces/Invisalign, or a root canal or whatever.
The only comments I have ever made to someone regarding their teeth have been positive. Are there jerks out there? Sure, but who cares what they think? It sounds like this is not an optional procedure, so hopefully you will be able to accept that dental work is very commonplace and is nothing to be ashamed of.
Embarassed Anon
I think it feels like I am too young for it. I understand that there are actors in Hollywood who have all their teeth replaced at 25 but I am not even 40 yet and it feels like I am surrounded by people including my husband who barely get a cavity. So I know it’s normal but braces or cleanings or veneers all feel like normal cosmetic things, but implants feel like a modern improvement on dentures.
CountC
Hmm, I’m sorry you are struggling with this, but I honestly can say I don’t know anyone who would look askance at you for this even if you were 25. Perhaps it would be helpful to try to reframe your thinking? It’s a procedure you need, right? For your oral health? Personally, I’d rather get even better looking new teeth than suffer pain or further damage in my mouth. Who doesn’t want better look teeth, right?
Also, I know people who have had implants who are younger than 40 – it happens. Please try to be kind to yourself! I find the more anxious I am about something, the more attention I draw to myself about it which is usually the exact opposite of what I want. Treating is as NBD generally leads to other people treating it as NBD.
Embarassed Anon
Thank you for this perspective. I am not opposed to thinking about this some more and I do appreciate your thoughtful responses.
FWIW, no weirdness in my relationship contrary to the “vibes” anonymous at 12:06 is feeling. I don’t think it’s weird that I hope he doesn’t notice something I find embarrassing for my own reasons and while I welcome thoughts on whether it’s possible to be discreet about this from those who actually went through it, an anon poster saying “of course he will because you live together” without any foundation for that opinion in having gone through this process is not super helpful to me.
Cc
Sorry it is super weird though. This is the man you’ve chosen as your life partner! Don’t hide medical issues from him. It makes it seem like you don’t have a real relationship honestly, you need to share medical info with him. What if there was a complication? I am assuming he is your emergency contact. Can you imagine how bewildered he was if they called him to drive you home?
PirateTeeth
@Embarrassed Anon. I’m not sure if all commentators realize that you won’t have front teeth for 6 months while the bone heals around the titanium screws. I do think you need to give your husbands a heads up, since during that time it’s almost inevitable that he’ll see you toothless, but I definitely get that you don’t want to appear toothless in public on a regular basis.
And… Is your dentist doing both at once? Mine said that it was problematic to put in two screws at once, for what reason I don’t remember.
anon
He is absolutely going to notice. I also think it’s super strange not to be able to talk to your husband about this. Or to feel that he doesn’t care. This is coming across as very bizarre.
National Anthem
I have two teeth that are implants – on either side of my two front teeth – so here’s my two cents.
I think everyone is right that dental work generally is not a huge deal and people won’t notice or care much, but it’s important to remember that having dental implants is surgery, and it is not a quick process. It is not a terrible surgery, and I would do it again in a heartbeat because my results were phenomenal, but they open up your gums and drill into your jaw – this is not fun, and you will need to recover from it. Some people get put under for the first surgery, but I did not and it was weird but fine (I could feel the hole in my jaw bone with my tongue and it was disturbing, but I have no one to blame but myself for deciding that it was a good idea to do that). However, after the initial post implant surgery my face was super swollen for a couple days, and I spent the first 12 hours or so throwing up from all of the numbing drugs involved. And throwing up while you have brand new stitches in your gums is pretty ugly. The initial surgery is not pleasant but manageable – however, someone you live with will want to know how you got to be in this state.
Another thing to remember is that this is a somewhat long process. You have the initial surgery, where they put in the posts, but then they stich your gums back up over the post and let them heal in there (the posts are perforated and your bone needs to grow into the posts so that they are stable). You have a retainer with teeth during this time, and it’s about a six month period. Also, although you might be able to eat with the retainer in after a while (I couldn’t really make that work very well, because you get food in your retainer and it’s just gross), right after you have the posts put in you will have stiches in your gums, and you will not want to chew on that.
After the posts are stable, you have another (very minor) surgery where they open up your gums again and put abutments on the posts so you can attach the teeth. They put temporary teeth on the abutments, but you have the temporary teeth for a while because they want to make sure that the posts are stable and won’t shift/can handle chewing and whatnot before they put the permanent teeth on. Eventually you get permanent teeth and it’s magical.
If you want to go forward with this process, please talk about it with your husband. Or if you really want him to not be involved, you need a friend to help you out… but having dental implants is kind of an undertaking, and you need to keep a support person apprised. Overall, the process for me was about a year, and it involved a bunch of appointments – I just can’t imagine living with someone and them not being kept on the loop.
Also, for what it’s worth, I had the first part of the surgery done my freshman year of college when I was 17. My college had sorority rush week the week after I had my surgery – My face was swollen, I couldn’t eat the snacks at the houses, and talking was pretty painful, so I get feeling like it’s a weird thing that you’re way too young for. However, it’s much more common than you would think. And now that it’s done, the implants are wonderful – no one would ever know unless I told them.
hwp
I also have a front tooth implant. I can confirm much of the above advice/experience, though my post installation and recovery were really easy (done through oral surgeon).
I totally get the anxiety associated with it being obvious that you are undergoing treatment. I was lucky enough to have a temporary tooth the entire time. I was not able to bite into food with my temp but It was not obvious that I was undergoing treatment.
My one piece of advice is to make sure that you are totally comfortable with your dentist. You will have many appointments and there will be times when you question whether it is worth it. A second opinion never hurts… My dentist specializes in cosmetic dentistry. He is a perfectionist and that was super-annoying at times. But he didn’t put my permanent implant in until the color was just right and I am so thankful now because people cannot tell that it is an implant.
Good luck!
Mrs. Jones
This is the weirdest post I’ve seen in a while. You don’t want your husband to notice dental work? There will be a lot more, worse things for him to notice as you age, so you will need to get over that.
Opal
1. Child birth
2. Post child birth
3. God forbid, any kind of major illnesses
4. Incontinence
5. …the list goes on.
I wish you luck with this surgery, but unpack the bigger issue before health-related sh!t gets real.
Anonymous
So much this. I say this having two aging parents, one of whom recently passed away.
Before that, my mom broke her arm in a fall and could not wash her own hair with the cast. My dad washed her hair in the sink for her, blow dried it, and curled it. He went to the store and bought her all the dry shampoos to try and I believe even asked a clerk for recommendations (this is a man who, prior to smartphones and GPS, would drive hours in the wrong direction before he’d ever swallow his pride and ask for help).
Then he got cancer and my mom had to take him to all his appointments. She had to apply ointment for bed sores after his surgery, and buy products to relieve constipation caused by his pain meds. At the very end, he lacked the strength to sit up to urinate but kept pulling out the catheter, so she (and my brother once he got home) had to help him sit up and aim into the bedpan.
I never really knew what kind of marriage my parents had until I witnessed all of this. I had thought they were one of those couples that tolerates each other fine but isn’t passionately in love, and just stuck with the status quo over the years. But what I saw…THAT’s romance. Not whatever false notion you’re trying to maintain here. Tell your husband.
Anonymous
+1
Is he going to wait in the hallway while you give birth like it’s the 1950s because you think if he’ll see childbirth it’ll ruin the romance?
ezt
Yeah, I have given birth in front of my husband, was not remotely embarrassed about anything that happened there (and believe me STUFF HAPPENED) and I still get it, I wouldn’t really want my husband to see me without front teeth. So OP, for whatever it’s worth, I don’t think you’re weird, I don’t think you need therapy, and I don’t get any weird vibes about your marriage from your question. (I don’t think she was literally saying she is going to try to keep any of this a SECRET from her husband).
That said, I do think you’re probably building it up in your head more than you need to and, at the end of the day, weird and gross health stuff happens and when it happens to the people we care about, we deal with it – it’ll all be fine. I think maybe mentioning to your husband how anxious this aspect of it is making you could help, since I’m sure he’ll reassure you that he it’s not a big deal and that all that matters to him is that you’re taking care of your health.
Embarassed Anon
Thanks, ezt. I had 2 kids with husband in the room. I asked him to not stay at the foot of the bed because for me that would have been too much, but it was fine and he was great and I was happy to have him there. I’m not trying to hide this from him, just would rather not go into detail. I appreciate that you get my issue and you’re probably right that I’m building it up in my head. I’m just sort of surprised by how many people either missed the point of my post or don’t get it. I think with teeth in particular there’s an aspect of judgment involved too – like if you have issues, you have bad dental hygiene or something, and I did take terrible care of my teeth for a long time which is probably why I’m embarrassed. If I just lost them riding a horse or something, I’d be more okay with disclosing it.
Implants
I posted on a similar thread a week or two ago. At age 25 I got the news that I was losing all my front top teeth due to root resorption, and at age 27 I had five teeth in the front/top removed and replaced with implants. My “teeth” look beautiful and nobody would ever know they aren’t natural. The timing was truly awful and I actually got married with the temporary bridge in between the two procedures; my wedding pictures look great. You’ll be fine.
I am shocked that you don’t want your HUSBAND to know. He’s going to know. You’re going to come home on serious painkillers, disoriented, with a mouth full of stitches, and a temporary bridge that you can’t bite or chew on. How is this any more of a romance killer than if you had any other medically necessary minor surgery? If you got a biopsy would you hide it from him? I just don’t understand.
Anonymous
I’m 25 and had a root canal tooth break (thanks, mom/dad/old dentist who never told me I needed to have it crowned) last year. I had the emergency extraction done and bone graft, and had the tooth next to it crowned so the same thing didn’t happen. I went back the other day and am getting ready to do the implant. It’s not a front tooth – second from my canine – but not a back tooth either. I’ve kind of gotten used to it. Going to get the implant to prevent moving but, blegh. Dental work blows.
anon
I find a lot of these comments quite unsupportive. I have had major dental work done and while my husband has been aware of it, I don’t discuss it with him in detail. I have some historical personal issues about dentists in general and am quite embarrassed by the whole thing. I totally understand where you are coming from and I don’t think it weird or unusual. Your original comment said you didn’t want him to know about it “in too much detail” and I think that is fine.
However, it is a major undertaking. In reverse, my cavity-free husband of 20 years had to have his front tooth replaced with an implant this past year. It was about a 4 month process. He had a temporary “flipper” while his bone healed. I knew this was happening, I knew when he was going to his appointments and very generally what they were for and whether they went well or not. I didn’t ever really look at his missing tooth nor did he go out of his way to show it to me for the ENTIRE time. He did have a tiny lisp when he first had the temporary replacement. His new tooth looks beautiful and he’s really pleased with it. I would bet your husband will be the same as me.
You are being adult and responsible and addressing a health issue. I do think it’s important for you that your husband be aware you’ve chosen this course of treatment, but you are an autonomous person who can deal with this largely on your own if that is what you prefer. And think how gorgeous your teeth will look.
After 50 years I am telling you – just get it over with. You’ll be thrilled and only sorry for putting it off.
Good luck!
Embarassed Anon
Thank you so much for this. I appreciate you reading what others seem to have missed, i.e., that he will know I’m having dental surgery and maybe I’ll say I’m getting “an implant” but that I’d just rather not spell out exactly how many teeth I need to take out if it is at all possible. It’s complicated but not because of our relationship, more my own issues with dentists and my teeth and all that.
Anonnnnn
I also completely understand. A lot of people have shame/fear issues associates with their teeth. I frequently apologize to dentists when they find a cavity. You are not weird and I don’t get why people are being so harsh and quick to judge your relationship. Everyone has their own thing that they’d rather keep slightly vagueish from their SO for the sake of romance, and it’s not a rational decision or indicative of some problem in your marriage!!!
And this is a plug for dentists who are generous with the sedation. I finally found one who specializes in anxious patients, and it’s been a godsend.
Embarassed Anon
Thank you.
anon
Someone I did an informational interview with some months ago just followed up to see if I’ve found a job (I am employed, but looking). I’d love to work with this person and have reason to think this person might be hiring in the near future. Is there a way to respond that isn’t directly “not yet, please hire me,” but not quite as vague as “not yet, if you hear of anything please let me know?”
Anonymous
“I am currently working at X where I’m doing A, B, C. Professionally I still remain interested in Z, and I certainly keep an eye out for those types of opportunities as they arise.”
And Z should be whatever he/his company does.
Wanderlust
How about, “I’m still on the hunt for a position that’s a good fit,” or something along those lines?
Idea
This and add in what you’ve been doing in the meantime to build experience, keep busy, etc.
Job Hopper
Regular poster, going anon. My employer lost several major clients and cut my hours (and of course, salary). I am now an independent contractor, with no guarantee of income. I had a baby in March and returned to work (teleworking) when he was 3 weeks old because we just couldn’t swing unpaid time off. So, to say the least, we really can’t afford this.
I graduated law school in 2011, did a one year term clerkship, worked for 1.5 years in patent prosecution (primarily software/EE patents) at a small boutique, and did one year in patent litigation at a big firm where I knew and admired many attorneys in other practice areas before burning out (between a 1.5+ hour commute each way and an extremely demanding senior associate, I just couldn’t hack it). So I worked in patent searching for the past year and it was awesome, but Alice has finally caught up and our clients are shutting down their patent work.
Since I have a 2 month old baby, I need to be able to telework. I interviewed for a project attorney position in patent litigation that was teleworking. I was the only person with actual experience that he interviewed. But he seemed really caught up on my work history, so I did not get the position.
Yes, I’m a job hopper. My resume looks terrible. But I have to work. I can’t even seem to get my foot in the door to explain. I explain in cover letters, but I’m not getting any responses. What else can I do to overcome this job hopper label?
Also, how do I deal with the guilt? I feel like I’ve made the wrong decision at every turn for the last 8 years (since I decided to go to law school). I left a great career where I was working in the most in demand skills (still in demand) just because I was bored and wanted to be a lawyer since 7th grade. I feel like I’ve financially ruined DH and me. I’m considering returning to that career, but that makes this just one huge stall. And I’ll have to overcome the 8 years AND job hopping. I alternate between hating myself and hating my employer since he kept saying (even as recently a 1.5 weeks before cutting my hours) we were slammed and he was happy I was only taking 3 weeks off for my baby since we had so much work. He completely blindsided me. Had I known, I could have done something. Now, even interviewing is a hassle.
Anonymous
1- you have no way of knowing anyone is labeling you as a job hopper. Your resume doesn’t sound terrible, it sounds like you’ve had solid experience and are well rounded in your field.
2- why do you need to telework? If you found a full time job today you prob wouldn’t start for another month. Day care or a nanny are both options to consider. Working from home with a baby won’t be viable much longer any way.
3- get a grip. You’re employed in a job related to why you went to law school. You have prospects. You have a fall back career. You didn’t make a stupid decision that financially ruined you. You sound really down on yourself. Maybe get some help for that? Both for life generally and because people want to hire employees who are confident! And you should be!
pockets
+1 to all of this. You’re not a job hopper – your first job was clerking, and everyone knows that is a 1-2 year gig at most. Then you went to a small firm, then big firm, and then something else. It’s not a ridiculous trajectory. It actually seems perfectly normal. I would even stop explaining it in a cover letter – by explaining you might make it seem like a bigger deal than it actually is.
Working from home with a 2 month old is one thing, but as your baby gets older it will be harder (if not impossible) to do this unless you just put your child in front of the TV for most of the day (no judgment but this may not be the ideal for you) and accustom yourself to doing work to the theme song of Dora the Explorer. You have 2 more months, max, of being able to get any substantial work done during the day.
Anonymous
You are doing amazing considering you went back to work after three weeks and currently have a two month old. Honestly, I would consider a return to your former career as it doesn’t sound like you enjoy your work. Don’t think of these as lost years – if you had stayed in your other career you might have always wondered ‘what if’ about law school and been unhappy as a result. Hopefully adding the J.D. will improve the types of positions you can get in your former career.
Hugs. Hope you find the right path forward.
Anonymous
I’m a 2011 law grad who is in her third job since law school. I don’t think it’s as uncommon as you think it is. I may wouldn’t even make a big deal out of it in a cover letter until you start getting repeated feedback about your resume making you look like you’re job-hopping.
Also, go easy on yourself. I hope you find something soon.
anon
Yep. Almost every grad I can think of for that time frame has moved jobs more than they expected- a number of us took “starter jobs” and then moved on to better positions that we’d probably have had right out of school in a better economy. Or we clerked or did a “fellowship” of some kind. You’re not alone. I’m a 2012 grad- I’m on my second job after clerking.
I remember feeling like I’d made the wrong turn and f’ed up my career via the choices I’d made. But that’s not really true, and it’s not true for you either. You don’t know that it would be better if you’d made different choices. It’s easy to fantasize that would be the case, but it’s not a certainty. You don’t know where you’ll wind up. Life can only be understood backwards, but it has to be lived forward. Good luck.
Anon
I think you need to cut yourself some slack. Sometimes your resume is not perfect, but that doesn’t mean you don’t have skills. I also think that you are being a bit narrow in thinking that you _must_ telework. This would hamper any jobsearch, regardless of credentials. This is, of course, a choice, but it may be that you need to consider not teleworking.
Also, it sounds like you are applying to jobs cold. That is a recipe for not hearing back, in today’s day and age. You need to network your way into your next job, because a networking connection can “hurdle” your choppy background and talk you into getting an interview, where you will shine.
I am sure you are exhausted and frustrated. There has to be something between biglaw and teleworking and changing fields. Keep on keeping on. You have skills. An employer will want them! But set yourself up for success by making your jobsearch (i) reasonable and (ii) personal. You can do this. But you need to change tack a bit.
Good luck!
Been There
Please talk to a doctor or a specialist. As a mom who had a baby in 2008, I think your career and job frustrations may be overlapping with post-partum depression and anxiety issues. I don’t want to brush any of this away as “you’ll be fine!” You WILL be fine – but please please talk to a professional about your concerns – even your child’s pediatrician is a good place to start, your ob/gyne, any Employment Assistance Program that you have (your husband may have one), a nonprofit — you need re-assurance from YOURSELF and from someone that is not a stranger on the internet.
We love you.
Ally McBeal
+1,000,000
Anonnnnn
Seconding this as another Been There. I can’t tell you how many times I thought going to law school was a huge mistake. Now I have a great job (after several not so great ones) that I love and that makes me think “THIS is why I did this!”
Be kind to yourself.
Anon
I listened to a talk by the (shockingly young) dean of my program at my law school the other week. He was a 2005 law school grad and had the wackiest trajectory ever. He had 5 jobs in 5 years – firm mergers, recession layoffs, firm going down in scandalous flames. And here he is, 10 years later, dean of a law school program! (How? Networking. He kept in touch with his classmates and mentors throughout everything.)
Your job moves seem normal to me. Take some of the advice other posters have given to heart.
And everything in life is better with sleep. Everything. Don’t make big decisions when you’re sleep deprived. So try to get some rest as you’re able and things will seem brighter. I’ve also thought law school was a mistake and that I should have stayed in my previous career, but you simply have to believe that the future is going to be better. Like someone else said, you would always wonder what if if you hadn’t done it.
Doom and Gloom
Software patents are dying a slow, quiet death.
I would transition far away from software and EE patents. Alice will wreak havoc for the next decade until the courts get their sh!t together. The profession is going to have to contract and suffer a huge reduction-in-force. I’m guessing at least 50%, maybe closer to 80% before the dust settles.
Don’t feel guilty. You entered a once great niche at a very bad time. That is not your fault. It is Mark Lemley’s (and friends) fault.
Transition to a new area of law. With litigation experience, maybe do some corporate or general litigation? I think by transitioning, you’ll be taking control of your situation. There is life after patent law!
Anonymous
Add me to the chorus of “hard on yourself” and “teleworking isn’t required.” You are trying to be a FT mom and a (mostly?) FT employee and that is not sustainable unless you have the world’s most flexible job.
I had the world’s easiest baby and was able to swing working from home and putting him in daycare for only 4 days/week, and even that was challenging. I scheduled all my phone calls for daycare days and worked long hours to give myself breathing room/flexibility on Non-daycare day. That worked OK but I never, ever could have done with less daycare than that. And as he got older, it was way harder. 6-18 months was the worst because he had no interest at all on TV, so I had no worst-case back up plan. Now at 3 he can watch TV for 30 min if I’m working at home and he’s home sick…but that’s about it.
Anonnnnn
Yeah, if anyone’s telling you it should be easy to work full-time from home while also being the sole childcare provider, they are full of it. That isn’t doable for anyone.
ND
I’m a Californian headed to NYC next week and am curious how locals dress for this ‘in between weather’? It is May but 50s and 60s, can I break out the spring wear with an extra layer or is it still winter? I’m especially perplexed on shoes… Do people wear boots or transition into summer sandals and brave bare toes? This is a personal trip with need for a few semi formal occasions (tights or no tights with a dress?). Or am I just being an oblivious Californian and 60 degrees IS spring :) Any advice is appreciated!!
Anonymous
Spring with a jacket! Most people are wearing neither boots nor sandals. This is shoe weather- actual shoes. I mostly see people in jeans, tops, a jacket of some sort and ballet flats/Toms/whatever shoes. If you’re going out to dinner I would go bare legged, if you’re going to be outside for a long time you’ll prob get cold.
But for sure it is spring not winter!
AIMS
Layers! No tights with a dress because once everything is green and in bloom, tights look weird. You can do nude hose/fishnets if you really can’t stand bare legs in this weather.
I’d compare our current weather to San Francisco – it’s sunny and warm in the daytime and chilly at night and early in the AM. I tend to wear pants and flats, with a tank/tee and either another shirt/sweater layered over, plus a light jacket and springy scarves. You could also do ankle booties. But tall boots look out of place at this point.
Wendy
That’s exactly what I’ve been wearing on my legs: nude pantyhose on cooler days and black or beige fishies on warmer days.
TO Lawyer
I live in Toronto but similar weather. I’ve transitioned to spring but not open toe shoes yet. I went bare legged yesterday but it was too cold so I’m back in pantyhose today. I won’t wear tights (black opaque tights look too wintery to me) but I think pantyhose is a good in between. I’m wearing shoes without socks (i.e. ballet flats or slip on sneakers) but no sandals yet.
I’ve been throwing on a leather jacket or drapey trench coat over my spring outfits. In my mind, this is spring and I’m tired of all my boots and winter clothes.
Hope that helps!
ND
Thanks all, super helpful advice! I am a San Fransiscan so sounds like I’ll feel right at home :)
NYNY
On the subway home last night I saw everything from shorts + tank top to wool coat + boots. You could seriously wear anything and blend in.
I’m doing bare legs with skirts/dresses these days, but haven’t broken out the sandals yet. I wear a trench coat most days, and pumps or other closed-toe shoes are good right now. Also, bring an umbrella!
Un-housetrained
My well-trained 5 year old dog has always lived with me in apartments. To go outside, I’d have to leash her up, usually go down several flights of stairs, and go for a walk on the sidewalk. Her signal to go outside was an insistent whining/tail-wagging, and we never had any accidents since she was a tiny puppy.
We just moved into a three-story house with a backyard (yay!). As a result she gets to go outside much more often (though still gets walks). She does her “business” in the yard and on walks. However, she has also been having frequent accidents in the house, several days a week.
The issue, I think, has to do with the house layout. The entrance to the yard is through a cold, unfinished, ancient basement hallway. Despite mopping etc, it is dirty and other dogs have peed/pooped on it in the past. She only ever has accidents in this hallway, and I think she might not realize that it is inside, vs. outside. She never whines to go out anymore, and I think it is because she thinks she has constant access to go “outside” and no longer needs to ask. Does that make sense?
Ideas on how to re-house-train my pup? An obvious solution would be to partition the downstairs area off, but it’s more difficult than it sounds. She (at 120 lbs) has a history of jumping over gates, so that wouldn’t do it. I never catch her “in action” so I don’t know if shaming/reprimanding will really help. So sick of cleaning this up…help me!
P.S. we are actually getting the entire floor ripped out and re-finished, so I hope that will help make it feel more “inside.” But not for a few months.
Killer Kitten Heels
Can you swing buying enough cheap rug remnants to at least cover the floor for now? Also, isn’t there a basement door you could just close so she has no access to the basement level at all?
Anonymous
Maybe I’m daft, but close the door to the basement and only take her outside another way? And go back to actively taking her out instead of letting her out for a while.
Baconpancakes
Ooof that’s hard. Your poor pup. She definitely seems to think that the hallway is outside, which makes perfect sense – she was taught to pee on concrete sidewalks, and your basement hallway sounds exactly like a concrete sidewalk. A quick fix might be to put a cheap runner on the floor to signal to her that this is “inside,” combined with a lot of the pet accident deterrent spray. Is there any way to get to the yard aside from through that hallway? If there is, I’d just avoid going there with your dog, so she stops associating going through that hallway with using the bathroom.
Anon
I agree with this advice…you need to use deterrent spray.
You need to make “inside” not seem like outside due to floor type.
You need to take her out proactively so you set her up for success.
You should try another access point.
mascot
Is it possible that she is going to the basement door to “ask” and you aren’t seeing her? Can you teach her to ring a bell to ask to go out?
It can also take a while for a dog to learn that all of the house needs to be off limits for the bathroom. Even a house-trained dog doesn’t always globalize that all indoor space is off-limits for the bathroom and they have to re-learn the parameters of their den when they move. We limited access to rooms for our dogs when we moved until they got really solid on going outside in the new house. Then we slowly introduced them to the whole house unsupervised. By then they considered the whole house their den and didn’t want to soil it.
lsw
As a stop gap measure while you figured it out, I can’t recommend Lenny Pads enough. My 15 year old dog has more accidents in the house now than before (some of it is just being old, some of it is being stubborn about not wanting to go outside in the winter) and putting one down in the area where she tends to go has really helped. If it’s out, she’ll go on it if she has to go. We don’t leave it out all the time but in situations where I think she might need it (like, she wouldn’t poop outside in the morning because it was 0 degrees and I’m leaving for work).
lsw
As a stop gap measure while you figured it out, I can’t recommend Lenny Pads enough. My 15 year old dog has more accidents in the house now than before (some of it is just being old, some of it is being stubborn about not wanting to go outside in the winter) and putting one down in the area where she tends to go has really helped. If it’s out, she’ll go on it if she has to go. We don’t leave it out all the time but in situations where I think she might need it (like, she wouldn’t p00p outside in the morning because it was 0 degrees and I’m leaving for work).
M
Have you used a pet spray cleaner in this hallway? If not, definitely do so. Regular cleaners aren’t enough to eliminate the smell and if your dog can tell that this has been a bathroom area for other dogs, she’ll think it’s fine to go there.
New to this
Hive expertise please.
My 8th grade girl asked me last night if she was allowed to have a boyfriend. The boy seems like a nice kid. I have not yet met him as he does not live near us, she goes to a school with a large catchment area. However, I am logged into her Instagram and have been checking it (she knows this) since she got it in Gr 6. I don’t have any concerns about who he seems to be. Plus, she is a sensible kid, and she has hung out with him and some other boys, and a couple of girls, in a group for awhile.
Fortunately, he asked her yesterday and today left for Europe for 4 weeks with his family, so I have time to think on this and establish some ground rules.
I have some in mind. Like, they can hang out in a group, he can come home with her and do homework on the main floor (we have a nanny still for my 6 year old), they can go to Starbucks together on the way home from school (he switches busses near the one a few blocks from our house), I have to meet him when he gets back (she can invite a group to hangout at our house, or just him come over). If she is going to hang out at his house, his parents have to be there and I need to have met them.
What are your thoughts on this, oh wise ones?
Anonymous
Sure! Those sound like fine rules. Have an embarssingly awkward safe sex talk with her, including that she shouldn’t be having it yet, and enjoy!
Killer Kitten Heels
All of those rules sound reasonable. It sounds like your trust her and trust her judgment (as much as you can trust any 8th grader’s judgment, anyway), so it makes sense to me that you’d want to give her some limited freedom on this issue.
FWIW, even if you did say no, I’m not sure how enforceable or useful that no would be, and it’d probably only serve to drive the whole dating thing underground, so I think you’re being smart by giving her a yes with reasonable restrictions instead of a categorical no.
Anon
+1. My parents forbid me to see my 8th grade boyfriend (he went to a different school) and it only made me want to see him more and sneak around to do so. It probably would have fizzed out on its own after a couple of months, but the forbidden aspect+wanting to rebel made me hold onto him much longer than I should have. (My parents were also in the middle of a divorce during all of this, so that probably had something to do with it too.)
anonymous
My high school boyfriend’s parents forbade us to see each other too. We went to school together so they couldn’t totally stop us, but we were a terrible match, and if we had been allowed to spend any actual time together that would have been obvious. Instead we stayed together through two years of college before actually breaking up, trying to figure out how to see each other more instead of really evaluating whether it was a good relationship. It was a waste of time and I wish I had figured that out sooner.
chinchilla
Sounds like a great opportunity to establish a positive precedent for talking openly about dating with her in a “low-risk” situation, and build trust and rapport so that she feels like she can come to you with bigger questions. Seems like a good set of rules to me. I’d add in regular “check in” conversations with her. Not forcing her to tell you what’s going on, of course, but establishing that a) she can always come talk to you and that b) she should because you’re still mom and she’s still quite young. My parents totally and completely ignored my dating life and I never felt like I could discuss it with them. Still don’t.
Anon
+1 to the $ex talk – she’s young, but it happens. Educate her and empower her and give her the responsibility to make sensible (informed) choices.
Senior Attorney
And also make sure the sex talk conveys that sex is supposed to be fun for girls as well as boys. Apparently there are a whole lot of girls out there giving BJ’s to a whole lot of boys without getting any pleasure in return.
I heard a snippet of something on the radio the other day to the effect of “we teach boys they have erections and wet dreams, and we teach girls they have periods and unintended pregnancies.” Hit me like a ton of bricks — seems like a lot of what we tell girls about sex is all doom and gloom and horrible warnings. I never had a daughter, but if I did I’d want her to grow up feeling like sex was a fun and positive thing and not settling for anything less.
New to this
I wholeheartedly agree. We try to be sex-positive with our kids. My now 12 year old boy asked me 18 months ago what sex felt like. I said “well, usually it feels good. Why do you ask?”. A hilarious conversation on penis size, and whether that matters, ensued. It turns out, he had been a little worried about seeing another (not so, apparently) little boy in the dressing room.
Meg Murry
Yup, I heard a similar (and related) NPR story, an interview with Peggy Orenstein about her newest book. This was the quote I found most interesting, about when she was talking to a group of teenage girls about oral:
On talking to girls about their partners not reciprocating oral s3x
I started saying, “Look, what if every time you were with a guy, he told you to go get him a glass of water from the kitchen and he never offered to get you a glass of water. Or if he did he’d say, “Ugh, you want me to get you a glass of water?” You would never stand for it! Girls, they would bust out laughing when I said that, and they’d say, “Oh, I never thought about it that way.” I thought, well, maybe you should if you think that being asked repeatedly to give someone a glass of water without reciprocation is less insulting than being asked to perform a s3xual act over and over. …
But yes, talk to her about how there is a wide ground between kissing and s3x and she shouldn’t feel pressured into any of it (nor should she pressure her partner or sl*t shame her friends)
Meg Murry
The story:
http://www.npr.org/sections/health-shots/2016/03/29/472211301/girls-sex-and-the-importance-of-talking-to-young-women-about-pleasure
Senior Attorney
Yes! That was the interview!
I need to get that book!
anne-on
One additional thought if you haven’t asked it already – does she want to have a boyfriend? Or is she perhaps hoping you’ll say no so that you can be the bad guy and she doesn’t lose face in front of her friends?
Your rules sound reasonable, also a great time to have not just the sex talk but the ‘partner’ talks – how do you treat boyfriends/girlfriends? how do you want them to treat you? what does it mean to have a ‘good’ relationship, etc.
Anonymous
Yes!! And while he sounds like a good kid, as she gets older I’d also have continuous conversations about how healthy relationships should look (and hopefully you’ve modeled this in your marriage and/or relationships). A lot of young girls don’t know about emotional abuse and the signs of it.
New to this
Agreed. She is very low drama. She always has been (and that is why a good chunk of her friends have always been boys. When the drama starts, she goes and plays with them instead).
So, I don’t think she needs to have “drama” to feel like she is in a relationship.
We do talk a lot.
Cc
I don’t get the comment about the boys and drama. The boys I know that age are full of angsty drama. Maybe try to keep her from seeing you gender stereotype if you are thinking of ways to help her.
New to this
CC, there are definitely boys who like drama, for sure. The ones she hangs out with don’t seem to. She is definitely on the very low end of the girl drama scale, but it does flare up from time to time in her group.
At that point, she hangs out more with her low-drama boys.
She and I are both feminists. I don’t necessarily think WOMEN are more dramatic than men, but in my experience, the girls at her school seem to be a little more so.
Cc
Well that’s an important distinction isn’t it? It’s the difference between a gender stereotype and just an opinion. You said because she is low drama, a good chunk of her friends have been boys. When now you are saying “because she is low drama she seeks out other people who are low drama, who in her case happen to be her group of guy friends.” Makes a world of difference
New to this
Duly noted!
New to this
I think she really likes him, and does want him to be her boyfriend. 2 years ago, in Gr 6 (!) quite a few boys liked her, and she liked one back. But when he asked her out she said she thought they were too young and that she didn’t feel ready for all that. She is quite popular so many of her friends were dating last year, and all of this year. She didn’t seem to feel any pressure (even though I know she got some from the other girls).
She would flat out ask me to say no and be the bad guy.
Spirograph
haha, I definitely told everyone in middle/high school that I was “not allowed to date.” Truth was, I just wasn’t interested – I had a lot of other stuff going on with school and extracurriculars and it was an easy out to get guys and my friends to leave me alone.
In addition to all of the above, I would keep an eye on how she prioritizes the boyfriend above other things that are important to her now. Not something I would have an upfront conversation about, but for many people the losing-yourself-when-you’re-in-a-relationship pattern starts early, and you may want to bring it to her attention eventually.
New to this
We have a code phrase for when she is somewhere and wants to come home without letting whoever she is with know she wants to come home.
She has used it once, when she was a at a birthday party and they were asked to sleepover.
cbackson
Ha, I had the exact same situation with my parents as a kid.
Bewitched
Re: partner talk, I hate to be the one to bring this up, but it’s common knowledge in our (upper middle class) public schools that 8th and 9th grade girls are being asked to give boys BJs instead of sex. Sex is taboo, the other is (apparently) not, at that age. Your daughter sounds perhaps not quite as precocious, but if I had a girl, I’d find a way to introduce that topic as well. (Sorry).
New to this
Yeah, I have been reading stuff like that too over the past few years. They haven’t even kissed yet, and a more “precious” girl broke up with him earlier this year because he “wouldn’t wheel”, but I will be having lots of talks with her!
New to this
*precocious
SA
Even googling didn’t help me with what “wouldn’t wheel” means…
Anonymous
As someone in the phase where I’m too young to have a kid to know what the kids are saying these days, and too old to still be one of those kids, I’m dying to know what “wouldn’t wheel” means.
Wildkitten
It looks like it means flirt. http://www.urbandictionary.com/define.php?term=wheel&utm_source=search-action
New to this
Wheeling means making out, here.
Anonymous
Yup, these seem like great rules and I’d definitely have the safe sex talk (like in very explicit terms) even if she says she’s nowhere near ready to have it/doesn’t have an interest. I’d also discuss managing friend relationships when you have a boyfriend (i.e. don’t start ignoring all your friends) even though this is something she’ll need to manage herself. Will you limit how much she sees him if they date for a while? Like what if she wants to hang out with him 7 days a week?
New to this
That is a good point. She won’t be able to hang out with him much after school though, as she has dance 4 nights a week.
She self-identifies as a feminist, so I am hopeful that she will not start ignoring her female friends (although at least a third half of her friends are boys).
Maddie Ross
FWIW, you cannot stop her from “having” a boyfriend. You can limit the interactions with the boyfriend during times you are around and those that occur in your own home, but really that’s it. That said, the rules on what she and he can do together (esp. at your home) seem reasonable and in line with what my friends and I had growing up (opposite sex only in the main rooms of the house together, not allowed in the bedroom) and no one on one dates. I’d probably make sure the nanny was aware of your wishes, too.
Red Velvet
My first thought on reading this was she will probably ignore all of your “rules” so don’t bother! My friends and I had varying degrees of tolerance from our parents on boyfriends, and the official rules we were given didn’t in any way correlate with what we actually did.
It sounds like you’re trying to be really reasonable by compromising – letting her have a boyfriend but not letting them be alone together. I just don’t see how you can enforce that.
The best strategy from observing all my friends’ parents is to make your daughter feel like she can openly tell you the truth about what she’s doing with her boyfriend. So you can pick up on any red flags early. My family is really Catholic and boyfriends were banned, so I never told them anything until I introduced them to my fiancé. I could have been pressured into $ex with a drug dealer for all they knew because I became a really good liar.
New to this
I don’t think she would ignore reasonable rules actually.
She’s only 13.
And, she did ask my permission.
As she gets older, she would have more freedom. I basically said, this is new to me too babe, I need some time to think about this. And she agreed that was fair.
Mindy
I love it! My first boyfriend was when I was 12, in 6th grade, and he was my boyfriend because he wrote me notes about how great I was and left them in my desk. We never held hands, never kissed, but he was totally my boyfriend because he wore my friendship bracelet and gave me his baseball card.
It was the best! Had my parents been open to boyfriends I would have told my mom….
Also, I think that had “dating” been allowed when I was younger, I wouldn’t have had the hangups I had in college. I was always jealous of the girls who were allowed to date in highschool!
ezt
I don’t have any advice for you but I just wanted to say that I found this question really sweet. It sounds like you have an awesome daughter, and a great relationship with her.
Book Recos
Book recommendations for my kiddo who is an early reader? Reading ability is higher than emotional ability to process things. He is currently reading Captain Underpants and the Magic Tree House series. He’s also read the Nat Geo books on animals and space, which are great.
(The latter is great, the former not so much as it leads to a whole day of him saying “poopy” to everyone and calling friends in school a potty-related name… not good.)
He loves animals, and I’d like to avoid too much violence or toilet humor. I remember reading Dr. Doolittle when I was younger, but it doesn’t seem to be popular now. Non fiction suggestions also welcome.
anne-on
If I can tag along to this – any suggestions for an audio book for a car ride with both a 4-yr old and a 9-yr old? The younger one is very sensitive to ‘bad guys’ and violence, so Harry Potter is out. I was thinking the sword in the stone, but open to other suggestions!
hoola hoopa
Peter Pan
Farmer Boy (Little House on the Prairie)
Patrick McManus
Dr Suess
Disney
Caps for Sale (brief but cool)
Sorry if this posts twice – having issues getting it to show up.
Idea
Roald Dahl. Charlie and the Chocolate Factory.
hoola hoopa
FYI, I *love* Rald Dahl, but my ‘sensitive to scary stuff’ kid couldn’t handle his books until 7.
Peter Pan
Farmer Boy (Little House on the Prairie)
Patrick McManus
Dr Suess
Disney
Caps for Sale (brief but cool)
anne-on
The Magic School bus series? My side of the mountain, or where the red fern grows (if he’s not too sensitive).
Book Recos
Thanks, love it but he’s read all the 7 or so in the series that our library has.
NotOp
Boxcar children series
Little House on the Praire series
Mixed Up Files of Ms. Basil E Frankweiler
Anonymous
Consider taking him to the local library and asking the librarian for recommendations and letting him choose some books from the appropriate shelves/sections. I was an early and avid reader, and getting used to the library was good, otherwise my parents would have spent a small fortune keeping me in books.
Idea
Yes, but… children’s librarians are often the victims of budget cuts :( And the other libarians don’t have time/energy/budget to care.
As an example, when I was a child, our local library summer reading program had a list of books, and you read them and answered trivia-style questions about the book to get points…. our current larger library system has a summer reading program of “read 20 minutes a day, fill out this sticker sheet, get an entry into a raffle”. Sadface.
hoola hoopa
Notebook of Doom series! They are hilarious and mysterious enough to be gratifying but not even remotely close to scary for my very emotional/sensitive 6 year old. So far, I haven’t noticed an uptake in toilet humor.
Nat Geo are popular also, and thankfully there are a million of them. We have a ton of the animal ones.
Anything by Mo Willams.
We have a couple of jokes for kids books. And Minecraft manuals.
I’ve been meaning to pick up Where the Sidewalk Ends.
B
I was an early reader (chapter books the summer after K) and my first chapter books were the Boxcar Children – super clean, formulaic, but moderately interesting. There were hundreds of them. Another one I read early were the Babysitters’ Club Little Sister Books – the main character is 2nd grade in a blended family. The books I really remember liking were the ones with a protagonist sort of close to my age – it was easier to relate.
Book Recos
Thanks – I suggested this but he wasn’t attracted to the old-style illustration on the cover , didn’t help that it was an older and faded copy. Will try again with a better copy.
Idea
Boy? Jon sciezka books – Time Warp Trio.
Encyclopedia Brown
Alphabet Mysteries
Dan Gutman books – author. My slightly-older child just finished The Genius Files.
If he still reads with you, read Lemony Snicket together.
Idea
Next steps: Dragon Slayer Academy by Kate McMullan (on par with Time Warp Trio series)
Ask teachers at school, too!
Book Recos
Time Warp series looks perfect! Thank you!
Book Recos
Thanks for the recos so far! Yes, the library is definitely our weekly source. The librarians are not super helpful, we both just browse. Content wise, he is in the “Cat in the Hat Learning Library” maturity level (clean, about animals, etc. but he’s finished all those that our library has) but reading-wise he is at chapter books.
I need some guides to good chapter books as they seem to have a lot of stuff he isn’t ready for (what’s a cheerleader? what’s a locker room? what’s Pompeii?).
Navy Attorney
Recently my daughter wanted the real Snow White. The fairytale section had so many versions of your basic fairytales (Disney-simplicity through Hans Christian Andersen-level), all at various reading levels. So even in the advanced stories, he could still get the basics of the story without the content being too mature.
Anon
My son likes The Box Car Children, Horrible Harry, and the I Survived series.
I'm Just Me ....
Mary Pope Osborne did a great series on Greek Myths.
My son loved the Great Illustrated Classics as well (and some are better adaptations than others).
mascot
Scholastic has a tool on their website that you can sort books by certain reading levels and also see suggested books. I agree with the suggestion to talk to a children’s librarian or spending some time with the awards lists on the American Library Association children’s section.
We are still reading aloud to our kindergartener, but he’s liked Ralph and the Motorcycle series, My Fathers Dragon Series, reading some EB White books now. I was an early reader and raced through the Little House on the Prairie series.
Mrs. Jones
Skippyjon Jones. Where the Sidewalk Ends.
hoola hoopa
For anne-on. I can’t get this to post as a reply!
Peter Pan
Farmer Boy (Little House on the Prairie)
Patrick McManus
Dr Suess
Disney
Caps for Sale
FYI, I *love* Roald Dahl, but my ‘sensitive to scary stuff’ kid couldn’t handle his books until 7.
Meg Murry
My son really liked:
A to Z Mysteries by Ron Roy (and I think that author has other series that are slightly easier and harder)
Mo Willems
Ramona Quimby books
Frog and Toad books
Little Bear books
Cam Jansen mystery series
Goosebumps (which ugh, I hated, but were fine if he read them to himself)
Next level up books:
Fudge series
Wayside school
Anonymous
Definitely try the Boxcar Children. If he can deal with girl protagonists, the Ivy and Bean series is great and not at all “girly.” The characters are wonderfully odd and get into all sorts of weird adventures. The “who was” biography series is also good for this reading/maturity level.
anon
My Side of the Mountain (maybe too hard emotionally if your kid is under about 6). The Boxcar Children were what got ME hooked on reading in first grade!
anon
and all the Beverly Cleary!
Runner 5
How old is he? I LOVED Swallows & Amazons when I was 7ish.
Anonymous
Not sure if these are too advance but Roald Dahl or Louis Sachar (Wayside Story series)? I loved those books when I was younger, also an advanced reader. Probably started some of them at about 6/7.
CKB
My boys were all early readers and it was hard finding things for them to read that were at both their interest level and reading level. Really hard. All 3 read A LOT of non fiction. Especially encyclopedia type books that had lots of different topics. They were into anything science related.
They also really liked graphic novels. The Bone series in particular was a big hit.
My boys weren’t interested T all in the early chapter books. Again, that disconnect between reading level and interest level.
Good luck – I hope you find something!
Senior Attorney Paging Nervous Networking Anon
Hey, Anonymous from yesterday who was worried about the networking event! How did it go? What did you do/say? Did you meet anybody?
Inquiring minds want to know…
career anon q
Has anyone ever accepted a counteroffer? I just gave my notice and my company countered to meet my offer and change around my accounts. I wanted to change organizations for a better work life balance and because I hated one of the accounts, but I haven’t been here that long. They also pointed out six months on my resume wouldn’t look great and that they really want to make it work for me here.
I know accepting a counteroffer is often discouraged. Any thoughts out there?
Anonymous
Don’t accept a counteroffer. You can find a lot of articles and studies that emphasize that people who accept counteroffers often end up leaving their company within a year. Because the reasons you wanted to leave will at still be there. Do you have another job already? Then that 6 months blip on your resume won’t mean anything at all.