Splurge Monday’s TPS Report: Junali Crosshatch Wool Jacket

131 Comments

1. Kat, I’m sorry, but the not loading thing is absurd. On my iPhone, need to reload at least 6 times to even see a new post. And even then, can only get in by going to the weekend open thread and clicking next. New post not showing up on the main page at all. It’s really not good and it’s a fairly recent issue.

   1. Yay! Pricey Monday’s! I love Pricey Monday’s and the Nordstrom Blazer! But not the pant’s. I can NOT wear pant’s like these in the office. But great pick on the Blazer Kat and Kate!!!!

      The OP is right. I think there is a lot of stuff to load and as a result, it is very slow. I do NOT get the audio any more (THANK GOD), but still, there is a lot of stuff that has to come up b/f we can see the p’osts. As a result, we are FRUSTRATED with all of this BAGAGE. I have this probelem on my Iphone as well as on my MACBOOK AIR, so it is NOT a SMARTPHONE issue. FOOEY! But your teck guys should be abel to fix it. Our teck guy does very littel, then just stare’s at my boobie’s or Madeline’s boobie’s. DOUBEL FOOEY!

      I do want to thank the OP’s that responded to my p’ost over the weekend. I do realise that a sucesful releationship depend’s on MORE than just physical stuff. That is why I want a guy I can discuss POLITICAL stuff with also. I want to show a guy that I am so much MORE then a woman with a brain and a JD. I am also in tune with WORLD event’s. Once a guy sees that I am BOTH smart and cute, he will be more likeley to MARRY me. So far, guy’s do NOT realy want to talk politic’s with me. They just want me to take my clothe’s off. I have BEEN there and DONE that with Sheketovits, and do NOT want to go down that road again. FOOEY b/c he was to drunk 1/2 the time to even respond to my political point’s of view.

      But anyway, I am busy with the new intern who the manageing partner told me to teach her EVERYTHING I know. That is more then I can do in a summer, but I am goeing to try. YAY!!!!!!!

   2. Side note on tech issues – I am on chrome on regular desktop and the new post is loading fine, but doesn’t show how many comments there are.

      On topic, I really like this suit!!! Can anyone comment on how BOSS fits? (eg straight/curvy, etc.)

      1. Hi Diana Barry!

         I love Boss- I find the smaller sizes fit a bit small (ie. I usually take a 0 places like Banana, Anne Taylor, or a 2 at J. Crew and I will take a 4 or a 6 in Boss) but otherwise the fit is perfect for me- I’m sort of an thin/athletic pear. The waists are often a bit wide to encompass my pear hips, but I usually have my tailor nip in the waist and that’s all it takes. The jackets are perfect for me as a girl who doesn’t have a lot going in the chest region (I’m a 30C, but a C isn’t that big when you’re 30) – the jackets usually nip in nicely at the waist which is always the hard part for me- I hate boxy jackets. It’s a nice tailored look on someone like me. I’d recommend you try it!

      2. BOSS dresses at least are very wide in the waist, even those that look like they’re cut to be fitted. I have a very hourglass figure, and BOSS dresses look dumpy on me.

      3. My experience with Boss, which works for me sometimes… Usually sheath dresses, skirts and an occasional jacket. Almost anything with sleeves ends up being tight across the chest for me (I have athletic shoulders and a large bust). The rise on the pants is usually too long for me.

      4. i am curvy and size 10, but take 8 in boss. it fits me very well. i am 5″4 and the dresses hit just below knee (my preferred length).

   3. I apologize, you guys — we are troubleshooting it as quickly as we can. Different aspects of the site are not playing well together so we have to turn things on and off in different combinations to figure out what’s going on.

      1. Thanks!!

      2. Kat, is comment moderation a new thing? I was just given notice that my comment is awaiting moderation. I’ve never seen that before.

         1. Nope, that’s always been a thing. Certain words – like s!te, sn@rk, h@sh, c-cktail, anything with 3tt3 at the end.

            1. Good to know, thanks!

   4. Kat: I’m on a desktop using IE, still tons of problems. I open the browser and load the site, it says there are 2 comments. I hit refresh and it says there are 11 comments. But when I click on the comments, only 2 load; I have to hit refresh again to load the rest of the comments.

      1. +1, but using Chrome.

      2. Update: the caching plugin is turned off — if you clear your browsers, it will probably take a loooong time for the site to load but there should be no issue with comments not appearing. If the problem persists after 10:52 ET, please let me know (means it isn’t what we think it is).

         1. Fingers crossed, this seems to have fixed it (Chrome desktop). Also, AdBlock extension has blocked all the ads.

   5. I use two extensions (on Chrome) – ghostery and adblock. If you have adblock installed, you won’t see any of the ads with noise that everyone is complaining about. Ghostery might be blocking some add-on that is broken (10 found on this site, for instance).

      1. Yeah, I use Ghostery and NoScript on Firefox and have no issues with the site. Probably not what Kat wants to hear, but adblocking solves all of the problems!

2. I know we’ve talked about fitness trackers before, but does anyone have anything to say about the misfit trackers? Did anyone have a misfit and a fitbit and find one more or less helpful? I know I do not have a healthy lifestyle, and I want to use it as a reality check.

   1. I replaced my Fitbit Zip with a Misfit Shine. My problem with the Fitbit was that the battery kept draining very quickly (1-2 weeks). They replaced it twice and the problem kept occurring. The Misfit works similarly to the Fitbit but also tracks sleep. The magnet clasp on the Misfit isn’t as secure as the Fitbit holder but I like that the Misfit can also be worn as a watch. The only complaint I have with the Misfit is that the app does not have a large variety of other activities that can be input, e.g. rock climbing. If you do go for the Misfit, their website has frequent sales. They’re also sold at Staples and I was able to use of the weekly coupons they send to members of their store program to get $20 off.

   2. I was using the Misfit Flash for about 6 months. I really liked that it was waterproof, light, couldbe worn as a watch or a clip, and that it tracked different activities. And I loved that I didn’t have to charge it, unlike my SO’s jawbone. I do wish it had a silent alarm function, though. It stopped working after the second or third time I wore it into the ocean :(

      The Flash is the “sportier” (read: cheaper) verson of the Shine. It’s supposed to be more waterproof and stay in its band/clip better than the Shine, as well.

      1. It’s only water resistent and the instructions for the Shine say to keep it out of salt water.

         1. Yea, I’m not confused about why it stopped working. I mentioned it to be cautionary.

            It was fine the first few times I went to the beach, but it could only handle so much of my abuse.

3. This might be a lovely suit (for me, the stance of the jacket seems to be a bit high and might magnify my tummy), but I can’t get past the shiny red shirt buttoned up to the top. If they could make it into an outfit for the real world, maybe I could see myself in it and order. But I just can’t see this working at all (much less in 100 degree heat).

   1. I love it! I’d unbutton the blouse one more notch but I think it’s a great look I’d wear for important days.

      1. I can’t see wearing a shiny dark solid button up (to work or otherwise). Maybe I’m having bad flashbacks to the 90s? Is this sort of item a thing now? I don’t think I could do it even if it weren’t shiny.

         1. I have the shirt. In person it’s not actually shiny. It’s just a plain button down, doesng read particularly 90s to me.

   2. I’ve seen a few fashion bloggers buttoning their shirts all the way up like this and I’m not a fan of the look.

   3. Wow, now that you have mentioned it, I can’t unsee it. Why is that shirt so f’ing ugly??

4. DC ‘Rettes:

   I’m sending out the reminder email today for the meetup on Thursday. The location will be included. Looking forward to seeing you all!

   1. Whats the email for the meetup? I’d like to attend if I can!

      1. my username @ gmail.com

   2. On a side note – is there a NY meet up in the works and how do I get on the list for meet up notices?

      1. I have not seen one in the last few months. I know that prior to my initiative, there was a DC meetup, but it hadn’t done much in quite some time. Perhaps you could get one started if you don’t hear back about one?

5. I have been asked to serve as a Pallbearer at a funeral. I am honored to do so but have a question regarding what to wear. I would typically plan to wear a black dress or skirt suit, but am unsure what to wear for shoes given the need to wear far more sensible shoes to carry the casket. Has anyone done this before? Any suggestions? Are simple flat sufficient or do I need to think even more “sensible” than that? The pallbearer duties will involve carrying the casket into and out of a church, as well as to the gravesite. The latter is not a far walk but it is, of course, at least partially on grass and gravel.

   1. No advice on shoes but I would make sure your skirt/dress is still as long as you want it to be if you are carrying something. Don’t know how high your arms will be but something to consider.

   2. Was a pallbearer for my FIL, though didn’t know that when I picked out my footwear and was wearing heels for the trek across grass (d’oh). I think flats would be fine. No knock on any ladies (and I know a few who are far stronger than most men), but I suspect that many of your co-pallbearers will be male and the organizer likely anticipates them doing more of the lifting. Do you know if they are using a wheeled assist device thing? I’d be more sensitive to weather (wear a raincoat if it’s rainy, maybe bring some blotting papers or deodorant for especially hot days). My condolences for your loss.

      1. Agree about heels and grass. I wore heels (not high but a thin heel) to my Dad’s burial – mainly because I didn’t have anything else appropriate with me. My brother and I were asked to put the urn into the burial plot and I had to step out of my shoes to do that. I couldn’t kneel on grass in pointy toed pumps. It wasn’t a big deal because it was just family but I felt weird.

      2. my 8 year old son was just one of the pallbearers at my grandfather’s funeral. the casket was wheeled, so it was really just more of a pallbearer in name thing. Not sure how close you are to those organizing, but it might just be worth asking. Or just wear flats/wedges to be safe.

   3. I think you will be fine in regular flats. Most of the pallbearer duties nowadays seem to be guiding the casket while it sits on a sort of a trolley/gurney. There’s not really much lifting or carrying anymore (in my tradition, at least).

      1. Unless there are stairs – the pallbearers at my grandma’s funeral had to negotiate a small flight of stairs to get to the wheeled conveyance.

6. Do any of you deal with having a higher s3x drive than your partners? I’m always good to go, so to speak and really enjoy being intimate with my SO. I don’t think he has a low s3x drive objectively speaking but he definitely says no once in a while and while I’m trying not to take it personally, part of me feels rejected.

   Any advice/commiseration?

   1. I used to be in a relationship like this. Then I got a divorce and found someone whose drive matches mine. It’s amazing.

      1. Me too, until the new SO couldn’t maintain the frequency a year and a half later.

         Like emeralds below, this has happened in all my relationships. They all defensively claim its normal. It’s pretty frustrating and sad.

   2. This has happened to me in almost all of my relationships (except the one I’m in now, yay, but even so I initiate more often). In all but one of the prior relationships, it wasn’t a serious mismatch, so we made it work and respectfully met somewhere in the middle. In the other one, it was a huge recurring issue and a major factor in my decision to end the relationship. The differences were: 1) we were so far out of sync I didn’t think we could find a compromise that would work for both of us; and 2) he just did not handle it well. He alternated between freezing me out and attacking me for only being in a relationship with him for sex. I spent a lot of nights curled up in a ball silently crying after having been rejected yet again.

      In retrospect, it really was 100% about him and not about me. Even at the time I knew that intellectually, but it was still so, so hard not to take it personally when he would withhold something that I need to feel emotionally connected to my partner. I wish I had some kind of magic solution here, since I know how devastating it can be, but I think the thing that you have to remember is that it really isn’t about you–it’s about him.

   3. I was for too long. He made me feel like if only I were hotter or thinner or prettier or asked in just the right way he would want to have sex with me more.

      I’ve also been with a great guy who didn’t want to have sex as often as me, but also made it clear that he loved me and found me attractive 100% if the time, he just wasn’t always up for sex. It wasn’t problematic for either of us that sometimes he turned me down.

   4. The rather-unfortunately-named Dr. David Schnarch has written some good books about sexual difficulties in relationships, including mismatched sex drives. “Passionate Marriage” is the first one, and “Resurrecting Sex” is also good.

   5. Yes and no. My last SO was happy a very low frequency, maybe 1-2x week, going down to 1-2x month, and that was definitely a contributing factor to our incompatibility. My current SO is much more of an enthusiastic gardener, and probably at least partially due to the LD status of our relationship, when we see eachother we garden 1-2x day. I’m perfectly willing and ready at least 2x day, but sometimes, the male physique just can’t keep up with my garden goddess appetite, so we cuddle or give each other massages or he cultivates my bushes (I’m having way too much fun with this metaphor). Even when he’s too tired, I never feel rejected because he never rejects me, just the act itself.

      If your ideal gardening schedule is wildly mismatched, it’s a problem. If it’s just a little bit mismatched, try to realign the focus on intimacy instead of gardening.

      1. Once we’re no longer long distance, we’ve agreed upon an armistice based on Bobbins.

         http://www.scarygoround.com/bobbins/?date=20150317

   6. So I’m the lower of the two and the lack thereof is directly proportional to my stress. My SO was in your position, so we agreed to a minimum schedule (2x a week) with the ability for either of us to say no twice in a month. At first it sounded awful (who schedules it!?!), but honestly it helped get me in the mood more often. Maybe try that first?

      1. This is exactly how I feel and a great suggestion. Not sure if you’ll check back to see this, but I’m going to suggest this to my husband who is a more enthusiastic gardener than I am. Thank you, Internet Stranger! :)

7. I just turned down two job offers. One of them was for eye-poppingly big money, and one of them was with a team and leadership that I loved…but overall neither was the right fit. I feel like I made the right decision but I really hope I don’t regret this.

   1. I hope so, too. But at the end of the day you have to go with your gut and it sounds like that’s what you did, and that you are okay with it. Second thoughts are normal, so don’t let ’em get you down!

      1. Thanks. A few hours later, and after getting very gracious responses from both offices, I feel about as confident as I can be that I did what was right for me. Now we’ll see if that’s true in three months if I’m still looking…

   2. First of all, major props to you for going with your gut! I’ve definitely made risk-adverse decisions (knew it wasn’t what I wanted, but what if nothing better comes along??) that I later regretted. Second, it is a great sign that you’ve gotten two really good offers. The right job for you is out there and you will find it!

   3. I did this almost exactly a year ago for startlingly similar reasons and am now working in my dream job at my dream org. Hang in there! I am SO glad I went with my gut and waited for the right fit.

8. I’m looking for a one night getaway about 2 hrs. from the city. Husband and I are leaving the kids with friends, so it needs to be relatively close and easily accessible. We’d love something in the mountains or on the water (i.e., not a city), but still luxurious.

   Thanks!

   1. Charlottesville! Wine/beer trails are awesome, plenty of nice hotels/b&bs, good spa/golf, plenty of outdoor activities.

      1. +1. Specific rec there: The Farmhouse at Veritas is amazing and romantic. The food is incredible, too.

   2. Love this recent list from DCist: http://dcist.com/2015/06/four_food_and_drink-focused_summer.php

      Would add Salamander or Greenbrier resorts.

      1. I love the Greenbrier (but think it is >2 hours driving). Baltimore is a great place to go and is so close. St. Michael’s Maryland is gorgeous (and Annapolish is lovely).

   3. Maryland’s Eastern Shore is very nice and has some higher-end inns and B&Bs.

   4. Bedford Springs in Bedford PA. It’s an omni resort. Very much the place you want to go if you want to be wined and dined, relax, and romance. Its 2.5 hrs away and an easy drive. It has really really good food, a spa, a historic indoor pool, etc….We are trying out Homestead in Hot Springs, VA next because it’s also a historic Omni hotel and we had such a good experience at Bedford.

   5. The Tides Inn on the Chesapeake! There are wineries nearby and it’s on a nice little bit of water. It has a pool, the food is good, and the rooms are well appointed.

   6. We had a great weekend in Culpeper, VA. We stayed at a B&B, ate a lot and and went to the Old House Winery.

9. I’m thinking of trying stitch fix for weekend wear and business causal options. Any opinions or experiences with it?

   1. I tried it once and it wasn’t me. I have a very polished, ladylike style and Stitch Fix was more Pinterest-chic. (Meaning, the items they sent were likely to be loved by a woman who frequently sports a fedora.) My coworker from Austin with a hipster/yuccie aesthetic loves what they send her.

      And for me, the intersection of quality and value wasn’t there. They sent me $80 plastic earrings that I could have picked up at the J.Crew outlet for $12.

      Try it once, see if it’s your thing. It’s fun!

      1. This. The clothes were not that nice and pretty expensive.

   2. I tried Stitch Fix a few times, and haven’t had a good experience. I think the clothes themselves are overpriced for the (poor) quality. The clothes tend to be H&M quality, particularly the shirts, but priced at $60-70 per piece. I’ve also found that they don’t do a particularly good job of matching your style to the clothes. I did what they recommended and set up a Pinterest board of things I like, and I still felt like I was getting five random pieces of clothing unrelated to each other and unrelated to my style. And a lot of the options were just plain frumpy, like a black and white jersey maxi dress with a cropped bolero – it was so ugly.

      FWIW, I’ve had a much better experience with Keaton Row. They pair you with a stylist and then the stylist creates a look book for you based on Shop Bop, Bloomingdales, etc. The clothes are familiar brands and the prices are transparent. I haven’t tried them for work clothes yet, but I was happy with the casual clothes styling.

      1. Thanks for the Keaton Row recommendation. I’ll look into it.

   3. I’ve had the opposite experience of others, I guess. The clothes are a little more than I would normally pay, but the fact that I don’t have to hunt for them online or at store makes it worth it to me. I’ve gotten about 5 boxes and kept all the items out of 2 boxes and many out of the others. There was one box that was a bust where I got 5 pretty random items. However, I’ve been pleased with my other boxes, and the clothes have been in the same vein as my Pinterest board. I get compliments on many of the pieces all the time.

      1. Just curious — what kind of style do you like? I’m more classic and lady-like but looking to branch out.

         1. I’m one box in and expecting my second later this month. I also tend to be pretty classic in style — lots of solid colors, classic silhouettes, less trendy. I found my first box did a good job of picking stuff that I wouldn’t normally pick for myself but would admire on a friend — e.g., a fitted stripped casual top in a color combo i would have considered too loud if it wasn’t already at my house, a flowy blouse I wouldn’t have picked up off a rack but which fit like a dream, etc. I kept three items, almost kept a 4th, and if the fifth item (jeans) weren’t a size too small I may have kept all 5 items.

            Many b l o g g e r s seem to report that the first box is a hit & the second is a bust, so I’m curious what I’ll think about it.

   4. I am a regular subscriber to Stitch Fix! I love the service! It took a few boxes where I returned two things but ever since I was matched to a stylist who understands my wardrobe needs, I haven’t returned a thing. I really don’t like shopping and I don’t understand how to put outfits together. For each item, they include a little postcard with two outfit ideas for each piece.

      1. Do you think that it works best for a particular style?

10. I’m going to Brooklyn to visit some friends at the end of August. AirBnB is surprisingly booked (or the places that are available don’t look very appealing). Any thoughts on inexpensive places to stay in the Cobble Hill / Park Slope / Ft. Greene areas?

    Otherwise, I may stay in Manhattan, but is this even possible for less than $200 a night? If I’m crazy, just tell me.

    1. The Hotels Tonight app usually has rates under $200/night IME, but you can’t book until the day of.

    2. Are your friends part of any local online groups (i.e. Park Slope Parents)? There are frequently people looking to sublet their places or for a house sitter that may not also be on AirBNB. Or they could post that you are looking and you may get some offers. Otherwise, I know there are boutique hotels popping up in Brooklyn, but like everything in the borough they are likely not much if at all cheaper than Manhattan.
       Enjoy!

    3. If the good AirBnB places are booked, you’re probably out of luck. The hotels on Duffield are not in a great location. The Marriott is amazingly expensive. You can definitely priceline for less than $200 in lower Manhattan, particularly in the Wall Street area. (& then take the R or 4/5 into Bk).

    4. I love the NuHotel. It was ~$200 when I stayed there regularly about 3 years ago.

    5. The Jewel Hotel on 51st across from Rock Center is usually around that price range. No frills but clean and easy. You can take the F train I believe straight to Brooklyn. Not the closest but if the price works…

11. Love this suit.

12. Oy. I just have to whine a little about the situation with my parents. They are 89 and 91 and had been living independently about an hour away from me until two months ago when my dad, who had been in reasonably good shape and taking care of my mom, collapsed at home with what turned out to be a blood infection that required two months of IV antibiotics in the hospital and then skilled nursing. My mom couldn’t be on her own so I moved her into assisted living 10 minutes away from me, with the plan that my dad was to follow in early June.

    Then my dad developed pneumonia two weeks ago and literally lost his mind (apparently infections like pneumonia often cause delirium in the very old). So he was in the hospital for two extra weeks, trying to get him mentally together enough to join my mom. That finally happened last Friday. They are there now with (for now) a 24/7 caregiver until we are sure they are mentally and physically stable enough to be left to the normal assisted living caregivers. My dad is reasonably together but, as my son put it, “adoracrazy” — i.e. he told my brother “I don’t know if you’ve heard, but I was elected President of the United States.”

    So… all was well for two beautiful days. Until last night, when my mom called and said she thinks they are in great shape and are determined to move back to their old home. Which, by the way, is empty and has been listed for sale. And is an hour away. And is too small to accommodate a caregiver.

    Argh. I have been divorced twice but this is by far the very worst thing I have ever experienced. Any internet hugs or words of wisdom would be much appreciated.

    1. I’m so sorry. That’s really hard to deal with. It’s what my Dad always feared for my brother and me. His mother (who had Alzheimer’s) convinced his younger brother to have 24 hr care for her at home rather than going into a nursing home. We all knew she’d have been much happier with the social aspects of a nursing home. But she was living in the past regarding the realities of “home.” By the time she went to a nursing home years later, she was too far gone to know where she was. I don’t know if I have any words of wisdom other than to stick to your guns and do what you know will be the right thing. Meaning sell the house and work with your mother to move on.

       Somewhat related, I just read Dorothea Benton Frank’s new novel (All the Single Ladies) and there’s a whole scene where one of the characters is a geriatric nurse and she has this interaction with a new resident about the feeling of loss of control and independence. It’s not a major theme of the book, but I thought that was interesting.

       1. Yeah, there is an offer on the house and I’m going make sure the sale goes through, come hell or high water.

          I really do feel for her re the loss of control, which is part of what makes this so hard!

    2. I have no wisdom, but if my parents’ experience with my grandmother is any indication, it is very likely that one or both of your parents will keep wanting to go “home” for the rest of their lives, and that they will be unhappy with whatever alternative you propose. I don’t remember if you said that your mother has dementia, but if she does, that will exacerbate the situation. I am sorry. This will not be pleasant for you, and I don’t know of any easy answers.

       1. Thanks, January. That’s good to keep in mind.

          My mom hasn’t been diagnosed with dementia. They’re calling it MCI — mild cognitive impairment. It’s confusing because they both seem fine, but they are not fine, and I always seem to be caught off guard when they bust out the crazy.

          1. I’m so sorry to hear this. I will agree that your mother will probably always talk about wanting to go “home”, even if she is at her new facility for years, and even once she doesn’t even understand exactly what that could mean.

             Do you have the contact info for the person that helped you move in (or the social worker if there is one?) Most of the sales staff at assisted living places work on a commission, and it usually only kicks in after the resident stays there for a certain amount of time (30, 60 or 90 days, depending on the person’s employment contract). So call him/her and tell them that your mother is feeling a little homesick/lonely and maybe they need a little extra encouragement to go to the social activities and get involved in their new home. Can you visit and take them to do something at the new facility – dinner, swimming in the pool, to the gardening club or jigsaw puzzle activity afternoon or whatever – as opposed to visiting and taking them out or just hanging out in their apartment? Getting involved in the community will help her feel more like it is “home” – especially if she can establish a routine, like always eating lunch with her neighbor in the dining hall or always going to 3 pm walking club.

             Last, distract, distract, distract. Her: “I think we’re ready to go home.” You: “That’s nice, we can talk about it later with the social worker. Did you have a good hair appointment/game of bridge/day watching your shows?” Her: “I was thinking we could go home next week.” You: “Let’s talk more about it when I come this weekend [and then don’t]. How was gardening club? Are you going again next week?”

             And if at all possible, don’t mention the house – not even with the good news that it sold, or ask the social worker how to broach it with them. And don’t take them back to the property. Do they have to sign the paperwork for closing, or do you have the POA to do that? If they have to sign, again, talk to sales and social work – they are well aware that in order for your parents to stay, the house has to sell, and they’ve been through this rodeo more than once. If possible, maybe they can even have someone there to help in case on of them flips out when signing the closing paperwork – because the very last thing ANY of you want is this sale not to go through.

             Does the doctor think the MCI will get worse? If so, does the facility she is at now have a memory care wing/ward? Unfortunately, its probably something (else) to think about, so you aren’t dealing with it when/if she starts to get really confused, and especially if she starts to wander off.

    3. Internet hugs sent your way. This is really, really hard stuff. Hang in there, see if you can take some “you” time (even if it’s just a glass of wine and some Netflix). And lean on your kids a little bit. I bet you they can handle it.

       1. Thanks for the hugs!

          The one saving grace in this whole mess has been that my son has been here with me the whole time. He got out of the Marine Corps in March and has been living with me until he starts grad school (in two weeks — sob!), so he was able to help with a lot of the leg work and also just be a big emotional support. I swear he is an angel straight from heaven!

          1. I am sure he is so wonderful because of the terrific mothering he received. Senior Attorney, you are amazing!

    4. I can commiserate. My parents are younger than yours but didn’t save enough for their retirement and are kind of losing their independence/willingness to handle things for themselves. They were also separated a long time and have to live together for financial reasons which is adding to the complexity of the situation.
       My only advice is that you have to be really firm, not dance around the issues, and let them know that you are calling the shots because you are the only person that can/will. This has been my approach and I refuse to feel badly about it. Hugs, dealing with this sucks .

    5. Going through this with a parent as well. It sucks. I keep wishing I had more money to help fix things. The fact we don’t have a system to deal with the aging is just unbelievable. (Medicaid isn’t a system, it’s a hail mary). Ugh.

       1. I just keep asking myself “what do people do when the parents don’t have enough money?” It is truly unbelievable that every family is just in it all alone. (Same with child care, when it comes to that.)

          1. It’s awful. I’d sell my soul to the devil at this point. We’re at the point where we’re doing stop gap measures and hoping it works until things get really bad and then into a nursing home.

             I think the biggest lesson (for me) is to have a plan. An actual plan. I wouldn’t wish this experience on anyone.

             Also, with your mom’s MCI. Depending on how she’s doing, you should talk to a neurologist about starting her on some memory meds now since they can help keep things firing a bit better. We waited too long and I regret it.

             Wish you the best

             1. Hugs from another caregiver relying on “hoping it works” as a strategy.

    6. I am so sorry. I am dealing with a similar situation now, except that my mom is 71 with Alzheimer’s and I am only 34 and single (divorced 8 years).

       No easy answers, except that many people keep telling me to go to a local support group. I haven’t been able to though – it seems like all the local support groups meet during times that a normal person must work. I’m basically accepting that caregiving for my mom is going to be the next 20 years of my life, along with hopefully keeping my 70 hour a week job. No dating, no friendships, etc.

       I wish to God that my parents didn’t delay having children until they were pushing 40. It means that I am dealing with so many things that NONE of my peers are. And since I’m not married, I have absolutely nobody to lean on. Not to mention – who would want to date someone in my position? What if I get Alzheimer’s myself in 25 years?

       1. Hugs, TWY! I am 56 and I feel like I avoided it for a good long time and now it is catching up to me big time!

          I hear you on the dating thing. I have been dating a lovely man for about eight months and for the last two months I have been, shall we say, not the carefree person he got involved with at the beginning. Fortunately he is a great guy and is taking it in stride, but I really have to make a huge effort not to talk about it all. the. time. because it is completely overwhelming. Again, thank God for my sweet son.

       2. Why? Why would care giving take all your time? Why not a nursing home?

          Basically accepting this is not right. It just isn’t. Are you seeing a therapist?

          If you got hit by a bus tmrw and died, what would happen to your mom? Like actually what? It’s hard. It’s so so hard but giving up on your own life isn’t the answer.

          1. Caregiving for a family member will memory or physical deficits can take every hour of the day. They forget to eat, to take medicine, to sleep, etc. FT care costs $100-150k per year and Medicaid doesn’t kick in until they’re down to their last $100k plus a house. The US provides atrocious support for its most needy.

             1. I feel so bad for you, internet hugs.

                As someone who’s sort-of been there (with grandparents, not parents), and with family members that work in the system, here is my advice from an internet stranger, take it for what its worth:

                If there is ANY money left (or will be with the sale of the house), I highly recommend trying to get them into a place that takes Medicaid and Medicare BEFORE the money runs out. If you can get into a facility that will keep them once the money runs out but you can afford to pay for a few months, you will have a lot more places to pick from and a lot nicer options than if you wait until there is absolutely no money. We learned this the hard way with my husband’s 2 sets of grandparents. With one set, there were promises made that they could stay at home “as long as possible”. Family members exhausted themselves trading off round-the-clock shifts (in this case it was “keeping them from burning the house down and remembering to eat” for the first few years, and gradually progressed to “helping them bathe and use the bathroom”). In the end, after several exhausting years, all the money had been spent, the house had been mortgaged to the hilt and needed major repairs like a roof and new furnace, the remaining grandparent wound up having to go to the (not very nice) county run facility for the last few years. The facility wasn’t awful, but it certainly was not great, and family members still had to be highly involved in making sure the grandparent was taken not ignored/neglected since the facility was so thinly staffed. Grandparent on the other side needed more medical intervention more quickly, so despite wanting to stay at home, reluctantly agreed to sell the house and move into a staged care facility where at first it was more independent with moderate life-skills help (a few check-ins a day) and then she moved to the actual skilled nursing wing when that was needed. The money ran out after a year or two, but she was able to stay on at the facility as they had a policy (maybe even law in our state?) about not kicking people out once they could no longer pay and Medicaid and Medicare took over – and her quality of living was still exactly the same and the quality of care was 95% the same (she did have to start seeing a different primary doctor, but we had enough time and warning and assistance from the staff to make the transition smooth).

                We have since helped a few other family members through this transition (cousin-in-laws with their parents and grandparents, etc), and the lesson we’ve seen play out over and over again is that the money WILL run out and the house WILL have to be sold, and unless the person was very wealthy it is only a matter of when and how soon, not IF.

             2. Thanks for this, Meg Murry.

                We are in the process of selling the house. Between the sale proceeds and the cash on hand, I think we are in pretty good shape unless they live past 100.

                And yes, I am realizing that because end of life care is so very expensive, the plan for almost everybody has to be “sell the house and use the proceeds for the last few years of care.” That’s going to have to be my own plan, for sure. My retirement is going to be okay but not nearly enough to pay for full time care in my own home.

       3. I went through this a few years ago — my mom was only 62, so age is not always the determining factor. Lots of people go through this, and it sucks. But try to find whatever help you can. My dad swore neither he or my mom would ever move into a home. The best thing my brother and I ever did was convincing my dad that moving my mom to a home was best for both of them. it was.

       4. Thanks everybody.

          No, I’m not seeing a therapist. I need to save every penny for my parents’ care.

          If I got hit by a bus tomorrow, my mom would inherit a lot of money bc I have bought mucho life insurance. At that point my younger brothers would need to take over. At least there would be money.

          I’m trying to buy a residence with 2 units that will let me live in one and parents the other (dad still alive, but physically disabled and almost losing his mind dealing with my mom too). The market is horrible here; we will see what happens.

          1. *hugs to you*

             Can you find out if there is at least a support group you can see or go talk to? I know our local senior center has some caregiver support groups, and they may also be able to put you in touch with some social workers that could help you find out if there are other programs your parents might be eligible for like heating assistance, meals on wheels or disability. Maybe there are some resources here that can help: http://www.ncoa.org/get-involved/i-am-older-adult-caregiver.html

             Before you actually buy a place, I highly recommend you consult with a social worker and/or lawyer or accountant on what your choices are and the financial ramifications. There are various lookback periods for Medicaid and Medicare, as well as various rental assistance programs, so it is worth talking to someone about things like whether the property should be in your name or your parents, if it is in your name, can they “rent” it from you, etc.

             and again, good luck and I’m sorry. I am not looking forward to dealing with this when it is my parents and my husband, and I suspect we will be very heavily “helping” (read – dealing with 95% of it) for several uncles and aunts as well.

    7. So sorry you’re going through this — big hugs to you. I will say that we had to move my demented mom and non-demented dad into a pseudo-assisted living facility a few years ago, and while I assumed my demented mom would keep wanting to go home back to their condo, she stopped asking after about a week when they were going home and is now very happy at the facility. So I wouldn’t assume that your folks will keep pining to go home — they may get very happy and accustomed to their new place, particularly if you can spruce it up a bit with pictures and other reminders from home. Please keep us apprised of how they, and more importantly, you, are doing.

       1. Yeah I’m really surprised at this turn of events because the new place is all fixed up with all the pictures and much of the furniture from the other place. Gah…

       2. And… saw them on my lunch hour and they’re over it. Didn’t even want to counter the offer on their home — just wanted to accept. Crazy…

13. At home yoga videos? Any recs? I used to do hot yoga pre-baby and would love to do some yoga/guided stretching in the evenings after she goes to bed. (Honestly, I’d love to go back to class, but there are no studios near me that take working moms into account – all the classes are between 8am-6pm.)

    1. Rodney Ye is my favorite.

       1. Seconded. Most yoga DVDs make me feel bad about myself, but his voice is so soothing I’m just blissfully focused on yoga.

       2. Also my favorite.

    2. I’d like to see these recs too – and I’ll commiserate. All of the yoga, barre, zumba, etc. in my area are clearly scheduled for SAHM’s. Makes me rage-y. Hence, need the yoga . . . .

    3. I like Ekhart Yoga. :)

    4. I found this post extremely helpful — look for the yoga recommendations:

       http://penelopeloveslists.com/organize/6-weeks-of-penelopes-weekly-workouts-all-in-one-place/

       The PopSugar Bikini Body (annoying title, but great workout) 30-min yoga is great. I also like Jillian Michaels’s Yoga Meltdown (Level 1 is available free on YouTube).

       And seconding Rodney Yee. I love his 1-hr power yoga DVD.

    5. Doyogawithme.com
       Yogainternational.com

       The Corepower Yoga videos are pretty good as well.

    6. I like yogaglo. It’s a monthly subscription and you get access to tons of high-quality yoga classes, that were filmed specifically for the site. Also guided meditations. The array of options is pretty cool.

       1. Second Yogaglo, legal principles aside. :)

    7. Yoga With Adriene on Youtube. She’s fantastic, doesn’t take herself too seriously, and she has a “30 days of yoga” series that would be great for just getting back into a practice.

    8. exercise TV on hulu, if exercise TV is still around. it used to be on my On Demand at home but no longer..

14. I’m an associate considering lateralling. I work in a semi niche practice, so it is often the same firms that will be working with one another on a deal. I hope to apply to a position with a firm that represented the counterpart in a large deal. I worked directly with one partner and he has seen my work product. I am nervous about him contacting my boss regarding me applying. I just want some confirmation that partners are discreet about this type of thing. Thanks!

    1. Cannot confirm as I am not a partner, but I think if they want you, they wouldn’t contact your partners as then your current partner(s) may try to counter offer.

    2. Of course they are discrete! Or they know they’d never get laterals. I did just fine by emphasizing in my initial communications that I needed them to keep my application confidential and by not bad mouthing old firm at all.

    3. They, particularly in niche practice areas. If they leaked to a candidate’s boss that the candidate was interviewing elsewhere, that story would get around and it would discourage candidates from applying in the future. It’s in both their interest and your interest for them to keep silent.

       We frequently joke about this in my practice area, because associates obviously do interview around and then at networking lunches/dinners the partners from other firms that they’ve interviewed with pretend they’ve never seen or met the associate before.

15. I saw someone in my building today wearing what seem to be the child (in color) of khakis and cropped jeggings. It looked at first glance like the person was wearing Spanx or skin (at any rate: was just shy of nekkid) but definitely not pants.

16. I just found out that I have a late payment to a Macy’s credit card sitting on my credit report. Has anyone ever had success calling Macy’s and getting them to remove it? Or sending a letter to that effect?

    1. Yes, I’ve gotten them to waive it. In that case there was some confusion involving a purchase that was returned and exchanged and when the payment date was, but they ultimately agreed. (I did have to ask to speak to the manager, though. The first line customer service person said he didn’t have the authority but then agreed to waive it when I asked to speak to his supervisor.).

       Be warned: I did then get a bill the next month for $2 in interest from the late fee, which I just paid because who has the time to deal with it, but if I hadn’t seen the bill it could have built up again.

17. Yes, I’ve called them and had them remove the late fee. It was a first offense and I paid the remaining balance while I was on the phone with them.

18. I’m considering switching from public sector to traditional firm life and I’d love input.

    I’m in my 30s, but I’ve only been out of law school for a year. My entire professional life has been public sector with the exception years ago of a miserable 15 months at a technology start-up. (A laughably poor match for my structure-loving personality.)

    I have to leave my current policy position because funding wasn’t renewed. I was invited to interview for another policy position in my field and didn’t get it because I was too inexperienced. (Completely understandable since I’ve only been out of a school a year. I’m flattered they thought of me at all.) There aren’t really many other policy positions at my level.

    I’m now considering traditional firm life. Long-term, I absolutely want to be in policy and lobbying, but I need experience. A couple years at a major firm will do that for me, but I’m afraid I’ll hate it. I read one too many stories on ATL as a law student. (I stumbled into law school when the economy crashed; I never harbored grand dreams of practicing law.)

    How do you know if it’ll be a good fit? I don’t bat an eye at working 12 hour days, so that wouldn’t bother me, but what gets me up in the morning is knowing I’m serving the greater good every day, no matter how cheesy that sounds. My field is transactional, so I imagine the work would be more dull than acrimonious. My niche is either handled by Big Law or small boutique firms, really nothing in between.

    Has anyone made this switch? How did it go for you?

    1. I’ve not made the switch – have always been at a traditional firm – but unless you’re going for true “Big Law”, I would take a lot of what you’re reading on ATL with a grain of salt. Yes, firm life is not always puppies and kittens and sunshine, but it’s also not necessarily soul sucking and we’re aren’t exactly killing those puppies in the back room either. Yes, I’m not feeding starving children in Africa. And yes, I work a lot of long hard days, and yes, I work for a lot corporate clients who have a lot of money. But I do feel like I’m serving the “greater good” because I’m ensuring that the rule of law is followed.

    2. I switched from policy (the Hill then an agency) to BigLaw. I’ve really liked being at a firm, but this was the path I set out for when I started law school. Two things that have helped take the sting out of not working for the “greater good” for me: (1) pro bono matters. It’s been amazing to get deserving people asylum or social security benefits or whatever relief they’re seeking. Helping individuals who really need the help has in many ways been more rewarding than rulemaking or legislating. (2) Getting to know my clients and their businesses and feeling good when I save them money or win a case or avoid litigation or help them accomplish their business goals. At the very least, it’s good for the in-house counsel’s metrics. Happily, I do most of my work for a client who is a very good corporate citizen, so that helps.

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