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Updated: Oct 31, 2018 133 Comments · by

Weekend Open Thread

Weekend Open Thread

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Milly Open Bar Inset Flare Dress | CorporetteSomething on your mind? Chat about it here. Aiiiyeee. Love this dress. It feels classic and cool and gamine-like yet sophisticated. It's $350 at Bergdorf Goodman. Aaaah, and it also comes in royal blue. I'm in love. Milly Open Bar Inset Flare Dress Update: Three sales of note, ladies. First: Nordstrom seems to have a bit of a “summer clearance sale” going on — I've gotten numerous price drop alerts lately for things I recently bought, including this lovely scarf (now $48) — will try to do a roundup of anything noteworthy. Second: Anthropologie is having their big summer tag sale, with prices up to 50% off. Finally: Ferragamo is having a sale; flats are as low as $270, Vara pumps around $400, etc. (L-5)

Sales of note for 9.16.24

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Comments

  1. New Tampanian

    I’m “attending” a seminar today via conference call and the presenter just now used various gun/shooting analogies (“need bullets in your gun” or “you don’t go in without ammunition”) and I cringed. People are sometimes deaf to what’s going on in the world, no?

  2. eyelashes

    Does anyone still use Latisse? Where do you go for it? I’ve contacted several places in the Minneapolis area that have it listed on their website but then say they don’t offer it anymore.

    • S in Chicago

      I don’t use Latisse and I don’t know if it’s still the case, but I used to get email promotions from the CVS minute clinic near me all the time. I always thought that if you were familiar with using it, that it would be really convenient since derms can be tough sometimes to see quickly. Might be worth checking out. (Have you checked with an actual physician practice? Not sure about Minnesota, but it’s prescription only in Illinois.)

    • ckm

      on this note, for people who have used it, does it actually change your eye-color? do you notice any discoloration on your lid?

      • anon

        A doctor friend told me that the eye color changes were only noted in patients who put it directly in their eye (I think it was originally approved for glaucoma?), no idea about discoloration of the lids though.

      • Anonymous

        I’ve used it for more than 2 years and my eyes are the same. I get it from an esthetician, which I think all plastic surgeon’s offices have now.

      • Veronica Mars

        Both my mom and my sister use it and get a very strong, red discoloration across the top of their lashline/eyelid where they apply latisse. It looks like they’re wearing wine-colored eyeliner (not in a good way, it makes their eyes look really tired/inflamed). However, it’s really easily covered with eyeshadow/normal brown or black eyeliner. But they don’t leave the house without putting something over it.

  3. Yellow Umbrella

    Both my mom and my sister use it and get a very strong, red discoloration across the top of their lashline/eyelid where they apply latisse. It looks like they’re wearing wine-colored eyeliner (not in a good way, it makes their eyes look really tired/inflamed). However, it’s really easily covered with eyeshadow/normal brown or black eyeliner. But they don’t leave the house without putting something over it.

    • Ellen

      Yay! Open Thread’s! I love weekend Open thread’s and this $350 dress from Bergdorf’s! Great Pick Kat and Kate!!!!

      As for the OP, it is a trickey transition from the bottom to the executive ranks. I started at the bottom, serving subpeenees, and then got a law job AFTER I passed the bar. Again at the bottom. It was ONLY b/c of my legal competence (having NOTHING to do with schmoozeing) that I was abel to get pay raises, and after a number of years, and with Dad’s help, I was ELEVEATED to a partner. YAY! I recommend NOT to schmmooze unless you are already legally proficient. Mason tries to schmooze, but he is a schmoe, and schomoe’s who schommoze do NOT go that far in our firm, b/c they know that you are a schmoe.

      However, once you prove yourself, then you can schmooze to your heart’s content (within reason). I do NOT think the manageing partner likes for Mason to kiss his tuchus all day. That get’s tireing to listen to even if you are being praised all day. A littel in the morning, mabye buy the boss coffee or muffin’s (if there is a CRUMBS bakery nearby), and then invite him and his wife to dinner IF YOU ARE MARRIED.

      I am NOT married, and Margie wants to get me married to one of her freind’s who is divorced from his wife. I did meet him and he was kind of cute, but he kept askeing me how often I like to have sex. I did NOT think that is to be discussed in a group setting, and can onley imagine what he would do to me if we were EVER alone in his apartement. FOOEY! I do NOT want to be like Dakota Johnson in 50 shades of GREY. DOUBEL FOOEY! Tbere is no way that I would let a man touch my tuchus like that doosh did.

      Anyway, I am glad that you have been promoted to executive level, and hope you are abel to deal with the politicks. YAY!!!!!

      • Doreen

        Ellen, a word of advice about relationships. You need to be far more than a sexual vessel for a guy if you want your relationship to last. In addition to that, you must be able to communicate on a personal level as a sounding board. You will learn, as I did, that merely servicing your man periodically, even if you are good at it, is not enough to sustain a relationship. I had thought that as long as I perfected what Cosmo said I should that I could lead my own life of leisure — like you apparently want to do like your sister. I bore my husband 2 children only to find myself divorced at age 37 with a marital settlement that gave me money but no satisfaction. My husband went on to remarry someone OLDER than me who he said was able to relate to him on more than a sexual level. So don’t think that merely reading Cosmo, Marie Claire or any other tabloid or website will provide you with the tools to satisfy your mate. You must do more. Now I know that. I hope you do too before you fall into the same trap that I did.

        • CJ

          Doreen is right. Having and using your lady parts is maybe 75% of it. Sure you must be willing to do everything in the bedroom– and with reckless abandon, but you also have to be mentally in touch with your boyfriend. So do more than provide him with access to your lady parts. That alone won’t buy you a ticket to Chappaqua.

    • A

      I’m not sure how your corporation works, but you need the help of a mentor (or your management) to take on more visible stretch roles and probably get a mentor. You want to try to get stretch roles like being an assistant to someone important in your organization (this is not like being and administrative assistant). That could be a highly visible role that you can use to move up. But yeah, get a mentor.

    • NYNY

      How well do you know other people at your new level? What you’re describing sounds as if a “buddy” might be more useful than a mentor. Someone with a similar title who has been in the position longer and knows the ropes, knows the players, and has your back.

  4. lsw

    I was given a gift certificate to a fancy spa day on Sunday (yay!) and it has four services, massage, facial and mani/pedi (the final two given by the same person). I assume I tip individually? Would I do that at the end and just write who gets what? I have never done a multi-service like that before. And any suggestion on what amount I should tip?

    • LAnon

      Sometimes they will give you little envelopes with each person’s name on them. Otherwise, the person at the front desk can help you out with remembering who did what and making sure they all get what you want them to. In my experience, you’ll take care of all the tipping at the end. Just be sure to bring enough cash to be able to divide up, assuming the gift certificates didn’t include gratuity. If they did, there will be a balance on the gift certificate after they’ve discounted the service, and you can ask for that to be applied to the tip.

      If you want to tip on a credit card, sometimes they will charge your card for the tip amount and then pull that amount out of a cash drawer so you can put it in the little envelopes; other times they just charge it all to the card. If it’s a fancy spa where most people get multiple services from different people, they will have a system in place for dealing with it. I think your best bet is to plan on leaving cash tips at the end.

    • BeenThatGuy

      When I check out, I ask to include a 20% on my credit card and ask the person checking me out to distribute the tips equally. It’s pretty standard where I live and makes life easy!

  5. Anon1234567

    What was you s*x life like when you were/now are pregnant? I’m about 4 months along and we’ve done the deed maybe 3 times since finding out. I’ve talked to H about it and he acknowledged that he knows he’s being weird, knows it’s safe, finds me very attractive but just feels funny doing it. FWIW, I’m not upset about this in the actual sense – I haven’t been feeling particularly in the mood anyway – and we’re still very affectionate in other ways, I just don’t want this to be the start of a bad, long trend. Since this isn’t a topic most people discuss IRL, I’d love to hear others’ thoughts here.

    I posted this on the mom thread this morning, but thought based on the responses there, it might be nice to open this up to a larger conversation since not everyone reads that s*te. Thanks to all who responded this morning!

    • TBK

      My husband felt weird and was worried he’d “poke one of the babies’ heads or something.” (In case it’s not clear — it was twins, not a baby with multiple heads.)

    • Anon for this

      We rarely had any and none after about 5 months. It just became too uncomfortable for me. I was very very tight and it hurt. We were also both uncomfortable when the baby started moving a lot, which was inevitably at night and in the morning. It didn’t affect our physicality though! Still lots of touching and cuddling, and the extra closeness of knowing we were bringing a baby into the world.

    • anon

      My husband was initially a little concerned about hurting me or the baby, but we discussed it with our midwife and she reassured him it was fine. He didn’t have any issues after that and we enjoyed an active s*x life all throughout my pregnancies, even until the very end.

    • anon2

      Pregnancy affects everyone different hormonally, in addition to the physical changes. Honestly, I was rarin’ to go all through my pregnancies…and that’s not how I usually am. Sometimes, even after 10+ years, we look back fondly on that.

      I know other people who had the opposite response. Neither party was interested. As long as you are both comfortable with the situation (or are comfortable that it’s a short time relative to how long you will be married), don’t worry about anything.

    • meme

      I’m surprised by these responses. I didn’t realize pregnancy frequently has such a large effect on this. I usually don’t have super high libido, but it definitely revs up during pregnancy. My hubs’ love language is physical touch, and we’re pretty regular all throughout and post-baby except for 6 weeks immediately post delivery.

  6. anyanony

    Interesting details on the dress…probably not good on my swimmer’s shoulders.

  7. L2fly

    I have to ask, when wearing a garment like this, what does one do with one’s bra straps? I’m not a fan of the current trend to expose your bra straps without concern, maybe because I’m a bit older (mid 40s) but I run into similar issues with T-back tanks, spaghetti strap maxi dresses, and tops with shoulder cut-outs. Am I being to rigid? Should I just buy a bra in a pretty or matching color and let it fly? Or are these only for those who are comfortable going without a bra? Or, is there a magical strapless bra out there of which I am just not aware? Would love to hear other’s secrets!

    • CountC

      I have to ask, when wearing a garment like this, what does one do with one’s bra straps? I’m not a fan of the current trend to expose your bra straps without concern, maybe because I’m a bit older (mid 40s) but I run into similar issues with T-back tanks, spaghetti strap maxi dresses, and tops with shoulder cut-outs. Am I being to rigid? Should I just buy a bra in a pretty or matching color and let it fly? Or are these only for those who are comfortable going without a bra? Or, is there a magical strapless bra out there of which I am just not aware? Would love to hear other’s secrets!

    • AIMS

      Agree on strapless. Not sure about “magic” but I am thinking of ordering this convertible bra based on the rave reviews. The customer consensus seems to be that it actually stays in place and works for the large of bust. I like that you can wear it as a conventional bra as well or criss cross. http://shop.nordstrom.com/s/wacoal-red-carpet-convertible-strapless-bra/3236610?origin=category-personalizedsort&contextualcategoryid=0&fashionColor=NATURAL+NUDE&resultback=477

      • A

        I have that bra! It does stay up really well. I wouldn’t say it’s super comfortable and I’m not sure I would wear it as a conventional bra because it is more supportive to be able to work as a strapless bra and is not as comfy as a regular bra, but I can say that I wasn’t thinking about it when I wore it. I used to have a smaller chest and had some really nice silk strapless bras from Anthropologie that were truly super comfortable – not sure if it was the silk, the fact that I was small, or both.

        • AIMS

          Thanks! That’s great to hear. “Not thinking about it” is pretty much my exact criteria.

      • SLAC

        I recently bought this bra as well — it was the winner after trying a bunch. definitely more comfortable than most strapless (Though still a strapless.) I’d recommend it!

    • anon

      I have a shirt where the top portion is kind of like this dress, but lace and I usually wear a nude bra with nude straps. Because of the intricate pattern of the lace, you can’t see the straps.

    • Snickety

      You can also get a bra with transparent straps. They are easy to find online and I’ve seen them in dancewear shops. They don’t really work with, say, a strapless dress, but I think it would be a great solution for a dress like this.

    • meme

      I wear a normal bra with a nude sleeveless/cap sleeve layering tee with stuff like this. Like a cami but covers just to the edge of the shoulder. I have a few that precisely match my skin tone and you can’t see them. I’ve purchased them online at Shade Clothing Co. and Modbod.

  8. Anon

    I think this has been discussed before, but any wisdom for dating/marrying someone with very different political views? While my boyfriend and I agree on a lot of social topics (abortion, marriage equality), he tends to be much more conservative/libertarian than me when it comes to the economy and other factors like gun control. Neither of us much enjoys political debate, so we try to avoid the topic altogether, but sometimes it does come up. He’s very pro-gun, and the Charleston shooting has become a tense topic in our household. When he told me the shooting wouldn’t have happened if the victims had had their own guns, I cried. Is it possible to “agree to disagree” or will this be a constant source of pain?

    • Anon for This

      I know people always bring up the example of Carville & Matalin, but I don’t see that as an optimal situation. When we got married, we both shared the same conservative religious beliefs. But I’ve changed and I find the same beliefs repugnant at this point. I’d be lying if I said that it’s easy on our relationship or on the kids, either. Have you thought about what kind of values you want to give your kids, and how you can impart them to your kids if you strongly disagree? It may be possible, but not easy.

    • Anon

      My husband and I are opposite ends of the spectrum. Neither of us are super passionate about politics, despite (or really because of) me being a political science major in college. I think discussing politics is distasteful in most situations, and for the most part have no desire to do it, even with people close to me. We are in agreement on many social issues, which are the ones that come up the most. He will occasionally bring something up from the news about a politician or current event, often in a joking way meant to incite me, and I will usually passively discuss it for 2 minutes and then change the subject. Sometimes I literally say “I’m not discussing this,” or “let’s talk about something else” if I feel like I am going to get upset about it. If politics or political issues are really important to either of you, this approach won’t work. It isn’t particularly important to me or my husband, so we don’t let it become an issue in our house.

      • AIMS

        I think in OP’s case you’d also need to discuss whether he would want to have a gun in the house and whether you’d be okay with that. I think you can agree not to discuss a lot of things but if he thinks everyone should have a gun and you don’t want one in your house, that’d a hard one to overcome.

        • Sydney Bristow

          That is a great point. That is one of those things that would be non-negotiable to me. I think you can navigate differing political views as long as you are both respectful of the other and are willing to shut down the conversation if it crosses into territory where you don’t want to go. But some views have very real world implications in your life, and this could be one of them.

          • BeenThatGuy

            I’m struggling with this right now. My boyfriend is in the middle of a mid-life change of career into law enforcement. The thought of a gun coming into my home, where my 7 year old lives, has made me re-evaluate our relationship. It’s always been a non-negotiable thing for me. I don’t know how this will play out…

          • Blonde Lawyer

            I was the same way when my husband went into law enforcement but now I’m actually grateful for that gun in our house and we have a non-work one too for when the work one is at work. If you are really against it, most departments will let you store it at work but that does leave your husband vulnerable going from the PD to his car.

            You learn about a different side of the world when you enter law enforcement. There are so many things the rest of us don’t know are even happening everyday. You take your personal security a lot more seriously. For us, a locked bedroom safe with a numeric passcode that is quick to enter is our solution. It actually requires a key and a passcode so it would be pretty hard for a 7 year old to break into it if you never enter the passcode in his view and make it hard to guess and have the key on your person.

            I don’t really have time to get into everything right now but I was strongly anti-gun and I now support responsible, healthy, well trained people having a gun. Just because I’m comfortable with my husband’s gun now doesn’t necessarily mean I’m comfortable with my neighbor having one.

            Lastly, there is a big difference between protecting your house from break ins and and protecting yourself if you are an actual target. Entering law enforcement can mean becoming a target which makes having a gun that much more important.

          • Anon

            +1 to what Blonde Lawyer wrote about responsible, well-trained people.

            We carry often but not always, and I can always tell you where they are, how they’re loaded, etc. b/c we are meticulous about procedure. Mistakes can’t happen. I am also of the mindset that, if you’re going to own one, you’d better train with it regularly. If you can’t take it apart, put it back together, fire it and correct jams after physical stress to stimulate the adrenaline dump you’d feel during a real encounter, etc., then you have no, absolutely NO business owning one. When I hear someone say they own one and they’ve either never fired it, or maybe they took it to the range once a few years ago, my blood boils.

            Also, FWIW, both SO and I are super liberal when it comes to things like marriage equality, male/female roles, abortion, economy, immigration, etc. and vote for people whose views are in line with these beliefs.

        • Anonymous

          You know what scares me? COPS WITH GUNS WHO THINK I SHOULDN’T HAVE ONE. That chuch shooter is a nut who murdered nine people. Do you know how many people were murdered by police in the past year?

          • Anonymous

            Yup. I do not actually love that all cops have guns. I’d rather be England.

          • Bonnie

            Do you know how many of those people were armed? This year, the vast majority of those killed were armed with lethal weapons. Perhaps if people didn’t pull guns on the police, fewer people would get killed.

          • Wildkitten

            Bonnie – Do you know how many unarmed people were killed by law enforcement last year? Too many.

        • Leslie

          Especially if you plan to have kids. Will he want the kids to learn to shoot? And when? At five or fifteen?

          If we planned on kids, but he also wasn’t into locking up the gun, it would be a total dealbreaker for me personally.

    • Pretty Primadonna

      Wow. But, but… they were at church. Do people carry at church?!

      As to your question, I think only you can know whether your different political beliefs and values can be sustained in an agree-to-disagree situation. Are the beliefs not shared with your guy fundamental to who you are? Can you accept him despite his belief and him you? Would you want your future children to be influenced by his beliefs, or do you not care much?

      • NOLA

        My SO is retired law enforcement and he always carries. When he was working, even off-duty, he carried two – one on his belt and one on his ankle. He just never knew when he would walk into a situation and need it. His boss (the chief) was at a store one day and there was an attempted robbery and he had to run out to the car to get a gun.

        To the OP’s comment below – one of my close friends married a retired police officer who also had guns in the house and always carried one. She was uncomfortable with it, but partly because she didn’t know how to use them and, thus, it was more dangerous for her. She ended up going to classes to learn how to use them – and he kept them in a locker.

      • Anon

        I definitely know people who carry all the time, everywhere (including a Catholic deacon).

      • Chronic Overachiever

        I know four people that carry all the time. I grew up in a household with many guns (father is ex-special forces) and learned how to shoot at a very young age.

      • Anonymous

        If you carry a gun to a church you’re not Christian. I don’t care why you think you’re special.

          • Anonymous

            You know what’s rude? Pretending like Jesus likes your gun. That’s rude.

        • Anonymous

          Well, my SO was providing security at my church. The gun was somewhat required… especially when he was pretty certain that some guys who came in on Christmas eve were planning on robbing the offering. Until he casually showed that he had a gun (didn’t pull it on them). Urban church, urban problems.

        • Pretty Primadonna

          I didn’t say all that, nor is that what I meant when I asked. As someone who does not own a gun, it struck me as odd that people would carry them to church. But, from the other comments, this isn’t as rare as I thought!

        • Angela

          I am a canadian and no one, no one I know owns a gun, let alone carries

          +1000 to why you need a gun in church??

          • Anonymous for this

            Because my stalker had been coming to my church at times when he knew I wouldn’t be attending. I was afraid of what he might have done had he showed up at the same service as me.
            And because bad things happen in places of worship, just as they do everywhere else in the world.

            I am, generally speaking, liberal, FYI, fwiw.

    • OP

      Thanks for the thoughtful responses. Just for clarification, my SO and I are in complete agreement on religion, so this is really limited to politics. He owns guns, but I would not live with guns so he keeps them in a storage facility and only gets them while hunting, etc. This was a good compromise and makes me feel more optimistic about future compromises. Also, do you all come from single-politic families? My parents were very unaligned but I feel it helped me develop my own independent thinking.

      • Anon

        As to the gun issue, I may be splitting hairs here, and this is probably a result of growing up in the relatively rural south, but I have a different opinion on hunting rifles and hand guns. I totally see and am supportive of your desire to keep them in a storage unit, but I think there’s a big difference between concealed carry hand guns and duck hunting.

        • Wildkitten

          I agree, except with children. Kids accidentally shoot themselves with handguns, and they accidentally shoot each other with hunting rifles. Are you planning to have more than one kid, or have other kids over in your house?

      • purple

        My parents were complete opposites and it was a disaster. They either vocally fought or took turns making ideological-based decisions (for example, whether I could attend the annual s3x talk at my public school changed from one year to the next) which was so completely confusing growing up. But they were both politically inclined, so maybe it wouldn’t have been so bad if they were more indifferent.

      • Semi-nonymous

        Oh, there are people who carry guns at church. My in-laws are part of a conservative (read: racist, homophobic, very sharp lines about men and women’s roles) Baptist congregation, and they have a “safety committee” who all got concealed carry permits, go to “security training” and patrol the church during services “just in case someone bad shows up” (where “bad” is probably = Muslim or similar in their closed minds). My father-in-law is part of the security committee, and he carries to all services and I believe all prayer meetings, etc.

        My husband and I think they are paranoid nutsos on this topic (their church is small and literally in the middle of nowhere, no one is going to target them there any more than anywhere else), and are far more afraid that there is going to be an incident where either one of the “safety committee” gets spooked and shoots a congregant or visitor or one of the kids in the congregation gets a hold of one of the guns to “be like daddy” and has an accident. Needless to say, we do NOT let our children go to church with them or go ourselves – their general beliefs are different enough from ours to make it undesirable for us, but the safety committee was the final nail in the HELL NO coffin.

        We are not anti-gun nuts by any means (my husband owns a few hunting rifles that are locked away), but encouraging open carry at church is not our cup of tea. This is a topic we pretty much just avoid talking about whenever possible when we are around my in-laws, because neither of us is going to be persuaded by the other.

        • tesyaa

          Reminds me of Michael Stivic, Archie Bunker’s son-in-law, who had a list of 3 topics he never discussed with Archie: “Religion, politics, or anything else.”

        • Semi-nonymous

          Oops, meant to go under Pretty Primadonna’s comment. Poor threading on my part

          • Pretty Primadonna

            This is scary! And, I love sentence: “but the safety committee was the final nail in the HELL NO coffin.” LOL

      • NYNY

        My parents belong to opposite political parties, but their politics are not that different. Dad is an old-school Republican; he’s fiscally conservative, and he believes social issues shouldn’t be the realm of government if you aren’t hurting anyone. My mom is a moderate Democrat. They both regularly cross party lines when voting, and frequently vote for the same candidates.

        Growing up, we talked about their different perspectives, and it made my siblings and me more thoughtful about politics. But – big caveat – that was in the 70’s and 80’s. In the current political/media world, I’m not sure if it would be as easy to be raised in a bipartisan household.

        As to your original post, the thing that concerns me is that your SO made you cry. Is he always insensitive to your feelings, or only when the subject of guns comes up? Can you live with your answer?

        • Blonde Lawyer

          I had the same concern about her crying but I didn’t read it as he made her cry. Rather, that response made her cry. I don’t know if it is fair to assume he knew that the response would hurt her. I think a very rationale point in the gun debate is (1) people get hurt by guns and (2) when bad people are hurting good people with guns, a good person with a gun usually is the only way to stop them. If we don’t like number 2, then we get into bigger policy issues like how to get guns out of the hands of bad guys.

          The bigger question is why did that response make you cry? Did it feel victim blaming? Do you abhor the idea of everyone armed and self defending like the wild west? Is it the state of the world that you can’t expect peace at church? Once you get to the root of that, you can explain what about the issue hurts you and how you can reconcile that with your SO. He likely feels the same as you but thinks the solution is different.

          Also, try to get to the heart of what you dislike the most about guns and maybe he can help you see his side. For me, it is that guns are so final. A mistake is so tragic. My husband showed me all the steps he takes with his gun to make sure that mistakes don’t happen. I now take part in that process. Clip comes out. Chamber is opened and checked with a finger to make absolutely certain it is empty. None the less, the gun is always treated as loaded. You only point it at something you wouldn’t mind destroying. Finger stays out of the trigger guard until you are going to pull the trigger. It is locked up when not in use. When it comes out of the safe all of the above checks are done again before anything else is done with it.

          • Anonymous

            Oh no. No no no. Good people with guns is not a thing. Nope!

            The way to stop gun violence is to get rid of guns. And that means every single person who thinks of themselves as decent needs to stop pretending like all we need is responsible gun ownership and start acknowledging that we’ve tried that and it has been a miserable abhorrent failure. This doesn’t happen in civilized societies like it does here.

          • Blonde Lawyer

            I’m having trouble fully understanding your response. I agree that the way to get rid of gun violence is to get rid of guns. What I don’t understand is how you can disagree with the fact that mass shootings 99% of the time end with the police shooting the mass shooter. If you are saying that police are not good people, okay we can disagree there. Trust me, I’m not saying the solution to gun violence is a greater armed populace. I’m saying that it is hard to argue with those that say most shootings end with the shooter shot, usually by police.

          • To Anonymous at 5:06

            I don’t understand your answer either. I am from a country where gun ownership is very rare and I don’t know where I stand on the issue. I have traveled to Israel many times and you see so many teenage soldiers (both on duty and off duty) walking around with their military guns. On my first trip to Israel, I got off the plane in Tel-Aviv on a Sunday morning and boarded a train full of soldiers going to their bases after their weekend. I was terrified to see big guns in every person’s hand as I had never seen so many people with guns before. They are also young people living under a lot of stress. But we don’t see this kind of rampant shooting there. So the solution is clearly not taking the guns out of every person’s hand. The solution is something else which I don’t know.

          • Anonymous

            I’m sorry. The idea that mistakes don’t happen to ‘responsible’ gun owners is such a fallacy. Too many of the American tragedies that have happened in recent years have happened to ‘responsible’ gun owners.

          • Anonymous

            @7:04. I 100% agree. I should have said to reduce the risk of a tragic mistake. There is always a risk. This is Blonde Lawyer via mobile.

          • Anonymama

            I think the line between “good people” and “bad people” is not always so clear, and there are a lot if people who are killed by supposedly “good people” who are careless, negligent, untrained, or just have terrible judgment. And I’m sort of baffled that there aren’t more responsible gun-owners who advocate for more stringent safety standards for gun ownership.

      • AM

        Not at all. My father is very conservative while my mother is a liberal. They ended up divorced (for many other reasons). But interestingly, my father’s new wife is a staunch liberal–probably much more so than my mother. I guess my dad seems to enjoy the chance to argue…

    • ckm

      if you started crying over that comment (assuming no other factors caused the tears), it seems like you two might be too different right off the bat.

      • Anonymous

        I agree with this. Whatever the issue obvi lots of people can be fine with differing, but it doesng sound like you are.

      • CountC

        I agree with this also. I was dating a guy and he said something about a topic that I am passionate about and it made me cry almost instantly because it was so disheartening to hear someone I cared about express this particular viewpoint. We broke up for other reasons and before we had a chance to talk about this particular topic more, but I don’t know if I would have been able to continue to date him if his position was truly what he originally said.

      • Anon

        Agree. Personally, I couldn’t live with someone who caused me to become so emotional about an issue. I’ve been married for over 10 years. It does become more work as time goes on (especially if you have children), so if it’s already hard, that’s a red flag for me.

        I once dated someone who said he “couldn’t date someone who had been raped” because she’d “be ruined” in his mind. I was like, “WHAT?!” We continued dating briefly after that, but were essentially doomed.

    • Matilda

      I am leftist/socialist leaning Kuchinich fan. Husband is a Libertarian Ron and Rand Paul fan. We have had some real blow-ups over the years but the good far outweighs the bad. We have influenced each other’s thinking as well. Hubby is now anti-death penalty, I am no longer anti-gun. On days like today, I don’t look at his Facebook page because it will make me mad. The thing is, we want the same things but we don’t agree on how to get there. I love him and wouldn’t trade him for any other guy.

    • ANP

      I’m in a similar boat, and my husband and I have been married for 8 years. He’s a conservative, religious Catholic with corresponding views and I’m a liberal Democrat with no real religious home, though I’ve been a member of the Presbyterian Church off and on over the past five years. We’re relatively aligned on most, though not all, social issues (ex: death penalty, gay marriage). It helps that I’m the one who is PASSIONATE about politics and that he just does not care as much as I do — I think if we were both super-politicos things would be tougher. I do wonder at times what it would be like to be yelling at the TV at the same time, but I also believe that our oppositional views help bring real and interesting debate into our household and that’s something I’m actually looking forward to our kids witnessing over the years to come. The key is to be respectful of one another’s views — even if I don’t agree with him, I know it’s his right to hold those beliefs (and then I try like h3ll to talk him over to my side!).

    • SH

      My SO and I are on polar opposite ends of the spectrum for some things. But we agree that there are things we HAVE to agree on – values, how we would raise children, etc. We don’t have to agree on things that I like to call “existential crises.” So, we don’t have to agree on whether or not Greece should leave the Eurozone. But when there’s an issue or problem to solve that is actually facing us, then we need to come together and solve it, together, without thinking that one of us is winning and the other losing. We also agree that if one of these existential crises were to become reality for us, we would do the same thing in the context of the situation in which it arises. For example, my SO is very pro-life (I’m pro-choice). However, he agrees that he may not be quite so pro-life if I were in a situation where my life was in danger if a pregnancy were continued. Recognizing that the circumstances of the situation play a large role in the “what would you do when…” game is big, and coming together to face and solve the problems together, as a team, is also big.

      My .02c.

  9. CJ

    First of all I know what I’m asking has been addressed many times over on thissite, but I’m making the move from small law to biglaw in the next few weeks and the change in wardrobe is stressing me out. On top of all the many other important things I am juggling for the transition, I just don’t want to think about buying new clothes. Right now I show up to work in jeans, a t-shirt, cute flats, maybe a cardigan, but obviously that won’t do anymore. New firm claims to be business casual, but is obviously at the business end of business casual. Any recommendations for getting started making the wardrobe transition?

    • AnonLawMom

      I’d go to Nordstrom and get a personal stylist help you. The Classiques Entier line is perfect biglaw stuff and high quality for the price (especially if you can get it on sale). Get some basics – pencil skirts, sheath dresses, slacks (if you wear pants) and some tops in higher quality material (think silks or similar rather than cotton). Opt for a few blazers or jackets rather than cardigans. Buy a few pairs of heels – 2/3 inch heels are good because they don’t hurt and look more professional than flats.

      • Anonymous

        +1. They will help you focus on key basics that will go with lots of things until you build.
        If you’re under 40, I wouldn’t recommend Classiques Entier. If you’re in that same price range try Theory, Vince, Joie. If you want a lower price range try Halogen, Vince Camuto. Get a pair of pants, skirt, dress, blazer (I would go all black, but you could do other neutrals if you aren’t a black person). I would pick tops that are more neutral and not super-memorable until you have time to build your wardrobe, so you can get away with repeating more until then.

        Once you have good basics, I think places like Marshalls or Off the Rack are great for getting some fun pieces at a better price.

    • Coach Laura

      CJ- I would read Kat’s and You Look Fab’s posts on “capsule wardrobe” and start from there. Black or grey 3- or 4-piece suit (jacket, skirt, pants, dress), a tweed pencil skirt and/or pants then 3-4 tops that coordinate with all bottoms, another dress perhaps a sheath or wrap dress. You could even have a second capsule with navy as the main color.

      • ALN

        Agree with the capsule wardrobe advice because it keeps you from buying everything all at once. Start small with versatile basics. Then build over time. If you are coming from a very casual environment, you might not know yet whether you prefer pants vs skirts, or crisp tops vs floaty blouses. And you might not know what you’ll be comfortable in and feel confident in, until you’ve actually worn some of this stuff to work all day, rather than just a dressing room.

        • Anony

          What about a pant suit you can wear with one of your tees, a pair of dress pants to wear with a tee and cardigan, and pairing a sheath dress with the cardigan, and a couple of pairs of pumps? Minimal investment to get through the first week or two and then assess what worked best.

  10. Shopaholic

    I need a new blowdryer. I tried to look on Amazon but it’s a little overwhelming. Any suggestions? I’m willing to splurge if its really worth it.

    Thanks ladies!

    • Anonymous

      I just bought both the Babyliss and Rusk W8less. I prefer the results from the Rusk by a good bit. My only complaint is that it does not have a loop to hang it, and I really like that feature in a hairdryer because of how my bathroom is set up.

      • Eliza

        I’ve had a Rusk Speed Freak dryer for the last few years and been very happy with it. It’s cut down on drying time and straightens my curly hair nicely.

  11. ckm

    Hi friends, what do hiring partners like to see in a thank you note? I would like to get them out this afternoon but i have 9 to write and feeling very brain-dead. oh and I should be watching a barbri lecture, not interneting. haaalp. :)

    • kc esq

      The general formula is “Thank you for taking the time to meet with me today/ yesterday. [If it happened earlier than that, you are too late with the note, IMO.] I enjoyed the opportunity to learn more about [Firm name] and your practice. I was particularly interested in your experience with [xyz. . . personalize a subject, case, whatever that you spoke about]. I look forward to hearing from you. Have a great weekend.”

      If they are going to the same firm, you need to vary up the language because they will all get forwarded to the same recruiting manager who will see them side by side.

  13. Wedding

    Would you read an invite that said “ceremony at X time, formal reception to follow” to mean that wedding was itself formal, assuming nothing else said about dress code? Venue is one of those typical wedding halls that can be anything from super dressy to just dressed up a bit and wedding is on a Sunday afternoon into eve.
    I want to wear a simple black silk knee length dress and dress it up but wondering if that’s not sufficient.

    • Anon

      Maybe I’m completely off-base, but without doing any research into it, I’d interpret “formal reception” as “sit down meal”.

    • Anne

      What you want to wear sounds fine. And you’ll be perfectly dressed. You will probably see all kinds of outfits! I haven’t been to a wedding in a while but I wouldn’t be surprised to see jeans or cut-offs at a wedding.

    • ginrummy

      Can you ask the bride or a member of the wedding party? I’m a bridesmaid in an fall wedding where the groom is from a rural area and the first person in his family to go to college while the bride’s family is filled with lawyers, professors, etc. Dressing up means different things to the families and the couple is trying to come up with dress-code wording that tells the first group not to wear jeans and the second group not to wear tuxes. It’s tough!

      • Sydney Bristow

        I think this is your best bet. Also try to find out if they have a wedding website because sometimes it is spelled out there. Check the back of the invite and/or save the date for a URL.

        For what it’s worth, I think what you’re planning to wear sounds like a great option.

        Ginrummy, I’m getting married in 2 weeks and literally told my sister’s boyfriend I’d prefer it if he didn’t wear jeans and told my dad he didn’t have to wear his tux. Sometimes it works to just be explicit!

      • Wedding

        Asked the mother of the bride and was only told that parents are dressing up in tux and long gown but that guests can wear something less formal. I guess the attire will run the gamut, but being the type to obsess over these things I started trying to see if I missed a cue on the invite. Thanks all!

  14. Heather

    Help please! Moving to new city and currently commuting 40 min each way. I have been in discussions with a new firm 5 minutes for my new house. I therefore need to give notice at my current position. Problem is, my current boss shows great animosity for my future boss and his firm. I see the move as being very good for me personally and in my career as I want to work where I live and be involved in the community. How do I quit my current job gracefully? I do not want to burn any bridges, but I need to keep me and my family first, not my current company. Any tips?

    • Ruby

      Just do it. Be respectful and straightforward. The boss would do what’s best for him too. It’s business, shouldn’t burn bridges. If it does, that is his issue not yours, assuming you aren’t taking clients or something like that. Try not to stress out about it. Hand over your projects responsibly. You didn’t commit to the place for life, it’s fine!

  15. CDA

    I’m in love with the dresses at Project Gravitas – great colors, natural fiber fabrics, lined, sleeves, different hem lengths, etc. Does anyone have sizing experience? With free shipping & returns, I suppose I can gamble, but I thought I’d save myself the hassle if I can.

    • KittyKat

      Where are you getting the natural fabrics bit? I am looking and cannot find that info. From the looks of the picture most of the dresses at least appear to be poly blends.

  16. TECH ISSUES

    Kat,
    I am getting pop-up ads in the right hand top margin of this post for the MGM Grand that keep pulling me back up to the top. I cannot pause them. They are the annoying autoplay ads, with sound. I am on Chrome.

  17. Lipcolour

    Hi Ladies,
    I have forever been in search of the perfect work lip colour, a beige pink for work. Something with a shine and longer wear than the Clinique chubby that I have. I am not for prolongwear as I feel it is drying….any products that I am not aware of ?
    Thanks….

  18. more tech issues

    My Feedly just got spammed beyond belief (like 10+ posts in a row) with posts from t h i s s i t e that are advertising various cell phone plans. Is this happening to anyone else?

  19. Jazspin

    Late notice perhaps, but does anyone have any recommendations for Tulum and the surrounding area? Going there in July and would love some personal tips. Adventurous stuff, food advice, and anything outside the typical recs of hipster spots welcome.

    • Bewitched

      We were in Tulum in April and loved it. Recs: definitely, definitely go to the Sian Ka’an Biosphere. We took the lagoon tour and it was amazing. We also did a snorkeling tour of Dos Ojos-average fun, but the Biosphere was amazing. Enjoy!

  20. Carrie...

    Rent a volkswagon bug, drive along the coast, eat only the freshest local fish cooked in the small villages along your way as per their local traditions, sleep in hammocks on the beach.

    And see the ruins. Don’t fall and die if you decide to climb them.

    Maybe snorkel off Cozumel.

    Stay far away from other tourists. Stay far away from Cancun.

    Be careful about getting pulled over by “helpful” cops, who only want to rob/extort you. Pretend like you only have travelers checks and act confused…. but unfortunately, they may make you miss your plane…

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