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This “denim” bag from Bottega Veneta caught my eye recently — I love the black and navy woven together!
This would be a great bridge piece if you often wear both black and navy, but I also love that there's a certain IYKYK quality to it, where it might just look all black in certain lights or just dark blue in others.
The bag is (gulp) $5500 at Neiman Marcus, but there are a number of pieces with the same color scheme, including a card case that is merely $390.
Looking for something more affordable? MZ Wallace has bags with both black and navy in their latest collection.
Stay tuned for our roundup of any bridge accessories with both black and navy that we see! These bags from MZ Wallace and Bottega Veneta are great examples.
Sales of note for 10.24.24
- Nordstrom – Fall sale, up to 50% off!
- Ann Taylor – Friends of Ann Event, 30% off! Suits are included in the 30% off!
- Banana Republic Factory – 40-60% off everything, and redeem Stylecash!
- Boden – 10% off new styles with code; free shipping over $75
- Eloquii – Extra 50% off a lot of sale items, with code
- J.Crew – Friends & Family event, 30% off sitewide.
- J.Crew Factory – 40% off everything
- Lo & Sons – Fall Sale, up to 35% off
- M.M.LaFleur – Save 25% sitewide
- Neiman Marcus – Up to 30% off on new arrivals
- Spanx – Lots of workwear on sale, some up to 70% off
- Talbots – 40% off entire purchase, plus free shipping no minimum
- White House Black Market – Buy more, save more; buy 3+ get an extra 50% off
Anonymous
So I’m a fully grown adult and I’ve never understood this – can someone explain to me how tax deductions work for charitable contributions? Is it like a 401k where if you put in 22k per year, they subtract out 22k from your gross income and then you owe taxes on gross – 22k? Or is there something different than happens?
Also is this just for federal taxes or state or both? Finally, are all charitable deductions treated this way or only to certain orgs? Like certain things make sense like say the American Diabetes Association but what about contributions to universities? Political orgs?
Anon
Yes it’s a deduction off your adjusted gross income so reduces your taxable income by that amount. But it only applies if you itemize your taxes. Most Americans do better with the standard deduction. I claim the standard deduction, so I can never deduct my charitable contributions (which are usually in the very low four figures cumulatively).
Anon
It is for a deduction from taxable income, not 1 for 1 reduction in taxes.
To be eligible, the donation needs to be to a 501c3 (NOT political orgs).
To be deductible for YOU, you need to itemize deductions when you file taxes. You only do this if the total of your itemized deductions is greater than standard deduction.
Runcible Spoon
The IRS issues instructions each year on charitable donation deductions for individual income tax filers. You can download it from the IRS.org website.
Anon
Donations to political candidates aren’t tax deductible. Only 501C3 donations are. Some “political organizations” have a 501C3, and many have a separate 501C4 advocacy arm (for example, Planned Parenthood). A good way to tell is the 501C4 is often called the “Action Fund” like PP Action v regular PP. Look at the fine print if you go to make a donation. A university typically is a 501C3. Something like the a fraternal organization or a Veteran’s Association will typically be a different 501C and not tax deductible.
Some states let you deduct off your state taxes, YMMV.
Senior Attorney
Yes you have it right. The amount of your donations reduces the amount of your taxable income (as opposed to reducing the amount of tax you owe, which would be a tax credit).
Anon
My state sometimes allows a small deduction for charitable cash contributions even if you take the standard deduction on your federal filing. There are AGI limits and I am usually very close so I cannot always take it, but when it applies it is a nice thing.
Anon
Most states use your adjusted gross income as the starting point. So, if you take the deduction for your federal taxes, you would get it for your state taxes in those states
Anon
1000% to “women’s clothes are always coded” from the other post. That is what I struggle with. Man cannot underthink their clothing. It seems like women can’t overthink it.
I had to drop a kid off at college the other week. ACC school (the original ACC; I can’t remember who is in it this year). I made a line in the sand decision: I was going to dress for a hot, humid day with rain in the forecast and unloading a car and carrying many items up stairs over many trips. But even then, what to wear? Polo? Shirt with words (what words? what colors? I didn’t have any hot-weather school gear yet)?
I went with real running shoes, the Brooklyn Athleta Skort, a tee with a fun pattern on it and no words, and a Baggu bag. I *hope* it was a practical cloak of invisibility. But I saw a ton of things worn by the moms I passed (heels! maxi dresses!). TBH, if I had had DH there with me, I could have looked cuter, but it was a household divide and conquer day, so I just got the job done. But I feel really . . . fashion is a minefield, if nothing else. It’s not really fun anymore, it’s a high-stakes test that you can lose but can’t really win.
Anon
Welcome to Florida State (if I’m guessing correctly).
The only parents who stick out in a bad way are the over the top sportsball boosters in head to toe garnet and gold, and the parents who are trying to relive their sorority/frat days despite it being 20 years and 50 pounds ago. You’re fine. It’s a really informal campus and the adults (grad students and up) are not fashion forward. Leave that to the freshmen up from South FL.
Peloton
Your outfit sounds adorable and practical, and I’m doubtful other women were as judgmental of you as you were! Did someone say something rude?
Peloton
(As you were of yourself—I don’t think you were being judgmental of the other women, to be clear).
Anon
The moms in the heels probably weren’t carrying items up and down stairs over multiple trips, right?
I feel your frustration! I always go into a situation figuring there will be some people who are perfectly dressed some who are definitely not and then the big swath in the middle. I’ve fallen into all three camps before!
Anon
Who on earth cares what you look like while unloading a car??
Anon
This, exactly.
Anon
I wore a shirt with a school name on it yesterday. An acquaintance asked if I had gone there. I said that I had, which is true. Her look next was withering — like I guess she was checking because I must have thrifted it or something and it was such a stretch as to why I’d have it that she couldn’t help but confirm.
So yes. Because of stuff like that, I do care. I often stick to free blood bank donation gift shirts because they are so vanilla.
Cat
that interaction sounds weird but you know there’s a whole world of just plain color tees out there right? Easy to throw on with athleisure of all sorts and no one has to read your top.
Anonymous
I only wear plain T’s and band shirts for exactly this reason. It does make me sad though.
Anon
Counterpoint: no matter how withering someone’s stare, I don’t run my life by the opinions of weirdos, and anyone who asks that question is weird.
Anonymous
Why is it weird to ask if someone attended the school whose shirt they are wearing? If they didn’t attend, there’s a good likelihood that their child or spouse did, and it’s a great conversation-starter. There was a dude at my previous job who wore a sweatshirt from my alma mater 3,000 miles away and I said, “Oh, I went to University of XYZ! Did you go there too?” He looked at me like I had two heads and said, “No, I like their basketball team.” I was just trying to make a connection and it somehow offended him. Like did he think I was making fun of him for assuming he could get in there?
My daughter attends a small college that’s well-known in my field and mostly unknown outside of it, and it’s fun to wear the sweatshirt because people will come up and start gushing about how much they loved their time there.
anon
I assume she meant it’s weird to ask if you’re doing so from a place of judgment. Why should the answer be followed by a withering stare? That’s weird. It’s not weird to ask in general, but I would think it’s a little silly to ask/ assume everyone wearing a shirt from school with extremely popular sports teams, like the University of North Carolina for example, went there.
Anon
On the other hand, I think it’s weird to wear clothing from a school you don’t have an association with regardless of how popular their sports teams are
Anon
Yes this. The whole post seems way too overthought
Anonymous
Seriously.
And maybe read this a.m.’s post about streams of consciousness versus actual questions.
Anon
This poster here is why that post exists. So. Much. Anxiety.
Trish
Your child, perhaps, if meeting new roommates at the college. I don’t need to dress up but don’t want to appear to be a slob around my son’s friends.
Anon
I distinctly remember wearing an Athleta shortish dress and sneakers to move my kid into college in North Carolina. If you were dressed inappropriately, so was I. But yes, everything we wear is coded. Everything. I just care a lot less when I am doing anything other than my job.
Anon
My mom would tell me though that representing yourself, your family, and your kids are important when I was shocked at how competitively our PTA moms seemed to dress (like matching athleisure, tennis attire. Or spendy rufflepuff. I want ready for that but didn’t want to be seen as a slouch. When I came from work that helped but then WFH started and we went very casual with COVID.
Anon
Your mom’s opinion doesn’t have to be your opinion. Plenty of us manage to have wonderful families and lives while fully embracing dressing “slouchy.” You can choose to present yourself however you want; it’s not a moral issue.
anon
There are few children, even adult children, who don’t care how their parents present themselves to others.
Anon
There are few children, especially adult children, who care so much about how their parents present themselves that a clean, reasonable outfit like OP described would be embarrassing. If OP had come in here saying she showed up in paint-covered sweats and hair that hadn’t been washed for three days, sure.
Anonymous
I didn’t go to school in the south so maybe it’s different there, but is move in day really a fashion show? It was hot and sweaty even up north and you spent the day parking your car, hauling things, waiting in line for carts or ID cards or room keys or whatever else. I can’t imagine anyone was judging anyone else’s outfit and you’d probably stand out if you were in your perfect dress and heels, as everyone else is in shorts and running shoes. I mean if people wanted to dress it up for purposes of pictures at college with their child, I imagine they did it if they got to campus early and went out to dinner the night before move in or the night after.
Anon
Yes. For some people. I went to school in the south and my roommates mother gave us some side-eye.
Anonymous
The thing is that if a mom showed up to move-in at a New England school dressed in Lilly Pulitzer golf wear or whatever it is SEC moms wear, she would also get side-eye. People outside the south claim they “don’t care about” or “don’t notice” what other people wear, but that’s just an affectation.
Anon
I had the same experience of the business casual moms at a Boston school move in.
Anon
I don’t think I remember a single mom from my college’s move-in day. I have absolutely no idea what my own mother was wearing.
It’s not an affectation. Many of us legitimately just do not care.
Anon
I don’t know, sometimes the stakes are low in reality and only high in our head. What was the real difference in outcome between the women you saw who were dressed up and those who weren’t? Nobody was out there judging them, getting ready to kick the students out if mom didn’t pass muster. Seems unlikely that the other kids were judging what anyone else’s mom wore, unless you’re maybe wearing something far out of the norm like a tiny bikini top.
Anon
This
Anon
It’s like what do you wear on a first date. You want to be neutral and not like you are trying too hard or sending the wrong message. It’s easy to make a wrong impression. Beyond that, we don’t have a lot of first impressions left to make.
Anon
I had the same situation moving a mentee into dorm housing a few years ago. I wore shorts and a t-shirt without words. She was in a 3rd floor dorm with no elevator, and it was in the 90s. I was shocked at all the business casual moms.
Anonysaurus
LOL at “the 90s” being “a few years ago”. Same, girl, same.
DC Inhouse Counsel
I think she meant the temperature was in the 90s and it was hot…
anon
Your last sentence encapsulates everything I feel about fashion and getting dressed. Somehow, I’m always doing it wrong.
Reposting here since this post is usually more active
I know a lot of people here are not a fan of AskAManager. But I do like reading about work advice. What are other blogs or magazine with similar examples of work and management?
Anon
Out of curiosity, why aren’t people a fan of askamanager?
Anon
I feel like a lot of the questions she answers are crazy scenarios that aren’t applicable to real life. Also, she hasn’t actually worked in an office (as far as I know) for years.
Anon
People feel like her advice is out of touch, she hasn’t actually been a manager for years and her advice is a little off. And her commenters are a very intense and not aware of social norms. So for example if someone if socially awkward, they will fall heavily on the side of “respect your boundaries and don’t ever talk to anyone at work” even though, in most workplaces, that will actively hurt your career.
Anon
Oh every commenter is nuts. They can’t do their jobs because they’re autistic/ADHD/disabled/queer/lefthanded/etc.
Anon
Seriously, it’s ridiculous.
Anon
I stopped reading after she royally screwed up an answer to a question about drug testing. It was a company that had federal contracts and therefore, needed to drug test new hires and those who had been on leave for more than 30 days. Company followed the law, letter writer was angry about this for some reason, and Alison went on a tirade about how backwards and wrong the “policy” was.
I explained to her that it was actually the law and cited the relevant clauses. She still acted like it was a “policy” that the company could change, then blocked me when I explained that it was a condition of receiving those contracts, not anything that HR or higher ups could get rid of.
I decided that if she’s that block headed about things I know about, I don’t trust her judgement on things I don’t know about. Shrug.
Anonymous
wasn’t her only real experience as a hiring manager for a pro-marijuana organization or something? she may just be primed for a tirade anyway?
Anon
I think so, yes.
Anon
Coming back later with more thoughts: precisely because she worked at a cannabis company, she should be aware of the regulations regarding drug testing. Even if she missed the FAR flowdown clause, once it was brought to her attention, she should have had the chops to integrate it into her understanding of the industry.
The fact that she responded by throwing a temper tantrum tells me a LOT about her.
Anon
The owner of Ask a Manager is fine (or at least was when I used to read), but the commentariat is wild and she bought into that too much. At least for a time, she stopped responding to many legitimate work questions (like how to phrase something sensitive on a resume) in favor of responding to obviously fake posts like “what do I do if my boss wants me to wear a chicken suit daily?!” or “is it OK if I don’t want to wear a bra to support my FFF breasts at work?!” It got old.
ABanon
Someone wrote in about the necessity of her coworker keeping her child at work because she had no childcare. Management said no, so they put the child outside in her coworker’s car while she worked. Askamanager supported this decision and said definitely don’t report her to anyone. That’s when I stopped reading for the final time. See “my coworker left her baby in the car while she worked.”
anonshmanon
except I just googled that post and you are entirely misrepresenting what she advised.
ABanon
Go ahead and tell me how.
anonshmanon
Alison did not support the decision to leave a baby in a car, was clear that it could have ended in tragedy and suggested ways to get the mom more support and resources.
She also didn’t say definitely don’t report this. The letter writer had already reported it to her manager and was debating calling CPS. The response “There are times when a call to child services can’t be avoided and this might be one of them, but I’d encourage you to talk with her first and get a better understanding of the situation before making that call”. For context, Alison also mentioned being a foster parent herself, with decent knowledge of the system with its upsides and downsides.
You may be thinking there should be no debate and CPS should be called to deal with this incident. Allison’s advice is more nuanced and you may disagree with that. But you turned your disagreement into ‘She supported endangering a child and said definitely don’t report it ‘ and that’s a reversal of her stance. This whole ‘if you don’t agree with me completely then you’re against me ‘ is really not useful.
ABanon
A child (“baby,” as the title says) was left in a car for an entire work shift. There’s nothing nuanced about that. I’m stating why I’m not a reader as that’s what the original OP asked. I’m not going to read another word of her garbage to clarify the point. (And actually the fact that she’s a foster mom makes her take worse, not better. Maybe her foster agency would also be interested in the link? Please forward it to them.) Because it is a child neglect & no amount of hemming and hawing and what aboutism negates that. Newsflash: it could still end in tragedy.
Mpls
I still read her. If nothing else, she’s pretty good about spelling out why she’s advising what she is advising and you can take it or leave it. Just gives you another perspective to think on things.
Agreed that the commenters can be intense…
anonshmanon
I read her daily. There certainly are scenarios that are so entertaining as to invite an ‘is this post real?’, and I don’t mind being entertained! I feel like there is actually a good balance with boring, completely relatable workplace challenges, too. I think since these tend to be a bit repetitive, they don’t stand out as much as the novel ones. Today’s roundup has some that seem very recurring – The right way to clean up after a reply-all email storm;How open should I be about family stress that may affect me at work?; Do I owe a previous employer help with their questions now?; I have no idea who to give my resignation to. All very normal questions that come up very regularly!
I think Alison gives pretty aspirational advice that may not fly in every workplace, but I agree that she’s pretty good about giving caveats, or saying it could go either way, and you have to make a call based on the circumstances.
As to whether the advice is out of touch – it probably depends. I appreciate that she gets dozens of submissions from people in various workplaces weekly, while I only know my own workplace and the few previous ones. So her perspective may be much broader than mine. For example: pretty much everything I know about work in the legal field comes from this site, and it seems much more conservative, formal and hierarchical than average, certainly MUCH more than my own workplace. So if you think Alison’s advice is big time unrealistic, maybe half of that comes from your own perspective being skewed in the other direction.
AskJeeves
I haven’t read in a while, but I read through the archives when I started working on my department’s hiring practices. I found most of it to be really helpful.
Anonymous
Inc, Harvard Business Review. Lots of industry-specific ones, like ATL for small firms. Usually just articles with quotes though, not reader-submitted questions… for that check Reddit.
Anon
I had been feeling disillusioned with the left for a lot of reasons and I still do, but I was so pleased to see that Harris forcefully condemned the protesters who sprayed pro-Hamas graffiti in DC and called it out as a brutal terrorist organization which has vowed to annihilate Israel. The fact that she did this knowing full well that it could lead to lost votes only makes it more valuable to me. Donating today; who’s with me?
Anon
If I wanted to read campaign emails, I’d sign up for them.
Anon
collapse the thread! FFFY
Anon
Didn’t realize the snowflakes were out in this weather.
anon
Well, aren’t you a bucket of sunshine?!
Anonymous
Me! And I love to see this stuff here keep it coming!
Anon
+1
Anonymous
Nothing about that statement is at all surprising or risky. The “pro-Hamas” vote is miniscule. But if a statement like this makes you want to vote for and donate to Harris, I am for it. I do wish she had pointed out all the lies and inappropriate statements in Netanyahu’s speech. Now that would be brave, help this discussion evolve, and possibly move the needle, but I get that she is in fundraising mode. I’ll take Pelosi taking on that fight for now.
Anonymous
+1!
Anon
Are there people who actually think being pro-basic human rights for Palestinians equates to being pro-Hamas?
Anonymous
Only on this site do they believe being pro-basic human rights for Palestinians equates to being pro-Hamas.
Anon
I mean people are literally cheering for Hamas at protests, so yes, some? But not most.
Anonymous
Any personal injury attorney recommendations (or people NOT to use) in the Kansas City metro?
Anonymous
When people are unkind online, what do they get out of it? I understand why people are rude IRL – you took their parking spot or made them wait, so they vent their frustration. Online though including here, what is gained? I feel like I just scroll past posts I’m not interested in or close down the website altogether. Yet this morning’s thread suggests people don’t.
Anonymous
Everyone has a different understanding of what kindness is.
Anon
I don’t know that kindness is the point for all commenters. Some people like to debate a point or give constructive advice. Being a jerk isn’t the point, but sometimes kindness isn’t kind when it’s actually unhelpful and just mindless cheering.
Peloton
+1. I think there are people here who are kind but not nice, nice but not kind, and some who are both. It’s okay for different women to give and receive advice differently, and hopefully the original poster always takes what is helpful for her and has the ability to filter out what isn’t.
Anon
Yes to kindness isn’t kind when it’s mindless cheering. A lot of people here are lawyers. I’m not, but in a field where people give frequent, often brutally honest feedback with the goal of improving the end product.
If someone comes here to ask for advice, I assume they actually want feedback or they wouldn’t bother asking here. I certainly try not to be mean, but I do try to be helpful, and that doesn’t always mean that my answer is something they want to hear. I know that’s why I personally find the rambling anxiety posts with no actual question so annoying. I do actually like to give helpful answers (and many people here have thanked me for those helpful answers over the years), so I get frustrated when I can’t even figure out what the question is or how to give a helpful answer. That person or people sounds like they really could use some help from someone.
Anon
I’m kind of worried for that poster. I see a lot of parallels with a family member of mine who is really, really struggling with anxiety and who is not in mental health treatment. I know it can be very hard to treat, but I’ve also seen good outcomes for other friends and family.
Anon
I don’t understand the posters who kick someone when she’s down – to me that’s different from bluntly saying you don’t like the day’s fashion pick. There seems to be a certain contingent here who will read a post describing pain, guilt, shame, or other negative emotions and then swoop in to tell OP she’s horrible in these other ways too or overreacting or a princess. Even knowing bullies exist, it doesn’t make sense to me.
PolyD
I think a lot of times, it’s someone having a bad day. They are looking for someone to kick, so they lash out, hiding behind their anonymity, at someone on the Internet.
For a lot of people, it feels better to be angry than to be sad.
Senior Attorney
Hoo boy, amen to your last sentence! Not saying it’s right, but it’s so so true.
Anon
That’s such a good point. I always think there are a lot of truly miserable people posting here, but I hadn’t thought of anger as the other side of sadness. It makes me slightly more sympathetic (but not much.)
Antiquing Friend
I’d be interested in this answer too. People were really mean to me on my first post, then when I updated a lot of the same people who were awful the first time did a 180, without apology. It was wild.
Anon
Agreed. I thought people were incredibly mean to you on that post, alternating between gaslighting and implying that you are childish or naïve, and then it turns out you truly were getting ghosted all along. That’s exactly the kind of mean behavior that baffles me. Just…why?
Antiquing Friend
Mhmm, if I took the advice to call or text my ex friend would have certainly continued to ignore me and if I took the advice to buy the holy grail item their partner would have reacted very poorly and I would have made the situation even worse. Bumping into eachother on the street was probably the only way I would have gotten the truth.
Anon
Bad advice != meanness
Anon
When did you post your update? I think I missed it and I do remember the first post.
Anon
Maybe I don’t know what getting ghosted means, but if someone wants to hang out with me and wishes they still could, but a jealous, controlling partner is preventing them, that isn’t what I’d normally think of as a friend just dropping me? But I’m not sure I’d worry as much about the fall out because their partner is so out of line (assuming they’re not also abusive).
Anon
I’m sorry, but no one was mean to you. People disagreed with your read of the situation and suggested possible alternate actions you could take. Your initial post basically said that a friend had ghosted you by not responded to a series of texts over a couple of weeks, and people suggested calling her or asking her directly what was going on This is not objectively bad advice. You can say they were misinterpreting or didn’t have all the facts (which is true, we never have as complete a picture as the person posting) and clearly you were right about the facts of your particular situation, but that doesn’t mean they were “mean.” We’re all adults here and equating constructive criticism with unkindness doesn’t do anyone any favors. And in this case it wasn’t even criticism of you, it was simply a different way of looking at the situation.
Anonymous
Some people hang out on this board like it’s their job and talk to everyone like they are giving feedback to their junior associate as they accuse this person of having anxiety and that person of being overly close with mom and some other person of some other flaw.
Anon
I’ve also noticed that some posters like to pretend like common scenarios described by OPs are near-impossible and that the real problem must be OP herself. It’s maddening – if OP describes a nosy neighbor or an unkind colleague or an overbearing sister, someone will come back with “well that doesn’t sound right, maybe the problem is you!” as if those problems aren’t incredibly common and challenging everywhere in the world. Then if OP comes back to explain that no, truly sister-in-law did say something aggressive that almost anyone would find hurtful, she’ll get accused of being defensive.
Seventh Sister
I think there are few reasons. People can’t vent to others in real life, they can’t (or won’t) say mean things to the real people that are making their life difficult, they enjoy making others feel bad. Though to be frank, I think tone doesn’t carry well online and something that would be softer in person comes out real harsh in a comment sometimes.
Anon
I’ve definitely posted comments that accidentally came out way harsher than I intended them to. I usually try to add a reply to that effect, but I think replying to yourself can flag moderation, so sometimes there’s a delay in the second comment. Delays can cause problems in general if the OP clarifies something in their original comment but it takes a while to post, and in the meantime people have been replying based on a faulty assumption.
Anonymous
Lots of Type A competitive women on here, many of whom want to make themselves feel good and often that’s done by putting others down whether it makes any sense or not. They can’t act that way IRL, so guess where it comes out? I mean I personally have been told I was a moron for declining to go to a conference in Vegas in early March 2020 when Covid had already arrived in America. I have also been told that there is no way a lawyer like myself would ever be needed or wanted on any corporate board in America. Apparently I also have anxiety about any number of issues and should divorce my husband because he throws out too much produce. So yeah, take everything here with a grain of salt. Some people just love to pile on.
Anon
Oh man, the early 2020 stuff was bonkers! And everybody changed their tune so quickly, it was hilarious.
Anon
Yeah that was hard for me as a person who took it (and takes it) very seriously. SO many people were diagnosing everyone who was worried in January/February 2020 as having “anxiety” (that still happens pretty regularly on a variety of issues.)
I mentioned on here that I went to the grocery store in late January and stocked up on canned goods and toilet paper & got excoriated. I was really happy to have that stuff a month and a half later!
Anon
PS the reason I shopped is that some guidance I read said to be prepared to be isolated at home for up to 3 weeks if you catch it. So I also stocked up on Kleenex, Tylenol, Advil, and cough syrup, and bought thermometers.
Nothing prepared me for the entire economy shutting down! And I sure wish I had thought of buying flour!
Anon
What do you get out of posting this? Seriously. Do you think everyone you think has been mean to you is going to come to their senses and beg for forgiveness? To me a post like this seems gratuitously self-righteous. Just collapse and move on.
PolyD
And… bingo!
Anon
Right?
anon
For me, I get snarky when I am stressed to the max. The more stress, the more likely I am to argue with a stranger over something like the pledge of alleigience.
Anonymous
Do you all ever buy individual stock in any of your portfolios? Or only ETFs and funds? Are there any you’ve bought that you are really glad you did? I’m not looking for market advice, just curious what women here do.
Anon
Only index funds
Anon
Same. Due to work conflicts rules, it makes no sense for me to ever own sticks. Getting a trade cleared could take years, if it ever gets cleared.
Peloton
I hold a very small amount of individual stock (less than 3% of total investments). When I buy it, it’s as a small tribute (e.g., an older relative gave all the people in my generation a small gift, and I used it to buy shares of the company he recently retired from); when my husband buys it, it’s because he thinks they have cool patents.
Anon
Due to job restrictions (insider trading, independence), it’s all index funds.
Anon
+1. I’m at a Big 4 and can only invest in company approved funds for my 401k and have to declare all investments/loans/etc.
Anon
Yes, but only because this is my husband’s literal job (picking stocks as a PM in a managed fund). We only do it with a small amount of our overall investments, and only with money we can afford to lose. This is all tightly regulated by his compliance deptartment so we don’t exactly day trade in our personal accounts.
Unless you literally do this for a living (or as a very educated hobby investor) I wouldn’t recommend it. That being said we invested a small amount for both of our kids in the stock market to help teach them about buying/selling stock and let them pick their own individual portfolios of stocks they researched. My son’s stocks are very TMT focused and my daughters are more of a mix of TMT/CPG companies. They enjoy reading the ticker reports for ‘their’ companies every day so I think that’s a win.
Peloton
Great idea — we will also probably let our children “make their own” index fund with a small amount of money (say $100-$500) when they are old enough to understand it, if they’re interested in doing it. I think that’s a really valuable thing to teach your kids. Mind sharing how you got them interested?
Anon
They see their dad reading earnings reports/being on investor calls and thought it was cool that he gets to talk to the CEOs/Leaders of companies they know about (apple/Nvidia/Tesla/etc.). We talk often about what mom and dad do for work (and with Covid they hear a ton of work calls) so they were aware of the idea of picking stocks. We then offered each of them a set amount of money for their 10th birthdays and treat it as sort of a bonus fund for them when they’re older (graduation trip/car/etc.).
We haven’t had the situation yet where one kid makes multiples of what the other does but if that happens we’d likely cap the gains (or move that stock into one for the family and make it a ‘big family trip!’ fund).
Peloton
This is such a lovely example of what is caught vs what is taught. How cool that they got interested in what dad is interested in, and how awesome you all have leaned into it. Thanks for the answer!
Anon
A roommate I had in college was into finance (business major) and traded stocks. This was ~2000 so early days for internet stocks. We all thought it was kind of a weird/dorky hobby but he was a sweet guy so NBD. He didn’t tell us until years later but he apparently got into a number of big name tech stocks early and literally made his first million before graduation!
anonshmanon
no individual stock, but I do look at more narrow ETFs (e.g. healthcare, automation, environmental ETFs, that sort of thing). Although you need to be aware of the composition, because you could inadvertently be buying several funds that have different names, but all of them have 5% or whatever Apple stock and you are not as diversified as you thought you were.
Anon
This is a very good point.
Anonymous
so, a long, long time ago (’08) I bought about $8k each of Google and Apple stock with a law firm bonus. i didn’t know a lot about investing and figured i used them a lot, so why not. each of those have turned into $100k+. just checked, my aapl is $109k, and the google stock (which was split at some point over the years) is now $59k and $63k. so… good investment!
Anon
My cousin’s husband’s work may go public soon and I might buy some stock because their product replaces a toxic chemical that is getting phased out on a national scale – seems like the right time for it to go big. I wouldn’t put in more than I’m OK with losing. Otherwise, we do not have any individual stocks.
Anon
Yes I have some after tax funds invested in individual stocks & I have beat the market so far (about a 6 year time frame) and I’m happy with it.
I also own individual stocks in one of my 401K accounts.
Anon
One of the individual stocks I had in my 401k happened to be NVIDIA, by the way!
NYNY
Is anyone here familiar with Phase Eight dresses? I have a wedding to attend in a month or so and have been struggling to find something that I like, and am thinking of trying these two. Any insight on quality and fit would be great. I’m a 5’4″ hourglassy pear, looking for a comfortable midi dress that works for an evening wedding in suburban NJ.
https://www.phase-eight.com/row/product/nora-chiffon-floral-wrap-dress-222389000.html#cgid=dresses&is=true&sz=60&start=0&isSecondPage=false&pid=222389000&pos=8
https://www.phase-eight.com/row/product/petite-elsie-spot-dress-221343287.html
Senior Attorney
Wow, I’m not familiar with that brand but I think either of those dresses would be great. Especially like the first one.
Ses
I’ve bought a dress from this brand before and found the quality to be decent / middle of the road, and the dress was lined which I appreciated.
I’m not petite so can’t speak to their petite sizing.
I found the waist/ribcage small on me and would size up next time, but I’m not hourglassy.
British brand, so check the size calculator if they have one.
Anonymous
I’m a busty hourglass, have a high waist and can wear petite size tops and I have had about 15 Phase Eight dresses that I have loved. Two of them worn at weddings.
I’m in Europe, and I always feel I get a smaller size in US brands than UK ones. Look at the waist measurement chart, and choose size based on that. As long as there is some stretch in the material, very large boobs will fit.
Anonymous
PS I think the second one will work better if your bust is G+
NYNY
Thanks all! I’ve ordered both, will report back.
Risked Credit
Phase 8 are a great brand. I find they tend to run a bit big on me but my sister says they run to size. Just be careful because returns from here are harder.
If you like Phase 8 take a look at Monsoon. Its similar in style and fit but a bit cheaper.
LDubs
Has anyone taken or had an employee take a Business Writing/Communication class that you found impactful? I have a direct report whose unprofessional writing/email is holding them back from advancement and may have an opportunity to get the company to invest in him taking a class to build his skills. I’ve seen a few that may be promising (Duke Continuing Studies, Gotham Writer’s Workshop, and one on Coursera led by a prof from UC Irvine), but I’d love to know if anyone has any experience or recommendations.
I should say I doubt they will pay 4 figures for the class so trying to stick to ones in the hundreds…
Thank you!
Anonymous
Could this be solved by chat gpt? Personally no amount of coaching will help me remember to write an introductory sentence asking how little Jimmy’s baseball game and the long weekend went, so I just have the computer do it for me.
Anon
ChatGPT writing is awful.
Anon
+1 from a professional writer! For the love of god please do not use Chat GPT to teach people how to write!! Its writing is super clumsy and awkward even when it’s grammatical (which it isn’t always).
I’ve had good experience with Coursera courses, but haven’t done any specifically focused on professional writing. Purdue Online Writing Lab has some good written resources, but you would need to be self-motivated to make good use of them.
Anon
+1 for Purdue OWL.
Anon with Emotions
You’ll want to research Ragan Communications or PRSA! They both have good classes for professionals seeking to improve business writing. I would stay away from something like Gotham, which skews towards creative writing.
Anonymous
I think I want a crisper black jean than I’ve had in a while — what style do you think would be best for this? I’m thinking straight leg cropped, but curious what others would do. Any recs for brands? I’m a size 16P apple so always fun…
Anon
Whatever it is, I recommend checking JCF. Abercrombie was a bust for me even though I went to a store and tried on about 20 pairs.
Anon
DH has a lamp featuring a sports team football helmet. Yay. It is on a nightstand in the guest room on one side of a queen bed. I don’t want a pair of helmet lamps. But what to put in the other side of the bed for the person who sleeps there? Drawing a blank. I left a headlamp for our most recent guests to help with any night navigation needs (but that’s not ideal).
Senior Attorney
I’d do a different style lamp, or even a wall-mounted sconce. It doesn’t have to match, it just has to “go.” Some nice examples in this post: https://stylebyemilyhenderson.com/blog/mix-and-match-nightstands
Anon
Yuck. Do you have to keep this lamp? This is why I’ve never lived with someone, lol.
Anon
My partner has some items I don’t really like decorating our house, but it’s his home too!
Anon
I’d do just a super simple and generic lamp in a color that coordinates with the rest of the room
nuqotw
Is there a chair in the room next to which you can put this lamp? And then get matching lamps for the bedside tables?
Anon
Sadly, no. Room is not that big. Will try matching the less offensive color in the helmet in a separate simple lamp maybe.
anon
If you’re going to keep the football lamp I think it makes 0 difference what the other lamp looks like. I’d just get something cheap at Home Goods or Target.
Anon
+1
Anon
Haha I think this is correct, sadly.
NYNY
If having different lamps on the two sides looks off to you, maybe try either a wall sconce mounted on the other side or a floor lamp?
Anon
What to do with the helmet lamp? It is like a prized possession and I don’t want it coming into a room that I go in all the time. It’s like A Christmas Story.
There were other awful lamps but I had to let one in. We used to have a comforter that was in the less offensive color and it wasn’t so jarring but now the lamp goes with nothing else.
Anonymous
I’d go with a modern/retro lamp with a metal shade — you can get the metal painted in various colors. My description sounds terrible, but something like this, in a color that coordinates with the room and the helmet lamp. The colors here are basic, but you get the idea.
https://www.wayfair.com/lighting/pdp/allmodern-jemma-accent-table-lighting-w100216997.html?piid=1442949818
Honestly, I’d move the helmet lamp to the dresser instead, or a side table next to a chair, or onto a bookcase. Unless you have a really quirky decorating style and a good eye for proportions, it’s going to be hard to get a lamp to sit opposite that coordinates well with it. Or put the helmet lamp in the guest bathroom, and build a whole theme around the colors.
Also, you can get a plug-in nightlight for night navigation. You can get the motion sensor ones, plug it in in the bathroom, and it will come on when someone walks into the room.
Anon
Maybe a fairly basic lamp, so as not to call attention to the lamps, that has a base in a color from the helmet?
Peloton
Haha, I would buy whatever lamp I thought was prettiest! You can say they’re the lamps you couldn’t compromise on. I would find that so charming as a houseguest.
anonshmanon
me too.
Ses
Yeah, I would just try what you want. Decorate around it and let it be a quirky / weird element in the room
Anon
This whole thing reminds me of Monica & Rachel and the seashell lamp. Perhaps stand close to it while putting on your jacket?
Anon
Honestly, I’d just buy a football lamp (like this one but probably wouldn’t spend that much money) and embrace the tacky.
https://www.pbteen.com/products/football-table-lamp-usb/?catalogId=21&sku=7558222&cm_ven=PLA&cm_cat=Google&cm_pla=Lighting%20%3E%20Table%20%26%20Desk%20Lamps&cm_ite=7558222_14600081976_pla-545093792371&gad_source=1&gbraid=0AAAAADq4R2ilxM3Aet52Gp68uE8YA0aWz&gclid=EAIaIQobChMI-aLNiLTDhwMVfJxaBR2vVRhsEAQYASABEgIsQvD_BwE
Anon
I’m also on Team Lean In! Either play to the football theme, go super kitschy and get the leg lamp from A Christmas Story, or OTT rufflepuff on the other side of the bed. Maybe a cheerleader or pompom themed lamp?
Senior Attorney
Yes!
Anon
Is your husband 13 years old?
Anon
I guess you don’t own any sentimental items someone else might think are ugly?
Anon
Bit of an odd request and Goodreads is failing me. My son is 14 and having a hard time finding fiction books to read. He liked fantasy (all the usual suspects – Harry Potter/Wings of Fire/Artemis Fowl/etc.) and the Spy School books. He’s reading at a college level so I can hand him adult literature but I’m having a hard time finding things that are lighter without being too simple. Recent hits were TransAtlantic, Douglas Adams Hitchiker’s Guide, some of Terry Pratchett’s Discworld (fair, they’re not all winners), and The Lincoln Highway. I’d prefer to avoid anything too graphic (s@x or violence, nothing like The Road) or anything too grim/dark (A Little Life).
Ideas?
Anon
Old school spy thrillers (LeCarre, etc) and lighter mystery novels might fit the bill. Also Blake Crouch’s books are great if he likes sci-fi.
This is also a great question to ask librarians.
Anon
At that age, I was reading Clive Cussler and Tom Clancy
Anon
Similarly, I read my parents’ John Grisham and Scott Turow paperbacks at that age. I think they’re more R rated than OP wants though.
Vicky Austin
Agree with Crouch. I’d also see if he likes Agatha Christie.
LeCarre Anon
I love LeCarre but the misogyny tends to be only one step above that of Ian Fleming’s original Bond novels. While I wouldn’t try to ban my son from reading them, I think I’d try to give him a heads-up as to some of the depictions he’d encounter. Might start an interesting conversation about the male gaze.
Anon
It’s much better than Fleming, imo, which is so sexist and racist it’s unreadable for me. But point taken.
Anon
This is what librarians are for!
Anon
Has he already read the Lord of the Rings? This is also sometimes a good age for something like Beowulf or Lombardo’s translation of the Iliad. Watership Down if he hasn’t read it yet. Children of Time if he’s getting into science fiction. (I realize all of these have plenty of violence, but they’re not edgy like The Road so it probably depends what you mean.)
There are a lot of light and fun sci fi books in the vein of Douglas Adams out there; Connie Willis has some that are smart and entertaining, and I don’t remember them having adult themes beyond PG13.
Vicky Austin
Connie Willis is a fantastic rec. I reread To Say Nothing of the Dog annually.
BookAnon
How about
Circe or Song of Achilles, Miller
The Art of Fielding, Harbach
The Wager, Gann
Cloud Cuckooland, Doerr
There There, Orange
Crazy Rich Asians, Kwan
Born a Crime, Noah
Kitchens of the Great Midwest, Stradel
Anon
How about
Circe or Song of Achilles, Miller
The Art of Fielding, Harbach
The Wager, Gann
Cloud Cuckooland, Doerr
There There, Orange
Crazy Rich Asians, Kwan
Born a Crime, Noah
Kitchens of the Great Midwest, Stradel
anon
Stephen King classics.
Senior Attorney
Yikes a lot of that is VERY DARK.
Senior Attorney
Not that I didn’t read it at about that age…
Anonymous
I enjoyed the Drizzt Do’Urden series by R.A. Salvatore when I was his age. Starts with a book called Homeland. Some violence, maybe some minor romance.
Cat
Not fiction but read like fiction – Eric Larson (Dead Wake, etc), Into Thin Air, Shadow Divers
Anon
These are good recs. I’d also add The Boys in the Boat, Bad Blood, Catch and Kill, She Said, The Radium Girls, Black Edge, Empire of Pain and Chernobyl (great mini-series too, although quite graphic) if any of those subjects grab his interest.
Anonymous
I am not into fantasy, but my husband introduced me to the Lightbringer series by Brent Weeks, and it is so engrossing! One of the main characters is about your son’s age, but the series is much more adult than Harry Potter and Hunger games.
Nudibranch
Authors: Lois McMaster Bujold? Naomi Novik? Diana Wynne Jones? some of Neil Gaiman (I love Good Omens which is Pratchett as well) Has he read The Hobbit? I’d try it first before LOTR. Diane Duane’s Young Wizards series.
Librarians love these questions, so make their day if you can. Also Goodreads has LOTS of lists that may be useful in suggestions.
a reader
Yes to most of those. Add Robin Mckinley, Jonathan Stroud, maybe some Martha Wells and Jasper FForde. Katherine Addison, Becky Chambers.
Charles de Lint was one of the original urban fantasy writers, along with Emma Bull and Mercedes Lackey (but very different flavors), might be worth looking into some of those
If you do think he would like cyberpunk, start him on William Gibson who started the genre (Not Neal Stephenson, he is awful)
Anonymous
The Hobbit, then later on Lord of the Rings
Ivanhoe
Scarlet Pimpernel
Three Musketeers
Roald Dahl novellas, save uncle Oswald for later.
Sherlock Holmes
Anonymous Canadian
My voracious readers loved the Ranger’s Apprentice series, even at 14. Does he like sci-fi? Maybe Dune, or anything by Ursula K. LeGuin? Classic Asimov? Robert A. Heinlein? The Underland Chronicles aren’t terribly taxing but a fun read. Maybe the Mistborn, Skyward or the Reckoners series? Haven’t read all of these so not 100% sure about them as recommendations. I’ve gifted the Red Rising Series and the Life as We Knew It series with good reports. It’s fun but challenging to have 14 year old advanced readers! I was one and read all kinds of stuff that was probably wildly inappropriate haha – didn’t do much policing of my two so I’m pretty sure they read stuff from our bookshelves that could be classified the same way.
Digby
Snowcrash by Neal Stephenson, Starter Villain by John Scalzi, the Iron Druid Chronicles by Kevin Hearne.
opinionated reader
No, just no.
Senior Attorney
I have really enjoyed The Queen’s Thief series by Megan Whalen Turner and I think it would be just fine for a young boy,
Senior Attorney
Oh, and the Murderbot Diaries by Martha Wells.
Happy IVF Day to Everyone Except JD Vance
I’m loving the energy for this campaign!!!
Anon
Yeah that was great!
Anon
Love your handle haha