Thursday’s Workwear Report: Bouclé Lady Cardigan Sweater
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Our daily workwear reports suggest one piece of work-appropriate attire in a range of prices.
Once a J.Crew item reaches a certain level of popularity, I know that J.Crew Factory will release its own, lower-priced version within a season or two. I wasn’t quite ready to pull the trigger on the full-priced Bouclé Lady Cardigan a few months ago, but this new version seems like it’s right up my alley.
I would wear the ivory color over a black sheath for a classic, business casual look.
The sweater is $64.50 at J.Crew Factory and comes in sizes XXS–3X.
Sales of note for 2/14/25 (Happy Valentine's Day!):
- Nordstrom – Winter Sale, up to 60% off! 7850 new markdowns for women
- Ann Taylor – Up to 40% off your full-price purchase — and extra 60% off sale
- Banana Republic Factory – 50% off everything + 15% off (readers love their suiting as well as their silky shirts like this one)
- Boden – 15% off new season styles
- Eloquii – 300+ styles $25 and up
- J.Crew – 40% of your purchase – prices as marked
- J.Crew Factory – 50% off entire site and storewide + extra 50% off clearance
- Rothy's – Final Few: Up to 40% off last-chance styles
- Spanx – Lots of workwear on sale, some up to 70% off
- Talbots – Flash sale ending soon – markdowns starting from $15, extra 70% off all other markdowns (final sale)
Any tips or suggestions for visiting the upper peninsula of Michigan? Looking for ideas for a trip this year. We prefer the “off season” when not so crowded. Just 2 adults who mostly like site-seeing and light hiking. Thanks ladies!
Michigander here! I don’t know that the UP is ever crowded, but you will get much better rates on the few lodging options after Labor Day. I recommend the Porcupine Mountains (Porkies) or Isle Royale for hiking. If you go to the Porkies then bring a head net. DH and I went five years ago and spent a week traveling across the peninsula. We did some light hiking and stayed at some nice places (not all of them are 5-star but they are the nicest places you will find in those areas):
Keweenaw Lodge, Copper Harbor (basic hotel but the whitefish at the restaurant is outstanding)
Rock Harbor Lodge, Isle Royale (like most lodging run by national parks, it is outdated but it is the only lodging option on the island. There are no TVs or wifi so bring lots of books! The Lake Superior shore is right outside your balcony)
Dapple Gray Bed & Breakfast, Copper Harbor
Mountain View Lodge, Silver City
Landmark Inn, Marquette
Magnuson Grand Lakefront, Paradise (we actually never made it here because we had to cut our trip short, but this is the best place to stay near the Pictured Rocks according to my research at the time)
How long do you plan to be there? Will you be camping or are hotels more your thing? Beware that off-season in the UP means very, very limited dining and accommodation options and not all sights are open (or even accessible) year-round. Internet service is not available in many areas and gas stations are not close or frequent, so stay on main roads. Ones marked as “gravel” or “dirt” are often logging/ATV two-tracks that are not feasible for a normal road vehicle to traverse, and your GPS will not be helpful. You can very easily end up 60 miles from civilization with no gas station and no cell signal if you try to take a shortcut. That said, the UP is one of the most beautiful places you can visit and well worth a trip.
Kitch-iti-kipi is amazing and fun for kids. Tahquamenon Falls has some gorgeous views and lots of hiking trails of varying lengths and degrees of difficulty. Pictured Rocks National Lakeshore has world-class scenery and a LOT of hiking, much of which may be more intense than you are aiming for. The Soo Locks are interesting if you time a visit for when they are in operation. Pasties at Lehto’s are a must. There are also very cool mine tours if you head towards Copper Country. These things are all quite spread out, so factor in plenty of drive time if you plan to hit multiple areas.
Sorry, I somehow got 2 adults and 2 kids. All of these are great for adults with no kids, too!
I live in Marquette, MI. We moved here three years ago and love it! I actually encourage people to visit in the winter because with snow, there is do much to do. The summer is also beautiful, and while our town certainly gets a lot of summer tourists and the locals think it’s craziness, I don’t think of it as packed…just busy enough to support shops and restaurants we wouldn’t have otherwise.
If you visit Marquette, I highly recommend Zephyr’s Wine Bar and Delft. Pasties from Lowry’s are yummy also!
Picture Rocks is gorgeous, Presque Isle is cool, and if you are here in winter, the Eben Ice Caves are neat also. The beaches are relaxing in the summer, but the water is freezing! There are so many great places for light hiking (we especially love the view from Sugar Loaf). It’s a really gorgeous part of the country.
Definitely invest in good winter clothes. As long as I am dressed appropriately, I’m fine, but it is cold. Most houses do not have AC, but stores and hotels do.
I hope you enjoy your time here!
Is this a reason to contact a lawyer about wrongful termination?
My spouse works in healthcare administration with the same company for the last 5 years. In 2021 he was diagnosed with cancer, underwent surgery and then chemotherapy for 6 months. He had to take PTO for surgery and then again had to take PTO for chemo appointments. As a complication of chemo he developed a serious infection and was hospitalized twice in 2022 and had a lot of medical appointment necessitating days off as well. His boss was aware of all of this. He never came close to exceeding his PTO and never took FMLA. He worked remotely during this time making a lot of it easier to accommodate. In 2022 he received a promotion to a manager position despite these challenges. In Q1 2023 he was promoted to an interim director position. He also disclosed to his boss that he would be needing a liver transplant soon (he has autoimmune liver disease). I suspect all of this disclosure was done by video chat instead of e-mail and he doesn’t have access to that e-mail account any longer. In Q3 2023 he was laid off along with several hundred other people at his company.
The scope of the layoffs make me think it would be hard to make an argument for wrongful termination. Additionally, we have no documentation of any of the disclosure to his boss about the liver transplant. However, I do worry the time he took away from work due to illness and potential for more time away for transplant led to him being on the list of people that were laid off.
He received 4 months severance and signed some sort of paperwork that he said he wouldn’t sue the company. Is it worth contacting an employment attorney? I’ve been leaning towards no (obviously, as we haven’t reached out to anyone all these months) but I can’t fully shake the thought. I appreciate any advice!
I wouldn’t bother. He signed a release of claims, that ends his ability to pursue anything, the time to go to a lawyer was before that. It’s also quite hard to challenge a mass layoff.
This exactly. I am an attorney and review these contracts for employees; they *always* include a release of claims. That’s the entire point of giving severance. I have even seen severance agreements that list out the positions and ages of people who were terminated and not terminated, so as to head off age discrimination claims.
That’s required to get an effective age release in a mass layoff, fyi.
I can’t speak to wrongful termination, but I learned that all severance is negotiable when I was laid off. However, he already signed, so it may be too late (not sure, IANAL). I took the paperwork they gave me, said I’d consider signing it, and then spoke to a lawyer.
In my case, I was a high performer with a 4 year track record of being a rockstar. 33 female with one kid. My longtime boss was reassigned to a new part of the company and I got a new boss. I was 11 weeks pregnant, which I’d disclosed to the woman I had reported to until just one month prior, and the CFO, who was more or less my peer- we were at dinner together and I mentioned I’d be disclosing within the week to my new boss). My new boss terminated me that Friday, during the weekly 1:1 we had during which I’d planned to tell him about my pregnancy. He replaced me with a white guy in his 40s. They offered me 6 months severance.
I talked to a lawyer (total cost about $3k) who said it was something I could technically pursue, but we talked about what I really wanted out of things. She wrote a few Sternly Worded Letters (are you really telling me the CFO had no idea this layoff was happening? And that my old boss didn’t spill to my new boss? And you replaced a pregnant woman with a white guy in his 40s that is your frat brother?). I got 9 months severance and my full bonus pay-out which would have hit my paycheck in the next 3 months (I’d already had my performance review and was exceeding expectations!). I also got a full year of healthcare coverage.
Good for you!
No. The time was before he signed away his rights. Doesn’t sound like he had any claim anyway and he certainly doesn’t now.
Doesn’t sound to me like he has a claim, if he was let go alongside hundreds of presumably healthy people. If it was just him, or a small group of employees, many of whom had had serious health issues, then it would be a different story.
OP here. Thank you all for weighing in. I feel I can put this to rest and stop turning it over in my mind now. Much appreciated!
Best of luck to you and your husband on his health issues, OP!
+1
You husband is totally amazing for continuing to work so hard during this crazy health time for him. I can’t imagine how he did it, honestly, and I’m sure your support and encouragement were part of it. Well done both of you.
Wish both of you better health and luck this year. Fingers crossed for the transplant. Keep moving forward.
Has anyone bought a men’s wallet? I have a giant one that is aging and won’t fit into a clear bag at a place I go to often, so I am shopping. Men’s quality overall looks great but they largely fold and aren’t secured because they are all in pockets. In a purse or laptop tote it might not work well or may just look odd. Thoughts? Also intrigued by the Ridge wallet (more like a cardholder / money clip). A pouch in the back of my phone doesn’t hold enough cards (have lots of kid-related cards and lots of different health care visits). And every place seems to need its own swipe card. Ugh. I miss the days of the college little card wallet things.
I had a men’s wallet for a while and never had a problem functionally. It fit in the bag I carried at the time better than anything I found in the women’s department. When my current wallet needs replacing I will likely buy another one. I never cared about the look, though, so no help there.
My kid has a ridge wallet and likes it a lot.
I do a slim card case style wallet with my regular-use essentials (credit, ID, health insurance). Then the B-list cards (library, loyalty, whatever) I add to my Apple Wallet or have pictures of them on my phone in an album. If it’s just a bar code card, it still works even if it’s just a picture of the card. I keep the actual in a zippered pouch in my purse out of the way.
I’m looking to buy a slim card case like that, any brand suggestions?
Mine is a very old version of this- https://www.coach.com/products/slim-card-case/C4818.html?frp=C4818%20LHN19
I like my slim card carrier from Celine.
I have a Ridge and love it. Originally purchased it for my husband, who did not like how firm it was when he sat down as he is a lifelong back pocket wallet guy, but it fits nicely in my purse or a coat pocket. The elastic is VERY strong, so there is no concern about things sliding out. If you have a lot of cards it can turn more block-like than flat.
I used to have a low profile zippered leather wallet (sized similarly to a man’s wallet, not one of those oblong checkbook types). It was great but wore out and I couldn’t find one quite like it.
Random: how many cards do you all carry? I need a license, insurance card (no one takes my pictures, even when #s aren’t updated), AAA card (need 2-3x/year), credit card (regular), credit card (for airline-stuff), sometimes work credit card (b/c they demand it).
The junk on my key ring is largely old loyalty cards (can now use phone number), Y card (now has app), and library card (probably updated but honestly don’t really go anymore but should). I should just carry a car key b/c we have a punch lock on our house and I go in the garage maybe weekly (IDK what the other 5 keys are for).
Just trying to reduce tonnage and how I ferry my items all over.
All my credit cards are on my phone so I don’t need the physical card. But I’m in Canada which is ahead of the US in terms of payment technology and we can tap to pay anywhere. Same with store cards, I use apps or Apple Wallet.
Debit card, credit card (although both are on my phone), provisional driver’s license which weirdly works as ID to board an airplane in the UK, and all loyalty cards are an app. My work ID is on a lanyard with my keys.
physical cards, only 5 – main credit, secondary credit, license, insurance, tr-nsit pass
In my wallet: driver’s license, 4 health/dental/vision insurance cards for me + kid which I seem to be asked for at every single visit, main credit card, 2 backup credit cards, HSA debit card, ATM card, library card, AAA card = 12 cards.
On keychain: house key, 2 bulky car fobs, gym card because I don’t want to fumble with the app every time I scan in, thick credit card-sized access card for volunteer work.
I need and use all of this. It’s a lot to carry. I don’t know how people manage with a tiny wallet or a card holder on the back of their phone. If you just carry your driver’s license and one credit card, what happens when your credit card issuer mistakenly declines a transaction as fraudulent? What about when you get into an accident and the paramedics and ER want your insurance card? If you are going to the doctor’s office or the pharmacy are you really going to remember to bring your insurance cards and HSA card?
Forgot HSA debit card. We maxed it out this year and now it’s back in the wallet now that the year has reset it.
I didn’t see anyone mention omitting their insurance card, but…
– I never bother using my HSA or other special savings account cards at the time. I just put it on my regular credit card and reimburse myself. Extra step, but (1) less stuff to keep track of, and (2) why not get the points?
– AAA card lives in the car
– I have never once (knock wood) had a tr-nsaction declined, but do carry a backup card.
All of my doctors’ offices have started charging a tr@nsaction fee for credit cards, but they aren’t allowed to charge that fee on HSA cards.
+1, I have a similar collection. 4 cards just for medical services; back up credit and ATM cards because I travel and foreign banks tend to eat cards; AAA card with me for domestic rental cars, etc.
I have so many. My health insurance alone has 3 different cards, plus I carry my son’s health insurance cards, auto insurance, 2 different library system cards plus my son’s library card, tap to pay subway card, back up subway card, 3 or 4 different credit cards used for different things to get cash back/rewards, debit card, ID, and then museum membership and store loyalty cards. I am old and have an Android but I should figure out how to use a digital wallet for some of these. My old phone could not tap to pay but I now have one that can.
I carry: license (but I also have it in my Apple Wallet), debit card, 2 credit cards, HSA and insurance cards. I typically only carry the HSA and insurance cards if I’m going to the doctor and I’m sure that my insurer has an app I could use instead.
My debit card is in my Apple Wallet as well, along with my Y card. Library card is the mini size on my key ring.
This feels like a lot to me and like I could streamline more, I don’t know how you 12+ card people function!
I carry a man’s wallet that folds and has a snap enclosure, and I have no complaints. I think it fits better into coat pockets, and could fit into my pants if women’s pants weren’t so tight. I carry about 12-15 cards and it has a small coin pouch on one side. It’s extremely old and I broke one of the slots so cards slide down into the wallet sometimes, but I don’t have any issue with things falling out of it. Something like this, although I definitely didn’t spend that much on mine: https://www.farrar-tanner.com/eden-leather-billfold-wallet-with-stud-closure?color=1581&glCountry=US&glCurrency=USD&gad_source=1
I just use a cardholder now because I never carry cash. I like that I can just slip it into a pocket and not necessarily carry a purse, though I do carry a purse most of the time, and it frees up a lot of space in my purse.
I have one from Portland leather that is just a little envelope. It fits my ID, debit card, credit card, and health insurance card.
This is the one I have
https://www.portlandleathergoods.com/products/mini-daisy-wallet
Any recommendations on what to wear to give presentations at a medical conference at a resort in Mexico? I am assuming it will be chilly indoors and I am sensitive to the cold (have Raynaud’s). The guys presenting say they will be wearing Hawaiian shirts and such and say it’s “fairly casual”. I think the summary is no suits. I do not own any real Hawaiian or floral dresses and leave in less than 2 weeks. Any links to specific items highly appreciated!
I’d wear Sue Sartor, they’re having a warehouse sale right now
https://www.suesartor.com/collections/sale
For SS people, what styles do you wear? There were some batik-type prints that sold out that I had my eye on years ago and now I think it’s time to pull the trigger. But on what? I have a casual office. The straight up-and-down long caftans would not look good on my shape, but something with a waist and fuller skirt would be OK. Also, I’m 5-4 — are the shorties just regular knee length on someone like me?
I have a lot of them but I’m 5’10” so I go for the midi length ones and just get what patterns I like. I have some straighter ones and some fuller skirted ones, just get what you’d like. I have worn them to the office but mostly get a lot of use on summer weekends and vacations – you’re instantly really pulled together and comfortable. I think the shortie would be knee length on you.
OP here: Thanks! Are these true to size?
Oh my goodness… do not wear these if you are a doctor/scientist giving a presentation at a medical conference. Who cares if it is Mexico.
I’d probably do something along these lines, though this exact dress might lean too dressy. Basically, a relaxed shirt dress or swing dress in a bright color.
https://www.hobbs.com/us/product/sara-shirt-dress/0223-5859-9021L00-DEEP-BLUE.html
There’s no need to wear florals if you aren’t a flowered-dress person.
That dress is beautiful….
I think this means wear what you’d typically wear in the summer to the office. Lighter weight clothes. Hawaiian shirts for men does not mean you have to wear a Hawaiian print.
+1 – I would not go shopping for this vs. bringing summer workwear from my own closet, plus a nice wrap for the AC.
In general women in Mexico dress up more than in the US so I wouldn’t go too casual, and you certainly don’t need to wear a flower print. I’d wear wide leg pants and a smart short sleeve sweater with nice jewelry, or a tailored shirt dress. Club Monacco would be a good place to shop for this if you don’t have something already.
+1
Look cool and crisp or cool and comfortable, but professional.
Tommy Bahama usually has some knee or midi length dresses and lightweight layering cardigans
I’d wear the more casual summery end of your current wardrobe, with a cardigan+ a scarf because the conference rooms will be freezing,
For me this would be ponte pants + a dressy top + waterfall cardigan, but for a friend it would be a dress + rothys flats + a classic cardigan.
What do you bring on a longer work trip? I take regular 1.5 – 2 week trips to another country, and to a city where you can get everything but its hard to move around. Since I’m going to be there and I want to be comfortable I do bring gym clothes, a robe to where around the apartment, some snacks. I’m thinking of bringing the stuff for one of my hobbies. That may be overkill, but basically I want to re-create my normal routine. Any other ideas?
I used to fly with my bicycle when I did 2-3 week trips to a single city. If you’re doing that kind of travel a lot it becomes sort of a second home and I did want to have a consistent routine.
Really?? How do you do that!! I’ve never seen a bike in an airport, how do you get to your hotel, etc.? Do you still do that with e-bikes being everywhere?
A friend does this when she’s on fieldwork, she disassembles it and checks a big box. Which sounds stressful. I often bring a helmet and use the rental bikes.
They make cases for them, so I had one of those. I had to partially disassemble it, but I was pretty used to working on my bike so that wasn’t a big deal. I carried basic tools with me too.
I was super into bike racing then, so I traveled with it for that too. Once you’ve done it a few times, it’s easy, and it was a great way to meet people in the city where I was going for work.
-for sure all of my own toiletries – I’ll do hotel stuff for a short trip but never feel totally like myself when I smell different, and hotel products tend to be super fragranced which I dislike.
-download episodes of shows, movies, etc. if you wouldn’t be able to access them abroad
-the same kind of loungewear I’d wear at home for making dinner and relaxing so my choice isn’t just work clothes or PJs
-if your hobby is easy to pack, why not bring it??
The toiletries are so important! Put your regular products in refillable travel bottles. Bring the extra products (serum, nice hand cream) that you’d skip on a shorter trip. Get a sample of your usual perfume. Bring a loofah if you use one at home. Pack a variety of jewelry, assuming your hotel is secure. Bring a casual purse and an evening purse so you’re not stuck with your work tote. Plan things that you’d normally do at home after work: go to a coffee shop, find an exercise class, walk through a nice part of town so you’re not sitting around at the hotel.
I bring all my dry clean only or otherwise hard to wash clothing on long trips because I like having a laundry service deal with them.
I bring the ratty loungewear I’d wear at home in the evening. It’s so comforting to change into it after a day of work; makes me feel at home.
Full size toiletries, my own hair dryer, slippers, gym clothes (or a swim suit if the hotel has a pool), an iPad full of stuff downloaded that I want to watch. I would bring the stuff for your hobby if it isnt too big, like for example I would bring a needlepoint project for sure, which is my hobby. I usually buy snacks and bottled water at a grocery store when I get there.
For longer work trips, I will just get food stuff delivered to the hotel. Most of the time the concierge can help you with logistics. I also hate hotel bar soap and have gone to great lengths to procure soap in a pump on long work trips.
In addition to your list, I bring my slippers, a stainless steel tea cup with lid, a ziplock with my favorite teas, a kettle if they don’t have one, my own hairdryer, facecloths, an extension cord with multiple plugs and a circuit breaker and 2-3 pictures of my family. I have thought about a digital frame so I can see more pictures but I prefer 2-3 sentimental pictures. I include extra stationary and my own printer.
This is for trips over 3 weeks both personal and work related. I use send my bag to send ahead and I ask the hotel to set my room up for me, which I pay them to do. If I’m there for a month I’ll pay $$$ to have it done for me. Clothes unpacked and put away etc. and I’ll book any massages, hair appointments and exercise classes I’m missing using the hotel concierge if there is no known obvious provider.
I posted this yesterday sort of late in the day, and got a few very helpful answers, but re-posting in case anyone has additional thoughts!
We’re planning a trip to London in December and could use some input! (Also I realize it’s early to be planning but some hotels are already booked for certain dates in December, believe it or not!)
We have two kids who will be 3.5 and 6. Priorities are doing all the Christmas lights viewing and other holiday-related activities. Suggestions for specific neighborhoods would be awesome, as well as any recs for specific activities.
Looking at these hotels and would love to hear if you have any experience with them, especially staying with little kids:
The Goring (wow, expensive, but is it worth it? might be willing to splurge)
The Langham
The Lanesborough
The Landmark
Covent Garden Hotel
Atheneum Residences (love the idea of having our own townhouse entrance but amenities of a hotel)
TIA!
At the advice of other moms here we booked a flat (2 beds, 2 baths) with OneFineStay and also used their supplementary services – fridge fill, car services to/from airport, and a sitter one night so my husband and I could have a datenight. We paid a bit extra for a spot with outside access (a yard) and chose to stay in the Kensington area which had loads of shops/restaurants/coffee places/high end bakeries/etc. and loved it.
We have a 10 year old and he was able to walk from our flat through Kensington Park to the Natural History and Science musem which was a HUGE hit (both the park and the museums). We spent a full day at the Natural History and Science Museum and then about 6 hours at the Tower of London. The holiday pantomimes are also geared towards kids – I’d look into those. There are also loads of ‘childrens’ teas – a tea bus, a ‘science’ tea, a tea at the Shard, etc. if that’s something your kids would enjoy.
+1 to One Fine Stay, that’s what I always use in London. I like Notting Hill the most. Not completely central but so charming, you just step out of your door and are instantly doing something. I would absolutely do tea or drinks at the Goring though, highlight of my last trip.
I did tea at the Goring and it was amazing. 5 years later, my husband and I still talk about how relaxed we felt and enjoyable that afternoon was. I would have loved to stay there but didn’t make sense financially, so that was my taste of luxury. Everyone was so nice and the setting was so beautiful. I really hope to be able to stay there sometime (but realistically, it’s not going to happen) – please report back if you do!
We were there with our 7 and 11 year old last year and cannot recommend St. Ermin’s Hotel in Westminster enough. It is highly geared towards children and families, with daily activities and even a special scavenger hunt for the kids that was a huge highlight for them to be working on throughout our sightseeing activities. They had a family room setup with two king beds and two bathrooms that was fabulous. It’s in easy walking distance to Buckingham Palace, Westminster Abbey, Parliament, Big Ben, etc.
Loved high tea at Claridge’s and the Tower of London.
Have a look at Vancouver Studios (in the Bayswater area), we stayed in their family suite last March and it was great. The family suite (there’s just one) is huge by London standards, it has a king bed + living room area with sofa + dining area in the main room + two twin beds in a separate bedroom, separate kitchen, access to a laundry room (coin operated but tokens were provided by the hotel at no cost). The hotel itself is very cute! A few blocks from the Princess Diana playground which my daughter loved, although that might not be a huge draw that time of year. Easy access to the metro, groceries, etc. It felt like we were in the heart of everything but also in a quiet neighbourhood, if that makes sense.
Thanks, all!
I’m getting married in May, it’s a destination wedding and I’ve decided to do hair and makeup myself with the help of a friend. To prep, I’d like to invest in some treatments between now and the wedding: skin, brows, hair, anything. Problem is, I’ve never gotten into the treatments game. I think I’ve had one facial as part of a package at a hotel spa on vacation, and I’m not sure where to start! What can I do in the next 4ish months that will make a difference? I’m diligent with high-quality skincare, hydration, don’t dye my hair and my skin is generally clear. I don’t think I need anything major, I’d just like to look as naturally glowy/healthy as possible. Would love your recommendations!
You could probably get your eyebrows shaped and do eyelash extensions, if you’re into it.
either that or RevitaLash will definitely show results in this timeframe – my eyes look so much more defined in photos but not fake or heavy!
I was going to suggest eyelash extensions too – I’d start experimenting now as there’s a lot of versions from very natural (not that fun) to a little more dramatic (probably what you want for a wedding). The bonus there is you don’t need a ton of makeup with them and you won’t cry off mascara.
I’d look into a bundle of laser treatments – clear and brilliant is pretty minimally invasive but gives you an amazing glow/shrinks pores more than anything OTC will do.
Don’t get anything too close to the wedding that you haven’t tried out first. Friend of a friend got a spray tan at a high-end spa a couple of days before her son’s wedding and had an allergic reaction to it. It was supposed to be an all-natural formulation and probably was, but, ya’ know, so is poison ivy.
+1 The last thing you want is to start trying a bunch of new products and treatments and mess up your skin.
Try DryBar for different hair options to see if you like a look and if you can re-create it on your own.
Drink tons of water, loofah your body in the shower then moisturize afterward, and get enough sleep. Remove your makeup and thoroughly wash your face every night before bed. Whenever you heat style your hair use heat protecting spray. Switch to silk or satin pillowcases. You can get mini bottles of salon quality shampoo and conditioner then decide whether it’s worth buying full size bottles. If your destination is warm then wear SPF and avoid getting too much sun when you arrive. Sunburn is nearly impossible to cover with makeup.
I bought a box of SK-II sheet masks and did one every day for a week leading up to my wedding, my skin looked so great even my dermatologist cousin was asking what I did.
Congrats! I got married last May. I made sure to use cuticle oil because mine get pretty raggedy with lots of hangnails. It was a super easy daily task, and I was hangnail free in my hand/ring photos!
Any recommendations for a hotel close to the American Airlines Center in Dallas? It will be me, DH, and our middle schooler and preschooler. Also, can someone explain the bag policy for the arena? It looks like only a small wallet is allowable, or a bag smaller than 14” x 14” x 6” if you go through a certain entrance? So no clear bags? Thanks!
The W is the closest and walkable.
W would be easiest for the actual event. The Virgin Hotel is close (Uber or a 20 min walk if the weather is nice to AAC). Virgin Hotel has a great restaurant on site and is in a walkable neighborhood with coffee shops, other good restaurants, and trail access.
W is a good option. Sometimes the ritz has the same pricing and I think it’s a much nicer hotel.
Outside of the W, there is the Marriot in uptown. To get to the AA arena you walk down the Katy trail. For any events at that location, taking a Uber is a pain, especially with children. The hotel is around the corner from the Katy ice house, which is somewhat kid friendly (kids allowed in until 7pm and they have hotdogs on the menu if you have a fussy eater). There is a park (Reverchon Park) with a good playground 5min walk down the road. It’s an easy walk from the Marriot.
I selfishly want to upgrade my engagement ring after 9 years of marital bliss, and I’m feeling a bit guilty about it. Our finances were very different when we got engaged, and I’d like to upgrade from my .9 ct mined diamond to a 2.5 ct. lab diamond. I just received a very large bonus, so we would be able to pay cash for it. My current ring is perfectly fine (I picked it out a decade ago), so the logical part of my brain says this is unnecessary. I don’t even want to change the setting much or the shape, just the size and quality of the stone.
Not sure what I’m asking for – validation, personal experience, advice all welcome!
Why do you want to upgrade, it’s not clear from your post? Clearly articulating what your reasons are may help you decide if they’re valid or not.
Honestly, just because I prefer the way a larger stone looks on my hand.
then do it! there will always be people who will be judgypants about how materialistic and showy and the diamond industrial complex has you brainwashed blah blah blah but just block out that noise and get what you want.
on a sentimental note, consider a 3-stone ring and use your original diamond as one of the side stones?
I have a small stone that I love (like 0.5 carat small), but I say go for it.
As a practical matter, you should love a ring that you wear every single day.
As a symbolic matter, IMHO, it’s the wedding ring that matters at this point. I’m not saying you could not upgrade or change the wedding ring too… but the entire point of the wedding ring is that you are now married and the engagement is behind you. If no one blinks an eyelash at a woman who wears only her wedding band and no engagement ring, why is it wrong to upgrade the engagement ring? Am I making sense here?
A word of caution — if you’re not used to a big stone, it may be more clunky than fun as a daily driver. And for an occasion ring that you wear when you are fancy (vs to the pool or gym), I wouldn’t lock into an engagement-like setting / stone. If you want it, fine, but most people I know complain about them banging things like faucets or snagging sweaters. Or just being a pain when hand-washing / drying.
This! My original wedding ring (family heirloom) was a larger stone in a high setting. It snagged on everything, pulled at my clothes, ripped out my hair, and got random fuzz stuck in the prongs on the daily. I also accidentally hit it when opening the car door more times than I’d like. My husband bought me a different ring, and the problems went away!
1) do it.
2) consider a setting where the stone is lower in the band (not saying you have to do it, just that it’s more comfortable for every day wear/less snaggy)
3) but yay! do it!!
If it helps my entire family is very pro upgrading engagement rings. If people get judgmental I always remind them that I upgraded the ring but kept my husband. Go for it! Someone made a rude comment to my cousin’s wife about her upgrade and she insisted that she just watered the ring every night with a tiny watering can. I loved that!
I’m on my third or fourth wedding ring depending on how you count. I started out with the original, added a surround/guard thing to it that I wore for a long time. Then bought a pave band I intended to wear as a right hand ring, then bought a different band with stones in it that I wore stacked with the pave band, and now I’m back to wearing the pave band on my right hand, and the “stacking ring” on my left hand.
Same husband this whole time!
If anyone has a problem with this, it’s literally their problem. I don’t care.
Maybe try to find the recent WSJ article re lab diamonds — maybe it will take some of the shine off of that idea? You’d be in a crowd of younger people with large stones that scream “I’m on a budget but want something flashy.” And apparently they aren’t that green. So it’s up to you — if I wanted something flashy, I’d go all-out for a c*cktail ring. But I’m not flashy — I do like older art deco rings and more square / sedate shapes, so I’d get something vintage. Some people say colored stones aren’t for daytime, but you do you.
Wait, what’s wrong with being a younger person with a large stone? Or being on a budget but wanting something flashy? I don’t have a WSJ subscription.
Nothing — it seems like you’ve got a lot of company. TBH, lab diamonds are still very expensive. If I wanted large, I’d likely go all the way to Moissonite or CZ. 15K vs 20K doesn’t seem like a lot of savings — even 15K is still a lot of $ to me.
‘not that green’ is much better than having a stone which caused people to be kidnapped, abused, and die.
You sound very creaky and cranky. I don’t know why you think you get to have such opinions on what other people wear for jewelry, but honestly, there’s no Queen of Jewelry, and if there is, I’m sure you’re not it.
Check out R-engagementrings. It’s a r-ddit sub to ask questions and share photos. Lab grown diamonds are so much cheaper and widely available than they were nine years ago! You’ll be pleasantly surprised at how much you can get for your money. Wanting an upgrade is perfectly valid but you can frame it as taking advantage of options that weren’t available when you got engaged.
Go for it!! Why not? My mom did the same thing – she had a tiny sapphire ring because she and my dad had no money when they first got married. She upgraded to a beautiful diamond ring and still wears the old one sometimes.
oh, interesting – i’ve been thinking of a similar trade-up but can’t decide between emerald or brilliant cut. here’s a free link to that WSJ article…
https://www.wsj.com/lifestyle/lab-grown-diamond-rings-look-real-wedding-engagement-8dad8364?st=rsw6e1l5r9bq2if&reflink=desktopwebshare_permalink
Hmm I don’t really understand that article. How can you want a big ring but also not want to look like a person who would spend the money on a big ring? You can tell people its a lab diamond if you don’t mind that. If not just don’t be bothered about what people think – I have a lot of real, nice family heirloom jewelry I wear and don’t think twice about it. If not just have a smaller ring if you can’t deal with the “issues” of having a bigger ring.
Come sit by me. I have multiple wedding rings. Antique, modern with lab diamonds, a sapphire set, stacking bands. I love mixing it up. O say go for it!
I have multiples, but they are all Qalos. My original one got sliced off and I’m auditioning what will be my new daily driver. But they are $20 and work well for my hands that seem to swell in summer or if I eat a lot of salt :(
Same!
I am doing the exact same thing this fall (after seven years of marital bliss). I have twinges of the same feeling but have decided it’s ok that my only motivation is wanting more bling. My husband doesn’t seem to care. Men in my family have multiple wedding rings so why can’t I? Go for it!! And I am totally stealing the line about watering it :)
My wife bought herself a piece of jewelry a few years ago and the salesman – who was indeed very good at his job – asked if it “sings” to her. Find a ring that sings to you and wear it happily :)
I love this! It reminds me of the scene in Troop Beverly Hills when Shelly Long takes the girls to a fine jeweler to earn a patch and asks whether the canary diamond sings :)
The logical part of my brain (that knows these things are unnecessary) thinks this would suddenly be so much more sensible if you mark your 10-year anniversary by getting this ring. Just take a few months to find the perfect one, then declare it’s for the big 1 0!
I’m not even engaged or married but I buy myself diamond rings all the time (okay maybe not ALL the time, but I’m on my sixth ring now) because I want to and I can. If you want it and you can afford it, that’s all the explanation you need. Talk to the husband of course, because joint money or whatnot, but no one else needs to be a part of this conversation unless they’re giving jeweler recommendations.
+1 I am married and buy myself fancy jewelry, which I wear regularly. I like it, I can afford it, why not! Don’t let other people tell you how to live your life. I’m also interested in the science and history of lab grown jewels, so tend to tell people about that when they make comments. I’m pretty sure boredom makes them change the subject. (But, if you’re interested, it’s a fascinating subject. Are you familiar with London Blue Topaz? That beautiful deep blue color comes from irradiation with neutrons, which move some of the atoms around and depends the more typical light blue of natural topaz.)
Awesome for you! I am married but I buy myself jewelry on the regular. No one’s business.
I think we were married 12 or 13 years when we upgraded mine. It was a joint decision and my H picked it out and surprised me.
I sort of did this with my husband after 12 years of marriage, and almost 16 years of wearing the ring (long engagement).
We got engaged young and so that meant 2 things: 1) the ring, while a beautiful and very high quality diamond, was on the smaller side (.75ct), and 2) my body size changed a lot in the intervening years…I am much happier and healthier at my larger size but the ring proportion and size of band were problematic. I wasn’t wearing it because it had reached the limits of being resized (from like a 6 something to an 8ish).
I had the same diamond reset along with two smaller diamonds from a pair of earrings my DH had gifted me while we were dating (rarely worn for the same reasons above…they looked great on 18yo Pompom but not so proportional on 30something Pompom). We love the ring now, and how it’s evolved over time.
My mother in law did something similar! Center diamond is about .75 ct from her original engagement ring, one side stone from a necklace from her parents, and the second side stone was purchased by her husband for an anniversary specifically to reset the ring. It looks beautiful!
I didn’t change my engagement ring that I adore (0.8 but faces at 1 carat) but did change my wedding ring – I bought it when we were paying all the rest of the wedding and went cheap and regretted it ever since. So for our 10-yr anniversary, I got myself a lovely eternity ring. It goes super well with my e-ring and makes me happy every time I look at it. go for what makes you happy!
I did this after ten years. Married without a ring, couldn’t afford. I bought a 2 carat cushion cut from NYC diamond district. I went with Brilliantly Engaged…speak to Mark Turnowski. I love my ring.
I know the general advice is to keep tax documents for 7 years. What about receipts for medical stuff? We don’t claim it on our tax forms but we do use it for FSA reimbursement. The reimbursement has already been submitted and paid…after that do I still have to keep it?
If it matters, DH is a W2 and I’m a contractor- I hang onto stuff that has anything to do with taxes, such as receipts for home office related items which I claim on my self employed taxes. But medical isn’t any part of my filings or DH’s (we file jointly but I’m talking about expenses related to our family or my business).
I don’t keep paper around, but I do make electronic copies even if it’s just scanning or taking a picture with my phone.
for medical receipts >5 years old? i’m not talking medical record stuff, but like, receipts for Rxs and copays in 2018/19. That’s the pile I’m itching to toss :)
I would personally throw that away, but if you’re unsure it’s probably pretty easy to take a quick picture with your phone before you dispose of it.
I keep the digital copies I sent for FSA reimbursement (most were digital to begin with since I do most orders and billing online). I don’t keep any paper and even the digital copies are probably overkill as I’ve never heard of anyone getting FSA audited years later, but it’s easy to just keep them for a few years since I already have them all in a folder by year anyway.
I was just coming here to say that, as an employee benefits attorney, I feel confident in saying that I am pretty sure that no one, in the history of FSAs, has ever been audited. I would submit and toss in one motion. Well, maybe wait until your are reimbursed, but then toss.
Yeah, definitely wait until you’re reimbursed because I have been asked for more details when I’ve just used my FSA card or if the receipt didn’t have enough info- they really don’t like my optometrist- but after that it should be okay.
Your FSA administrator will have the receipts in their records, won’t they? I would be comfortable tossing.
Is there any medical (not financial) reason to keep them, e.g., so you have an indisputable record of what you took?
No. It’s like…300 receipts for amoxicillins when my kids were young. I’m going to trash through 2020.
I’m pretty sure I trash those as soon as the prescription is done. I would do some scouting on what is available via your online health portal. If they have a log of everything, I’m not sure there’s a reason to keep the physical paper?
Any restaurant recommendations that are walkable from The Cloisters? I haven’t been in 20+ years, before I could drive. Also, has anyone driven from northern NJ (going over the GWB) and parking? Visiting my parents in March and wanting to do a little touristing while I’m there.
[I could also try to do it on a work trip where I’d be coming from midtown east, but I can’t quite figure out how to do that with transit. Taxi? Will it be easy to get a cab back from there? TBH I have never Ubered (I take it with my husband, but it’s on his phone/account; if solo, I will walk or take transit, which works b/c most of my travel is to a big city where that’s often quicker/cheaper).
For transit from Midtown east, you can take the A train to 190th Street, just make sure to take the exit with the elevator. Its then a short walk from the station. I mistakenly took the wrong exit once and had to trek uphill through Fort Tyron park. The A is fairly easy to get to via the 7 and/or S trains depending on how far east you are.
The Ft. Tryon Public House is fine for casual lunch. It’s at the bottom of the Cloisters driveway.
My Mother-in-law, who is the master at giving difficult to store items with limited uses, gave me a molcajete for Christmas. I do like to cook and like to try new techniques (though usually not the kind the require more *stuff*), but I’m not really sure what to do with this. I’m not really apt to make guacamole or salsa (not enough people in my house are likely to eat them). I’ve seen them served in Mexican restaurants and they look impressive, but I’m not clear on what the molcajete is really doing other than looking kind of neat. Anyone have suggestions?
Looks like anything a mortar and pestle can be used for, you can use a molcajete for. Or just use it as a serving dish for cool/interesting presentation: https://nibblesandfeasts.com/2018/09/molcajete-mixto/
This is so silly, but we used our molcajete to crush eggshells for compost. They compost much faster when they’re pulverized. But since this is a gift, maybe just display it somewhere? Or get really into making homemade guac?
Can you just keep it on your table as a fruit bowl?
My MIL is also the queen of large impractical gifts with limited uses, and several of her big bowls have had a short-lived use as fruit bowls. The problem we always have is ventilation – the fruit will spoil quickly if the bowl retains any heat. Only the wire fruit bowl I purchased has ever worked for a long period of time.
You can grind spices or make pesto in it.
given you don’t want to use it for what is essentially its #1 purpose I’d sell or donate and just gamble she doesn’t notice…
It’s a mortar and pestle. Use it for anything you would use a mortar and pestle for. If you already have one or don’t want one, sell or donate.
It retains heat well, so any hot foods you serve in it will stay hot for a while. Kind of like a chafing dish that doesn’t require fire. It’s great for something like taco night: the molcajete keeps the meat/grilled veggies warm and everyone can make their own tacos.
If you do keep it and use it for food, make sure to “season” it first, by pureeing cooked rice in it until the rice stays clean. The new molcajete will have a rough stone interior which is great for grinding, but can put little pieces of rock into the food until you’ve broken it in. The rice works nicely because you can easily see whether you’re still breaking off specks of rock.
I’ve been diagnosed with a chronic autoimmune condition and realized that there is likely a correlation for me between fatigue and depression – for example, when I don’t get a good solid night of sleep, my thoughts turn sad and anxious quickly. I know this is something to discuss with a doctor and plan to do so at my next primary care appointment. My rheumatologist basically told me I should “just live my life” so no help there. Has anyone else experienced this connection and have thoughts on the best strategies (besides spending my life in bed!)?
Not me but family member. I would encourage you to think about going to therapy, if only to process the diagnosis of a chronic condition. You will likely have some “feels” after the high of “finally, we know what it is” wears off. On your actual question, the way my family member describes life is that you never let the tank get lower than a quarter full. For her, building the energy from “empty” to a quarter full is the hardest, so she always reserves some energy and never lets herself get completely exhausted. Also, depending on your condition, once you get on meds, it could very well be life changing.
It’s a huge adjustment, but being mindful of never depleting your energy can make a huge difference. Google Spoon Theory to read more. Also, a journal might help you in these coming weeks, to keep track of what helps your mood and anxiety and what really impacts it. Good wishes to you as you adjust to your new normal.
I loathe the spoon analogy and how now people identify as “spoonies” as if their chronic illness is their defining characteristic. But, if you replace spoons with money it is a useful thought process (it takes money to make money; same with energy).
OP – I have RA and I find that my mental health and disease level/inflammation are highly correlated. So when I flare I’m depressed. Getting the disease under control will really help.
I agree that processing the diagnosis will be helpful, but per my comment above I personally find that when I let myself dwell on how I bad I feel/this isn’t fair/why me/doctors suck why can’t they fix this/blah blah blah I feel much worse both physically and mentally. I absolutely cannot let myself slip into letting this be part of my identity or my mental health collapses. Of course everyone is different.
Sleep is crucial for both the RA and mental health for me. But getting good sleep also requires exercise, eating right, stress management, not drinking to much, etc etc. It will not surprise you to know that these all also affect inflammation and disease activity for me. So try and pay attention to your triggers.
Good luck!
I thought I was the only one that hated the referral to spoonies.
I also hate the spoon analogy.
I hate the analogy and the lifestyle it represents. I have deep sympathy for anyone living with chronic illness (as I do myself) and I also think it is not good to let it define you.
If someone is already whiny, lazy, and neurotic, I guess maybe they should worry about “letting chronic illness define them” and try to realize that sometimes crashing afterward is worth it, etc.
But a lot of people with chronic illness who are hard working and accomplished, often the challenge is to pace, not overdo things or rely on willpower when it’s not enough to keep our bodies going, and learn to support our continued abilities with new routines that are more balanced and sustainable.
Another chronically ill person that hates “spoonies”,
Rheumatologist quality varies greatly, but I hope this one is otherwise helpful.
Realistically, I have to get a good night’s sleep. I just need it.
I personally regret trying an SSRI because it gave me psych symptoms that were a lot worse than anything I was experiencing previously, and then discontinuation symptoms when I had to quit it. So if you don’t have experience with SSRIs, based on my experience I’d proceed cautiously if your PCP wants to go that direction for relatively minor symptoms (not talking about using them as lifesaving meds), though it definitely is the right approach for some people.
100%. Getting a good night of sleep is one of the best things I can do for my mental health. Everything works much better when I get enough sleep. It doesn’t have to be that extreme. I try to be stricter about bedtime. I take melatonin more quickly – whenever I think I will not be able to fall asleep quickly. Exercise in the evenings which calms me down and makes me sleep better.
I don’t have an autoimmune condition but not getting enough sleep negatively impacts my mood quickly. But are you saying you need more than 7-9 hours of sleep to avoid this?
Talk to a therapist about the feelings, but otherwise, do what your doctor said and live your life. I also have a chronic autoimmune condition and I’ve found that it really isn’t helpful to live with it front and center – I need it to fit into my life, not for my life to fit around it. Obviously this can be hard to execute if you’re experiencing debilitating symptoms, but my point is that if you feel tired one day, just say to yourself “oh, I’m tired, I’ll try to sleep early tonight” and move on to other things, instead of “ugh, I’m tired again, I’ll never be not tired, I hate this disease, I better cancel tomorrow’s plans” or similar. It honestly really helps me to not make everything about the disease.
Amen
If the therapist said to “live your life,” that would be one thing. Therapists help people live their lives by providing advice on healthy coping mechanisms.
But for a specialist physician to say that just sounds like abdication to me. Their job is to make it easier to live our lives without feeling awful! Maybe they meant that it’s healthy to get a full night’s sleep anyway (maybe they were providing medical advice and not just glib aphorisms)?
Yes… sadly many/most doctors are dismissive, or limited for time, and never address all of the quality of life stuff – which is really the most important.
I also have new diagnoses of multiple rheumatologic disorders and I have just become extremely proactive on my own, knowing my Rheumatologist is only helpful for… major medication management. On my own, I am educating my PCP to get more support there, and when I see any doctor I go in… pro-actively … asking for things… to make it easier for my doctors. I ask for a physical therapy script. I ask for a referral for a nutritionist or a psychiatrist from my PCP. I try to optimize my bed to make sleeping better (ex. body pillows, get a new mattress), and trouble shoot sleep hygeine recs from reading papers online. I actually found my own psychiatrist to help for when my mood goes extreme when I have to be on high dose steroids (!!) for a long period of time, and they recommended a therapist for me for discussing the impact of my new diagnoses, if I need it. I joined a support group of sorts on Facebook for my problems… sometimes helps. Worked on all the things that others mentioned which I know are also critical for helping my disease (good sleep, good diet, regular exercise/stretching, Yoga/Tai Chi and other mindfulness activities). And notice how all of those things I listed are also things known to improve mood, decrease stress/anxiety? So those are the things to work on.
“Live your life….”. Honestly, that’s so crude and dismissive when what you need is a bit of commiseration, support, and direction at this early stage. It reminds me of when I got another disconcerting diagnosis of a “pre-cancer” that makes my life even more confusing and the doctor said….. “It’s not so bad…. I mean…. I wouldn’t step out in front of a bus just yet….”. Remember, doctors are people too, they get burned out, lose perspective when dealing with sick people everyday and forget what it is like to have your world suddenly turned upside down. And some of them are idiots.
Meanwhile… get a Happy Light from Costco. Can’t hurt. Try to get outside in the sun for a brief period every day… if your disease allows you to. And find that one friend/family member/acquaintance that has a chronic illness early in life that you can vent and sometimes cry to, who doesn’t just dismiss you. They are out there…. Or vent here.
Could you tell me the name of the condition? Your description is making a lightbulb turn on for me. It sounds like a family member.
I don’t have an autoimmune condition but sleep absolutely affects your mental health. I need a lot of sleep personally – I feel best after 9 hours and I prioritize getting a lot of sleep because I know it helps me function better.
Fatigue and depression often go hand in hand. It’s actually one of the risks of sleep apnea going untreated. I would do everything you can to protect your sleep, and that may mean that more than the average 7 or 8 hours is what’s required for you. Take steps to avoid sleep interruption as well (avoid liquids near bed time, use black out shades, ask about a sleep test if there is any chance you snore, etc.). If you read about spoonies, you’ll also see a lot of folks with chronic fatigue try to pace themselves. I don’t think that means spending your life in bed. But it might mean scheduling to rest more before and after days that are particularly draining.
I don’t have an autoimmune condition and need a good solid night of sleep in order to function properly and feel at my best.
There are numerous studies linking poor sleep to many mental and physical health conditions so it’s not surprising at all that you noticed a connection.
I think this connection is pretty well documented. Find another doctor to help you.
Change rheum. See a wholistic doctor (not a naturopath). Eat well. Prioritise fun stuff and reduce stress. Avoid artificial fragrances as much as possible.
Anyone want to help me figure out how to set a certain rule in Outlook calendar? see if you can do what my IT people cant!
back story: recently i accepted a meeting without paying attention to what time it was supposed to start. i ended up missing it because i just went to work at my normal start time instead of coming in early.
i want to make a rule that if a meeting starts before 9:30 AM it will automatically be colored yellow. that way it will stand out to me every time i look at my calendar. does anyone know if this is possible?
Note: i have to use outlook for work and they are pretty strict about forbidding doing any kind of synching or installing extensions from other programs.
TIA!
Try (apologize for any mistranslated words, my outlook is not English):
In calendar view, choose tab view.
Choose the preferences wheel
Choose the rule box for user defined colors
Choose rule
Choose advanced
Choose from drop down menu – date/time
Choose start
Scroll menu to between
Add and and add to list
Ok
Choose a color
Use
without spaces is the time format, the site changed my words.
Sigh. Corporette won’t let me write the formatting for the times, but you need to use v-shaped parentheses.
Not OP but this is amazing, thank you!!
Thank you! I will try this.
I would look into writing a macro (which Outlook supports) or maybe Power Automate (MS tool that many companies have).
Is the Bahamas during Easter break a good time to visit, weather wise? I know this has been discussed before, but if you have any hotels you have liked (kids are 8 and 12), would appreciate it as well as any things to do etc. thanks!!
could be great, could be super windy. We went to Turks that time of year and could barely sit on the beach. For easy Caribbean with more predictable weather, Jamaica or DR would be reliably warmer and calmer I think.
Bahamas is less windy than Turks. We went to Turks in December and it was super windy. Our spring trips there have actually been much calmer, but the Bahamas has less wind in general.
I would not go to Jamaica or DR unless you’re in a very tight budget. They are not especially nice islands.
We’ve been in earlier March and aside from some wind and one rainy day it was amazing (especially compared to our snowy hometown). We were at the BahaMar which was amazing with kids – the water park is great and it’s so nice that it’s a short stroll from the main grounds. The beach was fine for our purposes but the main island is apparently the least ‘pretty’ beach if you care about snorkling. It is VERY expensive for food/drinks compared to Mexico/DR/Jamaica but that was really the only downside. Fwiw the food options were quite good, even the food trucks were nice. Friends of ours went to Atlantis recently and reported that it was looking quite dated/sad unless you were at the Four Seasons.
Baha Mar is the best bet I think. I know a bunch of a families who love that place. We haven’t personally gone yet but I’ve heard only good things.
Was just there in mid December. Beautiful resort. Not an all inclusive and I thought restaurants were very expensive.
I recently fell down the rabbit hole of Selling Sunset (totally late to the game, I know). The houses are incredible to look at, but I can’t stop thinking about what the agents wear. In high-end California real estate, are ball gowns / sequins / that much skin normal during the work day and for showing houses, or is that something that this brokerage is doing to set itself apart? There are so many marble floors and 5″ heels and I spend more time than I should worried that someone will break an ankle.
I think it’s a combo of being reality TV, and the need to make yourself stand out in a competitive real estate market. The Oppenheim group trades on being flashy.
In Silicon Valley, and ball gowns/sequins/tons of skin would be absolutely bonkers during the work day for showing houses here (at any price point). A bit of botox, cosmetics, and ditching our area standard of Patagonia fleeces for something that would be appropriate in NYC is about as flashy as it gets.
From what I understand, and I have watched every episode of both series, it’s a pretty fake show and most of the listings and events are just for camera. So no, even high end agents in LA are not walking around in absurd outfits for work everyday.
LOL no, the tv show is not like real life.
LOL no, they dress like that because they’re on a reality TV show.
I know there are some rosacea sufferers here. Can you recommend a product that provides a little bit of coverage, but is not a full coverage foundation? This is for my husband, who is both self conscious about rosacea flareups and about wearing cosmetics to hide them. He’s been open to tinted sunscreens in the past (supergoop). He’s leery of moisturizers because he frequently has a reaction to them. I think he may be looking for a unicorn!
The cicapair cream by Dr. Jart seems like it would be perfect for this.
I really like this, too. Sephora sells a set of three small-sized cicapair products (a serum, a cream, and the color corrector) if you/he want to do a little testing before committing to a full-size product. I don’t use all three every day, but even that small set lasts a long time.
I would recommend v-beam laser — that heals the skin vs covers it. My flares went down a lot with topicals, but the laser gave me near-normal skin (3x, not cheap, but I don’t like looking like I had bad teen skin as an adult).
Maybe he’d be less self conscious with a green colour correct cream? Since it’s green if feels more like medication than makeup.
The Erborian one comes in a small tube and blends nicely. He only needs a pea size amount.
Cicapair or the Clinique Redness Solutions Daily Relief Cream. Not coverage, but it neutralizes the redness without a green cast.
I like Ilia skin tint. I use the one with SPF in the summer, and the regular skin tint in the winter. I think one or both have aloe vera as a main ingredient. The ‘tint’ part wears off fairly easily (I don’t use a primer), but my skin is calmer by that point in the day. Perhaps because of the aloe vera.
I’ve been using the Hero color corrector as a cheaper alternative to Dr.Jart and I’ve been pleased.
Elta MD tinted sunscreen but I believe they only have one shade
This is a great list! Thanks for sharing your experiences. Knowing he’s not the only one dealing with this help, as much as or more than controlling flareups.
Dr. Jart Tiger Grass Color Correcting Treatment is fabulous for correcting reddish skin tone and it also has some SPF in it.
I’m sure you/he knows this but there are medicated creams for this. RhoFade is magical for me.
Does anyone take magnesium supplements for PMDD and/or to help sleep? If so, any brand recommendations?
I don’t pay attention to brand but take magnesium glycinate for sleep.
For PMDD I pair with zinc carnosine and methylfolate and sometimes 5HTP (I’m not on SSRIs) or melatonin (I have PCOS). This was worked out over time in conjunction w/my psychiatrist and PCP based on my symptoms, test results, and response to treatment. I’m grateful that my PMDD has minimal impact these days and hope it stays that way (kind of terrified of menopause but I’ll cross that bridge when I come to it; hopefully I’ll be able to do progesterone or something).
Thank you! It is still early stages – and I am tracking symptoms, etc – but this is super helpful.
there was a thread about this yesterday that may help! https://corporette.com/plaid-single-breasted-tweed-blazer/#comment-4507936
Ahhhh!!! Thank you! I missed this.
There was a NYT article yesterday on how any benefit from magnesium for sleep is just placebo effect. https://www.nytimes.com/2024/01/17/well/live/sleepy-girl-mocktail-cherry-magnesium.html
Gahhhhh. Thank you for sending.
That is really not my takeaway from this write up. It would matter what form the magnesium is in (if the effect is laxative vs. excitatory vs. a muscle relaxant) and what the status of the person taking it is (do they need it or not).
If someone is having trouble falling asleep because of muscle tension, why would a proven muscle relaxant have a mere placebo effect, for example?
It does say it is helpful for restless leg syndrome, but nobody in the conversations here has talked about having restless leg syndrome.
Posting here because i can’t talk about this in real life. I applied for an executive role to lead a government department in another state that’s two steps above where I am now, and i’ve been screened in for a interview. I did not expect to even hear from them.
Wow, that is fantastic! You miss every shot you don’t take, so good for you for applying and not talking yourself out of a job.
Way to go!
Congrats!
Congratulations!!!
Congratulations and good luck!
Oh that’s so exciting! Fingers crossed it goes well for you.
Same-same, but different: I applied for a general counsel position in a government agency that requires skills I haven’t yet developed, and I’ve been screened in for an interview, too. I applied so long ago that I had resigned myself to not making the cut, so the invitation to interview came as a complete (and welcome) surprise! Now I have to decide whether I want this or not — no pay change, and I have a pretty good situation where I am at the moment. Congratulations to you, and fingers crossed!
Yes!!! Congratulations for taking the leap. Fingers crossed for you!
Congratulations! That’s amazing!
Oh, congratulations! So fantastic and says a lot about how terrific you are at your work!
Has anyone seen this sweater IRL? How is the quality? The fit?
I haven’t but I’m leery of buying anything boucle, as it seems very prone to pilling. I adore the look, though.
Haha, how can you even tell when boucle pills?
I had a couple of wool boucle sweater/jackets in the late 90s when they were trending last time. They didn’t noticeably pill to my recollection. They have a bumpy texture – that’s the charm of them.
Boucle is basically already pilled.
Don’t know, but I just ordered it — it looks yummy!
Will you review for us when it arrives, please?
Not this sweater, but I ordered a similar one from J Crew (not factory) recently and was super disappointed. It bagged out before lunch time.
I will be going to India in a few weeks. I am Indian-American but I have only been to India a handful of times, and the last time was 10 years ago. What should I wear in India? I will be going to Delhi, a safari near Nagpur, and Kanpur. The temp will be in the 60s in Delhi and Kanpur, and in the 80s in Nagpur. We will mostly be shopping, relaxing and visiting family.
If you are in Delhi for a few days, I recommend going to FabIndia in Khan market to pick up some kurtas and bottoms (you can use tights or jeans as well). Take a light/medium jacket to layer. Take or buy a lightish dupatta or scarf.
For shoes, i recommend some basic comfortable sneakers.
Agree with this, and would add Anokhi in Khan Market – they have more Western styles (if you want something you’ll be more likely to wear when you’re back in the US), and more of a neutral color pallet.
I bought a ton of stuff at Anokhi that I wore regularly back at home for years after my trip.
I was just in Delhi and Assam! It was a bit warmer while I was there, but for 60 degree weather, I would wear jeans and a light sweater/jacket. For the safari in Nagpur, I’d wear loose long pants and long sleeves to stay cool while still avoiding the sun exposure and mosquitos.
I also recommend FabIndia if you want any kurtas and bottoms. I wore Western clothes the whole time I was there though and fit in perfectly fine.
Hope you have a great time!
So I went to a safari in Rajasthan back in 2014. YMMV but it was pretty upscale and people came dressed up (eg nice khakis, matching sets, etc). I felt out of place in my hoodie and jeans!!
I guess you’re going to see tigers near nagpur.theyre awesome, we did it last year. Wear comfy clothes, in muted colours.carry a Sun hat and sunscreen. All the places will be cool weather at the time you’re going but still sunny
Delhi has all the cottage emporiums from different states, khan market, so many glitzy malls, fab jewellery. Enjoy.
Frivolous question: I’m watching Love is Blind Sweden. I turned on dubbing because I do other things while the show is on, I don’t want to have to watch closely enough to read subtitles. The dubbing is SO BAD! (Almost?) all of these people speak English, they even periodically use English on the show, why didn’t the show let them do their own dubbing rather than hire a whole nother set of voice actors?
Because they’re reality tv contestants and probably don’t want to do that anyway?
Because it’s a “reality” show, and that’s the way they wanted to do it.
The dubbing might be AI. It’s better to just lean into the awfulness.
“why didn’t the show let them do their own dubbing”? Because the international market is probably miniscule but they would have to pay them international royalties and Swedish wages. Because they are not voice actors, which is a very difficult job. Because it’s a cheap reality show that’s meant for the Swedish market.
I just read the aging intentionally thread that was reposted the other day. One thing I noticed that seems to make other older women look more haggard is frizzy hair, whether grey or dyed. I don’t really want to get into botox but, now that I am nearing 60, I am very aware of how older women are perceived. I am more focused on regular visits to the salon for hair cuts and I keep up with a professional manicure. I recently started to get my clothes tailored. What do you all do?
I’m younger than that, but to me, professional manicures are so unnecessary. Shape your nails. Use cuticle cream. Wear clear polish or a good sheer like Kur. Spend that money on botox.
I have noticed that too, and I don’t know how to address my own changing hair texture. North of 50 here with straight fine hair. I recently started using a travel set of hot curlers for about 5 min each morning, and it seems to smooth things out and make my hair bouncy. It looks more finished.
I’m trying to channel a more finished, polished version of myself these days, but aside from generally choosing less causal clothes and adding volume to my hair with the hot curlers, I don’t have any more tips!
No idea what to do about the hair thing, other than maybe relying on smoothing products and an actual hairstyle rather than something that doesn’t have much shape to it? Maybe that’s why all our grandmas had the super short curled looks? NOT advocating for going back to that, btw.
Clothing can make a big difference in looking put together. There are some styles and shapes and colors that do scream OLD.
The hair thing is real, especially around the forehead hairline, where the hair is too short to do anything with, and extremely visible. Anyone with recommendations, please share. I do salon keratin treatments, but they don’t last and they don’t help with new growth.
I’m 50. I get botox. My hair is naturally wavy and always trended frizzy, so I use an styling cream, heat protectant, large barrel curling iron, and dry oil spray to keep it smooth and healthy looking. I wear it shoulder length or longer since I think short hair can be aging. I color frequently so I don’t have regrowth or gray. I invest in better makeup and pay more attention to what flatters my natural coloring. I also pay attention to style a lot more. I care a lot more about carrying a nice bag or wearing nice sunglasses even if the rest is a tee and jeans and I work at staying current. I have an acquaintance from college who is really attractive (thin, great skin, great features, etc.), and I think she sometimes looks really dated with her “uniform” of skinny jeans, tight top in an ugly pattern, and gaudy necklace. I often think it ages her terribly. One of those things is not so bad but when combined, it’s like being caught in a time warp to 15 years ago.
Even in my 40s, I’m noticing that quality counts for a lot. That doesn’t mean I spend a ton of money, but I pay a lot more attention to the details. Less is more.
Also, and I say this because I’ve noticed it on others in their 50s and beyond, super dark or bold eyeliner often ages people a lot. Soften those lines!
53 here, all about the Botox and fillers. My nurse injector is also in her 50s which I think helps. She gets that I don’t want to look 28 just a better version of 53. I did have an upper bleph and will plan for a facelift in 2-3 years. My intention is to never look like I needed it, just be one step ahead. Workout, careful with diet, rarely drink, regular cuts and colors (Velcro rollers when I have time to help with smoothing), deep conditioning, light makeup, lots of skincare (sunscreen), up to date clothing but classic.
All of it. I’ve had my eyes and lower face lifted, a bit of Botox and fillers, weight loss surgery, tummy tuck. I have my hair colored every three weeks and for a while I was getting Brazlilian blowouts, although I feel like the stick-straight look is over so I don’t do that any more. But I do blow it out and use the flatiron most days. I get fairly regular mani-pedis, although I don’t do color on my nails because it inevitably chips in a day or so. Oh, and I’m about to get a laser face peel when I get back from vacation in eight weeks. And I do my best to keep my wardrobe current, as well.
I would be really, really careful about lipstick. Find a product that does not migrate into fine lines around your mouth as the day goes on. To me, that’s one of the biggest “tells” of age.
I’m in my late 40s and for me, I choose to spend money on Botox and hair dye. For me, those have the biggest bang for the buck.
Honestly (and this is something of a hot take) at age 44, I still care about trends and explore ways to incorporate them into my wardrobe. Barrel leg pants, strappy flats, cherry red as a color, “tomato girl summer” makeup, Y2K (just a hint here and there), trendy, playful slightly bad-taste handbags, fun irreverent jewelry ( I have script rings that say “Spray tan” and “Caviar”)–things like that.
I think a fearfulness and timidity and worry about looking 100% correct, timeless, “Old Money” and “pulled together” can often read matronly. While it grinds my gears when people advocate for a 50 year old woman to wear a baby tee and nylon cargo pants without considering body, taste, lifestyle, and budget, I think one can go too far in the “cautious” direction too.
Don’t know, but I just ordered it — it looks yummy!