Suit of the Week: Cuyana

81 Comments

1. I am loving all of the earring posts recently. What are your favorite special or non-standard earrings? I have been wearing basic studs for years and want something more interesting.

   1. These are my current favorites:

      https://www.brilliantearth.com/Hydrangea-Bouquet-Earrings-14K-Gold-BE3ASL50/

      There are other varieties with emeralds and other stones.

      1. I keep getting instagram ads for those because it knows hydrangeas are my favorite flower and I love earrings.

      2. Beautiful, thank you!

   2. I also like these: https://www.brilliantearth.com/Zuri-Diamond-Huggie-Earrings-14K-Gold-BE3D4212/

   3. All the dangly earrings at Kojima Pearl. She puts such interesting combinations together. Sometimes I message her (Sarah) and ask her to take something out so it’s slightly shorter, but I love them all. I’m wearing some today!

      1. https://kojimapearl.com/collections/pearl-earrings

         I seriously have to hide my credit card. I want them all!

         1. I have literally never been interested in pearls but these are fantastic.

   4. If you want a less expensive option, I got a pair of these tassel earrings from Etsy in white and gold and every time I wear them I get compliments. My best under $10 purchase!

      https://www.etsy.com/listing/547905446/51-colors-mini-silk-tassel-24k-gold?ga_order=most_relevant&ga_search_type=all&ga_view_type=gallery&ga_search_query=small+tassel+earrings&ref=sr_gallery-1-13&pro=1&sts=1&search_preloaded_img=1&organic_search_click=1

   5. Massive south sea pearls.

2. We’re planning a trip to London in December and could use some input! (Also I realize it’s early to be planning but some hotels are already booked for certain dates in December, believe it or not!)

   We have two kids who will be 3.5 and 6. Priorities are doing all the Christmas lights viewing and other holiday-related activities. Suggestions for specific neighborhoods would be awesome, as well as any recs for specific activities.

   Looking at these hotels and would love to hear if you have any experience with them, especially staying with little kids:

   The Goring (wow, expensive, but is it worth it? might be willing to splurge)
   The Langham
   The Lanesborough
   The Landmark
   Covent Garden Hotel
   Atheneum Residences (love the idea of having our own townhouse entrance but amenities of a hotel)

   TIA!

   1. No intel about those hotels, but our friends with slightly older kids recently stayed at the Apartments by the Sloane Club and had nothing but good things to say.

      1. Looks awesome, thank you!!!

   2. I havent stayed at any of them, but I’ve been to the Langham for afternoon tea and it’s a lovely hotel with very nice service. The Goring is absolutely iconic and I think it was Queen Elizabeth’s favorite hotel for hosting parties at and the like.

      1. Thanks!

   3. You should see a pantomime show which is like a very kid friendly twist on a favorite classic story or fairy tale with almost broadway-quality production but shorter show that is a featured only at the holidays. Fun for all.

      Tower of London is awesome for kids. Can see the Crown Jewels and cool battle stuff.

      Visiting the town of bath is pretty cool but it’s two hours away

      Changing of the guard

      1. Thanks! Never heard of the pantomime shows, they sound great

3. *I fear it is too late in the day for this crew, so I will post tomorrow, too.*

   I am totally burned out. I have not had more than three consecutive days off since June. I have a trial coming up in a couple of months, which is too far away for this level of burnout to be sustainable, but too close for me to take a week off. What can I do to help get myself over the hump?

   1. If you are totally burned out then you need to do a few things:
      Take time off immediately before you permanently damage your health.
      Arrange extra work help. The level of work is unsustainable and you need help.
      Change things at home, incorporate relaxation somehow like a yoga class, meditation, swimming, pottery, something where you have to turn your phone off for 90 minutes.

      Keep us updated.

   2. Can you reliably take the same half day off each week for the next 8 weeks? Like, half day Wednesdays until the end of February? Don’t discount what simply working fewer hours each week can do for you, even if it sounds less impressive. It will make a difference.

   3. Is there someone at work you can talk to about getting some help, like adding an associate to help out? Also think about small things you can do each day to get through the next 2 months. Some ideas: go to bed early (take melatonin if you need to), take a bath with bath salts before bedtime, drink an indulgent hot cocoa with whipped cream at night or nice cup of tea in the morning, throw money at the problem and outsource what you can, leave work early or take a break mid-day to get a massage, if you have to work in the office, lock your door at lunch and take a nap on the floor or put your head down on your desk. Try to eat regular meals. Don’t be afraid to ask friends for help running errands or even bringing you a meal – I would love to help a friend out anytime! If a friend asks how you are doing, tell them how swamped you are and that you wish you had someone to lend you a hand with household errands, etc. Hopefully when the trial is over, you can re-evaluate things with a long term perspective in mind. Good luck!!

   4. One part day off every week (even if only two hrs or an half day) and do something actively relaxing like a massage or pedicure or acupuncture.

   5. Good advice from others. It sounds counterintuitive when you’re tired, but I do a lot better with even 30 min a day of an outdoor walk (if you can swing laps in a pool, even better). A bath at night when your brain feels racing helps, too. Can anyone else help with trial prep or take off a burden elsewhere? Yes, it may not be as good as you. But a warm body is better than no body when you’re swamped. Outsource as much home stuff as you can–cleaning service, grocery delivery or meal prep kits. I also try to pick out a few work “uniforms” so that my time thinking is minimized in the mornings. Take care of your health–make sure you’re up to date on vaccinations, getting enough vegetables, taking your vitamins, avoiding sick people, etc. You’re more vulnerable when you’re stressed. Don’t just take time off after the trial. Put time on your calendar for a couple of other well-paced vacations NOW so you don’t get into this mess again. Think hard on boundaries. What can you realistically say no to going forward at work? Can you ditch some meetings or committees or other commitments that aren’t serving you well? Pull help or get more resources on a more permanent basis. After this trial, you need to give your life a serious change.

4. This is very Balmain 2009.

5. To judge by how may surgeries various younger family members have had that are practically done as outpatient surgeries, I am very sorry to read the Kate Middleton news today. Just based on the length of hospital stay alone, this seems to be quite serious.

   1. I was talking to a family member who’s a doctor and she was shocked by a 2 week hospital stay. She said basically only people who are in the ICU or very ill would typically stay in the hospital that long. Unless Kate gets an extra-long stay because it’s a fancy private hospital. I really wonder what it is?! Liver or kidney problems?

      1. Yes it’s a very long hospital stay (even for the UK, where you don’t get kicked out of the hospital quite as fast as in the US). And no engagements until April. I hope she’ll be ok.

      2. I wonder if it was an intestinal surgery? Complication rates for that kind of surgery are shockingly high.

         1. I kind of wonder if it’s intestinal or related to pelvic floor reconstruction, since those surgeries can be quite complicated and private, with a long recovery time.

            1. I assume one of those two.

         2. This is what I thought. Maybe something planned to be laparoscopic but they had to do it with open surgery instead.

            It can’t have been planned that far in advance otherwise they would not have booked and canceled events, they just would have left her schedule open.

   2. I presumed it was plastic surgery. Isn’t tummy tuck recovery like 6 weeks? The only other thing that came to mind is hysterectomy but some people have that and plastic surgery at the same time.

      1. I don’t think it’s plastic surgery. How much thinner can she get?! She’s already tiny. And it seems like it happened on relatively short notice. She had to cancel a bunch of engagements for this month. I don’t think she would have left people high and dry for a cosmetic procedure – it would have been done as a long “holiday” booked way in advance.

      2. That women has zero to tuck.

      3. If it were plastic surgery, I don’t think they would have announced she had a hospital stay and opened it up to this speculation.

      4. She’s like skin and bones, I don’t know what there would be to tuck!

         1. Right?! Nothing to tuck here.

         2. I’m not saying she needed one, but people have excess skin or other things they want addressed after having kids — even while fit.

            It could also be something routine like hysterectomy or appendectomy or salpingectomy, etc that is normally outpatient that she’s just recovering in a hospital for.

            1. The woman left the hospital less than 24 hours after giving birth. I don’t think she’s there for fun. She has way more privacy at home and a large staff to take care of her and her kids. She is no doubt more comfortable at home, and is only in the hospital on a doctor’s recommendation.

      5. if it were secret plastic surgery I suspect she would have scheduled it for a time that the royals don’t do many public engagements, like late summer, rather than in the middle of busy season. Also not sure what there is to tuck. She is super fit!

         The long hospital stay caught my eye too. Wishing her well for recovery!

      6. Honestly, I can’t image anything cosmetic for her unless she needed reconstructive surgery. Her mother has aged spectacularly well and cosmetic surgeries often look like it (Lauren Sanchez). My mom had a hysterectomy back before they were laparoscopic and that had a rough recovery — I wonder if they are keeping her at the hospital just to let her rest (with young kids at home, I’m assuming resting would be very hard, even with staff). Glad William is cancelling his events (but also concerning that he is doing that).

      7. She’s always been very fit and athletic – swims, runs, sails, bikes etc. She’s constantly doing sporting events so I can’t imagine this is a tummy tuck. Even if it was, they wouldn’t have booked events they had to cancel. They would have worked her schedule around it.

         1. Yup, as someone else said cosmetic surgery would have been scheduled for August when most of Europe is on vacation and things are slow. Not now, which is a busy time. And I don’t think they would have fessed up to it being a surgery. I think they would have described it as a holiday so as not to invite this kind of speculation.

            This was clearly needed promptly, if not urgently, for medical reasons.

   3. I think it may be a bowel resection. That has a much longer recovery time than a hysterectomy or appendectomy. If so that’s pretty intense.
      Fortunately it seems like she does not have colon or ovarian cancer, which was my immediate dark thought. I know of a disturbing number of healthy 40-somethings who’ve had one of those cancers so it didn’t seem beyond the realm of possibility. But the palace apparently told royal reporters it’s non-cancerous, which is a relief.

   4. Kensington palace said that it wasn’t cancerous. My guesses are appendicitis that resulted in organ rupture, a hysterectomy, or maybe a bowel obstruction that resulted in intense surgery. Happy for an actual physician to weigh in.

      1. Appendix rupture isn’t that long, I almost died and had to have all my internal organs sponged off after a rupture and I was out of the hospital in a week.

   5. With 3 young kids and no live in help I can imagine that the length of stay is also so she actually rests.

      Sounds like bowel surgery of some time as those can be high risk for sepsis. I wondered if she had Chrons or maybe an ectopic pregnancy that developed complications. Sort of feel bad for speculating because she is a public figure but clearly wants it private.

      1. They have all the help they want. She is not staying in the hospital to rest.

         1. Yeah “help” isn’t synonymous with “live-in help.” They may not have any staff living in their house, but they have nannies, housekeepers, chefs, etc. She can rest at home.

         2. They literally live in a 4 bedroom house with 3 kids during the school year. They’ve had the same nanny since the oldest kid was born but she doesn’t live in and I don’t see how a 4 bedroom house has space for live in help. They have a country place that’s larger but they aren’t there when the kids are in school.

      2. The very explicit request for people not to speculate is also probably meant to protect hospital staff from the press, related to the terrible and fatal tragedy from an earlier hospital stay, when one of her nurses was tricked into giving a radio show an update on her health.

   6. My theory is that she had a bowel re-section as she has Crohns disease. Or similar. This would explain why she is so very thin. The hospital she is in does not do ob-gyn related procedures. And, she is known (according to my sister) for not eating when she is on the road or doing a walk-about. So, maybe she had bowel surgery, and in part is staying a long time as she has three children and cannot really rest well at home.

      1. This is the most logical explanation.

      2. Friends have also mentioned that she does not eat at public events which made me think it was related to colitis or crohns.

6. has anyone successfully cured themselves of chronic acid reflux, like through a low-acid diet or really knowing your triggers? doc has me on panterazporole (sp?) indefinitely and i’m not liking that idea. (i’m also ravenously hungry, but that may be for other reasons.)

   1. Cutting down on vegetable oils (which I only started recently) seems to be helping me. I had read a nutrition book about how processed seed oils (canola, soybean, etc.) are inflammatory and decided to cut out a few of my go-tos, like bottled salad dressing made with vegetable oil. Other factors may also be at play, but I feel that I’m seeing a difference.

   2. Do you know if it’s low acid reflux or high acid reflux? (My doctor initially assumed my stomach acid was too high, but when they actually tested it, it was quite low which led to a very different treatment regimen!)

   3. I have! I kept a very thorough diary to identify triggers for about 2 months and avoid them studiously. If I do really want a trigger food or drink, I will plan it so that it’s as early in the day as possible and I will still sleep with my head and chest elevated (lying flat after eating late or after certain foods/drinks is a HUGE trigger for me), even if I’m not feeling reflux-y when I go to bed because sometimes it will sneak up on me after I’m sleeping.

      My doctor also advised me to make absolutely sure I’m having regular bowel movements because any amount of constipation for me is a trigger. As he said, “Your GI tract is just a long tube, so a back up anywhere in the tube can cause a back up elsewhere.” It honestly has helped a lot. I pay a lot of attention to fiber and will use miralax if necessary (usually around my period).

   4. I’m not cured. I have a hiatial hernia.

      I had to get off the omeprazole because you’re really not supposed to take it forever (I did for over a year). You have to wean slowly because your stomach will produce a lot of acid as you go off. I use Pepcid Complete or a generic form of it almost nightly and that helps a lot, plus gives me calcium.

      That said, the best thing I’ve done for it is losing weight, I’m sorry to say. Not only losing weight, which sort of helps anatomically, but also the way I eat now as part of weight loss maintenance. Basically the meditteranean diet. And I don’t eat after about 7 pm mostly.

   5. A lot of the common recommendations helped me, but one thing that isn’t so obvious that’s been huge help is avoiding clothes that are tight around my belly, like very snug jeans.

   6. My mom had it so bad she was throwing up once every few months, and it was something she dealt with for years. Endoscopy and colonoscopy found nothing. Her GI doc prescribed pantoprazole and said she could take it indefinitely without side effects. She took it for a few months, problems resolved and she stopped taking it since. So maybe don’t write it off just yet, you may not need to take it indefinitely.

7. For those of you who are partnered but don’t yet live together (or those of you who remember being in this stage), how do you balance seeing your partner with maintaining your own life? I’m realizing when my partner is away, I’m so much better at maintaining habits like cooking healthily, doing yoga daily, meditating, working productively during the day. I am tempted to scale back to only going to my partner’s house during the weekend, and then using my weekdays for myself and getting my life together. We are both 27, and I almost always go to his place because he doesn’t have roommates and I do, but I’m feeling burnt out on how it disrupts my own life to go over there 3-4 days a week.

   1. Do you not do those things together? Like bring the ingredients with you and cook together or do yoga at his place while goes for a run or whatever. Meditate while he does the dishes if you cooked or something? Not saying you have to go over everyday but integrate day to day vs just weekend.

   2. I think that this is something you guys talk about and figure out a solution that works for you as a couple. Perhaps the solution is fewer days at his house. Perhaps the solution is changing what you guys do when you’re at his house so that you have time to do yoga, cook, meditate, etc. Perhaps the solution is a combination of the two or still a third option like you do your things at your house after work and then go to his house to sleep.
      Likewise, consider how these same concerns will play out when you live together – which I’m assuming you plan to based on how you phased your first sentence. You won’t magically have time to cook, do yoga, etc. when you live together unless you carve out the space and time to do so. Your conversation with him about how to better manage today can also include how you might manage this when you live together – or at least foreshadow that it’s something you’re thinking about and that you guys will need to work through.
      Good job on figuring out what isn’t working for you and why and being willing to address those concerns now. Communication is the key here.

      1. All of this.
         What other couples do is no help to you, OP, this is something you have to figure out as a couple.

   3. if you only do regular life maintenance at your own place then spending tons of time at partner’s place will put you into crunch mode on “home” days. Time to integrate your normal routines into evenings at his! Companionably casually watch TV while you update your budget or pay bills online or work on a grocery order? You do yoga while he does whatever in the next room? Or grocery shop together so you have healthy meals to cook together?

   4. We did this for three years, and I always had several days/week alone at my house because that was when he had his kids at his house. The days his kids were with their mom, we split between our two houses.

8. I’m not looking for advice, just commiseration.

   My dad had knee replacement surgery last week. My older brother took the first three days of care. I’m on day four of my stint. My aunt arrives tonight so I can go home tomorrow.

   I’m physically exhausted and mentally and emotionally wrung out. Trying to care for an elderly man and get him physically ready for PT and do all the work necessary to keep everything together and him safe, in the middle of the polar vortex, has beaten me up.

   We got him to agree to hiring a nursing assistant for at least the next week, probably longer. We can’t do it with just us.

   1. Oof! This is so hard. Elder care was a very very trying time in my life because it’s physically, emotionally, and logistically demanding.

      Some good friends of mine had this exact situation a few months ago– Mother had knee replacement and after a couple of weeks, things really came to a head when everyone realized they needed professional help. The mother didn’t want that but did finally agree to a nursing assistant (who realized she wasn’t healing properly and then to rehab!), and things got much much better. So, I’m glad he’s agreed to that, and I bet it will at least take some strain off of you.

      Sending good thoughts!

   2. Elder care is wrenchingly hard- I stress knit and I have a stack of blankets and a sweater in fingering weight from my mother’s end of life period. Much sympathy.

   3. I’m really sorry, it’s so difficult. My mom has been taking care of her own mother, and even with the work spread out among four siblings, it’s been overwhelming. Thank goodness the four of them are in decent health themselves.

   4. Wishing you some rest soon!

      I remember the Polar Vortex of 2014 and just how long each day felt. Going anywhere outside of my apartment took so much planning and buildup. It was definitely life on hard mode.

      1. I think the Polar Vortex of 2014 was when I learned, from this s-i-t-e, about fleece-lined tights.

   5. Commiserations. One of my parents has cancer and it’s been a long year of appointments, ER stays, and treatment plans. I’m also swapping with my sibling so they can go back to his state for a while (we’ve both moved away from our home state and had to come back when parent was diagnosed). Most days I just feel tired and numb but also wanting to cry at the thought that my parent might not make it.

   6. A rehab home is also an option. My mom went into one by her choice after a knee replacement surgery. Her experience there made it easier to go into one last year for 8 weeks after a bad fall. I stayed with her in the days immediately after the fall and focused on getting her in there like it was my full time job. It was not cheap though, but extremely beneficial for her physically, and for both of our sanity.

9. Not really looking for advice; just a place to write out my thoughts. I’ve worked at the same place for 20 years, and I’m good friends with a colleague. In many ways, she’s really wonderful. But we’ve just shifted roles a bit, and I’m now seeing very clearly how much of our friendship is based on me making her work life easier/being useful. I’m really sad about that realization, and more than that, I’m terrifically disappointed in myself for performing the role of useful sidekick.

   I think of myself as a capable, straightforward, self-sufficient person, and in many ways I am. But not in this relationship. I know I need to rewrite/create boundaries (and I’ll probably ask for advice on that soon!) but right now, I’m just…mourning my happier assumptions about the friendship and beating myself up a little.

   1. This is an interesting observation. I am about 18 months out from retirement (if my plan goes as planned). So 35 years of professional career behind me, the last 20 at the same company. As I think about what my life – daily, seasonal – will look like after retirement, I have been thinking about how many of my work friends will be part of it. There are many people I enjoy and work well with and am always happy to see in a meeting/be on a project team with. Will any of them be part of my retirement? Maybe one or two. I am married but never had kids. I think this must be what people have been talking about all those years when they said, “A job doesn’t love you back.” I would be curious to know how you work through this (you can remind us that you were the “work friend helper” or something).

   2. This sounds hard. We do the best we can and when we know better we can do better. Try to think if of that way than beating yourself up. At least you recognized it now! There’s a lot of good advice out there about boundaries. Deciding that you want to put in place some boundaries if the first step. I took up journaling during a very difficult period of my life and it’s so helpful for processing things like this and recognizing patterns. Maybe it will help you too.

10. Please help me… I am normally on my husband’s health insurance which has a low deductible and covers almost everything. I got pregnant in 2022. At the beginning of 2023 I signed up for crappy medical insurance with my employer, just in case there were any complications (this happened to my brother with a super premie and they kicked them out of the hospital when the lifetime max was reached). This crappy insurance has a 6K dedictible and covers only 60%. I had the baby in 2023. I am now being told that everything has to go through the crappy insurance from my employer because it’s “primary”. Surely, I missed a memo on this. Does this sound right – I pay for both so why is the crappy one primary? Will my good insurance ever kick in? Am I on the hook for two dedictibles? Will I be responsible for the 40% my “primary” insurance doesn’t cover? Is there some entity not affiliated with either insurance that can help me navigate this? TIA!!

    1. Unfortunately, yes this is not uncommon. If you have a plan through your employer and your spouse, your employer plan is typically primary, so it sounds right to me. That said, your secondary insurance should kick in and cover what the primary insurance doesn’t, at least after a certain point. So probably you will get a large chunk of the 40% paid by the secondary insurance.

    2. Yes, that is correct. Insurance you have through your own employer is always primary. Primary pays first; secondary pays, well, second. It will still pay up to its own coverage limits but doesn’t pay what the primary carrier has already paid. You are not liable for the 40% your primary insurer doesn’t pay, but they pay their 60% first. If your bill is $100,000, primary insurance pays $60K; If the secondary insurance pays 90%, it would pay up to $90K, but since only $30K is left, it would pay $30K. I am ignoring deductibles for purposes of this example, but each plan calculates its deductible separately; you are not liable for 2 deductibles. You should have pretty close to 100%, first-dollar coverage between the two plans.
       As for your brother’s preemie, lifetime limits are now illegal, so that shouldn’t happen to you.
       Submit (or have providers submit) everything not covered by your primary to the secondary carrier. You can do this!

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