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Our daily workwear reports suggest one piece of work-appropriate attire in a range of prices.
This merino and faux-leather sweater from Brooks Brothers looks like it will be great for fall — it feels edgy but patrician at the same time. (The matching shell is pretty cool too, although I think I prefer the pieces as separates.) The sweater is available in XS-L sizes for $398 at Brooks Brothers. Brooks Brothers Ribbed Merino Wool Cardigan
For a lower-priced alternative, try this or this. There doesn't seem to be a close plus-size option, but here's an open-front cardigan with faux leather and a “sweater jacket” with faux-leather trim.
Seen a great piece you'd like to recommend? Please e-mail tps@corporette.com.
(L-all)
Sales of note for 9.30.24
- Nordstrom – Beauty deals through September
- Ann Taylor – Extra 30% off sale
- Banana Republic Factory – 50% off everything + extra 20% off
- Boden – 15% off new styles
- Eloquii – Extra 50% off sale
- J.Crew – 50% off select styles
- J.Crew Factory – Up to 60% off everything + 50% off sale with code
- Lo & Sons – Warehouse sale, up to 70% off
- M.M.LaFleur – Save 25% sitewide
- Neiman Marcus – Friends & Family 25% off
- Rag & Bone – Friends & Family 25% off sitewide
- Spanx – Lots of workwear on sale, some up to 70% off
- Talbots – Fall Cyber Monday sale, 40% off sitewide and $5 shipping
- Target – Car-seat trade-in event through 9/28 — bring in an old car seat to get a 20% discount on other baby/toddler stuff.
- White House Black Market – 40% off select styles
And some of our latest threadjacks here at Corporette (reader questions and commentary) — see more here!
Some of our latest threadjacks include:
- What to say to friends and family who threaten to not vote?
- What boots do you expect to wear this fall and winter?
- What beauty treatments do you do on a regular basis to look polished?
- Can I skip the annual family event my workplace holds, even if I'm a manager?
- What small steps can I take today to get myself a little more “together” and not feel so frazzled all of the time?
- The oldest daughter is America's social safety net — change my mind…
- What have you lost your taste for as you've aged?
- Tell me about your favorite adventure travels…
Anon
I have 40 lb or so to lose – in the past when calorie counting and weighing I’ve got obsessive about it so I want to avoid that. Has anyone done Weight Watchers Simply Filling?
(Former) Clueless Summer
You may want to look into the whole30 – similar idea to Simply Filling (a list of foods you can or cannot eat) but more restrictive. No calorie counting and no weighing allowed during the 30 days. You could then transition to a more paleo-type diet.
Anon
I looked at whole30 and thought it would be too restrictive. Plus I worry about orthorexia
Anonymous
As well you should with Whole30! It sounds to me like you don’t want to count every food item- so no regular WW, and you don’t want to overly restrict categories of foods- def no Whole30, and simply filling is the same principle, but more inclusive.
What about a nutritionist? Who can really work with you personally?
Anonymous
I would really recommend this- though an actual dietitian. I worked with one for a year or so, and I lost 40 lbs, with very little stress, and not feeling hungry. I basically learned how to eat- no foods were “off limits”.
Anonymous
Have you thought about focusing on what you do need to eat, instead of what you shouldn’t? Like today you need X servings of veggies, fruits, whole grains, lean protein, etc. You’re probably not going to have room for much unhealthy stuff if you’re eating 8 servings of veggies a day (or whatever you choose).
KT
^This is a really good point. For so long, I addressed nutrition as things I couldn’t eat–no ice cream cookies, baked good, etc. I ended up always feeling deprived and grumpy.
When I switched the mindset to “incorporate healthy foods” it was much easier. I made little rules for myself, like eat 3 servings of veggies a day(that’s huge for me!), 8 glasses of water, 2 servings of lean protein, then I could eat whatever I wanted. The result was, I had more energy, felt more full and ended up craving less junk food anyway.
Lyssa
Alton Brown (on the Food Network) did an episode of Good Eats where he described how he lost a pretty substantial amount of weight (and has kept it off over several years) using a system like that. I’m sure that you can find it online – he had a list of foods to eat everyday, a list of foods to eat at least 3 times a week, a list of foods to eat no more than X times a week, that sort of thing. I haven’t tried it, but it looked like a really good system.
CasperClone
Found the Alton Brown daily/weekly/never list system which looks like a good start
http://www.bestselfatlanta.com/best-self-articles/food-nutrition/food-expert-alton-brown-talks-about-weight-loss-and-his-four-list-method.html
Anon
Thanks!
Anon22
I’m on WW, but not Simply Filling. I have heard good things about SF. For me, WW has been helpful to not get into the obsessive mindset or thinking certain foods are “forbidden.” I’ve also had much better results than cutting carbs or using MFP to count calories. Mostly the hard part was figuring out what goods worked well in my daily routines, but after that, it has been really easy to not obsess over it.
Marshmallow
This is extremely limited experience since I just started it this weekend, but I just started using the nutrition app Rise and I really like it so far. You pay about $10 per week depending on the subscription and the app connects you with an actual human nutritionist. You take pictures of your food and exchange messages with the nutritionist, and they have a live “coach line” for, say, you’re about to go out to eat and you want help scouting the menu. I am hopeful I’ll stick with this since I feel more accountable to a real person, and snapping a picture is so much easier than logging in MFP. It’s also good that I don’t feel restricted to one specific eating plan, you just discuss your goals and eating style with your nutritionist and they make recommendations.
Traveller
This may be too late….but I recently picked up a book called Lean Habits by Georgie Fear. The concept is very similar to the “learning how to eat” comments above. You might like it.
Runner 5
Thanks, I’ll look into it
techgirl
Fitness related qus. For reference I am overweight and would rate my fitness a 4/10 (can run a mile at an average pace but not much further, low upper arm strength), I am looking to lose weight and increase muscle for my wedding in ~a years time.
1) you have time for a 45 minute workout at a small gym 3 times a week – what do you do?
2) for those who work out before work what is your morning routine? Any tips/products?
Runner 5
I work out at a gym in the morning then go straight to work. I have a second washbag with the products I need (using 2 in 1 shampoo/ conditioner so I don’t have to carry both bottles all day) and a second make up bag with my basic daily face in it.
KT
Do high intensity interval training on an elliptical or treadmill for 30 minutes, do 15 minutes of weights
Anonymous
I would flip that- lift heavy (for you- be safe, get a trainer to start. ), and 15 min of sprints.
With only 30 min, I would personally do squats, deadlift, row, bench press and shoulder press. That will cover off basically all your major muscle groups. I’d recommend a trainer for the first little bit to work on your form, and ditch any trainer that won’t focus on free weights, machines aren’t that useful for functional strength.
If you do sprints right, 15 min of 30s sprint/30s rest should gas you (I did this yesterday with 7% incline at 8mph. I had real difficult finishing sprints 12-15).
Check out Reddit and their xxfitness sub, it’s been so valuable, and a good community.
Amanda
I agree with this, 30 min of lifting and 15 min of interval training. Also, just be aware that muscle is more dense than fat, so the weightloss may stall but you can still see changes. For me, I actually gained 10 pounds (I wasn’t looking to lose weight), but I went down 2 dress sizes.
techgirl
I wish we could still edit – if we could I would update my post to ‘fat loss’, rather than weight! I’ll make sure I record measurements.
Teeks
Agreed, download the StrongLifts 5×5 app to make this super easy. Love r/xxfitness!
ml
I nearly always go home to get ready afterward because the gym is so close to home that the travel time is worth the comfort/less stress of showering in my own bathroom and eliminating the possibility of forgetting anything important, plus I often walk/bike there, so it’s just easier than schlepping a bunch of stuff. Best tip, though: Always pack your bag the night before and lay out your workout clothes. It’s so much easier to get out of bed when you just have to sleepwalk through getting out of the house and can wake up on the way, vs having to wake up with your brain already engaged!
With 45 minutes, I’d alternate days between some kind of interval-based cardio and weight training. My favorites for cardio are rowing machine (take the time to learn proper form!) and treadmill. I make my intervals with the incline and/or speed on the treadmill, depending on my mood. I don’t ever feel like I get a good workout on a stationery bike unless it’s at a spin class, so I skip that entirely. Elliptical only if my knees are hurting, because again, it just doesn’t feel like as efficient of a use of my time. I like to do a thorough warm-up for morning workouts, and I NEED to do a cool-down or I’ll still be sweating post-shower, but that still leaves 20-30 min for intervals, which is about right if you’re going hard. For weights, I go through phases — sometimes I prefer heavy lifting like in NROLFW, others I do “girly” weight workouts like you find in fitness magazines. Either way, 45 min is plenty for a cardio warm-up and a full-body workout.
Bonnie
I’ve had the best success with losing weight and increasing strength by working out at home with DVD sets like Insanity, T25 or Ultimate Yogi. I had fewer excuses not to work out when I only had to press play.
Anonymous
You’re not going to lose weight going to the gym 3x/week. You’ve got to focus on diet to see a significant change on the scale.
You CAN build some muscle going to the gym 3x/week. You’ll see the biggest difference in your arms and legs. Do a combination of body weight (think squats and lunges) and free weight exercises.
The hardest thing about working out in the morning is getting out of bed. My best trick is to go to drink a bunch of water and get in bed early. I might not feel like getting up when my alarm goes off, but my bladder does.
techgirl
I’ve already made significant changes to my diet, I’m aware that 80% of weightloss happens in the kitchen.
The water idea is really smart, thanks!
ELaw
I run in my neighborhood with my dog before work. If this is at all possible for you, I’d recommend it. No necessity for packing a gym bag, and no boring awful treadmills. You can do a 30 minute run and then get in a pretty good strength workout after that with a combination of core exercises, various types of pushups, lunges, etc.
techgirl
I only run outside anyway – I can’t seem to keep control of my legs on a treadmill!
Ellen
Yay! Pricey Monday’s! I Love Pricey monday’s and this thread! I have been away on LI nurseing my mom, who had a BUNION removed so she can NOT walk and is on crutches. I have been doeing all the cookeing with her direction, and dad now says it is NO wonder no man will MARRY me. He thinks Mom should have taught me to cook rather than go to law school now. I told him he was being silly b/c cook’s do NOT make money like a lawyer doeing WC work like me. Mom now has a live-in aide for the next 2 week’s who dad hopes is a better cook then me. Fooey on dad! I am glad to be back in Manahattan! DOUBEL YAY!
Anyway, for the OP, I use walkeing as my tuchus catcher. Dad WAS right about me needing to walk 10,000 steps a day, and I have been doeing it even over the last week when i have been sweateing and sweateing and sweateing. I have to loose only 3 more pound’s to fit into my size 2’s again, even with my tuchus, so Dad can NOT berate me once I get there. YAY!!!!
Fishie
I work with a trainer 2x a week to be as efficient as possible in the gym with strength training. I go early a.m. (6:30 to 7) then go home and get ready for work. Granted, my commute is 7 minutes, so that might not be possible with a longer commute. I also schedule for Monday m0rning so I kick off the week with a workout and it forces me to get up because I know I will be charged if I don’t go.
My trainer gives me routines I can do on my off days or when I travel without a lot of equipment.
I’ve seen the best results from strength training rather than cardio. My butt looks amazing.
teflon
I know there are sometimes discussions of this here, but I really recommend BBG or her Sweat with Kayla app. Her workouts are 2-3 toning circuits totaling 28 minutes each and slower low intensity cardio days. There is a pre-program she does before starting the actual guide, that may be useful for you too. They seem simple, but they will make you sweat and get some nice definition in the time you need.
Wildkitten
Work with a trainer or a book or a dvd that focuses on arm workouts if your wedding dress is one that shows a lot of arm.
Marshmallow
My biggest tip is to find a workout that YOU love, with a good mix of weight-bearing exercises and cardio. For me that’s barre/ cardio dance, for others it might be SoulCycle or boot camp or whatever. I go to the gym religiously about 5 times per week and it’s because I look forward to it as fun “me time.” Even the best workout isn’t going to do anything for you if you don’t enjoy it enough to go regularly.
As for getting ready in the morning: I splurged on a nice Lulu gym bag that is pretty enough to take to work, and I have one of their makeup/toiletry bags with clever pockets. It’s also key to have a bag for your dirty clothes so you can keep them separate from your clean stuff and wash the bag every once in a while. That helps bring everything I need and still feel put together. I shower at the gym and have pared my routine down to the ultra basics: tinted moisturizer, tinted eye primer that doubles as concealer, lip/cheek stick, small eyeshadow palette which I also use for brows, mascara. I let my hair air-dry but most gyms have dryers if you need one.
Anon
I work out at home before work and love FitnessBlender.com. Check out their workout plans; they have 2 8-week plans for busy people that are all about 30 minutes or less. I think they might be pretty challenging for you to start–I have been working out 5 days/week for years and I find them quite challenging if I use appropriate weights–so be sure to use very light weights and do the beginner modifications when offered. Good luck!
Swimsuit
Is there such a thing as a functional swimsuit like the speedo suits worn by olympic divers that would work for someone with a DD chest?
Runner 5
I’m a D and the squash-it-all down Speedo suits work fine for me. They’re not trying to support, just squish.
AAL
Agreed – I wear a H cup and they generally do the trick for me too. Just aim for one with a reasonably high-cut round the armpit area so you don’t end up with sideboob escaping…
Anonymous
I have DDD’s and I usually just use a normal 1 or 2 piece suit from speedo or TYR. I do look for suits with thicker material (reversible suits work well) or more compression.
Canadienne
Just a regular speedo? I was a competitive swimmer in highschool with a 32D chest and they worked just fine
Anonymous
Yes. Don’t settle for smushing!!
http://www.bravissimo.com/m/#products/swimwear/sports-swimwear/premier-ultimate-swimsuit/black-silver/so104bsv/
KT
This suit is fantastic–Does not move and no squishing, but no chance of any malfunctions: http://amzn.to/2aUa2wo
Fishie
Try Freya. Bare Necessities and Amazon carry their swimwear.
Wildkitten
You might want to layer a speedo one piece over a speedo two piece if the one piece doesn’t provide enough chest support. (Or just the top of a two piece).
Meg Murry
Yes, this I what I was going to recommend too, a sports bra style under a regular swimsuit. Or even cheap regula sports bra under the suit. It’s not exactly stylish looking, but that was the go-to way to get some support and prevent wardrobe malfunctions among the more endowed and/or pregnant women in my water fitness classes, especially since the chlorine level in our pool tends to kill swimsuits quickly no matter what.
You could also look for suits aimed at triathletes, some of those have more of a sports bra type of support and thicker straps.
Anonymous
I swim in a sports bra or tank top with built-in bra. Very functional, though not a “performance” outfit.
Lobbyist
I have D and wear TYR suits, I prefer them over Speedos. I do not like Nike suits.
Tree
A regular Speedo/TYR/Nike suit should be just fine. I swam in college with many large chested women and they were fine in the normal suits, although some liked thick straps better. To get the best bang for your buck, though, I suggest buying a polyester suit. They last forever! swim outlet dot com, in the “competition suit” category is a good place to look!
MM Lafleur jardigan
I am trying to decide whether to keep or return. I like the idea of it as something to keep in the office that can be my office sweater but look closer to a blazer for meetings than a shapeless sweater. However I typically don’t wear dresses (only shirts/pants). Does the short back of the jardigan look silly with a longer shirt? Am I overthinking this? $200 seems like a lot to spend for an office sweater.
Anonymous
There is a longer version of the jardigan that is meant to be worn with pants. Have you tried that one?
AttiredAttorney
I thought the jardigan was pretty, but I just got a pretty good dupe for it in a Le Tote shipment …the “Noir Open Front Sweater Blazer.” It’s a little longer than the jardigan and the fabric quality isn’t quite as soft, but it’s pretty close and might work well for you. Will reply with the link.
AttiredAttorney
https://www.letote.com/clothing/5369-open-front-sweater-blazer
Wildkitten
Oh wow that looks exactly the same.
Anonymous2
Never heard of Le Tote before…is it a good line?
AttiredAttorney
reporting back – bought the dress from amazon featured Friday. It’s cute! Material is a little more scuba-y than I thought it would be, but perfectly serviceable for an under $30 dress. I might get other colors and will be checking out the other styles from this brand.
LawChick
How does it run? Was thinking the medium might be to big for me but thought about giving it a shot given the price.
ANP
I also ordered the dress in two colors, blue and red. I’m 152 lbs, 5’4″, and a severe apple and I got the large. It fit, but I didn’t LOVE it — too much emphasis on my belly. That said I think it’s a great deal and a really good work dress — would go well with a blazer or sweater.
NYNY
NYC shopping advice needed: My 11 yo niece is coming into the city from the burbs for an aunt-niece shopping day Friday. Her parents are super-practical about clothes, while she is into fashion, so this is a special treat for her. I’d love recommendations for cool kid’s shops anywhere in Manhattan, if any of you have ideas. She wears a size 11/12 (kids).
I’ve read about Lester’s on the UES – is it worth the trip?
Also considering H&M, Zara, Uniqlo, ON, Gap, Crewcuts.
What else is there? This is so not my wheelhouse…
GCA
You sound like an awesome PANK!
Am not in Manhattan, so can’t speak to Lester’s, but she will almost certainly fit into the smallest ladies sizes in most places. What about Topshop? Letting her rummage through a thrift shop or consignment shop?
NYNY
That’s a thought. She’s a stringbean, so even the smallest adult sizes may be cut too full in the bust for her, but Topshop runs pretty slim. Thanks!
Anonymous
Zara also runs much slimmer than they used to, especially the Trf line.
anon-oh-no
Zara also runs much slimmer than they used to, especially the Trf line.
Ai
+ 1 Bloomingdales.
NYNY
I always forget about Bloomingdales. Great idea! Thanks.
pockets
I’m not familiar with Lester’s on the UES, but I’ve been to the one on Long Island quite a bit. It’s a very specific type of look (very popular-girl trendy) but if that’s what she’s into, it is worth the trip. Pricepoint matters too – I love crewcuts, but it’s expensive. Zara has more hipster clothing that will be less expensive.
NYNY
Popular-girl trendy is totally what she’s after. She sent me a color-coded list (want, really want, and NEED) of things like “floral kimono” and “black fringe-y vest.”
Appreciate the budget note, too. I’m willing to spend a generous amount, but not everything should be expensive. I’m also trying to teach her about quality, cost per wear, and how to make sure that a new purchase will fit into her existing wardrobe. My mother was great about that when I was a kid – I had to list three things I already owned that a new item would go with before she would get it for me – but my brother and SIL aren’t like that. We’ll probably hit up a few pricier spots, like Lester’s and Bloomies, and then go to less expensive spots like H&M and Zara for trendy items.
Anonymous
5th Avenue in the Flatiron vicinity might be a good destination: I think you’ve got Zara, Desigual and Top Shop all there, and maybe an Aritzia or a Joe Fresh, plus the usual chain stores she might have in or near her town. You can go to Shake Shack or Eataly, or just get pretzel croissants at City Bakery, and check out the thrift shops a couple blocks west (there are a few around 17/18 between maybe 6 & 7). I’m scoping this out a couple of years in advance for my soon-to-be tween…
KT
Your Monday Weirdo story of the day, courtesy of KT.
(I’ll post as weird stories occur to me–I can’t promise daily!)
After my husband and I got married, we moved to Florida, but occasionally will fly up and visit my parents. We usually get a hotel, but the one night everything was booked, so we crashed at my parents’ house.
Waking up early the next morning, I sleepily walked out of the bedroom, only to hear my dad ( a very large and gruff man, about 6’6 and pushing 300 lbs) talking in this insanely high pitched voice women usually save for babies and puppies.
I walk towards the voice, and, at the top of the stairs, is a obscenely obese snake, curled up and staring down the stairs. At the foot if the stairs is my dad, crouched down, holding a mouse out, talking in this insane voice to coax the snake down the stairs.
“C’mere little guy! You can do it! Come on and have a little snack!”
The snake just stared at my dad like he was insane ( I swear the snake looked disgusted).
I asked my dad what the heck he was doing, and he replied, in exasperation like it should be obvious, that he was trying to increase the snake’s exercise and help him lose weight by having him go up and down the stairs. He had apparently been doing this since 5am.
Just when I reached my laughing breaking point, the snake decides the mouse is worth it, and begins to make his way down the stairs…except he’s so fat, he kind of just slides down like a very floppy slinky.
At that point, I heard the bedroom door open and my husband asking what was going on. I Yelled at him to go back inside and shut the door, because I knew the site of slinky-snake would scare the heck out of him.
Oh dad.
Meg March
Haha, amazing. Just what I needed this morning.
NYtoCO
These are the best. May you never run out of reptile stories.
KT
After 18 years of growing up in a reptile-phobic person’s nightmare, I’m sure I’ll never run out :)
GCA
I’m dying. Needed this. A few comments down there is a mention of COBRA and, scrolling fast, I did a double take.
KT
bwahahaha! We actually did have a cobra growing up (and a rattlesnake) so double-take is certainly justified :)
You should have seen my husband’s face the first time I told him “BRB, I need to go milk the snake”.
Aurora
I LOVE these! Thank you so much for sharing. I love reptiles and the way you describe them in your stories give them such good personality.
Your monitor lizard story may have convinced my husband to look into a monitor lizard as a next pet. He’s always wanted a snake or a lizard and cuddly-lizard-puppy is his dream come true.
KT
Just do your research! Their requirements for a habitat and diet are HUGE (and can be gross)
But if you can manage that, they’re great pets!
Used car buying
If you are buying a certified pre-owned or just a regular used car from a dealer, should you insist on doing an inspection? How does it work in that case – does the dealer usually let you drive it off the lot to a mechanic of your choice? I’m leaning towards doing an inspection no matter what, but I’m not really sure of the sequence of events. Do I test drive, ask for inspection, and then buy at the end, or should I make an offer contingent upon passing the inspection?
If anyone has any other bonus tips for negotiating on a used car, those would be very welcome as well! My husband and I are looking for a 2012-2014 Subaru Impreza in the Bay Area.
anon today
for certified pre owned, you don’t need to do an inspection. You are paying extra for the certification and the dealership’s warranty that the car is in good shape.
Bonnie
I’ve never done a separate inspection; the last used car I bought came with a limited warranty. Have you looked at buying new? We were initially looking to buy a used car but found out that buying last year’s model new from from the dealership cost the same. The initial price was much higher but we negotiated off a few thousand through Costco’s car program and then pitting two dealerships against each other.
Anon
Costco’s car program?
Bonnie
It’s a great perk. You fill out a form online specifying what new or used car you want and Costco negotiates with local dealerships for you. We used that offer as a starting point and then let two dealerships fight over the sale. http://www.costcoauto.com/enterzipcode.aspx?gotourl=%2fdefault.aspx
Veronica Mars
My parents bought a Subaru through TrueCar and were happy with the experience. I haven’t used it personally but I think it’s a similar concept of pitting local dealerships against each other, and then it also shows you an average of what other people paid for the same make/model.
Veronica Mars
Actually they now have 2 Subarus, but I don’t know if they went to the dealer directly for the second. Basically, they got the first one, liked it so much, and decided to trade in their other car to get a second. Originally they wanted to get a used one for #2, but they said it was impossible to find a used one, because people hold onto them for so long (or it was only a few thousand off new MSRP). I’d also recommend getting the legacy over the impreza. My parents have a forrester (impreza) and an outback (legacy) and the outback build is so much more comfortable to drive.
lost academic
I would say, you don’t NEED to, but try and find reviews of the place you’re buying from. There’s a couple of CarMax dealers in the greater Atlanta area that have screwed a lot of people over and an inspection would have prevented that. Probably the best angle is to just avoid the places where you’d need that based on said reviews, but there could be reasons you’d want to chance it – so your call.
Slip dresses
Ugh — stores seem to insist on making these come back. Is there nothing better from 1995 to reinvent? First the romper and now this.
Tammy Two
Quick question about bridging a gap in health insurance. It appears I will be without health insurance coverage for 6-8 weeks due to a job change (new job has 60 day waiting period). I’m taking such a drastic pay cut that I’d prefer not to do COBRA. I’m 26, single and in good health. Any tips for the best way to handle this affordably?
KT
Well, the fun with COBRA is that it’s retroactive, meaning you can sign up at any point until your 60 day waiting period with the new job kicks in.
So let’s say you spend 6 weeks perfectly healthy, then god forbid, get sick and need care. You can THEN file for Cobra, and it will retroactively cover your care. That way, you only end up paying for it if you really need it.
Mpls
+1 – just remember that when you do file retroactively, you have to catch up on all the premiums to be effective. So if you file at week 6, then you have to pay 2 months worth of COBRA premiums at the time to activate. So, I would suggest have the cash available during the 2 months gap, in case you need it.
Used car buying
I posted a similar question here a few weeks back and everyone recommended filling out the COBRA paperwork, but not submitting it unless I had an accident or health issue. COBRA is retroactive to the first day of the period so if you get injured on day 16 and file on day 17, you will be covered. However, I think you only have 60 days to file or something like that so you’ll want to make sure you fall within that range. We just hit the end of our 14-day gap and didn’t need to file.
NYNY
You can choose COBRA retroactively if anything happens. Make sure you have prescriptions refilled before you switched – hopefully a 90-day supply – and wing it. There’s a “short gap” exemption on penalties. More info here:
https://www.healthcare.gov/exemptions-tool/#/results/2015/details/short-gap
Anonymous
Do you expect to have any expenses during that time? If not, I would just do Cobra since in all likelihood a young and healthy person won’t need it and won’t pay anything. It’s retroactive, so you can choose it after the fact in case you do have a health emergency. For minor things, like if you get an ear infection or something, you can cover that out of pocket or visit a minute clinic or similar.
Anon
I’m in the exact same situation (even same age!) and I’m wondering how this will affect my birth control prescription? I have two refills in the time between my current insurance ending and my new job starting.
anon
last time this happened to me, I had to pay out of pocket. cheaper than cobra though!
Wild Chicken
I’ve gained weight recently (thanks, menopause) and have been walking each day but not losing any weight. I just read about a DVD weight-loss system called Fit in 10, produced by Prevention Magazine/Rodale. Anyone heard of this or used it? Would love to hear your reviews.
Anon
Not heard of it- but general anecdata, for me strength training/weightlifting has been the only effective weight loss/control for me. I realized I had lost a lot of muscle in my 40’s so I needed far fewer calories- and re-building muscle reversed that. Of course you can’t beat walking as a safe healthy exercise for long term good health- I do light jogging/ walking too.
Nutritionist
Has anyone been to a nutritionist before? What do appointments look like? Do you go regularly for some kind of coaching/accountability, or is it a one-time touch point for some education and guidance?
My doctor has offered to refer me to one. I’m overweight but otherwise healthy. I’m struggling TTC and my doctor offered to make the referral. We know that weight loss is directly linked to my issues, but could be contributing (it’s anatomical and PCOS), but obviously improvement in weight wouldn’t hurt. I’m pretty well versed in eat this/not that after a successful WW stint a few years ago, having dabbled in Whole30, and some other diets. So, I’m ‘smart’ to food, per se. But, if the nutritionist would offer more than the basic eat this/not that food education, then I’d be interested. Does anyone have experience?
Anonymous
Do it! My friend just lost 50lbs with one. Very similar- she knew what she should be eating but just couldn’t get a handle on it. She went every other week for a few months, learned new info, new ways of thinking and planning, and loves it.
emeralds
http://www.nutshellnutrition.com/services.html
Anonymous
I started following her blog recently! She seems so down to earth, like a genuinely sweet person
emeralds
She’s the best.We’re more friends of friends than actual friends, but even as a pretty peripheral friend talking to her is like being bathed in 15 minutes of glowing, warm sunshine.
Anonymous
PCOS may have an impact on what you should eat to lose weight, since I think there are complicating factors like insulin-resistance that may be helped by some specific diet recommendations. I think at least one visit is worth a try, to see what advice they can offer.
Meg Murry
Yes, if you think part of your issue with PCOS may be insulin-resistance related, it may be best to see an endocrinologist as well, and/or a dietician that specializes in insulin resistance or pre-diabetes.
FYI, a dietician generally requires a most specific educational background, whereas a nutritionist is a more general term and may be someone with tons of experience and education, or may not, so do your homework, and ask your doctor if s/he has a recommendation for a specific person for you to see, vs a general “anyone in the nutrition department at this facility”.
Random other side fact, since you mentioned TTC – some treatments used for PCOS are off label uses of diabetes drugs/treatments, like Metformin or blood sugar monitoring (which really did help me when pregnant and postpartum). When we signed up for life insurance (after baby, because we weren’t as on top of things), having been prescribed drugs that were categorized as being for diabetes automatically put me into a higher risk (more expensive) category, even though I was not actually diabetic. So if you don’t already have life insurance now, you may want to do so – because it’s more expensive to get insurance while you are already pregnant, and if you wind up on any medications or as a high risk patient during pregnancy or gain a lot of weight, you may also wind up in the more expensive insurance category.
OP
Good (and bad) to know. I start Metformin on Friday, and am also not actually diabetic. I appreciate the insight.
Never too many shoes
OP, I have insulin issues from PCOS which caused fertility issues for me as well (anovulation) and Metformin and a low carb diet made a huge difference for me (plus an ovulation stimulating drug). The Met takes a bit of getting used to for a lot of people as can cause gastro issues. One recommendation that I found really helpful was to start taking the dose at night so if you had tummy upset you would be at home rather than out and about. Good luck!
OP
Edited: Weight loss is NOT directly linked to my issues (it can be a side effect of PCOS, though).
Anonymous
Yes, I did work with one for while. It was so useful when for a lot of reasons- she did meal planning for me when we started and she actually focused on what I eat/time that I have to prep. As we moved on, we’d review the food I ate that week, and we’d go over strategies on how to make better choices, how to plan my week, etc. She also didn’t make anything off limits and improved my ability to eat without stress or cutting out food groups. I found that all my previous diets had messed up my relationship with food, and I’d really just forgotten how to eat.
Oh, and I never felt hungry, but I easily lost weight eating around 1700 calories a day, way more calories than I’d usually allot myself on a diet.
Wildkitten
I got one through my doctor that was paid for by my insurance (Nutshell Nutrition, above, does not take insurance). She recommended I see her once a month. Honestly – she didn’t say very many things I didn’t already know,a nd onus is still on you to actually follow the nutritionists advice. It’s work.
Lillers
I love my nutritionist! I did a package of 5 appointments (not covered by insurance for me) The first appointment was longer. She did a bunch of evaluations (weight, measurements, etc) and we discussed my goals. She then calculated my resting metabolic rate and figured out my caloric needs as well as the best macronutrient balance for me.
The subsequent 4 appointments were shorter and more practical. We review the previous week and go over different meal plans to achieve my targets. I usually came with a lot of questions based on my macronutrient goals – how can I get more protein in my diet? What are your favorite “good fats”? What is a good pre-workout/post-workout snack/meal? When I should I eat in relation to my workouts?
I don’t go anymore, but she offers a discounted rate if I need another consult in the future.
Anon
Husband & I have been going to one for a few weeks. Husband hasn’t been getting much out of it, because he never, ever logs his food. With logging my food, I’ve found it helpful. I would say, though, to do it as a limited package – my husband’s excuse is always that he’ll do it next week, but next week never happens. (Ours is also dirt cheap, which I think is part of the problem.)
Idea
What I heard from a Registered Dietician is that almost anyone in many states can hang a shingle that says “Nutritionist” — it’s a job title, not a certification. The certification to look for (says my friend the RD) is Registered Dietician, they have to have the classes, the association or board memberships, etc.
JTX
Gift ideas please! I had a friend help me in an emergency this weekend and would like to get him a gift to say thank you. He is in his early 30s and just started his 1L year of law school. I would go with nice alcohol but I’m not certain of his preferences. Other ideas?
Anonymous
A gift card to whatever coffee shop is closest to the school?
Wildkitten
This.
Chris
In my 1L year, finding time to eat was really challenging, so maybe a gift card to a grocery delivery service or premade meals? Also, I was doing so much typing on my laptop, I bought little risers to make it more ergonomically correct. Cost about $10 or $15, and saved my wrists!
Anon
Food delivery for the week of exams ($$$), Blue Apron for a week ($$) or a coffee shop gift gift card ($).
A general PSA...
a. When a POC rants about ‘white people,’ please do not attempt to convince them that YOU are not that kind of white person, and that you deserve a cookie for not being a racist jerk. You wouldn’t say #notallmen, don’t say #notallwhitepoeple.
b. When said POC attempts to explain that yes, you are being a jerk, and sends you links to educate you and help you check your privilege, don’t turn around and claim that you ‘don’t have the energy’ to read them while continuing to run your fool mouth.
c. Intersectionality. Please learn it. Just because you may have faced discrimination because of other things (country of origin, sex, whatever) doesn’t mean being white doesn’t give you a hell of a lot of privilege, and it behooves you to at least be aware of it. Here’s a resource list, even: http://intersectionalfeminism101.tumblr.com/post/132820598683/theteej-hi-white-friends-things-have-been
This PSA has been brought to you by your friendly neighborhood POC who’s kriffing sick of dealing with idiot white folk.
emeralds
Sorry you had to deal with this, and thank you for taking the time to try to educate these people. Such a great reminder why it’s so important for us (aka my fellow white folks who know what intersectionality is) to do our share of the educational heavy lifting.
Anonymous
How should a white person respond when a POC “rants about white people”? Honest question…
Monday
I’m white, and when this has happened to me I’ve just listened and validated. I don’t need to defend myself, and in fact something I’m doing could be part of the problem. I won’t find that out if I don’t listen.
Thanks, General PSA.
Anonforthis
Plus one to validation and not arguing, especially since once you think about it, it’s just a specific application of empathy for anger you probably already use with your friends.
I (white) seriously hurt a friendship with a friend who’s a POC by repeatedly trying to logic my friend out of anger. Everything I said was true: Not all white people think that, you can’t seriously want to get rid of all dudes, etc. And for a long time I was angry that she was mad at me for saying it. What she helped me see was she knew all the mitigating factors to her anger as well as I do (much better, in fact, since she has to manage frustration with injustice every day — she’s spent a lot more time processing and finding nuance than I have). It’s just that, just as I will say something extreme about a boyfriend or my job on a particularly awful day, she was saying something extreme in order to healthily express her anger at having to constantly fight for her right to exist in a world that targets people who look and worship like her. She helped me understand a general thing about empathy that can be harder when you’re a white person empathizing with a POC: when a person is angry, it helps to just to sit with them and feel that feeling with them, and maybe then go do something (go for a walk, watch bad TV) the way you would for any girlfriend who needs to get her mind off a bad situation.
Hope this doesn’t sound preachy; it isn’t meant to at all — just totally empathize with the “what else do you say to a POC expressing frustration?” feeling, and hope that sharing my experience might help you avoid some of that pain.
Emmer
It’s helpful in thinking of a response to remember that unless the person is talking specifically about actions that you specifically are taking/things you are saying, the conversation is not an attack on you personally. It can be about how the white majority is acting/reacting, or about the racism in our institutions. So there is no need for you to get defensive – it’s not necessarily personal.
Ru
In person, you stay quiet and listen. Online, you stay quiet and “like” the status. Outside of that, you should share POC’s perspectives with other white people without coopting the topic at hand.
A general PSA...
Monday and anonforthis have it.
Like, I (and most POC) know that most white people aren’t actively racist, and mean well. What’s frustrating about ‘not all white people!’ comments is having to set our anger and grief aside so we can reassure the poor widdle white person that they’re still Good People (TM). It’s additional emotional labor on top of what’s already asked of us and it gets real old, real quick.
The most helpful things you can do as a white person are a) realise that you don’t know better just because you’re white. I still remember a joking comment I made about 90% of history being white people effing up only for the white boy I said it to start acting like I’d just slandered his mother. I’m from one of the former British colonies, I think I know what I’m talking on the subject better than a sheltered white boy. b) understand that it’s not about you. I may have several scathing comments to make about white people, but that doesn’t mean I’m in the habit of accusing every single one of them of heinous crimes. c) listen, and validate. If you’re really one of the Good White People, don’t make me have to assuage your hurt feelings. and relatedly, get your butt to Google and do your research. The post I linked above is a good start. It’s really not my job to teach you all the ways you can do better, that’s on you.
A general PSA...
Actually, a) can probably be extended to, ‘check your privilege, in general, and stop talking over oppressed people and/or minorities.’
A.non
Also, this is typically part of sincere emotional intimacy with a POC . To truly know us as individuals includes understanding that we have experiences with institutional inequality and express it in a range of ways.
As intense as a rant might be, a racist incident for a member of the majority is a Very Special Episode, but for POC, it’s regular programming.
Anonforthis
A.non — yes!
And re “As intense as a rant might be”:
To the white women on this thread who have been frustrated and hurt when a friend or acquaintance of color rants about white people: I’ve been you, and I still am you. I’ve thought, hey, that’s my dad you’re talking about, and he’s a really nice guy. I’ve also thought, wow, this Black Power article is terrifying and makes me worry about my own safety. Maybe if “these guys” win, I’ll end up attacked. Or seriously, why is she acting like all white people are evil? I’m really trying to be a good person, trying not to be racist. In those emotional moments it’s so easy to fall into right / wrong: These rants are wrong; this anger is wrong. Working through that — witnessing my reaction, checking that fear, trying to figure out what the person actually is expressing, trying to understand a lived experience that’s very different than mine — that’s HARD. And you ARE putting in emotional labor in order to try to help. So thank you.
It’s just that, while a woman of color’s rant might be hard for me to process, that’s partially because I’m not getting stopped by police at the door of my workplace. It’s partially because I’m not scared that my clothes will be torn off just because I choose to cover my head and I’m carrying a backpack (I see you, Chicago). It’s partially because some guy at my apartment complex isn’t questioning my right to be in the laundry room.
I’m more fragile, more hurt by rants, because (thank G*d) I live in a world where I believe that, most of the time, I’m safe. That’s what white fragility means — I have the privilege for a rant to be the worst part of my day. So I try to give myself credit for the work I’m doing to try to listen, because that matters, too. And at the same time, I try not to expect that credit from the woman who’s ranting, because I do believe she’s dealing with something a lot worse.
Hugs to all dealing with these rifts in a difficult time. Sending hugs to general PSA and anonymous at 11:10 and anon at 11:13, because I’m sorry we live in a world where you have to work harder than I do to get half as far.
And sending hugs to Monday, and emeralds and Emmer, and the anonymous at 11:09 who asked how to respond. Thanks for trying to be better allies today :)
Anonymous
When I see a person geting ranty about something, to me it seems like they want to emote and vent. It’s not about having a discussion.
But if someone seems to get ranty about me about stuff unrelated at me (and not with me or to me), I just back away slowly . . .
Anonymous
+1
I support discussion, not rants. No matter who is talking.
anonymous
Ugh. Sucks. This has been on my mind over the past week too. I have a new employee that I’m supposed to mentor and train who has been running his fool (also ignorant) mouth about how immigrants are ruining this country and how every stupid person must be a black woman. Well…. I identify with both of those groups. And I was the one who had to have the discussion about appropriate workplace behavior with him. He’s also convinced that racism sexism etc don’t exist because he’s discriminated against all the time as a white male. When he tells stories about this, “discrimination”= “someone did something I didn’t like” and/or “someone wasn’t nice to me.” Oh any anytime someone who happens to be a POC does something that he doesn’t like, it’s racism against white people. All this to say I share you frustration.
anon
I wish I could say I don’t know exactly where you’re coming from…but I cannot. #friendlyPOC
anonymous
I posted a slightly ranty commiseration here, but I don’t know what happened to it. Fwiw, you’re not alone.
Anonymous
Sincere question- what is a helpful response to “a,” if there even is any? Is it “I’m sorry” or “You’re right, that sucks.” Is either of those helpful at all?
anonymous
“That really sucks, I’m sorry you have to deal with that.” I’ve also really appreciate it when friends have said something to the effect of “I want to be part of the solution to these problems, so let me know if there’s anything I can do either for you or in general.”
A general PSA...
Those are absolutely helpful! As is backing a POC up when they’re dealing with white people who just don’t get it. I’m grateful for my white friends who a) realize that they need to come get their own and b) put in the work of actually being allies and taking some of the heavy lifting out of my hands.
anonymous
+1, validation is especially important since one of the most frustrating problems is that so many people believe that all the things you’re fighting against in your life just don’t exist.
Anonymous
Generalizing a whole group of people as having some negative characteristic is going to offend people of that group. The fact that white people enjoy lots of privileges that others don’t, the fact that they put up with stereotypes a million times less than others, doesn’t mean that a white person is totally in the wrong when her feathers get ruffled by a POC saying something like, I wish white people weren’t so racist. Which doesn’t excuse (b) or (c) at all. But it seems like movements, generally, and individuals, specifically, would much more effectively educate privileged people if they avoided broad generalizations that you know are likely to cause offense.
A general PSA...
… and here we have a perfect example of somebody #MissingThePoint.
Hey, all y’all upthread who wanted ideas for how to respond? This is a good example of what NOT to say.
And for the record: asking people who have been hurt and oppressed by the actions of the white/male majority to coddle aforementioned majority for fear they might get their delicate fee-fees hurt is not helpful. It is also not our job to educate you. There are resources linked upthread, and also Google; I suggest you use them rather than attempting to tone police.
A.non
Another way this is a perfect example is that white women learn that expressing their hurt feelings can get them out of sticky situations, even when they’re at fault. They know people will rush to their aid, including police officers, security guards, other authority figures, and POC with internalized racism.
Therefore, it is risky for POC to engage with white women who operate this way because no matter what happens, the POC will be considered the aggressor, and suffer the consequences. White women who can cry at the drop of a hat are dangerous. Other white women calling them out can help.
Similarly, white women who do this sort of thing also know they can get similar help when expressing safety concerns. So many people have suffered due to unfounded allegations from a group of people placed on a metaphorical pedestal. Pot-stirrers come in all backgrounds, but it’s more effective when you have more institutional privilege.
Paris
This discussion was really valuable to me. I’m learning more and more that it’s not your job to teach me and it’s not your job to do the emotional labor for me, but I sincerely appreciate being able to read this discussion.
anonymous
Yes, but not every statement is intended to educate. We need to blow off steam when life really sucks, you know?
Smug married
I get you. But I have learned that on some topics, silence is the better part of valor.
Anon
White person here. My feathers don’t get ruffled when people say things like “white people are so racist”. Instead, I get irritated by and disappointed with the white people out there who are behaving in such a way as to (legitimately) provoke that kind of outraged sentiment in a POC.
Anonymous
Also white… and I definitely *do* feel defensive when I hear someone say “white people are so racist”… and then before I open my mouth, I pause, realise that it’s not about me, and let my non-white friends vent. I think it’s natural to feel defensive in this situation, but that doesn’t mean you need to react based on that defensiveness. Just be aware of it, recognize that it doesn’t really have a place in the conversation, and focus on your friend.
anonymous
“recognize that it doesn’t really have a place in the conversation” -this. one of the things I find is hard for a lot of white people to get is that not every conversation, comment, or topic has to be about you. Sometimes it’s someone else’s turn to talk about how THEY see things, and it’s your turn to shut up and listen. Not everything you think or feel is relevant all of the time.
anon
It’s also helpful when non-POC’s realize we’re talking about the “institution of white people,” not necessary every white person. Synonymous with the idea of how the “institution of law enforcement” does not mean every individual cop.
anon
“But it seems like movements, generally, and individuals, specifically, would much more effectively educate privileged people if they avoided broad generalizations that you know are likely to cause offense.”
It is not more offensive to call a group of people racist than it is for that group of people to BE racist.
POC are not required to package their message to best please the ears of the group that is marginalizing them. To require POC to prioritize the feelings of those marginalizing them over their own feelings of being marginalized is wrong, childish, and myopic. The repeated insistence from white people and from men wrt misogyny that they be “educated” about systemic oppression and privilege in a polite way is nothing more than an attempt to silence or dismiss the people saying things you don’t want to hear.
Be honest with yourself. Did you really misunderstand the message because it wasn’t presented to you in a gentle, educational way? No. Saying “they’re being mean to me” is simply an excuse for ignoring the fact that you’re being called out.
ALSO, FFS why is it anyone’s burden to educate ignorant privileged people about this BASIC ish? Not talking about more nuanced things like the best response to a rant, or good ways to be an effective ally, or deeper understanding of experiences a white person hasn’t had, or intersectionality, whatever- the BASIC premise of privilege and continued existence of racism. Everyone has a moral responsibility to examine these things for themselves.
Anonymous
“POC are not required to package their message to best please the ears of the group that is marginalizing them. ”
Thank you for this. I (white woman) got into a fight with a friend recently (conservative non-white male), who insisted that the Black Lives Matters movement would have more “success” if it stopped using the word “privilege” to describe white people. I tried my best to vocalize what you wrote above, but I’m not certain I did it justice.
Anonymous
Because part of the privilege of being white is not having to examine privilege. I’m not saying that’s right and I’m not saying it’s anyone’s burden to educate people about privilege and racism. But I think that’s part of the problem.
anon
Believe me, I get that. I am *more* than happy to do some educating about privilege (ask my friends, I am SO much fun at parties and a charmer on a first date), but that’s me. The very first hurdle is making the privileged aware of the concept. It’s invisible to most people, but my moral mandate* for people is that once you become aware of the concept, you should explore it, engage with it, and apply it when you consider your actions and your treatment of others. At the very least. I don’t run into too many people who are entirely unaware of the concept of privilege- I’ve met people who have heard of it and don’t get it, heard of it and thinks that they’re being told they are rich or haven’t worked hard, heard of it and don’t care, heard of it and reject it entirely, heard of it and think it applies to WASPS only.
*……I know that no one is asking me to prescribe moral mandates for the world. Alas.
Columbia SC
I am traveling to Columbia, South Carolina soon for work and am hoping for some recommendations. I will be free after 5:00 each evening that I am there, and I am staying near the USC campus. I would like to do some basic shopping, mostly for work tops to go under suits (that could also be worn with jeans)– is there a good place for that? Not necessarily local, although I am happy to hear some local recs as well. The Google looks like Columbiana Center is a standard mall. Should I go there?
Also considering dinner and a movie– can you recommend a restaurant for a solo female traveler, and is there a preferred movie theater, or does it matter?
JEB
I don’t know about shopping or movies, but there are some surprisingly delicious restaurants in Columbia. Mr. Friendly’s is in the 5-points area. It has a terrible name, but it has some great, upscale-ish southern food. Cellar on Greene is right next door. It’s a wine bar with a great dinner menu. I’ve had some really good seafood dishes there. And in the other direction, in the Vista area of town, there’s a restaurant called Motor Supply Co. Their menu changes daily, and I’ve never been disappointed.
Both the Vista and 5-points areas are an easy walk from campus (there are also some cute looking boutiques in the Vista area, but I’ve never been inside any of them). Your description makes me think you might be going to the NAC – if that’s the case, they also have a reliable shuttle to both areas of town.
Sweetknee
I am in Columbia, South Carolina, and work downtown, near the campus. Are you coming to the National Advocacy Center ?
There is not a whole lot of good shopping downtown. There are few little boutiques in the Devine Street area, which is just a few miles away from campus. There is one called Pink Sorbet, and another called Just the Thing, but they are geared more towards casual wear than work wear. If you have a car or access to a car, its easy to get to. Columbiana Center is just a standard mall… Gap, Banana Republic, etc. Trenholm Plaza has an Anthropologie and a J Crew. Don’t bother with Five Points. Its more of a college hangout area.
There is an independent movie theater downtown called the Nickelodeon which has lots of indie type films and serves beer, wine and muchies. . If you are not into that, there are more mainstream movie theaters. Regal Cinemas has a multiplex on just off Harbison Boulevard near Columbiana Center Mall.
A walk along the Riverfront is lovely, but very hot this time of year.
In terms of restaurants, I recommend Motor Supply Company and Oak Table for good, local farm to table type cuisine. Devine Foods has good Greek food. There is another restaurant called Bourbon on Main Street that has EXCELLENT collard greens and entrees. Hampton Street Vineyard has an excellent wine list and good appetizers.
I am happy to take privately or even meet up ! My e mail is ksullivan37 at the mail on google.
Sweetknee
Just to follow up… I see JEB answered you and recommended Mr. Friendly’s and Cellar and Greene in 5 Points. Those are the exceptions to my Five Points criticisms. .. . I agree that Mr. Friendly’s is really good. I have not been to Cellar on Greene in a while, so I can’t really say. . . .If you want to go across the river into West Columbia, I recommend Terra for dinner and 116 State for brunch.
Gamecock Alumna
I’ll second the recommendations for Oak Table, Devine Foods, Terra, and Hampton Street Vineyard.
Gamecock Alumna
Shopping
Columbiana is your standard suburban mall, and pretty far from campus. I would skip it in favor of the boutiques on Saluda in 5 Points and Devine in Shandon. Saluda is closer to campus and those shops will skew younger. The shops out further east on Devine in Shandon are still super close and will likely have more things suitable for wearing under a suit jacket.
Food
My favorite bar—at least on this continent, maybe the world—is Goat’s on Devine Street in 5 Points. It is newly reopened under the helm of the long time barkeep, Opie, who is as knowledgeable about wine as he is kind and hospitable. A seat at Goat’s bar would be great option for a solo female traveler. Other recommendations would include Hunter Gatherer, a great brewery that also has excellent food and is a nice walk through the Horseshoe from the NAC. Go on Thursday night for live jazz (I’m guessing they still do that? Been a while since I lived in Cola). For fine dining, Motor Supply Bistro in the Vista would also be a good option. On the other end of the spectrum, I’ve had many a pleasant night eating raw oysters by the dozen and drinking cold beer at the Oyster Bar, also in the Vista. My husband loves Mr. Friendly’s, mentioned above, but I think it’s just ok. Better options for upscale southern food abound in Columbia, and first on that list I’d probably put Cola’s, which is relatively new, but I had a great meal there last fall when I was in town for a football game.
Movies
Check and see what is playing at the Nickelodeon, which is an independent cinema on Main Street. If you wanted to do dinner and a movie you could dip in at the Whig on Main Street or Hunter Gatherer. The latter would require a short and pretty walk through the state house grounds to get to Main Street.
Other points of interest
The art museum (on Main Street) is really impressive for a city that size. The theatre scene is kind of amazing, especially for a city that size. The whole town’s got a bit of a chip on its shoulder in the best possible way.
Fishie
100% promise I do not work for Boden! Just love their stuff (wearing Cari stitch workwear dress today for a big event!). Anyway, if you live in PA, NY, or Boston, here’s a bunch of sample sale dates coming up.
http://www.bodenusa.com/magazine/competitions.html?subpageCB1=3&code=8N7K&cm_mmc=email-_-Shops-_-LM__BXr6VHB9RDJbPL-_-main&S2REF=WW1182283752
Amanda
Thanks for posting! I do want to try them out. Too bad the one in NYC isn’t until December!
Anon
Have you been to the outlet (not the sale)? Worth doing a weekend trip?
Daisy
Anyone ever been to one of these? Are they big enough of a brand for this to be a madhouse (a la Vineyard Vines wale-house sales?). Tempted, but my impatience for frenzied bargain-seeking crowds makes me nervous.
Anonymous
With all the weight loss questions today I figure I’ll throw mine in the ring – Tips for staying on track over the weekend? I do such a good job at eating healthy during the week, but the weekends totally undo all of my hard work. I always think I’m making healthy choices at restaurants, but between alcohol and snacking and large restaurant portions, I consistently backslide. How can I lose weight AND have a life???
ELaw
I struggle with this too — I try to focus on limiting alcohol (2 drinks generally) and listening to my stomach when it tells me I’m full no matter how much food remains on my plate.
Emphasis on try, because success is mixed.
The other thing I try to do (again, mixed success) is just not be so effing hard on myself for “backsliding”. I’m in good shape, I exercise, I eat healthy most of the time, and it is just not that big a deal if I eat too many french fries of a Friday night.
nutella
I think the answer is m0derat!on. When ordering drinks, try for a basic wine or vodka soda instead of a mojito and don’t order as much. Stop and think why you are snacking, are you hungry or bored? And finally, I almost always eat half of any restaurant portion, sometimes even less. Make sure to eat slowly at restaurants (enjoy the company!) and you will probably find that 1/2 is enough; make sure your meal has protein. All that being said, let yourself have a ‘cheat’ meal or day if it makes you happy — HOWEVER, if you are someone who must abstain and cannot moderate, well I don’t think any of these will work for you until you figure out how.
H
+1 to half of restaurant portions. Sometimes I’ll even ask for the to go box as soon as the food comes so I can get it off my plate.
Anonymous
I try and not do everything. I cannot lose weight if Friday at 5 til Sunday at 11pm is a free for all. I cannot brunch out, day drink, and go out at night. I have to pick and choose. Typically, I focus on a healthy breakfast and salad for lunch, just like during the week, which gives me more wiggle room. And I can’t drink more than 2 drinks in a sitting and lose weight.
In-House Europe
In my experience, there are two ways of dealing with this. One, which worked great for me pre-kids, was to eat super healthy during the week, as in, 1200 calories, no alcohol, lots of veggies, no excuses or exceptions – then I could eat however I wanted to on the weekend and still maintain or lose. The other way, as people here have already mentioned, is to moderate on the weekends. Maybe that means that you still go out to eat and drink more than you maybe should, but when you aren’t out, you stick to healthy, low-cal meals. Or maybe it means drinking less and choosing healthy foods on the weekends. In any case, you aren’t alone – there was a WW group back in the day that called themselves the “Weekend Sabotagers”…
Anonymous
HELP! My coworkers keep the office at 74 degrees, and the windows don’t open. We are in a humid state. Papers stick together. Its miserable. I’ve tried speaking with them, but there are 5 of us. Its always 3 against 2 to lower the temperature. Unbelievably, 2 coworkers actually use SPACE HEATERS in a 74 degree office. In August. When its 95+ outside.
What to do? How can I convince them they’re being crazy? I have fans, and I wear as little of clothing as possible. I’ve suggested the 2 cold-blooded workers wear layers…to no avail…
Anonymous
If papers are sticking together, the temp needs to get turned down. “The AC is not taking the humidity out of the air at this setting, to the point that it is interfering with my work and, I’m sure, yours too. The temperature will need to be turned down until the humidity lifts.”
Anonymous
i think your A/C isn’t working correctly
can you check the freon or the drain?
Anonymous
I think that the spaceheaters will dry the air out, so they aren’t contributing to the stickiness.
74 would be tolerable to me (currently wearing a fleece in a 60-degree office), but it would be really cool even then. If you have to run a fan at 74 and they are cold, well they are just doing them and you are just doing you.
I’m in the SEUS and it’s 95 degrees here today. In all my life, I’ve seen stickynotes lose their stickiness in 95 degrees / 95% humidity upstairs dorm room where there was no A/C at all, but I’ve never seen paper stick together from it, esp. in an office already cooled.
ELaw
I keep my house at 80 in the swamp I live in, and papers don’t stick together in my house. If it’s that humid inside at 74, something may be wrong with the compressor coil.
Anon
“I keep my house at 80” oh my god I feel hot just reading that!!
We keep ours at around 68 in the summer.
Anonymous
Not the OP, but I couldn’t afford to cool down past 80 (and the A/C struggles on the west side of the house in the afternoon).
I heat up to 68 in the winter unless I’m home on a weekend (in which case maybe I get 74 during the day).
ELaw
68?? Holy stupendous electric bill batman!
I do realize 80 is a bit extreme and I could probably keep it a little cooler than that without breaking the bank, but 68 absolutely would break it, and break it hard.
Mpls
Eh, I don’t think 80 degrees is extreme – especially if you aren’t in direct sunshine and have a breeze (fan or just all the windows open).
68 is the temp I set the thermostat in the winter for going to sleep, when I can snuggle under mounds of blankets. Having that as the summer indoor temp just seems to defeat having a summer.
But then I am the person who wears socks to bed year round so my feet don’t get cold…
Anonymous
OMG 68 is giving me chills. My ideal temp is about 78, my husband’s is about 74 or 75. We usually compromise on 76. When he’s out of town for work I normally just leave it on 80 and use a fan.
CountC
Team 68 degrees when at home. I let it get up to 72 during the day to save $$, but the third floor gets hot and the dog sleeps on the tile! I was sitting upstairs yesterday in very little clothes, the thermostat read 73 and I was very uncomfortable. If it’s not terribly hot outside, I will leave it at 70 and stay on the first floor. I feel gross when I am hot and sticky, so the extra money spent each month is worth it. My house is small so it doesn’t get too bad (at least IMO).
Anon
Yep, this. I’m the original 68 degree Anon. The delta in our monthly electric bill between keeping it at 73 vs 68 is approximately $50/month. Totally, totally worth it for our comfort.
Anonymous
+1 There’s something wrong with the HVAC. 74 is not going to cause papers to stick together. I am cold-blooded and keep my home thermostat at 78 in the summer in my humid climate and have never had papers stick together or post-its lose their stickiness.
Also can I just say that I hate the “but they can always put more clothes on” argument. I mean, yes, it’s one thing if your coworkers are wearing sleeveless dresses with nothing on top and asking for it to be warmer because they’re cold. But if they are wearing dress pants, a blouse and a blazer, how many more layers are they supposed to put on? It’s not professional or comfortable to sit at your desk in a down coat.
Signed, Blasting My Space Heater in August
Anonymous
Also, gloves make it hard to type….
CountC
I do sit in a down coat in the winter and I have fingerless gloves that live at work. I like being cool at home, but not freezing at work. Go figure.
Anonymous
Also, if the op finds 74 to be a wretched temp, maybe a hormonal issue is at play and she should see a doctor?
Idea
this. Talk to the building owner or maintenance people.
Many building policies do not allow space heaters. They are a fire danger and cause the HVAC system to not be as efficient…
Anonymous
Seriously. When its summer and I am wearing a dress with thick tights and a blazer, plus a blanket over my lap, it’s time to turn down the bloody AC.
Anonymous
74 sounds like a pleasant room temperature and in no way crazy. If it’s very sticky, maybe suggest a dehumidifier?
Meg Murry
I’m willing to bet the issue is not so much the AC set to 74 right now, but what it’s set to when no one is there – any chance the AC is turned off (or to a way high setting, like 80+) on nights and weekends?
I’ve worked in more than one place that didn’t run the AC on the weekends and evenings, and we had to beg and plead to change the programming, because otherwise it would be insanely humid on Mondays, and many other mornings too. It was so bad there would be puddles of condensation on the tile floors on Monday mornings, so we were finally able to pose it as a safety/fall hazard in order to get the powers that be to adjust it to the high 70s on the weekend, not just “off”, and to start the cooling cycle a few hours earlier in the mornings.
Anonymous
There is also a good chance that even if the thermostat is set to 74, there are locations that are much hotter than that. My office has zero insulation, huge single-glazed windows, and no airflow from the A/C register, so even if it’s freezing in the conference room where the thermostat is located, my office is still 80 degrees. Definitely time to involve the maintenance folks.
Anonymous
Recommendations for good skirt suit hangers?
halp
get those velvet hangers, and you can attach your own “clippies” to them!
Wildkitten
OTOH I hate attaching my own clippies because then they slip.
halp
They go on the flat part (and there’s a little connector groove), so I’m not sure how yours slip?
Also in Academia
My skirts slip out of the clippie things. I wish they had more “clip” to them.
BB
Mine slip too! It’s so annoying. Whenever I get around to it, I keep meaning to buy a hot glue gun and permanently install them to the hanger. My problem with buying actual clip hangers is that they are never wide enough!
TO Lawyer
You can also get the velvet hangers with the skirt clippies – that’s what I use for my skirt suits and they’re great!
halp
Just got my law school loans to below $50K. so….hooray? 7 years out, attorney in small city, not making near Biglaw “market,” and “double daycare” season with 2 young kids, not eligible for most of the repayment programs. Started with $110K.
I’m a little bit celebratory, but it’s such a freaking slog. This just makes me sick for our whole generation.
Wildkitten
HOORAY!
Anon
Congrats! Indeed, it is a slog. I’m currently down to ~35K, from 205K. But…I also just married the love of my life and 160K of his own loans (he just graduated). Sigh!
Anonymous
Just keep swimming… you’ll get there!
Anon in NYC
Congrats!
Anon
Congratulations!
Solo
Down to 67K from 125K. 10 years out. Not Big Law, no repayment options. Only started reallllly pushing on them this year. It is a slog, but it’s also motivating, right?
Two-career relocation?
My husband is graduating in the spring with a PhD, and is currently on the job market for a faculty position. I have a really cool job (in administration, not faculty) that requires specific skills and expertise within a niche field, so I’m ideally positioned to continue doing the same role at a new university. My husband is an exceptionally strong candidate in a job-seeker’s market, and I have an awesome resume to match. Therefore, he’s in a strong position to ask for a spousal hire for me, which is not uncommon at private universities. Does anyone here have any experience with a spousal hire process in higher ed?
However… some public schools don’t do spousal hires, and I’m unsure of how to appropriately inquire about my prospects this early in the process. For example, a university that is interviewing my husband is also in the process of starting a division within my field. In fact, they have consulted with my boss and university about strategic plans, business models, etc. I’m sure they’re not at the point of hiring for my role yet, but knowing there could be a place for me within their operation would be a deciding factor for our relocation (or not). How do I approach this kind of conversation?
Anonymous
I was in a similar situation a few years ago, although at the time I was working in industry not academia. My DH waited until he had an offer in hand to raise the issue of accommodating me. But he was not in a job-seekers market. It’s definitely not unheard of to raise it earlier in the interview process. If he has an interview at a place that is starting a division in your field, I would think he should definitely bring it up when he visits for the interview.
fwiw, my DH’s public university was not able to create a position for me, but they did help me get hired by a private employer in the community. And, at least at my husband’s school, the faculty relocation resources never expire and about a year later when a position opened up at the university that was a good fit, they connected me to it and got me an informational interview w/ the hiring manager. I definitely don’t think the hiring manager was required to pick me over other qualified candidates, but I do think the informational interview helped a lot in getting my foot in the door, especially since my background was a little non-traditional and it would have been easy to gloss over my resume as not a good fit. My husband had a few friends who landed faculty jobs at private universities who couldn’t get their spouses tenure-track positions, just lectureships. But his field is something that has no competition from industry (think: theoretical physics) so I’m sure in a field like econ or CS where you’ve got a lot of competition from industry, universities have to do more to attract top candidates.
Impatient
He should ask the Department once it’s clear they’re really courting him, and you should also apply to the place you want to work/it makes sense for you to work.
When I worked at a (public) university and we were doing a faculty hire, this was something that was brought up once it was pretty clear that you were one of our primary candidates. I recall one particular (really awesome, I wish she had picked our large research university but she got an Ivy offer too and obviously made the right choice) candidate who framed it something like, ‘I have really enjoyed getting to see this area, as it sounds like a great place to live. My husband is also an x academic previously employed by (prior institution), my understanding is that there is a market for that around here as well.’
We were in an area with multiple colleges, and the husband was a great candidate for a job at our university and it was made known to her that there would be a spot for her husband if she came to our institution.
Anonymous
Is this the sort of thing that happened with the tax professor who was murdered? The reports I read say that his ex-wife had also been working at FSU (but that seems to have ended, perhaps coterminal with the marriage).
Anonymous
Well, usually when two spouses are working at the same university the university wanted one or them slightly more and hired the other one to get the primary spouse. That doesn’t meant the secondary spouse isn’t qualified – they may have had their own job offers that are just as good or better – but the odds that a single university equally wants two people who happen to be married to each other are small. I’m not sure what happened in the FSU case but in normal circumstances someone who was a spousal hire would not lose their position because of a divorce or something like that. The university only makes a spousal hire if they believe the secondary spouse can independently succeed and get tenure, and once you’re hired you’re not going to lose your job just because the reason that brought you to the university in the first place (i.e. a marriage) ceases to exist, assuming you are otherwise successful in your position.
Canadienne
Some Anecdata. The husband was a big shot engineer so the university courted him. His wife was a crazy hippy psychologist. It turned out that she is actually a student favorite and attracts lots of PhD candidates who want to work under her and grant money. While he is only brilliant on paper and no one likes to work with him. She was the ‘tag along’ but wound up being the real prize for the school
Anonforthis
Similar story, a friend of mine was the spousal hire. They subsequently got divorced, and my friend got tenure (and is much beloved on all sides), while her ex did not.
Meg Murry
Is your boss aware that your husband is graduating and going on the market? Could you ask him to put in a good word with his contacts that he consulted with at the university you mentioned?
I would guess this is the kind of thing he’d want to mention in the middle of the interview process – not at the first phone screen or in a cover letter, but not wait until he has an offer in hand to spring it on them if it’s a deal breaker for him if they can’t also place you. But my experience is a friend to people who are still getting adjunct/visiting positions and hoping for tenure track, and as a family member to Admin Assistants at a local SLAC who have dealt with hiring faculty.
I think the big answer is “it depends how badly they want him, and how much pull his department head/Dean has and is willing to expend.”
I do think you should keep your eyes open for postings at his prospective schools you would be qualified for and apply – it seems far easier to push to get you into an open position that you are qualified for than it would be to convince someone to create a position for you where there isn’t an opening.
PEN
My experience was that the spousal hire was not discussed until some sort of offer was made. I did find some good advice at the professor is in and also at the chronicle of higher ed forums. I suggest that you have your resume/CV ready at the drop of a hat. My husband took mine with him on interviews, just in case he got an offer onsite or someone asked for it. And it was good that he did. In the end, we moved to a city where I had other career prospects and didn’t need the spousal hire offer.
Sarabeth
Some places have a specific spousal hire policy, which you might be able to find by googling. Otherwise, I’d work your network to ask someone who works at that university if they know of any recent spousal hires. The Chronicle of Higher Ed forums would also be a place to ask.
It’s generally easier to get a spousal hire in an administrative position than in a tenure-track faculty role, so you seem well positioned there.
Hollis
DH would like some lightweight shorts that are not cargo shorts, not made of khaki material and not athletic/for working out. Some texture or pattern is okay, but he typically wears a lot of neutral colors. He is in his early 40s. Where should I go to find these magical shorts? Any recommendations?
Anon
REI
hoola hoopa
+1 to REI.
My husband exactly fits the description of yours, and his favorite pair is actually from Old Navy.
ELaw
Lulu?
They have a fairly limited selection of non-workout shorts, but they do have some. My boyfriend has a pair (early 30’s).
halp
jorts.
Baconpancakes
+1
Anonymous
Chubbies. I love a man in shorter shorts.
Idea
Not sure if this is sarcasm or not but… for me it’s not.
Senior Attorney
Lovely Fiance just had a fantastic experience with Trunk Club. They sent him a whole box of fabulous summer clothes including great lightweight shorts. I’ll take a peek at the tags wheN I get home…
Tetra
Banana Republic had some nice linen shorts earlier this summer. Not sure if they’re still available though.
Anon in NYC
Bonobos?
Meg March
+1, my fiance loves them.
CHJ
I’ll post links in one moment, but my husband found shorts like that at both Uniqlo and J Crew this summer.
CHJ
Here are the links –
Uniqlo shorts:
http://www.uniqlo.com/us/product/men-s-twill-shorts-166186.html#64~/men/shorts-and-swim/easy/twill/~
J Crew shorts:
https://www.jcrew.com/mens_category/shortsswim/dockshorts/PRDOVR~C1520/C1520.jsp?color_name=historic-blue
Delta Dawn
My DH likes Peter Millar for this. I think they are having a sale now.
Jane
My husband has three pairs of these from Target (C9 Men’s Golf Shorts—he has solid black and a black plaid and grey plad) that he has worn for two summers. He has muscular legs and butt and these fit great because they’re not at all skinny. He also likes them because they’re longer. The material has held up well and washes well. They look great with a polo shirt. He says they don’t make him hot (and we live in Texas).
http://www.target.com/p/c9-activewear-shorts/-/A-16809591
waffles
My husband has a pair of seersucker shorts from Brooks Brothers that he loves! I think they come in pattern and plain colours.
Ripcurl
“Boardwalk” shorts from Ripcurl. Technically yes they are surf shorts / cross over to casual shorts. But my DH can’t get enough of them.
E
My husband is slim and looooves his Patagonia shorts for casual wear.
Godzilla
Sulfate-free shampoo and conditioner recs to keep this monster lizardess’ tresses in check? My hair is oddly dry now. I have wavy-ish hair, which can be pin straight or super curly depending on what it feels like. I’ve done all of Trader Joe’s offerings, Organix, Loreal Everpure. Looking for something new but not too expensive. Not more than $10ish a bottle? I can access all major drugstores, Sephora, Bed Bath and Beyond. HALP!
Bewitched
I like Rockaholic’s Livin the Dream shampoo and conditioner, which I recently paid $18 for a set on Amazon so $9 per bottle.
anon a mouse
Shea Moisture makes a few different products. I use the shea butter ones for my type 2c curls. A friend uses the coconut & hibiscus ones for her softer waves.
Anonymous
I am actually not a huge fan of sulfate-free shampoos because they don’t clean your hair properly if you use any styling products, and that leads to build-up and yucky scalp. I use a “low sulfate” shampoo from Tresemme of all brands, and it’s fantastic. It’s not harsh but my hair is still clean.
hoola hoopa
No lie, baking soda and vinegar. (I would have rolled my eyes a couple of years ago, fwiw). In the summer, I apply some (small amount!) of coconut oil when it’s dry – usually the night before I wash it, and braid it up.
Anon
Whole Foods (believe it or not!)
http://www.wholefoodsmarket.com/products/365-everyday-value%C2%AE-fragrance-free-shampoo-and-conditioner
Under $10 a bottle for a big bottle and super moisturizing (I have dry, curly hair)
Libby
If you have a Costco membership, their shampoo and conditioner is ~$8/each for a really big pump bottle, and it’s sulfate free. I’ve been using it for 5 years now, and my hair has never been happier.
Anonymous
+1 to the Costco shampoo and conditioner – it’s amazing and doesn’t leave the buildup some do which make you rotate between brands
JayJay
Costco’s shampoo and conditioner are fantastic and (allegedly) made by Pureology.
Coco-condition
Use coconut oil to massage into your hair before washing it off with a gentle shampoo as usual.
– Signed, from a part of Asia where my foremothers did this on a weekly basis.
Also in Academia
I’ve just been notified that I’m representing my university at a sort of exchange program in Munich, in 3 weeks! I have located all our numerous European-travel-shoe question threads, but I am wondering if anyone here has specific experience with German higher ed and how formally staff and/or faculty dress there? All thoughts appreciated.
Anonshmanon
Depends on the discipline. Law and finance – nice and formal. Science and humanities – much more casual. If your field is male dominated, wear pants rather than skirts.
Anonymous
My contract is ending in two weeks, all I can do is fret over waiting to hear back about jobs. I can’t focus on anything at work. Basically just watching the Olympics and checking my email over and over and over. Job hunting is the actual worst.
LostInTranslation
+1. Job hunting really is The Worst. Ready to go in another direction and have been putting out the word. A friend of mine called me last Wed pm, talked about getting me on his team. Was supposed to call me last night to set up a meeting and never did. I’m also checking the phone over and over. I feel like I’m dating again!!!
anon
+1
I’m waiting to hear back after a second-round interview
It’s 2:10
I’ve billed 0.3 today
gotten some lunch (haven’t eaten it, too nervous)
prepared a few cover letters.
fretted.
corporetted.
ugggggggggg
anon
In the middle of month three of unemployment and losing my damn mind. Understand how you feel. I’ve never been unemployed before and it is SO STRESSFUL