Corporette.com

Updated: Oct 30, 2018 277 Comments · by

Weekend Open Thread

Weekend Open Thread |

This post may contain affiliate links and Corporette® may earn commissions for purchases made through links in this post. As an Amazon Associate, I earn from qualifying purchases.

weekend open thread - lipstickSomething on your mind? Chat about it here. Yes, yes: I’ve seen the ads everywhere too. And they’re working because MAN I want some of this lipstick! The Secret Selma, Very Victoria, Super Cindy, or even Hel's Bells colors are all calling my name — want! They're $32 each and getting rave reviews over at Nordstrom. Ladies, what’s your favorite brand for lipstick? Do you prefer a matte lip or one with a bit of shine? Charlotte Tilbury ‘Hot Lips' Lipstick (L-2)

Sales of note for 9.10.24

Some of our latest posts here at Corporette…

RSS Error: WP HTTP Error: cURL error 60: Issuer certificate is invalid.

And some of our latest threadjacks here at Corporette (reader questions and commentary) — see more here!

Some of our latest threadjacks include:

About Kat

Kat Griffin is the founder, publisher, and editor-in-chief of Corporette. You can read more about her here.

Comments

  1. Sydney Bristow

    I’ve totally fallen down the planner rabbit hole. Thanks for all the suggestions a few days ago!

    Here’s what I have decided to go with.
    – Large Dokibook in black with tiny gold dots (I wanted something a little pretty but not over the top)
    – Month on 2 pages (Undated Dokibook ones for now. Likely Day Designer dated ones for 2017)
    – A creative friend put together daily pages for me since I couldn’t find exactly what I wanted. I’m splitting each day across 2 pages so I have room to write. One side has 5am to 10pm with lines for each half hour. The other side has a top 3 must do checkboxes, regular to do list with checkboxes, and an unlined box at the bottom for notes.
    – Weekly pages that are just lined paper. I plan to use them for a weekly goals page that I put at the beginning of the week and a weekly review page to summarize how well I succeeded on my goals for the week.
    – Black dividers which I’m going to add gold glittery washi tape to over the tabs to make a little prettier. Glitter makes me smile. Plus it will be inside the binder so it won’t be a big deal if it’s sitting on my desk at work.
    – Other sections will be on lined paper. I’m planning to include pages I’ve used in my normal notebook: gift ideas, quotes I find, and a new page with all my background projects. I think I’m going to try and implement Gretchen Rubin’s power hour idea for those projects.

    I’m excited to put it all together! I’ve got a handwritten version in my old notebook for the next couple of weeks while all my components ship.

    • purplesneakers

      Yay fellow planner nerd!

      Have you seen the ridiculous number of planner groups on FB? Planners Gone Wild (Uncensored) is… an acquired taste, but it’s one of the biggest and best, if a little prone to drama.

      Also, Etsy is a terrible, terrible place for stickers and planner stuff of all kinds.

      • Sydney Bristow

        I’ve been on a social media break, so I had no idea. Etsy is was started it all. I was just looking for some minimalist daily pages. And then all the pretty things showed up…

        • purplesneakers

          I know that feeling. I was just looking for dividers and next thing I know I have two binders full of stickers. LMK if you need shop recs!

          • Sydney Bristow

            Sure! What do you use stickers for in your planner? I was going to order these cute star shaped paperclips, which I don’t immediately need but could see needing at some point. But I don’t know what I’d do with stickers. Although, a gold star on days that I work out could be incentive.

        • purplesneakers

          It wouldn’t let me reply to your reply, but here goes.

          I don’t use stickers as much as some people (there’s this thing called ‘no white space planning,’ which I find odd… like, what’s the point?) but I do use a lot of ‘functional’ stickers – so, for instance, I have stickers to mark rent, bills due, laundry, gym days (sneakers/weights), friend dates, doctor’s appointments… a whole range of stuff, really. I don’t really do themed kits or much decoration, but having fun stickers makes me happy and also more likely to use my planner.

          My favourite shops: Libbieandco, Adriana Piper (she often does sales!), SparklyPaperCo, PeanutButterTaco, AnxietyAids, LilysLittleCupboard, and Craftymamaplus3. KiddyQualia and YellowPaperHouse do inserts, and while I haven’t bought from Krissyanne Designs (not on Etsy), Small Town Grace, and Lillie Henry, I’ve heard really good things.

    • ANP

      I’ve been toying with the idea of returning to a paper planned and discovered Day Designer yesterday. One is on its way to me right now SQUEEEEEE!

      • Wildkitten

        I love my day designer, but the days are split into hours, not half hours. I like the ShePlans if you need to schedule by 30 minute increments.

    • In House Lobbyist

      I just started with a practice bullet journal. I think I am going to love it because I never could find a planner I like and still had lots of other list going. I am practicing on my cheap notebook first but I have a nice new journal just waiting.

  2. Sydney Bristow

    And an on-topic post for once, I got matte red lipstick from Buxom that I really like. It’s Red Inferno. The coolest thing is that the tube is magnetic so I never have to worry about it opening in my bag. I’ve never seen that before but think it’s genius.

    • BeenThatGuy

      I just bought a Nars lipstick that has a magnetic tube. A true game changer!

  3. lawsuited

    Bite Beauty is far and away my favourite lipstick brand. The other Charlotte Tilbury makeup I have is only okay, so I don’t think I’ll be splurging on these lipsticks, even if $2 goes to charity (but why only $2 and why only for the first 2 months of sales?!)

    • BabyAssociate

      Also a huge fan of Bite Beauty lipsticks! I got one in a ridiculous shade of fuchsia that I probably never would have picked out as a sample from Sephora and I’ve been hooked ever since.

    • Anonattorney

      Bite Beauty is also my fave. LOVE IT. I am a full convert to bright, bold lipsticks because of Bite. Their colors are also just so so great.

  4. Stinky

    My closet doesn’t smell great. It has built-in drawers that are especially bad. It is just a strong musty smell – nothing rotten, not mold or mildew etc. I feel like musty-smelling drawers have been a problem my whole life, but it is especially bad now, especially with the less-used drawers of winter clothes. The drawers are from the 19th c which probably doesn’t help.

    All of my clothes are clean, I just suspect there’s not enough air circulation. My clothes end up taking on this musty smell. It’s not noticeable unless I press them to my nose, but it’s gross. Do other people have this problem? Any ideas as to its cause? Is there a fix?

    • KT

      I’m in Florida and my walk-in has terrible circulation, so it gets musty.

      I put in a small de-humidifier and that worked wonders!

    • Sus

      Short-term fix: Wipe everything down with vinegar.
      Long-term fix: Paint the inside of the drawers with Kilz.

      When I moved into a new house I had to throw away the shelves in the linen closet and start over. I also had to clean every hard surface in the house with vinegar and leave bowls of it sitting around for a week to absorb the odors because the whole place smelled like old lady.

    • Anonymous

      The drawers are from the 19th century, there’s your answer. Even if you don’t see any visible mold or mildew, it’s there. I agree with trying vinegar.

      • Anonymous

        Yep. It’s the same musty smell that you find in antiques stores. Spray the interior of each drawer with diluted bleach, then set them out in full sunshine for a few days.

    • Meg Murry

      Do the drawers come all the way out? If so, pull them all out and look at the back/bottom/underside – they may have gotten damp there.

      Is the built-in against an exterior wall? You may have moisture coming through the wall. Or musty carpet.

      I agree that a dehumidifier or fan would be a good idea. Or maybe the DampRid moisture absorbing packs. You could also pack your winter clothes in the big Ziploc storage bags in early spring for when they are stored away for a while. You also might want to crack the drawers if you aren’t going to be going in there at all for months at a time, and consider throwing in some desiccant packets in there (anytime you get a package that has one, just toss it in your drawer. You can also order them on Amazon).

      Do you keep shoes in your closet, or did you used to? That could also contribute to a musty smell.

      Also, your washer and/or dryer could be contributing to the musty smell too.

      • Wildkitten

        I like sneakerballs or the Fresh Frogger to spray in your shoes between wears. The sneakerballs are clutch to throw in boots over the summer.

  5. SF Anon

    In a few weeks, I am going to Kauai for the first time! We have a 12 and a 14 year old and would like to do some nice hikes. Does anyone have recommendations for specific hikes or anything else to do? Also, do I need real hiking boots or will running shoes and keens suffice?

    • Anonymous

      Definitely the Kalalau Trail. I think if you don’t have a camping permit you can only go two miles in (to Hanakapiai) but that four-mile roundtrip hike is a really nice one with some excellent views, and it takes longer than you think it will due to the slippery terrain (it’s probably much drier now than when I went in January, however). DH and I had no problems doing that hike in running shoes.

      For guidebooks, I really like Kauai Revealed by Andrew Doughty (the whole Hawaii Revealed series is great).

    • M.S.

      I’ve been to Kauai twice with my family.
      Thoroughly enjoyed Outfitters Kauai’s Downhill Bicycle tour of Waimea Canyon. It’s kid-friendly, and the tour guides are entertaining. The guides truck you up the canyon, and then lead you downhill on modified beach cruisers while giving you a crash course on the canyon’s history. They also do zip line and sea kayak tours, as well.
      If you can stand choppy waters, take a boat tour of the Napali coast as well.

      You should be fine with just running shoes/keens. The terrain isn’t especially rocky/treacherous.

    • NYNY

      Love Kauai!

      I don’t recall the trails I’ve hiked – all in the Waimea to Na Pali area – but can give shoe advice. Use something that you don’t care if they turn reddish brown. The Kauai volcanic soil has a lot of iron in it, and it will permanently stain your shoes, your socks, and possibly your clothes.

      Have fun!

    • frustrated academic

      Kauai must-dos include Waimea Canyon–take a helicopter ride around the island to see sights that are inaccessible otherwise – Jurassic-park style waterfalls, the Na Pali coast (also accessible with an overnight hike or by boat), the canyon. There are old plantation canals that you can go inner-tubing in and they look amazing and we’ve heard great things from others who have done it. Sunset from the west side of Kauai is spectacular, and you have the entire beach mostly to yourself. Easy to couple with a day visiting the canyon. Shave ice is necessary, of course, but Lappert’s Ice Cream is worth a stop and made on Kauai.

    • Lillers

      What a fun trip! I second the Na Pali coast. I wouldn’t recommend hiking the entire Kalalau trail (its 11 miles one way and you have to hike back the way you came) but hiking to Hanakapai will be a challenge as well. You can wear regular gym shoes but if it’s wet, you will not get much traction at all. The mud can be really slippery.

      Waimea Canyon is gorgeous – they call it the Grand Canyon of Hawaii. You can do some hiking around there and also take a helicopter ride. Your kids might find the doors-off helicopters to be really fun.

      Our favorite place to eat was Kilauea Fish Market. Since you have kids with you, there is also a Walmart on the island where you can buy snacks and such.

  6. KT

    For your Friday enjoyment, two more reptile stories:

    1. As mentioned, the giant lizard (Quincy)we had had free reign throughout the home. She had a litter box that she used, but otherwise scampered about at will. When my parents brought home a new puppy, they bought a large tufted dog bed (like the ones shaped like a sofa). Quincy decided this is what she had been waiting for her whole life and took to sleeping in the bed. The puppy was slightly perturbed by this hair-less, scaly and enormous litter mate, but she got over it and got in the bed with the lizard. Quincy decided this was AWESOME, because the puppy was warm and soft. In the winter, Quincy would get in the bed and curl around the puppy. Over the winter, the puppy grew to be 90 lbs, but Quincy still insisted on getting in the bed. This meant she had to climb on the dog, so we have pictures of this Golden Retriever stretched out, with an enormous lizard dead asleep on top of her. I don’t think the dog ever LIKED Quincy, but she tolerated her.

    2. Unlike iguanas, Savannah Monitor Lizards can’t climb as well; they can go up ramps and over little hurdles, but they can’t go up trees or scale curtains or that nonsense. They probably have similar climbing ability to a bulldog, due to their build. But, Quincy LOVED soft furniture, and moreover, she loved to be petted and snuggled. So we had JUST two or three ramps in the house (any more would be WEIRD). One that went up to the stuffed arm of the couch, one to my bed, etc.

    She honestly was a great pet, and she was completely silent and unobtrusive.. My brother had a date over and was watching a movie in the living room with the lights off, when we heard the girl shrieking (so many screams in that house). Quincy had decided she wanted to visit, so she had climbed up the ramp, over the arm of the couch and up on the back of the sofa, and just peaked her head out over her shoulder to say hello…so the poor girl turned her head slightly and saw this giant crocodile-beast with a flicking tongue staring at her.

    The girl jumped up and Quincy looked very disappointed she didn’t get snuggles. I ended up coming in to carry her away (she was 20-ish lbs and LONG, so it was cumbersome) and I had to sit on the floor so she could curl up in my lap so she would leave them alone.

    SHE JUST LIKED THE COUCH.

    • Anonymous

      These stories are amazing. You’re killing me. I would scream my damn fool head off if a lizard appeared out of nowhere on a couch! Quincy sounds like a sweetheart.

      • KT

        She was an extraordinary lovebug, very much a scaly, cold-blooded puppy. She learned her name, would walk on a leash, would happily crawl in your lap and fall asleep being petted.

        And when there was a mouse and I screamed like a banshee, she came sprinting (which is a startling sight–they usually move very slowly, but they’re capable of running at about 30mph if motivated), smacked it with her tail and ate it in a gulp…so….that was cool. Stupid mice.

      • JayJay

        Omg. These are amazing. I can’t even imagine what I’d do if I was on a couch and I saw a giant monitor lizard next to my face. And I have no problems with reptiles….it’s just not something you’d ever expect.

    • Sydney Bristow

      The lizard and dog story is adorable!

      Did your brother warn his date about the kind of pets you guys had? Any friends and family who have ever expressed an interest in getting a snake are under super strict instructions to alert me if they ever follow through on that desire because I am completely petrified by snakes and will not step foot in their home any more!

      • KT

        So that’s the thing…it never occurred to us that it was something we should warn people about. It was so utterly normal to us, we just…didn’t think about it. OF COURSE a giant lizard would be on the couch, duh!

        It really wasn’t until we had three or four of these incidents that we realized we were basically the Addams Family.

        (other side note…when a new snake would get dumped on us, we would spend a lot of time working with it to tame it. This involves just handling them a lot. When I was doing my homework on the computer, I usually had a snake around my shoulders and neck. If I was in bed reading, I would get one of the big guys who was too unwieldy too hold alone (like the 6-foot plus ones–they’re just too big to keep on your shoulders comfortably) and have him lay on me while I read.. again, this was ENTIRELY NORMAL.

        I cannot tell you how many times the doorbell would ring, and I would answer it, forgetting I had a giant snake around my neck, only to send the poor UPS guy screaming…God I had a messed up childhood.

        • Anonymous

          THIS IS SO AWESOME and makes me want to get a lizard like Quincy so my kids can grow up with these amazing stories.

          • KT

            She was a special little doll baby :)

            I really want another one, but I think that would push my husband over the edge.

        • Sydney Bristow

          The real question then is, did your brother get another date with her?

          • KT

            I think she lasted one or two more. The other one (story below) did not survive her incident.

    • New Tampanian

      Dying here. These stories are amazing and I hope they keep coming. Glad I wore waterproof mascara. :-)

    • BB

      So is this like “normal” behavior for a Savannah Monitor Lizard? I’ve always kind of liked lizards, but getting one that actually behaves like a puppy sounds sooooo awesome!

      • KT

        If they’re handled from the time they’re little, yes. They’re known as the dogs of the lizard world. They truly enjoy being petted and handled.

        But I do caution…do research into what/how they eat….that can turn some people off haha. And they do need a lot of room–you can’t really keep them in a standard cage. And they get big. 4-6 feet, and up to 20ish lbs.

        Check out videos of them on YouTube! Some people find them adorable, others find them creepy. But it gives you a good idea of what to expect. There’s one guy who is taming an adult, and it’s a slow and difficult process–they DO have sharp teeth and can bite (in the video, you can see his arms are torn apart), and their tails are like whips, so taming them as babies is so important. We lucked out in that Quincy was gentle when we got her.

      • KT

        DO NOT LOOK AT PICTURES OF BABY ONES. They are irresistably cute and ridiculously small.

      • BB

        Okay, now I’m down a Youtube hole on this…they look really awesome! (Also doesn’t help that one of the videos had a pet fox video suggested and then I went down a pet fox video hole…another dream pet of mine!)

    • KT

      LAST weird story and I’m done.

      As mentioned, we never fed our animals live food. Besides being horribly terrifying for the food, mice and rats can cause severe damage to snakes and reptiles in their fight to survive–many a snake has been killed.

      So we have a freezer in the basement solely for the frozen food, which we buy in bulk. They have to be warm for the animals to eat them, but they can’t be microwaved, because they explode (ask me how I know).

      So we had pots from Walmart just for this purpose that we filled with just under boiling water. You dumped in the individually-wrapped animal, covered it with a lid, and let it sit for 30-60 minutes, depending on it size and weight.

      …Big brother’s new girlfriend came over one day when a relative died, and in an attempt to be helpful, made us dinner using the pots she found readily accessible…you guessed it, the Rat/Mice/Chicken pots. We had already started eating before we realized, then my mom saw the pot in the sink and freaked the hell out.

      That was the last time we saw that girlfriend.

    • Anonymous

      I LOVE your pet lizard stories and I’m sharing them with a friend who also thinks lizards are pretty cute

      • KT

        So many of that one :) We had many lizards, some which were lots of fun, others that were evil, but she was my favorite

    • Wildkitten

      One time I brought a friend home and a bird had flown down the chimney and into the fireplace and was flapping around in the fireplace. My friend couldn’t decide if this was a problem or if we just kept birds in the fireplace. (It didn’t live there, we let him out, caught him in a sheet, and released him outside).

      So I totally get not thinking to tell your date that there are lizards in the house.

    • Meg Murry

      I’m pretty sure I like the lizard stories in theory much more than if I was one of those unsuspecting friends/girlfriends in reality.

      I’m ok with small lizards from a distance, but no giant ones living in my house thank you. Plus I’m paranoid about the whole “lizards can carry salmonella” thing, and I think I’d worry every time my kids or I had a slightly upset stomach.

      But yes, feel free to keep the stories of roaches, giant lizards and tiny ponies coming.

    • Not That Anne, The Other Anne

      These are really the best, KT.

      Unrelatedly, I just spent a week in Ft. Lauderdale for work and dear lord how does anyone actually live in Florida? It’s like living in a sauna.

  7. Anonymous

    Do you know any (adult) picky eaters? How do you handle it? I have a friend who is 30 and she doesn’t really anything but steak and chicken fingers. She refuses to eat any and all vegetables and most fruits, and most grains/starches. I love her, but it’s so frustrating because any time we have brunch or dinner or whatever, we have to find a place that serves chicken fingers. I know there probably isn’t anything I can do but I wish she would grow up.

    • Anonymous

      I know four (unrelated) adults who only eat super bland, childlike foods. I don’t think any of them eat anything that isn’t one of the following: pasta with butter or marinara, buttered toast, peanut butter and grilled cheese sandwiches, hot dogs, chicken fingers, French fries and pizza, and some only eat a subset of those foods. None of them eat veggies or fruit at all except tomato sauce on pizza or pasta. Obviously they have to take vitamins. It’s now actually recognized as a medical disorder, I think. I’ve heard it’s related to kids who were picky eaters and were coddled and accommodated by their parents, but obviously not everyone turns out that way. I was super picky as a kid and my parents made tons of special kid-friendly meals for me and now I eat almost everything, including sushi and stuff like that. So I don’t know.

      • OP

        I was picky as a kid too so I do have some sympathy, but at a certain point I realized I had to catch up with the rest of the world. Vegetables are actually really GOOD when cooked the right way! My friend just point blank refuses to even try.

        • Anonymous

          Yeah, I definitely think it’s really a psychological issue. If you try something and you don’t like it, fine. But these people won’t even try. And the food definitely has to be presented in a very child-like way: a lot of the people I know with this issue will eat French fries but not, say, Lyonnaise potatoes or something like that that’s basically the same ingredients (potato, oil, salt) but made “fancier.” There’s definitely a fixation on eating exactly what stereotypical American kids eat.

        • cbackson

          I had a reputation as a picky eater as a kid, but it was really these uncontrollable aversions to certain textures and flavors (things that were slimy/oily/greasy, brine/pickled-type flavors, anything that smelled or had a texture similar to hotdogs/lunchmeat, and anything that tasted like aspartame/other artificial sugars). That meant that even a lot of normal picky-kid foods (like pizza – greasy, pasta – slimy/oily, and chicken fingers – greasy) were off-limits for me. It wasn’t intentional at all – I would literally gag and ultimately vomit if I tasted or smelled something that fell into those categories.

          I felt awful about it and knew that it made it hard for my family to go out to eat, which meant food because the source of a lot of emotional angst (ultimately, I suspect that this is why my depression/anxiety manifested as anorexia when I got older). Even at that age, however, I understood that you do not make your food issues someone else’s problem – I learned to cook for myself at a young age so I could prepare something that I would eat, and I also learned early how to just sit through a meal with a glass of water or juice without making a big deal about my preferences. Food issues can be more deep-seated than just pickiness, but as an adult, it’s you (the picky eater) that has to deal with that – not everyone else.

          (FWIW, as an adult, I eat almost everything (I’m a preferential vegetarian, but it begins/ends with preferences, so sometimes I do eat meat), and in fact, I particularly like pasta and pickled stuff.)

          • formerly me

            So this used to be me. I wouldn’t even eat red sauce on pasta, it was only butter. My mom used to joke that I would make a great surgeon because if something was in my food, I would get it out with surgical precision. I honestly had a fear over certain textures (like tomato skins, soups or yogurts with chunks, etc.) as well as a fear over new things. I had to be hospitalized around age 3 and apparently ate everything before then but then refused everything after. It doesn’t explain why I was still a picky eater years later, but that is probably the initial cause, along with losing a parent at a young age, which was very traumatic (again, the change fear). I honestly had an anxiety if I was at a friend’s house and it got close to dinnertime. My father was juggling to make our lives ok again, so while you could blame him for ‘coddling’ me, I believe it was really just the way my anxiety and grief manifested itself. Add to it the pressure of being made fun of, being called difficult, being told I was weird and it made it all worse. I was told I would be a bad mother because how could I feed my child? I was told I would never find anyone because who would want to go on a date with me? Worst of all, while I was ridiculed for only eating plain foods, I was also praised because I was thin and small. Ah, being a pre-teen girl!

            Eventually, I got over it, pretty much on my own. I realized I could try one bite and that if I didn’t like it, I would just swallow it and eat whatever else I wanted or if it were really bad, spit it out discreetly. If it was a showdown of everyone watching the weirdo picky eater try something new (that used to happen, too), it always ended horribly with gagging and tears. Now, I eat almost everything, though I may have my preferences (i.e. I still don’t prefer crunchy peanut butter, but will eat it). I eat oysters, Indian food, seafood, etc. but sometimes I want to order something simple that I know I will like. Both now where I eat almost everything and then when I ate almost nothing, I would never impose my preferences on someone; I was too embarrassed. In fact, it still hurts my feelings when people remind me of what a picky eater I was.

            I think, however, that it’s acceptable to try things and just not like them. There is definitely a middle ground between being a picky eater and a pretentious foodie who wants to eat eyeballs and a live snake. I also think it’s ok to not be someone who wants to eat a live snake (I knew someone who did this and bragged about it, he ate the heart, still beating)… not interested in this.

            I guess this is to say, I was definitely fighting through a mental health issue and your friend may be, too. If you don’t want to put up with it, don’t meet her for dinner – she may even prefer that but not want to tell you. However, if you still want to see her for meals, I would just be kind and certainly not give her grief about how no man will ever love her.

          • Semi-nonymous

            Yup, this story was me too, right down to textural aversions that caused me to gag/vomit. I also was super determined about this – you know the whole “oh, don’t worry, they won’t starve, they’ll eat eventually” theory? Yeah, I was definitely able to go 24+ hours without eating if the food offered was on my ick list, and then get by with plain bread, etc. And I would get so worked up about eating certain foods that I would save them until last, and then “try a bite” when forced to – and then throw up, so those foods were directly associated with vomiting to me. And I’m not just talking about super strong foods (although I hate a lot of those too – I’m talking about thinks like cooked corn).

            This also manifested into an eating disorder when I was a teen – and in my case, part of the story I tried to tell was that I was “eating healthier” – which meant that when I did give in and eat a single piece of pizza, I would feel disgusting from the grease, etc. I’m also pretty sure that today I would have been diagnosed with an alphabet soup of diagnoses like AHDH and SPD (I hated the feel of grass on my skin, certain clothing textures, etc, and the food pickiness thing is pretty much a combo of texture + smell more than anything), or on the borderline/mild edge of Austim. I’m also pretty sure I’m a “super-taster”, whereas I think my father (who does most of the cooking) has very little sense of taste/smell and therefore tends to go overboard on teh strong flavors (even according to my completely not picky husband).

            I’ve grown out of it somewhat now that I’ve learned that some vegetables aren’t that bad when fresh and barely steamed, not frozen or canned and then cooked to death. But I still hate a lot of common ingredients like mushrooms, onions, celery and peppers, among other things.

            My mother is also picky, but for different foods – she’ll eat more vegetables than I will, but on her “no list” is rice and soy sauce, which means pretty much all food from Asian cultures is a “no” for her and therefore I didn’t grow up with it, but learned to like it in college.

            All that said, I am now able to find at least something I’ll eat on most restaurant menus, although my husband and I left a new place that had a “foodie” menu recently because every single dish had something in it that make it gross to me (and was a major component of the dish) and nothing on the menu looked all that appealing to him, especially for the (high) prices.

            I’m doing much better overall, but I still look at invitations for supper at someone’s house with dread (because I honestly can’t just choke down something I hate, there is a serious chance I’ll vomit at the table) but I don’t want to be rude either by not taking any food or only eating the dinner rolls, so I do a lot of moving food around on my plate and claiming to be not feeling great and/or having a huge unexpected lunch at work.

            OTOH, I’ve worked with co-workers that refused to eat anywhere that didn’t have at least one item of “standard American fare” – they pretty much only wanted a burger, pizza, ribs or steak. And it was pretty darn annoying, but looking back I’m a little more sympathetic because they didn’t go out for lunch very often and were the lowest on the totem pole so probably lowest paid, but had been working at our company for 10-15 years. So I can see where their “forget it, if I’m going to have to pay for a lunch out, it’s going to be for something I like or not at all, I’m not chancing spending the equivalent of 1.5-2 hours of income for something I might hate”.

            But back to the OP – could you just not do meals together, or suggest you both get your own preferred take-out or food from a grocery hot-foods bar and go back to one of your places? I could see an insistence on only places with chicken fingers getting old.

    • Life

      There’s nothing you can do.

      Don’t even try, as you will only annoy both her and yourself.

      Sometimes you should have dinner without her, and say she can join you for drinks later etc… Because her food choices cannot always over rule the preferences of others.

      And if you otherwise love her, you let it go.

      I tend to meet these friends only for coffee, or brunch.

      • Lazy lawyer

        I agree with this. If friendly peer pressure won’t work, then there’s likely nothing you can do. FWIW, your friend sounds just like my husband when I first met him in law school — he ate an extremely limited diet of mostly junk food. What forced him to change, actually, was interviewing and working at fancy firms, where associates were wined and dined at restaurants that did not have pizza on the menu (his food of choice). He wouldn’t eat veggies for me, but he’d eat them if it meant getting a job offer.

        • OP

          My friend is single and I asked her recently, “What if you met an amazing guy and he wanted to take you out for a nice dinner but the restaurant served vegetables?” Her response was “We would have to go somewhere with chicken fingers.”

          • Anon

            I’m the picky eater responding below (who changed due to a summer associate gig at a nyc law firm) — but seriously?? I don’t let my pickiness be known to strangers, lest they think it’s bizarre. If someone asks if there’s anything i don’t eat — my only answer is sushi (bc that’s unfathomable to me), so they know not to pick that kind of restaurant. Otherwise i would NEVER get into — well chicken but it has to be fried; pasta but only w marinara etc.

          • Senior Attorney

            Well, at least she knows what her requirements are. I suspect there are a lot of guys out there with the same issue and all she needs to do is find one of them. LOL

        • Anon

          THIS. I was a pretty picky person and having to go thru a 2L summer associate position at a big NYC law firm forced me to get used to eating “fancier” foods. I hated the entirety of being a summer associate bc it consisted of having to eat out all the time (which given my palate of pizza, pasta, and burgers — I STILL don’t like to do) AND you didn’t really get a choice where you were going bc a firm that’s wining and dining you isn’t taking you to casual restaurants. The trick I learned pretty quickly — the first 1-2 entrees on any menu are the simplest. Even in the fanciest restaurant, it’ll be a roasted chicken dish or a salmon + veggies dish (ew but I can choke it down) or a steak + sides thing. The lower I went on the menu, the more sauces and “fancy” things popped up.

          • Anonymous

            Law firm lunches were how I learned to eat sushi. I was too afraid to speak up and say I didn’t like it (which was silly, in retrospect), so I ate it. I hated it at first but gradually grew to tolerate it and eventually even kind of like it.

          • January

            Same. I grew up as a picky eater and didn’t really get over it until late college, but having to go through the law firm recruiting process pushed me pretty far out of my comfort zone.

            Also, I cannot imagine ordering chicken fingers on a date, let alone insisting that we had to go to a place that served chicken fingers. And this coming from a person who almost always orders the chicken when I go out.

        • Bonnie

          Agreed. I wouldn’t change brunch places but just say “We’re been looking forward to going to X for brunch. Want to join us?”

      • Anonymous

        Agree there’s nothing you can do. My dad is a picky eater (not as picky as this though – which sounds insane!). It’s annoying that we can’t go to any non american or italian restaurants with him, but honestly it’s really not that big of a deal. and if my mom wants asian food she goes with me to lunch. I would just keep inviting her to brunch and if the places happens not to have chicken fingers then oh well.

    • Maddie Ross

      I have a 3 yo, and honestly, aside from super duper fancy restaurants, most places have some semblance of child-friendly foods like chicken fingers. And if steak is ok, then that adds back a lot of the super fancy places. I would probably just make whatever plans for dinner locations I wanted and if she wants to come, she can figure it out (order off menu, order from the kids menu, or skip).

      • OP

        I did say she would eat steak but…it has to be plain steak, no sauce, and not too thin cut. And it has to come with fries. Sometimes I want to tear out my hair. I worked in childcare and it’s exactly like dealing with a picky kid!

        • Killer Kitten Heels

          Ok, I was kind of sympathetic until “it has to come with fries.” So, what, she can’t eat plain steak on a plate if there aren’t also fries on the plate? That’s not a food preference, that’s a neurosis. Solution = eat with her less.

        • Fishie

          You are a good friend. I don’t think I could continue hanging out with this person.

      • Anonymous

        I don’t think any Asian (including Thai, Indian, etc.) restaurants would be able to serve someone a plain steak or chicken fingers. Even in a Mexican or Latin/South American restaurant, the beef would probably be too seasoned for her. I agree it may not rule out that many American restaurants but who wants to eat American food every time they go out to eat? I sure don’t.

        • Anon

          As a picky eater myself — that’s tough. When people don’t eat categories of food (no steak etc.), it’s easier to accommodate than if they DO eat the food but are overly concerned with every ingredient — spices etc. Though how often do you see her? Is it THAT hard to go out to an American or Italian restaurant every time? Both of them do have steaks on the menu that aren’t overly seasoned and any American bar/grill will have chicken fingers.

          Why not go out only for American/Italian with her and then save your excursions for Thai, Indian, Mexican etc. for going out with other friends as they’ll appreciate it?

          What does she do for a living?? I swear I’d be pickier if I wasn’t in a profession requiring business lunches, networking events with food. If I was in a more 9-5, bring your lunch from home if you want place — it’d be easier to be picky.

          • OP

            Yeah, her job doesn’t require business lunches or anything like that. She brings chicken fingers from home every day for lunch. I think choosing more adventurous foods with my other friends is a good suggestion, thank you.

    • lawsuited

      I have a very close friend like this (he’ll eat more than steak and chicken fingers, but considers cucumber a “weird” vegetable and thinks lemon juice is “too spicy”), but I just choose restaurants/plan menus as I normally would and he doesn’t eat/picks out what he doesn’t like.

    • Anon

      Maybe I’m an a-hole, but I wouldn’t accommodate that. You’re vegan? Great – happy to look for a vegan or vegan-friendly restaurant option for us. You’re a p.i.t.a. picky eater? That’s a personal problem. I don’t even tolerate that in a 4 year old.

      • BabyAssociate

        I’m with you Anon. I was a vegetarian for over a decade, so I can be understanding there. And these days just about every restaurant has decent vegetarian options. But unadventurous or picky eaters? No way. Food/cooking is too big a part of my life for me to worry about accommodating a picky eater.

      • Anon

        +1 I wouldn’t accommodate that. I also couldn’t imagine dating someone who was that picky but I love food so dating someone who only ate chicken fingers would take a lot of enjoyment out of life for me.

        • Calico

          Me too! Luckily my picky mid 20s cousin met her current boyfriend because they were both in a restaurant waiting for their to-go orders of….chicken fingers.

    • Anon

      I have one friend like this — only eats burgers; chicken fingers; and pasta marinara, pretty much. He will balk at the same foods being presented a different way — i.e. he doesn’t want steak with a potato and roasted veggies, he wants a burger with one slice of tomato and lettuce — even though it’s pretty much the same ingredients. Add to that — no coffee or tea and no alcohol — and it’s very hard to go out to dinner, coffee or drinks with him. But he lives across the country and I love him so the 2x a yr I see him, we go to the Olive Garden or Applebees or something similar that’ll have multiple options for him.

      He is the poster child for why parents should not cater to picky kids all the time. As a kid, it’s fine and in college, no one cares that you literally get the same dinner daily in the cafeteria. But as a 37 yr old man who needs to go on business lunches and dates and the like, it’s bizarre. I was/am a pretty picky person too, and yet my parents always required that I eat something at dinner from the dinner everyone was eating — no special requests. And when I got into the professional world — I trained myself to eat simple foods that come up often at fancier places for business lunches etc.; is salmon + veggies, my favorite thing in the world — no. But I deal with it and wouldn’t dare order chicken fingers off the kids menu around other adults!!

      • Anonymous

        Eh, I don’t know that this ultra picky eating is necessarily correlated to the parents. I was pickier than average as a kid and there were years where I basically only ate grilled cheese/chicken fingers for dinner. But I gradually expanded my palette as I got older and by the time I was in high school I was eating fish and stuff like that. Then I went to college and discovered there was a whole wide world of foods I loved, including lots of fruits and veggies. My mom was the same way, picky (and generally accommodated) as a kid, broadened her horizons in college and beyond. My dad was forced to eat vegetables by his parents growing up, and does not eat them as an adult (except the tasty vegetables that aren’t that good for you, like potatoes and corn) because they remind him of being forcefed as a child. So based on those three data points I’m not a big fan of forcing kids to eat what the adults are eating.

        • grilledcheese

          Blaming the parents for picky-eater adults reminds me of blaming coddling mothers for producing gay sons. Also, it doesn’t explain why I’ll eat (nearly) anything and my sister will eat (almost) nothing.

          • Anonymous

            +1. My older sister, raised eating what the family ate, is now very picky (not medical, not texture issues). Sis raised two picky eaters, one of whom married the pickiest eater of all time. My two brothers and I, raised the same way by the same parents, while not particularly adventurous, eat most types of cuisine and more complex dishes. (They eat sushi, I don’t, for reference, but I will eat tempura or veggie rolls). I think viewing it as a mental condition is the key, and will make it less frustrating for me and my mother. I will be doing some reading on this. Thanks!

          • Anonymous

            This. My sister and I were both forced to eat the same terrible, bland, overcooked dinners every night throughout our childhood. I grew up to love nearly all foods and flavors, while at age 35 my sister will only eat doughnuts, bread, plain chicken, pasta, and alfredo sauce.

          • WestCoast Lawyer

            Yep, our oldest will try anything, the slimier and stronger the flavor the better. We thought we had parenting nailed. And then our youngest went 2 months where she would only eat milk and Cheerios.

    • Anon

      My BIL was like that – candy, chicken fingers and pizza only. I don’t know how he made it through most of his 30s without any health issues. What changed was when my parents moved close to my sister and BIL. When my dad would cook dinner for the family, he wasn’t about to heat chicken fingers separately for BIL, and BIL is too lazy to do it himself, so he had to eat whatever my dad cooked. And, my parents would force him to eat his vegetables before he could get more helpings of the less healthy stuff – because he would basically eat ALL of the less healthy part of the meal and leave nothing for anyone else…

        • Anon

          Yup – and he was late 30s when they moved there! Somehow sister and BILs oldest kid (youngest one isn’t on solid foods yet), eats pretty much anything and loves veggies more than most other types of food. I’m so glad that my parents moved close to them!

    • grilledcheese

      This sounds a lot like my sister. I sympathize with you about how frustrating this is. We live on opposite coasts and when we visit each other I feel like I’m spending a huge amount of time trying to accommodate her (non-medical) dietary restrictions. BUT, I’ve come to see it as an eating disorder (avoidant/restrictive food intake disorder, ARFID, in the DSM-5). It affects her life much, much more than it affects mine. I wish she would get treatment for it (CBT is recommended) but in the mean time I just try not to draw attention to it because she’s very, very self conscious about it. No advice really, but lots of commiseration.

    • SoCalAtty

      I am a pretty picky eater. I would NEVER let that be known to my friends and try to dictate where we ate. Simply say – “we are going here, you are welcome to join us.” As a picky eater, you have to figure out some things you can order off of every menu.

      It sounds like more of an adulting problem than a picky eater problem.

      • Anonymous

        There’s a line though. At least in my group of friends, we accommodate someone who doesn’t eat grains, someone who doesn’t eat raw fish, and someone who doesn’t like spicy foods (which basically rules out Indian restaurants). Those are obviously all way easier to accommodate than someone who doesn’t eat anything except chicken fingers and steak, but I don’t think you can just adopt a general strategy of saying “We’re going here, take it or leave it” especially if you accommodate other people’s dietary preferences.

      • Anonymous

        Yes. Definitely an adulting problem. My 9-year-old is super picky and manages just fine at all types of restaurants and at friends’ houses. At restaurants with no kids’ menu, she looks at the appetizers and side dishes if she does not like any of the entrees. At a Cambodian restuarant the other day, she had a side order of noodles with sesame oil and some chicken with the skin pulled off. Her friends’ parents often don’t realize she is so picky because she will always try a little of each dish to be polite and if she doesn’t like the meal will just eat whichever dish she finds least objectionable. If my 9-year-old who is convinced that she will die if a green vegetable touches her lips can get along in the world without starving or inconveniencing others, your adult friend ought to be able to do the same.

        • Anon

          THIS. This is a very important life skill — coming from a picky eater. I think there’s nothing worse than going out with a friend, date, or colleague and they spend the ENTIRE time talking about what they do or do not eat. I’m fairly picky (though not nearly as bad as the people posted about) and I pride myself at being able to make it work pretty much anywhere. The one thing that I categorically will not eat is sushi. Other than that — American and Italian (the favorites of all picky eaters); Indian; Chinese; Mexican are all fine. I can got to a Mexican place and get a chicken fajita bc I’m fine with chicken, onions, and peppers. It’s the sauces in most foods that I don’t like. My friends/colleagues do have a sense that I’m picky so when they ask where I don’t want to go — all I say is – just sushi, otherwise anything is fine. So people can pick whatever cuisine they want and aren’t inconvenienced at me going along saying — oh I can only eat at a bar/grill bc that’s the only place guaranteed to have chicken fingers.

          • grilledcheese

            My sister will sometimes have a drink (soda/water/OJ) in lieu of a meal at a restaurant where her pickiness can not be accommodated. It’s not a great solution because it’s uncomfortable for those dining with her to eat when she isn’t, especially when the plan was to meet for lunch and it’s not clear why she isn’t eating. On the flip side, sometimes people won’t top pestering her with questions about her eating habits.

          • SoCalAtty

            I like sushi now, but didn’t always. I could even make sushi work unless it was a super high end sushi place that literally only served raw fish. Most sushi places also have teriyaki or some kind of soup / chicken option, or tofu if you don’t want meat.

            Maybe it is part of living in California, but we don’t even have to make that many accommodations for my friends that have actual medical dietary restrictions. Most restaurants out here have GF/vegan/veggie options.

        • LAnon

          I grew up a pretty picky eater, even into my 20s. I mostly gave into peer pressure, and created a rule that I could only ask for ONE modification to a dish at a restaurant. In my mind, nobody would think it that weird if I said, “Oh but can you hold the green peppers?” but people would definitely find it weird if I said, “But no green peppers, mushrooms, onions, or capers.” But removing one “most hated” thing actually opened my mind to trying other stuff, and now I would say I’m a pretty adventurous eater.

          It also helped, as other have said, to eat at nice restaurants with well-prepared food.

          • Meg Murry

            Yes, I am also a recovering picky eater (still a little picky, still hate quite a few common things) but I also try to abide by the “only one thing left out” rule, and I’ve started trying to make myself consider if something else made as the chef designed it wouldn’t be a better choice. Especially if I’m eating with people I don’t know well – I don’t want to be seen as high maintenance, and extra modifications is asking for something to be made wrong.

    • purplesneakers

      For what it’s worth, some people have genuine texture issues. I do fine with sausage, pepperoni, or ground meat, but steak, chicken… anything that isn’t ground meat in some form or the other makes me gag. It’s not a problem for me because I’m mostly vegetarian and can tolerate pretty much anything but bell peppers, but your friend sounds like she’s got it much worse than I do.

    • Baconpancakes

      I have SO much sympathy for you. A former roommate ate like a 5-year-old while I’m over here making hoisin-sriracha Korean tofu tacos. She actually expanded her horizons a LOT while living with me because I’m really into food, and if it was there, smelling amazing, and she still had her chicken fingers ready to go into the toaster, she’d take a bite, and sometimes, she’d realize she liked it. A lot of the stuff I cooked was things she had eaten and disliked (like wild-caught salmon), but when it wasn’t cooked bone dry and slathered in unnecessary cream sauce, she realized what it actually tasted like and was super into it.

      Legit though, my ex not liking fruit, pickled foods, sushi, or oysters was a contributing factor to me falling out of love with him. You can have picky friends, but as a foodie, the idea of being with a picky eater for the rest of my life was a big fat NOPE.

    • tesyaa

      I’m assuming she doesn’t have high-functioning autism or what used to be known as Asperger’s syndrome. A lot of people on the spectrum have eating issues, especially related to texture. Just throwing it out there.

    • Picky Obnoxious Mom

      My mother is one of the worst picky eaters I have ever seen. What makes her the worst is that she doesn’t think she is picky and eats anything that is “normal.” Except basically nothing is normal. And then when she can’t find something on a menu, she makes a big scene in the restaurant and loudly complains to the waiter about IBS and how she is not being accommodated and how I (her daughter) am an attorney. I just slink down into my seat. I assume this is some misguided attempt to passive aggressively threaten suit under the ADA, but when I confront her about it she says I am the one who is being “litigious.” Christ on a cracker.

      It used to drive me insane, but now my solution is to not go out to eat with her anywhere nice. I will basically only take her to very simple, not fancy pasta restaurants (a la Olive Garden) and to sandwich/salad places. I live in LA where there is amazing food of all kinds so this is really ridiculous.

      • ELaw

        Sidetracking the discussion: Your mother complaining to the waiter and informing him that you’re an attorney made me think of this. My mother recently got into a dispute with her landlord, in which she was entirely, 100%, and in all ways in the wrong. She sent her landlord an email, copied me, made a bunch of extremely dumb statements, and finished with, “I’ve copied my daughter on this email; she’s an attorney!”

        Ugh!

        Really wish she would not do that.

    • Senior Attorney

      I agree that this is really a psychological condition. Can you just pick one place (or a few places) that is The Place You Always Go With This Friend? I have certain friends whom I always meet at certain places for various reasons — maybe this is the easiest workaround for the two of you.

    • Cat

      I don’t care what people eat but I cannot stand when people call their food “nasty.” Really? The same food that I am eating is nasty?

      • Canadienne

        +1 Seriously. I am acquaintances with a few picky eaters. They will frequently call my tofu or quinoa or zucchini ‘nasty’. I’m sorry you have the palate of a toddler, but that doesn’t make my food nasty.

  8. Anonymous2

    Did any of y’all see the articles about Fifth Third’s firing of its General Counsel because the female GC had a relationship with Fannie Mae’s male CEO? Apparently she disclosed as did he and she was fired for a “conflict of interest” but he wasn’t. Fifth Third sells mortgages to FNMA but she states that she never interacted with FNMA in her duties.

    Comments?

    • Anon

      Totally bull. But not surprising, the legal community i’m in rewards male romances and dalliances alike. But if the women are involved in either they might as well paint the A on their chest.

    • Anon for this

      Can’t really justify the difference in treatment, but I thought the primary issue with regard to the Bank’s GC was that she DIDN’T disclose the relationship and it only came to light after she’d be there a few months…

  9. Tampa Therapy Again

    Have an appointment with a new therapist next week. When I made the appointment a week or so ago she said she’d email me paperwork. I have not received said paperwork. Does she not realize that this is adding to my anxiety?!!? (yes, I’ve called and left a vm to follow up because my email address is easily misspelled)

    ugh.

  10. Anonymous (with mortgage lender problems)

    I’m the poster from this morning with the mortgage lender woes. Thanks to everyone who replied there! The consensus seemed to be that we should switch lenders . . . but it seems really late in the game for that. Closing was originally set for this past Monday; it’s now technically set for this coming Monday, but that’s obviously not going to happen (and, true to form, the broker is AWOL on telling us the new closing date).

    Any ideas for how could we convince the sellers to agree to another minimum 30-day delay with a new lender when their only problem with the current mortgage lender IS the delay, which surely won’t be more than another 30 days in the end?

    Any other solutions to try to get our current mortgage lender to step up? Does filing a complaint with the CFPB about the inaccurate Loan Estimate (practically speaking among the least of the problems, but the only screw-up I’m sure the CFPB has jurisdiction over) seem like a wildly bad idea? This is the company that’s going to service our loan, after all. Ugh.

    • anon

      Are the sellers really going to walk? Are they incurring carrying costs because of the delay or just the annoyance of a pushed closing? Talk to your agent, but it seems like one way you could keep them patient is to give them some money for their inconvenience. I’d only offer this as a last resort since closings get delayed for all sorts of reasons.

    • anon

      I would be on the phone to other lenders today, NOW, asking about what their realistic timeframe is for closing a loan like yours. Explain the situation. Don’t wait until Monday to start making the call. You don’t have to switch but you need to have a Plan B. What if your lender never gets its act together?

      Does your contract have a financing contingency? I assume so. If that’s the case, it’s in the seller’s best interest to let you find different financing — even if it takes another 30 days — rather than have you terminate the contract based on financing and they have to market it again. It looks bad to have a property come back on the market if the contract falls through. I say this assuming that the normal August slowdown applies to your area and that you didn’t win the property in a bidding war with multiple other offers (in which case the sellers might prefer to put it back on the market).

      Here’s the thing. If you don’t have your closing disclosures already, legally, you can’t close on Monday. The law requires that you have three business days to review them. And with your lender making so many mistakes, you absolutely want time to look them over.

      And yes, definitely file a complaint with the CFPB. They may not be able to resolve your situation by Monday but they absolutely use complaints when deciding who to examine or investigate.

    • Anonymous for this

      Not legal advice, but I guarantee you that your lender has violated more laws and regulations (with CFPB jurisdiction) than you think. There are some very explicit deadlines and information that must be in forms given to borrowers and it is very easy to be non-compliant if you’re not careful.

  11. Tote bags

    I have been using a Longchamp for awhile and I need something more professional. I know about the MKs, Kate Spade, etc.- the basic with Saffiano (sp?) leather. I like the idea of those, but I would like something perhaps a bit more unique, and if possible, slightly longer straps (I don’t like how they sit under my arm- the longchamp is a bit longer and more comfortable when full). Anyone have any brands I should check out? Looking to stay in the price range of the MKs etc. but may be swayed by something gorgeous.

    • Anon in NYC

      There are some nice Cole Haan totes on Amazon, which I never would have expected. Just search for ‘cole haan tote’.

      • Killer Kitten Heels

        SIL works at Cole Haan – I never would’ve thought of them for bags, but after seeing hers, I have to say their leather is really fantastic, and the bags are super sturdy and well-constructed.

      • ELaw

        I have several Cole Haan bags. I can testify to sturdiness and good quality of construction, but I will say that other totes more specifically marketed to business professionals tend to have better organizational features. Not a deal breaker for me but just FYI.

    • Anonymous

      My favorite Tory Burch York maybe misses on “unique” but has adjustable long straps, great interior organization, and sits really comfortably under my arm. It’s a work bag that doesn’t scream work: I don’t mind taking into a restaurant or a store. It’s Saffiano, and I would say it’s on the lighter side for a leather bag. I’ve had mine over a year and it looks and feels brand new.

      • Tote bags

        I have now found a lot of TBs that look lovely! And of course are way above my original budget! haha!

  12. Libra

    I’m looking for suggestions for hotels, restaurants, yoga and/or other relaxing things to do in Asheville, Charleston, and/or Savannah and evirons. Planning a week long trip in early October to some combo of those three places. Main goal is to eat good food, relax a bit, see some nature (but no long hikes – more like scenic drives, sitting on the beach/in a park, etc), and disconnect for a bit. Looking for relaxing maybe slightly romantic places to stay – midrange is best (not looking for an econo-lodge, but not looking for uber luxury either) price is flexible. Mostly eat vegetarian, but not strictly.

    Everyone has had such good recommendations for other trips I’ve taken, thanks for all your thoughts!

    • Greensleeves

      In Asheville, I like to stay at the Grand Bohemian (hotel) or the Biltmore Village Inn (B&B), although it’s been several years since I’ve been to the Inn. Favorite restaurants have included Bouchon, Fig Bistro, 12 Bones for ribs (obviously not vegetarian, even the greens have meat in them I believe), Cucina 24, The Marketplace. There are a ton of great breweries in Asheville. And the French Broad Chocolate Lounge is wonderful! The gardens at the Biltmore are amazing, and together with the winery and Village Green area are a great relaxing place to spend a day even if you don’t tour the house. It’s also right by the Blue Ridge Parkway, so scenic drives are definitely an option. And now I’m jealous, because I love Asheville and I haven’t been in a couple of years!

      • Anonymous

        What’s the best time of year to go to Asheville (for eating and natural scenery but not necessarily serious hiking)? Considering a trip there.

        • Greensleeves

          I’ve always been in summer. it can be pretty hot but was otherwise enjoyable. I’m sure fall would be gorgeous but my impression is that it’s crazy busy then. There’s a beer and bluegrass festival that a friend has been to a few times and really enjoyed. I think it’s in September.

    • Anonymous

      Love Asheville. Second Greensleeves’ recommendations. The Haywood is another nice place to stay right downtown. For somewhere tucked away, check out Shoji. I would also add the Admiral for dining options. (You’ll need a reservation; a few days ahead for a weekend night.) The Blue Ridge Parkway is magnificent in October. For breweries it can depend on your preferences, but I’d say Wicked Weed, Burial, and Hi-Wire are musts. (If you like sour beers, the Funkatorium is all sour and wild beers.)

    • Anonymous

      We were just in Asheville for the first time and loved it! We stayed at the Aloft which is right downtown – funky vibe with nice rooms that’s walking distance to anything in the downtown area. Definitely visit the Biltmore. We ate at the Golden Fleece which was AMAZING, as well as the hot new tapas restaurant downtown (I can’t remember the name, we had to get reservations a few months in advance). And I second the recommendation to visit the French Broad Chocolate Lounge…amazing desserts (though in full disclosure it’s own by friends of mine so I might be a bit biased). All in all, it’s a great town to visit!

    • Libra

      You all are awesome, thanks! Anyone have thoughts on Charleston or Savannah to share?

      • attiredattorney

        Sooo it pains me to say this as a Georgia girl, but skip Savannah and spend an extra day or two in Charleston. Everything Savannah has, Charleston has, but better and classier.

      • anon

        Eh, I think the better solution is to visit both cities and compare for yourself. Savannah has a large and walkable historic district and the food scene has some really good options that have popped up in the past few years. Do note that the drive from Asheville is 4-5 hours to either city. And despite looking really close on the map, it’s a solid 2 hour drive between Savannah and Charleston.
        Savannah and Charleston recs have been discussed on here recently, do site search and a lot of discussions should pop up

      • Chuck town

        You MUST go to Magnolias in Charlestown – it’s classic. Then there’s tons of new and good restaurants – probably can’t go wrong. For shopping, a lot of chains have moved in but there are old stores on King St like Bob Ellis that are worth a stop. I wouldn’t drive out to the beach unless you really love the beach (and if so, I’d go by Poes Tavern on Sullivans Island). I’ve enjoyed small historical boat tours off the harbor – I think they are much nicer than the carriage tours but to each his own.

    • NY CPA

      I’ve stayed at the Hotel Indigo in Asheville which was comfortable and SUPER convenient to downtown.

      I’ve also stayed at the Omni Grove Park Inn in Asheville, and was kind of underwhelmed. The spa is FANTASTIC (I think it’s rated among the best in the country), but if I wanted to do it again, I’d go there for a spa day and then maybe stay for drinks in the lobby (they had live music when I was there) and maybe dinner but stay somewhere else.

      In my opinion, Asheville is one of the most accommodating places I’ve ever been with regards to my food allergies. You should have absolutely no problem if you want to eat vegetarian. There are LOTS of great restaurants there — as a NY’er and a foodie, I was pleasantly surpised.

    • NY CPA

      I’ve stayed at the Hotel Indigo in Asheville which was comfortable and SUPER convenient to downtown.

      I’ve also stayed at the Omni Grove Park Inn in Asheville, and was kind of underwhelmed. The spa is FANTASTIC (I think it’s rated among the best in the country), but if I wanted to do it again, I’d go there for a spa day and then maybe stay for drinks in the lobby (they had live music when I was there) and maybe dinner but stay somewhere else.

      In my opinion, Asheville is one of the most accommodating places I’ve ever been with regards to my food allergies. You should have absolutely no problem if you want to eat vegetarian. There are LOTS of great restaurants there — as a NY’er and a foodie, I was pleasantly surprised.

      • NY CPA

        Forgot to mention I also loved Charleston, but it’s been many years since I was there so I can’t remember many details of where we went, ate, etc. My extended family rented a condo on the beach in Folly Beach and had a spectacular time. Very cute town and convenient to get to Charleston if you had a car.

  13. Anonymous

    Looking for some anecdata: anyone out there have a shellfish allergy? I just had an experience that strongly points toward being allergic to it, combined with a few historical, but at the time seemingly insignificant, experiences of nausea after having small amounts of it, and I am suddenly super, irrationally nervous about having a worse reaction next time I come in contact. It doesn’t seem like shellfish ever really “hides” in foods, but I’m wondering if you have ever accidentally or unknowingly eaten something with shellfish that made you sick? Also does the smell of shellfish ever make you nauseous (this happened this week, 100% definitely not pregnant). I do have an appointment to see the allergist and will definitely get the epi-pen if prescribed. Make me feel better about going out to eat and walking past the fish counter!

    • Anonymous

      My dad has a crustacean allergy. Doctor has said the next time he is exposed will likely result in a hospitalization. His skin and eyes get itchy, his throat closes, can’t breathe. Carries an epipen, can’t be around the cooking or consumption or trash of shellfish. And my husband also gets itchy lips and throat, so he is also off shellfish.

      Shellfish absolutely does hide in some prepared foods and in some restaurants (like how legit Thai food uses shrimp paste a lot cuz yum). If this is serious, you need to pay attention.

      But my understanding is that nausea isn’t a sign of an allergy. An allergy is an immunological reaction (breathing, inflammation), while nausea is a food intolerance/digestion issue, which is of course still serious but not likely to put you in the hospital. Seeing an allergist is a good idea.

      • Anonymous

        OP: oh my, I didn’t think about the shrimp paste, and I love Thai…. I did also have an allergic reaction (hives, itching, breathing problems) that lasted for a few days after eating :/

    • Anonymous

      I accidentally ate a shrimp & pork dumpling once and within 30 seconds I knew there was shrimp even though no one had informed me because my lips swelled up and my throat became irritated and swollen. Thankfully I only ate one tiny bite so I didn’t break out in hives.

      Then there was this time my mom tried to feed me oyster broth, saying that there wasn’t any oysters actually left in the portion of the soup she was giving me. I dutifully drank it (I was a teenager at the time), and 5 minutes later she gave me benadryl when she saw my lips were swollen and I was starting to break out in hives. Since then, she’s never tried to wave off my shellfish allergies again.

    • Anonymous

      I get sick to my stomach from shrimp but am ok with other shellfish like lobster. For me at least it requires a pretty large quantity. If I eat a shrimp I will throw up or feel sick but I can eat a bit of shrimp linguine sauce and be ok. I have never had problems from hidden shrimp or shrimp paste in restaurants (I eat Thai food all the time, fwiw – I love it). My understanding is that stomach allergies are pretty different from the inflammatory peanut-type allergies and don’t escalate the same way each time you’re exposed. But obviously consult an allergist.

    • Anonymous

      It can hide in food. Think shrimps used to make a base of a food. I would just be really careful about asking about ingredients at restaurants and letting them know “I have a shellfish allergy”. Everyone I know with a shellfish allergy though has a violent allergic reaction to it though, not nausea (which is an intolerance). Think of lactose intolerance (gas/bloating/nausea/vomiting/GI issues) versus a dairy allergy (hives, shock, not breathing, etc…).

    • Anonymous

      I am allergic to shellfish, particularly scallops and clams. The last time I ate scallops, I threw up until I passed out and was in the hospital over night. So, the symptoms and affects are not always swelling and hives.

      • (dad with the allergy)

        FWIW, scallops and clams are mollusks, not shellfish. Shellfish are lobsters, crabs, crayfish, shrimp. So my dad can eat scallops, clams, oysters, and mussels, but cannot be anywhere near shellfish aka crustaceans. I only point out this terminology because I would hate for you to get served the wrong thing in a restaurant because they thought “no shellfish” meant mollusks were ok.

        • Anonymous

          this is an interesting distinction. biologically i know mollusks and crustaceans are different things, but i thought in food terms “shellfish” meant anything with a shell. i’m allergic to both mollusks and crustaceans, based on past allergic reactions to shrimp, crab, lobster, oysters, scallops, clams…

          extended family dinners with the seafood-loving side of the family has always been a trial for me (and then i usually just hit up the nearest fast food chain afterwards).

          • b

            this is true: both are considered shellfish, and the distinction is crustaceans and mollusks. I’m definitely OK with mollusks, I eat scallops on the regular. a “not all rectangles are squares” sort of thing

    • EM

      So I was raised observing the kashrut laws and never had an opportunity to try shellfish until I went away to college. There was a buffet and I tried a little bit of everything. Having concluded that experiment, I went on my merry way.

      Two years later, when working in Philadelphia, I had bass at the Striped Bass. About 40 minutes after I finished eating, I couldn’t breathe. It was like a wire tourniquet had wrapped itself around my breastbone. I spent the night rolling on the bathroom floor, wondering if I was going to see morning. I had the same experience eating salmon (salmon! which I had before successfully) in two other restaurants, but then decided to try once more with a fish dish from the Ritz-Carleton. It was fantastic, and there were no effects. Someone told me that shellfish allergies could pop up at any time, and if the fin fish had the misfortune to each a shellfish, it could cause problems.

      Then, at a family dinner, my sister was telling us that after finishing a plate of shrimp, she couldn’t breath and spent the night rolling around the bathroom floor. At which point my dad jumped in and told us a story about when HE was a child he was on a family vacation and HIS father ordered a plate of clams. 40 minutes after eating them he was rolling around on the floor, unable to breathe…

      I moved to Maryland 10 years ago and have been eating fin fish regularly with great enjoyment and no problems. But I am not putting the shellfish to the test.

  14. Kk

    Somebody last week was looking for a wallet/wristlets hybrid that could fit as a regular wallet in a big bag but also as a standalone for cards and cash and keys and phone?
    I just received a Joy Susan version for my birthday- it works as a clutch, wristlet, or crossbody, and fits inside my lo and sons pearl (or OMG) for every day – there’s 6 card slots inside and a zippered pocket, and mines been perfect for a 3 day business trip as a wallet during the day and during travel and as a purse when going out to dinner, fitting my keys, phone, and essentials. Can’t recommend enough!

  15. Anonymous

    I have a long layover in Dallas- I’ve never been- what should I do with my 10 hours?!

  16. Anon

    Kind of a specific question though I hope it makes it thru mod and maybe someone knows — is it possible to externally examine or feel any part of a woman’s reproductive system – uterus; ovaries etc – or are they too deep in the body? I don’t mean a pelvic exam where they try to examine internally and externally. I literally mean when a dr presses down on the lower belly as part of the abd exam? Asking if it’s possible for a woman who isn’t pregnant and is thin.

    • Anonymous

      I’ve had various doctors include the pressing down thing as part of my annual exam separate from my pap, so I guess so.

      I’m not thin but I’m also not pregnant.

    • Anonymous

      Yep, they always press down on my abdomen as part of my yearly exam. I’m relatively slender but not tiny.

    • Anon

      Yes, normal. Not an MD but I’m fairly certain that it helps them to determine whether your organs (ovaries, uterus) are a “normal” (within range) size.

    • a

      Yep, this happens during my annual exam too. From doctor’s comments, I think this is something they can do if you’re somewhat-slender (I’m average-to-slender).

    • Anon

      Yes. I’ve had regular (not GYN) doctors do this and sometimes as they’re doing this, they’ll ask if my cycle is ok, if I’ve had a gyn exam recently and similar questions. So I think they do check down there by pressing on the lowest part of your belly and as they’re doing it, they are thinking about reproductive health — so clearly that exam tells them something.

    • Anon4this

      I am fit/thin enough and built in a way that I can see what looks an awfully lot like my ovaries when I stand up and don’t have a food belly. My doc is not concerned with my weight or my health FWIW. So my answer would be yes.

      My doc does the same thing at my annual externally.

    • Dahlia

      Yes, this is a normal part of the exam, but its not a substitute for a pelvic- they give different information.

    • Anonymous

      Yes. I just had my annual exam last week, and my dr. mentioned that I was so slender that she could almost measure my fibroid with her hands. For reference, I’m 5’5″ and 122 lbs.

  17. Sidebar ad

    This page is giving me an ad asking to Make America Great Again by donating to Donald Trump’s campaign.

    First of all, why is there a political ad on a fashion and lifestyle blog? And second, who on earth wrote the algorithm that is delivering this ad to me?

    • Anonymous

      I see it too! Ick. I thought that the ads were based on your search history (e.g., I’ve been seeing a lot of ads here and on other s i t e s for Brilliant Earth rings because I’ve been browsing there), but I can’t imagine what in my search history would suggest this is a good ad for me.

      • Anonymous

        Long time reader here voting for Trump. About 50% of the country will be doing this – including several people active on this blog.

        • Wildkitten

          And it was the ad on this s i t e that convinced you to do so? I stand corrected then – money well spent, if you’re in a swing state.

          • Anonymous

            I’m pretty embarrassed that you would vote for Hillary, who lied about her emails and set up a server to get around the law.

        • Monte

          Let’s not get crazy here. It is probably closer to 47% of the 60% of Americans who actually vote in presidential elections, and that is assuming that the Trump candidacy doesn’t suppress a significant percentage of would-be GOP voters, which is entirely possible.

          • Anonymous

            If any voting is suppressed it will be on the Dem side. Bernie voters are disgusted with the DNC and they think Hillary is a lying crook.

            Trump will win by a landslide. He’s got the passionate voters this time. All the regular mainstream republicans are not thrilled with him but they hate Hill. That, combined with the Bernie voters, does not bode well for Hill.

  18. Nude pumps

    My skin tone is fair with some redness (especially my face, and feet in heels!) with dark brown hair.

    Can anyone recommend a favorite, very comfortable “nude” pump that is a ?light tan with a trace of pink in it?

    I just received a pair of Cole Haan wedges Tali Lux in “maple sugar” and they are very unflattering. For the first time I realized why I never by any “nude” shoes… because the common colors look yucky on me. They are no where near my skin tone.

    • Anonymous

      I have similar coloring and like the Payless Karmen in nude patent. They are super, super comfortable. They definitely don’t match my skin exactly but I think they look fine on me. They are more pink than they look in the picture online.

      • Nude pumps

        This is hilarious. These pumps are the only other nude pair I have ever owned! Now I know why I liked them. These are amazingly comfortable.

        I was hoping to upgrade slightly….. I’m wondering if there are any non-patent pumps, or my dream is wedges or a slightly thicker heel.

        I destroy the Karmen heel pretty quickly, as I have to walk a lot during the day. Although they are so cheap, you can just buy another pair…

      • Killer Kitten Heels

        …I was just about to recommend these. I’m super-pale, and these are the only “nude” pumps that actually look nude on me. Otherwise, I tend to look for medium-brown shoes – they work in pretty much any situation where I’d wear a nude shoe, and I don’t have to worry about “matching” my pasty skin tone.

        • hoola hoopa

          I also favor the camel-like colors when others would wear a nude.

          I have a pair of clarks that are a near perfect match, though. Too old to recommend the exact shoe, but worth looking at their line. FWIW, I ordered them online expecting them to be more of an off-white, so screen/photo color can be wrong. It’s also caused me to browse the off white shoes instead of ‘nude.’

    • lawsuited

      I have similar colouring, and usually look for “blush” shoes rather than beige.

  19. Home gym?

    What equipment do you guys like for your home gyms? We have a kind of large finished basement with a pole – am I insane to want my own set of battle ropes? (Vinyl flooring).

    • Killer Kitten Heels

      We have a set of adjustable dumbbells that are awesome – you get the full range of weights most people would need (at least, full range if you’re not a competitive weightlifter or some kind of CrossFit beast), but they don’t take up much space at all. If I had the space, I’d also want one of those treadmills that can do super-inclines, because walking/running is my preferred cardio, but that’s just me. Additional things we have and actually use:
      -Exercise ball
      -Bosu
      -Pull-up bar
      -Resistance bands
      -Jump ropes

      Unless you have some sort of really specific workout program in mind, you really don’t need a ton of equipment to get a well-rounded workout at home.

    • Elaw

      I have a pull-up bar, dip bars, resistance bands, and a set of adjustable weights where each dumbbell can be 3 lb increments up to 24 lbs. Also an exercise ball and a foam roller. I do all my cardio outdoors, the equipment I have is all for strength training.

      I don’t personally use battle ropes for anything, but I don’t think wanting them is insane at all, if you’ll use them. I use all the equipment I have regularly so it’s worth it to me.

      • Wildkitten

        A C2 erg is a great full body workout. Battle ropes are way cheaper than adjustable dumbbells or an erg, so I say go for it if that’s what gets you excited to exercise. I know I’m terrible at at-home workout, so know your motivation before you invest a lot. I’ve heard good things about buying weights on craigslist.

        • pugsnbourbon

          Ergs are pricey – even used ones don’t depreciate much – but a fantastic workout. After stalking Craigslist for over a year, we found a nearly-new one at a steal and I am SO HAPPY.

    • Home gym

      Look into buying mats that are installed in horse stalls to cover the floors and you’ll be good to go on the battle ropes.

      Personally, I’d want a squat rack, bench, a bunch of bumper plates and normal iron plates, kettlebells, a plyo box or two, a TRX and a rowing machine.

        • Home gym

          Rubber plates can be dropped without the plates themselves or the floor (generally) breaking. A barbell with just iron plates cannot be dropped from any height without possible damage to the barbell, plates, or surface it’s being dropped on. The benefit to iron plates, however, is that they take up less room and are cheaper. You can mix the types of plates which is why I’d suggest both–if deadlifting, for example, you can add two bumper plates to a barbell and then the remainder of the weight you’re seeking to add in iron plates for the same effect/less cost. When squatting, however, I just use iron plates because my squat rack has safety bars and it’s highly highly unlikely the bar will drop to the floor.

          If you’ve seen any of the Olympic weightlifting coverage, all of the plates they are using are very very pricey bumper plates that can be dropped from overhead without any issues, because the clean & jerk and the snatch are designed to get a weighted barbell from the floor to overhead without any assisting/safety equipment in the way.

          Also just realized that I forgot to include a barbell in my suggested equipment–that’s kind of critical to the whole setup I’d be looking for :)

          • pugsnbourbon

            +1 to all of the above. We outfitted our garage gym with a squat rack, barbell and plates from Get RX’d – I think we got free shipping.

            There are lots of blogs/websites that show you how to create your own lifting platform. My husband and I did it in an afternoon, with one trip to the hardware store and one to Tractor Supply.

            Have fun!

    • Wildkitten

      Learn what works for you. Definitely something cardio (treadmill/erg) and some weights (kettlebell etc). I agree on the floor mats. Learn what works for you, and buy the equipment for that, whether it be a treadmill or p90x.

  20. Purse questions

    After carrying my beloved black purse daily for 10 years, I am ready to retire it. I was looking at Milli Millu bags because I like the organization. Anyone have one and can provide feedback on how it has held up? I haven’t found many online reviews. I usually buy one fairly expensive purse and carry it daily, with a fair amount of stuff, for years until I get sick of it.

    Also, I was thinking of buying a tan bag instead of my usual black, but I can’t decide if this is a good idea or if it just seems like a good idea because I am bored with my current black purse. I live in a warm climate. I tend to wear either black, brightly colored or nude for me (Caucasian) shoes, and my clothes are 95% neutrals. Anyone want to talk me in or out of a beige bag?

    • Anon

      Beige looks grungy a lot sooner than black. And I think beige can clash with other shades of beige but black rarely clashes with other shades of black.

    • Anonymous

      I’ve been using a yellow purse for about 8 years now and love it. I mostly wear blacks, grays, and bright colors, but never yellow because it isn’t a good color on me. Yellow doesn’t clash with anything I normally wear and it cheers up my outfits. I get so many compliments, especially in the winter. Yes, you have to be careful about not getting it grimey, but that’s true of all lighter bags. I clean it with leather cleaner (nowhere near as often as I should) and get about 4 years of daily use before I feel like I need another bag.

    • Never too many shoes...

      Why not both? I honestly cannot imagine carrying the same bag even every day for a year, not to mention ten.

  21. AnotherWeddingQuestion

    Can we stand another wedding question? I come from a culture where the “dollar dance” is a traditional part of a wedding. I am having a “Your presence is a treasured gift; we respectfully request no other” wedding, but I just know if I skip the dollar dance, my extended family will be muttering about how I think I am better than everyone else (more than they already are – sigh). My lovely and patient fiancé suggested we collect the money for charity. Even better, he suggested the Church in which we are being married since my family would likely approve.

    For people who are not used to a dollar dance, what would you think? I do not have work people coming – but there will be a number of people I know from college/professional school.

    • Anonymous

      I saw a dollar dance for the first time a couple years ago and frankly was utterly and completely horrified. Like, the bride is being pimped out to dance for money. It was both the tackiest and most sexist thing I’d seen in quite a while. But that couple kept the money. I guess if you did it for charity, it would still be sexist, but somewhat less tacky.

      I raise a question though… do you really care what your extended family mutters? How often do you see them anyway? What effect does their muttering have on you? You can’t please everyone, so if you want to do the thing, do the thing, but if you don’t want to do the thing, then don’t. Don’t let some anonymous jerk like me, or your guests from college/professional school, or your extended family, make you feel badly about anything you decide to do at your wedding because it makes you uncomfortable to do it or to not do it.

      • lawsuited

        +1 I would be shocked if I saw a dollar dance at a friend’s wedding and supremely embarrassed if I saw a co-worker participating in one.

        Especially given that you don’t feel comfortable with it, there is absolutely no way you should have to participate in this tradition. In this instance, it really doesn’t matter what your family thinks.

    • Anonymous

      I’ve only seen the dollar dance at one wedding and had never heard of it before that. At the wedding I was at, pretty much only the bride’s extended family and her parents’ friends participated. The rest of us weren’t really sure what to do/what the protocol was, so most of us just watched.
      If you decide to do it, I like your idea of collecting the money for charity and I wonder if you could have the band/DJ make a quick announcement at the beginning explaining the tradition and what the money would be used for. That would help your guests who may not be familiar with the tradition understand what is happening.

      • Idea

        My Chicago Polish friend also pimped out her husband, I paid to dance with him and paid for husband to dance with bride.

        • ELS

          This was the compromise at my brother’s wedding. Neither really wanted to do it, but the family were insistent (and my brother and SIL were young at the time).

    • Ne

      I generally think that whatever the norm for a wedding is in a given culture is fine to do if you’re from that culture. I would never judge a law school friend for doing something from the culture/religion/region where she grew up at her wedding.

    • b

      I’m from the midwest and I don’t think I’ve ever been to a wedding without a dollar dance. While I agree it’s a little tacky, is it really that much tackier than a lot of wedding traditions? I think giving the money to the church is an awesome idea. Get your DJ/MC to talk it up to the crowd, tell them it’s a big tradition where you’re from and because the church has meant/given you so much you want to pay it forward, and give specific instructions about what people should do. Maybe ask your wedding party to encourage people to participate.

      • Anonymous

        I’m from the southeast and I’ve *never* seen a dollar dance. It’s tremendously tacky in my eyes.

          • lawsuited

            If any of those cultural traditions closely mirror a husband pimping his wife for cash, I’m sure people do find them tacky (and sexist, and demeaning).

          • anon

            I think many here are misinformed. In any instance of a dollar dance I’ve ever seen, both bride and groom participate in the dollar dance. People can line up to dance with either person, a lot of times it’s a chance for relatives (aunts, uncles, cousins) to talk to the b or g for a minute. Tacky? Sure! – but, the families love it, and the DJs definitely throw in a chicken dance and cha-cha slide for good measure.

            But by all means, go ahead. Please continue to have convicted feelings about a tradition you’ve never seen for yourself, just as the rest of us will continue to roll our eyes about your cotillion/debutante/mardi gras traditions.

      • Anonymous

        I’m also from the Midwest and have never seen a dollar dance. Had to Google the term because I’ve never even heard of it!

    • Anonymous

      Horrifying. Donate your own money to the church. I have seen the dollar dance twice and both times were appalled. I have also been to 2 weddings where I know it was custom but the bride just handled her family like an adult because there was no way she was going to do that.

      • NYtoCO

        Yea, it is somewhat traditional in my family’s culture (fairly rural southern Louisiana) but I didn’t even consider doing it at my wedding. Although, I wasn’t dealing with any judgment (at least openly) for not doing it… I think it’s on it’s way out in my family (thank god).

    • Monte

      I had never seen the dollar dance until going to a few Naija weddings. I don’t know if it is a cultural thing for Nigerians or a particular-to-those-families thing, but I loved it because everyone was enjoying themselves and dancing. People who are going to think you are tacky based solely on a 10 minute interlude during a wedding are people whose opinion you can safely disregard.

      • lawsuited

        But surely it is possible for wedding guests to dance and enjoy themselves without the subtext of the groom pimping the bride out for money?

    • greek gal here

      This might be late, but my family is Greek and there are a lot of dollars thrown around, but I’ve never heard it being done as a ‘pay to dance with the bride.’ Our culture throws money on the new couple and their families as they all dance – together. Or really anybody leading (one of the many) dance lines. It has the same symbolism of throwing rice and was traditionally used to pay the band. Just wanted to add that not all of them are paying to dance with the bride, but even if they are, if that’s a family’s tradition or a culture’s tradition, why not be kind? So do what you want. I think that’s a nice compromise to have it for those that expect it and giving the money to a good cause. I am sure you will have some relatives grumble that you are still too good for their money that you are giving it away to charity, but they will grumble about anything, so whatever.

  23. AnotherWeddingQuestion

    This just shows how culturally dependent this is – all of the (family) weddings we have been to, people pay to dance with the bride AND the groom. They put the money in a jar or vase. I remember the first time I saw people actually pinning money to the bride’s dress I was completely horrified because of the pin marks in the dress.

    I don’t mind the mutterings so much, although the passive aggressive comments do start to get under my skin after a while so I guess it does bother me; but I know it upsets my mother and sister. At any rate, they are always trying to raise money for the building fund so here is my chance to be civic minded.

    • Wildkitten

      You might consider making an announcement that you are forgoing the traditional bridal dance and that donations can be dropped in X location. That would push your relatives but would at least not leave people wondering what is up.

  24. Crazy?

    Guys, I need a crazy check. My husband and I live in a very small apartment. My mother in law and her son, who is ten, have decided to visit for two weeks. They are staying with us. It’s day 10 and I’m losing my mind. My apartment is so cramped that I am taking walks just to get out. Our sofa only seats 2-3 people, so I’ve taken to sitting in the bedroom. Is it unreasonable for me to be annoyed? My parents would never, ever dream of staying with us for that long of a time — they would always get a hotel.

    • New Tampanian

      I’m cringing just reading this. I have a 1 bedroom and my sister stayed for 8 days and I almost flipped out. I like my space. Your response/feeling is normal. Just a couple more days. Try to run errands / take walks to get yourself out.

    • Not crazy at all

      It is not crazy to be annoyed by that, and in fact would be normal to go crazy as a result. I also live in a small apartment, and a long weekend is the longest I will let someone stay with me. For anything longer, I offer to find them a good Airbnb nearby (in addition to preventing me from going crazy, another reason I do this is it actually violates the terms of my lease if I make a copy of the key to my building, so visitors are entirely dependent on my (work) schedule). Maybe that’s an option in the future?

      In the meantime, maybe start a mental list of how you’ll celebrate having the place to yourself again?

    • Anonymous

      It is not crazy to be annoyed by that, and in fact would be normal to go crazy as a result. I also live in a small apartment, and a long weekend is the longest I will let someone stay with me. For anything longer, I offer to find them a good Airbnb nearby (in addition to preventing me from going crazy, another reason I do this is it actually violates the terms of my lease if I make a copy of the key to my building, so visitors are entirely dependent on my (work) schedule). Maybe that’s an option in the future?

      In the meantime, maybe start a mental list of how you’ll celebrate having the place to yourself again?

    • Wildkitten

      I think it’s perfectly rational to want to get out of your house/sit in your room if people visit for two weeks.

    • lawsuited

      I live in a one bedroom plus den, and my place feels like a shambles when I have someone to stay for one night – I can’t even imagine what it would be like for 14 days and nights, particularly because MIL and BIL are presumably there all day not just sleeping there after coming home from work. I’d seriously consider inventing a work trip and staying in a hotel for the next 4 days, and then having a serious conversation with your SO about whether this can happen again.

  25. Price Comparison Spreadsheets?

    I feel like we’ve discussed grocery/commonly shopped for items comparison spreadsheets?
    Would anyone be willing to share one? I really wish we could have a repository for docs we’ve discussed before. I did a search and couldn’t find the discussion.

    • Senior Attorney

      I think I have one on my computer at home. Email me at seniorattorney1 at gmail and I’ll send it if I can find it.

  26. Lo&Sons Seville?

    I have an OG from L&S that I really love, but it’s 3 (or maybe 4?) years old and starting to look less sharp. It’s light and a great size for my commute, but I’m contemplating something more professional/newer for carrying to meetings and such. I often walk a mile or two to meetings, however, and I’m wondering 1. if the Seville is worth the money and 2. if the extra weight will make this a bad idea.

    So, questions for the Hive:
    * anyone out there have a Seville and want to weigh in?
    * alternative bags/backpacks? (I need to have a 13″ laptop with me, plus a notebook, some papers, and usually a water bottle)

    TIA!

    • Ana Banana

      If you don’t mind a open top, the Tory Burch York tote looks really sleek and has a dedicated laptop compartment. I switch between the York and an OMG bag for work depending on whether I will be taking my bag to client meetings. Its durable, holds its shape, and has enough organization within to not lose everything.

      • Lo&Sons Seville?

        The York looks *perfect*. Do you happen to know whether the “Light Oak” is a pale pink? It looks like it on my monitor, but the color name sort of says “taupe” to me…

        • Ana Banana

          I personally have the Tory Navy, but the reviews I have seen make it seem as though the light oak color is a little blushy pink as well.

          • Lo&Sons Seville?

            Yeah, a little internet sleuthing seems to confirm that for whatever reason, their “light oak” is pale pink. Now I just need to decide between that and the navy!

            Thank you – this really is exactly what I was looking for.

    • Wildkitten

      The flaw of the Seville for me is that it is open top. The flaw for you might be that it doesn’t come with a cross-body strap (I don’t think). I’d want to carry a bag cross-body to cummute

  27. Liz

    Any recommendations for petite clothes shopping online, websites? I’m only 5 feet tall. :)

  28. Ana Banana

    I work in Big 4 accounting/advisory services, where one of my close friends and I share a counselor. My counselor divulged to me that she had stuck her neck out to get my friend promoted. Since the promotion, my counselor noted that my friend has been repeating the same patterns of behavior which made her a stretch to get promoted in the opinion of the partners.

    My counselor wants me to talk to my friend and point out these behaviors so that she might actually implement some of the feedback, but I do not feel comfortable doing so. Any recommendations on how to handle this??

    • Anon

      If by counselor you mean therapist, this is totally inappropriate and you shoukd get a different therapist. If this is a mentor – type person, tell her you don’t want to get involved but encourage her to share the feedback with your friend.

      • Ana Banana

        Not a therapist counselor, more like a guidance counselor for your profession.

        • Wildkitten

          It might not be illegal if zes not a therapist, but it sure sounds unethical. Look it up, maybe report it, and definitely get a new counselor.

  30. Anonymous

    I’m trying to expand my wardrobe; I have an olive-toned complexion and dark brown hair. Most of my outfits are black, khaki, or grey pants with black, white, yellow, or teal tops and a black cardigan. I also have navy and black skirts. What other colors of blouses, shells, or other clothing should I get? Most of my family are custodians, construction workers, servers, ETC., so they aren’t helpful. this is my first after college job, and I have no idea what I’m doing. I’m a teacher at a business casual non-profit organization in the mid-west.

    • TravelBug

      Hmm, hard to do from the internet. Have you tried olive greens or rusty reds, potentially in prints? Both work on my aunt who has similar coloring. If you like yourself in teal, perhaps also there’s a shade of pink you’d like?

    • Julia

      I have similar coloring. I would add some wine/burgundy and rusty red (as suggested above). Then some deep green or olive (see above). Orange flatters me, too, but I get that a lot of people struggle with going there.

  31. Bag organizer for files

    Looking for an organizer insert for a tote bag. I switch between a Longchamp and another bag. Ideally, it could fit files and my 13-inch laptop. Most organizers I see are much smaller. Anyone have one they use and love? TIA!

Back to Top

About

Work with Corporette®

Serious Stuff

work fashion blog press mentions