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Updated: Nov 1, 2018 215 Comments · by

Thursday’s TPS Report: Silk Pleated Blouse

The Personal Shopper (TPS)· Under $150

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Our daily TPS reports suggest one piece of work-appropriate attire in a range of prices. Silk Pleated BlouseI like the look of this silk pleated blouse from Brooks Brothers, which looks good both tucked and untucked — it seems like a great way to avoid the gap problem with button-front shirts, but to still get the same conservative vibe for your outfit. It's on a pretty great sale, too: was $228, now $91.20. Silk Pleated Blouse Seen a great piece you'd like to recommend? Please e-mail tps@corporette.com. (L-2) Psst: Check out more great deals at the Corporette Bargains page!

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Comments

  2. KC

    I would not have thought to pair this with such a dark skirt, but I really like the look!

  3. Transactional resources?

    This is a great blouse! I love that silk can be hand washed (or, ehem, thrown in the delicates cycle).

    New attorney here. I just moved to a transactional group from litigation and I’d love some recs on resources. I’m looking at A Manual of Style for Contract Drafting by Adams. Any other good books/articles?

    • mascot

      I like the Adams book. Another one is Working with Contracts by Charles Fox. It’s more of the “why” for contracts whereas Adams book focuses more on the technical “how”

  4. Anon in NYC

    Love! I wish they showed a back photo because sometimes the keyhole closure can show a bit more of my back than I want people at work to see. I saw someone wearing a virtually identical shirt yesterday but in a much less conservative color and I thought it was gorgeous then too (and the high neckline and sleeves made it work appropriate).

    • Anon in NYC

      Oh – I amend my comment. They have a photo of the back in the birch color. Just not the blue.

  5. D

    Love this. So tempted. I need to spruce up my spring wardrobe too…but don’t want to waste money, not before my wedding anyway…

    • NewMama

      +1
      Being large busted prevents being able to wear a lot of tops with interesting details.

      • Francine

        It is one of many problems if you’re full figured. At work, most of the guys stare at my breasts even tho I dress conservatively, and my boyfriend is unduly fixated on them like an 8 year old even though there is more to me than boobs. Tell him that!! Why can’t guys just look at us as persons, not as sex parts for their amusement? Someday when I’m married and over 40 I will stop catering to men’s whims, but for now what else can I do? In a male dominated society we will always come up short.

    • hoola hoopa

      Very good to know – thanks!

      I’m assuming that shipping to the US costs an arm and a leg, but it’s very tempting.

  7. b23

    Great choice.

    AIMS, I made your suggested beets/carrots/spinach/pumpkin seeds over a bulgar and quinoa mixture last night, and it was delicious. If the goal is to eat colorful food, you pretty much don’t get any more colorful than that! I bought the Trader Joe’s refrigerated beets like someone else suggested, and I think they’ve solved my beet problem (yes, I had a beet problem). Y’all are the best!!!

    • AIMS

      Oh, I’m so glad that you made it and liked it! I’ve been eating it at least once a week all winter. Thanks for reporting back :)

      • AIMS

        TJ has these vacuum sealed peeled and ready to eat baby beets in their chilled veggie section (where they sell the cooked lentils and pre-chopped veggies).

      • phillygirlruns

        my whole foods has these as well – the brand is “love beets,” and i’ve seen a few varieties.

  8. Anonymous

    Would you trust pictures or guts/mirrors to know what looks good on you ? I recently found pictures of me taken when my hair was 10″ shorter, and was surprised at how nice it looked (I’m really not photogenic and usually hate myself in pics). As far as I remember, I wasn’t overly satisfied of this haircut at the time, so what should I trust ?

    • Blue

      I have the opposite problem. I love the way my current haircut looks in person, but in pictures it makes my face look like I’ve gained about 20 pounds. I’m going with the way it looks in person and assuming that the camera adds 10 pounds or whatever. I guess that’s not terribly helpful…but you’re not alone.

      • Anon in NYC

        I think I look infinitely better in person than in photos – also, there are very few photos that I think actually make me look like me. I just met someone the other day at a work-related thing who said she didn’t recognize me because my work photo was so different.

        Point being – agreed that you’re not alone, and I would trust guts/mirrors.

        • momentsofabsurdity

          I feel the same way. Trying out online dating has been weird because of it. More than once, I’ve gotten a lot of comments like “Wow, I was honestly surprised by how much more beautiful you are in person” (or, occasionally the more depressingly phrased, “Yeah, I really didn’t expect you to be that hot after seeing your photos, but you totally are!” … gee thanks.)

          I have an angular face that just doesn’t photograph well, IMO. I think I look pretty good in person, but in photos I usually look kind of awful.

          • Equity's Darling

            See, I think my face photographs much better than I look – I’m always suprrised by how well photos turn out, so I must be a least a little photogenic, but I think the opposite would happen for me.

          • Anon in NYC

            momentsofabsurdity – I can’t believe those comments! Such an awful “compliment.”

          • KinCA

            I’m also much better looking in real life than in photos, and I have TOTALLY got those comments before. Ugh – talk about a backhanded compliment!

            However, I am an online dating success story, so whatever. It still worked for me. :)

      • Sutemi

        I would trust pictures more IF you have pictures from a wide variety of angles/lighting. One good picture might be a fluke, but getting pictures from several angles would be more revealing.
        In mirrors we mostly look at ourselves face on and since it is mirrored things like what side the part is on don’t look exactly true.
        Do you have a partner or close friend to render an opinion? Did you wear your hair that way often or was it specially styled for the event where the photo was taken?

        • Anonymous

          They are series of pictures I took to document outfit ideas, during a few months, mostly on Sundays and often without any make up/styling.
          My SO doesn’t have any opinion, my mother think I should get the 90’s Rachel haircut and I don’t have any friend close enough to ask.

    • NOLA

      I think it’s really hard to trust yourself at any point unless your self-esteem is well established. There are times when I haven’t felt good about myself but then I looked at pictures and was surprised, in retrospect, that I looked better than I thought.

      • Anonymous

        Yes, that’s a very valid point. I’m pretty sure I thought these pictures were ugly back then (2 yrs ago).
        Still, it makes me want to chop my hair … again.

      • AIMS

        My mother gave me this advice once and the older I get the more I think it’s so true: never throw away your old pictures, you’ll be amazed how great you’ll think you looked.

        Whenever I see pictures of my younger self, I’m always amazed at how cute I looked in many of them whereas I hated most of them when I first saw them. Even my driver’s license pic, which was taken just five years ago, looks really sweet to me now even though when I took it I lamented it being such a terrible picture. Maybe OP is just able to be more objective with time, when the tendency is to be too harsh with ourselves in our immediate present.

        • Anonymous

          So true ! (although, 15 years later, I still look horrible on my licence picture, plaid flannel shirt and all).

          • NOLA

            My first post-divorce license picture is still, unfortunately, my license picture. I was wearing all black, which is way too severe for me, and darker lipstick than I should wear, and my hair was really dark (before I started highlighting it). I look awful! I look old and like someone is pinching me. It’s so bad that a young man at Whole Foods once told me that I didn’t look like that. Thank goodness that since then, I’ve learned what looks good on me, better makeup, better haircut and color.

    • Neha

      I’m a fan of changing my hairstyle, so I’d say go with the shorter cut if you’re okay with cutting off the length. However, you may want to think about what made you unsatisfied with the cut to begin with – diffcult to style, too much maintenance? That might factor into the decision.

    • Diana Barry

      Do you remember how hard or easy it was to take care of? Maybe the picture was taken when your hair looked nice, but it didn’t look like that most of the time?

      I often notice a bad haircut I had (looked bad in pictures, I mean) but then I remember it was so easy to take care of…

      • Anonymous

        It was a layered bob and I have fine, smooth, straight hair so it was not awful to take care of. I let it grow out because of all the pictures of braids and buns out there – but the truth is that I don’t have the hair texture and the patience for this.

        Plus, I somehow thought that having short hair made me look older – when in fact, I look older because, well, I’m older.

  9. Kim Knight Perez

    Great pick! The navy color is so pretty and versatile. You could pair it with almost anything on bottom, and it would look great with both silver and gold accessories.

  10. Diana Barry

    You guys, my baby slept through the night last night (12 hrs)! And it only (haha) took 11 months! Maybe now I can catch up on my sleep! :-0

    • KC

      Wooh! Wishing you plenty of future peaceful evenings :)

      (Side note: this is the part of parenthood I fear the most. With less than 6 hours of sleep I am of little use to the world. If only there was a way to bank up time now…)

      • NewMama

        I was amazed after my little one was born how well I was functioning on less sleep than I had ever had before. Not that I was incredibly well-unfunctioning compared to my well-rested self… Of course, I’m still not back up to full time at work until a few weeks from now. So I’m still filled with fear of lack of sleep on real BigLaw hours.

    • anne-on

      I was amazed after my little one was born how well I was functioning on less sleep than I had ever had before. Not that I was incredibly well-unfunctioning compared to my well-rested self… Of course, I’m still not back up to full time at work until a few weeks from now. So I’m still filled with fear of lack of sleep on real BigLaw hours.

      • Diana Barry

        No, actually. I cut my first off at 12 months and wore earplugs for a while (about 3 days?) until no more wakeups. My second did it naturally around 11 months, and this one (knock on wood) hopefully will too.

        Two tips for not waking up yourself: 1. earplugs and 2. white noise. I keep my humidifier fan going all year so I don’t hear them when they make just a tiny noise.

        • NOLA

          You know, someone mentioned white noise yesterday (to insulate baby from noises in the house) and I’ll caution that it can affect you through to adulthood! My mom used fans in our rooms when my brother and I were kids and now we both require white noise to sleep. It drives my brother’s wife crazy and she was surprised to hear that I sleep with a fan on as well.

          • Anon

            My SO had a TV in his bedroom growing up, and he can’t fall asleep without one on in the background. Maddening.

          • Apple

            If you need white noise I’d recommend an air purifier. You get white noise PLUS the health benefits of clean air.

    • CKB

      Congratulations! Here’s hoping it’s the start of a new pattern & not a one off!!

  11. CP in Seattle

    Hello Ladies,

    Is it appropriate to wear skinny pants (not jeans) to the office. My sister gave me a dark steel pair of Paige brand that I love! If so, whatto wear with them? Suggestions to make them moedressy/conservative? My law firm office is biz caz but I like to step it up where possible.

    • Neha

      My office is very casual and I work in IT, so today I’m wearing a pair of skinny pants with flats and a knit top and cardigan.

      For shoes, maybe a pair of wedge heels? Wear a dressy top with a blazer instead of a cardi?

    • KC

      I have a pair of black skinny dress pants that I wear to my business casual office. Since they’re less formal than trouser cut pants, I tend to wear them with a blazer and dressier blouse. With a regular sweater or cardigan, they feel a bit too casual.

    • Cat

      Not in my biglaw, anyway – there is one junior associate who wears skinny pants with high heels. Her top half is perfectly appropriate – blouses and sweaters and sometimes jackets as Neha suggests – but the pants read way too body-conscious and trendy. All the other women on the floor wear straight fit, at the skinniest.

      • Lola

        I wouldn’t rule out all biglaw. Still a know your office thing. In my biglaw office, i’d say on any given day 30% of female associates are wearing skinny pants. it’s almost a uniform around here. i personally love them and wear them with longer shirts/cardigans. i just saw a junior wearing one with a tucked in blouse and that seemed a little much to me personally, but still appropriate for our office.

    • Ginjury

      If you’re in a more business casual office, I would say definitely (mainly because I wear them pretty much all the time). My office is slightly more on the casual side so I’ve been able to get away with wearing just a nice sweater and flats, but that would probably be a little too casual for you. I”d recommend just trying to keep the tops slightly dressier than you would with more businessy looking pants. A nicer blouse and a blazer should be perfect. If you google “26 and Counting,” she has some pretty good ideas about wearing skinny pants to a fairly conservative office.

    • Suzer

      I wear them in a biz casual office all the time. If they’re body conscious, I pair them with long cardigan.

    • TO Lawyer

      I agree with all the other suggestions – I would wear them with a dressy top and a blazer, and maybe a nice necklace, provided they fit like pants and are not too tight.

      They sound cute!

      • Nancy P

        I do exactly this on Fridays — with black skinny pants (think Audrey Hepburn style), blazer, and nice shoes. I think it looks fine in Biglaw if you’re not meeting any clients.

    • MB

      I’m wearing skinny black twill pants today with black suede wedge heels and a longer sweater. I have a silk blouse under the sweater and a dressy scarf (Madewell storyteller scarf). My office is business casual, but I’d wear this to a less casual office with a jacket instead of the sweater.

    • Susie

      I would say skinnies would not be appropriate at almost all law offices I’ve been at – except possibly on casual Friday.

    • roses

      I agree that it depends on how “skinny” we’re talking about. If the fit is exactly like skinny jeans but in non-denim material, I think it’s a no-go. But I own 3 pairs of LOFT skinny pants (I wanna say the Zoe?) in different colors and get compliments on them all the time in my biglaw office. They definitely follow the curve of my leg but they don’t “stick” to me, if that makes sense.

      • wintergreen126

        +1. If the fit is closer to that of skinny jeans or even leggings, then I’d stay away. But if they are not too tight, then go for it. I like the suggestion others have made about wearing a dressier top and/or blazer and a necklace.

  12. Ellen

    Gorgeous, but with dad and the Manageing partner here at ROSA’s house, I can not be a spendaholic!

    I miss the city! It is so quiet and STERILE here. I almost miss jumping OVER dog poop! I want to be back there. When I MARRY I may stay in the city, at least until I send the kids to school! I need a BOYFREIND FIRST!!! FOOEY!

    Where are the men? Do I really wand a fish breathe? Mabye Ed’s friend will marry me! Yay!!!!

    Dad wants me OUT WALKEING NOW WITH THE FITBIT! FOOEY!

  13. Cat

    Ooh, a pick that I own! For interested ladies, here’s my $.02 on fit, color, pairings:

    – I typically wear a 4 (BB) -6 (Jcrew) in button front shirts because of bust size (34B) and a 2 fit comfortably – the pleating stays flat as intended across the chest. The band at the bottom doesn’t quite fit over my hips but since I wear it tucked in, that doesn’t matter to me (it just helps the blouse stay, well, blousy). However, it is a little difficult to wriggle in and out of because (1) my shoulders are somewhat broad, and (2) the armholes are relatively high compared to the slouchier silk blouses in department stores, and there is just the keyhole + button on the back. Fits great once on though.

    – The color is really nice and rich, I wouldn’t call it a navy – maybe prussian blue? (Am I making that up?) It looks great with black and lighter grays and winter white. Not so great with medium/charcoal gray — suddenly the blue takes on the grayish cast and the look veers a little monochromatic.

    – I like it best with pants, but then I usually favor pairing a flowy, silky blouse with a more tailored bottom. Other ladies would probably love it with a pencil skirt.

    • Lily-Student

      If you wear a size US 4/6 I highly doubt your bra size is 34B. Measure again. (For context, I wear a us 10/12 and I have a 34 underbust size.

      • Anon

        Eh, I’m a 34DD and typically wear US 6-8, so I think her size range makes sense given a smaller cup size and, more importantly, we’re all made of different shapes even if we have the same numerical size! But then again I fall in the “getting a proper bra fitting changed my life” (ok, perhaps that’s exaggeration) category so I always support re-measuring.

      • Anon

        Comment disappeared so I apologize if this posts twice… FWIW I typically wear a US 6-8 (and of course depending on brand could go up or down multiple sizes from that!) and a 34DD bra so the sizes she specified don’t seem too off to me (smaller cup size = smaller shirt size). We’re all different shapes regardless of what numerical size we fall under so it’s hard to predict anyway!

      • just Karen

        10 pounds ago I was a 34B and a US 4/6 in tops – the band size is separate from cup size, so if you have a larger cup size, a 34 band plus bigger cup equals larger total circumference. In other words, a 34B and a 36B are going to be the same circumference, just a different proportion of cup to band. Shoulder width also matters a lot in shirt sizing. I have no doubt you both know your own sizes. Whether you intended it to be or not, your post was pretty rude.

        • Anonymous

          Actually, this is incorrect. For circumference, 34B is equal to 32C or 36A. The only difference is the proportion of cup to band. In the industry they’re known as “sister sizes”.

  14. Allergic to silk?

    This blouse reminds me: I have three silk blouses that are basically ruined because they make me sweat! No amount/type of deoderant/antiperspirant will stop this. I tried wearing them under suit jackets, and they were disgusting by the end of the day. The same jackets paired with other tops (cotton, poly, etc.) don’t produce the same results. I wore one of the blouses on its own and it still made me sweat even though I was freezing and wished I had a jacket or sweater to wear over it for warmth. Am I the only one with this problem? I suppose it’s nice to just be excused from buying expensive silk blouses, but it just seems so wierd!

    • Pam

      It never occurred to me before, but now that you’ve mentioned it I have this exact same problem! I never made the connection with silk as the issue but now that I think about it, it definitely is something that happens without fail when I wear silk, which is why I now avoid it entirely. Interesting…

    • Gus

      I have this exact same problem. I almost think it’s a psychological problem — I know if I sweat in a silk blouse it will be ruined, and the more I think that, the more likely I am to start sweating. The clinical strength anti-perspirant that you can get over the counter now helps enough that if I wear a silk blouse on its own, I will *probably* (but not definitely) be ok. But if I wear a silk blouse under a jacket, forget about it. I just don’t buy silk blouses any more, except for an occasional sleeveless patterned one to wear under suits.

    • Orangerie

      This happens to me, too. A good dry cleaner can get most perspiration stains out of silk blouses. Alternatively, perhaps you could try the disposable underarm liners/sweat absorbers? Amazon has a lot of different options.

    • Alanna of Trebond

      Just wear a thin cotton t-shirt under the blouses–saves on dry cleaning costs.

  15. Leslie

    I love this blouse! I know it’s a great sale, but it’s still a bit pricey for my budget. I could see you getting a ton of wear out of it. I have a wide ribcage (but a relatively small chest), so I often have the problem of blouses gaping. It’s very frustrating!

    • anon

      I have the same exact problem and it’s so frustrating. My shirt is held together with hollywood fashion tape as I type. No matter how much weight I lose, there’s nothing I can do about bone placement!

      • Anon

        Loft has a nearly identical (and cheaper) blouse. It is not silk, however. It is called the Box Pleat 3/4 Sleeve Blouse.

  16. Home Office IRS Tax Question

    Threadjack for tax attorneys / CPA’s: my DH has a full time job, and occassionally also contracts on the side with some of his older employers. He got at 1099 this year and has not other expenses / deductions other than potentially home office. I know this deduction is sometimes a red flag for an audit, so do you guys know of a good resource to figure out if he qualifies for the home office deduction? Do you just have to do your contracting work at home? Or have a separate room dedicated to that purpose? Any particular requirements a home office must meet to qualify for the deduction? Thanks hive!

    • Been There

      I am not a tax atty/CPA. You should probably ask one of them. However, I do have a DH who did contract work (1099) for all of 2013. We did extensive research and found that you need to (1) be able to show that your home is your office (vs. exclusively a dedicated space at the client site) and (2) the space in your “home office” is not used for any other purpose. HOWEVER. We learned that you can deduct, say, 50% of the sq footage of a room. This is particularly relevant for us since DH uses our spare bedroom as an office, but that office also has a bunch of other cr@p in it. So we took photos of the layout for the record (clearly 50% or more is Official Office), and deducted home office square footage equivalent to 50% of the room.

      I would also look carefully at how you are/are not deducting mileage etc. That gets tricky as well and is tied, to an extent, to your ability to claim home office. (if your office is your home, you can deduct mileage from home [office] to client. If your office is at the client, you can’t deduct mileage).

      There are official documents online that talk about this specifically; a dedicated google will lead you there. We have squeaky clean taxes and a disgustingly efficient receipt binder for 2012 (we knew we’d have to do major record keeping for 1099 work), so we aren’t afraid of an audit should it happen. That said…my dad was a high earning independent consultant for almost 2 decades, and always deducted the pants off our (expensive) home. He was never once audited and kept “records” in a giant shoebox. He was totally above board, but his likelihood of audit is WAAAAYYY higher than mine (or yours).

    • Blonde Lawyer

      Is your husband’s full-time job as a federal employee? Certain agencies prohibit their employees from claiming the home office if they work from home. I don’t know the specifics but I know for some people in my husband’s job it became an issue if a spouse had a deductible home office. Just be careful.

      (Also, how is it legal for government agencies to tell their employees they are forbidden from taking advantage of certain tax provisions??)

  17. ouch

    TJ–help.

    I moved away from my boyfriend and family to take a job. It wasn’t like I had much of a choice–I was working a job that required only a high school education and I have master’s degree. I’m not too far away (1 hr plane ride), but it is a struggle. The new job is great, but man do I miss my boyfriend and family. My boyfriend and I have agreed that we are only going to do long distance for a year, after which I will either find a way to move home or he will come here, but I still feel like I’m dying inside. I’m so lonely. Does anyone have any advice? I know I had to take this job to further (read: start) my career, but at the same time, I’m wondering if it was worth it. At least I know each day is one less day I have to be far away.

    Oh, and I already have a therapist and I’m already on anti-depressants, so there’s that.

    • Apple

      Hang in there! It sounds like you need to make friends in your new location (not easy I know). Can you do a hobby/class/work out activity/volunteer activity that would help you meet people?

    • rosie

      Hugs. Some long distance tips that helped me:
      – Schedule your visits in advance if you can. When I was long distance with my now-husband, we generally saw each other once a month unless things were too busy. Even knowing that goal, it was so reassuring to know that we actually had tickets purchased and concrete plans–it really gave me something to look forward to.
      – Hulu dates. We would go on g-chat (g-talk?) and watch the same show together.

      I am pretty introverted, so lots of social interactions don’t necessarily make me feel good and/or less lonely, although I appreciated having dinner plans with a friend, etc. Have you started your job yet? Is it the type of thing where you can get lunch/drinks/dinner with a group of coworkers? Consider signing up for a class for something that you like to meet people and to structure your time outside of work–exercise, cooking, book club, etc.

    • ss

      It may help to take the perspective that this is a year for you to experience life on your own terms – please only yourself on where you live and how you spend your down-time. Work hard/ late if you feel like it, acquire some independent interests from those you share with bf and family, pick up a couple of new friends who will have a chance to know you as someone with her feet on the first rung of her career.

      Many people experience this when they go away to school or during a gap year but you will also have a paycheck on which to live the year out in comfort while doing your bit of self-discovery.

    • roses

      Do you have friends in your new city? I’m long-distance too and was horribly lonely when I first got here, but once I started making friends and going out it got a lot easier (and if your new city is DC, let me know and I’ll be your friend :) ).

        • Alana

          DC is one of the better environments to be an adult newcomer. If you are politically oriented, you could get involved with the local chapter of your party. There are also tons of happy hours. You can also join professional women’s groups. Depending on your interest in sports, there are coed adult leagues in softball and the like. You could joing your local alumni group. There are groups for people from your home state as well.

          + 10000 to Blonde Lawyer’s comments below.

    • Blonde Lawyer

      I moved to a new city with my now husband, far away from any friends and family. We were on completely separate shifts and could sometimes go days without seeing each other. I know my situation was different than yours, but like you, I had to figure out a way to be independent and fill my time.

      I decided for the first few months I wasn’t going to actively try to make friends (and be depressed at how much I was failing). Instead, I decide to do all kinds of things that I wanted to do and not care if I did them alone. I had to branch into doing solo activities. It didn’t come naturally.

      First, I picked up photography. I felt less “odd” walking around town, staring at things, if I had a camera around my neck. I was out “making art” not the wandering loser with no friends (which I know I wasn’t.) Next, I started exercising outside. I’d bike a (safe) trail, cross country ski across a field. That made me find locations I loved in my new town.

      After that I started getting really into my local library. I love reading magazines and mine had every magazine but you couldn’t check them out. (I also had Wed./Thur. as my days off which is why I could do some of this stuff.) I’d spend hours, sitting in a fancy leather chair, in a fancy library, reading cosmo and glamour.

      Then I started going to some local cafe’s. I’d get a fancy tea and read a book. From there, I branched into going to the local independent theater. Again, it was an artsy thing so I felt less intimidated than I would with a regular movie theater.

      I found places that offered awesome meals that weren’t sit down dinner style. Places that I could order and eat at the counter like I was on the go. That got me eating out alone some.

      Next I went downhill skiing alone. I loved cutting the lines and meeting new five minute friends on the lift each time. I eventually bought a season pass and spent the entire winter skiing solo on pretty much all my days off.

      In the spring I tried drawing, tried writing poetry, started crocheting, saw a psychic, got massages, whatever I wanted to do. I walked dogs at the local animal shelter too.

      Finally, my husband and I got similar schedules and made a few friends. I want you to know, though, I look back on that time of my life as one of my favorites. It was hard then, but I really had so much fun, learned a lot about myself, and grew as a person. There is something really freeing about knowing that you can have fun all by yourself.

      • Blonde Lawyer

        One other important point, and this is kind of dating myself, but this was pre-social media. I had internet with email and the news and stuff but blogs and facebook weren’t yet a thing. I also didn’t have cable. So, I had to get out there or stare at a wall. I think now I probably would have wasted my days online or watching tv. If you think you are falling into that rut, try to make a rule that on one day off per week, you will be electronic free!

      • Nonny

        Great post, Blonde Lawyer. I’m not in the OP’s position now, but I have been. Your attitude is inspiring and I love all the things you tried! I took a similar approach when I lived across the pond in the UK and was far away from friends and family, and I came to really enjoy doing things on my own. It really requires a shift in viewpoint but is so worth it!

      • Aria

        Great ideas! I actually just moved cross-country for a great job and, in addition to not having any friends here, I’m struggling with how to make long-distance work with my boyfriend (who’s currently trying to move here). However, when I got here I told myself I’d take two months off for myself before I tried making friends (or visited the bf) — two months to get unpacked and settled, to figure out my new city, find new restaurants and parks, catch up on tv and books and movies and to just spend time focused on myself. I’m currently on week 3 and still not at all bored or ready to start trying to make friends, so we’ll see how I feel after the next five weeks are up. But in the meantime, I’m enjoying all this time to focus on myself — to sit around in ugly pjs and watch girlie tv or read cheesy romance novels or eat food my bf hates…so try to find things to do that you enjoy and relish in the time you can spend focusing on yourself!

    • Ann

      When you feel down, listen to the loneliness meditation (a free podcast download on itunes) by meditation station. I’ve used it a few times and love it.

  19. TCFKAG

    I think this may officially have to be a spluge purchase for me. I love the color and the cut and the neckline. Also silk!

    • SFBayA

      I ordered this last week when they were doing some random promo, so it was $77.52. The box should come tomorrow, along with a lot of other merch. I’m even more excited now that there are so many ladies here that like it too. I ordered it in a 2 and a 0 – I don’t know which size will fit.

    • frugal doc..

      I did read it, and I appreciated the honesty.

      In my small specialized world, people never acknowledge struggles, and judge people based on a very straight career path and can be very harsh. If you step out or have what is considered a failure or serious diversion, you often are never looked at the same again. I suspect quite a few people have stories that they have changed/hidden to be accepted, and that is really too bad.

      I work in a very male dominated world.

    • mascot

      Do you think part of it relates to people’s reluctance to talk about why they left one position for another? We see plenty of posts about how someone sees the writing on the wall, but manages to get into another position before the inevitable axing. That person may feel like they almost failed by getting fired/ laid-off. I don’t know that they would feel comfortable speaking openly and honestly once in that new position.

      • CKB

        I agree with this. I almost got fired from my last job. I now know what ‘bad fit’ truly means. It was awful, and my self confidence really took a beating. However, I was able to get a new job fairly easily, and have done really well – getting a major promotion just more than a year after being hired, and taking on some pretty major projects. I don’t feel comfortable saying “yeah, I almost got fired from my last job” at my now job because I don’t want people to think less of me, even though it was less my fault and more circumstance fault.

        Before this experience I always thought when people said it was a ‘bad fit’ it was because they sucked at their job. Maybe sometimes that’s the case, but in my situation it was more a combination of personality, unrealistic expectations, and lack of training that were ultimately responsible for me leaving that position.

    • JK

      I read it and really appreciated it. A lot of us young professionals CAN’T really be on the narrow traditional path they may have intended today based on the economy. I know it’s true with my law school friends (c/o 2011). It helps to know that people in great situations now may have started out with some missteps and struggles.

    • TBK

      It’s an interesting perspective. My husband works some in the start-up sector and their approach to failure is totally different than your typical DC lawyer approach. Failure is expected and something of a badge of honor. Everyone has a business that didn’t work out. It’s more important for people to have tried in the first place, and to show they can pick themselves up and try again. There is zero shame attached to having a failed business.

      I was on a career panel one time and, afterward, a law student told me she felt like she’d never measure up to all the impressive people up there on that panel. Um, yeah, she hasn’t seen the time I’ve spent curled up sobbing on my bathroom floor because I felt like a total failure after getting a bad grade/job rejection/bad review/etc. etc. etc., convinced this was the end of everything. How many people are doing what they’re doing today not because they chose it but because they were in a tight spot and had to grab whatever was coming along? I bet quite a lot. And I bet more today than five years ago.

      I’m tempted to start some sort of Failure movement (circles?) to encourage people to talk about their failures and how they moved on from them. Those are the most helpful stories.

      • Anon

        Watch Brene Brown’s most recent TED talk – she actually referred to TED as “the failure conference” because virtually none of the TED fellows were afraid to fail/hadn’t failed big time in pursuit of their goals. (For those who haven’t seen the talk or read anything by Brene Brown, failure = a good thing, and nothing to be afraid of).

        • Nonny

          I went to a conference once that was full of technology entrepreneurs, and the keynote speaker said that the best thing you can learn as a new entrepreneur is how to fail.

    • hoola hoopa

      It’s interesting, because I wouldn’t even classify this as failure. When I read it, I only picked up on “taking a ‘risk’ (that’s less risky when you have nothing to loose) to readjust your trajectory”.

      Great post. Thanks for sharing.

  21. Orangerie

    Ladies, I need some help! One of my best friends is graduating from law school in May and I would like to send her a gift. My budget is around $75 but willing to go a bit higher for the perfect gift.

    What law school graduation gifts have you received or given that were a hit? She is going on a post-bar trip to Croatia and Greece, but I’m not sure I want to go the route of getting her something related to the trip. Any and all suggestions are much appreciated!

    • rosie

      What is she doing after law school? Do you want to get her a professional gift? I wish I had a business card case, so I would suggest that as a gift (I’m a lawyer)–it will take me a while to get around to picking one out for myself, so I would love if someone would pick one out for me as a gift.

      If you want to go jewelry, I think a plain-ish necklace in her preferred metal would be a great gift–something that she can wear with a lot of different outfits that will look professional and remind her of your friendship. I’m thinking a simple chain with interlocking circles from BlueNile, or something similar.

      • AnonInfinity

        One of my best friends got me a business card case with my initials engraved on the front and “Love, [friend’s name]” on the back. It’s not exactly the style case I would have chosen, but it’s one of my very favorite possessions. It makes me feel like I’ve got her close by even though we live in different states and don’t get to see each other as much as we’d like.

      • Anon in NYC

        I agree that a business card case would be nice. I keep meaning to buy myself a nice one but then always hesitate to spend the money, so I’m using the terrible plastic one that comes with the box of cards.

      • Orangerie

        She hasn’t lined up a job yet, but I think she will be clerking temporarily while waiting for the bar results to come out. I like the idea of a business card case; I sent her a necklace for her birthday earlier this year so would prefer to do something more directly related to law school.

        • AIMS

          What may also be nice is to make some plain, professional cards for her to put in the card case. If she hasn’t lined up employment yet, she will probably be doing a lot of networking and cards will be really helpful.
          Just keep it simple: Name, Professional Email, Phone.

  22. TO Lawyer

    I started to post a reply to the OP above who is in a long distance relationship but then something occurred to me – I’m not sure I’m in any position to be able to give relationship advice. I’ve posted here before about the rocky patch my SO and I have been going through… we got back together about a month ago but it doesn’t really seem to be working. I feel like I’m not quite ready to let go yet (and I’m sure if things continue to deteriorate I will reach that point, probably sooner rather than later).

    But here is my question now – I’m not really sure how to act anymore. Lately, I’ve been taking a disengaged approach, as in I’m willing to participate but I’m not driving things anymore. Should I be taking a more engaged approach and hope that things will either improve or I’ll be able to walk away or just wait and see if he can step up (which is what I’ve been trying to do)?

    • hoola hoopa

      If you walk away, the relationship will end. A solid relationship can’t sustain one partner stepping out, and a rocky relationship definitely cannot.

      I have not followed this relationship, but from what you wrote here, it sounds to me like he is already done and that you know it should end, too.

    • Liz

      If you step back, I bet he will, too, because he will feel that you are disengaging and he doesn’t want to be the person putting in too much effort. If you continue as you are, he won’t know that you are upset about how much effort you are putting in relative to him. Therefore, I think you should tell him your concerns — along the lines of, you feel like you’re putting in all the effort, and it makes you worry that you value the relationship more than he does / he’s stepping back / you’re more committed than he is / etc. Don’t be accusatory, don’t make this into an accounting or a t1t for tat, but do communicate your concern. And then listen to what he has to say.

      My suspicion, based on your posts in recent months, is that it may be time to end the relationship. But if you have put in the time and effort, and if you are still invested, then you should make sure it’s ending for the right reasons (it isn’t working despite both of you putting in the effort) rather than the wrong ones (lack of communication + unilateral withdrawal).

    • Anonymous

      He is already done. He has been done, he broke up with you right? But then missed you and wanted to get back together? Its naturally to miss someone when you break up, but there is a reason the “getting back” together almost never works, ESPECIALLY if nothing has changed. (IE he didn’t move to where you are and ask to get back together.) It sounds like you both have one foot out of the relationship. IMO, I think you should break up now. These fading long distance relationships where both people are uncertain end a lot of times when one person cheats or starts becoming interested in someone else. I think you should just end it now. I am sorry you are going through this.

    • TO Lawyer

      He didn’t really break-up with me, although I guess that’s a technicality. And I know this all logically – I understand we’re probably done BUT I just can’t let go for some reason. I think because I see so much potential in him as my life partner and in us, that every time I think about actually ending things for good, I think about how good we were together and I lose my nerve. I’m sure I will get to a point where I am ready to let go, but I’m just not there yet.

      Anyone know how I can get to that point where I’m ready to let go?

      • Equity's Darling

        Well, if you think it’s over, it’s better to end it while things are still positive instead of ending up with an acrimonous breakup, and the longer you stay with him, the more time you are unavailable for a relationshp closer to home… and, it’s also really not fair to him- if he’s a great guy, then he deserves the chance to be with someone who’s truly “in” the relationship.

        If you think you’re done, then you have to let go. If you’re not done, then…you need to communicate to fix the issues you have.

      • JessC

        I have totally been where you are. I’m sorry you’re hurting like this.
        I hate to say it this way because it sounds so simplistic – but you just have to do it and stick to it. My ex and I did the breakup/get back together cycle so many times it’s kind of embarassing to admit. What finally made it stick this last time was not allowing myself ANY way to fall back into that pattern of starting to talk to him again which is what ALWAYS lead to us getting back together. After we brokeup, I deleted his phone number, his email address, and blocked his family members on facebook (he’s not on FB himself). As cruel as it sounds, it was self-preservation. If I ever, for some reason, need to get ahold of him I still can. But I’d have to do some digging to get the info and it wouldn’t be as simple as just sending him a text message.
        Honestly, it sounds like you’ve already checked out of the relationship (and he probably has too). If that’s the case, you’re just holding onto a habit (the habit being having him in your life). One of the turning points for me was accepting that my ex is not a bad guy, but he was never going to be what I needed and vice versa. There were alot of reasons he and SHOULD have worked (similar interests, beliefs and values, goals, etc), but we had very different ideas of what was necessary and how much effort a partner should be expected to put in in order for a relationship to work. Despite all his good qualities, he still needed to make some significant changes to become the partner I want and need. You can’t force someone to become the partner you want or wait for them to do it on their own.
        It will absolutely suck in the beginning – you will miss him like crazy, think about him all the time, etc. But you have to stick to it. The farther you get from it, the more clearly you’ll be able to see your relationship for the less-than-perfect thing that it was.

        • TO Lawyer

          This is really good advice and also seems to echo a lot of what I’m feeling. I haven’t checked out of the relationship I don’t think, but I think he may have. I doubt we’re breaking up in the next month – we’re going to a wedding together in early May but if things don’t seem to improve after that, I will have to take your advice and just stick to it.

          Thanks to everyone actually for your advice – I really appreciate this community!

      • phillygirlruns

        have you read “too good to leave, too bad to stay?” it’s a very, very difficult decision ending a relationship that’s not black-and-white awful, but that book can be very helpful in putting things into perspective.

        so sorry you’re going through this.

        • Parfait

          Agreed. It doesn’t tell you “This is a thing up with which you should not put!” It does ask questions that really help you decide for yourself what you want.

      • Brunette Elle Woods

        You’ll end it when you’re ready to end it. It took me 6 years to end my cyclical relationship and I’m pretty happy now. There are no regrets or questions left unanswered.

    • Snarkster

      From the outside, it seems like you’re ready to let go but you’re sticking around out of familiarity. If that rings true, then cut the cord. If not, then truly give it a shot. But don’t do this “meh” position because then you’re wasting itme and not emotionally available. Good luck!

    • AnnonFoo

      Please end it soon if you know in bottom of your heart this is over. I was in a similar place last year in a long distance, and I believe my ex basically disengaged from the relationship in the last few months. I kept visiting him in that time, he acted fine and but did not make much effort anymore. Towards the end, we had nothing to speak to each when out for what I now know was our last dinner together. I was too attached to him, fearful of being lonely so looked at the problem with rosy glasses instead of tackling it head on. He kept stringing me along until he definitely found someone else and THEN broke it off. That was so immensely hurtful and I made a fool of myself. I would rather he ended it sooner if he knew it and I won’t have wasted my time and money on him.

  23. JMDS

    any advice on sizing for the Shimera camis? The nordstrom reviews waffle between too small and too large. I am a 38G on top and usually wear a size 14. I’m not sure if I should buy the large or extra large.

      • Anonymous

        Another data point – normally I am 5’6″, 36B-C and a medium in Shimera tank. However, I’m currently 8 months pregnant, 30 pounds heavier and a 40DD and counting… and I’m still wearing the same Shimera tanks I did pre-pregnancy. They are stretchy!

  24. Pretzel_Logic

    Oh hallowed shopping gurus:

    I’m starting bar prep next month and my backpack is just about dead. I’m thinking I’m going to go straight from bar class to the gym and I’d like to have a moderately cute bag that can go both places. I had this one in mind (http://shop.lululemon.com/products/clothes-accessories/women-bags/Vinyasa-To-Vino-Bag?cc=10021&skuId=3485223&catId=women-bags) in the bright pink because, well, because pink/coral is awesome. The price is a little steep but I have store credit there after the infamous sheer pants debacle so it wouldn’t be horrific. Does anyone either have this bag and hate it/love it or are there similarly priced options out there that are better? I’m avoiding leather on purpose because it just gets so heavy, and I don’t want to take that to the gym, obviously.

    Also keep in mind that I’m starting bar prep so the cuter and happier-colored the bag, the better. :D

    • Anonymous

      I like this one, but for options, I’d take a look at Title Nine, and maybe Athleta.

    • LilyB

      best bag ever: Athleta “Spring Tote” in purple/gray. I LOVE IT and get so many compliments. It’s really the perfect gym bag.

    • Pumpkin

      I saw that bag last time I went in the store and didn’t like it– it was way too bulky/huge and awkward to carry (though I am almost 5’2″ on good days so ymmv). I would prob get the longchamp tote instead– you could get it in a fun color, it’s fine for school/gym, plus you can take it to your lawyer job once you pass the bar!

      good luck!

      • Pretzel_Logic

        lol no, I just told them the problem and they apologized profusely.

        And I’m pretty tall so I doubt the bag will look hilariously large on me. I have a smaller longchamp but it doesn’t have enough pockets so I have to do scavenger hunt every time I carry it.

    • Lily-Student

      LeSportsac have a rucksack called the Traveler or the Wanderer or something – it looks like a traditional knapsack but obviously in bright colours.

      I love mine SO MUCH. It comes with the highest recommendations.

      Also the Jansport Big Student is pretty enormous – they have one called the Superbreak that’s a little smaller.

  25. BB

    Oooo…totally tempted to buy this (with the husband’s Brooks Brothers’ card rewards haha). I want the white-ish one though because I want to wear it with jeans and I think navy + jeans is a bit too much blue. The white one looks like a stain magnet though…hmm…

    • Cat

      beware, the white one is sheer-er than it looks online – it didn’t pass the “hold your hand behind it” test in-store. if you’re planning on layering or cami-ing anyway, though, go for it.

  26. Anonymous

    This is just what I’ve been looking for!
    I’ve never bought anything from Brooks Brothers. Could someone tell me if their blouses run large, small or true to size?

    • Cat

      I responded upthread b/c I own this one – if you’re a 6 in jcrew button fronts, I’d go with 4 or possibly 2 for this.

    • magnolia

      i wouldn’t say they run large exactly, but they are cut more conservatively than other places like ann taylor/the gap. sometimes i go one size down, sometimes now, depending on how i want it to fit. kind of like land’s end, if you shop there.

  27. Escaping a nonprofit?

    Do any of you wise ladies have advice for how to gracefully exit from a position on a nonprofit board? For the past 1.5 years, I have been on the board of a local museum/arts organization. The board is dysfunctional, to say the least, and mostly comprised of people who have never served on a board or worked in a professional setting before. I’m an attorney and joined because the board needed help navigating a number of legal issues when the museum opened a couple years ago. Since then, the board’s demands on my time have been beyond anything I expected–apparently as board members, we’re expected to volunteer for every event (which we have monthly) and spend weekends manning various art shows, parties, etc. I didn’t think this would be my role when I joined, and my work schedule doesn’t really permit it. Meetings often run 3-4 hours because some board members get off task easily and have trouble focusing on the issues at hand.

    I don’t want to burn any bridges, and the board already has two vacancies. If I leave, they will be pretty shorthanded. At the same time, most of the other members are retirees or work part time, so they don’t seem to appreciate that I can’t be taking hours off of work every week for this project. When I joined, I was told my time commitment would be 2-3 hours a month. In reality, the demands have been much higher, and my caseload at work is now 8x what it was when I joined the board. There are personality issues at play here, too, though I’m on good terms with everyone. I guess I’m looking for help making a smooth exit without leaving the rest of the board with coming across as flaky!

    • hellskitchen

      Did you have a board term set when you first joined? If that’s coming up soon, I would try to hold off until then and then let them know you can’t renew your commitment at this time. Otherwise, you can ask for a meeting with the board chair and let them that you have an unexpected big project coming up at work and need to focus all your attention and spare time on it and therefore you will need to resign from the board. Depending on your interest in staying involved, you could offer to show up for one event a month or something. I have resigned from boards in the past and the “big work/personal thing coming up” excuse works better for me than saying I can’t handle the ongoing time commitment (in which case they offer to be less demanding of my time but that lasts only for a few days). I also offer specific things I am willing to do – e.g. connect them to people, share their events with my network etc. Don’t feel guilty about resigning.

    • ohc

      This might be asking too much, but do you perhaps know someone whom you could recommend as a new board member? That might ease the pain of your loss while hopefully also making a good contact for someone else; obviously, though, if you think the whole situation is nightmarish–it doesn’t come across that way in your post, but perhaps you are being kind–I wouldn’t blame you for not wanting to recommend any new victims.

      Other than that, I think you just need to set clear limits. Find out if there’s a formal resignation process, and if not, make sure that your intentions are as clear and as explicit as they can be. All the non-profits I deal with run on a June-to-June fiscal year–if that’s the case here, I might suggest trying to stick it out and give July 1 as your resignation date, just so that you can see through the commitments of this year.

      Now that I think of it, resigning from a board is a lot like gracefully resigning from a job–you want to make sure that you don’t leave any land mines behind for your successors, so try to start handing off projects or looping other people in on your responsibilities. You might also be able to make some structural recommendations to the organization–it sounds like they rely too heavily on their board members and not heavily enough on additional volunteers, like they would benefit from more structured meetings, etc. I’ve worked witha lot of new non-profits, and they’ve almost all been really eager for feedback on how to be more efficient and generative.

      Good luck!

  28. e_pontellier

    My employment law professor just said that “leaning in means leaning in to danger.” Discuss?

    • yawn

      I’ve heard so much about this book and haven’t even read it. Only one response has been good: the one from the former Sandberg/Facebook employee posted here yesterday. Everything else has been superficial at best, and most are attempts to capitalize on the title with a terrible pun.

  29. Anonforthis

    I realize there have been a lot of posts here lately about depression and hate to add one more, but thought people might have some insight for me. My husband suffers from depression and anxiety. It was really bad a few years ago and he went to a doctor and got on meds. The meds helped and he seemed to have more energy and a more positive outlook. About 18 months ago, he went off them (under the doctor’s supervision). He was fine for a long time, but I feel like these last three or four months he’s been a lot more negative than usual. He points out (correctly) that we’re dealing with a lot of big issues right now. He’s under considerable pressure at work for a multi-year project, for which he’s the lead, that is at risk of getting scrapped. If the project gets scrapped, he’ll likely have to find a new job. His brother has been dealing with some issues and he’s had to step up and deal with that and provide support to their mom. Plus we’re dealing with some fertility issues. He also attributes his negative view of the world to the fact that he lost his dad in an accident several years ago, which makes him less likely to look on the bright side and instead to assume that the worst is likely to happen.

    I see all this, but I also think that you can have stress and other stuff going on in your life and yet still be able to enjoy a gorgeous sunset, or appreciate what you do have in life. Instead, he walks around in a bad mood, and talks frequently about how he hates himself and he has no skills and will never be successful in life, and life is just terrible and s@cks.

    I guess my question is how do I tell what’s mental illness and what’s just personality? Is there a difference between being a pessimist and being depressed? He sees his view of life to be highly rational and realistic, and sees mine to be often blindly optimistic. Frankly, if I believed the world to be as bad as he says it is, I really think I would consider suicide. It’s such a bleak outlook. This causes stress for us because his consistently gloomy demeanor makes me unhappy. I hate seeing him like this and try to reason with him to see things in a better light, or do things to lessen the burden on him if he’s stressed, but feel like I don’t get anywhere, which is incredibly frustrating for me. He then feels like I’m punishing him for expressing his feelings when I say that his gloominess is making me unhappy.

    If this is just a personality difference, we’ll have to just make it work. I just don’t want him (and me) to suffer if it’s a treatable part of depression and anxiety rearing its head again. How do I tell?

    • Jo March

      I’m not sure how you tell, except for thinking about whether he had this attitude while he was on the meds. Also, whether it is the depression/anxiety or just personality, it sounds like this is serious enough to you that some counselling (DEFINITELY for him, especially if his meds were prescribed by a GP and he never did any therapy! and probably for the two of you together) is in order.

      Good luck and all the best with this, plus big internet hugs! My ex also suffered from anxiety and depression, but other than going on meds so he could continue working, he did nothing to address his issues. And his constant negativity was definitely one of the things that led to my not being able to take it anymore. The fact that he wouldn’t even take steps to address how his mental health was affecting me/our relationship ended up being a deal-breaker. So yeah, I think he should really get himself to a therapist if he’s that down all the time.

    • anon

      That sounds very difficult, and I feel for you. Maybe you could go to couple’s therapy together? I know that may not sound super appealing, but it may be a relief for both of you to understand what the other one is feeling, and to have a neutral third party there to help you understand healthy coping mechanisms that might work for both of you. I would try to get a recommendation from a friend. Therapists can really vary, and you want to find one that is really experienced and insightful and will help you feel safe. This just sounds miserable for both of you, and I think it’s worth the investment and time to try to find a way out. You can’t be responsible for how he’s feeling, but it is effecting you too, and this is your one life to live and you don’t want to spend it feeling stuck and weighed down by this. Hug.

    • anonymous for this

      I’m sorry that you have to go through this. I think Jo March is right in asking whether he had this behavior while on meds. Also, did he exhibit this type of behavior before the depression (or before it began taking a significant toll)?

      I can only speak from my experience, and I am doing well, but still on meds. Haven’t yet tried to go off them, yet. Nevertheless, I know that when things get really stressful, the depression-related symptoms that I feel like I have under control come forth hard and fast, and it is a struggle to keep them at bay and focus. Sadly, I can’t handle stress like I used to before the onset of depression. But therapy helps. Was your husband in therapy while on medication or has he been in therapy before? This might be an option worth considering if his attitude is starting to affect both of you. It might also help your husband better handle the pressure and stress he’s currently experiencing.

      Good luck!

    • Famouscait

      I hope you see this response, even though it’s late in the day…

      My husband has bipolar disorder, which is commonly misdiagnosed as depression when it first presents. While considering a diagnosis of bipolar can seem (perhaps) worse, once he was correctly diagnosed, we were at least fighting the correct fight, and there’s a lot to be said for that. Based on your description of your husband’s moods and the intervals between them, I would seek another opinion regarding his diagnosis. Mental illness is tricky to diagnose properly, so getting a second or third opinion is probably a good idea. You should also seek out a provider who has experience in this area.

      In regards to differences in personality, I can clearly identify what is my husband’s personality, and what is bipolar disorder. Mental illness is not a personality flaw (not that you’re saying that) but if his day-to-day self seems to be different than the man you know and love, I would read that as a sign that something is out of balance. I am naturally an optimist; my husband is not. However, I have learned to tell the difference from his normal, “glass-is-half-empty” personality and when he is displaying increased irritability, for example (a symptom of mania/hypomania in bipolar). You said that you’re unable to reason with him, because it gets you no where: mental illness *is* unreasonable, so I also see this as another indicator.

      I’m certainly not interested in diagnosing via blog-post, but I read so much in your comment that feels recognizable to me. I encourage you to seek help for your husband and yourself. Best wishes your way.

    • mama of 2

      I echo famouscait’s advice to get a second opinion on the diagnosis. What you’ve just described sounds incredibly similar to a friend of mine, who thought he had bouts of depression until a psychiatrist finally diagnosed him with bipolar disorder. Having a diagnosis and the right medications is essential. My friend never had classic “mania,” but he did have the bleak outlook that you’ve described. Good luck to you; I hope you find some answers.

  30. Cornellian

    I have about $100 to spend at Lands End. I don’t usually shop much there (everything seems sort of huge), but the stuff I do have seems good quality. I’m an athletically built size 2 who works in big law…. does anyone have any items they’d particularly recommend? They have such a huge selection it’s sort of overwhelming.

    • Mpls

      If you’re iffy on the clothes, check out the home items – sheets, towels, luggage, pet items.

    • Blonde Lawyer

      I have rain boots from there I love and I like their ponte knit dress but I’m a 4/6 and the small is huge so you might be sized out as a 2. You say you are athletically built. My friend with super muscular calves loves their knee high boots. I bought a pair but they were huge on me. Their Canvas line seems to be geared more to the younger crowd. Can you spend your money there too?

    • Abby Lockhart

      I got some great dresses there in the winter and find them to be flattering go-tos. BUT, I am far from a size 2. If I were in your shoes, I would probably pick a basic, like t-shirts, tanks or camis or twill pants/shorts (if they look like they might work), and stock up. Their basics are usually well-made and well-priced.

    • Nonny

      I have had a great experience with the quality of Land’s End clothing, but I don’t wear any LE stuff at the office. The collective hive experience seems to be that their wrap dresses are really good for the office – that might be worth checking out.

      On the casual side, they are one of the only places I trust to buy pants from because they have a great range of fits and they will hem to a specified length. I love the cords that I have from them.

      Is your gift card valid for Land’s End Canvas as well? If it is, that might be worth checking out too – slightly trendier items. I haven’t looked at their spring selection yet but I have a few casual dresses from there and find they have held up well.

    • Anonymous

      LE also is really great for bathing suits; I’ve bought 3 or 4 there and they were always well-fitting and pretty flattering (although I’m an unathletic 12-14 and have to get DD cups — no idea how the sizes and fit are for a smaller size). You can check out a small selection of their things in Sears stores, which will give you some ideas and some info about sizing.

      • Jules

        Bah, this was me, I can never remember to put my name in each time now.

        I also meant to second the rec for LE’s home goods. We have a really nice polartec electric blanket that still looks great after maybe 7 or 8 years. The home items are not cheap, but there are good sales/overstock items.

    • Mary Ann Singleton

      I’ve recently (upon recommendations from this site) gotten into their thick cotton dresses – super comfortable, machine washable, and feel like wearing PJs but still appropriate for the office. I’m a size 2 as well and I find that some of them fit great (size 2 or XS) and some are too big, so those get returned, but I’ve kept at least 4 dresses from LE in the last few months and they are becoming my go-to dresses for work (because I’m lazy and it’s simple to put on a dress in the morning). I’ll post some links to the ones that worked for me.

  31. nousha

    It’s pretty but I don’t need to be very businessy at work, so I’ll wear this with a dark straight jeans, and yellow handbag! And flat shoes, I need to be comfortable at work!!

    • anon

      I think the poor grammar and shrill tone contribute to how annoying many of us find nousha. Plus I don’t actually like her fashion advice.

      • yep

        I actually clicked through to the website to make sure that she wasn’t one of Ellen’s friends. Similarly tone-deaf.

      • MB

        This is beyond rude. She actually is a real person, I assume. Just skip past her posts. I don’t really see the problem or the need for hostility and outright rudeness.

        • Curious George

          +1. Spammer or not, if her comments aren’t your cup of tea, just skip them and don’t click the link. It’s sad. All these anti-Nousha comments reflect exactly the type of bashing many women in the workplace encounter from other women colleagues – i.e., she’s so aggressive, she’s so self-promoting, etc.

        • Jules

          Agreed, this is rude and uncalled for. Nousha took to heart the criticisms about advertising her blog and is trying to be a good member of this community And my impression is that perhaps English is not her first language, which might lead to some minor errors in spelling or grammar or make some subtle differences in tone.

      • meme

        She’s clearly a real person who doesn’t speak English as her first language. And I, for one, like her blog. Sheesh, random people on the Internet can be so awful and mean. Just lay off rather than trying to mean-girl her away from here.

        • Anon

          This.

          No one is forcing you to check out (or revisit) a site that you’ve decided is not for you.

      • Anon from Chicago

        seriously? Why are you picking on this commenter. She has taken commentors’ advice about linking to her blog, and i think her comment here is totally appropriate. In fact, i was expecting to scroll down and find comments like “that sounds cute” which it totally does. In fact, I’m thinking of getting a similar outfit to wear myself it sounds so cute.

      • Blonde Lawyer

        I agree with those saying this comment is mean. When people posted telling her to stop naming her blog in every comment and to instead just link it w/ her name, she complied. Her blog also looks pretty cool. I’m guessing English isn’t her first language.

        • anon

          ok, fair enough. original commenter here. it didn’t occur to me that it wasn’t her first language–i really just thought it sounded like spam. not trying to be mean at all, it just really didn’t occur to me that she was a real person (at least, in the form she is taking).

          but thinking that something on the internet sounds spammy, by the way, is totally not the same thing as “women being mean to other women.”

          • Anonymous

            your comment was rude and uncalled for, regardless of why you said it. And it appears it was meant to be mean, you just thought she was a “spammer” promoting her blog, and apparently in your mind, it is ok to be mean to spammers, i guess because you dont consider them to be eal people. so yes, this was “women being mean to other women.”

  32. recent grad

    Anyone have any thoughts on the tall clothes at Athleta? I’ve never bought anything from Athleta before and am wondering about the quality, sizing, etc. Also, are there any discount codes available now? Thanks!

    • rosie

      I love their swimsuits. I have two of the “fake” string bikinis (one solid, one pattern purchased in end-of-season sale). They have held up well and are comfortable for swimming and playing in the water. I also have a dress from them that I like a lot as a casual summer dress. I am 5’8” and typically a size 6. I think I bought the dress in a medium, and it’s not a tall size (not sure if tall was an option for this dress), but the dress is about knee-length, so plenty long for the style.

    • Pippi

      The quality is decents – I only have a pair of workout pants, but they’ve held up very well. The clothes fit great if you’re tall and athletic, though the ones I tried on in the store tended to look mumsy on me.

      • Emjay

        I couldn’t speak to the tall sizing, but I highly recommend Athleta’s quality. I just bought four things from them (coverup, pair of pants and two dresses) and it’s rare that I go four-for-four success with online shopping :)

    • Samantha

      I’m not super tall (5’5″) but have bought a dress and a skirt in tall sizes because I wanted them to be knee length. Love both items. I’d buy more except I don’t have a whole lot of use-case, and some items are overpriced and I’d rather wait for a sale.

  33. Neti Pot

    Has anyone ever used a Neti Pot? I’ve been suffering from some low grade sinus congestion and am simultaneously intrigued and horrified by the Neti Pot. I’ve also seen those news stories about people dying after using one, so I’m a bit hesitant. Also, I have a slightly deviated septum, if that affects effectiveness.

    • TBK

      My husband has used one before and loves it. He gets terrible allergies and thinks it’s great at opening up congestion. As for people dying, my understanding is that they were using plain tap water and it had bacteria or something in it. If you used distilled water, I think you’d be okay (but you probably want to do some research to make sure). Also, drug stores sell these pre-filled aerosol devices you can use instead. (I forget what the name is but I think it has ocean or sea it its name and has a bright orange nozzle.)

    • Nonny

      I use one when I have a cold or feel one coming on. I used to be horrified by the thought of using one, but was commanded to get one by a doctor a few years ago, and haven’t looked back. I now truly think that using one significantly reduces both the duration and severity of sinus colds, when I get them. I don’t use distilled water (I clearly live on the edge), but generally boil tap water and let it cool before using it. Once or twice when I’ve had to take the Neti-Pot travelling with me, I’ve either used ordinary bottled water or just plain tap water.

      I know that proper yogis use them on a daily basis. I’ve considered doing that but haven’t sufficiently organized myself yet!

    • rosie

      Yes, I like it a lot. I have a plastic one (I think the brand is Neil Med or Neti Med), and I like the solution packets that that brand makes. Use distilled water and be diligent about cleaning it (I typically wash with warm water and soap and then microwave to dry). I’ve also read that you can use brita water that you then boil and allow to cool, but there’s no way I would do that on a regular basis, and I would rather buy a gallon of distilled water than have to worry about all those steps and keeping everything clean.

      I use it when I have a cold–often I have to have just showered to get myself a little less stuffed up so it will work (sorry for the TMI). Also, if I just have some lingering congestion, it helps.

      It’s not that scary. Breathe through your mouth and tilt your head forward, and you won’t get water down your throat. Also, it shouldn’t burn, so if it does, make sure the water is lukewarm and the packet of stuff is totally dissolved.

    • LR

      I use one, specifically the squirt bottle by NeilMed with their premixed packets. I use one when my allergies are bothering me or I can feel sinus congestion starting. I used to get a couple sinus infections a year and I haven’t had a single one since starting to use the sinus rinse. I probably use it 2-3 times every couple months on average.

      I live on the edge and use warm tap water. I’ve tried using distilled water but I find it painful to use room-temperature water and I’m realistically not going to heat the water up and let it cool before using it.

      The two people who died last year used tap water containing an amoeba. This amoeba is usually found in warm surface waters, and most cases are found in the south. There were only 123 cases between 1962 and 2011, and they were mainly from swimming these warm waterbodies where the amoeba was present. The odds of me dying from this are so slim, particularly because I live in the north, that I find it to be an acceptable risk. YMMV.

    • Neti Pot

      Thanks! You’ve convinced me to give it a try. Rosie, I just bought the NeilMed one too. I like that it comes with the pre-packaged saline mix.

  34. Anon

    Could someone please point me to the post where Cat described a product to buy to put in the bottom of a handbag or tote to help it stay up and keep its shape? I’ve tried searching the site and through google and can’t find it. Or if you have a product you like that does this, please let me know – I don’t want to just cut out cardboard!
    Thanks!

    • Miss A

      extrapetite talked about her bag bottoms for her Prada Saffiano double zip. the same manufacturer also makes them for the neverfull.

      Oddly enough, I have both and don’t feel the need, but also do put really heavy items in them.

    • Mpls

      Extrapetite’s blog has done a post on a product to keep the bottom of the bag from sagging, but I don’t know if I recall anything supporting other bag structure.

    • Anon

      Thanks – I must have read about it at extrapetite, which would explain why I couldn’t find the post on Corporette! Thanks so much.

    • KinCA

      I actually made my own “bag shaper” for the bottom of my bag, after getting frustrating trying to measure my bag perfectly so I could order a custom bag shaper online. I found a YouTube tutorial on how to do this, but it was super easy. I simply bought a flexible clear plastic cutting sheet, folded it in half and cut it down to the appropriate size to fit inside the bottom of my bag.

      It took less than 10 minutes, cost me $5 or so, and was super easy (and I am not a DIY-er by any means). I do feel slightly ridiculous carrying an expensive designer handbag with a cheap plastic cutting board on the inside, but it totally serves its purpose (and no one knows)!

  35. Suzer

    I find neti-pots helpful, but not a cure-all. I’d compare the effect to a long steamy shower. I feel much better for a while, but it doesn’t last. It’s easy to use, once you get over the weirdness of it.

    As for safety, that depends on your water. I live in a major metropolitan area, and my doctor said he uses it with tap water on his 5 year old, so I do as well. You could buy distilled water.

  36. BBL

    Any ladies here currently professional realtors? I’ve decided to pursue a real estate career this summer and am looking for input on how you got rolling once you became licensed.

  37. Curious George

    I have a BR shell with similar pleats running down the center. It drives me bonkers that they won’t stay in a straight line. Looks like the same thing is going on with this blouse. I’m surprised no one has mentioned this. If you own this blouse, do the pleats ride to the side at all?

  38. Judy

    Just a heads up, all, that silk blouse price has dropped to $45.60 and there are still plenty of sizes yet! Really glad I didn’t order when I saw the first post yesterday, but I just ordered now. Woohoo!

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