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Updated: Nov 1, 2018 189 Comments · by

Coffee Break: Suit Garment Bag

Coffee Break

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Brooks Brothers Suit Garment BagAs far as luggage goes, suit garment bags are not the most interesting thing — but they do come in handy with everything from suits (although you can fold a suit jacket) to evening gowns to between. This garment bag (available in both black and brown) features ballistic nylon with leather trim, and water-repellant exterior pockets. It's $198 at Brooks Brothers. Brooks Brothers Suit Garment Bag (L-2)  

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Comments

  1. Outfit help please

    Can you kind folks please help me find a good Date 2 Dress. I’m new to dating and trying to make it easy on myself by having set outfits (very little thought necessary). I’m looking for a somewhat casual dress I can wear on a typical date 2 that is a dinner date. I’d like to be able to wear it with my dark brown leather riding boots (it is a fall/winter outfit) and I’d like it to be some color other than black. Sleeves or no sleeves are fine. I want the outfit to convey: “hey I may like you and want to get to know you more and I made a bit of an effort, but not too much of an effort” – not too low cut, not too fancy, basically. Budget: under $100. (I have no problem with cheaper stores like Old N avy / T arget.)

    Accessory/tights suggestions much welcome too.

    Thanks in advance!

  3. tesyaa

    Petite readers, I’m looking for a puffer jacket or short parka for my teenage daughter. She’s a full-grown 5′ 2″ and slender. I would order from Lands’ End with 30% off, but the coat she liked (alas) runs large according to reviews. Preferably black. Oh, and I don’t want to spend more than $100.

    J Crew girls size 14 might work, but I don’t know. Target? Any other suggestions?

    • ITDS

      I am about your daughter’s size, and had good luck ordering a petite down vest from Lands End – it fits very nicely and is in the proper proportions. Does the petite version of the coat run large?

    • KLG

      My mom bought my vertically challenged sisters and me great puffy vests from Eddie Bauer last Christmas. Also, maybe try sites like Cabellas or Sierra Trading Post?

      • tesyaa

        Thanks both of you for the suggestions! For Lands End with free shipping, there is little downside to trying the petite XS. It seemed like both petite and regular run large.

        • Anonymous

          If it doesn’t fit you can always return it to a Sears store (that carriers the Lands End line) and avoid paying the return shipping as well.

          • tesyaa

            {smile} I have no time to return items to actual stores, but for Lands’ End and Gap etc., I get my retired mother (an inveterate mallgoer) to handle my returns. For this one errand (and this one only), it’s like having a personal assistant at no cost.

    • Niktaw

      My short, slim daughter loves her Columbia Mercury Maven II down jacket and XS fits great. I bought it from backcountry.com.
      I googled and some sites offer it for just under $100, though tax and shipping can take you over that amount.

      • tesyaa

        Oh, I like that too and it’s not too long. I’d order from Zappos for $129 with free shipping & returns.

    • Sparrow

      I am 5’0 and I bought the Women’s Regular Everyday Down Coat in petite XS. It was not too large. Also with a winter coat, I prefer to have a little room for bulky clothes underneath. I love my LE jacket, so if you don’t mind shipping it back, I would give it a try!

      • tesyaa

        That’s the style she was looking at, so I think I will order! Thanks a lot!

        • hoola hoopa

          I don’t have that exact jacket, but I’m 5’1″ and LE petites are perfect.

    • anon in tejas

      check out extra petite! You might get an idea for a jacket or some recommendations from the blogger.

      • tesyaa

        I never thought of Uniqlo but I love that coat for her. I guess I’m not ordering anything today, until we make up our minds.

    • Flying Squirrel

      If you’re still checking, I’m 5′, and last year I bought a Merona one that I really like from Target. They don’t have the same style this year, but here’s another one (super good value):

      http://www.target.com/p/merona-women-s-quilted-puffer-jacket-assorted-colors/-/A-14520443#prodSlot=medium_1_6

      If you want something a bit more upscale, I also really liked the Michael Kors petite packable puffer. I actually bought it but ended up returning it because I realized I didn’t need two short puffers. They have it again this year, and it’s on sale at Macy’s ($109). I’m sure they will have a discount coupon this weekend that will bring it below $100:

      http://www1.macys.com/shop/product/michael-michael-kors-petite-coat-hooded-quilted-down-packable-puffer?ID=855773&CategoryID=57535#fn=FABRIC%3DDown%26sp%3D1%26spc%3D24%26ruleId%3D66%26slotId%3D12

      All I can tell is you that even amongst petites, I’m one of the pickiest people I know in terms of having the waist etc be at exactly the right place (and I’m short-torsoed to boot). Both of these jackets fit me really well.

  4. Equity's Darling

    I have a question related to the “How to Throw a Dinner Party” – how many posters actually enjoy hosting parties? Why do you like it? Any tips on how to enjoy it?

    I avoid it like the plague.

    • Anon

      I love it! I think it can be much more relaxed than going to a restaurant with friends becuase you can stay as long as you want and there’s no check at the end of the night. I also really like cooking and I like spending time picking out recipes and wine and decorating etc. I also am probably a narcissist and when you have people over they are compelled to compliment you, which feeds my ego. :) Mostly I find dinner parties at my house or elsewhere really fun and do my part by hosting.

      • zora

        me2!! i love cooking for other people, so i love picking out food to cook, having people over and talking to me while i cook, and then hearing all the compliments about my food. ;o)
        I used to live in an enormous group house where i hosted parties and hangouts all the time. I love having my new tiny apartment all to myself, but the one thing i miss is being able to have people over all the time.

    • Olivia Pope

      I like having dinner parties, but I only host for really close friends so there’s no pressure. I am also not above supplementing my cooking with something from the Whole Foods bar put in a serving dish, or hiring a caterer altogether.

      Basically, I like my house, I like dinner, and I like my friends. I would not enjoy trying to impress anyone while hosting a party though. My skills are not that developed!

      • Nonny

        I’m with Olivia. I like having people over and I love cooking, but I can’t deal with the pressure of trying to impress people. I’d rather just have one or two couples who are good friends over, and have a relaxing evening, than invite a ton of people and feel completely overwhelmed and not be able to enjoy myself.

        We did have a big housewarming open house about a year ago (invited almost 50 people), and I spent most of it in the kitchen, mostly as a self-preservation technique. I felt better having something to do. I’m pretty introverted and that way, if people wanted to talk to me they could come and do so, but I didn’t feel obligated to make small talk with my SO’s co-workers whom I barely know.

    • tesyaa

      I hate it. I hate cleaning up before, and I hate cleaning up after. My mother asked me to host my father’s milestone birthday at my house, and I flat out refused. (She didn’t want to have it at her house either). We ended up in a restaurant with a total of about 20 close relatives and it was fine.

    • NOLA

      I love hosting people for dinner and I hardly ever do it anymore. When I was married, we used to host our friends’ birthday dinners and I would cook their favorite foods. And I used to host Christmas eve but now I do brunch on Christmas day. I love to cook for my friends. That said, I’d never do that for work. I occasionally have friends and a few coworkers over for craft nights, but that’s mostly frozen drinks and snacks.

    • Ellen

      I personaly am not the best host for a big cooking event. That is why I usueally defer to mom, and invite my freind’s over to mom&dad for holiday’s b/c mom is a great cook. In fact, that is why Dad say’s he married mom. Acording to mom, dad was a skinny littel wretch who needed more then a GOOD meal, and she (and her mom, Bubba Sadie) fed him alot of food when he was home on leave from the miliatary. So when he had to go back on active duty and eat miliatary food, Dad was NOT a happy dude. So the first thing dad did, (all according to MOM) when he was discharged was to go to Bubba Sadie and tell her that if she could guarantey that Mom would be abel to cook like her, that dad would MARRY mom and insure she would NEVER have to work again.

      So Bubba Sadie got mom all taught on fine cuisne and when Dad got home from his first civilan assignment in DC, mom cooked him a great meal (which Bubba Sadie helped behind the scene), and dad was HOOKED! YAY MOM! (and I am the PRODUCT OF ALL THAT! DOUBEL YAY!

      Now it is over 35 year’s later and dad is still eateing great, tho he blame’s the cookeing for mom’s large tuchus. Dad also is not the skinniest, but he work’s out all the time and pride’s himself in being in better shape then he was in the miliatary! For some reason, I inherited mom’s tuchus, and dad is alway’s telling me that I need to exercise to get rid of my tuchus, but I am now at size 2, and hopeing to get down to size 0, even with a tuchus!

      So I will need to learn cookeing, if I am to attract a guy like dad, but I do NOT want to have to do both cookeing and workeing if I get MARRIED. I am wondering if FRED will realy want me to do both! FOOEY if he does! I will have to talk to mom and dad about FRED. YAY!

      • SSG2

        Ellen, we are trying to figure out your tax issue, but need more data on the precise name of the tax law you must research. Can you give us a cite or a full name? There have been numerous IRS pronouncements of late and we don’t want to confuse you or your client. Congratulations on your new and improved (slimmer) tuchus!

    • mascot

      I love to cook, from planning a menu, to sourcing ingredients, to trying a new dish. I’m pretty comfortable with my skills so I enjoy the challenge of preparing a new recipe and serving it to others. I don’t love the house-prep and cleaning that leads up to it, but I enjoy how nice our place looks during and afterwards. We have a layout that encourages an easy flow of people and we have all the dishes, glassware, etc. to entertain.

    • Sydney Bristow

      Honestly I think part of the reason is that I feel more comfortable in my own place and find it easier to throw a party and have my friends over than to leave and go somewhere else.

      I also love to bake and enjoy experimenting with new recipes to fit whatever theme I’ve come up with. I enjoy the planning process in general and love feeding people.

    • Diana Barry

      I like it, but ONLY IF there is enough time to prep. We have kids and our house is always a mess, so it is only something we do with close friends. I always end up cleaning up for a couple of hours ahead of time. Nowadays I like to do brunch with another family, so there is time to clean up in the morning and time to cook.

    • NYC

      I loooooove throwing parties. I am not sure I could even articulate why I love it. I love having people in my home. I love cooking for them. I love introducing people who don’t know each other. I love celebrating with friends. It really does not cause me stress. I love thinking about and planning parties. All the details are so much fun for me.

      • espresso bean

        Agree on all counts. I get such a thrill out of having people in my place and knowing that I helped create a fun evening for my friends. I love planning the menu, picking an outfit, making a playlist, getting excited as people RSVP, and connecting friends from different circles.

        I prefer hosting big parties to smaller dinner parties. Cooking dinner intimidates me, but I’ll happily make tons of appetizers and a fun punch. Much less scary for some reason!

      • MH

        Me too. It’s also a great excuse to do a deep clean. And it’s fun to try out new recipes, cocktails, and to use pretty serving dishes. I also think that in the past five years, all of my best nights with friends have been dinner parties–it’s usually when I end up laughing the hardest. When DH and I bought our house, we specifically got one with a central dining room. The dining room is literally in the middle of the house, and it is beautiful (wainscotting, coffered ceiling, built-ins). The kitchen is closed off, which I prefer because it hides the mess.

        • Nonny

          “It’s also a great excuse to do a deep clean.”

          Gosh. The only time I really clean my house at all is when people are coming over, let alone deep cleaning. My kitchen is always clean and the bathrooms are always semi-presentable, but other than that it’s generally a free-for-all until we issue invitations.

    • Statutesq

      I love throwing parties. Typically everyone there is someone I actually want to be around, I can drink and not worry about driving home, I can tap into my creative/homemaker side, and I usually get stuck with the yummy left overs. I also always wanted to have the party house growing up and my parents weren’t on board. Now I have all. the. parties. because I can.

    • Baconpancakes

      I love parties! I really enjoy getting people together and feeling responsible for all the fun they have at a party. I always have a theme, and love decorating, designing menus, and plating food in creative ways. My parties are usually casual affairs, though, with the first five guests who arrive usually being drafted to help me cook and arrange everything. The first five people to arrive are either really close friends or people who don’t know anyone, so it helps the new guests get to know other people and have something to talk about. I really wish my layout was better, though – I used to live in a big, open space, and now I’m in a long, narrow townhouse that’s pretty terrible for entertaining.

    • Interrobanged

      I absolutely 100% adore hosting dinner parties and c*cktail parties. I try to throw at least two c*cktail parties per year and at least two “formal” dinner parties. Many additional “just because” dinners with friends over. My favorite thing is my holiday c*cktail party. This year we’re inviting around 60 people (probably in the 40s will come), I have already made my menu, and the invitations go out next week. I am really excited!

      How do you make it fun? I think that you need to enjoy cooking, you need to enjoy doing something for others (and please do not mistake me for saying that people who don’t like throwing parties don’t like doing things for others), and you need to not mind that you’re going to do two+ days of work for a party that lasts six hours. Or … you need to have a place from which to order and you also need to NOT mind spending the money to order the stuff.

      I always think that throwing a party is fun. I’m inviting people to my house, to share my food and to spend time with me and my husband. I really enjoy cooking for everyone. But if that’s not what YOU enjoy, then maybe throwing a party’s not for you. Doesn’t mean anything.

    • anon

      I actually don’t mind having people over or cooking. It’s just that our house is kind of small (1800 sq ft) and not laid out well for a big party– it’s more like a townhouse even though its a house. Also, we live in a very affluent area where many of our friends live in huge awesome homes, so honestly I am uncomfortable hosting in our house. I’ll do a small dinner party with two couples but that’s about it.

    • Wannabe Runner

      I love being the hostess. My DH will do the cooking/menu, and I love the part where I’m saying hi to everyone and getting them drinks, etc. That’s my favorite part. I don’t mind the cleaning up before and after if I get to be a hostess. :)

    • a

      I love having people over. Prefer dinner parties to Big Evening Parties but we do a fair amount of both. Socializing at home is so much more intimate and comfortable, plus cheaper and I get to eat what I want to eat. I also like inviting different people who I think would get along.

  5. Legally Brunette

    Nordstrom question – have they changed their price adjustment policy? I bought some shoes from a store a few weeks ago, and now they are 40% off. I called to get the price adjustment and was told I was not eligible because the adjustment had to be within 2 weeks. WWHHHHHHHHHHHHHAAAAAT?

    Was this just my local store, or is this now the case for all Nordstrom stores? Can someone confirm if there is a more generous price adjustment window for online purchases (as it used to be)? I still love Nordies but was surprised with this new policy.

    • Yellow

      Try calling them back and speaking to someone else. I had someone resist me doing this when the shoes I bought were still unworn. I just had to explain to the person that I would return the pair I currently have and buy the one online but that would just be more work for everyone. They finally gave me the price adjustment.

      The only thing- I think they have stopped doing price adjustments if your size is not currently available. They tend to buy fewer of the really small/really big sizes and it isn’t really fair for someone to buy them full price, then wait until the standard size 8 goes on sale and want an adjustment on the sold out size 12s.

      • Calico

        I was lucky then! I did just get a price adjustment for a pair of jeans I bought two weeks ago that are only available in one size (not my own). I bet it really does vary person to person.

    • Miss Behaved

      I’ve always gotten the adjustment via the online chat. Try doing that instead of calling.

      • Legally Brunette

        That’s what I tried at first, but evidently the live chat folks can only do the price adjustment for online purchases, not in store purchases.

    • anon

      I’ve had them say that, and then I say, well I guess I should return the one I have and buy it again at the new price. And then they gave me the adjustment.

    • Bonnie

      That’s been their policy for a long time but they do not always enforce it.

    • SAlit-a-gator

      That’s ridiculous. You could buy the item at 40% off and return the one you have (less than 2 weeks!). I think you must have reached a customer service rep in training – this does not sound like Nordstrom. Try the corporate headquarters customer service.

  6. Podcasts?

    Anyone have any good podcast recommendations? I like to listen while walking my dog. I currently enjoy and highly recommend some old standbys:

    This American Life
    Radiolab
    Planet Money
    Here’s the Thing

    but I am looking for some others. I’d love something science-y or more broadly educational, but can’t seem to find a good fit. The topics on Stuff You Should Know are always really interesting to me, but the hosts are kind of irritating and, to be frank, generally sound like they’re making up whatever they’re talking about, even if it’s true.

    TIA!

    • Anonymous

      TED talks are good. They are short, but you can listen to a few of them.

    • prof on a bike

      For science podcasts, I highly recommend Quirks and Quarks — a Canadian classic! I also like White Coat, Black Art for medical related stuff

    • Kanye East

      Star Talk (hosted by my boyfrayn Neil deGrasse Tyson) is pretty good, although it’s more Science Lite than SCIENCE! Scientific American also has a podcast, and BBC Radio4 has a lot of educational/academic podcasts.

      • Sydney Bristow

        I love Neil deGrasse Tyson and second this recommendation. I also second the Ted talk rec. there is a Ted iPhone app that lets you download the talks.

        One way I find podcasts I like is to search for interviews with writers that I like. I recently found the Chase Jarvis podcast. It’s not really “educational” but he has some really interesting guests that I always learn something from.

    • Lyssa

      Mine are generally pretty “educational” (*cough* nerdy) Here are a few I love for driving and doing stuff around the house:

      * Several from Slate (I’m a political junkie, so these might not be right for you) – Slate Political Gabfest, Slate Culture Gabfest, Slate XX Gabfest
      * Lexicon Valley (also from Slate, all about language, very interesting)
      * The Sporkful (food gab)
      * SCOTUScast from the Federalist Society (only if you’re a Constitutional law junkie, though – I admit that I was far more interested in this one while I was in law school than I am now)
      * Backstory with the American History Guys – take a topic and discuss it through American history – very interesting!
      * Freakanomics
      * More or Less (BBC program analyzing numbers that people put out there and repeat – really insightful!)

    • Nancy P

      For general podcasts, I like Fresh Air a lot. It can depend on the topic — e.g. I found the interview with Matthew McConnaughey insufferable, because apparently he’s insane, but interviews with people who’ve recently published articles / books that I don’t know anything about, like the brain science of addiction, Iran’s role in the Syrian war, etc. can be great.

    • roses

      I just discovered a podcast called Sawbones (found via Savage Love, which is wonderful if you want something raunchier :) ) that talks about crazy medical treatments that people have used throughout history. Really interesting!

      Freakonomics Radio is also great if you like very accessible econ talk.

    • Equity's Darling

      We have such similar podcast taste! I really love the CBC’s podcasts, Quirks and Quarks is pretty science-ey. I also quite enjoy “This is That” from the CBC, but, um, it’s sort of mostly Canadian humor – I love it, but I don’t know if an American would find it as funny. Oh, and I listen to the audio edition of the Economist, but you have to subscribe.

      • Nonny

        Don’t know if they have this as a podcast, but if you are a CBC fan, do you listen to “The Debaters” on Wednesdays? I love it and have on occasion ended up laughing so hard, tears were running down my cheeks.

        • Equity's Darling

          Yes! I always listen to it when I can catch it (which is admittely, not often…I should see if they podcast it).

          I love CBC so hard.

    • Platinomad

      I like a lot of the ones suggested by the other posters, but my personal favorite are Dan Carlin podcasts. He has two, one I would recommend to everyone (Hardcore History) and one I would only recommend to those of you who have a bit of a libertarian and/or want to see major change in America political swing (Common Sense).

      Hardcore History are awesome podcasts focused on different historical events, time periods, or phenomena. The Rome series is one of my favorites, and really they are so interesting and well done. They keep you entertained by really adding a lot of color to historical events.

      Common Sense is political talk show mixed with news mixed with history. It focuses on things going on in America today, and what they say about us as a nation and where we are going. I really enjoy them and find them to help me think more critically about my surroundings and culture.

    • Calico

      If you’re a fan of New York City history like me then I recommend The Bowery Boys.

    • Seattle Freeze

      I LOVE Snap Judgment: it’s like Storycorps + back story + o. henry twist. And Glynn Washington is such a great story teller.

    • Stuff

      I tried Stuff You Should Know and hated it. They lost me when they said that child sacrifice by the Incas was A-okay because of cultural relativism, and because the children were drugged before being left on the mountain tops, so they didn’t suffer. WTF.

  7. The Skirt

    Posting again for more thoughts… (and thanks to those who have already commented)
    Can anyone recommend shirts to wear with The Skirt that is Black colorblocked with grey (link to follow). I want to pull the plug but want to make sure I am not buying a one outfit skirt.)

    • BMBG

      I want to hear the answers to this, too. I bought one about two years ago and have never worn it for this exact reason! (Not to scare you off, but you’re not alone.)

    • Niktaw

      I have a similar skirt which is not The Skirt. I wear it with solid bright color silk shirts, and I also have a couple of blouses in patterns that include black and white and 1-2 other colors. Always tuck in and wear a belt, because my skirt does not have a waistband.

    • In the Pink

      I have that skirt. I find it seems to read as different hues under different lights. That being said, I have enjoyed wearing it with red, navy, and all sorts of purple tones.

      On top I usually wear a black completer piece – blazer, sweater with the top tucked in. Seems that the black of the completer piece really blends well with the black side panels. FWIW I do this with all of this year’s new two-tone The Skirt3. Dusky blue, black/white semi tweed-ish pattern.

      If wearing it alone with a top untucked, I’m sure to wear a black belt with it. I tend to have mainly solid color tops, but a pattern with black/grey and any of the colors I’ve mentioned would be pretty with the skirt as well.

      I have broken into modernity a bit and will wear it with the solid color top untucked, belted, and peeking out at the hemline from a black completer piece.

      Usually I wear black pumps or metallic silver mary janes. For fun and less formal biz wear, I will “match” the color of the top with a pair of pumps.

  8. Diana Barry

    Ladies – I have a question for those who have ever worked PT or have experience with this…

    My firm has recently begun scheduling things (periodic lunches, etc.) on my day off. I don’t think it is as important for me to attend them as it is for me to guard my day off as OFF. Thoughts? There are enough people who are supposed to go to these things to make it more of a nuisance than it’s worth if I ask them to reschedule. At the same time I worry about missing out on things. Any thoughts?

    • ANP

      My first thought would be: can you swap your day off when things like this are scheduled? I used to work a fairly committed four day/week schedule and would do that quite frequently, but I’m not sure if it’s an option for you.

      • Diana Barry

        The problem with that is that it means changing our whole child care scheme for the week. More likely I would just get additional child care for that day, but then I am worried about time creep – I don’t want people to think I’m always in the office that day, I don’t want to make it a habit, etc.

    • tesyaa

      If you are only off 1 day per week, I don’t think it’s a major imposition to ask them to reschedule. There are 4 other days, after all.

      • Samantha

        Or at least alternate weeks between your day off and another day of the week.
        That way, you’re not changing everyone’s schedule to meet yours, but you’re not just giving up your right to attend either.

    • sweet as soda pop

      Who is the scheduler? Is it an admin who isn’t conscious of your schedule? If it is consistently the same person scheduling, I would remind him/her of your day off. I am of the opinion that guarding your time and worrying about time creep is more important than moving around your schedule to make it work.

    • Susie

      These are social lunches? I don’t think they need to cater to your schedule for something that is a perk/benefit to you. Meetings are a different thing but I don’t think you can ask them to change for a free lunch.

    • darjeeling

      Guard your time off. Once you start to make an exception, it’s a slippery slope. I like the suggestion of trying to get the scheduling adjusted without having to make a big thing of it.

    • Parfait

      Doesn’t the scheduler check the calendars of invitees? If your calendar is blocked off every Xday, how come they are scheduling things that you need to attend on Xday? That seems incompetent.

  9. LilyB

    Not sure if this question will make sense/be interesting to people, but it’s something I’ve been wondering about. When I read this site, I always get the impression that you ladies are able to cram way more things into your busy lives than I am. And I’m at a point in my life when I’m not busy at work (I’m clerking, so 9-5), but within the next year I will be transitioning to a much busier work environment (big law, probably), and am concerned about what I’m going to have to cut out/farm out/do less of.

    Right now, I try to see friends 2-3 times a week (including weekends), see my boyfriend most weeknights plus daytime on weekends, and see family/family friends once a week. I probably watch TV on average 3-4 hours a week. Hardly ever read unless I’m on a plane or train, which depresses me because I miss it. Spend about 20 minutes/day cleaning. Right now I’m not exercising, but I could fit it in in the mornings if I was less lazy and willing to get up at 6:30. I rarely have an evening where I head straight home after work and stay there without doing something, which stresses me out, but I also tend to feel bored if I get home at 6 and have nothing to do for the rest of the evening. I do recreational sports once a week in the fall/spring. I also try to volunteer for a couple hours every sunday I’m in town at the local shelter.

    So I guess my question is (and I’m particularly interested to hear from women in big law, but would love to hear everyone’s answers), what is your work schedule like (hours/week) and how often can you reasonably expect to see friends and family + exercise + watch TV and do other things? I know kids change the equation and I’m at least 4-5 years away from having kids so I’m not so interested in that aspect of it. How do you deal with severely decreased non-work time? What was the first thing to go?

    • Jessica Glitter

      This is a great topic, there was actually a pretty lengthy thread on it last week…but I can’t remember which day.

    • Sydney Bristow

      It’s probably because I’m an introvert, but I see my friends much less often than you. I see them probably once every 2-3 weeks. It works pretty well for me though and most of them work similar hours to me so we don’t feel bad about it.

      I work about 55-66 hours/week right now with a total of about 1.5-2 hour commute time each day. I typically just go home to my boyfriend during the week (we live together). We typically eat dinner together and hang out talking or watching a TV show. I’ve been squeezing in a 30-min workout 3 nights a week and spend most of the rest of my time at home reading or watching TV. I’m really only home and awake for a few hours on weeknights though so I’m typically trying to unwind before bed.

      I fit in social life things on the weekend. I usually work 6 hours on Saturday then go home and watch football. Sometimes my friends come over to watch the game or we get together for brunch on Sunday.

      • LilyB

        it’s interesting you mention the introvert thing; I’m definitely an extrovert, but would be okay with spending more time just chilling with my bf and less time actively seeing my/his friends and doing “stuff.” He definitely likes doing a lot of nothing with me, but somehow between the two of us our social schedules fill up really fast. He overextends himself very easily and I’m not much better. I’m worried this will become an issue for us when I start my next job; I’ve hinted to him what my schedule might be like next year and he says he understands, but it still worries me…

        • Sydney Bristow

          I’m sure it will be an adjustment. You’ll both need to be aware of taking the time you need for yourselves and you’ll have less time for social things but I bet you can both adjust to it.

      • Nonny

        Like Sydney, I see friends way less often than you. Depending on the friend, it could be once a month, or it could be once every two months. I focus my non-work hours on my relationship with my SO, volunteer work, and house stuff. When I was in BigLaw, I basically only had one day a week to do non-work stuff (I made an effort to not be in the office one day each weekend) and focussed on whatever was important that week. Because my non-work time was so limited, I found friend time was the first thing to go – my friends became the people I worked with. Sometimes we would go for coffee in the middle of the day, or for a drink before starting the night shift, but ultimately those were the people I saw, pretty much exclusively.

        • J

          Me too. I have a monthly book club and some months it is the only time I see some of those friends.

    • J

      I think you just have to prioritize what’s most important to you. It doesn’t sound like working out is super important to you, so I would suggest that you set up maybe 1-3 days a week where you’ll do that in the morning before work, if at all, so that your evenings are free. Decrease seeing friends from 2-3 times to 1-2 times a week. Combine some of these things– you and your bf can watch tv together. Or you can bring him to hang out when you see your family.

    • Former Partner, Now In-House

      This may not be happy news to hear, but here it is.

      When I was in private practice (BigLaw litigation), I was working between 70-100 hours/week. As a consequence (because I am not smart enough to be a physicist who can create more time or at least make it possible for me to be in two places at the same time), I did almost nothing besides work, bathe, sleep and eat. I also managed to go running every Saturday morning because even when you’re in trial, if you have the entire weekend to do what you have to do for court Monday, you can spare a couple hours Saturday morning. Most of my eating was at the office. I was married for the first year or so and then I was single. Needless to say, dating never happened. Life maintenance (laundry, checkbook-balancing and bill-paying) was haphazard, but always got done. After a few years of this, I made a real effort to do one non-work thing a week. Sometimes that was a stretch, but I felt very proud of myself for doing it.

      I found it impossible to maintain any real relationships (friendships, good sibling relationships) or to create any relationships (finding a BF) because the amount and the unpredictable timing of my work took precedence over anything else. People get tired of that, and I don’t blame them. One time, my sister and her friend came to stay at my house for a few days. I was lucky: I was in town, with no depos or court appearances, that week — just “desk work” (research and drafting). In order to spend an hour or so with them in the evening, I got up at 4 or 5 every morning to get my hours/work in. But what I didn’t foresee is that I was not just time-shifting work to earlier in the day, I was adding a couple hours to my day (the time I spent with them), and that came out of my sleep. By the end of the week, I was tired and cranky.

      I now work much more regular hours. That allows me to do so much more. I find it is less the amount of hours and more the timing of the hours. Now that I have a pretty set schedule, I can make prior arrangements for exercise and relationships. Now happily married with 2 stepkids. DH and I exercise together several times/week. I can commit to that because there are no work surprises. We do dinner parties (he is a full participant in planning, executing and cleaning up) fairly regularly. I feel that we make the most of our time together: part of that is that we were older when we met, so we have “been to appreciation school” and know what is important and what to let slide.

      I would not trade my time in the firm for anything else. The work was so exciting, I learned so much, it was so EMPOWERING to be a young woman doing such important work, I made enough to pay off all my student loans and mostly fund retirement. But I sure do love my life now. (If I had wanted kids, that tradeoff would have been harder, I think.)

      Curious to hear what others say.

      • TBK

        +1000. I was also litigation and, while most of my weeks weren’t quite 70-100 hours, some were (or more) and the others were more like 60 hrs. Also, before I started, I thought “No problem; I don’t mind working 5 or 6 hours on Saturday mornings. And I can work really late 2-3 nights per week and leave more like 8:00ish the other nights.” Ha! It’s the not the time; it the unpredictability and total lack of control. Your best friend from college is in town for one night and you want to have dinner with her? Too bad! The senior associate decided that’s the night you’re helping her write that brief. Eventually all of my friends were big firm lawyers because they were the only people okay with me canceling on them all the time (because they did it to me, too). I did participate in a sport twice a week, but it took all my wiles to get out on those evenings, and it was very much not good for my career. This is why most big firm lawyers are either kind of fat, or are runners. Either you give up and don’t work out, or you do the one thing that can be squeezed in whenever and gives you the most bang for your buck (even a short, 20-30 min run is a decent workout, which isn’t true for most activities).

      • Nonny

        Former Partner’s story reminds me of the time my parents came to visit me while I was working in BigLaw abroad. I knew they were coming weeks in advance, and they were staying with me. I also told the partners I was working with so they would be aware that for that period of time, I would be trying to get evening time away from the firm. But ultimately, I had no control over my schedule. The day my parents arrived, I sent a car to the airport to pick them up and bring them to my office, where I spent about an hour with them before sending them off to my apartment in a taxi, with my house key. I fully expected to be home by 10:00 or so that night, which I felt bad about but couldn’t help. Well, as it happened, I didn’t get home until 4:00am. My poor mother had been worrying all night, I felt terrible about leaving my parents alone their first night at my place, but ultimately there wasn’t anything I could do about it. It really opened my parents’ eyes to what my life was actually like. (How depressing that sounds!)

        • Anonymous

          This reminds me of the time my family came to visit me for Christmas. As a result of a last minute court order, I was working almost their whole trip. Spent 4-5 hours with them on Christmas day, but for the most part was gone in the morning before they got up and back after they had gone to bed. In the end, my family decided to start bringing me dinner at the office so they could at least see me during their visit. And the whole time, all I could think was that it was a good thing they were visiting me cause I would have had to cancel a trip back home for christmas.

      • Anonymous

        This is also something which may be hard to hear but my assistant has full control of my schedule, and the difference between weekdays and weekends is that weekdays are in 15-minute increments and weekends are 1-hour. I am extremely well-trained in staying on track, since we’ve been doing this for nearly 15 years now, but the downside is that I often feel like a well-trained hamster. The upside however, is that I really do manage to get a great deal done – work and related networking, some amount of exercise and some really pleasurable time with family and friends (most of whom don’t know about the schedule ticking away quietly in the background).

      • Carrie Preston

        Minus a couple of details, I could have written this. This was my big law experience to a t (tee?). I eventually came to view it as the law version if a residency that no one tells you about. My tip with family and friends is to talk to them about what you’ll be taking on. I was lucky enough to maintain a few friendships from “before” through and after big law but that took a lot of work and understanding on all fronts and I’m much closer to people I met during and after my time at a firm.

    • espresso bean

      I work 40-45 hours a week, but the hours are somewhat predictable, and I can usually leave at a set hour and finish up from home later at night if there’s something pressing. This helps a lot with planning out the rest of my free time. Here’s what I do:

      No sig other at the moment, so that does free up quite a bit of time!

      Workouts: 4-5 days a week. I try to always work out both weekend days so that I only have to fit in 2-3 days during the workweek. Ideally, I work out on Mondays after work and then maybe a day or two before work so I keep some evenings free.

      I read or listen to podcasts on my commute (45 min each way).

      I usually have plans 2-3 weeknights, either seeing friends, going to a board meeting, or doing something cultural (museum exhibit, lecture, etc.). The nights I don’t have plans, I work out, cook (translation: throw something together for dinner), and straighten the house. Since I’m not home often, the place doesn’t get too messy.

      Like other posters said, I try to combine things so I’m getting more out of each things I do. I’ll do a workout with a friend (yoga class or something) and then get coffee afterward.

      I definitely need several nights to myself a week to recharge or I feel off, so I try to schedule those into my week.

    • NYC

      If you exercise in the morning, you should be able to fit that in most of the time. You can definitely fit in tv time, because you can do that at any time and don’t have to schedule it in advance. You should be able to see your boyfriend regularly, especially if he lives in your apartment. I think the hardest thing to fit in when you are junior is mid-week social plans with friends, unless they are late plans (post-8/9 pm ) and/or with friends who don’t mind if you cancel at the last minute. When I was junior, I basically gave up making work week plans unless they were made at the last minute (which my lawyer friends were totally understanding of, since they were in the same boat).

      That being said, as you get to know the folks you work with, you can definitely plan on special nights out that you don’t mind defending/telling your superiors about (play tickets, concerts, birthday dinners, etc) and/or working after the event.

      I’ve never had to cancel a real vacation, but have canceled many, many plans in the middle of the week. And maybe weekend travel once or twice.

      • roses

        +1. This has been my experience vs. the all-consuming horror stories that some people have posted. I’m in general lit, in a non-NYC major market. I’ve only had to cancel plans on weekends a handful of times, but during the week my strategy has been just to text my friends on the nights that I happen to be free.

        • January

          My experience has been similar. If I want to catch up with friends during the week, I usually try to schedule lunch, which is less tiring for me than after-work plans. Most of my friends here are lawyers, though, so that helps.

    • Anonymous

      I have kids now, but before kids my schedule was: up at 5:45 to exercise, at my desk by 8, work until 7 (on a normal day with no crisis), eat dinner at 8 with husband, clean up from dinner, watch tv, sleep. One day per weekend was spent running errands, grocery shopping, precooking for the week, doing laundry and other chores. And then I’d spend the other day doing fun stuff if I didn’t have to work. I never had the energy to see friends during the week but I would call them on my way home from work to chat.

    • Ru

      It’s so depressing how nobody talks about how much time it takes to be sick. Physical therapy once or twice a week, doctor’s appointment, pharmacy runs, time to rest, all while working full time. It’s a good week when I can see friends.

      • Anon

        I know this wasn’t your intent, but I sincerely appreciate the reminder that, for those of us who don’t have to factor these significant time-expenditures into our daily routines, we should both count our blessings and be more aware of what others are potentially going through.

      • Former Partner, Now In-House

        So true, Ru. A couple years ago, I was diagnosed with a chronic condition that requires weekly one-hour MD visits, daily meds and a bi-monthly MD appointment. I am fine and my life is pretty unaffected, as these things go. I am lucky: it is not life threatening, I have great insurance, I have enough money to pay my portion, and I live in a part of the world with enough good doctors to figure out what was wrong with me and what to do about it.

        However, there is absolutely no way that I could work in BigLaw and take care of myself under these newish (to me) requirements. Yes, technically I would go to my supervisor (my partner?) and say that I have a health issue and that I need to be accommodated and that the accommodation that I need is reduced hours so that I can go to the MD appointments and do my daily meds. But in reality, we all know that this would never work. I would be marginalized (“She can’t be reliable, so we can’t use her on any cases.”) and then eventually crammed down far enough in the model of the firm that I would leave.

        Wow, that’s depressing to type!

      • Sierra

        Yes, this. I have 1-2 Dr appts each week. I get up early for them so I’m not too late for work. I come home exhausted and sometimes go straight to bed. Other days I read a book or watch an hour of tv before I collapse. I see people on weekends, but I try to keep some weekends to myself to rest.

        And LilyB, You’re only working 9-5 in a clerkship? lucky dog!

      • Cb

        It’s very true. I’m a PhD student and have a few side gigs, a partner, and friends AND a chronic health condition (lupus). I’m lucky that it is well maintained but that doesn’t mean I don’t sometimes come home and cry because I’m just so tired.

    • ohc

      This is interesting. I work for a non-profit–strictly 9-to-5–but my live-in partner works between 60 and 80 hours per week. I have various musical and volunteer commitments that add up to about 15 to 20 hours per week, so between the two of us, we’re pretty busy. No kids.

      Lately, I see my partner one night a week, *if* I don’t have a three-hour board meeting scheduled that evening. (That happens every few weeks.) That’s it right now, other than the occasional “Surprise! I am coming home early at 10 PM!” weeknight, and it’s not much fun.

      I would say that I see friends every few weeks. I am lucky in that one of my best friends lives literally around the corner, so that makes things easy. Some of my other close friends are involved in the same extracurricular commitments, so I get to see them then and we can often grab a quick dinner before or after a meeting or a rehearsal. Doing anything beyond that takes a fair amount of planning, just to get the schedules to line up. Our social life as a couple has pretty much disappeared.

      My family is not in the area, but I have a weekly Skype date with my mother and my sister, and I talk to them both almost every day on GChat.

      I’m a bike commuter, so luckily there’s no need to schedule exercise.

      Lately, I have been feeling kind of burdened by general life maintenance stuff–partner’s schedule makes it pretty impossible for him to contribute to the cycle of cleaning/laundry/groceries, but we’re not in the financial position to throw money at the problem and hire some of it out. I think getting through the fall hump will make my to-do lists feel more manageable–no more garden to tidy!–but I definitely am very conscious of all the things that need doing when I try to have some down time at home. I try at least to do “fun” things while also doing chores–listening to podcasts or watching a movie on my laptop while I do laundry–but there’s no denying that multitasking gets old.

  10. anon

    Do you ever feel like it takes way too much time/effort to just look passably acceptable? Like, I spend all this time on my makeup, but I don’t even look like I’m wearing any. I just look like I’m healthy and wearing no makeup, but it’s the way people in magazines look when they’re “not wearing any makeup,” which of course isn’t true.

    Not sure if I’m making sense. I just get frustrated that I have to put this much effort in to get a so-called “natural” flush when no woman really looks that flushed. Makeup companies tell us that we do, but we don’t! Ugh. Same thing with mascara, eyeliner, etc. But I can’t imagine just going bare-faced. I would feel unprofessional and not polished.

    • LilyB

      With the exception of lipstick and maybe eye shadow, you shouldn’t look like you’re wearing makeup. So it sounds like you’re doing it correctly. That said, you should definitely notice a difference in how you look when you’re wearing makeup vs. when you’re not wearing it. My makeup is pretty natural (BB cream, taupe eyeliner, black mascara, blush, sometimes bronzer, lip gloss) but if I’m not wearing one of those things (especially eyeliner and blush) I feel like I look washed out.

      • Nonny

        Yup, I agree. With respect to make-up, I go for the “myself, but better” look. I wear light foundation, Touche Eclat, blush, eyebrow stuff, eyeshadow, eyeliner and lipstick, but I never try to look “done”. And yet, it only really takes me about 4 minutes each morning, so I consider it time well spent.

    • Em

      I disagree that these things are obligatory. I go bare-faced and I feel professional and polished. I am also treated like a professional by the people around me. It’s possible that I’d achieve some heretofore impossible levels of personal and professional success if I started wearing make-up, I suppose, but I have a life and a career I’m happy with and I’m not going to obsess about whatever judgment I might get from random passers-by.

      • tesyaa

        For me, powder and a thin layer of blush is enough. If I want to look super polished, I’d use tinted moisturizer before applying powder. But I too am not a fan of lots of makeup.

      • LH

        +1000. I hate the idea that you have to wear makeup to look professional. And I’m not some naturally beautiful fashion model – I just like looking the way I look, imperfections and all. I feel like a clown in anything more than lipgloss & spot concealer.

    • OP

      Right, that’s what I mean. I spend all this time to look supposedly “naturally” pretty. I don’t think anyone would think I’m wearing any makeup. But it takes so much makeup and effort just to look like that! I wish my actual natural face was considered naturally pretty.

      • LilyB

        gotcha. I feel the same way sometimes; some girls just have that fresh-faced, pretty look without using any makeup. part of that is having flawless skin (no acne or acne scars; no rosacea; no dry flakiness or oiliness); I think the other part is having a good contrast between your eye/hair/skin/(natural) lip color (i’m thinking about women who don’t need mascara because they have lovely dark, long lashes). but honestly i think those women are in the minority, especially as you age, so i wouldn’t feel bad about it.

      • Godzilla

        You can decide that your actual natural face is naturally pretty. I used to do the whole face mask to look “naturally” pretty and I realized that there is actually nothing actually wrong with my green, scaly skin. I *like* my green scaly skin. Whoever doesn’t can suck it.

        • Equity's Darling

          Question: did you use green concealer/powder, or did you use human-toned concealer/poweder?

          I feel basically the same way about my human colour skin, but admittedly, I’ve been blessed genetically with even and tan skin, and dark long lashes, so I have a lot of leeway. I basically only wear a bit of blush and highlighter, if I’m in the mood, which is maybe twice a week, and certainly never on the weekends.

      • Killer Kitten Heels

        Amazing. I’m going to Sephora this weekend to sample all of the products she listed. (I have acne/acne scars, and my current routine requires multiple reapplications on days I have meetings/other activities, which is cramping my style big time.)

        • Wildkitten

          I’m going to do the same! And I don’t even have acne scars! I just feel like when I put on my makeup I look exactly the same, and I’d rather look more polished.

    • Sydney Bristow

      Can you pinpoint a specific aspect of the makeup that makes you feel professional and polished and just do that part? I rarely wear makeup but I’ve had friends who just didn’t feel right about how they looked without mascara. Or without powder or foundation to even out their skin. If there is one thing that pulls it all together for you perhaps you could forego other time consuming parts.

      • PHX

        I have chanced being late to *COURT* because I needed to stop to buy mascara to wear.

        (Judge me, go for it.) ;)

    • Basics

      On a more macro-level, I now spend much more time and money to look as healthy and attractive as I did 20 years ago on far less. It all adds up:

      * exercise 4/week
      * hair cut
      * hair color
      * waxing
      * eyebrows
      * Botox and Juvederm
      * shopping and cooking so I eat healthy food
      * sleeping enough

      Years ago, one of the fashion magazines did a spread in which 3 or 4 women posed with each of the service providers in her life and added up the time and dollars spent on these activities. It ranged from no maintenance to low to extremely high maintenance. It was very interesting but also depressing.

      • Senior Attorney

        ZOMG my team has, like, ten members. Let’s not even talk about the money…

    • Anon

      I don’t think you need makeup to succeed at work. If you want to stop wearing it, probably nobody will care.

      • Anon

        Agree. I wear undereye concealer and chapstick.

        I wish I could find this great quote I read recently about makeup and why men look good without it – because we are conditioned as a society to accept a man’s skin with its imperfections. Not because they actually have better skin.

    • Baconpancakes

      I find the thing that makes me look “polished,” if that’s what you’re looking for, is lipstick, nail polish, mascara, and controlled, sleek hair.

      But if you want to be comfortable with your bare face, but still feel polished, try going bare faced on the weekends, and moving to Fridays without makeup, and just make sure to wear well-tailored, professional clothing, and do your hair. It isn’t any different from what guys do, and having clearly groomed hair does make you look professional. If your hair is up in a chignon, or cut in a sleek bob, it instantly gives you a professional vibe.

      And I fully laud any efforts to change the standard from makeup = necessary for professional women to makeup = fun and maybe just on weekends or for pictures. I don’t think I could ever be comfortable not wearing makeup most days, but I think it would be great if my daughter never felt pressure to wear makeup to work.

    • Anonymous

      In truth, my makeup takes me 2-3 mins. My hair takes longer so that’s the annoying thing to do, but I don’t feel like I spend too much time on my face. I use bb cream, concealer if necessary, bronzer, blush, and mascara on a daily basis. It takes no time at all. One days when I have more time I’ll put on some eye shadow and eye liner. Even when I get “all dolled up” it takes me about 10 mins.

      • anon

        I agree. My makeup routine– not including washing my face and putting on moisturizer/serum, is just tinted moisturizer, undereye concealer, pat on some powder and blush, a little eyeliner and mascara, lipstick before I leave the house. That’s more than most people here said and I swear it’s under five minutes, tops. Granted I’m not super careful about putting it on, but they’re all really neutral colors, so it’s hard to screw up. Except the eyeliner– that little gel brush is tricky, so that would be the first one to go if I were short on time. On weekends with zero time, it’s the concealer, blush and mascara. Literally 45 seconds.

    • long time lurker

      YES.
      I normally wear concealer, powder, some eyeliner & darken my brows. When I have ,make a presentation, interact with lots of people (networking event, etc) or any sort of special event. I add eyeshadow, blush & mascara. This week I have had a lot of such things, and three or four people have told me “Wow, you look great” – I am not dressed particularly better than I normally do, so its the makeup. It sort of annoys me because mascara means constant vigilance for under eye smudge and the eyeshadow application takes a while (primer, etc.) Ugh.

  11. INTJ

    Does anyone have experience with hiring processes using personality testing? I was recently asked to take an online personality test for a position I’m applying for and would be interested in others’ experiences with this hiring practice.

    In particular the test had many questions about working on teams vs. independently. I’m quite interested in personality studies, and I’ve taken several Meyers Briggs and Big Five tests, so I know quite a bit about my own personality. I answered very truthfully about my preferences to work independently rather than as part of a team, and wondering if that’s a losing strategy? Would love to hear others’ experiences and thoughts.

    • anon

      I last took a test like this when I applied to P&G for a pre-MBA internship. And didn’t get the internship. I am an ISTJ (emphasis on the J) and have no idea if my introversion and judginess were bad qualities or my background wasn’t a good fit. It seemed intrusive and made me skeptical that my potential employer even put much stock in such things!

  12. ANON

    I’d just like to confirm that conservative knee high boots (Cole Haan – black, simple, 2 inch heel) with a pencil skirt and tights is still “in style”. I think knee high boots with a skirt without tights looks weird. Do you agree?

    • tesyaa

      I think knee high boots will always be in style. I don’t know about the tights only; I do love the look of boots with tights, but I have seen people (including our very style-conscious Big Boss) wearing boots without any stockings or tights at all. I’ve done it myself once or twice.

    • anon

      when it’s october/november but still pretty warm (55-65) I often wear a pencil skirt with riding boots and no tights to commute in (but I put on pumps once I get to the office).

    • A Nonny Moose

      I only wear heeled boots with tights. I love the outfit you just described. And I love pencil skirts with flat boots and no tights. But for some reason, I hate pencil skirt + no tights + heeled boots.

      • ANON

        Agreed! My office is somewhat dressy so I never feel dressy enough wearing flat boots with no tights.

    • Anon

      I’ll be curious to see the responses because I’ve been questioning this myself. In the last year or so, I’ve felt weird wearing knee high boots – especially black ones– with a knee length skirt and no tights. I’m still okay with the look with tights, but I feel more fashion-forward with mid-calf boots or booties.

      • anon

        I really like dresses and skirts with booties but I feel ridiculous in them. So I’ll admire them from afar. My office people are so old, there is no way I’m out of style in knee high boots.

        • ANON

          I just bought some ankle booties and haven’t had the guts to wear them with a pencil skirt and tights yet. I read a couple of things on blogs that said ankle boots with a pencil skirt is a no…but with tights, why wouldn’t it work?

          • anon

            I see ankle boots with pencil skirts all the time. I think I have skinny ankles though, or maybe I just haven’t invested in well-fitting ankle boots, because they look like they stick out too much.

    • Susie

      I actually don’t like the look of pencil skirts with knee high boots. I think a knee length, more a-line or fluted style skirt looks much better with tall boots.

  13. Miz Swizz

    Can anyone suggest blogs/websites for jewelry making? I have a couple of inexpensive statement necklaces that need some new hardware or the beads are salvageable but the hardware isn’t and I’d like to try to fix them myself.

    • BB

      I don’t have a specific blog to recommend, but several jewelry tutorials do show up on the sewing blogs I read from time to time. My rec would be to just google for “type of necklace you want to make” + “tutorial” and see what you come up with. If there a specific technique/hardware installation method you’re looking for, just google that + “tutorial.” It’s what I do when I’m looking for sewing tips.

    • Coach Laura

      Miz Swizz – I’ve had good luck going to bead stores and asking for help. Some of them have “bead nights” where you can go (with friends!) and get help – and buy things of course.

  15. Nonny

    Gosh, 4:30 and it’s as dark as Hades here. It feels like it is 9:00 at night.

    Sigh, it’s not going to get better any time soon…

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