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Tuesday’s Workwear Report: Brynn Blazer in English Wool

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A woman wearing a blue blazer and white top with blue jeans

Our daily workwear reports suggest one piece of work-appropriate attire in a range of prices.

This double-breasted herringbone blazer from J.Crew is getting me very excited about the change of seasons. I would throw this peacock blue blazer over a black-and-white outfit to jazz it up a bit, but it would also look beautiful paired with pink, yellow, or any other shade of blue.

The blazer is $368 at J.Crew (but be on the lookout for frequent sales) and comes in sizes 000–24.

Sales of note for 3/26/25:

  • Nordstrom – 15% off beauty (ends 3/30) + Nordy Club members earn 3X the points!
  • Ann Taylor – Extra 50% off sale + additional 20% off + 30% off your purchase
  • Banana Republic Factory – Friends & Family Event: 50% off purchase + extra 20% off
  • Eloquii – 50% off select styles + extra 50% off all sale
  • J.Crew – 30% off tops, tees, dresses, accessories, sale styles + warm-weather styles
  • J.Crew Factory – Shorts under $30 + extra 60% off clearance + up to 60% off everything
  • M.M.LaFleur – 25% off travel favorites + use code CORPORETTE15 for 15% off
  • Spanx – Lots of workwear on sale, some up to 70% off
  • Talbots – $64.50 spring cardigans + BOGO 50% off everything else

306 Comments

  1. Good morning–hoping for some recommendations.

    I’m having brain surgery in a few weeks and I’m looking for soft (very soft!) head coverings to tide me over until my hair grows back. This will be on the left side of my head above my ear. I’ve looked at the caps for chemo and frankly didn’t see anything other that weird prints.

    Surely I’m not the only one to have needed something like this?

    2. Just want to say – this sounds big. Good luck; please keep us posted on your recovery.

    3. Good luck! My mom had 4 brain surgeries and the recovery is hard but shockingly swift. Her recovery from her hysterectomy was worse than the brain surgery. I’ll post a link that is similar to what she wore.

    6. I, personally, would take this as a sign that I should buy a Hermes scarf or similar. Bon chance with your surgery and recovery!

    8. I really liked CasualBox hats – on Etsy – when k went through chemo. They have a lightweight knit beanie that was so soft. Also ShariRose coverings on Amazon.

      Good luck!

    9. I have a very soft cashmere beanie from Bloomingdale’s from ages ago. Also, given where you need it to be soft, you might be able to tolerate a regular wool beanie that has a fleece band at the bottom—I have one like that from Patagonia.

      Best wishes for a smooth recovery!

  2. Does anyone have experience with clip-in hair extensions, especially for bridal or wedding day hair?

    I have relatively fine hair, so am considering using clip-in hair extensions for my upcoming wedding. My hair is being done by a professional; we haven’t had the trial yet, but she has experience styling hair with extensions.

    Will they be heavy or painful after eight hours of wear? If you used them for your wedding, were you glad you did?

    1. my SIL and MIL just used them for my SIL’s wedding over the weekend. i don’t think they found them heavy or painful. ask the professional what she thinks. it was actually the professional’s idea for them to use extensions

    2. I got married in July and wore hair extensions. You’ll want to buy the human hair extensions, not synthetic. Synthetic hair cannot be curled. I went to a local beauty supply store and they helped match the color for me. In case you’re wondering, they cost $200-300 in North Jersey. The package had 6 sets of extensions and used 3. At my trial, my stylist cut the extensions to the proper length so they blended in perfectly. Because I only wore 3 layers, it wasn’t heavy at all. The more clips-ins you use, the heavier it is. After your trial, take the extensions out and seal them in a zip lock bag for storage. This keeps them clean and ready for your wedding day without having to do any maintenance (washing, etc).

    3. I used them and they were as I wanted, but I actually in hindsight think I should have just got proper extensions put in (I got tapes a couple of years later and they looked better/more natural), but the clip ons were fine just for a day). I don’t recall them being particularly painful and I think having them put on by the hair stylist helped but I actually haven’t worn them since!

    4. This will really depend on you and how sensitive your scalp is. I’d recommend trying it at your trial and see how you tolerate it. Most people I know seem to have no problem with it, but I can’t stand them, they’re painful and itchy and after a couple hours I’m ready to rip them out even if all my hair comes with it. But I’m also fussy about hair clips and Bobby pins.

    5. I wore synthetic clip ins (3 rows) on my wedding day because my hair is majorly thinning (genetic, sigh). The stylist added them to the large updo at the back. No one could tell they weren’t real because I have mid-back length hair, and it mixed in with my real hair. I actually wear a real hair topper regularly, or sometimes synthetic clip in tracks, and no one can tell the difference.

  3. wedding, wearing cocktail dress that’s sort of brownish/orange, very fall. What would you wear for shoes and bag? gold? neutral? black patent? I actually think ideally I’d like dark brown but haven’t seen dressy shoes that don’t look like work pumps in that color… thanks.

    1. Check out Loeffler Randall for gorgeous brown pumps. But I’d personally do gold or even white, I like shoes to be unexpected and not really matching at all.

    6. These may not be dressy enough but I think tortoiseshell patent would be pretty: https://www.anntaylor.com/shoes/all-shoes/cata000020/598505.html?dwvar_598505_color=2222&dwvar_598505_size=090&currency=usd&country=US&cid=PLA_AT_GGL_BRD_PMAX_AT_GGL_RTN_Catchall|Catchall&ogmap=PLA|RTN|GOOG|STND|c|SITEWIDE|CORE|PMAX_AT_GGL_RTN_Catchall|Catchall||18182579651|&gclid=Cj0KCQjwmICoBhDxARIsABXkXlJJK_WVndXjhCOrDsWo-pWTuu9R8-_lg_nqhXT3LUPh2Zx9NhBWog8aAkBnEALw_wcB

      1. I have tortoiseshell parent heels from Ann Taylor and they go with almost anything.

        Highly recommend.

        1. thank you all for the help! am doing some ordering and ultimately keep what fits

  4. Help me problem solve this one. I am getting a puppy mid-October. Unfortunately before I knew the timing of puppy, I agreed to give a talk at a conference mid-November (before Thanksgiving). I am an academic. What can I do? Right now I am thinking making it short (just coming to my talk, but not really staying long as I usually do to network/listen to other talks/sight see). Husband and my 10 year old and my best friend will take care of puppy the 24-36 hours or so I am gone but their schedules aren’t as flexible as mine (I WFH, etc.) and the 10 year old is obv a kid and my husband is not a dog person (it took a lot of convincing for this puppy!). Is there any other better solution? I don’t think as an academic you can back out of a conference talk?

    1. I think you can cancel if you do it now. It’s a bit annoying but if you’re just on a panel, people do it all the time. Unless you’re the keynote or something? But I feel like you’re going to have the figure out a plan for the dog going forward. Your husband will need to be equally capable of dog care at some point.

      1. How do you cancel? Like, I don’t even know what to say? Husband is happy to but I hate to put the burden on him when the dog is a puppy and requires a ton of care.. I think it’s different than having a grown dog.

        1. I’d just say “I’ve had a conflict and am unable to attend…” Academics are super flaky. I organise panels for the big annual conference in my field and I’ve started putting 5 people on a panel, assuming 1 won’t come.

          1. Being one person on a panel is different than an invited talk though. My husband is an academic who organizes a lot of conferences and I think in ~10 years people have only backed out for things like a positive Covid test or a kid in the hospital. It’s not going to be career-ending, but people would definitely side-eye this a bit. Lots of people get puppies and don’t back out of work commitments.

          2. Yeah, people flake on panels all the time. Just don’t blame it on the dog. And really think about whether getting this puppy is a good decision if your family won’t be able to manage it long-term.

        3. Your husband should be helping equally with this dog! It’s not just your dog, it’s his too.

          1. Absolutely. If husband can’t handle taking care of a puppy by himself for 48-72 hours, OP should not get a dog. Dogs live for 15 years or more; there will be other times Husband has to deal with the dog on his own. If he is so averse to dogs or taking care of a dog he can’t handle this, this family should not have a dog. I would call and cancel getting the puppy. This household is not ready for the responsibility.

          2. She said he is not a dog person and really didn’t want the dog. It really fair to expect him to do half the work whe n he doesn’t want the dog.

          4. He is happy to help, this was just something I pushed for so ideally I would not want to dump a puppy on him for 3 days three weeks after getting it when it is a ton of work (my understanding is they are like newborn babies)

        4. I don’t have an opinion about this debate, but fwiw in both my professional and personal life I find the most sophisticated people I know generally avoid giving the reasons they are turning something down or cancelling something other than “an unavoidable conflict came up” or “I already have a prior commitment”. (Obviously this doesn’t work in 100% of situations, but probably more than you think). That way no one can second guess what your priorities are, and also often detailing the reasons would just be over sharing for all involved, especially in a professional context. Definitely don’t say you are cancelling for a puppy.

          1. This is me. I pretty much only ever say “I’m unable to attend” or “I have a conflict.”

            I will say that I had to cancel quite late on a conference panel (and it was the keynote panel the event) because of an egg retrieval – in that case I did say that I was having surgery, bc it was the headliner panel for the event, materials were already printed, etc.

      2. There is no universe where I’d cancel a preexisting talk at a conference in order to care for a puppy. And I love dogs. There are lots of options other than cancel!

        1. Same here on all points. OP, this is just the first thing you have to figure out. Have your husband care for the dog, and start finding resources like day care and walkers and sitters, you’ll need them. Also while puppies are a lot, they aren’t insanely overwhelming. You’ll probably have the dog in a smaller area of the house and your husband will just need to be the one to get up in the night to take it out. It’s not a newborn baby.

        2. I agree. The puppy will sleep when no one’s home. I’d crate train from day one, then hire a pet sitter to pop in and walk the pup a couple of times a day for the days you’re gone.

          Don’t overthink this, OP!

    2. Have your husband step up, this won’t be the last time he’ll need to care for the family dog.

      1. This. Your husband agreed to get the dog, so he needs to take care of the dog sometimes. It is completely not realistic that for at least the next ten years you can’t go anywhere overnight because your husband isn’t a dog person. If the rest of your family can’t assist in dog care, you shouldn’t be getting this dog.

        1. Exactly. OP, are you sure your family is ready for a dog? Because the idea of canceling a professional obligation for dog care is … something.

          2. +1. It’s too late now, but this is also why it’s very rare for families with two working parents and kids to adopt puppies. They’re an insane amount of work. Adult dogs are all of the love and affection with so much less work.

        2. She’s not saying to not go anywhere for ten years. The reality is that the first month or two of puppy ownership is a huge adjustment for people who have not owned a dog.

          1. This is my thinking. This is our first dog. My understanding is that it is the same as taking care of a newborn kid vs. a 10 year old. The earlier much harder than the latter.

          2. A puppy is a lot of work, but it’s not a newborn human. Also my husband went out of town for ~24 hours when we had a newborn human. It wasn’t that big a deal. Your spouse, friend and 10 year old can certainly handle it together. Truthfully, any adult should be able to handle it alone. You have an important work commitment, not a spa day with a girlfriend. Don’t cancel it.

        3. Did he agree or was he talked into it? And what did he agree to? Doing half the work of owning the dog, or being okay with the dog if the OP did the work? If it is the latter, then this sounds like a situation where it is not really appropriate to get get a puppy.

      2. This times a million. I’m not sure if he is pushing back against caring for the puppy for a couple of days or if this is self imposed guilt. If the latter, just remember that he agreed to the commitment as much as you did and this is really not a huge thing.

        If he’s balking, then I’m honestly not sure a puppy is right for your family. There will be times during the life of this dog where you will be sick or out of pocket and it’s not fair for someone else to guilt you about that or to provide bad care to a living animal because of it. Puppies are so high maintenance and naughty sometimes, too! Everyone in the family needs to be on board and prepared to care for the animal at least part of the time. This really isn’t a big “ask” for your husband!

        And I second the idea of a dog walker. You also could board the puppy for a couple of days, but I’d do that only as a last resort.

        1. It’s the latter. He is happy to help. But I think it is one thing to ask him to walk a 2 year old dog, feed it, etc. vs waking up in the middle of the night with the puppy. So that’s why I am thinking of all the different options.

      3. Young puppies need to go out more often than an older dog. This level of care won’t be necessary forever.

        But OP, if you live in a cold climate have you considered how often a puppy needs to go outside? There’s a reason people typically adopt puppies in the spring. If your husband isn’t stoked about the dog expect pushback when it needs frequent walks in 30 degree weather.

    3. I suggest you go and keep it short. By the time you go your puppy will have a routine, and your family will have adapted to some extent or another. Also, it will help your husband and daughter step up in caring for your puppy. Puppies are so much fun and so delightful that the pup will win them over anyway. It is such a short time–the puppy and they will be fine.

    4. It’s bad form to back out for non-emergency reasons (and most people wouldn’t consider a new puppy an emergency), but maybe you can ask to give your talk virtually if it’s a hybrid conference?

    5. This is unhinged. You are married. You husband cares for the dog. If he’s not willing to do that, do not bring a dog into your home.

      1. This. If your husband truly isn’t a dog person it’s best to have a trusted, vetted dog walker early on. Though fwiw I think he’s going to need to get used to stepping up from time to time – what if you and your kiddo are both sick, will he seriously not walk the dog?

    7. Can you fly in and out same day? Even if a really long day? Maybe arrange for a dog walker to come during the day?

      I got a dog last year after a lot of convincing of my non- dog husband. He loves the dog and they run together everyday but the early days were a huge adjustment.

    8. Start crate-training the puppy as soon as it comes home, because you should do that anyway. Hire a dog-walker to come several times during the day while you are gone, OR hire a dog-sitter to stay with the puppy during the day.

      I am a dog lover and would never give up a conference presentation because of my dog unless I didn’t want to give the presentation in the first place and was just using the dog as an excuse in my own mind. And definitely do NOT tell anyone you are cutting your trip short because of a dog. Someone in my academic field has a reputation for being an over-the-top dog “mom” and it’s really detrimental. You need to work out how to deal with the dog during the day when you travel. When the puppy is older and has its shots, the solution might be doggy day care. If your husband can’t or won’t be responsible for the dog on his own after hours, then you should not get this puppy. A pet that one spouse doesn’t want is a recipe for massive conflict, stress, and resentment.

    9. I’m an academic, you absolutely can cancel a talk, people do it all the time when they get sick or have family emergencies. But I don’t think that getting a puppy is a very good reason to cancel. You need to be able to figure out a way to deal with the puppy without you being there. Between your husband and your kid, it’s definitely possible! If they can’t, you shouldn’t be getting a dog, because you’ll also get sick, have other travel, etc. You have to have a back up plan. We got a puppy when I was 7, and I was the primary caretaker, so having your kid step up should be reasonable, with dad supervising.

    10. Can you not bring the puppy to a dog daycare? I know at my dog’s boarding/daycare, they often keep puppies up front with the receptionist. If you called around you could probably find a place that would accommodate watching a puppy during the work day for a day or two. That way your Husband and BF would only need to coordinate drop-off and pick-up while they are working.

      1. Probably not, they have to be a certain age.

        I’d beg a favor of hubs or hire a dog Walker or heck even a babysitter. I’d charge you $5/hr to come snuggle your pup ;).

    11. Reposting because I think I’m stuck in mod.

      I would fly in and out same day if possible, even if a long day. Be prepared to leave very specific dog care instructions.

      My non-dog person husband loves our dog now and runs with her daily but it was a huge huge adjustment for him when we first got her last year as he had never owned a dog. I didn’t realize how much stuff I ‘just knew’ from having that that breed of dog almost my whole life except the last 5 years.

      It’s not just about your partner being willing to do the stuff, it’s about knowing that to do or how to handle different situations. The first couple of months are a big learning curve and you’re right to be cautious about that period.

    12. It sounds like you’ll only be gone a couple of days. If that’s the case, I think your husband should be able to handle the puppy. At some point he will have to be able to be the primary care taker, if you’re sick or traveling. Also puppies are adorable even for non dog people. Maybe they will bond!

    13. Husband should do his share, but if he has work obligations or a wonky schedule, you might ought to board the puppy. My two aren’t puppies but I board them regularly for jury trials and even just a long day in court. I’m in a rural area, so dog walkers aren’t a thing.

    14. “husband and my 10 year old and my best friend will take care of the puppy for the 24-36 hours or so that I am gone…”
      I’m not sure why you are looking for a better solution than the one you already have?
      If you are so worried you want to cancel your talk, then maybe getting a puppy is not the best idea…

        1. Even if it were a newborn human, OP is way overthinking here.
          Presumably her husband is a capable adult, so I’m not even seeing what the problem is.

          1. Yeah my husband is an academic who took a similarly short work trip when our daughter was 2 months old and it was totally fine. No man would cancel a 24 hour business trip for a dog!!

        2. Totally agree. I have had a baby, and I have raised two puppies. It’s not even close to the same thing. OP, you need to educate yourself about this a little more before the puppy comes home.

      2. I’m surprised no one is including the 10-year old in the “caregiving” set. My brother and I divvied up all the dog-related chores from the time I was five years old and he was eight. Walking, poop-scooping, feeding, brushing, water bowl maintenance. Won’t these kids ever learn how to take care of anything?

        1. Yes! We had a 10yr old when we got a puppy and they were all over every aspect of care.
          OP seems to want to micromange this on an irrational scale…

        2. A puppy needs to be walked while the 10-year-old is at school. It can’t stay in its crate or indoors all day until it’s much older.

    16. We adopted an older puppy (rescue) and coordinated to have her attend a 2-week board / train program when we unexpectedly had to leave town for a funeral after she’d been with us for about 6 weeks. Best of both worlds – dog got training (and socialization with other dogs) while we were away, and we came back to a dog that knew basic commands. Is that an option here?

        1. Here’s an idea: call a training/boarding facility and ask, instead of just making assumptions! You may be pleasantly surprised by the actual facts.

    17. Hire a dog walker or pet sitter to watch the puppy. This is a normal thing to do whether for travel or for people who work long hours and can’t be there as often as is needed

      I would not flake out for this while it’s understandable to miss things occasionally, people do notice, and you want to save up that currency for when you really need it.

    18. It sounds like you’re buying a specific breed and not going to the pound. Undoubtedly there’s a FB or IG group for fellow owners of the breed, as well as owners’ individual pages. Join those now. Ask your breeder about which ones are good.

      My dog is a specific breed rescue and I’m active in his breed groups, which are a mix of rescue and bought from breeders. I could ask & trust with my/my dog’s life about 3-4 different dog owners in that group to keep my dog for a couple of days while I travel, and they would be DELIGHTED to do it. In fact, they’d be even more delighted to take care of a puppy of their favorite breed. Obviously, you’d offer to pay them, but in my experience they don’t want anything for it, just a returned favor sometime.

      I’d join those groups now, introduce your puppy with a pic as soon as he/she arrives, and as soon as he/she has the necessary shots, join a playdate or two.

  5. Tips or tricks for lowering prescription costs? My father recently had a medical event and now needs a medication that costs $300/month, which he does not have to spend. He refuses to allow me or any of my siblings to cover this for him, his “solution” is to simply not take it at all. There is no generic alternative. I’ve checked the medication website and he does not qualify for any of the discounts/coupons offered, mostly because he’s on Medicare. The price on GoodRx is even more than what he is currently being quoted. To say I’m frustrated and a bit desperate would be the understatement of the century.

    1. Trip to Canada twice a year and get 6 months worth at a time if you’re near the border. Not sure if online doctors on Medicuro or Maple will write a prescription for a US resident to pick up at a Canadian pharmacy or the rules on the pharmacy fedexing the prescription to you.

    3. Have you looked into Patient Assistance Programs, which can operate outside of Medicare Part D?

    4. Two options:
      1) speak to his doctor about this and see if there’s a different drug that’s cheaper. Not a generic.
      2) Tell your father that you have some program through your job where you get discounts and that you will order it through them. Then just pay the $300 each month and give him the drugs that you actually purchased at regular price.

    5. Find out if the doctor has free samples to get him started. That might get him over the hump so that you and your siblings can step in and start covering it.

    6. Is this a long-term medication? Ask the doc if there’s an alternative medication. (He might have prescribed the newest that doesn’t have a generic when something older will do the job.)

      Is he on traditional Medicare (parts A and B) or Medicare Advantage (part C)? If you don’t know, now’s the time to step into the joy of navigating our healthcare system for your elders. Check if he has a Part D drug plan and/or if he needs to change his Part C plan. Open enrollment for MA plans begins Oct 15 to take effect Jan 1. I’ll paste the link below – you can enter your dad’s zip code and check what the price of this med would be on various plans.

    7. He can check with his provider for discount cards, or see about a compounding pharmacy, which might be cheaper. If he uses a local pharmacy (rather than a chain), you may be able to set it up with them to pay some of his cost on the down-low.

    8. Does he not want to take it because he doesn’t want to treat his condition, or is simply a matter of principle regarding the cost? Is the medication required or just preferred over other treatments? If the medication is necessary to keep him alive or meaningfully increase his quality of life, and he’s simply refusing to accept your generosity out of pridefulness, then I think you and your siblings should tell him, firmly, that he’s being ridiculous and that you will be pulling back from contact with him because it’s emotionally too difficult for you to watch him kill himself over something so absurd. Maybe that’s harsh but that’s how I would feel about it.

    9. Talk to his doctor. There can be an alternative that’s much cheaper even if there’s not a generic. Prices vary wildly depending on insurance and the preferred drug in each class that that his pharmacy plan has cut a deal with, so his doctor doesn’t necessarily know which will be cheaper for a given patient unless they look it up specifically (they may or may not be able to easily do this).

    10. Call different pharmacies to see what they can do to help. My mom was able to find one that would lower her cost from about $15K/month to around $3/K, if she did mail order. I have a pharmacy available through my employer that has all maintenance prescriptions for $5/refill. They send 90-day supplies to me via FedEx.

      1. Try Costco, and your local, non-chain, pharmacies. The price differential can be really surprising.

    11. Check the Cost Plus online pharmacy (Mark Cuban’s company) to see if they have a better price. If you live in Kroger-land (or maybe one of their sister stores like Albertson’s), call the store directly – my Kroger has a much better price on my drugs than the prices shown on GoodRx.

      1. Yes, Cost Plus beats Good RX by a long mile on most prices and the number of drugs covered.

    12. I know for Lymphoma, the Leukemia and Lymphoma Society will pay the huge cost of medications for those on Medicare. Some like Revlimid/lenalinomide that is like $3000 a month after insurance and LLS will cover it for Medicare enrollees. American Cancer Society is another source.

      The manufacturers also have grant programs.

      Last year, my late husband was prescribed Revlimid and while he wasn’t Medicare, the insurance company’s pharmacy program had some kind of program where we got it for $10 instead of $3000. Like, I said “Is there a grant?” And the rep said sure, let me transfer you. Boom. Done. It’s different with Medicare but there should be something.

      The way I found out to ask about the grants was from Facebook groups for the disease that the drug is used to treat, so that would be a good place to start. The other would be the billing person or triage nurse or social worker at the doctor’s practice. Good luck!

    13. Does his insurance have a cap on out of pocket cost for prescriptions? That may help, yes, you need to pay the $300 on the first x number of months, but then you don’t pay the rest of the year.

      Does his condition have a patient group that can help you find resources? I have a fairly rare lung condition and a connected patient FB group has helped me manage my prescription costs by find resources that don’t show up in google.

    15. I get a monthly injection that costs several thousand dollars/month. I pay $5/month because I signed up for the manufacturer’s “frequent purchaser” program. They accept people into the program up to a pretty high annual income, so if the manufacturer of his medication has a program like this, I would recommend doing it.

      I also vote Democrat for this (and other) reasons. I’m an IP lawyer with many biopharma clients, so yes, I believe in the power of R&D. But I also think that this is about shareholder income, not about R&D investment. And shareholders could make 3 gazillion dollars instead of 12 gazillion dollars and still enjoy their lives while allowing patients to afford their medications.

      1. +1 to everything including the medication, except mine is every other week.

        OP, these patient assistance programs are meant for people like your dad. The pharmaceutical companies want more people to take the drug, and they also want the insurance reimbursement. They don’t really want or need your dad’s $300. I would seriously look into whether the manufacturer has a “Patient Savings Card” program.

        My Humira would be over $10,000 a year for me after insurance but for my AbbVie card, which brings my monthly co-pay down to $5.

        1. Yes, this is another health care tragedy. The patients that need the discount programs the most are ineligible for them.

          This is something else Biden/Democrats need to address.

    16. Check whether the manufacturer has a copay assistance program (it would be on the website for the drug).

    18. I have ordered drugs from Canada that are super expensive and found the prices much better. I have used Marks Marine Pharmacy and Canada Drugs Direct. My doctor faxed the script to them, and then they arrived via mail. I had to get used to allowing for more lead time. Insurance cannot be used, nor health savings accounts. Still, it was less expensive. I am sure there are other pharmacies as well.

    19. Compounding pharmacy? Buying several months in Mexico (maybe a friend lives on the border)? I’m so sorry. This is so, so wrong.

  6. Good morning! I’m trying to better leverage existing efficiency tools. For example, I created a shared note on my iPhone with my husband with our “ususal order” at most restaurants. That way if one of us is out and picking up a meal, we don’t have to deal with a long “no onions, extra cheese” text. What are some life hacks/efficiency tools you are using (that you already have)?

    1. I’ve been using a meal matrix for the last month (credit to The Lazy Genius) and it really helps ease meal planning to know Tuesday is breakfast for dinner, Wednesday is pasta, etc. We have a shared todoist app for life maintenance tasks etc. I batch admin tasks etc.
      But honestly, I think I just opt out of lots of things that seem optional?

      1. one thing I opt out is sorting laundry into different piles. Everything goes in the same load.
        I get a lot out of a basic shopping list app. I have a grocery list, and separate lists for next time I’m at Costco, or Target. I put things on when I notice running low and you never forget the list at home.

        1. Same to both of these! Laundry is survival of the fittest in this household. We dry on the backyard line when the weather cooperates, a heated airer when it doesn’t, which saves the “is this dried or not?” debate.

        2. My approach to this is to own so many clothes that I don’t have to do laundry in a hurry. If October is crazy, then I won’t do laundry that month. I’ll just do a lot of loads all at once when life calms down again in November.

        3. I don’t presort laundry, but we do have a split hamper we use approximately for lighter, darker, and brighter. But that’s partly because we put off laundry for as long as possible and then do multiple loads in a day, so it would have to be split one way or another. This way its pre split, and one of the hamper sections when full is pretty much exactly a washer load.

    2. I use two approaches that are tremendously helpful but are more ‘mind hacks’ vs. efficiency tools. One is the concept of ‘shutting down’ the room I’m in before leaving. Before I leave for work I ‘shut down’ my bedroom (make the bed, put away any things out on counters from getting ready, and throw all dirty clothes in the hamper) – only then do I leave my bedroom. Ditto with the kitchen after meals/before bed – the dishwasher is loaded, pots/stove are cleaned, and counters wiped down. Etc. It takes 5-10 minutes but it means I don’t wander from room to room putting things away and then getting distracted by the mess in that space.
      The second thing is the concept of future me. Current me hates unloading the dishwasher/laying out my clothes/gathering the package that needs to go to UPS at night because it’s boring! But future me gets to have a smoother morning and maybe sleep in an extra 5-10 minutes. Thinking of how much easier it will make tomorrow morning for future-Anne helps me do it. I will also dorkily thank past me when I stumble downstairs before AM coffee and see that my work bag/lunch/shoes/keys are all set out for me ready to grab.

    3. Walmart grocery delivery. I might change that soon to grocery pick-up to avoid the tip, which defaults to a pretty fair 10%, but the time savings, plus the fact that Walmart is hands’ down the cheapest grocery option, means I come out ahead even with the tip.
      I no longer do any laundry but my own and the kitchen towels. When we moved into our new-to-us house this summer, it had w/d connections in the master suite. I thought that was the silliest thing ever until I lived there a while. Then I bought a used set on FB Marketplace. It is not silly; it is amazing.
      Consolidated our financial lives.
      Intentional leftovers for lunch at work the next day.

      1. I was doing Walmart pickup for a long time but finally caved and did the W+ to get free delivery. Super convenient.
        With your laundry are you saying you have two W/D sets (one in the basement and one in your bedroom)? I like the idea of master-suite laundry but worry about noise.

        1. W+ rocks. Yep, 2 full sets. A main laundry room upstairs where the other bedrooms are, and one in our master suite. We do not usually run them while we are sleeping, and we use them just for my and my husband’s clothes. Kids and guests do their laundry in the main laundry room. I would never have done it on purpose. I have never even had laundry on the same floor as my bedroom before. Previous house was in the basement, 2 floors down. This house’s laundry is 1 floor up. I promise I am not lazy; I am a busy bee and always doing something, but in-suite laundry is amazing. It is a stackable set in a little nook that just fits them, so they take up very little space.

      2. We do Amazon Fresh grocery delivery for the basics. I know it’s not available everywhere but it’s super easy. And we got the Prime Visa card so it’s actually cheaper to shop this way, even after tip. No delivery charge over a certain $$.

    4. I have certain weekly reminders pop up through the apple reminders app – such as the night before show and tell at school to prompt my 4 year old whether he wants to participate.

      We are big users of the “Family calendar” feature on iPhones. I also have recurring weekly calendar “appointments” for what day recycling comes (it’s only every other week for us) and other semi regularly occurring happenings – when lawn people come, when cleaning people come.

      Shared notes of (1) everything in our house (make and model of appliances and when purchased), (2) all updates/renovations we’ve made to the house with year and a one or two sentence description and (3) measurements of everything in our house. I also create them for tracking (non emergent) questions for future meetings – eg, quarterly check in with CFA, upcoming teachers conference. We can both add to it as needed.

    5. Shared Google calendar is ESSENTIAL to making our lives run efficiently and effectively. We recently added our 13yo to the family calendar, and it’s a game changer.

      Shared lists for stores we frequent, like the grocery store, Target, Costco. I like the AnyList app.

    6. These are all really awesome. Thank you all for sharing! I feel efficient…and then I read these posts and realize I can step up my organization game!

    7. We’ve tried all kinds of electronic calendars but what has worked the best for us is a paper magnetic calendar that’s on the front of the fridge. Anyone can add to it and we all see it every time we go to the fridge.

  7. What are third pieces other than cardigans and blazers that look OK indoors and don’t read as outerwear that looks odd worn inside?

    Cardigans are just too casual to wear with a lot of work pieces and I don’t always want a blazer or don’t have one that looks good with every outfit.

        1. But if one is short, these jackets are great even if long-waisted, as I can attest.

    4. I think a sweater jacket or maybe a moto/leather jacket are good options. I adore silk scarves and wear them frequently but I know that’s not a popular option for many.

  8. Has anyone tried a LED face mask like this for wrinkles? Did it work? Or total waste of time and money? (I’m the poster from last week bummed about my wrinkles around my eyes (crows feet and underneath), and clearly I’ve gone down some rabbit holes since we last spoke :)

    https://omniluxled.com/products/omnilux-contour-face?variant=36101054169250&currency=USD&utm_medium=product_sync&utm_source=google&utm_content=sag_organic&utm_campaign=sag_organic&nbt=nb%3Aadwords%3Ax%3A17207494251%3A%3A&nb_adtype=pla&nb_kwd=&nb_ti=&nb_mi=289912152&nb_pc=online&nb_pi=shopify_US_5702727631010_36101054169250&nb_ppi=&nb_placement=&nb_si=%7Bsourceid%7D&nb_li_ms=&nb_lp_ms=&nb_fii=&nb_ap=&nb_mt=&gad=1&gclid=EAIaIQobChMIoc7W_5ulgQMVbwGtBh2ASwZoEAQYASABEgIFRvD_BwE

    1. Have you spoken with a cosmetic derm about actual lasers? I feel like the type of benefit you get from an at home device isn’t likely to significantly help with etched lines.

      1. I’ve gotten actual lasers done over my whole face to target sun spots, which worked well and I’m planning on doing annual maintenance, but I don’t feel like it was meant to help with wrinkles and in my case did not (that I’m aware of)? But that was also not my main concern at the time.

        2. Ah got it, clear and brilliant will help a bit with minor wrinkles, but a new laser (Sofwave) is approved to target drooping and wrinkles. Combined with PRP the results look pretty insane.

    2. I’m as vain as they come and I don’t think this will do a thing. Check out Val Monroe’s substack for good advice on aging faces. I’m 48 and I use Botox for my forehead, it reduces wrinkles and I’m a big believer that it’s the best bang for the buck. It won’t hit crows feet though, and I’ve just learned to love them. If you want to feel a little more refreshed, counterintuitive but I’d do eyelash extensions instead of worrying about the wrinkles. They open up your eyes and make you feel pretty. Your eyes will look better in pictures too.

      1. Botex 100% does hit crows feet. I get it just above my cheek bones and it eliminates crows feet.

    3. I have the Dr Dennis Gross version and love it. The best results are when you use it daily.

    4. I think you’re at the point where you either need to practice good skincare (tret + SPF) and a little acceptance, or you go under the knife.

  9. Anyone. here recently have carpal tunnel surgery? I am having it done next month and I am a bit nervous. I am taking off work Tues-Fri (surgery Tues). I am not sure what else I need to do to prepare.

    I say “recently” because apparently the surgery is no longer what it used to be years ago when you could only do one hand at a time and needed like 6 weeks off work.

    1. a family member had this done recently and I was shocked at how quick the recovery was! definitely follow the aftercare/PT instructions, but they were back to work (physical job) much quicker than I thought.

    2. I’ve had both wrists done, 8 weeks apart. The recovery is pretty easy, and I am sensitive to pain. The hardest part is not being to easily use a key board! Ask them to wrap your hands in such a way so as to be able to use your fingers even if your wrist is bound tightly to not move. You really will not need that much time off, I think I took the day after surgery as well as the day of surgery. Find clothing that is easy to get on and off as your hands and fingers are not as dexterous. You will be so glad you did this!

  10. Looking for Mexican resort recommendations for late February early March 2024. It will be me and my adult son and daughter. We would like an Adults only resort but one that doesn’t cater to just couples, if that makes sense. Not sure if all inclusives are worth it or not but would like recommendations for either. Thanks!

    1. Caveat that we went quite a while ago (2016) but my husband and I loved Live Aqua Cancun. It’s very laidback and low key (think yoga and cooking classes, not loud, drunken pool games), but doesn’t cater only to couples and we saw lots of friend groups and some solo travelers. I’ve been to a bunch of all-inclusive resorts in Mexico and this one had far and away the best food. No all-inclusive resort is going to be comparable to big city fine dining, but the food was all really tasty and fresh, which is definitely not always the case.

    2. I went to Le Blanc in Cancun and it definitely wasn’t only couples. It was all inclusive and expensive, but it was incredibly relaxing, and I’d would do it again in a heartbeat. Their service team was also really great (i.e., laundry, extra amenities, activity coordination).

      1. I wouldn’t recommend the Hyatts for anyone looking for adults only. The Zilara section is technically adults only but they’re connected to the family-friendly Ziva resorts, and the adults only part of the resort is small and usually has limited choice for restaurants and pools. The divided Hyatts are perfect for families if the parents will want a few kid-free date nights, but for someone traveling without kid I’d just do a fully adult only place.

    4. Have been to Paradisus La Perla a couple of times and there have always been a lot of friendship groups there so not as coupley. It’s connected to the Paradisus Esmeralda that is not adults only, but the two sides are separate and while there are some restaurants on the family side, you can easily never go there if you don’t want to.

    6. UNICO 2087 was lovely and had several adult friend/family friend groups (not bachelor/ette parties) when we were there last year.

    7. I just got back from Pueblo Bonito Pacifico in Cabo and loved it. I went with some girlfriends and we met multiple groups of parents + adult children. Food at an all inclusive is always going to be meh but it was the best food I’ve had at an AI so far. Staff was lovely, amenities were nice. I particularly liked that they had a free shuttle service to their two other properties in Cabo (Rose which is spring break/party oriented, and Sunset which is more like a condo complex) and the AI carried over so we could get out of the resort if we wanted to.

  11. We talk a lot about international travel, but less so about travel in the US.

    How many states have you visited? (Airports don’t count ;) ) What local cultures that differ from your own have you found and enjoyed? Have any places surprised you with how different or similar to your own they are? Where do you like visiting the most – small towns, big cities, the outdoors?

    1. I’ve been to 46! Only missing Arkansas, Mississippi, North Dakota and New Mexico. Of those, the only one I have any real interest in visiting is New Mexico. I do want to get to all 50 eventually just for the sake of completeness, but with a few exceptions I mainly prefer international travel for anything longer than a weekend. My high state count has to do with living in four different regions of the country (Midwest, New England, southeast and west coast) and a husband who travels all over the country for work and sometimes I tag along if it’s a place I haven’t been. I got my 46th state (Oklahoma) that way.

      1. Frequent mover with military siblings I’ve visited, so it feels like a lot, but IMO California is like 3 states (SF, LA, SD) at minimum and maybe 5 b/c it is so different from place to place. I love Hawaii and also New Orleans (not a state), Puerto Rico (also not a state), and NYC (also not a state). I love history. While history exists in every place equally, the history of these specific places was just amazing to see. I also liked Minnesota / the Dakotas just because it is my country but also very much isn’t and yet it is awesome and the people/food are great.

        1. You and me both on New Orleans, NYC, and Hawaii. They’re each so distinctive and unique that you can’t make the mistake of thinking you are somewhere else.

      2. Quick plug for Arkansas! I lived there for years after college for a job and loved it more than I ever though. The natural beauty in the central, north west of the state is amazing. The lakes are great as well- very clear and pretty!

        1. Thanks! I was hoping to do some nature stuff in that area went I was in OK but it didn’t work out.

      3. Go to Memphis for a weekend and you can easily drive over the board to Mississippi and Arkansas.

    2. 28, I loved California vastly more than I expected to and Santa Fe is a global highlight. Ohio did not wow me

    3. 43 states plus DC.

      I like the outdoors and visiting smaller towns, perhaps because I have lived in Boston, NYC, DC, and San Diego at different points in my life.

      I have no nice words for the place I moved to for my husband’s job. The culture is deeply unhealthy. Thankfully, DH is willing to move.

      1. Boston: having so many -way and oblique angle intersections. I felt like I was always playing diagonal Frogger poorly. And yet it gives you a sense of place: this city predates cars.

    4. Prairie dogs in Oklahoma through the Dakotas. They are like the squirrels of the plains.

      Also: in Chicago, the river used to flow one way and they reversed the flow so that the sewage discharge didn’t go into the drinking water. How do you reverse a river?!

    5. I’ve been to every state but Alaska. It’s easy when you’ve lived in the Midwest, Northeast, Southeast, and West Coast and also have family in the Mountain West. so your question about which places feel different from your own doesn’t even make sense in that context. They’re all my own, though I guess I still consider myself a midwesterner at heart despite not having lived there for decades now. The SE was the only place I truly felt like I didn’t belong and I couldn’t wait to get out of there.

    6. I’ve done a good amount of business travel. Provo, Utah was like being on a different planet. Mormonism has such a strong influence. New Orleans feels like you’re outside the US but in a good way. Orange County and the San Diego area felt like paradise. College towns tend to be cute with a lot to do no matter the location. San Francisco is my least favorite place, even compared to remote areas. I’m not a fan of the damp weather, everything is ultra expensive for a mediocre experience, and the homelessness problem is in your face everywhere you go. Many of the homeless people are on drugs so they’re erratic and unpredictable.

      1. I feel like I’ve hit the highlight reel in the states I’ve visited, so I don’t feel like I’ve visited “the state.” I’ve been to New Orleans, but felt like I had a better sense of that part of the gulf coast driving from Biloxi to New Orleans and then also going to Mobile (which was part of Spain and also part of France — I did not know this but knew it about New Orleans). I don’t feel like I’ve been to Ohio (been to Cleveland and drove there from DC) but I am like always driving to Pennsylvania to get to my parents’ house and I know it from end to end, avoid Breezewood like the plague, and have favorite restaurants / stopping points all along 80, 81, and around Allentown (Bethlehem Diner FTW).

        1. OMG I despise Breezewood so much. Who thought it was a good idea to dump the freeway out into an intersection?!? And what is the best way to avoid it?

      2. Considering the role of planets in Mormon theology, your description of Provo is appropriate! But it’s definitely a culture all its own there.

        1. I have been reading this board for years now. I am pretty sure that comments like this about any other religion would cause outrage among the readers for being offensive and over generalizing. But because it’s Mormonism people feel free to make these types of comments without anyone speaking out. Everywhere in that I have been has it’s own distinct culture. I have lived in Provo in the past and the people are kind and generous. I expected more from this group.

          2. How is her comment offensive to Mormons? Nothing she wrote suggests they aren’t kind and generous!

          4. I meant I’ve never been somewhere else that has near-universal adherence to the same theological and cultural norms. Marrying young, large family sizes, regular attendance at religious services, social lives revolving around the church, and you’re hard pressed to find a coffee shop or a business open on Sundays. The people I met were kind and welcoming.

            That being said, I think LDS deserves most of the criticism it gets.

          5. I’m culturally Jewish and I would (and have) described Israel as feeling like a different planet too. I think any area where almost everyone shares one religion and life revolves around that religion feels very different to many people, especially people who don’t practice that religion. It’s not a criticism of the religion, it’s just culture shock.

    7. I’ve visited most states if we count the ones I visited as a kid as well as as an adult. I’m a Californian. Work travel has taken me to all the major cities and a good number of the next tier down. My parents were road trip people and so are my husband and I so we really have been alllmost everywhere. I’m just missing Maine, Rhode Island, and Alaska. The latter is funny because I have cousins in Alaska but they always wanted to visit us in California!

        1. It will definitely happen at some point. I was planning to be in Alaska for an extended family funeral (unfortunately) this month, but they ended up changing it to immediate family only.

          In terms of the culture of each place –
          I could easily live in most of the big cities I visited but for the climate. I am too used to a moderate climate to be able to handle summer in Dallas/Austin/Houston/San Antonio/Atlanta, or a winter in Chicago/Minneapolis. I could handle NYC because everything is so efficient.

          I’m definitely not cut out for small town life, especially midwestern and southern small towns.

          I think I would fairly easily be able to live in Santa Fe, Los Angeles, San Diego, Portland, Seattle, or Boulder. Probably not many other places. I turned down a job that would have been a great step up for me in the Detroit area because of geography, so I’m not entirely talking out of my @ss. And I also commuted from the West Coast to NYC for a long time rather than moving there, despite loving the city. My family are here on the West Coast.

    8. 29 states for me!

      My husband and I met/grew up in a mountain west state, moved to the upper Midwest (where we also both have family roots a generation or two back), moved to Texas, and now live in the PNW. Add our New England honeymoon and my vacation-planning-expert MIL to this mix and we’ve covered some good ground. We really loved our rural Midwest area, despite the extreme weather and how remote it could be, and met a lot of great people doing honest work there. It was very similar to the places we grew up in, just flatter ;) Texas was fun because it was “the big city” to us (despite being not even one of Texas’ ten biggest cities, ha) and I wasn’t surprised we could find a corner of Texas to like and enjoy, at least for a time.

      Our new home is similar in size to my hometown, and also to our first home in the Midwest. Something I’ve noticed most about all the different places we’ve lived is the attitude of folks to new things. I grew up in a town that was stagnant, change-resistant and sort of sad. All the places we’ve lived have been so much happier, more entrepreneurial, more excited to do new things and improve the community. I’ve been so glad to see that – and to reap its benefits!

      When leaving Texas this summer, we drove through southern Colorado, which is now on my list to go back to. I wish we’d explored more of it while we were living nearby. Really beautiful country. We also vacationed at the Gulf Shores, which was gorgeous, and I’d like to see New England again – maybe in the summer this time.

        1. Yes – it’s a very recent development, like typing while surrounded by moving boxes recent!

          1. Hello Vicky from another PNWer!

            I know from being a long time reader that you recently had a kiddo. I did too (in June) so if you’re in the Seattle area and want to meet up, let me know!

    9. I haven’t been to that many states and honestly disliked a lot of places I have visited – Reno,NV (felt like a scary movie); Milwaukee (not diverse and I felt out of place despite being white); Ohio (except I did like Cincinnati/Covington,KY a bit but also not diverse so uncomfortable); Texas (really not for me); Florida (did not like Gainesville, Tallahassee, St Augustine, Sarasota, or St Pete and think Tampa is the very worst). A surprise was Tulsa, OK, where I had two decent solo work trips, and I love NYC, Chicago, DC, SF, and LA. I have not been to the west at all and only a childhood trip to Cape Cod for New England. I am sure there’s a lot I’d like but haven’t seen.

    10. I have been to all but Nevada, ND, SD, Nebraska and Maine – BUT I am leaving today for Nevada! Have never wanted to go to Vegas, but I’m staying at the Dam because I don’t really like gambling and the big crowded scene. My hotel room overlooks the lake. Looking forward to hiking and hanging out at the water.

      I’m going to Maine next fall – I may take a cruise that also goes to Quebec City and the Maritimes. I’ve been to Montreal but not Quebec City.

          1. It might still be kind of hot at valley of fire. Red Rock Canyon near mount charleston is a similar experience (though not quite as spectacular) at a higher elevation if you want something cooler.

    11. Let’s see: I’m from Texas and I’ve been to Louisiana, Oklahoma, New Mexico, Arizona, California, Oregon, Alaska, Wyoming, South Carolina (Hilton Head) and Massachusetts (Boston), oh and DC, which I liked more than I expected. I love New Orleans for the culture, food and walkability. I also really enjoyed exploring Boston. Tbh I love the cultural diversity of Houston the most. People are just so different and all existing in one space which comes with some difficulty and a lot of benefits. I obviously need to experience the East Coast more.

      1. +1 – I was born in Houston, lived on the East Coast for 15 years (NYC and DC), and happily moved back to Houston a few years ago. It has the diversity of people and breadth of things to do that I found in NY, and a “melting pot” culture in the sense where most people, regardless of political leanings, are comfortable with people different cultures and communities. My parents immigrated from a different country, and I’ve experienced this evolution of attitudes. Also the kindness of people is genuine – not “southern nice” or whatever the phrase is – neighbors really want to help neighbors, etc.

        People work hard and are educated/career focused, but not in the way that it is their whole personality in D.C. The summers are awful – no way around that – but it’s the price we pay for climate change + ability to be outside comfortably for a majority of the year.

    12. I’ve been to all 50 and have actually visited 49 – just drive through Delaware. My 5 year old has been to 22! We have a lot of family spread across the US and do a lot of long weekend trips just for fun.

    13. 28 states for me (plus USVI and Puerto Rico if we’re including the territories). A lot of those were for work trips, though, so while I left the airport, not sure I really got a sense of the place. I love both LA and Seattle, which are vastly different from where I live (the Southeast). I don’t think I could live in Seattle with the weather, but were it not for the high cost of living (and earthquakes. And fire season), I’d move to LA in a heartbeat. The idea of being close to both the mountains and the ocean is appealing, and honestly the traffic, while bad, didn’t seem as horrible as I was expecting (but I’ve also spent time in Atlanta, so maybe my baseline expectation is just really bad). I also loved New Mexico a lot more than I expected to. I do prefer outdoors trips to cities, though. We’re slowly working our way through the national parks.

    14. I’ve been to most of the states up and down the East Coast (FL to Maine), as well as MO, KS, OK, TX, NV, AZ, UT, CA, OR, WA, WI, IL, and HI. As a Marylander (with Midwestern transplant parents) who is now a 25+ year Angeleno, the US is quite regional and there are specific cultural differences between and within different states.

      To my surprise, I really, really like Texas, but I also realize that I get to do all of the fun Texas things when I visit my family. I’d probably be living in a “King of the Hill”-type suburb and loathing all of my neighbors if I actually lived there long term. I’d love to visit more of Utah (really only been to the area around Zion) and get along super-great with the LDS parents at my kids’ schools, though I doubt I’d love living there long term. There are lovely things about living in Los Angeles, but it can be a big ol’ rat race where people pretend everything is just going super for them so you feel like a loser for having actual problems. At least East Coast people can articulate complaints, though I don’t miss some of the elitism about where you went to college, etc.

      1. I noticed the last part: on the East Coast, people seem to understand that sweeping problems under the rug means you have succeeded at ignoring your problems. Elsewhere in the country, particularly where I live, it’s seen as somehow low class to admit you have any sort of problem. Anything. At all.

      2. I lived in SLT for a summer during grad school, and I got really sick of the constant sweet but insistent invites to participate in church activities, Family Home Evening, etc. I’m not a churchgoer. The LDS folks were just so nice, but they didn’t take no for an answer, so I felt like a jerk always making up an excuse. I went a few times when I ran out of excuses, which was a mistake as I felt even more pressured to join their faith.

        2. My LDS friends haven’t pressured me, but we are churchgoers and I suspect they’d invite us to more stuff if we didn’t have a church at all. Also they are in a sea of “nones” here in LA, as well as a fair number of people who associate “church, any kind” with “homophobic.” They are super diplomatic and involved community members. Neither is from UT, and one is from a country with barely any LDS, so I think they are pretty used to being outside the dominant religious persausion.

      3. One clarification – there are people in Los Angeles who are super elitist about where you went to college, grad school, etc., but it’s really the rare person who starts the conversation that way. People do talk about their jobs pretty quickly when getting to know one another, but there are so many people with so many different educational backgrounds that it’s not the status display it can be in other parts of the country. I think it’s an outgrowth of the entertainment industry – some Ivy League guys write for The Simpsons, but there are big-deal film directors that dropped out of high school.

    15. All of the continental US! I have family all over and frequently travel for work. I also love national parks!

  12. Where do you buy pre-printed return address labels? I found some I like at Paper Source but they’re pricey.

    4. I have an infinite supply of these that come unsolicited for free from various charities. They’re nice enough that I’d never actually buy any. Every time I move, I get more within a few weeks, it’s ridiculous.

      1. Lived at the same address for 20 years now and I have a supply that will never run out.

      2. This is me. I feel guilted into sending them $5 or so if I’m going to use the labels, which i will unless it’s a charity I can’t stand like Wounded Warriors. I happily send St Jude’s and the ASPCA a little check once or twice a year.

      3. Same! I keep the designs I like that are from charities I can actually get behind. I get enough that I toss the old ones whenever a new batch I like more arrives, otherwise I would be able to wallpaper my whole house several times over with the surplus.

    5. If you donate to the Salvation Army, they have really nice neutral return address labels. I honestly never buy any because even the occasional donation a few years back means I receive an endless stream of the charity ones.

    7. I got a self-inking stamp with our address a few years ago and I really love it. It was on Etsy but I’m sure you can get something similar from Shutterfly.

  13. Booking an Amtrak trip from DC to NYC for the first time for my family of 4. Any tips or secret deals?

    1. Spend the money for the upgrade to the fancy class (I don’t remember what it’s called – business class?). Last time we did it (March 2020 – we wore N95s and people stared at us like we had three heads) it was very quiet and spacious and pretty clean.

    2. Don’t expect the WiFi to work. Download some music to listen to or shows to watch before you leave.

    3. If you book 21+ days in advance, it can be ridiculously cheap. If you book inside that 21 day window, it will skyrocket.

      1. I am booking for a trip in november and its about $500 for the 4 of us. Thats a bit more than I was expecting – is that normal-ish? Our two kids get 50% off.

        2. 500 / 3 (accounting for the 50% off) = $160 round trip per person, which seems very fair for the distance, quality, and convenience vs. flying or driving and having to pay for and deal with parking.

          1. I dunno, is it really a good deal? I just checked Google flights and plane tickets between DC and NY are less than that for most of November. Even Thanksgiving weekend is only $170 . For roughly the same price I would much rather fly.

          3. @1:19, even assuming you get a real seat and a bag for $170, I’d pick the train every time on that route. (1) tbh I think the train is about even, time-wise, once accounting for having to get to and from the airports and get there sufficiently in advance of a flight to boot, and (2) you have to pack to TSA standards rather than casually.

        4. $500 for 4 people is so cheap. How much do you expect do you expect a trip like that to cost?!

    4. it’s variable pricing so the earlier the better. Occasionally they advertise a “fare sale” but it’s never been useful for our planned travel.

      Although perhaps better if you’re going from DC (i.e., boarding earlier in the journey) to NYC, prepare that the 4 of you might not get seats together. Boarding in Philly it’s usually scattershot single seats in coach class going either direction.

      1. Also, don’t sit in the quiet car if you want to talk. People take it very seriously – I have seen people get the conductor to kick people out.

        1. I can attest to this. One time, it was me. It was literally the only available seat on the train and I had no idea it was the quiet car. I never made that mistake again.

    6. Look at the acela versus the regular trains and decide if the slightly faster time is worth it. The Acela trains are nicer. AAA has discounts. The further out you book, the better the prices. Bring food. Technically you’re not supposed to bring your own booze, but I enjoy my own mug of wine and a screw top bottle. Trains are fun if you are tipsy.

      1. Another plus for the Acela is that it now has assigned seats. It will make it a lot easier for your family to sit together

    7. Only Acela trains assign seats, which might be important for you. It will be hard if not impossible to find 4 seats together on a regional train; even if the train originates in dc (many do), the track isn’t announced until a bit before boarding and then everyone races to line up in union station and the lines get loooong. With littles you won’t be able to rush to find four seats together.

      The WiFi is just ok. Th e cafe car can be good b it can just as easily run out of literally everything. Bring food and drinks yourself just to be sure.

      Like everything else in our country, the infrastructure of trains are crappy and many things can go wrong. Or it can go easily. I ride this train at least twice a month and have seen it all. But usually it’s fine!

  14. I want your tips for dealing with “constant bombardment” when you are physically in the office. I’m a senior associate, and when I’m in the office I just feel like I have no time to concentrate. I have high client contact and high interaction with other attorneys and staff. I work directly with 5-6 paralegals and 4-5 junior associates, one of whom I am helping to mentor. It’s not so much the client contact that I struggle with, it’s the constant interruption from staff and the junior associates. I definitely carve out time to talk to these colleagues in person, on the phone and via email. But there are times that I find myself telling people to put it in an email/in writing, and I will get back to them. If I don’t do this, I find full weeks in the office where I don’t have enough time to get to the substantive drafting/work that I need to do in addition to overseeing all of the other in-house aspects of my matters. Unfortunately, I have in-person client appointments almost every day, so working from home is not usually feasible for me. Any tips for how you manage this are greatly appreciated!

    1. Schedule blocks of uninterrupted work time on your calendar and close your office door. Put up a Do Not Disturb sign if necessary. (These techniques are totally fine at my firm.)

      Also, come early or stay late, depending on your best working hours. I might not show up til 10, but I’ll happily stay in the office til 9 to get some quiet work time.

      1. Two fold solution – you need to find your “power hours” which may not be during business hours. then you need to retrain the people you work with that they should batch their questions/or schedule meetings. I also used to be not above scheduling a fake meeting on my calendar, putting on an OOO (even internal) and cranking, if I needed to do something like turn a full suite of deal docs and couldn’t be interrupted.

      2. Yup this is what I do. I’m senior in a government agency and my department has been missing some leadership for months (someone left and someone else is on leave) so I end up picking up a lot of teaching/mentoring/answering questions slack as a result. I just close my door and put up a post it that I’m busy until 1 or whatever time, so people know when to come back.

    2. This is tough. I do think you have to carve out your own work time, and stick to it, when you have lots of other people demanding your time. Block it out on your calendar like a meeting. Do you have 1:1 check-ins with any of these people? Perhaps they can save some of the less time-sensitive questions for those times.

    3. I think of the office as the place for interaction and revisions. I do deep work when I WFH one day a week, and during non-business hours. Sometimes I will WFH in the morning, and then go to the office in the afternoons.

      If I need to write during business hours at the office, I shut my door.

    4. Could you wfh either before or after your client meetings? I find people bug me much less when I’m at home, especially if they know I’ll be in the office at some point that day. If the meeting is at 11 am then maybe you wfh for a few hours, get to the office at 10:30 or 10:45, then you’re in the office for the afternoon? Or if the meeting is at 3 then leave right after the meeting?

    5. I block time on my calendar and put do not disturb up on our internal messaging system and will even put a sign on the door if I’m worried about people knocking.

    6. Block out your most productive time on your calendar for drafting, and set the rest of the internal calls and meetings outside of the drafting hours.

    7. When I was a senior associate at my law firm, I had to get comfortable with the fact that my days were entirely about other people. I did substantive work from 3:30 or 4 until 11 pm. Because I had young children at the time, I ended up just blocking out Tuesdays and Thursdays for late nights, and stayed in the office that whole time. It was the only strategy that allowed me to do all of the people-mentoring/answering/delegating and also write briefs, prep arguments, and think.

    8. Adding to what everybody already said about blocking time and closing your door. Given the large number of internal people who need interaction with you, have you considered scheduling regular check-ins with them, either individually or in small groups? I find that helps with the people I supervise. They still need stuff at random times, but we can corral most of it in the check-ins.

  15. Does anyone know of an app that allows family members to record their memories/life story? I feel like I’ve seen these advertised but google search is coming up short.

    3. I asked a similar question a while back and someone suggested just recording videos on my phone and that is what we did! Very easy and I didn’t waste time trying to find something perfect that would work.

  16. an old friend is getting married and for various reasons i can’t attend. anyone have any ideas of something you wish you had on your wedding day but didn’t, or something you would’ve loved to have bought yourself for your wedding weekend/honeymoon. i’ll send a gift, but want to send something extra as well. for one friend i sponsored the getting ready mimosas but that won’t work for this friend

    1. I read an old etiquette book that assigned a groomsman to read the telegrams that came in and always wished I had had a telegram wishing me well. IDK that that is even a thing, but the idea of a little piece of tape coming out of a telegram machine was just so charming and would make a nice keepsake. I need to teleport back to the 1920s.

      1. someone sent me a telegram when i was 13 and at the last minute they couldn’t come to my bat mitzvah bc they forgot their photo id at home which they need to fly

      2. “reading telegrams” is still a thing done at British weddings, I believe, although obviously they’re not actual telegrams!

      3. My parents have the telegram my mother’s parents sent them on their wedding! My parents were new immigrants to the US and my grandparents could not come for the wedding. (There was a whole thing with married couples not being allowed to leave China, so they didn’t want to get married until they both left the country.) I love it so much!

    2. The Army sent my family to Hawaii and they have gotten fresh leis fedexed in for things like graduations now that they have moved back to the lower 48.

    3. a picnic type basket of food at their wedding night hotel? We spent so much time talking to people that we barely ate, and while the caterers were supposed to make a box for us, they forgot to set things aside before putting them out for guests to eat, and there was barely anything left!

      1. I (the bride) arranged for cheese and meat tray to be delivered at my house around the time everyone was gathering to do hair and get ready — it was a huge hit.

        1. +1. Check with the MOH to see if you can have food/champagne sent to where they’re all getting ready.

    4. My best friend just got married. If they’re not going on a honeymoon immediately, I would schedule a massage for the bride or a couples massage for the next day.

      There’s so much adrenalin and cortisol and it’s nice to come down. I wouldn’t schedule it too early–the couple likely wants to say goodbye to family and friends. But it would be very welcomed.

      2. Oh man, this would definitely be know your audience. I’m pretty type A and I would honestly hate someone scheduling anything “for” me especially at such an intense time of life (the day after is still pretty intense with people leaving etc!). (I also don’t understand and dislike couples massages but that’s maybe more me).

        OP, I would just make sure before you do anything to make sure it’s really for the bride and not really deep down for you, if that makes sense. If it is anything that is going to create any more logistic juggling for anyone – even an MOH or bridesmaid – on an already logistic heavy day, I would resist the urge to do this. Like, I was of course bummed if any close friends couldn’t make it but I also understood and really the day for me was more about me and my husband, and making sure the guests that were there were set up for success to have a good time, I wasn’t dwelling at all on who wasn’t there.

        I know I sound like a grinch.

        1. yea i most certainly wouldnt schedule anything like that for them. i wouldnt have liked that either. definitely dont want to create any logistical juggling for anyone, though at my own wedding the MOH and bridesmaids were not involved in any logistics at all. i know the bride will already have food for the bridal party while getting ready and i’m chatting with one of the bridesmaids who is more in the know than the actual MOH (her sister is the actual MOH but is sort of just there) and she thought having something delivered could be a good idea, but we are both stumped as to what

    5. Hotel snack delivery morning of? or a nice dinner + massage day before or day after?

    6. I would have loved to have something delivered to our hotel during the honeymoon (champagne, cheese, crackers, chocolates).

    7. A dear friend had to back out of attending my wedding last-minute, but we arrived to our hotel room pre-wedding and found chocolate covered strawberries, a chilled bottle of champagne, and a beautiful bouquet of roses from him. He must have contacted a mutual friend to figure out where we were staying, and then contacted the hotel to arrange for this, so it was an extremely thoughtful and a little over-the-top gift that I still remember fondly 23 years later!

      And we were STARVING so the strawberries were perfect.

      1. I’m the grinch above and even I could get behind this, as it’s the hotel doing the work and being presented at a not-super intense time that can be enjoyed at any time.

      2. Our hotel gifted us some chocolate covered strawberries and they were amazing- we ate them the next morning in bed while reading our cards.

  17. I’ve been eyeing the Italian Wool Oversized Blazer (link in a comment to avoid mod) from Everlane for a couple of years now and am thinking of actually getting it this year, in the new camel herringbone color. Anyone want to talk me out of it? Is it already massively dated or about to be?

  18. My first time asking question of the group so forgive any unintended faux-pas please :)

    My husband briefly mentioned a public figure in sports who faced some understandable backlash around a recent inocul_tion effort, and then said that if he had to do it all over again, he would have declined to receive this service. He mentioned some heart palpitations (that he had checked out and assured were normal/fine and have since resolved) as the reason and said that he felt “Risk A” (getting ill and recovering) from the illness was lower than “Risk B” (heart problems) from the inocul_tion. No mention of, ahem, conspiracy-theory stuff that would have raised major alarm flags.

    I was taken aback and left a bit flat-footed. I didn’t want to get into a debate, partly because it’s a done deal and old news, but I’ve noticed a minor trend of the female half of a couple being concerned and stepping up and getting it done despite misgivings and the male half refusing for ‘reasons’ or being very reluctant and begrudging. There’s something that feels careless and selfish about this viewpoint that seems to be falling along gender line and it left a really sour taste in my mouth.

    I’m hoping for some low key talking points or data around why choosing “Risk B” was the better choice that don’t feel shriek-y and preachy and panicky/overblown, or perhaps the reverse. He’s a man under 40, is he correct in that “Risk B” was higher than falling ill with “Risk A”?

    1. His stance seems careless and selfish to you, but you have to ask a bunch of internet strangers for help justifying your stance? You can’t possibly consider that oh, I don’t know, his stance might actually be reasonable?

    2. If he feels he has sufficient CV risk factors that make it risky for him to get a covid vaccination then he needs to be worked up by a cardiologist who can accurately assess the risk and advise.

      1. And if he really does have cardiovascular issues, this is what the Novavax brand vaccine is for.

    3. Risk A was not lower than Risk B. There’s tons of stats on that specific issues. Plus anti vax sentiment is a bit of a dog whistle for right wing Europeans. That’s part of the reason I get lots of ick around that Tennis Star. Hitler was antivax and the pervasiveness of his antivax policies is one of the reasons that Europe has struggled with lower vaccination rates even pre pandemic.

      Further, I would have super icky feelings about someone who limited their public health decisions to their own personal benefit. I am still super mad that BIL wouldn’t vaccinate their kids even though FIL was going through lung cancer treatments at the time. Sometimes it’s not about you, it’s about all of us getting through this.

      And as the sister of a research scientist who works in healthcare. I am so annoyed at all the arm chair quarterbacks on the medical science.

      1. I think that’s my biggest concern, is that it’s very hard to tease apart intertwined issues around what’s a genuine health decision and what’s the start of a steep slide into scary cult-y stuff where I would need to make some very tough, heart-breaking choices should he get into that.

        Another comment mentioned that the best choice was made with the information available at the time, and that sparks the argument I think I will go with, which is that Risk A and Solution A were/are backed (or appear to be by all reasonable metrics) with rigorous science and Risk B and Solution B appear to be mostly backed by anecdotes, rumors, and conspiracy theories. Which of course is cause for concern!

    4. Perhaps don’t do this, and let your husband and others make their own risk decisions? You’re worried it will sound shrieky because it does. Maybe I’m a little libertarian, but I think health and risk calculations are very much a “you do you” thing. FWIW, that was my opinion throughout COVID as well; I chose to get a shot but I think people get to make their own health and risk decisions without my interference.

      1. Vaccination does affect others though. At a community level you’re increasing the chance of infecting someone else. At a personal level if your spouse gets sick you’re stuck managing the household until they recover. And you might have to miss work or social events if you know you’ve been exposed.

        If the husband has legitimate concerns due to a medical condition he should discuss the pros and cons with his doctor.

          1. Yes it is. The covid vaccine isn’t perfect but it does decrease both your risk of getting it and the odds that you infect others if you do get it.

      2. So gross to just be like ‘shurg people will die’ vs actually help out your fellow humans.

        You do you in public health just results in lots of dead people. It’s literally the entire reason vaccines were invented and they have been so successful we have forgotten all the horrible diseases they eradicated.

        1. This. For a while the antivaxxers got by as free riders because nearly everyone was vaccinated, but once they hit critical mass we started to see outbreaks of diseases such as measles that we thought were eradicated. Vaccines for serious communicable diseases should be mandatory, and no one should be allowed to attend school, ride public transit, etc. without them. If you want to skip vaccines, go live in a cabin in the woods and don’t interact with the rest of the world.

    5. With the information he had at the time, back when we were all getting vaccinated and no one knew how bad the virus would be, he chose the most responsible option. I’d focus on that. I’m not sure I’d take his Monday morning quarterbacking too seriously, at least in a vacuum. If other things have led you to believe he is now an anti-vaxxer because of this experience then there’s certainly cause for concern.

    7. there are no talking points for why “risk b” was a worthwhile risk, (esp for a male of reproductive age under 40) because the data shows that it was not a worthwhile risk vs having “risk a”. I am shocked at the replies you are getting to support you, because the data does not support that C0V1d shots did anything to reduce disease or risk, plus the testing was faulty. sorry you are just hearing about this now, but knowledge is power.

      1. WTH are you talking about? It’s well established that the shot reduces severe outcomes. Even though the reduction in transmission that was originally observed, didn’t hold for later variants, just having individuals experience less severe outcomes means that our healthcare system is now able to cope with an endemic virus and a population with mixed protection.
        Unfortunately, like so many other things where the best available science isn’t identical with the path of least resistance, this has become a partisan issue, and men vote R at higher rates than women. Also R stronghold counties are now behind in life expectancy. Coincidence?

    8. Huh? Are you talking about the Covid vaccine? This debate raged a couple of years ago, let it go. Also I think it’s always good with the benefit of hindsight to reassess things.

  19. Low stakes question – has anyone successfully gone back to no-stretch jeans (Levi’s) after having worn jeans with stretch forever? I keep seeing Levi’s recommended, but the overwhelming majority of the styles I like from them are no stretch and I just can’t imagine not having that give. Others?

    I swear my search for the perfect pair of jeans is entering a new decade at this point…

    1. Yep, but I also never went over to the soft-pants life during COVID. As long as your pants fit, they’ll be comfortable. That fit is more exacting than in jeans with stretch, so you’ll need to try things on to find what fits. I like men’s Levis 501s personally. Target just clearanced a bunch out.

    2. Yes, and IMO you just have to accept 100% cotton jeans are not as comfortable as stretchy jeans. I always end up unbuttoning the top button if I’m sitting down for a long time.

  20. Paging the poster yesterday about camping mattresses – I recently bought Trifold memory foam mattresses from a company called Maillard and they are great and way better than air mattresses. We use them for our guests and fold them and store them into closet when not in use. You can also get a washable cover/fitted sheet. I highly recommend them.

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