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I got this “illuminating nail concealer” a while ago, and really like it — the barely-there color is *chef's kiss*, and it dries quickly enough that even my impatient self can deal with it.
I've always been frustrated that the nail polish everyone else likes for “barely there” looks too stark pink on me, but this one is perfect. It is not a nail polish, of course — the color is much more sheer — but there's a pearly luminesence that isn't there with the nail treatments I've been a fan of in the past, like Nail Envy, and yet it's as easy to apply as those kinds of treatments.
The company describes it as a “universally flattering, all-in-one brightener that illuminates and conceals with a sheer veil of color, giving nails a healthy-looking glow—rendering all yellowing, staining, or imperfections erased.”
The concealer is $20 at Amazon, Ulta, and Londontown.
(Oooh, I don't have any of their “nail veils,” but I'm mightily tempted – Londontown has a 2-for-$30 sale going on. These products seem to have a bit more color than the “illuminating concealer” — the company describes them as “universally flattering shades where pigment is turned down to turn up the conditioning, kur care. Ultra-sheer hues instantly perfect and enhance the natural look of nails as a blend of supercharged actives deliver strengthening and moisturizing benefits. Once removed nails are left looking rejuvenated and healthier than before.”)
Sales of note for 11.5.24
- Nordstrom – Fall sale, up to 50% off!
- Ann Taylor – Extra 40% off sale
- Banana Republic Factory – 50% off everything + extra 25% off with your GAP Inc. credit card
- Bloomingdales is offering gift cards ($20-$1200) when you spend between $100-$4000+. The promotion ends 11/10, and the gift cards expire 12/24.
- Boden – 10% off new styles with code; free shipping over $75
- Eloquii – Fall clearance event, up to 85% off
- J.Crew – 40% off fall favorites; prices as marked
- J.Crew Factory – Up to 60% off everything + 60% off clearance
- Lo & Sons – Fall Sale, up to 35% off
- M.M.LaFleur – Save 25% sitewide
- Neiman Marcus – New sale, up to 50% off
- Spanx – Lots of workwear on sale, some up to 70% off
- Talbots – Buy one, get one – 50% off everything!
- White House Black Market – Holiday style event, take 25% off your entire purchase
Anon
Any advice for sleeping comfortably when car camping? I have an inflatable Nemo air mattress that was great a few years ago but as I’ve gotten older and creakier, just isn’t comfy enough and I’m waking up with pain where the side of my hip is pointed at the ground. I’ve tried different inflation levels and layering with a Nemo accordion-style backpacking pad — no dice. My next option is a “camping cot,” which I had from when my kids were in cub scouts, perhaps layered with another mattress. But I think I’m just old and, although well-padded, not enough along the sides LOL. [Not going to try to be a back sleeper — that induces snoring; strictly a side sleeper.] Will check out any good products that have worked for you all.
Anonymous
My best solution is a hotel room.
Anon
I hear you, totally. But there is a group I go with that is there for the camping and I’d hate to miss the late nights together by the fire (and we go to remote sites, so no close hotels). I have a minivan, so I did think of putting a twin mattress in the back of it and doing car camping literally as a last resort. I would like more privacy for changing though :)
Others have said to try a hammock, but it’s hard to predict the trees you’ll find at a site and I can’t test at home in my yard (no trees) before going.
Anonymous
I’d get blinds/shades /coverings for the minivan windows and go with a mattress in the back of it.
Anon
My friend does this. Takes along and sets up a tent along with the group (lots of kids + chaperones), then takes out the car seats (literally all the way out and places on ground nearby) and sleeps on a mattress in the car.
Ellen
I agree. Who needs to go camping anyway? We live in a comfort society, and if you want to rough it, go to Morocco and help people there. I prefer hotels with room service so that I do not have to go down to the restarurant or bar to eat, b/c I am inevitably beseiged by men looking for companionship who see a single girl eating alone, and then feel compelled to inject themself into a conversation with me. FOOEY on that!
On this anniversary of 9/11, I implore the hive to remember what went on along time ago, when I was only a teenager. My friends say I am silly, but I don’t think so. I think we need to never forget what happened at the World Trade Center and the Pentagon, in DC, where I was when all of that was going down.
Shelle
I started having hip pain on the side I sleep on and I thought I needed a new mattress. But I fixed it with a pillow that wedges between my knees to better align my hips. Maybe this is part of your issue? I own a pillow that is shaped kind of like an hour glass or figure eight (google: side sleeper knee pillow) but when traveling I just stick any pillow or rolled up towel between my knees.
Sunshine
I use a body pillow for this purpose, and it supports both the space between my knees and my arms/shoulders. I basically hug the pillow at the top and put it between my knees toward the bottom.
Anonymous
Lodge reservations will fix this.
Anonymous
We have the Therarest Luxurymap pad and I find it pretty comfy; It’s definitely thicker than a pad meant for backpacking (has foam + inflatable). One tip is that you may need to actually deflate the pad a bit to get it the right level of firmness for you. I also travel with multiple pillows – one inflatable, one tiny down one – to get my head at the right height and to go between my knees when lying on my side.
Anecdata
I have an exped megamat that my 65 yr old mom has used and pronounced very comfy
Not a mattress idea but – I sometimes wake up with stiffness camping that feels more like it comes from not moving around much / being slightly cramped in my sleeping bag. If I’m car camping and don’t care about weight – sometimes I just go with a giant pile of blankets
Explorette
+1 to Exped and a pile of blankets. I have one and it is very comfy. I am a side sleeper too and have no pain on this one, plus it is big enough I can roll over, move around, and not hit the ground.
Anon
Fellow side sleeper here. If the minivan means that space isn’t an issue, I can sleep anywhere on one of those Yogibo bean bags with the Zoola covers. The only catch is that it’s hard to get up and out of.
Anon
Here’s what’s considered the definitive article on the subject – there’s surprisingly little study in this area (ground sleeping). I sleep like figure 1. I used to sleep like figure 4, but my shoulder protests now.
https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC1119282/pdf/1616.pdf
Anon
Put a foam mattress topper on the air mattress.
Anon
And I should say that I put this on top of an actual regular air mattress. I am comfy AF.
anon
I’m a relatively experienced backpacker and always had hip pain like you described, even when using quality sleeping pads. I got the Sea to Summit Ether Light XT Insulated Air Sleeping Pad (women’s version) 2 years ago and it’s awesome. It’s been the most comfortable sleeping pad I’ve ever had by far.
Anon
I have been asked to bring a veggie side dish (like brussels sprouts or green beans) to a holiday dinner. 20-25 people attending. Any favorite recipes that would travel reasonably well (40 minute drive) and aren’t too complicated?
Lyssa
We make the cauliflower part of this recipe for a side a lot, and it is very simple and a big hit. https://www.epicurious.com/recipes/food/views/roasted-vegetables-antipasto-plate
We use anchovy paste instead of the fish (I know people get weird about anchovies, but it just adds more fullness, not a fishiness!), and don’t bother with the breadcrumbs (so I guess it’s nothing like this recipe, but that’s where it started). You could re-warm or serve room temperature.
MinnieBeebe
Please don’t use anchovy paste on a veggie side dish for a large group.
Signed,
Vegetarian
Anon
Ditto.
Also a Vegetarian
Anon
I would go with a cold salad like this one, since reheating vegetable dishes can be hit or miss:
https://myquietkitchen.com/italian-green-bean-salad/
Mpls
My mom’s go-to is a ramen cabbage salad. It’s got a vinegar dressing that uses the flavor packet from the ramen noodles, so it’s actually better if it’s allowed to sit a bit. I don’t have the exact recipe on me, but search on “ramen cabbage salad” and you should get what you need.
Cb
Yum! That sounds delicious!
No Face
I’ve never heard of this, but will eat it frequently from now on. Thanks for sharing!
OOO
My go-to veggie side dish is roasted carrots and parsnips with curry powder. It’s so simple and people love it
Anon
The only recipe you’ll ever need – they are served lukewarm to cool:
https://www.epicurious.com/recipes/food/views/green-beans-with-bacon-and-shallots-104502
They are perfectly fine without the bacon, if you’re going meatless.
Anon
I can never come up with a recipe that will make me want to eat an entire pot of green beans, but this may do it!
(Actually that’s not true, I like southern green beans cooked until they’re just shy of mushy, but I don’t think anyone would appreciate that as a potluck dish!)
Anon
Another green bean salad recipe – this is SO good and always gets rave reviews: https://smittenkitchen.com/2011/02/green-bean-salad-with-pickled-red-onions-and-fried-almonds/
Anon
Pickled onions make everything better!
Anon
If you can reheat it there, Cookie and Kate’s green beans almondine.
anon
I would do a shaved brussel sprout salad. You can run them through food processor, they sit well in the dressing.
Anon
Chickpea salad.
Anan
There is a recipe in kitchn for garlic marinated zucchini that I love to bring because it can be served at room temperature and still be tasty.
If you don’t want to fry the zucchini, the recipe works equally well with roasted zucchini slices.
https://www.thekitchn.com/recipe-garlic-marinated-zucchini-221250
Anon
Help me understand my situation at work. I’m an ops manager, just got back from mat leave and everything is bad. My beloved boss left and I have a new boss who’s very ambitious but doesn’t really understand the existing issues. There is also a guy from another org who was filling in for me off the side of his desk, and in the meantime his normal job basically disappeared (client pulled back) so now he’s with my org in an undetermined capacity. And there is the new admin manager (supervises call center and documents procurement audit trail) who didn’t do the procurement part of his job pretty much at all while I was away (pleads ignorance, willing to learn). A team of 50 service delivery personnel rolls up to me. This team is constantly under pressure barely hitting our contractual targets each quarter, and speedy procurement is one of the few things on our side. We share a procurement budget with a sister service org and the budget is blown, sister org is mad, and I can’t even figure out where the issues are because of the audit process failure. Of course, this looks very bad to the new boss, and as a stop gap measure he’s inserted himself as approver into the procurement process which will surely result in a huge bottleneck, setting the whole service delivery at risk. How the heck do I dig myself out of this?
Anon
Can you ask for a written document about how XY and Z changed while you are on maternity leave to have a base to operate from?
Anon
I wish. It’s a great suggestion but, unfortunately, they didn’t document anything. And now they’re all too deep in the muck trying to meet client deadlines to have time to document. So it looks like that will fall to me.
Anonymous
I’d have three meetings, one with team leads to get an understanding of where everything is, one after digesting what you heard to get buy in on the way forward, and then one with new boss to explain the deficiencies you’ve identified and your plan to get things back on track. In the meantime, let boss know you know the situation is subpar and that you’re working it and will update him [weekly, whatever] on the path forward until it’s squared away.
Anon
That is helpful, thank you.
anon
I think you follow your beloved boss’s lead and find your way to the door. This situation seems beyond salvaging. Sometimes things just fall apart, you know?
Anon
This, absolutely. I think you pour your energy into looking for a new job.
Anonymous
I would say this except with a new baby you’ll want vacation accrual, you have a strong known reputation with the rest of the team absent new boss, and have little time to look and learn something entirely new somewhere else.
I would follow the path outlined above. Sort out existing situation, identify a few issues at a time, and start cranking away–documenting steps and improvements and you go. The fill-in with no real job makes me nervous–is he friend or foe? If you can use him to aid things, I might try to put him to work on some of the clean-up–he’s probably eager to feel like he has a job absent a clear path. And this puts you in the better spot to not look like it’s redundant work.
Anonymous
One more thing–I don’t know how your documenting process needs to work (I used to work in product development where I was constantly making Loom videos to train customer success teams and sales staff on steps or writing elaborate word docs with screen grabs worked in). The team after me started using scribehow.com. It pairs the visual and text. Hopefully that will ease the burden as well…? If I were the new boss, seeing someone come in and start putting in fixes and documenting for long-term gain would be a sign that even if things weren’t working properly at present I’d know I had gotten one of the A players back who would be a huge asset in getting out of the current hole.
Anon
OP here – thank you, this is a point of view I haven’t quite considered. And I will find things for the fill in to do, this is a good point also. Thanks for the tech rec, I will look into that.
anon
Has anyone gone to Speakeasy Magick or Sleep no more at the McKittrick Hotel in NYC? We are finalizing a vacation trip plans for next week and trying to decide if the $$$ is worth it compared to something way more low key. We really enjoy theatre and live entertainment and have a bunch booked already, but then I had a slow afternoon and started googling again and the reviews are so positive that my FOMO is kicking in.
anon
I have been to Sleep No More and loved it. If you are not familiar with the general plot of MacBeth, I highly recommend reading a summary or watching a film version before you go. That said, it is definitely NOT low-key, so if you think you’ll already be jam-packed with events, you might want to save it for another trip.
Anonymous
It’s been over a decade since I’ve been (moved out of NYC), but I’ve been to Sleep No More several times and loved it. It’s just totally different theater experience. Just know roughly what you’re getting into, and wear comfortable shoes.
Anonymous
+1 Sleep No More is a really unusual experience, highly recommend if you’re into theater. It’s a lot more of an exploration than a viewing, though, if that makes sense – like the play is happening around you instead of in front of you.
Is it Friday yet?
I’ve been to both Speakeasy Magick (the weekend before the world shut down in March 2020!) and Sleep No More – both are definitely worth the money. Speakeasy Magick is lower key than SNM (which can get a bit wild with people running after the actors), you sit at a table of like ten people and there are a few main acts in the middle but it’s mostly rotating magicians who come to your table and do interactive sleight of hand tricks. Also Gallow Green is fun if the weather is nice.
Anon
Has anyone has wisdom teeth out later in life especially around age 40 or older? I know it’s a much harder surgery when you’re older. I’m 38 and never had mine out. Three of them are either absent or fully erupted without issues, but one is partially erupted and coming in sideways and pushing hard on my other teeth so I think it likely needs to come out. But I’m terrified about complications especially dry socket since I have a lot of risk factors for that (woman, older, impacted tooth).
And would you recommend starting with a dentist or going straight to a consult with an oral surgeon? I definitely want the surgery done by an oral surgeon and cutting out time and money from unnecessary dentist visits is appealing, but I’m concerned that an oral surgeon might be more likely to jump to surgery even if it’s not necessary (I think it probably is though).
Anon
I am a little confused about what the issue is, but I always get second opinions on anything dental because they are often very different.
Is orthodontistry not an option? (I ask because you might be surprised what orthodontists can do; my family has problematic teeth and they were able to lasso a tooth that was trying to come down practically in the palate of the mouth and get it into place elsewhere).
Anon
Are you in the US? I’ve never heard of orthodontists extracting wisdom teeth. It’s normally done by an oral surgeon although I think some dentists can do it if it’s a simpler kind of extraction.
Anon
It wasn’t clear to me that extraction was necessary (that’s one of the things I would want second opinions about). Teeth coming in sideways and pushing other teeth is something orthodontists sometimes handle.
Anon
They don’t handle it by leaving it there. OP will need a sideways tooth taken out by an oral surgeon.
Anon
Wisdom teeth that come in sideways need to be extracted. It’s not the same as regular teeth.
Anon
Okay. I had a tooth come in sideways, and the orthodontist handled it. I guess if there wasn’t space for it, I would have needed it extracted by an oral surgeon, but I’m not sure it’s possible to self-diagnose (“I think it likely need to come out”) before even seeing a dentist?
Anon
OP here – there isn’t space in my mouth for it (which is totally normal, most people don’t have space for wisdom teeth) and extraction is the standard treatment for wisdom teeth that don’t fit. Many dentists take out all wisdom teeth as a routine practice, although I think that’s becoming increasingly controversial. I see conservative dentists who’ve told me in the past “you don’t need it out urgently but you may in the future if it starts bothering you.” It’s bothering me now, so it’s not a huge logical leap.
I will get two opinions though. That’s my standard practice for any major medical issue, especially with dentistry.
Anonymous
No orthodontist would straighten a wisdom tooth. That’s not a thing that happens. They’re unnecessary teeth and they’re taken out if they have any issues like cavities or misalignment.
An.On.
I have all my wisdom teeth still and none of them are problems but at my last checkup my dentist made the comment that if I had to get one pulled, they’d probably do all of them at the same time (I guess since they’re in there anyway??), so that would be something else to check with your dentist about whether that would be their recommendation, too.
anon
Most dentists are going to refer you straight to an oral surgeon for anything wisdom tooth related.
Anon
I have heard some stories — my biggest concern is that you will get like a week’s worth of opiates. Some compliant adults take them all because a doctor gave them an Rx for them for paid, which you will have. I’d also want an adult who can stay with you and do any driving / monitor you and get you smoothies. My kid had this and tried to go to the bathroom in the middle of the night and slipped on the floor. She almost went down a flight of stairs. [I slept in her room and got up with her and while she was unsteady on her feet, she is bigger than me and it was a struggle for me to steady her and not get pulled down.]
Anon
FWIW I needed the whole week’s worth of opiates when I had my wisdom teeth out and I was only 20. It hurt!
Anonymous
The oral surgeon who took out my daughter’s impacted wisdom teeth did not prescribe any opiates at all. I think practice is changing.
Anon
Some oral surgeons have pre-printed pads for 30 days of opioids. Their patients are primarily teenagers. Thanks Perdue!
Anon88
I got my wisdom teeth extracted in 2019 at age 29 and they told me to take advil. My oral surgeon apparently never prescribes opioids. I didn’t feel like I needed anything stronger.
C
I had two out at 22 or so and all they were going to give me was local anesthetic and then ibuprofen. I requested one (1) valium so I wouldn’t get wigged out feeling the teeth come out. Fun times with poor dental insurance! But I don’t remember being in too much pain.
Anonymous
i got 2 wisdom teeth out around age 30 (and ow) but the other 2 couldn’t come out because they’re pressing on a nerve and extraction might leave me drooling for the rest of my life. so i would say go straight to oral surgeon if there’s anything problematic, and get 2 opinions. also read the article in the atlantic (few years ago) about how dentistry is surprisingly more of an art than a science.
Anon
I did in my mid 30’s and it was completely fine, with two that were fully impacted. I did not need the painkillers. A dentist should refer you to an oral surgeon and you will need to bring copies of your x-rays.
Anon
This might not be very useful to your situation, but I had all my wisdom teeth well into adulthood. During COVID, one got a cavity and by the time I got to the dentist, it was so bad that she recommended that I just get the tooth pulled. He gave me tons of anesthetic and just yanked it out. It was… really not that bad at all. Healing time was minimal, a couple of days of discomfort and then I was fine. Never took anything stronger than advil. Obviously it wasn’t impacted or anything, but I just wanted to share my story as a contrast to the constant terrible stories out there — I had been prepared for something awful and it wasn’t bad at all. I would talk to your dentist at your next regular visit (since this doesn’t sound urgent) and ask what they think and go from there.
Anon
Yeah, mine was like this too. I only had one and it came in in my late 20s. It was sideways and only about half way in so it needed to come out, but I had it done at the regular dentist and it took about 30 seconds. I was pretty much normal afterwards other than being careful about chewing for a few days.
Anonymous
I had my wisdom teeth out as an adult. I did get dry socket and it was excruciating, BUT I learned that gauze soaked in clove oil and shoved into the socket stops the pain immediately. I waited an entire weekend with terrible pain and finally got into the oral surgeon and that is all he did and it worked. Do what you are supposed to do and you probably won’t get dry socket. But keep some clove oil on hand just in case (you can buy it as part of a little dental kit at the drug store.)
Anon
Thank you!! I appreciate that tip.
Betsy
Also got dry sockets and will note that opioids do nothing for that pain, the clove oil gauze is the only thing that helps. If I were to do it again, I wouldn’t eat or drink anything but water for 24 hours afterward. I think the motion of chewing even very soft food caused the clots to detach.
Anon
I only have 2 wisdom teeth and have only had 1 pulled, about 5 years ago, after procrastinating for oh, maybe 25 years? My dentist mentioned it at literally every check-up for 25 years, but I refused until one started hurting. I had it pulled 3 days later, and it was nothing. I was so confused when the surgeon finished-how could it have been that easy? I drove myself to and from the appointment, got Starbucks on the way home and carried on with my day. I probably took Advil in advance, but I have no recollection of pain afterwards. I am convinced the general anesthesia is what causes so much of the horror stories (well, maybe not dry socket-I don’t know what that is). If your wisdom tooth makes it to age 50, as mine did, perhaps it will basically fall out when the surgeon taps it.
Anonymous
These days I believe they mostly do IV sedation, which puts you to sleep but doesn’t cause the issues (nausea, etc) that general anesthesia does. I love IV sedation and wish I could have it for routine cleanings, lol.
Anon
Dry socket is when the clot falls off prematurely before the wound has healed, like picking off a scab too soon. Except this scab has nerves underneath it, and having the nerves exposed to air is excruciatingly painful. It happened to my friend and she said it was 10x worse than unmedicated childbirth.
Anonymous
I have problem teeth, and recently had a back molar removed due to infection, and I am almost 50. I would go to your dentist first, this is something they can look at during your six month check up. Your dentist can make an initial determination, and if it’s very straightforward, they can pull the tooth. That’s unlikely to be the case with an impacted wisdom tooth.
Your dentist will refer you to a dental surgeon, and your dentist will become part of your care team. I had a different tooth pulled in 2019, and my dentist and oral surgeon had two calls about my treatment. I was reassured that my dentist, as my long term care provider, was involved. This year, my oral surgeon sent information to my dentist the day after my surgery, and my dentist called me the next day. (New doctors because we moved.)
I had both teeth pulled with only local anesthesia, it doesn’t hurt and just feels like pressure. I didn’t want the additional complexity of the anesthesia that puts you to sleep. I drove myself home afterwards no problem. My oral surgeon does not prescribe opiates, but rather alternating Advil and Tylenol. It’s key to start the Advil exactly as directed, you’re much better off to stay ahead of the pain. You’ll be advised to limit physical activities that raise your heart rate for a week, but I was back in the gym the fourth day — just was careful not to over do it.
The oral surgeon gave me plenty of directions for healing, including how to avoid dry socket. If you follow the directions, you should be fine. You can prep in advance by buying soft foods and having any kind of tea bags on hand in case you bleed a little.
It hurt a little, but to be fair I cut back on the Advil early. Having terrible teeth plus an accident, I urge you to get this taken care of now. This will not get better, but has the potential to get much worse.
Anon
I used to work at a pediatric dental office. Get two of those velcro ice packs that you can strap to your head. You’ll look silly but it helps so much with the swelling. Take your pain meds exactly on schedule. If you have to set an alarm at 3am then do it. It’s much harder to get out of pain than prevent it. You shouldn’t need prescription drugs beyond three days. Straws are the risk everyone talks about but a traditional water bottle can also cause dry sockets. Use glasses, mugs, or a screw-top water bottle.
Anonymous
I had only one wisdom tooth and it also came in sideways. If it’s bothering you now. it won’t get better. You also don’t want to push your other teeth out of alignment. I was in my late 30s when I had it removed, our patient, and I didn’t have any complications.
Runcible Spoon
Iced tea and Häagen Dazs raspberry sherbet go me through an extraction of eight teeth (!) when I was almost 20 years old.
Wildkitten
If anyone is making a purchase at Ann Taylor, this code is worth $30/off on top of other discounts, until the 18th (one use only)
SWP3049XnWW4
Anonymous
low stakes question: what is the best topping for waffles or toast?
i’m thinking lemon curd.
Anon
I would put berries, whipped cream, and syrup on waffles. I would only put butter on toast.
Gail the Goldfish
Nutella with fresh strawberries.
Anne-on
Totally different use cases. Waffles are sitting down with a knife and fork food and toast is an eat one handed while trrying to get other stuff done food.
Waffle holes (there must be a term but I dunno what it is) are much better at holding onto food so I go all out on fruit toppings – my personal favorite is warm berry compote though sliced peaches simmered with brown sugar, butter, and a splash of bourbon (or vanilla) are amazing too. I rarely put anything more than butter plus cinnamon sugar or butter plus everything bagel seasoning on toast.
Anon
Butter as a base layer on both. Strawberry compote for waffles. Orange marmalade for toast.
Anon
I am a waffle traditionalist. I mix blueberries, blackberries, and chopped strawberries for a topping and then give it a generous drizzle of Grade B pure maple syrup. The B grade syrup is darker and has a more robust flavor. Lemon curd sounds great though!
Anon
Toast: peanut butter (this is my default meal when nothing else appeals, usually with apple slices, a little jam, or even pickles and sriracha, but sometimes just peanut butter)
Waffles: berries, yogurt, and maple syrup
Anon
Toast: good butter
Waffles: good butter and real maple syrup, the dark stuff.
Anonymous
Correct
Anon
I just put butter on toast and eat it with cocoa.
I love lemon curd but associate with pies and pastries.
I like fresh strawberries and some kind of cream (clotted cream, whipped cream) on waffles.
Anon
Toast + margarine + cinnamon sugar, the OG poor kid’s dessert. One of the few childhood things I get nostalgic for.
Waffles: real maple syrup. I didn’t think I liked syrup until I was probably 40 or so, and it turns out that was only because the only syrup I ever tried was generic fake maple something or other. The real thing is a treat and should be enjoyed on just about everything!
Anonymous
I grew up poor so it was always margarine and store brand syrup, so when adult me discovered real butter and real maple syup I thought I’d found the meaning of life, lol.
Anonymous
waffles: real butter and real maple syrup.
toast: depends on my mood.
Anonymous
Gosh, I can’t tell you the last time I had a waffle, but homemade (by someone 😉) apple butter is our favorite for toast.
Anonymous
Waffles: sour cream and homemade strawberry jam
Toast: butter and butter-scrambled eggs, or just make a toastie with cheese, tomato and ham.
If it must be sweet: butter and orange or lenon marmalade.
Anon
Hummus toast instead of avocado toast. It has protein, fiber, flavor, and it lasts a week in your fridge instead of the two hour window when an avocado is good.
Anon
Waffles: real butter and nothing else.
Toast: real butter, maybe with strawberry jam or cinnamon & sugar. Or just peanut butter. Or Nutella. Or BLT and mayo.
Runcible Spoon
Spread 50/50 Greek yogurt and hummus on toast, then top with a slice of turkey. Waffles can be eaten dry, no topping — delicious!
Anon
Facts:
*15 months ago, while visiting our house, Sibling got very angry about something (unclear what) and left several days early.
* Since then, Sibling has not communicated except for a handful of logistical issues and then as briefly as possible.
* Since then, I have written Sibling two letters saying that I understand this is Sibling’s call and I don’t want to push but that I am open to whatever/however Sibling wants to start talking and talk through things (Sibling is a big believer in therapy, so I offered joint sessions as one example).
*Sibling just made a major life change (think: bought first house) and never told me about it until a logistical thing required Sibling to disclose about a month ago.
* Sibling has texted a handful of times in the last month, reports they received the two letters, says they are happy we are texting.
* All against a background of decades of super close (or at least I thought) relationship and behavior between Sibling and me.
* No other siblings or parents in the picture.
Question:
* How does this end?
* Does Sibling get to call the shots on frequency and depth of communication and never say what happened or allow any conversation about it?
Anon
1. There are lots of different ways it could end
2. Yes sibling gets to decide the level of communication unless you decide the drama isn’t worth it and go no contact.
Anon
You say it’s unclear what prompted this — but do you have any ideas or hints? I think advice is useless without that context.
Anon
When somebody reacts this strongly and the other person says “I don’t know what happened” I immediately am suspicious of missing missing reasons.
Anon
I just had to google that term and… interesting.
Anon
“15 months ago, while visiting our house, Sibling got very angry about something (unclear what) and left several days early.”
Shot in the dark, albeit an educated one: you say “our” house, indicating that you’re married and/or have kids living at home. Who was rude AF to your sibling and pretended to be all innocent and not know why sibling just had enough and left?
Nora
I mean yes why not.
The thing is, if my mom was writing this post she might also say she doesn’t know why. You’re offering therapy, so you’re not my mom.
But the point is if sibling doesn’t want to do more than text, you can’t exactly make them. I would stick with that and let things warm up again.
Do you really have no idea what she got angry about?
Anon
+10000000000 I’m sure OP knows.
anon
Hmmm hmmm unless your sibling has a history of being dramatic for no reason, I assume something awful happened between your spouse/partner and your sibling. Has this been brought to your attention, even obliquely?
anon
This.
Anon
Come on. You at least have an inkling what your sibling was mad about. I have a notoriously unstable sibling who gets set off by things, but everyone knows what they are at this point. Her reaction is unreasonable, but we all know what triggered it.
Anonymous
Your first step to getting through this is to deal with what happened 15 months ago that started all of this.
Anon
I think everyone is being so harsh! I know several people (ahem, my FIL) who get mad about irrational things and refuse to tell anyone what they’re mad about, so it’s totally plausible to me that you genuinely don’t know what upset your sibling. I think “you should know what I’m mad about and if you don’t know, I’m even more mad” is actually pretty common narcissist behavior.
Anonymous
One of my parents was like that. The thing is, it was easy to see the pattern in their behavior and know why it was happening.
We always knew exactly what set off my parent (it was always a very little thing that they would react irrationally to) and that part of the tantrum they would have would be to not tell anyone what was wrong. We also knew how long the tantrums tended to last and how to deal with them.
OP’s post smells very much like missing information.
Anecdata
eh, they’re not saying they have no clue, just that it’s unclear. Maybe there’s multiple possible options; maybe OP has a guess based on past experience but isn’t sure, or sure, maybe OP knows but doesn’t want to know
Either way – yeah, sibling gets to decide what sibling does – and OP gets to decide what OP does, including how much they want to engage with figuring out what happened
Anon
Except OP didn’t indicate that this happens frequently. Given that she has Sibling over for long enough stretches that Sibling left several days early, it looks like a missing missing reason more than Sibling being notoriously thin-skinned.
Anonymous
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Vicky Austin
Gut check: my sister was invited to her former firm’s 50th anniversary party. She left on perfectly good terms, but for very good reasons, and therefore doesn’t want to hang out with former coworkers. No guilt in not going, right?
No Face
No guilt. She can skip away!
Anon
Zero guilt
Anonymous
Absolutely zero guilt.
Does anyone actually go to these types of events willingly?
Anon
None