Splurge Monday’s Workwear Report: Cable-Knit Cashmere Cardigan

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A woman wearing an ivory cable sweater and white pants

Our daily workwear reports suggest one piece of work-appropriate attire in a range of prices.

This V-neck cardigan from TSE Cashmere is just gorgeous. Scandal has been off the air for the better part of a decade, but there are still lots of pieces that immediately make me think of our girl Olivia Pope. I know she would have worn the heck out of this, probably with some coordinating white pants.

As a normal lawyer who tries to keep herself out of international intrigue, I’d probably pair this with a pair of light gray trousers for the office or my favorite denim for the weekend. 

The sweater is $750 at Neiman Marcus and comes in sizes XS-XL. 

Talbots has a more affordable cotton-blend option that's available in four size ranges and is on sale for $79.99 (marked down from $99.50).

Looking for even more? Some of the classic cashmere sweaters for work (as of 2025) include Nordstrom Cashmere, Quince ($50!), Vince, J.Crew, Naadam, Talbots, Lands' End, and Brooks Brothers. If you're looking for something fancier try Loro Piana, Akris, Autumn Cashmere, or (more casual) Jenni Kayne.

Sales of note for 2/14/25 (Happy Valentine's Day!):

  • Nordstrom – Winter Sale, up to 60% off! 7850 new markdowns for women
  • Ann Taylor – Up to 40% off your full-price purchase — and extra 60% off sale
  • Banana Republic Factory – 50% off everything + 15% off (readers love their suiting as well as their silky shirts like this one)
  • Boden – 15% off new season styles
  • Eloquii – 300+ styles $25 and up
  • J.Crew – 40% of your purchase – prices as marked
  • J.Crew Factory – 50% off entire site and storewide + extra 50% off clearance
  • Rothy's – Final Few: Up to 40% off last-chance styles
  • Spanx – Lots of workwear on sale, some up to 70% off
  • Talbots – Flash sale ending soon – markdowns starting from $15, extra 70% off all other markdowns (final sale)

303 Comments

  1. Just saw the weekend post about buying things to be more organized. I am normally a very disorganized person but moved into a new apartment and didn’t want it to be that way. I went to the Target organization section and picked up a few different types of boxes, brought them home and tested it, and then ordered more from Target. So my bathroom has 9 matching grey boxes with different types of toiletries in each, labeled with a label maker. It has improved my life significantly. Similarly I found boxes for: odds and ends in the kitchen, papers in the office, plastic trays for jewelry and makeup.

    Generally having a specific box or container for each category of item has helped a lot.

    1. I think this works because you also organized everything. A place for everything is essential. But just going to buy boxes without taking the step to organize and purge if needed isn’t going to make you organized in and of itself.

      1. For sure. And it did take a decent amount of work. It just definitely actually helped to have that spot be “the grey box labeled extra skin care” and not “on the right side of the shelf”. Once I did it a few times it became rewarding and was an incentive to do it in more areas.

        1. good for you! I’m also feeling a bit of an organizing bug these days, and have been straightening drawers and cupboards.

    2. I would say that while the organizational tools can be helpful, they can disguise a tougher more underlying problem, and that is over-consumption. This took me way longer than it should have to figure out and I am slowly but surely detoxing from it. Going to try a “no buy” February (already blew it for January) to see if I can’t just stop buying things that I think are going to magically fix my life.

      1. Yeah, I did a big clear out of my drawers and closet this weekend, and then added some shoeboxes to organise the deep drawers. Going to do a low buy year and just really wear through things and see what I need, and buy secondhand as much as possible.

      2. I’m doing a no buy/low buy year because all of my storage is absolutely full but I actually like everything I have. Rather than purging things for the sake of doing so, I’m going to focus on wearing out and using up what I already have. So far my spending has been limited to oven cleaner, a shoe repair, theater tickets, and deodorant. I’m also working on using up all the stuff hanging out in the back of my pantry, freezer, and fridge, so I’ve been buying groceries but less than usual. I’ve picked up creative projects and books that have been forgotten, and gotten creative with ingredients, so it’s actually been pretty fun.

      3. I was the OP of the weekend thread and I gotta say I’m realizing my mindset in the past was always “where can I add more storage” – not “do I really want this.” big change!

    3. I think ther s a difference between buying boxes willy nilly and organizing then getting the boxes you need. I am verrrrry particular and have precisely sized bins for every shelf in my home all labeled.

      1. Yeah I found that getting matching specific boxes actually made it easier for me to be organized. But I understand the overconsumption concerns – depends on if you use them properly or not

    4. I’ve been on a “decluttering journey” since last September, using a combination of KonMari and the container methods. And like Anonymous at 9:33, I’m on a low-buy to become more intentional about using items I already have, in particular candles, skincare, and makeup. I previously had a lot of skincare and makeup items stored in multiple places, but I’ve now limited myself to two specific containers to store the items, and that I can only replace items once I’ve used up a category. Mostly, I’ve been asking myself “why did I buy this thing, put it in a storage box, and not use or display it?”

      1. The “only can have what fits in box” is great. And I actually use all my stuff now.

      2. This was truly eye-opening for me once I was able to really organize. For example, I found that I had been randomly buying candles for years (sometimes as ‘gifts just in case’) and not burning them. I have them stored all together now, haven’t bought a new one in two years, and realize I probably have enough for another two years.

    5. Wow 9 boxes of toiletries? Its nice that you put them in boxes but maybe you need to understand why so much that this is even a thing.

      1. Eh, if they’re small and/or she’s including makeup and medicines and nail polish in “toiletries” that’s totally reasonable. I have six little trays just in my tiny makeup drawer.

      2. I have 5 boxes. Nail care (nail polish, clippers, acetone, files etc). Body care (lotion, body wash, soap, exfoliating mitts etc). Hair care (shampoo, serum, etc) Hair tools (blow dryer, etc) and First aid (aspirin, bandaids etc). Seems fairly normal to break down toiletries into smaller categories while organizing.

      3. 1 – Hair products and brushes
        2 – hair thingeys like headbands, elastics and such
        3 – daily skin
        4 – masks, treatments, etc
        5 – makeup
        6 – nails
        7 – medicines
        8 – first aid supplies
        9 – tooth brush, paste, mouthwash, floss, and whitening strips
        10 – contacts stuff and spare glasses
        11 – misc crap like spare razor blades and such

    6. I save small and medium gift boxes (I got a Harry and David Tower of Treats a few years ago and have used the heck out of those fabulour gold boxes) and use them to organize things that would otherwise get lost in drawers. It works out really well.

  2. A post in my google feed says skinny jeans are back for 2025. I poked around the internet and found a few more sources saying the same. I kept two pairs of skinny jeans and also have purchased larger jeans in the last few years. I am absolutely not fashion forward, but I try not to be fashion behind.
    For those of you who are more on trend or aware of trends, are you seeing skinny jeans again? I haven’t seen them in my part of the world. And if you are, then how are they being styled?

    1. They are a fashion staple. You’re safe to wear them. Especially this time of year when you need boots for the ice and snow.

      1. my knee jerk reaction here was that they are absolutely not a fashion staple, that you only think that because it’s what you grew up with. but i would say that bootcut jeans are a fashion staple… but that’s what i grew up with. hmn.

    2. Only seeing wide jeans in my area, especially on the teens. My hot take: the best jeans for you are the ones that are comfortable and flattering. A jean that flatters your shape is always in style.

      1. I’ve re-committed to straight legs. They’ve always been the best shape for me. Fortunately I think basically all styles of jeans are acceptable right now.

    3. I don’t think they’re back in a stylish way (obviously many of us still have skinny jeans from the last trend cycle lingering around…) I definitely don’t see them on Gen Z or teens.

    4. I only see them on some of my more fashion challenged coworkers (who never stopped wearing them)

    5. seeing as a classic winter look – black skinnies tucked into flat black suede boots. otherwise, only seeing them on people still wearing them styled from late 2010s.

      1. I think they’re a necessity if you’re going to be tucking your pants into tall jeans in cold/wet weather. Otherwise notsomuch.

    6. I think it’s more about how they’re styled than the style itself, if that makes sense. Like an oversized top with skinnies isn’t going to look right; it’s going to look like you’re stuck in a time warp. But higher-rise skinnies with a more current top is probably going to look fine.

    7. I don’t see many stylish people wearing them. Sometimes black skinnies tucked into tall black boots, but otherwise I only see them on women whose entire outfit looks dated. I kept mine for gross weather when wider jeans are impractical or IDGAF days when I’m running a quick errand.

    8. I still see them when I go to parties in the suburbs. They are not flattering to me, so I have no desire to go back. But they look great on and fit the vibe of a lot of the women at those events (i.e., the wives of my colleagues and their friends) and I don’t see those women ever giving them up.

    9. I think some fashion content has been trying to bring them back to keep the ramped up trend cycle but I haven’t seen it actually happen IRL (besides as noted, among people who never made the switch).

    10. I tried a few pairs from the Nordies sale that were slightly more straight leg than what I would call a true “Skinny” — where the ankle actually tapers in. I didn’t like the way they looked, I thought they called attention to my hips and rear, and sent them back. I think the only way I’d wear skinny jeans right now is tucked into tall boots, but it’s not really cold enough where I am for me to pull my tall boots off the shelf.

    11. Another data point from Southern California – I see them occasionally tucked into boots (almost always in black). With a modern top (by which I mean not a longer one) they look fine but I suspect they will go back into closets when boot season is over.

      Of course we have not had actual rain since fricking April so not that many people are wearing boots.

    12. I live in somewhere snowy and they never really went out of style because you need to be able to tuck your pants into your boots otherwise your hems are a gross salty dirty mess

    13. It’s so cold in Chicago that sometimes I just need to wear my Uggs. I need skinny jeans to tuck into my precious Uggs.

    14. I’m seeing pants that could be more described as cigarette pants or skinny pants the way Audrey Hepburn would have worn.

    15. I want to like big wide leg jeans and barrel leg jeans but you can’t see my butt. If we aren’t highlighting the butt why am I wearing denim? Nah.

      Refinery29 said big flare jeans but I’m scarred from high school when if they got wet they’re wet to your knee.

  3. Anyone else doing Dry January? If so, are you experiencing any benefits? I am not noticing any big changes in skin, sleep, weight, or energy, but it is forcing me to confront some uncomfortable feelings about why I drink – boredom, thirst, and mainly, a way to not think about hard things. For context, I was getting through a bottle of wine each weekend by myself. Would welcome tips and encouragement for second half of the month. The evidence on alcohol is really piling up (am beginning to think it is the new smoking) and would really like to make it a much more occasional thing than it is now.

    1. The longer I give it up the better I feel and the less interested in it I am. I barely drank in 2024 due to spending the whole year trying to get pregnant. Since that didn’t work I enjoyed my wine over vacation, but like at the most, on NYE, I had 3 glasses. I found that I like to have the option to have a glass if I want, but I usually don’t take it. I do buy a lot more mocktails! I like a cold beverage that feels festive, I’m just fine with it being a Spindrift or a non alcoholic beer.

      1. Interesting…I have pined for a drink throughout all my pregnancies, and that first beer/margarita when I’m home from the hospital makes me so happy. Maybe that seems disordered, but I can clearly give it up for 9-month stretches at the drop of a hat, and even now I will have one drink with my husband on Fri-Sun evenings, nothing the rest of the week (occasionally perhaps, if it’s the holidays or we have a bottle of wine to finish up from the weekend).

        A large part is the ritual, but another is I genuinely enjoy the taste. I haven’t found a mocktail or non-alcoholic beer that hits quite the same notes.

        I am watching the research pile up, and I can kind of see myself cutting back further at some point in the future…but I also want to balance health with general enjoyment of life, and food and drink can play a big role in the latter.

        1. I also gave up alcohol for three pregnancies with no issues, and went right back to my habitual drinking as soon as I was no longer pregnant.

          Looking back, I realized that pregnancy was the “why” I wasn’t drinking, so it really wasn’t a silver bullet in helping me give it up in my “real” life.

          After Thanksgiving, I was feeling out of shape and a little depressed, so my husband and I started to reduce consumption in December. We only drank at social settings outside of our house in December (so I started attacking the habit of going for a glass of wine when I was bored or overwhelmed with the kids and needed a mental shift to “adult” time), and now am halfway through a totally dry January. In December, I really had to push through craving a glass of wine during down times at home or during transition times (as I was coming home and needed to shuffle kids off to bed or when my husband and I sat down after the kids were in bed), and I would really look forward to the next social outing when I could get another glass. By the end of December, beginning of January, the cravings really died down.

          A few things helped –
          – 10 minute rule — when I craved a glass, I would look at the clock, and tell myself to wait 10 minutes and see how I felt. Usually I forgot to look back, and had moved on/pushed through the craving.

          – At the beginning, I focused on acknowledging the craving and moving on, rather than looking to replace a glass of wine with something else. Nothing else really hit the same way, and making myself a mocktail made me feel like I was having a “lesser” version of what I wanted and just made me focus on the fact that I wasn’t drinking what I wanted.

          – I snacked more than I used to at night, probably bc I was used to more sugar. So I really didn’t lose any weight at first. I gave myself a lot of grace to snack, though, as I felt like I’d be able to adopt healthier snacking habits over time. This has been true for me. However, the sleep impact is significant and was immediate. I am sleeping through the night for the first time in years.

          – Now that I no longer really crave it, I have begun to substitute drinks that bring me joy – not INSTEAD of wine, but just for the sake of what I’m drinking. I love tea, and have let myself splurge on nicer teas. I used to love juice as a child, and I’ve taken to adding sparkling water (which I hate on its own) to cranberry or cherry juice and lime. Very refreshing.

          No one would have said I had a “problem” with wine, but the fact that I craved it as much as I did was a really uncomfortable feeling for me to confront. I doubt I’ll ever go back to drinking at my house, unless I’m hosting people. I still really haven’t lost weight, but I’m much more energetic and feel proud that it’s not around the house nearly as much or a given when I eat out (which I wasn’t loving modeling with tween kids who are rapidly more aware of this stuff). All that to say, keep going, as I’m really happy with where I am now with my relationship to alcohol.

        2. I genuinely like the taste of red wine and cocktails. Reading all these dry January things makes me feel bad, but at the same time I really don’t feel like I’m drinking to deal with my emotions, or to excess, or anything like that. I just like the experience of drinking and the taste of wine or a good cocktail. If those things aren’t available (like at a dive bar) I’m fine getting a club soda with lime or a seltzer or whatever.

          1. I feel the same. I don’t know if those of use who genuinely enjoy the taste of some alcoholic drinks, and can drink moderately or not at all if we don’t feel like it (so many times I promised myself a cocktail after work on a Friday, then the time comes and I’m like, Eh, don’t feel like it) are very rare or we just don’t talk about drinking much.

            I admit, if I am going to go out for dinner, I like to go to a place where I can have a nice glass of wine or a cocktail. It makes it seem more festive and worth the effort to put on real clothes and go out!

          2. Yes anonymous, I was agreeing with you! Just wanted to make sure your voice wasn’t drowned out by opposite comments.

            @PolyD – I feel like its about moderation. A glass of wine at dinner in a restaurant seems so normal to me, not something that has to be demonized. I also don’t eat cheesecake every day but if I see one on a restaurant menu I want one.

          3. This is how I feel. I’m fine with cutting back but I genuinely like wine. I’ve done dry January and I genuinely do not feel better on day 30 than on day two. Getting a hangover is the worse but abstaining altogether doesn’t feel better than a few glasses on the weekend for me personally. Excercise has a much bigger impact on my mood, sleep and energy.

        3. I’m sceptical of the research.

          Alcohol has been part of human life for thousands of years, if not more. If it really causes all of these problems, we would already know. Yet research consistently indicates that moderate drinkers outlive abstainers. That makes sense: we have long known that poison is about dosage and very, very small amounts are actually beneficial to organisms.

          I have about a drink a week.

          1. The reason why it is changing now is because the scientists are finally separating out the Never Drinker Group from the Stopped Drinking Group.
            So now there are 4 groups instead of 3: never drink, moderate drinkers, heavy drinkers, and stopped drinking.

            Once the Stopped Drinking Group is separated from the never drinkers, the never drinkers are overtaking the moderate drinkers in health indicators, less cancer, etc.

          2. The reason moderate drinkers outlive abstainers is because abstainers usually have a (medical) reason they abstain, which reduces their lifespan independently of drinking.

          3. Abstainers are also more health conscious, which would itself cause them to live longer (eat better, exercise more). You can’t truly control for that.

            Let’s be honest: the fact that alcohol is under attack as weed and CBD are becoming popular… sorry peeps, you’re just finding a new vice.

          4. All the alcoholics getting up in arms about MJ is exhausting. The defensiveness of your vice is telling.

          5. But the scientific method has not been with us for those millennia. The notion that diseases are caused by germs was controversial not even 200 years ago.

      2. I feel the same. I stopped drinking in 2023 because I went through a rough breakup and I learned that drinking when I’m depressed only depresses me more. Also, my ex really liked his fancy alcoholic beverages and without him around I didn’t have as much of a push/temptation. I really don’t miss it. I will have a drink at major holidays with my family but that’s it. I sleep better without it.

    2. I quit drinking 5 years ago and still have a face for radio.
      At first the main benefit was what I assumed were perimenopausal night sweats entirely stopped.
      Otherwise, the benefits were improved focus, time management and an ability to feel my feelings. It was tough at first – I ate a lot of pizza and ice cream and drank a ton of La Croix, but it does get easier.

      1. My perimenopause symptoms are definitely helped by consuming less alcohol. I’m not quitting entirely, but definitely cutting down.

      2. Right. You read a lot about how your skin and sleep will have a magical transformation. That didn’t happen for me. And like the commenter above I had to confront boredom and my feelings in a way I didn’t love. It was still worth doing.

        1. It’s the internet. For a lot of them, I suspect it’s a combination of quitting drinking and filters/editing.

        2. My skin is so good not drinking I asked if I’d be better off doing just a very small cocaine than starting drinking again.

        3. For me, the skin improvement is that I stay consistent with my skin care routine rather than skip it and crawl into bed after a couple glasses of wine.

          1. This is true! And I do my regular brush and glass routine in a way I didn’t prioritize after a few glasses of wine.

    3. I’m doing Dry January, and I’ve noticed that I’m less anxious than normal. I was having a glass of wine nightly and while I miss the ritual, I replaced with Le Croix.

      1. I’m the 9:20 Anon, and Spindrift > La Croix. BUT…. when I really wanted to feel fancy, Fever Tree mixers are really good on their own, just over ice… even better in a nice glass.

      2. Last night, I did flavored seltzer in a rocks glass with ice, a fancy cherry and a bit of the cherry syrup, and a lime wedge. The more effort I put in, the better of a replacement it feels like.

    4. It bothers me how much less social I feel, and in particular as though I don’t have as much energy for conversations. For me this has been true even if I quit drinking entirely for a year or more, so it’s not just a habit. Obviously it’s bad to self-medicate with alcohol just to feel awake, but it makes me wish I could find something else to wake me up instead.

      1. Basically I need a better way to get a second wind after 5PM. Exercise is sometimes invigorating but turns my brain way off!

      2. It’s good you realized that though.

        My brother has some social anxiety (as do I, if I’m honest) and drinks in social situations for the anti-anxiety effects. It took him awhile to realize that, as he started drinking more and more. Then he started drinking bourbon alone at night to learn to like it (he hated it) because that was becoming the trend in his social circle. I asked him…. why are you forcing yourself to drink something you dislike every night, that’s not great for you anyway, and drinking alone + a history of anxiety? Slippery slope.

        We have a lot of cancer in our family, as well as alcohol use + mental illness. Basically every one of my doctors asks me about my alcohol use. Yeah, I get it…. bad for me. I am pretty high risk and should avoid it.

        There are safer social lubricants out there.

    5. I am a regular drinker and cutting back. The one drink that I have found to truly feel like a replacement is flavored hop water with some supplements, such as magnesium, that do seem to have a calming effect for me. And I note that I am not generally a beer drinker, so I’m not saying this tastes like the beer I am used to drinking so is just a good sub for the flavor of beer. It’s not a permanent solution, esp. as it is sort of expensive, but it has made the transition easier when I am tempted to grab something alcoholic. Worth a try if you are looking for a sub.

      1. Also, I do think my skin is a bit better but not great yet. Still hoping for some longer term improvements. But my biggest issue these days is dealing with sleep patterns. I want to go to bed at 8pm now but then I am up at 2 or 3 and that makes for a very weird rhythm. I am trying to get good at using those early hours and remembering to always delay delivery of my emails.

    6. I cut back to three or so drinks a week total including weekends many years ago and I’d say that the benefits compound. You get used to not matching people drink for drink, your tolerance goes way down, you have other habits in place, and you come to enjoy activities like date night or fancy restaurants sans drinking. None of that happened right away but it’s a huge huge quality of life benefit for me overall.

    7. There is no faster way to get me to do something than tell me not to – even if it is myself telling myself so I find abstention to be counter-productive. That said, I too started the “bottle of wine a weekend” habit during the pandemic and it was a significant contributor to my 20+ pound weight gain (not helped by menopause). And it was messing with my sleep – which I love way more than alcohol. So about a year ago I instituted a rule that I do not drink at home unless we are opening a bottle of champagne to celebrate something – and the occasion cannot just be TGIF. Since I am usually driving, my drinking when I go out is limited to 1-2 drinks at most.

      I won’t say it did anything for my skin or my energy but it did wonders for my attempts to lose weight and my sleep. I am not doing dry January, but I am cutting back even with friends this month, partly because so many of them are doing dry January and partly because I travelled quite a bit over the holidays and went to a lot of parties were I was not driving and while I did not drink a lot on any one day, I drank on a lot of days and feel the need to push water and spend January on healthier habits.

      1. Sounds like you have defiant tendencies, which are something that could be worked on in therapy

        1. I’d expect therapy to trigger defiant tendencies.

          But this didn’t actually sound defiant to me; just moderator vs. abstainer.

        2. What is this nonsense? An adult who understands that she doesn’t like arbitrary rules needs therapy?

          1. There is no “tendencies” about it. I am openly, happily and proudly defiant. My mother used to say that I would do anything in the world if you asked me but I would die before I gave in to what I viewed as unreasonable demands. But since I have somehow managed to live a happy, productive life well into my 50s, with a successful career and family that loves me, I will skip therapy.

            But bless your heart – I appreciate the concern over my mental health.

    8. I do Dry January most years and always find it a nice reset after indulging a lot over Christmas. I never really feel a massive benefit for skin/sleep/weight. To be honest a bottle of wine in a weekend is not so much alcohol your body is going to feel a miraculous transformation from not having it (yes, I’m aware it’s not that far below the units per week guidelines for women). My tips are to try to find another drink that you can use to create the ritual that told your brain ‘time to relax’ (many suggestions in comments already) and to take the money you would have spent on alcohol this month and buy something nice with it.

    9. Yes… always been someone who liked her wine but never really got drunk or anything. But I can drink a lot of it and I love the taste. Dry January is something I’ve done a few times to reset. Hate to say it, but I get less done around the house without the reward of wine and I am sort of less productive generally even at work. Just feel sort of muted.

      I have lost weight (also dieting) and yeah yeah my skin looks nice (no longer need my anti redness BB cream ha). Real benefit has been my sleep and my endurance during exercise. I am 51 and menopausal so struggle with waking up at 3 but I’ve been going back to sleep right away these days.

      I need more balance honestly. Having wine on a random Tuesday is dumb it’s extra calories I don’t need. I will be trying to keep it to the weekend.

    10. Noting that I don’t drink much or often…
      January is miserable enough without making it my month of deprivation. It’s very dreary and gray where I live, work has unavoidably piled up from the holidays, and I purely hate the cold.

    11. I have been sober with small exceptions (half a glass of champagne on New Year’s Eve, tried a sip of my friend’s cocktail because I wanted to know what it tasted like… things like that) for several months.

      I stopped because alcohol seems to give me headaches and I was sick of it.

      I do miss the warm feeling of that first glass of wine with dinner, but not having a headache later is worth it to me.

      I never felt like I had a problem with alcohol. I never drank daily, for instance, and binge drinking was never my thing either.

      I really don’t miss it a ton, so we will see how long this goes.

    12. I’ve been doing reduced consumption since early December, and I’ve noticed minor benefits. I was pretty consistently drinking 2 drinks/night 3-4x/week from late September through early December, and I felt TERRIBLE.

      My skin was dry and irritated, I was generally inflamed, my digestion was poor, and my energy and performance were poor.

      I reduced down to the occasional social drink or glass of wine, and it’s helped a lot. I’ve gone 1-2 weeks with no drinks, and then had maybe 2 drinks with dinner, then another 1-2 weeks with no drinks.

      Depending on how frequently you were drinking before, it might be hard to see significant changes with only 2 weeks of Dry January. It might also help to make other changes to diet, exercise, water intake, and sleep, depending on how good your habits are in those areas.

    13. I participated in Dry January for the first time last year and am joining again this year!
      I don’t drink heavily outside of celebratory events, so I don’t notice too many physical benefits.
      The main benefit I have found is increased mindfulness of drinking throughout the year. Dry January helps me pause and think about why I want to drink in certain settings and contexts.

    14. Am 4 years sober now after taking a similar break in covid and without reading these replies everyone is going to say either “how their drinking is NOT a problem because of ________” OR “they are sober now too or have cut way back and it’s changed their lives for the better.”

      I did a deep dive and felt really angry about the marketing toward women with alcohol (esp pandemic). They have had the research that one drink per day is the same cancer risk as 10 cigarettes per day since the 90s.

      Health reasons aside (because I will still eat a tiny Bundt cake so have your drink who cares!) the processing of all my emotions in real time and not accruing emotional debt is the reason I’ll never go back. Developing healthy coping mechanisms for issues is something I wouldn’t have done if I just kept trying new wines and bourbons from my collection (which I sold for thousands of dollars which is a whole other thing).

      1. That sounds really awesome, honestly!
        I kind of want to hear about the collection too but mostly I’m like, wow!

    15. OP, sounds like you’re already uncovering some hard truths about your relationship with alcohol which is a great reason to push through the rest of the month!

      *for me* I basically never drink at home (unless we are hosting) so it’s mostly date nights, fun cocktails out with friends, etc. so I’m comfortable with my level of consumption. It’s not something I ever crave – if I had those feelings, I’d try a dry month/challenge etc.

  4. Where can I find cute baseball caps with a preppy vibe and no obnoxious logos? I definitely want one with a ponytail snap at the back. I’ve worn my current one to death and need something new for hikes and around town this summer.

    1. I’d get a polo one (they’re plain except for the polo pony). Come in lots of colors

      1. i wear one from my school or my kids school… add a little personality. that said i’m sure vineyard vines or any golf or tennis brand would have that preppy vibe and sell hats.

      2. Ponyback for ponytails of any height. Canadian company, uses a magnet to close the seam when not in use. Plain front, comes in different sizes/depths to fit the head.

    2. J crew has a few plain ones. They usually have some with a small icon stitched on the front, but I don’t see any currently.

      1. Ditto J.Crew – I have one with a small canoe on the front.

        Also check Etsy. There are plenty embroidered with a small something that might interest you.

    3. I have a completely plain one from Muji that’s water resistant. It’s perfect in a light drizzle. They usually have them in a few colors in the spring.

    4. If you want the most bougie option, go with Chord which is made by the influencer Mary Orton. They are very popular among that crowd. I have not tried one. I am very preppy and like the plain hats from J.Crew for casual or a Lululemon for active.

      1. The Chord caps, along with many options from retailers like Madewell and J Crew, have leather straps, which means they aren’t washable and are therefore a very expensive disposable item. I have all-fabric caps from Wanderlust at Anthropologie, Lululemon, my local minor league sports team, and my alma mater. I wash them on the delicate cycle in a mesh bag and hang to dry.

    5. I have a black and taupe plain ones, both with ponytail openings in the back and both from QT gas stations.

  5. I am lacking self-acceptance right now, particularly around aging. I’m in my mid-40s and can’t deny that things aren’t the way they used to be. I’m 20 pounds heavier, despite lots of effort to lose the weight. Whatever athleticism I used to have is declining. So is my libido. My career has plateaued, and it now feels more like a job to slog through than something that I’m honing, crafting, perfecting. (I do not have the energy to strive for more, tbh.) Plus, I’m more tired/grumpy/cynical about everything than I used to be. This stage of life just kind of sucks, and that’s not even getting into the challenges of having aging parents, raising teenagers and all the associated challenges.

    I am trying to challenge myself to try new things so I don’t feel so adrift. I suppose it helps some, but it hasn’t necessarily made me feel better about myself. Honestly, I feel more insecure now than I have in years, maybe decades!

    Any words of wisdom from people who have been there, done that?

    1. See your doc, you sound depressed.
      My 40s have been awesome because I’ve aged enough to have experience and perspective. I may not be as powerful/athletic, but I’m much more efficient, which makes up for it.
      I’m not saying this to brag, rather to note that your experience isn’t universal, and you should check out any medical causes for you feeling so down. Good luck to you, internet stranger.

      1. My thought was that she might benefit from having a full work up of labs, including hormonal levels.

        Regarding athleticism: as we hit our 40s, lifting becomes more important. Channel Stacy Sims and lift heavy s—.

    2. I’m 48 and relate to some of this, particularly re: career and the difficulties of balancing aging parents and growing kids. And of course gaining 20 pounds (and counting) that will not budge. But I agree that you sound a bit depressed; don’t accept that you can’t feel better.

      It sounds like you feel like you don’t have any control over a lot of things. Is that really true? If you can’t find new challenges in your job, which may be true–I feel this way, or at least I can’t without making tradeoffs for a new job that I am not willing to make–where can you find challenges outside of work? For me, running–slow as fuck but consistently–has been a big source of satisfaction in the last five years. I did three half marathons last year and am planning to do a marathon this year. It’s exciting to be able to do something I could not do when I was younger. In my case, I am #blessed to have NEVER been particularly athletic, so it’s easy to surpass my younger self, but this could be true for you if you try a new sport. I have a friend who has recently gotten really into dance, specifically Angela Trimbur’s classes. Is there anything you have always wanted to try that you haven’t?

      The other thing I would suggest is looking at what social outlets you have. How often are you seeing friends? What are you doing for YOURSELF, not your partner, parents, or kids? I’m guessing not much.

      1. PS – and big hugs. I don’t mean to sound harsh and hope it doesn’t come off that way. I’m sorry you are in this place. I am really, really struggling with aging parents, and my parents are actually in pretty good health, financially secure, and we have a good relationship. And I have 2 siblings with whom I get along who are sharing the burden. My son is 12 and not really in the throes of teendom yet either. And I still struggle.

        1. No, it wasn’t too harsh. You’re correct that I don’t feel like I have much control over my life. It has been hard to figure out what I even want in this life stage, when time is at a premium and there is a lot expected from me on all fronts. Add in a terminally ill parent and a neurodiverse teen, and I am really not living my best life. At all. I am trying to do more for myself, although probably not as much as I actually need. I started a new workout class about a month ago, and I’m enjoying the challenge. Hopefully that’ll kick start something.

          Believe it or not, I don’t think I’m depressed. I have been depressed before, and this doesn’t feel like that.

          1. Oh my goodness you have a lot on your plate! No one with a terminally ill parent is living their best life. Give yourself a break and realize things won’t aways be so hard.

          2. This is a LOT! I categorize the phrase “living my best life” right there alongside “soul mate” and “forever home” as wording that is so aspirational that it’s unhelpful.

            Please consider that part of what you’re experiencing might simply be grieving. Losing a parent is very, very hard, and when we know a parent is terminally ill, we often start grieving before the death itself. If you’re actively helping with your parent’s situation, not only are you taking on extra tasks, they come with a lot of sadness and loss. Which takes a toll on us, and brings us face-to-face with our own mortality.

    3. I second this isn’t normal. I’m 50 and sure, things ai r what they used to be but overall my life is much better today than it was a decade ago. It might be a medical issue but I’d start with your mindset. There really is a lot to how you think about things and approach your life. If you choose to be negative and miserable you will be. You’ll find a lot of support for having a victim mindset but your life is actually in your control.

    4. I totally understand where you’re coming from (as a fellow mid-40s woman who has struggled with similar feelings), but I also echo the responses in the comments. How are you taking care of yourself? From what you’ve written, it sounds like you’re adrift and defining yourself by other people and systems (aging parents/teens, your job). What do YOU want? What might feel good to do today, and what can you build into your life each day/week/month/year to increase your quality of life?

      The serenity prayer has been immensely helpful. I can control almost nothing outside of myself, but I can also control kind of a lot: how I spend my time and energy, how I move my body, what I eat and drink, what I choose to fill my brain with (and conversely, what I choose NOT to spend time on).

    5. I don’t know friend. I’m in my 40s and in my i think they’re pretty awesome. I got a new job last year after a decade in the same place. I ran my first half marathon. I started compounded semi glutide and lost some weight that was really bothering me. I got the most beautiful hair extensions made a huge effort to dress well and hone my personal style. I feel good about the way I look. I joined a women’s charity group. I reach out to new people all the time. I’m planning to pick up golf this year. I hope this reads as encouraging not bragging but there’s so many awesome things out there to do at our age. My parents always said their 40s and 50s were amazing and I mostly agree with that.

      1. Do you have kids? I think one of the things that people find so tough about their 40s and 50s is balancing the demands of hormonal tweens/teens and aging parents. I’m 43 and absolutely loving life, but I had kids relatively late and they’re still adorable early elementary schoolers, and my parents have not had major health issues yet, but they’re late 70s so it’s coming soon. I can definitely see how everything will be *much* harder in 5-10 years.

        1. My kids are both tween and pre school age. That’s a lot, but i really like parenting post diapers. I dont think tweens are worse than babies. My always healthy dad was diagnosed with cancer, it’s horrible but we’re optimistic. Life could be worse and I’m sure others have it harder but I’m still not ready to be this pessimistic about this stage of life, you know?

    6. I’m a little younger (late 30s) and felt the same way last year. Last year my New Year’s Resolution was to bring more joy to my every day life with little things. I feel like the advice is often to try new things, etc., but I realized there were a lot of ways my daily life could be more fun.

      1. Making tea to drink while reading a book on my subway commute to work/doctors appointments
      2. Getting up early 1 day a week to take my dog on an extra long walk through a local park (usually don’t have time to make it all the way to the park on a week day)
      3. Taking my toddler to swim at the local pool after work 1-2x a week (I love to swim, and being at home for long stretches of time after work when I worked remotely was sad)
      4. Reserving hardcover books (instead of e-books) from the library, which reduced my wait times for more popular books
      5. Started playing scrabble online with a friend from college who also loves it
      6. Planned more visits with friends (I live in a city and most of my friends live in the suburbs and just…don’t come into the city; so last year I went to them!)

      In terms of the physical appearance/athleticism, I had gained 35lbs due to illness, then fertility treatment, then pregnancy. I am in menopause due to my medical condition. When I was younger, when I would need to lose weight I would go ALL IN and do it very rapidly. Last year I very slowly made very, very small changes over the course of the year and I ended up losing 15 lbs. I was actually shocked when I looked at our Christmas card vs. last years because it was noticeable. People used to give me this advice and I ignored it but slower is better than nothing. Changes I’ve made include eating more protein at breakfast, eating lunch at 11am when I get hungry instead of snacking, eating dinner earlier with my toddler instead of snacking and then eating when my husband gets home, updating my after dinner snack to something healthier, etc. This year I’m focused on physical fitness and I’m starting with 1 workout class a week at the Y.

      1. yes, thank you for sharing these ideas. i really needed to hear your success with the slow weight loss concept today.

      2. Congrats on your weight loss! I was late to the Atomic Habits party, but I finally read it recently and really appreciated the framing of doing little things consistently to get big results.

        Also, the hardcover book thing is so true. I just tried to reserve an ebook last night with a 28!!! week wait, but I’m 5th in line for the actual tangible book and will probably get it before the end of the month. My library also has a “lucky day” shelf where a couple copies of popular books live; you can’t reserve or renew beyond 3 weeks, but it’s great for snagging a copy of the It Book of the moment (if you’re lucky).

        I love your approach to finding little things to make day to day more fun. Coincidentally, I listened to a podcast episode about this idea yesterday and was already thinking about it, but it’s great to see how you made it work in action, and that it made a positive difference for you.

    7. You do sound depressed. Your career is not over in your 40’s. I’m in my 60’s and don’t feel as bad about aging.

      1. Agree with this. I felt stuck in my career in my 40s and switched from law firm to government and it was a whole new exciting chapter that carried me through to retirement.

        I do think the “caring for aging parents” thing is a really tough phase in life, especially if you have teens at the same time. My advice is to get as much help as you can in that regard.

    8. Please see your doctor!

      I felt similar at age 41 and it turned out I was quite severely anemic. Getting my iron levels back where they need to be resolved a lot of the rest. I was not depressed, just felt like everything was a slog and getting worse (which it was, but because my iron levels were decreasing and not because everything itself was getting worse).

    9. I think you’re way too young for what you’re experiencing to be just from aging. If a doctor is brushing it off as aging, I would push a little harder for medical work up. Whether you need a vitamin, HRT, CPAP, metformin, or something else, I would want to get to the bottom of what’s changed.

    10. Find a way to regularly check and balance your hormone levels. There’s a good book that just came out by a woman doctor about it. Aging sucks. I’m here too. But the hormone swing numbers were CRAZY to me.

    11. This actually sounds like peri/menopausal symptoms. My advice is to find a gynecologist who understands current HRT guidance (NAMS) or go to one of the online menopause doctors and discuss your options. I’m mid-40s and my sleep, mood, energy have all been helped by HRT. Women have been neglected for too long by doctors who are completely ignorant about menopause and the hormonal needs of women over their lifespan.

  6. I’m 45 and have had good dental hygeine my whole life. I go to the dentist regularly and get any issues addressed right away. About 3 years ago, my front bottom tooth chipped. I was eating something not too hard, so it was a surprise. I got it fixed pretty quickly after by my regular dentist. A year later, the cap broke off–this time I was eating something sticky so it was my fault. I got it fixed by the same dentist again. Recently the new cap came off again–I think it had only been on just over a year. This time I was just eating something normal, not hard, as I’ve tried to be very careful with that tooth. My dentist says that because its basically just the tip, and because the tooth is pretty small, its just unlikely that a cap is going to stay on for a long time. Its not really visible to anyone else, but I can feel it with my tongue and its annoying. I’m also worried that if I don’t get it fixed, it will just get worse. My dentist says its up to me, and doesn’t seem super worried about it. WWYD? Should I go to another dentist? Just have my current dentist smooth it out?

    1. I would get a second opinion. Worst case scenario, the second dentist tells you what the first dentist says.

      1. +1 always get a second opinion for anything medical/dental. There’s nothing lost by doing so, and potentially much to be gained.

    2. Yes to getting a second opinion, but in my experience, your dentist is right. Caps last for a while and then come off. If this isn’t affecting the tooth but you’re annoyed that you keep having to get the cap replaced, then ask your dentist to smooth down the tooth.

      1. +1

        I also have a small chip on a front tooth (on top) that I’ve had since childhood recklessness (!). I have talked with dentists as an adult about repair/capping, and they all say the same as your dentist. Very hard to do a small repair of a tip. You could just pull the plug and whittle down the tooth and put on a larger crown for stability. Or do what I did – just leave it. No one cares! I just left mine. Shrugs

    3. I have a chip in my front tooth (currently fixed with a filling, but it has fallen out/rechipped before). Last time it happened, the dentist said that actually, chips happen more commonly when you’re eating something relatively soft; the issue is the tooth itself. If you can’t get it capped, maybe get it smoothed a bit so it doesn’t bother your tongue so much?

    4. OK I dealt with this exact problem.

      Your dentist is partially right. You will need to get it fixed regularly. I do think it should last longer than a year (e.g., my last front cap lasted 10 years, and I am not particularly careful about what I eat, but my earlier ones only lasted 2-3; I think it’s dentist dependent for sure). My main issue is cosmetic – the bonding doesn’t whiten (if you want to whiten your teeth), and in my experience the bonding on the front teeth will crack and/or discolor over time and need to be repaired for that reason.

      Do you grind your teeth at night? That would explain the random breaking off, and also the more frequent breaks (when I got a mouth guard it extended the life of the cap significantly).

    5. I am surprised that it’s capped–shouldn’t small chips like that be bonded? I had a small chip bonded 30+ years ago and it’s still fine.

    6. Do you potentially grind your teeth/clench your jaw while you sleep? That pressure over time can loosen the cap. A nightguard might protect your investment.
      Source – broke a cap-like filling during a very stressful time at work.

    7. I chipped enamel off the tip of one of my bottom front teeth when I was in my teens. I can feel that spot with my tongue although it is not really visible unless I’m far too close to a mirror. That spot is extra sensitive to pressure and temperature but not so much that it interferes with me biting into a cold apple.

      I am in my 40s and have never had a dentist say it needs attention, even when I have asked. My current dentist shrugged and said it isn’t in a location where sugars and acids are going to sit and fester, so there isn’t really a need to do anything with it. They offered to smooth it out if it ever starts to bother me.

    8. I have a chunk missing from what sounds like the very same positioned tooth as yours. I’m on my third replacement. The first one lasted 17 years. The second one was lost when the stupid hygienist thought the ridge was plaque and basically ripped it off –so the second one lasted 28 years. The new one is already showing signs of wear, even though the color was a perfect match. It could be the materials aren’t as good as they used to be. Nothing seems to be built to last –even tooth repairs!

  7. I’m my mom’s executor. She has some jewelry that I don’t recognize as hers that just have come from my grandmother. Can I go to a jewelry store and just ask that if anything is real or valuable? Or is this what a pawn shop can do even if you don’t pawn things. What I don’t want is to ever hear years later that someone didn’t get something valuable or anything was given away randomly when I should have known it was valuable or special. Most of my family isn’t like that but one branch is and we have a lot of weddings and graduations coming up.

    My jewelry is all silver so this is all new to me.

    1. Do not go to a pawn shop. Go to a reputable jeweler and have them assess its value.

      If it isn’t worth much, take a few photos and send them around to family, saying first come first serve.

      If it’s expensive, keep it as an heirloom.

      If it’s your mother’s jewelry and she provided for the disposal of personal property in her Will, then no one else has a legal claim on it.

    2. yes, have it appraised. If your mom didn’t leave specific directions for who was to receive pieces, then I’d suggest sending photos around to the heirs and asking if any of them are interested, along with the value. If more than one person is interested then you as executor have to figure out who gets what. Then the value would be taken into account when distributing $. (For example with round numbers, your mom left $990,000 cash and there’s 4 kid heirs. 1 of the kids wants all grandma’s jewelry that was your mom’s, and it’s valued at $10K. Rather than each kid getting $250K and the one also getting the jewelry, kid 1 gets $240K and the jewelry, and the other kids all get $250K.

      1. Whether she can do it this way depends on how the will was written and/or the person who wants the jewelry agreeing to buy it for the appraised value, and using the inheritance to make that payment. You can’t just dictate that in most situations

        1. oh very true, thank you. I was writing semi in response to 9:59 and wanting to emphasize that you may need to be a lot more detailed about this than that post indicates.

        2. OP here — thanks for all this. She left everything to my Dad and he wants to keep things like her wedding ring but not other jewelry and wants me to handle “as I think best”. There are 6 grandkids, 4 of which are teen girls; my grandmother’s descendants may want if no one else does. I could just store it all for a while — I need to get through tax season with and make sure I get all their 1099s, etc.

          1. oh, ok. so it sounds like maybe your Dad would want give these pieces as gifts to the girls at upcoming life events – if the girls want them?

          2. In that case, maybe it would be good to know if Lucinda gets something worth $$$ and Casey gets something from Claire’s. I get how some people get bent out of shape when it’s not all strictly even.

          3. I’d strongly suggest you wait until the teenagers are older/more settled to hand over anything with significant value OR give them with the requirement that the parent holds onto it/it stays in a safety deposit box. In my family two nieces lost heirloom pieces that they were given at their 16th birthdays and while nobody really blames them we’re all a bit sad about it.

    3. In my family we’ve always gotten together with the dependents and taken turns picking pieces. It’s gone in age order with the oldest choosing first and taking turns but you could do any method that feels fair. It’s always been a really lovely way to remember the person and bond with each other. Never been a fight over a piece either and sometimes we’ll borrow from each other for special occasions like weddings, etc.

      1. This is how I plan to do it with jewelry and art. But I’ve recently been summoned for a tutorial on what has value, so I will certainly share that information in the process.
        When my grandfather gave away my grandmother’s items, he had three diamond rings to give away. My mother got one with two large diamonds and then he put the others in his hands and had my older sister blindly pick one. She got the larger. And now my mother has lost the diamonds from her ring and my sister has pawned hers. Oh, well. we have no further descendants. But the diamonds my mother got were really old and gorgeous and now I feel like I am going to want to go through her things like I am looking for them instead of just tossing things.

      2. We’ve done something like this with jewelry from both sides of our families. We’ve had adults do the choosing (one adult per household), with the understanding of passing on to next generation in the future.

        It helps to sort into “real” and “costume.”

        Then draw straws to determine a random order and go around the table until no one wants what’s left (if it’s valuable, sell and divide). Draw straws again and do the costume stuff, getting kids involved if desired (donate what’s left). Recipients are free to horse-trade if desired after the initial choice is made.

        This gamifies what might be a tricky process in some families–we had fun with it, and everyone got something nice and memorable.

        1. Chiming in to add – we did this with my inlaws things (specifically her jewelry) and the “buyer” was charged one half of the appraised value, which then was deducted from their cash from the estate. Everyone felt great b/c that made it more affordable, it was fair to all, etc. She had some lovely things. Even though they were never rich, my FIL loved to buy her jewerly so much, so there were quite a few pieces. It was a rare nice moment when I think about that otherwise very sad time (they passed within days of each other after 60 plus years of marriage, in covid).

    4. A jewelry store will be able to tell you what’s real v. costume jewelry. I’d start there and then figure out what makes sense in terms of letting people choose or giving as gifts or whatever.
      I think it’s kind, if you’re able, to give folks the chance to claim something you don’t want that might have only sentimental value but also important to keep the burden of facilitating light. E.g. “hey all, I have this pile of mom’s costume jewelry I’m planning to donate, if you want anything let me know by DATE and pick it up by DATE.”

      we have a family member who did the ‘donate everything’ after picking out a few valuables without telling anyone and of course that’s their right to, but I would’ve loved a sentimental trinket. (they went from “I’m not ready to deal with it” to “oh everything’s gone” so there wasn’t a chance for anyone to help sort through)

      1. Right. It sounds like this will be an opportunity to give your family members gifts to remember your mother and have something she valued. I’m confused by all of the “let them purchase pieces against their inheritance.” It doesn’t sound like it’s this serious.

        If you have the time or inclination, for some of the older pieces you might be able to find gold marks or comparable pieces on Etsy do you have a sense of time period.

        You can also just save this as a project for later.

  8. Looking for recommendations for women centered travel tours. I am a runner so I’m considering Run Wild Retreats, but I’m curious if anyone has had great experiences with other companies. I’m a single parent with medically complex and neurodivergent kids, so I don’t have the bandwidth to plan something on my own. I may be able to get away for a 5-7 days this summer, and I want to travel and make the most of this very rare opportunity.

    1. Atlas Adventures. No personal experience, but a friend went on one of their trips and had a wonderful time.

    2. Not running and no personal experience (such an endorsement!) but I’ve been drooling over REI’s women’s tours for ages.

    3. If you’re sporty, there are women’s surf camps in places like Costa Rica that sound fun. A friend went on a women-only food tour of Tuscany with cooking classes that sounded amazing, but I think you’d probably need more than 7 days for that if you’re starting from the US.

    4. I believe G Adventures and Intrepid Travel both do women-only trips. I’ve done their regular tours and am a big fan of both.

    5. No personal experience, and they’re wildly expensive, but I got a catalog from Backroads Travel and they have women-only itineraries that look pretty cool.

    6. I had a very good experience on an active trip with Canyon Calling (woman-owned company offering women-only travel).

    7. Vagabond Trails does fantastic women-only trail running retreats (although you need to be a fit trail runner to do them). Gutsy Girls does both winter (skiing, snowshoeing) and summer (hiking, paddle boarding) women-only retreats. Both highly recommended! I have also considered Run Wild Retreats but the price has been a limiting factor. Vagabond Trails and Gutsy Girls trips aren’t cheap but they are cheaper.

  9. What can I do to help blisters on my pinky toes heal relatively quickly? I think I wore the wrong socks and my ski boots are just old and losing their shape/becoming loose. I need an upgrade (or could rent for the rest of the season) but I told myself I’d only spend the money if my daughter caught on and enjoyed it. It looks like we’re trending that way and maybe the upgrade will be in the cards for next season.

    Back in high school while competing in another blister-prone sport (sailing), we’d just wrap our toes in duct tape. Sounds bananas, but it worked. Any other hacks for the time being? We’re skiing again this coming weekend.

    1. Leukotape is what we use instead of duct tape for hiking boots. You can’t sweat it off. But I’d layer a large bandaid over top of that or something else because layers help eliminate blisters better than anything else. Otherwise, your skin slides on itself and that generates the blister.

    2. As a rower (who is also a skier and a sailor!) why not pop the blisters, keep them clean, and look forward to the callous?

    3. As a rock climber, I use climbing tape the same way you used duct tape! It’s 100% cotton and so more breathable. And moleskin used properly, covered with some tape is my gold standard for the really bad blisters.

    4. Coach’s tape – you can easily tear it down to the right size for your pinky toe. Co-signed, former ballet dancer.

    5. For healing foot & toe blisters, I prefer the Nexcare Absolute Waterproof First Aid Tape. Its a padded tape that works great while your skin is tender. Another product that sports trainers use is 2nd skin squares underneath tape.
      Going forward, keeping feet dry and problem toes separated is the key. Would recommend regular athletic tape in between ring and pinky toes and baby powder applied generously along with appropriate sweat-wicking socks.

    6. Bandaid brand blister bandages – there are smaller ones made for fingers/toes that should stay on well under socks.

      1. +10000. I get frequent blisters on my feet and toes. These are the only things that work. You have to put them on once the blister has popped to get the max benefit, but they will provide cushioning for a blister that hasn’t popped. They work best if you keep them on until they start to fall off. Usually, at that point, the blister has almost fully healed.

    7. Pop the blister and put moleskin over it. Fabric bandaids work, too, but anything that gets clammy causes more blisters on neighboring toes.

      I get blisters when hiking and made a phone note of which toes need wrapped pre-emptively next time. The correct shoes and right socks help, but even then the way my toes are shaped I end up with hot spots. Wrapping at the start prevents blisters from forming in the first place and makes a multi-day backpacking trip much more pleasant.

    8. My conference job involves a TON of walking. I swear by spray bandages. You’ll often find the aerosol bottles in the foot care aisle. The spray forms a protective shell that won’t slip the way a regular adhesive bandage will. Won’t come off until I scrub–it’s sort of pills the way glue might when pealing it off. I haven’t had a sore heel or toe rub in years.

    9. Squirrels nut butter Happy Toes, or if you can’t find it, slather your toes in the thick Aquafor.

  10. Building a new house, and my office (I WFH) will be in the northeast corner of the house. What do you wish you had considered when designing your office? It’s in the dressy front part of the house, so some of our nicer furniture will be in there, along with the antique desk and chair I’ll use. I’m stumped on color, lighting, niceities, and other things I’m sure I should be considering but can’t think of.

    1. Try not to have a window behind you, or if you do, make sure you have blackout shades. I also have Philips lights that I can change the color so that I look better on camera. And I wish I had a plug in the middle of the floor for my desk stuff.

    2. More electrical outlets than you think you could possibly ever need. A solid core door for sound insulation. Depending on your climate, given the NE exposure, I’d consider radiant flor heating in that room.

      1. +1 for the outlets. I put 12 outlets across my desk (along the wall above the desk, not at foot-level) and my contractor thought I was crazy, but I have stuff plugged in to every single one of those outlets.
        I also love my one feature wall with beautiful wallpaper behind my degrees/framed photos. It’s a great backdrop for virtual calls and I get so many compliments on that wallpaper.

        1. Do you have a link to the wallpaper? Not the OP but I’m looking to do one feature wall.

    3. think about what you store in there and built ins if possible maybe some with open shelves with stuff you like to look at and some that is covered with the less pretty stuff. also think about desk placement. do you prefer middle of room? against a wall? i either like kind of dark and moody or light and airy. depending on how large this room is/nature of your work, do you also want like a reading nook? a walking pad? a mirror?

    4. if you’re on video a lot, window in front of you is ideal! my office only really works with a window on my side and it’s annoying to have to keep the blinds closed frequently to not have weird shadows.

    5. I like to look at a real clock, not just the one on my computer screen. I mean not like a huge wall clock, but definitely a real clock in my line of sight

  11. For those of you that go into a big office, what do you use to carry stuff around to meetings, lunches, etc. I would love a folio or small clutch/wristlet that fits an A5 notebook, pen, two iPhones, and a security badge. It feels really awkward going to a meeting with a stack of the above stuff, plus water bottle or keys sometimes. I thought about a small cuyana pouch but I’m not sure that’s the most professional look and it may look a bit like I’m carrying around a makeup bag. Carrying my full size bag also seems weird within the building. I have tried to see what other people are doing and most seem to be carrying a stack of stuff, but I am tired of doing that. Budget is $500.

    1. Wristlet for the phones, pens, and badge. Carry notebook and water bottle separately.

      1. Any recommendations for a wristlet that can hold two phones and lanyard? I am admittedly a bag snob so would love to find something high quality leather at least.

    2. I take the whole bag with me. Whenever I try bringing just a few items I always end up wishing I brought all my gear. If you have a nice bag it doesn’t look odd.

    3. Do you need to carry that much? Why not carry a laptop instead of notebook and pen and phones?

      1. Sometimes I might also be carrying my laptop, in which case I can stack everything on the laptop which is easier to manage. Unfortunately I can’t go anywhere without the phones, so I want something that I could use even for a trip to the cafeteria to meet someone.

      1. A backpack doesn’t fit my personal style. I was thinking a tiny padfolio with slots for phones would be cool but haven’t found anything that hits the mark.

    4. Have you considered a Tumi laptop tote + Tumi cross-body bag? You can tuck the cross-body bag into the front section of the tote when you need to bring it all, or when coming or going from the office, or just fish out the cross-body bag when all you need is your wallet, two phones, a pen, a scrunchie, a mask, and reading glasses (all of which fit in my Tumi cross-body bag). This is the “system” I have come up with now that we need to go into the office more frequently, as I, too, didn’t want to carry around inside the office building or when running out to pick up lunch the large tote bag which acts as my carry-all for my commute on public transportation.

    5. Are you away from your desk long enough that you really need to carry your water bottle around with you?

      In my office we just carry our laptops with things stacked neatly on top. People typically only use a bag if they are late to arrive and didn’t get a chance to stop at their desk, or if they are leaving the building immediately after the meeting. We don’t have a huge campus, though, so schlepping distances are reasonable.

      1. This is why I want to avoid a big bag or backpack, as then people will think I’m late or leaving early. I am kind of clumsy though and the stack of items is hard for me to manage and also just feels messy. It sounds like maybe a pouch or clutch is the best I’m going to do.

        1. Can you use pockets for the phones and pens and then just hold a notebook? Or use a portfolio in which you can tuck all your things? Something like this (just a quick search hit; I know nothing about this brand or product): https://www.markandgraham.com/products/travel-tech-folio-foil-debossed/?catalogId=6&sku=2560026&cm_ven=PLA&cm_cat=MSN&cm_pla=Accessories%20%3E%20Tech%20Accessories&adlclid=976a3810ddcc195a221b5f95bfef3a45&cm_ite=2560026_458014134_pla-4577747948489900&msclkid=976a3810ddcc195a221b5f95bfef3a45

          While a clutch or pouch might not make it look like you are one step away from a commute, I think you instead risk looking like you are really focused on your makeup. Not necessarily a better message to convey.

    6. Any chance you’re a new Hill staffer? My advice is to wear the badge and the bare minimum of keys on a neck lanyard or clip, so that you’re just carrying your two phones and notebook (with pen clipped to that). No one carries pouches and wristlets because you end up messing with them all the time to get your phones and badge out, which is more inconvenient and distracting. I also try to find blazers with functional pockets.

    7. Hm, I usually just put it all on my laptop and carry in that way, but if you’re super opposed to that I guess a leather pouch or envelope clutch with the pen, phones, badge, and keys in it and carry that on top of the laptop and also carry your water bottle?

      I’ve never heard of needing to use/carry a badge without needing to wear it but I’d definitely recommend a landyard with the badge (that’s what I have to do)

    8. OP, I have a leatherology folio I use for things like this. It is just one big pocket, though. However they also have a tech folio I bought for my boyfriend when he got a promotion that he loves. I like the quality of the materials so you might see whether anything there fits the need.

    9. I would leave the water bottle at my desk, and stack the other stuff neatly on your laptop or notebook.

    10. a nice leather folio w/ slots for phones. Adds polish, v. any kind of bag IME looks like you’re to/from commuting or lunch. (at least in our office culture). Most people do the pile at our large HQ though!

    11. I just got, for Christmas, a Cuyana tech carryall that I intend to use for this purpose. Not a wristlet, but should keep things pretty contained and looks more professional than a more makeup-bag-type thing.

      1. So looking at the Cuyana site, there are all kinds of solutions that would work for your problem. Several things in “the system” for example.

  12. Somewhat akin to the dry January question – I am trying to give up sweets, and am on day six of doing so. This is a big deal for me, I am unquestionably addicted to snacking on sweets and I know it’s bad for me. My office always has treats sitting out, we have little parties, and my husband has a sweet tooth too. I’m a healthy weight, but I KNOW my habits are not healthy. This is what I want to share–after less than a week of eating mostly healthy, whole foods, I feel incredible. I have so much energy and mental clarity. I was so productive this weekend that when I finally went to bed on Sunday, my feet hurt from moving around so much. I cannot wait to see whether it continues this way, or if it gets even better. I know it’s not realistic to never eat a sweet again in my life, but I am just amazed at how quickly and significantly I feel improved, so this is major motivation to do better in this area!

    1. Good job! Getting past the first week of sugar cravings is tough. You are treating yourself so well!

      1. This was harder for me than alcohol. If you’ve never done it there will be a significant withdrawal, but it passes. Good luck!

    2. I recently read that sugar cravings are from the yeast or bacteria living in your gut. Thinking about them tricking me somehow made it easier to overcome the cravings. Like those little jerks want to make me fat! Sounds so silly but I swear it worked and I actually had sugar addiction consultant sessions about ten years ago. I tried everything.

      You aren’t missing out on anything at the office, you are just not feeding the things in your gut trying to make you gain weight. Hope this helps!

    3. Going cold turkey on sweets has historically been a fast track back to the eating disorder of my youth. I know there are some here who think some commenters are oversensitive to posts related to food and weight, and maybe I am. But the almost euphoric tone of this post a few days after giving up sweets is just a little too familiar, and for me, it would not end well. I really do wish you the best, but I urge you to be careful and not to get obsessive.

  13. I have a lot of ground turkey in my freezer I’d like to use up. What easy but healthy meal would you make (that’s not turkey chili? Made that one last night).

    1. I make a lot of stir-fries with ground chicken and serve them as lettuce wraps or rice bowls. You could do the same with turkey.

    2. I like turkey picadillo as an easy but flavorful meal
      Also, ages ago, Oprah’s personal chef introduced us to a turkey burger seasoned with Spike seasoning and garnished with Col. Grey’s mango chutney. I’ve been making these ever since. The one thing I took away from that show.

    3. I like to make turkey “stuffing” with ground turkey (just cook it with a whole ton of onion, celery, and sage).

    4. I make turkey pot pies with roasted turkey, but I bet you could substitute ground turkey.

    5. Ottolenghi’s turkey and zucchini burgers, though I usually do them as meatballs instead.

    6. I’d recommend a thai curry red lentil stew. Made an excellent dish just like this last week:
      -cumin, diced onion, and diced poblanos, minced garlic, grated ginger, dash of cinnamon & coriander at the bottom of Dutch oven
      -1-2lbs of turkey browned in same pot, add 1 container of thai red curry paste (~3-4 tbs)
      -add ~1 cup of red lentils & 2.5 cups water cook until lentils are tender (~20 mins)
      -add ~3tbs of peanut butter and salt/pepper to taste
      -top bowls with cilantro, peanuts, and fresh lime

    7. We regularly have zucchini boats stuffed with ground turkey. Cook turkey in frying pan, add a can of black beans and a jar ish of salsa, frozen corn if I have it. Halve zucchini. Scoop out seeds. Fill hollows with ground turkey mix. Top with cheese. Bake in oven until cheese melts.
      A reliable way to get my kids to eat zucchini.

    8. Do an internet search for Dinner a Love Story’s turkey bolognese (also called “back-pocket bolognese” or lazy bolognese). It’s a winner and freezes really well.

    9. NY Times Lemony White Bean Soup with Turkey and Greens. We use spinach or kale in place of the collard greens because I prefer the taste. I have also left out the beans, and it is still quite delicious.

    10. I make double batches of turkey meatloaf and turkey meatballs, both of which freeze and reheat well. I spread the meatballs out on a silicone-lined baking sheet to freeze them and then put them in a Ziploc once frozen.

    11. Ina Garten’s turkey meatloaf. The recipe is for something like 5 pounds of meat, but its easy to scale for whatever you want.

    12. Half Baked Harvest is somewhat controversial but has great meatball recipes and I just sub in turkey for any of the chicken ones. I like her Greek meatballs, the Gochujang meatballs with a sticky sauce, Baked Lemon Rosemary, etc. I serve them with pasta or rice or over a salad for lunch meal prep.

    13. I do really easy ground chicken/turkey burgers: 1 lb meat, 1/2 cup bread crumbs, 1/4 cup teriyaki sauce (use Primal brand for low/no added sugar option). Combine, shape into 4 patties and cook in cast iron pan.

    14. Ground turkey taco night. It’s a favorite around here. I personally prefer to turn it into loaded nachos, but both start with browning the ground turkey, then adding taco seasoning.

    15. Swedish style meatballs with dill and a cream sauce, served with boiled potatoes and canned sauerkraut.

    16. turkey meatballs!! with some grated zucchini and carrots, breadcrumbs, lots of parmesan, Italian seasoning.

  14. my body is so dry and itchy, way worse than in prior winters, wondering if it has to do with aging? recs for a really heavy duty body cream?

      1. Came here to say Eucerin in the tub. When your skin is that dry you’re in tub-moisturizer territory.

    1. could you post recipe?
      Just watched a video on YT last night from two derms who loved the new CeraVe intensive lotion with 5% Urea. Says it is for dry to very dry skin, which I have this year like never before. Also, post shower, I am adding a few drops of body oil to the lotion I am putting all over my body and it is helping.

    2. Do you use a moisturizing body wash in the shower instead of soap? I use a good one from Costco…. Dove I think. This helped me tremendously.

      And when I get out I use Cerave in the tub on my arms/legs/feet and Aquafor on heels/ankles.

      And yes, our skin does get dryer with aging.

      Also, do you have humidifiers on at home?

    3. I highly recommend a salt scrub for your whole body. You can buy a tub at Trader Joe’s or go to a spa (heavenly). You scrub your skin and then rinse it off. This has been a gamechanger for me.

  15. If you were going to buy just one suit that is court appropriate that don’t wear often and expect to keep for several years would you go: (1) oversized long blazer with shoulder pads and wider leg pant; or (2) shorter blazer and tapered ankle length trousers. I am noticing that all the women who always look great have only 2-3 suits in rotation but they are good fabric, well made, and tailored. I tend to want all the colors and end up with too much polyester. I love the wide leg look and always have, by the way, but with not as an extreme long blazer.

    1. I’d go for the one that looks better on my specific body. What works for a petite woman vs a tall woman are two different suits entirely.

    2. With my shape, I could wear tailored jacket and fuller pants, but not big jacket + big pants. I have giant hips, so a bit afraid of slim/short jacket over something like suiting cigarette pants. I think you should just get what looks good on you and with the shoes you plan to pair with me (for me, currently flats).
      My first suits were tragic, but that is also what was being sold then (more sets, not as many suiting separates, at least in my price range then).

    3. If I had only one suit I would not get an oversized blazer — too trendy and casual. Stick to tailored. I think you could do any trouser cut, though.

    4. Personally, I think the more fitted option tends to stand the test of time a bit more than the other one you describe, especially if it is tailored to your specific figure. I think the oversize trend tends to come and go, but the more fitted option is classic.

    5. Neither because both will be dated in short order. Given your preference for the wide leg look, I would go with a very slightly flared trousers (flat front), hemmed 1/2 inch from the floor with your selected shoe, and a moderate not oversized single-breasted blazer, the exact length and style of which will depend on your body and what you are most comfortable wearing. However, the big jacket with the wide trousers is a lot of fabric and at that price point I would go with something more classic. (The current trend is very Scully from X-Files.)

      For example, I am eying the Theory flared pant and either Carissa or Etienne blazer (probably the Carissa because I am not tall but I want to try them on).

    6. Don’t do both pieces big or both pieces fitted. Swap the bottom options you’ve listed.

    7. Are these the only two options? If so, I’d pick the fitted blazer and tapered pants. If, however, I was buying a suit for myself right now that fit your other parameters – court appropriate, well made, and will stand the test of time, I would buy this, which is just a little bit more interesting than a standard blazer and also has matching wideleg pants:
      https://www.nordstrom.com/s/jia-double-breasted-wool-blend-blazer/7875987?origin=keywordsearch-personalizedsort&breadcrumb=Home%2FAll%20Results&color=405

  16. Hi Hive, ISO recommendations for service/person who can overhaul my CV. I am a mid-level Direction Financial Services (product side, not trading). Not seeking promotion but am looking to move firms. TIA!

    1. I used Distinctive Career Services to help with with a Board resume, and I found them to be very good. L!nk to follow in a separate reply.

  17. There is something funny with this link. The sweater in this posting is really interesting, with intricate cable detail. the one at the link is a very boring and basic cardigan.

  18. first of all, LA area people – I am thinking of you!

    How does one decide where to donate in the aftermath of such a large scale tragedy? Do I donate to organizations, help clear Amazon lists, donate to Go Fund Mes?!? Is it “better” to donate a larger amount to one place or smaller amounts distributed across different individuals/organizations?

    1. As an LA-area person, thank you for thinking of us! And thank you for wanting to donate money, which is the best way to help. I spent the better part of Saturday sorting clothes at the Y. A lot of great stuff was donated, but there was plenty of dirty underwear and stained socks to be trashed.

      It’s great to donate to individuals, but unfortunately fraud can and does happen around natural disasters so be on the lookout for scams. If you know someone personally and/or are OK with the level of risk, contributing to Go Fund Mes is great.

      In terms of larger organizations, here are some that are doing really good work right now: World Central Kitchen, the YMCA of Los Angeles, the California Community Foundation Wildlife Recovery Fund, the SPCALA’s Disaster Animal Response Team, and the Los Angeles Fire Department Foundation. I’m not in the nonprofit field so I can’t speak to whether it’s better to donate widely or not. Sorry. :)

    2. As someone giving money, I prefer to go through a trusted, vetted organization. If it’s not something in my area, I usually do a larger, national NGO as that’s what I’m familiar with, but if I know the local charities I would also donate to them. I don’t do Go Fund Me’s or similar unless it’s someone I know or am a few degrees of separation from.

      My BFF is an emergency manager and I’ve learned a few tips from her: “cash is best” (donate money instead of material goods – donations management takes up a lot of resources, space, and personnel) and that by donating to a larger, known NGO you’re donating to an organization that’s full of professionals in the disaster space (there are different challenges about doing similar work in a “regular” environment and in a disaster environment) and the “economy of scale” of a larger organization, each org has its mission space (some do sheltering, some do feeding, some do “muck outs”, some do physical labor) so if there’s a certain mission space you want to donate to, look for an org that’s doing that, and finally, “overhead” costs are still doing important work (this is how staff is paid and trained, among other things (space/equipment costs, costs to travel to disasters, etc)! Don’t shy away from an org just because they have higher overhead – while some orgs are certainly shams and don’t use their funds responsibly, others are using higher overhead costs to pay a decent wage (sadly rare in the field) or due to the nature of their work they have higher operating costs (like keeping warehouse space to store your equipment in).

      1. unfortunately, there are a bunch of go fund mes for friends of friends, so i would feel comfortable donating to them, but there are just so many, i dont know which to choose. it’s like decision paralysis bc there are so many people who are in need

        1. I think it’s totally personal. In that situation, I’m more likely to give less to more people but that’s a totally personal choice!

        2. If I had to pick between go fund mes, I’d probably prioritize who people who are renters. Renting an apartment or house in LA is difficult in the best of times and landlords do shady things like asking for years of prepaid rent in addition to hefty security deposits. It’s also harder to rent a place if you have kids, pets, or if you have disabilities (a lot of the rental stock is something called a dingbat that only has stairs).

      2. Sorry at what point do you suggest volunteers come and help, and any organizations to suggest people work with?

        Not for me but a local friend here in southeast US spent formative years in LA and wants to go help. I was advising her not to but if you go, go with an org. Would love to pass along more specific advice or suggestions

        1. Wow, that’s a very generous offer of her time and labor. I have a friend who volunteered in Poland with WCK and he had a very good experience, so I’d recommend them as one possibility. She also might want to wait a few weeks because the publicity for this will fade over time and so will the number of volunteers.

          If she has special skills (like being a paramedic, nursing experience, etc.) she may want to explore volunteering with a group like Remote Area Medical (it’s not just for rural areas).

    3. I’m donating to the GoFundMes of my friends who have lost their homes — more than half a dozen so far. At this point we are giving a large-to-us amount to everybody who has lost their home because we feel like if it’s the time to give ’til it hurts, it’s now. It’s heartbreaking. If anybody wants links to help specific people who I actually know, hit me up at seniorattorney1 at gmail.

    4. Red Cross and World Central Kitchen are usually good disaster-relief organization to donate to. Thank you for your kindness and generosity.

  19. Our very sweet and lovely dog died of cancer last week. I want to make a printed photo album of memories of her, but have honestly not done anything except store my (horrible) iPhone photos on the cloud since the days of film cameras. I am not on Insta or anything.

    I did some very basic cropping/ filtering/ editing of the photos I was thinking of using on my iPhone. Is there any major difference in the online printing services like Vistaprint that can make these very amateur photos look good on paper? Should I try to find some service that can do a better editing job before they are printed?

    Thank you for any thoughts. It doesn’t have to be perfect, but at least presentable.

    1. I am so sorry for your loss.

      I don’t know the answer since I haven’t compared. I just went with what was cheapest (a Shutterfly promotion) because I had so many photos and couldn’t bring myself to sort through them and decide which to never print. Maybe I’ll print the best one with the “best” printing service someday later. They came out looking a lot like the very old photos at least.

    2. Is this something Siri or Apple AI can help with? Google photos does a pretty good job of suggesting photos on a topic or person or time period, and makes it easy to compile a book.

  20. My tween daughter has tiny white dots in her hair. I’m assuming it’s some kind of dry skin rather than dandruff (it’s not flaky and neither is her scalp). It tends to be more obvious after a day of not washing her hair. It happens year round, though is worse in the winter. She’s a swimmer, if that matters. Any recommendations for a product to clear it up? She uses head and shoulders or Pantene for shampoo. Thanks!

    1. Also it’s definitely not lice/eggs. I’ve checked many times and had her checked.

    2. Sometimes you get this with very weak, damaged hair. It can also point to a nutritional deficiency, so I’d take her to a derm/PCP.

    3. Pantene destroyed my hair in high school. It made it super weak, dry, and brittle. It was the only thing my mom would buy for me and I just thought I had bad hair until I left home and tried something else.

      Are the white spots loose or are they a half-broken spot within the hair itself? The latter is what I had in high school, and then the hair would break off at that point.

    4. I get this and I think it’s because I have dry skin and I scratch at it occasionally. I basically wash my hair every day or, at least once every two days.

    5. If it’s dry scalp, go to the Black hair care aisle and look for palm-sized bottles of oils, like coconut and palm and a million others. Read the bottles and grab one for dry scalp. Have her soak her scalp while she takes a bath (20ish minutes). Then rinse. I always need to do this once a winter to keep the dry flakes at bay.

      If it’s oily flakes, try the Neutrogena clarifying shampoo, which is maybe not sold in the usual place. Bottom row or specialty aisle? They haven’t changed the bottle since at least the 1990s.

      Is her hairbrush dirty?

      1. Me too! Once when I had myself tied in knots over something, my mother told me “you’re smart, you’re capable, and if you are having problems with this you’re just approaching it wrong.”

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