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Nordstrom has a lot of new markdowns (up to 65% off!), including some good basics for work. I like these lower heels from Franco Sarto — we're picturing them in a leopard printed calf hair option, but they also come in a number of solid colors in basic leather. There are a lot of shoes left in sizes 5-9, with a few lucky sizes left in bigger sizes. The shoes were $130, but are now marked to $71. Candid Pump This post contains affiliate links and Corporette® may earn commissions for purchases made through links in this post. For more details see here. Thank you so much for your support!Sales of note for 9.10.24
- Nordstrom – Summer Sale, save up to 60%
- Ann Taylor – 30% off your purchase
- Banana Republic Factory – Up to 50% off everything + extra 20% off
- Bergdorf Goodman – Save up to 40% on new markdowns
- Boden – 15% off new styles
- Eloquii – $29 and up select styles; up to 50% off everything else
- J.Crew – Up to 50% off wear-to-work styles; extra 30% off sale styles
- J.Crew Factory – 40-60% off everything; extra 60% off clearance
- Lo & Sons – Warehouse sale, up to 70% off
- M.M.LaFleur – Save 25% sitewide
- Spanx – Lots of workwear on sale, some up to 70% off
- Talbots – BOGO 50% everything, includes markdowns
- White House Black Market – 30% off new arrivals
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Some of our latest threadjacks include:
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- What beauty treatments do you do on a regular basis to look polished?
- Can I skip the annual family event my workplace holds, even if I'm a manager?
- What small steps can I take today to get myself a little more “together” and not feel so frazzled all of the time?
- The oldest daughter is America's social safety net — change my mind…
- What have you lost your taste for as you've aged?
- Tell me about your favorite adventure travels…
anon
Tips for things to do/places to eat for a girls weekend in Austin? What’s the dress code like? Am I ok with knee-high boots over skinnies, or should I bring something a little nicer? I haven’t traveled without my kids in ten years..
Anon
Austin is actually kind of a small town – the core of the town where the “cool stuff” is is smaller than you’d expect (though, yeah, its sprawl is becoming Texas-sized).
You’ll want to hit Rainey Street – think arts & crafts bungalows turned into beer gardens with live music – great for day drinking. Don’t confuse this with Sixth Street – that’s the college-drinking-to-get-wasted street. And definitely arrange to watch the bats on the South Congress bridge. Do check out the state capitol if you like history – they give guided tours a couple times a day and the history is really cool. Congress Ave is where Austin’s quirkiness is supposed to shine through, but the last time I was there with out of town guests, it was a lot of cheesy cheap tourist trinket stores and was pretty disappointing for my guests, though still fun to check off the list.
If anyone tells you to go to the Domain, please ignore them (I mean, unless you need something from the mall). It’s just another one of those new shopping malls that are outdoors instead of indoors.
As for attire, think Anthro – gauzy tops with colored skinnies, prairie dresses, etc. Skinnies and tall boots are out in most parts of the country, so I imagine they’re out there, though I haven’t been back in a year. Whether they’re in or out, if you’re going sometime between now and October, it’ll be way too warm for tall boots.
Anon
+1
Would also recommend going to Barton Springs Pool and kayaking on Lady Bird Lake.
Most of the restaurants I have been to in Austin were excellent. The ones that are hyped will be impossible to get into for a reservation or will have day-long lines (not kidding). I think there are a few taco and BBQ places where you can order the food ahead of time and pick it up, which worked better for our large group. We generally just found places on Yelp that sounded good and went there.
Ditto to the comment about it being too hot for tall boots. The style in Austin is very Madewell, but I don’t think you will really be out of place if you don’t go for that aesthetic. I would mainly just try to find something weather appropriate.
Aggie
Austin is known for its live music scene and indoor-outdoor venues. Knee high boots over skinnies will be way too hot for most of the year. If you are traveling any time between now until September-October, you will see more flowy tops/dresses, flip flops and sandals.
Six street is now divided up into three sections. West Six (between Congress and Lamarish) has more upscale night clubs and restaurants still a bit rowdy but well maintained. Walton’s Fancy and Staple is an excellent place for girl’s brunch, I still like to go to Little Woodrows for nostalgia and The Ranch has excellent views of the city. “Dirty Six” (between Congress and 35) is the iconic drunk college kid hangout. The only place I would consider in this section would be Easy Tiger for their pretzels and day drinking. Then there is east six which is East of 35. This is where you will find the locals. I will take out of town guests to Takoba, Hotel Vegas and the Volstead for authentic Austin food and atmosphere.
Rainey street is a bit too claustrophobic for me, but it is great for a group as everything is compact and walk-able.
anon
Native Austinite. It’s too warm for boots and nearly too warm for closed-toed shoes except when mandatory (I’m wearing flip flops to take the dog out today). You probably don’t want to wear jeans during the day (too warm) but check the weather and until mid-April be aware that it could change quickly so look at the weather for your whole trip a few days before you leave. (Jeans at night until May are prob okay comfort-wise.) The other two posters are correct about the style–young, hipster, casual, a tiny bit music festival and a tiny bit southwestern/desert–Madewell and Anthro are both go-tos. I am a bit preppier by nature and tend towards J. Crew Factory because it’s cheaper and fits me better. That said, it is a very casual city and you can get away with pretty much whatever you want (flat flip flops are FINE for a night out).
I think Rainey Street is hit or miss and is quite young these days (after 10 pm especially), but if you want a night out drinking, it is probably the best bet. Generally I just don’t stay out (in public) very late anymore–Austin was/is a college town and it still shows after 11:30 or 12. There are some more upscale bars and restaurants on 2nd Street as well.
Popular restaurants generally do have epic waits, especially in good weather, and very few accept reservations–this is a point of high frustration among those of us who live here. If it is important to *get food now* call ahead to check the wait time and get a snack on the way if needed.
When are you coming and where are you staying? I’d be happy to throw some specific recommendations out based on those.
Anon
Agree with others, unless you specifically check the weather before you leave and it indicates a cold snap, over the knee boots will be way to hot for weather typical this time of year. You might get away with booties and jeans as this time of year can have a chill in the air (read high 50s low to mid 60s). Austin day wear and night wear is extremely casual. Hardly anyone is wearing heels or tight dresses unless going to a special event – especially since you’ll get around mostly by walking or pedicab in the downtown area (there is Uber but the blocks aren’t that big to bother).
anon
Thanks everyone! We’re staying downtown, so this is all super helpful!
anon
What do your travel companions like to do? Are they outdoorsy? Any specific kinds of foods you definitely want to try? Where are you coming from?
anon
LOL, we like to eat :). Two of us are coming from California, two from Chicago. Honestly, we haven’t really figured anything out, and no one has voiced any opinions, so I’m kind of at a loss. I don’t personally like bbq (I’m from KC, and I’m over it), so maybe good Mexican?
We won’t have a car, but I suppose we could rent one for a day if there’s a good reason to.
anon
As long as you are okay with Mexican that is TexMex you will be SET! There are a couple of interior-style Mexican places, including one downtown (La Condesa) and one that’s pricey and not downtown (Fonda San Miguel). My fav mex is Maudie’s (the “original” is on West 7th/Lake Austin Blvd) but some people really aren’t a fan. Chuy’s is a classic mex place to try and Hula Hut is great (owned by Chuy’s but has a Hawaiian twist). Hula Hut is one of those places that can have a horrific wait, though–like 3 hours and no reservations–but you can get queso and margs while you wait. Guero’s is also good and not too far from downtown and I really like Fresa’s (go to the one on S. 1st Street, not N. Lamar). Standard breakfast taco options are TacoDeli and Torchy’s. Both can be quite crowded on a weekend morning. You can find TacoDeli tacos at pretty much any local coffee shop but they won’t have the meat options (bacon or sausage) unless you’re at an actual TacoDeli. (Can you tell I like to eat, too??) South Congress Cafe is probably my favorite brunch spot, though it can also be crowded in peak times. (I’m purposefully leaving out BBQ, but FYI that BBQ in Austin = nearly all beef (brisket and ribs).)
Dive bars: Donn’s Depot and White Horse. Both have small cover charges (otherwise unheard of here), live music, and dancing (and old crowds, which can be entertaining–like 60s to 80s old) but I like neither very much. They are kind of “classic” Austin, though.
Nicer bars: I really like Bob’s Steakhouse rooftop bar if the weather is nice and I can hit it during HH or someone else is paying; Easy Tiger on 6th near 35 is nice during the day; the Driskill Bar is a fun stop but also expensive (I also really like Parkside which is basically across the street); Garage; Ranch 616 (restaurant, not bar); Midnight Cowboy is very cool–but g00gle it, you need a reservation.
On the eastside (east of I-35): I like Justine’s (get reservations), Lazarus, Weather Up, Whisler’s, Hillside Farmacy (brunch spot, watch the wait), Salty Sow, Schoolhouse Pub, Dai Due.
Local coffee shops: Cafe Medici, Houndstooth, Austin Java, Mozart’s, Jo’s.
Other activities: walk/jog on the hike and bike trail around the “lake” (it looks like a river on the map, there are lots of loop options so it doesn’t have to be a long walk); stand up paddle boarding or kayaking on the lake; greenbelt hike (Twin Falls or other); Barton Springs or Deep Eddy pools.
You’ll be okay without a car if you are prepared to spend a bundle on Lyft or Uber (or! use Ride Austin–a local ride sharing app!). Only downtown is walk-able and it can be a haul from one side to the other. There will be pedicabs but not during the day. Depending on the overnight parking option for a car, it very well may be cheaper to rent a car drive downtown and back versus using a car service. Public transportation is non existent and traffic sucks because of it. Food and drinks will be more expensive downtown, of course, so that may make a difference as well.
Have fun!
anon
Just wrote a super long post that’s in m0d. :)
anon
This is amazing! Thanks so much!!
NKC
Agree with everything that’s been said about clothes—you don’t need anything nice or dressy!
You mentioned Mexican food. Fonda San Miguel is a bit of a drive but Uber is available and it’s the best long-standing interior Mexican restaurant in town. It’s huge, so the wait isn’t as much of an issue, but they do take reservations. ATX Cocina and Suerte are downtown/close to downtown and both have amazing modern Mexican. Suerte won some national awards last year. Both fill up and take reservations, but I got into Suerte without any wait at 8pm on a Saturday recently, so you never know. For tacos, consider a taco truck—Rositas on east riverside is the best al pastor I’ve ever had.
If your friends was bbq but it’s not really your thing, consider Loro, which is a love child between our best bbq and one of the top sushi chefs. Bbq/Asian fusion at its best, and it’s not heavy like the bbq places. They have a huge patio, so great for day drinking.
Ellen
Kat, I have these already in Solid Black with Kitten Heels from Nordstrom, but I did NOT get them on sale! FOOEY! But I will get a second pair right away once I show the manageing partner my old ones, which have stains on them from the salt outside–I was dumb and wore them out to get a pizza, and they look junky. But I guess I will get nice new ones and just wear my Fry boots out next time.
Kat, do you know anyone who is thinking of buying in the new Hudson Yards complex? Dad said he would consider it, but he still wants to live in Midtown. If anyone in the hive has a point of view on the Hudson Yards, let me know, as I would have to walk crosstown, but NOT downtown anymore. I think it is still far, but would like to hear from the HIVE on this? Is there any kind of community over there? I went to Javits Center a couple of years ago and it was a muddy mess! DOUBEL FOOEY!
Leatty
How long would you wait after being promoted to take a vacation? Assume you are staying within the same department and that you will either have the same manager or another manager you have worked with closely over the years.
There’s a good chance that I will be promoted within the next few weeks, and if that happens, I’m not sure what, if any, impact that should have on my annual summer vacation. Historically, I take a week or 10 days of vacation in early June, but I’m not sure if that will be too soon after my promotion (assuming it goes through). I could push it back to July (which would be more expensive), but I can’t push it out any later for childcare reasons. If it makes a difference, my company gives us 4.5 weeks of vacation a year, and most people in my department try to take all of it.
Thoughts?
Anonymous
Take your normal vacation.
SC
I’d probably wait a month in your circumstances, where you’re familiar with the department and the other manager and presumably the people you’ll be managing. You’ve taken vacation in June before, presumably without issues, so I wouldn’t change my plans just to be in the position “long enough” before vacation. If your new role required you to be in the office at a time you used to take vacation, that’d be different. I’d limit the June vacation to a week out of the office and take more time later in the year if you have it.
Anon
It doesn’t sound like a huge change, so I’d proceed with my normal vacation plans. Life happens.
anon0321
If you aren’t supervising, take it when it’s convenient to you. Even if you are supervising people- if it’s btwn June & July, just take it whenever it’s best for you (obvi you know your work’s high tide schedules and if you were an accountant you wouldn’t take off in April).
Anonymous
Got promoted while on vacation once. No biggie–go, enjoy yourself, and don’t look back. If it’s a six month sabbatical…maybe pause…
MKB
Ditto re: getting promoted while I was on vacation, and also on thinking that OP shouldn’t change her regular vacation plans.
Sadie
I also got promoted while on vacation!
Rainbow Hair
I’m in indefinite m0d purgatory on the Mom’s board, so I’ll try here….
I have a question about branded/character clothes. I have heard women on this s*te say that they don’t put their kids in character clothes, and I remember before kiddo was born that I thought maybe I wouldn’t either. But now I legit can’t remember why. Is it just an “ugh, capitalism?” thing? (I can def. empathize with that, but on this front something-she-will-deign-to-wear > attempted-ethical-consumption, for me.)
Anon
Why worry about what other people are doing if you decided this is best for your kid/family?
Rainbow Hair
Oh I legitimately forgot my reasoning, so I wanted to hear from other smart women how they make their choices.
Anonymous
I think it’s mostly a taste thing (plus a little bit of an ugh, capitalism thing), and, in some cases, an “ugh, gender role indoctrination” thing. I never put my boys in “Mommy’s little whatever” clothes, but they are really into stuff with Star Wars and superheros, and I don’t really see the harm in it, given that it gives them so much joy. That said, I don’t do a great job with buying stuff I know to be ethically made, so it’s not as if that’s a tradeoff I’m looking at.
Rainbow Hair
gah yes on the gender roles thing. some of them get so gross. so there is a line i draw, avoiding that gender cr@p.
Anonymous
Why do you care? Do what you want.
SC
I don’t buy character clothes for my kid, and I’m the one who does the shopping in our household. I just feel like they’re usually tacky and lower quality than similarly priced clothes. We have had several character pajama sets over the years, and I don’t mind character clothes for weekends if grandparents want to buy them. If my kid refused to wear anything but a t-shirt with Thomas on it, I’d probably shrug and let him wear what he wanted. There are enough battles to fight with children.
Anon9
+1. Don’t feel like paying more for the licensed character or the privilege of my kid (and me) being a walking advertisement for Disney or whomever.
Rainbow Hair
Huh, yeah. I’m in the world of “i know she’ll wear this if it has a unicorn/minnie mouse on it” so that’s what i tend to buy her. But also, fully 85% of her clothing is hand-me-downs, and then 1/2 the stuff i buy her is from the thrift store, so i guess the slight premium for a minnie mouse shirt doesn’t bother me. I bet if I were buying all her clothes (especially if I were buying them new), it would be a different scene.
On the other hand, my kid is tackyAF because she’s a four year old. A typical outfit is like teal pants with gold unicorns on them, under a neon pink tunic with rainbow sequins on it, socks with saturn on them and minnie mouse shoes.
Portia
I love her style! Wish I had worn more gold unicorns and rainbow sequins at her age and fewer Disney-branded matching sets (Aladdin top sold with Genie leggings, Belle top sold with Mrs. Potts/Chip leggings, etc.)
Anon
There were so many things I said I wouldn’t do before kids (including the character clothes), and I’ve done almost all of them. I can barely remember why anymore either… I think because it just seems like marketing BS designed to sell overpriced stuff? And also I think it looks tacky. But my kid begged for those Paw Patrol light up shoes (even though she has never even watched an episode of Paw Patrol, just heard about it at daycare) and the look on her face when she got them was 100% worth it.
SC
Ha, I said above that i don’t typically buy character clothes for my kid, but I forgot about a couple of pairs of character shoes! Kiddo was obsessed with his Paw Patrol light-up sandals and his Lightning McQueen light-up tennis shoes. My mom bought the Paw Patrol sandals. I didn’t exactly approve of the Lightning McQueen tennis shoes, but Kiddo was so in love with them that it was worth it. They weren’t great quality, but he outgrew them in a few months anyways.
NOLA
Just so you feel better, my 21 year old nephew is obsessed with Paw Patrol fruit snacks. He’s hilarious.
avocado
Yes, I think character clothes are one of those things that affluent, educated women say they won’t permit until they actually have kids. Partly because we may think they look tacky, but also to signal that we are “good” parents who don’t expose our children to commercial messages, television, or non-organic food. Then once we actually have kids, we realize that we have to prioritize in order to survive the daily grind of working parenthood, and that a small thing like a character t-shirt can make a kid so insanely happy that it isn’t worth resisting.
Rainbow Hair
I literally said “OH” out loud here. I think that that speaks to a lot of what was probably happening in my head.
Em
I don’t mind character clothes, but I prefer neutral clothes or something with a car or animal on it. I refuse to put my kid in anything with a saying/words on it though.
Rainbow Hair
Why no words?
Anonymous
Not Em, but I’m also team no words on kids clothes. My reasoning for this is because all of those clothes give off a message and I’m not necessarily good with the messages – my kid is not your billboard.
Anon
Not Em, but I think it’s weird to put babies/toddlers in stuff with words because the children don’t know what the words say, so it’s like the parents are speaking for them and choosing the message their kids put forward and that feels off to me (I feel the same way about babies holding signs at political protests, even if I agree with the message on the sign). If you’re talking about a 3 year old and they know what the shirt says then it’s a different story (to me anyway).
Rainbow Hair
Ah, ok. Like Kiddo’s favorite shirt for a year was a “Rainbow is my favorite color!” shirt (from Target, natch) but she loved it because I told her what it said. (And the only protest signs she’s held are ones she’s dictated to me.)
Never too many shoes...
One of my favourite baby onesies was a picture of Che Guevara and it said “I have no idea who this is”…it cracked me up every time I put it on him.
Vicky Austin
My mom discouraged us from buying clothes with words on in case they had a “hidden meaning” we didn’t know about and didn’t want to advertise. Not sure what she was envisioning there, tbf.
Anon
When I was 13 I was gifted a t shirt that said “Let lei’d island style” which I wore for 1 year without knowing what it meant (and another year after knowing what it meant because i was 14). Maybe something like that?
Rainbow Hair
eep, 3:44… that’s a surprising choice for a gift for a kid.
Anonymous
I have seen shirts for tween girls that say “Netflix and chill” and “Yes, but first, pancakes.” And I, as a 40-something mom, didn’t grasp the meaning at first because I am not on the social media. Shudder.
pugsnbourbon
My mother-in-law bought my wife a t-shirt from … Kohls, maybe, that had the Pilsbury Doughboy on it and said “Wake and Bake.” She had no idea but my wife, who dabbled in “baking,” thought it was awesome.
Anon
I’m the Anon at 3:44 – should clarify that my family is not American and probably just thought the parrot was cute without realizing the the double entendre. I think my mom also got me a long-sleeved tee that was like a fake advertisement for a coffee shop in a ski resort that said a “nice place to sit and spoon” again without realizing the meaning – all were bought from Ambercrombie and Fitch (peak 2003).
Lana Del Raygun
I … thought the pancakes thing was just regular snackwave messaging. Like “but first, let me take a selfie” but for food.
Anon
I went to an international exchange when I was 13, and a girl from Mexico (who spoke fluent English) had a shirt with a rooster on it who was reaching out with his hands to grab something. The caption said something like “I’m going to grab your little cluckers” or something similar. She was mortified when we explained to her what her shirt was implying.
anon
I tried to g00gle it but failed–can someone tell me what’s up with the pancake saying? Just a reference to add to my search would help. I feel so out of touch.
Anon
There’s nothing inappropriate about the “but first, x” memes…
Anon
I don’t think the pancakes shirt is sexual or otherwise inappropriate? It’s a play on the “but first coffee” meme and it just means you need coffee to function.
Anon
It comes from “but first, coffee” which is from the rise and grind workaholic humblebrag category, but nothing inappropriate, and I actually think “but first, pancakes” is kind of funny.
Never too many shoes...
The pancake one is not an issue with the pancake part, it is that Netflix and Chill is millenial for “come over and we can hook up” hence why it is weird for teen girls.
Anon
@Never too many shoes : She mentioned two shirts: “Netflix and chill” and “Yes, but first pancakes.” The former has a sexual double entendre but the latter does not. That’s what people are saying.
christineispink
when i was 10 or 11 my parents bought me a shirt from disneyland that i BEGGED for b/c it had all the princesses on it. looking back on photos now, the shirt said something like “where all the princesses at” or something and was def meant to be like a dude-bragging shirt about how he attracts all the women. english is not my parents’ first language and i obviously didn’t know better. probably thought the shirt signified a princess-only club or something.
Em
Most clothes with words on it say things like “Mommy’s little….” or “Cute like dad” or some other weird message. They are mostly gendered or creepy. I wouldn’t have as much of an issue with something like “rainbow is my favorite color”, but I think those are the minority (particularly for “boy” clothes, although I do buy my son clothes from the “girl’s” section). I also am not a fan of putting my kid in anything that he doesn’t actually understand though.
Anonymous
Basically all the character clothes are related to tv shows or movies. Everything is branded these days – my kid doesn’t need a lightening mcqueen toothbrush, pillow case, t-shirt, sneakers, wallpaper, booster seat etc etc. It won’t take long before you get tired of character everything.
I do a mix of character clothes/items- especially book related ones which I can find them as well as solid colors/stripes and other non-character related images like unicorns or dinosaurs.
Target fan
Once I walked out of Target and I realized that every.single.thing. I had bought had a licensed character on it. I realized that pre-child me would hate me now. But I also realized it makes my child so! happy! to “be” Batman in pajamas or wear Mickey diapers or draw with Paw Patrol art supplies and yes, watch Daniel Tiger on PBS – still a licensed character!! Draw your own line. My older kid turned out fine and is not an evil capitalist, but someday he’ll be rich enough to bribe an elite college, I swear!
Anonymous
At our Montessori school they don’t allow character clothes because allegedly they make kids too amped up. ? I say buy whatever you want and think your kid looks cute in.
Rainbow Hair
WOAH. I have not heard that from our Montessori! Then again, they also let us send peanut butter, so in some ways it feels like the wild west over there.
Anon
Ha!
anon
I think my sister’s Montessori school had this rule–and lots of rules about reusable containers (this was in the early 90s).
Lana Del Raygun
The Montessori school my sister teaches at has this rule too.
Anon
Anecdote: my husband used to teach business class for medical services certificate classes at a local community college (medical receptionist etc)
Most of his students were low income women of color single moms recieving state and federal assistance for childcare and tuition.
Most of the women got along really well with each other and my husband, and they often had lunch together. He said they used to go off on hills moms (ie wealthy) who put their kids in “character clothing”.
He would listen and silently think of our (upper middle class, white) kids at home wearing buzz light year light-up shoes and little mermaid pajamas. Haha
They told him you put your kid in Ralph Lauren and Tommy Hilfiger or you were trash.
That has really stuck with me! I don’t know how these women who were barely scraping by afforded it, but character shoes from Payless were absolutely out of the question.
anon
Poor spending and money managing habits is how they manage it. This was my life growing up.
Anonymous
Between outlets, TjMaxx and consignment, you can get a lot of kids Polo and Hilfiger for not a lot of money.
SC
I buy a fair amount of Ralph Lauren at a consignment sale. They hold up really well, better than any other brand I’ve bought so far. The moms in your story may have been buying new, but we have a lot of Ralph Lauren because they’re surprisingly cost-effective to buy second-hand. I don’t buy a lot of character clothing because it tends not to hold up as well, especially when you’re purchasing second-hand already. But I do buy (new) character themed underwear and pajamas, and I bought one pair of Lightning McQueen shoes that made me cringe but made Kiddo insanely happy.
Anon
My son was never happier than in his fake-muscle-padded power rangers Halloween costume paired with lightning mcqueen light-up sneakers.
He’s a sullen teen now and if I could make him that happy again with some character clothing, I’d do it in a heartbeat.
SC
Awww. I do have some good memories of Kiddo stomping around to make his shoes light up :-)
anon0312
Also not personally a fan of character clothing (because like others are saying- free advertising, I’m paying a ton, they usually aren’t that cute & feel like crap)… or clothing with words (most of the phrases seem to have sexist undertones I’m not cool with). But, if I have 9 shirts that are neutral and 1 that has Minnie on it… guess which one is getting chosen by my 3yo… it makes her SO freaking happy, and I’m all about letting her have freedom and autonomy where it’s appropriate (and for me, picking her outfits each morning as long as they are weather appropriate is within that realm).
Anonymous
I don’t have kids, but I also didn’t dress this way much as a kid. I took art classes from a young age, and I think I thought of fashion choices more in terms of an overall aesthetic? (Even in a childlike way… for example, I liked wearing colors that matched my cat.) I think my family was also a bit counter cultural in general. To child me, not wearing licensed character clothes went hand in hand with not usually buying the junk food with mascots or not always trusting products that advertise on television. I guess I thought of those shirts as “junk food” shirts? Actually, I guess think of “fandom” purchases similarly now… they’re more like “fun” or indulgences or non-fashion statements vs. what I would think of as aesthetically pleasing, flattering, or likely to not clash with what other people are wearing.
Anonymous
We were also somewhat outdoorsy, and I think bright cartoon figures and flashy colors made me just feel kind of garish and tacky out in the woods. I wanted to think of myself as basically actual Indiana Jones when I was out playing. Maybe that’s also why I was more okay with character themed pajamas which we only wore at home or in bed?
Rainbow Hair
This is fascinating! I like hearing your report on how your child-brain conceptualized it.
I don’t think of myself as particularly girly, and we try pretty hard to counter gendered ideas about appearances, but nonetheless I’ve got this kid whose definition of “beauty” is basically synonymous with “colorful.” She put on a yellow dress (with rainbow polka dots) and a crown and declared herself Queen of the Bees this weekend, and made sure everyone noticed her sequined shoes. (Meanwhile mama generally wears blacks and grays… and has had a goth streak since forever.) I love seeing how kids grow up thinking about these things.
Anonymous
That is awesome. It sounds to me like the Queen of the Bees is in no danger of having her innate creativity stifled by Disney merch.
It’s Just a Tuesday
A colleague’s kiddo had to come to an evening work event one time (childcare snafu) and was wearing a rainbow tutu, yellow and red striped leggings, a green and orange polka dot shirt, and blue floral rain boots with a pink hat and a purple backpack. Colleague is former military, somewhat proper (a GREAT dad, but lots of colorful outfits and being out there is not his thing). It was right before Halloween, and another colleague asked if she was giving her Halloween costume a practice run (she was going to be a rainbow). Straight face, my colleague goes “Halloween? Oh he** no. This is just a normal Tuesday!” Made me laugh because it was SO clear he had tried to convince her out of this and she was SO stubborn about it that he gave up. Kids will dress how kids will dress.
Rainbow Hair
Aw I love it! I’ve started doing the “I bet you can’t pick out all your clothes before I finish [whatever]!” thing with Kiddo in the morning, and the outfits she picks… well, they’re never boring, that’s for sure.
Lana Del Raygun
I was never allowed to wear licensed character clothes (or dress as licensed characters for Hallowe’en, although we fought for an exception for Harry Potter because that’s a book and had been unlicensed in our lifetime), because “I’m not paying for you to be a walking advertisement for ___.”
It hasn’t come up for me as a parent yet, but I generally think they’re ugly and there’s so much cute character-free clothing available. I doubt I’m going to bother holding this particular line, though, especially since we’ll probably get most things second-hand.
I definitely agree about the over-gendering, although I admit I have hung on to a onesie that says “Daddy works, Mommy spends” for the lulz because I’m the sole breadwinner.
Rainbow Hair
My favorite gender roles moment was when Kiddo yelled, “BOYS can be lawyers?!??”
Never too many shoes...
Love that so hard.
SC
My kid told me last week that he wants to be a Mommy when he grows up so he can go to work :-)
Anon
I rarely buy my kids “character” clothing (and that includes non-branded huge images like monster trucks) in part because I know the grandmas will and I want my kids to have some alternatives in their wardrobe. I also much prefer the look of solids and simple patterns. So I’m “against” buying these things myself (with some exceptions) but I will let my kids wear them if they’re given them. Truthfully, I find the sassy slogans much more objectionable.
Hildy
I’m not anti character clothing, but I am pretty anti-new clothing for my children – they grow out of everything so quickly, and clothing waste is such a problem. And at this point they really don’t care at all. I try really hard to get our clothes from clothing swaps, hand-me-downs, etc. so if they wear any characters they like it’s based on luck!
Double-Bingo
In case you’re still reading and find this useful for your thought process, my daughter’s extremely progressive and evidence-based preschool discourages clothes/lunchboxes/etc with commercial characters, on the basis that when imaginative play is based on existing characters, it can stifle creativity because the kids tend to stick to existing storylines and traits. So if they’re playing “Paw Patrol,” they won’t also be fairy princesses, and attempts to branch out will be policed by other kids (i.e., “you can’t do that because Chase doesn’t do that!”). I’m not sure I’m convinced that not having a character on a shirt will prevent this issue, but I found it interesting as a justification for something I was already doing (probably out of upper middle class virtue signaling, or the aesthetic reasons others have mentioned).
Horse Crazy
Favorite dinner party recipe to make? I’m making dinner for 4 (does that count as a dinner party?) on Saturday and looking for ideas. No dietary restrictions. Thanks!
Curly
I love to make tacos! I usually do shredded pork in my Instant Pot and then put it out with all the fixings. People can eat them on tortillas or make salads. Also spaghetti and meatballs is fun and nostalgic.
Anon
I looooooove making pork in my Instant Pot. I use all sorts of NYT recipes. Garlicky Cuban Pork is my current fave. In case anybody else hadn’t figured this out (I might be late to the game), putting it under the broiler after it’s done in the IP is a game changer.
anon0312
2nd taco bar- it was super fun. We’ve also done lasagna or just kept it totally chill & ordered pizzas.
Rainbow Hair
If I want to be delicate and impressive, I do wasabi peas crusted scallops on a wasabi avocado mash thingie. If I want a messy feast, I do mussels in some kind of wine based broth with lots of bread. My husband’s go-to is shrimp scampi. So I guess my answer is: shellfish.
Anonymous
https://www.seriouseats.com/recipes/2009/08/jacques-pepin-crusty-chicken-with-mushrooms-white-wine-sauce-recipe.html
Anon
I made the Kalpudding (Meatloaf With Caramelized Cabbage) recipe from the NYT for a few friends who came over for dinner recently. But it was/is very much still Winter where I am. I made cranberry sauce to put on top and had roasted potatoes as a side. Very Scandinavian.
Anonymous
Nicoise salad from Sheet Pan Suppers!
BWE
I love doing a roast chicken and veggies. So comforting and easy but fancy enough for guests!
Lana Del Raygun
Roast chicken and potatoes + your favorite vegetable. I usually stuff it with lemon, rosemary, and onions, with lemon juice and rosemary over top.
Anon
Some kind of meat roast, rice pilaf, and roasted asparagus. I like a pork tenderloin with a spice rub (America’s test kitchen has a good one). Good wine. Desserts from a bakery – assorted little individual tarts cut in fourths so everyone can try every flavor. Always a hit.
Anonymous
Kenji’s carnitas tacos! This super-easy-to-make recipe has been a winner at several dinner parties for me. https://www.seriouseats.com/recipes/2010/07/no-waste-tacos-de-carnitas-with-salsa-verde-recipe.html
Pair with pickled red onion along with the salsa verde in the recipe. Delicious!
Anon for this as I've been talking publicly about it
So yesterday was my birthday… An ex-bf who I haven’t spoken to in years (both of us are now married with kids) texted me a happy bday message as well as acknowledging my daughter (even though he’s blocked on social media, but could have seen it through my public profile pic), and said ‘can we agree to be cordial and agree its okay to wish each other happy birthday?’. Um. What? It’s not about being cordial, i have no desire to talk to him and haven’t for years. But some assumption that I’m not being cordial? Slash some assumption that I owe him a birthday message and/or a response to his? I owe him nothing! I know that the best thing to do here is to continue to ignore him because he wants me to respond (and I will block him so I don’t even know that he sends things anymore– I actually didn’t know I could do that before, lol), but I’m sooooo annoyed at this microaggression and assumption that I owe him literally anything. Part of me wants to respond and shut it down, but that’s giving him what he wants right? And ugh his poor wife, I’d be livid if I found out my husband was doing this to an old gf!
Idea
Say yes you agree and then block his number. Who cares.
Anonymous
The other option is that he is just being a decent guy who was sending you a nice message. I get that it’s cool to hate on men, but not everything from everyone all the time has a secondary or underhanded meaning. Obviously, you owe him nothing though and do not need to respond, but I also wouldn’t waste the brain-power overthinking this or hating on it.
Anonymous
Can we not with this, let’s give sh*tty men the benefit of the doubt. It is not “nice” to contact a married ex. Unless you have test results you need to tell them about, then feel free.
Anon
+1
Anon
Really? I haven’t contacted my ex-bfs and I’m not sure I’d want to develop a friendship if any of them contacted me, but I wouldn’t flip out if I got a single, friendly message from someone I used to date. I’d probably just say thanks and leave it at that. “Only reach out if you have test results you need to tell them about” seems a bit dramatic. And it seems kind of Victorian to bring her marital status into it. Married women can still have friendly relationships with men.
Anon
To me the married is relevant because it signals she has moved on with her life. I feel like this is a weird and intrusive text. More so because ex presumably knows she’s in a relationship (i.e., moved on)
I am not in contact with any exes. I have no desire to be. I would find it super weird and invasive if one reached out to me at this point. Husband is friendly with one ex because we have mutual friends. If there’s no reason to be in contact and you haven’t been in contact for years it’s bizarre of me to reach out. What motivation is there? Also the text suggests that the OP hasn’t been cordial?? Which isn’t really friendly or nice.
Anonymous
What’s decent about accusing another person who has moved on with her life of not being cordial?
Sadie
this this this.
HIS text sounds like they recently had an unpleasant interaction when she hasn’t talked to him in years.
It’s freaking WEIRD.
Block and ignore. Do not respond.
Senior Attorney
Ugh. Ignore him and block his number. If you respond in any way he wins.
Anon
+1
anon0312
+ a million. He’s trying to re-engage for whatever reason (might not be romantic, could be as simple as he feels bad at how things ended). But you don’t need to answer and answering will only move future involvement fwd.
Anonymous
Um what? Just ignore him and move on.
Anonymous
Doing what? Being civil and friendly to an ex? If I’m the wife I’d be pleased to have a decent husband.
Anon
I don’t know, what’s friendly or civil about trying to reinsert yourself in the life of an ex with whom you have no need to be in contact with?
Anon
You think his wife is lived because her husband wished a long ago, now married ex-gf a happy birthday? I think you are REALLY overreacting here. If you don’t want to have a relationship with him, fine of course that’s your choice, don’t respond. But I don’t think he did anything wrong and I don’t think you need to condescend his “poor wife” about it.
Flats Only
Yeah, this. I really, really doubt that he feels you owe him something, or was deliberate in his microagression. Ignore, block, and lower your blood pressure.
OP
He texts me every year and I literally never respond. If DH was texting an ex every year with no response from her and no other friendship, yep I would (a) want to know, (b) want to know why, and (c) be pissed. I didn’t include this info earlier but he was also a bit of a creeper with my friends and family after we broke up.
Anonymous
The people saying he’s being nice have clearly never dealt with scary men before. This is controlling, boundary-pushing, creepy behavior and you are absolutely right to be bothered by it. Please trust your instincts.
OP
Thank you! I think so!
Anon
He’s a d!ck and I totally get the instinct to shut him down, but that would probably just give him the satisfaction of thinking you’re the one with the problem. Ignoring is definitely the best route.
Vicky Austin
Blargh. Ignore. Block if you like. You owe him nothing, so give him nothing.
Monday
I think “can we agree to be cordial” is weird in this context. As Mya said in Case of the Ex, “y’all sure didn’t have no kids/don’t share no mutual friends.” I mean, unless you run into each other all the time or work together or something, where’s the demand to be “cordial”? Complete estrangement is just fine for exes like this, if that’s what even one party wants!
Anonymous
Happy birthday! I’m petty but personally I’d be tempted to respond with something like:
Me: Who’s this?
Him: It’s [name]!
Me: Who?
Him: [Name], we were together for X years you must remember me!
Me: Hmmm nope not ringing a bell. I just asked my husband, he doesn’t know who you are either. Guess you’re lucky you weren’t memorable because if I knew who you were I’d definitely figure out if you have an SO and show this to her.
BLOCK
Abby
Troll him. “New phone, who dis?”
Check out “textsfromyourex” on insta for other NSFW ideas (:
OP
So tempted!
nutella
Block or do not respond. Can’t lie, though, I’d be super tempted to write “I’m sorry but I think you have the wrong number.” :D
Blueberries
Nutella, I love your response! Just “happy birthday” once would be whatever. Every year without a response, as the OP stated, is extra weird and kind of invasive.
But the cordial comment is super rude—texting each other on your birthdays isn’t something one does just to be “cordial” with an ex. Cordial with an ex is being polite if you run into each other.
Anon
I would ignore the message. Period.
Don't Let It Ruin Your Day
I’ve read all the responses and I’m baffled. What is so wrong with just saying thank you and moving on with your day. That doesn’t mean you have to wish him a happy birthday on his birthday or respond any further. Block his number, forget he bothered you and move along. Hard stop. Life is too short to be calling this a microagression or to be trying to pick apart his intentions. Seriously. He wished you happy birthday. That’s a nice thing. His second text was a bit weird. That’s where the block number feature comes in and that’s where you use it and move along. Y’all want to crucify this guy and take his wife out to lunch and tell her over wine and sushi what an ignorant p u t z she’s married to. Trust me, she probably already knows.
Anon
Chill out, she’s just venting about an ex on the internet. He is in the wrong here and if you can’t see that, that’s on you.
Fringe
What’s wrong with it is the implication that *she* is in the wrong for distancing herself from someone she doesn’t want in her life. He did not make a request to be cordial, he said that they could be–both assuming she wants him in her life (and wilfully disregarding her obvious desires to not engage with him) presenting it in a scolding tone like a parent reprimanding a sullen teen, and using it as a means to paint himself as in control. Narcissists pull this crap all the time. They prey on responses like yours to insert themselves into the lives of people that have no desire to interact with them. It’s intentionally manipulative but any time someone brings it up, people brush it off as just being polite making it even more difficult to set boundaries (which is part of why they do this, since they know social expectations will encourage them to give them the benefit of the doubt).
Texting someone happy birthday every year with no response is impolite, more so if it’s an ex. Ignoring a person’s choice to remove you from their life is impolite. He’s being manipulative and we need to stop making excuses for it. I’d say the same thing if it were a person of any gender.
Anonymous
It’s not a coincidence that he texts on your birthday and not literally any other day. If he wanted to open the lines of communication then he could pick any other day. Happy new year! Happy spring! Any other holiday would be a fine opener.
Your birthday is about celebrating you. No one else is celebrating that day. It’s personal to you. And he’s sending a message that he still knows personal things about you. He remembers. And he doesn’t want you to celebrate yourself without thinking of him.
It is not nice to contact someone who you know does not want to hear from you on a day that’s supposed to be about them. He is making it about him. Even though you haven’t been together or even spoken for years. Even though you’ve moved on. He is telling you he’s not letting you go, not completely. It is controlling and intrusive and very mich a microaggression.
People who do not see it that way have never been with a controlling manipulative person. Manipulative people cloak their words and actions in niceties. Like happy birthdays or hope you’re doing wells. They use nice sounding words like cordial. They make you doubt yourself because they convince good honest people – like the people on this thread – that really they’re just being nice. They are not nice. They are wrong. And you are lucky you got away. I hope he doesn’t continue to bother you.
OP
thank you thank you thank you. thank you for understanding and for putting in words feelings i didn’t totally understand. this is it completely.
anon
Block, block, block. If he’s making you feel this way (whether or not he intended it–though my vote is that he does intend it), you should remove him from your life using whatever tools necessary. As tempting as being snarky would be, if this is how it feels to you, I think engaging is more harmful than satisfying. Sorry you have an ex who’s being an a**.
anon
Good points. I didn’t have a strong opinion either way at first, and I’ve occasionally reached out to an ex or had an ex reach out to me in ways that felt non-creepy and non-intrusive. But (a) I don’t remember any of their birthdays, and they’ve never contacted me on my birthday, and (b) none of those messages came with a “I hope we can be cordial” message, which now strikes me as a manipulative way of saying, “You have to respond to prove (to me? to yourself?) that you’ve moved on.”
OP, don’t respond, and block.
Anon
Very well said!!
Anon
The best response is no response!
Too exhausted to be outraged
Is anyone else exhausted by being outraged all the time about Trump and his administration? Do you just disconnect and stop following the news? Fight to stay engaged?
Anon
Yes. I go back and forth between no news and no Facebook vs being totally outraged and upset all the time.
Anon
I also follow Chrissy Teigen on twitter and right now the topic is her daughter’s new hamster. Definitely worth checking out (which I mean in both senses)
anon
I don’t get outraged. I focus my energy on what I can actually do to change the situation. For example, I’ve been campaigning for candidates in my area and phone banking for those not. I give money where I can, etc.
I get the fear and outrage and I have certainly felt it, but I’m really done listening to be people be outraged and not actually do anything about it. And I know too many good people who think that commenting on the internet or “calling out racism/bad behavior/whatever” is “doing something.” It really isn’t, not at the level of action that we really need to be engaging in.
I keep my news consumption to the minimum I need to be informed, and I avoid Facebook because it’s full of illogical rants or other appeals to emotion.
Lana Del Raygun
This is key — keeping the distinction between being outraged and being engaged.
Candidate
I transferred the rage to local issues, where at least I thought I could DO something. Now I’m exhausted and outraged about local politics instead. Is that a win? Maybe I can figure it out after a nap . . .
Anon
I think I had this exact shoe in about 1988. Let me put in my side pony and check.
Anon
(Reposting from morning thread):
Are there any freelancers or accountants here who can point me to a good guide to taxes as a freelancer? I’m thinking of leaving my day job for freelance work soon and want to make sure I have a handle on the tax stuff first. I would love to hire a CPA but I’m in a very small town and can’t find one I trust – I went to one a few years ago (when our taxes weren’t that complicated) and he messed everything up and we ended up having to pay the IRS a lot of penalties and interest. So I think I’m going to be doing this myself. I’m married and my husband’s salary puts us in a very high tax bracket so I don’t expect to be pocketing that much.
anon
Honestly, for at least the first three to five years, I’d look for an accountant in another city. I am in a tax-adjacent legal field and my CPA caught three things I would have missed on my third year’s taxes (2018). I keep thinking I’ll be able to do my own the next year and they keep proving me wrong without knowing I even have that goal.
Anonymous
I freelance and do my own taxes. It takes a lot of time and I more or less know what I’m doing- ive been doing it for over a decade. Not to say I’m an accountant, but I’m very familiar with our tax situation and what benefits us (even with the new rules).
If you don’t have meticulous records, you’re going to have to do a lot of legwork on business expenses. You’ll have to do this if you use an pro as well, but heads up. I learned the first couple years so now head into things better prepared.
You’ll also want to look at retirement contributions if that’s applicable to you. I always wait until tax season to finalize my contributions because I have a self employed 401k.
Silly Valley
I just posted a reply to your question on Tuesday’s thread. It might be in mod because of links.
Penelope
Hey there- I’d like to try Ann Taylor Infinite Style. Does anyone know if they offer promo codes for the first month or have one to share?
Anon
Posting sort of late, but hoping for some thoughts on this dress. I tried it on in stores and liked it for a summer New Orleans wedding with a fun crowd. My friend said I should definitely not get it, as it was unflattering.
Here is the dress: https://www.zara.com/ca/en/pleated-dress-p02731060.html?v1=8202611&v2=1180464
I am not a model and I’m not black, but the dress fits me more or less as pictured (just longer). My friend especially dislikes how it emphasizes my flat/athletic chest. There is no dress that gives me cleavage/a bust line, although I do agree that this doesn’t try to hide the fact. I feel like it just makes me look a bit fashionable/edgy, but wanted to get other opinions. Thoughts?
Abby
That dress is so gorg, I love the flow and color! Coming from someone who also is pretty flat, go for it!
Lana Del Raygun
I think it looks awesome and your friend can kick rocks (no offense to your friend, who is surely a lovely person). There’s no reason you should try to hide the shape of your chest, jeez. This reminds me of Lupita Nyong’o’s blue Oscars dress, and she always kills it.
Anon
If you feel fab in it, wear it, because it is a fab dress!
Anon
If you’re going for the boho look, it looks pretty great. But I’m going to have to side with your friend, if it fits you like it fits the model, it won’t be doing you any favors – the dress would seem like its wearing you rather than the other way around.
PolyD
How do you mean, “the dress is wearing you?” It’s a pretty simple dress, albeit in a bright color with a dramatic v-neck (which does look smashing on the less well-endowed, lucky you). Unless the poster is going to travel with her own personal industrial fan, the dress won’t be blowing around all dramatically like it is in the ad.
If the color suits you, go for it! Also, what’s wrong with emphasizing a flat/athletic chest? Didn’t hurt Audrey Hepburn any!
anon
I’m a different anon but maybe in the sense that is hanging on the person (like a coat hanger) rather than the person wearing it? I think my advice for OP is to wear it if you love it, no question! But maybe try a size down? I used to be small up top and now am not (cancer reconstruction) and think it would have been more difficult to get it to stay put when I was smaller simply because there isn’t any “relief” to hold it in place. It really depends on how it fits you and your chest–and maybe what bra you wear to some extent.
Anon
I’m kind of in this camp. I’m small-chested/petite and this dress would wear me. Part of this is that I generally do not wear a lot of makeup or do my hair– without a lot of makeup or a hairdo, it is going to be hard to bring attention from the dress to you. (Bright color, statement neckline, etc.) Hence, the feeling like the dress is wearing you. However– depending on your features/makeup, etc., I think you could make it work.
Anon
Nope, you’re wrong.
Anon
That’s beautiful and something that I (a non-flat chest haver) would feel too exposed in. Another vote for going for it!
Casper
I love it and wish that color didn’t make me look even more ghostly! Do it!
Also tell your friend to shut it. Just because something doesn’t make your boobs look bigger doesn’t mean it isn’t flattering
Belle Boyd
Another go for it from me! Coming from somebody who has been overly visited by the b00b fairy, I can tell you that dress would look like h e l l on me and I think it would look better on somebody with a smaller chest. The neckline will lay so much nicer. I love the color and the whole style of the dress. It’s so fun and festive and the perfect thing to wear to a summer NOLA wedding (plus it looks nice and cool.)
If it makes you feel fabulous, that’s the most important thing! If you feel fabulous, you’ll look fabulous, too!
Vicky Austin
Who is your friend kidding? That dress would make all of us a supermodel. Put on glitzy earrings to draw the eye up if you want to, or don’t because it’s a fabulous dress and you will look great in it. And maybe get a new friend, or have a talk with the old one.
Anon
Speaking as someone with a fair amount up top, I can assure you that I cannot wear that style. Go for it and rock it – it’s a great dress.
Never too many shoes...
Absolutely this.
Lilly
This. Plus, b00bs are not the end all be all of female appearance. There is no need to dress to emphasize them or in such a way as to somehow disguise that they aren’t huge. As someone with huge tracts of land, I so wish I could wear this dress, but I’d i did it would send out messages I don’t want to send. Go for it. You will look fabulous!
SC
Get it if it makes you feel good! That matters much more than whether a dress makes your chest look large.
Rainbow Hair
Joining the chorus! Your body is great the way it is, and clothing shouldn’t have to hide/change anything about it to be deemed ‘flattering.’ I say a dress is ‘flattering’ if you feel awesome when you put it on. This is the type of dress I (endowed up top) always sigh about because I feel too exposed in them. So rock it for me!
Anon
I think that style is great for a flat chest!
Anon
Original Anon: thanks all for the comments. I liked the dress and I’m going to get it right after work! Looking forward to something so flirty and flowy, and starting to contemplate my jewelry choices…
Not sure why I let my friend’s assessment throw me so much. I guess she was just so firm? It really got me worried that my personal assessment of this dress was totally off in left field. And let’s be honest, some Zara clothing is hella strange and I’d want a friend to step in if I emerged in one of these: https://www.zara.com/us/en/transparent-raincoat-p01255007.html?v1=8178602&v2=1180547
(Actually, that looks amazing as styled on the model. It did not look amazing IMO styled on the woman near me in the fitting room.)
Rainbow Hair
I never shop Zara (like ever? I assumed they were one of those stores that wouldn’t fit anyone over a D cup, but it seems like maybe they have more sizes than I thought) and I poked around today after your question, and it was simultaneously very confusing and appealing. All of my feelings are captured in that raincoat.
Inspired by Hermione
I also just love, love, love that the model looks happy and excited to be in this dress. So rare!
Anonymous
Kenji’s carnitas tacos! This super-easy-to-make recipe has been a winner at several dinner parties for me. https://www.seriouseats.com/recipes/2010/07/no-waste-tacos-de-carnitas-with-salsa-verde-recipe.html
Pair with pickled red onion along with the salsa verde in the recipe. Delicious!