Wednesday’s Workwear Report: Career Sheath Dress
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Our daily workwear reports suggest one piece of work-appropriate attire in a range of prices.
Maggy London is one of my favorite brands for reasonably-priced work dresses that have a little bit of visual interest. I love the color of this orangey-red dress, and the ladder-stitch trim adds a little something fun. I would wear this with a navy blazer and a leopard-print shoe.
The dress is $138 and available in sizes 0–18. Career Sheath Dress
This sheath dress from Donna Morgan ($39.97–$109.98 at Amazon) is available in a very similar color — in addition to 13 (!) other solid colors in sizes 0–16.
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Sales of note for 2/7/25:
- Nordstrom – Winter Sale, up to 60% off! 7850 new markdowns for women
- Ann Taylor – Extra 25% off your $175+ purchase — and $30 of full-price pants and denim
- Banana Republic Factory – Up to 50% off everything + extra 15% off
- Boden – 15% off new season styles
- Eloquii – 60% off 100s of styles
- J.Crew – Extra 50% off all sale styles
- J.Crew Factory – 40% off everything including new arrivals + extra 20% off $125+
- Rothy's – Final Few: Up to 40% off last-chance styles
- Spanx – Lots of workwear on sale, some up to 70% off
- Talbots – 40% off one item + free shipping on $150+
And some of our latest threadjacks here at Corporette (reader questions and commentary) — see more here!
Some of our latest threadjacks include:
- My workload is vastly exceeding my capability — what should I do?
- Why is there generational resentment regarding housing? (See also)
- What colors should I wear with a deep green sweater dress?
- How do you celebrate milestone birthdays?
- How do you account for one-time expenses in your monthly budget?
- If I'm just starting to feel sick from the flu, do I want Tamilfu?
- when to toss old clothes of a different size
- a list of political actions to take right now
- ways to increase your intelligence
- what to wear when getting sworn in as a judge (congrats, reader!)
- how to break into teaching as a second career
I really like the look of this. I’m trying to avoid professional clothing that isn’t a suit (I never wear any of it) but this is really nice.
Yes, I agree – great pick! Really love this one!
Elizabeth! +1!!! I love every sheathe dress that is in RED, and this is a shade of rose-red that I do not already have! Also, I did not see this at Nordstrom’s over the weekend but will show the manageing partner. I also appreciate that the zipper in the back does NOT go all the way down, which has proven to be a BIG problem with Frank. I will not buy a dress anymore that fully unzipps down the back, just b/c of Frank. He is such a schmo, as he has his own wife to undress at home, not me at work.
Has anyone been to sesame place outside philly? Is it the sort of place you could spend two days in, or just (barely) one? We’d be going on a day before the water park part is open.
We’ve been happy spending 2 days in Storyland, NH but I think that’s a lot bigger- and even then it was a bit of a stretch.
I remember going when I was a kid around 20 years ago.. don’t think we spent more than a day there. I remember going to Dutch Wonderland in Lancaster during that trip as well, might be worth looking into if you wanna get further into PA.
Hershey Park > Dutch Wonderland.
Maybe its changed since I was a kid, but growing up, Dutch Wonderland was better for little kids. There was stuff for older kids, but one did tend to age out of quite a bit.
Is Dorney Park still around? Maybe it was because Dorney was further away and thus more of a trip, but my kid mind ranked them Dorney > Hershey > Dutch Wonderland
It’s different now- I went as a kid too and felt the same way. It was basically an couple kiddie rides inside a parking lot. But maybe someone has been more recently and can weigh in. They have a waterpark which seems like it would kill a lot of time but it won’t be open when we go.
With the major caveat that I haven’t been in over 20 years, 2 days seems like way too much time.
One day
I’ve taken my kids there the past three summers, but when the water park is open. The water park makes up at least half the rides, maybe more, so if you’re going before the water rides open it should be less crowded and there will be fewer rides to do. We’ve gone for two days each time, which makes the experience a lot more relaxed because you’re not in a rush to do everything, but you are really ready to leave when it’s over. And the second day, we get there just as the park opens when it’s not as crowded. I would definitely say that after one day, your kids(s) will be left wanting more, but without the water rides, you could do it in one day. Also depends on whether you past 4/5 pm — we generally do noon-4-6pm on first day, 10-3/4 on second day because of travel time from/to NYC and limits placed by younger kids’ stamina.
Couple of recommendations — bring your own food because the food there is overpriced, the lines are long and it’s not very good. Remember to bring your own water bottles, too, bc buying water there is also overpriced, but there are some water fountains for refills around the park. There are a few fast food/fast casual places a very very short drive away from the park, but it’s a little far to walk even for this New Yorker due to lack of sidewalks.
Thanks! Kids are just under 2 and obsessed with Sesame, 4 and 6. We’re doing Great Wolf Lodge in the same trip and probably a day in Philly doing family stuff. Hershey is. Little too far out of the way and doesn’t have enough stuff for my younger two- we’ll hit that when they are a little older.
We are coming from the Boston area and I’m trying to plan the week.
For reference we’ve done Edaville (Thomasland), Storyland, and Disney- so I’m trying to gauge where on the spectrum Sesame falls. Two days (or a day and a half) works better for my trip planning, but not if they’ll be bored the whole time.
2, 4, and 6 are awesome Dutch Wonderland ages. I get bored there after a day (2 days might be OK if water park is open), but my 2 and 4 year old could move in there. Sounds a bit out of the way, though.
friends have gone, and I’ve heard it’s good for 1 day with small (4 or younger) kids. Is the Hershey factory in PA nearby? That seems to be a common paring among my friend group.
Hershey is about 90 minutes from Philly on the PA turnpike. Not too bad. The factory isn’t open for tours but Hersheypark is a large amusement park and Chocolate World substitutes for a factory tour.
Ah – Hershey Park is totally what I meant! :) Thanks for interpreting my vague secondhand knowledge.
I was a ride operator at Hersheypark in college. The park is *much* bigger than it was back then. I just have waaaaaay more firsthand knowledge of the park than most…
I LOVED it as a kid 30 years ago but it was always a one day trip.
i also went as a kid many years ago. and am also thinking it was probably done as a day trip from ny. i recently had some friends go to the crayola experience which i think is about an hour from sesame place if you need another activity. or do a quick google search of things to do near sesame place (i just did this) and it looks like there are a number of other activities nearby that could give you something else to do
I’ll be in Wilmington, Delaware for a business trip. Any recommendations for things to see and visit or coffee shops to work from?
BrewHaHa near the DuPont is a good place for coffee and a quick bite. If you have a car, there are amazing historic estates with gardens in the area.
+1. There are several BrewHaHa locations in and around the downtown area – I’d recommend the Greenville location if you can get there. For attractions, I’d recommend Winterthur Museum, Marian Coffin Gardens at Gibraltar (if weather permits), and Rockford Park (assuming you have access to a car).
Used to live in Wilmington. Assuming you’ll be in the “downtown” – my favorite coffee shop was Brew Ha Ha because it was a local chain with pretty good snacks and coffee. In terms of sites in Wilmington proper, there’s not much (the riverfront has a nice mile-ish long walk, there’s a small art museum, but not too too much else). They just opened up a new food hall, so that might be a good place to grab food. If you have time to kill and want to get some tax free shopping in, the Christiana Mall is there and pretty large (but generic in terms of stores). Longwood Gardens (out of the city and closer towards Philly) are also really pretty.
Hi ladies, do any of you practice privacy? I’ve been working with our privacy officer lately and am thinking of taking the CIPP-US exam. The area itself is fascinating to me, and I’m contemplating a switch into the data privacy law world. Any thoughts on privacy from a career standpoint? I’ve been practicing for 10 years, spanning from patents to commercial transactions.
No advice but following with interest!
I just completed a 2nd master’s degree in MEng Cyber Security & Policy and think that you will be setting yourself up for success if you move into data privacy. It’s a growing field and will continue to grow as more and more ‘things’ depend on the internet and the cloud.
I don’t but my husband does. It’s a rapidly growing area for both lawyers and IT professionals. Excellent area to transition into.
Super hot area, hard to find lawyers who know it – great idea
I’m in it now as a lawyer and love it, have been doing it for 3 years. I am also thinking of taking the exam. Post a burner email if you want to chat!
In house privacy attorney here – have my CIPP-US and CIPM. LOVE IT. Been practicing in the area for 5 years. Super good job security and a lot of opportunities for career advancement. If you want to chat, feel free to post a burner email!
Not the OP, but I would love to chat about how to transition over to privacy law.
Would love to pick your brain! crettegal@gmail.com
I do a lot of privacy work (atty at a tech company with HQ in Eur and US). I don’t think the CIPP is necessary to do privacy work, but it’s a signal that you can, if that makes sense. I have heard from multiple friends who took it that the credential is quite shallow and broad–that is to say, it’s not really a sure sign someone knows their stuff–it’s a sign they were able to take the test. There are a few threads re this on Top Law Schools if you want more info. I would especially do it if you are planning to change into privacy from a completely different area or your company is paying. It’s not terribly cheap. Also, there are ongoing continuing education requirements too.
I took the CIPP exam six or seven years ago. It stands out in my mind as one of the worst professional exams I’ve taken, not because the material itself is especially challenging, but because the test and the training materials were very badly written. Hopefully that’s changed! I didn’t find that the test reflected the work in any way, so don’t be put off by the training or the test. Good luck!
Another political discussion – scroll by if you’re not interested.
I liked this article in The Atlantic about Sanders (from yesterday). An excerpt:
“Among ordinary Democrats, Sanders is strikingly popular, even with voters who favor his rivals. He sparks less opposition—in some cases far less—than his major competitors. On paper, he appears well positioned to unify the party should he win its presidential nomination.
So why all the talk of civil war? Because Sanders is far more divisive among Democratic elites—who prize institutional loyalty and ideological moderation—than Democratic voters. The danger is that by projecting their own anxieties onto rank-and-file Democrats, party insiders are exaggerating the risk of a schism if Sanders wins the nomination, and overlooking the greater risk that the party could fracture if they engineer his defeat.”
This resonates with me. I don’t know anyone my age (30) who gives a single f*ck about the DNC or party loyalty or party endorsements. I do know a lot of people who care about ideology and sincerity and breaking up the favor-the-rich status quo, which has been so terrible for millennials in particular. It seems to me like much of the Sanders resistance is manufactured and coming from the party loyalists who aren’t necessarily in touch with what so many of us on the left want. I know some people here have said Sanders is too left for them, and that’s fair, but according to the best numbers we have (which are, of course, imperfect), he simply isn’t widely unpopular with voters and he certainly isn’t a losing proposition compared to any of the other candidates. I’m going to go into this election cycle with “consider the source” as my mantra whenever I hear another Goldman Sachs attack on Bernie or a “she’s not popular” attack on Warren or whatever else it is. For the record, Warren is my first choice, but Sanders is my second. I’ll vote (and campaign for) whoever wins the nomination.
https://www.theatlantic.com/ideas/archive/2020/02/regular-democrats-arent-least-bit-worried-about-bernie/606688/
This article isn’t anything new. You don’t need votes on the left. The left will vote for Sanders. You need votes in the middle – in the purple states from the people that voted Obama in 2012 and Trump in 2016. Those people are not going to swing from Trump to Sanders. And you need people who are R but don’t really like Trump to stay home. A D candidate that scares them more than Trump will bring them out to the polls. If the D elite is worried, it’s because they understand why they lost in 2016 despite HRC winning the popular vote, and they are concerned about that happening again.
But you don’t need votes in the middle. You need the 2012 Obama voters who stayed home in 2016, which are votes on the left.
FWIW, Sanders is maybe my 3rd or 4th choice. But if he’s the candidate, I’ll still campaign for him.
https://www.theatlantic.com/ideas/archive/2020/01/other-swing-voter/604474/
2012 Obama voters who stayed home in 2016 because they are on the left are called Bernie Bros. They won’t come out for anyone but Bernie and they are far far outnumbered by Trump voters who will come out, hold their noses and voted against the ‘socialist threat’ even if it means voting for Trump.
Leftist voters who wouldn’t vote for HRC are part of the reason we are where we are.
Thank you for stating this so clearly. If only anyone (*cough* BERNIE) actually cared enough to speak up about the problem (hangs head sadly).
Considering HRC won the popular vote, how does this argument make sense? Clearly people showed up and voted for her.
I think that if Sanders is the nominee it will guarantee that the house flips to be R. I’d be OK with deadlock for 4 or 8 years, but I think that Sanders as a nominee means 4 more years of Trump. And for all the talk about yow Mayor Pete has no black support, I can’t imagine that Bernie (Vermont is a pretty white state) has any support of significance. And who would run with him? It can’t be someone else from the Northeast (so no Warren). Selena Meyer? He’s old enough that I might care about that. Harris? I think it’s got to be someone younger who is either from the south or the west.
Bernie has strong black support.
Where? I have not seen this. I’ve seen a lot of black mayors in Super Tuesday states coming out for Bloomberg of all people.
https://www.newsweek.com/bernie-sanders-leads-nationwide-among-black-hispanic-white-voters-poll-1487934
W&L’s mock convention had Bernie winning a contested convention. It would be truly exciting to watch (and that prospect is a bit terrifying). I don’t recall if there was a VP candidate mentioned at all, but that would be the most fascinating to me (and I don’t think that anyone planning a future in politics would take the VP nod and you can’t balance the ticket with an older VP pick, so maybe it wouldn’t be politician).
BBG is buying their support, so, not meaningful IMO
I’m a regular rank and file Dem. I don’t hate Sanders because of party loyalty or the DNC. His inaction to rein in his misogynistic supporters in 2016 still fills me with rage, especially since he still hasn’t done anything. He’s lying about his health. He’s too liberal for me as well, but I’m happily voting for Warren despite her similar policies because I find her to be a reasonable and rational person.
This is me too. I’m proud to be a democrat; my grandfather was a New Deal democrat who worked in gov’t during Roosevelt administration, represented unions in the ’50’s. I believe in a social safety net and the EPA and government regulation. I’ll vote for Bernie if I have to, but I fear that it’s not in my economic self interest (see DH works in finance). Why are all the Dems so damn old?
Have you ever considered that in this age of fake news and Russian interference that the hordes of “Bernie bros” weren’t working for Bernie? Who would stand to gain from smearing Bernie?
Also: https://www.salon.com/2020/02/09/the-berniebro-myth-persists-because-pundits-dont-understand-how-the-internet-works/
I would consider this if so many of them weren’t real people I know personally and if Bernie himself were taking any significant actions to indicate his disapproval.
I love how you keep posting the same link and the same content over and over in every discussion where Bernie Sanders comes up to try to persuade us that the “Bernie Bro” problem didn’t happen in 2016 and we must have all suffered from some kind of mass hallucination. Do you work for the campaign, or something? It’s cool to be enthusiastic about your candidate, but the repeated negating of other people’s experiences and opinions is starting to border on gaslighting.
This is the first time I’ve posted the link? Not sure what your deal is but it’s not about me.
Seriously! This same link was posted twice yesterday. Every woman who’s a Dem knows at least a few Bernie Bros who were only too happy to talk about how they weren’t voting for HRC ‘not because she’s a woman but because she’s basically the same as voting for Trump’. Bernie Bros are not fake news or Russian bots.
Yes, my left wing brother in law (who lived in Wisconsin!!) sat out the 2016 presidential race (he voted for down ballot Dems) because “Hillary is no better than Trump.” Bernie bros are definitely not an internet-only phenomenon.
Same. Warren is to the left of me politically but she’s extremely smart and reasonable. She has socialist ideas but ultimately she’s a capitalist. Sanders just seems angry. He has a few things he cares about and he brings attention to those issues but I have a hard time seeing him being a decent president. I’ll vote for whoever gets the democratic nomination to get rid of Trump, but Sanders is near or at the bottom of the list of current candidates for me.
I’m not a Democrat establishment person AT ALL, and I cannot stand the guy. I’ll still vote for him over Trump, but I’m not on board with Sanders’ policies. Moderates — who need to be won over — generally do not support Sanders and many would vote for Trump over him. I do believe Sanders is a losing proposition, but I live in flyover country so my opinion barely matters anyway.
I will agree with you that younger votes DGAF about party endorsements.
From the outside of this intra-party fight I agree with this (I voted for Gary Johnson in 2016). I could vote for Biden or Klobuchar over Trump, but not Sanders. Sanders is too liberal for me although, frankly, he’s so uncompromising that I doubt he’d accomplish his legislative goals.
Does it not bother you that Warren lied about her ethnic background to get a job, lied about her son going to public school to a struggling parent wishing for school choice, lied about being dismissed from a job for being pregnant, etc? In addition to the fact that every other candidate has called her out for not having a real plan for healthcare with any kind of cost estimates?
It bothers me that you spread lies. You don’t even bother to cite anything for your lies, because you know they are lies.
I don’t believe they are lies, but let’s assume that they are. She is perceived as a person who is a bit fast and loose with facts about herself and that has garnered her a nickname reflecting that. Even plagarizing Joe Biden has only been caught that one time IIRC.
It is a serious thing to take a great job with a life-changing salary from a minority based on a lie and not really apologize for it. It is also a serious thing to tell a mother from a disadvantaged community that your kids all went to public schools when they didn’t all go to public schools for the duration of their education. It’s just not right and speaks to her character.
I know old Joe is the reliable moderate Dem, but he’s got serious issues, too. I don’t like Bernie for ALL the reasons mentioned. Pete is my pick. I don’t agree with everything he says, but he’s bright, up with the times, and I think he is open minded and as the ability to work with a lot of different people. I’m older than you all are, and he’s close to my age.
It’s not only that she lied, but she lied about things that people could easily have found to be lies. It’s like she thinks people are too stupid to find out or care, and is just out of touch with the way the world works now…at least as far as how easy it is to obtain this information. It’s arrogant and entitled…and again, out of touch. Those adjectives bring me to Bloomberg…
Excuse me, but dna analysis proved that she has less Native American in her than the average American submitting a sample, I saw the tape of her telling the woman that her kids all went to public school and that was not true and easily verified, and there is no proof that she was dismissed for being pregnant and she never upgraded her temporary certificate as stated in my other post. You cannot just name call because you don’t like what I am saying. Sorrry.
Her kids did all go to public school, they just didn’t exclusively go to public school for their entire educations. That’s not a lie, you just don’t like her phrasing.
What “proof” do you want that she was dismissed for being pregnant? That happened all the time in the 60s, 70s, and 80s and still happens today. Even today it’s hard to prove because there’s typically some coverup reason given to make it look like it’s not discrimination, but that doesn’t make it a lie.
To me “my kids all went to public school” means that all her children attended public school for at least some period of time. The ‘all’ refers to ‘all’ of the children, not that they attended exclusively public schools. It’s super common for people to do a combination of public and private.
Yes, but at some point in time, she felt it would be best for her child to not go to the public school in the area. She cannot lie about that fact when talking to someone who wants to do the same for her child, but has fewer resources to deal with. It just says something about her sense of privilege.
I could also say that a lot of lower middle class people who weren’t enrolled in college were drafted and went to Vietnam. My father was from a lower middle class person and his older brother was drafted, but he enlisted at the same time so as to not go to Vietnam; he went to Germany. Can I just say he was drafted and went to Vietnam? ‘Cause he likely would have been? Same difference.
You couldn’t say that he went to Vietnam. He wasn’t in Vietnam. Warren didn’t say her kids were in public school when they were not in public school at all. You could say that he was enlisted during the Vietnam War. That’s analogous to how she worded things.
I was actually referring to the pregnancy thing. She is assuming she would have been fired so she didn’t obtain the qualifications to upgrade her temporary certification. My dad assumed he’d have been drafted, so he enlisted. He cannot say he was drafted and went to Vietnam, just because he had younger brothers at home and all sorts of people in the area who weren’t enrolled in college got drafted.
Anyway, I am just sick of fibs like this.
+1
Totally agree.
I think that she has been caught saying one thing and then having reality be different. I could be wrong on remembering the mileage on my car, but not about my ethnic heritage (and, oof, releasing her DNA test) or circumstances of being fired. So, yes, a liar. I think it all gets into ads if she is the nominee or VP pick. I know everyone can probably visualize a couple versions of fauxcohontas, etc. Never mind ads on actual policy positions.
When you get fired for being pregnant it’s not like the company sends you home with a letter saying ‘You’ve been let go because you are pregnant.’
I’m pretty certain that I am not a member of any tribes, that tribes don’t use DNA quantum anyway, and I’d be foolish to suggest such even though I’ve spent time in Oklahoma. She should know better. She just ignores that she got caught and it’s amazing to me that she seems to get away with it (except from Trump).
The public school thing and the minority / native american heritage thing are still out there; the second of these is a huge problem. The tie is going to stop going to the runner about anything else where she puts herself in a gray area.
Of course not. But up through 2007, she said she didn’t have the full certification to continue the job anyway. You can’t just say you were fired because you assume you would have been because it makes for a good story on the trail. Do you not have other stories that speak to your experience of navigating the world as a female?
I’m sorry that your enthusiasm for Warren apparently won’t allow you to engage in debate and discussion without calling people liars and going into flat denialism. That is definitely not helping Warren’s cause, just FYI.
I mean, it is one thing to actually be fired for being pregnant and another to assume you would be because every other pregnant woman seemed to be at the time and use that as a reason to not upgrade your emergency certificate…and then tell a campaign story about it as if it was an actual thing that happened to you…
I think it’s pretty much common sense that practically everyone born in Oklahoma, and a lot of people who weren’t, think they have a “Cherokee Princess” ancestor somewhere. I’m an amateur genealogist and this is INCREDIBLY common, so it’s not at all surprising that someone from Oklahoma thought that. It’s a myth, of course, along with “they changed my family’s name at Ellis Island” (they didn’t, your ancestor changed it himself).
As a woman from the NE of the US, I find this statement to align with our stereotypes of people who live in other parts of the country. Less educated, naïve, out-of-touch…whatever you want to call it. Laughable, really. I don’t think we have any sort of anecdotes to compare. I expect more from my politicians, especially when they are getting on in years and need to prove their metal acuity more than ever.
I get that. Does that mean that some who has been to law school gets to use this to claim a job preference? I mean, my kid and I have jet-black eyes due to some myth like this and we aren’t enrolled, likely couldn’t be, and I’ve never claimed it. A lot of people have black eyes.
I would vote for Warren but her handling of her claim to Native American heritage bothers me a lot, especially because many Native American leaders took a lot of time to explain why that specific type of thing is problematic for them and I’ve never seen her engage with their critique in a way that seemed to reflect true contrition. Native Americans are a heavily marginalized community in our country and it feels like she assumes they aren’t important enough to the political process for her to deal with this appropriately. She’s probably right in terms of the political math but it still bothers me.
The examples of her heritage and the comments about her children and what schools they attended speak to her sense of privilege, as I say. What if she was a non-white female candidate who obtained a job in that way? Also, what type of job would she have been able to obtain if she didn’t claim NA status on her Harvard app? Would she have become a Senator? How much less money would she have had? Would there be another actual NA Senator? Would he/she be running for President now? I’m not sure people understand the gravity of this. Possibly because she comes off as such an “aw shucks” grandma type.
She reeks of the same stuff as a lot of upper class, supposedly more sophisticated and modern…white people. They want everyone to have access to the same things, just not the things that they have. Her child had a right to the better school at that time, she had a right to that job and all that came with it, etc, etc…While scolding everyone else for doing similar things or less…
Then there was the incident recently where she spoke of the broke college student who had $6 in the bank and gave Warren $3…and Warren happily accepted. Let’s not forget that Warren was a well-paid prof and is a millionaire. I know these incidents can seem minor on the surface, but together they say something.
Nope but your lies do bother me a lot.
You are an example of the counterpart of the knuckle-dragging, toothless, outhouse-having Trump supporter who has never seen a non-white individual in his life (or whatever the current stereotype is). Please refrain from voting.
Huh? This makes no sense.
You need to go away and never come back.
I’m a Millennial Southern Democrat so many of the critiques against him resonate with me as I am, and surrounded by, moderate democrats (and Republicans tbh). I like Bernie and much of the purpose behind his policies and am also very realistic that most of them will never come to reality even if he scores the nomination and presidency. That being said, I do not think he will do well in the South and more moderate states. The term Socialist is just too scary to most people as ridiculous as that sounds. People are also much more concerned with what his policies are going to cost them, when they are probably currently doing ok under the status quo. I think moderates tend to lean away from ideologues and toward less disruption.
This is all just speculation of course. We will see how South Carolina goes which I believe will be a big hint to who will ultimately score the nomination. And before anyone makes assumptions, I have not decided who I plan to vote for in the primary, but I will support whoever ends up getting the nomination.
“I think moderates tend to lean away from ideologues and toward less disruption.”
This. The path to victory is via moderates who are tired of Trump lurching chaotically from crisis to crisis. They want a dignified presidency that maintains the status quo – they are not going to be bothered by Biden or by Bloomberg but they will be more scared Sanders than they will be of Trump.
Also a millennial southern democrat. People in my neck of the woods (including moderate Republicans who dont like Trump) seem to like Bloomberg and other reasonable seeming moderate Dems. My dem friends are not at all in support of Bernie. I’ll vote for Bernie if I have to, but he seems like a deranged old man and he is really far down the list.
He seems really favored among people my age and younger who live in big cities though. I think it might have to do with our different standards of living and lifestyle paths. It’s a lot harder to make ends meet in big cities than it is here. I probably have more in common with a typical gen X than I do with a millennial living in new york city. I have a comfortable life, married in my early 20s, bought a house in my late 20s, had a kid at 30. Doesn’t seem to be the path of friends of mine in big cities who are struggling to balance astronomical rent and student loan payments. I can see why they would love to vote for someone who claims he will eliminate student loan debt.
I agree that a lot of Warren supporters like Bernie too, but I don’t think he has nearly as broad appeal as this article suggests. I don’t care about the DNC or the political establishment, but I’m a moderate Democrat in a flyover state, and Bernie is way too far left for me. I agree with the comments yesterday that people who currently identify as members of the Republican party, even those who profess to dislike Trump, are not going to cross over and vote for a Democrat in November. But at least in my area, there are TONS of moderate Democrats, independents, and ex-Republicans who now describe themselves as independents or conservatives, who are “never Trump” and would happily support most Democratic candidates but would find it difficult if not impossible to vote for Bernie. I don’t know if this phenomenon exists in the deeper blue areas of the country, but it definitely exists in the crucial purple swing states where many people are ideologically somewhere in between the two parties.
I’ll also say that although Warren is too far left for me, I would have no hesitation supporting her, because she’s brilliant and accomplished and seems like a kind, empathetic human being, which is what I want in a president regardless of policy. Bernie, in my opinion, is the Trump of the left – he’s a sexist egomaniac who hasn’t accomplished anything except yelling and firing up a cult-ish base, often using really gross tactics to do so. I admit I soured on him in 2016 but I was trying to keep an open mind in 2020, until I read his NYT endorsement interview. There are multiple quotes in that interview that could have come straight out of Trump’s mouth, if Trump had a slightly bigger vocabulary. They ask him how he’ll get anything through a Mitch McConnell Senate and his response is basically that “My people love me” so he’ll fly around the country holding rallies to energize his base. How is that not Trumpian?? I agree that Joe Biden’s “I can work with Republican politicians” schtick is outdated since the Republican party went totally off the rails in 2016 and is no longer capable of bipartisan anything, but most people in this country are not as evil as Mitch McConnell, and we need a president who will attempt to reach out to those who didn’t vote for him and be a president for all people, and not just his relatively small base of die-hard supporters.
When you live in a Rust Belt state that swung right and voted for Trump in 2016, I think you have another perspective. (I live in Wisconsin.) Read about the WOW counties and how they’re emerging as Trump supporters in 2020 (though they weren’t in 2016): https://www.nytimes.com/2020/02/08/us/trump-impeachment-wisconsin-republicans.html
Well, that was terrifying.
Agree so much about that NYT interview. Major red flags for me.
+1 to everything in here, exactly how I feel. I’m coastal, but a moderate D who prefers a moderate. I’m happy to support Warren if she wins but would only vote for Bernie really, really reluctantly (and yes, I would do it if it was him vs. Trump).
This x1,000. I’m in a blue area of Texas (which is almost every urban center at this point, though certainly not the suburbs) and I know SO MANY people who would vote for a more moderate dem but just will not with Bernie. He’s just too much/too far–or is perceived as such. I wouldn’t be inclined to defend that viewpoint, except that my sense is that their view is not uncommon and that plays into electibility.
For the record, my current fave is Warren, though I’m concerned she didn’t do better in Iowa or NH. If it looks like it’ll come down to Bernie, Biden, or Buttigieg, I’ll go Buttigieg simply because I like him more than Biden and I think he’s more electable than Bernie. Our early voting ends before SC so I’m planning to wait for Super Tuesday and just stand in line as long as I have to.
That quote doesn’t seem accurate in my experience. I can only speak from my sample, but none of my friends, who are all in their early 30s, like Sanders. We will vote for him if he is the nominee, but it will not be with any enthusiasm. The only other one people feel this way about is Bloomberg. Although a lot of us have different preferences, we are all someone excited about the other candidates.
I’m also early 30s and think Sanders is great. In 2016 I voted for HRC with zero enthusiasm and survived… you will too.
I strongly disagree with this article. I don’t care about national polling. I don’t care about rank-and-file Democrats. I care about polling in swing states (a lesson we all should have learned in 2016). I care about how the middle is going to vote. I live in Pennsylvania and can imagine no scenario in which Bernie has any chance of winning here. As a moderate myself, I don’t find Bernie appealing at all. I’ll vote for whoever isn’t Trump, but I personally know several people who despite Trump and still won’t vote for Bernie.
According to the stats in the article, he’s the most popular choice for those very groups. Take it with a grain of salt, but he’s apparently better poised than any of the other candidates to appear to moderates.
+1
I just think you can’t believe polling when people are only seeing the positive side of candidates. No negative ads have been run at this point and when they do I think that that will matter a lot, esp for Bernie. Especially to older Americans who can remember the Berlin Wall falling, Cold War, etc. And he is old and recently had a heart attack — his VP pick will matter a lot and may attract separate fire. Middle America is just now going to get behind Bernie (or, in the event that voting involves going out in bad weather or when you have a sick kid at home, make much of a bother to show up). Turnout will matter. I don’t see Bernie inspiring that.
It’s totally illogical that the least moderate candidate is most appealing to moderates.
And +1 million to whoever asked why the Dems are all so OLD! He was too old in 2016 and he’s too old now.
It’s also totally illogical that over 90% of Republicans support a complete buffoon rapist who is in the early stages of dementia to be our commander in chief for another four years, but there you have it.
We’re all adults here. Where is the proof that he raped someone? That comment goes a little far.
Most voted for someone who apparently was married to a rapist. Who knowingly took campaign dollars from a rapist. Whose husband hung out with an American man in the sex trade. C’mon…
He raped his ex-wife (it’s documented) and has how many is it, 20 (?) sexual assault allegations against him from many, many women. Don’t be obtuse.
I forgot about the book about his ex wife. However, looking at her and hearing her talk, I’m not sure she has much credibility. Especially considering she was more than content to be a hanger-on when Trump gained popularity and became President. Clinton has as many allegations against him and everyone knew what Weinstein was doing…and Epstein. It’s one thing to have to deal with a foreign leader who has that lifestyle. You are guilty of being equally obtuse.
I don’t know. As a moderate, I don’t care for Bernie. I’m not a registered D and can’t vote in my state’s primary, so my preferences about the nominee don’t matter much, but I’m suspicious of any claims that Bernie can really win over moderates.
This tracks with my experience. My friends and I are all supporting Warren but would happily vote for Sanders.
Where do you live?
Raleigh, NC
Another moderate Dem here with lots of family and friends in Trump country. I said it last week and I’ll say it again: Sanders cannot win flyover states and the electoral college turns on the flyover states. He’s too liberal for the vast majority of people outside of coastal enclaves and college campuses.
Also, the Atlantic is fairly left. While they’re reputable, I do think they occupy an urban elite echo chamber, so they’re not a source I turn to for political insight.
I’m up for partner at the end of this year – lateraled to take over a book from a retiring partner. Over the last couple years I’ve realized her book is half the practice area I want, and half a practice area I want to avoid (and told the firm when it recruited me that I don’t want to practice in that area, and I was assured by the firm and her there was plenty in the area I do want).
My firm is a regional midsize. The partners seem to operate like individual practices. I want to confirm the size of the book and if the practice areas breakdown is what I suspect. What can I ask to find out? I’m not worried about getting fired for asking, but I do expect they’ll be upset I’m asking instead of taking a blind leap into partnership. I’ve heard many first and second year partners make less money than they did as associates and I’m not ok with that if it’s true.
It’s definitely true that new partners often make less than senior associates. IME, it’s a combination of the buy-in to partnership, moving to a K-1/draw situation from a W-2 employee, and absorbing the full cost of healthcare. For me, it was still way worth it and the rise up was steep after a couple of years.
I’m not sure that I understand your last question about the practice area breakdown. IME, people are compensated based on their numbers (money brought in, book managed, etc.), not based on what practice area they are in.
why on earth would you want to go into business with people you don’t feel like you can have a candid conversation about the business with? that’s really what “making partner” is – you’re going into business with the firm. ask all your questions & get satisfactory answers, esp on the financial health of firm, compensation, etc. i
Good morning hive! I am inspired to post this by the woman who was nominated for engineer of the year and posted here (and I think won!). Please scroll past if it is not an appropriate use of resources!
My dear friend is a dedicated middle school science teacher in an underserved area, and had been nominated for a significant award. She goes above and beyond spending her own money and creating interesting, educational labs for her students- I know she had been very inspiring especially to girls interested in science and biology. Her name is Valerie Overley – please help her out with a vote if you are willing! Thank you!
https://poll.app.do/project-serious/kFscOyYI
voted, good luck to her.
Voted for your friend. Good luck!
Me too – and she is presently in the lead by a slight margin!
I don’t want to give Facebook any more of my data than they already have – is there a way I can vote not through FB? Good luck to your friend, she sounds like an awesome teacher!
You don’t have to be logged into to Facebook to vote, I just did it!
I voted without signing in.
I voted! Good luck!
Thank you! I’m tearing up!
I will see if I can find a non-FB link, sorry!
I voted! FB didn’t make me log in, so I don’t think you need an account or to share any info to vote…
Voted! Good luck to your friend.
I voted, and this may be a non FB link. https://poll.app.do/project-serious/OYpMp8b8
Voted!
Voted! Hope she wins.
Voted! I hope she wins.
voted! please report back to let us know if she wins
+1
Anyone in the San Antonio or Dallas areas? I may need to relocate to one of our offices there. Thoughts on which city you’d choose? Mid 30s, single, like to be active, have lived in SEUS and NEUS.
I live in Houston but my sister lived in SA before and now lives in Dallas.
SA has a much smaller town feel. There really isn’t a big downtown for a city of its size. For example, basically none of the big law firms have offices there, whereas they do in Dallas and Houston. You may not be a lawyer, but that just gives a sense of how SA is especially if you are looking to date professionals.
SA has amazing food but it is more limited than Dallas. It’s very pretty and closer to the hill country, which is more outdoorsy. Overall, I would say SA wins on the outdoorsy front.
Dallas has a reputation (deserved, in my opinion) for being very showy and uppity, but obviously it just depends.
Are you looking for more big city or small town? San Antonio has a good population size but it really does feel like a smaller to mid size city. There isn’t all that much to do if you like a fairly urban lifestyle – even closer to downtown feels fairly suburban. I agree that SA wins on outdoor front. You’re right next to hill country where there are wineries and you can hike a little bit (albeit on mildly hill forest land – no great variation in elevation here) and it’s only an hour and some change from Austin.
If you’re looking to date the datingin scene in Dallas is going to be better, especially if you lean to the conservative side. San Antonio has largely insular communities (especially upper class Mexican) so if you’re latino, that’s a plus. The food is great.
I have lived in both cities, and was raised in Dallas, so feel free to ask any specific questions!
There are positives to both places, and I pretty much agree with anon at 10:37. SA has a much more small town feel – in a good way. Folks are really nice, and I really liked the culture there and the strong Latino/Hispanic influence. Also, cheap! by way of housing, etc.
Dallas is a lot more metropolitan, and will have more of the things that come along with that, good and bad. Arts, culture, touring shows, restaurants, etc. As for the ‘uppity’-ness, I really think it just depends on who you spend time with. I don’t have that experience, but I also don’t have a job where I spend most of my time with high-earners who live that kind of life.
So, depending on what kind of experience you want to have and what kind of personality you have, one may be better than the other.
Just curious since I’m not from an English speaking country — what does it mean to be ‘uppity’ in this context? The few times I’ve read it in a literary context was to denote that someone was acting as though they were higher than their ‘class’ or situation (if I understood it correctly).
That is the meaning here. Dallas is snobby. They dress up, spend money for the sake of looking wealthy, and have a high opinion of themselves. <— That is a lot of sterotyping, some of it I don't necessarily agree with but I'm trying to broaden/simplify the description a bit to convey the meaning. Help from other Texans appreciated :).
Yeah that’s about right. I’m not sure uppity is the word I would use to describe Dallas, but more that it’s full of people who are super status conscious and act accordingly.
Yes, snobby is what we’re trying to say.
As someone from here, I really think that high-end, snobbish demographic is a fairly small group of folks that have high visibility. If you are a family with kids, I could see this being a more obvious problem, as that starts to separate folks based on income (some HCOL neighborhoods and selective private schools).
I went to Dallas public schools and a public college, and now work with folks who are not of snobbish or wealthy variety, so I’m not exposed as much to this type of person.
There are 100% places and people that cater to this kind of keeping-up-with-the-Jones’s demographic, but I think is a lot more diversity here than it gets credit for. However, I will totally admit that I may be biased being a local and possibly my own ignorance.
I grew up in Dallas, so I’m biased toward it, but I would pick it over San Antonio. Dallas is a growing city with a lot of mid 30 singles, a good variety of food/arts/other stuff to do, etc. A *lot* of young professionals move to Dallas for jobs, so it should be easy to make friends. That said, San Antonio would win out on being active to the extent that active = outdoorsy (Dallas has a great indoor fitness scene and a few lovely running trails, but the geography of North Texas is mostly ugly and brown and flat).
Agree with anon at 10:37.
I grew up in Dallas and though I don’t live there anymore I do visit Dallas proper to see family. It is a concrete city that is uppity and just clogged with traffic. That being said, the older neighborhoods are gorgeous and there are plenty of trendy and cool places to shop, socialize or eat. Deep Ellum is really fun and interesting now. Downtown is even coming around. Dallas has old money and new, and has been referred to as the fashion capitol of Texas (thus the showy and uppity labeling). The stereotypical Texas or Western vibe is not prevalent.
The housing market is insane, so depending on where you are moving from that may be a shock to your system.
If you like outdoorsy stuff, Dallas isn’t the best for it. I know they have dog parks, and White Rock Lake Trail, and Plano, Carrollton and all the ‘burbs may offer better parks and trails than they used to, but there aren’t good hiking options to my knowledge.
OP here. I have a dog and enjoy being outdoors and active with her. LCOL in San Antonio sounds like a big plus. I haven’t owned a house and currently live in a HCOL area, so the opportunity to buy is exciting. Uppity isn’t really my scene.
Just relocated from Dallas to San Antonio for family reasons in the fall (grew up in the SA area but lived in Dallas for 14 years). Happy to chat if you want to post a burner email.
“Uppity isn’t really my scene.” There’s your decision :). Dallas: upity, old money, very urban. SA: hispanic historically, smaller, prettier geographically, and recently young and growing.
I’m in Austin and wish my community (family & friends) were more in SA simply for it’s better housing prices. I have some friends in SA now and it is growing and getting younger really quickly. I think it’s sort of the last of the Texas cities (except maybe Ft.W) to have a sig rise in COL (no hard data on that front, just my sense).
FWIW if I ever move back to Texas, it will be to live in Forth Worth while working out of our Dallas office.
but that is an awful commute
I live in San Antonio. Divorced, late 30’s professional. The dating scene is awful – not a lot of professionals outside of the military. And it’s just so hot and humid for a large part of the year. We might have the hill country, but your dog will rather be in the air conditioning for most of the year. The housing prices are pretty awesome though, and there are some growing social areas near downtown (The Pearl, King William)
That’s a good point! Weather was something I didn’t think about – summers especially can be brutal (hot & humid), especially if you’re not used to it. Dallas would be a bit milder on that front.
What would you do? You work for a company at a senior level. You are at a semi-annual dinner. Your boss, the North American VP, has a couple drinks and then goes to drive home. From what you have observed, he often gets lost in the sauce. This couple drinks is low to moderate intake level for him, so he seems like he’d be okayish even though you know if you had those drinks, driving wouldn’t be a good idea.
Spoiler: I let him go and didn’t say anything but maybe next time we have this dinner I’ll push for him to get a car?
See if you can ask a male colleague to be the one to approach him. Your instincts are appropriate, but ask yourself if you’re falling into the “mom” trap. Also, totally depends on the nuances of your relationship with your boss.
Ugh… this is rough terrain.
I was almost killed by a drunk driver, yet I still observe people drinking and driving all the time who shouldn’t be and have a hard time speaking up to them. And when I do, I pretty much always get negative push back.
Honestly, many people still don’t understand that if they are drinking, they really shouldn’t be driving at all. No one is able to police themselves and critically evaluate their own driving skills on alcohol. They think they can, but they can’t. This has been shown clinically.
And now don’t get me started about driving and Marijuana….
Um no this isnt the standard.
standard?
For when it’s okay to drive. Any alcohol at all does not mean you can’t drive.
Just because it is not strictly illegal, doesn’t mean you should.
Remember the old… “Don’t drink and drive?” Designated driver? Or is that just dating me as a GenXer. I thought Millenials were all taking Ubers to avoid D&D anyway, so I am a little surprised by this thread, which makes it cleat that most people drink and drive.
Depends where you live. If you live in Utah, one drink is probably too many for most people.
I’d do absolutely nothing if he “only” had a couple of drinks and did not seem impaired. My calculus would change if he seemed impaired or had a large number of drinks.
This.
Assuming you’re concerned about corporate liability for whatever might happen while he drives home drunk, why not approach the organizers and ask that future dinners be dry events? Was he the only one drinking?
At many companies, this would be a recipe for (a) no one wanting to go, and or (b) people going out for drinks beforehand. Nothing worse than being trapped in a roomful of colleagues for a long dinner without some wine on offer!
I appreciate everyone’s responses! Said boss IS the organizer and so that wouldn’t work. I guess I will just continue to quietly observe… I definitely dont’ want to be the mom here and my relationship with him is not to a level where I would feel comfortable saying anything.
Thank you so much all! :)
Buy why? Why task yourself with observing how much he drinks? I guess we wonder why you think you might need to insert yourself into this.
Great question, I was seated right across from him and he mentioned how he’d told his wife he wouldn’t drink.
Lol what? Dry dinners? How do you exist in the world. Stupid suggestion.
That would be a non-starter at almost every professional event I can think of. I’d push for covered Ubers/Lyfts or mass car service.
I guess it’s true that sarcasm doesn’t translate into writing. I totally agree this would be an unpopular move. I also don’t think the VP’s moderate drinking at a work event is any of the OP’s business if that’s all it was. If nothing untoward has happened, and she’s not in a position to be concerned about corporate liability, she’s a busy-body who needs to chill out. If she is in a position to worry about corporate liability, this is one way to reduce that liability without singling out another executive by acting like his nanny.
If you’re at a restaurant or ‘venue’ I would ask one of the venue staff to stop him on his way out and ask about his plans to get home, and I’d skip them a hefty tip.
Gross no. Not their job to harass a customer who had two drinks with dinner.
Maybe a geography thing – here in Scotland it is totally normal for bar and restaurant staff to ask the question and many bars have a taxi service on speed dial. Our drink drive limit is about a half pint of beer here.
Leave it. Unless you’re close, it’s not good/helpful regardless.
Depending on his size/weight, 2-3 drinks (or more, honestly) over a few hours puts him under the legal limit.
Legal limit =/= safe to drive, and if you drive tipsy or drunk even under a BAC of .08 you could still seriously injure or kill somebody or yourself, and if that doesn’t happen, you can still be arrested and convicted of impaired driving/DUI.
Thank you for stating this.
But I learned the hard way in my drunk driver’s sentencing, that most drunk drivers get off because most people on juries drink and many have driven after one too many, so they tend to let drunk drivers off because they realize…. “this could have been me….”. Meaning, they empathize with the drunk driver more than the victim.
That’s what the assistant DA told me. And he apologized… that we the people/juries/drinkers are like that.
While I understand your point, in this context it would not be OPs place to sit & make this subtle call (subtle call being, they aren’t above the legal limit but might still be too impaired??) for acquaintances around her & trying to enforce it. Doing this for someone clearly above the legal limit is a different story.
How can you be drunk if you’re under the legal limit?
I’ve played around with a home breathalyzer just to see what .08 looks like. And holy cow, it’s a generous limit.
Because the legal limit is a broad standard, not an individual one. There are absolutely people who are drunk under .08 and people who are not drunk over .08.
One of the most interesting things I ever did was get drunk for the police for one of their trainings. They give you a measured amount of alcohol, test your BAC at certain points in the night, and have the trainees give you field sobriety tests (and then drive you home at the end of the night). What I learned is that I wouldn’t consider myself safe to drive way before my BAC level was high enough to be considered drunk driving. And also that the police thinks it takes more alcohol for me to get drunk than it does because wow was I drunk. Didn’t volunteer for that again on a work night.
+1. I’m kind of confused by the post, to be honest. When you say he had a couple of drinks, do you mean that in the strict sense that you know he had 2? If so, how does the comment that he sometimes gets lost in the sauce have to do with this particular instance? (If instead you are being loose with the term “couple” & mean you suspect he maybe got lost in the sauce this particular time, that is a different question/my answer below does not apply).
Taking your post at it’s word, if he had 2 I would definitely not do anything at all. I think I’m fairly on the conservative side with drinking & driving (I won’t drive at all after more than 1) but my husband can easily have 2 over the course of a night out and IMO really, truly be totally fine to drive home without me questioning it whatsoever. Your last point – that if you had those drinks you couldn’t drive – is also the part of the post I find confusing. That seems irrelevant to me, especially when you are comparing the biological make up of a typical man & a typical woman. To my earlier point, the amount my husband can have & drive & the amount I can have & drive have almost nothing to do with each other.
If one of my husband’s employees seriously made a thing about him having two drinks and driving, it would be so, so weird & IMO not appropriate.
It was 3 drinks of liquor over the course of like 90 minutes. The rest of your post is totally valid, great point.
Two drinks? I wouldn’t have registered this as an issue. I drive with two drinks with dinner.
But should you? Why not just don’t drink and drive?
Yes, I should. Because I am well below the legal limit, not drunk, and capable of driving safely.
But how do you know? Really?
nah fam. you’re totally wrong. depending on how long dinner was, you have no idea how those two drinks are affecting your blood alcohol level. and, depending on the state you’re in, blowing anything over 0.0 will get you a DUI. no matter how stubborn you are, you are wrong.
I feel like you should know how long your dinner is and how strong the drinks you’re ordering are. It seems like a pretty basic thing to be aware of as a functional human being. If you’re not sure how long you’ve been at dinner, it’s probably time to visit a doctor.
There is no state in the US where anything other than 0.0 is drunk driving for adults over 21.
KT – I have never heard of a DUI type offence for anything less than 0.05 unless there was some special factor that mandated 0 (like being a trainee driver or whatever)… where are these places?
Not in the US, 0.05 is the lowest In any state. I know it’s 0.0 in like the UAE but you wouldn’t really drive there.
You’re wrong. I’m a prosecutor. In my state, the “legal limit” is .08. That means if you are over .08 that establishes you are intoxicated as a matter of law. HOWEVER, the state can also allege your “mental or physical faculties” are “impaired by intoxicating liquor to a noticeable and perceptible degree”. Thus if an officer believes you appear impaired, and you blow over a 0.00, you can be charged with a DUII. Surprise.
Yup – Sadie is right.
I am clearly different, and possibly impaired, after 1-2 drinks. I am slender, must be how my liver works, I don’t drink regularly (ex. 1 drink a week?). I don’t look drunk AT ALL and wouldn’t call myself drunk and even a cop wouldn’t be suspicious looking at me, but I know my thinking/balance/fine motor functions are affected. If they tested me with sobriety tests, I might blow something.
Most people do not realize this.
And driving a car is the most dangerous things most of us do. It is a deadly weapon.
If he often gets “lost in the sauce” but only had a couple drinks that night, he probably has enough of a tolerance to not be tipsy after two drinks, unless he chugs two strong cocktails and goes to drive right after! I can think of some cocktails I’ve had that would render me unfit to drive after just one, but I also live in a city where I rarely need to drive. But no, two beers or glasses of wine, over the course of dinner, and there’s been some time since his last drink, and he’s been eating and staying hydrated, and doesn’t seem to be slurring or stumbling, I’d give the guy the benefit of the doubt.
Also, I’m curious what everyone else was doing? Was everyone else abstaining, or only having one drink? Or did everyone else have about the same, but with plans to take public transit or Lyft after?
>unless he chugs two strong cocktails and goes to drive right after!
This is basically the situation, it was 3 liquor-based mixed drinks, over the course of about 90 minutes and then left for his car. Others at the dinner were also drinking, some driving home some staying at hotels.
I guess the reason I even care is that I actually like the guy but the responses have given me a lot to think about re: minding my own business
There’s a story in my state about the managing partner of a law firm who was arrested for drunk driving after a single glass of wine at dinner. He blew over a .08 on a breathalyzer. I was completely shocked when I heard it because I’ve certainly had two drinks and felt I was fine to drive home. It made me reconsider how much I really understand the impact of “just two drinks.”
That sounds like an urban legend!
It’s literally not possible to be a .08 after one drink unless he has a liver disorder (which is certainly possible)
One drink will generally add .02, with slight variations for size of person and male vs female (but not as much as most people think). Your body can process out about .02 in an hour, which is where the advice to space out your drinks so you have no more than one an hour comes from. Most people after 2 drinks over dinner will be a .04 or less, which is why many people have a 2 drink rule, because the studies show impairment starts at .04% (which is also why some states went with .05% as the limit).
The reason people have ‘stories’ about people who had one or two drinks and were way over the limit is because, frankly, most people lie about how much they drank.
I wonder if it was an acetone test? I get hypoglycemia and would expect to test positive whether I’ve had a drink or not either because of hypoglycemia or the diet I have to stay on to treat it (on the other hand, I can’t really drive when hypoglycemic).
If this had been my VP, I would probably have suggested he take a taxi home.
I do not live in the US, however, and have a hard time understanding the seemingly high DUI tolerance. (In general, I mean.)
Where I live the legal limit is a blood alcohol level of .02%, and the socially acceptable number of drinks to have before driving is zero. Above this level you will most probably lose your licence (from .05 at least for a year), along with fines (relative to your income, so high income high fine) and prison sentence. The police routinely do random and organized blood alcohol level tests (where all or random traffic is stopped), and in “party season” or the morning after major holidays where people may be still drunk from the day before, there are traditionally controls as well. Drinking is very much socially acceptable, but DUI is not.
That is of course not helpful in this case. :) But I would suggest that if this VP drinks so much that you feel the need to pay attention – what are the chances that he did not have a few pre-dinner drinks etc? Even though you only *saw* a couple, that doesn’t mean that he only had a couple. This situation seems a lot more difficult in the US, though.
Your country sounds a lot safer. Thanks for sharing.
But you know us in the US… Home of the FREE….
I agree with you. I am in the US and am regularly astounded at the lackadaisical attitude toward drinking and driving that I see. I know I am out of step with most of my peers.
Thanks, I might briefly mention getting a car next time, see how that goes.
I actually do like the guy, I guess is why I even care. But, not my circus, not my monkeys.
My old retired dentists’ practice was purchased by a young new dentist. I have fixed retainers from 2002ish (lingual wires, whatever you want to call them) and my now retired ortho told me that I needed to have them checked on annually by an ortho. Current dentist says she can handle checking/maintaining the wires in office and I don’t need to see an ortho, but if I decide to see one, “He’s gonna need a note from me, so make sure you call me first and let me know.” Yeah, sure…I’ve seen her twice total and she’s made this statement multiple times at each visit. From what I understand, I don’t need her to hold my hand to see an orthodontist, esp since I have no history with her personally…or even with the dentist who came before her. I have no cavities or other dental issues.
Now, is she doing this to build relationships with ortho providers as she is new (but her husband is a new ortho who now works for the most prominent office in the area), or is she trying to “warn” any other ortho that I will be seeing them ahead of time because I have issues with the work my previous (retired) ortho had done and am always asking for help with a possible revision, and docs don’t want to talk about that? Like, is she letting them know I am a PIA from what she’s read in my file? Do general dentists handle your lingual wires/fixed retainers now? Just wondering.
Is it an insurance issue? My insurance requires a referral from the dentist to the ortho.
I self-pay at the dentist at the moment. I have for quite some time, but I’m getting older so will likely carry it very soon. Perhaps she was unaware, but I doubt that any insurance plans cover adult ortho work. Something to look into…Maybe retainer checks would be covered under my regular dentist appt but not with an ortho…
Every insurance I’ve had covered a set amount for ortho. Didn’t matter age of patient.
Yeah, that’s how I would have interpreted her comments.
Can you ask her what would be in the note? Would it be a referral for insurance purposes? Your dental records (which presumably include when your previous dentist owned the practice). I’d probe further to see if her wants to send a note for health/insurance reasons or business reasons.
If she’s writing the note to warn a colleague about a difficult pt, she won’t tell the truth.
She doesn’t need permission to warn a colleague about a difficult patient.
I would just find a new dentist and go from there. Obviously you don’t trust this dentist. Maybe she’s just desperate to build a business … but you’re seeing a red flag, so why not move on?
It is a bit tough to find a good dentist with good hygiene people. Honestly, I do like that it is an all-female office without that potentially creepy “middle aged man with beautiful young female assistant” thing going on. Oh well.
Just one data point, but my regular dentist checks on my fixed retainer every year. If something were wrong with it, she might send me to an ortho, I’m not sure.
Interesting that so many have their dentists check their fixed retainer. I believe I had signed a contract with my ortho (many many years ago) when I made the decision to keep the lingual wires on that involved me seeing him annually for checks. This is why I felt it was necessary for an ortho to do so. Good to know.
That seems like a money grab from your ortho. I get the instinct by him to “protect his work” but, sorry, dude… nope. I would sign it and then break the contract with impunity simply to see another ortho if I was really worried for a second opinion. Sounds vaguely “predatory”… in a professional:client context, not older male:younger female.
i do not think she would need a note from her for you to go see an orthodontist. it sounds like she is trying to insist she can check the wires so she can bill you for it, but personally i would go see an ortho. i do not think most dentists are trained to do this
I have one from the late 90’s. My dentist confirms that it hasn’t moved, the cement hasn’t chipped, etc at my regular cleanings. They can tell from xrays that my teeth are staying where they’re supposed to. I haven’t been to an ortho since high school but also haven’t had any concerns about my teeth moving.
No comment on the behavior about notes but why not ask her what she’s talking about? What is the revision you’re asking about? Do you think you might need braces again?
My bite is completely off and I can’t “bite down” anymore, so I could use braces again. At the very least I need a new lower retainer as I was supposed to just wear this newer upper retainer alone until my bite improved. Third, my relationship with my previous ortho ended badly before he sold his practice.
I’m the absurdly long response down chain: get a new dentist and a go see an ortho. You don’t trust any of these people. None of us can tell you if that’s bc you are unreasonably picky (not my sense) or if you had bad technical service.
I’ve had one since 1995 and my dentist just checks it. I haven’t seen an ortho since then.
Same, my wire probably went in in 1987 when I was 17, I’m about to be 50, have moved 9+ times as an adult and never ever been to an ortho
I do get extra cleanings around it but the dental hygienist does them, under my insurance limit for cleanings. Canadian dentist/ insurance and they are measured in ‘scaling units’
I don’t think I’ve ever had an ortho check on my fixed retainer. Some dentists/hygenists are better about being gentle with it and some are not. My current dentist’s office has been my dentist’s office since I was three, with exceptions when I lived elsewhere, and is very good and very well respected in my city (also very expensive). I trust them 100% to tell me if I need to see an ortho. I’ve been there when he’s moving heaven and earth to get a client into a specialist because he’s not willing to step outside his comfort zone. (Point being: I trust him to outsource when it is at all appropriate.) One of my good dentists (I don’t remember who, but I remember who it was NOT) reglued the wire at some point. It does make me feel better that I also have a removeable lower retainer I can pop in if I feel like my teeth are backsliding too much, though that’s probably not what any of them want to hear.
If you don’t trust your dentist, look elsewhere. I would be annoyed that she wants me to check with her… if the ortho requires a dentist note, the ortho will tell you that. I would quit worrying about her motives, though–not worth the emotional energy on your part.
You have a weird level of paranoia about this dentist. Just find a new one since you obvi hate her.
What are your best sources to learn about the process of buying a house? My goal is to get knowledgeable both about the process of getting financing, etc as well as what to look for in a house to ensure a good buy (and a good financial decision) so we can move quickly once we really start looking. Any websites, books, etc to recommend? Aiming to buy in next two years or so.
following with interest. we are in the same boat and feel kind of clueless. i’ve seen people recommend going to first time buyer workshops, but at this stage are also looking for online resources/books bc we have two little kids at home and so it is hard to get to a workshop
I read a house-buying for dummies book, which was useful. But honestly, other than setting our budget, our realtor did everything and I didn’t need to understand the details of the process at all. So my #1 tip is find a great realtor.
I did the same! It was helpful.
I don’t have any books/resources to recommend but I can say that my mortgage broker was my saving grace. You need a ‘team’ to buy a house – a real estate agent (bonus points if they do a lot of first-time home sales), a mortgage broker, and a top-of-the-line home inspector that you can trust who specializes in the kind of house you’re buying (old, reno-ed, new build, etc.). My real estate agent was terrible, I hated him and he was fairly useless. My mortgage broker was amazing and instrumental in my home-buying process. I bought in 2013 and I STILL email her with questions about my mortgage, escrow, etc. I love that she is still on my ‘team’ 7 years later. She will even review my mortgage and dole out useful advice – pay $38 dollars more per month on your principal and you’ll cut 7 years off your mortgage. Good luck with the experience!
Honestly, I would try to find a good agent who will sit you down and walk you through the process. Find one from a referral if possible. There are basic things online, but there are often local unique things that you wouldn’t get otherwise. Also, most agents/brokers I have met have no problem starting the relationship early (especially if they’re good), even if they know the purchase won’t come for another year.
+1 – it’s location specific
House buying “norms” are very, very location specific. I’d start asking your house-owning friends for their tips and experience, as well as reading blogs/etc. (probably by realtors) in your local area.
For instance, in my VHCOL market, the norm is to make a 5% offer by certified cheque every time you put an offer in on a house. That means you need to have $$$$$ literally sitting in your chequing account ready to go at a moments notice once you start looking. How long closings are is market dependent. The types of conditions you can reasonably include on an offer, etc. etc.
As far as stuff you can do online – find a good-for-your-market MLS aggregator that includes good search filters and sales history and just starting looking at pictures and prices. No offence to realtors, but I can look up comps and sales history on the computer just as well as they can.
This. Also take any advice from friends/families who haven’t bought or sold a house since before the recession with a LARGE grain of salt. It’s akin to a Boomer parent telling you to print copies of your resume and pound the pavement.
Start stalking Zillow or Realtor.com to get an idea of what’s available and how quickly (or not) homes move.
+1 on home buying being location specific. It’s also nuanced based on the kind of home, season, price point, etc. You want a good real estate agent to tell you about how it works generally and to help you navigate your particular purchase. Ask friends who have recently purchased homes for referrals and go to open houses to meet agents.
As an example of regional differences, in my area, for the kinds of homes that two biglaw associates might be able to afford (along with anything less expensive), it can be hard to get an offer accepted unless you put in an offer with no contingencies—not even for inspection or mortgage. This is bananas, any book and any person familiar with real estate elsewhere will tell you it’s bananas, but it’s also how you can get someone to sell you a house.
I feel like a workshop may be overwhelming and might not be worth it, as so much of what you need in a house is personal. Polling and research shows that people’s happiness levels are more highly affected by the duration of their commute as opposed to size of house. So aim for the shortest commute possible for you and your partner. Also, you’ll want to consider schools, if you have kids or if kids are possible in the future. Reasonable price varies by market, obviously, and you’ll pay MUCH more in say,NYC or SF than you would in say, Des Moines. A rule of thumb for “good price” that many people go by here (I am in a relatively HCOL area, but not NYC or SF) is $99/square foot. After the market crashed in 2008, we were able to buy a house in a desirable part of town at right around that price, whereas before the crash there was no way – so we rented for a couple of years til the prices came down. Now that home prices have gone back up, we paid a lot more than that for our newest house, which we bought last year, but we are in a much better financial position than we were when we bought the last house. And we were willing to pay more to be closer to town, and nearer my kids’ schools (one is in private school, the other in a magnet school). Other wisdom based on my experience – the kitchen is the most important part of the house both for your everyday life AND for resale value, so if you don’t love the kitchen in terms of size and layout, don’t buy it. Appliances can be replaced much cheaper than countertops or cabinets. Don’t go for white floors if you have young children, or will have them in the near future. The new wood-look tile flooring is great, durable and easy to clean. Don’t go for black or white countertops unless you love to clean constantly. And if you know you’re going to have to replace the floors, do so BEFORE you move in.
Wow, $99/sq ft seems so cheap to me! I’m in a HCOL area, but not SF or NYC, and think $400 to $500/sq ft is normal.
Right? I’m in a solidly MCOL area (state capitol in the SE), and $150-200/sf is about normal for a place that doesn’t need much, if anything, to move into. $200/sf is about right for new construction pricing in my area.
That’s quite a difference. If you’re not in SF or NYC, where are you?
I’m in a pretty LCOL area (SE, not a state capital, ~200k population) and for the houses/neighborhood I’m interested in, $120/sf is normal.
I think the price per square foot metric doesn’t apply to most of the US. Price highly depends on the location and quality of what’s inside based on comparable properties.
$99/sq ft! Ha!!! I’m a Texas metro area…the old, comestically updated houses I’m looking at are $400-$500/sq ft.
If you can get a 3,000 sq foot house for $300,000 ($100/sq foot) you aren’t HCOL by any definition. My house was more than that per square foot and I describe my area (Midwest college town) as very LCOL.
I’m in a mid- large city in Florida. It’s not technically a high cost of living area, but real estate is expensive down here. However, we stuck by the $99 per square foot rule when we lived in the burbs of Atlanta, too. (Granted, that was 17 years ago). But when we purchased our house here in 2012, we paid right around $99 a square foot for a nice house in the close-in burbs that needed some updating. Like I said, it was after the market had crashed and the sellers were pretty desperate. We paid a as lot more than that in 2019, but the house we bought is in the city, very close to downtown. I would say in a decent-but-not-hot market, you could probably pay $120-$150 per square foot and be getting a good deal here, not in the actual city of course.
Talk to a real estate agent to get information about the buying process, how to make an offer, home inspections and things related to the property. A mortgage broker can help you with the financial side of things. Be prepared to provide tons of paperwork – pay stubs, bank statements, tax forms, blood of your first born, etc.
HA at the blood of your firstborn, but it does feel that way!
If you are a member of a credit union, they may offer a free seminar. A former employer of mine also did.
Would love to hear from people who have successfully managed plantar fasciitis. I used to run a lot but took the last 4-5 years off for kids, life, etc. I recently started getting back into it but PF pain is crippling after a good run, using the same shoes I’ve been wearing since fall that I was fitted for at a good running store. I’m stretching and using a spiky lacrosse ball on my heel regularly. I have an appointment with my podiatrist tomorrow but wondering what questions I should ask and if I should be pushing for PT. Thanks for any thoughts.
Do you also have pelvic pain? Pain in your SI joints or hips? If so, the pain could be “referred” from there…and you might benefit from pelvic PT.
I struggled with PF for years and it’s now in remission. What worked best for me was one of those braces you can buy at a drug store or the like that flexed my foot overnight to keep the PF stretched while I sleep.
Yes! +1
My husband was able to manage his with that weird sock that holds your foot up at night. I can’t remember the name.
It’s the Strassburg Sock
Never going barefoot and wearing supportive shoes (I liked Birks for inside) helped me, plus a lot of time. It’s pretty miserable so you have my sympathy!
I had plantar fasciitis a couple of times. It resolved itself in a couple of months each time. I wore the green superfeet insoles in my sneakers that my podiatrist recommended . I also noticed that office shoes with a low heel (1 – 1.5 inches) took my weight off of my heels and were more comfortable than flats while I was recovering. I generally walk for exercise, and was seriously curtailed in that, although my podiatrist did say that the walking was not re injuring or slowing my recovery. I could use the elliptical without pain, so I stuck with that. I found that Aleve worked for the pain (the podiatrist recommended higher/more frequent doses than are listed on the bottle) but would kick in randomly so it was hard to dose in a way that provided predictable pain relief.
Oh, and +100 to never going barefoot. I wear crocs in the house – they are soft and comfy and have a bit of arch support built in.
Icing, stretching, wearing an insert in my everyday shoes, and replacing worn out high heels seemed to resolve PF for me 6-7 years ago when I was running heavily. My PF actually seemed to result from what I was doing outside of running—wearing shoes with little support or letting my high heels wear down to the metal posts. I hope yours resolves soon, that’s awful. Don’t forget to watch the mileage on your running shoes too.
I am in a similar boat (used to run a lot, had a kid, fell off the wagon) but haven’t resolved to get serious again. I’m rooting for you.
Your shoes may be worn out. I purchased some last August and just bought a new pair a few weeks ago because my PF was coming back. I make sure I’m always wearing shoes or slippers with inserts (the green Spenco inserts work well for me, and some area HSA-eligible on Amazon), and that is a big help, too.
Massage! Make sure to get your calves, too. The stick (massage tool) works pretty well. I recommend reading the Trigger Point Therapy Workbook.
I’ve had it a couple of times in my life and both times it eventually went away. I’m not convinced anything I did made a lot of difference other than time, but I did try one of those sleep braces last time.
A few years ago I had the beginnings of this. It took throwing out all my worn out, non-supportive shoes and buying new ones. They don’t have to be “comfort” shoes per se, just a little supportive. Women tend to develop this in the summer walking around in flip flops or similar.
Two things: 1. Wear shoes with good arch support, and no flip flops. Be very careful about which flats your choose to wear–as all are not created equally and can exacerbate this issue.
2. Keep a golf ball or tennis ball under your desk, couch, table etc. Kick off your shoe and roll it around under your foot frequently.
Bonus: Use a towel or t-shirt, lay flat on your back, loop the towel/ t-shirt over your foot and extend your leg upward to the ceiling pulling your foot gently toward you. This will really help if you can do it when you wake up, post run, and before bed.
I had chronic plantar fasciitis until 7 years ago I tried extracorporeal shock wave therapy. After 3 sessions, it was gone. Prior to having the sessions, I did all the stretches, changed shoes, had injections and slept in the sock brace. My insruance didn’t cover it but it was less than $1,000. Worth every penny and then some.
We put down 20% on a $1.4M house in a HCOL area last year. Most of the money was DH’s – saved from a decade at biglaw. I bought my own much less expensive house separately prior to us dating, so that house is rented out and the extra rental income helps as well. DH only went to public schools and had no loans, which made a big difference.
I’m on the job hunt right now and, out of nowhere, my recruiter has started talking about opportunities in DC. I’m open to that relocation and one firm is flying me up for an interview at the end of the week and also giving me an extra night in the hotel so I can look at apartments. If the firm is Downtown, where would I live in DC? And how much should I be thinking about for rent? Is under 2.5 reasonable or would my budget need to be 3k?
I would want 1 bedroom, decent closets, island or peninsula kitchen, space for a dining table and a separate work desk (somewhere in the apartment), laundry in unit ideally but in building for sure, parking hopefully. That’s already a lot of things.
Based on your wants and assuming you want to be in the District proper, under $2500 is not reasonable, especially not with parking (that alone is usually $150-200 in a building). Where you want to live really depends on what kind of commute you’re looking for.
If you’re willing to metro to downtown you can live almost anywhere because the Metro Center and Chinatown stops will cover all 5 lines. I think your money will cover what you’re looking for in walking distance of your office if you’re willing to go above $2.5k to include the parking. (For example, a friend lived in this building and it looks like it could be an option for you: https://www.meridiangalleryplace.com/washington-dc-apartments/meridian-at-gallery-place-meridiangalleryplace/).
Given that flexiblity, are there other things you’re looking for in a neighborhood? If you want something quieter I wouldn’t recommend the building above, but something maybe up the Red Line around Woodley Park or Cleveland Park – which would also be cheaper, with the trade-off of a longer commute. Capital Hill also has a neighborhood feel, but fewer apartments and more row houses. If you want to be more in the middle of things, there might be apartments around Dupont, south of Logan Circle, or NoMa that fit what you’re looking for.
When I was a young associate I lived here: https://www.meridianmtvernontriangle.com/washington-dc-apartments/meridian-at-mt-vernon-triangle/ and they have 1 bedrooms with in-unit laundry for $2400-ish.
Honestly, you might want to resign yourself to at least a 30 minute public transit commute – which I think is doable to exchange for a decent sized placed that won’t take half your paycheck.
Where downtown? The biggest factor on commute times is whether you have to switch metro lines, assuming you are going to take public transit. If you want to be in DC, you could find something in that place point in most neighborhoods.
There are some building that will give you that for under 2.5k (thinking some of the older buildings in Navy Yard, areas of Arlington, etc), but if you want to live very close, I would budget 3k (or a bit over, honestly, especially if you’ll need parking).
What you’re talking about is a large one bedroom, if not 1+Den, and you might want to tour some buildings to get a better sense of space. Laundry in unit is standard in newer buildings in DC, parking garages below are fairly standard as well. Most newer buildings will also include gyms, pools, 24-hour front desk, etc. It’s a bit of an amenity arms race in DC for the newer buildings, so you’ll find lots of nice things.
In terms of areas – it depends on your priorities – is it being close to the office? Then the question is what area of downtown. Is it space for money? If so, you’ll need to go across the river to VA or toward the hill and look at older buildings. I personally love the 14th Street/Logan Circle area – lots of fun restaurants, generally a mid 20s-mid 30s vibe, with some young families around. Also a great area to meet people. Close to downtown, but you’re not going to get as much space as you seem to want for less than 3k, and honestly, if you want a new building, I’d budget 3.5k, especially for parking, though you might not actually need a car, which would give you more budget room.
Also, factor in that DC/MD income taxes are much higher than VA income taxes and the way the river comes in, if you work in Farragut West / orange line, VA may be closer than some parts of DC.
I already have a car and I’m not sure I want to sell but I’ll have to see. I don’t want an awful commute but the fun restaurants 20s-30s vibe area is more what I’m hoping for. I’m planning on seeing as many buildings as I can when I’m in the city but I wasn’t even sure what areas to start with. I’m in an older building right now which I’m fine with so I don’t know that I NEED a new building but I do need closets and those can be hard to find in older places.
Honestly, live in a highrise in Courthouse at first then figure it out. You will be close to work (can walk on a good day) and can walk to restaurants etc. when you get home.
Oh god if you are not in your early 20’s don’t live in Courthouse/Clarendon. I lived and worked in that area at my first job and 10 years later, I hate having to go over that way.
I would keep it initially, but you’ll likely be surprised at how little you need it. There are definitely a few older buildings around Logan Circle that are worth looking at, and if you’re willing to do a little less space, might get you what you want.
When I was working in big law, I lived in a 1-bedroom near Eastern Market for $1750 (metro accessible with parking, moved in 2016) and a 1-bedroom in the Palisades for $1550 (not metro accessible with ample street parking, moved in 2017). I recognize that my data is a bit old…. but if you’re looking for a nice place with a lower budget – I’d look on Craigslist for units in smaller buildings or an English basement rental by owner. You can find what you’re looking for for a lot less.
For those of you who own (esp in high cost areas), how much down payment did you put down on a house? Having a hard time wrapping my head around the idea of a 20% down payment on an 800k+ home and not sure how everyone around me is doing it. I’ve heard some people say “no one puts 20% down” and others say “you want to avoid PMI” so I’m confused.
You’re so funny. In NYC, we have to put 20-50% down if we want to buy a coop. Forget about even affording the mortgage if it’s a condo… And this is why I rent…
NY, Toronto, and SF are outliers not in the realm of normal humans real estate wise. I feel really bad for people trying to buy in those markets, that’s a big reason why people move…
We have a unicorn NYC coop that let us put down under 20%! We did this so we could afford to renovate. I’m in fairly deep Brooklyn, but they do exist.
PS- it would have been great to avoid PMI, but given how much our investment appreciated in the 2 years it took us to have enough equity to stop paying it, I have zero regrets.
We put 15% down on a 600k house. We were able to avoid PMI because we used Citi Private Bank (a perk offered to associates at my big law firm). We were also able to avoid escrowing for insurance/taxes.
Interest rates are so low that I actually like escrowing b/c it’s one less thing to go wrong. In my old age, I may keep a tiny mortgage just for the convenience of this and so I can put it on monthly auto-pay to the mortgage company.
now i’m wondering if this is a common perk in biglaw or if you are at my firm
I’m a different poster, and thinks it’s a common perk in biglaw. Citi is trying to build a relationship with those associates who will end up as partners
that makes sense. I had assumed it was common
BBVA also has a similar program for lawyers, as well as other professionals (accountants, doctors, etc.). We still had to escrow because we did a high loan to value ratio.
If you can’t afford the downpayment, there’s a good chance you can’t afford the house. FWIW, we got approved for 750K and bought at 550K – banks will approved A LOT more than you can actually afford if you want to not be house poor. We could never take a vacation or have more than one child if we bought at 750K.
That may be true for some people but not all. There are plenty of people who have high earnings and could handle a costly emergency but not enough that they’ve saved $100K or whatever.
We put down 10% and got a jumbo loan that didn’t have PMI. (We could have put down 20 but would rather keep that money in the market, the returns have been so much better than our mortgage rate.) They exist for borrowers with good credit but you may have to shop around.
You can afford the house… if nothing goes wrong. IMHO, the ability to save a down payment while also paying for rent (or your current mortgage) shows that you have the extra cash to build up a substantial emergency fund to cover the mortgage in the event of job loss, or cover a mortgage plus substantial repairs when things break (as they are want to do).
That’s not necessarily true (and maybe I’m biased because we did a physicians’ loan with no money down and no PMI). We bought about a year before we were planning too/before we would have built up more of a down payment fund because we saw the right house for the right price. When we closed, we had our six month emergency fund still intact, plus another $10-15k (and then had two semi-high cost emergencies back to back that we used that $10-15K on).
Hardly anyone I know puts down 20%. When you actually talk to a mortgage broker, you’ll learn that PMI isn’t that much (in my 5-600k budget a 10% down payment was less than $200 less a month – I’ll just give up lattes). I don’t know anyone who is not independently wealthy or doesn’t make insane amounts of money who put down 20%. It is much easier to pay a couple extra hundred bucks a month than to save an extra 80k.
However this is largely market dependent – my market is not competitive enough where homes disappear in 3 days with all cash offers.
FWIW, we were super worried about paying PMI but then it ended up being…$35 a month. We could have scraped together the full 20%, but for less than the cost of one mid-range restaurant meal a month it was worth it to stick with 15% and keep a larger cash reserve for repairs/emergencies/etc.
I’ve got a reply below in m0d (or the ether) but PMI on my $300ish house with 5% down is only $60/month. PMI for 10% down was $40 month. Absolutely worth it to me.
Counterpoint: sold a starter home in the greater Boston area over the summer. $550k price point. 50% of our 12 offers had > 20% down and some were all cash. I think it’s market by market, and maybe even just case by case.
When we bought said starter home, we put 11% down because we found a local credit union that waived PMI at that level (vs more standard 20%). When we bought house #2 this summer with an $850k price tag, we had 35% down due to gains from the sale of our home and additionally saved funds we contributed, though mostly money from the sale of house #1.
Our PMI is also $35 a month, on a $375k house. We put down 10% because we wanted to leave some money in reserve for necessary house renovation and repairs (which was a good idea as we’ve already spent $10k on fixing or addressing various issues in the year-plus we’ve owned the house, some of which we had anticipated and some not).
“If you can’t afford 20% down you can’t afford the house” is a ludicrous statement. There is no factual or statistical reason why 20% is the down payment number banks use; it’s a relic from the 1930s when mortgages were a brand-new instrument and that’s what banks settled on as the “right” number for a down payment, by spitball analysis. Like others here, our mortgage broker told us very few people put down 20% and it’s not always the best choice. If you can afford a monthly PITI payment that won’t leave you still paying off the mortgage in your 80s, you can afford the house. On the advice of our mortgage broker, our required payment is lower than what we’re paying on the mortgage every month – that way we can pay off the mortgage faster, but if we have to (due to job loss, etc.) we can ratchet down the payment amount without having to refinance the mortgage. Our mortgage broker was awesome and really helped us work the numbers so we understood not just how much we qualified for, but how much we could take on and still meet our other financial goals.
I strongly encourage new home buyers not to sink every last available penny into their down payment and leave nothing left over for repairs. In our last house, despite a “clean as a whistle” inspection, within six months of ownership we had roof repair and a sewer repair that totaled $12k. If you don’t have cash to pay the repair bills you have to pull from your retirement fund, put it on a credit card, or get a HELOC. That can cost you way more than PMI over the long run. Every homeowner I know has had to do major repairs during the first few years of ownership, even in new construction homes.
We put 20% down when we bought our $700k house in 2017. I was called in 2012 and have also been servicing hefty student loans since then. Our combined HHI is currently $185k (the highest its ever been) but was closer to $115,000k when I was called to the bar.
In DC. My friends who have bought either had family help on the down payment or have PMI.
+1 but from Texas
+2. I put down ~60% (not a typo) in DC thanks to family money.
people can do it if they have high paying jobs, don’t have student loans, they have a partner who is also a high earner, or have family money.
I put 20% down. I was in biglaw at the time, and intended to leave eventually for a lower paying job in government so my budget was lower because it needed to be something I could afford on a government salary. I saved a big bonuses and added a decent amount each month, so I could afford the 20% down by the time I found a place I wanted.
Oh, and I meant to add, I’m the only one I know who put 20% down. Even all the other associates at my firm we’re buying with a significantly smaller down payment.
My financial world is very MCOL, but if you’re eligible for membership with Navy Fed and you have excellent credit, they offer conventional mortgages with <20% down and no PMI. That's how I bought my first house in 2011. 10% down, no PMI.
I put 20% down on my current house and I will say that the start-to-finish process was smoother and I got grilled quite a bit less in the underwriting process, but the end result to both was a house and mortgage with good terms.
+1. Credit unions are the way to go. When I called our bank where we have our main checking account and quoted Navy Federal’s offer they didn’t even try to match it. We put down 10% and pay no PMI.
I put down 20% on a condo that was in the 700k range. I was competing against a half dozen other offers. I don’t know what the other bids were, but I doubt I would have won without a down payment above 10 or 15%. My friends who bought in less competitive locations put less down but were often not competing against another offer or only one other.
Genuinely curious, what difference would it make to a seller whether you’re putting down 10% cash or 20% cash? I can see 100% cash since you can do a faster close, but if a buyer is pre-approved for a mortgage, how would a seller even know how the mortgage is structured? My husband and I bought a condo with 20% down, competed against one other offer, and the only negotiation term that we discussed was the total price (we went above list in a competitive market but low time of year).
Sellers want to make sure the sale goes through. Down payment amount can be one factor they use to gauge that since a larger downpayment can mean an easier mortgage approval. Cash on hand can also smooth over issues that arise during the closing process. If the appraisal comes in low buyers with a larger down payment are more likely to have the cash to come up with the extra money or meet part of the way there.
We picked someone who only put 3% down. They were $5k less than the highest offer and all other offer details were identical. They were a young couple with a small kid, from the area, so we said what the heck why not.
Let me tell you: NEVER AGAIN.
The post-closing has been insane. Post closing they have sent, through their attorney who preemptively calls my attorney to apologize for the ridiculousness of the request but admits he has to do it on behalf of his client (who he has since cut ties with), multiple bills from plumbers and other contractors for things they claim we knew about (what?!), random repairs for this and that. Frankly, I think they are both insanely immature/inexperienced and just don’t have the cash. We already knew part of the 3% down was a gift from mom and dad whose basement the young family had been living in. They waived their inspection to boot.
Why on earth would you take an offer that was lower than the others?
There were many reasons. It’s not all about last $ for everyone.
We didn’t need the incremental $5k, first and foremost. Highest offer only had 10% down, so not like it was wildy better from that angle. The buyer we chose grew up in our neighborhood and had family very nearby. We remebered being pregnant and house hunting, and failing to win anything, so we thought we’d pay it forward and help a young couple out. And, the broker repping the higher offer was a PITA.
And, FWIW, on both houses I’ve bought, I know with 100% certainty we weren’t the highest offer in dollars. In both instances we were able to establish a strong connection with the seller (once was an accidental meeting of the seller while the house was on the market and the other we discovered was a friend of a friend who put in a good word). Selling a home is more than just $$ to many.
I’m not in a HCOL area, but we put 20% down. We used a combination of inheritance and our own savings. I’ll anonymously admit that we used some inheritance money (maybe 12% of the cost of the house) because it’s likely that some of the people around you are doing the same thing. If you knew us, you wouldn’t necessarily know we had this money. We don’t talk about it with our friends. It’s from DH’s grandfather’s IRA, and it’s wonderful to have it, but it doesn’t mean we can (or want to) stop working or that we can afford elaborate vacations, etc. It helped with a down payment on a house that is otherwise within our budget. There’s money left to help DH go to graduate school if he decides to, or to help with our son’s college (but probably only enough for a state school or if he gets scholarships).
Boston suburbs. First house we bought in 2010 with 5% down on a $390k starter house. We could have put more down but rates were super low and it wasn’t an issue.
We sold that house for $450k in 2015 and bought a $850k house putting 20% down.
We put 10% down on 800K and avoided PMI. We could have stretched and put down 12.5-15%, but considering closing costs (25K+ on an $800K home), we didn’t want to clean out our savings. At least in DC, Suntrust has nearly unbeatable rates/deals for mortgages as long as you have excellent credit. One thing to consider is the max to avoid a jumbo (or second) mortgage is around $715Kish so you want to at least put down whatever is the difference between the house price and the conforming loan limit. The people we know who put down 20% or more typically sacrificed retirement savings for a year or two, have family assistance, no student loans, 401K loans, or some combination of all of those.
We didn’t do a full 20% down on our $650K place, but we put down around 12% and did the remaining 8% on an interest-only HELOC that we paid off after a year. For us this was a good move as we knew we had some big money coming in the way of an expected bonus payment but were ready to move for family reasons. (And before anyone jumps on me, we could have continued to afford indefinitely without the bonus, but it was nice to get that HELOC paid off just for peace of mind.)
Oh, yeah, we did this on another home. It was actually a really low-cost home, but we bought it spontaneously so didn’t have the cash savings. We did the primary mortgage with 20% down, then financed that 20% with a second lien at like 7% interest rate that we paid off within 6 months or so.
I put 20% down on an 800k house.
Where did the money come from? That would make your comment more illustrative.
Not anon above – but we put 20% down on an 800K home and our down payment came from our own savings. In NYC we were paying $4200/month in rent for a 1 bedroom (while saving), but are 2 mid/high earners, saved aggressively and invested nearly all our savings in the market (bonds, ETFs). We had no kids at the time of saving for our down payment. Our rent before is close to what our mortgage + taxes payment is now, so we knew the home was very affordable for us and we could still save aggressively/afford kids comfortably post-home purchase. We both went to state schools and therefore had no student loans/paid them off quickly. My husband previously paid for his MBA at a private school out of savings. We had no financial support from family. I think no student loans is a big key to our ability to save and I am thankful my parents steered me in the direction of attending a state school.
The money came from my savings. I was previously in a house that I bought for 280k (with 20% down) and lived there for 8 years and saved up. I’m not in big law or anything, though I’ve made about 6 figures the whole time.
I put 10% down and don’t pay PMI – those loans are available for high income (I bought way less than I could afford) buyers with high credit scores. I don’t know many people that put 20% down, and those that did generally bought significantly less than they could afford. I life in a hot market (DC) so for me, putting less down was worth buying sooner. My mortgage + insurance + HOA fees + taxes is already less than I would pay for a comparable apartment with parking, so it was well worth it for me.
I think the national downpayment average is something like 7%.
LCOL area, currently buying. House is selling for $262K, appraising at about $313K. We are putting down 5%.
I put 3.5% down on my first house (~125K) and my PMI was around $50. My second house was 5% down (~300K) and my PMI is $60. We considered putting 10% down and that PMI rate was around $40 – I much preferred to keep that 15K in the bank and spent an extra $20/month. I strongly disagree with the poster above who says you can’t afford the house if you can’t afford 20%. Our house payment is well under 20% of our monthly take-home, but with daycare bills it would have been at least five years before we could have saved up another 45K, and who knows how much housing prices might go up in that time? That $60/month is absolutely worth it to me.
Why wouldn’t you increase your monthly payment in this case to offset the low downpayment? You have like zero equity in the house if you need to deal with a major repair.
Daycare costs more than twice my mortgage every month. We round up our payment, but there’s no room in the budget to increase the payment enough to make an appreciable difference. Our house appraised well over what we paid and prices in the area have gone up since we bought. Between that and cash on hand, I’m comfortable with our equity in the house.
We bought our house in 2008 for $750K with a 20% down payment. Admittedly, at the time, interest rates were in the 6% range, so the size of the down payment had a proportionately bigger impact on monthly cost than it does now. (E.g., the monthly payment on a $600K loan is $3694 at 6% vs $2694 at 3.5% — borrowing $550K at 6% saves $400/mo vs saving $200/mo at 3.5%). Still, I very, very much appreciated that I never came close to being underwater when housing prices dropped after I bought.
I’m in Bay Area (20 minutes from SF) and we’ve always put at least 20% down.
Without context, this isn’t that helpful. What was your thought process and/or rough financial situation?
We put 20% down on an 800K home. In our HCL area mortgages over ~$600k are considered jumbo, so if your downpayment is too small your rates and fees will be much higher. We also didn’t want mortgage insurance.
You may be get a jumbo loan where you put down under 20% and still have no PMI, based on having a high household income/cash flow. When we bought our home, we put down 10% on our $800k+ purchase price, no PMI. Talk to potential lenders and see if this is an option.
In DC. First house- we put down 10% and took out a second mortgage to cover the other 10% to get the interest rate we wanted on the main mortgage without PMI. House was 650k. Doing it this way was cheaper than paying PMI. At that time we expected our incomes to be increasing and bonuses to cover the second mortgage within 2-3 years easily, and that’s what happened. Second house in DC, price 1.75 million. We used the Citi Private Bank mortgage and put down 10.01%, because that is what we had in cash on hand without tapping our emergency fund, sold our first house and used the proceeds to recast the mortgage on the second house. After that our “down payment” is about 30%. Even with 30% down the new mortgage makes me a bit uncomfortable and limits our options while we are also in the daycare years.
We put $200,000 on a house that was around $400,000. Half was savings and half was from selling our starter house (sold at $180,000 but still had a mortgage on it). No family money but no student loans (scholarships/grants for college and grad schools). Household income of around $250,000. We were expecting a child at the time and desperate to move into a bigger place so we wanted to make our offer competitive. Houses were going fast in the area we wanted. Also wanted to carry as little debt as possible. This was in 2018. We were age 28/34 at the time.
Having bought in DC and another HCOL market – put 25 percent down on a 400k home (that no one outside of DC would ever think was worth anything near that…) and the only way we were able to do that on our middle class salaries was funds previously inherited from grandparents plus family help at the time. I’m surprised people on this board are so cagey about having gotten help – it’s not something we hide if we are having a similar discussion to this with friends. Then that house increased significantly in value so that when we sold it, we could put a 30 percent down payment on a slightly more expensive house in another area. For us it has been invaluable to have a lower month to month mortgage as we have weathered several career ups and downs, unexpected childcare costs, etc. that have affected month to month cash flow.
Family money. This was the age when all my colleagues who I thought were struggling in entry level jobs just like me suddenly were in 800k-1MM condos, like what?!? and then I realized the down payments were from their parents. Generational wealth is a real thing.
Well, that or finance bonuses….
Nashville– We put down 5% down for a $400K house and paid PMI. We had the money to put more down, but since we couldn’t get to 20% and rates were so low, we decided to keep the rest in cash, and we’re so glad we did since a lot of things like blinds ended up being more than expected. Bought in 2016- our house is now worth $500K. We are now getting an appraisal to get rid of PMI. No regrets.
Also– the real estate market is very different here than in other cities. Here, there is a shortage of rental houses due to population growth and AirBnB, so rent is crazy. Our mortgage is the same as our rent was, but we were renting a house half the size that had vines growing through the floorboards. If we had wanted to rent something comparable to what we live in (which is well within our means in a neighborhood with other DINKs in their late 20s/early 30s) while saving for a 20% down payment, we would have to pay double our mortgage payment while we were saving and would have missed out on the increase in property values. So, for us, it made sense to buy with 5% down.
We put 20% down on $1.3M home.
We bought our first home with 10-15% down and another higher interest loan (like 7.75%?) to make up the difference to 20%, but no PMI. I don’t think this structure is common anymore. We were relatively high earners with little savings as a young family.
We sold this house after 10 years and used the equity plus savings to put 20% down on our current home. It got us the best mortgage rates. We nearly cleaned out our savings but it was worth it.
We are in a HCOL/high housing demand area.
I am going on a sabbatical trip to Europe with my husband and 2 year old this August and September. We were not planning to take this trip this year but because of an unexpected situation (loss of pregnancy) we can do so now. We’ll start trying again as soon as I am cleared by my OB, and I don’t want to be traveling while I am heavily pregnant (fingers crossed). So long story short, we have to take the Sabbatical this year or we risk losing this opportunity. As you can imagine, we have not made any specific plans or done any research and now we are scrambling. All we know is we want to spend about a third of our time (3 weeks) in one place, another third in a second place (3 weeks) and the rest with family, all in Europe. Do you ladies have any recommendation for nice places in Europe (not mega cities, but not somewhere we will get bored out of our minds)? Croatia is nice (and have been to the Istria region) but any specific towns/cities recommendation in any European country would be really helpful. Thank you a bunch for any suggestions!
I would do three weeks in Italy. I love the Tuscany sea coast near Maremma.
I’d also suggest 3 weeks in the Bodensee area – it’s 2 hours to Munich, Innsbruck, Zurich etc so a good base for some day trips.
Another alternative would be Portugal. Martinhal property on the coast is fab.
Yes, I love the Bodensee! It’s where lots of Germans go on their summer holidays. Konstanz is a gorgeous little city. Friedrichshafen is a little less gorgeous but does have the Zeppelin museum.
We went to Amsterdam with our 2.5 year old for a week in the summer and had a great time! I would happily spend a month there. Lots of parks and playgrounds, and restaurants were kid friendly. We also rented bikes and strapped her in to get around the city, and she loved it! We did a day trip out of the city too.
Seconding Portugal — it’s lovely in September.
My husband and I spent just over a week in Alsace region of France, Salzburg, Colmar etc last fall. We adored it – not huge but a lot to do, delicious food, beautiful outdoors. You could easily fill three weeks there and visit some of the neighboring German towns.
I could definitely spend three weeks in Mallorca, Corsica or Sardinia. I also think Switzerland would be great.
I am the OP. I meant to say *not* get bored out of our minds! I don’t want to be bored!
You did it right — the “not” is just earlier in your sentence (but not somewhere we will get bored out of our minds) happy planning!
Please help, wise hive! I got a disappointing bonus this year and need to figure out how I should be handling this.
I was 350 hours over target, but bonus was lower than it was last year when I was 100 hours over target. I took 8 weeks off on Mat leave, but those hours aren’t pro rated (ie I’d be over target by even more). Head office of a large regional firm in a major city but not New York / cravath scale. I’m a mid level associate. Also did several pitches and helped bring in 3 new clients, plus talked at 4 conferences and did a bunch of publications (2 book chapters plus blogs/posts). I thought I killed it this year. I worked so hard. And then my bonus sucked.
How do I approach this? Is it because of the mat leave? What gives? I have my performance review next week so I assume I bring it up then, but what do I say?
Do you know how the firm did financially? My bonuses have varied based in part on how the firm did overall, not just my personal performance. Is there any information on the overall bonus payouts for the firm or for your practice area?
Is there any opportunity to meet with your practice group leader or mentor about your review before your official review?
It may well be your maternity leave/perception that you weren’t available. It may be that someone else killed it even more. It may be that the firm had a down year. But I’d gather as much information as you can so you know how to address it in your review.
I’m going to agree with this one. You’ll want to find out where you are on the scale compared to other associate bonuses. If you’re low by that vs. just low by last year that’s different. But there could be factors at play that just made the bonus pool smaller.
This is some bullsh*t. I am so mad on your behalf. Is it clear what happened? Did they prorate your bonus based on how many weeks you were out? Are there lock-step bonuses based on class year otherwise? I think the second half of the review–after they told you how awesome you were–is the time to bring it up.
Totally with you. You should point this out calmly and factually. Go prepared, look up your last years numbers and hours and have that all written out so you can show it and refer to it during your conversation. Use “i” language – “To be honest, I am disappointed that my effort has not been rewarded”. Emphasize your hard work despite the challenges in your life (pregnancy, infant, maternity leave etc). Then stop and listen to their justifications and excuses. Then ask if “there is any opportunity to reconsider” and offer to set up a follow up meeting after they have done so.
I also like asking earnestly whether there is some other mechanism for motivating similar output in the coming year, given that the bonus didn’t reflect your effort, and then see what they say.
What city are you in, and can I set you up with a recruiter? You sound like you really knocked it out of the park this year, and you should be working somewhere that your effort is valued.
I agree that you need to find out how this is relative to other bonuses and/or the firms performance. Also, I’m so impressed that you exceeded your target the year you took mat leave – I wish I could be like you that way but I’ve struggled even to meet the adjusted target.
Looking for a recommendation for an EP attorney in DC area (specifically VA residents). Clients are moderately wealthy, need to plan for minor children but do not have federal estate tax concerns. TIA!
Jennifer Baumgartner is in Virginia and did a good job of estate planning before death and then helping with the estate after death for my dad. I was an adult, so I can’t comment on the minor children part.
Any estate planner can and should be able to plan for minor children. I worry about many things from my less-competent collegues (I’m an EP atty) but not that :).
TW: When do you know that you are slipping into disordered eating?
Last year, I was put on SSRIs for chronic insomnia, it helped tremendously but I gained a lot of weight and had to stop after a body image-related depressive episode.
My insomnia got worse again and my GP put me back on the SSRI 2 weeks ago as it is the most effective. I now find myself scared to have snacks when I am hungry, almost a PTSD. I anxiously try to decipher whether it is actual hunger or the medicine. 2 out of 3 times I would not have that treat and still feel bad. At what point should I worry about disordered eating.
I think if you’re asking yourself this question, it’s enough of a problem to do some work on it either by yourself or with a therapist. IMO, food making you feel ‘bad’ or anxious to eat it is in itself an indicator that your relationship with food needs work.
If you’re worried about your feelings and behaviors around food, you should listen to that instinct. I would talk to your doctor and start looking for a therapist who has experience working with patients with disordered eating–because it is a LOT better to pay attention to red flags now, than to let those responses and behaviors get more established in your brain.
+1 this is true of many mental health issues. Even if it’s just to dismiss the idea, addresssing concerns has been very helpful to me. Hearing from a professional–no, you are not _____–is way more helpful than basically anything else.
Work with a registered dietitian. They can help you understand what your body needs for fuel and how to fuel your body appropriately and deal with medication related hunger.
I recently saw a post by a friend who has struggled with disordered eating. What works for her is eating the same meals each day. It helps her to keep food in the ‘fuel for my body’ category. So Monday is always X for breakfast, Y for lunch and Z for dinner.
That would be more disordered for a lot of people.
So they shouldn’t do it? For her, it was a great strategy that her dietitian at the hospital suggested and really helped good/bad emotions/judgments around food that she was having. She has a deadly sense of humor and referred to it as the food version of ‘on Wednesday we wear pink’. The way her disordered eating manifests, it reduces stress to not have to make multiple decisions about what to eat each day and obsessing about if they were the right decisions or not. Having a specific, nutritionally sufficient plan reduces the number of food related decisions she has to make and helps her minimize the role food plays in her life.
I didn’t say she shouldn’t do it. That’s why I said “for a lot of people.” I would be worried about a dietician for whom that is a standard approach rather than one adopted under highly specific circumstances. For most people they need a plan where they can do things like go out to dinner with people.
I say this because you said you were “scared to have snacks” but if you don’t “have that treat” you feel bad. There is a difference between snacks and treats. Snacks can be healthy and are a normal part of dealing with hunger for many people. Treats are treats. I very often have what I consider a healthy snack in the afternoon, but it’s rarely something I would consider a treat. There’s a huge difference between a cheese stick and an apple to get me through until dinner and a cupcake. Don’t feel bad about having healthy snacks – without a snack when I’m hungry between meals I’m much more likely to binge when mealtime rolls around, which has way more impact on my weight than the snack would have.
Are you seeing a psychiatrist or a therapist? GPs are not good for managing mental health issues long term, and it sounds like anxiety/depression/insomenia/food issues is a lot going on. Your GP is flying by the seat of her pants.
I would see a psychiatrist now, and I think that SSRIs may not be the best medicine for you.
And then they can help you work through the eating issues, with a therapist if needed.
Good shout, my GP tried old generation anti-histamines, some sleep medications, and then resorted to SSRIs. I will try to find a psychiatrist because I am really worried
Good call. If you let us know what city you are in, maybe someone can suggest a doc.
Ah! I missed that part–DEFINITELY go see a psychiatrist. There is so much to psychiatry. I know it’s one more step for people (and think it’s an okay stopgap) but I really dislike that GPs attempt to manage psychiatric drugs.
+1 GP’s who try to manage mental health & psychiatric meds rarely do a good job. And in a lot of cases, make the situation MUCH worse (speaking from experience). Never will I let my GP/PCP prescribe anything beyond meds for acute sickness or meds for short-term usage (less than 30 days).
Holy hell yes. My wife sees a psychiatrist who specializes in medication management. She’s $$$$ and doesn’t take insurance, but she’s light-years better than my wife’s GP. I don’t want the cost to scare you off; now that my wife it out of the worst of her depression she only sees the psychiatrist every other month.
And to your larger point OP, disordered eating is sneaky and it’s good that you’re aware of your own thoughts. I hope you start feeling better soon.
My current home was bought for about 600k. We’ve since paid off the mortgage. I’m fairly confident we can get about what we paid in 2011. We’re looking for a new house in the 1m-1.2 range and we have 300k liquid for a down payment. Sounds crazy, but that’s about the floor for the fancy school district we’d like to move to. I am thinking we could renovate our new house with some of the profit from the old one after we sell the old one,but the timing is making my husband nervous. Neither one of us wants to live through a renovation and obviously things would be easier if we could buy the new house without selling the old one , but then we have no money to renovate. Has anyone done a bridge loan in this situation? Or sold their house and rented in back from the buyer? My husband’s solution is “just keep saving” but our son will be in kindergarten in the fall of 2021 and I’d like to be settled by then so the timeline for a decent renovation is upon us. I know with almost certainty that if we move in without renovating immediately we’ll be stuck in the unrenovated house for a very
long time (see 9 years and a paid off mortgage and not a single renovation to our current home.) solutions?
You’re smart to renovate before moving in. In your shoes, I would want to sell and rent the house (with an option for an extension in case the renovations run long) as soon as possible to buying a new house just in case there was a major change in the housing market.
If you have a house in mind, the contractor who does the renovation may be able to work with you to make the house livable through the renovation and/or you could spend a short period of time in a hotel.
My parents bought a house that was move in ready in many respects but they wanted to add a bedroom and put in hardwood floors. We were able to live in much of the house with little disruption until the floors went in. We spent that week sleeping on the floor in the one section of the house that was not renovated in any way at all, and a few nights on the floor of my father’s office while the finish on the floors dried so we didn’t keel over from the fumes. It was inconvenient, but it was really only about a week of living through the renovation.
The ‘big’ things that you would want to take care of are floors and plumbing. It’s a pain to live through floor installation or refinishing and remodeling of kitchens. If you have multiple bathrooms, I’d do one bathroom before you move it and you can use that one when you are redoing the others down the road.
You can move in with your old applicances/furniture etc and replace those or repaint rooms after the fact. Floors and kitchen and one bathroom I would do before hand if possible. Can you get a second mortgage on your current home to fund the renos on new home? If you plan for a minimal reno, you might only need a month or so to complete.
Thanks all! I floated the idea of mortgaging our home to pay for renovations but my husband thinks the transaction costs would be prohibitive. This annoyed me because when we paid it off he promised that we could always take out a mortgage or home equity loan if we needed to. Now, I wish we hadnt paid it off.
Is buying a renovated house out of the question budget wise?
I would think that you’re best off living in a Residence Inn while the renovations are getting done. That’s fewer moving parts.
This is a fantastic idea. Tucking it away for my next move.
One thing I would not do is buy the new house before selling the old one. It’s very easy to get stuck with two mortgages for a long time. I mean, it depends how flexible you’re willing to be on price to get the house sold, but if there’s any chance you would say put rather than sell below your “floor,” I recommend getting the current house unloaded before buying the next one.
Also, to agree with a commenter above, why not invest the money you would otherwise spend on renovations into the purchase price of your new home and just buy a home that is already acceptably updated? Part of what you pay for in doing renovations yourself is having your exact choice of fixtures/tiles/shade of floor, etc., but if that’s not particularly important to you and all you care about is that it’s nice/new, I think you’re better off just getting a home that is move-in ready, even if it costs more.
It’s really important to me that the renovations are to our taste. We are fairly familiar with the market, having been looking for years now. We’re pretty confident our best bet is to update an older home.
We bought our new house about six months before selling our old house, and we had a bridge loan. We did it for reasons involving moving with kids, not renovations, but the set up was the same. We ended up with 20% down, half from a bridge loan on the equity of our old house (equity was about $100,000 on a house that sold for $250,000) and half from savings. My advice is to be really conservative on what you think the old house will sell for. We knew we could make all the money work even if the old house sold for what we had paid for it 15 years earlier, even though the comps suggested it would have increased in value $50-60K. Ultimately, we were under contract for asking price within 12 hours of listing, so it worked out great, but it was a huge stress relief for me knowing that we had been super conservative in estimating the sale price of the old house.
Have you been to West Palm Beach? Is it possible to spend 2 nights/3 days there if you just want a low key break from the northeast — but don’t want to be totally bored? I need to be there for a few hours for a mid week meeting in early March. Because it’s on a Wed, I’m thinking of extending and staying Wed. night and Thurs night, leaving Fri. afternoon/evening. I’d be at the Hilton downtown — across from City Place/Rosemary Square. I am the type of person that just likes to get a cup of coffee and wander and get to know a town that way yet I know Florida downtowns can be very empty or just be fancy looking malls. So where would you go — Palm Beach which looks to be just over a bridge? I imagine it’s pretty? Anything to do for an outsider or will it get to be one of those things where by Wed. night, I’ll be like, why did I stay?
Go to a Spring Training baseball game! The Washington Nationals / Houston Astros spring training facility is in West Palm Beach, so you may find hotels at a premium as all of us Nats fans go to see our WORLD CHAMPION WASHINGTON NATIONALS play in Spring Training games during that time frame. On the other hand, tickets to the spring training games are usually easy-ish to get, and it’s fun to see the teams play in a smaller stadium than they do at home.
Lol. No chance. Looking for a unique charming type of experience, a baseball game is not it.
Seems a bit harsh. We all have different interests and a baseball event seems like a lowkey way to spend an evening. Not what you were looking for? You can say so without being rude.
+1 you sound unpleasant and “unique charming type of experience” made my eyes roll so hard.
City Place is basically an upscale outdoor mall – plenty of restaurants and coffee to be had, but not particularly charming.
For a more unique experience,yes yes yes go to Palm Beach itself. The Worth Ave area is excellent for drool-worthy window shopping. You can rent bikes and pedal around the island. Lots of good restaurant choices given the concentration of wealthy people. Go to the Breakers for luxe decor and lovely drinks and snacks at HMF.
I’d go to Miami – not that far and tons to do, you can fly out of there on the way home
Do you have any recommendations for a registered dietician who will work remotely (I’m overseas)? I can’t seem to find the previous discussions on this topic.
I have been diagnosed (by a doctor) with a very slow metabolism and whacky hormones + low immune response + propensity for autoimmune disorders (high rheumatis quotient, whatever that is) that may be of prolonged fatigue and sleep deprivation, and have been prescribed the following directives: lots of protein, moderate fat, less (but not zero) carbs, no sugars or alcoholn and I would like to work with someone who can help me come up with a balanced intake of food and have a functional approach to my body.
Lindsay Hunt, A Walk on the Healthy Side. She’s based in DC but does all of her sessions over the phone and will email you recaps of what was discussed along with recipes, pointers, shopping guides, workouts, and other good stuff. I did the six sessions package and loved working with her.
Lets Be Real Nutrition in Austin, Texas works remotely and (obviously, given her name), takes a very pragmatic view of nutrition and eating.
My Friendly Nutrition works remotely and has a nice intuitive eating approach.
Nicole Holovach at Whole Health RD. She’s great, and her expertise sounds right up your alley.
I asked yesterday about Mexico City – thank you all I wrote everything down – the vegan taco place sounds very cool.
Question #2 – I’ve read that only tourists wear shorts and flip flops – I’m not planning to wear flip flops but it is supposed to be in the 80s and would wear shorts while just walking around ( not anywhere formal) – for people that have been there – are shorts a no-no??
Any further advice on this amazing city welcome – we leave next week celebrating our anniversary for 5 days….
I would not wear super casual or too-short shorts, but nicer, mid length shorts are fine. You will probably look like a tourist anyway but at least you’ll be nicely dressed.
Thank you – I just keep reading that people dress modestly and nothing too short. I’m just curious what is “short”. I mean I’m 45 so I don’t wear anything super short haha but I do like skirts and dresses that are a couple inches above my knee. Is that ok?
It’s not so much that people dress modestly, they just don’t dress as casually as Americans tend to – so if you wear shorts and sneakers, you will stick out. A skirt that is a couple of inches above your knees is fine.
I tend to feel more vulnerable to cat-calling in Mexico (similar to how I feel in France and Italy) so I tend to dress more modestly as a result, but not because of any cultural conservatism.
I was last in Mexico City about 15 years ago, so this may have changed, but when I was there absolutely no one wore shorts. Anything shorter than capris was considered indecent. I was with a group of girls, and they attracted a lot of unwanted attention because they were wearing shorts. At the time, shorts were considered “clubbing” attire.
+1 to what Lily said. People are noticeably more covered up in Mexico City than in the US in similar temps. Bring an extra layer. It’s not that everyone is dressed formally, but there is a certain conservatism in the amount of skin shown. People tend to look more pulled together. Not as much sportswear and athleisure.
An update:
I first heard of the “baby friendly” hospital initiative on this board, and first was clued into the fact that it is very mother-unfriendly. I did more research and, when choosing where to deliver, chose the second-best hospital in my city. (I am new to the city and would have chosen the more famous hospital otherwise.)
Giving birth is no picnic, but I was very impressed with the way that everyone there treated me. There were small things, like a medical resident explicitly asking my permission to view the birth, even though I had signed informed consent documents allowing for it. The nursery was more than happy to take my baby during the late nights so my husband and I could get some sleep. The recovery room was designed for the comfort of two adults and a baby: they expect that husbands or other family will stay with the mother while she recovers.
As I was being discharged, a staff member came by to ask my thoughts on how the hospital did. I gave very positive feedback, and mentioned how I chose that hospital instead of the famous one because of the BFHI. She said that the hospital used to be baby-friendly, but got rid of it because new mothers gave really negative feedback about it. Because this hospital really values and responds to honest feedback, they changed. Their responsiveness to feedback was apparent in a lot of ways that made the entire experience a lot more pleasant.
Anyway, my experience.
What a great review! You should share the name of the hospital–if you’re comfortable doing so/it’s a large enough area for it to be helpful. The BFHI enrages me. I’m a breast cancer survivor and the last thing I would want to do after giving birth is explain to the whole damn hospital why I can’t breastfeed. Just mark it on my chart and then bring me formula and put the baby in the nursery when I ask.
My city is pretty small, but let me share in a way that can be figured out but not googled:
My husband was really impressed with the processes they used – washing hands, discussing my situation during shift changes in front of me so that I could hear what they were saying and meet the new nurses, etc. He was especially impressed when they wheeled me into the OR for a C-section and before the operation began, someone said, “To confirm, we are all here for the primary Caesarean section of Mary Todd Lincoln.” That ensured that everyone in the OR was in the correct place and ready to perform the correct procedure.
No, not in Illinois; think birthplace.
Not to downplay your experience (because a positive experience in birth is so awesome!) but that’s pretty standard operating procedure (pun sort of intended) for any medical procedure. They have to ask you to state what they are doing and then confirm that and your identity.
Agree, if they don’t do this – RUN! This is super basic standard procedure.
You’re misunderstanding. They did not (just) ask me for my identity and procedure (that happened literally dozens of times); the doctor confirmed with *the other medical professionals* that THEY were in the correct operating room, for the correct patient, for the correct procedure.
I’m also going to point out that it’s certainly not a given that an institution will follow best practices each and every time. In fact, the opposite tends to be true. Shortcuts get taken, old habits die hard, the training isn’t good enough. (In the workplace, this is what leads to #metoo.) The NYT just published an article about how it’s still common and often legal to do pelvic exams on unconscious patients who have not given informed consent.
At one point, two other women had come in with emergency births that called away my OB and the nurse assigned to me; the head of the floor promptly got another nurse assigned to me so I didn’t slip through the cracks. That “should” happen, but knowing what other women went through in their deliveries, it’s far from a certainty. Every single time they did a cervical check or incision check, they asked my explicit consent. I know from my friends that many other hospitals don’t do that, even though they “should.” The resident had a legal right to view the birth, given the paperwork I had signed, but she introduced herself, shook my hand, and asked my permission – because it was the right thing to do.
Discussions about birth and medical consent often involve issues of education, poverty, race, and age. The city itself is nice, but my state is impoverished. What I saw there was a culture that was committed to doing the right thing by patients, in a state where the modal maternity patient is a 20-something on Medicaid.
If only it were always an option to run from local hospitals that fail at super basic standard procedures!
I am glad you had a great experience, but the “to confirm” conversation is a surgical time-out and should happen in EVERY OR, every time!
Should happen or does happen?
I have never heard of this. I’m really interested in learning more though!
Wow, that’s great to hear. The main hospital in my town doesn’t have a BFHI designation, to my knowledge, and I can’t say enough good things about the experiences I had there. (Twice, five years apart.) I had to supplement with my first because of latch issues (tongue tie) and got no grief about it whatsoever. I know there are horror stories out there, but I wanted to put another good birth experience out there because sometimes it’s nice to hear about all the things that can go *right*, if you’re an expecting mom.
I am madly stressed out waiting for an offer on a position I really need. Please send good vibes. Thank you!
Best wishes, sent!