Splurge Tuesday’s TPS Report: Belted Silk Wrap Blouse
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Sales of note for 2/7/25:
- Nordstrom – Winter Sale, up to 60% off! 7850 new markdowns for women
- Ann Taylor – Extra 25% off your $175+ purchase — and $30 of full-price pants and denim
- Banana Republic Factory – Up to 50% off everything + extra 15% off
- Boden – 15% off new season styles
- Eloquii – 60% off 100s of styles
- J.Crew – Extra 50% off all sale styles
- J.Crew Factory – 40% off everything including new arrivals + extra 20% off $125+
- Rothy's – Final Few: Up to 40% off last-chance styles
- Spanx – Lots of workwear on sale, some up to 70% off
- Talbots – 40% off one item + free shipping on $150+
And some of our latest threadjacks here at Corporette (reader questions and commentary) — see more here!
Some of our latest threadjacks include:
- My workload is vastly exceeding my capability — what should I do?
- Why is there generational resentment regarding housing? (See also)
- What colors should I wear with a deep green sweater dress?
- How do you celebrate milestone birthdays?
- How do you account for one-time expenses in your monthly budget?
- If I'm just starting to feel sick from the flu, do I want Tamilfu?
- when to toss old clothes of a different size
- a list of political actions to take right now
- ways to increase your intelligence
- what to wear when getting sworn in as a judge (congrats, reader!)
- how to break into teaching as a second career
Good morning! I was wondering if anyone has good recommendations for places to stay in Costa Rica (specifically near Arenal and then Manuel Antonio). My husband and I are looking for something romantic and somewhat upscale for our honeymoon, but we’d prefer hotels or cottages or something that fit with the country and landscape (i.e. not just a nice Best Western that looks the same as everywhere else in the world). Also, can anyone comment on how easy it is to get by without a car in those destinations? We’d prefer not to rent just to avoid the hassle, but if it’s really hard to get a private van or bus or something, then we would re-consider. If you have any must-see recommendations, those would be most welcome also! TIA!
Super easy to get by without a car. Wherever you stay will be able to arrange private buses and vans (though I can’t give you recommendations because I was doing it on a shoestring budget). Make sure you go to one of the hot spring baths near Arenal – there’s one I went to that has like 18 different pools kept at various temperatures.
My husband and I did this trip a year ago. In the Arenal area, we stayed at the Arenal Manoa Hot Springs Resort — nice, simple bungalows, beautiful pool with view of the volcano, OK restaurant on site. In Manuel Antonio, we stayed at the Tulemar resort. Tulemar is a little more upscale — also bungalows, several nice pools, a beautiful private ocean beach. You should check out both of these on Trip Advisor. It’s no problem to get by without a car in both of these areas. We didn’t know this and rented one. It was a huge hassle/ not recommended.
Note that both of these areas are *extremely* touristy. On the upside, it’s an easy trip/ relaxing tropical vacation. It doesn’t matter it you don’t speak good Spanish, and all the services you need are readily available. On the downside, I didn’t feel we were having an at all authentic experience of the country. Most of the people we interacted with were other North American tourists. At times (especially at Tulemar), we could’ve been in Hawaii. If I ever go back, I’d go to the southern part of the country around the Corcovado National Park, which is more remote, and less touristy (so I hear).
I posted more details about hotels below, but I agree about the very touristy vibe. I’d recommend skipping Manuel Antonio in favor of a less touristy beach town.
We rented motorbikes in Arenal and it was so worth it. We could get out to some of the more “local” destinations without having to join a tour. It was less than $40 for a 24 hour rental and there was just a stand on the main street.
We just went to Costa Rica over Thanksgiving and enjoyed both hotels where we stayed. We were at Si Como No in Manuel Antonio and Hotel El Silencio del Campo in Arenal. Both were lovely, cottage type hotels. You might want to go a bit more upscale in Arenal for a honeymoon. We used Costa Rican Vacations to organize reservations and transfers. Be aware that it is a significant drive from Manuel Antonio to Arenal (~6 hours, I think), and we really appreciated having a driver. It was not necessary to have a car at either place.
Yay for Costa Rica for a honeymoon — we did that and it was the best vacation every. We stayed at Nayara in Arenal and loved it. We were at Arenas del Mar in Manuel Antonio and objectively it was very nice, but compared to our other stops in Costa Rica was our least favorite, but that was probably because we didn’t get a room with a view.
No car in Arenal, we had one at Manuel Antonio and flew between towns. A few people we met on the way did the drive, and after talking to them I don’t think we missed out on much flying.
However, both places paled in comparison to the Pacuare Lodge — check out their webpage for the full scoop, but it’s basically individual luxury villas nestled into the river bank. You have to raft to the lodge and there isn’t any electricity in the villas, but it’s far from roughing it.
We loved La Carolina Lodge on our honeymoon. It’s the absolute opposite of commercialized. No electricity, but they have a wood fired hot tub fed by a waterfall, grow most of the food at their organic farm, and cook everything over a wood fire. The best is at night when they light the whole place with candles. So pretty. Horseback riding and hike guides included with your stay. Really wonderful.
We stayed at Tabacon, and it was fantastic. Even if you don’t stay there, you can pay for daily access to the hot springs, and it is definitely worth it (pick a day after you did a lot of hiking or something; they feel incredible and I swear they really have magical healing powers).
Bay area people: I’m going over to Berkeley for business, but want to meet a friend in SF (SOMA area) for lunch. What’s the easiest way to get from Berkeley to SF? Is calling a taxi feasible? Any option under $50 is fine for me. Thanks!
Uber to BART – uber in Berkeley to the closet BART station and take that into SF. Way more predictable than bridge traffic and cheaper. Plan on a long lunch though – transit time round trip is at least an hour.
Agreed. And taking a taxi probably wont save you much time either.
I do not like this jacket, it looks like a bathrobe and I suspect it would look awkward and bunchie in person.
I do, however, LOVE the cashmere open-front cardigan I got on deep discount from Lord & Taylor last week! I wish I had bought two!
It does NOT look like a bathrobe! It looks like a karate outfit!
Ki-AY!!!
Yay! Pricey Tuesday’s! I thought it was suposed to be on Monday’s! I am sometimes confused, but here I agree with the OP that this blouse is way to revealeing for anyone with boobie’s! Frank is awful and would be paweing at me after stareing at the blouse to see if he could peek inside. FOOEY on men that look at other boobie’s then their wife’s. I understand that if you do NOT have a wife, you need to find somebody else’s boobie’s to stare at, but Frank is MARRIED and has his wife’s boobie’s to look at. DOUBEL FOOEY!
The teck guy fixed the wireless rooter, again, today, so I am up and running. I am NOT sure if the other p’ost went thru b/c the signal kept goeing on and off and on and off. The teck guy also was stareing into my office when I was workeing so I was a littel self consious.
Dad has been on my case b/c my size is mabye size 2 and for one dress size 4, but that is b/c I have NOT been abel to excercise this week. Myrna and I did make apple crumb cake which was yummy alamode, but I refuse to starve to look like a bone. Rosa look’s great, but she does NOT have to bill 7500 hour’s this year. All she has to do is manage the cleaning lady, cook and the aupair, and look good for Ed when he come’s home. That is what I want! Why is it so dificult for me?
Alan Sheketovitses mother left me a VM to call her. I hope she does NOT want me to get back with him. He onley wanted sex from me. He NEVER cared what my opinion was on world matters, just how to please him. That is NOT what I want from a marrage. I want a man who will LISTEN and respect my OPINIONS. I am more then a sex machine for these men. I have a brain, dad says, and I should use it more often he think’s. I do, b/c I do NOT let me just use me for their pleasure’s. But I hope to find a guy that also respect’s me for my MIND and then I can get MARRIED! YAY!!!
This is a great pick. So not going to happen in my lifetime, but a girl likes to dream that she can practice a wee bit of law and then perhaps sketch a little and then have lunch with friends, all while wearing this (perhaps teleworking from my villa overlooking the sea).
See, the sleeves, they are practical. Any longer and they would obsure my fabulous bracelets or drag through whatever I would be drawing.
I like to think that Mrs. George Clooney has a closet full of things like this.
Or Olivia Pope could wear this…and not spill coffee
Or red wine.
I LOVE this jacket and am hunting for a cheaper alternative. The linked wrap shirts just don’t have that same zing.
I actually think this blouse is beautiful! I suspect the silk would look gorgeous in person. If only I had $2000 sitting around for extraneous blouse purchases…
Someday I’ll wear Carolina Herrera every day. This is gorgeous.
This. Le sigh.
Seconded. My heart says yes, my wallet says HAHAHA NO.
+1 . Love her elegant, graceful styles. And this is lovely.
I saw her in person once during Fashion Week. She was absolutely as elegant and graceful in person as she appears in photos. She is my style role model.
I bought a vintage silk CH skirt suit at a thrift store as part of a “bag sale” years ago. It’s red with teeny white polka dots, definitely more ladies who lunch than work wear, but the tailoring is so impeccable. I’ve never worn it together or to work, but one of these summers I will wear it to the office on a Friday.
This summer! And report back :-)
~SQUEALS~ That’s amazing! She is one of my style role models as well. :-)
Does anyone have the Everlane swing trench? I’m in love but I’m a strictly skirts / dresses girl and was worried that it would look a bit silly with an A-line silhouette.
I’m wondering how common this experience is and how to handle it/ deal with my frustration. In social situations I frequently interact with people who will ask me about a particular thing about myself (something about my ethnic background, my work, etc), then they’ll cut me off, tell me I’m wrong, start pontificating about the matter, and give me (unsolicited and blatantly incorrect) advice. If I indicate that something that they said is wrong, the person more or less tells me that I don’t know anything about my own heritage and actually they’re right. They’re always people who know actually nothing about the topic. A recent example was a guy who asked me a question regarding a particular custom/cultural matter in my family’s country of orgin. I explained that what he had heard (from this one X guy I met that one time) wasn’t really accurate and offered a more accurate description. He then told me that I wouldn’t know anyway because I wasn’t born in that country, and he was right. He went on to tell me how things actually are in my family’s country of origin and how I wouldn’t know anything about it. This man has exactly no exposure to this country. Wouldn’t one think that I’d be the “expert” relative to him on my own heritage?
Anyway, I find this kind of conversation comes up frequently in social interactions wth white men. Sometimes it’s about cultural things, sometimes it’s about my career pursuits, but it’s always something that’s squarely in my field of expertise and a million miles away from theirs, and somehow I find myself being told that I don’t know anything about my background, my field of expertise etc. It’s infuriating and can feel very orientalist when the topic of discussion is my background (something that I never bring up in conversation of my own volition). Do other people have similar experiences? I’ve tried to be polite but firm in these discussions, and it doesn’t seem to get me anywhere.
Why are you being polite? They are not. I would just say “I’d think I’d know better than you” and walk away. Do they have anything else in common besides being white men? Im wondering if you are in a field known for aggresive personality types or something. Sounds like you just have a high run in percentage with douchebags. I wouldn’t waste your time 1) being polite or 2) trying to educate them. When you run into someone doing that I would do my standard move – grimace, and simply say I think its time for a drink. and then leave the conversation.
Not really, some of them are old, some of them are my age (mid 20s). I know them from different places (friends’ husbands, my in-laws, etc) The only real common thread here is that they’re white guys. I am incidentally in a field known for aggressive personality types, but these aren’t usually people I meet through work.
Recently I was speaking with my friend’s husband in her presence (more accurately, he walked in and hijacked the conversation) i’m not super great friends with her and it’s a friendship I’d like to build, so I didn’t want to say anything to make her feel bad/awkward. I think she kind of already thought it was out of line.
You know you’re talking about the word “mansplaining” right? Jezebel and Slate Double XX have covered this extensively, among others.
Eh, I think this phenomenon isn’t “mansplaining” but just running into rude people (who may or may not happen to be men). I’ve encountered it plenty of times with my Cuban family and upbringing and having people tell me factually incorrect things that they fervently believe to be true. It spans more than just white men.
Oh, I suppose you’re right. I guess I just thought that mansplaining was more subtle than what I’ve experienced. Like, I get asked questions, I answer them, then I get told “you’re wrong.” I defend my position with ironclad supporing evidence, then they say “you just don’t know what you’re talking about” If that were true, why did you ask in the first place?!
I mean, are you wrong? Is there something else going on here? It’s very possible you’re running into a lot of rude and racist dudes, but it’s also possible something about the way you are engaging with them is off or leading to this result.
I am absolutely in no way wrong about the things we’re talking about. I guess there could be other things going on here. It’s not like this happens ALL the time, but fairly frequently. DH thinks I should just be rude about it when these things come up and shut down the conversation. I think he thinks that by avoiding these interactions or changing the subject I’m encouraging them. I’ve tried that once. It definitely got the guy to shut up for a time. It’s entirely possible that I’m doing something wrong here, but I can’t figure out what that may be.
It sounds like you have this figured out! Be “rude” and shut the conversation down. I doubt you’re really being all that rude anyway and jerks don’t deserve gold standard politeness. I think the only thing you’re doing “wrong” is continuing to engage in upsetting conversations when you know it doesn’t work and you know how to shut it down.
This is classic mansplaining. Read the essay by Rebecca Solnit that originated the term, if you want to feel validated. It’s about a guy who keeps recommending that she read a book so that she can find out more about the subject at hand…she wrote the book.
Don’t engage. My motto in these types of situations is that I am not here to teach anyone who clearly doesn’t want to be taught. Once someone shows me that they don’t actually want to hear my experiences, but just want me to parrot back their already formed, limited worldview, I am no longer interested in sharing my experiences with them. I would either remove myself from the conversation if I can (because life is too short to waste talking to ignorant people) or change the subject. Mansplaining at its finest!
This. I’ve had similar experiences relating to religion and I just don’t engage because the people who argue are not interested in hearing anything different from what they are saying. So I just bite my tingue and leave the conversation as soon as possible
I would go with one of Miss Manners’ responses, e.g. “Why do you ask?”, or just a prolonged pause/raised eyebrows.
The way you describe this, however, makes one think that there may be something in your responses or demeanor that invites the desire to show you up (on the part of white men, but that’s whole ‘nother conversation). Since these are social situations, you do not owe them detailed answers and have the freedom to drive the conversation away from these topics. I do understand that they may be the topics you actually WANT to discuss, but the situation has been repeated enough with a frustrating outcome, so why keep doing it?
These days I try to direct conversation elsewhere. I don’t actually want to talk about these things. A lot of times it happens because a third party brings something up, like my friend told her husband what we were talking about when he came in, thereby inviting him to discuss. DH says that even if I just try to change the topic or bite my tongue and avoid interacting, I’m fueling their desire to keep going and reinforcing the idea that they’re right. So it seems like trying to avoid these things doesn’t work, but engaging it doesn’t work either. It’s very frustrating.
I have somewhat similar experiences, not related to my background but to my career, politics, neighborhood, etc. I dislike being the topic of conversation, so I rarely bring these topics up myself, but regularly people will ask me about them, and then proceed to give me (unsolicited) advice about them, or tell me how it is with respect to that topic. Usually these are people who know less about the topic than I do.
When it’s a topic of general interest (politics or whatever), I’ve just taken to telling these people (yes, usually men) why I’m right. I notice that sometimes this seems to make them treat me with a bit more respect, and sometimes it seems to make them dislike me a bit. Never wild changes in their attitude, but subtle ones. I assume it just depends on the man.
I have not yet figured out a way to communicate that I do not want advice on my career (or anything, really) from a stranger unless I ask for it. I just get irritated and then try to change the subject.
I have never had this happen related to my background (likely because I’m white), but I can see how that would also be incredibly frustrating.
So really I don’t have helpful advice here, but you are not alone in this experience.
There’s something about a certain kind of guy with a certain kind of background/demographic that makes said jerk think he knows everything about the world. Mansplaining at its finest – or is that ‘at its worst’? :P Either way it’s obnoxious as hell, and the only way I’ve found to keep from getting frustrated at it is to just tell myself that I can’t teach everyone, disengage from the conversation and move on to someone who will actually listen to me.
Mansplaining interruptus. Haven’t figured out a way to thwart yet, myself. Often dream about interrupting right back saying “If you already knew the answer, why did you ask?” or a straight up “I know more about this than you do, so please stop lecturing me.”
But then people who have a deep-seated belief that they are right are not generally open to learning they are wrong. Or maybe they just want someone to argue with them, because they love the argument style debate and thing that is always an appropriate substitute for having a conversation.
Or maybe I just know too many lawyers.
I’ve responded with “If you already knew the answer, why did you ask?” once or twice when it was the nth time with the same offender. It did shut down the conversation, but it was the death knell of a dying (and not at all missed) relationship.
My MIL pulled off a great retort once but it was a different situation – politics. She was the lone member of political class A in a room full of political call B. The conversation steered towards rhetoric that was not at all fact based and had actually been disproved. Rather than debate, she said “that’s cute that you actually believed that” and changed the subject. It actually worked and I think in part because she phrased it like it was a past belief rather than a current belief and the speaker could save some face by her suggesting it was something she had believed until she learned the truth.
This isn’t foolproof though because the jerk in your situation could respond “what do you mean believed? Are you saying I’m not right?”
I still like the response though.
I’ll keep that one in mind. It seems many are saying I should be forceful with responses like these. Does this advice change depending on whether there are others present? For example, I don’t want to alienate my friend because I cut off her husband. Even though the friend didnt’ seem to approve of what was going on and even told him not to say these things, it doesn’t really help to have a friend feel like there’s conflict between friend and husband.
I mean there is a middle ground here. You dont have to shout “SHUT UP YOU AHOLE” at a dinner party. The middle ground for that particular situation is probably to raise your eyebrows, purse your lips, and change the subject. What I would stop doing completely is trying to explain things if its not a receptive audience. I think that’s why it feels like its happening a lot, it sounds like you go a few rounds trying to get your point across. You can’t reason someone out of a position they didn’t reason themselves into. If after the first back and forth you realize they are one of “those people” just stop engaging. If you want to keep it light because its your friends husband or boss husband or something like that, just excuse yourself or change the subject.
It sounds like you are asking for advice yet you also keep reiterating that you don’t want to offend your friend since her husband was one of the offenders. In that case, I’d just lightly say “we’ll have to agree to disagree on that point” or “we have different viewpoints on that topic” and change the topic. Unless you are really close with someone, I don’t think there is a polite way to crush their (incorrect) viewpoint into the ground. Sometimes you make your point and move on.
Once I realize the person really has no interest in hearing what I have to say, I just say mildly, “Well, that hasn’t been my experience.” It’s about as diplomatic as I can be when someone is saying that I believe to be wrong about about a place or culture I know. There’s really no winning here, so I just disengage and redirect as much as possible.
Thanks Moonstone – I’m going to use this. No one can disagree with that statement, but it shuts things down without having to counterargue. Very useful for my interactions with my in-laws, where I just can’t win.
In addition to the “Well, that hasn’t been my experience” part, I would add a second sentence that indicates the subject is closed and to move on – preferably something totally neutral, like “How about this weather we’ve been having?” or ask them about their kids or pets if they have them
In high school, the go-to “I’m not going to answer that, change the subject” answer in our group of friends for whatever reason was “so, what color is your couch?”
I’ve been binging on back episodes of Downton Abbey recently, and a lot of characters are masters at this subject change before the discussion gets heated – you see it a lot in scenes when the family is at dinner.
I love this one, and have also found it to be really effective for shutting down ‘splainers of all stripes.
If I’m feeling more feisty, I may go with “Really? Who knew?” or “Well I guess that’s the final word on that, huh?” followed by a rapid subject change.
There’s also the option of just “hmmm”-ing along until the earliest possible escape point, and then changing the subject or exiting the conversation. As Moonstone points out, there’s no winning with people like this, so might as well keep your blood pressure down and avoid engaging as much as you can.
Also, some people (often men) who interact like this are just used to a more adversarial tone of conversation, and wouldn’t necessarily consider it rude if you responded in kind. Like, their “conflict” sensor is way way less sensitive than yours, and they may think of it as friendly banter. Can you just call them on being ridiculous as you would if a friend said something sort of absurd? (So because of this guy you met once now you’re the expert/you think you know better than me? Come on now, you know that’s ridiculous! (laughing))
this happens to me on the regular (or another white man will come up and the person will just start talking to them and interrupt or ignore me).
I have no appropriate pithy comeback, but I am seething with you.
I’d like to add more healthy recipes/fitness tips to my pinterest feed. Who are your favorite healthy pinners/bloggers to follow?
Well plated By Erin
Naturally Ella
101 Cookbooks
Deliciously Ella
Let me know if you want more! I read too many blogs…
Thanks! The more the merrier!
I love Martha Rose Shulman’s Recipes for Health feature on the NY Times website (each week has a theme like “eggplant” or “noodles”) and there’s a huge archive.
The recipes on cookinglight.com tend to be good, too – I like that they actually try to cook things in a healthier way vs. just using artificial “low fat” ingredients.
Skinnytaste.
Prevention RD
Pinch of Yum posts nutrition info on their posts.
Iowa Girl Eats recent posts (like in the past year) are all gluten free
If you’re into Paleo/Whole 30 Nom Nom Paleo has some good recipes.
I love Clean Eating Magazine and their recipes. Not sure about their pinterest prescence; I’m sure I follow them there but their magazine is very affordable and comes ~10 times/year.
I love Gimme Some Oven’s blog. I made her brussels sprout, chicken sausage and pesto pasta dish at the weekend and it was delicious.
This! I made two of her recipes this week.
I like 100 Days of Real Food.
This weekend I “tidied” my clothes using the method in the Life Changing Magic of Tidying Up and donated, sold, or trashed more than 100 items! It feels so good! I thought it was bizarre that the book suggested I would feel lighter but even with my closet closed, it *feels* happier. Anyone else have success “tidying”?
I haven’t done my clothes yet as it is a bit more of a project than I have time for at the moment. But I have done books and bathroom items. I threw away a big bag of things from the bathroom and brought in a dozen books to the office. The bathroom cupboard is completely organised and everything fits! I don’t have books that I “should” read sitting on the shelf mocking me!
I’m doing things in categories as the book recommends but I don’t have a spare weekend day for clothes so I’m doing baby steps.
This month it is: shoes, bags, workout clothes, and office supplies (things that are easy to put away once I’m done).
Yes!!!! We did books this weekend. I feel so much better! We now have to do photos.
I have done mini-closet purge, only this-season clothes, and not all of the items at once (I feel like I would need 2 days for that and my husband is in the bedroom near the closet some of the time…)
I really liked the concept that you should read books when you first come across them rather than stockpiling them. And it has been fun to see my colleagues get quite excited about new books.
I put the books I have not read into a basket so I know to pick them up and if I don’t get drawn into them, put them in the donate pile. When they were on a shelf they would just stay unread on the shelf, but my new system forces me to move them out of the house.
That’s a great idea. I dedicated an expedit square to books to be read. I’m not a re-reader so once it is done, it leaves the house.
It works well with my resolution to spend at least 20 minutes reading everyday.
Yes, I’ve found this to be true about books and just about everything else I buy multiples of at once. For instance, you can get great deals buying clothes at the end of one season, and maybe get one wear out of them (or none) before the season changes. But by the time the next year rolls around, even if I’ve only worn the item once, it doesn’t seem new and exciting because I’ve been looking at it in my closet for 6 months – a year.
Same thing with books – the “newness” novelty has often worn off after its been sitting on a shelf for a while.
I have a major closet and bookshelf purge that is long overdue – I might have to send the husband and kids away for a weekend to tackle at least part of it.
We are moving soon so we will need to do this. I don’t have many physical books but my fiancé has a ton. 3 bookshelves full. Part of the problem is that I read a lot and actually want to read a lot of his books. Last night he got rid of all his primary source philosophy material that we can get for free online. I fished out a Seneca book because that is high on my to read list and the type of book I want to take handwritten notes in. That caused him to second guess getting rid of them. It’s going to be a rough time trying to go through these books!
I actually did a closet purge this weekend as well, albeit not based on this book. It’s true…I DID feel lighter and happier. The mess that was my closet had been overwhelming me. Also, I never realized until now how much of an emotional attachment I have to articles of clothing. Feels good to let go!
Yes! There is so much more space in my apartment now. I disposed of everything hiding in storage crevices, so my stacks of things have moved into the storage spaces, and now there is empty space in my living areas! So nice.
I started on papers this weekend, and got a trash bag full in no time. I am almost 9 months pregnant, so my ability to actually do things is limited, and clothes are not really an option right now. I plan to have a mini clothing purge once baby is here for all the maternity stuff & larger regular clothes I held onto, then a huge purge whenever it is that I get back down to my pre-preg size. It will be sooo wonderful to start getting rid of all the baby items as this kid outgrows them since this will be our last.
I did linens this weekend and it was great! That beautiful tablecloth and matching napkins, a wedding gift 15 years ago that’s been too big for my table all this time? Gone! Along with a whole bunch of other stuff that was just taking up space. (Yes, I need towels for guests, but not EIGHT SETS.) Also did books and now everything fits on the shelves and there’s a box to be donated.
Although interestingly I don’t feel like I have a whole lot of stuff that doesn’t give me joy, because when I ran away from home almost two years ago (wow! has it been that long?) for the most part (though clearly not entirely) I only took things I really loved. So I think this process is a lot easier for me than for most people.
I’m moving and I’m trying to do this, with mixed success. I did purge two bookcases down to one shelf, but clothes have been harder. Sometimes you just need to get dressed, yanno? Do my socks really need to bring me joy, or do they just need to match?
Of those of you who are in-house and used to be litigators, how did you convey an interest in and aptitude for transactional/corporate work when moving in-house?
I am a mid-level IP litigator who has primarily focused on litigation — but all the postings I am coming across are for transactional attorneys. Is there anyone who successfully transitioned from litigation in private practice to a more transactional practice in-house? How did you show that your courtroom/litigation skills transfer to the transactional side of things?
I did this. I was also an IP litigator and moved in-house to a trademark/copyright role. In private practice, I did patent, trademark and copyright litigation but also worked on a lot of administrative trademark cases, TTAB, etc. For trademarks, it is easy to transition, confusion is confusion. Similarly, I think it would be relatively easy to move from patent litigation to in-house patent work. You look at the same issues. My best advice is to look for work at larger companies since they have larger in-house legal teams with specialties. My very large private company has a litigation team, trademark/copyright team, patent team, regulatory team, hr team, M&A team and international team.
They’ll believe you but you need actual experience. There are so many actual transactional lawyers out there that it’s really not likely that I’d ever interview a litigator for a transactional position. Start moving your practice now as much as you can and focus on that.
I moved from IP litigation to IP/tech transactions in house. I didn’t have much experience in transactions beforehand and knew that was a handicap. When interviewing, I at least want to see that a litigator has had their hands in some deal at some point.
One point of caution, your post doesn’t actually say that you WANT to be in transactions, just that that is the area where you’re seeing postings. The best way to convey an interest is to have it in the first place.
Fashionist help needed: Ladies, imagine that you’ve spent the past several years in a home-based business. Your clothes are either work-at-home jeans or fancy, colorful sheath dresses and skirt suits for public speaking and TV appearances. Now suddenly you are about to start a job in an office environment in a mid-level leadership role in a creative field.
You are 40 and want to look authoritative and competent but not old, dowdy or severe. What are the subtle things that make the difference between “youthful, modern 40” and “dowdy, old 40” while still looking credible and authoritative?
Where would you shop? What would you buy? (Budget is mid-level: Macy’s & Nordstrom, not Saks). Size 10, hour-glass-ish figure, short waist.
The things that read dowdy to me are old clothes/shoes/handbags and bad hair. Very few items are actually timeless, even classic styles in high quality materials will look dated in a few years. For you I’d be looking for some good pants and a few nice blazers.
And a great hair cut. Does your hair need coloring? Should it be shorter? Longer? Darker? I’m on team your hair is professional however it naturally grows from your head, but dowdy can easily qualify as professional. It’s probably worth a good update.
I’d shop at Nordstrom, Ann Taylor, and with a personal shopper at Bloomingdales to get started.
Thanks for this. What are “good pants” these days? Straight cut or trousers? I have several trouser-cut pants from when I worked in an office ten years ago and I like how they drape over heeled shoes. But I know the trend has been for narrower styles. Does that apply to work clothes as well, or just to jeans/casual pants?
Good pants are ones that fit and flatter you. Narrower pants have been a style change but I don’t think they are a must.
But if you’re feeling like you love your ten year old pants and how they drape over your pointy toed shoes that’s when I think you’re entering into a dowdy danger zone. Highly unlikely to me that pants from ten years ago will read fresh and modern even if you can’t put your finger on why.
Do the 10 year old pants still fit you well, or are they just “good enough”? Are they still in very good shape, or are they starting to show their age at the hems or pull a little at the belly in a smile to indicate you could use the next size up? I feel like another sign of dowdy is wearing clothes until they are about to fall apart – or at least past their prime.
And do you still wear the same heel height they were hemmed for?
Nordstrom. Use one of the personal stylists. Happy shopping!
How does this work? If I sign up for this and go, is there an unwritten expectation that I drop $500 on the spot for the clothing?
Nope! It’s a free service. Tell them what you are looking for, go into it with a honest expectation that you need and want to buy clothing, and see how it goes. Although moving from home to office = you probably need to be spending at least $500 on clothes.
But if you don’t love what they pull at Nordstrom you can spend your $500 somewhere else. You don’t have to buy anything from the stylist.
Agree on all points. You can say that your interested in spending $200 on 1-3 basics. I’ve done it for a single item. But my husband did it when he was making a similar transition and $500 was what he needed to spend to get a basic capsule. LOL, he struggled to pay that much at once but the stylist did such a great job that he was completely set up, so it was actually a great deal.
Lord and Taylor also has free personal shoppers, I’m pretty sure. Maybe not quite as fashion-forward as Nordstrom, but good for basics.
(says the person who bought way too many L&T cashmere sweaters this weekend)
Do this. I did it and loved the experience. Plan to spend several hours there on your first visit as the stylist gets to know your style and what stuff looks good on you. I made an appointment and told them my size and generally what I was looking for. When I arrived, they had a dressing room stocked full of stuff ready (one of the huge rooms). I just went in and started trying stuff on and putting the NO pieces out. The stylist adjusted as we went and I ultimately ended up with some really great stuff. After that I texted or called her and told her what I needed and she was almost always right on with her picks. Each Nordstrom should have a person in charge of all of the stylists. Call that person and tell them what you need and they will fit you with the right stylist.
I was in a casual office for 6 years then out of work for 14 months and used a Nordstrom personal stylist before I returned to a more business-y office. I gave a general budget and info about my body type and style. When I got there, there was a room full of clothes to try and plenty more options as the stylist discovered more about my likes and dislikes. I loved that I had a budget for everything, instead of obsessing over the price of individual items. I didn’t look at price tags until I got home — all I knew was that the total was where I wanted to be. I ended up with a bunch of basics that I could mix and match, plus a few pieces that were a little different for me. Great experience!
I’ll bite. I turn 45 this year and am in an office.
I wouldn’t start by shopping just yet. How is your hair? And your skin? And your brows? And your makeup? Do you know a blunt but benevolent person who can let you know if any need a refresh (something you feel comfortable in but isn’t haggard or unkempt)? There’s not a lot of room for error at our age and you want to walk in the door at a new job not having your outer self undercut who you really are.
[FWIW, I have visible grays, but have to work a little to keep it to a cool Stacy London look and not something matronly.]
Make sure work clothes fit you and shoes are in good condition (if not, get thee to a good cobler).
And if you chose to shop, this is where Nordstroms personal shoppers probably beat the pants off of anythying but a solid local boutique. No Macy’s! Buy one outfit and maybe one black pair of pants and a blouse and refresh the shoes if you need to. And bring some of your current clothes you’re thinking of wearing with you so your person can work with you to identify and fill in any gaps.
Good luck!
This. The last paragraph. Start small – think capsule wardrobe, a 1 or 2 updated bottoms and 2 or 3 shirts/blouses with 1 or 2 blazers to mix it up, neutral colors. That’ll get your through the next month or so till the next shopping expedition when you can expand the wardrobe to more colors and styles and shapes and you’ll know your office and style better.
Macy’s sells some of the same things Nordstrom’s does and my local stores are on par with each other. I just avoid the less fashionable sections.
No. Macy’s sells a lot of frumpy clothes made out of frumpy, cheap fabrics.
Can you name the field? I find that interesting accessories pack a lot of punch in projecting power, particularly in a more creative field. So if you’re wearing a suit, wear pumps in a coordinating or contrasting color instead of matching, or wear more architectural shoes in black instead of a plain pump. Jewelry should be one statement piece instead of a more conservative matched set.
Thanks everyone. Since I do a fair bit of TV and speaking, I’ve had lots of professional hair and makeup help so not worried about that. Likewise, have a good skin doc.
Just trying to get a vision in mind for the clothes. If you watch Scandal, I have a lot of “Mellie” clothes — brightly-colored tailored dresses and skirt suits that look good on stage or screen but might look weird in an office. (I’m a brunette so the pale Olivia palette just washes me out.)
It’s hard to give you specific clothing advice without understanding more about the field and what level you will be meeting with. Are you thinking it’s a suit job, or more separates? Are you mostly concerned that your good clothes are too bright?
What did the people who interviewed you wear?
Thanks NYNY. I don’t want to get into too much detail but in general terms it is in media – overseeing content creators and also regularly interacting with a group on the business side of the operation.
At 48, for my business casual job, I’m switching to fitted blouses (pinned if needed to avoid side view gap) – cardigan is too easy to look dowdy and collars add authority. Echo other commenters- fit is important , find a good tailor ! Personally I find trouser style pants best for my size 10 hourglass figure, beware really wide legs though.
I’m looking to revamp my look so these comments are interesting.
I am 40, size 10, hourglass, short waisted.
1. Sheath dress , knee length
2. Wrap dress if it works for you
3. Slim fitting pants
4. Nice tees or blouses
5. Woven button front shirts if you like them
Be colourful. Use jewellery. Good haircut.
My fiance and I are getting married in October, and since we’re not getting married in a church, we’re thinking about doing a few premarital counseling sessions with a therapist. For those of you who’ve also done this, did you think it was worth it? What did you find most valuable about it? Did you think it was significantly better than, say, getting a book and working through the questions? FWIW, we communicate well and I don’t feel like there are any big blind spots in our relationship, but I’m well aware that it’s better to start healthy habits early. TIA!
I never understand the idea that routine therapy when there’s nothing wrong with you is a healthy habit, but if you want info A Practical Wedding just had an article about this last week.
Not broke; don’t fix.
I may stand alone on this ledge, but this sounds totally unnecessary…. therapy isn’t the answer to everything.
Agreed, and I’m a big fan of therapy when it’s needed. If you haven’t talked about the big stuff or feel that you can’t with your partner without a therapist, you may want to rethink the relationship.
We did the same thing. I found it useful mostly because my fiance lost his mother a few years ago to suicide and never had gone to therapy. This was a great space to bring up some of those triggers in a healthy way. He is very upset about not having his mom there on his wedding day so we were able to discuss that and come up with some coping strategies for the wedding day itself.
That said we will have been dating 10 years by the time the wedding happens Oct this year also. We will have lived together for 6 of those years. So there is not a lot that we haven’t discussed already before seeing a therapist.
We did this, and it was incredibly valuable. It was a good place to talk about all the things that you should be on the same page about (money, kids, religion, sex, politics etc.) in a well-facilitated way. Our therapist was fabulous; it probably would not work without one who is great. In our case, we wanted to do it because there were kids involved and we wanted everything to go as smoothly as possible. It turned out to be good for us and for them (they were not in the sessions, but we talked with her about ways to handle family issues). It’s possible that you could do it without a live guide by making your way through one of the books and talking about each issue (and then maybe seeking live guidance if you come upon a sticking point?). We wanted to do it because it was a second marriage for both of us, but I don’t see why it wouldn’t be equally useful the first time around.
The one thing I will say is that if you’re talking about prospective money, kids, religion, sex, politics, then pre-marital counselling can become a bunch of pinkie promises that you might not keep as life changes and you (and your preferences) change with it.
If you don’t go to therapy, I’d really recommend the book “7 Principals for Making Marriage Work”. The title sounds a little hokey, but its an amazingly helpful book with a lot of different exercises to work through. My husband and I found it very helpful when we were going through a rough patch. It’s one of the few marriage books I found that was not religiously-based, which I prefer, even though I am a somewhat religious person.
Yes!
We found out during one session with our therapist, while she was talking about John Gottman’s work, that we had both read this, independently, before meeting each other. Very nice that it is data-driven and religion-free.
I listened to this book and learned so, so much about my marriage and my spouse. “Why Marriages Succeed or Fail” is also incredibly enlightening. Highly recommend any book by Dr. Gottman.
+1 for Gottman
I really like “The Relationship Cure,” which is about relationships in general, not just marriage. Profound concepts but surprisingly easy to put into practice.
I loved my minister-led premarital counseling because she asked us to discuss the answers to hypothetical questions and reach agreement on money, relationships with family, life priorities, etc. Our minister walked us through our answers and helped us talk through areas of conflict. IMHO, working through the auspices of a mediator/counselor is better than doing it by yourself over the breakfast table.
I found our premarital counseling helpful too. We got married in a church, but I could see a well-trained therapist working just as well. Our minister walked us through hypotheticals (like what would happen if one of us lost a job, or if I could work because of my autoimmune disease, or if we couldn’t have kids like we want). It was nice to see we were on the same page about a lot of things, to see where we weren’t, and to have an open forum to discuss a few issues. Honestly, it made me feel closer to my husband.
I found some of the sessions helpful in working on strengthening our communication skills. But I would recommend thinking of a list of things to talk about beforehand unless it’s a “counseling workshop” type situation – when we came in with no ideas of what to talk about, we ended up discussing a lot of stuff that we were 100% on the same page about (kids, where to live, division of labor, etc.).
We did this. FWIW, we went through my EAP and got 10 free sessions (we used four, I think). It gave us a better vocabulary to talk about some of the ongoing friction points in our relationship – nothing we would ever break up over, but it is nice to have some language and professional advice to fall back when we are having our millionth small argument. Also, it demystified the process, which means that I think we’d be more likely to go back if we ever do hit a big problem.
We were in the same position and did a three-session premarital counseling at the suggestion of his sister who had really appreciated hers. It was fine. We were so in sync on all the big issues that our therapist moved on to more in depth communication techniques and role-playing. Probably similar to roses above. I’m not sure it really changed anything for us, but I also don’t see the harm.
We did one session, and we have a happy relationship with strong communication, trust, equality, but it was still helpful to have someone watch us interact and give us “first impression” feedback. My feedback was that I talk over DH to protect him and should let him take the lead for himself and for us more – I took that to heart and it’s been helpful to remember that advice from time to time.
It was valuable for us to take a look at where we were on the big issues (home ownership, kids, careers, financial stuff) and our conflict styles. We’d had these conversations prior to counseling, but it clarified some of our timelines and our views about all kinds of things. I felt like it was worth it, though I didn’t find the process very pleasant at the time.
We elected to skip it, which was slightly controversial with our families, but we had both had LTRs end (ie, broken engagements) and felt like that experience had been more insightful than any therapy session. It’s been a decade and we’ve never regretted it.
That said, the 5 love languages and the 4 seasons of marriage have been insightful. We just took the test/skimmed, but realizing the differences between how we show and want affection and understanding that shifts in marriage is A Thing and Not The End was helpful at times of stress.
Thanks, everyone! I really appreciate the perspective. Either way, we’ll definitely look into the Gottman books. I really like his work from the various articles I’ve read, and it’s good to know the books are useful as well.
Hello hive!
Just wanted to report back since I had a bit of a depressing post few days ago about being trapped in a job that was intellectually numbing while having a good salary that I could not afford to loose.
Well, I had my half year review few minutes ago and while it wasn’t stellar, we pointed out all the challenges I am facing. I was bold and proposed a project that I want to work on. Something that will get me slightly more excited about what I do on a daily basis.
This means that even if I do not find another job within 3-6 months, at least I would not be pounding my head against a wall from lack of things to do.
Glad to hear you’re in a better place on this! Here’s hoping things keep getting even better~
Reposting from weekend for more replies. Hi, I’m looking for recommendations for a good psychiatrist in San Jose CA / Santa Clara, CA. My husband is depressed and he needs help. Preferably someone who also does talk therapy.
Not in the South Bay but this practice has a lot of docs that take insurance and do both talk and meds: https://www.psychiatricalternatives.com/locations2.php
Reposting from weekend for more replies. Anyone have good recommendations for psychiatrist in San Jose CA / Santa Clara, CA. My husband is depressed and he needs help. Preferably someone who also does talk therapy.
All – I need to order a top from Talbots to match what a group is wearing, and I have no idea what their sizing is like. I am a 34H top and normally wear a medium top in Banana or a 10 or 12 top, a 10 or 12 in Classiques Entier. Should I order a medium from Talbots? Is their 10 about the same as a Banana or Classiques 10?
Thank you so much!
Assuming their sizing is still the same, when I used to be a 10 had a jacket from Talbots that was a size S. I would order a M and an S to try, if you typically like a more fitted torso.
nope. I am 10P suit at Banana and a solid 6/8 (depends on the fit) at Talbots. I’d suggest that you go with M though. Some of the smalls are super small in the arms.
OP here – terrific. Thank you so much for the help.
I’m looking at the No 2 pencil skirt in double serge wool at jcrew. Is the fabric too heavy/wintry to wear year round if I get a neutral color like tan? I live in the mid-antlantic area, so summers are hot, winters are cold-ish
I have several of these and love them, and, yes, the wool is too heavy for summer. I wear them 3 seasons, but not on unseasonably warm days. I think they look and feel out of place if it is over 55-60 degrees outside.
I wear mine in the summer (lighter colors only) – and summer where i live is 90+ daily.
Definitely too wintry. I would describe it like a heavy felted wool – a bit thick, not quite fuzzy but definitely not something you could wear outside of fall/winter even if you weren’t in such a hot climate.
I wouldn’t touch wool with a 10′ pole in August in the mid-Atlantic.
Have you considered The Skirt in camel? It’s light enough to wear all but maybe six weeks of the year, year-round if your commute is driving instead of walking.
My fiancé and I are thinking abt taking a long weekend trip over Valentine’s day / President’s Day weekend to Hudson, NY (we are in NYC). Is this a terrible idea for a winter trip (it is a very popular weekend getaway spot in the summer). Does anyone have any experience visiting there / suggestions on what to do? Also, do we need a car? TIA!
I did that last year. We stayed in Rhinebeck and spent a day in Hudson. I found between visiting a historic home or two, taking a couple winter walks, and time spent siting by the fire with a drink we were all set. Not the worlds most exciting vacation but easy relaxing and out of the city. You don’t need a car but I think it would be much more fun with one. Hudson itself isn’t enough to do for any length of time so it’s nice to be able to visit other towns.
For all those unemployed law students out there…I just got an off-cycle summer associate gig. SO EXCITED. I was the unemployed-est after OCI, but I persevered. There is hope!
Congratulations! That is wonderful. Your persistence has paid off.
That is fantastic, congratulations! Any tips for other people in the same situation?
I’ve heard small and medium firms hire off- cycle.
That’s great! Heartiest congratulations!