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Splurge Monday’s Workwear Report: Carrie Pant

A woman wearing black pants and black flats

Our daily workwear reports suggest one piece of work-appropriate attire in a range of prices.

If you’re on the hunt for the perfect pair of black trousers, Anine Bing has you covered. These pants are made from a viscose-wool blend with a twill texture and natural drape. They also have functional belt loops, which feels like it shouldn’t be a surprise, but it really is.

The pants are $350 at Anine Bing and come in sizes 30-42 (equivalent to 0–12). If you’ve already found your perfect black pants, these also come in nine other colors and fabrics.

Looking for something more affordable? Try these wide-leg pants from Treasure & Bond (XS–XL and 1X-4X), on sale for $30+.

Psst: check out our latest thoughts on the best trouser lengths for women!

Sales of note for 12.5

328 Comments

  1. It’s funny: the Nordstrom link loads easily but the Anine Bing one doesn’t. And IDK re those Anine Bing pants. In the picture, why does my eye not like how they are hemmed or the shoe? Something looks off — like the pants are too long or need a heel. At $300 a pair, the presentation needs to looks better than this. Or maybe I’m the problem — could my eye not be used to how pants are now?

    1. from the back they look almost perfect, but from the front, more of a break than I prefer. I’d probably hem them half an inch but no more.

      1. agree, they’re half an inch too long. i think the “terracotta” color is a better hem length (and “camel twill” is horribly too long)

    2. Totally struggling with pants. My feet are demanding more flats. Pant styles are a challenge if the legs aren’t cropped or ankle length. And then it gets cold and I am not sure how to work flat boots into the mix to keep my feet and lower legs from freezing.

      2. One solution working for me is wearing flat boots with taller shafts than your average bootie with my cropped/ankle pants, so that even when I sit down my ankles are fully covered. Some pants work with knee high boots too, but I find a shaft height around 7 or 8 is most comfortable.

    3. Not just you. They look a bit too long to me as well, and I’m one who prefers pants that go all the way down.

      1. IDK — maybe yesterday’s rain has me cranky but they seem like they are too wrong and also only fair-weather pants.

      2. But they will rub on the ground and get stepped on and get ruined for sure.

        Not realistic.

        But fashion photos like this are not uncommo

        1. I think they’re a hair too long but wear pants like this frequently. They are not that hard, I promise. Just don’t wear them out in the rain and you’re fine.

  2. I am constantly shoving blazer sleeves up. I hate the feeling of fabric near my wrists. I’d like to have a tailor shorten the sleeves on all but a few blazers to 3/4 length for my body – maintaining three full suits for formal stuff, which I never seem to have any more. I do not have a regular tailor. I want them to retain the button details on blazers, not just chop the sleeve and sew a hem. Any other instructions I should consider giving?

    1. Think about the fabric of the blazer. A 3/4 sleeve is great with cotton or linen or other casual fabric meant as separates but can be really weird with suiting fabric.

        1. 9:38 is talking formality. A more casual fabric like linen or cotton is better suited to a shorter sleeve aka less-formal jacket.

          1. It’s not just formality but also season. A tropical wool might look OK in a bracelet sleeve, but not something heavier.

    2. Think about how the taper on the sleeve will work. Will it taper around the arm the way you want? There are two ways to shorten blazer sleeves. The first is to take the sleeve off at the arm hole and cut the arm from the top. The advantage is that it keeps the cuff (buttons, etc) as intended. I’m not sure how it might effect the shape of the sleeve though. The second (much cheaper) way is to cut from the bottom. You lose the cuff but retain the shape of the arm more. I just had some sleeves shortened this way and the tailor just moved the button up, sacrificing the functional button hole.

      1. I have not thought about this at all. I was thinking they would handle similar to hemming jeans with a decorative hem – like moving the decorative part up, somehow. I’m not sure if moving the sleeve up 4-5” would still be the right thickness or volume or width (not sure what word I should use here) near my shoulder and bicep areas. Is that something a good tailor can figure out, or do I need to do some of this advance at home?

        1. I think a good tailor can discuss this with you – but they’re hard to find (and you may sacrifice a blazer or two in your search for one). Hopefully someone more knowledgeable here can advise.

      2. +1. As someone who is petite and has short arms, I have to shorten the sleeves of 90% of the blazers I purchase, so I’ve had to deal with this conundrum a lot. It is a real pain.

        I have found good tailors to be reluctant to shorten from the top/armhole because they’re concerned the taper of the sleeve will result in the blazer being too tight at the upper arms. Plus, it is almost prohibitively expensive to shorten the sleeves this way.
        I always opt to cut from the bottom/hem of the sleeve. Practically speaking, this results in me not really being able to buy blazers that have functional button holes unless the placement is just right. I either cut the functional button holes off completely and have the tailor sew on just the buttons at the bottom of the sleeve in the correct spot, or I have to buy blazers without functional button holes and move the buttons up.

        For this reason I love bracelet length blazer sleeves as they hit me at just the right spot and I don’t need to tailor. Unfortunately, I haven’t seen these very often in recent years.

    3. Consider doing ‘bracelet length’ (falls just above wrist vs. mid-arm) instead of 3/4 to preserve formality?

    4. I also hate this feeling and have switched from blazers to more Chanel-style jackets as the sleeves tend to be bracelet length. Thankfully they are very “in” right now and available all over the place at all price points! Maybe try one of those?

    5. maybe just try to poshmark some Khloe blazers from cinq a sept? they’ve been out for a few years now and have ruched sleeves.

    6. Perhaps you’d enjoy the hack of just putting a hair tie around the sleeve and pushing it up, then just kind zhuhhing the fabric to hide the tie?

  3. I recently tried Dr Jart Cicapair Tiger Grass Color Correcting Treatment for the first time and fell in love with how it covered my rosacea red cheeks without needing foundation. However, in the end, it aggravates my rosacea even more for days after. Any suggestions for a similar product I can test out?

    1. Now I feel lucky that my skin actually likes this one!

      If you can find a good color match, maybe the drugstore Physician’s Formula CC cream?

      I’m curious about Lady Gaga’s foundation line but haven’t tried it.

    2. I have the same issue. I use Erborian BB Cream. It is the best I have found so far for my skin issues.

    3. Hero Rescue Balm available at Target. I prefer it because it comes in a tube, I hate digging my fingers in the Dr. Jart jars.

    4. I find that green stuff very drying. I prefer the Dr Jart premium BB cream in the tube, which I wear over quite a bit of skincare including SPF. That seems to give me enough moisture so as not to aggrieve my rosacea.

    5. Physician’s formula has a “concealer twins” in green and yellowy-beige (meant to pair) that works well on redness for me. I do not have rocsacea, but I do have acne and am very fair. This works well.

  4. My husband is very sweaty at night and his side of the sheets always turns yellow. Does anyone have suggestions for preventing this? His solution is to not have white sheets, but I am a pretty ride or die white sheet fan.

    1. Soak (Don’t spritz or anything dainty. SOAK) in Greased Lightning or other degreaser (The stuff that comes in gallon jugs at janitorial supply stores works best) before washing as usual. They’ll be good as new and I’ve never found that it weakens or otherwise shortens the life of the sheets.

    2. but… isn’t the reason to have white sheets so you can bleach them clean? isn’t that the answer?

        1. According to the laundry guy it’s because our white sheets are actually dyed white so you’re bleaching out white dye.

    4. I don’t think you can prevent it, you can only treat the sheets after it happens. I hope you aren’t making your husband feel bad about this. I would feel shitty if my partner were prioritizing their weird obsession with white sheets over my body’s normal reactions.

    5. I mean…. you can’t change his biology. His sweat make-up is what it is. Some people’s sweat does this.

      is he uncomfortable overnight? Is it too hot for him? Set the thermostat lower at night.

      Wash/change sheets more? Use Oxi-clean, maybe a bluing agent.

      Check with his doctor to make sure these aren’t medically significant night sweats.

      Add a cooling gel topper to the bed and use separate comforters on each side of the bed so you each can control temperature individually.

      Get a pricey temperature control mattress where each side can set a temperature.

      1. All of this, plus make sure that whatever he wears at night can breathe. There are some PJs that I love that I nevertheless only wear when it’s frigid because I sweat so much in them.

      2. Yes to a bluing agent. Caveat I have not tried it but used to have the same white sheet issue, researched extensively, and the near-universal rec was bluing, I just didn’t have the interest in doing all that so instead got patterned sheets.

    6. No tips on prevention, but I tried the laundry stripping method all over the internet for our towels that were doing the same thing and it worked great at removing the buildup.

      2. +1 to laundry stripping. It also works with white shirts, if he wears undershirts. You can also use Nathan’s sports wash for active wear in the same method to get everything back to as breathable as it was when you bought it.

      3. Would laundry stripping make my towels softer? I don’t use softening agents in my laundry. And after a year or two, I feel like my towels feel kind of rough. Adding a soak cycle or extra rinse cycle to the washing machine doesn’t seem to help, and I’m very careful about not using a lot of detergent.

        1. Yes, I think so. There’s probably still a build up of detergent after a year or so, even if you’re not using too much.

    7. Oxyclean helps some, but your husband is correct. Different color of sheets. Sorry, some of us are sweaters and really can’t help it.

    8. I see I wasn’t very clear in my original post – I am looking for a laundry – based way to keep our sheets as white as possible. Obviously I am not trying to change my husband’s biology!

    9. I’m no help in the laundry but have you tried linen sheets? I much prefer them to cotton. They breathe so much better. The rumpled organic look is a small price to pay for not getting sweaty and kicking them off and getting sweaty again.

    10. Is he uncomfortable at night? I take Glycopyrrolate for night sweats (sweating is a side effect of another medication I take).

    11. Get colored sheets. Buy him a few extra sets of pillowcases so he can switch out more frequently than you might usually. We did this and my husband’s skin is a lot happier, too.

    12. I add a capful of Borax to all my white laundry, and that helps a lot keeping whites white. Agree als with the suggestion of laundry stripping. It’s quite an activity but I do this with pillows and comforters about 1-2 times a year and it’s seriously amazing what all comes out. And very gross.

    13. Gallsoap (the hard version) is amazing at removing biological stains. It removed yellow stains from years old t-shirts for me. For big areas (like bed sheets), I would grate it into the detergent compartment, start a soak regime, let it ‘marinate’ for a few hours and then was on higher temps.

    14. Strongly recommend trying the Dirty Labs laundry booster powder. Soak your sheets overnight if needed. This helps to breakdown components in your sweat and will help with whiteness and stink as well. Can be found at Whole Foods, Amazon and their own website.

  5. I need to book a Sephora appointment for my teen who has acne and acne scars / red hyperpigmentation on fairly light skin to cover up. She just wants products for this (not makeup, but treatment / concealing is OK). Is this enough of a description to give them or should we also ask them to have some specific products for this for us to try. Anything to recommend from there (or Ulta or a drugstore)?

    1. If she doesn’t want makeup advice but treatment instead, take her to the doctor or a derm as a first step. The artists at Sephora are not skincare experts.

      1. This. Sephora is where you go to learn how to do a cat eye. The dermatologist is where you go for acne and skin issues.

    2. I really wish my mom had taken me to a dermatologist as soon as I started getting acne as a teenager instead of letting me waste money and energy trying OTC products. Acne is very personal and I don’t think a Sephora employee would have the knowledge to be able to give helpful guidance.

      That being said, products containing salicylic acid, benzoyl peroxide, or gentle retinoids are good places to start for acne.

    3. Sephora is the wrong resource for what your daughter wants. This would be akin to going to the car wash for an oil change.

    4. OP here. She has a derm and we have done everything short of accurate. Her skin is stable now. But undoing prior damage, which began during the pandemic, will take several rounds of laser or other treatments, which I’m not sure my teen will tolerate if painful.

      1. I would ask the derm for specific recs for products that will support your daughter’s goal. The derm knows her skin and is qualified to make suggestions that will not exacerbate any issues.

      2. I found that a niacinamide serum (a cheap one from Amazon) did wonders for getting rid of the red marks left over after acne cleared up. Obviously consult with her derm (not Sephora unless she is specifically asking for makeup, not skincare), but give the niacinamide a try.

        1. This is why a derm-niacinamide and salicylic acid would send my sensitive skin into another round of bad acne.

      3. If she wants to reduce the scars, it will require microneedling and laser treatment.
        Signed, someone who had bad teen acne and picked despite knowing it would cause scarring.
        I got it done with the medical esthetician at my dermatologist’s office, they use a numbing cream before starting the treatment; it wasn’t particularly painful.
        It will also take more rounds than you think – some of the deep scars have only had minor improvement while the smaller less deep ones improved greatly or disappeared.

      4. So go to Sephora if she wants a makeup lesson to cover the scars, but it’s not the place for skin treatment.

      5. Does she use a daily sunscreen? My spouse with sensitive skin needs a mineral (as opposed to chemical) sunscreen. Many (most) mineral sunscreens are tinted. They are naturally chalk white and leave a significant white cast when they are not tinted. It doesn’t provide the same camouflage as foundation, etc. Would your daughter be open to a tinted sunscreen? I’m not sure why she doesn’t want make up but but this may skirt her objections because it’s principle purpose is sun protection.

      6. Take her to a medispa or facialist, they work with skincare lines as well. Their lines may be super expensive, but they can give you a list of their recommendations and you can look up similar products online.

        If Sephora/Ulta is the only kind of place she’ll go, I agree with others to ask for someone who specializes in skincare products. There’s usually someone on staff who’s very knowledgeable. But I kind of think if they were good enough to do skincare professionally then they wouldn’t be working at Sephora, ymmv.

      7. I’d ask around for local dermatologist recommendations. Some are more treatment/med spa-y than others. You might also look for a consult with an office that also has plastic surgeons.

    5. Ask the Sephora if they have someone on staff who is a skincare product specialist. My Sephora had one. You already have a derm, but someone can help recommend products for scarring, etc.

    6. -Cerave face wash
      -Eltamd sunscreen (use the daily or clear formulas – comes in regular or tinted)
      -Skinceuticals c e ferulic
      -SkinMedica retinol

      These were all recommended by my dermatologist. You can buy the products where you prefer, but this could be a good opportunity to try a new dermatologist who specializes more in a cosmetic area.

      1. +1. You need to get a derm to give you recommendations for products to use. I would not give any weight to a Sephora employee’s acne scar treatment recommendations. Makeup to cover up the scars/hyperpigmentation, go with Sephora.

      2. +1 derm or esthetician at the derm (someone above mentioned a medical esthetician?)

    7. No suggestions, unfortunately. But want to say your support of her and help to her matters. I had terrible acne for about a decade and we finally got it under control when I was in my 20s. Those were rough years, but my mom never quit trying to figure out the underlying cause and how we could reduce it. I cannot imagine how much money my parents spent on docs, facials, and products. Nothing really worked. But I knew they were in my corner and I wasn’t alone – and that matters. I’m in my 40s now and have had great skin for 20 years, but I am still appreciative of my mom’s efforts during those years (and I told her many times).
      My mom also always told me that once we got the problems resolved, my parents would pay for whatever lasers or plastic surgery I’d need to deal with the scars. That gave me some hope on the distant horizon. And they did and the lasers worked very well.

    8. Also, please have her checked for PCOS. My daughter had terrible acne and does not look like what many think of as a “typical PCOS” patient. Once her PCOS was diagnosed and treated, her skin has been nearly perfect. I am so annoyed that the dermatologist did not suggest a simple blood test to see if this was the issue or to refer her to a gynecologist or endocrinologist.

      1. I was about to say this. I had acne and almost no periods despite otherwise growing and getting b00bs early. But I was slender, which I think was why PCOS wasn’t considered for years. PCOS was the underlying cause of the acne but it took 5 years to figure that out.

    9. Acne recs from someone with the most sensitive skin. It took me years to find these products. They keep me clear.

      When you have a zit/breakout:
      Neutrogena Rapid 2.5 benzolyl peroxide spot treatment -daytime
      CosRX Centella blemish cream overnight on the exact spot only (really relieves redness/dries it out)
      Any kind of “zit sticker” if it’s oozy

      Home Hygiene: Make sure she is washing/changing her pillowcases, keeping her hair with gloppy conditioner/products off her cheeks, and changing her fact towels. If she rinses conditioner in the shower, keep it off her neck, back, forhead, cheek sides, or do a quick wipe with acne pads while her hair is wet, just as she gets out of the shower, on those areas, to get any acne-causing product off her skin.

      Body acne:
      Use The Body Shop Tea Tree Oil FACIAL cleansing wash (not body) and let it soak in.
      If things are bad, add a 10% benzoyl peroxide wash
      Salicylic acid washes did nothing for me.

      Scarring/hyperpigmentation:
      Dr. Dennis Gross Alpha-Beta peeling pads every other night OR Jan Marini cleanser

      If she starts getting widespread breakouts:
      Reduct sugar and milk products
      Use a blue light mask on her fact every other day–really stops the cycle.

      Good luck!

  6. Question-my dad (age 65) is going to be having a total knee replacement 4days before Christmas. I know he obviously will still be very limited by Christmas Eve and Day, but how much should I expect him to be able to participate- likely he’ll be able to sit on the couch and watch/ participate/eat/etc? Or is he likely to be completely down and out?

    We usually have get-together a with the multitude of grandchildren (fortunately most of them are elementary school age now and able to understand what not to do, but they are still a ton of energy), but I’m trying to get an idea of what to expect. (Obviously I know it varies, but a general idea.)

    1. I had a knee replacement at 65, and I could have participated in/watched Christmas festivities…I was pretty fit going into the surgery. However, I would have tired very quickly, and been on pain meds that made me groggy/tired, but I could have been there for at least some of it. Also, I could get around with a walker/crutches at that point, if that is helpful to know.

    2. It depends a LOT on his mobility and health prior to the surgery. My mother was really incapacitated and spent at least 3 days in hospital after the surgery due to blood pressure issues, while my FIL was released and walking and up and about the day of. Both were in their late-50s but my mother has had ongoing health problems (cancer, bowel issues, overweight) while my FIL worked construction and had a wife to help him work the leg out. Even if your dad’s up for a gathering I would expect that he’ll need some accommodations to make his leg comfortable and he may not be able to sit/stand in certain positions for very long and he’ll be on painkillers and probably not feel super great, so if don’t plan for him to participate in anything specifically or stay long, if at all.

    3. It depends on several things. One is how much painkiller meds he is prescribed and takes. Another is whether they do a full general anesthesia or do a spinal block with a little something to knock him out. The former is likely to leave him down and out for quite some time. The latter will leave him in better shape after the surgery.

      Additionally, and this is super important, he is going to be instructed to stay down with his leg elevated at least to the level of his heart and likely higher. For the first week they may say 55 minutes down and five minutes up and about, for example. And he will be instructed to ice it very frequently. Keeping the swelling under control is very important for his recovery. It also affects his pain levels, although it’s probably not the primary component to his pain level. He will be prescribed physical therapy and it’s very important to make those appointments.

      I really hope he has a quiet place to recuperate and rest. The timing with a house full of people isn’t ideal. My surgeon told me I would understand how I felt afterwards if I considered that he was committing a grave assault on my body with my permission. He also said it was one of the most invasive surgeries. (Not sure that my lung surgery agrees with that assessment.) But do consider that they are going to cut the ends off of the long bones in his leg and then with great force hammer into the bone a device on each side, with great force. I had a perfect black handprint bruise on my ankle after one of my knee replacements. There’s a reason these surgeons are usually big men.

      A knee replacement affects different people differently. I was cleared to drive and work at 11 days on my first one (they said it would be four to six week) and other than physical therapy I didn’t have terrible pain. It really wasn’t all that hard, although I did observe the up/down/icing regimen strictly and had the swelling well controlled. I had terrible pain after my second one and it was a miserable experience.

    4. My aunt had one and on day 3 she was completely miserable and on a ton of painkillers.

      My dad had one and was grumpy and uncomfortable but could entertain guests.

      I’d go in with very low expectations, maybe plan to stop by with a plate of cookies, and be surprised if he’s dressed and will see the kids.

    5. It varies wildly. I’ve known a lot of folks at my gym who have gotten various parts replaced. Some are back at the gym a couple of days later, others are laid up for weeks.

    6. I would caution expecting a visit so close just from a potential exposure to respiratory illness standpoint given his body will be working hard to recover, especially since it’s with kids and especially the time of year. Even if he’s not totally down and out something like that is the absolute worst thing to risk during those first few days.

  7. is anyone else totally behind on their December tasks? i feel like i’ve been in a depression and cannot bring myself to motivate. (and yes, using my SAD lamp and taking vitamin D.)

    1. Yes.

      For me it feels like depression/apathy as a result of burnout, but i have no interest in any of the sparkly things i normally love doing this time of year.

    2. Sitting with you on the unsparkly bench. I will be away for a week+ around Christmas so it doesn’t seem worth my time to put a tree up.

    3. Same. I haven’t decorated, I haven’t sent out cards, I JUST started shopping. I’m depressed and not into it this year. I just want it to be Christmas so I have some time off work.

      2. After my dad died in November, I couldn’t do any of it. Our son was only 8 so we booked a trip to NYC for Christmas for way too much money. All the magic and almost none of the work. (Santa managed to find the hotel with some toys and little tree though).

    4. Yes. This year has been insanely busy at work, which is odd for me for December, and also I am just not motivated this year.

    5. Yes. I am just SO tired and wiped out. I’m dealing with a broken foot and everything is so much more of a slog than it would normally be, which is part of the exhaustion. I think the other part is just normal seasonal depression :(

    6. Yes, drowning at work, but thanks to meds, I am cool with that and have zero issues that they won’t be done on time. Boss is aligned and the major things are covered.

  8. A couple of weeks ago, a few people commented that Vuori was not all that hot and only pushed by certain people here and elsewhere. What are the best athleisure wear companies? I’m revamping my WFH wardrobe for the new year and want to buy comfortable and sustainable items that will last and continue looking good for a while.

      2. The majority of my activewear comes from Costco actually! Mondetta, Spyder and Danskin are the brands off the top of my head, but I’m sure there are others. The tradeoffs are somewhat limited sizing and colors, but other than that, very reasonable prices and they’ve held up well over the years.

    2. probably depends on what you consider to be the factors that are important. Lululemon is very on trend and i think the quality is good but it’s awfully expensive. I have gotten some knock off type stuff from amazon and am perfectly happy with it. I actually think athleta is not worth it; just not good quality for the price. For what it’s worth (and i have posted this in various contexts before) i think old navy holds up just fine and is on trend and often 50% off. i think the kohls stuff is decent also although less “trendy”

        1. How about start adding a few Athleta pieces into the mix? Just for some staple pieces that you will wear often and get away with re-wearing a lot. Pricier but not crazy. Vuori… just… why?

          Like the Pranayama wrap that many work from home folks love, and a pair of the Brooklyn pants or joggers if they work for your body shape.

          Convincing this generation to pay $200+ for joggers one of the fashion scams of my lifetime…

        2. Athleta’s bottoms hold up 1000% better than their tops do. I’ve sworn off their knitwear.

          1. Knitwear really isn’t the foundation of Athleisure. The whole point of Athleisure is a more durable, athletic type fabric.

            The Athleta tops / toppers in athletic fabrics hold up well.

    3. If you’re looking for sustainability and something that lasts, try North Face, Oiselle, Title Nine, Pact.

      1. FWIW, have not had a good experience with Pact’s quality. Their customer service was good though.

        1. I’m wearing Pact pants now and love them. Maybe they work better for me and not for others?

      1. Yes, I like Vuori just fine – it’s a more expensive brand for sure, but I like it.

      2. I like Vuori a lot! I buy a lot of their athleisure stuff. I have not had success with any of their stuff that is actually meant to work out in. For actual workout clothes, I have had the best luck with Lulu and various Amazon brands with Baleaf.

        I used to like Athleta’s leggings but haven’t found anything I’ve liked recently. Normally, when I order stuff from them, the fit is weird, and then I find a similar item from Old Navy/Gap that fits better for cheaper.

        Zella has the best joggers I have found that actually look like pants. Everything I have ordered from Pact loses its shape or gets holes in it within a few months.

      3. +3, I am not remotely affiliated and I’ve never noticed Vuori pushing on this board. I own 5-6 pairs for WFH/errands and it’s pretty much all I wear. They are pricey but hold up very well IMO.

      5. I also like vuori and was not really influenced … my SIL gave me a pair for my birthday and they’re my go to sweatpants. Got DH a pair for fun and he also wears them a lot * shrug *

    5. I like Varley, mostly for tops. My issue with Vuiori is their joggers are basically made out of PJ material. They’re soft because you’d just wear them to bed. For pants, I like some more substantial I can wear out of the house. I rotate through Lulu and Athleta for that.

    7. Honestly mine are from Vuori and Beyond Yoga. I have no delusions of being a trendsetter, but they serve me well for WFH and I can squeeze in a quick yoga video in between meetings. And I feel polished enough to go to the grocery store. I change into something nicer if I’m actually going out for a meal or drinks or something.

    8. Alo Yoga is hot right now but I can’t comment on quality. I think my yoga studio has Alo leggings and they’ve felt nice but I haven’t purchased.

    9. I’m not sure on sustainability for these brands, but for flattering fit and quality I love Nike, Sweaty Betty, Alo, and Beyond Yoga. The latter three especially are pricey but they’re also easy to find secondhand in good condition.

    10. Leggings Depot joggers have held up shockingly well for me given the price. I can’t imagine they’re best practices, but it’s been over a year of hard use and regular washing with them and they look like new.

    11. Marshall’s/TJMaxx brings in a TON of activewear after the holidays, be sure to stop by a store in early January.

  9. Hi fam. I’m considering going cold-turkey with added sugar, similar to what I did for alcohol long ago. I have no problem at social events ordering a club soda, water, or whatever rather than an alcoholic drink, even if others are celebrating with alcohol. My concern now is the analogous situation with desserts – I’m curious if this group has any suggestions for what to do if everyone at an event is having dessert that would feel participatory but still avoid added sugar? Two thoughts are to order a fruit plate, or have a coffee, but would love to hear creative ideas if this group has any. Thank you!

    1. If you don’t want to eat dessert, please don’t make a big statement about it. It tends to be really annoying when people do that. Just do your own thing quietly.

      1. +1

        I almost never eat desert when I eat out, with big family gatherings. I’m just not hungry anymore. Decaf coffee or tea is perfect for me. I would love a touch of chocolate, but not a whole desert. Many people are like this.

        Fruit plate is actually pretty heavy/bulky, and I couldn’t eat that after a dinner out. And almost no restaurants have a fruit plate for desert, so you trying to ask about it or ask for one to be put together WILL be noticed for others and prompt a discussion.

    3. I eat plenty of sugar, but haven’t had dessert at a restaurant in decades because I’m always too full after a restaurant meal so I don’t think you need to make a big deal about it. Just get tea or coffee and it’s fine.

      1. Same! I’m actually a big dessert person and rarely eat it out. I’m usually too full. I find most people I dine with also don’t eat dessert. Sometimes when I do want it I don’t get it because nobody else at the table is ordering any.

        1. Same. I love desert but almost never order it at restaurants because I get so full. If I am attending a restaurant for the sole purpose of ordering desert – because there’s something really good I want to try – I’ll have a starter or a salad as a main. Otherwise portions are huge and I get overly full. If it’s a special occasion we sometimes share desert – a small bite of something sweet is usually enough for me.

      2. Same, I only have dessert out if it’s a prix fixe type of thing. No big deal to say oh I’m full, just decaf please.

    4. Just coffee or nothing at restaurants or parties works well; my challenge is the office where it feels like there is dessert/cookies/cake once a week. People are oddly pushy with sharing so I feel like I end up sounding snobby that I don’t like dessert but for whatever reason ‘no thank you’ doesn’t seem to work. I’ve started taking a plate and just pushing my fork around, which is another option for you when needed.

    5. Have a cup of green tea, or if it’s a very fancy place maybe a cheese course?

      Just avoid saying anything about sugar, just say no thank you, not today, with a smile.

        1. So heavy though! And a lot of calories…

          You don’t have to keep eating if you are full, you know? Teaching your body to eat just… because…. isn’t a great thing.

          1. nowhere did the OP say she was trying to diet or normally too full for dessert, just that she was trying to cut back on sugar?

          2. I’m Anon at 11:07 and what you just said in reply to someone who said she enjoys cheese is a textbook example of the boorish behavior I was describing.

          3. I’m often still hungry after a fancy restaurant meal (I guess that is my fault for ordering lighter fare!).

    6. I haven’t eaten a dessert in a decade and don’t find it to be a problem. There is one place that serves a cheese that I love on its small plates menu, and when there, I have asked that be brought when others ate dessert. Otherwise, I am just politely conversing, usually sipping water or wine (no coffee or tea for me) while others eat. They do try desperately to force “a bite” on me, but they’ve all been fine when I politely decline. I guess it might have felt awkward for someone along the way, but that is not because I was discouraging or made any comment beyond “please go ahead, I’m not a sweets person.” I did feel a bit guilty when I realized my assistant switched out the candy part of her office-wide holiday gifts and subbed hand soap in mine, but that was her consideration, not my rejection of or comment on previous gifts.

    7. Just stick with coffee. I often say that I loved the meal so much that I am stuffed and couldn’t eat another bite. No one ever seems to argue with me.

      Just don’t talk about your diet when others are enjoying a meal. I say this as someone who is always dieting (medically supervised) but listening to other people tell you about what is wrong with what you’re eating is the most boring topic on earth. I’m surprised more people don’t realize how rude it is but there have been phases of my life where all anyone can seem to talk about is what they’re not eating!

    8. I don’t understand the need to be creative about it…just…politely decline? I rarely eat desserts in restaurants and have never had anyone care, even at events where everyone gets a piece of whatever.

      1. I wonder if this regional? I appreciate it when I can just not eat partake and stay under the radar, or when “no, thank you” is enough, but in some places I’ve lived, there’s a little dance where people decline because they’re “being good” and then other people are expected to encourage them to “indulge.” Actually declining for real creates a lot of friction when pretending to decline is so common!

        1. I think to some extent it’s other people who want desserts feeling more comfortable eating something they “shouldn’t” when it’s done in a group of where everyone is doing the same thing. As a woman I completely understand this but I could never explain this to my husband, who as a man, has never been subjected to this kind of messaging.

    9. I will assume good intentions, but you should think very carefully about your anti-Fat biases (and apparently, actions). This could be very dehumanizing to plus size persons and other historically oppressed groups.

    10. I’ve never had a sweet tooth or enjoyed desserts. As others have said, it’s fine to be too full, to have coffee, and fruit, cheese, or fruit and cheese small plates work well for sharing if they’re options (other people will also want some cheese, no worries!). You can even order the club soda. You may start noticing that it’s actually pretty common for some people to decline desserts or not actually taste any when people are sharing.

    11. I will sometimes order “a plain dish of berries, please — and I really mean plain — no whipped cream or anything.” Smaller and lighter than a full on fruit plate.

      Mostly, though, I stick to coffee and nobody cares.

      1. I will also order cheese if there’s an option and I’m still hungry. But about 90% of the time I don’t order dessert out, not because I’m avoiding sugar, but just because I’m not hungry/don’t feel like it.

        This may be regional (or the group of folks who I am most likely to eat with), but I’ve never had a problem with anyone commenting at all.

      1. There’s nothing disordered about not enjoying desserts enough to eat them.

        For people with medical conditions, it’s significantly more disordered to eat something harmful than not to.

    13. So many people are performatively avoiding sugar that you will be in good company.

      1. It sounded like she didn’t plan to be performative, and in fact wanted to avoid calling attention to this.

        Where I live, a third of adults are either prediabetic or diabetic. That is an awful lot of people with a non-performative reason to want to curb sugar intake.

        1. +1. I have a family history of diabetes (and had GD while pregnant) and have always been very careful with refined sugars. Of course I would never judge or shame anyone for indulging. But let’s not pretend refined sugar is good for anyone, either.

    14. Have a coffee or fruit if you want it, or don’t order anything, and no one will blink unless they are terribly rude.

  10. Can anyone recommend a waterproof mattress protector that doesn’t run hot? We just got one from Aller-ease, but it runs so hot that we’re sweating on a cold winter night. Willing to pay for something higher-quality. TIA!

    1. Allerease makes polyester ones and cotton ones. Pay up for the very tightly knitted cotton ones (they are still allergy-proof). They breathe so much better!

  11. I’m short and now that I’m shopping for a car, realizing that now all cars or trim levels let you adjust the drivers seat up (so I can see above the dash). I also like a window to come down past my shoulder so I can see out easily on each side. Oddly, SUVs can be better or things like a Kia Soul. I didn’t plan on this being such a big deal but “vehicles for short people’ isn’t something that I am able to figure out on my own other than by losing weekend time to going into a dealership and sitting in a car at a time. If you are 5-4 or shorter and like how a cabin “fits” you, can you reply with exactly what you have? I have felt like bringing a booster seat with me (I’m 5-2).

    1. I have a Ford Expedition and the major reason I chose that over a suburban was that I preferred the fit of the cabin, specifically including the visibility. I’m 5’3.

    2. My very petite friend drives a Subaru Outback and loves it. I had to move her car the other day, and I could barely squeeze my 5’7 self into the driver’s seat with her settings, so maybe give one of those a look if you haven’t already?

      Also, I find that visiting a CarMax is a great way to check out a bunch of cars at once without dealing with salesmen (it’s easy to just walk past the sign-in kiosk and out to the lot), even if you don’t intend to buy there.

        1. I’m 5’1″ and drive a crosstrek. My 6′ husband also thinks it is comfortable. Seat and steering wheel are both adjustable.

    3. As someone who is also 5’2″, I find the bigger problem is not seat height, but the fact that you have to sit so close to the wheel that the sightlines in the car are way off. The pillars have gotten so much thicker on cars now that it’s quite hard to see. When I sit where my 6′ husband sits, I can see reasonably well (though even he complains about it sometimes), but when I sit where I have to sit to comfortably reach the steering wheel and pedals, my vision is pretty obstructed. I had this issue on pretty much every car we tried last time we shopped for cars, so it wasn’t model specific.

      1. Some brands have steering wheels that can telescope out towards the driver more than others. I don’t know all the brands, but I think Mazda generally does that.

        1. Hmm, we actually ended up buying a Mazda and ours either doesn’t do this or it would only make the airbag safety problem worse. I already feel like I have to sit dangerously close so that I can reach the pedals.

          2. I feel like someone recently was commenting that they bought a BMW because of the telescoping steering wheel? Can’t remember what model though.

          4. But aren’t you the same distance from it regardless or whether the steering wheel telescopes of not? Still a comfortable arm’s length?

          5. I guess it depends on your posture, but you wouldn’t want to use the telescoping steering wheel to get any closer to the airbag. I guess what I was saying is that my position in the car must be mostly driven by my need to reach the pedals and I’m already dangerously close to the steering wheel, so a telescoping steering wheel wouldn’t help with that problem. If you’re able to sit far enough away, it wouldn’t be a problem for you.

    4. Subaru Forester. I’m 5’2″ and drive a 2016 Forester. Not sure about newer models, but my 2016 has fantastic visibility.

    5. My understanding is that the door/window height issue is primarily about safety regulations/ratings and that most new cars have a very high window line for that reason.

      1. I get that, but feeling like your ability to see out is also a safety concern. I look out of a car 100% of the time I drive it. I don’t want an SUV, but they seem to do better on these than cars. Maybe because the car sits lower, its metal has to come up higher? But if the metal comes up higher, at least let the seat be raise-able. My aging minivan lets me lift the seat up (I’m not short, but apparently have long legs, so just pushing the seat back and adjusting the steering wheel isn’t enough on many rental cars I’ve had). It’s about the only thing I don’t hate about spouse’s Tahoe (and I hate most everything in it, but the visibility is fantastic in the one he has).

    6. I had a rental Toyota RAV-4 and the seat would not adjust up in height (just forward). I see these cars everywhere and everyone raves about them, but unless a higher trip level lets you raise the seat, I wouldn’t buy this. But I otherwise really liked it ever though the rear pillars were a bit too thick IMO. I’m sure it’s safer and they just expect everyone to use rear cameras now (but they are not perfect, especially in wet weather or when they are iced over in the morning).

    7. I’m 5’3 and we have a Toyota RAV4 Hybrid (one car shared with my 6′ husband). Lots of ways to adjust the seat, and my visibility is SO much better than in our previous Honda sedan.

      1. What trim level? I just rented a new one while I’m having some work done and the seat won’t do this at all.

    8. My 5’3” daughter loves the fit of her Ford Focus while I feel like my head is going to hit the roof even though I’m only a couple inches taller.

    9. 5’2″ and love my Toyota Corolla. Mine is a 2011 but I don’t think the proportions have changed much in the model years since then. The seat adjusts forward and back and up and down. I don’t feel like I’m too close to the steering wheel when the seat is adjusted so I can reach the pedals.

    10. I’m 5’2′ an love my Honda Passport.

      My BFF is 4’9″ and drove a CRV for a long time.

    11. Ford Escape. Unfortunately you just need to try sitting in a bunch of cars. I went to Carmax so I could quickly try several makes and models then hit the actual dealership to buy a new car. Don’t even get me started on the elimination of the driver armrest…

      1. Can confirm that my 5’1″ mom really loves her Escape. She didn’t do well with the Subaru Outback because it sits much lower to the ground.

    12. We test drove the VW Passat station wagon and our heads touched the ceiling so maybe VW in general.

        1. Itks kind of entertaining because the VW Beetle of yesteryear was known as a particularly accommodating car for tall people because of the high dome top.

      2. I also agree. I’m 5’4″ with a short torso and love the visibility in my Tiguan. The loaner Jetta I used waiting for my car to arrive was too short for my 6′ son (hitting his head on the ceiling). The Tiguan has a little more head clearance for him, but not much.

      3. As a tall person with a long torso, I can report that VWs and Subarus do not work for me at all, so maybe they’ll work for you! I also struggle with our Prius because I’m too tall for it. So many of the reviews that consider this are about leg room, but my issue is usually sight clearance.

    13. I’m your size and had the same issue. I’ve been happy with my Audis. I had an A3 that I loved, and now I’m driving a Q5 SUV and it fits me well, too.

    15. My sister is 4’9 and has driven with those dining room chair cushions (bottom and back) in her car for years.

    16. I like my Buick Encore GX. My parents have one too and my mother likes driving it. She’s 5’2, I am a bit taller. Also the only option to service locally in a small town…

  12. Recommendations for counter-height bar stools that are easy to clean? I think I’m looking for something with no upholstery, but I do love the look. I have two young elementary aged children who… bring a lot of life to our furniture. Thanks!

    1. We got some industrial looking ones from Target that my kids have not destroyed. They have spinny tops so they will sometimes overspin though.

      1. +1 to Target. We have something that looks a lot like the “Eagle Ridge Counter Height Barstool – OSP Home Furnishings” that have held up well with my two elem aged kids and are easy to clean.

    2. You can get upholstery fabric laminated. I looked at having it done once and ended up not, so I don’t know $$ or how well it holds up. Good bar stools are more expensive than I thought they would be, but having bought some cheaper ones that look it (Wayfair, although I am sure they have plenty that are nicer than what I bought), I plan to suck it up for the next set.

    3. Ikea YNGVAR. About $155. No upholstery. We sat in bar stools at Crate & Barrell, PB, Elm and various furniture stores. The Ikea stool was the most comfortable and probably the least expensive.

  13. help! i pulled out my back on Friday night. I’ve been taking advil, initially iced it, but now doing heating pad on and off, advil, trying to stretch a bit, but i feel like it is slow going. having trouble bending down when you have 2 kids under 6 and DH is traveling for work is a huge pain. any other tips?

    2. Try a really hot bath with Epsom salts! And those 12 hour hot pads for your back. You can get them at Walgreens etc

    3. Caveat that I’m not a doctor, just someone who has dealt with many chronic back pain exacerbations, but here are my tips: hot bath with Epsom salts (at least one cup, preferably two), limit the stretching and exercises except for very gentle ones like lying on your back with your knees up and rocking gently from side to side while engaging your core (this is counterintuitive, but stretching when it’s in the acute phase can worsen it), don’t bend at the waist and squat instead, and don’t use aggressive massage guns or foam rollers on it yet. Take 600 mg of Advil every six hours for at least three days. Once you’re out of the acute phase, begin a Pilates regimen.

    4. See if your PCP can give you a toradol shot. It’s basically an amped-up version of ibuprofen, can help take the edge off the pain for a day or so, hopefully enough to get some healing in the meantime.

    5. I don’t know about the back, but I was surprised by how much relief I got from Voltaren (diclofenac) ointment for a thumb sprain/overuse injury.

      1. Yeah voltaren is great. I have an arthritic shoulder and it actually works if you stick with it.

          1. I am the original recommender and the stuff is great. My parents and I used to smuggle it from the UK before it was available here OTC. But it had been a while and I was so pleased by the immediate results when I really needed something to work this past two weeks.

      2. I can take any pain killer but Diclofenac as I have a strange allergic reaction including getting a really puffy face and eyes. My doctor thinks it weird but I tried it again after a few years with the same result.

    6. As someone who has put her back out many times and has chronic lower back problems as a result, use heat not ice and see a physical therapist.

    7. Get a TENS device, you can buy them on Amazon or at your local drugstore. Put the electrode patches on either side of the worst area (but not ON your spine) and use it for 15-30 minutes at a time, every 2 hours or so. Most of them have different settings so you can start off with a lower voltage and pick a “pattern” of charge that works for you. And see if you can get into a physical therapist ASAP – some of them will work you in if you’re in an emergency injury situation.

      I throw my back out about every 4 months and without a TENS, I could not cope. Hot baths and analgesics only do so much. The TENS really helps because it seems to help release the tension in the muscles that tense up as a result of the injury.

      1. This this this. Short of muscle relaxers (which I try very hard to avoid), a TENS machine has been the only thing that has helped when I have pulled a muscle in my back.

    8. Lidocaine patches, especially ones that somebody writes a prescription for.
      Also Tylenol that lasts for 12 hours.

        1. I wouldn’t say weird, plenty of people do it. I remember my parents putting out an envelope for the mailman when I was a kid. Maybe you’ve just not noticed.

    2. We don’t have a particularly consistent mail carrier, so I get a box of various butter cookies from a very nice local Italian grocery store and drop it off at our neighborhood post office. I figure it’s well within the permitted amount per person.

    4. They can and do accept non-cash gifts up to $20. My dad is a mailman and usually gets gift cards
      (Technically against the rules but many do this), cards, or sweets – my mom is a teacher and gets a lot of the same.

      I don’t do a lot of holiday tipping but I always, always tip my letter carrier.

      Of course I am biased, but they work hard to provide an essential service and don’t make a ton. Holidays are hard for them (long hours, pressure to not take off, more packages than normal). As a fed (in a family of feds – we joke it’s the family business), I feel very well compensated and I feel like most feds are. However, I feel like USPS employees are very underpaid for how hard their job is. I feel like they’ve been even more under appreciated the last few years with DeJoy (and the fact that they’re the only government service that’s expected to be profitable!!)

    6. $10 Starbucks card (yes, they can accept gift cards, and I’ve always gotten a thank you note)

    7. We don’t have just one? We seem to have a rotation of 3-4 different people and we never know which one will show up on a given day.

      Also, we have never gifted anything to our mail carriers, and I don’t ever plan to. They are federal employees with excellent benefits. I don’t understand the point.

    9. I don’t even know how we’d do that. We live in a residential neighborhood that has communal mailboxes instead of individual boxes at each house. I wouldn’t be able to pick my mail carrier out of a lineup, tbh.

    11. When I had a consistent mail carrier (I have subs at the moment), I’d hide cash in a card and give it to them. I’m a rule breaker and don’t care what those rules say; my mail carriers pick up my packages (I sell online in my spare time) and always went out of there way. One year, I gifted $60 and the next $80.

  16. What are some new things you’d like to try? Of any description, I need some newness in my life and am doing some self exploration.

    1. I am getting bees in the spring and am ridiculously excited about them and am planning a big garden for the first time ever.

      1. Fun! Tell us more! Have you taken a bee keeping class already or do you have resources you’ll use?

        1. I did take a one-day beekeeping class, and I have read 2 books on beekeeping. My bees have been ordered, but I still need to get hives. I wanted to wait until I had a better grasp of the material in my books before before buying equipment. The better of the two books is Beekeeping for Dummies. My neighbor’s dad, who also lives nearby, has bees, and neighbor has assured me he will be happy to be my bee tutor. I don’t even like honey very much, but bees are amazing, and I cannot wait!

      2. We started beekeeping a few years ago and have two hives now! It’s been a fascinating experience and I hope you enjoy it as much as we have. I recommend looking for local beekeeping groups on Facebook – we’ve found the people in ours to be incredibly helpful and knowledgeable.

    2. When I was in a similar mood, I took a candle making class at a local gift shop/buy local place where they sold this woman’s candles. A fun little evening. I also considered cake decorating classes.

    3. I really want to try the Dyson AirWrap or Shark FlexStyle … just need to work up the nerve to spend that much on a hair dryer!

      1. Get the FlexStyle – I like it so much more (I have both) and it’s less expensive!

    4. I want to try scuba diving and also really try surfing – I’ve tried it once or twice but never seriously.

    5. I bought myself rollerblades for my birthday (I’m 38) and I’m going to get some bees in the spring to put on our property. I’m also considering getting into photography but that’s an expensive hobby.

    6. Embroidery, cooking classes, making some type of furniture/DIY stuff. I also saw this wonderful video onT-Tok where a woman took those white basic house shapes that are “minimalist” holiday decor and turned them into gingerbread houses. Her whole deal was trying to upcycle her existing holiday decorations into ones that brought her more joy; I loved it but I can’t pull up the creator because I deleted the app off my phone for the work week.

    7. I started taking silversmithing/jewelry making classes about two years ago and am starting to set up my own bench at home.

      I also have bought supplies to start doing some strip quilting this winter, using pre-cut fabric strips. A friend started out in quilting by using these, and she’s going to help me get started.

      In the future I’d like to learn to knit or crochet (I’ve been trying to learn since I was a kid but never stick with it long enough to actually make something useful). I would also like to become a volunteer docent for our local art museum, but that may have to wait for retirement because of the time commitment.

    8. I have been trying free classes in a variety of areas to see what I like. I went to a free drop-in improv class and loved it so I’m taking level 1 classes in January. I also found a local exercise studio this as way as well. I had considered martial arts and tried TaeKwondo but it wasn’t a fit for me. I also found a local Buddhist group and plan to join their weekly meditations when my schedule allows.

    9. I really want to learn how to surf. I unfortunately don’t live near anywhere with good waves to learn on, so one of these years I’m going to book a trip somewhere just to do that.

    10. Pinball! Have fallen in love and just purchased a machine. But you can start by just seeking out locations that have games.

    11. I recently took up crochet as a way to get some new dopamine and keep my hands and brain busy while not staring at my phone or a screen.

      My new evening wind down routine is listening to an audiobook while working on a crochet project (currently a throw blanket) for an hour or so before bed. I’m sleeping better and feeling calmer overall.

    12. Checking out walking marathons for 2024. I really miss long-distance running (so much!), and haven’t found a replacement activity I love.
      Also I’m going to try to foster a meditation practice.

    13. I recently started taking tennis classes through my city’s Parks & Rec program and have been having a ton of fun. No prior experience with sports whatsoever. It’s been great for staying active and meeting people.

  17. I’m trying to plan ahead and get ahead of the January/February doldrums. Any ideas for fun social events that I can host or check out during this time?

    1. I usually skip hosting a Christmas party and host a “mid winter everything sucks” party instead. People seem to like it!

      1. Yeah, I think this is a great idea. There’s so much going on this time of year, I think people would really appreciate having an event in January or February instead. We’re planning to host a Valentine’s Day cookie decorating party this year for my daughter’s friends.

    2. January is when I start feeling the need to organize and purge. Maybe a clothing or book swap? Everyone brings something they’re trying to get rid of, you can “shop” the other stuff ( I realize that doesn’t help with the purging…)

      Not an event, but I’ve decided I’m leaving my garland with white lights on the mantle through January at least. I’ll remove all the Christmas-y decor I have with it, but this will be a “winter mantle”. The white lights in the morning and evening make me happy.

      1. I second this – I started doing some “winter” decorations during the pandemic and have kept it up ever since. It makes me happy to have some lights and snowflakes around the house and eases the disappointment of taking down my Christmas decorations!

        2. I wish everyone would leave up the white lights through the end of Feb. Inside and outside of houses and businesses. The extra light at night makes winter easier.

    3. We try to travel a bit in January when possible. We like Arizona and San Diego, mostly because our friends live there, but I think they both have lots to offer. I also want to take the kids to the zoo. You could host a Mocktail party for dry January, if you’re into that. Or join a book club and lean into the dark and cozy nights?

      1. +1 we’re tied to a public school calendar so we travel the first week of January that’s still winter break and then usually a long weekend over president’s day, but if i I didn’t have kids I’d do a week somewhere warm in late January or early February. Arizona and San Diego are good suggestions for sunshine and mild weather; we also love Florida and the Caribbean. Even a three day weekend somewhere warm and sunny makes a big difference to my mood.

    4. Book a cold weather trip? Nothing like having skiing, snowshoeing, hot tubs in the cold, etc to brighten up dull late winter!

    5. Valentine’s Day party is always a hit! Of your friends are crafty you can make cards. Or do a galentines gift exchange, white elephant style.

    6. Soup Night! Prior to Covid we used to host them monthly. I would make 3 to 4 different soups, and 2 to 3 different breads and a massive amount of brownies, round up all my mugs and bowls and invite everyone we knew to come open house style on a Sunday afternoon. Some months we had 5 or 6 guests, some months we had 50, but it was always tons of fun and is amazingly easy entertaining.

      (Note to self: start this again in January).

    7. I host a Super Bowl party and an Oscar Party (now in March but used to be February). And I also try to get a long weekend away somewhere warm in the Caribbean or Key West. It breaks up the doldrums for me!

  18. what is the best color analysis service? looking for one for a xmas gift (ok fine it’s for me)

  19. Earring search help!

    Hive – I am trying to find a pair of largish (1.5-2 or more inches) D-shaped hoops that are flat/thin/delicate and look to be hammered metal, preferably gold finish (does not have to be solid). I found a pair on Etsy that are threaded style and so are more round than flat metal.

    I have tried multiple search terms and am just not coming up with exactly what I want. If you have any suggestions for jewelers who make earrings in this style?

    2. Ask the etsy seller with the closest version to customise- this is an easy job for a silversmith.

  20. I started feeling poorly this weekend–stuffy nose, sore throat, coughing, fatigue but it’s not COVID–and haven’t kicked it yet. I’m working from home right now but was planning to go into the office in the afternoon because we have a team holiday dinner afterwards. My boss’ boss flew in for it as well as several other executives. I’d feel awful not going but it also seems rude to attend knowing I’m noticeably under the weather. Going back and forth on what to do. Ugh.

    1. If it’s the thing that’s going around – at least where we are – stay home. It’s not fun. It took me down for 8 days and even took my never-gets-sick, Energizer Bunny husband down for 5 days. No one wants to get sick during the holidays, so I’d understand if you kept your germs at home.

      1. +1, 10 days from now no one will remember this dinner THAT well, but they will definitely remember if someone visibly ill attended and now they’re sick at Christmas!

      2. Yes, if this is like the killer cold I got in the beginning of November – OP should rest as much as possible. It took me ten days to fully shake it; I ended up taking two days of PTO and should have taken a third. It was not Covid (multiple negative tests) but it really hit me hard. Also not good karma to pass that around.

    2. There is a virus like this going around in my area and it is really knocking people down for long stretches. I’d rest in your shoes, but I get your desire to go. If you do, I’d mask and stay only a short time.

    3. You should continue to test for Covid if you developed symptoms this weekend. For vaccinated people, tests often only turn positive on day 3-5 of symptoms, when you might already over the initial phase of feeling sick.

      1. Yeah I would expect that not enough time has passed for a vaccinated person to say whether they have COVID or not.

        1. I am vaccinated and boosted several times and tested positive on my first day of symptoms when I had it earlier this year. My husband and many friends had similar stories. It’s definitely not unheard of to test negative for a few days at the beginning, but also not uncommon to test positive quickly. Also the rapid tests are a good proxy for infectiousness, so if it is Covid and you’re negative on rapids you’re probably not going to be infecting other people. I don’t think you should go to an event while sick though, even if it’s not Covid.

          1. I understand that testing positive confirms someone has it. But testing negative is inconclusive for several days, which means it’s too soon to say whether they have it or not; people I know personally tested positive for the first time as late as days 5-7 (and therefore couldn’t take Paxlovid, though hopefully they didn’t need it).

            I have never understood how the rapid tests are a good proxy for infectiousness, since we know that pre-symptomatic infection is common, and they’re very rarely positive in asymptomatic people. And people I know have definitely spread and caught it while symptomatic but before testing positive and then later went on to test positive.

          2. Rapid tests are a good proxy for infectiousness and I think where you are getting confused is on symptoms. Symptoms and the rapid test result are not correlated. So you can be asymptomatic and test positive on the rapid test, and you can have symptoms and test negative on the rapid test. The rapid test does not measure symptoms, it measures antigens. Antigens can be thought of as how much covid you’re actually ‘releasing’, antigens are what induces the immune system response, and they are the opposite of an ‘antibody’. You might think of antigens as antagonists, where covid is a particular type of immune antagonist. So if you are not releasing antigens, you’re unlikely to be contagious, even if you are symptomatic. If you are releasing antigens, you’re likely to be contagious, even if you are NOT symptomatic.

    4. If you decide to go (even if you mask/don’t stay the entire time), please have HR tell everyone in advance that someone with virus-type symptoms will be present so that those of us who cannot risk transmission know to stay away. Thank you.

    5. Do not go! It’s disappointing but it’s not ok to make people sick. Even if it’s just a cold, no one wants to get sick right before the holidays.

    6. I think in this day and age it’s much ruder to attend with obvious symptoms than to cancel.

    8. If you pass on what you’ve got to a coworker they’ll basically miss Christmas.

      Stay home please

    9. Please do not go. As a pregnant person, it has been so jarring to show up to social events where other people are visibly ill. There may be people attending who are pregnant or otherwise immunocompromised who you could end up really harming with your attendance.

    10. Pre-pandemic, people used to show up to work and social events with colds and other illnesses all the time. But now, I think this is considered really rude. I know I am personally very annoyed when a person does that, and it changes my opinion of them for the worse.

      1. Same here. I went to a friend’s house to play cards last week, and one of the other attendees got progressively more hoarse, sniffly, coughing throughout the evening, as if she’d taken cough syrup before coming and it was wearing off. It really put me off that she came even though she was sick (especially since we were all handling the cards!)

        I didn’t end up getting sick, so it turned out fine, but I thought it was incredibly rude.

      2. Yep, still holding a little grudge against the person who got me sick this fall, and she’s a dear friend! If it were a coworker I would hate them forever.

      3. It was rude of them to do so before the pandemic, but now they seem to *realise* it’s rude.

    11. I skipped my work Christmas party this weekend due to still not feeling great from the nasty virus I caught during the week. Not only did I not want to make people sick, but I also wanted to prioritize my energy for my family this weekend.

    12. WTH – why is everyone being so polite about this. DO NOT GO. How do you know that boss’ boss doesn’t have some latent heart condition or some person on your team isn’t pregnant after 36 rounds of IVF and hasn’t announced it yet? Do you really think getting them sick because you don’t want to be rude is the way to go here? Cue all the people who’ll say – they could catch something at the grocery store. Yes they could but for all you know they mask at the store or don’t go to stores because they are taking precautions but are coming to a work dinner because it is NOT with a bunch of grocery store strangers so there’s some level of trust that a knowingly sick coworker won’t come?!

      And if it’s just about feeling rude – can’t you just send an email to your boss and close colleagues now along the lines of hey was looking forward to seeing you but have all kinds of symptoms, so far not testing positive but don’t want to risk passing anything along, have fun at dinner . . . .

          1. Not a troll, I’ve been posting here under this name for years. The replies were all 100% right–it’s a different landscape now post-COVID and I needed that reminder.

          2. OP is not a troll and please don’t just throw that word around. Not everyone who has a question you don’t like is a troll. And also? Calm down. A post on an anonymous internet message board does not warrant getting this upset. Have some perspective.

          3. lol to assuming people are trolls. Maybe the person mad about other people being polite is a troll?

    13. If you are sick you need to stay home, whether or not it’s COVID. People will remember forever if you got them sick, especially so close to the holidays.

    14. How is this even a question? Of course you stay home when you’re sick. I cannot believe we haven’t learned that lesson yet.

    15. I was at an office where a coworker was visibly sick (cough and hoarse voice). I thought “Wow, what an unethical thing to do – my opinion of them is really taking a hit.” I wound up developing whatever they had and was bed-ridden for 5 days. My entire opinion of them has changed and I avoid them now, do not have respect for them, and feel personally victimized by them. You don’t want to risk this, especially when it would take away someone’s Christmas.

      1. Does your office pay sick time? Do you know what projects she may have due? I’m a trial lawyer and I can’t imagine calling in to any trial call with a cold. Nope. I’d have to be vomiting or have a fever.

    16. Update I am not going! Thanks for the sanity check, all. Now off to buy some cough syrup and power through the rest of the day at home before going to bed at 8pm.

  21. Help me address a gift.

    I am sending a holiday gift basket to DH’s half sister and her blended family. Her kids have the last name Jones. My SIL has been using the Jones name, but remarried two years ago and took the name Smith, then divorced, then last week remarried to Jim Brown. IDK what she’s going by now and neither does my MIL. People living in the home are:

    Karen Kennedy (maiden name) Jones (1st husband)/Smith (second husband)/ Brown (3rd husband as of last weekend)
    Jim Brown (current husband)
    Betty Brown (current husband’s 12 year old daughter)
    Erin Jones (Karen’s 8 year old daughter)
    Bob Jones (Karen’s 15 year old son)
    Lucy McDonald (Karen’s mother, FIL’s ex wife who has remarried, is widowed, and changed her name)

    How do I address this gift box?! Last year it was “Karen Smith & Family” but nobody can tell me what her last name is now, but I know it probably isn’t Smith anymore. As far as I know, they are not the “Jones-Brown” family or anything like that.

    “Our family at XXX Main St” ?!

    1. First names only.

      Karen, Kim, Betty, Erin, Bob, and Lucy
      123 Main St
      Smallville, AZ 12345

      It’s fine

      1. I agree with this but also wonder why on earth you can’t just call her and ask her? “Karen! Happy Holidays and congratulations on your marriage! I’m updating my Christmas card list and… have you changed your name? And if so, to what?”

        1. +1! This is a perfectly normal question, and I ask it a few months after all my friends are married so I can address them how they want to be addressed.

    2. Could you just shoot her and text and ask her if she’s changed her name to Brown because you want to send something? Then just put “Karen Brown and Family”. Or you could put “Betty, Erin, Bob and Family” lol. Since it’s a gift basket it probably doesn’t need some legally correct name as the addressee.

    3. Can your husband call her and ask? I think it would fit in about halfway through a 15 minute catch up chat.

  22. Could you just shoot her and text and ask her if she’s changed her name to Brown because you want to send something? Then just put “Karen Brown and Family”. Or you could put “Betty, Erin, Bob and Family” lol. Since it’s a gift basket it probably doesn’t need some legally correct name as the addressee.

  23. I was the person who posted that rec and was really surprised that people thought I was a Vuori shill! I’m in Los Angeles and honestly, most people I know would consider it more “desirable” brand than Athleta or Lululemon. I’m sure ymmv depending on your demographic.

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