ByElizabeth Hours Updated
Comments 287 Comments

Tuesday’s Workwear Report: Cashmere Shawl-Collar Wrap Sweater Dress

A woman wearing a black long-sleeved V-neck dress

Our daily workwear reports suggest one piece of work-appropriate attire in a range of prices.

Normally, I’m not looking to Ann Taylor for pieces that are over $300, but this dress was so pretty I couldn’t resist. This cashmere sweater dress somehow looks both cozy and formal, a nearly impossible combination, but one I’m looking to achieve from November through February.

I’m leaning toward the black version, but it also comes in “seastorm,” a gorgeous deep blue.

The dress is $328 and comes in classic sizes XXS-XXL and petite sizes XXS-XL.

Sales of note for 12.5

287 Comments

  1. I do like this dress. If I had not bought a black dress from Wool&co last year this would be in my cart!

    1. Oooh — which one did you get, how do you like it, and how does the fabric do with tights in the winter? I have all of the questions.

      I’m looking to add something from them but I think that the volume in the swing dresses may overwhelm me but I may have too much in the tummy and hips area to work for other cuts.

      1. Kalle ponte sheath dress. I am slim and straight and it gives my proportions a nice lift.
        If you are curvy I recommend a size up to accomodate the luciousness! It is sleeveless, so when it is cooler I wear a long sleeve T or a fine knit turtleneck under it. It drapes well on me, packs great and washes beautifully. highly reccommend.

  2. Tempted by the dress. Unfortunately I have a long history of thinking Ann Taylor looks beautiful in photographs and drab in person.

    2. That’s been my experience with them for the last 7+ years.

      The blue is gorgeous. Jewel tones look good on me. The quality of Ann Taylor hasn’t been there in so long that it’s hard to believe it would be a great dress.

      1. I’ve had the same experience. I had a lot of staples from them in the early 2010s but I haven’t had any luck whatsoever since probably 2015/2016. I’ve definitely had moments of just saying “it must be me”, caved, did a huge online order and still ended up returning it all.

    3. I bought the sweater version of the dress a few years ago, and I like it lots, if that is any help.

    4. I worry that this would pill/get small holes/wear really quickly. I love the idea of this, and the blue color that’s offered. I don’t love the price and I am worried about durability. If it goes on super sale and they still have one in my size, I may take a chance on it, but it’s a no at this price, from this brand.

  3. Santa Fe~debate
    I have a long (5 days) weekend off in mid November. Is it worth it to go to Santa Fe?
    Coming from east coast it amounts to 2 days travel. AIrfare, car rental
    accomodations plus food and entertainment is over $1400.
    We are hikers, walkers, and love art.

    or….
    any ideas for the East coast this time of year that are not NYC or the mid Hudson Valley as we go there often.

    open to max 5 hour drive if possible.

    TIA!

    1. I can’t tell you if it’s worth it for you for the time and money, but I can say that mid-November is my absolute favorite time to visit Santa Fe. The cottonwoods turning yellow, brilliant blue sky, golden sunshine. Art, food, hiking.

      Now I want to go.

      1. Ughh, me too! Such a good time to go there! OP, if you could somehow get another day and have 4 days there for the 2 days of travel, I’d say definitely worth it.

        If you go, please go to the teahouse on Canyon Road and 10,000 Waves spa (can be reasonable $ if they’re open just for a soak). Also, hike Atalaya and go check out Chimayo!

    2. I’m originally from SE MA and I absolutely love the cape and islands at this time of year. Also a strong recommend for mid-coast Maine in late fall. That said, I think Santa Fe would be awesome.

      1. It probably depends how far north you go but in the Bar Harbor area most businesses will be shut by November.

        1. Ditto this. Not a reason not to go, but go in knowing a lot of the cutesy shops and galleries will be closed. Many close after this past long weekend.

    3. I haven’t been to Santa Fe but I’ve definitely gone that far for a long (3-4 days) weekend, so 5 days seems like plenty of time.

    4. Yes absolutely worth it. I’ve only ever been for 5 day stints from the east coast and it is transformative. Go.

    5. We went to Santa Fe for a week in November two years ago, and it was awesome.

    6. You’re gonna love it. You’ll miss the bulk of our fall colors but it’ll still be pretty. Mountains will probably have some snow. Be aware that we’re at 7k feet so take it easy your first day.
      Art spots: Folk Art Museum and Museum of Indian Arts at Culture (both on Museum Hill), Museum of Contemporary Native Arts (off the Plaza), Vladem Contemporary Art Museum and SITE (Railyard district). Also Canyon Road.
      Food: The Shed is overrated. Get lunch at Santarepa. Casa Chimayo is the best New Mexican food in town.

      1. +1 about the Shed being overrated! I wrote a shocked Yelp review when we tried it a few years ago…

    7. Can I just remind you that Albuquerque also exists, is only an hour away from Santa Fe, and also has many interesting things to see and do? (I live in Albuquerque, so biased.) If you feel you cannot fill all the time in Santa Fe proper, you can go south to ABQ, drive down Highway 14 to Cedar Crest, or go north from Santa Fe. As a lifelong New Mexican, I always like to remind people there are places in the state other than Santa Fe.

      1. Plus it’s often easier/cheaper to fly into ABQ, so might as well take a day in Albuquerque, go up the Sandia Tramway and hike around, and go to dinner at Los Poblanos Inn. I have only ever been to NM for work but try to tack on a fun thing or two each trip and really need to just go for a vacation, because it really is delightful.

      2. Prima, I hear you but let’s face it: Albuquerque is nowhere near as picturesque as Santa Fe. I live in Albuquerque and I feel this way. I would never live in Santa Fe, but man, it is so beautiful up there. Albuquerque is a bigger city and has attenuated bigger-city problems, along with the bigger-city amenities you and I probably can’t live without. Santa Fe is a big town, and it’s basically made for people to have a fantastic tourist experience (which is why I would never live there). And given the recent trajectory of the weather, November should be beautiful up there. I would never say people shouldn’t spend a day or two in ABQ but I completely respect why people looking for relaxation, great food, and art and who don’t particularly want to deal with an urban setting would want to go to Santa Fe.

      3. I know I’m in the minority but I preferred ABQ to Santa Fe. Santa Fe doesn’t have that much to actually do unless you’re really into shopping, which I’m not, and I thought Albuquerque had a better selection of restaurants.

    8. If you love hiking and art then you will love Santa Fe. Three days is about the right amount of time to spend there. I recommend Ojo Santa Fe Spa, and Sazon for dinner. Meow Wolf is an experience!

      I wish Santa Fe were easier to get to, though. Are you able to find a direct flight to New Mexico? If not then consider Sedona which has slightly more flight options.

      1. I love going to Santa Fe but never understand the recommendations for Meow Wolf. It’s crowded, long line to get in, and wasn’t really all that fun for me. It was a waste of a full 1/2 day for us when we were only there for 3 days.

        But to OP, yes to Santa Fe! Fly into Albuquerque, drive to Santa Fe. Spend time there (love all the museums especially the Georgia O’Keefe), travel to Taos for the Pueblos one day, on the way back to ABQ take old route 66, then spend a day exploring ABQ, especially old town. Tons to do & still plenty of time for hiking.

    9. If you end up going, I highly recommend the hot springs! Ojo Caliente is a couple of hours away – so that may be an overnight trip, but I think now they have a spa in Santa Fe itself. And I have very fond memories of soaking in the very private hot tub at the little hotel where we stayed — Inn at the Alameda, I think?

    10. Go see Los Alamos while you’re there, it’s fascinating. And the Buffalo Thunder casino is very nice.

    1. It is a beauty~wear it to a New Years party! I think it necessitates wearing heels though.

    2. So pretty! To me, the length plus shine makes it seem like a dress I’d wear to a wedding or fancy party. I could also see dressing it down with cool sneakers and a big denim jacket, but not sure where in my work-from-home life I would wear it styled that way.

      1. The beauty of work from home is that as long as it looks like a work top (check!) you can wear it (and if you have no zooms, even that rule goes out the window).

    3. That’s really pretty, but as a fellow 5’4” I would give it a pass. It would need hemming, which could wreck the appearance at the bottom.

      1. it’s 54 inches long per the specs. I don’t think it automatically needs hemming since that’s 8″ shorter than a 5’4 person — my head & neck exceed that. So if you don’t mind wearing it only with heels or having it be more of a true maxi length, it might work.

        But I’d struggle to find where to wear it. I’m not dealing with dry clean viscose for WFH, don’t go to posh parties, and am not cool enough to do the “street sneakers & leather jacket” dressed-down-fancy thing to wear it for like, the kind of hipster brunch that turns into late afternoon drinks under space heaters…

      2. I am also 5’4″ and would also pass on this, just because my experience is that these kinds of dresses (shiny, unstructured) are extremely unforgiving of figure flaws and never look good on short, short-waisted me as they do on the models. After years of buying things like this, excitedly ripping the package open, trying it on, getting really disappointed/depressed, and immediately returning the item, I think I’ve learned my lesson.

        Also struggling with where someone wear this. I live in a place where people dress casually for 95% of their lives and between the length and the shininess of the dress, this reads as “evening” to me – and I don’t go to dressy evening events more often than once every 3 or 4 years. And as someone else said – anything that is dry clean only is a “no” for wearing around the house; life’s too short.

    4. I skipped the slip dress trend in the 90s because I worried about whether the cut flattered my (then very slim) figure, wanted to wear a bra, didn’t love satin for daytime, etc. I can’t tell you how much I regret that now that I’m in my late 40s. This dress has sleeves and the fabric looks pretty substantial, so I’m actually thinking about getting the navy version.

      On its own, it looks great for a wedding or evening event where you don’t want to show much skin. You could also wear a slouchy crewneck sweater over it with boots or sneakers for a more casual day look. Or maybe a blazer with cutaway lines — like many of the double breasted Veronica Beard blazers– and boots?

    5. I think this one is tough to style. It has that polo styling on top, which reads kind of sporty, but then the bias cut long skirt on the bottom, which reads sexy/slinky/more formal. It’s a bit of a mullet dress.

    6. I love this dress—I’m glad to see that it comes in other colors because that khaki/gold color is not flattering to me at all. I personally would get the floral version and wear it with a black cropped leather jacket and flats, a black blazer and heeled boots, a blousy sweater over it and boots or flats…I can wear something like this to work (and am doing so today) especially on a day where I’m going from work to evening plans out—drinks, dinner, a date, a concert, etc.

      Life is too short to worry about being too fancy for a place—who cares?!

    7. I don’t love the seam in the skirt. Looks already puckery in the photos, can’t imagine what it looks like IRL.
      The Quince silk skirts have a similar seam and it was the reason I returned it.

  5. What’s your favorite BB/CC cream? I’ve been using EltaMD tinted sunscreen for years, but I’d like some more coverage.

    2. Dr Jart premium BB cream. You can get it at Sephora. It’s the best I’ve tried, and I’ve tried them all.

      1. I used to love this but the pump broke quickly on the two past new tubes I bought. So frustrating knowing there is tons of product still in there but I can’t get it out. Has this been an issue for you? It started happening for me when they changed the packaging but admittedly I haven’t bought it in a while so maybe the issue is resolved.

        1. No, I haven’t had that happen. I do sometimes note at the end of a tube (which only happens like twice a year since the tubes are huge) I have to pump twice or more rather than once to get the same amount out, but I’ve never had it completely break.

  6. Any excellent flats or low-heeled shoes that you’ve seen lately? I’m talking real shoes with a sole vs Rothy’s (which I love, but I’m looking for something formal). I have a suede pair from Halogen / Nordstrom from 5ish years ago but clicking theirs and elsewhere yielded nothing or a ton of Mary Janes that might make me look even stumpier.

    1. I really like the MM.LaFleur Rowan flat – they have replaced heels as my go-to formal shoes to wear with suits

    4. I have a pair of MargauxNY that sound like what you may be looking for. Mine are suede as well.

    6. I bought a pair from Sarah Flint and love them, although they were very pricey. But they are well made and definitely will last a while.

    7. Sarah Flint is good, though I don’t find them as comfortable as others seem too. I have had good luck with Stuart Weitzman and they have a few pairs of classic, formal flats out right now. I just ordered a pair for myself in black suede! I also agree with the M.Gemi recommendations but have not been thrilled with their recent offerings.

    8. I recently fell in love with some low heel Mary Janes from Portland Leather when I went to look at the totes. Still haven’t pulled the trigger, but they just became available in more colors, so I’m keeping the tab open. Excellent reviews, BTW.

  7. I have some acorn squash that needs to be eaten soon. Any recipe recommendations? I’m likely the only one in my family of 3 who would eat it roasted. Any good soups or other things to sneak it into?

    3. I love squash pasta sauces. I would probably sub it into Half Baked Harvest’s pumpkin alfredo sauce with sage, replacing the pumpkin.

    5. Roast it and blend it into a soup! Best of both worlds. I’ve been planning to make Molly Yeh’s recipe that does this – it uses butternut squash, 2 apples (1 Honeycrisp, 1 Granny Smith), a big red onion, and a bit of garlic. Roast with olive oil, salt and pepper, whizz into a soup with chicken broth, eat.

    6. Sauté a diced onion and some garlic. Toss in cubed squash. Add water or broth to cover. Add fall spices if you like. When the squash is soft purée with a stick blender or in batches in the regular blender. Up to you whether you want to add cream or milk at this stage.

      I like toppings of croutons or roasted seeds like pepitas, or for an extra special treat, lightly fry fresh sage leaves in plenty of olive oil until crispy. Top each bowl of soup with crispy sage leaves and a drizzle of the yummy sage-y oil they fried in.

    7. Can you search online for the recipe for roasted squash with sautéed pine nuts and sage, sprinkled with goat cheese? It’s delicious, and quite simple to prepare. Others in your family might make an exception to the “no roast squash” rule for this recipe.

  8. What are everyone’s thoughts on when to get rid of work clothes from 2019 and earlier, if they’re just being stored but not in the way/nuisance? I have been storing them in my ‘long-term closet’ (my son’s, which he doesn’t use) along with my off-season clothes, but I wonder how long they should stay there not being worn until I get rid of them. For suits, I don’t want to get rid of the pants if I still use the blazer, etc.

    1. If they are high enough quality and a style that a tailor could easily update to a more current style when you decide to start wearing them again, keep them.
      If the quality is average and/or they can’t easily be updated, either donate or toss.

    2. First of all (and i’m totally serious) good that they still fit :) Unless they are really designer, well made, good fabrics, i think you should get rid of it. 5 years is a long time, it’s very unlikely you are going to wear these things again. If you use the blazer keep them.

      1. I’d never pitch good wool pants that fit, especially if lined and part of a suit. Consider hem length and shoe pairings and see if you could find a way to work them in now. But the quality today is not what it was then, sadly.

    3. IDK but I’m right there with you. Right now, I’m playing with different capsule wardrobes to try to rotate things in (but seasons are changing so it is all out as I do a try-on and at least get rid of what is worn or doesn’t fit or flatter) and shop my closet vs buying anything new.

      I’m WFH today so unpacked some 2018 leggings (my first with pockets!) and was glad to have them now that it is too cool for shorts in the morning for walking the dog.

    4. If they haven’t been worn since 2019, you’re probably not going to wear them anytime soon. I donate if I haven’t worn something in a year.

    5. Here’s what I’d ask myself:
      Will you need them in the next few years? Or are you like me and you need one good suit in case you end up in court for some reason? If your job is casual now, do you see yourself going back to business formal in the next few years? If you did would you want new suits?

    6. Well, I’m wearing most of them, tbh. There have been a few pieces that were at the end of their trend lifespan pre-Covid that I parted with (putting them back on felt dated) but most are reasonably classic and so they’re back to life again. With many offices requiring some in-person presence I wouldn’t ditch them all… I’d try yours on to see what still feels good!

      1. Same. I still like a lot of my clothes and missed out on 2+ years of wearing them when I was fully remote! Now that I’m back just a day or two per week, I feel like I have a lot more options and have experimented with mixing up some of my pieces – new color combos, new jewelry, new accessories – to make them feel fresh.

      2. Yeah my job makes me go in 4x a week and is still in our pre pandemic business / business casual wardrobe. I’m mostly wearing the work clothes I bought pre-pandemic, with a few new additions

      3. +1. My office is not exactly the pinnacle of cutting edge fashion, so I am still wearing most of my classic pre-Covid work clothes.

    7. I think it depends on the reason you aren’t wearing them. Personally, I’ve been back to the office full time since Sept 2021, and was going in 2-3 days a week for the whole year before that, so any clothes from pre-pandemic are either being worn, or have worn out and got tossed.

      I remember in March/April 2020, some women here were posting that they were taking advantage of the workwear sales to stock up — I wonder what happened to those clothes. Did they correctly predict that they would end up using them and did?

      1. lol I bought a few deeply discounted items – I got a beautiful tweed shift dress for $12 and a handful of silk blouses for like $15 each. They were good choices and I’m wearing them now!

      2. I did that! I only bought suits at steep discount. I appear in court so I wear them.

        I also wear most of my pre-pandemic clothes that fit.

      3. I was one of those posters. I bought items from Of Mercer, The Fold, and Lo and Sons. The Of Mercer items get packed for nearly every work trip once business travel resumed. I will switch over to the Lo and Sons bag once the current leather bag I’m using wears out. My only regret is the items from The Fold are a half size too small, so I need to lose about 5 pounds for them to look right.

        I also bought two pairs of sandals from Reef’s website that are my most worn pandemic purchase, in case anyone thinks I just live in the office!

    8. I’m mostly still wearing mine if they’re in good shape, but I do have a bunch of suits hanging in my closet that just aren’t getting any use anymore. I think I’m going to keep the 2-3 most basic/timeless and get rid of the rest.

    9. When to get rid of . . .
      • When your lifestyle or career has changed so much that you know you no longer have a need for those clothes.
      • When, even if the occasion to wear them were to come back, you have way too many items and cannot possibly make use of them all.
      • When the occasion to wear them has come back, and you are consistently choosing not to wear them and are reaching for something else.
      • When they are worn out or dated in a way that makes a tangible difference to you or will harm your image at your job. (It takes a long time for classic office clothing of decent quality to get to this place.)

    10. I would save anything that is a classic, good quality/in good condition, and suits your body type, especially if it’s been tailored. I completely reject the one year rule, it’s so wasteful. I’m not scouring the world for a wardrobe staple that works for my body, and paying $200-300 in tailoring, just to keep it for a couple of years. If they go out of style they go to the seasonal closet. I still have wider leg wool pants from the last time they were in style (10+ years ago) and I’m wearing them again. And they’re LINED which is hard to find these days.

      I would get rid of anything that is trendy and not good quality or in tip top shape. I ask myself: if I want to wear this item again in 5 years, would I be happy wearing this one or would I want a new one?

    11. I’m wearing a wool cardigan today that I probably haven’t worn since 2019. It still fits, is decent quality (Talbots merino wool), no moth holes. I’m glad I didn’t toss.

  9. Brown shoes– i bought a pair of dark brown work pants during nordstrom’s sale. they are “cool” in color, not reddish not orange. All the brown shoes i am saying are oxblood or light brown. or have a sort of orangey 70s vibe, all would clash with these pants. What would you wear for a shoe? i thought they were a basic but they are proving to be very hard to match.

        1. Agree, I love brown and black together. But also, I could see them with animal print – perhaps a cool-toned snakeskin? Or silver.

      3. I’d also do black or snake skin, or an animal print. I would also wear all of those with navy so ymmv. I immensely dislike brown and navy shoes.

  10. Got a job interview but it’s more than a couple of weeks away. I feel like I should be using the time productivity to prep but because of the time lag I don’t have my usual energy to do it (life, work continues….) Does anyone have any suggestions for how to motivate or what small steps I can do to keep moving forward until the actual interview? Or should I just wait until the week before and then panic- motivate ?!

    2. Honestly? I’d use your limited energy to focus on applying to other jobs or re-connecting with your network in the interim so you’re not starting from scratch if the interview doesn’t go well or you don’t like what you hear about the company. It probably wouldn’t hurt to spend some time working on your “tell me about a time when…” answers if it’s been a while since you interviewed, but I think you should defer prep focused on the specific company so you don’t get too fixated on this particular opportunity. (In case it matters, I’m an in house lawyer, so we don’t typically give presentations or the like — we just do situational type questions that are fairly transferrable from company to company.)

  11. the past few days have been a not so friendly reminder that anti-semitism is still alive and well in the U.S. i can understand people disagreeing with the Israeli’s government treatment of the Palestinian people, I can understand how people can disagree with Israel’s response to the events over the weekend, but to not denounce Hamas’ actions as a terror attack…I work for a university and yesterday evening the President sent out the most ridiculously politically correct statement (i read it to my husband and he commented it sounded like it was written by chat gpt) that did not include any statement denouncing Hamas and the brutal murders, rapes and kidnapping that took place over the weekend…instead we are supposed to be tolerant and welcoming to all perspectives. two things can be true – you can disagree with the Israeli government while also stating that Hamas committed a terrible act of terror

    2. I keep seeing people posting on Instagram denouncing those who aren’t being forceful enough in their condemnation of Hamas (or justifying Hamas’ actions) but I’m not actually seeing anyone I know failing to denounce Hamas or justifying Hamas’ actions, so it seems like there is a disconnect there. Unfortunately I feel like in this era of internet/social media, it’s easy for people who are angry/scared to seek out and find harmful viewpoints that they wouldn’t have encountered otherwise.

      But to your point, I agree there is no excuse for refusing to call Hamas terrorists. Any organization that targets civilians for political purposes is a terrorist organization. I also think that people are rightfully very scared about the level of violence that is about to be inflicted on innocent people (particularly children) in Gaza. People in Gaza have nowhere to go, even if they want to get out. I was just listening to an interview on CNN with an American doctor who is currently stuck in Gaza. At one point Wolf Blitzer told her that if she needed to get into a bomb shelter during the interview (he could hear the explosions in the background), to just let him know. Her response was, “there are no bomb shelters here.”

      1. The usual social justice warriors all over my feeds are shockingly silent in this. That’s what people are reacting to, I think.

        1. My feed is full of lefty lefty liberals like me who have turned their avatar into the Israeli flag.

      2. There were people in the streets of New York celebrating Hamas. There is a prominent social media star / former porn star who called them freedom fighter and told them to turn their iPhones horizontal , to better video the rapes and brutalization of the elderly, women and babies

        1. Ok since when is a “former porn star” a mainstream voice we should pay any attention to?

          1. Separate from the current situation at hand, this attitude is gross. Someone being a porn star doesn’t mean their ideas are automatically invalid. Stop slut-shaming people and examine your own hangups.

        2. I’m curious about this too. I know Israel manages the border on the Gaza side, but has Israel actually closed it?

          1. It was not closed before the attack. The attack tore holes which have now been mostly repaired I think and it is closed.

            No idea about the Egypt side or why Egypt doesn’t have a normal border with Gaza. Like how can Israel ‘blockade’ Gaza if they have a border with a whole separate country? Why does no one complain about the border with Egypt?

      4. This is basically saying “I’m not seeing this therefore it’s not happening/people are going out of their way to be outraged.” I went to a small, well-regarded liberal arts college and my social media feed is full of people from said college basically saying Israel had this coming and “free Palestine.” It’s much much worse than the silence the other commenter references. See: the letter signed by Harvard student groups for reference.

      6. “There are no bomb shelters here” suggests that Israel is not in the (past) practice of lobbing missiles at Gaza — unlike the bomb shelters routinely constructed in Israeli homes across that border. We ache for the innocent civilian population of Gaza, but at least the Israeli government is issuing warnings, whereas the weekend pogrom implemented by the government in Gaza (Hamas) came with no warnings to civilians, indeed was aimed at civillians.

        1. bomb shelters are not even enough. In Be’eri Hamas threw a grenade into the bomb shelter when it was full of people.

    3. I don’t disagree that anti semitism is an ongoing problem but I wonder if at least some part of this is due to our current intense polarization. I think that when you throw in that these are complex problems with no easy solutions and many of the loudest voices on both sides are also not well-informed, it leads to this team mentality where you’re on team 1 or team 2 and all nuance is lost.

      2. No, I don’t think antisemitism fits into any “issue” the way you describe. It’s a 2000 year old problem. This is, frankly, horrifying and yet the least surprising turn of events in the past two days. I don’t have social media thankfully.

        2. the anti semitic part is that both team 1 and team 2 should be willing to acknowledge that Hamas is a terrorist organization.

    4. I really don’t think you need to invoke antisemitism to see why so many people feel conflicted about this (I agree that it certainly exists, but I don’t think it’s driving most of this sentiment). I feel exactly the same way I felt as an American on 9/11. Sick about the absolutely unjustified terror attack that killed innocent people and even more sick that it will be used to continue the cycle of violence that will lead to the deaths of still more innocent people. And on and on it will go.

      1. to be unwilling to say that Hamas is a terrorist group and that Hamas’ actions were an attack of terror has anti semitic undertones. just like if someone is unwilling to say that what happened to George Floyd was murder, it has racist undertones. i think the OP is just saying that it is upsetting that people are unwilling to acknowledge that Hamas is a terrorist organization and committed an act of terror (full stop).

        1. Hamas is a terror group. Not all Palestinians are terrorists. I know hard liners want us to equate the two and if not, we’re called antisemitic.

          1. Yep. I 110% think that Hamas is a terrorist group. I also think that Israel, as a nation, needs to look at their own actions in this long-running drama and acknowledge that there are some good reasons why some Palestinians do not like what has been done to them, and is being done to them. Israel is not blameless in this conflict and that has nothing to do with religion.

          2. I don’t know anyone calling anyone antisemitic just for saying not all Palestinians support Hamas. That’s obviously true, just like not all Israelis support Netanyahu.

            But many on the left refer to Hamas as insurgents or freedom fighters, not terrorists. Many have held Israel entirely responsible for this terrorist attack (e.g., the Harvard student letter, which uses that phrase verbatim). Many have refused to express support for the Israeli people in the wake of a terrorist attack, which shouldn’t be hard even if you disagree with their government. Those things are rooted in antisemitism.

          3. This entire post is about people not calling out Hamas as terrorists. No one is saying that all Palestinians are terrorists. However, the lack of condemnation for Hamas speaks volumes.

            The entire West Bank is able to function without throwing grenades into bomb shelters full of people like Hamas did in Be’eri while gleefully videoing it.

          4. most people, even most Jews do not want you to equate the two. Hamas is a terrorist organization. Most Palestinians are not terrorists. saying this is not anti semitic. Ignoring the fact that Hamas is a terrorist organization/failure to mention has antisemitic undertones.

          5. Right – a terror group that attacked civilians over the weekend? That’s literally the point of this post.

      2. the part with anti semitic undertones is that people are unwilling to state that it was an “absolutely unjustified terror attack” or leaving that part out of any discussion about what is currently happening.

        1. Agree with Anon at 10:41 that the part that is antisemitic is that we don’t say “Hamas invaded Israel” because we are afraid of offending our Arab or Palestinian students/colleagues/neighbors (I am in the US).

          When Russia invaded Ukraine, we said “Russia invaded Ukraine” without being afraid of offending our Russian students/colleagues/neighbors. Indeed, many of our Russian students/colleagues/neighbors stated clearly that they did not support their country’s invasion of Ukraine..

          Are we more afraid of Arabs and Palestinians than we are of Russians? No, we are not.

          Do we care less about supporting Jews than we do about supporting Ukraines? Yes, we do.

          1. Huh? To the extent people are wringing their hands about the attack (and personally I don’t see many people doing that), it’s not about being afraid to offend Arab or Palestinian people. It’s about not wanting to ignore the elephant in the room – i.e. Israel’s historic treatment of the Palestinian people. Since Ukraine never oppressed the Russian people, your analogy just doesn’t work.

            And to be clear, I unequivocally condemn Hamas, their brutality, antisemitism and everything else they stand for. I am also fearful for the welfare of innocent Palestinians (which does not equal Hamas).

          3. “It’s about not wanting to ignore the elephant in the room – i.e. Israel’s historic treatment of the Palestinian people.”

            Right. I deeply resent and unequivocally disagree with the idea that we must enthusiastically agree with what Israel does at all times, in all circumstances, or we are antisemitic. My empathy for the average Palestinian person (NOT anyone who is part of Hamas, let’s just be clear) has to do with what Israel has done as a state to disenfranchise Palestinians. It has nothing to do whatsoever with the Jewish religion. I sent my kid to camp at our local JCC; I have no problems with Judaism or people who are Jewish. I do have a problem with people committing some pretty despicable acts against a group of people, and then when a fringe section of that group lashes back, people go around saying that the action is “unprovoked.” No, it is not. Aggression begets aggression, and Israel has demonstrated aggression towards Palestinians. It is not a surprise when terror attacks happen, after a nation decides to systematically persecute and oppress a group of people who, while they are not justified in lashing out violently, have a point about the way they are being treated. P.S., I felt the same way in 2001 after the 9/11 terror attacks. Horrible? Yes. Completely surprising? No. No one should have been surprised by what happened. You can only push people so far, so long, before there is a lash-out. That’s fundamental to the human experience.

          4. to the anon at 12:26. i am jewish and i also do not agree with everything that Israel does. I also do not think that Hamas truly cares about the best interests of the Palestinian people. disagreeing with Israel does not make you anti semitic. anti Israel is not equivalent to anti Jewish, but Hamas is anti israel and anti jewish. I am also concerned about the welfare fo the innocent Palestinians and if Hamas cared so much, why wouldn’t they stockpile water or food or other necessities for “its people” in advance of its attack

      3. It is absolutely relevant. Hamas does not think Israel or Jewish people should exist. That’s directly relevant to what’s happening and the rhetoric. The rise in antisemitism throughout the west is so disheartening given that the Holocaust is still within lived memory.

        And the number of American living on land stolen from Indigenous people in the last 100 years yet deriding the Israelis as ‘settlers’ is just unreal.

        1. Regarding “stolen” land: please explain what point in time – 1947? 1850? 1491? – the claims to land became legitimate and all land thereafter became “stolen.” Indigenous people stole land from each other. In fact, America bought the same land just west of the Appalachian mountains something like four different times from different tribes because the Indigenous people didn’t agree on which of them owned it.

          1. Responding to antisemitism with racism against Native Americans is an absolutely terrible look. Be ashamed of yourself.

        2. Israeli settlers continuing to settle after their government’s agreement not to do so is totally different.

          1. But Hamas is not saying they have an issue with post agreement settlements or that they agree with the right of Jewish people to exist in a state in the Middle East. They opposed the existence of any Jewish people anywhere in the area.

            They are literally violently opposed to a two state solution. Hamas is a terror group. They are not the PLO and they do not want a negotiated solution that allows Israel to exist in any form.

          2. Hamas is not distinguishing between any areas or groups in Israel. Hamas does not want Israel to exist in any form and wants all Jewish people out of the area.

    5. My University President sent out a much better statement than this, thankfully. And yes people love an excuse to hate Jews. Also Hamas wasn’t born yesterday. They knew their attacks would bring total war from Israel that was obviously the goal. And if you press further or use your brain at all, the answer to that question is not “for the Palestinian people” who will now die, but to destabilize the region and provoke Israel into a great enough attack that other Arab nations will have an excuse to enter the fight, which would work out great for Putin who doesn’t want the western world focused on Ukraine. Hamas is playing a power game and doesn’t care if women and children die.

      1. This. I wonder to what extend this is payback by Putin for Israel being slightly more pro Ukraine recently. I know there is suspicious of Iranian involvement given the scope and sophistication but Russia benefits hugely from western countries being distracted by destabilization in the Middle East.

    6. I agree wholeheartedly with this. I’ve also read it at least a dozen time in the past few days.

      You know what I dont hear, now that we’re talking about anti-semitism? Right wing Americans unequivocally denouncing American N2zis. That’s what I’d like to hear. Am unqualified condemnation of foreign terrorism is not reassuring if you’re snuggled up with the proud boys.

    7. i was actually impressed with the joint statement issued by the U.S. and all of the European countries – it acknowledges that “We make clear that the terrorist actions of Hamas have no justification, no legitimacy, and must be universally condemned….All of us recognize the legitimate aspirations of the Palestinian people, and support equal measures of justice and freedom for Israelis and Palestinians alike. But make no mistake: Hamas does not represent those aspirations, and it offers nothing for the Palestinian people other than more terror and bloodshed.”

        1. I agree. Hamas is a vicious, terrible organization that has no legitimate aims that benefit anyone.

      2. Thanks for sharing this.

        I was upset to see leftists laying into Zelensky for his statement and it helps me to see that he wasn’t some kind of outlier in using the word terrorism.

    8. Agreed.

      Especially the news about what happened in Be’eri when Hamas separated the babies from their parents and shot the babies first in front of their parents before killing the parents. Or poor Shani who was a conscious objector and refused to serve in the IDF. Hamas is no different than the Taliban. At least the PLO has tried to provide decent governance.

    9. Agreed. It is wrong to pretend that deliberately targeting civilians the way Hamas did is anything other than terrorism. It is wrong to pretend that it’s not a big deal that Hamas used a grandmother’s cellphone to film her murder and then uploaded it to her own Facebook page for her family to see. This is despicable. It’s anti-Semitic to pretend otherwise.

      1. Who in the mainstream specifically is saying it’s not a big deal or not terrorism? (Not rhetorical).

        1. From an article in City Journal this morning:

          “After the horrific attack, in which hundreds of terrorists breached Israel’s security fence, murdering over 900 Israelis and committing unspeakably evil atrocities akin to those of ISIS, media outlets went to great lengths to downplay its severity. Take New York Times Middle East correspondent Raja Abdulrahim, who, on the day of the dreadful attack, opened her piece by writing that “For some Gazans, Saturday morning’s surprise Palestinian attack into southern Israel seemed a justified response to a 16-year Israeli blockade.”

          The Times also peppers its coverage with wildly inappropriate both-sides-ism by, for example, including members of Hamas in its death tallies. As Senator Tom Cotton noted, “It’s morally revolting, akin to including the 19 hijackers in the death toll for 9/11.” Meantime, the Washington Post also draws false moral equivalencies with headlines reading, “Israel formally declares war against Hamas as more than 1,000 killed on both sides.”

          CNN’s Fareed Zakaria, for his part, hosted a guest who claimed that Hamas “mainly attacks military establishments” and that most of the hostages taken by Hamas are “military people.” In a separate CNN segment, another commentator said that Hamas “wants to sit down and talk peace with the Israelis.” It’s worth mentioning that CNN refers to Hamas as merely “an Islamist organization with a military wing.”

          Brief mistruths like these, sometimes imperceptible to people not already knowledgeable about the conflict, subtly penetrate the audience’s psyche, gradually and profoundly influencing their opinions.”

        2. i’m the OP and the statement issued by the Top 20 University where I work, any condemnation of the terrorist attacks is noticeably absent. not condemning it/calling out the terrorism/staying silent minimizes how big of a deal it is and the fact that it is terrorism

    10. Our campus also issued a “fine people on both sides – make use of campus resources if you need them” statement.

    11. My kids’ public school district is usually quick to send out emails about any national or international tragedy, but total crickets on this one (they were open yesterday). We have many Jewish teachers/staff in the district and a lot of Jewish kids attending the schools. Only a single school board member made any statement.

      1. Can someone explain to me how a conflict between a nation and a separatist faction on the other side of the world warrants a statement by an American school district so that American Jews feel “supported”? I legitimately do not get it. How is this more of a religious issue than it is a political one, involving foreign countries most people have never been to?

        1. a “separatist faction”? Wow, I see you misspelled ‘terrorist organization’

          Gaza is self governing, who are they ‘separating’ from?

          1. The Israelis who keep trying to take over their territory, despite negotiated agreements.

            Revisionist history doesn’t work here; we all have the Internet. If people want to hang on to the idea that Israel is blameless, everything Israel has done is justified, Israel has never done anything to provoke this kind of horrible violence, etc. then feel free to engage in whatever mental gymnastics you need to, but facts are facts. Perhaps if Israel’s government had not taken the stance of “we’re going to do what we’re going to do and everyone can just deal with it” there could be more middle ground for negotiations and figuring out some kind of solution here. As it is, I see two entrenched actors – Israel, and Hamas – who seem completely unwilling to take one step toward each other to end an extremely violent conflict that has taken the lives of many innocent people and will continue to take innocent lives, as long as everyone involved holds to the idea that land is more important than people. Hamas is a terrorist group but the idea that “we don’t negotiate with terrorists” has done nothing but lead to more and more bloodshed. Perhaps the “right” thing to do is to figure out how to acknowledge Palestinian pain and suffering and figure out how to stop it, vs. trying to figure out how to inflict more pain.

          2. LOL at the notion that Hamas has an interest in minimizing Palestinian pain and suffering. They have had control of Gaza for close to 20 years and they took the millions of dollars of aid which have poured in and used them towards the worst attach in 40 years.

            And Israel is constantly getting raked over the coals at the UN for things that other countries do with immunity. Literally no one is arguing ” that Israel is blameless, everything Israel has done is justified “

        2. It was a terrorist attack. Calling it a conflict legitimizes Hamas. That’s what this whole thread is about.

          1. +1 and most US school districts would have something to say about a terrorist attack in France or Germany. This shouldn’t be any different.

      2. Part of me thinks that we’re all worse off with the idea that every random person and organization needs to issue half baked statements on everything that happens in the world. It mostly just seems to result in people feeling worse, because these statements usually aren’t issued by people who actually know much about the issues at hand or care about anything other than sending a message that they think the “right” thing. I have not once ever felt even the tiniest bit better when an institution has sent out one of these meaningless emails of support, and often just feel like they’ve trivialized something important.

        1. except since this does now seem to be common practice, when you don’t issue anything, the silence is deafening. k

        2. I don’t need random statements from ever influencer or local business, but I think schools are a bit different. It shouldn’t be that hard to express support for another country in the wake of a terrorist attack, especially when you have a student population that has close ties to the country (most American Jews have family in Israel). And if it is too hard to simply express support for the country’s people, there’s antisemitism you need to unpack. An expression of support for the people of Israel doesn’t condone the Israeli government’s actions.

          1. The district put out statements over the Maui fire (we have a lot of families with ties to Hawaii) and does the same thing for any and all school shooters, the invasion of Ukraine, etc. Pretty much anything that’s a big, violent news story gets a “this terrible thing happen, here are some resources for talking to your kids” email. Hokey and performative, maybe, but lots of precedent.

            I’d estimate the around a fifth of the kids who attend the school district are Jewish and maybe a quarter of the teachers are Jewish. Because the school district refuses to give Rosh Hashanah and Yom Kippur off as schoolwide holidays, one of my kids had four subs in one day (out of six classes) last month. To be frank, our district’s DEI experts routinely mess up even simple things with respect to religious diversity, and one even stated that they were unaware that Jewish people were persecuted at any time in history.

          2. Yeah this is bad. And of course it would be much more meaningful to actually make Rosh Hashanah and Yom Kippur holidays than to send out any of these stupid emails, which is why they irritate me so much in the first place. Words are cheap, but I haven’t seen many organizations willing to go beyond that when it comes to DEI.

          3. “one even stated that they were unaware that Jewish people were persecuted at any time in history.”

            Ummmm….wow. That is bonkers.

          4. Where are you getting the statistic that most American Jews have family in Israel?

          5. Anon at 1:33, the person who made that statement is the head of DEI initiatives for the district. As a result, it’s hard for me to believe that particular administrator is about anything other than resource-hoarding for their preferred minority group or groups.

          6. Not an official stat, just anecdotal observation that many American Jews have family or friends there. I do (by marriage, my BIL is Israeli) and my family is about as WASPy as Jews get – my mom is not ethnically Jewish and my MIL’s family came here in the early 1800s.
            Regardless of whether it’s “many” or “most” I think the point stands, that this situation is personal for a lot of American Jews and it’s especially thoughtless for a school district that’s 20% Jewish to ignore it.

      3. We are in a not even all that Jewish Boston burb (not Newton!). 2/3 of my kids’ teachers send notes over the weekend acknowledging the events and talking about how they would be discussed at school this week. Our superintendent had an email drafted and it hit inboxes at 7am this morning.

    12. @ Anon at 1:33 – even Jews who don’t have family (or don’t know that they have family) in Israel know that it is the one place in the world where they can go to be safe when all other places go to s*&t.

      1. I’m sorry, I don’t get this. Israel is the one place that continually goes to sh*t, over and over and over. It’s one of the least safe places on the planet? I won’t go there as a non-Jew because of the ever-present threat of violence.

        1. It actually is not (this weekend being the exception) unsafe. I have visited family there a lot and have always felt very safe. When there are threats, they are addressed. People are trained and know what to do. It’s just a myth that you can’t go there and be safe.

      2. Yeah, this is a weird take. My friend studied abroad in Israel in college ~2013 and she literally had to unenroll for that semester bc our school didn’t want the liability if anything went wrong.

        1. This is about liability and the US State Department definitions, not about actual safety.

  12. I am in a brutal “feast” cycle in the feast and famine nature of private practice. If you, or anyone you know, has figured this out – I would love to improve my quality of life. I feel like I swing from “the sky is falling I have no work” to “I am drowning I can never get all this done”… no one in my firm seems to have predictable, regular, recurring type work and even my friends who do more corporate / transactional stuff don’t seem to have a super regular schedule. Anyone else feel like when it rains, it pours, but when it is dry, it’s the Sahara?

    1. Yes, I have a job like this. It’s really hard. One thing I’ve found helpful (though not always easy or possible) is resisting the urge to sign up for too many projects or ‘hoard’ work – for fear that I won’t have enough to do in the future. What ends up happening is that I overextend myself and don’t do anything as well as I’d like to. Not sure that if that is any kind of good advice, but something I’m working on.

    2. I embrace both sides. I am feasting right now, so I am going hard and feeling like a bad a$$. I have a 6am to 8pm day today.

      When I am in famine, I do all kinds of things during the workday when I have childcare. Hikes, outdoor runs, lunches with friends and colleagues, going to the movies, sleeping in, massages.

    3. YES. Jesus Christ, I could have written this. Mentally, how do you figure this out? How do you spend months of the year chilling and then suddenly tell your brain, “Nope, just kidding, time to rev up”? I am not doing well.

  13. Any fun (hopefully free) phone games to play with my tween nephews now that I’ve moved away and we don’t get to hang out as often as we used to? Ideally games where we don’t all have to be online at the same time (but can be).

    2. My tweens constantly beg me to play Roblox with them, but you have to be online at the same time to play together. They often Facetime friends and chat while they play Roblox, so you’ll definitely be the cool aunt. Especially if you then give them Robux gift cards to upgrade their avatars.

      We also all play Royal Match and are on the same team. We don’t have to play together but we encourage each other to play on the weekends so we get more coins.

      Both are free to play but you can spend real money to get upgrades, which means it’s an easy (small but cool) gift to tie in as well.

    3. Personally I love Animal Crossing Pocket Camp — it’s slow, cozy, and plenty of opportunities to send each other gifts, stickers, but it’s primarily a single player game.

    4. My tween son loves playing Bloons TD 6 (I think – maybe a different Bloons game) with his uncles online. They play at the same time though.

  14. Thinking of “men are no longer the problem” anon from yesterday afternoon. I was single for most of my life and got married later in life than most friends, so I know what it is like to be alone/lonely. I agree with some of the posters that you don’t necessarily have to break up now, but it does seem like you should keep your guard up/don’t make plans to move in at year end. And in the meantime, can you work on building friendships with your girl friends or make new connections? I rooting for you!

    1. But OP wants to get married. If she stays with this guy without the intention to move ahead in the relationship, just for the sake of not being alone, she will miss out on opportunities to meet the right guy. There is nothing wrong with staying in a relationship that isn’t going anywhere just for fun if that’s what both partners want, but in this case OP wants more and knows that this guy is a dead end. She needs to cut her losses and start looking for the right one.

  15. I need to pick a pair of shoes from my pre-2020 wardrobe for a navy outfit. Which is more current (or less outdated): navy suede block heel with almond toe, nude leather pump (not patent) with almond toe?

    2. I commented above, but if you have black or animal print, both of those would look a lot more current and less flight attendant.

    3. At a conference right now and seeing lots of suede heels – block, d’orsay, kitten, and pumps. I haven’t seen anyone wear nude pumps in ages.

  16. I am officially at my heaviest weight ever and have come to terms with the fact that I need to implement significant lifestyle changes to lose weight and feel better in my body. I already do strength training twice a week, but I know I need to add in some cardio or at the very least, more overall movement to my days.

    What are your ways to ease into making changes to activity levels and eating more healthfully? I know myself and I know I can’t go extreme, but I can make incremental changes.

    1. Cut out eating high calorie or high sugar foods that you don’t really love. For me, that is no soda or sweet tea. I skip so-so desserts when offered. Chips got axed because I am just as hungry after eating the bag.

      Give yourself lots of satisfying food. I love Salmon, Brussels sprouts, sashimi, lots of fruit.

      Go on walks.

      Drink water all day.

      1. Along with water, if you live somewhere that it’s getting cool, I find a cup of hot herb tea in the afternoons can take the place of snacking. I hate most herb teas, but have found a few I like (a fennel tea, Trader Joe’s ginger turmeric, an apple spice one from Celestial Seasonings).

    2. In a similar boat. Two things I’m working on: adding veggies wherever possible and tons of walking.

    3. It starts and ends with food in my experience. You can’t out-exercise bad eating habits. Rather than implement several new changes across various categories (fitness, food, mindset, etc), focus on the eating habits.

    4. I think adding things in is better, and more fun, than depriving yourself. So adding in a fun class, a walk rather than drinks with a friend, trying new fruit and veggies etc. But also sleep, I feel like I make much better nutrition and exercise choices when I’m getting the rest I need.

      1. same boat. one thing that i am trying to remind myself is that maybe being perimenopausal is a perfectly legitimate time to weigh the most I’ve ever weighed. Like better then middle school or my junior year of college….

      2. +1 I like adding in vs taking away. For example, if you’re going to have pizza or pasta, start with a small salad first to help regulate your blood sugar.

    5. Make sure every meal has a protein source and a big serving of vegetables and/or fruit
      Take at least one quick walk every day
      The usual “small changes” sound cliche but they really add up: taking the stairs, parking at the opposite end of the parking lot, etc

    6. I like working out at home, so I’ve been doing exercise videos on Fitness Blender. I’ve done several of their programs now. The workout is already picked out for me so I just have to show up and do it.

      I’m terrible about eating fruits and veggies so I try to make sure to include one veggie side with dinner. I also try to eat one portion of fruit per day. I’m slowly trying to increase those amounts.

      I also use a simple habit tracker to track these things and it helps to see what progress I’ve made.

    7. For me it’s all about the diet. I do exercise for health reasons but I do not overdo it as it just makes me hungrier.

    8. Cook more and eat out less. When you know you’re going eat out, look at the menu ahead of time when you’re not hungry and decide what you’re going to eat. Add vegetables. Add spices or spice mixes to healthy dishes like chicken breast and veggies to make them more exciting.

    9. I’m going to get attacked for this but here’s a controversial statement about how weight loss works for me: I can’t lose weight by accident. I’m not saying it’s impossible for others but I can’t. More walks and more sleep are awesome but for me I need to actually eat less. I can count calories or I can look at the biological markers that I’m in a calorie deficit (I’m hungry and tired more often) but I need to do one of those and actually monitor my weight.otherwise I’m just doing healthy habits but not actually losing weight and I get frustrated and it seems too hard. I’m not an expert but I did lose 13 pounds this year.during my deficit periods the weight drops otherwise I just maintain healthy habits. Expecting a long walks to equate to weight loss is just a recipe in frustration for me.

      1. +1 Exercise alone has never done it for me. I have to monitor what goes into my mouth.

      2. Exercise works for most (not all) people… eventually. It takes a long time to build muscle and retrain your body to send fuel to your muscles instead of storing it.

        1. I’ve never heard that this is true for most people. It is not hard to become athletic and fit and build a lot of muscle without therefore losing weight.

          1. You will lose inches and fat. While it’s true that you can’t put exercise a bad diet, it a total myth that being a couch potato has the exact same effect on your body composition, metabolism, and weight as running marathons.

      3. +1 – this is true for me. It is very easy for me to increase my calories when I increase my activity because I get hungrier. If you increase exercise while keeping your eating exactly the same then you may well lose weight, but it can be hard to do this if you are not tracking what you are eating.

    11. If you don’t like cardio you can do tabata style strength training to get your heart rate up, same benefit. An incremental change my be increasing your workout days from 2 to 3 to 4.

    12. Wear a step counter. Aim for 10 000 each day.

      Eat veggies – it’s never too late to learn to like different ones. Basically any veggie tossed in olive oil and a bit of salt and roasted is going to be delish. I aim for a veggie at breakfast and two veggies at lunch and two veggies at dinner.

    13. I am about to start Invisalign and am hoping that it makes snacking too much of a logistical pain to do much.

    14. Pro tip: set your step goal to 7,500 steps a day. If you’re at 4,500 steps at the end of your commute home, it isn’t a huge commitment to walk a mile and a half to hit your goal; it is a bigger commitment to go out for 3+ miles to do so.

    16. This was me. I looked at how long it had taken for the weight to creep on (3 years) and said ok if I want to lose weight at the same rate I gained it, how many calories a day different is it? 3500 being roughly a pound by the old rule of thumb. By cutting out 100 calories per day, that’s only a pound a month, but it is 100% sustainable and although 2-3 of the pounds have crept back on (time to stop with the “oh I’ll just have one more” cookie habit) the slow and steady approach was the only thing that both worked and didn’t feel miserable.

      1. This is a great post because it’s also a good reminder to be conscious of choices as small daily habits (plus or minus) add up quickly over time. I recently started grabbing two granola bars instead of one for my morning coffee break and I’m going to think twice about that now.

    17. Can we start a ‘rette group for this? I’m committing to a come to Jesus and am ready for permanent lifestyle changes and building good mechanisms to support it.

      I’ll come out of anonymity for this.

    18. You lose weight in the kitchen. Start with what you’re eating; it will have a way bigger impact than adding exercise.

    19. Here are some tips, some of which may be controversial, but they have worked for me:
      Skip breakfast — just coffee and vitamins
      No snacks between meals — just lunch and dinner
      Vegetables with every meal; fruit once or twice a day; focus on protein plus non starchy veg
      Hot sauce (e.g., Tabasco) sprinkled on food helps to entertain your palate and helps you feel full longer
      Diet colas, diet cranberry juices, unsweetened iced tea, sparkling/flavored unsweetened water (but tea and coffee with a splash of skim milk is ok!)
      Reduce your intake of alcohol, significantly
      No eating after a set time in the evening — “the kitchen is closed”
      Your mantra is: I can eat the (donut, pasta, whatever) later, some other time, next week, tomorrow, just not now.
      Meals consist of the following or similar — 1) hummus with any variation of carrots, celery, grape tomatoes, cucumber slices, and bell pepper strips; 2) a mug of hot water mixed with a teaspoon of Better than Bullion chicken broth paste; 3) three skinny rice cakes (Lieber brand is my favorite) smeared with hummus and sprinkled with sunflower seeds or topped with a smear of mayonnaise and a slice of deli turkey; 4) tuna or chicken salad with a whole bunch of torn up lettuce mixed right in, plus chopped tomatoes, cucumbers, pickles, and avocado; 5) avocado on a toasted bagel half or slice of wheat toast, with salt and pepper; 6) a bowl of cornflakes with a sliced banana and milk; 7) a bowl of oatmeal with raisins; 8) an apple cut in eight slices (with one of those apple corer-slicer tools) and smeared with hummus; 9) a can of tuna, drained, mixed with a can of white beans (cannellini, navy, great northern) or a can of chick peas, drizzled with olive oil and lemon juice or white vinegar, plus salt/pepper/parsley/dill or basil (eat half and save half for later); 10) white bean dip (can of beans, drained and rinsed, mashed with 3 tablespoons of olive oil with lemon juice sprinkled in, and a dusting of paprika, some salt and pepper) on ten ritz crackers or three Wasa brand crackers; 11) a hard boiled egg or two with a bag of microwave popcorn; 12) a tin of sardines along with a portion of cooked brown rice; 13) as much steamed broccoli, cauliflower, sautéed mushrooms, etc. as you like, sprinkled with olive oil and vinegar, salt and pepper; 14) microwaved sweet potatoes with cottage cheese or Greek yogurt (as a substitute for sour cream); 15) half container of Greek yogurt (whatever fat content) (Fage brand is my favorite) with 3/4 cup of blueberries, raspberries, and/or strawberries; 16) half container of Greek yogurt (whatever fat content) (Fage brand, of course), with a sliced banana plus some sliced or slivered almonds or walnut pieces, toasted, with a drizzle of honey (which is like a banana split without the ice cream!); 17) two eggs, any way, with melon or other fruit/veg on the side, hot sauce on the eggs helps a lot; 18) chopped tomatoes or halved grape tomatoes mixed with feta cheese or goat cheese or similar, drizzled with olive oil and some red wine vinegar; 19) baked salmon or other fish; 20) crock pot salsa chicken (one jar of salsa dumped on several chicken breasts in a crock pot).
      Good luck!

  17. Looking for recommendations for a career coach for lawyers (NYC region or on-line). I’m considering taking an in-house job from a firm and want some coaching to help form good habits and work on my bad habits.

    2. I have no suggestions, but I wouldn’t hire a career coach who hasn’t been in house and can’t bring that perspective. Many of my “bad” habits from my law firm days transformed into “good” habits with the change of scenery. It turns out I just needed an in house environment to succeed.

  18. Are acorns good to eat? I know they are technically edible when prepared correctly (and potentially poisonous if not) but I have no sense of whether they’re worth the effort. This is our first fall in a house with trees and I was surprised to find acorns everywhere! I’m embarrassed to admit I didn’t even know what kind of tree acorns come from. Our arborist told us we have red, black, and white oak trees. The reds seem to be dropping the most acorns, legit the biggest acorns I’ve ever seen. Has anyone successfully used their acorns and if so can you please share your recipe? Thanks!

    1. Acorn flour is definitely a thing, but I think it’s a pain to make–not as easy as just cracking open and grinding some acorns–so probably in the “not worth the effort” (I’ve never done it. The squirrels are welcome to all my acorns). You can buy acorn flour–I’d buy some and see if you even like it before going too far down that road.

    2. My grandpa used to roast them similar to how you’d roast peanuts. I didn’t care for them, and it was a pain to get to the nut inside, but he seemed to like it.

    3. Lolol. Like you can eat them but they take a ton of processing and aren’t actually good. Read My Side of the Mountain.

    5. I think the best culinary use of acorns is feeding them to pigs and then eating the pigs.

      1. yeah, I read up on that, but you have to boil them for an extended time to leach out the bad stuff. I’ve read that the traditional indigenous way is to place them in a river over the course of some days. It seems a lot of work.

    7. We tried collecting hazelnuts from our prolific tree one year and discovered that if you don’t treat, those things are FULL of little worms. So keep that in mind before you bring a bucket of acorns indoors to experiment with.

    8. I do a fair bit of foraging and the only people I know who actually forage and eat acorns are Civil War reenactors. They are something of a food of last resort, because getting them edible (that is, removing the tannins) is a lot of work for something that at its best is just edible.

  19. Travel help!

    My sister and I are traveling to Dublin and London in March (from SFO and LAX)

    and I’m shocked there are like no Airbnb options in Dublin!

    Does anyone have advice on lodging – I was hoping for 2 bedrooms – would love to be in the Temple Bar area.

    Any input on either Dublin or London appreciated/ she has never been. I was in Dublin just a night this year and was in London as a teen.

    We are celebrating our 50th birthdays!!

    1. There’s a massive housing supply issue in Dublin, a student of mine applied to over 100 landlords before finding a place. I think your best bet is an aparthotel because any airbnb lets you find might actually be illegal, and if the council cracks down, you’ll be out a place to stay.

        1. Apartment-style hotel. They’re a great for my family of five. Search for “aparthotel” as one word.

    2. Stay in a hotel! Stop destroying the cities you want to visit by pricing locals out of the apartment rental market for short term rentals.

      1. PS there is a Temple Bar Inn, which I haven’t personally stayed in, but friends have.

    4. I agree with the other posters that AirBnb has terrible effects on surrounding communities. I think it’s reaching the point that polite people don’t admit to using AirBnb anymore.

      If you don’t like hotels, consider the many bed and breakfasts in Dublin? They have all the charm and quirkiness of the best Airbnbs.

    5. OP here – ok I will go with a hotel.
      Any advice for not too expensive but great hotels welcome!!

      1. My sister and I stayed at The Hyatt Centric in Dublin two years ago. Newer, very clean and had a restaurant. We basically walked everywhere in central Dublin from there. Very easy to get around. Did a tours by locals which included Book of Kells (highly recommend). Honestly though I wouldn’t spend a ton of time in Dublin again. I much preferred seeing other parts of Ireland and London is a favorite. Have fun!

  20. Wanted to alert anyone here who doesn’t normally read the moms page that another reader posted a very important article about changing the way we treat miscarriage (from the current approach of “who knows why!”). It’s an excellent read.

    1. Thanks for posting. I had two losses after seeing the ultrasounds and hearing the heartbeats. The article was a great read. Heart attacks are so different — it’s not just something that happens. Medicine figured out a lot and now we know so much more. Women deserve heart-attack level care and research devoted to this important area.

  21. I live in Colorado and am trying to plan some warm weather trips for this winter. Palm Springs and Phoenix are already on the list. What else should I consider?

    3. It depends what kind of warm you want. If you want to be swimming or wearing shorts in January or February, you have to go to Hawaii, south Florida or the Caribbean. The rest of the continental US is too cold at that time.

      1. We lived in south Florida for a year and frequently vacation there. Honestly, even south Florida is pretty unreliable for shorts weather in January in my experience. Sometimes you’ll hit great weather, but I wouldn’t bet on swimming in pools, etc. Of course I define shorts weather as 80+, so ymmv.

    4. New Orleans? Highs in the mid-60s in December and January – not super warm but warmer than Colorado.

  22. Discussion question: what is the best advice you’ve gotten from this site? I’ve been reading this from the very beginning, and when I got dressed this morning, I remembered that this site told me, years ago, to treat black like a real color instead of a neutral that goes with everything. That single piece of advice has showed up in my brain regularly for over a decade and I think it makes my boring black pants outfits way more stylish. What is your favorite?

      1. I feel like this comment is also relevant to all who insist that they should be able to work 100% remotely because “I can do my job from home.” For most positions, that fully remote job is not the road to power. Some people are ok with that, but in many positions, career growth will require some face time.

      2. Aw man I miss all those commenters! Gave me the warm and fuzzies to see their names again.

      1. This is mine too. And the importance of accessories in finishing an outfit.

        Not fashion related but the continual posts about insurance issues/health care have taught me to appreciate what we do have in Canada when friends complain about wait times. It’s not even the cost of it, I would be totally overwhelmed by the logistics of figuring out coverage.

      1. OMG, this is so good – especially coming from Senior Attorney. Thank you for reposting it! I hadn’t seen it before.

    7. Years ago, I think (?) Kat has posted about treating online dating as a job where it was partly a numbers game. I took that to heart and it eventually worked out for me. I never would have met my husband otherwise.

    9. ‘The only way out is through’ from Senior Attorney. My only interactions with her have been through this site, but when I’m experiencing difficulties that advice always scrolls through my mind. She’s like a virtual mom.

  23. Healthcare vent – what is going on? I live in a major East Coast city. My PCP referred me to a specialist back in Feb. I had to wait 8 months for an appointment. I finally had the appointment last week, and the provider wants to prescribe me a medicine that isn’t available anywhere. She literally said try calling back in Nov.

    Similarly, another (generic) med that I’ve taken for years was sold out everywhere over the summer. CVS told me don’t even bother calling around because there’s a supply chain issue.

    Are we still dealing with COVID supply chain issues? This is so frustrating. We’re the only industrialized country without universal healthcare, and one main criticism is that it would cause waits and shortages. But I’m already paying hundreds of dollars a month for my insurance, only to have those same waits and shortages.

    1. I have within the last year run into medication shortages at CVS, but I solved that by calling around to other pharmacies rather than asking my doctor for something else like CVS suggested. I now use a local pharmacy because they’re much better about stock.

      1. Thanks for the tip. I figured a large chain like CVS would have more stock in their network. I’ll call some local pharmacies!

      1. As someone who supports supply chain, I had to laugh at that. Yes, we absolutely are still experiencing supply chain issues.

        I can’t get insulin needles via the pharmacy and my antidepressant has been out of stock from time to time, also.

        1. What will it take to catch up? So much for supply and demand. I feel like covid and post-covid have completely disproven much of my economics 101 coursework…

          1. We have way fewer people in the labor force than we used to, for a variety of reasons.

    3. Couple of different things are happening:
      – staffing shortages: we knew the physician shortage was coming, Covid hastened an exodus of all healthcare workers
      – medication: depends on the medication. Stimulant supply is limited by the DEA but more people are being diagnosed with ADHD without the supply limits being increased. Similarly Wegovy etc now has a huge new demand.
      It sucks. I don’t see it getting better any time soon. I’m so sorry.

      1. And this I don’t impacted consumer prescription drugs, but is a good reminder of how fragile the supply chain can be–a Pfizer plant near me was destroyed by a tornado over the summer, which knocked out a good chunk of the meds produced there in the US supply chain (I think it was mainly injectibles for hospital use)

    4. I just heard a similar story from a friend who was referred by Specialist 1 to Specialist 2 with a great degree of urgency. Specialist 2’s office somehow determined that the issue is not urgent, and offered an appointment a year away. This is kind of scary…

      1. Waits to see dermatologists that take insurance in my area are over a year. That was fine for me, who just wanted a skin cancer check and to address some minor things. But while I was sitting in my PCP’s waiting room, I also heard several very upset people trying to get referrals for more concerning issues who were also facing that one year wait. The office staff just kept telling them that they’d have to go out of town or call these other offices that don’t take insurance because the ones they normally refer to wouldn’t make any more exceptions for urgent cases, they were too overbooked to see anyone else.

    6. My OBGYN has a 4 month wait to schedule the next appointment. So much for prenatal care, right?

    7. Our levels of consumption and approach to labor was never going to be sustainable and now we’re in the Find Out stage. Applies to literally everything.

Comments are closed.