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Our daily workwear reports suggest one piece of work-appropriate attire in a range of prices.
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The winter white color will be perfect for cool-weather outfits. I would pair it with trousers for the office and dark denim for the weekend.
The blazer is $270 at Nordstrom and comes in sizes XS-XL.
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Anon
Seems to me like big companies, especially tech companies that have been criticized for not having enough female employees, have found a way to solve their pesky women problem – just move headquarters to Texas or other anti-abortion states and watch women quit instead of go along. Same with conferences – you want those annoying women of reproductive age to stay home and make the slides while a man gets to present? Host it in Georgia! I already missed a work opportunity (a site visit) to a deeply rural part of a virulently anti-abortion state while in the early first trimester because I couldn’t take the chance of an ectopic pregnancy or retained miscarriage (right after my last one) when I couldn’t get medical care. I’m just one woman.
The evangelical right made abortion its single voter issue for decades. Now women need to do the same to not only protect their lives, but their hard-won employment gains.
Anonymous
Yeah my company just opened a location in an abortion ban state and they’re struggling to recruit people to work there.
Anon
I suppose there are enough red state types to make it irrelevant to colleges based there, but I told my daughter to cross the Texas schools off her list. I am not sending my kid or my money to that state.
Anonymous
That kind of move is going to drive out a lot of married men as well as women.
Anon
Will it? I hope so. I’m concerned that men will move there anyway and drag their families with them. Women aren’t always in a position to push back.
Anonymous
You have too much faith in cishet men
Anonymous
I would refuse to make the move so my husband would be forced to refuse along with me.
Anonymous
I was offered a job in Texas and my husband said no way would he ever move there so it had better be fully remote (it was).
Anonymous
I just turned down a conference because it’s being held in TX. Maybe the numbers won’t add up to make a huge difference to corporations or states, but I have my line.
Anon
I had to attend a wedding in TX over the summer and I told myself that is the last time that state is receiving any of my money.
Anon
No woman should willing move to any of these crazy ‘ditch the bitch’ states.
Anon
I work in tech and do not think your description is even remotely close to accurate. Tech companies have a lot of problems, and our reproductive health policies are incredibly depressing, but this post tries to synthesize the two issues in a way that bears no resemblance to reality and frankly sounds like a parody.
Eertmeert
You aren’t the only one seeing parody here.
anon
Agree! I was going to post a similar response but feared being piled on. But I agree this seems like a really big stretch.
Alice
Respectfully, I disagree. I know many–like over ten–young women who have crossed red states off their lists of places to live/job hunt. Without access to abortion womens’ lives and choices are at risk. Raped? too bad. c0ndom breaks? Sh1t out of luck. is contraception next? This is real problem, not a parody. And Old White Men in the C Suite had best take this into consideration–not just for recruiting women, but recruiting men and families too. I just did a quick google–I’ll post a link.
Alice
https://www.cnbc.com/2024/05/07/abortion-bans-drive-away-up-to-half-of-young-talent-new-cnbc/generation-lab-youth-survey-finds.html
Anon
Years ago, a friend had a miscarriage of a very wanted pregnancy (~11 weeks or so) while at a work conference in Texas. She was thankfully able to get appropriate medical care. I shudder to think what could have happened if that was today.
Anon
If you have gone or are going gray, could you post your hair tips? Coloring isn’t my problem. It’s more that the texture has shifted in medium humidity, as best as I can guess. Much humidity (Charleston, New Orleans, Miami) and my hair assumes a nice uniform “straight but with some body and a hint of a bend here and there”texture. No humidity and it lays nice and straight. In between, it just looks like it’s heat-damaged — frizzy, looks messy, looks like it needs a fresh cut and styling even if it has a recent cut and was styled when I left the house (and I work indoors at a desk, so not sure why it looks wrecked after a few hours). I’m not sure what I’m doing wrong, but am looking at some of yesterday’s products and advice and it’s resonated. But I feel like I need a seminar. My hair person is younger than me, so isn’t walking this journey herself yet.
Anonymous
Are you talking about experiencing your hair in different parts of the country when traveling? If so, it could be the water.
Anon
No — where I live, the summers are incredibly humid. Winters are much dryer. In between (like now), my hair is fuzzy and meh. Anti-humidity hairspray isn’t the cure-all I thought it would be. But if I take a work trip now somewhere much drier (Phoenix) or more humid (Miami), I’m back with the good hair like I’d have in the hot swampy summers, even if I’m outside all day.
My skin is really oily, so I’ve had oily hair my whole life. It never dawned on me that the gray hair might be dry and need wildly different products than I’ve been using my whole life.
Anon
It sounds like you need better styling products to lock in the smoothness.
Anonymous
I like the take 10 leave in spray if I’m going for wavy without frizz . If I’m blowing out and want it to stick, then I like the silk smooth balm from the line. I also patiently dry in sections to straighten better. Once dry, I use a light oil on the ends or anywhere that appears to be popping up. Hair spray for humidity.
anon
I am on that journey now. I used to have a routine and did the same thing for 20 years, now the same thing doesn’t work anymore. I am trying out a lot of products right now. I’ve had to get over being annoyed by that and just start experimenting. More moisturizing definitely helps somewhat. I like Kristin Ess stuff from Target. But I am not where I was yet.
Anonymous
+1, I also found more moisturizing helps. I use a weekly moisturizing mask.
Anon
You need a styling cream. I posted the other day about JVN Air Dry cream, which is my holy grail for wearing my hair with its natural wave.
When I wear my hair dried more or less straight, I use a blow dry heat protectant spray before drying, then smooth some serum over the top of my hair – like a pump in the palm of my hand, rub my hands together, then smooth them over the surface of my hair. I carry this in my suitcase now because travel/different water/different humidity means I can’t always predict how my hair will behave. Honestly mine is from the drugstore – I’ve used both the Garnier one and the L’Oreal one.
NaoNao
I had to spend a LOT more on shampoo and conditioner which is hard, but drugstore shampoo is really one of those things that’s for easy-care hair, not fragile difficult gray hair. Kerestase is my go-to but I also use Molton Brown. I also started using heatless curlers and/or pin curls to curl it because wavy/curly hair looks a bit more intentional than just plain air dried. One thing I also needed was more product. I used to be able to get away with literally nothing, but now I use K18 (one of the *very few* products worth every penny and does what it says it will) mask and oil as well as Ouai curl cream and air dry mousse.
Anon
Have you tried Paul Mitchell Super Skinny Serum? My hair is naturally pretty coarse and wavy, and I’ve been going gray since my late 20s (I’m 40 now). I’d say I’m probably 30% gray, and have found that in humid weather, the serum is really helpful in helping my hair look smoother.
My hair is medium density, about collarbone length, and I use 1 pump and rake it though wet hair, then style as usual. For me this means air drying with curl products, but I also use it when I straighten.
AnoNL
40yo, have been dying it since 25, I am sure I am at least 20-30% grey. My hair is wavy and became a bit dry over the years and due to the texture, it frizzes easily in humid conditions. What has helped me is using SLS-free shampoo (does not dry out my hair) and leaving conditioner with amodimethicone for 3-4mins (Redken Acid Bonding Concentrate Conditioner), wash out and then apply a small amount of Redken Acid Bonding Leave-In treatment before blowdrying (Babyliss Pro hairdryer + big round brush).
My hair is extra sensitive to summer heat & UV, so I try to wear a hat/cap to give it extra protection. In winter, I wear a hood or a cap to protect it from crazy wind, freezing temps and snow/rain.
I am mentioning amodimethicone on purpose, since I have noticed that products which have it high up the ingredients list worked best for my hair. Kerastase Maskeratine is another product that fits the bill and I use it 1x week (instead of the conditioner). Your hair may react better with other ingredients, so keep trying different actives.
Anon
Anyone read the WSJ piece on sleeper election issues and how they may cost Dems control of Congress? I’m depressed because I think it’s true. I don’t have a gift link to share but maybe a subscriber does.
Anon
What are the issues discussed in the article?
Anon
It says this year’s sleeper issue is males competing in girls’ and women’s sports, which Republicans on the campaign trail are having no problem highlighting to their advantage. Most people oppose it (~70%) but Democrats portray any opposition as ludicrous bigotry and news outlets won’t cover both sides, which gives Republicans easy pickings on the campaign trail where they can make people feel heard on an easy-win issue. I was also thinking of this because apparently some candidates have released very slick ads on this issue that further highlight how far apart leading Dems are from voters.
Anon
You’d think with a big tent, Ds would lead with the broadest, most bread-and-butter issues. I feel like it’s always picking a divisive hill to die on (often one that appeals just to the more elite coastal donor classes) that gets races lost that should be won.
Anon
I tried to make this point last week and got piled on when people thought I was calling abortion a “fringe issue” (I wasn’t — I was saying they often pick other, fringe social issues to dig in on). So, absolutely agree. Though I am curious/have a hunch that abortion is also divisive in an ultimately negative way for the dems — appealing to “elite coastal” classes hits the nail on the head. Yes it’s poor women in red states who are at most risk of suffering, but we’ve seen time and again that they will prioritize other issues (“family values,” racism). So I worry the hyper focus on abortion rights is mainly preaching to the choir.
Anon
Abortion is very different because strong majorities support abortion rights. Dems have read the room on that right.
Anon
For the popular vote, yes they’ve read the room. For the swing state vote, I’m not so sure…I hope I’m wrong and it’s a landslide!
Anon
I feel like Ds lose it at the margins even on abortion. It’s easy to allow at 12-20 weeks. At 40 weeks, how hard is it to say “this is hard and very close to infanticide but I feel that we need to trust women and their doctors here” vs just insisting that 40 weeks is JUST LIKE 12? I feel that it goes down hard the way it’s done.
Anonymous
@ Anon 10:07 What you are describing is not a real situation. There is literally nowhere in the entire country that you can get a 40 week abortion of a healthy baby. It’s not a thing that exists.
Canada has had literally no legal restrictions on abortion since 1988 and there are so few abortions past 12 weeks that you can’t even get third trimester abortions in Canada. You have to travel to Colorado. And even there, they are done only because of the baby’s incompatibility with life. No one is choosing to carry a healthy baby to 40 weeks and terminating for no reason.
Jezebel ran a first person story a few years ago about how difficult it was for an NYC woman to get a third trimester abortion for medical reasons in a wanted pregnancy. The process involved two separate gut wrenching trips to Colorado, a week apart. The process is horrendous on an emotional level and no one is doing it for convenience.
In my law office today, we are circulating a condolence card for a 38 year old woman who died and left behind a six month old baby and 4 older children. She chose to delay cancer treatment but I would not judge someone who decided differently. Her husband will have to raise 4 kids under 10 by himself. Thankfully he is a good dad but if he was abusive, I can easily understand why a mother might chose an 18 or 20 week abortion and cancer treatment to protect her already living children.
I hate how the GOP has gotten people to ignore real stories like 10 year olds r@ped by their stepfathers and being forced to travel out of state for abortions, and gotten people to believe fake stuff like 40 week abortions.
Anon
If Canada has no restrictions and yet people can’t get them, I don’t see what the path forward is. But pls let’s do all we can to get to 12+ weeks back.
Anonymous
People can’t get them in country because there is so little demand because issues are caught, and abortions obtained earlier. If necessary later for some reason, travel and medical care are paid for. The point was that a lack of laws does not mean a proliferattion of late term abortions, if anything it makes them very rare. Almost no abortions after 18 weeks or so are for anything other than medical reasons. How long do you think someone needs to walk around with a dying baby in their belly if you ban that entirely? You don’t think that’s a special form of emotional torture?
Anonymous
Anon at 10:07 — either you are are a bot (likely) or are very, very ignorant. THERE IS NO SUCH THING AS A 40-WEEK ABORTION.
Everyone — EVERYONE — stop with the “abortions at 40 weeks” bullsh*t. I won’t go into it, but there is a long, very racist and antisemitic trope of “bad people killing babies” that emerges from the Middle Ages, and that’s what this is. It’s an old tactic, and it’s vicious. Stop repeating it.
Anonymous
Anon at 10:07 — either you are are a bot (likely) or are very, very ignorant.
Everyone — EVERYONE — stop with the “abortions at 40 weeks” bullsh*t. I won’t go into it, but there is a long, very racist and antisemitic trope of “bad people killing babies” that emerges from the Middle Ages, and that’s what this is. It’s an old tactic, and it’s vicious. Stop repeating it.
Anon
No one is having an abortion at 40 weeks. Full, hard stop. Please do not engage with an extremist talking point that Dems want or allow infanticide.
I’m due in 2 days. I can’t imagine anyone who has carried a child and suffered the health consequences would actually believe people elect to go through that for funsies to then seek an abortion at the 11th hour.
Anon
I feel strongly that sports are one the best, most transformative, and meaningful experiences and thus that everyone, at all levels, should have the ability to compete.
So, trans individuals should get that opportunity. But also, girls and women should be able to compete on a level playing field.
I don’t know the solution, but that’s my thought.
Anon
The solution is converting the men’s division to an open division where anybody can compete, while leaving the women’s division as it is. It’s the only solution I’ve ever heard that protects women’s rights and gives everyone a chance to compete fairly.
Anon
Ok, but where it breaks down for me is thinking some people have a right to *win*. How many people are going to race/play at such elite levels that competing against a trans woman in middle or high school (and possibly losing) matters one bit? It’s like the myriad parents who obsesses because surely it’s THEIR kid who will get the scholarship and turn pro.
If we’re talking about the Olympics, maybe I can see the argument…but at every level below that I really don’t care where trans women compete. Sports should largely be about the journey and bettering your own self.
Anon
No, competitive sports have ALWAYS been about winning. Anyone who wants to play in a neighborhood fun league can do so, but women have and deserve the same rights as men to pursue winning, competition, and excellence, as well as all the life lessons obtained in the pursuit of those goals, in competitive sports in school, college, and professional arenas.
Anon
How is that fair to men? They don’t get a league but everyone else does?
Anon
At my kids’ school, most teams past 6th grade makes cuts, so a girl competing with a trans girl will likely lose out on a slot in the team if going by the metrics. It’s not just scholarships, it’s participation at very early levels, especially on basketball where only 5-10 kids really get playing time. Ditto volleyball where you have a clear likely height advantage.
You can also see how trans boys would never make a team with born boys in it. Only things like shooting would truly be neutral. IDK what the answer is but it shouldn’t be disadvantaging people born girls.
Anonymous
Anon @ 9:46, it’s not about any individual woman’s having the right to win, it’s about women’s having a fair playing field so that some woman, whoever she is, CAN win. The purpose of women’s sports is not to make a place where people who identify as women feel that they belong. It’s to provide an opportunity for biological women, whose biology is systematically different from men’s, to compete on a level playing field. When you add in people with biological advantages from being born male or from taking male hormones, there is no point to having a women’s division at all.
Anon 9:46
But as the poster below alludes to, how often does this come up? How many girls are really “disadvantaged” by trans women (below the Olympic/elite level)?
And on the point of getting cut from the team, that happens for all sorts of reasons anyway, often reasons that are not strictly based on ability. Life is not fair, and personally I don’t waste any time worrying that my daughters will “lose out” to a trans woman (who has suffered a lot more challenges than my kids will.) I am almost surprised I’m typing this, as I am a moderate who leans conservative, but I disagree with people claiming sports are structured to reward sheer ability anyway. (They are mired in politics and favoritism at every level…)
Now, if we’re talking about gender fluidity as a fad in high school, with kids changing their pronouns on a whim, I wholeheartedly support birth-sex restrictions.
Anonymous
Democrats have taken vastly unpopular and not very nuanced positions on gender affirming care and on gender in sports. We say we are the party that follows the science, but in those areas we have been taking absolute positions that aren’t supported by the data.
Anon
On any issue where there is broad consensus, Ds will pick a fringe or outlier aspect of it as the hill they want to die on and then they will die on it.
Youth sports? Find a third way.
Abortion? Start with 12-20 weeks allowed. Don’t go for 40 or bust because we saw how that ended.
We automated fast food (or make the customers do the work) but for shipyard workers, they can’t be touched?
Anon
Would it be that hard to acknowledge on this issue, that there is unfairness? In a no-contact sport like swimming, you have locker room issues and who is in the podium. Being on a team might be possible, but different than for other women and girls. But if it isn’t a no-cut sport, it can limit opportunities in a way that with competitive ranking tends to disadvantage born women and girls. I’d like for everyone to have an opportunity, but it doesn’t feel fair if it’s all just dumped on the women to accommodate this. And yet the other side is no “open” divisions and everyone is a bigot. Is there no third way? It has become only my way or the highway.
Anon
This all seems so theoretical to me. I have three girls who have been in travel volleyball and we’ve been doing this for a dozen years. We have traveled all over the country for tournaments and this has never been an issue. I’ve had trolls tell me I am a bad mother for not being worried about some 6’5″ trans woman smashing volleyballs in my daughters’ faces. There are plenty of tall cis girls smashing volleyballs at my daughters. Where are these hypothetical threats?
Anonymous
The fair, inclusive way is to offer a division for people who have female genes AND female hormones, and an open division for everyone else. People who identify as male but are physically female and have not taken male hormones would be welcome to compete in the female division.
Anonymous
One of these “hypothetical threats” is a child born a boy who took a middle school tennis team slot away from a girl in our school district. The child should have competed against other biological males for a slot on the boys’ team, not against girls. Yes, there are cuts in girls’ middle school tennis here.
Anon
It’s not at all hypothetical. A website that tracks these issues has recorded men and boys placing first in women’s competitions at least 2,900 times and top 3 almost 5,000 times. They’ve won over $1.6M in prize money meant for women and hold 110 national records and 27 world records.
Don’t tell us this doesn’t happen.
Anon
I think part of the reason people can’t come to an agreement on a fair way forward is that many people who are against transwomen participating in women’s sports continue to misgender them by calling them boys or men. If they would acknowledge that a trans girl or transwoman is not a boy or a man, we could have a rational conversation about fairness in sports (the supposed actual issue) without dehumanizing others. Insisting on intentionally biased language makes me think that this is more about bigotry than fairness.
Anonymous
I think there should be separate categories and opportunities outside of traditional women’s sports. It’s not the same, but when you think about Special Olympics, it grew out of a desire to have outlets for athletes who are differently abled, so that they could compete without others having unfair advantage. It seems like a separate track like this should exist to take the high-performing athletes who maybe don’t fit in standard womens or mens categories. Just sending everyone to mens doesn’t adequately address the needs of those born female. I think Republicans have co-opted this topic. There are very few democrats I know IRL who think the answer is to just group everyone in women’s sports. The irony is that any sort of accommodation is considered a “snowflake” issue–like they’re not going to be happy either way.
Frankly, I think there are so many other key issues with very clear policy differences between candidates, that this doesn’t feel like the hill to die on right now.
gut check
“I’d like for everyone to have an opportunity, but it doesn’t feel fair if it’s all just dumped on the women to accommodate this. ” this is where my gut is too. I thought it was all a right wing witch-hunt until a former classmate transitioned and started posting about how proud she was to place in a bunch of races. I’m happy for her transition, that’s she’s out and proud, but c’mon! that one just really pissed me off. How many women were bleeding, nursing, pregnant during that race or while training? There was a non binary option in a local marathon this weekend with equal prize money, separate results, I have no problem with that.
Anonymous
I don’t think it’s about “misgendering.” It’s about basic fairness and biology and misogyny.
Anon
Post a non gift link so those of us who subscribe can see what you’re talking about.
Ohio
I found the article interesting. I live in Ohio and have been watching a multi-season show on Hulu (with ads) for a month now. A couple episodes a week. I see that Sherrod Brown transgender vote ad at least three times in each 30 minute episode. DH and I have it memorized! (And we laugh because it’s always followed by a commercial for “Hims” hair or ED supplements.) I also hear a similar “he’s too liberal for Ohio” ad on the radio daily. It is insane. It’s like it’s the only issue in the Ohio senate race. I have not seen/heard any pro-Sherrod ads during my limited TV watching this last month.
Nesprin
It’s fascinating how once again according to the WSJ there’s mainline issues and then there’s women’s issues. There’s mainline issues and then fringe minority rights issues. As though human rights for well over half the population is “a special interest issue”.
Spain in April
Hi all, I have just booked 7 days in Spain (flying in and out of Madrid) in April for my family, including a 6 year old and an 8 year old. Would love tips and ideas for places to stay and things to do! I’m tentatively thinking 2 nights in Madrid, train to Seville, 4 nights there, then train back to Madrid for the night before we leave. We live in a city so are comfortable with public transportation and would prefer not to rent a car, but I’m also very open to an agritourism stay or something along those lines if anyone has recommendations for things off the beaten path, or other places we should go. Thanks for your thoughts!
Anonymous
Is it your firt trip to Spain?
If you want to visit Andalusia (as it seems) then you can do day trips from Seville to Granada and Cordoba.
If you want to visit Spain from Madrid you can do day trips to Toledo, Segovia, Avila or Alcalá de Henares. With the hight speed train in 3 hours you can be in Valencia or Barcelona in the mediterranean coast or to Oviedo/Gijon in the north or Leon in Castilla. Then you would have an idea what the country is about.
My recomendation always are Granada, Salamanca and San Sebastian.
Anon
I cannot believe that nuts are threatening FEMA workers trying to help impacted communities. Such a shame.
Anon
It is so ironic to me that where there is no cell service and no Wifi and no water and no electricity, this garbage circulates so freely and finds traction. And yet, the real heroes will be municipal workers (hopefully people know that you repair water mains starting closer to the source and work out from there) and electrical line workers (and yes, FEMA), but there was chatter online yesterday about how government workers took yesterday off when all of the power/water restoration people have been working multiple shifts since the storm came through.
Anon
It honestly scares me that this type of behavior has become so normalized that there is not a nationwide outraged reaction condemning it.
Anon
Agreed.
Anon
I’m not scared but I am very very very angry.
Anon
Agreed. Scared and angry. I live in NC (in Charlotte, but visited the mountains all the time and have family there) and it’s embarrassing.
Anon
This is why we need actual reporters, people who will rent an RV, get Starlink, and talk to people on the ground.
Anon
People are off the deep end. A friend of a friend called me a racist n-zi yesterday because I agreed with my friend that a Trump presidency would be worse for Gazans than a Harris presidency. Like obviously this person is delusional, but when did it become ok to go off on someone like that in a public setting?
Anon
A friend of mine works for FEMA in the crews that go door to door registering people for assistance.
She works 12 hours a day, 7 days a week until the disaster is done (usually at least 30 days straight without a day off), out on her feet, in the elements.
She’s away from home, away from her family and friends for months every year doing this work. The lodging and food situation really varies (can be fine, can totally suck).
She does all of this to help people. And then they get attacked and threatened.
anon anon
We are seeing the fruits of longstanding disinformation campaigns.
You know who thrives in chaos and terrible situations? Strongmen leaders who convince people that things are terrible and I ALONE CAN FIX IT.
This is not a coincidence. This is the path we are on.
Anon
I am trying to eat more protein for health reasons. I know a lot of people here are getting 100g+. Question, how do you do it? My issue is that once I go above 70g or so a day I start getting too full (I am pretty small to begin with). So for example if I have 30g of protein at breakfast and 40g of protein at lunch, I won’t want to eat dinner.
Annony
I am one of the people who is eating more protein for health reasons. I have the same problem you do. I’d like to eat .7-.8 grams per pound of body weight per day, but I also get full. I weigh 150 pounds and am happy with my weight, but that means I need to eat 105 to 120 grams of protein per day. I get 100 grams per day. And I only get there because I do at least one protein drink that’s protein powder plus water that gives me 25 grams and isn’t that filling.
If you’re pretty small, are you sure you need 100 grams per day?
Kitchen Remodel
Protein dense foods, which include egg whites, meat (lean chicken and fish are awesome), seitan (“wheat meat”), protein powder, and greek yogurt are all great sources and are protein dense, so you get more protein with less food.
I’m not sure what those meals look like for you, but if you’re eating a lot of volume of lower density protein foods (which are good for you! like fruits and veggies), it could be one of the reasons you feel very full.
Also – if you’re only eating 1200 calories a day, it’s just going to be harder to get that volume of protein.
Secondhand
Listen to your body
Anon
Cottage Cheese
Fish fresh
Tuna, or any canned fish
BeenThatGuy
The easiest way for me to get in all my protein in a day is to drink it. Fairlife makes a decent bottled protein shake with 42 grams of protein.
Anon
Yeah, I gave up and started drinking shakes. I still can’t get to 100. I don’t eat meat (I do eat fish) but I just can’t get it all down. I do love smoked salmon on salad. There is a brand called Fishwife that is so good but crazy expensive. I just bought canned smoked salmon at Trader Joe’s and am hoping it tastes as good.
Anonymous
I think the 100g recommendation is for like a 150-lb woman, not a 115-lb one.
Anonymous
Sneaky idea: I use a protein shake as coffee creamer. Even if I only drink half of it, it’s 15g.
Winter
Genius!
Anon
When I do I have to eat some sort of protein frankenfood. I’m not sure it’s really worth it so I’ve dialed back.
Anon
Your protein goal should be based off your weight. I hit 140g easily and regularly, but I probably weigh more than you.
Anon
I eat 1200 calories a day and can get 120 g a day pretty easily.
An Oikos yogurt and fair life milk put me at 45 g for breakfast. Then I prioritize protein at each meal. Yesterday I had a little pasta with a lot of chicken. For dinner I had a simple steak salad with a bit of rice.
Yesterday I actually got 140 g of protein but I am in actively trying to gain muscle and lose weight. Also before anyone comes at me about 1200 calories being too low I am short and had a dexa scan. 1200 cals is losing 1 lb per week.
Examples, please
Would you be willing to provide more detailed examples of your meals? Because I’m aiming for 1450 calories and usually hit 80-90 grams of protein, and I’ve added meat back into my diet for this. I’m having trouble getting higher than that unless one of my three meals is a can of tuna, and I…just don’t want to do that every day. :)
Anon
Not the anon you asked examples from but here’s some of my basics: half scoop of protein powder blended with my coffee (13 g), Oikios triple zero yogurt (15 g) sometimes mixed with half scoop of protein power for another 15 g, 1 cup egg whites from carton (30g), 4 ounces of chicken breast over a salad (35g), individual tuna packet (17 g), salmon or beef at dinner, Fairlife milk over regular. If I am craving crackers or chips I look for the high protein variety (Quest) but mainly try to stick to real foods and just add an extra ounce or two and that usually does it. I eat a lot of the same meals and that works well for me.
Anon
notice how you mention zero fruits and vegetables.
OP – there are not lots of women on this site or anywhere eating 100g+ of protein a day.
Anon
Yes I eat similarly.
Normally one protein drink in the morning and then just prioritize lean meat in lunch and dinner. Chicken, fish, canned tuna and even some steak like I had again last night for dinner.
The poster above didn’t mention fruits and vegetables because they’re inconsequential to the protein goal she’s illustrating. It’s easy to add some fruit and veg for minimal calories and all my meals include that.
Anon
If I were full I wouldn’t force myself to eat more protein. But I do need to “make room” for protein by eating less of something else.
Anon
Protein drinks
Anon
Honestly these goals are not realistic or necessary for most women. Yes, it can be very filling and uncomfortable to eat this much protein, especially if you are trying to eat a diverse balanced diet. obviously you have to cut.
Protein shakes can also be very filling. They were originally developed for elderly and chronically ill individuals who are severely malnourished with poor appetite, and now are a trend with body builders/athletes. But giving yourself huge boluses of protein (which may not even be absorbed all at once…. it is better spread) this way is obviously very unnatural.
Sure try to cut your carbs a little and add more protein rich snacks/versions of desired foods, and drink cows milk like Fairlife. But maybe clarify with your doctor what your goals truly are and why. Wary social media.
Anon
My husband noticed dramatic benefits from protein shakes for many years. Turns out he had silent Crohn’s the whole time. Now he gets powdered formula that is honestly pretty similar!
Anon
Research supports this protein intake, especially as we get older.
https://onlinelibrary.wiley.com/doi/10.1002/jcsm.12922
Anon
I wish studies would control for common GI complications of aging like low stomach acid.
Anon
Protein shakes are not “huge boluses of protein.” Many are around 20g of protein, which is about the equivalent of 2 oz of chicken breast. Even for the 42g protein shake mentioned above, that’s the equivalent of 4.5 oz of chicken breast. Calling that dosage “huge” is misleading and fear-mongery.
Anon
you are missing the point. your GI system is less likely to digest and absorb the protein all at once. it is better spread.
yes, I’m sure we were designed to all be drinking highly processed supradosed vitamin protein shakes daily.
Anon
I mean, we are mammals. We are very literally designed to drink protein beverages at least as infants.
Anon B
I’m on the market for a small but luxurious crossbody bag. Any suggestions for a beautiful one that doesn’t have obvious logos and is more on the brown or beige side than black? Budget up to $3k.
anon
loewe
Anon
Frank Clegg
Anonymous
I have the Mulberry Iris and really like it.
Anon
I’m dreaming of a Strathberry bag. Well within your budget.
Anon
Totem makes some beautiful bags – check out the T lock clutch (if you’re short it can be worn cross body) and the new belt bag. Also look at Khaite Lina bag and Longchamp Le Foulonné (<$400 but quite nice quality for the price).
Anon
Loewe puzzle, it’s my dream bag.
Not op
I just got the Mulberry Pimlico and they have a lot of other small bags. I recommend ordering from Nordstrom as Mulberry customer service is not the best, but the bags are amazing.
Anonymous
I think there should be separate categories and opportunities outside of traditional women’s sports. It’s not the same, but when you think about Special Olympics, it grew out of a desire to have outlets for athletes who are differently abled, so that they could compete without others having unfair advantage. It seems like a separate track like this should exist to take the high-performing athletes who maybe don’t fit in standard womens or mens categories. Just sending everyone to mens doesn’t adequately address the needs of those born female. I think Republicans have co-opted this topic. There are very few democrats I know IRL who think the answer is to just group everyone in women’s sports. The irony is that any sort of accommodation is considered a “snowflake” issue–like they’re not going to be happy either way.
Frankly, I think there are so many other key issues with very clear policy differences between candidates, that this doesn’t feel like the hill to die on right now.
Kat
degrimm bags – handmade in france. incredible quality.
Secondhand
Where would you all recommend looking to get a sense of what are trendy “looks” that are appropriate for a late-30s with an office job? I mean like a variety of outfits that show good and on-trend combinations, not like this site where a single piece per day is highlighted and people often comment on how weirdly styled the model is.
Would looking at particular stores’ websites be a good strategy? I was thinking browsing Ann Taylor or Banana Republic just to see how they style the models/pieces, and then I could buy things that seem to work for me, but not sure if even having those stores in mind just shows how hopelessly dowdy and clueless I am. I have a terrible eye so really looking for a guide I can easily copy+paste to myself.
Anonymous
I like the Veronica Beard styling. I can’t afford their pieces, but I look at their social media posts to see what to buy elsewhere and how to style it.
Anon
I use instagram a lot for inspiration on trends/styling. Net-a-porter styling is great for inspiration and then you can find pieces at lower price points. Also +1 for Veronica Beard.
Anon
Instagram.
Shoe
But who and how do you know who is good? I have no ability to discern which IG accounts look good and on trend and which are just as badly dressed as I am.
Anon
seeannajane
nicolecassidystyling
thenewyorkstylist
9to5chic
letsgetdressed_kc
alexlambstyle
thenyblonde
shea_mcgee
mcba_style
brooklynblonde1
maryorton
+follow brands you like
Shoe
Brands I like are probably wrong/ugly/awkward so was hoping to get a read on what brands are good – is AT and BR ok?
pinata
I don’t really instagram so I don’t have opinions on these particular pages, but one thing I would particularly look for is an account that features a variety of brands, and not one that has, say, a partnership with Ann Taylor and 75% of their looks are from that store. Alternatively, you could poke through these accounts, and take screenshots of things you like, then try to recreate them from stores that sell within your price range (whatever that is).
Also, not what you asked, but I think the single best way to accomplish upping your style a few notches is to book an appointment with a Nordstrom personal stylist. I always end up with pieces I love and wear for years.
Anon
That’s kind of a you issue, it takes being observant. Look around at your office and street style and see what resonates for you. There’s not going to be a verified stylish notation and style is also personal and individual.
Shoe
I appreciate it. My taste is bad/ugly, so I’m trying to get away from what resonates for me. :)
Anon
I doubt it! You like what you like. Seriously look at what you gravitate to and then see if someone does it a little bit better. For an instant upgrade, buy the bigger size and get details tailored.
Anon
Shoe! Don’t be so hard on yourself. You like what you like. I would bet my entire bank account that there’s some element of what you like that’s trendy enough to be passable these days. You don’t have to dress like a runway model or anything in order to look current. Scroll through the IGs mentioned above to see which ones you like. Scroll through the hashtags to find others who are similar. I believe in you!
Secondhand
Thank you, that’s really nice :)
NaoNao
Ann Taylor and BR are fine. They’re middle of the road, bland, perfectly correct office wear for the most part. They aren’t trendy per se, but they’re very safe. I think one can style them a bit on the dowdy side and one can style them up in a more trendy manner too. I very rarely see “ugly” items at those stores, but again, they’re not going to have people dropping their coffee cup to snap a pic of your outfit. :P
Nordstrom’s website shows style suggestions, as does ThredUp, if you click into individual garments. That might be a possible way to start. Take a look at the *category* of items they’re recommending matches with, like “oh, I see this midi skirt is being styled with a chunky mid calf boot” or “these straight leg jeans are being paired with street sneakers in a bright pop of color” stuff like that.
Anon
Nordstrom styling is pretty bad IMO.
Anon
So when I was figuring this out for myself I checked out a few style books at the library. They were all dated but helped me start thinking about looks, style, colors, in a different and more critics way. Then I was able to start evaluating what other people were wearing and what was on offer.
Maybe start at the library. It’s free.
Secondhand
That’s a really nice suggestion, I love the library
Anonymous
I’m wearing Ann Taylor right now, but it’s not trendy. For trendy office clothes, I would look at Aritzia, Abercrombie, and Veronica Beard. If you live near a Nordstrom, they also have a section with Veronica Beard, Theory, and “cool” office wear brands.
Anonymous
It’s hard, especially if your body has changed from kids/aging in a corporate type role. For myself, I look around at the women around me or in nearby offices and try to see who looks more like me and who of those people stand out to me (ie if you don’t look like a model, don’t look at the twenty something modelish women who often make anything look good). I’m more likely to wear something I’ve seen around me than more extreme fashions. If you pay attention, you can notice colors and silhouettes changing. I’d just try to copy the more stylish women around me, and find that kind of outfit at stores I already like. Nordstroms often has versions of whatever is popular so you can find something similar to start with online.
anon sequitur
Our team has a hybrid schedule and we have a weekly meeting on a day when everyone but me is in the office, so I’m the only one who has to Zoom in every time (although there is often another team member or two who’s WFH or on the road). I hate it and want to propose going back to making it entirely on Zoom–there are regular audio issues, Zoom attendees can never see everyone sitting at the conference table, and cross-talk conversations of the type that often happen when any group of people exist in one physical space are inaudible and distracting. Am I being unreasonable or is this the nature of hybrid work in 2024?
Anon
I would come into the office on that day personally.
Anon
Same.
Anon
Same. If you’re the party of one, go in. You have no leverage to ask that everyone else follow your desires.
Anonymous
+1 OP should go into the office on that day.
Anon
A lot of workplaces have “one person remote, everyone remote” policies for zoom meetings for the reasons you describe. I’ve encountered the same issue and I’m much prefer zoom meetings because it’s way easier to hear everybody, to share materials, and to make sure everyone has a chance to speak up.
Anecdata
I think it’s a “know your office” – I’ve only encountered “one remote, all remote” at offices that are intentionally remote-first or /very/ committed to hybrid. Agree that combo- meetings are much harder to do than all-in-person or all-on-zoom but ime most offices that still offer hybrid are running on an implicit “default in-person” assumption. If being on Zoom is impeding your work, it would be out of touch to ask the in person folks to switch, unless you’re very sure your company prioritizes remote
Anon
So everyone else has to sit at their desks on Zoom with a dozen people who are few feet away? That doesn’t make sense. Just email the meeting organizer and tell them that the cross talk makes it hard to hear.
Anon
Take it from me, that will result in absolutely no change.
Anonymous
Take it from us, neither will you making a fuss about this.
Anon
+1000000
Anonymous
Can you switch your day or can the meeting switch? It seems kind of unfair to make everyone else try to change to accommodate you. Otherwise, I would try to address the issues of audio or cross talk individually.
anonshmanon
It’s a pretty big ask. If you really can’t switch your wfh day to attend the meeting in person, I’d rather try and work with IT to get better mics and tech into the meeting room.
Discussing in person, including occasional crosstalk, body language etc, has a lot of value.
Anonymous
Why aren’t you going in on the day everyone else is when you know you have a meeting everyone else attends in person? Why do you think they should all sit alone in their offices instead of meeting in person? This ask would not be well received in my office at all, and we are generally pretty chill.
Cat
can you switch your days? the day when everyone is in the office would make it by far the highest bang-for-buck ‘worth the commute’ day for me.
Anon
To be honest I make a point to come into the office on the day of our meeting and I would be pretty salty if someone shut it down because they can’t attend. Seeing people face to face in a round table style discussion is valuable to me in a way no zoom meeting will ever be. I would suggest attending in person or working with IT for better sound.
Shoe
IMO that request would be unreasonable. If you choose to dial into an in person meeting, you’re taking the risk of the issues you describe. Particularly if everyone else has come in to be in person. You’re asking them to give up the benefits of meeting in person just for you.
anon
well said
Anon
+1
anon
Yes, I’d be very irritated if I’d planned my hybrid schedule to be in person for this meeting and we all had to do it on zoom for one person. OP, if there’s any way you can adjust your schedule so you’re in office on this day, that’s the solution.
Anon
You are the unreasonable one. Go in when everyone else does. Change your schedule.
anon sequitur
Thanks for the feedback, all. I will mention the cross-chatter when becomes too hard to hear live, but otherwise drop it. To be clear–we are all in the office one day a week, when our Big Meeting happens. This meeting was started so our team could prep for the Big Meeting. I need to be in the office on other days for coverage when other colleagues WFH, so I can’t go in person for this meeting without giving up a day of WFH myself. If it’s a choice between that and audio issues, I’ll take the audio issues.
FWIW, the Big Meeting is now permanently remote even though 75% of its attendees are taking the call from their offices. Our broader unit has had some growth and now we can’t all fit in the conference room…and also this meeting needed to accommodate other teams’ differing hybrid schedules.
anon
Agree with all of the comments above. I love how all of us are on consensus on an issue for once!
Anon
I had Hoarders up in the background while WFH yesterday. It was so motivating to sort through things (inherited clutter after my mom died and I became her executor). I lived out of state for most of my adult life, so visits home were for socializing and joy. I should have found some hours to offer to bring documents to the shredder (10 years of paid phone bills, but from back when your SS# was your account number) and to the dump / donation pile (20+ good winter coats in all of the sizes she had ever been). Also, paper clutter is the devil in a rural area. Paper comes in and if you have to drive out your trash, you just get the food garbage taken care of if you get elderly. Kicking myself a bit about this now, but a fire has been lit underneath me. [Parents weren’t legit hoarders, but struggled with the volume of stuff in a home of 30+ years. They would have struggled to downsize until the end forced this upon me. I wish I had helped make it less bad.]
Anon
I helped clear out the home of a relative who moved to assisted-living and while she was not a hoarder in the strict sense, her declining cognitive ability led to what was becoming close to a dangerous hoarding situation. She very badly wanted to get rid of a lot of her clutter but simply couldn’t execute it anymore. The second I got home from that trip, even though I was exhausted, I tackled a lot of stuff in our house too. I simply refuse to let my living space become overrun with ancient calendars, boxes of plastic crap from Marshalls, clothes that were out of style 20 years ago, and more. It weighs people down, literally and figuratively, and I’ve seen just how bad it can get – and my relative’s place wasn’t THAT bad compared to many!
Anon
I don’t have this problem with my parents (they throw everything out and keep a very clean house) but I have a dear friend 20 years my senior who plans to leave her home to me. She has a large house and sooo much clutter. I know I can’t say anything now, but I dread the day I have to go through it all.
Runcible Spoon
Legit question: Is it necessary to shred papers that have the SSN of a deceased relative? Isn’t identity theft sort of not an issue once they are gone? Or do we need to continue to shred so that imposters won’t assume their identity? Do we care, once the “principal” is no longer here? Just trying to sort out whether there are good/obvious reasons for shredding to continue after death.
Anon
I have hoarder parents and it’s driving me crazy but I cannot seem to help them. When I visit for about a week at a time, I will put completely unused trash/clutter into boxes and put them out for garbage pickup, only to discover on my next visit that they literally brought everything back into their home after I left. They do not “see” the mess and, in fact, after I’m there for a couple of days, I start getting used to seeing piles of stuff everywhere. They have at least 3 rooms that you cannot physically walk into the middle of the room because there’s stuff everywhere. They live a good upper middle class life and they travel and they are mentally together, but they consider buying stuff as a hobby and they cannot throw anything away ever. My kids and I hate staying with them because the clutter is crazy and the kitchen pantry has flies and bugs from rotting food. Any suggestions are welcome.
been there
You can’t change someone who isn’t ready for change, especially for something like hoarding, which is so tough to overcome. But, you can control yourself and your choices (like inviting them to visit you instead of going to them, or some variation of that). Best to do what you need to do to preserve your goodwill toward your parents and not feel resentful.
anon
Thank you for posting this. I appreciate this perspective and will try not to dwell on this issue since it’ll only ruin the relationship I have with them.
Anonymous
Are we just going to ignore that he stood there swaying to music for 20 minutes like that? That is not normal in any way, shape or form. I don’t care what your politics are. It’s horrifying that this isn’t getting attention. If this were my dad, I’d be taking his keys. Something is drastically wrong there.
Anonymous
Nothing matters it never has
Anon
Agreed. If he shot someone on 5th Avenue, it wouldn’t matter (to his supporters).
Anon
yup. I don’t really understand why he gets a pass to basically do whatever he wants. everyone else is held to a high standard, except for him.
Anon NYC
Because his supporters don’t just support him, they worship him. He is like god and can do no wrong. They’re brainwashed.
anonymous
This dog won’t hunt while Vice President Harris lied for years (and continues to lie!) about President Biden’s cognitive condition. In fact, she alone has an ongoing duty to invoke the 25th Amendment.
Trump is deranged and unfit (obviously), but the age, cognition, mental fitness, etc. angle isn’t the answer under these circumstances.
Anonymous
Where are Trump’s medical records??? Something is different. This isn’t normal even for him.
Anecdata
eh I am 0% a trump fan, and I certainly hope he doesn’t win – but I think it’s been clear for a very long time that he enjoys the feeling of adulation and is much more interested in being a celebrity than being president. This feels like more of the same to me, not a game changing, “he’s losing his mind” moment.
Anonymous
Thirty-nine minutes.
Meanwhile, people leaving.
Let that sink in.
Prior said he would release his medical records and now isn’t.
Anonymous
Wild that it was okay to assail Biden’s health status but we all have to pretend like Trump is the same as 4 years ago. Something is clearly not right with his health. Even compared to 6 months ago, Trump is way way less coherent.
Anon
Come on, Biden never did anything nearly this demented.
Anonymous
Huh? Is there a link or something?
Anonymous
https://www.nytimes.com/2024/10/14/us/politics/trump-town-hall-dj-music.html?unlocked_article_code=1.SU4.m0D2.N8gJxF–4QVY&smid=url-share
Anon
Yeah. What are you referring to? I sway to music?
Anon
The issue is that he did it for 30 minutes during what was supposed to be a town hall where he was supposed to be taking questions from the audience.
Anon
40 minutes actually (well, 39 according to WaPo)
Anonymous
More detail and links: https://people.com/donald-trump-town-hall-plays-music-39-minutes-8728085
Anon
Sadly I think he has the election in the bag.
Anon
Did Biden’s cognitive decline matter at any point right up until the debate?
Anonymous
Cognitive fitness should always matter. Are you serious?
Anon
Prime whataboutism. Biden is no longer running for exactly this reason. Do you really think Trump is fit to be president? I don’t.
Anon
I love Heather Cox Richardson’s daily Letters from an American newsletter for her analysis of things like this.
anonymous
There were 2 medical issues going on in the crowd that he was waiting for doctors to take care of. He stops everything when someone in the crowd is hurt.
Anon
wow you’re in deep, huh. Sad!
Anonymous
To…play YMCA louder? C’mon.
https://people.com/donald-trump-town-hall-plays-music-39-minutes-8728085
Runcible Spoon
Actually, no he doesn’t. Face it, cutting off the questions and standing there for over 30 minutes while a succession of songs were played (some, repeatedly) is unprecedented, odd, and not auspicious, to put it mildly. Seriously, what is wrong with him and his supporters who are trying to gaslight others by ignoring how abnormal this is? He’s not “just joking,” vamping, being ironic, or doing a “bit.” He is showing us who he is — believe it.
Anon
Calm down. I have been at large events with a medical emergency; everyone just waits around.
Anonymous
Calm down? I’m not the person you are responding to. But that’s the potential leader of the free world behaving like a loon. This was not normal in any way whatsoever.
I’ve been to plenty of concerts and conferences where someone falls ill. That’s not at all how things go.
Alice
This lasted longer than the medical emergencies–39 minutes!
Anon
Apparently, there was a medical emergency and he was letting the EMTs do their thing.
Our media are trash.
Anonymous
And he didn’t answer more than four questions. And asked for the music to be turned up higher and requested a faster paced song. That’s not merely “letting EMTs” do their thing.
The gaslighting here is ridiculous.
Can you imagine what we would be hearing if Kamala were just up their dancing for nearly 40 MINUTES?
And this is following the last few weeks of him only taking questions from conservative media and frequently rambling into nonsense. After going against his early statement that he would release his medical records before people began voting.
Dalia
But how does it help the EMTs to stop taking questions in a forum meant for question taking and playing music for 40 minutes? I’m genuinely confused at what the point is to do this, even assuming it’s true.
Runcible Spoon
It doesn’t take more than 30 minutes for EMTs to do their thing. This was Trump getting fatigued and bored with the whole campaign process and making this choice, and everyone around him indulging and catering to his ridiculous babyish behavior, as if he were the emperor wearing no clothes. It astounds me that this election is reportedly so close.
Runcible Spoon
And may I add, this behavior indicates that he is impatient and just wants the crown handed over so we can get on with the coronation already.. He and his people are very dangerous to the American experiment. This election is a choice between President Harris or King Trump.
Anon
Yes, we are going to ignore things that are not newsworthy.
Colette
My wife is about to have our third kid.
I’d like to get her a piece of non-cheese jewelry to commemorate them.
Any specific suggestions?
Etsy is overwhelming and I’m now deluged with targeted ads that are a bit grim.
She generally likes delicate silver jewelry. I would ideally like to keep it at $1,000 or less but could be convinced to go over.
Thanks!
Colette
*Non-cheesey
Lily
I’ve heard good things about Haverhill for this type of jewelry.
Anon
A birthstone necklace?
Cat
For non-cheesy I would avoid one of those necklaces with charms with kid initials, birthstones, etc. and just go with a three-stone design. Something like this? A bit over $1000 but you can probably find similar at a lower price point.
https://www.tiffany.com/jewelry/necklaces-pendants/elsa-peretti-diamonds-by-the-yard-necklace-27463851/?omcid=ppc_google_TIFFANY_WJ_USA_NOBRID_FJW_MEDIUM_OGOING_EC_PEMA_GPMA_CRD_ENG_USD_N_FeedTest&mkwid=%7Cpcrid%7C%7Cpkw%7C%7Cpmt%7C%7Cpdv%7Cc%7Cmtid%7C744dpc50313%7Cslid%7C%7Cproductid%7C%7Ctargetids%7C%7Cgroupid%7C%7C&gad_source=1&gclid=EAIaIQobChMI8peiv8OQiQMVU0T_AR3umBFeEAQYASABEgIVPfD_BwE&gclsrc=aw.ds
Anon
Love this idea! I am picturing something like this:
https://www.bluenile.com/jewelry/necklaces/lab-grown-round-diamond-three-stone-pendant-in-14k-white-gold-1-ct-tw-item-201699
Anonymous
Very thoughtful of you. My husband got me a necklace with the birth month flower of our last baby. It’s more subtle than a birthstone necklace.
If you want to go the birthstone route, earrings are a nice alternative as they don’t scream ‘push present’ in the same way as a birthstone necklace or ring.
AnonLawyer
How do you know when it’s time to walk away from a “big job”? I’m an income partner in BigLaw. After several years of infertility, I’m struggling to feel motivated and our firm culture is changing (income partner used to be a stable position you could stay in for years, now we’ve received an “up or out” message). I am not at imminent risk of being pushed out (I don’t think), but I am increasingly thinking that BigLaw is not sustainable for me or my husband long term. Should I start looking for a job now (while still in the midst of infertility treatments) or should I try to hold on as long as possible, and then find a new job if and when I get pushed out?
Anonymous
IMO, if you start thinking it’s time to look, and that feeling lasts for more than a week or so (because everyone has bad weeks) and doesn’t change, then it’s time to look.
Anonymous
+1. I was in a similar situation once – I realized a job was not sustainable for me long-term but for practical reasons I wanted to ride it out for a year or so. Once I knew that for sure, things actually started escalating a little, the feeling got worse, so I looked even though the timing wasn’t right. It turned out to be absolutely the best decision, first because the place I jumped to turned out to be fantastic and second because after I resigned a senior partner I was close to told me in confidence that I actually was at much more imminent risk than I’d realized. I have a few friends and colleagues who have had very similar experiences, so now I think that when you have the feeling, often it’s telling you something.
Anon
I’d consider going in-house but that depends on how your infertility treatments are going. While you might be able to get a job and take leave, if it’s your next big move, it’s hard to make a good impression with a lot of personal issues in the way. Since you’re an income partner, I’d probably ride it out, invest a little less emotional energy into the job and move once you’ve taken mat leave and gotten the ground back under you. But if you’re years away, look now.
Way anon
I would start leaving now. Get out there at network with friends who are in house. Subscribe to linked in alerts for jobs you may be interested in. And apply for jobs. It can take a long while to get a job.
My story- I was an income partner who was pushed out. It was done because of new management in the firm and there was a pattern of pushing women out due to lack of originations. I refused to sign any release unless they paid me money (they didn’t) and the unspoken word was i would be staying till I found a job. It took about 6 months for me to find my current in house gig which I love. Those six months were brutal tho because i had to see the jerks who wanted me gone on a daily basis. But I held my head up. I was also dealing with infertility – had done two ivf cycles with my current firm and their terrible insurance. When I got to my new job with great insurance I did another cycle and had my kid at 41… just after hitting the one year mark for fmla eligibility.
Anonymous
Put your infertility needs before your career track. It is better to be there than start somewhere new and need to leave right away when you haven’t built up a reputation–unless you’re feeling truly miserable. If getting pregnant soon wasn’t in the equation, I would tell you to passively look. But you can only time so much in life.
Not nearly the same. But I stayed as a VP at a high-paying job when the culture turned ick because I wanted to be vested. Then Covid struck a few months before being vested. So I stayed again since the job market was crud–only to be let go after a year when the company wasn’t doing well. I also quit one of my first jobs with nothing lined up two weeks before Sept. 11 happened. At some point, you can drive yourself nuts with whether to stay or go, and the universe may still throw you curve balls (though hopefully nothing like national or global upheaval!
Listen to your gut. And know you’ll be fine regardless of which decision you make.
Anon
Are you financially independent?
AnonLawyer
We’re financially secure at this point. No more student loans, mortgage could be covered on a lower salary. But IVF is expensive (and at this point, never ending).
I’m thinking it makes sense to start looking, but slowly and without urgency. I think infertility needs to be my first priority still. As exhausting as that is.
Anon
FWIW, my in-house job paid for 2 rounds of IVF for me. Tech companies in particular tend to be lavish with infertility benefits, but many companies provide coverage. Something for you to consider as you look around.
Anon
Also, I’m sorry. My in-house job paid for two rounds of IVF, but we were also a much longer story than those two rounds would suggest. It is hard, especially when dealing with the stresses of work, as well. Just sending love and support.
Anon
I always tell people that being an income partner is the absolute worst position to be in. You are not going to get lock-step raises like associates, you are not going to be making the big bucks like equity partner, and you are going to have to do all the things that equity partners dangle over you as carrots – business development, client work, mentoring associates, firm committee, and other non-billable work.
The best thing for me was to go to a small firm where I could be equity partner within 2 years’ time. That was the deal offered because another equity partner was planning to retire in that timeframe, so they weren’t worried about how much of a book I could bring over to the firm (which turned out to be more than expected). My small firm allows me to get paid more than I was making as income partner at BigLaw because the overhead is way smaller (only one office, we have fewer legal assistants, etc.) AND spend more time with my kids.
I also experienced infertility while working at BigLaw and became pregnant shortly after leaving. I spend a minute sad that I won’t be able to get a huge, paid leave like I would have at the bigger firm, but that feeling went away when I realized that long-term, my current law firm will enable me to better balance my career and kids.
Once you land somewhere great – another firm or in-house – you will look back and wonder why you didn’t leave earlier!
Anon
I just found out I’m pregnant and am, all of a sudden, convinced that I made a terrible choice and am not meant to be a mom. I’m mid-30, married, and am in a good place, financially and professionally, to have a child. My husband I made the decision to quit birth control after months of careful deliberation.
Now that I’m pregnant, I feel as though I made a terrible mistake. I don’t want to be pregnant. I can’t imagine being a mom. I don’t want to give up my current DINK lifestyle. I’ve cried every single day about this. I don’t know how I got such a major life decision so wrong. Did anyone else feel this way? Did it change over time? Any advice?
Anon
I would suggest giving it a little time to consider (if only to get accustomed to the hormonal changes, which begin immediately – and you said you just found out), but if you decide you don’t want to be pregnant anymore, you don’t have to be. It’s OK to change your mind and to know your limits. Sometimes what we picture/plan for isn’t the same when we encounter the reality.
Anon OP
Thank you. I am definitely considering the full range of options available to me. You are right – I need to figure out if this a short term, initial reaction (as others have suggested) or if this os something bigger.
Anon
Think about why you decided to discontinue birth control. Did you think about that decision for a long time? Try to remember that frame of mind and put the panic to the side for the moment for the sake of rationality.
Anon
Did you get pregnant shortly after going off birth control? I think it’s normal to feel very overwhelmed, especially if you get pregnant fast since you didn’t have much time to get used to the idea. I would think back to the reasons that made you decide to go off birth control, and think about whether those reasons still hold. Having a child is a big change and it is completely normal to worry about whether you are making the right decisions.
Anon OP
Thanks for the feedback. It seems like everyone presents themselves as happy (or a little apprehensive) when learning of a pregnancy and meanwhile I’m over here crying all the time. No one talks about the other emotions …
9 months elapsed btwn quitting BC and getting pregnant.
Walnut
I mourned the imminent losing of my sense of self when I was pregnant with my first. This often came out as anger anytime someone congratulated me.
Even today I think about the what ifs sometimes, but then I go away on work travel and think about how much my kids would enjoy every playground I pass and think about fantasy lives where we relocate exotic places and the kids go to fancy schools I pass.
All this to say, it’s okay to feel a wide array of emotions during this time. The whackadoodle pregnancy hormones don’t help.
Maudie Atkinson
I felt like this for a couple weeks with my first. It was a totally planned pregnancy, but then when it was real, I was terrified I’d made an awful mistake. It passed, and my enthusiasm returned.
I know folks beat the therapy drum here a lot (and mostly for good reason), but this feels like a place where therapy would be helpful, especially if you have an established relationship with a provider. The perspective of someone who already knows you well would be helpful, but even if you don’t have an established relationship with a provider, having a professional help you interrogate these feelings is likely to be helpful.
Also, if you start having even the faintest degree of suicidal ideation, tell someone immediately. I’m not suggesting that all of what you’re feeling is attributable to hormones, but on top of the feelings of fear and doubt you’re already (and understandably!) having, your hormones are absolutely haywire relative to your baseline. There’s a lot of talk about postpartum depression, but prenatal depression is also a thing. Take those risks seriously.
Anon OP
Thank you. It helps to know that others have felt this way.
No suicidal ideation but definitely some symptoms of depression (which I have not struggled with in the past). I don’t currently have a therapist but the recommendation is a good one.
Anonymous
There are clinics that specialize in perinatal and postnatal therapy, which I think could be helpful for you in this situation.
Maudie Atkinson
Yes! I saw a provider at this kind of clinic years ago, when I was first trying (unsuccessfully) to get pregnant. If you aren’t already pregnant, they often have impossible waiting lists, in my experience, but if you are currently pregnant, it should be easier. If you’re in Atlanta, by chance, Emory has one.
Alice
I grieved so much with my first, anticipating the loss of our free spirited life, and our cozy household of 2. I also grieved when I got married as I thought about only one man for the rest of my life–and I loved him! so yes, this happens….
Anonymous
+1 on the setting up therapy while you are pregnant so you get to know the provider. Pre book appointments for one month and two months after your due date. Look for someone that specializes in pregnancy and post-partum.
Anonymous
It’s normal to feel overwhelmed. Your life will change initially for a few weeks but it doesn’t have to be a drastic contrast to your DINK life, especially with only one kid!
Figure out what are the things that make you feel like you right now. Do you have a book club? A particular yoga class? Prioritize the things that help you feel like you. The newborn stage doesn’t last forever, and you might like it. I loved contact naps on the sofa while I binged watched HGTV and ate junk food.
DH and I have three kids. If you love to travel, kids are great way to meet locals. We travel internationally every year. And everyone doesn’t have to go on every trip. DH took a solo trip with his brother for a week in August. I did a solo trip for a week with my mom in the winter. DH runs ultra marathons and I’ve taken up rowing and ice hockey in addition to keeping up with my pilates class. I read trashy novels for fun and have a book club. I play zero musical instruments, but a close friend continues to play in a community band post-kids and also plays ultimate frisbee in the summer. She went to Spain last year with her DH and her kid, and they are going to London (with kid) for Oasis next year. Kid is a music fiend like his parents.
Any life change whether it is marriage, a move to a new city, a new job or a kid can feel big and scary. That’s normal.
Anon
This sounds like my dream life with kids, but I don’t hear a lot of people describe it so easily. Can I ask what your HHI is and how expensive your city is?
No Face
I think your feelings are completely normal! I remember being in a daze when I found out I was pregnant with my first, even though we conceived intentionally. Let yourself feel your feelings.
Also, I am generally not emotional but I cried way more than normal while pregnant. It was wild.
After your feelings simmer down, enjoy all that you can enjoy about your current lifestyle. Go on a spontaneous trip. Get an expensive meal. Sleep in on Saturday.
anon
I was in a similar situation 2 years ago and felt the same way. In our case, it took longer to get pregnant and I was pretty settled into DINK life. Now, I have an almost 2 year old and most days I’m glad I’m a mom, but don’t plan to have another.
I heard on a podcast yesterday that it’s totally normal to be scared about having kids and feel that you’re doing it wrong, and throughout history most women felt that way. I think we need to start normalizing those feelings but also helping each other work through it. I had really bad PPD and kept hearing “why are you sad, your baby is healthy” which didn’t help, and went back to work in a male dominated office. Had I acknowledged the issues earlier and sought treatment I would have been much happier in pregnancy and immediately postpartum.
Anon OP
Thank you for sharing. I am also very settled into the DINK lifestyle.
I agree on the need to normalize these feelings and appreciate the feedback here along those lines. I do worry that if I feel like this now, PPD depression could be a real challenge. I also work in a male dominated field which somehow feels relevant.
Anon
I just wanted to add, it’s totally okay to decide to terminate the pregnancy if it’s not right for you.
Anon
+1
And as a mom I’ll just say I kind of disagree with everyone else that being upset to the point of crying every day is normal. I think being freaked out and feeling panicky and overwhelmed is *very* normal, but the way you’ve worded this post makes me think it’s not just that. Much better to have an abortion (even one you regret down the road) than to regret a child. Parenthood is definitely life-changing and the child deserves to have a parent (hopefully two) who really want(s) to be a parent.
been there
Late but +1. I got pregnant last year after a year and a half of trying. I went from being genuinely happy with my life, to numb for a day after the positive test, to multiple panic attacks a day, sobbing hysterically anytime anything made me think about being pregnant, and wanting to kill myself. I have anxiety; I’ve been depressed before. I had NEVER in my life wanted to be dead more than I wanted to be alive. I got on Planned Parenthood and scheduled an appointment for a medication abortion at the latest possible date for my state, because having an end in sight was the only way I could function and I could cancel or no-show if I changed my mind.
I ended up having a miscarriage. I told my husband that he could divorce me if he wanted and I wouldn’t hold it against him, but I was done trying for a kid. Maybe it’s worth it for other women. It wasn’t worth it to me. My body and my brain said NO in a way they never have before or since.
Anon OP
I’m not sure if you will see this, but thank you for sharing. I completely relate to feeling like my body and brain are saying “oh $#%! no” and have contemplated having that exact same conversation with my husband.
Anonss
I’m living this at the moment too. I’m a couple months further along than you with a planned pregnancy.
I find myself thinking “oh no what did I do” about once a week still. Mostly what triggers it is how the world seems to act as though motherhood is an entire identity. I’m worried this will take over everything and I’ll just be someone’s mom.
What helps me is looking at women who have a child and clearly still have a unique identity and pursue their interests. And also just pushing back on any of the stupid mommy culture stuff that I just don’t buy into.
Anonymous
I didn’t experience this during pregnancy (mine was hard-fought so I think I maybe didn’t totally believe it was real anyway?), but I felt like this after I had the actual baby! I loved my kid more than anything, but desperately missed my old life. Eventually I was like “okay, let’s figure how to live a new life I will actually like,” and that process changed things for me. I started feeling much better, and I realized a few months in that I was actually really enjoying myself and I’m so happy now to be a mom. I think part of that is that I’m not a tiny baby person, but also that I needed to feel like I was making active choices daily, not just going with the flow of the baby.
Anonymous
My only major pregnancy symptom was depression and it lasted all 9 months with both of my pregnancies. I was never anything other than overwhelmed, depressed, and certain I made a big mistake. I leaned on the knowledge that they were both wanted, planned pregnancies, and trusted that it would work out in the end, and it did. What I wish I had done was talked to a doctor about options for antidepressants, especially the second pregnancy when I knew what was going on. Those were absolutely miserable times and I feel like I missed out on two years of my life.
Anon OP
Thank you for sharing your experience.
Anon
This exact thing happened to me, and same circumstances (mid-30’s, married, good place financially/professionally, crying every day, did not want to give up DINK lifestyle) and I could not get over it. I ended up terminating the pregnancy. I did not regret doing that. Oddly enough, a few months later I had somewhat of an epiphany that I really did want a baby; I even felt like going through what I did actually helped me determine that I really did want a baby. I got pregnant again and did not feel the same way during this pregnancy as I did during the first one. I had that baby and one more after that and these two are the best thing that happened to me in my entire life.
It is 20 years later and I still do not regret terminating that pregnancy but in hindsight I think it was hormones and I kind of wish I had just waited it out, as I do believe I would have felt better eventually and embraced it. But, I was always at peace with the decision and I would not have my two kids if things did not work out the way they did.
I am not suggesting you should terminate this pregnancy. I am just sharing my experience especially because I am sure this is a different outcome than all the other comments you will get. Based on my experience, I would tell you to wait it out and I fully believe you will eventually come around to wanting this.
Anon88
Not OP but waffling about wanting kids or not and really appreciate your unique perspective.
Anon
Thank you; I wasn’t sure about posting this.
I was not sure I wanted kids even before the first pregnancy, and honestly I remember the day my first child was born still not being sure! But someone had said to me “you might regret having kids but you might regret not having them more” and that helped a lot. When I looked at my life long term without kids, I felt like although I knew I would be fine, happy and still love my life, it seemed a bit boring or empty to go on for many years as we were doing, without kids. In hindsight it really was the best thing in my entire life, even though I still (20 years later) know I am not someone who is 100% cut out to be a mother; maybe 70% cut out to be a mother (haha).
Anon OP
I truly appreciate you sharing your experience.
Anonymous
I conceived for a second time when my child was 7 years old. Both were very much planned and wanted pregnancies. I had a really difficult first pregnancy (extreme nausea for first 16 weeks) and – at the time – told myself I wouldn’t do it again, but ultimately wanted to try again, in large part but not exclusively to give my child a sibling. However, once I conceived the second time, within a couple weeks I started experiencing the nausea again and started having anxiety and panic attacks and crying fits and feeling really detached from being pregnant. (I was already on a low dose of anxiety/depression medication). I tried several anti-nausea medications and they didn’t help. I also started really second-guessing whether my husband and I could get through it again, as our marriage was quite rocky when our first was born, for several years. I ended up terminating the second pregnancy at just over 6 weeks. When I came home from PP, my husband said it looked like my color was back, and I felt relieved to physically feel better (which also helped my mental health). My OBGYN at the time told me at the time that whatever decision I made, resolve to move forward and not live with regret. It’s been three years, and I’ve largely been able to do that, though I do on occasion think of how old my “child” would be and wonder what it would have been like. I don’t know what decision I would have made if I wasn’t already a mother because I always envisioned myself with kids. You will be okay regardless of what decision you made, but it’s more likely you will feel that way if you tell yourself that and try to truly believe it. I wish you well – hugs.
Anonymous
When you think about your life in 10, 15, 25 years, what does your family look like? For me, that was key- I didn’t want to be a mom, or be pregnant, but I did want a family beyond myself and DH in the future. TBH, I hated being pregnant and being a mom of young kids. My kids are 8, 11 and 15 now and I love it. We have a lot in common and I also learn from them every day.
Anon
Counterpoint, I kind of hate the “Thanksgiving table” thing. Raising kids who grow up to be happy, well-adjusted is incredibly hard work, not to mention enormously expensive. It’s ok to decide you don’t want a kid or another kid even if you like the idea of having adult kids to hang out with. I have one kid and, sure, I like the idea of 3 happy adult kids and their families at Thanksgiving. Who wouldn’t? But I know with certainty I don’t want to raise 3 or even 2 kids. It’s ok to consider the short term too. 18 years is a looooong time. The happiest parents I know really want to raise the # of kids they have, and aren’t focused on what their life will be like when they’re older and the kids are grown.
Anon
Yes!! Having a kid is no guarantee of a happy, close family. There’s also no guarantee a kid will be there to care for you in your golden years like a lot of people expect.
See: my brother who was a very wanted child who is now estranged because of his drug addiction.
Anon
I felt this way after similarly being not sure and discussing at length with DH about having kids. I’ve never been a “kids person”, so couldn’t imagine having my own — especially not young kids. On top of that, I found all the talk about how difficult it is to be a parent (esp. a mother) in today’s world really overwhelming. It seemed like everyone, in a effort to be more “honest”, only talked about the negative aspects of having kids. At some point I had a really hard time even imagining what could possibly be positive about the experience.
So I cried when I found out I was pregnant, and I also never felt overly excited throughout the pregnancy, it was just sort of something that was happening that I felt a bit removed from. It wasn’t until my DS was born that any of it felt real to me. He’s now 2.5 and I’m really happy with the decision. It turns out while there is a lot of negative, there’s also a lot of fun. I still have very little interest in other people’s kids, but I’m enjoying more and more spending time hanging out with my own. And I’m finding it gets better as he ages. All that to say, you can start out feeling very negative/unsure, and it can still turn out well.
Anon
I have a lot of thoughts.
We very much wanted kids. I got pregnant weirdly quickly – age 39, first month. It was overwhelming.
Initially, I was a lot more excited and H was… grim. He was as white as a sheet when I came out of the bathroom after taking a pregnancy test. He got used it it within a few weeks, though, and has been a great father.
I had BRUTAL prenatal depression. Everyone talks about PPD; no one ever told me that it’s not just “hormonal swings that will getchya!” It was actual, diagnosed clinical depression and I had never had issues like that before. It started pretty fast, maybe about a week after I got the positive pregnancy test.
Please consider screen for this. Some women’s bodies do not react well to pregnancy hormones and there are many tools available to get you through those nine months.
New Here
My husband and I knew we wanted kids. We had to have help (letrazole) getting pregnant.
Even then, my immediate reaction when I saw the positive test was “oh sh*t”.
Anon
After I got pregnant with each of my kids, I had a “wtf did I just do” moment. They passed, fortunately. Maybe give it some time. :)
Cerulean
I think sometimes major life changes can bring about panic no matter how much you want them. I had the same reaction after going through IVF (so having a baby was clearly a very desired outcome). A baby is a life-changing event, and I think it’s very normal to feel apprehensive about the changes and unknowns.
Seventh Sister
I was terrified too, and people I knew didn’t help by saying I’d never sleep again, never get to read a book, never go to the movies, etc., etc. You don’t have to be one of those moms who never does anything for themselves after they have a kid. You don’t have to paint your whole house beige or have a baby shower where people have to guess which candy bar was melted into a diaper.
Hanging out with old friends helped me, including the one that told me she’d drink for the both of us while I was pregnant.
Anon
I’d have an abortion. If you regret the abortion you can most likely conceive again and in the unlikely event you can’t, your life will be fine. If you keep the baby and regret it you’ll potentially ruin 3 lives. It’s just not a risk worth taking in my opinion.
Tech conference from yesterday
At the conference now and some people are wearing suits, some jeans and a hoodie, some generally business casual (what i did). so its a range
Anonymous
Thanks for the update. I leave for a conference tomorrow and am finding myself in a similar quandary. I’m moderating a panel so leaning toward more formal but really hoping I don’t get it wrong. Packing for options since it looks like one night will have a very casual social activity.
To make things worse, when I arrive I have to lead a spa thing with clients. I don’t feel comfortable greeting them in sweats but am sort of at a loss for how to navigate the setting.
Tech conference
Presenters are all wearing a blazer – some an actual suit and some jeans / not formal pants + blazer
Anon
Suits are really in at the moment so my guess is that’s more a reflection of the trend than formality.
Anon
you actually see women in jeans and a hoodie?
Anon
Does anyone want to help me shop for a dress for family pictures this fall? I’m looking for a dress with sleeves (open to either short or long sleeves) and ideally a v neck. I’m thinking either navy or burgundy. I’m a hourglass and generally wear a size 16. And ideally the dress would be under $150, but I’m opening to going higher for the perfect dress.
Anon
I’ll help shop! Maybe something like this? It’s deeply discounted. https://www.belk.com/p/perceptions-plus-size-3-4-sleeve-solid-wrap-waist-fit-and-flare-dress/1501078P310355B.html
Anon
Or this https://www.talbots.com/merino-wool-pleated-sweater-dress/P243036878.html
Anon
The Somerset from Anthropologies is such a go-to. I have linked to burgundy velvet and navy corduroy:
https://www.anthropologie.com/shop/the-somerset-maxi-dress-velvet-edition?category=dresses&color=060&type=STANDARD&quantity=1
https://www.anthropologie.com/shop/the-somerset-maxi-dress-corduroy-edition?category=dresses&color=041&type=STANDARD&quantity=1
Anon
I started a new job in the spring and I have been wearing more sheath dresses with blazers and jackets, as I need to look more polished than I did in previous jobs. In the summer, I wore flats with these pieces. In the fall, I’m not sure what to wear. Tights with flats? Help! I’m wearing pants today to push the problem off.
Cat
Knee high boots. The JCrew Stevie is a good option if you don’t mind a low heel.
Runcible Spoon
You could check out the La Canadienne brand, too. Excellent quality, and lots of low-heel knee-high boots. Or tights with low boots, too. I often recommend the Ariat Scout paddock lace-up boot, which can be worn with slacks or skirts, and are super comfortable for walking around, commuting, etc.
Anon
look for final sales on Aquitalia now. knee high boots.
Anon
What are your favorite winter shoes (boots, booties, sneakers?) for running errands or the like during winter weekends, where a parking lot might be icy or there might be some snow around, but you’re not scaling a mountain? Thanks!
anon
When I lived in Chicago, the answer was Merrell Jungle Mocs for errands and commuting. Good traction and so warm.
Anonymous
Same, but Merrell Antora sneaker boots.
Nananon
I love this suggestion, thank you!
Anon
I tried these but they made my feet unbearably hot. Does anyone have a rec for something similar but more breathable?
Anonymous
Waterproof sneakers if I’m only walking in shoveled parking lots and little chance of ice. If snow, then mini uggs (running errands and other casual where I may be in track pants) or one of my lace up boots that sort of look combat-ish (jeans or anything dressier).
No Problem
Sneakers if it’s pretty likely everything has been shoveled/plowed but there could be an icy spot here or there, hiking boots (my only shoes with substantial tread) when I will actually need to walk on snow or expect there will be ice for sure. I also have my Hunter boots but really only wear those when I expect snow deeper than 2 inches. None of my fashion-y boots or booties have enough traction for those kinds of conditions.
Anon
Lug sole lace-up booties. But I second the Jungle Moc recommendation above. I miss mine!
Anon
Ugg usually comes out with these in the fall. They’re waterproof and warm but cuter than typical winter boots.
Anon
I love my Ugg winter boots.
Anon
Sorel Joan of Arctic.
Runcible Spoon
Merrell Moab waterproof hiking boots or low-cut sneaker-like shoes. Super comfortable, very supporting, light-weight ,and good quality. Good for walking around a lot.
smurf
Blondo! lug soles that actually have good traction/waterproof, I have a shearling lined ankle boot that’s great with jeans, a suede pair that’s slightly nicer but versatile. I’m not great at cleaning off the salt, etc. and they still hold up really well!
Anon
I really wish the pages would load at a normal pace here, like all other web addresses do. It doesn’t matter what browser or device I use, I end up navigating elsewhere until things actually load. It’s been going on for months.
Anon
+1
Anon
Same. I thought it was my computer.
Anon
Same.
Anon
Same, at first. But it is only this page. No others do this for me. It happens whether I am on a laptop, ipad, phone, and it happens on every single browser. Perhaps 85% of the time, with no rhyme or reason why it occasionally does load at a normal speed.
jane
+1 Kat please note.
Anon
Same for me. Moms page is better fwiw.
Anon
+1 today it’s been particularly bad
Anon
agree. what’s going on lately…
Anon
I’m 45 and lately have noticed that the skin around my eyes (on brow bone and below) is getting… fleshy? It seems like there’s more skin and it’s maybe a little puffy so my eyes appear smaller. Is there anything I can do to combat this besides plastic surgery?
Anon
For a temporary / cosmetic fix, look into eye creams that advertise they reduce puffiness. It’s usually caffeine added to the eye cream that does it.
Are you sure you’re not puffy due to allergies?
anon
I’m 40 and have had this issue for a while. I went to a plastic surgeon and he recommend an eyelid lift if I’m feeling up for an invasive procedure, botox if I’m not. I did try the botox one time and it helped. It basically relaxed the corners of my eyes so that the side didn’t droop as much. I didn’t do it again though because I didn’t think it made that much of an impact. I do use an eyelash curler and mascara every day now.
Anon
yup. I don’t really understand why he gets a pass to basically do whatever he wants. everyone else is held to a high standard, except for him.
Cerulean
His personal brand is chaos.
Anon
Read the NYT article with two book reviewers who discuss Melania’s “memoir.” It’s a hoot.
Anon
I’m only 39 but I think I’m experiencing a symptom of menopause: clitoral/vaginal atrophy. Has anyone else experienced this and how did you treat it?
Anonymous
OTC moisturizers help (V Magic and Replens have been best IME), but v-ginal estrogen was the real game changer to bring things back.
Anon
Yes – you need vaginal estrogen. I had GSM (or I guess they now call it GSL) from low estrogen after having kids and my clitoris disappeared. It was shocking. I had never seen anyone talk about it, but it is a thing that happens to a lot of women. Vaginal estrogen helped.
Anon
yes. see your gyn. topical estrogen. ask about what else to watch for as perimenopause continues and treatment options.