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Wednesday’s Workwear Report: Alistair Faux Wrap Front Dress

malandrino-wrap-dressOur daily workwear reports suggest one piece of work-appropriate attire in a range of prices.  I'm really excited that this is back in stock — I always thought it was a great dress. (A while ago it went out of stock almost as soon as I saw it!) It does have a very high neckline, but that could be nice if you want to wear a statement necklace or otherwise use it as a simple backdrop for a big jewelry piece. It's also good to see that it has a non-exposed zipper. There are a lot of cute Catherine Malandrino dresses right now that you might want to take a look at, some with more of a party vibe. The pictured dress (which you can find in red at Macy's) is available at Nordstrom in sizes 2-14 for $82. Catherine Catherine Malandrino Alistair Faux Wrap Front Dress Two lower-priced options are here and here; here's a plus-size alternative. Seen a great piece you’d like to recommend? Please e-mail tps@corporette.com. (L-all)

Sales of note for 1/1/25 (HAPPY NEW YEAR!):

And some of our latest threadjacks here at Corporette (reader questions and commentary) — see more here!

Some of our latest threadjacks include:

403 Comments

  1. I’m so glad it’s December tomorrow. After this year I need fairy lights and hot mulled wine.

      1. My dad love’s to have Hot Toddie’s by the fireplace even tho it’s a girls thing, he says. I keep telling him NOT to be ashamed, b/c he also love’s White Russians, which is typeically thought of as a ladie’s drink.

    2. My Christmas tree and Dickens Village is up already – and I can feel the fairy light magic melting the stress away.

      And now for that mulled wine….

    3. We’re heading to the States for Christmas and leaving in 16 days (eeps!) so it doesn’t feel worth it to decorate but I might pull out the fairy lights and the wooden tree. It’ll be nice for the cat sitter as well.

      1. We’re moving about three days after Christmas. We’re trying to sell our house. I still have a skinny 5′ tree with lights because I need the fairy lights, So my vote is totally do it!

    4. I was thinking just this morning that “We Need a Little Christmas” is my theme song for the week….

    5. I’m putting up my Christmas decorations tonight and I am SO EXCITED. I might go buy more, actually. And I’m trying to convince my mom to bring my tiny fake Christmas tree over when she comes this weekend (my parents have been kindly storing it in their garage). Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhh, I love this season!

    6. Can you all tell my mother how essential decorations are? I’m going home for Christmas and she told me at the weekend we’re not having a tree. (Having looked at the alternative she has presented carefully I do now like it but it was a bit of a shock just to be told that)

      1. The correct response to “We’re not having a tree” from an adult child is “I’ll be happy to put it up and take it down while I’m here!”

        2. +1

          Exactly.

          She’s tired. Time to take over.

          And one of the days you are home…cook for everyone.

        3. I always decorate the tree anyway and even offered to buy an artificial one but my dad doesn’t like them. And I cook all the time when at my parents’; their kitchen is so big and they have an induction hob that’s a dream to use (I’m only just out of college and don’t have my own place yet).

      2. My son is a senior in high school and I swear, this is the last year I will be doing a tree. I will still decorate and maybe get a small tree, but I am 50 and done! It is not essential! When I was 35 years old, I came home for Thanksgiving and my mom handed me directions to make a turkey. She said, “all the ingredients are in the kitchen! You are old enough to be president so you can start making the turkey now!”

        1. I am glad to hear this perspective and that I am not the only one. I am mid-thirties and have never had a tree, even after my husband and I got our house. It is absolutely lovely that so many derive joy from their trees, but I am just not one of those people. We celebrate Christmas, and I decorate with real garland, wreaths, poinsettias, and my Christmas china. I make festive food ,cookies, and drinks throughout the season. Just no tree here.

          But, OP, because a tree is something you clearly enjoy, I hope your Mom compromises!

      3. My parents’ tree died before I got home for Christmas last year. They weren’t going to replace it. I went out on december 23rd, bought the only tree I could find, and put it up and took it down. Trees are essential.

        1. We do a tree as a nod to our family’s German heritage, but once the youngest stop assisting, we will more to garlands and other festive options.

          I am TOTALLY steeling that “You are old enough to be President…” line, for my kids ;)

    7. We need a little Christmas now! I’ve been listening to Christmas music since Friday, and started curating a new Christmas swing playlist on Pandora to dig up some old gems.

  2. Can anyone recommend a gynecologist in Manhattan? Midtown East would be best, but Midtown in general or the UES would work too. I’d prefer a woman. Not ever having kids so that part of the practice doesn’t matter to me. Thanks!

    1. NYU has a gynecology practice in Kips Bay. I can’t recommend a specific provider for your needs but I was happy with my specialist.

    2. Two UES recommendations:

      1) Lorraine Chrisomalis (gyn only, stopped delivering babies). She’s nice, and I think she has Saturday hours (at least she used to). Downside is that she often runs late.

      2) Weill Cornell on 72nd and York. I started going there when I needed an OB. All of the doctors seemed great, and I’m going to continue using them going forward for regular gynecology stuff and any future pregnancies. Plus, I love the online medical records (completely new to me at the time) and I love that if I need a referral for a specialist that they can send me to someone in their network.

    3. I have recommended her to so many people I feel like this may out me. Dr. Ketly Michel. She’s on E 78th st, right near the 6 train. Best doctor ever. She will probably be retiring in five or ten years and I honestly don’t know what I will do. 212-245-4901.

    4. Rebecca Podolsky (NY Comprehensive Women’s Medical @41st/Madison). Used to be in the faculty practice at NYU. She’s great and only gyn.

    7. I recently saw Dr. Constance Young at Columbia Doctors Columbus Circle location.

  3. This dress is exactly what I would choose for a funeral. It’s boring, black, and I wouldn’t mind if it did nothing but hang in my closet until the next funeral. My grandmother is 96 and her health is fading fast. Is it weird that I’m thinking about buying this dress for when the time comes?

    1. Not to me. But I am considering going to mortuary school as a retirement career so YMMV on that one.

      Death is an unavoidable reality!

          1. Ugh, my longer comment got stuck in moderation. Yes, you learn embalming, which actually is not what I am most interested in. So there is an asterisk. Hopefully my longer comment shows up here soon.

          2. I used to work at a trust firm, we had a client trying to sell their funeral home business (which was held in a trust by the family) and it was almost impossible for them to find a qualified mortician to take it over. Hey, its a reliable business! (Insert old joke about death and taxes here).

        2. I should have asterisked my statement by saying that I would like to work in the funeral industry, which does not necessarily require going to mortuary school. The majority of what is taught in mortuary school is embalming, with some classes about the business side. The statistics show, however, that cremation is up and embalming is down, so given that I am many years away from retirement, whether mortuary school is a wise investment will be a game time decision.

          My true goal is to help families honor their loved ones and to help them through the grieving process in what would, at this point, be considered non-traditional ways. I am scraping the surface on what that means and would not be able to truly do it justice here, but the Order of the Good Death is an excellent resource if you are at all interested in what I am talking about.

          1. Almost something like a doula for the dying or their families afterward. Thomas Lynch gets at some of these ideas in his memoir “The Undertaking: Life Studies from the Dismal Trade.”

          3. I’d never thought much about funeral directors until my infant son died – the kindness and compassion the director showed as he guided us through all the things no one ever wants to think about left a lasting impression on me. I have a special place in my heart for people who chose to bring hope and healing to grieving families. A special blessing on you as you look at all the ways you might help hurting people in the future.

          4. Similarly, I’d never thought much obout funeral directors until my mother died. Ours was distracted, rushed, stressed, rude and dismissive…. Very painful.

            And the Hospice grief counselor called my father once… and never again.

          5. If I were to become a funeral director, or have the opportunity to work under one, I would try to make it part grief counselor, absolutely. I would also want to work on educating folks generally about other options that are available to them and their families prior to death so that they can make informed decisions and directions about their wishes. I also would want to have a part in putting together the service according to the families wishes. I enjoy putting together events and take pride in dealing with all of the crazy behind the scenes stuff while making it as seamless and worry free on the front end for those whom the event is important (I have worked as a day of wedding planner in the past).

            Thank you anonymous4. I am so sorry for your loss. Hugs. I am glad to hear that you had a compassionate and kind funeral director to help you through the process.

          6. My husband died about a year ago. This has been a roller coaster year but one thing that has helped the most is the grief and bereavement support provided by the local hospicare system.

          7. You should absolutely pursue this. On the animal side of things, we had to say goodbye to our dog this past year at an emergency vet clinic. They had a person who handled all of the arrangements and the things you don’t think about until the time comes. She didn’t try to take advantage of us or upsell us. We were in a vulnerable state and I likely would have handed her my checkbook. She comforted us. She made us and our dog feel special and like we were the only people that mattered that day. She did little things like letting us pay over the phone before we came in and letting us come and go through a side door avoiding the busy waiting room. I was so touched by her services. I realized that we were likely one of five that day yet we felt like we were the only people she ever helped. Like she was hired just for us.

            It made me think that there are 100s of other people out there that due her work both in the human world and the animal world. Those that do it well are the unsung heroes. You really could revolutionize the industry, helping people plan ahead and making decisions with their brains and hearts, not just capitalizing on their grief with upsales.

            This is also a reminder to all of us to let our wishes be known while we can. If you want your family to save money and go with a pine box instead of silk lined mahogany, tell them now! Tell them often! Don’t let them second guess. My husband has drilled it in me so that I would feel more guilty going with the most expensive option instead of the other way around.

          8. CountC, I am glad you are going in this direction. Our culture is terrible at dealing with grief, and I feel the same impulse to help people that you do. I serve in my church (Episcopal) as a deacon and have been a part of many funerals. I have only officiated at one all by myself but can see you’d be a good partner in providing the best service for the family.

          9. Oh my goodness, thank you all so much for your encouragement and kind words!

            Anon at 10:30, I am sorry to hear about the loss of your mother, and distressed to hear that you had such a poor experience at such an upsetting time in your life. I do feel that the people who choose to go into mortuary services/funeral industry need to have the drive to provide the absolute best service they can and also to have great empathy. Unfortunately, I am sure for some it is just a business.

            Anon at 10:45, I am sorry for your loss as well. I cannot imagine the void losing a spouse leaves.

            Blonde Lawyer – what a wonderful thing to have offered by your vet!

            Hugs to everyone.

          10. Go for it CountC! My first serious death was my father, and hospice and others were good enough, but I agree that there is so much that is missing, or areas where people are surprised, if not blindsided. I started listening to the podcast Death, Sex and Money so I’d feel a little more settled as the window of patience where friends and colleagues would talk about death was too short.

            Frankly, the Baby Boom generation will likely make a lasting impact on the industry, as well as the dying and grieving processes.

      2. A friend is currently going to mortuary school and will be an amazing resource to people dealing with the death of a loved one. It’s not for me, but I am so glad there are kind, caring people who want to be in that profession.

    2. Nope – if you’d wear it at other times or don’t already own something suitable for a funeral. Why buy a LBD that is one-event only? Although at the price point, that could make it a reasonable “disposable” purchase.

      1. That’s just it. I only have two other black dresses, and I love them both. I don’t really want to wear them to her funeral. I wore a dress I loved to a funeral once, and I could never wear it again, because it just reminded me of the funeral–not even her life, just her death. The price point on this makes it a good choice, IMO, and then if/when another funeral happens after my grandma, I’ll still have it.

        1. I think that makes good sense. Then when the time comes that will be one thing you have handled and won’t have to worry about in a sad time.

        3. I keep a “funeral dress” that I wore for the first time to my grandmother’s funeral. It now hangs in the back of my closet for that sole purpose.

      2. I normally keep a black dress like this in my wardrobe not only for funerals but also for business events where I need to be dressy in a conservative way. I bought my latest one last year when I knew my elderly grandmother was not doing well. I am hard to fit and didn’t want to rush around at the last minute to find something.

    3. It’s not weird. In fact, I’d recommend getting tasks like funeral clothes out of the way sooner rather than later, so you don’t have to worry about them when the time does come.
      I’m sorry about your grandmother!

      1. I agree. The last thing you’d need is to stress about what to wear. I’m sorry about your grandmother.

        I think this dress is lovely.

    4. Its not weird. In fact I’d almost prefer to have a ‘designated’ funeral dress. I bought a gorgeous black wool dress for work holiday parties about a decade ago, and my grandmother unexpectedly passed away literally 3 days after I bought it. I was both grateful to have something appropriate to wear, and unable to ever force myself to wear it again. Ultimately donated it. A dress I bought with ‘appropriate funeral attire’ in mind would have been easier.

      1. This is so true. If I wear normal clothes to a funeral, I don’t look at them the same again.

      2. Yes, that’s exactly how I feel. I won’t want to wear it again, and this dress gets the job done. Thanks!

      3. Yeah, I have a simple black dress just for funerals. It’s sleeveless so I can adjust my top layer depending on time of year. I’m in the south, and summertime graveside services can be extremely warm. I think it’s one of those things that is just smart to have on hand so you aren’t trying to frantically find something when you are grieving.

    5. It’s not weird. In fact, I was just telling someone that I need to rebuy warm AND cool weather funeral dresses, because I grew out of the old ones.
      I’m also a lifetime member of the Girl Scouts and like to be prepared. :)

  4. Will you help me shop? Black-tie-optional wedding, in Boca Raton, weekend before Christmas. Looks like it will be in mid-70s.

    Husband is wearing a tux. Do I have to wear floor length or can I get away with midi? It’s winter where I am, but can I get away with something a little brighter?

    Not interested in rent-the-runway, looking for something under $250 (ideally less). Something interesting/unique/funky is generally my preference – either a unique shape or pattern, not just a solid plain ball gown, and not strapless… any specific suggestions? Totally lost! tia!

    2. I’d go for sequins…but I’m a bit of a magpie
      http://shop.nordstrom.com/s/dress-the-population-camilla-sequin-midi-dress/4469254?origin=category-personalizedsort&fashioncolor=MATTE%20BLACK
      http://shop.nordstrom.com/s/vince-camuto-sequin-off-the-shoulder-sheath-dress-regular-petite/4425247?origin=category-personalizedsort&fashioncolor=CORAL
      http://shop.nordstrom.com/s/dress-the-population-ashley-sequin-lace-sheath-dress/4447961?origin=category-personalizedsort&fashioncolor=BLACK%2FTEAL

      Or this seems very holiday appropriate
      http://shop.nordstrom.com/s/adrianna-papell-casablanca-fit-flare-dress/4475173?origin=category-personalizedsort&fashioncolor=WINE%20BERRY

      1. I love this dress too, but be warned that at the last two weddings I went to the bridesmaids were wearing a pink/blush version of this one. It’s so popular right now that I’d be inclined not to wear it for a wedding.

        1. I tend to agree. I have worn the nude version of this dress as a bridesmaid twice in the past year.

    4. I will only ever do long for a black-tie optional, but at the last one I went to in NYC, there were plenty of women in c*cktail gowns, so I think you’d be able to get away with shorter.

    5. I just have to say I love all of the dresses you ladies posted. I wish I had a glitzy party to go to!

  5. I’m planning/hosting a Christmas party for my friend group. We’re still finalizing the guest list but it’s probably going to be between 10-15 people. I’m completely drawing a blank.. food? Drinks?

    There will be tons of wine but I’d like to have at least one or two winter-cocktails? Any easy recipes for mulled wine and/or apple cider?

    Also I don’t have a tree and am trying to avoid too much work for myself – any suggestions on easy décor?

    Thanks all!

    1. Do you have a crockpot? Trader Joes sells mulling spices and ‘wassail’. Last year I did a gallon of wassail, a bottle of red wine, some cinnamon sticks, and a shot or two of liqueur (brandy or grand marnier I think). Left it on low in the crock pot and put out mugs and a ladle, big hit.
      If you’re also having kids, I’d make hot chocolate or apple cider in a crockpot and have a selection of booze nearby for the adults (peppermint schnapps, rum, or brandy) and sparkling water/berries/marshmallows for the kids.
      As a side note – I finally got one of those large plastic drink dispensers from amazon, and did a fruit infused water for thanksgiving. It was a huge hit, and it was so nice not to have to have bottled water or have people constantly coming into the kitchen to grab water from the fridge door. They were like $20? would totally recommend if you have storage space.

    2. My recommendation is always prosecco and pie, or mulled cider and pie. But mostly pie.

    3. No one ever drinks cider, mulled or otherwise when I serve it. I’ve started just doing sparkling wine with pomegranate juice instead, still looks pretty.

      For food- meatballs, cheese and crackers, veggies and dip, and two frozen apps you just have to put in the oven, plus brownies with candy canes and a platter of grocery store cookies.

    4. Do you have a trader joe’s nearby? They have my favorite spiced apple cider. All you have to do is put it in a crock pot, add a few glugs of rum (or some other alcohol) and you’re set! If you want to fancy it up a bit, you could add some cinnamon sticks to the mugs or some spices to the crock pot. I like to do apple cider and poinsettias (cranberry juice + champagne) because I like to have one hot drink and one cold drink. This year I’m tempted to try to make a large batch of Moscow Mules, but I’m not sure yet.

      The easiest decor I can think of is to put ornaments in bowls or glass jars that you have lying around.

    5. All mulled wine is pretty easy, but I do love Jamie Oliver’s recipe: http://www.jamieoliver.com/recipes/recipe/jamie-s-mulled-wine/

      For food, seeing as you’re hosting close friends, just ask them each to bring a plate of appetizers to share, and then you can provide mulled wine, some bubbly and dessert (maybe tirimisu that’s decadent but easy to make ahead of time?)

      For decor, I’d get a fresh wreath for the door, as well as some white roses and winter greens to put in a few vases around your place, light some tealights and call it a day. You can probably pick up those things from the grocery store at the same time as you pick up your mulled wine ingredients!

    6. So I don’t know if this is one direction you want to go, but what about a popup tree?

      I just visited my brother and he had this gorgeous tree. I was shocked, because he is not the type to a) shop for or assemble a tree or b) artfully decorate one. And he gleefully explained he had bought a popup. It comes flat, and you literally just pull it up and it is fully decorated and lit. When he’s done with it, he collapses it in 2 seconds and it slides under the bed. I was really surprised how nice it looked, but it is a little expensive (about $100): http://amzn.to/2hJREd7

      Or you can take a string of lights and some thumb tacks, and make a wall tree ala Pinterest!

    7. Frozen appetizers and mulled cider in a crockpot so it stays warm. We’ve also pre-made a spiced martini and served it out of a glass drink dispenser. Learn from my mistakes and don’t include a drink that will require you to mix for each guest.

    8. I’m having the same issue re: decorations (I’m worried my little bad-child cat will eat the a tree and get sick, so simple stuff for me). I’ve got Christmas lights around the house with command hooks and I’ll probably put some glass ornaments I have in the cake holder I have, since I probably won’t serve cake (also solves the problem of said bad-child cat trying to get to the bulbs if they were in an open bowl). I also have some small, family figurines out in a place she doesn’t typically get to.

    9. We often do a Christmas party – mulled wine is the standard drink we offer, along with regular wine and beer and scotch. I do my mulled wine in the crockpot with a boxed red, grand marnier, oranges and lemons, cinnamon sticks and cloves and some honey, depending on the dryness of the wine.

      We usually do a desserts and cheese/olive bar – often I have people bring the desserts (easy thing to assign) and I deal with the cheeses myself. I like to make an olive wreath – buy a few packages of rosemary, organize in a circle, top with different types of olives = excellent festive and delicious décor. Then cheeses and crackers (gf and regular), nuts, fruits and jams.

    10. Harvest Sky Martinis/Drinks (you can mix up a big batch and either pour as martinis or over ice) – rim the glass with cinnamon-sugar:

      Good quality vodka
      apple cider of your choice
      pomegranate juice (just a splash for color)

      DELICIOUS

      for added fun you can top with a little floater of champagne but not required

      1. That sounds delicious and totally perfect for a fall or winter party. Saving this idea!

      2. Ooh that sounds delicious! We’re not big vodka drinkers but got gifted a bottle that’s just sitting around…I’ll get some pom the next time I’m at the store and am totally making these :)

      3. We used to make them at a restaurant I worked at in MA. That’s how I got the recipe. We used Skyy vodka there. Anyway, it’s one that I often make for people. now that I don’t drink I kind of miss it this time of year but glad others will enjoy it!

    11. People love shrimp cocktail. Get good quality, good sized cooked shrimp and serve with good quality cocktail sauce (Trader Joe’s brand is good). I like to put the cocktail sauce in a martini glass and arrange shrimps around the rim, then put the glass on a large platter and arrange little mounds of shrimp on the platter, with sliced lemon and maybe some parsley in between. Easy and good, if not very cheap.

      1. Good idea. I discovered this weekend that Costco sells cooked and peeled cilantro lime shrimp.

    12. I think something sparkling is a bigger hit than mulled wine at our Christmas parties, at least. Our biggest appetizer hits are a baked brie (so much easier than it sounds), and a nice charcuterie platter with various meats and cheeses. I also put out various crackers and breads, some veggies, and a spread of dips (hummus, pesto, and a Greek yogurt-based one) and that goes pretty fast as well. I would also pick up a gourmet frozen pizza or two (or make your own, if you feel up to it), heat up, and slice it into small squares for a “hot ” appetizer that is always a hit.

    14. This sounds like the perfect opportunity for a cheese plate: 1 soft, 1 hard, 1 goat, 1 blue + fancy jam and dried fruit. Google “jalapeno cheese squares” for an easy, filling appetizer that’s good warm or room temp.

      For quick decor: get holiday paper plates and napkins, have a wreath or pine swags in a prominent spot, and put on holiday tunes. I love Pandora “Pink Martini Holiday” and “Swingin’ Christmas” for a party.

      Also, Netflix and similar services usually have a Yule Log video–just a burning log that’s fun to have on in the background!

    15. I encourage you to include some vegan food options for your event. It’s pretty easy to incorporate a few items:
      – Hummus, baba ganoush and/or olive tapenade for dipping veggies or spreading on bread or pita
      – At least one bread / cracker option that has no dairy or eggs

      It’s also nice to get to eat something warm on a cold night, so if possible, at least one vegan appetizer would be great, too (stuffed mushrooms, for example). And if you know there’s someone in your group who is vegan, you can ask them for a recipe (or ask them to bring something).

      If you serve something sweet at the end, please don’t forget the chocoholic vegans. Happily, a lot of dark chocoate is dairy free, and both Whole Foods and TJs have some vegan cookie options, so you should be able to find something without too much trouble.

      Thanks

  6. For those of you who had low-key/courthouse-type weddings, what did you spend on your dress? To be honest, it’s the thing I care most about…but I also don’t want to go overboard…

    1. Why does it matter what anyone else spent? All that matters is how much you have and Want to spend, whether that’s $20 or $2000

      1. +1 If there’s anything I’ve learned about weddings, it’s that there is no “normal” when it comes to what people pay for their wedding dress. Just spend what you’re comfortable with.

      2. Anon at 9:56 – this is an online community. People ask questions like that here. It is okay.

    3. I had a very simple church wedding. I wore a fancy non-wedding off-white/platinum c*cktail dress that was knee length. $750 and is a stunner and I love it and hope to rewear.

    4. I spent about $700 on a J Crew wedding dress. And fwiw, now is a good time to get one – their holiday sales often apply to wedding dresses too.

      1. I recently read that J Crew is ending their wedding gown line. So it may be a really, really good time to look there.

    5. A friend did a courthouse wedding and wore a traditional wedding gown (although it was not a super princessy ballgown style). The photos were gorgeous. You should wear whatever you want.

      1. I wore a traditional wedding dress (slight A line) from a fancy designer (thank you preownedweddingdresses) for my courthouse wedding. As A Practical Wedding says – spend money where you care and cut where you don’t. We didn’t care about a big party. I wanted a pretty pretty dress. So that’s what we did.

    6. Who cares if it’s overboard? It’s your wedding. I had a tiny wedding, wore a boring dress, but had a ridiculous monstrous cake because I love sweets and it was my wedding, darnit.

    7. $250 at JCrew plus an extra $70 or something for tailoring. Got some $75 heels and a beaded belt thing from Etsy to boot. No regrets.

    8. I didn’t spend a lot of money, because I had my mom’s wedding dress retailored for me. But I definitely wore a full-on ballgown to my courthouse wedding.

    9. I didn’t get married in a courthouse, but we had a Sunday morning wedding followed by a lunch reception, so it was definitely kind of nontraditional. The ceremony was also outdoors so although I always knew I would wear a “real” wedding dress, I planned to avoid full skirts and long trains. I ended up falling in love with a dress that was not what I had originally pictured and it had a very poofy skirt. It probably wasn’t super “appropriate” for the setting but I loved it so I wore it anyway and have no regrets. It wasn’t very expensive, around $800 (on sale from ~$1000) at a bridal boutique in my Midwestern home state.

    10. I say you do what you want. I spent about $1k for a wedding dress (not too pouffy) + tailoring for my 150-person wedding. Not sure why the type of wedding matters…I guess maybe I wore my dress for slightly longer than you will since we had a more traditional reception and a ceremony (although our religious ceremony wasn’t particularly long)…not sure what exactly you’re planning. But it’s not like the fact that I had a more traditional wedding means I’ll wear the dress again any more than you will! Make yourself happy!

    11. I saw everything you can imagine at the courthouse. Some wore jeans and some wore ball gowns. I say get what you love.

      I had a backyard BBQ wedding and spent around $450 on my dress.

    12. $600 CAD. It wasn’t sold as a wedding dress but I felt like a million bucks.

      I could wear it again to black tie events but I prefer to think of it as my wedding dress, not just any old party dress.

    13. Do what you want, lady. The courthouse wedding is an opportunity to do what you want and not make a big deal out of things you don’t care about.

    14. I cared too. I didn’t want to. I bought and returned about 10 off the rack white dresses before going to a local bridal salon and having a dress made. Cost about $1500. Way more than I wanted to spend but I loved the dress. We also got married quickly so I didn’t have a ton of time to shop around.

    15. No such thing as going overboard on your wedding dress. Pick what you love and rock it!

    16. I spent about $300 on a silk “reception” dress from Nordstrom. We had a tight budget (yay grad school!) and it was a great dress. That said, I wish I’d gone cheaper and spent the money on something like a pearl necklace. My husband has his shirt, jeans and jacket he wore to the wedding in rotation in his wardrobe and I have a storage bag.

    17. Related wedding question: I’m a bride to be who is very shy, doesn’t drink alcohol (gives me headaches), doesn’t like loud music (also gives me headaches) or dancing. Wedding receptions are just not my thing. FH and I don’t have any plans set in stone yet, but I’m having trouble even conceptualizing a wedding reception that isn’t a nightmare for me/doesn’t include these things.

      We want to keep it small (under 50). Current idea is courthouse wedding with immediate family only followed by taking friends + family out to dinner at a restaurant, but I don’t love that idea either.

      Has anyone been to a wedding reception that wasn’t a big party with music and dancing? What was it?
      I’m in Chicago if that’s relevant.

      1. We had a brunch reception. Waffle station, omelet station, carving station. Everybody loved the food and it wasn’t all that expensive. Because it’s early in the day, people don’t expect alcohol (although we had champagne and mimosas) or dancing. We had a band for background music but if that’s too loud you could have a string quartet or harpist or similar. We also had a photo booth, which people loved, and various entertainment including a magician and a mime who wandered around and entertained at the tables. You could totally dispense with all those bells and whistles and just do a nice brunch, either in a restaurant or at a reception venue, and call it a day.

        1. I had a strings trio for my wedding ceremony (DJ, dance floor, SHOTS SHOTS SHOTS for the reception after) and I loooooved how beautiful the strings sounded. If you do a brunch or dinner, I highly recommend looking into some kind of live background music. It’s so dreamy and special and musicians in the industry know to play at the appropriate volume level.

        2. I just love that you had entertainment! How fun!

          I personally think the normal list is a bit boring and all weddings feel like the same. Cocktail hour, intro, dinner, toasts, dancing etc. Why not add something unique and actually reflects your personality?

      2. My sister had her reception in the afternoon at an apple orchard. She had a late lunch of BBQ and then there were yard games and a hay rack ride along with playground equipment for the kiddos.

        I have a cousin who did a picnic (had a bunch of picnic blankets and catered in sandwiches) at a park. Similar thing, adults chatted in the sunshine or picnic shelter while the kiddos ran around and played.

        Both had lovely sunny days and indoor spaces in case of rain, but the receptions would have been fairly boring and probably shorter in the event of inclement weather…

      3. A cousin had a reception at a restaurant. No music, no dancing, just awesome hors d’oeuvres and yummy drinks. Basically an extended c-tail hour.

      4. What about doing a fancy evening cocktail reception with appetizer type stations and some live music (jass band type thing). Action stations could be nice too – cigar rolling, wine tasting (for others if you’re ok with some alcohol) with a somelier, make your own cupcake bar, etc. Most hotels (and many restaurants) should have a smaller room or a private room that would be able to accommodate this type of thing.
        I’d treat it like a really nice work holiday party in terms of atmosphere – fancy, festive, but not overly boozy, loud, and music but no real dancing.

        1. Great idea, thank you! I’m totally cool with others drinking (and encourage it!), I just don’t partake

      5. I haven’t been to a reception that wasn’t a big party but the rehearsal dinners I’ve been to have been much more low key. No dancing, people don’t drink as much (you don’t have to serve alcohol) and a lot of them included a slide show of the couple and toasts. They’ve typically been in a party room at a restaurant. I also went to an engagement party that was at someone’s (really freaking nice and large) home that was just finger foods and chilling. No loud music and dancing, there was an open bar but you wouldn’t have to do that. It was nice because there was also a nice outdoor space so people had lots of space to roam.

      6. Brunch! I’ve never actually been to a brunch wedding, but I would love to. I love brunch.

        1. I’m going to one this weekend and am so excited about it! Backyard wedding, only about 20 people, followed by brunch in the yard.

      7. My wedding was in the private back room of a restaurant with 40 people (including us). We just had the ceremony at the front of the room, then everyone mingled for an hour with drinks/passed hors d’oeuvres, then sat down and ate dinner. A handful of us went out dancing afterward but there was no entertainment at the actual wedding/reception, just dinner and talking.

      8. I attended a fundraising dinner at an art gallery and I thought it would be a great idea for a wedding reception. You have a quiet dinner with fabulous food in one room and then your guests are free to roam the gallery and mingle.

        1. This is a great idea! I love food and I love art so they both should go together! YAY!!!!! I will do this with the manageing partner this week!

      9. I went to a wedding at a historic house….I want to say it was at 1 or 2pm? the wedding was in the front yard and there were light refreshments after inside, open beer and wine and no other liquor, and dancing was in a smaller room to the front of the house (it was a small house so this was more cozy than it sounds). we spent most of the time during the reception in the backyard just chatting, and then afterwards a bunch of people when to a nearby bar. Great wedding, although I got pretty “festive” due to not eating enough.

        1. oh, and the music for the dancing just came from a stereo…which seemed to make sense with the venue. they played really pretty, folksy, acoustic music from what I recall.

      10. Courthouse wedding and lunch reception for 30 at a local restaurant. No dancing or music. Zero regrets.

      11. If your budget would stand it you could rent the Dreihaus Museum (I think it was ~$9k). They won’t let you get married there but you could have catered apps and spend the time exploring the museum with your guests. It’s a gorgeous old house built ~1880. (I got married last year and if I had to do it again might do this).

      12. I love the brunch idea people have talked about. As I mentioned up thread, I eloped but we had a small party 6 months later at a restaurant. 50 people, private room, there was space for cocktails and apps before a sit-down family style dinner. Everyone just mingled during the cocktail hour and the dinner was long and lovely. A few people gave toasts during dinner. No dancing or other wedding reception type activities. It was lovely and exactly what I’d do again. We had an open bar, I love a cocktail, but I don’t think this setup requires you to drink or feel pressured to.

      13. This describes me as well. We got married early afternoon. The ceremony and reception were a couple blocks apart, so people walked after for a drinks, cakes and apps reception for ~50ish people, had fun 50s music playing on a laptop. We did a first dance but that was it, and only one other couple danced. We love cake so had like 10 different cakes as centerpieces in lieu of a legit wedding cake. Made for a fun conversation starter amongst our guests as to who would sit by which flavor.

      14. I looked at multiple venues that were rooms at nice restaurants or museums. I rejected them because there wasn’t room for dancing, but if you don’t care about that, it would be really cool to have amazing food or to have a fun venue where people could chat about the art and socialize.

    18. I had a low key church wedding with a cake & punch reception. I think my dress was around $400 – it was one of the most costly parts of my wedding.

    19. I bought an evening gown on sale from Neiman Marcus for $350. I’ve worn it multiple times since the wedding, which is a huge win in my book.

    20. I checked out the local shops without success, but did get a clue about my dress size and ordered my gown (white with a swath of embroidered colorful flowers from bodice to hem – going for Demeter, not Persephone – from ebay for under $200 in 2003 the seller was a bridal shop. Alterations were manageable.

  7. I have an OG bag for years (started as travel bag). Upgraded from conference tote to make it my everyday hauling bag (13″ laptop + a full redweld with ~ a ream of paper in it). It is a serious rolling office.

    I just got the Seville after dreaming about it for a year. It is so pretty! I love it! I was looking for something with a wider mouth than the OG (which I will probably still use for travel since I always stuff a fleece up in the dome part up top). I ordered the 15″ just to accommodate a greater volume of stuff / charging cords / any future laptop purchases, and that seems to be the right size for me (5-4).

    1. Me too! I have had an OG that has been travel workhorse for years, and got the Seville based on the recent sales. it is really pretty & smart. I got the 13 inch, which works well for a day-to-day bag since I’ll still use the OG for travel.

    2. What colors did you get?? I am still seriously considering even though I missed the big 50% off sale. They’re so pretty!

      1. So I really wanted something fancy: the plum perf, the black perf, etc. But I went for the black saffiano b/c I’m practical like that. BUT I have let myself start wishing for a second shell (which I should have just ordered and then present-banked for my birthday or something). Plummmmmmmmmm

      1. So it is heavier than the OG, but much less heavier and yet roomier (it seems) than my workhorse leather bag that is really made from leather and lead. I think that anything is going to be heavier than an OG. The OG still rocks, but I have a bit of a nylon aversion (from my pumping bag days ugh) that’s unrelated to the wonderfulness of the OG (and wouldn’t rule out any future MZ Wallace purchases).

        If I were a transit commuter still, I’d probably stick with OG for every day and use the Seville for meetings / client visits / more polished work occasions. It is seriously pretty!

        1. Haha, my husband actually always says that the OG looks like that black medela bag that comes with the freestyle.

    4. Would also love to know if it’s heavy/how sturdy are the handles? How expandable is it – could I fit a slim Tupperware/lunch bag? Shoes (flats/heels)? I don’t really want the OG/OMG because I want more of a tote look.

      1. There’s no side compartment in this like there is in an OG (but the side compartment cuts into the main storage volume anyway). I think if you get the 15″, you’d have room for shoes also and maybe a slim tupperwear / lunch if you don’t have it as overloaded as I have it. I am so hesitant to put any food container in vertically to anything other than a plastic shopping bag — I’ve had that go sideways once and ruin a purse (the fabric lining was ruined and the smell never really left — bolonaise sauce). I really just use it for laptop and like a ream of paper. I’ve found the OG handles to be very sturdy, so would expect the same of the Seville (but ask me in 3 years, which is what my OG is).

      2. I’ve had my 15″ Seville for about a year now.

        I generally carry my laptop, sometimes an ipad or kindle. Plus, I’ve got my wallet (Lo& Sons phone wristlet) and a cosmetic bag. I carry a lunch bag separately (when I bring my lunch) — despite the Seville’s ample size, I don’t find that it actually fits all that much (though I’ll also admit that I don’t ever stuff it full, since that really ruins the sleek look I’m going for!) I think you could fit a pair of ballet flats with all the other stuff, but nothing too bulky. I wish it wasn’t actually padded so much, because it would fit much more.

        Handles are comfortable, and sturdy. My handles started to fray a bit where they pass through the grommets in the shell (the openings) after about 6 months, and L&S replaced the bag for me, so I’m on my second now. We’ll see if it’s any better than the first one. The handles are synthetic, not actually leather.

        Anyway, it’s beautiful– simple, no frills, no visible logos, looks highish-end, which is what I was looking for. I’ve been happy with it.

    5. Oh, I saw that it comes with a soft-touch shell which is presumably nylon for travel. I don’t see any pictures of it, though. What’s that like?

      1. It’s on the movie on the website. It’s not as pretty as the Brookline when you put it together (I don’t know why I didn’t get that bag to start with over the OG), but it’s good. I put it back in the box to save for when / if my OG ever dies. Maybe I will use it before, but I will probably just use the OG for travel b/c I already have it (sort of like having a new car: I’d be upset if the Seville got hurt, but not the OG (which seems indestructiable anyway)).

  8. If you are a boarding school or small private college kid (in the northeast, where you do a lot of walking through muck/ice/snow), what sort of footgear do you wear with jeans in the winter if you are a girl?

    LLBean boots?
    LLBean camp mocs (in better weather)?
    Sorels?

    Trying to buy for a girl HS senior for xmas (and we are in the balmy SE) who has a static foot size and is going on an “exploring my future school” trip in January. Would like to give something this year that will be used on the trip and next year.

    2. Hunter rainboots with the fuzzy inserts and leather riding boots were my uniform.

      On horrible days I added Ice Trax cleats. My campus was HUGE, and you would see people in sneakers tumbling and falling all the time on the ice. The Ice Trax were a godsend. They became kind of a “cool girl” thing at my school, oddly enough. http://amzn.to/2hrr6Ok

      1. +1 on Hunters and leather riding boots, but, admittedly, for a well-plowed/shoveled city campus.

    4. The high school seniors in my state (upper Southeast) are wearing LL Bean boots whenever it is below 65 degrees outside. I would say you can’t go wrong with those.

    5. If you can’t get the LLBean duck boots, Sperry makes a dupe in other colors. Those are pretty common until it gets REALLY snowy-icy. For those days, Sorels are most common in our New England town. I like the slim packs more than the Joan of Arctics, but the fuzzier ones seem more popular with HS/College kids.

      1. For the LL Bean Duck boots (I had them once, now just need the shoe): 8″ or 6″? With Thinsulate?

        1. Ha, I wear the sperry ones in kid sizes (cheaper, yay for small feet)! But the 6″ ones are the type I see most often. Without thinsulate but only because everyone around here tends to have ‘real’ snow boots for the truly thick snowfalls.

        2. LLBean duck boots are great if you are out in actual muck and mud or just cold. However, they have zero traction in snow and slush. I use mine for our farm, but when it is seriously snowing and I need to walk around, I have actual snow boots.

          1. Agreed. I had some other LL Bean boot product with treads when I used to deal with snow more. Now, if I need treads I wear my Keens with thicker socks (n.b. that works in the SE US; would not try where you really get winter). But the duck boots were a good “this is what we wear unless we’re being fancy” daily option.

    6. I teach at one of these. The lined LL Bean duck boots seem to be the winter uniform for my students. I also see a lot of Hunters, but those go away during the truly snowy season. Also some Sorels.

      1. Agreed. But order now – or it might already be too late. They get mega backordered. Some sizes aren’t delivering until March already.

      2. Question – what are the staff and faculty wearing? I’m taking up a position in this type of school and want to be age appropriate (mid-30s). I don’t want to look like I’m trying to dress like the students, but I also will probably walk to work a lot and need a good snowboot.

      3. I wear Dansko clogs for spring/fall, waterproof Ahnu ankle boots for the slush-but-not-snow days, and North Face snow boots for when it’s really snowy.

    7. I went to school in the Midwest, and thought that Sorels were the best for dealing with snow and slush. This was 5-10 years ago though, before duck boots experienced a resurgence.

    8. I work on a college campus. I see girls wearing Duck Boots some days, and on other days, the Sorel Joan of Arctic boots.

  9. Does anyone have an Amazon Echo or Echo Dot? I am thinking it might be a nice present for my husband for Christmas, but am also thinking it might be sort of superfluous and we’d just continue to use our smart phones for everything.

    1. We have one of each and love them. Do a search, there was a discussion about what everyone uses our Alexa devices for just yesterday. I think it was in the morning thread.

      1. I asked- it was. Feel free to search my name in yesterday’s first thread and it’ll come up.

    3. What everyone else said. I have an Echo and I love it. I don’t really keep my phone on me at all times when I’m at home and I like to cook a lot, so it’s great to have a hands free option.

    5. Love, love, love. We have one in the family room and one in the bedroom, where it plays nature sounds to soothe us to sleep, and then is our hands-free alarm in the morning.

      Love, love, love, love, love.

    6. I have an Echo Dot and I thought it was a dumb purchase by my SO at first, but I must admit I use it multiple times a day. For example when cooking I can tell it to set timers (it will set multiple at once). We also have it connected to our smart TV and our thermostat, so I can just say “Alexa, set thermostat to 70 degrees” and she does it. I find that very useful.

  10. Related to a comment in yesterday’s lip balm post: how do you get Clinique’s Black Honey “almost lipstick” to stay on? I don’t seem to have trouble keeping matte lipstick on, but creamy lipstick like this rubs right off. The problem isn’t that it gets on my coffee cup or on a napkin (although I could do without that), it’s that it’s gone from my lips in a few hours and I need to reapply.

    1. That’s just how creamy lipstick works, generally. You reapply a few times a day, especially for bright colors where fading is more noticeable. I just keep the tube near my monitor on my desk, and grab it whenever I head in to use the bathroom.

      1. I was really hoping there’d be some makeup trick out there, like using primer or powder first. Sad face :(

        1. You’re right, there re tricks. For example, if I really need my lipstick to stay on longer (like at a party where I’ll be eating and drinking), I fully color in my lips with a NARS matte pencil in a similar color, and then put the creamy lipstick on over top. But I find that for day-to-day use, all those tricks are more work than simply taking 5 seconds to quickly touch up my lipstick whenever I have to pee anyway. But give the NARS thing a shot, if that sounds appealing. Some people also blot translucent powder over, but I hate the feel and look of that. I wear creamy lipstick so that it will feel creamy and hydrating, not gritty and dry.

          1. I’m wearing a NARS matte pencil today, but it smudged a little this morning. I don’t mind wiping smudged pencil from the skin around my mouth, but I can never get all of it off and then the edges of my lips look blurry and weird. I was actually going to ask if anyone had tips for keeping lipstick in place, or how to “clean up” smudges.

            Maybe I need to start wearing lip liner . . .

          2. You can “clean up” smudges with foundation or concealer. You can also do this before any smudging happens to get very clean lines

      2. Try a clear lipliner! I read about it on some beauty blog and tried it, and even cheapy lipstick (like Wet N Wild, lasts all day without fading or feathering or sliding off).

        I used to only wear nudes because I couldn’t stand reapplying every 2 hours, but with this trick, I can go a full work day, even through lunch, with a bold lipstick.

        http://amzn.to/2hBijgh

    2. You might try applying a very light layer of powder, then the lipstick, blot, powder again and another layer of lipstick.

  11. What would you do? I went to Nordstrom yesterday and had horrible service. I was carrying a returns box and nobody offered to assist me. I went to 3 registers before finding an associate only to be told that she had clocked out and could not help me; no offer to get anyone else. I went to the 4th register, waited in line and as soon as I got to the front the associate left and said that someone else would be with me shortly. I’m still holding the box with no offers of help. Finally another associate comes up, starts processing the return and tells me that I need to go to a different floor because the items weren’t from her department (Individualist). I went to that department specifically because I needed to alter a jacket and generally shop there. When I told her no and she finally started processing the return, she asked me whether I had worn the clothing even though everything was in its original packaging with its tags on. I was dressed casually in cute gym clothing I was going to use later so guess I didn’t look like most of the mid-day of the week shoppers. I felt really offended. Is it worth complaining?

    1. No. It’s a very busy time of year. Be gracious. Assume they are just tried after working all through the holiday weekend.

    3. No. It has been a hard week.

      And let’s admit…. We all take advantage of Nordstrom’s great customer service often, and from posts here, some of us over-demand. So I’d give them a break.

      1. Plus, these are probably not regulars but seasonal help. So: newbies, short-timers, etc. Adjust Nordstrom expectations until late January (after the returns are processed and it’s just the regular staff).

    4. Seriously, someone is supposed to help you with a box? I think that you may need trim your expectations a bit.

      2. They always offer to put it on the counter or next to the counter. I’m not asking them to carry it for me. I was only returning 3 items but was also holding items for alterations.

        1. I get the frustration of not being able to find an open register (this has happened to me more times at other dept stores than Nordstrom, but it still happens with regularity), but when you get to an open register, if holding a box is an issue, I usually just ask if I can stick it on their counter. No one has ever told me no.

          1. Yeah – me too. There’s usually counter space where you’d put your purchases to ring them up, right? That’s the same place I put the box. Or if the items in the box are not involved in the purchase, I’d put it on the floor between me and the counter.

            Maybe I’m not fancy enough for regular Nordstrom shopping, but I’m not really sure why this is hard.

      3. Yeah, why bring the shipping box at all to the store? Put it in a bag that is easy to carry.

    5. I wouldn’t in this case. You ultimately got what you needed, and what really is going to come out of complaining in this case. I doubt it was related to how you were dressed. Just let it go.

    6. Over the past year or so I have found that the clerks at the registers in the regular departments are less and less willing to help with returns–they always have an excuse or try to send me to another register. I have had the best luck taking returns to a less-busy department (accessories, kids’) or the main customer service desk.

      1. Yeah, they are on commission so doing returns is a losing proposition for them. I have had great experiences at the main customer service desk.

        1. My nordstrom has a returns/general customer service desk now (its by the shoe department) – maybe ask around for that next time? They just put it in randomly about 6 months ago, maybe there’s a new one at your stores.

        2. I thought that returns came out of the commission of the person who made the original sale, not the person who accepted the return?

          1. Yeah, but if they are handling a return they aren’t making money by making sales.

      2. This store unfortunately got rid of the main customer service desk so now you have to take them to a register.

        2. If the stuff is in a box, I’m assuming it’s an online purchase? Why not just mail it back? They don’t charge for returns, and you save the hassle.

          1. Because it’s more of a hassle for me to go to UPS/post office. Leaving packages for pick-up is not an option.

    7. I would politely complain, perhaps via the Nordstrom website. I get that it’s a busy time of year, but the fact that you went to multiple counters and were turned away multiple times, and, it sounds like, rather impolitely, I’d let Nordstrom know.

      It’s certainly not provable, but I complained about my local Macys (Montgomery Mall in Bethesda) a few years ago because the stores were disgusting – gigantic piles of clothes outside the dressing rooms, dressing rooms that smelled horribly of BO and who knows what else, very unhelpful, rude clerks – and I have to say, it’s better now. I still don’t love Macys, but they have cleaned up their act.

      So you could be doing Nordstroms a favor by letting them know things aren’t quite right at that branch, giving them an opportunity to fix it. You don’t have to name names, but if you had an unpleasant experience, I’d let them know, calmly and politely.

    8. I have a second, part-time job at a different national chain department store.

      I’m unclear–did you not find an associate at the first few registers? or was there someone there who refused to help you?

      At my store, if you aren’t actively ringing up a customer, you are supposed to be out on the sales floor helping customers to find what they are looking for. Which is great in theory, but it leaves the majority of customers wandering around the store, looking for a cash register with someone standing behind it, when they are ready to check out.

      We hear over and over and over from customers that “there’s no one in the store!” when they have just walked past 2 or 3 associates who would be more than happy to help them. But the customer doesn’t realize the associate just standing at the intersection of two aisles is waiting to help someone, and the associates can’t always read the body language that says, “I’m ready to check out and trying to find a cash register.” (Sometime the facial expression of the person looking for children’s socks and the facial expression of someone desperate to check out look very much alike.)

      So my advice there is to approach any associate you see and ask them if they can process your return, or point you towards a register where there is someone who can help you.

      As for the associate who just clocked out–it’s the same in my store. First, we are not allowed to help customers when we are off the clock. It’s a violation of labor regulations. (Even though I will take the time to point someone in the right direction, I really not supposed to do that.) Second, at least in my store, once I’ve clocked out for a meal break, the system will not allow me to clock back in for 30 minutes. I’ve come back from break a minute or two early, tried to clock in and had to stand there and wait until the 30 minutes have passed. Which is awkward if it’s at a station with 2 registers and customers are leaving one line to go over to my register because they think I’m now open.

      We also have to take our meal break within 5 hours of starting work. Which does leave us sometimes clocking out right at the 5 hour mark, even if customers are standing in line. We always contact our manager first, so they know they need to get someone over there. But if we are one minute late, we get written up.

      Returns–again, this is just my store, but certain items are supposed to be returned to their own department. Not everything, but things that need checking before they are accepted back–shoes, for example, have to be checked to make sure they haven’t been worn and are both the same size. Suits have to be check to make sure they weren’t altered. If the customer makes a fuss, then we can use our discretion, but we’ll have to explain to a manager later.

      My guess is that the questions about the clothing being worn are standard questions that are asked of every customer. The associate needs to know if the clothing can be put on the sales floor and sold again or if it has to be damaged out.

      Holding the box? I think that’s on you. You could have put it on the counter or the floor.

      I think you should complain. What you should complain about is: 1) lack of staffed registers/associates to help you. 2) Being told to go to another department when the return could be processed where you were.

  12. I’m looking for a very, very light shoulder bag for work. So leather is out. Would also appreciate something “cleanable”. Of course, style and structure would be appreciated. Black. Zipper top would be nice.

    I hate the Lonchamp Pliage.

  13. Many from the hive have recommended a wake up light from Philips. SO is very much not a morning person and I am considering giving him one for Christmas. Two questions: can it be mounted on the wall? We don’t have space for bedside tables, so I was thinking above/beside the bed might work.
    Does it start at a properly dimmed, low level of light? As a comparison, my kindle (older generation) has an adjustable backlight, but the lowest setting is still rather bright when one person reads in a dark bedroom an the other wants to sleep. Does the wake-up light similarly jump from dark do kinda-bright?

    1. I have one and love it. It does have to sit on a table – unless there is a model I’m not aware of, there’s be no way to mount it to the wall. Maybe mount a floating shelf near the bed (though you’d still have to deal with the cord)? Yes, it starts very dim and gradually moves up to whatever you set (1-10) as the max level of light. Very gentle.

    2. No – you can’t mount it to the wall (at least not most of the models). It has a circular base and needs to set on a shelf or table top. Also be aware that it’s a halogen bulb, so it can get quite warm.

      Yes, it gradually gets brighter, and you can set how bright the final level is, at least on my model. I feel like the amazon site for these has a decent side-by-side comparison of the different models and features that would be useful for you too look at. I’m guessing the same thing is at the Phillips website.

    3. I had one and it was huge – definitely check the dimensions as mine took up most of the nightstand. It wasn’t a wall mounted item either. Maybe they’ve changed but the design killed any love I had for it. I also only found it marginally effective.

    4. What the others have said. It must sit on a table.

      I am also your SO. I have such a hard time getting up, especially in the winter. So I use the light during those times. My model has colored light that starts dim (and orange) and increases to an intensity that I can set (between 1-20). I think the light gets mostly white around 12 or 13.

      I’m not a person who can ever just get out of bed with a regular alarm. I hit snooze a billion times. With this alarm I’m up, and don’t feel jolted awake (there is also a sound component that comes on at the appointed wakeup time. I feel like I woke up naturally when it gets to that point.

      Not sure if this would be helpful to you, but my model also has a “sunset” feature, if your SO also has issues winding down (like I do). You can set it between 5 and 60 minutes, and the light will simulate the sun setting (from white light to red/orange light). I use it while reading before bed and find it helps me settle down. When the light starts to get really dim or red, I know it’s time to put the book down.

    5. My husband got one for me last Christmas. The gradual wake-up light is really great. However, as a fellow NOT morning person, I think the alarm sounds on the clock are inadequate. I guess the designers think that the light will be enough, so the sounds are all very soothing and calm. I actually have to use my phone as a backup to get the annoying “beep beep” which is still necessary to get me out of bed.

      it’s funny, my husband is a super light sleeper, but he really likes the wake-up light and the sunset features. I was recently traveling for two weeks, and he missed my light so much that he started using it himself!

      I’ll echo what others have said about the unit being too big and round for wall-mounting. Also, I find the buttons annoying because it’s really hard to read the labels (printing is too small and placement is around the rim). I ended up sticking scotch tape on the front, and replicating the button labels in sharpie. Also, there is no AM radio if that matters.

    6. Uh, so, I got this as a NOT MORNING PERSON and it turns out I can sleep through the light. And the alarm is too quiet.

      I gave it to my mom.

  14. I took a chance on the turtleneck layering trend and ordered a thin black one from the JCrew factor Black Friday sale. It came yesterday and I’m wearing it today thinking it’d look modern and cool, but I just feel like a nun. I have it on under a black, floral-print dress and a burgundy cardigan (matches the floral pattern). I’m self-employed, so I have a casual work wardrobe most days and paired the whole look with brown combat boots.

    The nanny said it looks very 90s in a cool way, but I still feel like a nun. Someone help me figure out how to feel less dorky. Should I fold the neck or just scrunch it? Would a shorter necklace help?

    1. Don’t wear it with floral and a cardigan? Try it with a sleeker outfit- solid dress, fitted silhouette, no cardigan. No combat boots unless you want to look like Brenda from 90210.

    2. IMO, turtlenecks should never have the neck folded unless it is a turtleneck-style sweater and that is intended.

      Also, I think it helps if you have an Akris-style aesthetic going: clean lines, solids, etc. Floral print + turtleneck + cardigan seems to be what a kindergarten teacher (like my mom does this all winter and she is chic but on weekends / evenings only, not at her day job) might wear to stay warm but does not seem to be very office chic.

      1. Agreed. You need to match it with more current trends. Try it under a sleek gray blazer with gray cigare++e pants and a chic oxford or block heel. Or try it on its own, tucked into a pencil skirt or tucked into an a-line shorter skirt with OTK boots. A monochrome look would be cool tucked into jeans with moto boots, if they were all black.

        I have worn a tissue thin one once under a zip up hoodie and it looked cute with some big earrings. (This is a weekend look, obviously.) I have also worn it under a button-down, which was a cute weekend look, but more for something where wearing so many layers isn’t absurd (like being outside for an extended period).

        Necklaces are hard to get right with turtlenecks because you already have something around your neck. I would focus on your hair and earrings if you need something around your face or wear a bracelet.

    3. I love turtlenecks and wear them frequently. I would not wear any necklace, long or short, with one. I think that makes it a little schoolmarm.

    4. Thank you all for the expert opinions. I was probably 12 the last time I wore a non-sweater turtleneck. I was in desperate need of help. Since I work above my house, I ducked downstairs and switched my outfit to just the black turtleneck, a high-waisted a-line white and black tweed skirt and black ankle boots. Plus a mid-length gold giraffe pendant necklace, tiny gold triangle earrings, and a dark raspberry lip stain.

      Thank you for unfrumping my outfit!

  15. What do you do if you have a new coworker who doesn’t seem to be getting it? He was hired in August, so I understand that there’s still a lot to learn. But since we have the same position, he comes to me with a lot of questions, which is fine–I’m happy to help out! His questions are worryingly basic, though. We’ll have to go over the same thing multiple times (even though he takes notes) and he just asked me how to use a core feature of our software that he should have been using heavily since his first week. I shared a few specific areas of concern with our supervisor and he’s improved in those tasks since she talked to him, but I feel like the other problems are piling up and there’s a general pattern of just not understanding what’s going on and what needs to happen. We have a great department and I have no personal problems with this guy–just a front row seat to everything that isn’t getting done, but that our boss hasn’t noticed yet. A few other coworkers have privately expressed concern to me as well; one has also talked to our supervisor. I don’t want to throw this guy under the bus but I can’t do his work for him, and I’m going to start looking bad when I can’t do things on time because he hasn’t been keeping up with his projects. Should I talk to him? Talk to my supervisor about the pattern of issues? I’ve never had to deal with something like this before and I don’t know what to do.

    1. You have my sympathies! I had a similar coworker, but without me depending on their work. Unfortunately, I have no great recommendations for you. In my case the coworker moved on after 1,5 years, and I still occasionally have to fix gaps in their documentation today.

    2. Don’t go over the same thing multiple times. Tell him firmly that you don’t have time to repeat the same basics again and again, and ask him to consult his notes BEFORE coming to you with questions. Send him away when he asks repeat questions.
      Not getting your own work done because you spend so much time with him and especially doing his work is a problem, and your supervisor needs to be aware of it.

    3. Should also have mentioned that our company has a 12 month probationary period with a 6 month performance eval. He’ll be virtually unfireable after 12 months but our boss has a lot more latitude until then.

      1. So he’s been with your company for about 6 months and will soon have his evaluation. Make sure that you express your concerns to whoever is responsible for this evaluation so it goes through the proper channels and he is made aware of the shortcomings.

      2. In that case, I think you need to be careful that you’re not covering up his deficiencies by helping him with the same thing over and over again or fixing mistakes.

        Also, I’d see if Alison over at Ask A Manager could help.

    4. You have my commiseration. I have the same issues except employee is the child of our awful HR director….

    5. The best way to notify your supervisor will be to frame it in terms of how much time you personally are spending on assisting him. That will come across as very objective – simply saying, “I’m getting along well with Jim-Bob; currently, I’m spending X hours per week supporting him on things like Y and Z. I’m fine continuing to support him on that but we’d need to adjust some of my other projects so that I can have time available for him.” Or something like that. Frame it as a neutral issue of your supervisor needing to make a decision about where you’re spending your time.

  16. I need advice on righting a work relationship that has gotten off on the wrong foot. New Hire is in newly-created position that has some overlap with mine, both in my actual position and through a committee I am on. She has made no effort to learn what I do, despite an initial “meet and greet” meeting I scheduled. She is constantly doing things like ccing our department head when she thinks has caught me in a mistake, being short with me on group emails, telling me she wants to do X (when X falls under my purview). I can’t work out if it’s just her being new (I gather no one has even given her an org chart), young (first job out of school) or just hateful.

    We are a very Chain of Command department, and we are in parallel chains. I had a meeting back in October with some of our committee members about this new role and what it entailed. Her supervisor was in this meeting, and I had been under the impression he was going to bring her up to speed. He obviously didn’t and it’s way out of line for me to do so or to follow up with him. However, her cluelessness and/or attitude are impacting my work. I am not the only person in our department that has had issues with her being rude. She is very warm to others on the committee (outside our dept.), so it comes off a little as thinking my role is beneath her.

    Is there a conversation I could have that would help alleviate this problem?

    1. Can you talk to your supervisor and ask him/her to talk to this person’s supervisor about it? Seems like that’s the Chain of Command way to handle it.

    2. If this is her first job out of school, she might be completely clueless. She might not even understand that she is coming off as rude and that might not be her intention at all. Do you think she’d be open to feedback? If so, I’d maybe have a chat with her behind closed doors and just let her know that’s how she’s coming off. It’ll help her in the long run if she’s open to feedback.

  17. I like the dress, but unfortunately I don’t think you could easily sit down with it without it opening up all the way to mid thigh

  18. I’m making an email introduction between two parties who want to meet. Which of the two would you all consider the higher status party for the purposes of drafting the email?

    – one party is the CEO of one of my portfolio companies – she’s seeking info on some recent inbound interest from a foreign investor group.

    – the other party is a competitive investor from a good investment firm in that same country (founder and partner), who could be helpful giving the CEO the lay of the land. Whether it leads to investment discussions separately, I don’t know and it’s not the current focus of the intro.

    Who gets introduced to who here? Thanks!

    1. Do something like this – that way you’re introducing each of them to the other in one.

      Good morning,

      I believe the two of you would benefit from connecting.

      Person 1, meet Person 2: background background background

      Person 2, meet Person 1: background background background

      I hope you are able to connect in the near future. I’ll let you take it from here. [Insert witty banter or personal holiday like comment – Enjoy your holidays ].

      Best regards,
      You

      1. This is a great way to do it.

        I think an alternative is to introduce the person looking for information/a favor to the person who would be providing the information/doing the favor.

      2. Thanks! This is basically what I did, and I started with the person looking for information.

  19. Has anybody used Havenly or a similar service that can weigh in with thoughts? I have a new house and need help planning paint colors, furniture arrangement and sort of the basics for two big rooms. I know a stager/interior designer that will do a basic plan that would probably be less $$ than Havenly, but am not sure it would be as detailed. Mostly, I want to a) not pay a ton and b) outsource the creative part and then do the actual selection of pieces on my own.

  20. Help regarding starting an investment for a small child? Our nephew is getting baptized this weekend and DH and I would like to give a modest cash or investment gift. Our first thought was a savings bond but the TreasuryDirect website is down. Also, DH is concerned PEOTUS will start defaulting on debt and savings bonds will become worthless… not sure if I think the situation is that dire, but the preference is not to do a savings bond.

    We could always give BIL and SIL a check. I trust them to keep it separate for the baby. But they’d probably throw it in a savings account and leave it there, and I like the idea of giving him some kind of built-in investment. DH also thinks it would be a nice idea to add to the account for special occasions as the kid gets older.

    2. Could you open a 529 college savings fund in his name and put a little money in there?

    3. We opened up 529 accounts for our niece and for our goddaughter. For baptism, each Christmas and each birthday we put money into the account.

      1. We also opened nieces and nephews. We contribute a set amount every quarter (dollar cost averaging strategy) and then send them a card and small gift on their birthdays telling them we put $X in their college savings. Another benefit of the 529 is that the 529 is under our control. Our nieces’ parents are in the midst of a divorce, and we learned that their father was spending money and opening unauthorized credit lines. I’m confident their college savings money would be gone if we had not gone with the 529.

    4. Ooh, thanks! Will look into a 529. I hadn’t thought we could open one in the name of someone else’s child, but if that’s possible it’s exactly what we are looking for.

      1. You’ll need the kid’s social security number. Some parents don’t like to give those out. Be prepared for that possibility. Otherwise, it’s very easy.

    5. If the 529 is yours for the benefit of the child, as opposed to investing in the one the parents open, it doesn’t count when filling out the FAFSA. Financial aid only looks at the parents’ and child’s accounts. So opening a new one has advantages over putting money in the one a parent might have opened.

    6. I’d ask the parents what their preference is. We set up 529 accounts for our kids when they were born, and my father insisted on setting up separate UGMA accounts because they would be easier for him to contribute to. I appreciate the gifts, but now have to keep track of multiple accounts for each kid and am a little annoyed that he wouldn’t just contribute to the accounts we already established.

  21. What’s the difference (besides price/size) between Amazon’s Echo and Dot? After all the cool uses I saw in yesterday’s thread about it, I’m thinking about getting one for my dad.

      1. The dot actually doesn’t play music at all. you have to hook it up to an external speaker for that. it is just alexa.

        1. The dot plays music. It just has a low quality speaker.

          Dot is $50.

          Echo is like ?$190.

          The only difference is the speaker quality. If your Dad will want to listen to music a lot with it, buy him a cable so he can connect it to better speakers that he already owns, or buy him a nicer speaker to use with the dot.

          Or just buy him the Echo with everything together. But it is much cheaper to buy a separate speaker yourself.

        2. The Echo has really good speaker quality and he can just take it out of the box and plug it in and play music and everything. It’s on sale this week for something like $130.

          1. Dot speaker quality is quite poor and you need an external speaker if you want to play music. (We have both.)

  22. Hi everyone,

    As every day goes by and life starts to feel a little bit more normal again since the election, I get sick to my stomach at how we/my mind is normalizing our current environment. I could not in good conscience tell my kids some day that I voted for Trump and cannot in good conscience sit on the sidelines now. Here are some helpful webs!tes or apps I have found. In particular, I really like the first one.

    http://bit.ly/2gkOnDG a weekly newsletter that gives concrete ideas on how to take action during the next 4 years. This one is great because it also gives you a time estimate of how long something will take.

    https://www.flippable.org/ focuses on how to effect change at the state level and at the federal level – start focusing on 2018 midterm elections!

    http://www.weekly-resistance.online/ on how to call your elected officials

    https://itunes.apple.com/us/app/countable-contact-congress/id893853823?mt=8 an app to understand how your elected officials are voting on your behalf

    http://www.support.fm/express on where to donate your money that can do a lot of good

    http://togetherlist.com/ on where to donate your time that can do a lot of good

    https://itunes.apple.com/us/app/boycotttrump/id1171663655 an app that helps you stop from giving our President Elect more money

    2. Thanks. It’s surreal, isn’t it? Hosting Thanksgiving, doing Christmas shopping, enjoying my new marriage.

      And all the while, wondering if I’m in Germany, ca. 1933.

      1. Between this and the Austrian presidential run-off on Sunday, my elderly in-laws in Austria are so upset that the parallels to the 1930s are not being recognized in terms of the blaming minorities/divisive rhetoric etc. I don’t know what to say to them.

        The list of specific things to do helps so much because helps me focus on action.

        1. It is definitely upsetting. In personal/social circles, my effort to make sure this isn’t normalized is to continue to ‘make a stink’ – i.e. to casually (and honestly) say “I’m still bummed about the election” when someone asks how I am or if someone asks what I’ve been up to to say “oh! I called Senator Y today over my lunch break to encourage him to ____. It was so easy! What about you, how did your date go?”

          I want to normalize peaceful political action! This president elect and our federal and state senators and representatives work FOR US; I want to remind them of that.

          I am also a white woman who is highly educated and in the 1%. That article about the “Ivanka voter” made me realize that there are a lot of women like me in my social circles but who voted for Trump, choosing to ignore these problems. The election is over, but I want them to know that it is just as easy for them to demand better over the next four years as it is for someone who didn’t vote for him because at the end of the day, he is speaking for all of us.

          1. Thanks for your comments! “I want to normalize peaceful political action” really resonated with me. I interned in government and I know how seriously calls/letters are taken as representative of constituents views – like 1 letter meant that 600 constituents felt the same way (I forget the exact number). I’ve never been on the sending/calling side of things so it’s a good reminder to start doing that.

            Inspired by you and emeralds below.

      3. I try to do one thing every day, whether it’s making a donation or contacting a representative or signing up to volunteer or educating myself an issue that I’m not familiar with. Every once in awhile I get hit with that wave of surrealism, though.

    3. Lovely Husband surprised me by coming home last night and saying he has decided to fly the flag we put out for holidays upside down on Inauguration Day, and and all his Tuesday-night-out friends agreed to join him. It’s something, while we still have the right to symbolic speech…

      1. Careful, flag burning is going to be illegal soon! You will be thrown in jail bigly.

  23. I know Trump voters, but I don’t KNOW them (a lot of people I grew up with that I’m no longer in touch with). I live in the liberal oasis bubble of Boston and have no interest in reading news littered with lies.

    Can someone with more experience please tell me how Trump voters are feeling about all of his Cabinet appointments? Are they really that hypocritical and don’t care that Trump could attack Hillary but then consider Petraeus as Secretary of State? How do they feel about Bannon? What about DeVos? How do his “populist” voters feel about all the billionaires and wall street representation? Do they care?

    1. I only know a couple Trump voters, but they’re thrilled with the appointments. They’re very happy that he’s choosing “outsiders” and they don’t seem to understand or care about the Petraeus/Hillary hypocrisy, the hypocrisy of choosing a Goldman Sachs person after tearing Hillary apart for Wall St. speeches, etc. I know one person who is a little bit more lukewarm about Bannon, but others who think he has been unfairly maligned.

    2. Not a Trump voter, but a lifelong Republican. If you want to see a mainstream non-pro-Trump classical Republican take on things, I’d check out the WSJ or National Review. I’d otherwise stay off of the internet.

    3. The Trump voters in my family are still in a “wait and see” mode. They truly do not see Petraeus’ breach the same way they see HRC’s breach. There’s a lot of cognitive dissonance at play. But when pressed, they all say “Give him a chance” without even trying to defend any individual pick or “Well Obama did [x, y and z].”

    4. If a billionaire is considered anti-establishment, then sticking lots of other people from industry in positions that used to be filled with seasoned politicians actually makes sense. He said he would drain the swamp, aka avoid working with professional politicians as much as possible.

    5. I would bet many Trump voters don’t really care about the cabinet picks. They want a conservative justice on the supreme court and they want economic revitalization in places other than coastal cities. They’re going to get the justice they want, and they’ll have to wait to see if Trump can pull those manufacturing and coal mining jobs out of his rear end. My guess is that the only folks who have buyers remorse at this point are the people who were on the fence and voted for Trump against their better judgment.

      The National Review doesn’t like Flynn or Bannon, but they’re pretty OK with his other cabinet choices. Granted, they did not like Trump either.

      1. This. People don’t care about the cabinet picks. They probably won’t care until their taxes go up, their health insurance disappears and medicare is privatized.

        One useful tip I read is to think about whether the cabinet picks would be different under another Republican president. The Ed secretary would probably be the same under a Bush or Rubio, for example. But Sessions as AG? Doubt you’d see that.

        1. The Ed secretary has made destroying public schools her life’s goal, and supports moving public funding to private and religious schools. As far as I know, that’s an incredibly unique position for an education secretary and make her a very different person than Bush or Rubio would have picked.
          Petraeus seems to be about the only “typical” Republican pick and is pretty much the only one I’m not horrified by (hypocrisy regarding emails, aside).

          1. Not totally following this, but I thought that she was very pro charter schools. My state (not her state) has unlimited charter schools (it used to have a cap). They have been overwhelmingly well received and serve a predominantly low-income clientelle (similar to NOLA post-Katrina). I think that they are the one thing that may give my urban school system (which reflect decades of segregated housing) a kick in the pants is that they need to compete and if they lose kids/$, it’s because they deserve to (they so deserve to — they are just bad). These kids have no other options. I get that not 100% of urban kids can’t go, but for the 25% of them who are going, have have a chance where previously they had none. And we get new ones setting up all the time, so over time the 25% grows. Sure, bad ones have been shut down, but shutting down our bad urban schools wasn’t ever an option for those schools.

            I’m not about throwing the baby out with the bathwater. And the baby (in my city and state) is very, very real.

          2. at Anon 12:53 – Charter Schools take the most able and least ‘needy’ kids out of the public system. And leave public schools with less funding/resources and disproportionate amount of kids with challenges (disabilities, ESL etc) which are more costly to service. The answer isn’t charter schools. It’s a well resourced and managed public school system.

            A well resourced and high quality public education system benefits society as a whole. A well educated population is an important safeguard for democracies.

          3. Former public school teacher in one of the most broken, highest need urban districts in the country, and I wholeheartedly disagree with Anonymous t 1:03’s characterization of charter schools. I agree that they don’t fix the inherently broken system, but they provide a good, if not excellent, place for students to learn in the interim while attempts are made to fix the broken central offices.

          4. I think it is charter schools, at least in an urban school system (the dysfunction I’m most familiar with), are the only way out. The richer and most abled people have long since left them, either by moving out or opting for good private schools. The people who are left aren’t really able to leave. They are total hostages.

            If we pumped $ into them more, they might still be awful. In the meantime, what are you going to do? Charters are an option now and I don’t see why people with no other option should have that taken away. It’s like “lifeboats are bad unless 100% of passengers have them, so get rid of the lifeboats you have. You will have 0% until you have 100%.” Might as well save the kids you can, b/c right now our urban public school is saving almost none of them.

          5. Anonymous at 12:53, I’d like to chime in as well. There’s a growing body of literature addressing the harm that charter schools can do to students and school systems. John Oliver had a great segment on for-profit charter schools over the summer that provides an excellent introduction to these issues. It’s also deeply problematic to me that the number of for-profit charter schools is likely to grow under the Trump administration; ditto the largely unregulated online charter system. I say all of this as a former supporter of charter schools who was unable to ignore or minimize the real damage they can do to students. What we need is not charter schools skimming the best-equipped low-income students with the most involved parents out of our public schools; what we need is excellent public schools providing a quality education and support systems for all children, not just the 25%.

            PS. Voucher systems for private schools, which DeVos supports, were also piloted in NOLA and led to lower educational outcomes. They weren’t big enough to bridge the gap for low-income parents trying to get their kids into truly excellent private schools–they mostly went to lower-quality, lower-cost private schools that were already shedding students.

          6. The option you’re leaving out of your analogy is to stop the ship from sinking, rather than abandon those who don’t fit easily on life boats. And analogies like this (or the awful skittles analogy) don’t add anything to the discussion.

            I don’t accept that the only way out is for charter schools to provide a pathway for the most able and leave behind the kids with disabilities or ESL or the most challenged socio-economic circumstances.

            “they might still be awful” or they might improve or they might be amazing. They can’t improve if they don’t have stable long term funding. I’m not a huge Oprah fan but she once did a great show that compared a public school in a predominately black urban neighborhood and a predominantly white suburban neighbor. The quality of the facilities and the available resources and activities was worlds apart. Public schools everywhere deserve the same funding.

          7. The key is to change the funding mechanism. Schools are funded by property taxes in most states. Towns with fancy houses have high property taxes and lots of money for the schools.

          8. ^ Bingo, Blonde Lawyer.

            I live in a city in the south that has generally mediocre to awful public schools. One of the public elementary and middle schools in a formerly not so good part of town became a magnet school and all of a sudden real estate in the area went insane. People are so desperate to be in a good public school district that they are paying an extra $150-200k** on houses in this school district. All new construction in the area starts at around 500k. So now basically the only people who can afford to live in that school district are the ones who could have afforded to send their kids to the pricey private elementary schools in the first place. It’s just sad. Sucks to be you, poor people.

            ** LCOL, so this is a ton of $$. For reference, my house was $140k for a 3/2 and a comparable house in this district would probably be around 275k+, but will be 100 years old and have no closets.

    6. A lot of the Trump voters I know wouldn’t be able to name even one or two of his cabinet picks. They got the guy in, they’re not paying attention to the details.

      1. Was talking to a friend’s younger brother who was going on about how Trump was great and going to “rebuild from the ground up”. I asked him what he thought of Pence and he said, “Who’s that?”

      2. This is my experience as well. The people I know who voted for Trump are outspoken on gun issues and “crooked Hillary” but I have t heard a peep about any of the appointments.

        Aside from the WSJ and National Review mentioned above, if I were to add a s1te that Trump voters get their news from, what would those be? I know Breitbart but I’m wondering about others.

    7. My sister-in-law just learned that her father and stepmother voted for Trump because his healthcare costs were high. We’re in MA. Before there was Obamacare, there was RomneyCare…

      My friend and her family (also in MA) voted for Trump because they wanted lower taxes and think the economy will be better. She doesn’t make enough for her own personal taxes to drop. The estate taxes might affect her if her father dies. They definitely have some very disturbing views on immigrants…

    8. Here in the conservative midwest, I’m seeing mixed reviews. Some people seem to think they’re great. Some people think they’re “too establishment” (whatever that means). I don’t feel like I’m hearing many informed opinions, but there seems to be a lot of GOP infighting over whether the picks are good or whether he’s not actually “draining the swamp.”

      As others have mentioned I’m also seeing a lot of “wait and see” – this believe that because Trump said he would “pick the best people” he must therefore be doing so.

  24. Hey Ladies!

    I’m headed to NYC this weekend for the first time in a few years. It’s a girls trip and we have some reservations for dinner. Where are some of your favorite spots for shopping these days in the Big Apple? Any places not to be missed? And what about shows? We’re planning on doing the tickets the day of shows for less expensive options (we know Hamilton is totally out), but any other recommendations for great shows playing?

    Like I said, it’s been about 4 years since I’ve been, so any tips appreciated!

    Thanks!

    1. Go to the TKTS booth in the Seaport to skip lines. Currently available: the Great Comet of 1812. Super, super fun! Highly recommend.

      As far as shopping, while you’re down there you can check out the shops at the seaport or nearby Century21. Not sure what kind of shopping you have in mind so recommendations would vary depending… Much of NYC shopping now is just mall stores, but some options might be Uniqlo (lower Broadway or 5th Ave/midtown location); Zara; the H&M Flagship (it’s somehow better than other H&Ms)… Fishs Eddy for cute homegoods/presents … the Union Square Xmas market for random other cute stuff (also one in Grand Central Terminal & one in Bryant Park)

      1. There’s also a pop-up TKTS booth in Lincoln Square – the line wasn’t too bad when I went last Friday. There’s also a Christmas market in Columbus Circle, but I’m not sure if it’s opened up yet.

        For shopping, there’s also MM LaFleur. I HATE Century21 with a fiery passion, but a lot of people love it.

        I really liked the 9/11 Memorial (but I haven’t been there since the museum opened). I also really like Gotham Comedy Club – my mom insists we go every time she is in town. Their all-stars line up is always great, and I’ve even been to the new talent show and enjoyed it a lot.

          1. It’s Westfield. Brookfield Place is close by past the wtc memorial and higher-end. I know too much about malls.

    2. I have a random Off-Broadway recommendation: “Love Love Love” at the Laura Pels Theater. Dark comedy about baby boomers, and stars Richard Armitage (aka Thorin Oakenshield of “The Hobbit”) and Amy Ryan of “The Office.” Interesting and timely, if a little heavy-handed in a few scenes.

    3. On Your Feet was a surprisingly fun show if you’re interested in a musical. I had forgotten how catchy most Gloria Estefan music is!

    4. On Your Feet was a surprisingly fun show if you’re interested in a musical. I had forgotten how catchy most Gloria Estefan music is!

  25. DC ladies:

    I have a Very Important Work Meeting this week in your city. I will be wearing a black skirt suit. Black tights OK? Hose? I can’t go barelegged b/c I will freeze and probably also get blisters or hotspots on my feet (will be going into DCA and then metroing / walking downtown a bit).

    1. Black tights are fine, you’ll occasionally see hose here but not super common. It’s warm-ish today so check the weather. (I’m wearing black tights despite said warmth!)

    2. Black tights, black stockings, nude stockings — all okay, in my book. Bare legs, you’ll look crazy! It’s cold outside!

      1. It’s in the high 60s right now and is going to be in the high 50s the rest of the week. That’s not cold . . .

        1. Maybe not cold to you, but it is cold enough first thing in the morning and at night for tights.

          To me, tights are for anytime it’s in the highs of only in the 60s or any time it is below 50 during commute / work hours. I wouldn’t wear shorts in such weather and therefore I’d need tights to stay warm.

          If I were a middle-schooler, I’d probably be bare-legged if it were above freezing at any point during the day.

      2. Not today! It’s got to be close to 70! (I was wearing my parka on Saturday, though…)

      3. Lots of people with bare legs today. I’d wear black tights if you want coverage.

  26. Looking for gift ideas (ideally a book) <$20 for a 4th and 6th grade boy. 6th grader was just dx'd as being on the autism spectrum, but it is so mild that it's unnoticeable if you don't know what you are looking for. I mention this only because there may be some toys/books that would be better than others for those with mildly autistic traits (hard to break focus is the main one he has). Older guy loves star wars and Legos and trains. Younger kid is into mine craft.

    I am getting them a big Star Wars Lego thing as a joint present (they are great at sharing this stuff) but want individual presents too. Older one already has Ticket to Ride which is a bummer because that was my brilliant idea :-).

    1. Check out the 3M rock discovery set (or something similar) and “stomp rocket” on amazon. My go to gifts for a 4th grader. Not sure that a 6th grader would enjoy though.

    3. YMMV because of the religious content, but my son loved the Chronicles of Narnia books, I think at about that age. He also loved a Lord-of-the-Rings-knockoff series by Terry Brooks starting with The Sword of Shannara, although those are probably more for the 6th grader than the 4th grader.

      He also LOVED Greek mythology at about that age.

    4. Redwall series by Brian Jacques – my friends and I lived on these in 5th and 6th grade

  27. Did I just miss a huge Black Friday/Cyber Monday deal on the Amazon Echo? I was avoiding buying one due to privacy concerns, but just today learned that it has a microphone mute button. Now it’s regular price. Should I wait or go ahead and order?

    1. Yeah, you missed a good sale. My guess is it will go on sale again before Xmas, but it might be risky to wait if they can’t ship it in time.

      If cost is an issue, just buy the dot, and a separate cable/speaker, which is much cheaper.

    2. You did miss the sale. However, the refurbished ones are close in price, so you can check that out – also open box. My friend got a better deal on hers this way than the black friday sale!

      signed,
      already obsessed

  28. I’m fashion challenged, please help.

    (1) I am planning on wearing a cobalt blue lace sheath dress to husband’s Christmas party. It is cocktail attire and held at a nice hotel ballroom.
    (a) Shoe help please. I have a pair of silver heels with on strap over top of foot and ankle strap. Too much like a sandal? Are plain black pumps too boring? I am in a cold climate, no snow currently but can’t rule it out for party.
    (b) jewelry?
    (c) I don’t own a clutch or bag that is really appropriate for fancy events. suggestions?

    (2) Also thinking about what to wear to my Christmas party the following evening. It will be a small event at an upscale restaurant. I have a black wool mini skirt (not inappropriately short) with 2 or so inch horizontal strips of sequins (hopefully that makes sense). I’m thinking I could wear that with tights and ankle boots? But what type of top? And dumb question alert…can I wear a wool jacket that is longer than the skirt?

    A couple people replied yesterday and said to wear fancy earrings. Can you please give me a few examples? Every time I wear something I think is fancy I end up feeling ridiculous and like I’m trying too hard. I have a lot of anxiety about what I wear…but that is another topic in and of itself. Also, when it comes to a sweater with skirt, I want to tuck right? See…I really do over analyze this stuff.

    1. Not sure about your second question other than I love a short skirt and a looong jacket :)
      I wore a cobalt blue lace dress to a wedding with red shoes and lime green stone earrings. It sounds odd, but all the brighter colors worked together. I’ll see if I can find any links – my stuff was old, but shoes were Badgley Mischka and a deeper red, and earring were Kate Spade chandelier style. I’d suggest playing with what you have and pairing some unexpected things together.

    2. (1) (a)Wear the silver shoes. I always feel like strappy = dressy and so strappy shoes are fine even in the dead of winter.
      (b) I always like dangly earrings for a holiday party.
      (c) I like a metallic clutch for evening. Maybe gold instead of silver so you won’t be too matchy-matchy with the shoes.

      (2) Your skirt sounds great. I like to wear a chambray shirt with a dressy skirt. If you think that’s too casual, how about a cashmere sweater in a bright color or white or metallic? Generally you wouldn’t tuck a sweater into a skirt but if it’s very lightweight you may want to tuck. Yes, tights and ankle boots are fine. And yes, jacket longer than skirt is fine for outerwear.

      Here are some earrings I like:

      http://shop.nordstrom.com/s/kendra-scott-carrine-semiprecious-stone-drop-earrings/4270183?origin=keywordsearch-personalizedsort&fashioncolor=IVORY%20MOP%2F%20GOLD

      http://shop.nordstrom.com/s/kendra-scott-sophee-textured-drop-earrings/3976246?origin=keywordsearch-personalizedsort&fashioncolor=GOLD

      http://shop.nordstrom.com/s/treasurebond-starbust-drop-earrings/4466006?origin=keywordsearch-personalizedsort&fashioncolor=CLEAR%2FHEMATITE (these are kind of Christmasy in a subtle way)

      http://shop.nordstrom.com/s/kendra-scott-alex-teardrop-earrings/4153707?origin=keywordsearch-personalizedsort&fashioncolor=NAVY%20CATS%20EYE%2F%20GOLD (navy to go with your navy dress)

      http://shop.nordstrom.com/s/tasha-crystal-teardrop-earrings/4424823?origin=keywordsearch-personalizedsort&fashioncolor=GOLD%20%2F%20CLEAR (Full Bling!)

      I just went to Nordstrom.com and browsed through their earrings. Pick something you like and rock it!

      1. I was looking at the Rebecca Minkoff (spelling?) Leo envelope clutch in glitter. Too much????

  29. I am hosting a lunch for some family. Most of the menu will be appetizers like hummus and mini veggie hand pies, a veggie main, salad. I don’t cook or eat a lot of meat but I probably need something with meat as another main option for the family who considers no meal complete without. Should be kid friendly and ideally easy to make ahead. Ideas?

    1. Could you just buy premade meatballs and do them in the crockpot? That seems super easy and kid friendly. And you don’t have to really “prepare” the meat if that’s an issue for you.

    2. Fish tacos? Buy a rotisserie chicken? But I ‘d also say that if you have a substantial vegetarian main that doesn’t read as “weird” to meat-eaters, like a pasta or lasagna, you don’t need to serve meat if you would prefer not to.

    4. I’m a fan of a spiralized ham, I think Whole Foods does them, and some good rolls – make your own sandwich or have alone as a side.

  30. Has anyone here done a tour or alternatively traveled via Canada to Cuba? A friend and I are considering a 4-day trip in January in “honor” of Trump’s inauguration and looking for tour companies. We have one quote for $4,700 plus airfare – ouch! – but it’s a legal trip under US law which is probably well-advised.

    1. I’m going legally w/InsightCuba in late December. It is super expensive but was worth it to me, and that’s only become more true with the political uncertainties caused by Trump’s election and Castro’s death. I do have a friend who went via Cancun though. I think she just asked the Cuban authorities not to stamp her passport and they complied.

      1. I believe they still can track you for going to Cuba through another country, and as a US citizen, it is still illegal to do that unless you meet one of the qualified reasons for travelling there.

    2. Would going through Mexico be cheaper? It is more on the way than Canada. That’s what I did. Once in Mexico, I went to the travel agency closest to my hotel to get the Cuba part booked.

  31. I’m feeling wanderlust-y today…what’s the best approx. 1 week long trip you’ve taken? I have 9 days, including travel from Chicago and would be traveling in the summer months (May-August). I’m not opposed to a long plane flight.

    1. If I had 1 week I’d drive up the California coast and go to the red wood forest or Napa. Also on my list is Yellowstone Nat’l Park. A friend of mine just went to Iceland and said it was fabulous. I hope you do something!! Sounds like fun!!

    4. Road trip up the dalmation coast in croatia. we took 10 days, but 3 of those were just fooding in Rovinj.

      24 hrs in dubrovnik, up the coast to hvar, 3 days in hvar, then istria (but if you’re not into food, you could skip and do Split and other places around Hvar). Also did Plitvice.

    5. Sicily was amazing. Great food, lots of history, beaches, hiking, cycling, Mt. Etna, good shopping.

      Southeast Asia is my super fave but probably not that time of year.

  32. acupuncturist recommendations for northern virginia area? specifically to treat allergies / sinus problems.

  33. I think this has been discussed before, but I’m having trouble locating the threads.

    My best friend had a baby a year ago. And try as we might, we seem to be growing apart. I’m still a couple years away from having my first. She, understandably, is very focused on baby. I go over to their place about once a week, take dinner, hang out and play, but there’s just not as much common ground as there once was. For what it’s worth, she’s either not ready to leave the baby alone with dad or hire a babysitter or unwilling to give up time with baby (again, understandably, because she works long hours during the week) so that just the two of us can hang out.

    Is this just the way things go? Or is there something we could be doing to preserve our friendship?

    1. It sounds like you’re making quite an effort here. If there’s something that could be done, I think it would probably have to come from her, and if she’s unwilling, then there isn’t much you can do about it.

    2. She has a baby, works long hours and you see her weekly. Sounds like you have a solid friendship. As baby gets older and sleeps more consistently, go out for drinks after baby is in bed. That way you’re doing something adult but she’s not missing time with baby.

      1. Um, yeah. She works long hours and has a baby and still has time to see you weekly? She is already giving you a lot of her time and attention. It is really unreasonable to expect her to give up time with the baby to hang out with you. Even if she does leave the baby with dad or a sitter, she may have other priorities like exercise or alone time. I don’t think I’ve ever spent time with a friend who had kids without the kids in tow.

        2. What? I almost never have girlfriend time with kids in tow. That is missing the point.

        3. Wow. I can’t even. The only way my friends and I can really connect is when we leave our kids behind. Otherwise it is half-finished sentences in between kidmergencies.

        4. I’m having my first baby in March 2017 and I really, really hope I don’t do this to my friends.

          1. Then leave your baby with your other partner/family, and go out with your friends/partner. In a long run this will be better for you/partner/family/friends. Win-win-win.

    3. This seems to be fantastic. Also, if you want to get out and about with said friend, brunch can be fabulous. Lot of cool places are kid-friendly at that time. Also, botanical gardens and many museums can be good. Finally, if your friend has a good walking stroller (like a Bob), city adventures are totally do-able (and the stroller corrals the kid).

      If you want to hang out solo, maybe start with inviting her for something like a pedicure or spa appointment? Kids nap a ton at that age, so handing over to hubby during weekend afternoon nap time may be doable. My babies went to bed around 6:30-7 at night, so going out at night meant I missed nothing with them.

    4. What?!? You hang out WEEKLY. Your friendship isn’t in need of “preserving.” If you want a night out just the two of you, ask. “Hey, you know what I’d really love for Christmas? A night out just the two of us.”

    5. Yes, having a baby can mean 100% of your free time is spent with the baby even by choice. Free time is so limited. I understand wanting to go out to dinner and drinks, but your goal is to maintain the friendship and it seems like you’re doing just that by spending time with her and the baby.

    6. OP here. I understand what y’all are saying. She’s absolutely making a sacrifice just by accommodating my visits once a week. I guess what I meant to focus on was not the quantity of the visits but the quality. Though, it seems like the overwhelming response is that I should work on reframing the way I think about it. Which is fair.

      1. For quality, maybe get out of the house? Go for a walk with baby, find a baby friendly activity and invite her to it – don’t throw on a hair shirt here. She’s not making a sacrifice, she’s spending time with her friend too! If the problem is that allllll you do is hang out at her house propose new ideas.

        1. For what it’s worth, my 1 year old loves busy restaurants, diners, coffee shops, etc. He could watch servers bustle in and out of a busy kitchen all day long. If it’s a diner with busy servers and a new cast of characters every 15 minutes, he’s even happier.

          Maybe suggest meeting up at a casual restaurant?

      2. FWIW, I don’t think wishing you could have some one-on-one time with your friend is terrible or selfish.

        1. I agree. Especially since it sounds like the OP is providing dinner each and every week. Seems kind of one-sided.

      3. FWIW, I’ve had the same experience with a friend who was (once :( ) very close with me. Even though I came over and tried to help, while spending time with her and her new family, it was really difficult to converse and relate in the way we used to. I’ve been told it’s not personal and is even common for parents (not just moms) with young kids to be so laser focused on kid(s), that it’s only when they go off to full time school they are able to relax. I hope this is the case and remember it’s a function of her new life as a parent, and not something I’m doing wrong as a friend, helps me not over think it. I also try to bare in mind that I want my friends to give me a break to need to be like this when I have kids one day too, and hopefully it’s true that we’ll be close again when life allows. I dunno, maybe that might help re-frame it for you…

      4. Honestly, I was you. I stopped hanging out with my best friend for a while. I made all the effort, and then all she wanted to talk about EVER was the baby. Maybe we’ll be in the same place again someday, but a friendship where you make all the effort and the “friend” talks only about herself and her child was draining for me. Her only identity became mom and she wasn’t able to remember or summon the other parts of her personality.

        1. I get that. Sleep deprivation – it doesn’t leave a whole lot of brain cells free to think beyond the parent bubble… it’s a bit grim for a while. I’d give her time; it’ll all come back someday.

          I would LOVE if my best friend (who doesn’t have any kids yet) was able to come over weekly, or if we were able to go out for a drink or something! unfortunately she lives in another state.

      5. Stop the weekly visits. Maybe meet once a month and then she can leave kiddo behind.

    7. I would happily hang out with friends after my daughter’s bedtime (even knowing that it means double evening chores the next night) but I would be very reluctant to give up awake baby time, unless it was an activity that included my baby. I just went back to work (Canada so 1 year mat leave) and I have a pretty easy schedule, and I still only see my baby for 30-45 mins in the morning and 1 hour at night. I refuse to let anything crowd out those minutes.

    8. I don’t think either of you are doing anything wrong, but I would suggest trying to occasionally plan your hang-outs for after baby’s bedtime. By 1, most kids are going to bed reasonably early, so there’s probably an opportunity to come over to her house then and have a drink together.

      If she has a kid who requires intense night-time parenting (ie, a parent lying in bed with her all night), this won’t work, but it’s a good plan for the average kid.

    9. I am your friend and I have a very good childless friend who comes over frequently to hang out. I do try to make an effort to do stuff with her without kids, but I’m on kid three so I can say in the first year of my kids life, it basically doesn’t happen. After year one, logistics get easier. (I’m currently on year one of kid #3) I so so so so so appreciate her coming over to hang out, but if you feel the the “quality” isn’t there… maybe that’s all she has? I work and I take care of kids, I don’t always feel like I have a lot to offer my friend in the way of conversation, I am pretty drained by the end of the day. Since you are over there weekly, can you watch a show together and talk/comment on that for more quality interaction? My friend and I just DVRd and watched the new PBS Anne of Green Gables this week after kiddos bedtime.

      1. What I think you are saying is the vibe I get from my mom friends. I’m sure they still like me and would hang out if kids and husband were not there, but they just seem like they don’t have the energy. Which I get (this is why I don’t have or want kids) but it’s also why I no longer make any effort to hang out with them.

    10. What is it about the quality that you’re dissatisfied with? Unfortunately, awake babies, especially ones on the cusp of being toddlers, generally need a fair bit of attention and entertainment. At that age my son could not be trusted to entertain himself for longer than about 10 minutes. If it’s quality conversation you’re after, what about going for a child-free run together one weekend morning? Then hit her place for a shower, retrieve the kid, and go to brunch? Or a pedicure or something like that?

    11. I want to point out that if the baby is a year old and she still can’t leave the baby with dad for a couple of hours, she has some control issues. That is likely affecting her willingness to hang out with you outside of the home. It’s not normal to be unable leave your one year-old for two hours with dad (assuming he is a normal human, etc).

      1. Completely agree. That is ludicrous. I say that as the mother of a 2 year old, who was very happy to leave her with my husband for short periods of time from the time she was an infant, and longer periods the older she got/less dependent on me for nursing, etc. To not have a single night out without your kid in an entire year??? I would have lost my mind.

        The only thing I can think of is that she works long hours and has to do a lot of after hours networking events maybe? So she really rarely gets to see the kid? I don’t know. It still doesn’t make sense to me.

      2. +1. One night I handed off our two-month-old as soon as husband walked in the door and ran to a bar to watch football for a while, when I had HAD it with dealing with a newborn.
        They will both be better off spending some time apart.

      3. Thank goodness some other people pointed this out as I was starting to feel like the worst mother ever. I love my son, but wow, having him did not make me forget everything else in my life that I enjoyed.

    12. Sorry if some of this has been said already – typed up a novel and haven’t read the recent comments. Just have a lot of thoughts on this and felt compelled to share…

      I agree with the suggestion to invite her out for a pedicure or something she’s probably desperately wanting to take time to do and maybe needs a nudge to get around to doing. Just make sure to coordinate the little outing around naptime. If you wanted to try to get out for a drink after bedtime, you could offer to help her with whatever evening chores she typically has to accomplish between baby bedtime and her own bedtime (like dishes, folding a load of laundry, etc.), then sneak out for an hour or so just the two of you after you’ve helped her get things accomplished more quickly.

      Also, you could consider the goal of enticing her to spend some time with you out of the house as a two-step process — first you have to help her see the benefit of leaving baby at all (maybe just while baby is sleeping), and maybe you do that by first offering to babysit one evening and letting her and her hubby have a night off? Then she might feel more confident in doing this again, but next time she might choose to go with you instead of hubby? Or ask her if she wants to go for a walk or shopping, but tell her it’s an outing for her — the baby comes too so she doesn’t miss the time with him/her, but you will be in charge of keeping baby happy/chasing after at the park or in the store, etc., so she can feel free to enjoy herself. Then next time, she might say let’s leave baby at home.

      For what it’s worth, I am a little like your friend with the newish kiddo (mine is 17 months) and I rarely make time for myself or leave my kiddo for my own social time, but I have a lot of girlfriends whose kiddos are older now (ages ranging from 3-8) who seem to have A LOT more time to get together socially for evenings out, etc., and I think there are several reasons for this:

      –their kids aren’t changing at such a rapid pace anymore (the way babies seem to change overnight), so a missed evening with kids doesn’t feel like such a big deal
      –most of their kiddos reliably sleep thru the night, so they are not as sleep deprived, and going out on the town for an occasional semi-late drinks date with girls (or their husband) is once again possible without hating life the next day when baby wakes up screaming at 5:30
      –they may actually have more waking time with their kids during the week, since the kiddos’ sleep requirements aren’t as great, so bedtimes may be a little later
      –they trust their spouse more to handle things now that they’ve been doing this co-parenting thing for several years, and even if they don’t totally trust the spouse to handle things as confidently (there are a lot of us that can feel this way), their children aren’t as “breakable” as they once were when they were babies and they were first-time moms. Sad but true.

      So you might find things change in a few years and you may see signs of your pre-kids friendship come back again.

      I think it’s awesome that you go to her house so much and bring dinner. You seem to be doing a lot to try to make things work from your end. Just be patient with her if you can – I really had NO IDEA how exhausting motherhood was both emotionally and physically until I was in it, but it’s my reality now, and I don’t have nearly as much time to be thoughtful with my friends as I used to. But she probably really does want to continue to be there for you and have conversations about things that don’t revolve around her child, it’s just that motherhood kind of takes over and it’s so hard to find room in your brain for anything else for awhile. Pre-baby shared interests like music, fashion, restaurants, etc. are probably so low on her priority list right now, but that doesn’t mean that they won’t be a small priority again someday. Just keep bringing up those kinds of topics when you can — she may not seem as interested or able to weigh in if she’s not taking time for those interests in her daily life anymore, but she’s probably still happy to have a lifeline to her pre-baby self via the occasional convo with you about these things.

      1. Sorry, but this is INSANE. You want to hang out with your friend, and in order to convince her that you’re worth her time, do her laundry and dishes, help with her chores, babysit her kids while she goes out without you? This is seriously crazy.

        I know parents think that being a parent is the most important job in the world. But you parenting YOUR kid is not MY most important job. As the single, childless friend I’m supposed to be so accommodating all the time. It’s exhausting and a really raw deal. You are choosing to be a bad friend because you have limited resources and I get that, but I am not going to twist myself into a pretzel to maybe, someday, trick you into hanging out with me alone.

        1. I am a parent and I totally agree with this. It is not impossible, especially at 1 year +, for a mother to get out for drinks after bedtime. Or do lunch, especially on a weekday if she works. I would never, ever get a friend to help me with “chores” so I could go out. Just skip the dishes one night, it will not kill you/her.

      2. Wow. Not trusting your husband with your kids may be normal in the sense that it is common, but it is not healthy or ok. Either you are in a super gender unequal marriage, something is very very wrong with your husband, or you have serious psychological issues around control that deserve professional attention. It is not ok to normalize this deeply problematic and gendered dynamic. I realize my language is harsh here but so many of the problems that women on this board discuss in regards to parenting come back to this issue, and I think its very important to point it out.

        1. yes, she has the trifecta….boundary issues (it’s the friend’s job to woo me and take care of my kid!), trust issues (I don’t trust my husband to take care of his child!), and control issues (I can’t miss an evening with my child!). Good times.

    13. FYI – Things tend to get a lot better at the one year mark. Baby is less worrying with respect to health scares, sleeps more or better at night, mom can finally take a deep breath and reconnect with her lost past, hobbies and friends. At around age 3, things get way way better. Just hang in there.

  34. Maybe too late, but do you all think the slit on this dress would be too much for work? Is the dress going to be too long on a petite person? Would hemming it be weird?

  35. Etiquette Advice, please!
    My boss’s mother passed away. We am not supremely close because he’s my parents’ age, but I do work directly with him n several special projects. The department is doing a card, but boss’s boss circulated info on funeral and visitation. Do I go to the visitation? Or funeral? Or send flowers but don’t attend?

    1. I say go to the visitation or funeral if at all possible. There’s no need to send flowers, but a note would be nice.

    2. Go if it’s local. I think it would be a little weird to travel to a different state or something to attend, but if you can attend without great inconvenience, def go.

    3. You should go to one or the other if it is relatively local. I’ve been to funerals for a boss’s dad and for a co-workers spouse. Also, my husband’s boss came to the services when my FIL passed away and he was touched by it.

    4. In this circumstance, I go to the funeral but not the visitation. Your boss would be required to greet you personally at the visitation which may be awkward for him and you if he is emotional/crying, etc.

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