Thursday’s Workwear Report: Pleat Peplum Sweater

210 Comments

1. I love peplums and I refuse to let them die. I’m an extreme pear shape, with a size 12 waist but a size 18 bottom. Most shirts make me look blobby while a peplum highlights my small waist and skims over my enormous hips.

   Peplums forever!

   1. Yay, Kat! I also love Peplum’s also, tho I am a bit smaller, it has the SAME effect on me, especialy when I wear skinny jean’s or yoga pant’s! Guys seem to love me in peplum top’s to, even Dad, who very rarley has good thing’s to say about MY body. Fooey on him for ALWAYS praising Rosa’s shape and then telling me I look like a sweet potatoe. DOUBEL FOOEY! Rosa IS much cuter then me but she has alot of time to work out while I have to bill 7500 hours a year. I bet Rosa would look like a Potatoe if she had to sit at a desk typeing and billeing all day like I do.

      I am happy to report that Myrna is giveing me the “thumb’s up” on her freind’s freind. Her freind says that his freind like’s me and want’s to date me! I asked him to come over for dinner to watch the NBA, b/c he say’s we can watch the Knick’s and the Net’s on my TV. I did not know they are even on my TV, but I supose it is b/c it is an HTDV. Whatever. But NOW I have to figure out what to cook him for dinner. I asked and he said he eat’s alot of cottege cheeze. I hope he is NOT serius, b/c we DID go to the Deli and he ate Pastrami so he can NOT be a vegietarian. I will ask Myrna to ask her freind what they eat when they go out and then suggest I make that. Of course I DO need leed time to figure out recipe’s from the INTERNET and then see if I can make them or not.

      I am excited b/c this is the first guy in a while that seem’s interested in me b/c I am an attorney at law, and he say’s I am VERY smart. He does NOT even know that my Dad turned down MENSA. I do NOT want to have him get inteimidated by meeting Dad to early, tho Dad wants me to marry almost any Schlub these days, even Sheketovits! FOOEY on that!

      Anyway, I have a big day in Court today, so I get to take an UBER downtown b/c I have to carry my own case files until I can get a replacement for Mason. FOOEY b/c it is very cold in NYC today!

   2. I like the idea of peplums, but they don’t actually work on my body – I’m also an extreme pear, but I have a very long torso, so I need a couple more inches of fabric before the peplum actually starts – otherwise it flares out too high. I also tried on couple of suit jackets that were peplum instead of vented – I need the vents for a better fit. Longer torsoed peplum plus vents or pleats would be my ideal.

      If anyone has any suggestions of peplums that work for longer waisted people (or that come in talls) I’d be interested to explore.

      1. I’m long torsoed too so I have to be picky on my peplums or they flare out too high like you said.

         I’m a plus size, so I found great options with Eloquii and Kiyonna.

   3. I love peplums too and I have a totally different body shape! I have a short, high waist, broad shoulders, and narrow hips. Peplums define my waist and give me just a touch of volume to balance me out.

2. I’m a pear too (size 4 top, size 8 bottom) but peplums never work for me. Maybe I’m too short-waisted? But some people really look great in peplum and for that reason alone I’m glad the style has stuck around–I love spotting womem rocking peplum even if I can’t.

   I feel the same way about a few other trends. Brogues, peter pan collars, Converse sneakers. I don’t look good in them, but some people really do.

3. Peplum looks really cute on very slim women, and can be flattering on women with a strong hourglass shape. A lot of peplum can be done badly, so it’s this extra blob of fabric right over the butt, or it doesn’t come in much at the waist but really flares out at the bottom.

   Most of it looks terrible on me.

4. I was laid off from my inhouse position yesterday as part of a workforce reduction. It was not entirely unexpected and I have been unhappy with my job for a long while but it is still a shock and my first layoff in my 10+ year career. I have $300,000 in emergency savings so I will be ok financially but I keep worrying that I won’t find a job before I burn through the money. I just bought a house and am going through a remodel so there are large expenditures in the near term. I spent a sleepless night and keep focusing on details like finding a new cell phone and cheap plan to replace my work phone.

   Anyone who has gone through this, please give me advice on getting through this initial shock and grief in a healthy manner. I plan to spend today binge watching the new season of the X Files., but I want to move forward quickly and not wallow or focus on the past. I will remain on payroll for a short period of time. If I get an interview during that time, do I need to disclose that I have been laid off? Thanks in advance for all advice.

   1. You have THREE HUNDRED THOUSAND DOLLARS. You will be fine! You can always hold off on aspects of the remodel.

   2. Oh hi there, I just posted below about being laid off last week. Mine *was* entirely unexpected. I spent a week talking to my mentor (still at old company), others that left, and others in my field to just help me process and validate my feelings (that I am awesome and this is not my fault). I also hired a lawyer to fight my severance package, which I am lucky enough to have gotten, but they cheaped out (and have given men in less senior roles more…my lawyer said it was a slam dunk to get what I wanted). I have kids, so I pulled them out of daycare for a week and just enjoyed all the free time. Did all the projects/paperwork on my plate and put out some preliminary feelers on roles. If it helps, i didn’t sleep for a full weekend (I was laid off on a thursday, so Fri-Sun were sleepless).

      This week, I buckled down on ways to be more cautious about spending (we were about to start a remodel but basically have been to lazy and are now counting our blessings we did not write a 75k check!), spoke to a few colleagues about doing some consulting in the short term (to keep me busy and to just make me feel better about money coming in in the future), and called up some of the recruiters that had been bugging me since Q4. At the time, I wasn’t interested in a move but now…not the case.

      Next week, I’m going on vacation. This might not be appropriate in your circumstance, but I am getting the F out of dodge to go somewhere warm and decompress for a few days. Maybe you could exercise, do a drop in yoga class, get a mani/pedi or just something to take care of yourself. If you have dogs, get out and play with them for an hour and do nice long walks. if you have kids, find a way to sneak in time with them. If you have a special someone in your life, plan an extra nice (not expensive) valentines day– and/or focus on family (grandparents/parents/aunts) that might need a pick me up on valentine’s day. My kids and I made a care package for their 95 year old great-grandma which working-me would never have had time to do.

      1. oh! and your question on the interview is more clear than in my case below. You are “working” until you are off payroll. Check your paperwork for your last day. Mine was last Thurs; after that, severance pay kicks in so I am officially not an employee. If you will be getting paid as an employee, you are still employed for that time.

         1. Thank you so much for sharing your experience and suggestions. Must be layoff season! That is so great that you already have consulting offers and a job lead. Best of luck to the both of us!

         2. Yes, you are still employed at the time, and can leave your resume with your current job as from XXX-present. But if asked “why are you looking for a new job” you should be honest about the fact that you will be laid off as of date XYZ due to an overall reduction in force. You can also then add about how you are excited for new opportunities, blah blah blah, but if you pretend like the layoff didn’t happen the employer will find out during reference checks (if they hadn’t already heard through the grapevine that your employer was doing layoffs) and wonder what else you are hiding from them.

            If the layoffs are being done in such as way that it is the newest hired or least experience people that are being laid off, that definitely helps your story as well – just about everyone knows of companies where they cut the newest hired 10% of each department, etc. If you aren’t the most junior/newest and there were some performance aspects behind the layoff (or politics), you’ll need to think about your story – but again, the stigma for being let go during an overall layoff is not the same as being outright fired (and people also get past being fired as well).

            I agree with the previous advice to give yourself X days to jsut be sad or mad, and then on day Y to start figuring out your next plan with some job searching, resume revisions and networking.

            And I also give a +1 to postponing unnecessary remodeling, because I’ve never seen a remodel that didn’t go way long in time and budget. If you are already committed to it (kitchen or only bathroom is already gutted, for instance), continue and don’t cheap out on things that you’ll have to live with for a long time or that would be expensive to do after the fact, but seriously consider whether the remodel is a “nice to have” vs “must have for safety/there is no heat/current space was flood damaged etc”

            But on a positive note, if you find it is in your budget, your remodel may go more smoothly since you’ll have time to supervise contractors or perhaps even learn to do some of the easier DIY (painting, and ceramic tile for instance) yourself.

            Good luck and hugs!

            1. I think this might be a know-your-industry thing, but I don’t think they will necessarily disclose the layoff during reference checks? Many places will only say “yes so-and-so worked here from DATE to DATE.”

   3. Can you pause/cancel some of your remodels – if they would take a lot of your emergency funds? Are there anythings you could now do yourself? (Like painting, not electrical or HVAC). You’ll be fine – these suggestions are just to help you stress less.

   4. Postpone whatever parts of your home remodeling that you can, if only because spending a bunch of money while you’re unemployed will cause you stress! Otherwise give your self a few days to wallow and binge watch the x-files. Get exercise and plenty of sleep. For a cheap phone plan, check out Tracfone and Consumer Cellular.

      1. Or FreedomPop for phone – that’s the service I use for my kid’s phones. Buy the phone, basic service is free.

   5. I went through this a couple of years ago, and although I could have said a lot of the same things about not being happy, needing to move on, etc., it still hurts. In the first few days, I cried, was angry, and went through “why me and not X?” Give yourself the time to go through all of that. It will pass.

      If others were laid off at the same time, get their contact info. My group was a great networking resource. If I saw a job that wasn’t right for me, but was for one of them, I passed it along, as did they.

      If one of your benefits is career counseling (like LHH), use it. I had not done a resume revamp for a while and really appreciated their help.

      I loved having the time to be outside more.

      It took me 9 months to find a new job, but I love my new job and now can’t believe I stayed in the old one as long as I did!

      Good luck!!

   6. I was laid off last year from an in house legal position, also as part of a wide scale workforce reduction. It was very unexpected and the first time I have had to deal with that situation. Although I was fortunate to find a new job within a couple months, I think I’m still feeling the after effects of the shock, grief, etc. For example, I think about money and savings pretty much all the time now. While that’s not necessarily a bad thing, it’s definitely a shift for me and dwelling on the topic can be distressing and counterproductive. I also still get a little upset when I think about the day it happened. So, I guess what I’m saying is that an unexpected layoff can be really traumatic, and it can take a long time to totally recover. Don’t feel bad if you’re not feeling upbeat a couple weeks from now. For me, it did help to write out a big to do list with everything I was going to do, both job search related and otherwise. Then I could check off the list when I got stuff done. It helped me not to feel totally rudderless without the job responsibilities and deadlines to worry about. Take care of yourself and best wishes on your search.

      1. Yes, I still get a little upset talking about the circumstances surrounding my job loss, and it was a few years ago. I’d highly recommend practicing answering tough questions like “so why are you looking to leave company ABC” or “so I heard you were part of the layoffs at ABC, how are you doing?” with close friends – because if you are the type of person who gets choked up or tears up easily like me it takes a while to roll out your practiced answer smoothly and unemotionally.

         Although, FWIW, I did in fact tear up a touch in my interview for my current job when it came up (not recommending it, but hey it happened and I moved past it) and they hired me anyway :-)

      2. I was laid off a year and a half ago and it was 100% completely unexpected. It took me a coup,e of weeks before I wasn’t crying for no reason at the drop of a hat. After the initial shock and grief wore off I scheduled my days into working out, housework, job search, family activities. I loved that I could volunteer for field trips with my boys (I went on 4) and I had time to make a Rubik’s cube Halloween costume. We were also going through a remodel, finishing the partially finished basement in the house we just bought so my oldest could have his own room. I was able to do all the painting and had time to do it. Luckily I was able to find another job about 3 months later, before my severence package ran out.

         Give yourself time to grieve. Don’t make any financial decisions right away. I was all for cutting back cable and buying all generic food, but Dh convinced me that we would be ok for a couple of months and we didn’t need to do this right away, and he was right. Expect shame and guilt, even though the layoff wasn’t your fault. I was amazed at the response I got in interviews when I said I was laid off for financial reasons – in that there was no reaction. Nobody needed more of the story – everyone understood. Of course, I live in an oil & gas city so layoffs for financial reasons are far from new. Most people I know have been laid off at least once.

         As part of my package I got career & job search assistance. This was fantastic and very useful. If you have access to something similar take advantage!

         Good luck!!

   7. I was not laid off, but I was very very close to getting fired for non-performing at my previous job at the end of 2014. So close that my manager talked about severence package and how I could be on the payroll for three months and find another job. It was totally unexpected and was one of the biggest shocks of my life. I didn’t like that job and was already looking and taking interviews. But still I wept in that meeting and couldn’t talk. I tried to explain to him how much work I have done, but he was adamant that I didn’t do well. I couldn’t sleep all night, even the next night (but had to go to work). Then I gathered myself and said he has to prove to me that I didn’t perform well, otherwise I am going to HR and ask for an inquiry. HR came to my rescue and found that I had in fact performed well and I will not be fired. I left that team within two weeks from the date my manager said I didn’t perform well. But it set me back in my career for at least two years.

      I just was depressed for a full year, my confidence levels were all time low, I just felt I had no control what so ever on this job. I did enough just to survive at work and even at home. It is only now that I feel a bit better (not completely). But this changed my attitude towards work. I used to put my work ahead of everything, but now I feel it is just work. I hardly get stressed even when something is on fire at work. I do everything in my capacity to douse the fire, but once I am out of work, I don’t even think about it. I don’t care if my company does well or fails. All I want to do is honest work for the money they pay me. I have absolutely no loyalty. I am actively thinking of ways to earn money other ways (like a business, rental properties etc) so that I don’t have to depend on my job any more.

      So no advice. But I know how it feels.

   8. This exact thing happened to me and causecaused me lots of angst. I don’t mean to add to the stress, but I’ve seen time and again that it is easier to find a job when you have a job. Is there any way you can not take severance but remain on the payroll for the equivalent number of weeks just to job search? Reach out to everyone in your network today and schedule 2 coffees/lunches for each day. You never know who is looking and many positions are not posted. Be open to everything – law firms, government, contract positions – you can always turn down an offer, but I’ve seen in house people only seem out in house jobs only to still be looking for this unicorn job a year or 2 later. I took a not great smaller firm job with a pay cut but after a few years lateraled to a way better position. I advise honesty on why you are seeking to leave because word gets around and people will find out from your reference checks.

      1. I took a position at a small company that was a long commute and not a great fit. It was less money but after 6 months it was my first offer in the field I wanted to be in. 2 weeks later my dream job called me in for a 3rd then a 4th interview. I ended up getting it and am (mostly!) very happy now.

   9. I posted last week (and in the past about layoffs). I’ve worked at some places famous for layoffs (i-banks, a particular law firm where layoff is a play on the name, etc.), so I’ve had my fair share.

      First, take only the wisdom out of the experience that there is to take. Do take a short, fixed period of “If only I had done/not done X/Y” or “Why not A/B instead of me?” but then, realize that this happened, and you must keep a forward outlook. Sometimes it’s not you, it’s the economy, or FIFO (you’re expensive), or the fact that you were in a division that was not spared, etc. So don’t read too much into this.

      Then, make a plan. It’s important to have a forward outlook, like I said, and to work out what you’re doing next and how you’re going to do it. Who are you going to network with? What’s your primary jobsearch method, etc. Don’t be afraid to tell your network that you’re looking. You need to put out into the universe that you are looking. Jobs don’t fall into laps. Be vocal and unashamed about being between jobs. There will be a next thing! But you gotta work to find it.

      Find a really good confidant (hopefully not your partner) to be your jobsearch cheerleader. You need to be able to be completely honest with this person. Tell them when you are going through ups and downs. Tell them when you need advice and when you need a sympathetic ear. This person needs to be there for you fully, because searching after a layoff can massively screw with your self esteem.

      Once you start your jobsearch, practice saying what happened at your last job in a neutral to upbeat tone. Our division was downsized or whatnot. You need to come off as not bitter and ready to move forward.

      You mentioned that you are still in the shock/grief phase. This is normal! Know that it will pass, and you will be able to start looking to the future in a good way, but probably not without some anger and frustration, for some time. Allow yourself to feel the feels without wallowing.

      As others mentioned, belt tighten in whatever way makes you feel comfortable. Money woes are really stressful, so if you need to trim the remodel or whatnot, do it.

      You’re gonna get through this! Hugs. FWIW, I still get teary when the song that was playing on the radio after my layoff comes on randomly. It’s an instant trigger. But it also makes me realize how far I’ve come, and how a layoff was really just a blip, even if was an emotional and awful time in my life. Onward and upward!

   10. I’m so sorry. Hugs. I just went through this in March. It’s hard and there was a grieving period for me. You can wallow. When I interviewed I always gave the impression I was working (I did consulting after about a month so it wasn’t an outright lie) and only if it benefited me did I tell them I was laid off.

   11. Thank you all so much for the advice, commiseration, and well wishes. I really appreciate this community.

5. So, I was contacted by a recruiter in January about a role. I met with the recruiter, decided it was worth pursuing/exploring, and sent her my resumes. That was 3-4 weeks ago. Last week, I was laid off. Yesterday, she called me letting me know she reviewed my materials with the hiring manager, who was very enthusiastic, and they want to being me in ASAP. How/when (if at all) do I bring up the change in job status if it doesn’t come up organically? Do I come out and bring it up first thing, since my conversations about work will all be past tense (“I did X at [oldjob]” vs “I do X”)? Does saying upfront “oh by the way I parted ways with [oldjob] last week?” just add unnecessary questions and drama? I don’t want to get to the background check stage and have it come out that I am not TODAY employed by the company, but I don’t want to add red flags by stating things others wouldn’t be talking about at this stage.

   I have hired people before, and haven’t been in this spot before. I can’t decide how I’d want it handled on my end. If it came up organically, (tell me why you want to leave), I’d say something like “here’s why i was initially interested, and oh by the way, my spidey sense was right and my job was eliminated due to the very reasons I was looking…last week.)

   This is a Sr Director/VP level role in a software company, and for what it’s worth, my layoff was due to being recently acquired and a big restructuring (which I knew was coming and was proactively casually exploring options in case I lost my job…didn’t think I’d need those options any time soon though…), and my performance was always top of the pile. The acquisition drastically changed the focus of our company, and what I was focused on was put on the back burner.

   And…one more thing. I already have 2 consulting offers on the table…so my next hurdle will be to take the temperature of the hiring manager at this role and figure out if I can accept the consulting offers (they’re 6-8 week type things) or end up in a spot where I have FT consulting work and a job offer. That would obviously be a good problem to have, but worth adding since I’ve already got your attention :)

   1. I would address it only when it comes up organically, because I think it will be off-putting if the first thing you say once you sit down is “I was laid off last week”. I say “when” it comes up organically because it’s bound to come up at some point, whether it’s talking about reasons for leaving, start dates, notice periods. Or your interviewer may be tipped off by you speaking in the past tense and ask about it.

   2. I would call the recruiter ASAP and explain. Don’t be coy, don’t talk about your spidey sense, just explain what happened.

      1. +1

      2. Yes, and you can frame it in such a way as being available sooner – this could be a big positive to the hiring company.

6. I’ve decided that 2016 will be the year of bright lipstick. Anyone have recommendations for brands of lipsticks that wear well? Happy with drug store or department store brands, and would also be happy if anyone has particular shade recommendations, as well. Thanks!

   1. I just started using Gerard Cosmetics lipstick line. Check them out on Insta. To die for. Bright, fun colors.

   2. Bite Beauty does a most amazing range of colours from nudes to fuchsia to scarlet to burgundy to mulberry and everything in between. The formula is very pigmented and hydrating.

      1. Loooooove Bite. 100% of the lipsticks I purchased in the last year are Bite brand.

      2. I forgot shade recommendations! My favourites are:

         Kir Royale – a not-too-vampy dark wine shade
         Mulberry – a berry wine shade
         Quince – not quite hot pink, more a hot berry shade
         Tannin – the best true red shade of life

   3. MAC’s matte shades are my favorite–I love the colors and they last forever without reapplying. I’m just getting used to brighter lipsticks rather than nudes, so I love Ruby Woo (gorgeous red), Candy YumYum (really bright pink), and Crosswires (a coral-ish).

      Also, have you ever heard of Lip Ink? It’s extremely expensive, but that’s because it does. not. wear. off. You HAVE to buy the special remover or you can sleep in it for days without it fading or wearing off. It doesn’t wear off on sheets, cheeks, eating, nothing.

      I use it in my more office-friendly shades so I don’t have to worry about touch-ups. First-time users should get the kit in order to make it really stay, then you can add colors once you have the moisturizer and cleaner.

      1. Oh, if anyone is interested, they have small trial kits available with a lip color, moisturizer and remover on sale right now for just $10 (normally $17). Just use coupon code TRIALKIT. I had tried their trial kit before and it’s how I got hooked and ended up buying the full-size system.

         I know I sound like an infomercial but this was revolutionary for me. I could NEVER get my lipstick to last more than an hour and now I can have perfect red lips from 6am to bedtime.

      2. Thanks for suggesting Lip Ink! I’d never heard of them, but I love stains and I’m gonna order myself a sample kit in the near future.

      3. Can you feel Lip Ink on your lips? I would love to start wearing lipstick, but I cannot STAND the feel of it on my lips. Even lip balm that’s too waxy feels gross to me (i.e. old-fashioned Chap Stick.) Tell me more about Lip Ink!

         1. No, when you put on the color you feel it at first like any lip color, then it sinks in and it feel like natural lips. I’m the weird person who has to feel balmy 24/7 so I reapply the moisturizer a lot, but it’s not necessary.

   4. My sister in law is my lipstick guru and she wears NARS lipstick every day. Not the Audacious one that she says winds up on her teeth. I just recently talked to her about all of this because I’d like to start wearing lipstick myself.

      She works in fashion so she’s probably able to get away with more, but she has the perfect bright pink shade called Schiap. It’s super bright though. I’m planning to get it to wear on weekends. It’s so fun. She also recommends Heat Wave or Jungle Red for intense reds.

      1. Ditto! I have Schiap and it is BRIGHT, super bright fuchsia. I have Heat Wave – it is an orange on me, not a red – and my super red red is Red Lizard.

         1. Do you ever wear Schiap to work? I love it but wonder if it’s too much for work. But then again, I’d be going from wearing no makeup to wearing intense lipstick so maybe that is what is holding me back.

            1. No, it’s not really a great color on me (too cool) so I don’t wear it to work , only on weekends.

   5. I love Nars lipstick, especially the lip pencils. MAC has a huge range of colours in various formulas that are more reasonably priced. Ruby Woo is my perfect red.

   6. a friend of mine recently started selling LipSense, so I got some from her and I LOVE it. it literally wears all day, through eating, drinking, talking etc. you can reapply the gloss as needed, but the color remains.

   7. I’m a big fan of Revlon. They do one called something like Raisin Rouge which I love.

   8. I’m a huge bright lip fan and I love these:

      MAC – Girl About Town
      MAC – Ruby Woo
      Nars – Dragon Girl
      Stila Liquid Lipstick – Beso

      1. Yasss to all of these!

   9. For long-lasting, I swear by Maybelline Super-Stay 14-hour, at drugstores and Target. I don’t wear really bright colors very often, but for dark red I use Timeless Crimson (or something like that) and another similar one whose name I can’t recall. I can put this on the in morning in look decent all day, even through lunch.

      The brightest color I wear — for reference, I’ve got fair skin, dark brown hair and green eyes — is a fuchsia pink by Urban Decay called Catfight. An Urban Decay sales clerk at Macy’s made me try it, I never would have on my own, but it looks great. Does not last as long as the Maybelline, though.

      I also like a Mac I recently bought — not bright, a warm rose called Craving Amplified — that feels very creamy and lasts pretty well, although again not as long as the cheap stuff.

   10. Also love NARS. Afghan Red is my go to everyday color.

   11. I agree Bite is awesome. I recently have been playing with Sephora’s Virtual Artist feature on its app. I’m surprised at how well it works for “trying on” different shades. I haven’t tested any of my favorites IRL yet, but it has given me some good ideas for shades I would never thought would work

   12. I’m a big fan of the Revlon Just Bitten Kissable Lip Stain and Balm (what a stupid long name). It’s the big crayon-looking ones at the drug store. They’re nicely moisturizing, have good staying power and good colors, and they’re cheap! I get tons of compliments when I wear the neon pink, and also the matte dark red. I also find them really easy to apply.

       1. They’re discontinuing these! I love them two and just bought three extra tubes of my favorite color online.

          Any recommendations for replacements?

   13. j/OP – Thanks, all! This is an awesome list and I can’t wait to go shopping!

       1. I love the Rimmel longwear liquid lipstick – the red DOES NOT BUDGE but the nude does. The gloss it comes with is very good. Definitely my new drugstore liquid lipstick hg, goodbye Revlon Colorstay. I will say that I tried LA Splash liquid lipstick, I’m very disappointed by the quality. It’s good for putting on and impressing your instagram photoshoot but doesn’t last through food or drink.

          I, too, never wore lipstick to work and have started by wearing varying shades of nude-for-me. Maybe one day I’ll work myself up to red and fuschia at work instead of weekends only.

       2. I actually really like e.l.f. — the moisturizing lipstick has a nice formula and lasts a while. Red carpet and red…velvet? are both great. One is an orange-y red and the other is a true red.

   14. There’s a column on The Pool about the mental health benefits of lipstick when life is hard!

       https://www.the-pool.com/search?tag=sometimes-its-the-little-things

       I mostly don’t wear makeup but love bright lips. Today I’m wearing Besame – 1935 (a cherry red). It fades a little but I’ve worn it all day and forgotten it’s on.

7. I’m not generally into peplums, but that’s adorable!

   I recently started dating someone, and so far things are going really, really well. But since it’s new we’re not really doing a whole, big, romantic thing on Valentine’s Day. But I am going to see him this weekend, for a relatively low-key date, and he’s crashing at my place since he lives an hour away, so he’ll be waking up at my place on Valentine’s Day.

   I’ve already noticed he has a fondness for mint chocolate things, and I’m wondering if it would be appropriate to get him some sort of mint chocolate treat, like those Ghirardelli squares, Thin Mints, or mint chocolate creams from Trader Joe’s, maybe repackaged in a teflon bag or something. Too fast too serious? I figure I could always get him the chocolate, hide it somewhere, and then make the choice whether to give them to him that morning based on how things go during the date.

   1. You could keep it more low-key and just happen to have a pint/half gallon of mint chip ice cream in the freezer (along with your favorite flavor). That way, it could be more like “I thought you’d enjoy this, since I noticed it’s your favorite flavor, while I enjoy my favorite flavor” rather than “here’s a possible V-Day present that could be weird.”

      1. And if you get Thin Mints, you could get another Girl Scout cookie too, then decide how much you want to play up the fact you noticed he likes minty treats.

         1. I like the ice cream idea. This is what I was going to suggest too.

      2. I like the ice cream idea, not sure it’ll fit in with the plan for Saturday night since we’ll be out late, but I’ll keep it in mind if/when we have a night in at some point.

   2. I think eating delicious candy together is thoughtful and low-pressure.

   3. I can’t think of a more low-key gift than this. Absolutely go for it.

      1. Ditto. I think it sounds great.

      2. +2

   4. Aw. I think that’s a sweet idea. If he’s turned off by it, things probably weren’t going that well anyway.

      (But if you want to play it a little safer, having a Girl Scout cookie binge together could work, too).

      1. Yeah, I can’t imagine he’d run away screaming over a little chocolate.

         1. Another addition to your lowkey idea (I love the Girl Scout cookie idea) would be to add a kiddie valentine that says something silly, not romantic.

            1. Yes, I’m actually toying with this idea already!

   5. I say be yourself. If you are someone who would surprise a SO with chocolates he likes on Valentine’s Day (cute idea, btw) then do it and go for it. If he’s right for you, he’ll find it adorable/great/positive. I love acknowledging Valentine’s Day in some little way, my husband thinks it’s a silly day but loves that I like it (even if he eyerolls a bit at my heart shaped toast). I found the easiest way to determine comparability was to not angst over whether something I was doing was too much and to just be myself. I did have one guy freak out over valentines cookies, but he wasn’t the right person for me and the cookies weren’t the reason.

   6. Perhaps instead of presenting it to him as a gift, just get them to have for dessert, saying “I know you love mint chocolate things, so I picked these for you.” A sweet gesture, rather than a Valentine’s Day Present.

      1. Or just put the candy in a bowl where he’s likely to see it and, if necessary, offer them to him. Less awkward than presenting it as a gift. You are just being a considerate host.

         1. This. NBD. Besides, chocolate is a staple, no? I have different flavors for different moods at the ready, always.

            1. Not really, at least not for me. I’ll buy some candy if I’m at CVS and a kind I like happens to be on sale, or if I come across a Girl Scout cookie table and I have cash I’ll buy a couple boxes, but I don’t buy sweets regularly.

8. I’m leaving a job after only 3 months and I’m wondering about what to say when I give notice. This is my first time leaving a job because I just don’t like it. Other times I’ve given notice, it’s been at a project’s natural end date, etc.

   Everyone is very friendly, but I don’t care for the work and realized within a month that I never would. Unfortunately, I work for a tiny department where everyone is hand-picked by the boss, and I’m really dreading this conversation. I’m afraid my boss will have a counter to anything I say – we’re a young team, there are growing pains, we can get you work you’d like, there are growth opportunities, etc, etc.

   The real reason I’m leaving is that I feel like an insignificant cog shuffling insignificant papers in a massive corporate wheel, and I miss the sense of meaning and fulfillment I got from the public sector.

   General or specific tips on giving notice after just a short while on the job?

   1. As someone who could have written this, my tip is to not do it. Unless you have an amazing well-paying replacement job that you are about to start in 2 weeks, put on your grown-up pants and stick it out for 6 months to a year. Your opinion will likely change once you’ve settled in, and even if it doesn’t, as least you haven’t shot yourself in the foot. Especially if your biggest dread is that your boss (who hand picked you!!!!) will actually address your concerns.

   2. Do you have another job lined up? Then you just focus on the future positive and not the negative causing you to leave your job. You were presented an opportunity you couldn’t pass up and even though it will be hard to leave (little white lie here never hurt), it’s really best for you, your career and your family to take this new opportunity. Leave on a good note and don’t burn bridges. If you don’t have a job, try to tough it out until you do.

      1. + 1

   3. There are times to leave a job with no other job lined up, but that is when your mental or physical health is in danger if you stay. Do not leave merely because the job is unfulfilling. Work hard while you look for something else, and find fulfillment after work and on weekends. Network and job hunt. Then have a talk with your boss when you have another offer in hand.

9. I was accepted to my second-choice public health master’s program at a competitive university. While I’m excited, I’m a little nervous because this program is much more quantitative than the program to which I applied (it includes a quantitative focus in the curriculum as well as a quantitative final research project). I had a call with a program representative and she said that the admissions committee selects students that they believe can excel at the quantitative aspects of the program and that my GRE math score was above the average for the admitted students, but for some reason, I’m still doubting myself. I had to take the GRE twice because my math score was very poor the first time, I tend to be SUPER slow when it comes to mental math or quickly grasping new concepts, and I know that the program overall will be very demanding no matter what. I don’t want to not do an amazing program because I fear I’ll find the math side hard – does anyone have any tips for overcoming the feeling that I won’t belong there? How about any tips on the best way to prepare for doing graduate-level statistics and data analysis work when the last real math you did was calculus in high school?

   1. You will be fine!! I got my master’s and then doctorate and then postdoc from a very quantitative top-3 public health program…and, for background, I dropped math my senior year in high school to take extra English classes. I am terrible at math. I am now a professor teaching basic stats as part of an intro epidemiology class for undergrads. Math and stats are very different. I found stats in public health school to be completely different than my prior math experience because for starters, there’s little to no calculation required; everything is either in a stats package or you can use a calculator. More to the point, when you actually care about the topic, it’s so different. I don’t give a cr@p about the probability of pulling a blue or red marble out of a bag, but I genuinely care about understanding the predictors of whether a baby is low birth weight and the implications for later-life health outcomes. The stats becomes a means to understanding the things you really care about.

      1. +1 million

         I actually said a variant of this to one of my grad students yesterday:
         “I don’t give a cr@p about the probability of pulling a blue or red marble out of a bag, but I genuinely care about understanding the predictors of whether a baby is low birth weight and the implications for later-life health outcomes. The stats becomes a means to understanding the things you really care about.”

         Don’t get bogged down in the math of statistics, try to understand WHY you are doing the statistic and WHAT the result will tell you.

         Also remember…we ALL feel like imposters (says the woman who framed her multiple Ivy League graduate degrees to remind herself that SHE IS ALL THAT when she feels otherwise!)

   2. Congratulations!
      You’d be surprised how many MPH students struggle with math. It’s typical for a lot of public health grad students to have been out of school/not had a math class in years. My first biostats class started at an incredibly basic level (means, medians, modes) and gradually introduced more complex issues.Public health math is much more applied, and there’s a *reason* you want to know things, which makes the steps easier to follow, if that makes sense. And that math is going to be reinforced as you read research articles for other classes and work on projects. (basically, I cosign everything anonymous is saying). I’m in the very last stages of my DrPH, and I strongly suspect I have mild dyscalculia (numbers always seem to move around on me and change when I’m doing math problems).

   3. +100. You will be totally fine. Your high school calculus is more “mathy” than this will be. It is more analysis skills, with math as a tool (and a stats package to help!). Mental math shouldn’t be an issue, and you don’t have to get new concepts quickly… You just have to spend the time studying them!

      I suspect this is more about fear of failure? Because the program is right, they don’t admit people who haven’t proven they can do it. If it helps, just fake it till you make it!

      Good luck!

   4. Thanks all – this is very helpful and reassuring!

   5. When I was planning to go back to school for my MBA (which didn’t actually happen, for reasons too long to explain), there was a pre-requisite class on statistics for business which you could either take online before you started the program or during your first semester. I took the class online while I was still working, and I thought it was a good way to re-engage my brain and get back into a “doing math for homework” mindset.

      Could you find a math or statistics course online or at a community college that you could take now or this summer to get over your math jitters? Maybe a course aimed at nursing students so it would be medically related, as opposed to “how many times do you pick the blue marble”?

      Or maybe something like this (the class already started,but you could probably download the materials and work through it later at your own pace): https://www.edx.org/course/introduction-applied-biostatistics-osakaux-med101x

10. I found out this morning that my jerk neighbor (he dumped his three cats outside last summer and they became my foster cats) got arrested for manufacturing drugs. After he dumped his cats and found out through another neighbor that I was fostering them, he hen told people I stole his cats. Keep in mind I attempted to get in touch with him and get the cats back to him before I found out he had been trying to get rid of them already. I also had evidence by way of a message from his gf to another neighbor that he had let them out. One has an old injury that prevents it from jumping high (so is a GREAT candidate for an outside cat in the city) and the female hadn’t been fixed (they were all also covered in fleas and sick).

    ANYHOW, I find his arrest immensely gratifying.

    Unfortunately, it appears that he started breeding huskies a month or so ago (which the landlord discovered when they went in last night). The rescue I foster for is working to find a good husky rescue to take them. On that note, if anyone has any reputable husky rescues/contacts, please let me know! I am in Pennsylvania.

    1. There’s a bunch in PA!

       Tales of the Tundra

       MaPaw Husky & Northern Breed Rescue

       Delaware Valley Siberian Husky Rescue

       Harnessed to Hope Northern breed rescue

       They are all INTENSE and will drive anywhere to get him.

       1. THANK YOU!!!!

          (Hmm, my handle didn’t populate above)

          1. It sounds like we are now stealing his dogs – he hasn’t posted bail, he is getting evicted (so the likelihood he could take a whole litter with him is slim – he wasn’t supposed to have dogs at the house next door either), and his gf wants nothing to do with them, so they would end up at the pound.

             1. Work with the pound/animal control to go through the proper process here. Normally, he would have to sign over his rights to the dogs or they would stay at the pound on animal control hold (could not be euthanized) until the waiting period was up. If he didn’t assert his rights during that period, they would become the city’s dog and the city can then turn them over to your rescue. The city might even let your rescue foster them during this time. If he does assert his rights, the city will fight for the custody of the dogs and once won, will be able to turn them over to you. If you don’t do this right, you and your rescue could be facing a legal battle. It is really easy to do it the right way and through the right channels. When the police arrested him, they should have been arranging for the process to start if he didn’t have a third party to care for them during that time.

             2. Thank you Blonde Lawyer!

          2. There’s also a Husky Huddle-PA Facebook group that always is posting about dogs they’ve found that need homes-they usually get scooped up pretty fast.

             And last thing, you can also post on ItsAHuskyThing.com; a number of the users are in the PA/NJ/DE/NY area and would love to take them.

    2. Contact Main Line Animal Rescue. They are based in Phoenixville. He runs a huge operation (and has been instrumental in exposing the Amish puppy mills). If he is not nearby your location he can definitely refer you to other organizations that can help.

    3. Not a recommendation, but I hope this guy rots. Abusive to animals and yet refuses to stop dealing with them.

11. Advice on breaking habits?

    This is the most ridiculous thing and I am too embarrassed to tell anyone in real life. I think I am addicted to massages. There is a nail salon across the street from my office that gives a crazy killer chair massage. In the middle of a stressful day (every day), nothing beats 10 minutes in that chair. But 10 minutes has crept to 30 minutes, once a week to 3x a day. I am seriously burning hundreds of dollars a month on this – and I can’t afford it! I swear I’m not a troll, and I understand this is the ultimate privileged person problem. But I need advice on how to get a grip.

    1. You’re getting 3 30 minute massages a day? How are you paying for this? Cut up the card, hide the cash, go cold turkey.

    2. It sounds like you’re using this to cope with a stressful time in your life. Is there something else you can do to replace it? Do you just need a long vacation? A long weekend? A new exercise routine? Whatever helps you unwind. It might be easier to address the source of the stress than stress more about your coping mechanism. Going cold turkey might make it worse? Take care of your self!

    3. And how do you have the time for that? Maybe your day would be less stressful if you weren’t spending 90 minutes a day on massages. Find another outlet, go for a walk.

    4. People, she does not have time or money for it. That’s why it is a problem. OP – find a behavioral therapist.

    5. What need do you think is being met by this? Physical touch? Attention? A time to empty your mind? Find out what your fix is and then work from there.

       Physical touch could be met by cuddling with your partner/pet or even a really amazing fluffy blanket. Yoga can give you a really good stretch to help work out kinks.

       Or maybe your job is so awful that you’re craving an escape to something completely indulgent–maybe it’s time to look for another job. I agree with Snick, find a good therapist and talk through what’s going on.

12. About two and a half years ago I moved from City A to City B. I loved City A but it can be a tough place to live, and there was a great professional opportunity in City B. I thought it would be healthy to have a change, and to focus on my career for a while.
    As it turned out, I hate City B. I dislike everything about it: its quirks, its pace, the predominance of certain professions, its food, its entertainment options, and on and on. I was right, the professional opportunity was fantastic for me. I went from the job that moved me here to another, even better opportunity a few months ago. But I’ve gone from being fairly burned out by City A to flat out missing it, badly. I also have a family member back in City A who’s getting old and could benefit from my being there to provide care and visits.
    So now I’m three months into an amazing role and am utterly miserable otherwise. My job is part of a big multinational organization that’s got a major presence back in City A but my specific job requires me to be in City B. I suspect that if I had a specific proposal that I could offer my manager (rework the job description such) he would be open to talking about it… But I don’t, and they need someone doing this specific role here.
    I know that without many of the details it’s probably hard for the hive to offer suggestions. I guess I’m just wondering if anyone’s ever been in a situation like this and if there are broad suggestions anyone can offer. While I’m feeling miserable at being stuck in City B but also… guilty?… somehow. Like I’m an impostor who’s used a smaller pond to become a bigger fish. I also feel that the more I get to know my co-workers on a personal basis, the more my pining for City A and dislike of City B comes out. Like I can’t speak honestly about myself without saying “but I hate being here.”
    Any thoughts gratefully accepted.

    1. What’s City B? Why are you so invested in hating it that you can’t figure out a way to make conversation without mentioning it?

    2. So City A is NYC? If I’m right, and you really need that frenetic pace of life and saturation of culture/things to do then no city (whether City B or C or D or E) is going to compare.

       On the other hand, I think 2.5 years is a good amount of time to figure out whether or not you like the city. Your job is important, certainly, but if you have made an honest and sincere effort to like City B, make new friends, explore the city, etc and you still hate it, I would consider moving back to City A (or even another city altogether — if City A really burned you out, does it make sense to go back? You may be looking at City A with rose colored glasses).

    3. I don’t have professional advice, but you have my complete understanding on the dislike of a city.

       My City B was a super popular city that’s all the rage right now, magazines are fawning over it as the greatest thing since sliced bread, and I just hated everything about it, like the list of reasons you have above. My negativity was coming out strong, and I was constantly on the defensive since it’s so popular. “How can you not love City B?!”

       I’ve moved back to my City A, and with time and space, I’ve been able to see that a fair amount of my dislike for City B was feeling trapped and frustrated in life. “The only thing between me and happiness is this dumb city!” I was taking my frustration over my life situation out on the city.

       The only thing that ultimately made it better was moving back to City A, but things did get a fair amount easier once I gave myself permission to start looking for jobs in City A. Knowing I was going to “get out” made a huge difference for me, even if I didn’t have a concrete plan.

       Oh, and I hear you on big fish, small pond. My City B was a small pond, too, and wow, being a big fish there was amazing. I’m now the tiniest minnow in City A, and more than once after a tough day at work, I’ve dreamt for a half second of going back to my old job in B where I mattered.

       1. Does City B = Portland? (Just curious!)

          1. Nope :)

          2. City B sounds like Austin or SF to me. “Predominance of certain professions” sounds like the “there are too many tech bros” complaints I hear from friends in SF, and Austin to a lesser extent.

          3. Nashville?

       2. Haha, you guys, I’m not gonna answer. Even though I haven’t lived there in a year, I know I would STILL get inundated with “How could you not love City B?!” posts because its supporters are really, REALLY passionate about how wonderful it is haha. “Different strokes for different folks” is lost on them :)

          1. Geez, you’re anonymous. Why not tell us? We’re really curious to know. :)

    4. do you have a social circle beyond your co-workers? Who you work with will really influence your view of a city if you do not have another social circle.

       DH and I moved to a small city. Many of my co-workers are regular runners and/or vacation in interesting destinations/have interesting hobbies/are politically moderate to liberal – all things I can relate to. DH’s co-workers took vacation in their hometowns and were involved in zero physical fitness and hobbies all involved recreational motorized vehicles and politically conservative. He hated it in this city until he expanded his social circle beyond his co-workers and made friends with common interests.

       1. Thanks, all. Yes, I am definitely looking at A (yes, it’s NYC) with rose-colored glasses, but at the same time it’s kind of like I’ve figured out that it’s home and has its pluses/minuses, but other places have pluses/minuses without being a place I feel at home in. I should socialize more, I should find ways of making it better, but… I have tried. I keep telling myself I’m not the only expat in the world.. we’ll see how far that gets me.

    5. If your company is a multi-national, is there some kind of internal job board? 3 months in is too soon to start applying for a new job, but you can definitely start looking through the postings there and see if you find any recurring themes in the jobs posted in City A, and then try to see if you can get some experience in your current job that would be a good resume booster for those jobs.

       And, again, too soon now, but in a few months (perhaps at your 6 month review) it would be perfectly appropriate to say to your boss something like “I enjoy the job I am in now, but my family is in City A, and I”m realizing that I will want to move back there in the long term. Has anyone from this office transferred to the office in City A, and do you have any suggestions for the best way to keep excelling at this job while also helping to make me a viable candidate for a position in City A someday?”

       Obviously that won’t work if your position in City B is in a division that doesn’t exist in City A (for instance, if City B does all the regulatory work while City A does all the R&D), but if a job parallel to the one you are doing now exists in City A it’s not impossible. When I worked for a multi-national, they were all for moving the best employees from location to location if it was for the good of the company overall.

       And plan a visit back to City A in the meantime – and when you are there, make sure you also experience some of the annoyances, not just all the awesome stuff.

13. Has anyone here gone a ‘less traditional’ route when it comes to pursuing higher education?

    I just earned my GED and will be starting part-time night school soon. I’m 21 so I’m slightly older than a lot of people who are starting college. I can’t afford to be a full-time student and not work full-time, but working full-time and attending classes at night is feasible and affordable for me.

    I’ll be working towards a degree in a business related field, probably Finance (though I’m also considering Accounting, Economics or Marketing). I’m working as a receptionist right now but my employer is supportive of me working towards my degree and once I complete it I’ll have options to move up in the company to other jobs.

    If anyone who did night school and/or part time classes while working has any tips or advice I would greatly appreciate them. Actually I wouldn’t mind tips from anyone who has pursued higher education. I grew up in a place where no one went to school past Grade 9 or 10 and I have never had anyone close to me attend college (besides my co-workers) so I don’t have anyone to ask about this.

    1. I don’t have any very relevant advice but want to say that you are awesome and amazing for starting this path!

       I worked PT all through college and law school and esp. in law school the key was to be organized and disciplined about making the time for coursework, although you probably already know this. (You may also have fewer social distractions being slightly older than traditional students.) And FWIW my ex-H was the first in his (very non-supportive) family to go to college, and he had to make it happen on his own. He now has a Ph.D. and is a tenured professor and academic who is actually famous in his admittedly niche field.

       You can do this, and you will be great!

    2. What kind of jobs do you want to do? I’m in finance – it’s very competitive and brand-driven, so a non-traditional route in many finance jobs will be problematic, unfortunately. My gut is that Accounting might be a route that’s a little more forgiving and gives you more options long-term.

       1. +1 to accounting. A good friend was a nontraditional student and is now a CPA working for one of the Big 3 accounting firms.

       2. Non-traditional student CPA here. I had a liberal arts degree before I went back to school for accounting at age 25. I worked full time while going to school full time. Here are my suggestions:

          -Take as many community college classes as you can. They are easier and cheaper.
          -Make sure these community college classes transfer to a 4 year college.
          -I also recommend online classes. Not having to take the time to go to actual class helped me be able to take more classes per semester.
          -I found that my max # of classes I could take per semester and still function was 4.
          -My life was kind of awful, but I got through it.
          -If you are interested in accounting, there are many routes you can take. You’ll always be able to get a job. I worked in public accounting for the last several years and there were many people who came to accounting as a second career.

       3. I work for one of the Big Four accounting firms, and if you’re breathing and express interest, they’ll hire you, no experience necessary. The standards to get hired in many departments are surprisingly low, for as much professional clout as these firms have. If accounting interests you, earn whatever minimum degree you need, then move to the Big Four where they’ll teach everything else you need to know and pay for additional degrees and certifications.

    3. congrats! You won’t have a lot of time on weekdays and especially in the beginning you will want to just go to bed when you get home from school so practical advice: 1) plan your wardrobe for the week in advance, 2) meal plan or cook in advance on the weekends, 3) set aside a specific block of time on each weekend day to study – schedule plans with friends around this – don’t cancel your study time or it will be hard to fit it in during the week.

    4. I taught for a few semesters at a community college and had many non-traditional students in my classes. One thing I learned during that time was that students can be very hesitant to approach me for help. I always, always suggest asking for help or assistance when you need it, especially when you work full-time. I understand that many non-traditional students work full-time, so they may struggle with time-management with coursework. Don’t hesitate to bring this to your professors. If any of my students showed interest in succeeding in my class, but admitted they were having difficulties with course work/time management, I would work out a solution with them that fits their needs.

       1. Oh, and in the case that the professor doesn’t appear to want to help you (because there are some rude ones out there, unfortunately), most colleges offer tutoring services with flexible hours.

          Good luck!

    5. Many, many years ago I dropped out of college and when I went back, it was to night school while working a clerical job during the day. I treated college like a second job and it was fine. Then I was able to go to law school full time and jump back into a more “traditional” path and it all worked out.

       I found the professors were helpful but I had to be pretty proactive in contacting them because it wasn’t a traditional campus with regular office hours.

       Good luck! You can do this!

    6. My husband did this for undergrad and is doing his MBA in the same way. I did my MBA at night while working full time also. Do you have vacation days at your job? If so, use these strategically during dead/finals week or when you have big papers or projects due. Use your breaks/lunch hour at work to study, knock out discussion board posts or do a quick search for a resource for your next paper.

       Is your employer willing to reimburse you for any of the tuition costs? If there isn’t a formal program established, it’s worth pitching during your next annual review. Think about ways that pursing your degree is benefiting your employer and use that to make your case.

       As far as a major goes, don’t get too hung up on specifics until you’ve been through the early business classes. That said, my suggestion would be to go an accounting route. It’ll prepare you for a wide array of careers.

    7. I worked and went to school for my under graduate, graduate, and post-graduate degrees. My jobs ran the gamut from waitress to very demanding jobs in my chosen field. My tips:

       1. Learn how to study efficiently and effectively. There are books on the topic, and articles for free on the Internet. Having good study habits and technique is invaluable.
       2. The earlier you ask for help when you need it, the better. It will be easier, and you will be less frustrated, if you get help earlier on instead of waiting until you are totally lost.
       3. The text or the teacher you have may not be very good. Look for other texts or books (you can rent on Amazon), $9.99 course sales at Udemy, or free online courses. Use these to as a backup for concepts or problems you don’t understand, sometimes all you need is a different perspective.
       4. In every course, look for the smart person in the room that appears to have a lot of time to study. In my graduate degree, there would often be people without full time jobs that would have more time to spend on school. These people (who will mess up the grading curve) are your new friends. Sit near them, try to get in groups with them — they will help you.
       5. Get rid of your TV. It was brutal, but that is how I made sure I didn’t burn a bunch of time watching TV.
       6. Plan for when you will do your work. I sat down every Saturday, 9:00 am until 8:00. Brutal, but a plan and one I could stick with.
       7. Buy a few nice office accessories — highlighters, post its, whatever. It helps to have something fun.
       8. Once, when I was carrying 9 credits and working 50+ hours a week, a professor said to me, “well, you can do almost anything for just four months.” That was the best thing anyone ever said, and I remember it often.

       Always remember, it can be done. I started off picking tobacco and didn’t have enough food or clothes. In 2015, I made well in excess of $500,000. Help will appear for you, sometimes from unlikely people and places.

    8. I took 6 years to get my Associates Degree, 8 years to get my Bachelor’s Degree, then took a year off before I went back in finished my Master’s in a year, then completed my JD just before I turned 34. I worked part or full time the entire time, except when I did my full-time summer associate position during law school.

       I’ll just say, don’t quit! It seems like quite the mountain, but you’ll get there, one or two classes at a time, whatever you can do. I remember complaining to a friend once that I would be 29 before I completed my Bachelor’s degree. The response, that I’ll never forget, was “You’re going to end up 29 anyway. Wouldn’t you rather be 29 with a degree?”

       Good luck!!

    9. I went back to finish my BS at 39. I worked full time. I used one whole day for study, research, projects. I have no kids and my husband was wonderful. I got my degree in 3 years, then went on to get anMBA, which took 4 years, part time. It was hard but I loved it and if you keep focused on the prize, your degree, it is easier.

    10. Wow, thank you all! I will take all of your advice and tips into account, and I will be sure to ask lots of questions when I meet with staff from the school to learn about the different majors that I am interested in. I appreciate your responses so much!

    11. Not me, but I want to share some success stories of real people I have worked with and greatly admire.

        One former coworker worked to get himself a BA and then worked as a journalist for a few years, but then discovered he wanted to go to law school, so he went to a regional law school, kicked butt there through hard work and landed the same job as me–as a law firm associate. I really respected how hard he worked to get from starbucks barista to NYC lawyer.

        Another former coworker screwed around in high school and went to community college then transferred to get a BA eventually. He then went to a regional law school for 1L then transferred to a top 30 law school and pursued a JD MBA. We worked together briefly but then he wanted to do corporate work instead of litigation and transferred to a biglaw firm to do exactly what he wants to do. Took him a couple years to figure out what he wants to do, but I do think he’s a better X lawyer for it because he had to work for it every step of the way instead of ending up in it after ivy undergrad and ivy law school because he didn’t know what he wanted to do in life.

        Actually, after college, I worked full time while getting a masters in teaching and while the program was set up to help us, it was still a lot of time and so my socializing was limited to the summers or one weekend. I would say that your 20s is the time to put in the hardwork and hustle (the making $ and the studying) because in my 30s I get tired more easily.

        Try to make sure your job is low key enough to give you enough energy/time to study during or after work (these jobs DO exist) or that the job is helping you in other ways (see above re: tuition credit, on the job learning of useful skills).

        Best of luck!

    12. I went to law school at night while working full-time. I’d echo what a lot of others have said about treating school like a second job. And I agree with others that accounting is going to be your best bet. I think of accounting as a skill, while finance is a competency. In terms of specific things you can do:

        1. Get enough sleep. This won’t always be possible, but prioritize sleep as much as you can.
        2. Take shortcuts in other areas of your life. I lived off of Trader Joe’s frozen lunches (for both lunch and dinner) when I was doing night school.
        3. Get to know your professors. Visit their office hours early on. I could never think of actual things to talk about with them, so I would do some practice problems and then ask them if they could review the problems with me.
        4. As someone mentioned earlier, not all textbooks are great and you can ask the professor for suggested other resources if you are struggling.
        5. Buy your books used. I used Amazon and Half.com.
        6. I also agree with getting rid of your TV (and Netflix). I didn’t have one while I was in night school and it totally saved me. An extra bonus is that I spent so long without it that I have never bothered getting one again. TV can take up a lot of room in your life that’s better spent on school, seeing friends or family, and getting physical activity.
        7. Get some physical activity! Whether that’s going for a walk or a workout every day at lunch or otherwise building activity into your routine, it will hugely help with your ability to manage stress.
        8. Also agree with other comments that you should plan for when you will do your work. I made a schedule at the beginning of every week.

        Lastly, remember why you’re doing this. I kept reminding myself what I was aiming for and how much better my life was going to be once I got there. Graduation was pretty much the best thing ever. I am so so happy I did school at night even though it was brutal at the time. An unexpected upside is that you handle pretty much anything from a job after you’ve done both work and school at the same time. Best of luck!

14. I have a question I would like advice on. My SO has been seeking employment since graduating from grad school in May. He now has an offer for a job that is an ok position, but he just completed a first round interview at his dream company. It is frustrating because this has been such a hard process and it is unclear what he should do. If he accepted the offer is he required to say that he has accepted an offer if he interviews again at his dream job? I feel like this would jeopardize his dream job.

    1. Nope. Take it and go for the dream, too.

       1. Thank you for the reply!

    2. He absolutely should not accept the offer with the intent to keep interviewing and back out if he gets the dream job. He should try to see if he can request more time to respond to the first company’s offer. If that’s not possible, he needs to decide whether the possibility of the dream job is likely enough/worth it to turn down the first offer from the company.

       1. Thank you for replying!

       2. Agreed, it just seems tacky and bridge-burning to accept an offer if in fact you don’t intend to take it. He should ask for more time to consider the offer or even acknowledge that he has another interview scheduled elsewhere. I’m in small law, and we would be appalled if someone accepted an offer and then reneged to go elsewhere. But maybe it’s different in the big corporate world? I’d also check in on Ask a Manager.

          1. I agree, but most things I have looked at online say business is business and you have to look out for yourself. But the situation where it keeps coming up is if you accept an offer and then you get a better offer, not that you accept an offer then keep interviewing.

             1. Yes, business is business and you have to look out for yourself – but you still have to think about the reputation you are building as you make those decisions and handle the beginning and end (and middle, for the sake of completeness) like a professional. Decisions don’t get made in a vacuum.

                Accepting a job offer while still continuing to interview sounds unprofessional to me. If you don’t want the job for at least the next year, don’t take the job now.

    3. I think terms like “dream job” and “dream company” can dupe you. He just graduated, he’s new to the workforce, he actually doesn’t know what work or what company he will love doing yet. 4 years ago my DH was in a very similar situation – he had applied for 2 similar jobs but he was more excited about one company because their core product aligned with his personal interests. The job offer at the less-exciting company came through and he was torn about whether to accept it or whether to hold out for more-exciting company. I basically strong-armed him into accepting the offer because he had been job-searching for a while and I thought he would be filled with regret if he rejected the offer and didn’t get another offer from more-exciting company. As it turns out, the more-exciting company went with someone else, and he’s since learned that they have huge turnover and other problems. He’s been working at less-exciting company for 4 years and ABSOLUTELY LOVES IT. As in, he gets a sparkle in his eye when he talks about his co-workers. As in, he talks up about his company to strangers because he loves it so much. As in, he gazes at me and thanks me for forcing him to take a chance on the company.

       So, often non-dream companies can work out amazingly. Your SO has been job-searching for almost 10 months. I’d encourage your SO to take the offer he has in hand.

       1. Thank you for this thoughtful reply! I am trying to advocate for him taking this position. Would your advice change if I added that this offer is not in the same location where I will be working after graduating from law school this May, whereas the “dream” offer is? I guess the question is should he take a job for the sake of his resume knowing that he will need one in the area we will be living in later? And he isn’t so new to the workforce, he worked for awhile before going back.

          1. Presumably he was willing to work in that location given that he applied for the job, so my advice doesn’t change. I think it’s a fallacy to weigh non-dream company job against dream company job, because actually only the non-dream company offer exists. All that to say, no, my advice wouldn’t change. Of course, everyone has different circumstances and different appetite for risk. If your SO can afford to continue job searching for however long if dream company doesn’t pan out, then that changes things.

15. Hosting a baby shower. I am thinking of doing two punches – champagne and non-alcoholic. Ideas? Favorite recipes? It’s a boy … any blue punches out there :) If you have another fun beverage idea, I’m open to hearing it, too. I have all the other basic beverage options covered. TIA!

    1. I don’t have any punch recipes but the blue punch could definitely include blue curacao liqueur!

       1. a Blue Hawaiian could be done as a punch pretty easily. And is delicious, because pineapple juice and rum.

    2. my coworker has a great one with gingerale, sparking soda, lime shebert and cherries. I bet if you found a blue raspberry and added raspberries or blueberries, that would work.

    3. I searched pinterest and the top punch that keeps coming up is Blue Hawaiian Punch, Sprite, and Pineapple Juice. Then you could add vodka, or I second LF’s idea of blue curacao.

    4. I like to do a pitcher of flavored mojitos for showers. Blackberry or blueberry for boys, raspberry for girls, what ever sounds good for weddings.

    5. This is my go-to. Really delicious and not too sweet. It’s always gone in no time. http://www.myrecipes.com/recipe/champagne-punch-2

16. Minor shopping PS – nearly everything a Cole Haan is 25% off.

    I’m intrigued these, but can’t decide if I should pull the trigger: http://www.colehaan.com/zer%C3%B8grand-wing-oxford-beet-red-suede-ivory/889203584391.html

    Can’t tell if they’re cute or just too goofy. Thoughts?

    For context, I never wear athletic shoes outside the gym (and, candidly, I’m seldom inside the gym!) but have been looking for a more casual weekend shoe. I really want to like tennis shoes but I’m just not there yet! These seem like a “bridge” between tennis shoes and the wedges or oxfords that I might more typically wear with jeans.

    What say the hive?

    1. I’m not sure – to me it’s not that they’re goofy but that the uppers and soles don’t match. I just got a great pair of Clarks Originals (called ‘Funny Dream’) which are incredibly comfortable weekend shoes.

       1. OOOh, those do look comfortable.

    2. These are so cute and way too pricey for me even with 25% off but I want all the colors!

    3. I have the exact same shoes but in a dark red suede (which I don’t see anymore in the color selections).

       I got them as a weekend shoe to run errands in. I wanted to replace my skecher biker slipons.

       I love the shoes! they are super light, comfortable, and you don’t even know you are wearing them. I also tend to dress in darker colors (dark wash jeands, dark colored tshirt) so these add a nice pop of color!

    4. Buy them! I wear a lot of crazy colored shoes during the week and would have no qualms about those on the weekend.

    5. Thanks for the feedback! I may have to visit them in-store and see where things go.

17. Does anyone here have experience doing contract legal work for a company like Axiom?

    The deeper I get into my BigLaw career (5-7th year associate), the more appealing a work arrangement like that seems. I read an interview with a founder of one of these “legal services for hire” companies who said “Associates don’t want their bosses’s job” and I can’t agree more! I’m just not entirely convinced contract work is the solution.

    1. I know someone who works at Axiom and she is also supplementing her income with other jobs (in her case, home organizing). I think the key issue is that once you do contract legal work, it’s very hard if not impossible to jump back into a more traditional law role. But if you’re not looking for that–and you know for sure that’s the case–then obviously that doesn’t matter.

       I haven’t met anyone who loves being a contract attorney, and all of them wish they could do something else.

    2. I used to hire contract attorneys for work and when a full time position came available for them they would let me know and I would scramble to find the next person for the job. I don’t think it hurts your potential positions to do contract work.

18. Help me pick a car make and model!

    I live in a major city, but I have a parking spot. I don’t drive to work, but I have family in the suburbs, so I will be doing expressway driving a couple times a month and maybe 1-2 grocery or Target runs a month.

    I want something on the small side for city driving, and on a shallow note, I wouldn’t mind a cute car. I’m a mid-30s professional.

    I want to buy something used. I can pay cash for the whole thing. Budget is $15,000.

    Which cars would you recommend?

    1. I don’t have any personal recommendations because I am also looking for a car soon, but one resource that has been helpful to me is lurking on the Reddit subthread “whichcarshouldIbuy” where you can basically put in all this information and then car people will answer. Although I have noticed that they always seem to recommend a honda civic, or a mazda car!

    2. A civic. Why you want to be wasting money on something “cute” you’ll practically never use?

       1. Wasting money? $15,000 isn’t much… is it?

          1. I don’t think you are wasting money on wanting something “cute” it is your hard earned money! I think reliability is more important than cuteness but all things considered cuteness is still a factor!

    3. I love my 2012 Jetta. I have a TDI, which of course you can’t buy right now, but you’d be able to get a decently loaded TSI in your budget. It’s cute, mine is zippy, I have heated seats, sunroof, Bluetooth etc., and it’s not too big for city parking.

       1. Adding that the smaller VWs are popular as well.

          1. I have a VW Golf that I love. Smaller than the Jetta but the hatchback gives you plenty of room while still being easier to park.

       2. I don’t own a Jetta (I have an SUV in every day life because I prefer bigger cars), but I travel a lot for work and Jettas are my preferred rental car-I like the way they drive/feel and they’re cute (typical rental car selection: Hyundai Sonata (hate, seems like it struggles to accelerate), Toyota Camry (perfectly fine, not what I would call “cute”), Ford something or other (Cruz, I think?) (not memorable, so probably not great))

    4. We like our ford fiesta. But it might be worth checking if you can get a VW dirt cheap after the scandal?

       1. I like my fiesta too for city purposes FWIW!

       2. Be surprised if you could – MAYBE a private sale, but the dealers can’t sell them right now and owners like me are waiting to find out what’s going to happen. I’m not selling mine (2009 TDi) till it’s clear, I don’t want to lose that much money if I can avoid it.

    5. If you want something small and fuel efficient, how about a Nissan Versa? You can buy them new for less than $15,000 and they’re tanks AND have great warranties. The new ones have great features too for a great price.

       I love mine. Everyone tells me I should splurge on a fancy car, but I LOVE my little Versa. It’s small so I can parallel park easily but is still a 4-door sedan so people can sit comfortably, and more importantly, my dogs fit :)

       I get 40mpg and it has no real maintenance requirements. I’ve had it for 3 years and beat it up by putting 50,000 miles on it, and the only things it’s needed are regular oil changes. Even my original tires are in great shape.

       I’m especially in love because a few years ago I bought a new Versa (my very first new car), and within 6 weeks of buying it, I was broadsided by a drunk driver in a huge SUV. The driver of the other car got bloodied up pretty good, but while my Versa was totaled, it did its job and I came out without even a bruise. I went right back to the dealer and bought another one.

       1. Wow, I had no idea Versas were so safe! I drive a 10-year-old Volvo right now and as it approaches 175K miles, I’m considering a new (used) car. I love my Volvo because it’s a tank (I often joke that I could slam into a brick wall, and only the wall would be hurt). I’ll have to check out the Versa.

          1. I was pretty surprised too! When I bought it, I remember thinking “I better not get in an accident because it’s so small”; I ended up testing out that theory just a few weeks later. Thankfully it was way better than I thought! The SUV looked worse than my car after that. Nissan really does make a nice car–the Versa is surprisingly sturdy and well made for its size and cost.

       2. I’m the Jetta owner from above and I will give Nissan a plug. I have a 2001 Pathfinder with over 230k miles on it that is still chugging along.

       3. P.S. I just did a quick search–if you’re willing to get a 2015, dealers have left over 2015 Versas brand new for under $12,000.

    6. My friends who have the same requirements are in love with the Honda Fit. One is quite short, the other very tall.

       1. Yep, my peoples are very happy with their Fits.

       2. Love love love my Fit. There was a remodel for 2015 with some great features and you could probably get a 2015 for your 15K budget. I got the 2015 new for around 18K, all things included.

    7. Mini Cooper! I love mine & it’s perfect for city living/driving. You can get a used one in your range.

    8. Mazda 3. Fun, zippy to drive, easy to park in cities.

       1. Best answer. We have two and love them. We used to have a Civic and we like the 3 much better.

    9. Putting in a plug for an American car — we bought DS a second-hand Chevy Sonic (looks a lot like the Versa and the Honda Fit) three years ago and it has been a workhorse. He drives almost 500 miles to and from college several times a year, in all weather, and also just generally drives all over the place for road trips and extra curriculars, puts tons of miles on the care and has had no real problems, just general maintenance.

    10. I bought a 2012 honda fit with about 40k miles on it for a bit less than 15k and I love it. Great pick up and handling, 35 mpg, and it’s small but the space is laid out very efficiently so I can pack a lot of stuff into it. I think it’s cute.

    11. I love my 2010 Ford Focus. It had 44k miles when I bought it for around $13k. It has bluetooth that connects to my phone, and gets great gas mileage. It’s easy to parallel park, too, which is a bonus living in the city. I’ve had it for 2.5 years and only had to do minimal maintenance, which is a relief after my old car (1999 Ford Explorer), which required major maintenance every 6 months and had terrible gas mileage.

19. I’m talking to a recruiter about my dream position with a company that has multiple locations. My husband just moved across the country for his job, which is something else I need to balance (as in I’d like to be near him, but it’s not a huge factor in my planning and I’d consider a position anywhere. And my current location is probably best for my career development for a variety of reasons ) Assuming you knew about the husband situation, would it look really weird that I’m perfectly fine living away from my spouse for potentially very long periods of time? I’d like to live near him, which is why one of my top preferences will be his city. I think they’re likely to be fairly accommodating, but if I play the husband card, I’m worried that they might assume I’m only interested in that location, even if I say otherwise. Or it maybe look like there’s something wrong with me. Is this the kind of thing that people judge that may come back to bite me in the “would I/my team want to work with this person” way? Do I just need to pick between not caring about location at all and only applying to the location in his city?

    1. Why don’t you want to live with your husband? I’d find it really weird. So you’re going to work for me wherever and then quit in a year to live with him? So weird and very off putting. Apply for the job in the location you want.

       And really why don’t you even want to try living with your husband as a priority?

       1. I do want to live with him. It’s kind of a long story, but it is a priority; I’ve just sort of accepted that it’s not going to work out in the immediate future. It really sucks, but it will work out in the end.

          1. Also, thanks for the advice. I’ll do that.

    2. If I knew about the husband situation, I would probably consider this. Whether it is true or not, my assumption would be that you would want to live near your husband eventually.

       1. Yeah, this.

          I did apply for a job that was 100% travel. Go to a place, live there for 3 weeks, fly ‘home’ for a 3-day weekend, go back to work. The recruiter and hiring manager explained this many times, the lifestyle/relocation is hard for people. I repeated that I have the family support and I would be looking forward to the travel and relocation, etc. etc.

          I did not complete the application and eventually withdrew. But you can say something vague like, I have family in these cities, in X city so I’d like to live close by, I have the support of my family, no, relocation will not be a problem.

20. I need to vent before I lose my $hit. A young woman in my friend group is in grad school and is CONSTANTLY complaining about being broke and how she can’t afford this or can’t afford that. One of our other friends is letting her use the wifi and not charging her for it she complains so much. She just texted us asking us if we wanted to go to a concert with her. I want so badly to point out that I really would prefer she stop bitching about how broke she is all the time if she is going to go to a completely frivolous concert, buy new ski pants, whatever, but I know it’s none of my business how she spends her money. I just want to stop hearing about how broke she is! UGH!

    1. I tell my friends they get three opportunities to vent about something. After the third time, that subject is verboten unless we’re discussing a plan of attack. Time to lay down some conversation rules with your friends.

    2. Tell her you can’t, you’re broke.

    3. Do all three of you live together? I don’t understand the wifi thing.

    4. I know you are just venting, but I also have a friend like that. It sucks. Like do they honestly think that everyone else cares/ doesn’t also have to make difficult decisions within their budget?

21. For the second time our passive aggressive semi-office manager has cleared out the kitchen cabinets and left all non-office mugs on the counter, many of which are mine. To give perspective, we have a very small office, there is PLENTY of room in the kitchen cabinet(s) and the presence of non-office mugs seems to be an issue only to her. Last time I had a laugh about it with my boss and just put the mugs back where they were (basically hidden on the top shelf), which I thought should solve the issue. Obviously the message was not received … any suggestions for a breezy way to nip this in the bud or do I just need to grin and bear it? Maybe she is just trying to be helpful in case I forgot they were there? I realize this is a ludicrously petty problem but it has gotten under my skin.

    1. Why not just talk to her?

       “Hey Peggy. I saw my mugs were taken out of the cabinet. I put them there deliberately since I drink coffee a lot and it’s more convenient to have my mugs in the kitchen where there’s plenty of space. Do you have a problem with me storing them there?”

       And see what she says. Most likely she’ll be redfaced and that will be the end of it, or she’ll say something ridiculous like it’s for company-only supplies, but at least you will have addressed it head on.

       1. +1

          I’m 100% against passive aggressive behavior, but when possible I like to address the issue head-on. “I noticed you did X, are you [mad/upset/annoyed] about Y?” Of course, sometimes even when I give someone a chance to tell me what’s bothering them, they still deny there’s an issue, and then I get mad.

       2. Thank you for this – I am planning to chat with her along these lines and will let you know how it goes. Amazing how I can overthink and complicate the simplest things…

    2. So how many mugs are you talking about here? One or two personal mugs are okay, especially if the office has limited mugs and likes to keep them clean for clients or guests.

       But three or more mugs? Your office manager is right to ask you to take them home (implied by placing them on the counter). The office kitchen is not the place to store your mug collection.

       1. I agree. Doesn’t matter if there is space, you shouldn’t be storing many mugs at work.

       2. I disagree. If there really is a ton of room in the cabinets and no one else wants it needs that space and it makes OPs life a little easier, then a rule barring it seems arbitrary. I might change my view a bit if the OP refuses to let others use her mugs or if there’s any question about whether other people want to use the space. When I get in a train car with a bunch of empty seats I put my bags on them and move them as more people get on. That said op, even if you are in the right ( and I agree the other persons actions are passive agressive and annoying) it might not be worth fighting over.

       3. Yep. You said “many” of which were yours. Any “many” is too many.

       4. I appreciate the perspective ladies. In this case three of the seven mugs were mine, all are thermos/mobile type mugs, and anyone is more than welcome to use them. I am in-house and leaving the mugs in the circumstances of our office is more than appropriate, but I never would have even thought to leave mugs in the kitchen of my old law firm. Here there is no “rule” – this is just her personal preference (power trip) and no one else cares. Everyone at our office has run into similar issues like this with her where she is arguably swimming outside of her lane. That being said it cannot hurt to be aware of what I have in the kitchen and to make sure I am not appropriately treating it like my own personal storage space.

22. Stink! No mediums in ivory. I love this sweater but don’t look good in that color pink and have way too much navy already.

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