ByKat Hours Updated
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Coffee Break: ‘Desiree Unzipped’ Pump

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Charlotte Olympia 'Desiree Unzipped' Pump | CorporetteThis brand Charlotte Olympia is new to me, but I noticed it a few weeks ago while looking through Nordstrom's site (and now it's part of the designer shoe sale going on). All of the shoes seem to have a bit of wit to them, in the best way — sophisticated, and in some cases barely noticeable. (These flats are, well, noticeable, but kind of hilarious, no?) I like the traditional color scheme (beige and black), the tassel detail… and then the amusing unzipped look. The 3″ heels are marked down: they were $895, but are now marked to $537. Charlotte Olympia ‘Desiree Unzipped' Pump Here are a couple of lower-priced alternatives.

Sales of note for 3/21/25:

  • Nordstrom – Spring sale, up to 50% off: Free People, AllSaints, AG, and more
  • Ann Taylor – 25% off suiting + 25% off tops & sweaters + extra 50% off sale
  • Banana Republic Factory – 40% off everything + extra 20% off
  • Eloquii – $39+ dresses & jumpsuits + up to 50% off everything else
  • J.Crew – 25% off select linen & cashmere + up to 50% off select styles + extra 40% off sale
  • J.Crew Factory – Friends & Family Sale: Extra 15% off your purchase + extra 50% off clearance + 50-60% off spring faves
  • M.M.LaFleur – Flash Sale: Get the Ultimate Jardigan for $198 on sale; use code CORPORETTE15 for 15% off
  • Spanx – Lots of workwear on sale, some up to 70% off
  • Talbots – Buy 1 get 1 50% off everything, includes markdowns

And some of our latest threadjacks here at Corporette (reader questions and commentary) — see more here!

Some of our latest threadjacks include:

113 Comments

  1. Oddly enough, I’m wearing the 2015 Pantone color of the year today and I was feeling very snazzy and put together until about an hour ago when I got a hole in the right calf of my tights. Of course.

    1. I am loving the 60s/70s style that has come back and seems to be sticking around for at least now– and that color being popular for next year is just more affirmation!

  2. Repost from this morning. Anyone from Canada have experience ordering online from Talbot’s? I’m scared of customs. Thanks!

    2. First comment in moderation. Grr.

      I looked on the webs!te’s shipping info and it looks like the recipient is responsible for paying any applicable duties. If it’s too expensive then just have them return to sender and don’t collect from the depot thing. Or call customer service and cancel prior to shipment.

      I’ve never ordered from Talbot’s but I have bought stuff internationally and the duties can be BRUTAL. Negates any great sale or 0nline deal as it’s not necessarily calculated by cost, but by fabric, country of production, etc.

      Good luck!

  3. Runner Gift TJ:

    My sister wants a race day bag – as in a bag to carry her things for a race, not a backpack to run with. Any suggestions from runners?

    1. Honestly, to many races they make you carry the clear plastic bags that they supply. I know you said she doesn’t need one to run with, but if she doesn’t have one, she needs a spi belt.

      They’re these mini stretchy fanny packs that are big enough to fit a phone, money, energy shots, keys, etc. in but not bulky at all.

    2. Is she a triathlete? They have neat race day bags (called transition bags). Runners, like Clem says, have to use the clear bag provided. There are cute gym bags out there, if she wants one for non-race days…

      1. But otherwise I’d get something colorful (so easy to find) and cheap (for when it gets lost.)

  4. To whoever recommended Soft Surroundings on Tuesday- thank you so much! I have a feeling this is going to be my mom’s new favorite store (and I kind of can’t wait until I’m mature enough to pull off some of the styles).

  5. Looking for a bit of gift-giving inspiration. What was the one gift you gave recently that absolutely went over really well?

    I gave my dad a spare phone charger last Christmas, and while he was pretty excited and liked it, I am not sure if he really uses it. For father’s day, I gave him a 6 month sock subscription service, SockPanda.com. He loved it and posted his socks to facebook (they are really cool designs). Looking for dad/mom/friends/etc.

    1. Pajamagram has some wonderful items and comes in great packaging.

      I’ve also been successful with a digital picture frame with a “coupon” for digital help in getting pictures on to the device.

    2. Last year, my mother told me she wanted new white t-shirts. She’s a hard to find size and she hates going and trying things on, so I got every single white t-shirt Land’s End sells (except for a few I knew would not work) in two sizes – I think it was about 30 shirts. I eventually got her duplicates of the ones she liked and returned the rest. She still laughs about all of the white shirts.

      Besides the amusement factor, it was really a gift of convenience – it wasn’t anything she couldn’t do or buy for herself, but I took care of ordering, tracking which ones worked, and then returning the rest so she didn’t have to deal with it (she hates online shopping).

    3. I gave my husband really good headphones last year and he was thrilled.

      My SIL gave my mom an experience gift for glass blowing and lunch with the two of them. Mom loved it.

      My brother and I are jointly giving my parents truly warm coats. It’s cold enough for down where they live juuuust rarely enough that they never buy them for themselves, but actually they can and will use them.

    4. I have been inspired and amused by the Fug Girls Holiday Gift Guide, especially the posters.

    5. A similar idea – I got my dad a subscription to Rolling Stone several years ago, and renewing it is half my gift for him every other year. It’s possibly the best thing I’ve ever gotten him, since he’s a professional musician (bass and vocals in a country-rock band, my dad is the coolest :P) and he reads every issue.

      In a similar vein, pondering a Birchbox or similar sub for my sister in law this year – does anyone have experience with them?

    1. To where? (And I think there is particular advice if you are a woman of color as well).

      1. I’m not really sure, honestly. Probably somewhere in Europe. Maybe somewhere I’ve been before, maybe somewhere new. I’m recently divorced, and I’m unsure if going alone on a trip would feel liberating or just lonely. (Safety is also a concern) We used to take one big trip a year, and it’s bothering me that I’ll be missing out on that this year because I don’t have someone else to go with (friends/family probably wouldn’t want to take the time off of work, etc.)

        3. I keep recommending this company, but I’ve had great luck with them while traveling (what ended up being) solo (when The Former Mr. Senior Attorney decided he was sick in Japan and took to his bed in the hotel): I booked guides from http://www.toursbylocals.com and was more than happy with the service. You get to pick your exact guide so if safety is a concern you can pick, say, a middle-aged woman. And they have reviews and references. It’s great because you can tell the guide what you’re interested in and they will take you exactly where you want to go, and it totally eliminates the anxiety about transportation and whatever because they’ll meet you at your hotel. In Europe I’d plan to book a guide for a full day on the first or second day in a place, to get the lay of the land and/or to take me someplace that seemed intimidating but that I really wanted to see, and then just strike out on my own.

          1. Hee hee, thanks for giving an unsolicited recommendation of my client, Senior Attorney. I haven’t actually used them myself but can vouch that the company is run by lovely people.

        4. I think taking a trip alone (or with someone else if they are up for it) is a great idea. I agree that there is particular advice if you are a woman of color. I took a trip to Beijing a few years ago after a conference. Would recommend it to anyone who wants to sample China. Easy to get around on the subway and the street signs are in Mandarin AND English unlike the smaller city I went to first. Toured some places solo and others with people I met at the aforementioned conference. You can book day trips or tours from hostels, some offer this service. Having a guidebook also really helps especially when asking a cab driver to take you somewhere. Otherwise you can ask someone who knows English to write the name of your destination in Mandarin, the hotel desk can usually help with this.

    2. Without your answer to Wildkitten’s question, I’ll share a story. I traveled abroad the summer after my junior year. I flew into Paris, took an overnight train to Italy (where my program was), and afterward went on alone to Vienna, Prague, and back to Paris.

      If you’re looking for encouragement to go because you can’t find someone to go with you, I’d definitely say do it! I was 21 at the time and learned so, so much about myself. I went knowing a little Spanish and two semesters of Italian. In Paris, I used my Italian to book my train ticket when the agent didn’t speak English. I asked for directions to my hostel in French my roommate had written down for me, but realized I didn’t understand the answer. I got there anyway. Likewise in Prague, I couldn’t even read the signs, but I pointed to my hostel’s address in a guidebook was able to get there by cab.

      There were times I was probably taken advantage of (e.g., my first trip to Rome comes to mind: I got off the train and got taken by cab to a rather crappy hostel by someone who was paid to bring in tourists; I consider it a wash since I didn’t have a reservation, but my second visit to the city was much better). It cost way more than I expected; the Euro rose against the dollar significantly that summer, so the budgets from previous sessions were off. I was also dumb about money and embarrassed myself asking my parents for help.

      I have so many memories though. My best advice: Keep a daily journal while you’re there. Otherwise, you won’t have someone to remind you of your everyday experiences.

    3. I’ve travellend solo through most of Europe that’s west of…oh, Poland (except Scandanavia!) – it’s been totally fine. I’m also biracial, and it’s been fine.

      If you want to email me (cdnc*rp*r3tt3 at google mail – replace * with o and the 3 with e), I’d be happy to share my specific experiences. I lived abroad there, and I’ve also gone back for trips a few times, so I have a variety of experiences.

      Outside of Europe I can’t really say, though I have plans to check out South America at some point in the next year or two.

    4. I’ve traveled solo a bit, usually one or two-day extensions to business/friend trips. The main international places I’ve spent time by myself have been Dublin, Paris, Berlin and Santiago, Chile. I had a great time in all those places, except on the end of my last day in Paris by myself, I got accosted by a guy at dinner who sat down at my table, and wouldn’t leave me alone despite me repeatedly insisting I needed to work and wanted to be alone. The restaurant staff wouldn’t do anything about it, the way they would in the US. I eventually had to leave the restaurant. Fortunately he didn’t follow me. That was my last solo trip and, to be honest, has put me off them quite a bit, at least outside the US. Not because I thought I was in any real danger, but just because it was so unpleasant. Before that my attitude would have been that I wouldn’t hesitate to travel solo pretty much anywhere in the Americas or Europe, although probably not many places in Asia and Africa because I’m more removed from the culture, language, etc. Now I would say I would still travel by myself in the US but would think twice about anywhere international. If I didn’t have a travel partner, I would still take international trips but would probably go as part of a group tour.

    5. I always really enjoy going out to dinner alone when I’m traveling by myself, but that’s me! I usually get a lot of reading done. For me, I usually try to go back to my hotel after dinner just for safety. I walk pretty much everywhere possible (I literally print out maps if I won’t have iPhone access). I think it’s great cause you can do whatever you want when you want. I think you have to know yourself. Like I’m fine being by myself, but some people could get lonely, and in that case I would do a tour group.

      1. I’ve thought about a tour group, but I haven’t found one with an itinerary that sounds appealing to me. The ones I’ve looked at look very rushed, with only a day or two in each city and lots of rushing from attraction to attraction. I prefer to spend a bit more time in places and really get to know the area.

        1. I recommend traveling to each city on your own and then do single or half day tours. A walking tour of the city on your first day there is a great way to figure out your way around and pick out places you want to explore more. This is also a great way to get some socializing in with other travelers if that is important to you.

        2. You might check out the Rick Steves tours that spend one week at a time in the same city. I know they have Paris, London and Rome for a full seven days each.

          And I echo those encouraging you to go for it! I have really enjoyed my solo trips.

        3. P.S. I think I’ve recommended this book here before, but I really liked Thalia Zepatos’ “A Journey of One’s Own — Uncommon Advice for the Independent Woman Traveler.”

    6. Go to Turkey! I recently spent a month there, and never once felt unfomfortable. I stayed at hostels, and the other travelers and the staff would usually look out for me since they knew I was traveling alone. Also bus seats are segregated by gender, so that was a nice perk as well. I personally took my kindle with me and read at lunch/dinner. But if you stay in hostels (which I really recommend for solo travelers) then it is easier to meet people to have meals with. I went for nicer hostels with only a couple of people (max 3 or 4) per room and cheaper hotels, and by far I preferred staying in hostels for the company. Also you meet really interesting people of all ages. The youngest I met was 18, the older was in her 70’s.

      I will also second the comment about learning about yourself. I am 100% more confident in myself, being alone, and what I want in life because of the trip. I definitely wouldn’t have had the same positive self journey had I gone with people. You don’t realize how little you know yourself until you spend time with just yourself as you would with another human being.

    7. I have done a ton of solo traveling over the years, and I definitely say go for it. If the idea is too daunting, think about the people you know abroad – like, say, the Euro contingent of this site ;) A lot of my travel has involved “Hey, friend lives in place I have not been to. I should go visit them!” – like the trip i took to South Korea, and which was made affordable by the couches I crashed.

  7. I’m applying for law school, but just got a call back from a job application I put in a few months ago, before I’d finalized my decision to go back to school. The job would be useful to have on my resume, and related to the area I’d want to practice in after graduation, and I also kind of hate my current company. However, I’m worried it would burn bridges to accept a position when I’m planning on leaving in 8 months. For various reasons, putting off school for another year would be extremely inconvenient, but it’s theoretically an option. Obviously I might not even get the position, and I might not get accepted into the schools I’m applying for, but what’s the best course of action here?

    1. Can you give some more detail on what the job is and what you want to do with your law degree? Such as I want to represent nursing homes in and this position is in nursing home administration.

      2. I won’t hear back on acceptances until after I’d theoretically start working. My scores are good, but my GPA wasn’t fantastic in undergrad. I’m worried I’ll be stuck in this job I hate for another two years if I turn down a job and end up not getting into school.

    3. apply for the job and apply for school. Figure the rest out as it comes. Don’t eliminate options prematurely. You don’t have definite school or job options at this point. You’d be wise to keep your options open.

    4. Yay! I love NORDSTROM’s and these pump’s, but Kat, you called them “flat’s” in the write up! Flat’s they sureley are NOT! FOOEY b/c I love flat’s but the manageing partner makes me wear 4″ heels at work and to court b/c we win more cases that way! DOUBEL YAY!

      As for the OP, you are in a great position. I would take the job, see if you like it, and if you do, stay a coupel of years at least. If you are young, meaning under 30, it does NOT matter if you go right to law school, especialy these days where law student’s cant get job’s. Once you work for a coupel of year’s you can apply to law school or if you already applied, you can DEFFER your admission to try the job for a longer period. Who know’s, you may realy love it, and/or you may find a guy and have him MARRY you and you will NOT have to go thru all the b/s we profesional women have to go thru just to pay the rent. FOOEY on that!

      I think you will find out for yourself whether you want to stay, and if you dont, then you can ALWAYS go to law school. The only cavaeat is that in law school, all the guy’s will think you should be impressed with them b/c they are law student’s, and they will expect you to bow down to them as lawyer’s in training, and some will want to sleep with you. FOOEY but it’s true! Even tho you are in law school also, most men have NAPOLEAONIC complexes, meaning they compensation for their very short statuere (and winkies) with super BIG ego’s. That is the worst combination–big egos and small winkie’s, and its always your fault for everything that goe’s wrong. After law school you will be a lawyer, and that’s a good thing, if you get a boss like my manageing partner!

      But enough about ME. This was my experience. Yours can be different, and I hope it is! YAY!!!!!!

    5. Keep your options open for as long as you can. Go on the callback. You can turn down an offer later, if it materializes.

      Without knowing how long you’ve been out of college, don’t assume that the area you think you’ll practice in now is the area you will actually practice in after law school.

      1. 6 years. I’m pretty set on this specialty. If the offer did materialize, would it burn bridges to accept it, find out after I started working that I’d been accepted into school, and go after being in the position for 8 months? I’m not even sure I’ll get in to the places I applied (see above re: GPA).

        1. Maybe? I’d seriously consider letting them know, if an offer is extended, that you have applied to law school for next fall and see how they feel about that. Someone else mentioned deferring law school, which could also be an option. A weak undergrad GPA probably matters less since you’ve been out of school so long.

        2. Just a note from experience–I worked for several years before law school in a niche field and also believed that I was set on a legal specialty that catered to that field (so much so that I only applied to law schools with top professors or practitioner adjuncts teaching courses in that field). I’ve been practicing law for about 4 years now and can tell you that I do almost none of that work and have found other specialties that suit me better. Obviously your experience might be different, but I just wanted to get that out there.

          Also, FWIW, I can’t imagine that a mere 6-7 months of work at one job will make that much difference when you’re applying for legal jobs 2.5 years from now.

    6. In addition, you can sometimes ask for a deferment for law school – I did that because my job gave me the unexpected opportunity to do some high-level traveling and work, and the school was fine deferring my admission for a year. I gather that it’s harder now than it once was (this was back in the early 2000s), but it’s still an option.

    7. I would definitely apply. You can decide what to do if/when they offer you the job. If you’ve been accepted to a law school at that point and are fairly sure you’re going, you should probably let them know before you accept the job. I don’t think it would burn bridges too badly at that point, they’ll still have other final-round candidates they can make offers to if they don’t want you because you’ll be leaving soon.

    8. I would go to the interview and if they end up making you an offer, decide then. This is especially true if you haven’t receive your admission decisions yet. I think it might be wise to be honest if they offer you a job and if your future job would be in the same field and/or the same geographic area. A lot would depend on how much training they would have to do to get you up to speed and if they have other considerations (e.g. hard to find people for your position, someone going on maternity/paternity leave in eight months). If you find out in the interview process that they usually have a lot of turnover in the position for other reasons, the downside to them might be lessened.

    9. I would find out more about the job before you make a decision. There are so many options. You can defer law school for a year or go part time while you work for this company. It may be a company that can offer you a job after graduating from law school, you may decide not to go to law school at all or you may decide you don’t want to work for this company. Keep your options open.

  8. I just got a suit back from the dry cleaners and there are some very odd creases on the jacket around the top button. How do I get these out? low heat iron?

    1. I would take it back to the cleaners and ask them to press it again (at no extra charge, of course). If it’s a decent establishment they should be entirely willing to do it.

        1. I think they’d ask you to leave it overnight. I think that trying it at home could make it worse, given that it’s difficult to maneuver an iron around a button.

    2. If it’s a tiny area, hard to maneuver with an iron, try a small flat iron that you’d use on your hair. Of course, make sure it’s clean first. Nothing like searing hairspray and serum into your jacket…!

      1. I would also suggest using a damp press cloth (cotton tshirt, towel) in between the iron (flat iron or regular iron) and the suit.

    2. I’ll fess up – I bought a pair of the Kitty flats from her line (in black). I’ve never worn them to work, but I’ll wear them with jeans on the weekend. DH hates them, but I think they’re hysterical.

      1. I love the kitty flats!

        I find it funny sometimes when the commenters get so judgmental on the avant garde fashion when it’s usually the stuff I like. I usually find the fashion featured by Kat or discussed in the comments to be not my taste at all, but despite this being a fashion s!te, I come here for the (other) comments!

      2. The kitty cat flats made me smile, but $825??? I’d buy kitty cat shoes for $25 for the novelty value.

        1. Pretty sure that’s one of the reasons DH hates them. And pretty much all of the shoes in my closet. Including the pair that had the heel snap in half this morning.

        2. Nordstrom has kitty flats by Kate Spade: in leather and for $85 – in fabric.
          There is also a bunch on Amazon if you can bear wearing non-designer kitties.

  10. I only just read your posts and wanted to give you my advice. Listen to what the wife is telling you. She is saying that she can’t be a caregiver. As much as you want her to be, if you force her to be out of guilt or whatever, the end result will be far worse for you and your family. I know because my family went through it.

    My extended family owned a house with multiple family members being owners. Grandma lived upstairs, my aunt and uncle and cousins lived downstairs. Title changed such that grandma now had a life tenancy in her apartment. Since family lived downstairs it just seemed natural that as grandma needed more care (albeit minor) that they would provide it. Little things like making sure she had food in her apartment, checking in daily to see if she took her meds. My Aunt has mental health issues and complained from day one that she would not be a “caretaker.” Other family raised a legal stink that the title was changed how it was changed only because Aunt would be providing such services and grandma could stay there for life.

    Aunt realized she had to be a caregiver but she just lacked the ability. Instead she turned into the mean vindictive person you describe. It lead to her abusing my grandmother and my grandmother landing in the hospital with seizures. Grandma doesn’t remember any of the abuse so now my dad is the bad guy that pulled her out of her apartment and put her in “a home.” If we had listened to what Aunt was telling us we could have anticipated this outcome.

    Some people just don’t have the patience and the skills to care for another. You don’t want that person caring for someone that can’t speak ultimately. In your situation Husband is asking for wife to be a person that she just can’t be. Recognizing that now is likely a lot less painful than when she winds up neglecting or abusing him.

    1. Thank you for this.

      As hard as it was for me to adjust my frame and also deal with the underlying issue of the difficult human being that the Wife is (long before any illness and likely long after) I’ve developed a new mindset:

      There’s more than one way to grant his wish for a peaceful passing.

  11. I like these shoes, but they seem so out-of-place to me in December.

    Sad TJ: How do I support my partner through the loss of a parent? There are some complicated family dynamics at play, but he is both actively grieving and struggling with his grief.

    1. My college roommate said she was really helped by 1. A good therapist and 2. Books – A Year of Magical Thinking and A Grief Observed.

    2. Be there to listen, but don’t force talking. Pick up extra slack around the house so he can relax. Let him know that his way of dealing with it is ok (this is my own projecting. MIL criticized how my husband dealt with the loss of his father.) And not to be crude, but s3x! My husband said it really helped him relax, take his mind off what he was going through, and made him feel loved.

  12. I just read an interesting article about women and their drinking habits. I’ll post the link after- but I thought it was interesting. Most of my friends are pretty moderate (or at least they seem to be!), but during law school, a lot of the girls went really hard.

    What does the hive think of the article? I do think that it’s definitely more common to have a few glasses many nights a week than most people admit to.

      1. This article describes how my mother drank for years. High functioning, brilliant woman. She would begin drinking wine out of a thermos after my sister and I had eaten dinner and would continue until she went to bed. It started when I was young so it was difficult for me to pick up on the issue until it was apparently very bad. When I was about 15 she was checked into an inpatient alcohol rehab center. She’s been in good shape, alcohol-wise, ever since. However, it was a horribly, long, ugly road. We don’t talk about it much, but I know the alcoholism was an effect (and cause…sigh) of my parent’s decaying marriage and depression.

        I don’t really know what the take away is- I guess just agreeing that this problem really does fly under the radar and can hit the people you least expect. Everyone owes it to themselves and their loved ones to be mindful.

    2. Interesting. I have read that athletes need more drinks to feel the same way that more sedentary people feel after one drink. I think it was in Women’s Health Magazine about a year or more ago.

      2. I’m not sure this is true. I do remember reading an article in Women’s Health about people who are very athletic–I think they might have given the example of runners in this article– drinking more alcohol than other people in the same age group. I think some of the rational was that some of them used the alcohol as a “reward” after a tough workout and tended to overindulge. While others were not as worried about things like gaining weight since they were physically active and therefore burned a lot of calories. I think there may also be peer influence e.g. running clubs that hang out at a pub post workout, so if others are drinking you do too.

    3. I agree with you. It may be puritanical of me, but I think a lot of people don’t want to look at the real reasons they have 2-3 glasses of wine a lot (which, as this article points out, is a lot for women in the long-term). I think a lot of people use drinking to numb themselves, quiet anxieties, resolve unhappiness in their lives, etc…I’m not a casual drinker just because my body doesn’t do well with alcohol, but I’ve had a relative die pretty young of liver disease and it’s a really really horrible way to go (not to mention the teenage sons she left behind). And she was not your stereotypical multiple-DUIs kind of alcoholic. A very professionally successful and normal woman who just drank herself to death.

    4. Interesting article. I’ve been thinking about this a bit because New Man Friend is a very tall, muscular guy who likes to have a cocktail before dinner and share a bottle of wine with dinner, and then maybe stop for a nightcap after the concert or whatever. No problem for him but for if I tried to keep up with him I’d end up nodding off or just plain getting drunk, neither of which is very attractive. So far my solution has been to have the cocktail and maybe leave half of it in the glass, and then go easy on the wine. But I’ll admit it’s a bit challenging. (ETA obviously I’m not talking about every night. More like once or twice a week.)

      At home my routine lately has been to pour myself a glass of wine in the evening and forget to drink it! LOL

      1. I’d gain 20 pounds in 2 weeks of that. If you don’t want to be drinking that much order a glass of wine when he gets a cocktail and he can order by the glass too.

    5. I find that I don’t drink alcohol by myself (except for the occasional finger whiskey). I’ll have a few glasses of wine or beer (or more) when I’m out with friends, but that’s usually limited to a single night on the weekend or the rare weeknight.

      1. Yeah, I should add to my comment below that I never drink alone, and I never feel like I *have* to drink, so I’m not really worried about addiction – just that I’m harming my health.

    6. Interesting to me too. I’d like to see more articles/studies that take a closer look into just how much drinking is too much. For better or worse, I’ve kept the same “drinking schedule” since college (I’m 26 now), just with fewer drinks – I only drink on weeknights if there’s some kind of event (and then will only have 1-2 drinks), but I drink comparatively more heavily on Friday and/or Saturday (3-5 drinks one of those nights, 2 the other). I suspect this won’t last much longer since I’ll be having kids soon, but I wonder if I’m doing any long term – or even short term, aside from hangovers – damage at this point.

    7. Can we also discuss how BIG wine glasses have gotten? I got into the habit of measuring wine in a measuring cup for calorie counting purposes and can 100% validate that the ‘glass’ most of my friends were pouring was probably a 9-12 ounce pour, versus the standard 5 or 6 oz pour.

      I was gifted a set of wine glasses that easily hold 16 ounces of wine with room to spare. I had to return them for a smaller set because I just couldn’t deal with drinking one inch of wine in my glass.

      1. I got a glass that holds an entire bottle for Christmas in a white elephant and when I saw that was the intent, I was surprised because it looked like a Bordeaux glass to me with a slightly longer stem. Restaurants usually measure so they can get about 4 glasses per bottle but where I go, we get topped off and I bet you are right that it is 9-12 oz.

        I tend to have bigger eyes than stomach for most things. At home I keep the bottle close and pour 1-2 ounces in at a time. But that really only helps with waste, not how much I consume on some nights.

    8. I think there are calorie concerns with too much drinking, and there can be “escape” concerns if you are drinking to avoid fixing problems. However, you either have an alcohol addiction or you don’t. My sister has been sober for 2.5 years. She is an alcoholic. When she went into rehab I took a hard look at my drinking and was concerned because there were many weeks where I was having 1-3 glasses of wine 5-6 times a week — averaging well over the maximum 7 glasses (or whatever it is). Then, for unrelated reasons, I had a series of events that caused me to really examine my methods to cope with stress and sleeplessness. I cut out drinking after 7:00, which really limited my ability to have more than 1 glass of wine at after-work events. Now I’m pregnant, so I’m not drinking at all.

      What have I learned through all of this? Even though I was drinking A LOT on a regular basis, I was never an alcoholic. It wasn’t hard for me to cut alcohol out. I didn’t have withdrawal symptoms, my body chemistry did not need to recalibrate, and even now I don’t have any significant alcohol cravings. My sister has educated me a lot on addiction. Yes, alcoholism can creep up on you if you’re not careful and you are predisposed to the addiction, but it’s a specific disease with real chemical effects on your body. Just drinking a lot is not alcoholism.

      I also don’t think there’s anything wrong with using alcohol as a way to relax after work. You can’t use it in a way that causes you liver damage, obviously, but it’s not inherently bad for people to want to dull their brain cells a bit after a stressful day. We don’t always have to live in the moment – some escapism is okay (television, decadent meals, etc.) Also, it may be better to have the second 80-calorie glass of red wine instead of the 250-calorie slice of chocolate cake.

      Anyway, my point is that I don’t think people should be too critical of others who have a couple of drinks on a regular basis. There is a lot of unhealthy behavior that we don’t shame others for.

  13. So I was in a team meeting with folks that report to me, and my bosses, colleagues (also report to my bosses) and part of the discussion was about who would take over some of my responsibilities when I go on maternity leave. At this juncture, a direct report made a comment to the effect of “can you tell us what all it is you do or maybe give us a list? It seems like it’s kind of a secret, what you do.”

    This comment really annoyed me because it seemed to suggest, in front of my bosses and others, that my own direct reports don’t know what I do, and that (perhaps) I don’t do much. In the moment, I could only respond “You should know what it is that I do” before the conversation moved onto specifics and I’m planning to have a conversation with this person calling out that statement and saying it was inappropriate and undermining.

    Am I overreacting? I don’t have any specific personality clash with this person, so don’t know the motivation for the remark. There may be some resentment there, since I’m younger, was hired in from outside and now run a large team.

    2 questions:
    – What would you have said in the moment? I didn’t want to be snarky in response since I don’t want to sink to that level. But at the same time I probably should have shut it down.
    – More importantly, if you were me, what will you say in the private conversation with the individual tomorrow in calling out this statement? Question why they said that? Explain why it was inappropriate? How would a guy do it?

    1. I would assume it was a compliment- implying they know you do a ton and they can’t possibly know what all it is and wanting to make sure everything gets care of.

      I think your response was rude and unhelpful. If they need to know and don’t for heavens sake just tell them.

      1. I totally disagree. That statement was tone deaf at best–undermining at worst. What is it that you do exactly? That’s incredibly rude. Can’t believe someone said that to their boss!

        1. I have worked in my small (three attorney, two staff) in-house legal department for ten years. Head lawyer has been asked to mentor me and refuses to show me any insight into what she does every day. If I had to make a list of what she does or what her duties are, I think I would get a lot of them correct, but I am certain I would get a lot of them wrong because there is absolutely no transparency whatsoever.

          I suspect that this is not your situation. But, I am just saying that there are offices where this is true.

    2. Actually, without hearing the tone or exact wording, that’s a pretty typical request when someone is going on leave. They don’t want anything to fall through the cracks. I have lots of coworkers who I know are hard workers and integral team members, but I wouldn’t know how to cover for them without explicit instructions.

      FWIW, I’ve been on maternity leave three times, promoted in between, etc. I have supplied lists like that.

    3. If it was one of my direct reports, I’d have said “yes, of course.” I have a bunch of people that report into me, and several peers -each knows what I do as it relates *to them* but could probably not list all my duties down if asked; I do a lot of unrelated things.

      If my boss made that comment, she’d get a stink eye, and as a follow up convo I’d say, ” I keep this place from imploding and you know it!” But my boss would not say that, and was very gracious (and mildly panicked) when I went out on mat. leave.

    4. To clarify – I put together a very comprehensive list of what I do for my bosses. I added columns for when I do it, frequency, and who I suggest could best take it over. So this has all been thoroughly reviewed between me and my bosses.
      The team meeting was to tell folks who report to me, and others, in very broad general terms (not yet sending me the spreadsheet) about who would take over. But this comment from my direct report was before I had even gotten into the broad categories of things I do. I had not had a chance to begin when I got this comment – hence my quick response of “you should know what I do” followed by “yes, I have put that together and shared with X – will share with the broader team in due course”. But I still thought the comment was rude.

      1. I think your response was fine. The commenter is likely to have come across as like an over-excited puppy for jumping in too early to ask a question while you were already on the verge of providing the answer, and it also sounds like his tone was unhelpful.

        I would let it go myself, unless I thought that the person had a persistent problem with communication style with myself and others, and was harming his own ability to be effective.

        If that were case, I might open a one-on-one discussion by asking him what he was trying to say and why in that specific instance, but then I’d also mention other instances of his smart-mouth getting him in trouble, and conclude with some coaching on how to avoid it in future.

      2. I think your response was totally appropriate (and enough to shut down what was happening), and I probably wouldn’t follow up.

  14. This is going to sound dumb, but bear with me.

    I ordered the high-rise skinny jeans from Madewell in my usual size there. I was able to zip them on… barely. They were skintight, but every time I try on jeans there, the salespeople tell me that they’ll stretch out. Well, I wore them all day, and they didn’t seem to stretch at all. They practically seared creases into my skin! What can I do? Any tips on how to stretch them out? It’s too late to return them, so I’m hoping there’s something else I can do.

    1. I hate this …. I have had this happen twice.

      No answers, but it’s making me think skinny jeans are a little risky,especially if you are slightly between sizes.

        1. Not really? I’d personally just donate them but if you really want to wear too small jeans that won’t stretch not much else to do!

        3. Nope. Losing a couple pounds is really the only solution. I had a pair like this that I keep trying to wear for three years. I’d lose 5 lbs and they’d fit great. I’d gain 5 lbs and I’d be back to square one. I don’t know why I kept them for as long as I did. I didn’t even like them!

    3. Check the fabric content. If they are 100% cotton, they’ll wear in and fit to your shape but not stretch. If they are 1% or 2% spandex like many skinny jeans, they will stretch after some wear.

    4. Madewell jeans don’t stretch. I have to size up 1 size in their jeans consistently. The salespeople at Madewell shouldn’t have told you that they stretch – they are touted specifically for the non-stretch factor.

  15. Does anyone have suggestions for dealing with a litigation case team (all men except me) that persistently leaves me out of the loop on emails and has off-line discussions about important case issues without including me? I’ve asked that they include me and keep me in the loop before, and it hasn’t made a dime’s worth of difference. I’m getting really sick of getting looped in on issues at official case meetings that have already been hashed out with a smaller group beforehand. Part of me thinks it’s just bad, sloppy management, but I can’t help thinking that if I were one of the boys, they would have started including me by now. Any ideas for constructive ways to make this stop, or (more realistically) to stop feeling so frustrated and cynical about it? Thanks!

    1. What about wandering past each member’s office once a day, sticking your head in (or actually sitting down) and asking, “So, what’s going on with the Smith case today? Are you aware of any new issues?”

      1. I am not a lawyer but have a similar situation at work. I try Former’s solution repeatedly, only to receive short, dismissive answers like “I’ll let you know if I need anything”… from a peer.

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