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Thursday’s Workwear Report: Chelsea Suiting Flared Skirt

Our daily workwear reports suggest one piece of work-appropriate attire in a range of prices. First of all, I should say that yes, as shown on the model, this skirt is too short for work. But I haven't seen a flippy skirt like this from a younger brand like French Connection in a while, so this might be a great choice to add some dimension to your collection of skirts. I think you'd have to be a lot shorter than the model to wear this to the office, but I think most of us are — it says the model is 5'10”. It's on a killer sale — the skirt was $148, then marked down to $59.99, and with promo code FSALBR it's just $42. Chelsea Suiting Flared Skirt Two plus-size options are here and here. This post contains affiliate links and Corporette® may earn commissions for purchases made through links in this post. For more details see here. Thank you so much for your support! Seen a great piece you’d like to recommend? Please e-mail tps@corporette.com.

Sales of note for 12.3.24 (lots of Cyber Monday deals extended, usually until 12/3 at midnight)

And some of our latest threadjacks here at Corporette (reader questions and commentary) — see more here!

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319 Comments

  1. Yesterday afternoon there was a question about having separate work and personal phones and I was surprised by how many had two phones. I’ve always just used one for convenience, but that thread got me thinking whether that is wise. A few people chimed in, but I’d be curious if there are other considerations I’m not aware of. I get that at some point it’s just a matter of what level of risk you’re comfortable with, but what made you decide whether or not to have separate work and personal phones?

    1. I don’t, but all of the higher ups in my office do because we’re a government entity, and FOIA.

      1. +1. Government lawyer and would never want to commingle my personal and work communications. There is some case law in my state protecting personal communications from disclosure but I wouldn’t risk it.

      2. This. Govt worker. Do not want to subject my personal information to open records laws or discovery in litigation. I am head of a regulatory agency so I am involved in litigation fairly regularly.

      3. When I was in biglaw I had 2 phones because I did not want there to be any risk of my personal communications to be subject to discovery.

      4. Same – state gov’t employee, need to protect my personal communications in the event of public records requests or lawsuits.

    2. At my firm we get a small stipend only for phones, so every lawyer just has one.

      1. Same here. Our firm pays just a small amount per month toward data plans.

    3. I have one, because my company doesn’t provide a phone (or reimbursement) – just an app that you can “decide” (lol) whether or not to install on your personal phone or, if you want to go out of pocket on your own, a second device.

    4. I’m an employment attorney and I know what happens when the company wants to see your work phone :) But really, I carry two phones and it’s not a big deal. It’s actually nice to be able to leave the work phone at home on weekends and vacations and not worry about having to check work email.

      1. BigLaw partner with two small kids

        I run everything needing a timely response through my work e-mail b/c otherwise I’ll never see it :( This is most kid-related things: camps, school, play dates. And I need one calendar with everything on it.

        I tried using a separate e-mail and just missed stuff constantly b/c I can’t check it at work and hate to have to get on a home computer at home to check it (can’t from work computer).

        So I have one device b/c of the e-mail issue but TWO computers (which is nuts).

        I’d go to two devices, but the e-mail thing would make it like one was largely useless unless I quit my job. All of my personal stuff is g-rated though.

        1. it depends on what you’re doing. If you’re using your work email for personal stuff, that doesn’t belong to you anymore. You quit, it’s gone, you get fired, it’s gone, you don’t have that easy archive of your things. Same goes for pictures, files, resumes, etc. there may be nothing scandalous in there, but once you create it on your work accounts or in your work phone, it isn’t yours anymore to control. If you have a company that say lets you use an app like Good to get your work email on a personal phone, it’s a little less personal risk, but you are still vulnerable to having your phone subpoenaed if there’s litigation (and you don’t have to do anything wrong for this to happen, maybe you’re a manager or a witness) andnyou can lose control in that situation. I get that it’s easier to have one, but never in a million years would I give my employer that kind of access or control. And two phones is easier than you think. I have a handbag, they don’t weigh much, and on the weekend when I’m out and don’t need to be connected, I’m totally disconnected. For calendar issues, I have a dual google and outlook calendar- where my personal life overlaps I just send myself an invite to block the time on all the calendars.

      3. How can I wean myself from using my work e-mail for All of The Things?

        I hate checking for two places.

        Is there a good family calendar app? And a way to de-consolidate all of my Outlook contacts?

        1. Stop using your work email for personal mail and sign up for a personal mail acct. Gmail has a pretty decent app and it’s really not that hard to check both places. The mail app on my iphone is only set to receive work mail. My gmail app handles the rest of my email.

          2. Do you use it the same way for calendar? I have the Google Cal and the iCalendar app – Google is strictly personal and the iCalendar shows Outlook appts plus Google appts.

        2. I did this once I realized the issues. It’s been years, but just start unsubscribing on your work email, get a gmail and start using it (I would forward personal email to it and reply from there so people started getting that address). Put the gmail app on your phone or set it as your default client and to get alerts (mine just shows the number of new emails) and check it like anything else on your phone. I actually found my work organization skyrocketed once my email was no longer cluttered with all the things. Now I’m pretty close to a zero in-box by the end of the day and I don’t miss anything for work (which could happen when there was so much clutter and junk). And as I said above, just coordinating my work calendar with my google calendar by including my google account on the invitation has worked wonders (I also only do this for personal stuff that overlaps with work – i.e., leave early for dinner with husband)

        4. Just on the email, can you get work email on your iPhone? Then you can have it in what appears to be the same mailbox as your personal iCloud address. I use my iPhone to answer all personal email (to be honest I usually text).

          I also have an old yahoo email address I use for ecommerce only. That has its own app on my phone.

    5. Because of our platform for emails/documents, we are required to grant the company the ability to remote-wipe our device in the event that it is lost or stolen. There is no effing way i’m giving them the ability to do that to a personal device.

      Also – because i like to keep as strong of a boundary between work time and personal time as possible.

      1. Yup. I would never enroll in a BYOD program for this reason. If my office wants me to have a phone for work, they can provide it. I carry 2 phones. Android for personal, iPhone 6 for work.

        1. Can’t you back up stuff on your home computer if it is your device? I can do this with my blackberry (mine, firm e-mail and calendar/contacts are loaded onto it).

          Switching to iphone soon — is this an iphone concept? Or backing it up into a cloud (that’s mine, not my employer’s)?

          1. Yes and I do. Mobile device managers have various capabilities that I don’t want to subject my personal phone to, besides the remote wipe, though. A good security office is not going to let you sync a work device to a personal cloud (but there are a lot of lax companies out there. I’d definitely read the fine print about what MDM settings are enabled.)

    6. I use one personally owned device and it seems like most people at my law firm do as well. Firm will give a stipend for regular phone upgrades. All of my personal material is backed up to the cloud and my work meail/calendars are similarly backed up onto our server. I don’t text with clients and rarely even text my co-workers other than logistics like call me. The firm requires that we install remote software on our phones/tablets so that they can wipe them remotely if the phone is lost and control some security settings like manadatory screen locks after 5 minutes. Supposedly they aren’t looking at our apps, photos, etc and I generally trust our IT department when they say that.

    7. Others have said the same thing, but I’ll weigh in too. I have 2 phones and just like the ability to leave my work phone at home on weekends and when I travel. I have friends who have one phone and I know it bugs them when they get a work call on it when they’re supposed to be on vacation. It’s hard to ignore if they call your personal phone b/c then you start to wonder why they called, etc. If you leave the phone at home, you’re in ignorant bliss.

      1. What I am taking away from this thread is the amazing (to me) number of people who can leave their work phones for the weekend/vacations. I am expected to be available seven days a week and can count on the fingers of one hand the number of days in the past two years I have been completely unavailable to clients. That is not a criticism! I am just astonished.

        1. Ditto. I need to check my work email on weekends and vacation, and if someone from work was going to call me, they’d have my personal cell as well as work cell numbers. I would think that’s the case for anyone in biglaw. Of course there are other reasons to have separate devices, but separating them wouldn’t mean I could leave one at home during non-work hours/days.

    8. It is not a choice at my company to have work email on your personal phone, but they give work phones to the higher ups. The reasons are two-fold: First, it is a data security risk to have work email/access to our systems on personal phones. We deal with PHI (personal health information) and the large data breaches have been through third part vendors, so there is a huge fear of a large scale data breach in the insurance industry. Second, having the two co-mingled allows my employer access to all my personal stuff on my phone, which is a solid no for me. (Also the reason that I do not charge my phone by plugging it into my computer.).

    9. I have done both and I vastly prefer two phones. As an attorney who’s also very politically active, I do not want those two email “worlds” mixing. I also work closely with our Security team and so I see how incredibly little privacy you have in your work email life. (None.) I won’t use it for anything personal besides logistical or career-related stuff. It isn’t that I’m doing anything so crazy, it’s that I think having your personal life be private has a number of upsides and virtually no downsides. I don’t, for example, want anyone in HR or any of the clients I support to have access to my emails to and from girlfriends about our romantic or gardening lives…

      1. Exactly. I work in data security and can vouch for the fact that your security team and email admin team can view the full contents of your work email, including recovering stuff you’ve deleted. They’re not going to look without a good (HR/legal approved) reason, but I would never put anything personal/private in my work email.

      2. This. I use my work email exclusively for work – literally no one else in my life has this address. Not even my husband.

      3. I get that. I exclusively use my work email for work purposes only. But would they have the same access to a private email account that is on my work phone? (Aside from the risk of having to produce the phone in litigation or something.)

        1. But don’t underestimate how quickly the litigation hypothetical can happen! Someone is accused of doing something wrong they didn’t do — you, as their supervisor, are involved in the investigation — sometimes you text about work — bam, your phone is discoverable!

          I have two phones. I’ve worked for enough creeps that I want that clean separation.

          2. Okay, so my phone is discoverable. What does that mean in terms of my personal email account on that phone, that I do not ever use for work?

            Also, what access does a company generally have to a personal email account on a work device? I can’t imagine that they have the same access that they do to my work email account, where they can retrieve deleted messages and such.

          3. Yes, they would have access to all that you do on your personal phone (email, apps, websites, etc).

          4. Here’s how it’s likely to go, though:

            Two Phones: Here’s my phone but I only use X account for personal stuff, all the work stuff is in Y and Z.

            Attorney: Yeah, OK, we’re cloning your whole phone and we’ll figure it out later.

            Two Phones: I never text. My work email is identical to the email you’ve accessed through the company server.

            Attorney: Yeah, OK, we’re cloning your whole phone and we’ll figure it out later.

            Two Phones: I’m an attorney — literally anything I have said regarding this will be privileged!

            Attorney: I’m sure that’s true. We’ll clone your whole phone and figure it out later. Also I’m starting to be concerned that you’re expressing such resistance to your own attorneys preserving evidence. Is there something else going on here?

          5. Also, your personal stuff will almost definitely not be “discoverable” in that the other party will get it. Because as you know, it’s not relevant. But to the extent it’s caught up in the initial gathering of documents (and it will be), it’s going to be seen by someone(/some computer program) on your side.

          6. As someone who has been subject to several litigation holds and still uses a single phone for both work and personal calls/emails (and has done doc review more than she’d like to admit), I believe what happens is that your entire phone/laptop gets scanned and then reviewed by an outside law firm (typically) for relevancy. Personal emails and texts are generally not going to be responsive (if you keep your work and personal life otherwise separate) so they will be reviewed but generally not produced. I don’t believe my HR or IT department would actually be reviewing any of those documents.

          7. Also I can admit that some of my excessive caution stems from the time where I was working for creeps, doing doc review, and engaged in a rich gardening life… a combo that made me hyper aware of this stuff.

    10. I do regulatory and transactional work in a small law firm. I have one personally owned device, and I use it for both work and personal email, but have separate accounts for each. My firm doesn’t pay a stipend for my phone or my personal computer. I’m not “required” to use my personal phone or personal computer for work, but I’m given flexibility with respect to face time as long as they can reach me and I can get work done remotely. It’s well worth the trade offs and risks, in my opinion.

      I don’t use the work email account for personal stuff or vice versa. I also don’t deal with any PHI or other emails with data security concerns. Work doesn’t have the ability to wipe my phone remotely. It’s possible but unlikely that my email/phone could be subpoenaed for litigation. My personal email doesn’t contain anything embarrassing. I’m comfortable with the risk that I’d lose control over my phone and personal email. I might not be in some of the other contexts described above.

      1. +1 I’m in house and this is my situation.

        I use a droid and the “inbox” app is for my personal email, and my work email goes through the outlook app. So the apps are separate, but this is mostly just a personal preference, not because I think it makes any difference re discoverability.

        What I do think makes a difference though is cost. Cloning a phone is expensive. Paying someone to review it is expensive. I work for a big company that owns billions of dollars of assets, and we have never had a case worth enough money that this amount of discovery would have made any sense whatsoever. Not even close.

      2. Yeah, this. I am not sure I get the data security concerns if you are keeping your work and personal email separate, unless you just generally have concerns with the way your employer implements data security. I deal with sensitive information (trade secrets, source code, and competitive information) and data security was not a consideration when deciding on one phone or two.

        All of your work email should be available on your company’s servers, and even if you need to pull a personal email account like gmail there is a way to do that without physically seizing your phone. And your whole phone can be cloned as well, but like other have said this is expensive and unlikely to be done. I’ve been subpoenaed before, and you/your counsel do have the ability to limit the scope of a subpoena to something reasonable in many cases.

    11. Does anyone have experience changing their cell phone #? I have my first phone # from three area codes and 15 years ago, and don’t regularly use the “phone” for business purposes. I rarely take calls from anyone outside my current area code that I don’t know, and don’t have a landline. I’m thinking I should just get a burner to transfer my current number and get a new # entirely for the single phone I use right now. FWIW I’m in financial services and have rarely used my phone for business, but would be likely to include a new cell # on my b-cards.

      1. You can transfer your old number to Google Voice and just park it there and set it up so it rings on your current phone. I don’t know the details of how to do this, but that’s what SO just did when his firm got him a phone but he still wanted his old number as well.

    12. I have 2 phones because the data from my work phone is subject to discovery and there are strict restrictions on what I can do with the phone, e.g. can only download certain apps, can’t travel abroad with the phone and can’t store to the cloud.

  2. So I know there are a few MDs on here and the rest of us obviously go to the dr – I need some doctors have seen it all, nothing phases then stories. Just had an early dentist appt before work. All was fine until I started having palpitations as they were doing a filling (I have a heart rate issue that’s managed and had numbing that is not supposed to make your heart race). Was bearing w it as long as I could – until I couldn’t anymore and had to ask them to stop. They were super kind, telling me to breathe etc; we were able to finish w lots of breaks, them continuously asking if I was ok; and staff generally just looking at me. Rationally I know it’s not a big deal but I’m . . . embarrassed. Was trying to just get it over w but then suddenly it just didn’t feel safe anymore. I know doctors deal but how could they not have been thinking – great my entire day will be backed up, pull it together lady?!

    1. They would waaaay rather you stop the procedure a couple of times and keep you calm and ok and coming back than a) going to another dentist or b) not getting it done. Dentists really, really, really care about your teeth. And sure, there might’ve been some annoyance, but I am a terrible dental patient, and once I found a dentist who would be emotionally gentle as possible, but did excellent professional work, they had my lifelong loyalty, despite their slightly higher prices. Good dentists know the work they’re doing causes a lot of anxiety, and they make allowances for that.

      1. I thought of a specific example that might ease your anxiety. When I was 21, I had to get my wisdom teeth taken out. It was the first non-cleaning dental work I had ever had done (no braces or fillings ever). I went to my normal dentist, and they started giving me the gas, and I flipped out. The feeling of losing control was so terrifying to me I actually started to flail in the chair, and accidentally hit the hygienist with my elbow. The dentist told me that since he didn’t have the capacity to do general anesthesia, and it seemed like I wouldn’t be able to handle local, I’d have to go somewhere else. THAT was a “what is wrong with her she needs to pull it together” situation. Yours is perfectly normal and fine.

        1. I don’t think that’s a “what is wrong with her” situation, I think that’s true and he probably sent you to an oral surgeon. It happens.

        2. I wouldn’t interpret this as a time when the dentist wanted you to be pull your act together and was trying to get rid of you because you were difficult. It sounds to me like he was legitimately recognizing he couldn’t serve you well, and was referring you to someone who could.

    2. Because it happens all the time. And plus, schedules are built with buffers for late patients, no-shows, etc. if they can’t handle an appt running over, they have a poorly run practice.

    3. Dealing with complications that arise during a procedure is an expected, normal part of their job. It’s not like you asked them to stop the procedures so you could check Facebook. They were being kind because they felt sympathetic to your issues, and they were looking at you to take care of you and make sure you were OK and the issues weren’t escalating. Sounds like you have a good dentist. I guarantee that when you left, they weren’t thinking “pull it together”, they were taking satisfaction in having done their job well, and pleasure that you had a good outcome.

    4. They were definitely not thinking “pull it together”. I think doctors, and especially dentists, see that all the time. We’ve all had “embarassing” things happen at the doctors or dentists – I once fell asleep on the exam table while waiting for the doctor to come in and do my pap smear. The doctor was nothing but sympathetic (clearly I was worn ragged).

    5. Good grief — of course they were not thinking “pull it together.” That would be like a counselor having a client break down sobbing and thinking, “Gee, just pull it together so I can get on with fixing you.” No need to feel embarrassed; they were medical professionals, dealing with complications during a procedure. (Besides, all of us ‘pull it together’ people need to fall apart sometimes, you know?)

    6. An acquaintance’s son died during a routine dental procedure. I believe he was under anesthesia and could not have alerted them, but point being, you should never feel uncomfortable about speaking up for your health if a substance that has been introduced seems to be causing a reaction. Any dentist would rather have that information and address it early than find out about a problem only when it was too late.

    7. Here’s my pull it together dental story. I had a lot emotionally going on. My dog had recently passed away, work was incredibly stressful, I was trying to conceive without luck and I found myself at the dentist for a cleaning. I have a couple very sensitive spots on my teeth that are uncomfortable when they clean them. I knew they would be getting zapped at some point during this cleaning and it was just the straw that broke the camels back. While my hygienist was working on the non-sensitive side of my mouth I started crying. Not audibly sobbing but tears just rolling down my face. She stopped, talked to me about it and I basically just said “I have a lot going on right now and the minor additional stress of this cleaning is just putting me over the edge.” She broke it into more manageable pieces, promised to tell me before she started working on the sensitive teeth and was just so so understanding. I was embarrassed but she acted like it was something she sees every day.

      1. What a kind thing for the hygienist to do!

        I have always had terrible teeth, likely due to antibiotic use as a kid – I got my first filling at age nine and my teeth are permanently discolored. Due to several years in braces, I also have severely receding gums – so bad that a hygienist asked if I smoke (nope, never, thx).

        LOTS of people struggle at the dentist and it sounds like they took it in stride. Hope you’re feeling better, OP!

        1. I have definitely cried in front of my dentist before. Something about dentists…. But I was very surprised recently when he told me that I was always a “very good patient” and I said “but all I do is break down in tears before every procedure,” to which he said, “but you’re always so nice about it!”

          Anyway, point 1 is it’s normal and point 2 is I think it’s way less about what you do than how you do it.

      2. I had a series of bad dentists and avoided the dentist for 3 years before pulling myself together to try out yet another dentist.

        I was fine getting to the office, waiting, and going to the exam room with the assistant. I explained my history with dentists to the assistant (the 3-year gap) and she was understanding but I probably looked perfectly normal.

        The dentist came in and started the exam and silent tears just started rolling down my face. The dentist was wiping them away with the bib she put on me. The assistant just held my hand throughout. The tears stopped and I was super embarrassed. But now I get regular cleanings and didn’t freak out when my dentist was unavailable due to someone else’s emergency and I had to be examined by another dentist in the practice.

      3. And you know what? Sometimes it’s almost, I hesitate to use the word, but it’s almost a gift when you can be a comfort to someone. I don’t work in a service profession, but if a colleague is having a bad day and I can do something to make them feel better, it makes ME feel better.

        So, when someone is providing you with a service that legit stresses you out, but they can help you get through it, it may make their day. The hygienist may have gone home thinking, Man, I had a client who was having a hard time and I was able to help her through it. Go me!

    8. I was getting marked up for some major cosmetic surgery a few years ago. It was the day before the procedure and I was a nervous wreck. I had to stand to be marked. After about 20 minutes, I started to sweat. Sure enough, the stress plus the smell of the marker made me pass out. The staff responded with great care but they were quick to tell me that had never happened before!

      Do not be embarrassed. My new life moto is to never apologize for being human. You had a human moment. That’s all.

    9. Here’s my dentist story. I had to have my wisdom teeth removed when I was around 20 years old. I had never had a cavity or anything beyond a cleaning, so this was very different for me and I was nervous. The dentist gave me IV sedation, but I woke up in the middle of it crying and screaming. I’m not really sure why, I don’t think I was in any pain. The actual dentist was kind of rude to me, but the hygienist was amazingly sweet to me. They gave me more sedation and when they were finished and I was waking up I was still crying. I think they gave me extra sedation because I had a very hard time fully waking up and my boyfriend (now husband) had to carry me to the car and then inside my house because I couldn’t walk. It was all so embarrassing!

    10. So this comment makes me feel insecure, I guess because I wouldn’t even think to be embarrassed by that? I thought your story was going to end with you peeing on the chair or something. I probably did ten more embarrassing things this morning and now I’m beating myself up about being too awkward to even feel bad about them.

      1. Speaking of which… I passed out and peed on my doctor’s office floor once after a routine shot. Yea… I laughed it off eventually. You and OP are normal. I think it’s better not to dwell on this stuff. Just do your best and move on :)

          1. This has nothing to do with the doctor’s office, but at one of my kid’s “parent and kid” swim lesson last summer, I was wearing a bikini top that pretty much fell off as I was trying to get myself out of the pool. So I mooned a bunch of toddlers, their parents, and two 20 year old male lifeguards.

            The main thought I had in the moment was “I’m so glad I’m not 20 anymore. I would have cried. Now I can’t stop laughing.” It’s so much better to just laugh when you can. :)

      2. See, I think this makes you sound super self-secure/self-confident. You just DGAF, and that’s awesome!!

        1. It’s not just that she DGAF, it’s that she DGAF about things that are totally and completely normal and not worth GAF about. No need to feel embarrassed about that at all.

    11. Not dentist, but one time I had to have a colposcopy. It hurt, but nothing too terrible. then as I was walking back to my car, I got tunnel vision and fainted right on the sidewalk. Some nice lady on her way in to the doctor office helped me inside and flagged down a nurse. They took me back in the exam room to lie down and drink water and orange juice until I felt normal, then walked me to my car. The doctor explained that it was likely a vasovagal reaction, she’d seen it before and nothing to worry about. But I definitely took up an exam room for an entire extra appointment’s worth of time. I was embarrassed (also flashed everyone when I fainted in a dress, I think), but the med staff acted like it was no big deal at all.

      1. I also have the vasovagal reaction to anything involving my cervix and it is not fun.

        I was going to suggest to the OP that her reaction to the filling may be vasovagal and to maybe read a little about it. You’ll feel better. It’s physical, not emotional, and not something you need to just buck up and muscle through. (Not that emotional issues are either)

      2. My dad has had alot of colonscopies over the years and each time, Rosa has to pick him up and drive him home b/c he gets VERY woozy. The Rectal Surgeon is a freind of his and he makes him go in EVERY 3 years b/c he has alot of polips — dad says it is b/c he spent time behind the iron curtan where the food was NOT good, and he got backed up alot. The doctor said that I should think about getting a colonspoy when I am 40 and from then on b/c Dad has polips and mom also has had issues with her colon. I do NOT want a doctor lookeing up my tuchus, so I eat alot of veggies and nuts and berries, in addition to deli and meat and potatoe’s. Dad says I MUST go b/c it is serius if I do NOT go and a doctor later finds a polip in my tuchus. FOOEY!

    12. Oh sweetie don’t even worry about it. I’m in ob gyn and often patients have problems w in office procedures — ESP certain kinds of BC insertions. We are NOT annoyed, we’re genuinely concerned and no you are not expected to white knuckle thru when you can’t breathe bc it’ll mess up our day! If you’re concerned that they’ll talk, they won’t. At most when word gets around the office that someone had that kind of issue – another resident may ask – hey I heard about your PT almost fainted, what happened (medically); do they have a cardiac history? No one is gossiping bc it’s a biological response and frankly it’s cardiac which ppl take seriously. And you should see the kinds of truly bizarre things ppl come in with – way more “interesting” than palpitations.

    13. You think this is embarrassing because you think it’s a mental thing you should be able to control, but I bet your dentist is thinking, yeah, this is the body’s response to stress, it happens, nbd.

    14. I had my first IVF egg retrieval a few months ago. We had a disappointing number retrieved, and as the anesthesia was wearing off I was sobbing and apparently causing a scene- the poor anesthesia nurse kept hugging me and giving me pep talks, but I didn’t remember it because I was still groggy- so I kept re-learning that the result was disappointing and kept freaking out all over again… They were all really nice about it but I was so embarrassed when I fully woke up!

      1. I think that’s a physical reaction from anesthesia. I woke up from a surgery last year and started crying pretty much for no reason at all and I was told it happens pretty frequently.

    15. I wouldn’t be concerned. I’m terrified of the dentist so my appointments also take forever. Also, I’m guessing that the dentist would rather take longer than have to deal with a heart attack. :-)

    16. I’m an MD and under the guise of anonymity, here is a partial list of the embarrassing things I have done as a patient:
      -I went totally loopy under anesthesia for a wisdom tooth extraction and took a wild swing at my surgeon (I just remember everyone yelling “WHOA”)
      -while at childbirth class, despite having attended hundreds of births in the past, I realized during the videos “OMG she has to actually come out at some point”, teared up and had a massive hot flash and then couldn’t get up because it looked like I had wet myself or my water broke
      -barfed all over two emergency room nurses
      -drunk-dialed (anesthesia-dialed) everyone in my contacts list while coming down off midazolam for a procedure

      Feeling better now? ;)

  3. I need some words of encouragement from people who have been there. Have you ever served in an interim role that completely sucks the life out of you? I’ve been the interim head of my department for several months, on top of doing my “normal” job. We’re trying to hire the role permanently, and I’ve applied and have a fairly good shot at getting it. But even if they hired me tomorrow, I still have to rehire myself. In higher ed, that moves at a glacial pace. I’ve taken a few short vacations to take the edge off, but I am so unhappy and burned out. I literally don’t know what to ask for, and I have exactly one person I can delegate to. I’ve done that to the extent that I can, but she’s very green/new and there are things that I just can’t because it wouldn’t be appropriate. Please give me your best tips for getting through. I just feel like a terrible employee right now because I’m losing my mind and barely have things under control. Every day, I nearly cry on my way to work because there is just.so.much.work and I’m spread too thin. Meanwhile, my boss thinks I’m super calm and professional. I’m afraid to say anything for fear of tanking my chances at the permanent position.

    1. I’m so sorry you’re in this difficult situation. I work in higher ed, too, and understand how frustratingly slow the hiring process can be. Do you think talking to a counselor about stress management might help? You probably have some sessions covered through your institution’s EAP, and if you’re at a larger university there may be someone on-campus who you could see.

    2. Totally outing myself, but yes. I was interim head of HR last year, in addition to my legal in-house job. I felt like I was failing at both roles for the 6 months I did it. I knew I didn’t want the interim position to become permanent, but I think most people were kind and knew that I was basically worn ragged by the end. Just tread water and triage as much as possible.

    3. Oh yes! I can definitely relate. I was an academic Department Chair (interim) for 1 year while doing my previous job also. Initially I applied for the permanent position but withdrew my application after about 9 months of waiting for the search and screen process to end. It was unsustainable and I left that institution. I think as long as someone is doing the job, and doing it well, it’s not a priority hire.

      1. I’m sorry that happened to you, but sadly it doesn’t surprise me. Sounds like a typical thing to do in academia. This is my second stint of being the interim, after the first hire bombed. And while he was bombing, I was picking up the pieces and having to build the case for getting rid of him. So very over it, to the point where I wonder if I can interview well.

  4. Everyone (red state or blue) should call their senators non-stop before the terrible ACA repeal is rammed through. Apparently they haven’t been getting many calls lately and that is frankly inexcusable. Call now! It only takes 30-60 seconds at most. Leave a message if you can’t get through. Call again.

    2. Call them and tell them to REPEAL the ACA. It’s a terrible piece of legislation that will bankrupt us. It’s part of why I voted Trump in office (that and terrorism from letting too many inverted migrants in from countries with large populations of radical jihadis).

      Call and tell them to repeal the ACA!!!

  5. Stuck in moderation – but call your senators about the ACA! We’re down to the wire here and they think constituents don’t care this time around.

    1. Can someone summarize where we’re at? No bill so far and it goes to a vote when? Will there be a CBO score this time? Will this bill have lots of placeholders that never get filled until like minutes before a vote so we never know what’s in it until it’s a done deal?

    2. I’m a dem that cares passionately about the ACA. There is one legitimate major concern raised by republicans that I have no suggestion on how to fix. (Obviously single payer would fix this but I’m looking for a suggestion to fix the current system). In many states, insurers are backing out left and right because they aren’t finding exchange plans profitable. With no insurers, ACA won’t work. Is the answer to require insurance companies to participate if they want to be licensed to do business in the state? That sounds possibly legally problematic. I do know of one state that requires medical facilities and doctors to accept Medicaid patients as a contingency to their license so if that’s legal then making them participate would also be legal. But then they can just jack up the rates so no one can afford to join. So do we put a cap on how high their rates can be? At what point does it become a government overstep into private enterprise. I’d love to see single payer to just get out of this fiasco but this administration will never do that. How do we fix ACA so it works as intended?

      1. This isn’t quite accurate. Insurers are backing out because the govt hasn’t committed to continuing the reimbursements necessary for the exchange plans to work.

        1. That isn’t quite accurate. The exchanges are more expensive than predicted for insurance companies. SCOTUS ruling that Medicaid expansion was optional meant that some states did not do that. In states without Medicaid expansion, people below the poverty level ($12,000) are not eligible for subsidies. Those at or slightly above poverty ARE eligible for subsidies and make up about 40% of the ACA purchasers; however, ACA failed to contemplate that poor people are usually sicker than rich people. So many poor, sick people in the exchange make it more expensive for insurance companies to participate. (Source: The Atlantic)

          1. I think what you’re saying is in the non-expansion states, those who would be covered under Medicaid expansion are instead going on the exchange, and they’re sicker, so rates are going up?

            It’s unfair to say that the drafters of the ACA failed to contemplate that – obviously they only contemplated the world in which their legislation was upheld (that would be weird otherwise – the law would say, “In the event this section in unconstitutional, here’s an alternative”).

            And if that is why premiums are going up, the non-expansion states could just….expand Medicaid. Problem solved.

      2. You can allow people to voluntarily buy into Medicaid (pay a sliding scale amount for govt insurance based on their income).

        And part of the reason insurers are pulling out (part, not entire) is that the future is so uncertain. This is not the fault of the ACA – it’s the fault of the people trying to repeal it.

        2. Uncertainty is nowhere near the motivator that loss of $$$ is. Insurance companies can’t afford to participate. In Alabama, Blue Cross is the only insurer left, and it’s paying $1.20 for every $1 it makes in premiums. No business can exist like that.

        3. I did a little more research and the buy-into-Medicaid-plan is called the Public Option, and that was something being considered in the ACA negotiations.

          You may also want to consider re-framing the argument. The government is involved in all sorts of “private enterprise” – utility rates are heavily regulated, everyone has water and electricity, and the people who run ConEd (or whoever supplies power in your region) are not destitute. Insurance execs make millions of dollars a year. The reason insurers are pulling out is not because it’s objectively unprofitable to offer insurance, it’s because it’s unprofitable to offer insurance given that insurance companies are run the way they are run (i.e., as for-profit corps that have to answer to shareholders). This is the real problem, and the solution is not easy or apparent, but it’s definitely not to repeal the ACA and kick tens of millions of people off insurance.

          1. Please remember that not all insurance companies are for-profit or have shareholders. Several companies, including Kaiser Permanente and some of the Blue Cross plans, as well as plenty of smaller insurance companies, do not have shareholders.

      3. Happy to discuss this directly Username r 3 t t 3 @ google mail

        I know the answers.

    3. Just called and absolutely no wait time at all in NY. It takes all of five seconds for this incredibly important issue

      1. Just a reminder that Resistbot is an easy way to do this – text your message to 50409 and the bot will call or fax your legislators. Takes about 3 minutes and less once you get it set up on your phone.

      2. Got through to Schumer and Gillibrand’s DC offices pretty quickly. It was painless (and I am not somebody who is good at these things).

    4. I live in a red state. I called my senators’ offices and asked that they wait to vote until they review the text, get the CBO report, get their constituents’ feedback, etc.–basically “do this the right way” instead of voting for purely partisan reasons. I may call back later abut specific things in the bill, but I feel like pressure to hold off on the vote might be more effective with senators already against the ACA than all-out support for the ACA and opposition to any repeal bill.

  6. I’m watching a key role be filled in my department and just really disheartened to hear all of the internal discussion about the profile of the right candidate. First complaint: the role isn’t being announced externally, let alone internally, they are just approaching people with the right experience and asking if they are interested. Second: of the several internal candidates in the running, the females are not “ideal candidates” for various reasons, which skew towards the soft skills that you are subjective. The final straw for me is hearing that the ideal candidate is the male who won’t need to take off for any kind of parental leave, even though he could presumably wish to start a family at any time. Sigh.

    1. It’s very unlawful and discriminatory for them to be talking about that. I’m not naive that people think about it, but for them to be discussing it openly is really sad. Wish someone would turn them into the EEOC.

    2. Do you work for government? If not, that first complaint you have isn’t worth complaining about. There’s no laws or rules or regulations that require companies to post job openings.

    3. If you’re hearing about it in this level of detail I assume you have a managerial role and are possibly part of the decision making process. PLEASE speak up. Say, “men have families too, you know.” Say, “that seems like a very gendered distinction.” SPEAK UP.

      1. Yes. Where are you hearing this and what are you doing to push back? PUSH BACK. Please. For all our sakes.

        1. Do it for your OWN sake. If they’re talking about external candidates like this, you can bet it colors their thinking when they’re looking at internal candidates for positions, too.

  7. I used to ride horses when I was a teen and really liked it. I’d be interested in getting back into it as an adult. Does anyone have tips for getting back into it? Should I do lessons or see if I can find someone who needs their horse exercised? I’m thinking lessons might be a good way to go, but do stables commonly offer them for adults? I’m in the Bay Area (at least for now), so would also appreciate specific stable recs (East Bay preferred).

    2. Lifelong horse rider who has taken a few breaks here – I would strongly recommend lessons, at least at first. It should come back to you but you will have lost some reflexes + muscles and need some guidance to get back into it. Also, I’m an experienced rider who likes to ride alone, but still take lessons once a month because otherwise it’s hard to make progress. Remember horseback riding is amazing but there are risks involved, so I would err on the side of caution and get lessons.
      Most larger stables will offer adult classes. Smaller stables may offer private lessons. If things are going well and you’re ok with the time commitment, you can find a horse to half-lease.
      Not in the Bay Area, sorry!

    3. I’d take lessons. If it’s been a few years, you’ll be pretty out of shape, so I wouldn’t jump to just exercising someone else’s horse. Most stables will have adult lessons, though they’re more likely to be private/semiprivate rather than group lessons probably. The biggest problem I’ve found is a lot of them aren’t flexible enough for adult work schedules (assuming you don’t have one of those lovely jobs I hear about where you work the exact same hours every day and never have anything outside of normal business hours), but you’ll be able to find some that are. My greatest success at finding someone to teach lessons with a flexible schedule has actually been craigslist. Not in the Bay Area, so no specific recommendations, but good luck!

    4. Similar here, only in NYC – any recommendations for a stable (subway/MNR Hudson line-accessible) would be awesome! I would like to take lessons on weekends but would also be interested in half-leasing/exercising in the future.

      1. When I lived in NYC, I rode at a place in Forest Park, Queens called Lynne’s–it looks like it has been taken over by GallopNYC (therapeutic riding) but still offers some lessons to the public. You could get there by subway, though it’s about a 3/4 mile walk from the station. There are also stables in Brooklyn (Kensington is near Prospect Park and rides in the park) and the Bronx (Riverdale Equestrian Center, not sure if it’s easily accessible). I think there are a few others. Also check Craigslist–I did trail rides out on Long Island somewhere and the woman would pick me up at the train station. I never did find anything outside of the city that was easily accessible by public transit for lessons, but there’s got to be some.

        1. Huh, I wouldn’t have thought to check out Craigslist. Thanks for the tip! Riverdale sounds like it would probably be the most convenient for me since I’m uptown on the west side.

      2. In law school, I took lessons at the stable in Pelham Bay Park, which is accessible from the 6 train and then a bus ride. They were cheaper than Riverdale and easier to schedule. I really liked my instructor but as that was over 10 years ago, I wouldn’t be surprised if she’s gone.

        However, I don’t think the stable’s management has the best reputation, as far as that is concerned.

    5. Look up Sam Billings in Livermore – she gives lessons on her lesson horses. Highly recommended!

    6. Depends on what type of riding you want to do but I enjoy just doing group trail rides that don’t really require any training. They are marketed to tourists so I think they are generally safer well trained horses.

    7. I’ve been considering this too– thanks for asking!

      Does anyone in Atlanta have recs for classes or lessons for adults?

      1. Granted, it’s been decades since I took riding lessons- but Vogt Riding Academy and Little Creek Conservancy were two well regarded operations on the east-side of town.

      2. I’m basically entirely going to out myself with this comment, but oh well…

        Little Creek is probably your best in-town option in terms of being in-town and having an extensive schedule of adult lessons. Vogt is very expensive, although supposed to be quite good. Depending on where you live, though, Vogt can be a PITA to get to. It’s on Houston Mill, which means you don’t have easy highway accessibility and traffic can be REALLY bad in that area around rush hour. Little Creek is right off 78, across from North Dekalb Mall.

        All that being said, I’d like to make a plug for something unusual: Chastain Horse Park. Chastain has a great adult lesson program, but what really makes it special is that the riding school isn’t for-profit. It’s a 501c3 that subsidizes Chastain’s therapeutic riding and hippotherapy program for special-needs children and adults. I’m a volunteer in the therapeutic and hippo program, and it has been life-changing for me. The adult riding school is small, so it may have a wait list right now, but if you volunteer a certain number of hours in a month, you get free lessons and you don’t go on the waiting list for that.

        If you are a current or former horse person, I really encourage you to consider volunteering with CHP – it’s an awesome opportunity to hang out with horses (whether by leading the horse for the rider or sidewalking to provide safety support and coaching for the rider) and you get to see riders (who are mostly kids) total transform through their riding experience. I worked with two brothers who had birth injuries that had resulted in severe developmental disabilities and saw them go from having to be lead around the ring with two sidewalkers to riding independently and competing in the Special Olympics. It is truly amazing. If it’s not obviously, I’m hugely passionate about the 0rganization and what they offer, and if you’re interested in volunteering, email me (my username at gmail) and I can get you connected for a volunteer orientation and could even sign up with you for your first shift.

        1. +1,000 to volunteering with a therapeutic riding organization! I have done it for several different places and it always has been as rewarding as the cbackson said. I am a lifelong rider, and if you have to wait to take lessons it’s a great way to get your horse fixed and also help provide a really valuable service.

    8. Thanks all for the responses – I’m late to catch up on them but I appreciate it!

  8. Thanks all for the responses – I’m late to catch up on them but I appreciate it!

    1. Piggybacking on this question to follow up on my MM LaFleur purchases in DC (thanks to all for the feedback the other day on whether the clothes hold up or not). I am planning to return 5 of the 8 items, keeping only the Viridian Taylor dress, the Foster Pant, and the longer jardigan.

      I can’t, however, figure out what to wear over the Taylor dress. Any ideas? The shorter jardigan does not work for me. Ideas appreciated.

      Here’s the dress:

      https://mmlafleur.com/shop/catalog/product/view/id/7998?gclid=EAIaIQobChMIyKP5nNPR1AIVUlcNCh0f0QCoEAYYASABEgLoL_D_BwE&gclsrc=aw.ds

      1. I replied last night in the Mom’s thread but the best I’ve come up with is the short jardigan in Ecru. I don’t love it, but it works.
        I have been instead mostly work it to social work functions where I’m comfortable being sleeveless. It limits the usefulness but it is great for that niche as the cut is conservative but it has visual interest and is not another black dress

        1. I saw that, thank you! I bought the short jardigan in the cream color but I am returning it, it just doesn’t look great on me (it billows out and makes me look larger on top than I am). I think you’re right that it might be one of those dresses that is just better sleeveless. I’m just trying to weigh whether I really need it and whether I go to enough evening social functions to justify that price! Thanks. :)

      2. I don’t think that is a dress that is going to look good with a topper, frankly. I would return it if covering your arms is a deal breaker.

        1. Yeah, this is what I am afraid of. I think you’re right. My arms are fine but I normally don’t go sleeveless in the office. This might be a return unfortunately.

    2. I went in Chicago last week! It was so so fun. It took place in a few connected hotel rooms with “mobile dressing rooms” (created with some sort of rolling system and a sheet, I think). I was met at the door with prosecco, so that was nice :) It was very much a personal shopper-like experience — try on something, need a different size, compliments from the shopper about what did or didn’t work & suggestions on things that may work better.

      I was familiar with the brand and own a few pieces, so I knew what I was getting into, but it was (pleasantly) overwhelming to be able to try everything on in person in a variety of sizes and styles. I bought three items and received them by mail ~6 days later.

      I had a good experience and would strongly recommend it.

      And Two Cents, I have a few dresses that are 3-4 years old and in good shape — I meant to comment on your other thread, but then realized my experience is a bit dated.

    3. I had a great experience at the Dallas pop up in March. Much better than browsing the website. I found some great pieces. The process was very efficient.

    4. I went to the Boston pop-up 6-7 weeks ago. The process works efficiently.

      If you’re a cusp size or interested in their new/expanded sizes, call ahead to make sure they have enough of those sizes in stock. I’m on the cusp and tall, so I ended up feeling that the bigger end of their original size range ran small and wasn’t cut well for a curvy figure. I’m planning to try again with the new size range when I have some spare time.

  9. I could use a little encouragement. I’ve been at my current job for a year now and have been looking for a different position for almost that long. (Toxic work environment, lousy boss, job is different than it was presented to me, I replaced 2 people instead of one.) I’ve tried everything I know how to do for job searching, networking as well as watching a variety of specialized job boards. My state is experiencing severe budget issues, and my career has been in education and the nonprofit sector, so there simply aren’t many jobs to apply for. It took me almost 2 years to find the job I’m in now. I left my previous job because I relocated when I got married. I moved from a small college town to a mid-sized city 60 miles away; I was the one who moved because my husband owns a house and we thought it’d be easier for me to find work here than vice versa. I commuted to my old job for 9 months, but driving 2 hours a day wasn’t sustainable in the long term.

    In my last job, I enjoyed what I did and had a fantastic boss and supportive coworkers. At this workplace, I’m overworked, on edge all the time, and dislike the work itself, my boss and 1 of my 2 coworkers. I’m utterly discouraged, and really starting to dislike the person I’ve become. This week I got 2 rejection letters, one for a recent interview and one for an interview 3 months ago I’d already written off. I have nothing else in the pipeline right now, and it’s hard to keep faith that something will work out. Essentially, I’ve been on the job hunt for 3 years. My husband thinks I should stop looking for awhile, but I can’t bear the thought of not looking while I’m in my current job.

    (I do take medication for depression and anxiety, and have seen counselors in the past. My current work schedule makes it difficult to get away during the day, but I’ve started looking for someone else to see.)

    1. I’m normally not an advocate of quitting without something else lined up, but I think an exception can be made when a) your job is seriously impacting your mental or physical health and b) you won’t become destitute if you quit and go without income for a year or more (even if it’s because a spouse can support you). I was in your shoes about a year ago and set myself a firm deadline by which I could quit, even without another job, because my job was literally making me lose my will to live. Luckily I found something else before the deadline, but when I look back I almost think I should have quit earlier, because that job was essentially ruining my life.
      If you’re thinking about doing this, you might take some FMLA time off first to rest up and decide if you want to leave or try to go back and face this environment again. I imagine your depression and anxiety would qualify you for FMLA.

      1. +1 to setting a deadline. It can be so much easier to get through the days knowing there’s an end in sight. I suspect it helps with the job search too–the job isn’t your only lifeline out if you’ve promised yourself you’ll leave by a certain time no matter what.

    2. Have you called any of your old colleagues / boss and explained to them what is going on? If you did a good job for them and the only issue was your move / commute (which reasonable people should understand) they may either have some people to forward you to / may be willing to give you some contract / WFM stuff (don’t know how it works in your industry so you’d know better if this is reasonable).

      Are there any potentially adjacent industries you could look to get into (I’m assuming you’ve done all you can to try to get a position in your industry in the way of networking / talking to contact / job hunting)? It might not be ideal but its likely better than a toxic workplace.

      Finally, I would make sure you are being really honest with the contacts you have that you trust. I am in a bad job situation right now and I’ve got an interview “story” but I’m telling the people I network with the truth. I used to try to sugarcoat things but I find when I am more honest, people recognize how bad the situation is and want to help me. I’m getting far more offers to pass my resume along / call someone on my behalf etc.

      1. +1 You can stop looking for a while if you let your network do the looking for you. Let former bosses and colleagues know you are looking to make a move and to keep you in mind if they hear of something that may be a good fit. You’re more likely to be successful in landing the job if a person in your network refers you to it, so I’d focus on working your network rather than working the job listings for now. The bonus is more social interaction and less time spent staring at internet search results.

    3. I’m you. I have interviewed and applied for 3 years, wasting vacation days and making up appointments only to hear that they went with someone else. Late last fall I got really angry over my last rejection, and started to feel like God hated me or just liked to watch me be miserable. In that interview, I also noticed that I had been on so many interviews (and read Ask a Manager so much) that my answers were so smooth and so polished that I wasn’t coming across as relaxed and fun. It was a causal panel interview for a department that seemed close, friendly, and laid back–I’m afraid I came across as too professional or too uptight to work with their team.

      I really wanted that job. I really want out of where I am. But, I decided that I probably smell of desperation. Every job I’ve been offered has come out of an interview where I felt I probably *wasn’t* going to get it, and I went in relaxed and 100% myself. I can’t do that when I’m hating my job and praying to God that this interview will lead to my salvation.

      I hit 5 year vestment this December, so I decided to stop looking until after vestment. It gave me a year to put my head down, stop looking outside of here, and just learn to deal with the toxic. I’ve learned that this company isn’t *quite* as toxic as I thought–or at least, the toxicity isn’t directed at me–and if I can step back and look at it objectively, it’s actually more entertaining than any episode of The Office.

      I have a quote taped on my computer monitor (cause I’m classy like that) that says, “Every time you are able to find some humor in a difficult situation, you win.” I’ve stopped personalizing my work. I made a mistake? You want me to write that differently? Shrug. Sounds good! I tell myself, “Not my company, not my decision,” and “Doesn’t effect my day, doesn’t effect my pay” to all of the coworker office drama. I don’t stay super late or get pulled into the competitiveness of coworkers. I don’t expect fairness, or sane decisions, or rationality out of this company. I don’t expect to promote, and I don’t expect to ever agree with management. That change in attitude has been incredibly freeing. When I hear news or decisions that used to anger me, now I can laugh. It’s not personal to me anymore–kind of like senior year of high school when you’re just disconnected and over it and think all of high school is just a sad little joke that has little to do with you anymore.

      I’ll be interviewing again this fall. I think now I’ll be able to go in more as ME and less as an Ask A Manager Robot. I hope this time that I’ll land a way out, but if I don’t, I think I learned the skills to take a toxic environment and make it work for me anyway. And that’s kind of awesome.

      1. +1. Been there. Stuck it out. It sucked but it was worth it for the continuity, the paycheck (ah, the almighty legal tender…), and the grit I developed as a result.

        Ymmv but consider reframing the situation and seeing how you can persist in it, while (of course!) still looking.

        You got this!

      3. “You’re the boss!” was actually a really liberating thing for me to say (in my head) in toxic workplaces. I take a lot of pride in my work, and it hurt to not have ownership, to be asked to make stupid changes, to look less than professional. But if Boss wouldn’t *give* me ownership, if Boss insisted on dumb changes — fine! “You’re the boss!” Just throwing that out there in case it helps you get through.

      4. I was in a similar situation and I had a little post-it note hidden where only I could see it that said “not my monkeys, not my circus.” Oddly, the reminder really helped me get through the day to day nonsense.

        I had also felt like I had exhausted all my options when I got contacted out of the blue by my now manager for my dream job. It definitely didn’t happen on the time frame I would’ve preferred, but it happened.

    4. I know this is late and you might not see it, but I wanted to echo the advice about giving yourself a deadline to quit, even if you don’t have something else lined up. I did this and it was a huge factor in helping me through a bad job situation (with the caveat that you can financially manage it, of course).

      I also want to say that I was in your position exactly two months ago, when I’d just been rejected from a position that seemed like it was in the bag after multiple rounds of interviewing. I was despondent, too, and was convinced that because I had nothing immediately in the pipeline, I would be stuck at my bad job forever. Then I applied for a position on a bit of a whim and it turned into a great new job! That is to say – you literally never know what’s around the corner, and more often than not, all of your hard work in the job search can pay off all at once. Good luck!

  10. Going to the derm for a skin scan for the first time ever today (whoops) and I applied my normal light makeup (skin-covering products being concealer, BB cream, and light eyeshadow/blush) in the morning not thinking about it. Will I need to remove it for the appointment?

    1. I always wear full makeup for skin scans and have never removed it. If there is a spot on my face I am concerned about, I point it out to the dermatologist.

    2. Not unless you’re specifically asking them to help with any skin issues on your face (acne, for instance).

    3. Thanks both – this is just a general “I’m super pale/blonde in heritage and really should have had a once over by now, do you see anything concerning?” appointment, so I’ll leave it alone.

  11. Did you want a shorter or longer leave with DC #2? I had six months off with my first and was pretty ready to go back (though I wish I couldve gone back part-time vs jumping in full time). I will have 3 months off with DC #2 and my other one will be almost 3 y/o at that point. I cant imagine being home with a newborn and toddler for more than 3 months because the toddler is going through a tantrum phase and he was a difficult newborn (undiagnosed allergies). I have to decide in the next few weeks how I want to structure my leave (I can take another month of unpaid leave).

    1. What is your child care situation for your toddler? Can you keep him there during your leave?

      1. Definitely recommend keeping toddler in his/her current childcare situation if you can afford it.

      2. Childcare is currently his grandparents who come over to watch him everyday (my ILs). They are great, but I think I would feel guilty having them come over and help with the little ones while I am home full time – maybe just once in a while would be a tremendous help.

        1. That makes it tough. on my second ML (big kid 2.5ish years old), I had 3 days with a nanny and 2 days with MIL. During leave (after the first month when we started getting into a routine) nanny still worked 75% or so of her hours taking care of big kid (maybe 10% of her total hours she had both kids and i ran errands/went to an exercise class). MIL probably still came over ~1 day a week, but short days and maybe half of them were for scheduled all-of-us activities.

          How helpful/relaxing is it to have your inlaws around? would you be comfortable having them in one part of the house while you and baby are elsewhere? Are they near enough that it makes sense for you to drop off kid? I think you’ll still want some help – and they’ll want to see kid – so maybe see if they can still plan to spend 1-2 days a week with kid and figure out what schedule works for you all. Also, if they are holding off on planning a vacation out of fear of leaving you all in the lurch (something my MIL does) later in your leave is a great time for them to squeeze a trip in.

    2. Just to clarify, I plan to take atleast 3 months but can’t decide whether to plan for an additional one month off? What if I end up enjoying mat leave and don’t want to return so quickly (a 12 week old is still so small!) but what if I hate mat leave with two little ones and want to go back earlier?

      1. Can you structure it to take the four months and tell them the fourth month is tentative, and you may return at the end of three months if all is going well?

        1. I didn’t answer hte original question above — I agree with this. Also consider using month 4 to ramp up (e.g., work from home 2 days on week 1, go into office for 1 day and work from home for 2 on week 2, etc.)

    3. I took four months with my daughter and am planning to take off 3 months with next kid because I simply won’t have as much time. Can you go back to work part time for the first month as a way of transitioning back?

    4. Good question – post in the m*ms site for more responses!

      I have just one child so far, but I was also freelancing at the time and thus was already easing back to working part-time with an infant at home and the occasional sitter, before a daycare spot opened up, at 3 months. It was stressful and drove me nuts, so if I have a second I will likely try to take a full 16 weeks off (8 paid).

      What is the toddler’s current childcare situation? All advice I’ve read is to keep sending them to daycare if you can swing it, to give them some routine. If you can do that, being home longer may not be so stressful.

    5. I just want to say that these discussions make me so sad for my American friends. 12 weeks is just such a short time, especially if you have a C-section, and I know millions of women go back even way before that. I am just so disheartened by the US’ non-approach to maternity/parental leave. I went back at 5 months and everyone was shocked that I chose to go back so soon.

      1. Believe me – it’s much sadder being in the US and having to deal with these rules. I was able to take 4 mostly paid months off (had to go on half pay for a small portion) with my first only because I happened to have been at my job long enough to accumulate enough sick/vacation time. Everyone told me how lucky I was. I am for my context, but it’s insane to me, in any objective sense.

      2. I get realllly tired of this we’re-better-than-you disguised as sympathy, just FYI. Every time this comes up, someone has to say how sad it is that we have this situation. I get it. Back off.

        1. Also just want to add that I have worked in the past with a couple of well known companies where its common knowledge that the European branch tries not to hire women due to the fact that they will have to give them maternity leave of a year.

          I’ll take my short US FMLA if it means I’m not at a hiring disadvantage…

          2. I’m sure it depends on domicile as well as what you do – but in my industry the Europeans are notoriously chauvinistic and male dominated…

          3. Yeah I’m in Canada and that hasn’t been my experience at all – I feel like that’s a myth people repeat as a convenient excuse not to give parental leave. Also, Europe is diverse and most countries don’t give a year. For example. I’m pretty sure standard mat leave in France is three months, although people often add on another four weeks of vacation to make it four.

          4. I’m sick of it too. It comes across very “smug Canadian/European” just like single people complain about smug marrieds. The feelings of pity can come from a good place, but the comment can still be smug/humblebraggy.

        2. But they are better than we are. That doesn’t keep the sympathy from being real. People should be shouting from the rooftops how sad and pitiful it is that the USA can’t get it together on parental leave, and I appreciate each and every comment to that effect.

          1. Yeah, but we all know that here. (Or, at least the majority of us.) We’re not the target audience. I appreciate the sympathy but also get exhausted being reminded about how much more humane my career could be, especially when I already think about how I have to do it all backwards and in heels 10x/day. The rest of the rubes in this country who assume that the “socialized medicine” in Canada = long wait times and death panels and that women going on 3 WHOLE MONTHS of maternity leave will irreparably disrupt the company are the people who need hear how good you have it. Those living in civilized countries, I beseech you to direct your loud speaker to them.

        4. I disagree. This needs to be harped on until it changes. Many American women feel like this is something that can never change; they need to be reminded that it’s different elsewhere.

        5. Same. Plus having this same conversation over and over isn’t going to change anything. It’s boring and condescending.

      3. Yeah, more than 3-4 months is just not necessary for professionals. Far far more useful is maternity of 2-3 months plus paternity of 2-3 months. Giving women 4/5+ months off is – frankly – sexist and creates / enforces default parenting by women.

        1. This has in fact been posited as the reason why there are more American women than European women at the senior exec level in business, even though European nations have higher female workforce participation.

        2. lol what? Not necessary? What about what’s necessary for parents and children?

          In Canada 1 year of leave can be shared by both mother and father. No sexism here.

          1. LOL, Yeah, I think having equal co-parents is what’s good for children. And I think that was pretty clear from my statement. And no, I don’t believe the misogynistic junk about kids NEEDING mom and mom ONLY for months and months on end. I don’t think the stats bear out that SAHMs (temp or long-term) are better for young children.

        3. I don’t see anyone on this thread arguing that it should exclusively be for women. I see the words “parental leave” in a couple of places. What’s sexist is distinguishing between the two in the first place, as you did. All new parents should have (x amount) of time for parental leave, period. If you don’t like the sexism, reframe your own argument first.

          1. It’s not sexist to talk about the truth. Men don’t take more than 2 – 4 weeks on average parental leave in the states. Women often take as much as is given to them. So give both longer, and you’re going to have men taking the same amount of time (2-4 weeks), and women taking even longer. Believe me, if your wife HAS to go back to work, men are much more likely to get involved than if they can say “oh honey, you can take 6+months and it’s good for you and the baby!” Believe me, men don’t step up in that environment. I thank GOD I’m the breadwinner and my DH was motivated to do everything he could to help me get back, including take his share of paternity, but most of my friends had the opposite: DH’s who saw paternity as detrimental to their careers and, well, wife-y got paid less and could take tons and tons of time, so that’s just what happened.

            And, no, neither sex needs to be taking more than 3/4 months. More than that REALLY gets you out of the groove at work and your coworkers, your work and your career suffers. Men know this, which is why they resist paternity – women need a dose of that reality too. They need to meet in the middle.

          2. “More than that REALLY gets you out of the groove at work and your coworkers, your work and your career suffers.”

            This is ridiculous. I say this as someone who left a company for 1.5 years (doing a different type of work) and came back. Some things were, of course, different, but on the whole getting back into the groove was completely doable. And that’s after 1.5 YEARS. I think about what 3 months looks like at my firm and I’d probably not even notice that someone was gone. It goes by in the blink of an eye. I’ve had co-workers take sabbaticals longer than that. I wish people would quit hand-wringing over a few months of leave like the entire company will grind to a halt. Yes, it’s a bit of a disruption. Yes it seems like a long time as compared with the amount of time people normally take off (1-2 weeks at a time). But compared with someone’s whole career? For 5 years? It’s nothing. Taking leave like that will only damage someone’s career irreparably if the powers that be allow it to be so.

    6. I had 6.5 months off with my first and 6 months with my second, and I kept my older one in full time daycare while on maternity leave with my second. If you have the flexibility I would plan on taking off as much time as you can. Can you put your older one in a camp or some other part time preschool? That would help a lot. And I do think the grandparents would likely be open to taking your older one on outings so that you can rest/spend more time with the baby.

      Bottom line, I would ask for 6 months because you only get one shot being at home and you can always go back to work earlier if you want. It’s much harder to ask for MORE time than less time when you’re out on leave.

    1. A coworker had to quit a biglaw gig when her youngest child was diagnosed with T1. It helped that her husband had a good job, but she didn’t go back to work for 10 years (10 YEARS!) — when the kid was really well able to manage his disease. She also had to put him in a private school b/c it was the only one with a FT nurse (not a nurse who is there PT and splits between other public schools) and pay tuition there from K-12. Insulin generally has to be kept cool, so sports and summer camps were really dicey. And she had other kids to mother and not forget about. It was rough.

      My one my-age T1 friend died in her early 40s from complications and she was a nurse, so it’s not like she didn’t take care of herself and know how the disease worked.

    2. My husband is a Type 1 Diabetic. My children are both at an increased risk of developing it. It is a very tough and demanding disease (physically and psychologically). However, it is manageable. The technological improvements are astounding. My DH now has a continuous glucose monitor that he checks through an app on his phone and has a pump that talks to the CGM. It can rock your world, but it is possible to live a good, long life with T1D as a mere footnote to that life.

      1. Thanks for pointing this out – the technology is truly amazing these days. I’m a Type 1 diabetic, diagnosed at 15 so I was able to care for myself from the beginning without my parents having to manage the disease. While “the cure will be here in 5 years” promise hasn’t come true in the 20 years since I was diagnosed, I am living as close to a normal life as anyone – I went to sleepaway camps, moved away for college, made it through law school, endured several years in BigLaw and am now pregnant with my first child. If there’s anything you can say to your friend and her child, it’s that soon this will become part of who she is and, as Betty says, just a footnote. It’s made me stronger, responsible (maybe to a fault), and able to take on life’s smaller challenges that seem more manageable in comparison.

    3. Check out yourejustmytype.com — it’s a project collecting interviews from people with T1D.

  13. Has anyone ordered from this brand before? I just discovered it and i want so many things! Long dresses with sleeves, be still my heart!

    1. I have. I think the total haul was 1 dress, 2 jackets, and 1 blouse. All items were beautifully made and looked great on. I’m very tall with long limbs and, surprisingly, everything was long enough and hit in the right places. If I win the lottery, I plan to buy the entire catalog. I’m also planning to be in London later this year and have already blocked out a couple of hours to shop at their store in person.

      In my mind, there are two big downsides: (a) pricing and (b) shipping. I’m in the US, and it used to be (up until maybe 3-6 months ago) that there was only one UK s*te, the prices were listed in pounds, the current exchange rate would apply, and you would get a slight discount from those prices in your cart because the listed prices included VAT, which is not charged on US orders. They have recently launched a US s*te with prices in dollars, and the prices listed were significantly higher than the price would be if you converted pounds to dollars (~50% higher or so if memory serves) and there was no discount for the lack of VAT.

      In addition to that, shipping from the UK to the US is understandably pricey (like $25 or so per order), and while they occasionally do free US shipping promos, they cannot be used with other coupon codes or on sale items (i.e. I had a sale item and a non-sale item in my cart and I could not use it). They also do not do free returns and I think the cheapest return method from the US is something like $30 or more. So that is less than ideal.

    2. Holy S-dash-dash-dash, those clothes look AMAZING! I want all the things! Now!

    3. I adore their clothes too, but as the previous poster mentioned, the heavy cost of shipping and returns has detracted me from buying anything. No way I’m paying $30 for shipping. If only they would open up a store in the US! I think they would do so well here.

      You might try Hobbs London, which I believe sells through Bloomingdales and they may even have stand alone stores in the US but not sure where.

  14. We just bought our first apartment and looking for help with decorating/furniture selection. It’s a new construction so not looking for renovation help. Anyone know a good affordable interior designer in NYC? Or have experience with the interior design firms like Homepolish? my husband and I are pretty clueless about these kind of things so any help would be greatly appreciated. Thanks!!

    1. Can you ask your realtor for recommendations? That’s how I found my decorator. She was pretty affordable and found some great pieces. I don’t live in NYC so I don’t have anything more specific.

    2. Try Kimberlie Wade — there is a WSJ design-service review that involved her as one of three designers. It spoke highly of her and I have used her (and really loved her). She’s not in NYC, but can work with pictures (as many of these services do). I lucked out what she was in my city.

    4. Sorry for the hijack… if anyone has recs in DC I would also be very interested! I so want my place to look nice but I have come to realize I just do not have the time, patience, or talent. How much is a reasonable amount to pay for this?

    5. A dear friend of mind is a designer and works a lot with couples in exactly this situation. She’s in Atlanta but works remotely all over. Featured in Apartment Therapy, etc.

      Google Carla Schwartz Design

    6. Wheeee email with me and I’ll tell you which sofas not to buy! (I’m not a professional at all, but I do love this ish.) Congrats on your purchase!

  15. How do you stay current in your field? I’m especially curious to hear from those in government or non-profits who don’t have paid time for secondary research.

    I’m in an odd position because I work at the juncture of two fields, one is technique and applications; and the other is a traditional hard science. It’s tough to keep up on both.

    I don’t think school ever taught this. They sort of assumed we would find a niche, but i will likely have to job hop every few years following funded projects.

    I know i should be investing my own time in this, but it’s the last thing I want to do when I get home. I like my job a lot but it’s not a driving passion that I want to read trade magazines on the toilet. I know I’m not the only one who wants to let go when I get home, so how do others do it?

    1. I’m not sure the answer to this. Personally I can not find it in me to work for free. I have so many passion projects and hobbies that my free time is allotted to. Though I need to stay current too, I just can’t do it.

    3. This is really specific, but a professional org belong to has a setup with Lexology — a service that kind of curates news/blog posts, and you can log in somewhere and select the topics you want to get news on from a big long list. It looks like it’s available to anyone to sign up? Every morning I get an email with links to like 40 news articles. I skim the headlines and read one or two that might be relevant while I drink my coffee and generally wake up. Bonus, sometimes I get to be the person sending breaking news to colleagues like, “I came across this interesting article…” and I feel really smart :-P

    4. I go to work early to do it. I’m a morning person, so I usually come in 30 minutes early, make coffee and read articles. If there is an seminar or something I want to watch, I’ll come in an hour early and watch it over a few days. Not sure if this would work in every workplace (I’m in a flexible work environment) but I just build it into my day.

        1. I’m a lawyer in a specialty practice area so it might be different for non-lawyers but I keep a list of webinars I want to watch, and I find them from the following sources:

          – I subscribe to various email lists that are related to my practice area. They will often put on webinars and if I can get free access (through the org or my firm) I will add them to the list.

          – There are a few main conferences per year in my practice area. I mark them on my calendar and after the conferences I make a list of any presentations I want to watch (they are usually free to watch on a CLE service my firm has access to).

          – If I identify a specific topic I could use more education in, I ask other colleagues if they know of good resources (print or video).

    5. We’re expected to keep up on our own time, but I have trouble finding the motivation because we are spread so thin already and are experiencing pay cuts. In fact, I’m becoming a bit resentful and am considering getting out of academia and higher education.

      1. As a fellow academic, I hear you–the straw that broke my back was when my chair said, “We pay you to teach” when 100% of my salary was and is coming from my own grants and I had very little protected time for research.

    6. My field requires continuing education in order to keep our certification. The certification isn’t required for all positions, but it sure helps you get jobs, and having at least one AICP planner on larger projects is usually required. This usually means attending continuing ed courses or seminars at conferences. For day-to-day, it’s reasonable for planners to set aside a bit of their week to read articles, particularly as ordinances are continually being updated, and a lot of our work is precedent-based. For me, that time ends up being the 3pm coffee and slump time, when I really just can’t focus on substantial work.

  16. Chicago ‘rettes:
    DH just called me at work to tell me that our cleaning person who was coming today is sick and isn’t able to come. Might not be able to come tomorrow and is booked Saturday — the night we are hosting his work team for dinner at our condo in the West Loop, and we didn’t plan to (and probably can’t) spend Saturday cleaning. Aside from saying forget it and going to a restaurant, or just not turning on any lights, I think we need to scramble and find someone to clean tomorrow.
    Anyone have a cleaning service or person they trust and like?

      1. Thank you for the recommendation! Not OP, but I booked a much-needed session for tomorrow. : )

  17. Does waxing remove hair from the root better than sugaring or is it the same? I tried sugaring ans it was less painful, but I feel like the regrowth was faster? Anyone else have the same experience?

    1. My experience was that sugaring was easier on my skin and less painful. I felt like the regrowth was about the same between waxing and sugaring? I’ve stuck with sugaring because I can make the goo at home and do it myself for the places I can reach.

  18. What are some easy meals to make on a camp stove for a group? We ae going camping with another family, including 6 kids, and DH does not like hot dogs.

    1. Pizza Soup- can of puréed tomatoes, oregano, whole bunch of shredded mozz melted in, with garlic bread for dipping

      Hawaiian grilled cheese- bread, American cheese, ham, canned sliced pineapple.

      1. I am very tempted to make this pizza soup at home for one of my lazier days… I am a child.

        1. I did this all the time in college – tomato soup, crush red pepper, oregano, shredded mozzarella, and a breadstick. It is soooo good, I need to bring it back!

    2. Quesadillas. Can of corn, can of beans, salsa, sour cream, tortillas.

      Scrambled eggs.

      Pancakes.

      1. We’d quesadillas camping all the time. Have everyone make their own, wrap in foil, and then put them on the edge of the fire to melt the cheese. Easy peasy.

        Also have regularly made pasta/spaghetti when camping.

    3. Trying this again…Bisquick Shake and Pour pancakes. Not the best pancakes in the world, but wicked convenient for camping.

    4. Camping with my family growing up, my mom used to make Rice-A-Roni (or similar instant something) with extras added in (canned pineapple, water chestnuts, …). Very easy. Or you could just do pasta.

    5. Budget bytes one pot chili pasta is my go-to camp stove meal (with or without meat).

    6. Whatever you make, Stove Top stuffing is a really easy side dish for camping. And lightweight/packable too! Personally I like canned chili and stuffing when camping. Basic but satisfying.

    7. Rice + beans (plus spices and veggies of your choice). If you use instant rice and canned beans you really just need to heat it up; instant rice cooks pretty fast.

      Pasta + jarred sauce + lentils (plus spices and cheese)

      Or, if you have a good cooler and will only be camping for a few days, what I sometimes do is make a couple of big batches of something and freeze it solid. Just heat it through on the camp stove and dinner is done. Can be done with any soup or stew you like.

    8. Tacos, mac and cheese, quesadillas, fajitas, one pot meals like chili, beans and rice, pasta dishes. In the morning, I like to make breakfast burritos. Lunch I usually do easy stuff like sandwiches, fruit, and chips.

    9. A camp stove is basically a stove, so whatever one-pot meal you like!

      If you were cooking over a fire, I’d suggest hobo dinner, banana boats (both cooked in coals), pre-made breakfast burritos in foil (cooked over a grate), and raw veggies with hummus (keeps better than dip).

      Regardless, the most important thing when camping for a weekend is to prep everything you possibly can beforehand. The convenience of not having to chop things is worth the celery ends being a little tough or the apples a little brown.

    10. I’ve pre-made chili, BBQ crockpot pork, taco filling etc., then freeze them in ziplock bags and take in cooler. They defrost over the first day or so and then just heat up on stove.

      I’ve also pre-marinated steak or chicken and frozen in ziplock bags then thaw and grill or stir-fry.

      You can also prepared Silver Pantry’s Chicken Marbella, frozen it and then cook in a pan.

      A quick breakfast is a scramble of eggs, precooked sausage slices or Canadian Bacon, chard or spinach and Parmesan cheese. Can also be an easy dinner.

      1. Is it a very bad thing that I’m reading these ideas and thinking, I could do that for my own make-ahead meals? In my own kitchen, in my air-conditioned, city apartment?

        1. Wow, lots of typos in my post. Good thing I’m home sick, not putting typos in emails.

          No, I do the above meals all the time.

          Batch-cook. Make ahead. Crock Pot, formerly, but now I use my InstantPot all the time…

  19. Another question for the hive. My parents are getting started with some renovations to their home, and part of their ideas is updating the outdoor finishes (e.g., swapping stucco for stone). My mom has talked to some architects, but is having trouble reining them in — they want to totally reroute the sidewalk, add a huge front porch, etc. which is not what she wants to do. She really wants the equivalent of an interior designer for the outside of the house — making sure colors and textures work well together along with the “bones” of the house.

    Any ideas how she should look for such a person?

  20. Does anyone here take Belsomra (sleep medication)? My doc recently prescribed it and I find that it makes me so drowsy in the morning. I’m basically in a fog until 10 or 11am. I usually take the medication at about 11pm. Does anyone have tips on how to reduce the morning drowsiness? (My doc’s advice was “don’t drive”. Gee thanks)

    2. Can you take it earlier? If you’re getting up at 6 or even 7, that’s only 7-8 hours and it sounds like it’s lasting 11-12. Maybe take it at 10 or even 9:30 and spend your last part of the night reading or something else relaxing that you can put away when you start getting drowsy? Don’t take a bath, I did that and risked drowning once after taking a sleep med.

  21. Bisquick Shake and Pour pancakes. Not the best pancakes in the world, but wicked convenient for camping.

  22. Thoughts on taking a vacation shortly after returning from a (12 week) mat leave? My husband needs/wants (it’s not officially mandatory but would benefit his career) to go out of the country for work in the 18th week after my due date, which would be five weeks after my return to work if baby is on time, but as little as three weeks (I would work three weeks and then be out the fourth week) if baby is two weeks overdue, which is likely based on family history. It’s a safe, child-friendly destination I’ve always wanted to go to, and I would love for us to be able to go as a family. I know mat leave isn’t “vacation” (and we don’t plan to do any traveling then, except maybe driving a few hours to see grandparents, fwiw) but I also realize it might be frowned upon to return and then immediately leave. I will officially have the vacation time since my mat leave will be a combination of paid parental leave and sick leave. I shouldn’t have to dip into vacation leave for it. My workplace is definitely not Big Law, we work pretty standard 9-5 hours with weekend/evening work only in an emergency, and there is a culture of taking all your vacation time, but I don’t know how people would react to this.

    1. I doubt anyone would care. My office culture sounds similar to yours, and people would be more interested in vacation details than when you are/are not there. Even if someone does mention the timing of the vacation, they’ll likely forget all about it soon.

    2. It will be awkward but let people know ahead of time and just do it. Travel with an immobile baby is so much easier in some ways than a child who just wants to crawl or walk around. Take advantage of it while you can.

      1. If I were the one having to cover your leave and figure out how to handle your return, I’d want you to plan this upfront as part of your leave. Maybe shorten your leave by a week, knowing you’re going to take a week of vacation. Or plan your work in a way that this doesn’t add additional burden to the people who have been covering for you, finally get you back in your role, and then have to cover for you all over again when you go on vacation.

        1. I see your point, but the nature of my work is such that people don’t really cover for each other when someone goes out on a one or two week vacation. I believe when I’m out for three months they’ll have to arrange coverage, but almost nothing we do is time-sensitive and things pretty much just slide when people take normal vacations. So I don’t believe anyone will be picking up any extra work while I take the vacation.

    4. At the risk of coming across as a smug Canadian, I say take your vacation. It is vacation. You are expected to take it. If you take it at this point you will NOT be taking it later in the year which will presumably allow someone else to take their vacation then. Surely there is no magic time to take vacation or not take it, provided that you give sufficient notice to allow for cover-off just as you would whether you took maternity leave or not.

      Maternity Leave is NOT vacation. It is necessary leave from a societal point of view. You will have just produced another member of the next generation. I see no need for apologizing for availing yourself of other employment benefits to which you are entitled, like your vacation. In my former office no one would have batted an eye at this.

      Good luck with the rest of your pregnancy, by the way.

  23. 20 barre classes in a row today! Got to sign the barre. Turns out I just needed to find something I like to consider myself someone who works out…

    2. Congrats!! It sounds like you found a great routine and a great community.

      I celebrated 65 [solidcore] classes in 90 days last week – love having fitness goals!

      1. Thanks! I love it. And I feel so much stronger. But the real wins are the mental health and self confidence effects of barre since I started in April!

      2. No! I was not someone who worked out two months ago and immediately loved it. I would say to give it about ten classes before you decide. The first classes are tough- I liked it immediately but I was also a flailing mess for many of the first ten classes. Still am sometimes. But at least at pure barre they’re so nice when you’re just totally lost, and all about modifications!

      3. No. I actually started going to Pure Barre per Sloan’s recommendation here a few months ago and I really like it. I’ve only done 2 classes so far, and before that I had barely worked out (a decent amount of walking but that’s it). There will definitely be things that you can’t do and/or hard to do but for the most part I was able to follow along.

        That’s in sharp contrast to Solid core classes, which made me feel ridiculously stupid and uncoordinated! That’s definitely NOT a class for someone who hasn’t worked out in a while. Great work out though.

    5. Can you tell me a little about what this barre thing involves? I’m tempted to try it as people seem to enjoy it (and stick with it), but I am recovering from ankle surgery so I may have to wait a bit longer. Are you up on your tippy toes a lot? Is there a lot of strain on your ankles? Thanks!

      1. You may want to wait. It is a lot of high heels/on toes. Might be worth calling/stopping into a studio near you to discuss concerns and when it would be best to begin. There are modifications, but I would think the ankle-heavy moves (…a lot of them!) may be hard to get around.

      2. Barre uses your body weight, a ballet barre, a resistance band, small weights, and a small ball to work your thighs, seat, arms, and core.

        I agree with Pompom. I go to Pure Barre and they’re all about modifications, but it may be stressful on your ankles nonetheless. You can stay off your toes but there is a lot of pressure on your ankles when you’re going down and up (which is a lot of the class).

        I love it, but I would wait and then try it when you’ve recovered a bit more!

      3. OK, thanks! I’m excited to try it a few months from now. It’ll keep me motivated to do my PT and strengthening exercises so I can start working out again.

      4. If you have a Barre3 studio in your area, they are ALL ABOUT modifications to avoid injury. I can’t speak to Pure Barre, but I personally do Barre3 with some old injuries and they are really fantastic about personally giving you modifications that work with your body. At the very least, I’m sure you can stop into a studio (whichever of your choice) and see if you can talk with an instructor about if class would be right for you.

    6. Barre is the best! Yesterday I did 28 full-form pushups in class. 28! I love that the focus in my studio (and it sounds like yours) is on being strong, healthy, and bad-@s$.

      1. Yes! Still crap at full-form pushups, although I’m better at them than I was a few months ago, but I can hold the 90 second plank now and not want to die (as much)!

        Absolutely. There’s a challenge going on right now (didn’t take part, for a number of reasons) that focuses on going to 24 barre classes in 6 weeks, clean eating, and has lots of classes like meditation, foam rolling, etc that you can also go to. Our local franchise owner is a total fitness boss in the sweetest way!

    7. Yay! This post encouraged me to pull the trigger on a Circus Bootcamp thing that a local … circus studio (????) puts on. I have no idea what I’m getting into and whether it’ll be lazy ol’ me and a bunch of acrobats but I won’t know if I don’t try, will I?!

  24. Just saw your comment asking about the relocation!

    I’m about three weeks into my job hunt and have been networking, etc. as much as possible and refreshing my resume – no interviews yet but I am keeping my fingers crossed and trying not to freak myself out too much since job hunting is stressful enough. We are going down in three weeks to look at apartments and right now I’m leaning towards Durham, but since SO’s job is in Raleigh, it may be hard to justify a commute for him before I know what my own commute may be. He has to be down there in September and I’m moving whenever I find a job; the potential for a double (triple?) move is a whole additional layer of stress I’m just ignoring.

    I have already started googling things like workout studios, restaurants, etc. down there to give myself fun things to be excited about instead of just focusing on the stressful to-do list.

    1. Awesome! Glad to hear things are progressing. My new job is in Raleigh, so we’re looking to be in either Durham or Raleigh-proper (inside the beltline; I can’t with the burbs) in the next 18-24 months. We’ll stick it out in lovely CH for now, though!

      1. I would highly recommend Raleigh if the job is in Raleigh. Traffic from Durham to Raleigh is pretty bad. I mean, not like Atlanta bad, but bad. I like Durham and wish it was slightly closer so I could live there, but it’s not worth the 45 minutes stuck in bad traffic every morning. And Raleigh is a good town in it’s own right.

        Which reminds me, Pompom, I saw your reply the other day about possible Triangle area meetup–work just got crazy again, but maybe some time in August?

        1. That’s our goal, Raleigh proper. My husband will have a more flexible schedule, and does not mind a bit of a commute. We are interested in condos and town houses only so Raleigh seems to be a good option. The only reason we’re still considering Durham is that we could probably afford something a little bit bigger/nicer there. We’re still in the very preliminary stages of planning (Aka “DC ate up all of our money and now we have to rebuild savings! Yay!!!) but I think that we would like actual Raleigh the best.

          And August would be great from my pov. My industry tends to be very busy in July (and August) but I have a good handle on it and will be happy to hang out with people by August for sure!

  25. Anyone tried the Allbirds runners? I’m looking for something to walk lots of miles in during a Paris & Barcelona vacation, but I really prefer not to do plain old running shoes. These seem like potential candidates.

    1. Love them for the first 7 miles of city walking (Hong Kong) — after that I got REALLY footsore. (That’d happen in just about any shoe though..)

    2. I have them and love them. So comfortable. They do start to smell though if you wear them without socks. Just a consideration… I think DH would be pretty unhappy with me keeping them in a small hotel room! They can go in the washer, though.

    3. I’m also looking at Allbirds for a trip to Barcelona & Greece!
      I like the new lavender ones but I doubt they are practical. I can’t tell if these are ugly or not. Would they work with dresses/shorts?
      My fiance has them in the charcoal or black and LOVES them. but I just don’t know if they work for women…

      where are you going in Barcelona??

    4. Love them. Love them. Love them. The runners do get less comfortable around miles 5-6 for me but they are super comfortable. I used the lace-lock technique to reduce ankle slippage and it works great.

      The shoes fit great, if a little loose and the wool is very forgiving.

      I wear the loungers (in blue) with dresses and shorts. My runners are black and I normally wear them with black socks so I don’t think that would work with a dress. But the lavender runners without socks would probably look pretty good with a dress. YMMV.

    5. I love them, but they are a little warm for Southern Europe in the summer. What about the new cole hano zero grid (or whatever it’s called ) I’m the not-letter upper?

  26. Hey all,

    I hate my job, and a couple of years of unsuccessful searching (along with an existential crisis of sorts) has left me considering starting my own business.

    I’ve been toying with the idea of being a professional organizer, but don’t want to be one of those people who just puts stuff in labeled bins. I love many aspects of KonMari, but don’t really think that method is something that can really be forced on people. So, my concept would be to focus on homes needing to be decluttered prior to listing with a realtor (or other significant events- clearing out space for a new child, or elderly parent soon to join the household.) It wouldn’t be about getting rid of things (unless you wanted to do that) but more about clearing out extra “stuff” so that closets and cabinets and storage spaces seem spacious. Not staging, but maybe you’d consider it pre-staging? I’d help sort items, pack them up, label boxes, etc. Could even drop items off at Goodwill or consignment shops.

    Many of you are very busy– is this a thing that you’d pay for? Either hourly or in blocks of time?

    What other services would you be interested in, in conjunction with decluttering?

    Thanks!

    1. Can you start at my parents’ house, please?

      I think there are definitely takers for this, especially for busy professionals and downsizing empty nesters.

    2. My aunt does something really similar to this – her company specialized in helping older folks who are downsizing into smaller homes or assisted living. Her company does the decluttering and the moving.

      So there is definitely a market – probably more so in urban areas than less populated.

      1. +1. I just learned about this in our area and I’ve been recommending them to my clients who are dealing w/ downsizing/assisted livng. Market to their kids and you’ll find tons of busy boomers who don’t want to deal w/ mom and dad’s “treasures of a lifetime.”

    3. My mom is a home stager and she has a really hard time convincing sellers and realtors that actual staging is worth paying for (even though she has a fantastic portfolio and hard numbers to prove that her method results in faster, higher sales). This sounds like a great service but something that would be really difficult to market and sustain a business around. Any home stager is going to already be doing or at least instructing the homeowner to do this; and a seller who won’t pay for staging probably won’t pay for somebody to box up their stuff.

      Personally I would pay for this kind of thing, but I’d likely use a Taskrabbit before thinking to hire a specialized small business. If you are passionate about this as a business I suggest really drilling down on your special “angle” that you bring to the project, a la Kondo. Think about what makes you different from a home stager, typical professional organizer, or Taskrabbit.

    4. I think there would definitely be a market for this, but I wouldn’t rule out professional organizing as part of your overall services because they seem like they could go hand in hand (unless you just don’t want to do that).

    5. After you go to Pompom’s parents, you can swing by mine!

      I think this could be helpful not only for those who have been in the same home for a long time and are in need of a revamp, stuff and space-wise or are looking to move, but also those who just don’t know how to properly utilize their space.

    7. I just hired a woman to come unpack my kitchen, wipe down/clean all of the items and put them away. SO yes! I am paying her $25/hr and live in MCOL (Texas). I hired her through care.com

    8. Yes, I know lots of people who have paid for this type of organizing service. I don’t think there’s any reason not to market to downsizers, movers, too-busy working folks, elderly and also market to RE agents and house stagers.

      There’s a book by an organizer Eliminate Chaos by Laura Leist – she has this type of business and talks a bit about her strategies. Should be available at your local library.

    9. oh my god, my mom just did this to sell her parents’ house and she 100% would have paid. or i would have for her.
      other services? helping sell things. It is hard for people to get rid of things they know have value. even if it is getting a couple bucks. but selling is time consuming obviously. and estate sales are great for some things, but not everything. maybe selling on craigslist or even a garage sale could be included in your services.

      1. + 1 selling things. We have a professional organizer in our area who as part of her services takes pictures of items, and then creates ads on Craigs List selling those items for her clients. She also coordinates the pick up and sale of such items. I thought that was a fantastic idea.

    10. It’s a great idea! As for seasonal timing, you can mention helping get people ready so they can host gatherings from Thanksgiving – NYE as well as help people prepare for the New Year, and possibly other cultural new years, as cleaning is often part of preparing for a new year.

  27. Those look good! Sneakers and running shoes are still trendy in Paris and Barcelona, unless you’re going in the really warm months.

  28. My apartment is tiny (yay HCOL area) and I’m a very tidy person, but after living there for a number of years it needs a really good deep clean. Like, inside the cupboards and behind the fridge kind of clean. Is it ridiculous to pay a service to do this? My place is just so small, it seems silly, and I don’t even know if a professional cleaning service would be willing to clean a place so small. But I really don’t want to take the time to clean everything and would rather throw money at the problem.

    1. Why not call a few of the services you’ve heard of in your area and ask? If they say no, try something like Angie’s list or taskrabbit

    4. Nope. I’m trying to convince DH we need to pay someone to do this. It’s still not something I want to spend my time doing.

      1. If you don’t want to spend your time on it, and he doesn’t want to spend his time on it, you don’t have to convince him. Just pay someone. He already voted when he said he wouldn’t do it.

    5. Not strange at all. Professional services that do this might have a minimum charge, but “deep clean” is a service most of the services near me offer. If you can’t find a service to do it, try TaskRabbit, although I’ve found that service companies usually have a pre-defined and extensive list of stuff to clean, while TaskRabbit cleaners need more direction.

      I get my place deep cleaned by a service once per year, primarily because I’ve found that it can be difficult to deep clean somewhere that you live every day – there are things you’re so used to overlooking that you don’t even think to clean them. For example, the first time my cleaning service washed and polished my hardwood cabinet doors, I was blown away by how much better they looked, and it probably wouldn’t have occurred to me to do much more than dust them.

      In summary, go for it!

    6. It’s not ridiculous, but I would suggest going with a professional cleaner rather than Task Rabbit for something like this. So many cleaners have huge homes to clean, they would probably be delighted to deep clean your small place!

    7. I did this with a professional cleaning company prior to a move – I think the apartment was 600 square feet. So worth it. Also it’s wayyyy easier to keep a place clean once it’s been really scrubbed down.

  29. Does anyone have experience using The Real Real? Particularly any returns experiences? Thanks

    1. I’ve bought a lot of things from there. Easy returns, although you have to pay for return shipping. They have good customer service as well. I received a blouse with a stain (not noted in description or photos) and they refunded me and sent a prepaid shipping label.

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