ByKat Hours Updated
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Wednesday’s Workwear Report: ‘Orizzonte’ Ponte Knit Faux Wrap Dress

Striped Sleeveless Dress: Classiques Entier 'Orizzonte' Ponte Knit Faux Wrap Dress

Our daily workwear reports suggest one piece of work-appropriate attire in a range of prices.

Oooh: what a fun little dress from Classiques Entier. It reminds me a bit of that Anthropologie dress that everyone said was crazy flattering (possibly by Bailey 44?) — but I like that this one is longer, and I always love Classiques Entier's heavy ponte and attention to details. I'd wear a navy cardigan or blazer on top, or even try layering a crisp white blouse beneath; a pop of green, yellow, or hot pink would be fun. The dress was $268, but is now marked to $133, available in sizes 0-16. Classiques Entier ‘Orizzonte' Ponte Knit Faux Wrap Dress

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Sales of note for 12.3.24 (lots of Cyber Monday deals extended, usually until 12/3 at midnight)

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233 Comments

  1. Pretty! I’ve seen some similar styles at White House Black Market too.

    1. I really love this dress. It screams “sitting in a piazza in Italy, drinking a Campari and soda, while wearing giant sunglasses and an even bigger hat.”

      1. As soon as I saw this I decided I absolutely need it for my upcoming trip to Italy!

      3. Sealed it for me & I have an $80 nordstrom gift card that I haven’t been able to use for over a year.
        Here’s to hoping it fits!

    2. Love this dress! Sadly, I’d need to hem it and that’s not going to happen with a top-to-bottom zipper.

      1. I agree about the zipper. Why is that such a thing? I can understand it for clothes for going out, but isn’t this mainly a workwear brand?

    4. Saw it in the store today and it is indeed lovely BUT it is very long and can’t be altered.

  2. Sale PSA–the JCrew Dulci suede kitten heels are on sale for $48 in beige, black and a medium pink. And they come in bigfoot size for people like me!

      1. They’re suede, so probably not as well as some shoes (but I am willing to pay this for suede). I have had to get the tips replaced (but that happens with all my shoes). They fit TTS on me, but if you read reviews, some people found the heel to be wide.

  3. Going off of yesterday’s post, how do you cheer yourself up during a bad day when you’re stuck at work and can’t do things like snuggle your pet or go for a run? Any thoughts for what someone can do inside an office building? I don’t have my own office, so I can’t do a few minutes of yoga or anything like that.

    1. I take a lap around the floor, walk the stairs or go on a coffee run. Does your office have any huddle rooms without windows? If so, book a 15 minute meeting with yourself and do yoga in there.

    2. I try and go to the ‘good’ coffee place that’s around the corner – the five minute walk outside plus some caffeine helps me a lot. Sometimes I just go stand outside for a minute or two to regroup.

      If I absolutely can’t step away from my desk for 5 minutes (which happens), I have a few photos on my phone that I scroll through – funny babies, spouse and I on a great trip, and my dog.

      1. I was going to suggest the same – a walk and a treat. Though for me it’s a walk to the milkshake store.

      2. Same, though replace coffee with chai tea latte – it tastes like Christmas, which always cheers me up.

        1. This is my favorite winter drink too.

          Call it a “hot vanilla” instead of a hot chocolate.

          Love it.

          Want one….

      4. I walk to a nearby convenience store and buy some lottery tickets. The whole way there, and the whole way back, I think about what I’m going to do when I win the lottery. (This often involved elaborate quitting fantasies, like flipping out during a meeting and declaring ‘I don’t need ANY of this!’ and never returning.) Usually I get a snack at the store as well.

        Walk + daydreaming + snack does wonders for my mood and makes me able to face the rest of the day.

    5. Can you wear headphone? I (guilty pleasure, don’t judge me) keep a CD with Kei$ha songs to cheer me up.

      I keep a stache of emergency treats for those days (really good chocolate, lemon soda) to give me a boost.

    6. I online shop for ridiculous things, like a vampire-hunter style leather jacket. Resets my mood.

    2. I saw that, too. Ugh.

      Cannot wait for the fad to end. It takes a perfectly classy dress and turns it into something I would never wear to the office… or dinner out… or at all, really.

      1. I like this dress so much I would have still considered it with a regular-length exposed zipper. But full length is so declasse. I hate it.

        1. Why does this look draw such ire? I don’t understand how a zipper can be ‘declasse’ unless this is the unofficial detail of choice for cheap streetwalkers. I don’t particularly like the exposed zipper, but I’m not ANGRY about it.

          1. I also don’t get the hate for exposed zippers either. I actually like them a lot- I think it adds a modern, futuristic edge to lots of otherwise traditional outfits & I think others must agree if they keep producing clothes with it.
            Also, I think full length is coming back in style- take a look around– longer dresses & skirts are being styled everywhere. Or maybe I’m just sensitive to it because longer outfits overwhelm my super short frame?

          2. This has been discussed on here before — IMO, the full-length zipper is absolutely not a professional look and is inappropriate for a professional office of any kind, because it invites the thought of someone UNZIPPING the zipper all the way and undressing the wearer.

      2. It’s been forever! I think the trend must be over, but it’s so cheap to do that manufacturers are sticking with it…

        1. Well…yeah. An exposed zipper is easier than a lapped zipper finish. And invisible zippers aren’t always suitable to the fabric or construction. And a full length zipper is less problematic than the transition between a back seam and partial zipper.

          Though, metal zippers are probably more durable than the colored plastic zippers that could be used to minimize the visual contrast.

          Though, my question is, what was the normal type of zipper construction used prior to the exposed zipper tape (not just exposed zipper) trend? I’m sure I can even remember.

          2. Or the lapped zipper “covering” using the fabric of the garment. It is a skill to do such work (I learned how in home ec in high school). I imagine it was gradually discontinued because of those associated costs.

            Back in the day, zippers were metal…all of them. They just didn’t extend below one’s hips.

          4. Yes, I could see how this could be faster to sew since it’s just one seam straight up each side. I’ve definitely rejected dresses because the spot where the zipper met the seam made a odd bump out on my butt because it wasn’t sewn together properly.

            But I’d even be ok with the full length zipper if it wasn’t so chunky and obvious – if it had been narrow and navy for instance, I probably would have excused it.

            Plus, wouldn’t sitting on the zipper all day be uncomfortable on your butt? I know the one dress I bought despite the chunky exposed zipper tape (and it is only halfway down the top, not full lenght) I only wear with a shirt under it, because in A/C the zipper gets super cold and makes me jump any time I lean back against my chair.

            I fear this may be going from “trendy thing” to “thing we have to live with if we don’t want to pay an arm and a leg for a work dress” and I HATE IT. Especially on dresses where I don’t actually need to zip them at all to get them on or off over my head – I don’t even need a zipper on the majority of my dresses unless I want to step in instead of going over my head.

    3. ugh yes
      I bought a midi length, short sleeved dress to wear to an engagement party that had a full length zipper down the back. I think it was totally fine for that party, but then I thought about wearing it to my company’s holiday party and was like, “Hmmm no, even though everything is covered, that zipper detail is a bit much for work…”

      1. So, when I was a student I helped attorneys prepare for cases as a mock juror. One of the attorneys (a young, attractive woman) wore a dress with a full length zipper for the mock trial. And in the “jury room” and walking back to school afterwards, all the guys could talk about was the zipper on that dress, and the notion of a zipper that went All.The.Way.Down. Nothing to do with the case, the attorney, the facts — nada. Just the zipper. It totally distracted from whatever professional message she wanted to convey, and I think that’s why full-length exposed zippers on work clothes always seem so problematic to me. Yes, I want to look great – but I don’t want anything about my look to take away from the fact that I’m a skilled professional; I think the exposed zippers do that.

  5. I’m currently off work (sore throat, cough). A recruitment consultant called and wanted me to interview tomorrow even although I am sick. I asked for it to be moved to next week which was grudgingly agreed. I will either be off work, or if I stop coughing I will be on my first day back (and so would not get a half days holiday anyway). The consultant really wasn’t happy.
    Was it wrong to ask for the interview to be moved?

    1. I think recruiters are generally pushy, and are known to be pushy. (Although I don’t really know what a “recruitment consultant” is.) They not your advocates – they are working for the company that is paying them. On the one hand, I suggest standing your ground. On the other hand, hiring can move quite quickly, so maybe try to get a feel for the timeframe from the recruiter before deciding.

      1. This. Recruiters are a special beast and it attracts a lot of very extroverted and pushy people, basically sales people. Don’t let them push you around but as Anonymous pointed out, there may be a timeframe from the company’s perspective and it’s worth asking about that (though the recruiter might imply there is one even when there isn’t to get you to interview quicker).

        1. They have now scheduled it for next Monday, so hopefully I will have shifted the cough by then (there was no way I could have risked going tomorrow with the coughing fits I’ve been taking). I had never agreed the interview tomorrow, it was the recruiter (Recruitment consultant is a British term for the person working for a recruitment agency who acts as an intermediary) who had emailed to “tell” me when the interview was to be.

    2. They have now scheduled it for next Monday, so hopefully I will have shifted the cough by then (there was no way I could have risked going tomorrow with the coughing fits I’ve been taking). I had never agreed the interview tomorrow, it was the recruiter (Recruitment consultant is a British term for the person working for a recruitment agency who acts as an intermediary) who had emailed to “tell” me when the interview was to be.

    3. Rescheduling an interview is always a risk. Last position we hired for one of our candidates was sick and asked to reschedule. We ended up not rescheduling and hiring someone else.

  6. I went shopping at the mall yesterday– rare. I found a great deal on Loft pants. I picked up two pairs on final sale for $9.99 and $19.99.

    Also, was truly disappointed in Talbots quality– gone in the toilet– in person.

  7. Dreading upcoming “daily check-in” with manager, who drones on and on for about an hour. I am typically a good listener but I think I zone out for the last 20 minutes. It’s really rather demeaning to sit there like that. I guess this should be used for job search motivation!

    1. Is this the type of manager that would be open to doing a daily standup instead? Do a google search and highlight a benefit that would appeal to your boss while achieving your goal of making the meeting go quicker.

    2. Daily check-in, for an hour?! Ugh. What do you have to talk about since yesterday?

      Could you prepare some kind of status update (on paper or via email) where you can highlight what got done and what got added to get through it faster?

      Any chance you can have a meeting with HR/marketing/accounting/payroll/etc after half an hour? Or have to excuse yourself to the ladies room for a coughing fit?

      My direct reports and I all have developed the bad habit of talking too much and getting off topic, so I’m trying to reign it in. I sure hope if I reached the point of droning on for an hour someone would point it out to me, but I don’t know that they would.

  8. I’m reading ‘How to Have a Good Day’ and loving it. We’ve talked about bad day strategies but what are your hints and routines for making your day ‘good’ or successful?

    1. An Olympic rower who came to my high school to do a motivational talk had a motto which I’ve been using ever since: “Today’s going to be a good day, because I’m going to make it a good day”
      That said I’m very bad at rescuing a day that’s started to go down the plughole and in those cases it’s about damage limitation and an early night.

    2. Will have to check that book out, but for me, it’s setting up routines to make my morning as easy as possible, which usually means setting aside some time on Sunday to plan my outfits, breakfast, and lunch for the week. I also like to get up a bit earlier a couple days a week to work on one of my own projects, like a book I’m writing or my blog. Having a little “me” time in the morning sets me up for a feeling of accomplishment all day.

      1. +1

        I also walk my dog before work. Getting outside, spending time with my dog, and exercising a little really helps. Plus I use the time to start thinking through what I need to accomplish and start planning my day.

  9. Hi all – I have a question re: relationships I’m hoping the hive can help me with as this is my first adult relationship. I’ve been dating a guy for a couple of months now. We started talking in October and became “official” around Thanksgiving. But it doesn’t feel… Right? He doesn’t talk about his feelings or what this relationship is. I’m not someone who likes to talk about their feelings a lot, but I’d like a discussion on what this relationship is with him.

    Any suggestions on how to raise this with him? (The other night I said “So…” And he asked if we could have a “so…” conversation another time so perhaps my approach was wrong?)

    1. Pick a time when you’re not busy this weekend and just start talking. Him not wanting to have the conversation doesn’t mean you’re doing anything wrong. You get to ask for what you want in a relationship.

      1. Agree with this. My boyfriend, despite how much I love him and his many, many excellent qualities as a partner and a human, is never going to seek out these conversations. I’ve accepted that as a price of admission because he’s willing to engage if I start them. But if he made it a habit to shut me down every time, I couldn’t handle it because I do need to hear the words sometimes. I also made sure to articulate that to him–that it was something he was doing because it mattered to me.

    2. How frustrating that you finally get the courage to have the “So…” conversation and get shut down. It’s happened to me (recently actually) and it’s tough. In my experience, most men clam right up when the “So…” conversation strikes up. It’s standard fight or flight b.s. Don’t let it discourage you from trying again. Sounds like he’s the type where you need to force the issue. Depending on his response, you’ll know if the relationship is worth continuing. Good luck!

    3. Shutting down your conversation by requesting that you “Have a ‘so…’ conversation another time” is a red flag, IMO. He didn’t even wait to hear what you had to say? You didn’t do anything wrong here. There’s no “wrong” approach. I mean, there probably is, but what you did isn’t it. I would give it another go this weekend–and feel free to start with “so,” no matter what NPR or others might have to say–and if he shuts you down again, you have your answer.

      1. There are a lot of times I wouldn’t want to have a “So…” conversation. Like when I’m running late, or stressed out about something else, or doing something that takes my complete attention. So I think it’s fine to want to have the So conversation at a better time. What’s not fine is to want to never have the So conversation.

        1. Right, and I think it’s important to pick good times to have these conversations because they can be tough, but if someone delays it, it needs to happen in the next couple days or so. If they keep putting off and refusing to have that conversation for weeks, there’s a problem.

      2. I don’t think it’s necessarily a red flag, but I agree that it would be if he keeps doing it. I’m a bit unclear on the conversation that you want to have. Which is fine, you don’t have to explain it to me, but…if you’ve only been dating for two months and you’ve already had the conversation to clarify that you’re exclusive, what is it that you want to talk about? How he feels about you? Different strokes for sure, and if that’s what you need from a relationship then that’s what you need, but I personally find it’s best to let those sentiments be expressed organically, and (again, personal opinion) it hasn’t been SO long that it’s bizarre that you haven’t had such a talk. I guess what I’m saying is, certainly try again if you want/need to do so, but if it were me I’d probably hold off a bit or try to bring it up more casually/organically. Or, if it’s too important for that, then I’d just say what I feel and hope he reciprocates.

        1. To be honest, I’m not sure what kind of conversation I want to have with him either. I’ve never been in a relationship like this – we’re exclusive and I’ve met his friends, but he won’t meet my friends. He wants to go on trips together, but won’t plan anything down the road. The whole relationship just seems odd to me and I’d like some clarity.

          1. LISTEN TO YOUR GUT!! If something feels “off” during the honeymoon period (first 5 months) then something IS likely wrong! Don’t dismiss this feeling! Embrace it and see if you can figure out what it is. Our intuition is one of the most valuable tools we have.

          2. Umm what? How about “why are you being so weird about meeting my friends” followed by “bye Felicia.”

          3. I feel for you! I am a gigantic Feelings Talker, and Gentleman Friend is most definitely a Non-Feelings Talker. Our relationship started very slowly and for MONTHS I was champing at the bit, wanting to grab him by the lapels and say “What the heck are we doing here?” Fortunately I was in therapy twice a week at the time, and Dr. Shrink would talk me down and urge me to relax and watch his behavior, which was adorable and awesome in every way. Ultimately I ended up raising a couple of issues and he was willing, if not delighted, to engage. And now when I need a little clarity or reassurance I say “I’d like to have a Price of Admission chat,” and he laughs and says okay, and we do, and it’s all good.

            Which is to say I agree with Anonymous at 10:37: I think it’s best to hold off if you can, but if you just can’t stand it, pick a good time (arranged in advance if necessary) and just put it out there.

          4. TJ, but Senior Attorney, tell me about these Price of Admissions Chats. What do you say? How do they go? What issues do you raise/what kinds of responses are you asking for? I ask because they seem like a tool I’d like in my toolbox.

          5. Ok, yeah – I’m the anon at 10:37 (always forgetting that handle) – that’s weird behavior on his part, and a completely reasonable and necessary conversation to have. To me, though, that’s no so much a “sooo….” conversation as a straight “I want you to meet my friends, when do you want to do that?” (If he has flat-out refused to meet them, then I’d say that bothers you without beating around the bush, too, and ask why). I just think that framing the conversation in terms of “clarifying the relationship” seems needy and gives him too many outs, especially when you actually have reasonable and concrete concerns here.

          6. ^ Senior Attorney, you are already one of my favorites, but you might have catapulted yourself to #1 with ‘champing at the bit’ instead of ‘chomping. YES.

          7. and I agree with you, ezt. Just be straightforward. Starting with “sooo….” I think signals to everyone (men and women) you are saying something uncomfortable and SO SERIOUS. Why not say, do you want to have drinks with my friend Jane on Saturday? I was thinking 6 at XYZ Bar. (Or whatever you need to clarify, which I’m not sure on.) Really it all feels like a mountain out of a molehill.

          8. Nutella, I googled it to make sure. ;)

            Baconpancakes, the one I’m thinking of was a few months ago when I was in the thick of my parents’ health crisis, and I was flipping out over that and because he had made a very mild comment that when my mom said “I love you” at the end of a phone call I might want to consider saying “I love you” back instead of “hrumph,” I convinced myself that he thought I was an awful person and was about to break up with me. So I sat him down and said “I always feel like I have to be perfect, and I feel like lately you have observed me being less than perfect, and that therefore you think less of me, and it’s making me insecure.” And he looked at me like I had two heads, and then he laughed and gave me a big hug and said “do not be insecure.” And then he cooked me dinner.

            And speaking of saying “I love you,” there was the time when I was tired of waiting for him to say the L-word first, and I really wanted to say it to him, so I waited for a good moment and busted out some George Elliot on his a$$ (google “this is the world of light and speech”) and although he was freaked out (see Not a Feelings Talker, above) he managed to say it back and now I say it regularly and he says it from time to time and it’s all good. And basically that’s how it goes.

            I think the key is I know it’s hard for him so I try to make it easy and infrequent. He told me in our very first Price of Admissions Chat that “I let my actions speak for me,” and I believed him and that has worked well for me.

      3. I’ve been to a lot of therapy, including couples therapy and I believe that in order to have a productive conversation about your feelings or something along the lines of what the OP is looking to discuss, the discussion needs to happen at a time that is good for both parties. I never spring a conversation that could be considered serious on a person, I always when a good time would be for them. I hate having a conversation that may be emotional sprung on me at a random time. I am happy to have it, but times that would not work for me are right before bed, right after work, right before work, etc. I think it’s perfectly fine to not want to talk about something serious at those times and it’s perfectly fine to tell your partner that.

        I agree however, that if he continues to resist talking about anything serious related to the relationship, it’s probably not a great sign.

    4. Yay Kat! I love the stripe’s on this dress, but an exposed zipper is an open invitation to Frank to start zippeing and unzippeing me in my office, and that is NOT what I can deal with. FOOEY on Frank!

      As for the OP, do NOT get to serius yet with this guy. I heard about a book called “The Three Marriages” where the author say’s that we all have responsibility for three marrages in our lives: with our inner selves, with our loved ones and with our work. Seperating those marrages destroys the foundation of the happieness we deserve. But, when we embrace those marrages in an integrative way, we can bring our best selves to each of them.

      What I take from all this book is that you must NOT let one rule either of the other’s and if it is NOT right with this guy, do NOT get emotionaly (or sexueally) involved with him. You MUST be abel to INTEGRATE the 3 together, and NOT have emotional or sexueal reservation’s about him. The guy I am now dateing will be held to the SAME standard. It must feel right b/f I give of myself emotionaly or sexualy. I did NOT do this with Sheketovits, but should have. This should be your credo also! YAY!!!

  10. Lady lawyers of the hive: any tips on things you wish you’d remembered to do in your last weeks at your firm before you gave notice and/or before you left?

    1. Still in biglaw myself, but speaking as someone who has seen lots of coworkers come and go, please take time to sit down with a member of your case teams to discuss any knowledge you have that nobody else has, give them relevant files, access to your email, etc. Also: if you are a litigator, make sure you file the appropriate withdrawal notices. I would also get a copy of your CLE records/certificates, assuming you are continuing to practice.

    2. Print your Outlook contacts/mail them to yourself. Make sure you include some of the assistants or paralegals you worked with because their info will not be easily searchable. Also include an HR contact in case you have tax or benefits questions or need to update your address for your W-2.

      After you give notice, get a soft copy of your client conflicts/matter list (to be used in the future for conflicts checks–even if you’re going in-house, you may need this).

      Take any hard copy precedents that are not confidential home, in bits, so it doesn’t look like you are out of control.

      Take a writing sample or two.

      Take home any useful templates (excel spreadsheets,fillable forms, etc.) that are not proprietary or confidential.

      Get a copy of your CLE report/status.

      1. “Take any hard copy precedents that are not confidential home, in bits, so it doesn’t look like you are out of control.”

        This made me think of a guy from my old firm, way way back in the day (when everything was still in hard copy), who tried to storm the elevator with a push cart full of files that he wanted to essentially steal from the firm before he left. He had to be physically restrained to stop him.

    3. A friend of mine applied for a judgeship and was required to give a list of maybe ten major cases she’d worked on, including the name and docket number of the case, names of opposing counsel, dates, the whole nine yards. Some of the cases she wanted to use were years old and she really had to scramble to get the information. So if you think there is any chance you might want to be a judge some day, keep all the relevant information about your big cases (most particularly the ones that went to trial) so you will have it when you need it.

    4. Seconded what everyone said. Especially the CLE report/status. I did my best to transition all of my matters, give all relevant info, etc. I also had sit downs with the junior associates I cared about to talk to them about the best way to navigate the biglaw waters and my particular partners.
      I do wish I took a couple sample form documents (redacted or whatever) for my own use. I can’t tell you how many times (now that I am in-house) I know I wrote something and had great wording for it, but no longer have access to those docs. But even if that does happen, I always figure it out.
      My biggest thing was wanting to leave really good bridges in place. I don’t ever plan to go back there but I took a big risk in my job move and I want to make sure everyone thought really highly of me if I ever wanted another recommendation, or a job tip, etc., and worst case, if for some reason I did want to go back (I saw it happen while I was in Big law but still can’t imagine doing it).

  11. Any suggestions of things to do in NYC that feel luxe but are still fairly affordable/a good deal? My brother is coming to visit this weekend and he has champagne tastes (the main thing he wanted to do was go to the pool at Le Park Meridien) which is not really my thing at all. Hospitality is important to me, though, and I’d love to be able to accommodate his preferences as much as I can. The only plan we have so far is lunch at Jean Georges.

    Oh, and he’s 20 (I know, he’s ridiculous for his age), so clubs and (many) bars are out.

    Here’s what I’ve considered:
    -high-end shopping (fine by me, because he can spend his own money)
    -shows (I’ve seen most appealing Broadway and off-Broadway productions, most comedy is 21+, but other types of things are welcome)
    -meals (any suggestions for dinner and/or brunch <$30 that still feels like a see-and-be-seen place?)
    -museums – we've both done most of them. However, maybe we should check out smaller galleries – how do those work?

    1. Galleries: get the New Yorker or something else that does gallery listings, look through and circle a few that are close together (probably in Chelsea) and just wander in and out. It will feel fancy because the art is for sale, and so the gallery staff are generally very attentive.

    2. When I lived in NYC, people who came to visit LOVED doing stuff they saw from TV and movies – walking in Central Park, the Soup place from Seinfeld, restaurants from that show about fashion and relationships on HBO (trying to get around the censor here) stuff like that.
      Tickets to the Colbert Show – isn’t that in NYC?

      1. Colbert is off the air :(
        My brother is only staying for a weekend, otherwise I’d totally do Larry Wilmore (totally underrated show, by the way!)
        I should have mentioned – he’s been here before, and he’s pretty much covered all the major sights so this one is more of a hanging-out trip (with super expensive food, apparently)

        1. Colbert took over for Letterman so he’s definitely doing shows in NYC! But alas, not on the weekend!

    3. If you call/email the Comedy Cellar in advance, I think you can arrange to get an under-21 age person in, as long as they’re accompanied by an adult and you don’t drink. It’s not exactly the height of sophistication, but famous people show up unexpectedly a lot, I saw Chris Rock there two weeks ago and have seen Sarah Silverman, Amy Schumer, Louis C.K. and Aziz Ansari in the past (not as part of the scheduled line-up, they just show up when they please). And the scheduled people are often extremely funny too.

    4. “famous” food with foodies like the momofuku dessert bar, or the momofuku main restaurant (is that the name..?) or one of those hipster food courts.

    5. If you want to do another fancy lunch, Bouley is a beautiful restaurant and does a prix-fixe that’s available on the weekends (or at least, it used to be).

      For not-quite-that-luxe, I always felt fancy going to Chelsea Market and walking on the High Line. Also, scout for fancy coffee shops or chocolate shops or dessert places in the neighborhood you’ll be in. Things will still add up, but it’s not as expensive as another Jean George type meal :-)

      Alternatively, my “champagne taste” DH liked doing things that seemed exclusive or for “regulars,” or somehow hidden. For example, some friends took us to some mid-town underground noodle bar that’s open all night, or at least very late. The food was authentic and delicious and cheap, and I’d never be able to find the place again (although that may be related to the fact that I was drunk when I got there and worse when I left). Do you know of any places that have a “cool” factor because tourists can’t easily find them? Or maybe the hive can weigh in?

    6. When Master of None came out, someone published a list of all of the restaurants and bars featured on the show. Might be a good start for some more hipster-sceney ideas! Sunday is the big gallery day on the Lower East Side – you could do El Rey Coffee and then wander around.

  12. For those with moderate incomes or appreciate a discount and live in the L.A. area, Bailey 44 participates in the Saturday sample sales downtown at the California Mart. It is cash only and they don’t always let you try the clothes on.

    1. My tip for not being able to try clothes on is to know your own measurements and the measurements of the clothes you most like wearing (ie – how much ease they have) and take a tape measure to the sale. Measuring clothes is a lot easier than holding them up to yourself!

  13. Shopping help requested!

    I’m looking for a baseball cap to wear while I’m out running errands. I’m debating just getting one of our nearest MLB team, but I’m wondering if there’s something better out there.

    I’d rather not have any logos and don’t need another running/rowing hat (meaning: tech fabric not needed).

    This should be easier than I’m finding it…

    1. I’d go for a plain baseball cap (you can get them in all sorts of colors, just run a search on amazon or google for no logo baseball cap). I also think the leather ones can be pretty cute for a baseball cap.

    3. J. Crew had cute baseball caps last spring – they might again. They were totally overpriced but definitely cute for running errands.

    4. I practically live in my alma mater’s baseball cap on the weekends. On a separate note — does anyone have a problem with breaking out on their forehead when they wear a hat for too long? It’s irritating me but I don’t know if it’s just because I tend to wear hats on the days my hair is greasy.

  14. I have a 10-day trip with my boyfriend starting this weekend–I’m arriving on Friday, whereas he flew out Monday to do some work stuff before I arrive. Sadly, we are probably going to break up soon, but my plane ticket was already booked, and I know we will have a good time together. Plus I haven’t been to this city in a while–I love it and have several old friends nearby to see.

    But…I just talked to him, and he got bitten by bedbugs at his hotel last night. It seems to be a big infestation and he unpacked his stuff, so they might be in everything. He’s finding another hotel now, of course, and he will have 2 more nights alone before I come so we can see if he brought them with him to the new place, but I don’t know if that’s enough time to be conclusive. He is not super conscientious–I don’t know if I can trust him to be really good about doing the things to ensure that they don’t come with him to the next place.

    So basically my options are:
    – DON’T GO: waste $450 plane ticket, don’t go on fun last trip with boyfriend, don’t see friends, definitely don’t get bedbugs
    – GO AND ACT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON: see friends, stay with boyfriend, have fun and mayyyyybe even rekindle the relationship…but can I relax worrying that I might bring home bedbugs? Is it stupid to take this risk?
    – GO AND ACT LIKE A MANIAC: stay with bf but bring all my stuff in plastic bags, keep my luggage isolated from his in the bathroom, throw away suitcase on return…safer but not conducive to romance or relaxation and not 100% risk free
    – GO BUT GET MY OWN PLACE: blow an extra $1500 I don’t want to spare on a hotel room (the other was covered by his work), safer, but kind of defeats the purpose as I want to be able to spend lots of time hanging out with my boyfriend and having lady garden parties, not wall myself off in isolation. I have a friend on a business trip whose apartment I could stay in, but it’s far enough away (~45 min) from the city my boyfriend needs to stay in that it would be difficult to see him regularly, and I would hate to do anything with a slight chance of contaminating my friend’s place. Also I would have some lonely nights without my boyfriend to come home to in the evening, even with other friends to see sometimes.

    What would you do? Did I miss any options? I’d hate to be dealing with bedbugs AND a breakup at the same time. It might send me over the edge. But I would be sad to miss the trip and waste the money I spent on the plane.

      1. From my perspective: he has untreated mental issues (I think depression) that he doesn’t want to seek professional help for, and he’s not sure he wants to commit to me.

        1. Maybe he’s imagining the bedbugs. Or it’s an excuse for him to try and get you to not come on the trip.

    2. Go, act like a normal person, only bring machine washable clothes, and don’t put your bag on the ground.

    4. Are you the “…it’s me again” person who had on-and-off drama with boyfriend (where you drove to his house so he wouldn’t break up with you and was disappointed he wasn’t invited to your friend’s wedding)?

      Regardless, you think you will break up, so I say break up with him now over the phone. Fly to city and stay with friends or in your own hotel and have a great time visiting friends.

      And if you are that posted, DO NOT GET BACK TOGETHER WITH THIS GUY. You are wasting your life. Stop it. Now.

      1. Even if you’re not the “…it’s me again” poster, this is what I would do. I would find somewhere cheaper to stay or stay with the friends I wanted to see, but I would not risk KNOWN bed bugs, especially with a guy who’s kind of slobby at the best of times. In the end, $450 is a sunk cost here, and my time/stress from bed bugs and time with a guy I know I’m going to break up with would be the real cost I’d be looking at.

      3. Ha! No, she’s not me…

        But I will happily report that our relationship is going swell. :-)

        1. There is nothing swell about your relationship, and the quicker you figure out how unstable it is, the better.

      1. +1 – why take the chance? Stay home and research how to prevent your BF from spreading them to you!

      2. If you get bedbugs isn’t it likely to cost more than $450 to deal with? I’m not sure. I’m terrified of getting bedbugs though so I’d either not go or go and stay separately. I also like the suggestion of breaking up beforehand if you think you’re going to do so anyway and then going to visit friends.

        1. Yeah, you guys make an excellent point…and I am terrified of them, too. I so wanted to take this last trip with him, but maybe it isn’t in the cards…

      4. All good points…and I am terrified of them, too! Was really looking forward to this trip, though.

    6. If you choose to go, could you do the maniac option but only bring clothes and things that you’re willing to toss on the way home? If you’re comfortable wearing old/cheap/sloppy clothes, just bring things you don’t like or get a couple old navy dresses at the beginning of the trip, and don’t let any of it come home with you. I wouldn’t risk bedbugs for $450 but that strategy could mitigate it.

      1. Maybe! I bought some nice new clothes for the trip so would be a little bummed, but then again would be more than a little bummed to be dealing with a problem back at home.

    7. As someone who is terrified of bed bugs, I would either not go or book my own hotel. I definitely wouldn’t risk bringing them home.

      1. Yeah, I know I might be overreacting, but I’m just so worried about the possible consequences.

    8. Dude bedbugs are for real the worst. I wouldn’t risk them for prince charming even if he ate more cats than Alf.

      1 in 10 people take depression meds. So tell him to get help. That being said the last 4 guys I talked to were
      1. Closeted gay in a catholic family looking for a bearded pregnant lady (5th date convo apparently)
      2. Depressed after divorce 5 years ago (he ended it) and refused to seek help (eventually he just went away)
      3. OCD who told me he loved me the night we met (I hung on for a month)
      4. Depressed who hates his job, little to no sex drive and refused to get help.

      Every single one of these guys I tried to hang in there because 1. I mean look at the dating pool JFC. and 2. Being alone forever might suck. Especially the depressed ones I really felt bad for them and would consistently go out of my way to help when it was never reciprocated or appreciated.

      Finally, can you tell the airline you have bedbugs? Is there some secret bedbug avoidance refund clause?

  15. I met a woman through a volunteer event, and really clicked with her on a bunch of shared interests. This is very rare for me, so I was very excited to have a potential new friend. On a whim, I invited her and her husband to dinner two weeks ago, and here’s the thing…her husband was AWFUL. I won’t go into exactly how, but basically he was very unpleasant to be around. Now I don’t really know what to do because I don’t want to couples-hang-out with them again, but obviously they are now asking when we can come over for dinner.

    Is there a way I can salvage a friendship with just the woman? Is there any way I can try to politely put off dinner with them? Help!

    1. You probably have to do one more couples hangout with them at their place, to make it socially even. It’s one night, I’m sure you and your partner can bite the bullet. Then after that, only suggest or accept invitations for girls-only things, without making a big deal of it.

    3. Yup. And please don’t drop her as a friend altogether. I’ve been the woman with the awful husband and she needs all the friends she can get.

      2. I feel like you are really jumping to conclusions/projecting your own experience onto OP. Just because the husband is awful to socialize with doesn’t mean he’s isn’t a good guy or doesn’t treat the OP’s friend well. I’m pretty sure my very nerdy DH has cost us some couple friendships but that doesn’t mean he isn’t a good husband…

        1. Now it’s you who are jumping to conclusions. In this context I just mean it’s hard to have a husband who is socially awful, regardless of how he treats his wife in private. And she needs all the friends she can get because presumably nobody is going to want to couples-date her.

          Also, nerdy =/= awful or “very unpleasant to be around.”

    4. Single here and have tons of married friends whom I never see the spouse (mainly because he is babysitting). But I usually have a date to bring around. Frankly, now that I think about it I might be that guy.

  16. I am looking for anecdata on specific types/brands of oral contraceptives that worked or did not work for the hive. I am 30, perfectly healthy, no kids, never been on hormonal bc. I am a deeply superficial person and primarily concerned about various skin/hair/weight-related side effects. Thank you in advance!

    1. Do you like your skin the way it is now or do you want to have it improve?

      Have you considered an IUD?

      1. I do like my skin now, but I am currently on an antibiotic + Aczone + Tazorac, so…
        Absolutely not getting an IUD.

        1. Ha, this was my exact magic combo for my skin (well, plus one more evening rx cream that I don’t think did much). I have PCOS and fyi, TTC was quite a horror. Hopefully you ovulate normally if you’re hoping for bio kids someday.

          I took desogen (under various genetic names over the years including Apri) and never had any issues with it.

        2. Would you share why not? I have never found a hormonal BC that worked for me (had terrible, terrible side effects) and if you have never been on hormonal BC before, it might be a good secondary option to keep in your back pocket. I mean, hopefully this won’t be your experience, but I wish I had gotten one years and years ago and avoided: worsening my migraines, having insane mood swings, weird one-day anger issues, my hair going dull, losing my s3x drive, etc etc. (Not all on the same BC – I tried many.) Obviously many, many women find hormonal BC that works for them, but I need to trumpet the wonders of the IUD.

          1. Well, when considering going on BC, I am really just weighing the potential skin benefits against the potential risks of weight gain/spotting/etc, thus IUD is out.

          2. Many people find that the IUD has fewer side effects than the pill. Either you love it or you hate it–the only way to know is to try.

    2. I’m on Millinette 20/75 which has a lower dose of oestrogen than the standard combined Pill. This supposedly reduces side effects and I have to say I don’t experience any (that I’m aware of). My skin is as clear as it’s always been, my hair continues to grow quickly, and my weight gain is solely attributable to the large quantities of chocolate biscuits I consume ahead of deadlines.

    3. I found that all varieties of the pill made me gain between 5 and 25 pounds (on one I weighed more than I did when I was 9 months pregnant) and feel gloomy. I am 100% sure the weight gain was caused by the pill because the extra weight evaporated as soon as I quit taking it. A couple of them also made me throw up. All you can do is try and find out what, if anything, works for your body.

    4. Im on loestrin 1/20. I was on loestrin 1.5/30 for 6 years before losing 20 lbs and now am on the lower dosage. I experienced no weight gain, slightly better skin and major improvement in cramps and a much lighter period. Im pretty androgen sensitive and couldnt tolerate the mirena (horrible cystic acne). I’m average/overweight- 140 lbs at 5’2″ but body fat percentage of 25%

      1. Bosstown, did the doctor recommend the switch? I am on loes 1.5/30 and just curious about the difference between the two.

        1. yes, she recommended it when I lost weight (it just happened through joining a gym/vegetarianism). It’s basically the same but just less estrogen and the other one (progestin?) – the only worry is that when you are heavier, there will be breakthrough bleeding with the lower dosage. Otherwise i think my obgyn just goes the route of the least amount of active hormones needed in order to effectively control your cycle and at my lower weight, the 1/20 works fine.

    5. I was in your shoes (29, never taken hormonal bc) when I started taking Alesse (low estrogen) to control my mild hormonal acne. It worked miracles for my skin. I LOVE knowing when exactly my period is going to happen, my period is much lighter and shorter now, and I have no cramps or PMS anymore. I did gain some weight, probably 5 lbs or so. The major side effect for me was my boobs! I went up a few cup sizes and none of my button-down shirts fit anymore.

      1. Unfortunately it is a trial and error type of thing. I am 28 and recently got off Aviane (I think Aviana and Alesse are the same). It did not affect my skin or weight, and it regulated my periods and cramps, however my mood was off the charts and I got severe headaches. Those all stopped when I got off that pill.

    6. I was on Ortho TriCyclen Lo for almost a decade and experienced no noticeable side effects (I mean, I did gain weight over the decade but…. not the pill’s fault….). Now TTC and my p*riods are so awful that I can’t wait to have a baby just so I can go back on it…

    7. All hormonal contraception I tried included a 5-15 lb weight gain and the one time I was on oral contraception, despite absolutely perfect use, I got pregnant. So, copper IUD for me until we want kids.

    8. I love my BCP! I’ve been on Desogen/Apri (one is the generic name) for YEARS. No weight gain (well, not from the pill, ha…), and my skin is GREAT. No effects on my mood, and no nausea, no headaches — right from the beginning. My period is about four days long — some months really light, some months heavier. No cramps, or minimal cramps, and no PMS (except maybe some mild stomach issues during my period). I’m 37 and plan to be on it for years more, as my doctor (and others I’ve asked) said it’s safe to be on oral contraceptives for that long. I don’t want to use any other BC method because of the awesome acne-fighting powers, yay! (I cringe looking at my baby shower photos for the pregnancy acne, sigh…)

    9. I was on Yaz and it’s generics for years. I had the clearest skin of my life while taking it. Since going off it last summer, I have had the worst acne of my life. I have tried everything short of antibiotics to treat it and nothing is working. Did a google search and learned this has happened to so many women. Since you say you are superficial, I’m giving you the heads up. If your skin is fine now, ask for one of the low estrogen pills which shouldn’t affect your skin either way.

      1. Yes, I am very superficial and I thank you for the heads up. My skin is fine now but I was hoping for additional skin benefits without the weight gain. A girl can dream!

        1. You know you, of course, but I don’t think caring about how BC will affect your skin is particularly superficial! Just saying!

    10. I took the pill (used to be called Ovcon 35) for about 15 years and never had any weight/skin/hair side effects. After I got an IUD, I gained weight, but I think it’s because of age and enjoying food and wine.

    11. Be honest with how much you weigh. The low hormone ones cap out at 130-140. My doctor was telling me that’s why so many people get pregnant on the pill. The hormones have to be proportional to your body mass. That said I like nuva ring

    12. I didn’t use ANY birth control and my skin went OUT OF CONTROL and then I gained like 40 pounds and to get it taken out of me with lots of nurses and doctors around and now I have a baby. Well, don’t tell him I said that he’s 7.

      So, my advice is don’t focus on the skin condition part of it??? You seem to have other issues.

      1. Thank you for your concern but I why would I not “focus on the skin condition part of it” if the only reason why I am considering BC is my skin? Your reading comprehension skills suck.

    13. I love my BCP, too. I take Necon ( a generic ) .5/35.

      For me, it’s been a godsend. I have perfectly clear skin, bigger chest (nothing crazy, but I’m usually pancake-flat, so this was a nice change), lighter periods, and way fewer mood swings.

      I went off it a few years ago and was horrified by my body in its normal, unmedicated state. Yes, I realize this is a shallow thing to say. But I was an oily, moody, acne-ridden, crampy mess off BCP.

    14. I love my Kariva (generic: Mircette). 6 years, no weight gain, no skin problems, less painful and shorter periods.

    15. Not a pill, but I seriously, seriously adore the Nuvaring. I’ve been on it for the better part of 8 years. It’s the lowest possible dose of hormones, actually helps my skin, and I haven’t seen any weight gain or mood swings. I take it continuously with no break (new one every three weeks, no week break for a period). It’s the best and I proselytize it like nobody’s business.

  17. Tips on how to survive when the only attorney you report to is p!ssed off at the world and likes to lash out at others (you) as a result?

    Also, tips on job searching as a senior associate?

    1. I feel for you. I don’t have the misfortune of reporting to only one lawyer (I work for a bunch, only of whom is a huge asshole) but other than job searching, just continue to do your work. It’s not about you. It’s about him/her – its not your fault his/her mommy didn’t love him/her enough. Prepare extra well. Bring notes into every meeting. React calmly to yelling or unwarranted criticism. Don’t get emotional (easier said than done). Try to laugh it off when you leave the office. CYA.

  18. Curious if anyone has any insight: We are interviewing a potential part-time nanny who seemed fantastic on the phone but also mentioned that she is looking for part-time because she is recovering from malaria and needs more rest. Anyone here been through this (the malaria part) or have any insight? Also any questions to ask to gauge whether she will be up to the task of caring for 2 kids (ages 2.5 and 5)?

    1. As a former nanny – I really needed to be at 100% to do my job properly. Kids are SO active and take so much out of you. I had a really hard time working even if I just had a cold or flu, so I can’t even imagine what malaria must be like. Has she been a nanny before? If not, she might not understand how physically demanding the job can be.

    2. My experiences come with working with people with it in Uganda and my dad who got it while living in in Zimbabwe. There are different types of malaria. The one I am most familiar with is a type where once you have it, you never don’t have it. It stays in your blood stream. So if you get run down, you can get start feeling sick again. Basically 1) you have the initial bought of sickness which is really horrible 2) then for the rest of your life if you get a bit sick or feel a cold coming on it basically has created like a weakened immunity. The teachers at the school I work at in Uganda call out all the time.

      NOW that being said – my dad is super healthy and it hasn’t really been a bother to him. This could be due to USA care verse care received in Africa.

      I would maybe have her come do a trial run and see if she is keeping up with your kids? Do your kids get sick alot- will they be passing on colds to her? Because its possible she could have a harder time getting over that.

      1. All types of malaria actually remain in your body forever – the parasite just changes to a dormant form and hangs out in your liver. It won’t be detectable in the bloodstream, but it’s there and can spring up from time to time (ask me how I know…).

        I’d just be frank with her regarding whether or not she has the energy levels at present to deal with active kids, even on a part-time basis. I wouldn’t worry about this as an ongoing issue – if you’re healthy and receiving developed-country medical care, it’s not likely to be a factor in your life going forward. I’m assuming you live in a developed country.

        FWIW, I’ve never had a recurrence, even though I’ve been sick/run down/stressed on an epic level since I was first infected (I was infected before law school and I’ve since spent 8 years in biglaw without a recurrence).

  19. Jumping on the personal finance theme of late.

    I recently fully funded my emergency fund (yay!), but have no other savings besides my maxed-out 401k. I have 2,500 tax refund that I would like to use to start saving for a down payment. This would be relatively long-term savings – hope to buy in 5-7 years.

    I want to open a new separate account with this money. Suggestions? A regular savings or money market account doesn’t seem to make sense for this purpose. CDs? IRA? My 401K is with Fidelity, which offers a Short Term Bond Fund, among other options. Honestly I don’t even know what that is. Pretty financially illiterate – help!

    1. Are you under the income limit for a Roth IRA? Would you qualify as a first time homebuyer? The 5-7 year time frame would be appropriate to withdraw the cash and earnings as a first time homebuyer. You can then invest the cash within the Roth in whatever type of fund/ETF/etc meets your risk tolerance.

      1. I would not do this if you have the ability. The Roth is one of the best retirement vehicles, IMO, and I wouldn’t remove any money from it unless it was an emergency, UNLESS you’re allowed to put that money back in full without penalty. I don’t it should be used as a savings account unless as a last resort. If you don’t have a Roth, try to prioritize maxing it out (versus, say a 401k) and then invest in whatever you want for the house fund.

        1. Plus, what would be the advantage of putting it in a Roth in the first place? She could just put it in an fund/ETF/etc in a regular brokerage account (I have one from Vanguard, super easy to set up)

          1. Advantage is that she’d be able to pull out the growth tax free in five years under the first time homebuyer option. I agree that if you can max out a Roth and save it for retirement, all the better. That said, I keep my emergency fund in a Roth. I hope I never have an emergency that would require me to pull it out, but I like the flexibility of pulling my contributions out if I do.

          2. The first-time homebuyer distribution is limited to $10,000. Not exactly useful for stashing an entire down payment.

            And personally, I think it’s an unwise place to keep an entire emergency fund. The exceptions to the 10% additional tax are so narrow that it is not going to be useful for most emergencies. It will cover some expenses related to job loss or a truly catastrophic medical issue, but not the majority of it.

          3. I agree with you Anon. I don’t think a Roth should be used as a primary vehicle for emergency savings. If you only have 5k available, I agree that it’s best to put it in the Roth because it *can* be pulled out rather than just sitting in a checking account if that’s what you want to do, but I wouldn’t count on it as an emergency fund and I’d be making it a priority to build a savings fund outside of the Roth IRA ASAP.

    2. Since you will need this money in 5-7 years to buy a house (and I’m assuming don’t want to risk losing a chunk), I wouldn’t go with a Roth, IRA, and certainly not open trading.

      A savings account, money market account or CD is actually the perfect solution for where to put money when you want to be keep it all and access it in 5 years.

      If you are really anxious to get more return, I would take a small portion (maybe 10%) and invest through a service like LendingTree, where you give small loans to people (either all that they need or you pool with others). You have the potential to earn much more in interest, but of course there is still risk. I have had success lending out relatively small amounts ($250-500) to many different individuals–I usually do 10 at once. Then if one person defaults on payments I’m not completely out money, I still have the rest earning well for me. It can be a good way to dip your toe into investing and getting good returns without risking your house fund.

  20. I am 5-4, so I usually get my regular-length straight-leg suit pants hemmed and wear 2″ block heels with them (for comfort / clumsiness in higher or skinny heels). In long straight-leg or slight boot cut pants, this is so much less of an issue b/c the shoes are mainly covered by the pants leg.

    When I look at the BR Sloan pants, I think they come longer on me than they are meant to. I’ve worn them with flats or something like the CH Air Tali wedges. I have some other skinnier pants that fit similarly. Do I hem them so that my ankles are showing (ugh — that sounds Victorian) and wear heels (something like a pointy low kitten heel or a 2″ skinny heel)? I am not quite sure how to do this well — there’s a proportion thing I want to get right without lugging all of my shoes and pants to the tailors and having him realize that I am a hot mess in figuring this out.

    I am not a big Reese Witherspoon fan (I suspected, post the Atlanta arrest, that she really is very Tracy Flick). BUT, she is not a tall person and seems to pull off the pant / shoe combo well (and has a large # of casual pictures that would fly in my bus-casual office and in real life).

    Any thoughts? Advice? Magical formulas (I am a bit of a quant and adore anything with a proper ratio)? HELP! HELP, y’all, HELP!

    1. I like to hem my skinny pants at, not above, the ankle bone and wear them with flats or pointy low heels. But you really ought to take the actual shoes you’ll be wearing to the tailor along with the pants. That’s what they want you to do so they can get the hem just right.

      1. So is your actual ankle bone showing? Or hidden by the pants? If you hem above the ankle bone so it is totally showing, is that a length for flats or skinny/pointy heels (and then, what inch?)? I take it that something like the Tory Burch Amy (fat heel) or any block heel shoe would NOT work with these (?). I hate that I’m all Ellen-CAPS about this, but I feel like a seminar or master class (or what not to wear episode) would be very, very helpful here.

        1. Ankle bone is just barely covered by the pants when I am standing up. I would not wear fat heels with them.

  21. I’m about to start job searching again and I’m really tempted to make it clear that I’m a hard worker and team player but I’m not playing games or interested in psychological tests (“when I said I wanted this Wednesday you should have KNOWN I meant Monday”) (“I need you to drop everything and get this done today! J/K it’s not due until next month!). Why don’t my job experience and education speak for themselves? I’m so burnt out, I’d rather be unemployed than end up working like this again. Thoughts on how to ferret out these jobs during an interview in a more diplomatic way?

    1. You need to be careful that you do not come across as defensive with this line of inquiry. I would as the hiring manager about how she plans to onboard the new addition to her team, and what her 30/60/90 day plan is for someone in this position. The more specific of an answer you get, the less likely you will be in a “hide the ball” sort of environment.

    2. Honestly, there’s not really a way you can make that clear that in the job searching process. Emphasizing what you’re not looking for creates an overall impression of negativity and makes folks wonder if the problem is you. I know that’s tough to hear when you’ve been through a challenging job situation, but it’s kind of like when a dude’s online dating profile is all “NO DRAMA.” It makes you think about why he’s had so much drama and whether he’s the drama-causer, rather than what else might be good about him.

      The best thing you can do is ask good questions during the interview process about the work environment, and if you don’t get the opportunity to interview with people who would be your peers (who may be able to more honestly assess leadership), see if you can find a way to speak with them once you have an offer.

    3. “In my current job, there are lots of changing priorities and fires that crop up throughout the day. Would you say that happens here as well?”

      You can also ask, “What would a successful person in this role look like? What skills or personality traits are you looking for?” Answers like quick-thinker, easily adaptable, calm, etc. can all hint at a job that’s going to be drama filled. Or not–the interview could just toss around a few adjectives that s/he think sound admirable. Honestly, interviews are like 1st dates. Sometimes you have to go with your gut.

      I’m also in a position where goals/priorities can drastically change over the course of a day, and it’s gotten easier now. I’m going on 4 years here and I feel like I have my boss figured out. Sometimes it just takes time and trial/error to understand a hot and cold boss or a fast paced position.

      1. I like to ask about the management style of my future manager. Usual they are involved in the interview process at some point. The response to this question has raised red flags for me in the past.

  22. Can anyone recommend a lightweight, breathable camisole to wear under white blouses? My usual camis are nylon/cotton/spandex blends and they make me hot and sticky.

    1. Have you considered splurging on a silk one? Honestly that made a huge difference for me. I bought one ivory, one white and one black and I LOVE them. WinterSilks is a less expensive option, but they didn’t have a pure white one I wanted. I did get Eileen Fisher at Nordstrom which was spendy and I freaked out a little, but they are so wonderful that I don’t regret it.

      1. Duh, silk seems obvious to me now but I didn’t think of it. Thanks! I would rather not spend a lot, but if they’re good quality and last a long time, I guess it’s worth it.

        1. I got two silk ones from J Crew for $30 each. Might not be the highest quality (according to online reviews) but I’m happy with them

        2. That was the assessment I made, and while it seemed extravagant at the time, I reminded myself that I easily spend more than that on a pair of shoes that I wear much less often.

  23. I have a pro bono client I’m wrapping up a guardianship matter for and she just went through her first chemo session. I have to visit her at home next week to drop off some papers, and I was wondering if it would be appropriate to bring her a small gift. Thoughts?

    1. Absolutely appropriate. I think people have recommended blankets and scarves for chemo patients before.

      1. That 100000000% depends on the person. Don’t make an assumption they will lose their hair, lose all of their hair, want to use a scarf at all. There are far better gifts to give than something that is associated with your disease (blanket = you’re going to be in bed a lot; scarf = cover that bald head of yours). Ask me how I know…..

        1. My impression was that the process of getting chemo is cold (cold room? cold IV?) so blankets are helpful. Maybe that was from the TV show Parenthood and not this s i t e thought…

    2. And if you have any suggestions for a small gift for a woman in her mid-60s grappling with cancer/chemo, they would be appreciated. Thanks!

      1. Magazines + fruit tea+ gingersnaps – help pass the time and gingersnaps will help if she has nausea and will just be tasty with tea if she doesn’t. Fruit teas are nice because some people get chills when they have chemo.

          1. Yes & great for nausea! I relied on these as a staple through 9 months of very bad morning (aka all) day sickness.

      2. Books, pashmina, something to keep her occupied and warm during chemo. Also a nice hand lotion would be appreciated–chemo can wreck your skin and cause it to dry and crack.

        1. Great idea and – I’m sure you know this, but worth reiterating – something unscented, as many chemo patients have a strong reaction to smells.

      3. My mom appreciated grown-up coloring books with nice colored pencils, word game or suduko books, cozy socks and blankets.

    3. Definitely like a pretty and warm blanket/fleece throw works well for any age going through this. Anon had a great idea about gingersnaps, as ginger is a natural anti-nausea treatment.

      A card or a call at a later time to just ask how they are doing and to say “thinking of you” is also good.

  24. PSA – There’s a good sale on Patagonia winter coats at Backcountry (mostly 40% off, which beats the Patagonia website). IMO, the set of coats with removable linings (Tres, Vosque, Stormdrift, etc) are the best solution for semiprofessional looking serious winter gear. I know a lot of other posters love them as well.

  25. The above question about the boyfriend’s hotel w/bedbugs got me thinking. Do you do anything special to avoid this while traveling? Do you check the beds? Put your luggage anywhere special? So far I never have done any avoidance measures and wondering if I should!

      1. I actually read somewhere that they are more likely to be in luggage racks if they are wood– shocked me as I am a huge luggage rack fan. I’ll try to see if I can find the article.

    3. Never did, until I got them from a hotel….now I check the BedBug Registry and make sure the hotel I’m staying at has no reports there. I also search TripAdvisor and Yelp reviews for the word “bed bug” and won’t stay at a hotel that has any recent review reporting them. I don’t tear apart the bed when I get there, not because I don’t want to go to the effort, but because I fear that there’s other gross stuff in the bed (because the bed never gets cleaned, unlike the sheets). I do put my suitcase on a luggage rack rather than the floor or the bed, or if the hotel doesn’t have one (many hotels I stay in don’t), I put it on the bathroom floor (on a towel). When I get home I immediately unpack all my clothes and put them in the wash, and take the suitcase to the basement, rather than leaving it on the floor of my bedroom.

    4. Yes. I pull up the corner of the sheets/mattress cover and look for evidence. I’ve battled bed bugs before. It’s 100% worth it to me.

    5. You can look at bedbugregistry online…won’t link to avoid moderation. My bf’s hotel was listed there with recent issues, even though this did not appear in any tripadvisor reviews. I’m definitely doing this from now on before I go to a hotel!

    6. Yes. I check the bedbug registry, Trip Advisor, and Google. I use hardsided, impermeable luggage. I check the mattress, the furniture, and behind pictures when I check in. I store my luggage in the bathroom and never unpack at a hotel. When I get home, my luggage stays in the garage until I can directly unpack it into the washing machine. I fully admit to some paranoia, but I’m determined to never have to deal with bedbugs. I would toss my entire suitcase if I thought I had been exposed.

      1. I’m so glad I’m not the only one who takes such extreme measures! I check Bed Bug Registry, Trip Advisor and Yelp before I book a hotel. I remove all linens from the bed and check all around the mattress and, when I can, I leave my suitcase in the bathroom. I only travel with machine washable clothes and wash everything before it goes back into my closet, even if I didn’t wind up wearing it.

    7. I do. I check the corners of the bed before settling in to the room, I don’t put my suitcase on the floor, I wash and tumbledry all the clothes I took when I get home, and bag my suitcase until the next time I use it. It may seem like a lot, but it really takes not extra time and I’ve had a bed bug scare before so I’m cautious. I also live in a condo building, so feel like I have an obligation not to bring bed bugs into the building.

  26. What do you do when the colors you look good in aren’t necessarily your favorite colors? I’ve never had my colors “done” but I’ve realized I look a lot better wearing cool shades than warm. I look better in hot pink, but mustard is one of my favorites. Should I not care? I’m not going to stop wearing my less flattering colors/clothes, but wondered if I should make an effort to buy new pieces in colors that suit me more going forward. Right now the bulk of my wardrobe is warm, but I do feel more attractive in the cool colors (probably helped by the fact that I get more compliments). Anyone experienced anything similar?

    1. One of the things I do is wear the less-flattering colors away from my face. Like, mustard pants with a teal top. Or add a scarf with some more flattering colors next to your face.

      As to what to buy going forward, you get to pick. If the warm colors make you happy, keep buying them. If you like the compliments from the cool colors, then emphasize them going forward.

      1. +1 There’s a lot of ways to wear a lot of different colors.
        I’m a Cool Winter so I should wear blues, purples & greens with blue in them.
        There’s an orange shirt I love that has a floral pattern, so there’s green in it and the style really looks good on me and then I wear green earring to bring the “good” color to my face.

        You might want to have your colors “done” because there’s probably shades of your favorites or complementary colors that will look good on you. Like, forest green is my favorite to wear, but that’s not bright, but when I wear it, I brighten it up with a kelly green or a pink or something. Does this make sense? It didn’t to me, it took a lot of Pinterest to get me thinking like this. Now I feel like my wardrobe and style is very coordinated and flattering to me, color wise anyway…

        1. Where’s the $10 website to have your colors done? I should do that one of these days.

          1. I used missus smarty pants dot com
            All 1 word, of course.
            Sent in 2 pics of myself. Boom.

      2. I do the same – and in fact, I’m doing this today. I LOVED a mustard-colored sweater, but it makes me look a bit washed out, so I’m wearing a navy and white patterned scarf. I love blush, but it looks terrible on me, so I try to keep it on bottom half (shoes, skirt). Another option is to find a deeper hue (or lighter, or whatever) of the color you like. A darker shade of pink looks better on me than blush, for example.

    2. You may want to take some pictures wearing the less flattering colors and see what you think. I used to wear this orange shirt because I loved it, then I saw myself in a picture and I looked really off. Now I stick to those cool colors that look great on me and I look and feel more confident. I also agree that wearing the unflattering color away from your face (in shoes, pants, skirt) helps.

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