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Coffee Break: Merona Tote

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minkoff mab copycat meronaReader L wrote in to recommend this bag, noting: “I found this awesome work bag at Target… which looks just like the Rebecca Minkoff Medium MAB tote you featured a little while back- this one even includes a laptop sleeve. And for only $25 its perfect for anybody looking for a starter work bag or needing a temporary option while saving for a splurge bag (like me).” Nice work, L — it's hard to find a stylish laptop tote for under $25, so thank you for sharing! The bag is $27.99 (down from $34.99), but try code STYLE to save another $5. (Spend $25 save $5, spend $35 save $10 on handbags and jewelry with code STYLE.) Merona® Solid Tote Handbag – Black  (L-2) Psst: reader L just emailed to let us know that the big Pendleton sale is on if you're a fan of their seasonless wool blazers and more. All sale styles are an extra 30% off, through Feb. 15 only. (Updated with an actual link to Pendleton instead of a random Nordstrom cardigan.)

Sales of note for 3/15/25:

  • Nordstrom – Spring sale, up to 50% off
  • Ann Taylor – 40% off everything + free shipping
  • Banana Republic Factory – 40% off everything + extra 20% off
  • Eloquii – 50% off select styles + extra 50% off sale
  • J.Crew – Extra 30% off women's styles + spring break styles on sale
  • J.Crew Factory – 40% off everything + extra 20% off 3 styles + 50% off clearance
  • M.M.LaFleur – Friends and family sale, 20% off with code; use code CORPORETTE15 for 15% off
  • Spanx – Lots of workwear on sale, some up to 70% off
  • Talbots – 40% off 1 item + 30% off everything else (includes markdowns, already 25% off)

And some of our latest threadjacks here at Corporette (reader questions and commentary) — see more here!

Some of our latest threadjacks include:

221 Comments

  1. Has anyone purchased a rental “2nd home” before they’ve purchased a primary home? I know some friends of friends who have purchased rental properties in low cost places (Vegas, Tahoe, Portland, etc) when they live / work in LA or SF

    1. I think it’s a great idea if you have a great way to manage the property. I wouldn’t do it if you had to pay for commercial property management.

    2. I have a cousin who did. I don’t know if you can get the mortgage interest deduction if you are renting the house out. You should look into it more (which I know, is what you are doing here) to see if it is still beneficial if you do things properly.

      1. You have to live in the house 10% of the time in order to deduct the interest. However, I think you may be able to deduct the cost of the interest from the income gained from the property.

        1. If you rent it out (or it is available for rental) all the time, the mortgage, taxes, utilities, etc that you pay are all deductible from the income you earn (and depending on your tax situation, if it generates a loss that MAY be deductible). But if you plan to use it personally or let friends use it who won’t pay market rent, it gets pretty hairy. Talk to your tax accountant about the tax impact of the decision before you pull the trigger. And make sure that your tax accountant prepares you return – don’t attempt it yourself.

    3. I don’t think that Portland is a low cost place to own a home anymore. On the other hand, you’ll likely have a lot of people interested in renting.

  2. I need an opinion from the hive – I have a blush dress that I’m wearing for my low-key wedding (think mason jars, burlap, bbq, lawn games, all the pinterest). Its the Chantilly color from Donna Morgan – I want to put a sash on it… but what color – I don’t want it to be too matchy matchy so I want to stay away from other blush tones (and I think it will be impossible to match). We’re not really doing formal wedding colors – but we’re using shades of greens as accent colors.

    So…thoguhts? right now im thinking a champagne, light taupe, or even white. My shoes are Tieks in the lovestruck pattern – so no worries about clashing there

    2. I think that a crisp white would look nice – very clean and simply elegant. It sounds lovely, congratulations and best wishes!

    3. A soft grey silk, not-too-sparkly metallic grey or pewter might be nice with blush.

    4. I’d go with white, off-white, champagne, or a muted green (like a sage or similar).

    5. Thanks ladies! I’ve ordered a bunch of swatches from an etsy seller since clearly there’s a million different shades in these color families.

      Appreciate it! I’m in wedding brain overload

    1. photograph yourself wearing it in natural light- if you can see the pilling, too pilled

    3. No such thing! Get a depiller and you’re good to go

      (and I find shaving my sweaters to be strangely relaxing. I’m weird)

      1. Side note – I shaved my brother’s eyebrow off with a sweater shaver when I was 10 and he was 8. It didn’t just shave his eyebrow off….it took a chunk of skin with it. Ohhh the memories :).

      2. I am actually on the hunt for a new depiller. Any recommendations for a good one?

  4. I need an opinion from the hive – I have a blush dress that I’m wearing for my low-key wedding (think mason jars, burlap, bbq, lawn games, all the pinterest). Its the Chantilly color from Donna Morgan – I want to put a sash on it… but what color – I don’t want it to be too matchy matchy so I want to stay away from other blush tones (and I think it will be impossible to match). We’re not really doing formal wedding colors – but we’re using shades of greens as accent colors.

    So…thoughts? right now I’m thinking a champagne, light taupe, or even white. My shoes are Tieks in the lovestruck pattern – so no worries about clashing there

    1. sorry for the double post! I thought it didn’t go through, but apparently I was mistaken

      1. Before I read your list of what you were thinking, I immediately thought champagne would look nice.

        1. My god i love this – but i think i need something a little wider for the dress. So pretty though!!! Thank you!

        2. This is gorgeous and makes me want to get married just so I could pick out a dress to wear with it.

  5. So there are plenty of lawyers, bankers, and otherwise “big” job holders commonly hanging around on these threads, but I’m curious what else other readers do. I am an association meeting planner. Anyone else care to share their career for an informal survey of “the rest of us”?

    1. I actually worked in childcare for many years before transitioning to an admin role. I like this site for the fashion advice but I feel like I don’t relate to most of the commenters. I’ll never have a super fancy job or make six figures!

      1. Meh, I’m a lawyer but work as a career clerk and will never make six figures. In case that makes you feel better. :)

    3. IT. Business Intelligence Analyst (read reporting and data analytics for a private university so all departments… finance, advancement, IR, etc)

    5. I’m a fundraiser in the healthcare industry, although as in most small nonprofits, I wear many hats.

      1. How did you get into this job? I’m wondering about a career transition from law to this…do you have to be in DC?

    13. Healthcare IT in a small health system. If it isn’t a doctor or nurse, it is probably mine to support in some way.

    17. Originally a translator, now Operations Manager in a small translation agency, and hopefully a freelance translator someday.

    27. R&D scientist and project manager, doing research and product development for a consumer product. Formerly at a supplier to a Global Fortune 500, then directly at a Fortune 500, now at a tiny company. Specialty in color science, but that’s only an occasional part of my job (although it’s my favorite part).

      1. I work in the consumer products industry. Our R&D scientists seem to have such interesting jobs. In my fantasy life I am also a color scientist.

    28. I’m a PR specialist turned freelance writer, mainly online, but some print campaigns for big healthcare companies

    33. I’m a lawyer but work in a local government, non-legal role. No big bucks rolling in here either.

    42. I’m a retail manager with 45 years experience. I’ve been a buyer for a specialty store but spent most of my career in a dept. store environment; now a divisional manager for a dept. store. I have an MBA, overkill for this field.

    43. Banker, in risk. I will never make six figures ever, 25 yrs with same company but not same role.

    45. Military almost retired. Trying to get insight into what the “real world” is like.

    46. Run product management for a technology company (not an exciting/SF/startup type one).

    47. Technical Project Manager in the outdoor industry, engineering background and PMP.

  6. Do you engage in LGPs with your spouse on weeknights? I have trouble being in the mood after a long day when I’m tired and just ready to pass out before getting up early again. It generally works for us to spend more time on the weekends instead, but I’m curious whether the ladies here (most of whom work longer hours than me) are available to make time on the weeknights too.

    1. Whoops, that’s “able”, not “available.” Interesting slip of words, haha

    2. Yup. When I’m sharing my bed with someone absolutely. I watch less tv, sleep a little less, and get it done.

      1. I think sharing your bed with someone is different than LGPs with your spouse–if only because you’ve presumably been with the spouse longer and the LGPs drop off a bit.

        Personally, we’ll occasionally have a weeknight romp, but weekends are a better bet for all the reasons you mention. Still, it depends on the night.

    3. not with any consistency- but we LGP about.. once every two weeks? which i suspect is not often enough but who’s to say when it’s enough?

      1. I strongly agree with this. I used to feel really terrible if we went longer than a week, but now I’ve kind of accepted that life can get in the way a bit or our moods can change. As long as it works for your relationship, it works.

      2. I strongly think that there is no such thing as “not often enough” as a general societal rule. Whatever works for you and your spouse is great.

    4. We aren’t great at this and have been making an effort. Something that I found has helped is showering as soon as we get home. We then have a quick dinner and then snuggle, read, watch something on tv, and canoodle in bed. The shower helps wash off the stress of the day and signals that it is time for relaxing.

        2. I had all kinds of things I thought it stood for and I wasn’t even close, thanks for translating!

    6. Yep but from the beginning we had a 3x a week agreement. When we were younger I had to plan ahead to fit it in, now we are approaching 40 it’s me reminding him sometimes. Also sometimes the morning is easier then night time

    7. Mostly weekends here — but we are now TTC, so during THE week, we go to bed earlier than normal (like, 8:30) for gardening.

      1. Sincere question- was lack of LGPs a contributing factor?
        Do you think it was a symptom of a bigger problem or a problem in and of itself?

        1. It began as a symptom of other problems, but did become a problem in and of itself.
          He once told me he knew I didn’t enjoy it. Which up to that point wasn’t true, but then I just felt so much pressure to try to express my enthusiasm in a way that registered to him that it did become difficult for me to enjoy and I would kind of avoid it.
          Communications was always a problem between us. We met young, got married in our mid-20s and gradually drifted apart. I think we both have a lot of regrets but ultimately I think we will both be better off separate.

    9. We hadn’t been engaging as much as I would have liked recently. Like the OP mentioned, weeknights get difficult. And when we’re very busy on weekends, we weren’t getting to it then either. However, we talked about it and now we’re both making a bigger effort. We’re now having LGPs about 2x during the week with maybe an extra on the weekend or during the week. I’m actually finding it a little easier than I initially expected. We just head to the bedroom a little earlier and wind up ready for bed at about the same time. It’s actually easier to get each other into the bedroom earlier when there’s a little excitement than when we’re just sitting on the couch watching tv and waiting for bed.

    10. Yes. Rarely right before bed though – during weeknights it is most often right after work, shortly after dinner, or he’ll wake me up in the middle of the night (i dont mind :) ). Contributing factor may be that we dont go to bed at the same time (1030-11pm for me, 2-3am for him).

    11. I have a kind of related question: When you’re not really into it for body chemistry reasons, how do you up your libido? I have a 4 month-old baby, and I am just not all that interested. I know this has to do with my body chemistry right now; it has nothing to do with how I feel about my husband. I normally have the lower libido in my relationship, but it exists; when I’m pregnant I’m ready to go whenever; and now I could really skip it until I stop breastfeeding and my hormones return to normal. Even when my brain wants to, my body just doesn’t really cooperate much. We keep up our gardening schedule because skipping it wouldn’t be good for our relationship (my hubs is a physical touch love language person). But I really want to be into it. Alcohol and porn are out. Any other suggestions?

      2. I know you said p*rn is out, but does that include er*tic literature? Sometimes a good s*x story helps get me in the mood!

        1. This a good idea. I’m not really into anything x-rated, but I like a good R or PG-13 romance. If anyone has suggestions, I’m all ears.

          1. More of a drama than romance, but Original Sin with Jolie and Banderas is hot.
            Also, it takes time to get back in the groove after baby. I was tired, tender, and so touched out for a while. Things returned to normal eventually

          2. Outlander! (the book, not the TV show). Warning: it takes many, many pages to get to the steamy parts — but when it does, it’s worth it.

      3. Toys? If you can guarantee a big O from the event it’s a lot easier to look forward to. You can use a toy on yourself while the two of you . . . garden.

    12. Not married and early in Year Two, so take it with a grain of salt, but… yes. We’re together probably 4-5 nights out of 7, and… yes. Most nights. Mornings, usually, too. #activeseniors

    13. This is a great question, and I’m curious to hear from those of you with young-ish kids. I’m not a night owl (at all!) and our 4yo will not go to sleep at night and most nights still ends up sleeping with us. I’m having a hard time finding when/where to increase our action, especially now that we’re TTC #2 and timing is everything.

      1. You must be a far kinder mama than my mama was because I would be put back in my room and the door would be locked if that’s what it took for me to stay in my bed.

      2. I just keep carrying my kids back to their own beds after briefly calming/soothing, every time they get up at night, over and over, starting at about 3-4 months old. I realize it’s too late to start off with this policy, and the adjustment may be rough, but you’ll probably be glad if you just bite the bullet and suffer through the transition before you have a newborn competing for bedtime attention.

  7. Sad rant: So depressed. Has 2016 been a crap year for anyone else? It started out great for me in my personal life with a wonderful new job, but it seems like so many people I know are very sick or dying. So far this year my best friend’s grandmother died, another friend lost her mother, my sorority sister’s young-ish fiance is riddled with cancer, and today I just bought a Costco membership because a very dear friend of mine is on his deathbed and I’m about to buy a ton of food for the funeral reception. Worst reason to get a Costco membership ever. This is the first really close friend I’m losing and I’m so sad and scared to think about life without him in it, both for me and for his wife and daughter.

    And, on a comparatively petty note, my birthday is tomorrow, which is Ash Wednesday, so I have to leave work directly to go sing about death (or in my case, probably just choke back tears while trying to sing) with my church choir rather than doing anything festive. BOO. What the hell, 2016???

    1. I’m sorry – that all sounds really shitty. I hope you don’t take this the wrong way because I mean it gently, but it can help to try to disconnect yourself from the grief of others. You want to be there for your best friend, your friend, and your sorority sister, but not feel the full weight of the grief the same way they are. This is SO much easier said than done because it’s awful to see the people we love in pain, but you HAVE to find a way to do it for self-preservation. I’m sorry about your friend who is on his deathbed – I’m sure your presence will be a comfort.

    2. That would be a huge reason for me to skip church and go get a pedicure and see a movie/get dinner with friends/whatever. Go in the morning if you feel the need due to holy day of obligation.

      1. As a fellow churchgoer/believer, I will say that going might make you feel in a much better place. Gratitude, focusing on something bigger than yourself, including eternity, all of that might help. It isn’t just an obligation; it is a spiritual experience.

        1. Ash Wednesday is a holy day of obligation, which is what I was referring to. If the OP feels like it’s about to make her cry, it sounds counterproductive.

          2. It is actually not a day of obligation, surprisingly. You’re just supposed to fast and abstain from meat.

    3. That’s a lot. I’m really sorry. 2012 was my crap year. Utter, unbelievable, tragic crap.

      Take time to cry, and rage, and rant all you want.

      1. Yes, OP is right. Hug’s to everyone who is haveing a crappey year. 2016 is NOT the best for me either, but I am alway’s trying to see the bright side of thing’s. While the manageing partner is pressing me for MORE and MORE billeable hours (7500 last year is NOT enough for him — FOOEY!), I now for the first time since NOAH have gone out on 2 date’s with a guy who is NOT a looser! He make’s decent money, has a full time job, and does NOT drink much alchohol — a few drink’s a month he say’s and then ONLEY with freind’s houses, NOT at bar’s, like Sheketovits. And more importantley, he is NOT grabbey, and has NOT made a move for me to think that he is ONLEY interested in my body. He respect’s me for my mind and intellect, and as he call’s it, my legal accumen! YAY!!!! I told dad about that and he laughed. FOOEY on Dad for NOT thinkeing that I should be respected for my MIND!

        Anyway, OP, hang in there and things will get better. You do have the Power of the HIVE behind you, so do NOT look back. Look ahead at all of the good times that you will have a head of you–that is what I do! I hope to be MARRIED this year to Myrna’s Freind’s Freind, with our first child hopefully on the way shortley after year-end! YAY!!!!!!

    4. Sorry for the crap start to your year :(

      And Happy Birthday from a fellow Feb 10 birthday girl!

    5. Yup. 2015 was so bad, I couldn’t wait for 2016 to get here. But it’s been truly horrific (illnesses, death, a car accident – all unrelated). I have been saying wth 2016 for 5 weeks now. I tell myself that it has to get better, it just has to.

  8. Just a vent. My new workplace is KILLING me with vague and indirect communication.

    “Would you mind looking this over and giving me your thoughts?” actually means “Please prepare a detailed four page report we can give to the client.” …which I discovered after sending an informal email providing my thoughts.

    In response to my asking for clarification on a deadline: “I don’t want to tell you to do it now since we’re closed for Christmas, but if you wanted to do it now, that would be ok.” …What does that mean?! Do you want it now or not?

    Boss: “Jill, can you and Anonymous prepare this report?” Jill: “Sure. Anonymous is busy today, so I’ll get on it.” Boss: “Thanks, Jill, but Anonymous should do it.” …then why not ask me to do it in the first place? Why address the email to Jill and only CC me?

    Everyone’s super nice here, but I think they’re actually afraid to speak directly for fear of being labeled demanding. (My team is entirely soft-spoken, shy women. I am decidedly neither of those lol.)

    1. I just started a new job and I’m having a problem communicating with people here as well- but I suspect they’re all playing “hide the ball” to try to assess my skills/enthusiasm.

      I routinely get instructions like “Why don’t you take a look at this and let me know what you think?” and “Can you research the issue and report back?” When I ask follow up questions like “Is there anything in particular you’d like me to focus on?” or “What is the deadline?” I get responses like “Just take a crack at it” and “Spend however long you need to.”

      I could definitely use some guidance on overcoming bad communication and soliciting more directed instruction.

    2. This sort of crap is not ok. I recently started in a new job where I got almost verbatim “assignments” like that.

      “Let me know if you have any comments if you get a chance to look” at it became “why didn’t you make revisions to the permit and prepare an edited version to send to the client? This is your job, not mine”

      “Drive safe home for Christmas, maybe you can work on this [busy work non urgent assignment]” became “i’d hoped you would tackle it over the down time” which became “why did you take more than ONE WEEK to do this!?”

      “That’s a shame you have to leave right now to see your grandpa on his deathbed, do you think you’ll take a lap top with you?” became “how dare you leave without a plan for finishing xyz I’ve had to cover for you and it’s not acceptable to expect me to work around your schedule.”

      And here’s what happened: in part it was terrible, poor, lazy management. In part it was blame shifting. In part it was to assess my skills and enthusiasm. Igot burned for not being able to read someone’s mind.

      Even if you think these people are nice, don’t trust this sort of delegation. It can only hurt you. Document everything. If you need clarification on anything, request it in email to CYA.

      1. Yeah, I would say ask for clarification on everything. If you still get only vague responses, you have two choices. If you have the time and energy and view this as a long-term job and are gunning for promotions etc., do the maximum you can do with the task (prepare the most formal version of comments, etc.). If you’re not ask keen, I’d just try to fulfill the request to the best of your interpretation and then ask if you can do anything further.

        I hate this stuff and would also try to push back and request clear instructions, saying things like “I work best with a firm deadline/ clear goal” or “I am happy to do [maximum version of this assignment] but don’t want to do work that someone else is already doing, so let me know if [maximum] is helpful or if I should stick to [minimum].” And yeah, all over email to the extent possible so you can CYA.

        1. I’ve responded to this behavior with a, “Oh, I didn’t realize you wanted me to do X, I thought you said [repeat their instructions back to them verbatim].” And once I detected the pattern, when given a vague request to do something, I would make them give me details by asking questions like, “What’s the urgency of this project? Is there a timeframe when you would like this done? Should I be working with Bob on this or is this something I should do on my own?”

  9. For people who are online dating – are you more or less discriminating, or the same online as you are in real life? Like when you see a profile do you consider if this is someone you would approach if you met IRL?
    I’m new to online dating, and so far it’s making me feel guilty for being so shallow.

    1. I was super slow when I first started. I was thinking of each of them as, you know, people, and really trying to decipher through their profiles and weigh things. I got caught up in being nice and considerate and thoughtful, but when it comes down to it, do I actually want this person on this profile to potentially have a role in my life? I got messages from and went on dates with some people and quickly learned to be more discerning. Gut reactions were correct, in my experience.

    2. If I’m on the fence I ask myself “if this guy were being introduced to me at a bar by a friend of a friend, would I want to know more.” If I just don’t find a dude attractive I don’t feel guilty for moving on.

    3. More, because screening factors let you weed out guys you know won’t be helpful: I wrote off every guy who said he wanted someone into his “healthy lifestyle” because that screamed “fatshaming” to me (I’m sensitive but I was burned by this early in my internet dating life: dude who met me once, ghosted, then updated his profile to say he wanted someone interested in an active lifestyle.) Also, anyone who said things like “no crazy chicks” and “no more drama,” or who had more photos of his truck/boat/snowmobile than of himself. Also, I’m a criminal lawyer, so I tried really, really hard to screen early and often. Because of my job, I never used any of the swipe-based dating apps, so I can’t speak to those.

      I was less fussy about whether I found them attractive initially than whether I found them interesting.

      It worked! I’m marrying a guy I met on OkC two years ago.

      1. Oh man, agreed. I will say that I mostly weeded out messages to me as opposed to sending them out to begin with. Not because I believe women should never ask out first, but just because there were so many messages, so I decided which to respond to. (Though I spotted my SO first and sent him a ‘wink’ because I thought he seemed cute and normal – see below – and I wanted to make sure he saw me… the only person I ever winked, so I guess that’s a sign he was different.)

        I am much more attracted to someone based on personality. So if someone was mildly attractive but had dealbreakers on their profile or in their message to me, I didn’t bother. What do I mean? Weird comments like “no crazy chicks” or I found that someone who rambled on about “knowing how to treat a lady” was often a chauvinist or angry nice-guy looking to take it out on women, or obvious baggage of not wanting to date someone like an ex “no drama”, clearly didn’t read anything about me, commented only on my looks, sent obvious mass pickup lines to everyone, glaringly stupid spelling or grammar (ha), a smoker, etc. As for photos, I was wary of: more shirtless photos than clothed, too many photos of whatever they were going to brag about (car, boat, etc.), lots of photos with hot chicks (why?), no photos of dude smiling (I’m just not someone who can be with someone who doesn’t smile and laugh), photos of a current fratbro lifestyle too many years out of college…

        Also worked for me! Have fun with it and you will catch on with what works for you.

    4. I was equally discriminating, since I’ll at least talk to just about anyone. I agreed to go on dates with anyone who 1) didn’t have a dealbreaker in their profile, 2) looked like a human, 3) I didn’t have a kneejerk NOPE reaction to, and 4) could sustain a day or two of banter through the system with. I only had one howler of a bad date (and mine was mild in comparison with a lot of stories!) through three rounds of online dating, which ended with me meeting my BF of 1.5 years. I think there’s a lot to be said for giving people a try in real life before you get invested, or create an idealized version of them based on your reading of their profile. But then at the same time, you don’t want to waste your time (or another human’s time) if you know there’s no way you’re ever going to find them attractive. There’s a fine line.

    5. Have you tried speed dating? I’ve done it twice and have had great success. (One 2 year relationship and 2nd is going on 5 months now). I’m much better face to face and don’t do well with the online sites. You talk to someone for 8 minutes then move onto the next person. If you have a connection, you log in to the organizers website and click a button. If they are interested in you, they do the same. As long as it’s a match, you’ll get their contact information.

  10. Has anyone successfully changed from being a clutterbug to being neat and tidy? I’m trying, but it’s a constant battle

    1. I’ve been on a neat and tidy kick but it’s because of the laundry love and science fb page I’ve been following.

    2. Why do you want to be neat and tidy? Is it because it’s something you really want, or is it because someone is nagging you/you feel like it’s something you “should” be based on some vague sense of shame?

      I’m what I would consider to be a minor slob, and I “reset” my living space on a periodic basis. When I lived in a dorm room, it was once a week. Now that I have a house, it depends on what the clutter is from, but somewhere between a daily and weekly clean up of the main spaces in the house, others just constantly look crappy. I think my slob-hood is part of my basic nature. I have a tendency to mindlessly put things down rather than away. I’m the person who puts a glass on the counter directly above the dishwasher rather than in the dishwasher. I leave cabinet doors open. I take of my pajama pants and leave them on the floor.

      I think I *could* change by being more mindful. But it’s not likely, because it’s not something I deeply desire for myself.

    3. No great success story here. I was on a clean kick after reading the konmari book, but it wasn’t sustained. All the closets are still organized, but I’ve yet to really tackle the rest of my house.

    4. Having the appropriate space/organizational system for different types of items has made the difference for me, and it took experimentation to figure out what that looked like. Also, I am ok with my mail being in a pile for a few days until I periodically sort through it, but other things are more like deal breakers. I need to hang my clothes up immediately or it becomes a disaster, for instance.

    5. I have. I used to let things pile up and then I would get anxious about it and not want to put everything away.

      I spent a year re-setting my habits. Each month I focused on one new thing. So, in January, I made my bed every day. In February, I set a time for 5 minutes every morning before I leave to work and zoomed around my apartment picking up anything out of place. In March, I put my clothes away (either in laundry, to air out or back in closet) every day after I got home from work. Etc., etc.

      Each month helped me figure out what why I hadn’t been doing those things before. For example, in the “pick up clutter” month, I realized I was dumping my keys/sunglasses/purse/mail on the kitchen table because I had no where to keep them. So I bought a key hook and little basket for the entry way where I drop those things when I come in. In putting my clothes away month, I realized I wanted to air my clothes out before putting them back in the closet (if I was going to re-wear), so I got a hook for the back of my closet door. Now I hang the stuff there on a hanger at night, and stick it back in the closet in the morning.

      I am truly significantly neater now.

    6. Yes. I used to be very messy/disorganized, but not anymore. I started by committing to keeping one area clean and then built on it every few weeks. For me, I started by keeping my desk at work clutter-free. Then after a few weeks, I committed to keeping the interior of my car clutter-free. Then I moved onto my home office. I kept adding one space at a time after a few weeks would go by of maintaining the prior areas. I also make a point of being aware of how good it feels when I am in my newly cleaned/organized areas. It makes me dislike cluttered spaces.

  11. So, in mid-Dec I came down with a very bad case of sinusitis and possibly bronchitis. Did antibiotics but waited a little too long (2 weeks into my illness). I nearly completely lost my voice for over three weeks. It is now coming up on 8 weeks later and my voice is still very weak/hoarse, especially trying to talk loudly or sing. I saw the doctor about three weeks ago and he said it could take eight weeks or so for it to work itself out, but I’m getting worried. I talk all day as part of my job so it needs to get back to full strength, although maybe that’s part of the problem. I do still have some post nasal drip going on that might be aggravating it – I tried allergy meds per doc’s advice but it didn’t seem to change anything. Has anyone else gone through this?? Is it time to see a specialist?

    1. I had major voice loss for a long time (over a year). I did go to a specialist, who told me 1) to take it easy (NO singing, whispering, raising your voice AT ALL) and 2) to go to voice therapy, which I didn’t do, because I was in graduate school and broke with bad health insurance. I would say I am 99% fixed now, though I probably should go to voice therapy because I lose my voice after singing any length of time. And I used to sing very regularly.

      Eight weeks is not a long time with this sort of thing, especially if you are still trying to talk loudly or sing. When I say I didn’t talk loudly, I mean I literally did not raise my voice to even call to someone in another room. I never, ever raised my voice above a conversational tone. My aunt, a nurse, seconded this approach at the time. It sucks, it was really hard, but I was super scared during this time because I initially thought I had throat cancer or something. It turns out I had nodules on my vocal chords and they took a really long time to go away.

      Regular talking will hopefully be fine for you – it was for me – since you should hopefully not need to raise your voice in the course of your day. If you find that you often need to call meetings to order or speak loudly on the phone (to older people or people with hearing issues), I would recommend trying to find work arounds in those instances.

      ll of this to say, I think you will be fine but it can take forever! Just be very, very kind to your voice. (And maybe hit the saline bottle to keep your nasal passages irrigated and your mucus thinner.)

      I am not a doctor! But that was my experience. Good luck!

      1. Also I want to add – that I had *a lot* of pain at this time, so I was talking much less than usual, and I would recommend that if you are having pain you should try to limit regular talking, too – as much as is reasonable for you. But it sounds like maybe that’s not an issue for you?

    2. Get a referral to an ENT and/or vocal therapist. The therapist can show you how to talk to avoid further damage to your vocal chords (which may be just have residual inflammation, but also might be developing a polyp or other longer-term issue).

      Signed, someone who did not take this advice and later had to have general anesthesia to get a polyp removed.

    3. Try taking an antacid or an Rx version of one. This happened to me & one of the off-label uses is to deal with laryngitis. I think I googled & found the correlation but my doc recommended it.

  12. Reposting from morning thread: A couple months ago I applied for a job in an organization I am very interested in but did not get it. I had spoken to this person to express my interest in the position prior to them picking someone, I’m a researcher in science so this is not really uncommon in my field. Now they have advertised a position very similar to the first and I am still interested. I am planning on re-applying but not sure whether to reach out again via phone call. The first time I dealt with this individual I realized he may not really look at email—he stated as much during the informal conversation we had. The aim would be to just reiterate my interest in the organization and the project (it’s a fixed term contract position). I don’t want to seem desperate or worse a bother. Advice and suggestions welcome. Thank you.

  14. I’m not proud of this, but when I was going through school and when I first started working after I graduated I was very snobbish and self important. I acted like I was better than others with “less important” jobs and I was rude to people, support staff included. As I said I am ashamed of the attitude I had back then, I own it and acknowledge that it was 100 percent my fault.

    Recently I went for a job interview at a small boutique firm. One of the people on the interview panel was a woman who used to work as a secretary at amother firm I once worked at and she is a lawyer now. As I said I wasn’t a very nice person back then. We both recognized each other although neither of us said anything not related to the interview.

    I would like to reach out and apologize for my behavior back then. Not to suck up so I can get the job but because I am sorry for how I treated her back then and I want to own up. This isn’t even about the job. I’m not sure if I should leave the past alone or if I should send her a note or an email acknowledging what a jerk I was back then.

    Any thoughts on what I should do are greatly appreciated.

    1. I can’t imagine that you can do this and not look like you are trying to be smarmy about this job.

    3. Leave it alone. There is no way you can do this without seeming like you’re just kissing up because of the job. And good for you for fixing your attitude.

    4. Let it be. If you reach out now, she’s likely to think that you’re only reaching out because you want the job. Hopefully in your interview, you came across as more mature and self-aware and you put some distance between who you are now versus back then. If it’s still bugging you, mayyyybeee down the road after you hear one way or the other about the job you can reach out, but I’d let it go.

    5. Agreed, now is not the time to bring it up. It’s good you learned your lesson. Pay it back by continuing to be a nice person and, when appropriate, help other young things learn this lesson early so they don’t make the same mistakes.

    6. If you want to reach out, wait until you do/don’t get the job before saying anything.

    7. Good for you for changing your attitude. But I would be surprised if you got the job considering this woman was on the panel. People remember those who were rude/self-important. Personally, I would automatically ding someone for this reason. I agree with others that there is nothing you can do now, but I personally wouldn’t set your hopes up too high for this gig. The lesson to be learned is to be nice always, you never know who you will run into.

    8. Agree with everyone above, definitely don’t reach out until you hear back about the job. After the fact (either way) I think you could reach out. If you do, I would keep it relatively short and just say something like, with years and experience you’ve realized you weren’t always the easiest person to work with as a new grad, and you’d like to apologize if you ever offended her. And leave it at that, without expecting much by way of a response. I also think it’s okay not to say anything.

      And yes, I agree that your chances of getting this particular job are slim.

    9. I can’t see how this isn’t about the job- it wasn’t on your radar until you saw her. Even if you wait until after the rejection, I can’t help but think that you are apologizing because she is a lawyer now. It’s not like you’ve been going through a list of people to make amends too, it’s just this woman that it occurred to you to reach out to.

      1. Actually I have sought out people that I was rude and awful to in the past. I just so happened to run into this woman after years and wasn’t sure what to do because it was at a job interview. My feelings of regret would be the same whether she was a lawyer or a secretary at the boutique firm.

        1. That wasn’t clear in your op- in that case I would wait a few weeks after you get the reject notice so it doesn’t seem like a knee jerk reaction, and then approach it the way you did with the others.

  15. Pendleton sale looks great – lots of Made in the US stuff for people who care about that.

  16. This is something I don’t think I can say to anyone but my husband and the Hive. I am trying to buy a used car. I’ve enlisted a broker to help. My criteria is pretty open, three rows, luxury brand, leather, heated seats around 30000 miles. He put me in touch with a dealer who keeps sending me cars that I don’t want. The first one was a Hyundai and the one just now was a CR-V. “I know you’re looking for a Volvo, Mercedes or BMW but here’s a CR-V” I’m getting even more annoyed.

    1. I’ve never heard of using a broker. We just had great success buy a used car in one of the brands you described at 30k miles using Autotrader. After we did our searches we then only followed up on cars that were either Certified Pre-Owned or sold by large, reputable, regional dealer groups affiliated directly with car makes (IE: Smith’s Audi versus Smiths Auto Hause).

      Sidenote: have you considered the Acura MDX? I’m in loooooooove with ours!

      1. It is on my list! At the moment I’m in love with the Volvo XC90 and found one to fit all the criteria but now my husband wants 4WD and interior color to match our dog’s fur.

        The broker will go through all the car dealers to find what we want but we still have to go test them. Otherwise I was on Craigslist, Carmax and every other site trying to compare.

        1. fwiw, we were looking for the very same thing last year and settled on the Land Rover (LR4). A good friend has the Volvo, which I thought I wanted, and the LR4 is so. much. better.

        2. Do not get an XC90. Please. For the love of all things holy. Electrical problems, starter problems, transmission problems…

          Signed,
          Worst/most expensive car experience of my life

      2. I thought I loved the XC90. We bought the MDX because my husband (who liked the Volvo more than I did) decided it “drove like an elephant on sedatives” during the test drive.

        Our MDX is a 2010 and my good friend has the new one- we both prefer the older model but it does have worse mileage and is now 5-6 years old so doubt it’s what you want. But the one I love is the older model with fewer tech bells and whistles.

    2. I’ve had that happen. They’re really clueless sometimes. If there’s really a human on the other end and it’s not automated, I’d have no problem writing back, “Hi John, Sam may have explained my criteria to you, but in case he didn’t, it’s X. I am NOT interested in anything else, so please only send me cars matching that description. Thank you.”

      1. We had a phone call with him last night, but it was my understanding that the cars would go through the broker so this wouldn’t happen. I think I will send him your script.

    3. Have you considered saying it to the dealer? If you need a script maybe “Can we go over what I’m looking for again? Based on the cars you’re sending me we’ve had some miscommunication.”

    4. Sounds exactly like buying a house. You tell a realtor “no bi-levels” and they insist on showing you 5 of them because “you might just change your mind”. Ugh.

      Good luck!

  17. I get it. I live in a similar place and the pull to lean out is strong. You got rational, reasoned advice this morning but having family and children isn’t always about rational or reasoned. Sure having your child see you as a professional woman with accomplishments outside the house is valuable. But, sometimes, being physically there for her exactly when she wants you seems more valuable. I’m not telling you to ignore the advice you got this morning. I’m just saying that I’m a mom and a professional and I right now the pull towards the former is stronger than the pull towards the latter and that’s okay.

    1. Thank you for this, and thanks to all the others who responded. I have a lot to think about.

  18. Does anyone have any stories of AGL tears and surgery to share? I just had an MRI and apparently did tear my ACL back in November in the vacation of doom. Still scheduling the consult with the surgeon so I don’t know how bad the tear was or anything like that, or what he’ll recommend for me. Thanks in advance!

    1. Hey Kat! I tore mine back in college and did not get it fixed. I so regret that 28 years later. I’ve had surgery on that knee for meniscus tears because not having an ACL creates other problems, and I can’t run. Gix your ACL.

      2. I tore mine about 15 years ago and it’s still not right. Be completely, totally diligent about physical therapy! The recovery on an ACL repair took way longer than I thought it would. I had surgery in June, was couch-bound for days (with a continuous passive motion machine, arghh), on crutches for weeks, and was still walking with a brace and a limp in September. And talk to your surgeon about whether you really need surgery. Your surgeon will almost certainly tell you to get the operation, but knee surgery is no joke, so really do the due diligence about your options.

    2. I’m a physical therapist. Whether you decide on the surgery or not, get yourself a good PT (I’m not biased at all…). A good course of PT will help you stabilize your knee if you choose the nonsurgical route. Some people are called “responders” and function fine without one. Others can have lingering issues. If you’re younger and very active, repair/reconstruction is usually preferred. But like anonymous said, expect to be on crutches and in a straight leg brace for a few weeks (continuous passive motion is rarely prescribed anymore), expect a few months before you can walk well and 6-9 months before you can do any sports activities.

    3. My husband did a few years ago, he had to choose to get his repaired or use a cadaver. He choose the cadaver but regrets that he didn’t have his own repaired. It was longer healing to repair it.

      I tore my gastrocnemius muscle and did not have surgery but did PT instead, I also regret it, I still feel it when I run.

  19. I’m a CPA and I’m trying to help a good friend and her au pair with their tax returns and I just ran into an issue. The IRS guidance states that an au pair is not subject to FICA/Mcare tax and that a W-2 should not be filed to report wages paid (so they are NOT treated as a household employee as a nanny would be). However, the au pair is required to file a 1040-NR (assuming the au pair meets the classification of NR alien) to report the stipend (wages) they received if their wages exceed the NR alien exemption. So if I’m understanding this correctly, the au pair should obtain an SSN. The host family should claim the child care tax credit using the au pair’s SSN. The au pair should file form 1040-NR to claim the income and pay the tax due. Here’s where my question comes in – – If no W-2 is filed, won’t the IRS issue a matching notice because the au pair’s reported wages do not agree to a W-2 (b/c one wasn’t filed)??? Or maybe they won’t give a crap because non-resident aliens are not able to take tax credits?? I think you’d have to fill out the 1040-NR by hand too or over-ride in TurboTax because without a W2 TurboTax won’t know what to do. Has anyone dealt with this situation?????

    1. Have your friend contact the AP agency; they help people navigate this very issue. if the au pair isn’t with one of the bigger agencies, I’m not sure- there might be literature out there as a resource.

    2. She gave me all the information the agency gave her re: taxes (it’s a large agency). The agency’s suggestions jive with the IRS guidance, I just done know how to file this properly.

  20. Does anyone work in sales? Got offered a part time position for sales but I’m a little nervous because it’s heavily commission based and no salary.

    1. I want to work from home DESPERATELY…. But do not want to be a freelance writer, 1099, a business owner or any of those things. Also do not want to work in a call center or do customer service type work. Any legitimate company or position recommendations? Please??im literally in tears of how desperate I am now to work remotely. Emotionally I just can’t take being in the office or my horrible boss.

      1. What are your skills/what’s your background? I WFH for a tech company, but info occasionally travel. But 85-90% of my time is working out of my home office. I put in 9+ hours/day and am on video for at least half that.

        1. I have skills and background in everything, I am very good at data entry as well as writing. Do you like the company you work for? Is the work very hard?

      2. Have you asked for a WFH arrangement for your current role? Even a few days a week?

      3. Switch to a different office/company! Managers are bad everywhere, and bad managers can be bad even from a distance.

        1. True….. Which I’m fine with having a bad boss from a distance. Being in the office with him crushes my soul :( I’ve been searching for a new job for almost a year. Work from home jobs are either extremely specialized, a scam or competitive.

      4. Sorry to hear about your frustration – are you the same poster that wants to be home with the kids at the same time? I think thats going to really limit the roles you can do

        1. I’ve looked into this, a lot of *difficult* training and I got to shadow this position and it wasn’t for me. Thank you for the suggestion!

      6. A friend of mine transcribed dictation tapes from home. But what is your field? Will any job/pay level do?

        1. I have experience in a variety of things. I just strongly don’t want to do customer service or booking reservations. They tend to pay low, difficult customers etc. I’d like to make no less than $20/h. Sort of pay. How does she like that job and does it pay well?

    2. Usually for sales jobs that will be come more commission-based, there’s a timeline.
      So, say, for month #1, salary = 100% salary + 0%commission
      Month 2, Salary = 90% salary + 10% commission
      Month 6, Salary = 50% salary + 50% commission
      Month 12, Salary = 0% salary + 100% commission

      I’d be wary if you have 0 sales experience and they want your salary to be 100% commission right away.

      1. They said I have to submit 50 leads a week and that its 100% commission. I have sales experience but it’s been a long time since I’ve done sales and previously the leads were given to us. So inside sales.

  21. I like to look nice, but not the work of keeping up with it all.
    What, pray tell, is “scuba”? My first inclination is to think it is the neoprene material that wetsuits are made of, but the dresses I’m seeing described that way are of various fabrics, none of them as odd as that. Some are fit & flare, some are skater dresses, but I don’t see anything consistent in the styles.

    1. I don’t know what it is actually composed of but it is a thick stretchy material similar in feel to neoprene. To me it’s nlikena thicker ponte. Fairly casual; generally hot for a more formal environment. Sorry I’m not more help but not sure how much traffic there is in the evening so wanted to respond.

  22. Why do you call yourselves, collectively, The Hive? I don’t think it a particularly flattering characterization. It sounds too Borg like. How did the name come about?

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