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Thursday’s Workwear Report: CloudFleece Wrap Top

Our daily workwear reports suggest one piece of work-appropriate attire in a range of prices. Anthropologie calls this “cloud fleece,” and right there, they've pretty much sold me on the top already. It's machine washable and looks really flattering, too. They've got a bunch of dresses and things like that right now, as well, but note that they're in very lucky sizes — here's a cute wrap dress. This top comes in five colors, a lot of which are almost sold out, which is a great sign (as are the many positive reviews). The pictured sky blue has a couple sizes left, and the very happy, spring-y yellow has all of them available, XXS–XL. CloudFleece Wrap Top For plus sizes, try this top from Loft. This post contains affiliate links and Corporette® may earn commissions for purchases made through links in this post. For more details see here. Thank you so much for your support! Seen a great piece you’d like to recommend? Please e-mail tps@corporette.com.

Sales of note for 12.5

And some of our latest threadjacks here at Corporette (reader questions and commentary) — see more here!

Some of our latest threadjacks include:

337 Comments

  1. Wow, Kat! I love this wrap top from Anthropologie, it is a little more protective for us then a deep V neck. I kind of think full figured women must order smaller, b/c we should not have to worry about slobs that love to peer in if we should have to lean over for any reason. I also think this top goes well with those of us lucky enough to be early in their pregenantcy b/c of the extra room at the waistline.

    The Pink and the Sky Blue are particularly cute for me, especially the Blue which matches my eyes. I will show the manageing partner as soon as I get in. It is so cold here today that my Dad agreed I could take the subway to work this morning (I did yesterday, but did NOT bring it up with him, tho I know he can track me on his iMac so I think we both know that I did not walk yesterday either!). I hope to get all of my billing finished by early afternoon and take the rest of the day off and go shoppeing! YAY!!!!!

  2. Um, most sizes’ being sold out is not actually a great sign. It is a sign that you can’t buy the item.

    1. Um, most sizes’ being sold out is not actually a great sign. It is a sign that you can’t buy the item.

      1. It’s listed on the website under “loungewear”. Which generally only works for those with home offices…

        1. I could get away with wearing this to work, but I work in a very casual office (engineering).

      2. I could wear this at my casual office, but it kind of looks like a nursing top. Open the wrap for easy access!

    2. I could wear this on Fridays in my office, but am bothered by the messy hair and massive head tilt the model has going on.

      1. I only buy clothes that are modeled on people hunched over a computer in a tiny cubicle, because that’s how I work and I have no imagination to picture them otherwise.

  3. It is seven degrees below zero. There is a three-hour union meeting in the cafeteria that has closed access to all other employees, with no prior notice. No one can get coffee. Send FEMA.

    1. A terrible logistical error, or a wickedly clever union recruitment strategy?

      I’m sorry. I hope you all make it!

    2. Be patient, the union is probably negotiating with Mother Nature as to when this polar vortex will end and what acceptable low temps will be.

        1. Mother Nature is already on strike and has left us in the custody of evil step-parent polar vortex.

  4. I’d like to get a classic quilted vest either in navy or olive with pockets that either zip or snap closed (this is a must). Any recs for affordable ones? I don’t want to spend more than $75, but I want to get above Old Navy-level quality (where I have seen some vests) since it doesn’t really last for me. I’m looking for a more streamlined rather than a bulky look, although I appreciate a sporty, preppy vibe overall.

    1. I’ve bought some used J Crew vests on Ebay and Poshmark that have held up really well.

    3. FWIW, I bought a couple of those quilted vests from Old Navy the beginning of last winter and they are holding up great, despite being worn and machine washed frequently. I agree that a lot of ON’s stuff does not hold up that well for multiple seasons, but the vests are still going strong.

    5. JCrew / Factory consistently sells these each year, though from a quick skim of their websites I suspect they’re sold out for this year — they were part of the like, two-month-long 40-60% off monster sale.

    6. I love Barbour vests – they’re exactly what you describe, but sometimes a little more ($150ish on average but often on sale) and they wear like iron. Part of my uniform.

      2. OP here – I love the look of the Barbour ones, but they are a little on the expensive side (and the discounted one isn’t available in my size). If you’ve found they really last, though, that’s something to consider over a more fast-fashion brand.

        1. I’ve worn mine going on 5+ years almost daily for all seasons (I’m in SF) and they look new. I think they’re worth it – I used to get all the cheap ones before biting the bullet on these.

        2. Check out other stores too, I think Macys also carries them and puts them on sale.

        3. I mean, you have pretty specific requirements here. I think you’re going to have to budge on something.

      3. +1 for the Barbour vests. It’s generally around $150 (and runs small FYI), but I cannot think of an item in my wardrobe that I reach for more. I’ve had mine 4 years now and wear it probably once a week.

        1. Do you have the Betty style? The lack of a collar is a little different and I can’t decide which I like.

        2. +1 again for the barbour. I have had a Wray style vest for the last four or so years. I’ve been wearing it indoors this week in Chicago over a J crew Tippi and it’s warm and wonderful. I also appreciate that it snaps into my other barbour jacket to add a layer of warmth.

          1. kk, which style Barbour jacket do you have? I have a snap-in furry liner but would love to have a quilted vest liner as well.

          2. AnonCA, mine is a Beadnell. It came with the Wray vest in 2012ish as part of a Land Rover parntership. I think most Beadnell jackets include the option for a snap-in jacket.

      4. Another +1 for Barbour, I have one that’s… I think six or seven years old, still looks new after washing, despite being worn a ton (including at the barn).

    8. I’d check Talbots. I have something like that from them that was a steal, though mine is probably puffier than you’d like. That sad, if you’re looking for classic and preppy, they’re a great place to look.

  5. I have a phone hearing today with an administrative body. It will be me and my client in one room and five members on the deciding body. Any tips I may not have thought of to make it successful?

      1. Thanks! It went well. My client did so well. I was one proud attorney today.

  6. Has anyone ever tried to make both parents working on an 80% schedule work? Idea is that we would both be home one different day a week so kids would need care 3 days a week. We have family local who could help cover childcare if something came up on the days we are supposed to be off. Both of us are lawyers (he’s in big law, I’m at smaller firm).

    1. My husband and I do this but we’re both academics, so our schedules are way more flexible and self-controlled than lawyers. We pretty much only have meetings with people junior to us (students and postdocs) so it’s easy to just say “no the meeting can’t be that day.” Finding daycare that will let you do part time is hard, at least in our area. We pay for 5 days of care but only send her 3 (which is good in some ways since we have automatic backup care).

    2. Is your question about making it financially? If it’s financially doable and you each want to spend more time with the kids, it sounds like a great idea. If you’re doing it to save money on childcare, do you save on daycare and/or nanny costs? I think most of those work best on the full time model.

    3. With law, I keep hearing from my lawyer friends that it’s 80% salary but still 100% of the work.

      1. This. I tried it in a misguided attempt to get a better balance before going in-house and all I got was a pay cut and some mental relief (didnt stress about the hours I billed anyway). In your shoes I’d just work more flexibly without asking permission and do it quietly. Go home when you need to and log in there v at the office.

        1. Right I have definitely heard that and it’s been my main reason for not doing it. I already have a lot of flexibility and can mostly come and go for appointments, picking up kids early, etc. But I really just want more time with the kids and I’m really looking I guess for “permission” to take a whole day off every week.

          1. That’s probably going to be tough in a law firm, unfortunately – my experience was similar to others, the reduced hours requirement really just translates to a technically lower hours to bill, but not to schedules. Since you’re at a smaller firm you could just propose an alternative schedule (like bill same number of hours but not in office/around on X day of the week). I could see an employer going for that as long as you could adjust as needed. The trouble is, adjusting as needed tends to come up a lot. Alternative schedules are sadly just tough for lawyers.

          2. I should add that I’m never really that busy or panicked with immovable deadlines. I also didn’t meet my hours last year and pretty consistently only bill 35 hrs a week or so and still got a raise and a bonus so part of me is wondering if taking a pay cut to work “reduced hours” when the hours target doesn’t seem that big of a deal is worth it. I just want another day off with the kids and working flexibly is great but doesn’t get me that. My office does require you to bill some time every day or enter vacation time so just taking a whole day off every week wouldn’t work.

          3. Sounds like your situation could support the idea of one day off, I’d ask if you could structure your schedule that way (without asking for reduced pay) and just code it differently in your time keeping system – sounds like a logistics issue rather than a workload issue. I’d be mindful of the fact that others might want to do this too, and be prepared to address that/have a solution for it, but it would be worth talking about.

        2. OP – if you were billing under target last year and still got a raise and a bonus, you would be insane to ask to reduce your hours. You are basically asking to do the same as last year, but for less money automatically.

          1. So this is a good point and something I’ve thought about also. I don’t want to have to make up the hours from the day off on the other days. So now if I average 35 hours a week over 5 days I’m anticipating my hours dropping to around 30 or less a week. 35 hours or so instead of 40 is not terrible but 30 instead of 40 is pretty noticeable and would require officially reducing my hours I would think.

    4. My Biglaw friends who went 80% regret it. They felt like they took a pay cut but still have little control over their day-to-day… If your case or deal is busy, disappearing every Tuesday or whatever isn’t going to happen. They also felt if they said “no” to work to help their overall balance (like to have a quieter month after a crazy one), they might lose out on being a respected partner’s go-to associate (or a good client’s main contact).

      YMMV if Dad is in a niche practice with a predictable workflow that doesn’t usually encounter fire drills.

      1. +1 to “They felt like they took a pay cut but still have little control over their day-to-day”, that’s been the universal feedback from my colleagues who have done the 80% schedule as well, get paid less, but work the same.

      2. Also, in my experience, many/most partners in BigLaw has very traditional gender views when it comes to working. Even the ones who are very helpful and supportive of female attorneys are not as progressive when it comes to alternatives for male attorneys (maybe this is because so many of them have sahw). At many firms, men are given a hard time if they want to take any significant time off when their kid is born. Unless your husband works at a very, very progressive biglaw firm, I think this would drastically hurt him and increase the chances he is pushed out

      3. I was on an 85% schedule in BigLaw, as a litigator, for six years, between the time my first child was born and the time I made equity partner. It was brilliant for me, for three reasons:

        1) My firm has a quarterly true-up, so if I worked more than my target hours over a quarter I got compensated for it. I never worked 100% of the hours for 80% of the pay. My bonus also got trued up every year to my actual hours, not my part time status.

        2) I treated it as purchasing flexibility and Fridays from home, not as a tradeoff with childcare. We kept full time childcare. But it allowed me to work from home on Fridays, leave early when I wanted to, and draw boundaries around my work so that I had more time with the kids. I also treated the flexibility as going both ways. If I had a trial, then i worked all the time. If I didn’t have a trial, or other compelling work, I took advantage of all of my part-time benefits and stayed home. This worked because I had terrific partners for whom I was working, who trusted me.

        3) It allowed me to exceed expectations. I made partner billing under 2000 hours a year, which is a lot for a full time job but far below what other people on the partnership track were billing. But because I was part time, my 1800-2000 hours looked pretty impressive. For me, I can bill 1800 hours no problem, and I can even bill 2000 hours without really breaking a sweat – but the marginal cost of every hour above 2000 is very high. It just wasn’t worth it to me to bill those hours instead of being with my kids.

        Not all firms work this way, and you know your own situation. But I really am a strong believer in part time under the right circumstances. I’m convinced that it’s what kept me in BigLaw instead of jumping to government or in-house, and it’s worked out well for my career so far.

    5. For the additional cost, I would still pay for full time childcare. DH has every second Friday off in a manager level govt job and still has to work a half day at least once a month. When he doesn’t work, usually he takes the kids grocery shopping in the morning, drops them to daycare from 11-3pm so they have lunch and nap time. He does his laundry, puts away groceries, preps dinner and gets in a run. Then picks them up and goes to the park or something.

      Having a day free each week with childcare available if necessary will be invaluable to being able to schedule doctor’s appointment, hair cuts, grocery shopping without having to have the kids with you the entire day.

      1. I have the same schedule and also keep full time childcare- tbh the (small) price difference is worth the reliability. I just keep my daughter home guilt free when I can and drop her off at preschool and run errands and work if I need to as well.
        Op- I was going to suggest finding a gov/union heavy work environment with alt work schedules- My husband and I are both lawyers and that’s what’s worked for us (he works from home 2x a week and can carry comp hrs; I work an hr extra every day and then get every other fri off)- we make good money (not big law, but still very good) and have great balance.

    6. I think that law works better leaving at 4 every day vs having one full day off each week. And leaving at 4 is good for school pickups / beating traffic / dinner.

    7. The only lawyers I know who have felt like going 80% was worth it were those who had a spouse who absolutely couldn’t scale back hours at work, so it was a mechanism to be able to be able to draw some boundaries on their own workdays. As others are saying, when you have client demands, you only have so much control, and you’re definitely not getting the time back dollar for dollar, but it was the little bit of give that they needed to keep functioning.

      1. I have been 80% for 10 years with Fridays off. It mostly works but my practice area (T&E) is not emergency driven so clients are not so impatient, and people at my firm are good re: recognizing boundaries on time (mostly). I usually check email on my day off but if I don’t it isn’t the end of the world. Definitely YMMV on this though!

        1. Totally depends on practice area. I am in a speciality group, but M&A support. I have been 80-90% for several years. 4 days a week would never work for me (and I went into it knowing that). I work reduced hours/reduced time in the office. It basically makes my job like a 40-50 hour/week job rather than a 50-60 hour/week job. It also allows me to take more vacation. Basically, it allows me to not worry about my hours. (That said, there’s only been one year where I have met my hours – in every other year, I have gone over (and luckily been compensated for it)).

    8. 60% in biglaw made my hours similar to my husband’s 100% engineer job that was much better compensated

  7. I would love your help with ideas for my parents’ 70th birthdays!
    My parents turn 70 within two weeks of each other this spring. My sibling and I would like to do something significant for them (smaller than a European river cruise, for example, but bigger than dinner out at a nice local restaurant). Budget is probably a couple thousand dollars. So far we have considered things like a holiday weekend in Sedona with our families (6 adults, 4 kids ages 2-6), or a night or two plus dinner for them at the Inn at Little Washington. They live in NC, I live on the east coast and sibling lives out west.
    A bit more context: they definitely do not want “a thing,” my mother still works a 50+ hr week intense job, dad consults part time and entirely controls his schedule, they like to travel but are limited by my mother’s vacation days, they have a few good local friends but no large friend group or organized activities, neither gets along great with the other’s family (so, big extended family get together wouldn’t be super enjoyable), they’re currently in great health. Given this, my sibling and I thought a weekend with our families [somewhere??] would be nice, but I’m open to other options as well as specific location recommendations. Thank you!

    1. My family is generally pretty low-key, but I have a hard time imagining that a weekend away doesn’t qualify as “a thing,” except mayyybe if your family often does group weekend vacations. Can you clarify what your parents mean? I would come up with like three very vague proposals at different levels of thing-ness and see what your parents think.

        2. Yes, sorry, I meant they don’t want an object. Thanks for clarifying for me :-)

          1. Ohhh that somehow didn’t even occur to me. In that case your plan sounds much better to me, lol.

      2. I would interpret “a thing” as a big party with friends and extended family. Something with immediate family-only isn’t a thing (in my introvert mind anyway).

    2. What about a vacation rental on the Outer Banks with the family in the summer? That might be convenient for them. Not sure about current prices but you might be able to get a long weekend rental, especially in the shoulder season (June or Sept?). Or you could stay in a hotel.

    3. What about organizing a professional photographer to take shots of the whole family in a location special to your parents? Maybe where they were married or engaged? or a park near their first house where they took you as children?

      1. We did this for my parents most recent big wedding anniversary and it was a big hit. Whole family got together, we took lovely photos, and spent a long weekend together out of town. I’m planning to replicate in 5 years.

      2. We did this too and my mom complained at the time about it, but was super happy late Tom we had it (my 100yo grandma was in the pics and after had a series of strokes that made her bedridden). It did us double duty because the next year I had the best group pic printed on metal at Costco and gave that to them as an Xmas gift. Also, I’m not generally a gift person either and a long weekend with immediate fam would be my idea of a perfect gift- so I think that’s also a great idea.

    4. When my parents hit a milestone anniversary, we hosted a surprise party for them at a local restaurant. We invited their local friends, but also their siblings, one of whom flew in for the event. There were two things that made it particularly special. For one, we sent a large scrapbook page to each of their friends (including many who lived far away) and asked them to write something or include pictures from their times together. We compiled all this into a book that we gave them at the party and is one of their cherished keepsakes. It’s a nice walk down memory lane for them, as they moved all over and had friends all over the country. The second thing we did was put together a slideshow of their lives. I snuck into their house and found pictures from each phase of their lives – a few from their childhoods, then from their early marriage pre-kids, and then a few from each major phase after that. We then put together a little musical background of a different song for each phase (e.g. newlyweds – Makin’ Whoopee) and showed it at the party. Some of the attendees were in the pictures so that made it fun. And we kept it short – just one or two pictures per phase – a total of maybe 15 minutes. It truly was a special event. A lot of work and you may not be able to pull it off by spring (you’d have to get the scrapbook pages and mailing tubes and get them out soon – we gave people 3 weeks to complete and return) and if you want anyone to come from out of town, you have to give plenty of notice, of course, but it was totally worth it.

      1. We did something very similar for my parents’ 70th — also a scrapbook like this but just asked my parents’ friends to email a message or favorite memory, and any old pictures they had. My parents siblings were best for the pictures over time. I made it online using Shutterfly. It took a lot of harassing people over email, and some time to assemble, but it wasn’t bad. They loved it, my dad reports that my mom looked through it often. We also gathered in one convenient city — siblings, parents, me, and my mom’s siblings, and booked a private room at a nice restaurant where everyone could hear each other. And ordered my dad’s favorite cake from a bakery.

    5. If you can incorporate professional group family photos with the kids, that might be a nice keepsake from the vacation.

    6. Sedona is lovely, but I really struggled with the altitude. My parents planned an nice bike ride in a hilly national park, and our family just couldn’t do it. I suppose it would be fine if you weren’t planning on doing anything physical, but running after kids in a high altitude sounds physical to me.

    7. For my 60th last fall we flew to New York for the weekend and chartered a party boat and sailed around New York Harbor. It was a total blast and best birthday ever. If you don’t have enough people for a charter, you could do the same thing and just book an existing dinner cruise. SO FUN. And brunch the next day at the Loeb Boathouse in Central Park. Divine.

    8. Oh, and for my husband’s 70th the year before we did a 70s disco party and it was the funnest thing ever. Everybody dressed up and danced the night away. All ages really got into it.

    9. We took my dad on a hot air balloon ride for his 65th. It was beautiful and a new experience for him. Up to 8 people could ride in one.

  8. What helps you when you’re feeling mildly depressed? It’s too cold to go outside and get some sun and exercise, which usually helps me. I just want to sit under a blanket and scroll instagram and that’s not making me feel any better.

    1. Baking! It’s creative and productive, which makes me feel good about myself, but also cozy. And then I can sit under a blanket and enjoy the fruits of my labors with tea.

      1. I agree! When I’ve been stuck inside, baking or putting something in the oven that will heat the house and smell delicious (that you normally don’t have time for) makes me feel better. It would also get you moving to prepare it.

        What about doing some indoor exercise with something on YouTube?

        1. Absolutely baking or cooking for me. I love loading up the crockpot with something hearty, and it’s productive because then I’ve got leftovers to bring for lunch. Tea is also wonderful!

    2. A little exercise? Cooking? Listening to favorite up tempo music? Dancing? (My kids and i used to have impromptu dance parties in the kitchen before they were old enough to find it embarrassing, and it would cheer us all up)

    3. I have been known to have a one-song dance party in one of the empty offices in my building on days like that. (With headphones of course.)

    4. Are you in the Midwest? If not, it’s not too cold to exercise outside as long as you dress well. Otherwise, just do an exercise video inside. Put away Instagram (you know you need to so just do it).

      1. Are you in the Midwest? If not, it’s not too cold to exercise outside as long as you dress well. Otherwise, just do an exercise video inside. Put away Instagram (you know you need to so just do it).

      2. “Put away instagram” when you’re doing some mildly depressed scrolling is sooo much easier said than done. Telling somebody to just do it isn’t very helpful advice.

        1. I’m the one who posted that advice and I stand by it. I have been in the same position too many times to count and literally the only thing that helps is putting the phone away. There is no other way around it so I don’t sugarcoat it.

          1. It’s not advice, though. Obviously OP knows she needs to do this. I know I need to do this. The problem is not knowing what the correct behavior is, the problem is figuring out how to get your brain to actually do it. But glad you’ve got it all figured out.

    5. I love watching stupid 90s comedy movies like Mallrats or Wayne’s World. Highbrow, they are not. But they are like wrapping myself in a warm blanket of simple nostalgic amusement.

    6. I make caramel. I find the process of watching the sugar melt and caramelize very therapeutic. It requires just enough brainpower and focus that it snaps me out of a funk and it’s hands-on pretty much the whole time so I don’t slip back into blanket instagram scrolling while waiting on something to come out of the oven (the problem when I try to bake while in a similar state). It also lets me use some creativity to decide what exactly I’m going to do with the caramel- make different flavors, make it into a sauce, make chewy candies, hard candies, caramelized nuts, sugar art, etc.
      Obviously this particular activity is really specific to me, but try to find something that fits the venn diagram of creative, hands-on, and satisfying/comforting. I have a friend who organizes her bathroom cabinets when she’s feeling down. My mom tends to her indoor herb garden. You do you.

    7. Not an expert in depression, but some things that help me ward off SAD:
      – Can you find a sunny place to sit for a while? There’s a library nearby that has a really bright, sunny warm seating area where I go a lot of Saturdays mornings to sit and read a book or magazines.
      – Go get some exercise – anything, really. Walk around an indoor mall. If you’re a gym member, just go walk the track and listen to a funny podcast (My Dad Wrote A P**no is the funniest thing). Start C25K so someone just tells you what to do in your ear, you don’t have to think about it. Find that deal for a free month of ClassPass. Sometimes I’ll go swimming at the gym, but before I was a member of a gym with a pool, I would go to the local rec center, where you can get a day pass for a few dollars. I sat in my gym’s sauna for 40 minutes with a book yesterday, and it was so cozy.
      – I, too, get tempted to hole up, but I try to follow the same schedule every day. Wake up at the same time every morning, work, go to the gym, make dinner, don’t let myself burrow in to the couch until after 7/7:30, go to bed at the same time (the bedtime feature on iPhone is really great for this and stops your notifications so you aren’t tempted to pick up the phone).
      – Invite some friends over for a whole day of TV binge-watching, pour some wine or hot cocoa, do adult coloring, put on bad comedies or movie musicals or Mrs. Maisel and try to feel hygge.

    8. I clean. I know that’s weird. It makes me feel productive. Washing off literal grime helps the figurative grime go away too. After the cleaning is done, I’d light a candle and read a book under a cozy blanket and have some tea/red wine.

      1. Not weird. Marie Kondo has a whole thing about how having a clean peaceful environment helps her have more self-confidence.

      2. Cleaning definitely helps. It’s nice to put on some music and just mindlessly scrub, and the feeling of a clean house is SO satisfying. It makes my whole life feel more together if my house is clean.

        1. Also this. My mood feels lighter and brighter when my space is also lighter and brighter!

    9. I suffer with SAD (I take antidepressants year-round anyways, but this winter has been an absolute killer for me). One thing that I’ve really enjoyed (and been pretty surprised by) is jigsaw puzzles – there’s the fun of hunting for the right piece and the satisfaction when you get a section done. I’ve really enjoyed the collage puzzles, where it’s little pictures inside the big puzzle, so you can put 75 pieces together and feel accomplished. And my mind is completely occupied when I’m doing puzzles – no ruminating.

      1. A couple of my friends have just gotten into jigsaw puzzles for this reason. I think coloring books would be a good alternative if you don’t have the space for a puzzle. I’ve also started doing more linocuts, but that involves buying some supplies.

      2. My mom used to have a big jigsaw puzzle going constantly when we were teenagers. All our buddies would pull up a chair to help and chat with her.

    10. I write notes to friends. Thinking of you notes to faraway friends, more detailed letters to my grandmother. Overdue thank-you notes if I need to send them. It helps get me out of my own head and thinking about other people.

    11. I get into a funk this time of year (probably SAD, but not formally diagnosed). When I’m feeling this way, it can be really hard to exercise etc, even though I know it helps.

      I recently recommitted to: using my light therapy light every morning (15 minutes), and taking “Stress-Ease” vitamins (high dose B-complex & C)….it’s made an amazing difference. My motivation is way back up, and I’m feeling much more level headed.

    12. I like to plan vacations because it gives me something to look forward to and requires my attention to figure out flights, hotel, things to do etc.

    13. Usually I will either plan a trip (even a short weekend day trip – pick a store / coffee shop I want to go to, etc.). Lately I picked up a book called the Mindful Guide to Handlettering and I am teaching myself handlettering. The book has positive affirmations that it uses to teach you the technique. It’s been really therapeutic and requires just paper and a good brush pen.

  9. For those of you with solar panels, how did you arrive at your decision to get them, and how did you arrive on a contractor?

    I need a new roof and I want to think about getting solar as well.

    I’m in the Bay Area FWIW.

    1. This is a very local-specific question! Ask at your local neighborhood groups or other eco-minded folks gathering!

    2. I work in renewable energy, but in a different state, and not in residential. But, a couple thoughts that should help:
      In CA, residential solar is a very competitive market, and you’ll have the option to purchase outright (cash or finance) or lease for a fixed amount of savings. I’d prefer to own if you’re in a position to do so, you get the tax benefits and more savings over time. I’d look up local reviews, preference given to NABCEP certified companies, see who rises to the top, and have several provide you with quotes. Read your contract carefully – what is their workmanship guarantee, what additional guarantees do they place on the system. Panels and inverters have their own manufacturer’s warrantees, but check into the panels the contractor proposes to use, they should be using a Tier 1 company. I’d ask about the specifics of the racking, mounts and fasteners they’ll be using, and look up reviews on those items independently. You get a federal tax credit for 30% of the system’s cost, and then you’ll want to check into your local incentives and rebates that might be available through the city, state and the utility, and make sure you’ll be receiving those, and not the contractor. Check who is getting the renewable energy credits, too.

      1. This is a good point. My belief in CA on the residential side (I’m most familiar with the non-residential side) is that you will sign a net metering agreement with PG&E which should handle how you will accrue recs as well as what price you will receive / credit you will receive to sell power into the grid. I don’t think you are eligible for LCFS but that would be something else to consider.

    3. Heads up – PG&E is changing their time of use schedule such that peak hours (ie the most expensive power) is now from 4-9 as opposed to 12-4 (previous peak hours) meaning that you are now not generating solar for most / all of the most expensive time to draw power from the grid.

      In order to figure out whether it is worth it I would figure out which rate schedule you are on now and what your cost is per kwh / total monthly costs are as PG&E publishes the tariffs by schedule and you can also probably see this on your bill ( I am most familiar with the business rates / rates for heavy users of power in CA) as well as what applicable rate schedule you would be eligible for with solar panels. Then you can use the applicable rate schedule and assume that between the hours of 9 and 4 you are utilizing your solar and not paying the relevant rate and beyond that you are using the grid + whatever payments you are making on the solar are an added cost.

      1. I may or may not work at one of above mentioned companies and I’d get solar if you want it for green reasons, not necessarily because of any perceived money savings. Imho Pressure on the grid is mounting and legislation will eventually change how people can currently load off the grid without paying maintenance the way a regular customer would, and the pending bankruptcy and litigation will likely rewrite many of these contracts in the meantime making them less advantageous.

    4. For us it was primarily a financial decision…..after a year of crazy bills and a silent war of turning the thermostat up constantly (for AC in the summer), it was time to look at it more seriously. We are in San Diego

      energy sage dot com is a good resource for finding companies to bid
      g00gle also has a good online tool which can estimate how much sun your property gets (project sunroof)

      We talked to 6 contractors, which was a mix of companies identified on energysage dot com, the big companies in town and referrals from people we knew. In the end, we decided to use a company that someone referred us to, but used the other bids to negotiate them down (they were 2nd cheapest in the end)

      Once we went through all of the negotiations and assessments of our personal energy use, roof orientation etc, our cost came in at $3/kW ($24000 for an 8kW system). We paid cash outright for the system. With the federal tax credit that we’ll get on our taxes this year, the overall remaining net payback is projected at 3.7yrs.

    5. Also Bay Area (San Jose, so lots of sun). Can’t tell you anything about the decisionmaking because DH handled it all (that’s basically how we run our life), but if you email me at parttimepolicy @ gmail, I can send you our contractor (a referral from our GC). We seem very happy with it.

  10. Reporting back on the Boden dress from 1-16 – It’s going back. It isn’t cut like the photos – the top is great, but the skirt is a really extreme pencil that gets bubbly on the hips and hard to walk in because it’s so narrow around the knees. It looked like a nicely flowing midi in the pic to me. Oh well.

      1. Hey–I;m the OG MJ (since 2008) and I’d appreciate if you picked a different user name! Thanks!

        MJ

    2. I had the opposite experience ;)

      I am curvy (34D, small waist, large hips) and the dress actually works great for me! I usually wear a US6 so I ordered both the US6 and US8 and ended up going with the US8 because the stretchy fabric clung a bit too much to my curvy bits.

      (I found that the skirt was much easier to walk in after I cut the threads that keep the slit in place while the dress is on the rack)

      The fabric is a bit thicker so it is flattering and warm. I am wearing the dress with pointy flat and have gotten lots of compliments (I was worried the longish skirt would look frumpy without heels). I tied the waist into a half bow but obi style worked too – the half bow hides the hint of tummy pooch better though.

      1. Now perhaps I missed that cutting of the slit . . . Luckily I haven’t sent it back quite yet – I liked the top a lot but the skirt part was weird, I’ll give that a try – thanks!

          1. Thank you for pointing out the slit stitching! It didn’t occur to me to look at that and it solved my entire problem! I’m keeping it now :)

  11. Has anyone here purchased a travel insurance policy that allows them to cancel for work reasons? I thought I saw one discussed here before. We are trying to book travel in early March but if the gov’t shuts down again my husband is essential and will likely have his leave cancelled and forced to work. We don’t want to lose our money if that happens. I would not go if he doesn’t go and we want a policy that allows us both to cancel if he has to cancel. Lastly, would this still cover us if we book the travel through Chase with points? I can call Chase to see if they have their own policy we could buy via their travel agents but I wanted to ask here first in case anyone had first hand stories. Our travel date is not flexible as it is around spring break for the person we are visiting abroad.

    1. I have no advice but I just want to say I’m so sorry our government is so dysfunctional that you can’t count on a vacation.

    2. I shopped for this when I was in Big Law and I couldn’t find a policy I was satisfied with at a reasonable price. You’re better off just buying a plane ticket and then changing/cancelling it if need be. It’s usually just a $200 or so change fee. And it sounds like you’re visiting a friend but definitely book refundable hotels if you make any lodging arrangements.

    3. I bought cancel for any reason travel insurance through a travel agent once (we booked the rest of the trip through the agent as well). I don’t remember the name of the carrier and I don’t know if you can buy it other than through an agent. It was pricey – I think it cost something like 1/3 the price of the trip. It was worth it for me because a group of girlfriends were going with me out of the country for my 30th. At the time, I was in a biglaw shop that was notorious for canceling vacations last minute. My friends didn’t want to go on the trip without me, and I wanted to make sure they’d be covered if I had to cancel.

      If your potential cancellation reason is government related then you might want to mention that – maybe there’s some special rate you can get?

    4. We buy “cancel for any reason” insurance for international trips because my husband is military. Most recently I bought a policy from Travel Insured International to cover our upcoming trip to Japan. It was under $200.

      1. Just looked at this – you can buy basic with an optional upgrade for cancel due to work reasons — might do this! Thanks!

    5. I have and didn’t end up having to use it. I used the website insuremytrip.com to compare policies from different companies. You can filter by what requirements you need. I don’t recall what company I ended up purchasing it from.

    6. If you are traveling domestically (or some intl destinations)- I became a hardcore southwest fan because of their cancellation policies (big law survivor). I also always book refundable hotels only even if they cost a bit more.

    7. Travel insurance is highly fact-specific and you don’t give much information about the costs you are trying to cover. If you’re booking a tour or prepaid vacation, ask a representative if they offer the insurance and can review the terms with you. If you’re doing this on your own to cover airfare and hotel, look at online policies, starting with Allianz. You will likely need cancel-for-any-reason insurance, though it’s possible a narrower (cheaper) policy would cover governmental work stoppages in the same category as an act of God.

    8. Was just trying to figure this out too! I read the chase policy – it won’t cover it, and the travel insurance you purchase at an airline won’t either. I’m thinking I’ll book mostly hotels with free cancellation, wait on the nonrefundable purchases abroad (e.g., internal transportation, activities), and just pay the change fee if we need to reschedule flights (make sure you don’t purchase too low of a fare class that doesn’t have any flexibility).

    9. Yes. You’ve gotten good recs here (esp. insuremytrip.com, Allianz). Note that the trick with cancel for any reason insurance is that it typically needs to be purchased within a short window after you make the first insured purchase (30 days? 60?). I would examine the points issue carefully. I can’t provide any insight on that.

  12. I recently began working out more regularly and I’m SO sore after that I can’t exercise as often as I like because I need like four days to recover. Please tell me it gets better?? I just bought a foam roller that’s supposed to help but I find it really awkward and kind of painful to use. I was really out of shape so I’m not surprised that it’s hard on my body, but I feel like a little old lady hobbling around in pain. I’ve been taking epsom salt baths but I really don’t think they’re making a difference.

    1. What is your current exercise routine? You may have to temporarily dial back duration or intensity, but increase the number of days you work out.

    2. How much water are you drinking? I find that I recover much faster if I’m drinking 3 liters or more/day.

    3. If you’re hobbling around in pain, that means you’re going too hard. Dial it back some! Normal DOMS should just be like “Aw, man, I worked out, I’m so sore lol,” and you can work out again before it goes away. Once you’ve been working out regularly for longer, it will get better, but not if you keep overdoing it.

    4. If it takes you 4 days to recover you are doing way too much too soon. Maybe one of your exercise days can be fast walking or incline walking and that’s it. Or easy yoga. You should feel a bit tired but should be able to do exercise the next day without pain (stiff, maybe, but no pain) Throw in a harder day 2 times a week.
      Signed- marathon runner (only to point out that I am no stranger to fatigue and still dont recommend pushing through soreness like that). Also, it will get better- expect it to take a month.

    5. It does get better, but might take longer than you expect. I started exercising again after an injury (was previously in decent shape) and it took me about two months to be able to go back to my previous rhythm without being in pain all the time. Use the foam roller, take warm baths, advil, whatever works but also give yourself permission to be gentle on some days and gradually ramp it up – you don’t want to get injured.

      1. it gets better ! Keep it up! one day you’ll think about this post and impress yourself with how far you’ve come!

        also agree with the comment below me – it’s a struggle, but very productive to keep your schedule even if you’re sore, don’t kill yourself and take it easier if you need, but active recovery is good. Also up your protein intake after workouts

    6. Its counter-intuitive but exercising when you are sore can actually help the soreness go away faster – blood flow helps. Are you lifting weights? That is usually the worst for causing soreness, and it tends to get better after 2 weeks. (You’ll still get sore if you are lifting enough weight to build strength but it isn’t usually incapacitating). At a minimum, you can do similar exercises to what made you sore but without added weight, and do a lot of stretching.

    7. You’re doing too much, too soon. Ignore all those social media posts of folks bragging about their post-workout pain. They’re either lying or stupid and courting injury sooner or later. You shouldn’t be in activity limiting pain after a workout.
      Dial back the duration or intensity as was mentioned above. If you’re doing a class, ask the trainer for adaptive techniques (also – it’s a red flag if a trainer can’t/won’t work with you on this point).

    8. Some exercises make me more sore than others. Example, squats don’t bother me that much, but lunges are the devil. Active recovery days help- this can be as simple as taking a walk. For muscle recovery, I take a daily magnesium supplement. I also find massage sticks like the Tiger Tail easier to use than foam rollers. Some soreness is normal even once you’ve worked out for a while. It will get better.

    9. Are you eating protein after your workout? Grabbing a shake (or really, anything) within 30 minutes will help with soreness. As will foam rolling. The worst soreness will be over in a couple weeks; after that it will just be regular soreness that won’t make you want to cry every time you have to take stairs (or maybe that was just me).

    10. It does get better, keep going! There have been many times where I’ve been hobbling up stairs (lunges, I’m looking at you) or dreading having to sit down on the toilet. 4 days is a lot, though. I do agree with the others you’re potentially doing a little too much, too soon. Make sure you’re fueling properly: eating a bit of carb with a little bit of protein before you work out, stretching well after you work out, and then eat protein with a little carb immediately after you’re done (seriously, within 30 minutes, bring your protein shake or food to the gym with you if you have to). Drink a ton of water – I drink 150 oz of water a day. Mix up what you’re doing so you can do something every day but focus on different muscle groups – I lift 3-4 days a week, spin 2 days, run 1 day and yoga 1 day. This doesn’t happen overnight – it probably took me 9 months to work up to a point where I could exercise intensely every day! When you’re sore the next day, do as much gentle stretching as you can.

    11. Stretch really well after you work out.
      Try not to be completely sedentary for as long as possible (like 8 hours if you can swing it) after an intense workout. Walk for at least 10 minutes every hour or two. Take a ~30 minute walk after dinner. Do some yoga before bed.
      When you’re already really sore, stretch a lot and then swap out your normal exercise for a long walk or a yoga class. I hate foam rollers and never use them.

      1. Some exercise helps you get over other exercise soreness. For example, swimming helps me be less sore after lifting (either right after or the next day). Same for spinning after lifting.

    12. Agree with everything everyone else said, but I also recommend chocolate milk after a hard workout. The protein is good for muscle building and it will help flush out lactic acid.

  13. Has anyone gotten gastric sleeve surgery? I’m going in for a consultation, and I was wondering what questions I should ask the surgeon? I already know my insurance won’t cover any of it, so I’ll be paying myself.

    1. How many procedures they’ve done, complication rates, predictable risks, and long term outcomes should be your main focus.

    2. I did not have this surgery, but I had (overall unsuccessful) lap band surgery when I was 18 in 2006. My husband was thinking about gastric sleeve surgery. While I think that surgery can be a great tool to help you on the journey, the point of it is to force you to make the habits that you already know you need to make. To me, the downsides don’t seem worth it. I had a lot of trouble with my teeth in the past 13 years because I throw up often (it used to be daily, but I got my band adjusted). Sometimes, I would throw up from swallowing a little water when I brushed my teeth in the morning. Get used to puking in public bathrooms and on the side of the road when you’re so dehydrated your lips are chapped and bleeding but a few teaspoons of water is immediately coming back up. I know that the after-effects sleeve isn’t as bad as the surgery I had, but you’re still looking at similar life changes.
      After the vomiting, the worse thing is when you need to be able to take something and you can’t. There is a lot of medicine that you can’t crush up so you have to take a pill and risk it. You can’t take it with food, because you won’t have room for it but you get nauseated because you take it without. You can’t take Tylenol because it will very easily cause major stomach problems (it basically eats away at the stomach lining and stomach). And last but definitely not least, you will often be put in a position of either disclosing that you had the surgery to everyone or be embarrassed because you go out to lunch with colleagues or clients and can’t eat anything so the waiter/ress comes and asks you why you didn’t like your food and don’t you want more than just soup.
      Even with the surgery you still have to count your calories and eat healthy foods so that you get enough nutrition. If you’re committed and aren’t easily embarrassed than it might work out better for you than it did for me. It has helped a lot of people. But it’s not an easy fix. It makes losing weight a little bit easier in exchange for making the rest of your life harder.

      1. I had the lap-band and have only good things to say about it. I have had challenges – I literally almost threw up on the governor’s shoes at a work event when my band was adjusted too tightly — but now that I am accustomed to it, I love it. It’s true that eating out with colleagues is challenging, but I have found workarounds. I agree with Anonona that you have to stay committed after surgery. I would make sure your surgeon has a substantial aftercare program in place. I see my surgeon, an RD and an exercise physiologist. If your eating issues are emotional, keep in mind that the surgery doesn’t really fix that, and your surgeon should have a plan in place to address those issues, too.

    3. I had sleeve surgery almost 9 years ago and it was the best thing I’ve ever done. I had none of the issues that Anonona describes, other than a very small bit of vomiting soon after surgery when I was learning my limits.

      I discovered early on that it’s possible to play with your food and pretend to eat (cut a bite, pick it up on your fork, wave it around, put it down, repeat) and people mostly don’t notice. Yes, I get sad-face waiters all the time and I just smile and say “it’s great, I just don’t’ eat much!” and it’s fine. And all this time later I couldn’t care less if anybody knows I’ve had the surgery. If it comes up, it comes up, but it’s not often at all.

      Basically you want somebody who has done many many of these surgeries and specializes in them. My guy was Dr. Keshishian in So Cal and he’s one of the best.

      Email me at seniorattorney1 at gmail if you’d like to discuss further.

    4. I had gastric sleeve surgery 18 months ago at the age of 64 and my only regret is that I didn’t do it sooner. It is critical to understand that the surgery is merely a tool. You have to make major changes in the way you eat and the way you think about food. The dietary restrictions two weeks before and four weeks after the surgery are quite extreme, but once your body has adjusted after surgery it is easier to find enjoyable food that you will eat in small portions. In my case, I’ve lost 80 pounds and have stayed at about the same weight for nearly a year. I went from a size 24 to 16ish, from 3X to XL (L in some clothing). It is definitely a daily struggle to keep to my new eating habits (very low carbs, ergo no pasta, rice, bread, sweets, carbonated beverages; protein! protein! protein!; 80+ ounces of water each day) , but it is doable and all I have to do is look in the mirror to see my much healthier body. I started doing yoga 6x per week and I revel in my increased flexibility and peace of mind. Still – I have to admit is isn’t easy.

      I would ask what kind of post-surgery support your surgeon offers. Mine sponsors a post-op support group each month and a private Facebook page, both administered by the nutritionist who is the Bariatric Coordinator at North Shore University Hospital.

      Feel free to ask any questions…

  14. I am in an old house with a crumbling kitchen and bathrooms in a fancy ‘hood in my MCOL SEUS city.

    Our builder prefers custom, but said that Kraftmaid pre-mades that you can get a Lowe’s / HD are OK for much less cost. Can anyone vouch for this? They are supposed to be much nicer than builder grade stuff that falls apart in a few years.

    Also, re resale, in a fancy neighborhood (like full of 30-somethings with private equity $ buying $1M houses and dropping $ to re-upgrade them), is Kraftmaid fancy enough? While I expect to be in my house forever, I said that on my two prior houses and don’t want to put in $25K cabinets if I have to rip out to sell and replace with $100K cabinets (or however much things cost).

    [My house is a weird frankenhouse anyway that is large but dated and has crumbling bathrooms and a weird 80s remodel kitchen that is at the end of its lifespan (cabinet drawers have fallen off — bad when it is upper cabinets); it is not a teardown yet but might be going that way.]

    1. For old houses, Kraftmaid may end up being more expensive than custom. There’s a pretty good chance your walls are not flush and your layout requires non-standard cabinet sizes. My cabinets are solid wood with custom stain and high grade faces and were less than $40k for the entire kitchen and island.

    2. We used Kraftmaid when we redid a kitchen (M-HCOL downtown condo) in the mid 00’s since like you we did not want to drop $$$ on custom cabinetry. It held up decently well for the decade we lived there (by the end, one or two of the cabinet doors didn’t want to hang perfectly straight, the (heavily used) garbage can pull-out cabinet wasn’t gliding super well, and the front of the silverware drawer was a little loose thanks to years of tugging on the screws) but we didn’t run into any trouble selling the place.

      Since you’re planning to stay in this home for a long time, kitchen styles will change anyway by the time you’re looking to sell. Don’t spend $150K on a high-end redo solely on the expectation it will help you / you will get the money back 10+ years from now.

      1. Also – to Aggie’s point above – HD had decent design software that allowed us to insert little dividers of varying widths, etc. so that we did not have to order custom sizes.

      2. OP here — thanks. I am hoping that kitchens go the way of Downton Abbey where they are little service areas and not OMGWOW showplaces. I know it’s not likely, but I do really like old kitchens that remind me of my grandmother’s kitchen vs new ones that I am afraid I’ll chip the paint on or somehow injure (I should be the underwriters lab tester of spendy new kitchens to see what they can handle).

      3. +1. We just bought a house that was completely renovated in 2002. The kitchen is outdated. We want to renovate because the layout is terrible, but we plan to stay 15+ years and know that the kitchen will be outdated again if we renovate now and wait that long to sell.

    3. So, this is a complete trope that contractors push – what you have to understand is that “pre-made” isn’t really a thing unless you’re literally buying stock cabinets off the shelf. You’re either getting factory-made or hand-built. You’re getting a custom-designed kitchen either way. For factory-made cabinets, you design your kitchen, place your order, and they make them all together at the same time, so you’re getting a more consistent product. Lower-end brands will have fewer options for cabinet heights, and usually fewer door styles, stains and paint colors, and finishes, and higher-end brands will cost more but have a larger range of all the options in their standard lines.
      I frankly often prefer factory-made cabinets to “custom” because the factories (I’ve been to several) have industrial driers to bake the finish on, and better sprayers for the stain/paint, coatings and finishes. The boxes are built individually, they get inspected, and there are even multiple people who look at the finishes of your doors together as a group to make sure they all come in matching each other so they look good when installed. You should have more options than just Kraftmaid (who I’m so-so on). I’m a fan of Fieldstone/StarMark, as well as Omega for higher-end factory cabinets. You might try a local home improvement store if you’re not finding options at the big box stores.
      Either way you go – make SURE you compare quotes for apples-to-apples products. Are you getting a full plywood box or melamine? Are you getting a solid wood center panel or a veneer (that’s what the tinny sound is when you shut cheap cabinet doors). Are you getting full overlay or inset cabinets (these look more expensive) or partial overlay (when you have gaps between the cabinet doors).
      The walls not being square and floors not being level gets fixed by the cabinet installer using shims to level things, you don’t build the cabinets crooked to make things level or anything. The countertops, however, get laser-leveled and will be cut to the curves in your walls.

      1. We just bought Omega cabinets (for a living room, not a kitchen) and are so happy with them. They are gorgeous, heavy and well built, and look great. And it cost us literally a third of what “custom” hand-built cabinets would have been.

    4. You don’t want Kraftmaid from Lowe’s/HD. They carry only the cheapest lines. You probably want Kraftmaid’s Vantage line, which is still well-priced but is nicer and has all wood bases that won’t warp if they get wet. It’s sold at kitchen design stores and you can typically get it designed by the store for free.

    5. You very, very rarely recoup what you put in on a kitchen remodel. Especially if you’re in a $$$ neighborhood, it’s fairly likely that no matter what price point your kitchen is, the buyers will want to remodel to their own tastes. And this is even more true if you’ll be in your house at least 5-10 years; no matter how well you design it, it’ll be considered “dated”. I’d design the kitchen you’re comfortable with, both style-wise and financially.

  15. Does anyone want to take a “plastic challenge” with me? The excessive use of plastic that is destroying the planet and animals is something that weighs on me. So much plastic is single use and unnecessary, other than to make our lives a teensy but more convenient for a few short moments, then lasts on the planet for hundreds of years. Straws, takeout containers, plastic bags, plastic wrap and ziploc bags, Starbucks cups and lids, plastic cutlery, etc. At Costco, a lot of the fruit and veggies come in a massive plastic clamshell box. So I have started reducing my use where I can – no Starbucks unless I have to meet someone for work, no takeout containers I know are plastic (I’ll eat in or order from a place that uses recycled cardboard or a paper wrapped sandwich), I avoid using ziploc or plastic wrap at home (glass lidded containers instead), I avoid taking plastic cutlery if I can, I don’t use straws or bring my own stainless steel or silicone, and I stopped using my personal office trash can (I’ll throw away my few pieces of trash in a communal trash can – otherwise services changes the bag every day even if it’s one small teabag or something). This makes me feel slightly less guilty although there is still plenty I contribute to and observe around me that feels wasteful. I know it’s just a blip in the world of plastic, but anyone else want to join in? Over 10 years working I would have trashed 2500 plastic garbage bags (mostly empty) from my office trash alone – so disturbingly wasteful.

    1. I’m trying to be more conscious of this too – I didn’t realize how much plastic I use until I started focusing on it. I know it’s all a drop in the bucket, but I guess it can’t hurt to try to use less. A few things I’ve had success with so far
      – always using my fabric shopping bags for groceries, etc
      – using these mesh fabric produce bags instead of the flimsy plastic ones at the grocery store
      – buying as much produce as I can loose/bulk instead of in plastic bags (e.g. instead of the plastic bag of potatoes, just grab the same number of loose potatoes and put them in my fabric bag)
      – no more plastic water bottles! I keep a steel one at my office and in my car so I can fill those up pretty much anywhere I go
      I would be happy to trade other ideas!

      1. I learned about the mesh produce bags on this s i t e, and love them! Such a simple idea, but I had no idea such things existed.
        I try to do most of these things, too. One thing I’ll add: we take our kids’ sippy cups or waterbottles with us when we go out to eat, since most of the restaurants in our town serve kids’ drinks in one-use plastic cups with lids and straws.

    2. I found a “zero waste” IG but unfortunately she closed down. Many of her ideas were easy though – freezing any bones to make broth, freezing veggie scraps in a bag to make vegetable stock. She uses any water she cooks pasta in and uses it to water her plants. Using washcloths to wipe down tables or counters instead of paper towels. Repurposing any glass bottles or jars to be used for storage. Always having stock in my freezer has been awesome, and I don’t think it takes that much extra time. Open to any other ideas!

      1. For saving water, I’ve put a bucket in the shower. I always have to run the water for a bit before it’s hot, and the bucket catches almost a gallon each time. I shower in a full tub, so the bucket can just stay where it is while I’m in there. I water plants and wipe down surfaces with it. A bucket of dirty water sometimes replaces one toilet flush.

    3. I’ve been in this mindset for about 2 years now. I’m nowhere near “zero waste” but I’ve definitely thrown out much less plastic over the past couple years.

      Aside from what everyone’s mentioned, another thing I love is reusable cotton rounds. I got some on etsy and they feel so much better on my face than disposable ones. They don’t work well for nail polish remover though.

    4. I would love to do this! I do most of this, but the office trash is a great idea that I will implement. A lot of coffee shops (even many Starbucks) will give you your coffee in a real mug if you ask.

      My biggest problem is grocery delivery – in the winter, the produce at my local stores sucks so I order Fresh Direct. In the summer and fall, I go to the local farmers market for 85% of what I need, but it’s closed in the winter/spring and the others are inconvenient. But the groceries from Fresh Direct necessarily come with a ton of wasteful plastic. I’m struggling with a way around this without ending up with terrible produce or spending half my weekend on traveling out of the neighborhood to go grocery shopping. Ideas welcome!

      1. If Imperfect Produce delivers in your area, the items are delivered in a cardboard box. Most of the food is loose inside, and the few things that are in plastic are listed as such on the website so you can see when ordering and avoid those items if you want.

    5. I try to be as low waste as possible, but it’s so hard to avoid soft plastics completely. The piece of good news on that front is that soft plastics recycling is one of the easiest things the average person could do to be environmentally friendly. I just shove them in a reusable bag in the closet and take that to the grocery store every few months, most large stores are required to have receptacle for soft plastics.

    6. I hold on to the plastic bag from bread or bagels, and wrap my sandwich or bagel in them when I take it to work. I don’t wash and use over and over, but once or twice before the bag goes in the trash (cause I have a new empty bag by then). I reuse the larger plastic bags (that produce came in, or TP rolls) to line my bin.

      One shift in thinking that I think needs to occur is that we need to stop putting stuff in landfills and get comfortable with incinerating waste to produce heat. This is typically opposed by NIMBYs, but think about it this way: we need to heat anyway, and it’s usually done by burning fossil fuels. So why not, take the same gallon of oil, but use it twice: first for packaging, and afterwards for heating. I’ve tried to find out what my city does with its waste, but no idea so far.

      1. The problem with this is it can cause a ton of air pollution! Ex- Los Angeles in the 70s.

    7. I am trying to be more aware and make better choices for my household, too. So far we use reusable totes at the grocery store, switched to a gold-tone reusable coffee filter, are weaning off paper towels, paper napkins, ziplocs and plastic wrap and moving to reusable towels, napkins, and bees wax wrap. We are trying to replace plastic containers with glass or steel when they wear out. We use steel water bottles and don’t buy plastic-bottled individual beverages. We try to choose more foods that are minimally processed and minimally packaged, for both health and environmental reasons. We are also trying to stick with natural fibers in our clothing, less polyester and other synthetics that contribute to the microscopic plastic pollution problem in waterways. It feels like there are so many more things we could/should/need to do.

    8. Thanks for bringing this up! I’ve been doing many things listed here, and so many habits are now second nature that I don’t give them a second thought. We just bought our first house, so we’ll be setting up a compost heap in the spring.

      The past few months, I’ve been focusing on de-plastic-ing my beauty routine, which is harder in some areas than others. Bar soaps wrapped in paper are a great substitute for most soap products I use, and after a number of terrible bar shampoo and conditioner fails (I’m looking at you, Lush!), I have found the holy grail! Bar None shampoo and conditioner sold at Ulta work incredibly well. I’m still on the hunt for deodorant in glass. I’ve been using Schmidt’s vanilla rose in the glass jar, but the texture is crumbly and it’s kind of a pain.

      1. I’ve been tempted about a compost bin but our yard is pretty small and I worry about extra bugs and smell because of it. Any insight?

        1. Most large cities have compost services, provided by the municipality or a private business. We live in a condo, so we can’t start our own compost. We got a service, though, who picks up our compost every week (on a bike!). We get a 5-gallon bucket every week,, fill it up, leave it on the building’s front stairs every Thursday, and it gets picked up and replaced.

    9. I learned recently that petroleum-based fabrics like polyester are a big source of plastic pollution in our waterways because microfibers from the garments go down the drain every time you was your clothing. It’s supposedly the biggest contributed to micro plastics in the ocean. Buying biodegradable fabrics can make a difference.

    10. I scrutinize everything I buy/use for plastic content and try my best to find alternatives. Routine things I do are which are easy to follow are:
      – Always carry a cloth bag so that I never have to take plastic carry bag. For individual grocery items, I buy in bulk and in cloth flour bags.
      – Always carry my water so that I don’t have to buy bottled water.
      – Carry my coffee mug so that I don’t have to use plastic coated paper cup. If I don’t have my coffee mug with me, then get coffee without the lid.
      – Always buy soap with minimal packaging
      – Buy milk which comes in glass bottles
      – Ask for no straw, cutlery at the time of ordering take out food
      – Buy bio-degradable clothing (natural fiber) whenever it can get work done
      – Avoid buying individually wrapped products

      Currently trying to find solutions (and hence looking for advice) for:
      – Shampoo which comes in plastic bottle
      – Washing liquid soap which comes in plastic container
      – Trying to make yogurt at home which eliminates plastic yogurt containers

      1. Bar None shampoo and conditioner (sold at Ulta) are awesome. I make my yogurt at home using my Cuisinart yogurt maker. I’ve also heard rave reviews about making it in the Instant Pot. I don’t have a workaround for eliminating dish soap in plastic bottles, but I do dilute mine in a spray bottle (probably less than 1/4 cup in a 16 oz glass bottle) so it’s easy to use in small amounts and lasts a lot longer.

    11. I’m in!

      Good habits we already have:
      Always taking bags to stores (not just the grocery store!)
      No plastic straws – I will post a link to the metal ones I like as a comment, we wash them in the dishwasher, so easy
      Using glass/pyrex containers for storage – they have plastic lids but we have used them for years
      None of us have a takeout coffee habit
      We have home composting and use it religiously (city of Berkeley) This also eliminates using plastic lawn clippings bags

      Bad habits we could be better about:
      Ordering takeout, which always comes in some form of plastic, even if just the bag
      The workplace garbage can – I hadn’t thought of this but will endeavor to change!
      Ziplocs – one box lasts about a year but I’d like to get to the point of not using them at all
      Husband and I use bar soap, but the kids like body wash. I need to talk to them about the environmental impact of the plastic bottling – is it good that the bottles are recyclable?

      Things I can’t or am not willing to change:
      Produce bags. I reuse them for cleaning the litter box
      Newspaper delivery bags – I would have to unsubscribe the paper, and I love the paper
      Trash can liner at home – we tried without and it got too disgusting

      2. For workplace garbage can, I just don’t put things in it. I use the common one placed in cafe or near the fridge. So even though the workplace garbage can has plastic liner, it doesn’t get changed for months. It is not 100 percent elimination of plastic, but a low hanging fruit which is pretty good.

      3. I use mesh bags for produce most of the time, but the ones we do get are the perfect size for lining the bathroom trash!

    12. Every year I pick one or two months to go completely plastic free. No yogurts, no newspapers, no to-go coffee, no buying shampoo, no packaged meat, no clothes (because even clothes have plastic, or at least plastic to hold the price tags), etc. I use up all the random makeup and soaps that collect in the bottom of my bathroom drawer. It’s really difficult, but it’s like a Whole30 for plastic use: I have to re-assess what I’m consuming and establish more awareness and better habits.

      1. I reuse the ziploc bags that shredded cheese comes in (haven’t bought ’em for years). I reuse the plastic containers that bleu cheese comes in (sturdier than the parmesan cheese containers). The butcher insists on using plastic bags for the meat, but I just clean them with soap and water and use them again and again for vegetables at the market. I buy milk in paper containers, not plastic. I reuse the occasional take-out container for taking left-overs to work for lunch.

  16. I live in the path of the polar vortex and when I went to get gas this morning I noticed a couple of people were sitting inside their cars while the pump was on. I thought you were supposed to stay outside with the pump because going back in the car could cause static electricity that could cause a spark. I was bundled up pretty well so I just stayed outside.

    2. No. In NJ, someone pumps your gas and you stay in your car and it is NBD. I mean, passengers don’t get out when you pump and nothing in the other 49 states blows up routinely.

    3. It’s fine to sit inside if the engine is off. Obviously people sometimes get gas when they have passengers in their car – have you seen anyone make all their passengers get out of the car and stand outside? Of course not. If it’s safe for passengers to be in the car, it’s safe for the driver to be in the car.

      1. The issue is generating static charge while in the car, then immediately touching the gas nozzle. Normally, the static gets discharged when you touch the pump, card reader, car, etc before fueling, but that may not happen if you go straight from the inside of the car to the pump.

        In theory.

        1. Yeah, it’s the getting in and out of the car and touching the pump that I thought was an issue. I don’t know how much of a risk it is. Next time I might just hop back inside!

          1. I think it is safest to stay outside, but as long as you discharge any static by touching something else before touching the pump you should be ok.

          2. Yeah, I always tap the top of my car before I touch the pump. It’s just a good habit to get into, whether I sit in the car while the gas is going or not.

            Also I would not judge or begrudge any behavior of people trying to avoid frostbite in the polar vortex. I mean, c’mon. This is emergency level cold.

    4. I have never heard of this as a thing. Are you talking about static from your clothes rubbing against the car seat when you sit back down? In that case, there would be just as much risk getting OUT of your car at all at the gas station, since the fumes are already all wafting around…

    5. I am always concerned about the static and will not wait in the car if I’m pumping gas. Or use a cell phone.

    6. +1 to staying outside. The automatic shut off valve on the gas pump does not work as well in the extreme cold weather. The pump may not shut off when the tank is full.

      1. You can just keep an eye on the meter and hop out when your tank is nearly full. That’s what I do.

    7. I always sit in my car and watch and listen for the auto shut off. I’m close enough to get to it fast enough that while there would be a bit of spillage, it wouldn’t be disaster level. I live in a very cold climate and never had a problem. If you are worried about static, touch the pump again before touching the nozzle. I also prefer sitting in my car for safety reasons not just heat reasons.

      1. When the DC Sniper was around, we all sat in our cars, well, scrunched down to be below the windows, while pumping gas.

    8. I’m genuinely curious, because I don’t know the science, but is this really a thing that happens? Or is it some kind of urban legend? Because I feel like you’d hear of cars blowing up at the pump or whatever because of static if it were actually a thing.

        1. But that doesn’t mean it’s actually a huge risk . . . I’m wondering if anybody knows the actual science on this?

          1. it’s a really small risk of a really extreme event. Just get in the habit of touching the top of your car before you touch the pump and you’ll be fine. It’s a very small adaptation and worth the minuscule extra effort.

            Signed
            An actuary

          2. There’s an episode of Mythbusters about it. They set out to prove/disprove the cell phone fire at the gas pump, which was easily disproven. They then looked at what the likely causes were and tested them. What they found was the most consistent cause was static discharge into the gas pump. They found it occurred most often in dry conditions, and when the individual pumping gas was wearing wool. And that it occurred more often with women than men. They attributed this to more women than men wearing wool coats in the winter. Also, women are more likely to have small children in the vehicle than men are, and small children are likely to need tending during the time that the vehicle is at the pump.

            The absolute risk/likelihood is small, but it is real. The best way to avoid it is to discharge any static electricity before touching the pump, hose or door for the fuel filler. Since I’ve managed to completely reset radios in vehicles before with static discharge, I don’t risk it.

    9. The gas stations in my town come over the loud speaker and yell at you if you’re not at the pump, so there is no sitting-in-car allowed. The little screen also has threatening messages about “do not leave the pump” cycle through while you’er standing there. I’m in the Boston area. Maybe it’s a state or local law?

  17. I e done something to my back. I don’t know what. It’s intermittent and started ~the time I had my 3rd kid, but probably not delivery related as I don’t remember it starting for a few weeks. I chalked it up initially to lugging that stupid infant bucket in one hand and a squirmy toddler in the other.

    Anyway, I can’t tell if it’s a muscle I keep pulling, some kind of knot, or a pinched something (nerve? Idk.) because it comes and goes and varies in intensity- mild discomfort all the way to physically incapable of standing from a a sit without using my arms!

    Who do I go see to start a process of figuring out what on earth I’ve done and how to fix? I don’t really have a GP (I’ve seen my OB Religiously for the past 6 years given all my pregnancies and I do urgent care/minute clinic for any illnesses which are thankfully rare). I have a new patient PCP appt but it’s not until 8 months from now.

    Massage and see how that goes? Someone else?

    Thanks:-)

    1. Physical therapist. (If the first one seems somewhat clueless, try another! Skill level varies widely!) Depending on your state laws you may or may not need a referral or order from an MD. (Side note: Is eight months the soonest you can get a new patient PCP appointment?? That seems absurd and I would look elsewhere.) If your state does require a referral or order from an MD you could start with a orthopedic surgeon. IME orthos aren’t *great* at diagnosing a true cause that is at all outside the norm but I still think it is worth seeing one to rule out (or identify!) some common possible causes. As you start to identify what the cause of the pain is, a good (probably somewhat unpleasant) massage can do wonders towards working out knots or other places where tissue is restricted. It may take a series of somewhat frequent massages, though. If it’s muscular vs skeletal, my experience has been that PT, massage, acupuncture, and personal trainers are all better equipped to diagnose, treat, and prevent pain. Orthos tend to be good at at least identifying skeletal issues, even if the long term solution ends up being strengthening certain muscles. A note of caution: don’t start with a chiropractor. I had one that would “fix” the pain in a very short term manner but never really improved the situation for the long term. Her solution was for me to come twice a week forever, use shoe inserts for leg length disparity, etc. etc. that made her money but didn’t resolve my actual issue. That said, I do think they are good at helping with certain issues…I just don’t know exactly what those are and don’t trust them to figure it out and give me the best advice. Good luck!

      1. Thanks! I have a mom-friend who is a PT. I’ll talk to her and make sure this makes sense then book an appt. with someone locally (my insurance won’t require a referral.). It didn’t occur to me that PT was for mystery hurt- I only thought of it as “fixing this specific thing where I know what’s wrong.”

        And yes, there is a huge primary care shortage in my area. New patient visits are 6+ months out unless there’s some kind of pressing situation. I’ve just had my OB do anything I needed (flu shot, blood work etc) since I’ve been such a frequent flier there the past couple of years.

        1. There are insurance referrals and then, separately, some states require (or used to require–Texas changed somewhat recently) an order from a physician. Your OB can probably give you one if it’s required and she’s willing.

          I’ll second tesyaa’s recommendation below to make sure and get checked out by an MD who knows what they’re looking at. In my case the ortho surgeon had x-rays done and was able to pinpoint the source of the pain but was somewhat useless in fixing it long term–and didn’t push PT. So I was needlessly on pain/anti-inflammatory meds for a long time before getting help from a PT. Ultimately, physical exercise with a trainer has been the only solution. But it took lots of time to figure out the cause and then how to prevent it from recurring and the PT was huge in helping me figure out what kinds of physical exercise would be helpful. (Also, I’m a breast cancer survivor and my cancer was found by a dermatologist, so I’m all for making sure you get unidentified pain and other issues at least looked at by an MD. But, also know the MD may only be moderately useful in fixing things that aren’t fixable by meds or surgery. I so wish our healthcare system worked more seamlessly across disciplines.)

    2. I’d find a chiropractor first before a one off massage – mine includes some form of muscle stimulation to help loosen them. Check with your OB if they have any recommendations?

    3. I’m 42 and this recently happened to me–I know I had done something to my back, but wasn’t sure what, and had intermittent pain that honestly rendered me incapable of bending certain ways, almost like a shock. To treat it, I went to a chiropractor for the very first time in my life, despite being very skeptical. I thought I’d give it a couple weeks’ try with the full realization that I’d probably end up going to a specialist for injections or PT or something. But, lo and behold, chiropractic worked on this and pretty fast, too.

    4. Could it be sciatica? If it’s been going on for a few weeks I strongly recommend seeing your GP and a physical therapist. In my experience, it’s tough to get GPs to take back pain serious because they see so much of it so I’d start the paper trail now. I’m paranoid because I had a herniated disc which my GP first thought was run-of-the-mill back pain.

    5. I’ve had similar issues and would highly recommend the Trigger Point Therapy Workbook (available on Amazon). “Trigger points” are just a term for spots of knotted/spasmed muscle that can cause pinched nerves and other discomfort. The book is basically about how to locate the trigger points that are causing the discomfort and then how to fix them through self-massage. I also have a foam roller, massage stick, and a number of self-massage balls that are really helpful. Going to a physical therapist will be helpful in figuring out what movement patterns you have that are stressing the muscle and causing the spasmed tissue in the first place. And an intense sports massage is actually really helpful as well.

    6. Get a referral from your PCP to physical therapy. I had same symptoms after kids and it was sacroiliac instability; it waxed and waned but got slowly worse over months. PT really helped. Massage did not. Wish I had gotten PT earlier.

    7. A woman in my community had back pain and treated it with exercise and PT as friends advised.. turns out she had advanced lung cancer (as a nonsmoker) which had spread to her bones. Do not self diagnose, please.

  18. I’m not trying to start a debate about the morality of casual Tin*er hookups, but just looking to see if anyone has any real world advice on them. I matched with this guy who seems perfect for the job of casual hook up and that’s what he wants too. My concern is 1) how is this not totally awkward when we meet in person for the first time and 2) how do I not die?? LOL. He lives a few miles from me and has asked if I want to go to his place or if I want him to come to mine. I asked if we could meet for a drink before and he said yes, not a date, just to be more comfortable. But is it crazy to just invite him over to my house? Or go to his house? Clearly I have never done anything like this before.

    1. 1) Go to his house – you don’t want him to know where you live in case he turns out to be a creeper.
      2) Make sure someone knows exactly where you are, and check in with them regularly.
      3) It’s okay to change your mind if you’re not feeling it.
      4) Alcohol.

      1. +1

        To all of these, and yes, go get a drink first. Assess him in person and give yourself the opportunity to back out when it’s safer to do so. Trust your gut, but you’ve got to give your gut a chance to assess this guy before you’re alone in a confined space with a man you’ve never met before! Even setting aside the issue of safety, see if you’re actually attracted to him in person first. Plus, I personally like building a bit of anticipation over a drink.

    2. I should also clarify that while he said yes to drink before meeting up, I’m kinda leaning to just going for it without a drink before to meet. Crazy?

      1. YES crazy! This guy could be TOTALLY different than his profile. Wouldn’t you want to find that out in a public place rather than in the privacy of his home?!

      4. Would anything make it not crazy? Like if I was comfortable he is who he say he is? ie no catfishing pics, etc. Or is it just crazy all around?

        1. Are you an idiot? No, you do not get baked with some man you’ve never met when no one can help you.

        3. It’s just crazy all around. Ruling out catfishing is just one step in the vetting process. He can be who he says he is and still be a jerk or unsafe or give you a bad vibe. It’s just a drink– 45 minutes and $5. You lose nothing by doing that.

          And I’m repeating what someone else said below- bring your own c#ndoms and use them. Even if he says he’s “clean.” Even if he says he’s been tested recently. Even if he says he “can’t” keep it up with a condom.

          1. I’d take it one step further and nope out if he is not willing and enthusiastic about condom use.
            a) it’s disrespectful to you to make garbage excuses after you’ve asked him to wear one
            b) he doesn’t know you any more than you know him and I would not be comfortable being intimate with someone that’s willing to play fast and loose with their own health. EWW.

          2. Totally agree with all of that.

            OP, you’re not special (to this guy), if he’ll forego them with you, he’ll forego them with other casual partners, too…

        4. You can totally just meet at the bar and not even drink your beverage and leave if you are comfortable. the point of the bar meet is to establish that he is who he says he is and isn’t gross.

      5. I will also say: ask yourself why you need to behave in such an objectively self-destructive way. Have all the casual gardening you want, but FFS, at least know that the guy doesn’t have HIV or a domestic violence conviction first. Us your life that boring that this little excitement is necessary? Don’t you have a friend with a single hit guy friend?

        1. Interesting points, but how would OP know that stuff if she met this guy out at a bar and took him home? She would not know his health history or criminal background. Are you against that kind of hook up, too?

        2. I’ve never done the casual gardening thing myself, but how could you possibly know he doesn’t have HIV? It’s not like people with HIV have a giant mark on their forehead or something. (I actually did ask my college bf to get an HIV test before we became intimate, but I’m the only person I know who’s done that, and we were in a long-term relationship. There’s no way you can do it before casual gardening.)

        3. Lol what? Do you run a background check on everyone before you hang out with them?

          1. No, but I don’t get alone and naked with everyone I meet. Maybe that’s your social life, but it isn’t mine.

          3. I misread and thought you said before you bang them, which is more applicable to the question :P I do not, personally.

      6. Why don’t you want to meet him for a drink? Are you afraid of being seen with him in public?

    4. IME these work out when the match is meh for the long term (for whatever reason) but the physical chemistry is there. I would definitely encourage you to meet somewhere public first–even if there’s nothing crazy weird or scary about him it gives you a chance to see if there is chemistry IRL and if there’s not reassess. I also don’t love the idea that you don’t have much of a reason to trust him about his STD status. My friends with benefits have been either someone I can trust based on mutual friend connections or someone I previously dated for long enough to trust. Maybe keep an eye out for those types instead? I know it’s hard, though.

    5. I have done this before. For the love of all that is sacred, yes meet for a drink first. You want to at least know that he’s the person in the profile and that he doesn’t give a creepy vibe.

      My best friend and I always take screenshots of the person’s full profile before meeting and send to each other (no matter what the purpose of the date is), and tell each other the time and place of the date. One of us will text the other a few hours after the date starts as a check in. I’d recommend all of this for this situation especially.

      Honestly I invited the person back to my house because I feel more comfortable there rather than being in a strange environment. And use protection for all activities.

      1. In line with the “have a buddy who knows where you are”–my sister and I have permanently shared our locations with each other using the iPhone feature (we’re both single and live alone so there’s no one else in our lives that would know where we might be at any given time). I routinely forget that I have access to it until I need to know what city she is in (she travels a lot for work) and it’s too late to text something mundane like that. You can also set it to share your location for the next X hours and then shut off. Seems like a good back up to have in this situation. Having a friend in the loop can also help you to identify when you’re veering into emotional attachment territory when you shouldn’t be (because he’s been clear that’s not what he wants).

        1. Yes, I have this on permanently with my 3 best friends, too. We’re a mix of married/coupled/single but it’s nice to know there’s a third party I trust who can maybe track my whereabouts if something happens.

    6. It’s entirely possible that the physical chemistry won’t be there in person. You definitely want to figure this out before you’re at his house. This is why meeting for a drink first is essential. If you decide you’re going to go for it, I’d then ask to see a drivers license and take a pic and text it to your friend. Any normal guy will be totally fine with this.

      1. I was with you til the last sentence. No I definitely would not be ok with a guy taking a picture of my driver’s license. I would assume he’s some kind of scammer.

      2. What? I would never let someone take a picture of my driver’s license. Hello identity theft. I guess you could check the license and text the name and address to a friend. Also, I like the idea of a hotel. Then there is no secret basement dungeon, people could presumably hear you scream, no one knows where the other lives, etc. You could have the drink in the hotel bar. I also don’t think it sounds crazy. People were doing it on Craigslist casual encounters long before Tinder.

        1. Yeah. Asking for a last name and maybe some contact info, sure. But I’m not sure “any normal guy” will be ok with you photocopying his driver’s license.

    7. I’ve done this before and I recommend against it. What if you don’t like him or aren’t feeling it when you meet? I’ve found that men who come to a meeting expecting something to happen do not take no for an answer very easily. I no longer disclose that I’m looking for a hookup because I’m so tired of men acting like entitled brats when it comes to my body.

      If I were you I would tell him that the first meeting is just a drink to feel comfortable, nothing else is going to happen. Of course if you’re really feeling him you can ask to go back to his place. But do not let him meet you with the expectation that something’s happening – so you can say no without him making a big production out of it.

    8. I can’t imagine going straight to his house because looking cute in a photo isn’t the same thing as having chemistry. Shouldn’t you meet for a drink first so you can see if you’re really attracted to him and want to proceed?

      1. Right. I’m all for a random hook up, but you gotta meet the guy first! Random hook ups still need chemistry.

    9. I have done this quite a bit while single. I always meet for a drink first because I need to get an in-person vibe. I also make them give me a last name too. It may be a lie, but at least it’s something. Since you are both on the same page, it may be slightly awkward at first, but it will be fine once you start talking. If it never gets fine, then it’s likely the $ex would have been awkward too.

      Obvi, pack your own condoms, tell a friend where you are going and his name (address, etc.), Google him, of course, and then go have fun!

    10. Whenever I’ve had something casual I prefer to treat it like a date. Meet for a drink after work and see if there is chemistry. I do not want to go over to some stranger’s apartment or have him come to mine and expect to get physical with me on the first date. I’m fine with casual and at this point I welcome it, but on my terms and when I’m comfortable. Also, if he can’t respect your feelings and comfort level with first meeting up, I don’t think he will be respectful/care about your needs in bed. I recently hooked up with someone on a second date and I was completely comfortable and relaxed and I can’t wait to see him again. Don’t do what you’re not comfortable with.

    11. I would meet him for a drink because that’s part of the s3xy. I did some casual hooking up under the guise of “dating” TWENTY YEARS AGO… I basically decided if I wanted to date a guy, hook up with a guy, or just say goodbye to a guy within the first half hour or so of a date, and if it was hookup, that was even more fun because it’s not that hard to start complimenting a man on his body, touching his arms, etc and turn the drinks date into basically a form of foreplay. Believe me, once you go slightly dirty, the guy will follow.

      My favorite hook up boyfriend (who later tried to become a regular boyfriend, but that’s another story) was very good at this on the first date, and it remains a very fond memory for me. Don’t skip this part – it’s a big part of the fun!

  19. I’m a wheat-allergic vegetarian, and I’m trying not to eat too many processed foods in general. I’m trying to find a protein bar that’s not complete garbage but doesn’t taste like lawn clippings. Any recs?

    1. My husband and I are vegetarian and I’m a celiac. We like some flavors of Quest bars. Keep trying different ones until you find what you like (he prefers chocolate chip cookie dough and cookies ‘n cream; I prefer blueberry muffin)

    4. Kind has a breakfast protein bar that is wheat and gluten free (oats, millet, buckwheat, amaranth, quinoa) with 8 g of protein per serving. Almond Butter flavor.

    5. Kind bars and Luna bars. I like the Luna nuts over chocolate and the chocolate covered coconut. They have a peppermint one that tastes kind of like thin mints if that’s your thing (it’s definitely my daughter’s thing, but not mine)

    7. that’s me too, my favorite by a long way is ThinkThin, they’re delicious!

    8. Picky Bars! Gluten/soy/dairy-free. Company started & owned by professional endurance athletes in Bend, OR.

    10. There’s a brand called “No Cow”, I don’t think it has wheat that I can recall, and the cookies are delicious!

  20. Wise hive, I need some inspiration. I am part of a fabulous non-profit (focused on child and family stability), but our fundraising events are stale and in desperate need of an upgrade. Have you seen or attended anything recently that was a fun and out-of-the box alternative to the typical “gala” and silent auction? Thank you!

    2. Not sure if kids are going/invited or not:
      * Wine and Canvas fundraisers
      * Pottery (“Souper Bowl” or other) fundraisers
      * Pair with an event like Kentucky Derby, big sporting event that isn’t local,outing at a ball park, something where you get a bar or restaurant to donate space, you get caterers or Sam’s Club to donate food, people buy their own drinks, you have something on the screen as well as raffle items or auction
      * Something kids want/use/can make – I know a charity that is sold $5 bracelets for their month of National XYZ cause at most area schools and raised $45k (also partnered with local chain restaurants to sell bracelets/donate)
      * Do what you can to make it an Annual Thing (although First Annual is one of my pet peeves :D) – things like an art fair (you pay small fee to rent a park, local/regional artists pay $___ to have a tent or table and/or donate X% of proceeds, kids have a zone to make a free art project, people pay $5 to get in); holiday display of some kind (i.e., Christmas Tree decorating with public voting for best XYZ); food contest (chili cook off, gluten free treats, whatever)
      * See if your City/a large business has a partnership idea – sometimes they are looking to have a new annual event in a certain season, or maybe a business wants a new charitable partnership. Your focus would apply to nearly every business that has employees or clients :)

      Good luck!

    3. I am part of a similar non-profit, and last year we changed our primary fundraising event from a sit-down dinner at a country club to a carnival themed night where tables competed as teams in games like ring toss for prizes. I was skeptical, but it turned out to be tons of fun and really popular.

    4. a trivia contest! company-donors sponsor teams and you can try to get a local celeb to host.

  21. Lately I’ve developed a lot of tightness in my hips- no doubt from sitting for extended periods of time, I’ve been working like crazy lately. My normal stretching helps a smidge (pigeon pose) but I’m in need of deeper relief. Any recommendations? I’m thinking a massage, but not sure what type.

    1. Do different hip stretches to make sure you are covering all of your hips – so add in reclined piegon pose, sit in frog pose, like 5+ minutes of just sitting in it, fire log pose, yogi squat, chair pose. Also add in twists to this – Bharadvaja’s Twist, half spinal twist. Also, strengthen the muscles around your hips – do core work and seated leg press and dead lifts at the gym. Especially if you are a runner or into cycling – runners and cyclists tend to hold a ton of tension in their hips.

    2. For me, deep tissue (firm pressure) works best for tightness in terms of massage. I’d also recommend foam rolling on your side, frog pose with one knee on a sliding surface, and standing with hip movement whenever you’re alone and talking on the phone or similar.

      1. +1 to this because I have the same issue and what helps me the most is staying in a stretch for a longer period of time than in a normal class/stretching session. Like sitting in pigeon pose for five+ minutes. It just takes a long time for my muscle to relax and actually get the benefit of the stretch.

    5. When my hips get tight, I often find that stretching other things (in addition to hip stretches) makes a big difference: hamstrings, inner thighs, and the sides of my torso are the big ones.

    6. Take a moment throughout the day to do a standing forward fold. Its my favorite, and it relaxes the mind as well as stretches all those leg muscles, and back muscles.

  22. My company is making some changes that have me furious and concerned that my role might be eliminated. I’d like to change my status on LinkedIn to appear in recruiter searches and see what pops up while I consider my next move. Has anyone here done that? How risky is it, in that my current employer might see it? Has anyone had opportunities come up through this mechanism?

    1. Do it and don’t be concerned….recruiters do use that field and will reach out to you. Another tip – go into LinkedIn settings and make sure all of your profile updates and other updates are not broadcast to followers and not public. This will help you keep things confidential. Remember, you are a free agent….good luck!

      2. Yeah, this. If you want an anecdote, I had been searching for an escape for biglaw for over a year. The day after I made this change on my LinkedIn I got a message from a recruiter that led to my current, awesome small law job.

    2. I have done it, yes. I don’t believe it’s public on your profile, like “Candidate is Actively Seeking Job Offers!” under your picture or something, unless you work for a recruiter?

      I have been approached a couple times, but always after I got hired (not through LinkedIn at all), and I like my job, so.

      1. Thanks! I was approached the first year after I got hired at my current job, but wasn’t interesting in moving on at that time, and have had it turned off ever since. I hope I will get some interest, but if not, I hope it will help jumpstart my search.

  23. Has anyone used Quicken for a primary res purchase mortgage, esp. Rocket Loans? We qualify as first-time buyers (due to passage of time between when we last owned; we’ve owned before) and will have a sub-20% down payment, and it keeps coming up in research as a solid option for us. We are both public employees in higher ed admin and rented in a VHCOL area for several years before moving to our M/LCOL area for the past 2, thus the lower downpayment.

    Before anyone asks, I’m not basing my entire financial decision off the hive input…I’m just curious if anyone has any anecdata they’d like to share.

    1. Years ago we had a Countrywide mortgage that was sold to Quicken. We sold the property shortly thereafter but had no issues with Quicken.

    2. My parents used Quicken Loans to refinance a few times (to lower their rate, not cash out equity) and had good (but not great? no issues but not particularly amazing customer service) experiences each time. Apparently the Quicken rate was lower each time they looked.

    3. I’ve done several refis with Quicken (primary and rental properties). Love it, love it, love it.

      1. Mortgage and a refi through Quicken. Best service I’ve ever had with a mortgage company and would use them without hesitation again. Very responsive– we could always reach our representative or another team member by phone.

    4. My mother is a realtor and has had customers use them. I remember that only because the other agent in one of the deals balked that they were her buyers’ lender and wanted them to qualify with her company, to which she said no way, because they can’t discriminate like that. So there may be snobbery about it, but she said they were one of the easiest companies to work with and there were no problems with settlement.

  24. I’m going to a 1920’s themed ball hosted by a local historical society in a beautiful historic building. The ball is black tie. I want a period style dress but not something that looks like a costume (eg those flapper dresses from Unique Vintage). I’m gonna see if local vintage clothing stores have anything, but I’m also thinking of Rent the Runway. I’m short so very hesitant to order a floor length dress online.
    I know a lot of you have experience with RTR, how do you like it? Do you order multiple sizes and dresses to try on?

    1. My sister in law loves it and rented a dress for our wedding this way. I also have used the service, though not recently. Make sure you look closely at the different pictures that people post to make sure you find something that will be flattering on your body type – a couple of the dresses that she ordered ended up looking different on her than it did in the picture. I think they also have options to sort by body type also.

    2. when I did it, I was able to order a couple sizes in my first pick and two back up dresses in one size for one price. I can’t remember if I used a coupon code for that, though. Highly recommend for special occasion formal wear.

    3. One of my bfs uses them ton (including for a bm dress for my wedding) and she always looks incredible. Agree that looking at the customer reviews and pics is super helpful- you can also order an option with a backup option.

    4. I used it once. Wasn’t a big fan. Sizing is difficult and the dresses had a smell. If you do decide to use RTR make sure you order at least two dresses.

  25. Any book recommendations to help me let go of being a people pleaser/worrying about what other people think? I’ve committed to some serious self-improvement this year and working through this lifelong concern of mine is key. I don’t have access to quality therapists in my area. I have considered doing some virtual therapy through talkspace on this issue, but I’d like to do some reading first for strategies, scripts, mantras, etc.

    2. Brene Brown and also Uninvited by Lisa Terkhust (spelling?) – she is a christian author but the book provides concrete as well as religious strategies (i.e., not just “pray about it”). My book club read this last year. This has never been a struggle of mine but the majority of my club either had it as a struggle and all of us could identify with sections or had close friends who we could empathize with.

  26. Interior decorating question: Would you put hanging curtains in your kitchen? Windows are not near the sink or food prep area; they’re behind our big kitchen table. It’s a big space — at least 6 feet wide? Windows currently have blinds over them, which I’d keep. I’m looking for something to add some pattern/color and add a homey vibe, but I keep waffling over whether they’ll get gross and filthy. I have kids who are past the food-throwing, really messy phase, but we still have crumbs on the floor after every meal.

    2. We have curtains in our kitchen and they’re not gross at all. I think as long as it’s out of the food prep area and not right under an eating area it shouldn’t be a concern.

    4. I have IKEA curtains in my kitchen (similar setup). They aren’t gross but I occasionally throw them in the wash. They make our window look softer.

    5. We have curtains on our sliding patio door which is right next to our kitchen table. Despite that, and having 3 dogs, they are fine and don’t get gross. They are even white and are not machine-washable.

    6. Yup! Go for it. Though I second the recs to get machine washable. I had cotton curtains (“cafe curtains”) on a window over my kitchen sink. Worked great and was really cute.

    7. I have an open floor plan of kitchen/living area and big sliding glass doors behind where the kitchen table is. I also live in a townhouse/complex so without covering, everyone who drives by could see right into the kitchen/living area. I got floor length curtains at Ikea! The rest of the window coverings are plantation shutters, but that wouldnt work for these windows since there is also the door behind. I got a cute fabric and it looks great, and will be easy to replace if they get icky.

  27. Really need to get back into a workout routine and I think I’d be successful with dance-based classes. Any recommendations for someone in NYC (UES too be more specific). I guess I’m looking for either a gym that has good/varied/ample dance-based group classes or a studio with the same, but for people that are nottttt profesh at all.

    2. I haven’t tried it but someone I follow on insta talks a lot about Dancebody. She loves it and she says she’s not a natural dancer.

  28. Looking for recommendations for facial cleansers that would handle removing makeup/grime/sunscreen as well as simply cleansing (looking to move away from double cleansing in an attempt to streamline the number of products in my bathroom).

    Currently I use an oil-based cleanser to remove makeup/grime/sunscreen, then Cetaphil. Cetaphil on its own does not remove much.

    Drugstore or slightly higher prices would be best.

    Ideas?

    1. I like Clinique’s mild liquid facial cleanser. It gets everything off but isn’t as drying as most liquid cleansers.

      For the life of me, I can’t figure out what Cetaphil does. It definitely doesn’t remove makeup and grime. I see that as a morning-only type cleanser.

    2. I am obsessed with the Trader Joe’s micellar makeup remover wipes. They take makeup/grime/sunscreen off and no need for a second cleanser.

      1. I am not a Trader Joe’s fan (lines crowded bad produce and far from me) so if that’s you too the neutrogena micellar wipes are awesome. I am lazy and in awe of all of you who have these elaborate skin care routine’s, having a wipe to get my mascara off and most of my foundation is pretty much all I can do and then slap on some moisturizer

      1. +1 obsessed with it. The Ponds with the green cap. I use it before I use another cleanser and it gets off all my eye makeup, my no-budge sunscreen, everything. My skin is much better since I started using it, and I’ve been using it for at least 3 years, due to a rec from this board.

        1. Love this too. I tried Clinique Take the Day Off after using it at a friend’s, but the one I got from Sephora smelled like the oils had gone rancid. I ordered the Banila (I have the purple jar which is “purifying” I think?) from Amazon, and I love it. I rub it onto my face dry, and then remove with a hot washcloth (sometimes rinsing an extra time). I don’t have any issues with residue and I haven’t had any breakouts.

    5. I use Neutrogena Ultra Gentle Daily Cleanser (Foaming Formula) in the shower and it does a good job. I started using Bobbi Brown’s cleaning oil at night though (by the sink), and I think it may do a slightly better job with heavy eye makeup. But I used the Neutrogena one for years in the shower and by the sink and it was just fine.

      1. Oh, and I had the same issue with Cetaphil cleansers years ago. Threw away a nearly-full bottle of it. I also switched my lotions to CeraVe when they came along.

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