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Our daily TPS reports suggest one piece of work-appropriate attire in a range of prices.
The ShopBop Friends and Family sale is upon us — take 25% off sitewide with code SPRING25 (with a few noteworthy exclusions). I like this beautiful silk blouse, with a slightly bohemian tie at the neck — it looks ethereal and lovely. It's $169, but with the discount comes down to $126.75. Club Monaco Bryna Silk Top
A couple of lower-priced alternatives are here and here, and here's a plus-size option.
Seen a great piece you'd like to recommend? Please e-mail tps@corporette.com.
(L-5)
Sales of note for 9.10.24
- Nordstrom – Summer Sale, save up to 60%
- Ann Taylor – 30% off your purchase
- Banana Republic Factory – Up to 50% off everything + extra 20% off
- Bergdorf Goodman – Save up to 40% on new markdowns
- Boden – 15% off new styles
- Eloquii – $29 and up select styles; up to 50% off everything else
- J.Crew – Up to 50% off wear-to-work styles; extra 30% off sale styles
- J.Crew Factory – 40-60% off everything; extra 60% off clearance
- Lo & Sons – Warehouse sale, up to 70% off
- M.M.LaFleur – Save 25% sitewide
- Spanx – Lots of workwear on sale, some up to 70% off
- Talbots – BOGO 50% everything, includes markdowns
- White House Black Market – 30% off new arrivals
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And some of our latest threadjacks here at Corporette (reader questions and commentary) — see more here!
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LondonLeisureYear
What are 10 products do you use daily that you absolutely love and swear by and are worth the money? I like replacing my daily things when they wear out with items that are super durable and well thought out.
On my list is:
1) Mophie phone charger – No way I can get through the day without my phone totally dying, so I depend on it!
2) Life factory water bottle with flip cap – I actually feel like I can get this water bottle clean in the dishwasher (no weird little ridges for stuff to hide) and its glass so the water tastes really good
3) Diva cup (well I don’t use this daily, thankfully!) – total convert for 11 years now!
4) Lunch sense lunch box – folds totally flat, so you can clean out all the corners. You can even throw it in the laundry to wash.
5) Pyrex storage containers – no need to search for the right lid, no weird discoloration of plastic
6) July 9 Reusable Bag- this bag has snaps on the handle so you can roll the whole thing up to make it really small and compact, I always lose the stuff sacks for the baggu bags so I prefer this one.
7) Cast Iron Pan
8) Wutsof Kitchen Shears that come part to be cleaned
9) Dargelo’s Lightning Vest – a reflective biking vest that is easy to wear on top of any clothes and compact to carry with you when not wearing
10) Ugg Dakota Slippers – when I am at home, these are on my feet 24/7
Sydney Bristow
Interesting question and I’m interested to see the responses.
I’m not sure that I can come up with 10.
1- Neoprene lunch bag. I got it as a gift, but I think it is Target’s version of the Built lunch bag.
2- Sigg water bottle. I’m interested in your glass one, but I carry my bottle everywhere and my purse is so heavy that I don’t need the extra weight of a glass bottle.
3- Silpat liners. I don’t bake every day, but I use mine whenever I can and it makes such a difference.
4- My dishwasher. I have a dishwasher for the first time in a decade and every time I use it I’m so excited by it. Odd choice, I know.
5- Havianas flip flops. I wear them constantly when the weather is nice but also around my apartment building when taking out the trash or checking the mail. I used to just get the cheap Old Navy ones but the Havianas are absolutely worth the extra money for how well they hold up.
6- Citizen Eco-Drive watch. It is solar powered so I’ll never have to buy a new battery for it!
7- My clear bubble umbrella. I think it is Totes brand. It is really cute and does a great job of keeping my hair dry. Obviously I don’t use this every day but it makes the rain a little more tolerable when I do need to use it.
8- My iPhone and charger. I still have a 4S and don’t want to get the new ones because they are so much bigger. It’s starting to die though so I’ll have to buy a new one at some point. I’m an Apple devotee and love that all my products (desktop, phone, ipad, and Apple TV) just work together seamlessly.
Apple rumors
Rumors are that the next rounds of iPhones will include the current standard and plus options, as well as a SMALLER option. As a fellow hold-out (I have a 5s and was sad enough about it being bigger than my 4s), I’m really hoping it is true!
Sydney Bristow
Oohh that would be awesome! I was planning to hold out as long as possible then get a 5, but normally I hate buying a generation or more behind.
la vie en bleu
I always buy a generation behind because they immediately drop the price. I love my 5s.
AIMS
Add me to the camp hoping the rumors are true. I hate the bigger 6, and the 6 plus just seems obscene to me.
CorpTrainer
I really struggled with the size of the iPhone 6 but I ended up with the 6 Plus! I LOVE it and so does my eyesight!!!! I can’t imagine going back to a smaller phone now!
Emma
1. Olay Pro-X brush machine (knock-off Clarisonic)
2. Kindle
3. Metamucil (I swear by this. I started having a tablespoon of it each morning about a year ago, and I’ll never go back. It just keeps my body on track and running smoothly.)
4. Biotin (I have some issues with hair loss, and after a year of taking this twice a day, I’m getting results.)
5. Amlactin lotion for my bumpy arms
6. A cooling pillow, which helps me from getting overheated and sweaty at night
7. dental floss
8. moisturizing spf lotion, which I mix with some foundation to make my own tinted lotion
9. a wrist guard that I bought at CVS. It’s for carpel tunnel. My write wrist gets so sore sometimes from writing. I probably need a more ergonomic work station, but for now, wearing the wrist thing at night does the trick.
10. Coffee. I use k-cups from Costco — very good price.
Zelda
+1 for Amlactin! I use it all over because my skin is super dry.
Biotin-curious
Can I ask what dosage of Biotin you’re taking twice daily? I’ve been thinking about starting but I can’t find any guidance on an appropriate dose. I have an appointment with my derm in about a month to discuss it but I’m interested in any anecdotal info too.
Emma
I take two 5,000 mcg tabs, so 10,000 mcgs each day. I’m not sure what the best dose is. I err on the side of taking a high dose because I really wanted it to help me with my thinning hair. (I’m in my young 30’s, and my hair was/is really hurting my self-esteem.)
I started seeing results within a few weeks when it came to my nails. I keep them short, and have to cut my fingernails once a week, or else they start banging against my keyboard.
It took well over a year before I started seeing results with my hair. But a few months ago, I noticed that I have a lot of new hairs growing. It’s kind of weird, because I now have all these hairs that are about 3 inches long. I can’t keep them in check. I don’t really care, though. I’m so happy to have somewhat fuller hair, that I can last a few months of looking a little fuzzy on top!
Biotin-curious
Thanks!
Anon1234
Just to warn you, it says it has no side effects, but try looking up biotin + vivid dreams. I had to give it up because it screwed up my sleep cycle so much.
Apples
By bumpy arms, do you mean keratosis pilaris (only asking to confirm it’s the same as what I have)? If so, exactly which Amlactin lotion do you use, there seem to be several varieties? I have looked and looked for an effective product for my own bumpy arms with no success and would love to try this out. TYIA!
Emma
Yep! KP. I’ve had it for so long, and am desperately trying to get rid of it before my wedding. I did a lot of beauty-blog research a couple months ago to get advice, and I’ve found 2 things that have made a difference. (I think the lotion is the most important thing.)
I use Amlactin 12% moisturizing lotion. I haven’t tried different formulas — really, I just got what they sold at CostCo. But it’s worked pretty well. The bumps are down about 60%, and my arms are not as red, which makes a huge difference.
I also started using Le Edge, which is this razor-like exfoliating tool. It takes some getting used to, but I think it’s helped with KP, too. You can get it from Amazon for under $20.
Parfait
I just bought one of those. I’ve only used it once so far but I enjoyed seeing all the stuff that sloughed off.
Sunshine
What cooling pillow do you have? I have one but it doesn’t cool quite as nicely as I’d like. TIA!
Zelda
These aren’t necessarily daily things, but things I use regularly that I would repurchase and are totally worth it:
1) Lo and Sons OG. I know it’s almost a cliche at this point, but it’s a fantastic bag, useful, durable (I’ve had mine for several years and it still looks great) and an all around workhorse.
2)Built NY lunch bag. Comes in a variety of fun or conservative colors/patterns, washable, insulated, has a big of stretch to it so you can feel it up or store it easily, durable (also had it for several years).
3) Longchamp Le Pliage bags – I use this daily to tote my laptop, files, and purse items to work. There’s a reason they’re everywhere, they’re just that good. Also a must-have for travel.
4) Teavana tea mug – I love that it has a removable filter for loose leaf tea, so I can brew my tea and then take out the filter and use it as a regular insulated mug. A lot of tea mugs have filters that aren’t removable, so your tea oversteeps while you drink it. You can also use it for other hot beverages without the basket
5) Prepworks collapsible dish drainer – perfect for apartment living. Rests over the sink to dry dishes and collapses flat for storage.
6) Lodge dutch oven – I use it all the time for stews, braises, sauces, etc.
7) Joie mini fry egg pan – The perfect size to fry one egg. I use it when I’m making eggs for one or two people. Silicone egg rings are great when making eggs in a larger pan.
8) Quickie HomePro Household Surface Mircofiber Cleaning Cloth Multi-Pack – Different color cloths for different surfaces (glass, kitchen, bathroom, etc) and they really do clean with just water. I haven’t completely given up cleaning products, but I use them faaaaaaar less now.
9) Amazon echo – I bought it for my brother (he’s in another country) and I don’t want to give it to him! I love it!
10) Coola Mineral Face Sunscreen Matte Tint – my HG. Goes on smoothly, makes my skin matte without any white cast, good under makeup, great protection.
11) Coverfx CC cream – provides more coverage than most bb creams, so it’s almost like a foundation/bb hybrid. Wears well and easy to apply.
anyanony
BuiltNY – Quote “you can feel it up”. LOL I love my Built lunch totes – I have three.
Zelda
Lol, that should be “fill it up”, but you can also feel it up if that’s what you’re into!
Wildkitten
Added your dish dryer to my wish list. Thank you!
Veronica Mars
1) Lodge enameled cast iron dutch oven- Maybe eventually I’ll splurge on a Le Creuset, but mine is excellent quality and I probably cook about 60% of my dishes in it.
2) Bose headphones – I have a big over ear pair and a small pair of earbuds, both are essential for blocking out noise so I can get my work done (and the microphone in the earbuds works really well for hands-free calls)
3) Barbour jacket – Waterproof, breathable, and well-designed
4) Dior Addict Lipstick in 578, my all-time favorite lip product that’s moisturizing and the perfect shade for me
5) Maui Jim polarized sunglasses
6) Mizuno running shoes (so under appreciated, but excellent)
7) Abas wallet
That’s all I can think of right now!
First Year Anon
Funny- I just posted asking about people’s opinions on if Bose headphones are worth it. If you had to get one pair (mainly for travel and commuting), would you get the over-ear ones?
Veronica Mars
On a daily basis, I definitely use the earbuds more. They’re pretty much permanently wrapped around my iPhone and I love using them during my commute. But, for travel (and for when I’m really working and need to be immersed), the over-ear are much better. I have flown with just the earbuds before, and it’s definitely a much better experience with the over ear because of the plane engines/louder ambient nose. Although, I will say that mine press flat against my ears, so after about 5-6 hours of continuous wear (I know that sounds ridiculous, but if you’re on a long flight and sleeping, etc.) it does start to hurt a little because they’re pressing against the side of my head. (Actually I just looked it up and I have the “on ear” not the “over ear” big headphones, so maybe go for the “over ear” to avoid the ear-pressing issue).
Sally
I have the over-the-ear version. They are the best for noise-cancelling, in my opinion, but they’re also huge and not very portable. I only find myself bothering to take them on trips where I don’t mind packing a bit more and where I have a long flight. They’re great for the plane and great for generally blocking out the world, but I wouldn’t use them on the street (out of fear of getting killed–too much cancellation can be dangerous) and they don’t block out annoying conversations, just more ambient noise. I do feel like the pressure on my ears is kind of weird after a while, too. But they are one of my most favorite things!
Anon
I love my over the ear bose headphones. Granted, I only use them when traveling (i.e. on a train or plane). I haven’t had any issues with feeling pressure if I wear them too long. I actually just sleep with them on when i’m longer flights and usually don’t take them off the entire flight. But highly recommend for frequent fliers!
mascot
I swear by my Maui Jims and I am now a Mizuno running shoe convert. I buy my Le Creuset at the outlets (they are seconds rather than a different line) as well as at TJMaxx, Tuesday Morning type stores.
Cb
That’s a great question, I’ve been doing the Konmari method and thinking about things that bring me joy. A slightly random selection –
1. Denby dutch oven: perfect for chilli, stews, bread
2. King Arthur Flour bread improver- I’ve really noticed a difference
3. Wireless mouse and keyboard when working at a laptop – it allows me to look straight on at the screen rather than hunching too close
4. Chromecast: love, love, love!
5. Sage Tea Maker: my tea is perfectly brewed in the am! And it stays warm.
6. Furminator: I’ve got a beast of a cat and this helps me keep his fur healthy and reduce shedding
7. Glass tupperware: it adds weight but the lids are so much better and I can heat things up directly
8. Multiple pairs of glasses to avoid toting back and forth
9. Grocery delivery: feels extravagant but makes living in a food desert with no car so much easier
Sydney Bristow
I’ll second the grocery delivery and also add Amazon Prime. Totally worth it for the convenience.
CountC
Ooooh, very interesting question!
(1) Cupanion glass water bottle – I like how the water tastes, that I can get the sponge all the way down in it to clean, and that I can slide my hand through the plastic guard and carry it around securely.
(2) Mophie iPhone charger – for the same reasons as the OP.
(3) Nook – it helped me cut down on magazine waste, and it’s easy to throw in my bag and take with me all the time so I never am bored when waiting somewhere. Plus, I love being able to borrow library books for it.
(4) Gel eyeliner (of course I can’t remember the name now) – I love that it stays put and that the brush for the one I have allows me to make great and easy cat eyes.
(5) Lo & Sons OG/OMG (I can’t remember which one I have) – for the same reasons as the poster above. I use it as my gym bag, weekend bag, carry-on travel bag, take clothes to the tailor bag, laptop bag, barn clothes bag, etc. I use it pretty much every day and it has held up well so far.
(6) MK Watch (although any reliable watch would do) – I like being able to check the time and date without having to pull out my phone. Wearing a watch also makes me feel like an adult for some reason.
(7) Good stationery – I love writing letters to people and I feel grown up and sophisticated when I use my good (Crane mostly) custom stationery to do it.
(8) Zip around, bill length wallet – nothing falls out into my purse, it can serve as a clutch if I don’t feel like taking a purse with me, it holds a lot of things, and I don’t have to fold up bills when I actually am carrying them.
That’s all I can think of right now!
Op
There is no substitute for Crane. I used to like Embossed Graphics but my most recent order from them was pretty lame even with lined envelopes.
Baconpancakes
Hmm, interesting.
1. Coffee – right now I’m buying La Colombe (Philly, NYC, DC, online), also a huge fan of Intelligentsia (available in lots of nice coffee bars around the US, also served at Founding Farmers, Chinatown Coffee Co, and Baked and Wired in DC), Trager Brothers, and Shenandoah Joe (both around Charlottesville, VA).
2. Thermos travel mug – literally every day. Way better than any other travel mug I’ve tried, doesn’t leak, comes completely apart for washing all the parts.
3. L’oreal Voluminous Mascara
4. Dooney & Bourke Dillen II Satchel – big enough to carry everything, looks fantastic
5. Bobbi Brown creamy concealer – only they’re now only selling it with a pressed powder on the side and I hate that
6. iPhone 5c (and multiple charging cords)
7. Netflix and Amazon Prime – because let’s be honest, this is what I do every day after work
8. Moleskine pocket-size notebook – I just feel naked and unprepared without it
9. Lancaster Farm Fresh Cooperative CSA – the large group of farmers involved in the co-op makes for consistently great, abundant produce, and having a CSA forces me to cook way more than I would otherwise, and eat a lot healthier. It feels like a lot of money to go out the door at once on food, but it’s really not that much in reality.
10. LUSH Tea Tree Spray (and Herbalism and Vanishing Cream) – made a huge, immediate improvement in my skin, refreshes me without having to wash my face, a great morning pick-me-up for skincare
CountC
I have been meaning to buy into a CSA again now that I am back in PA, so thank you for sharing your love of LFFC! It looks like there is a site pick up right down the street from me, so I will be signing up asap.
Baconpancakes
They’re definitely the best I’ve tried. At first I was hesitant because they’re so big, not a “real” CSA where you know the one farmer personally (ie big enough to deliver to both DC and PA), but after considering it, I’m ok with dealing with a middleman (the CSA organizers) and letting the farmers just farm. The size makes for a much more interesting box, better quality produce, and more reliable production.
Anonymous
I loved LFFC when I lived in DC!
new anon
I had and liked LFFC when I was in DC. I’ll also recommend Spiral Path Farm CSA if they deliver near you in PA. My parents use them, and I’ve found their produce to be more varied than LFFC.
CountC
Spiral Path is great, but their pick-up locals were not convenient for me last time I checked. I will revisit though as I have a new job and a new barn! :)
Miss Behaved
1) My kindle
2) My fitbit
3) Okabashi flip flops (Only in summer,but I haven’t had any problems with plantar fasciitis since)
4) Amazon Prime
5) Cuisinart Immersion Blender stick (for smoothies)
6) Heated blanket (for this endless winter)
7) Roku
Can’t think of anything else right now…
BB
Ooo! Thanks for the flip flops rec! I’ve been looking for a pretty but still vaguely athletic flip flop to replace my old Sanuk ones.
MB
I never thought of using an immersion blender for smoothies. My husband wants a Vitamax and I can’t justify the cost but we have an immersion blender at home I have literally never used.
LondonLeisureYear
I got myself a Vitamix while living in the USA. I temporarily moved to London and am without it and could not justify getting myself one for 700 pounds haha for 2 years. I miss it soooo much. I bought a midrange blender for here in London and I really do notice the difference. My fiance is like … why is this soup not as creamy? So, if you think you will use it, it really does make a taste difference.
nutella
I’ll play!
1) Homeoplasmine
2) Sigma kabuki brush for foundation
3) Netflix and my ipad
4) Mason Pearson and spornette hairbrushes
5) Tweezerman tweezers
6) Cashmere for winter
7) Nike sneakers
8) Gummi vitamins and fish oil
9) Quality sheets, blankets, and pillows
10) hanky panky undewear
Frozen Peach
This is too fun. Love seeing your lists.
1) My kindle– reading fiction (mostly mysteries) at night is my insomnia cure and favorite “me” time all in one.
2) Fiber Choice fiber gummies– they are delicious!
3) Clinique Black Honey almost lipstick– it was great in high school, and it still goes everywhere with me because it goes with everything and is really easy to apply quickly.
4) The Workflowy app for the many lists that keep my life going
5) Laura Mercier foundation primer and tinted moisturizer
6) Vera Bradley Miller bag– perfect size for gym bag, overnight, really anything. I’ve owned at least five of these in different patterns over the years.
7) Pinterest, because it actually helps me stay organized with things like meal and travel planning and gift-buying
8) Epsom salts, powdered milk, and Aveeno oatmeal powder for baths– I prefer some combination of these to fancy synthetic ingredients– leave skin so soft and soothe sore muscles!
9) Teva Olowahu flip flops in black– I buy a pair every summer and wear them constantly. Love them because their style makes them slightly more attractive with skirts/dresses than typical flip flops.
10) Truvia Stevia in individual packets. So much better than synthetic sweeteners or sugar.
Veronica Mars
+1 on Black Honey–it’s lovely!
Senior Attorney
Fun topic! Not sure I have 10, but here goes:
1. iPhone 6. Love.
2. Multi-focal contact lenses
3. Self-darkening distance glasses for driving and TV — 3 pair (car, TV room, purse)
4. Babyliss hair dryer
5. Sonicare toothbrush
6. Athleta workout knickers
7. “Kangaroo keeper” liner for my purse — makes it easy to switch purses every day to go with my outfit
8. Amazon Prime
9. Prophylactic meds for migraines — have reduced from 2-3x/week to 3-4x/year
10. Contigo auto-seal water bottles for the gym
Anon
1. Hearos earplugs. I started sleeping with them years ago because I’m such a light sleeper. Makes a huge difference.
2. BlenderBottle for making protein shakes with almond milk, protein powder, Matcha, and some drops of liquid Stevia. I have a blender but the BlenderBottle is less mess. I shake it up and drink it right out of the container.
3. Almond butter. It basically makes everything more delicious.
4. The app “Threes.” It’s a fun, simple but challenging game that I can play when I’m waiting in line or on the bus.
5. Sonos Play 5 speaker. It has a great sound and I love that I can play music from Spotify or listen to a Pandora station on the Sonos through the app on my phone.
6. Cle de Peau concealer. It’s pricey but it really is a miracle product. I never knew concealers could be so wonderful until I tried this. Now I can just put on concealer without foundation in a couple spots and it smooths out my face really well.
7. Feedly for reading blogs. I check it every day and have a great list of blogs.
8. Tan Towel for fake tans in the summer. Easy to use and quick as well.
9. mySymptoms app. I have digestive issues which totally sucks but this app has helped to keep track of my diet, habits, and symptoms.
That’s it for now!
Meg Murry
Lots of mine are probably repeats from others, but here’s my list off the top of my head:
1) Amazon prime. Stuff shows up at my door in 2 days – what’s not to like. Also love it for streaming tv shows and recently started to use it for streaming music – good for gym playlists
2) Roku and tivo – along with prime, means my kids can watch tv in the morning without waking me.
3) Otterbox or ballistics case for my phone – because I drop my phone no less than 5x a day
4) Calphalon pan that’s actually non-stick – game changer after years of our “non-stick” pan getting less and less so every time we used it.
5) Mason jars and plastic re-usable lids like this: http://www.amazon.com/Ball-Regular-Mouth-Storage-Caps/dp/B0000BYC4B/ My extended family makes jams and other canned goods which are delicious, but the regular lids are a pain – its so great to be able to change them out for these 1 piece reusable lids. I also use jars for single serving leftovers, as they take up way less room in the fridge and are easy to grab and take to work (we have actual dishes in our kitchenette I can use there), and I store pasta, rice and basically anything that will fit in one in our pantry to avoid half open bags that spill everywhere.
6) Sharpies. I write on everything with sharpies, and then remove it with rubbing alcohol and/or alcohol based hand sanitizer. From years of working in a lab, I always have 2 or 3 in my purse in various colors and tip sizes.
7) My dishwasher. Can’t live without it – pretty sure it would end in us using all disposable dishes or a divorce. Along the same lines, 1st floor washing machine – and if it were 2nd floor that would be even better.
8) Thin hangers and closet bars in every spare corner in my house. Hanging up clothes makes it so much easier to see what I have, and far less likely that clean ones will wind up on the floor.
9) Kindle and cards to 4 different library systems so I can always load up on books
10) Audio input jack in my car and audible app on my phone for my commute.
Meg Murry
Oh, and paying for new glasses every year even though my prescription is so expensive – worth it to have a pair of frames I like, in the correct prescription that aren’t all scratched up. Paying the extra for progressives even though I barely need the reading glass part is also worth it for my middle range vision (like staring at a computer screen all day). Plus disposable contact lenses for days I feel like going that route.
Baconpancakes
Word of warning, though, those plastic lids don’t seal well. They’re great for the fridge, but once threw a mason jar with the plastic lid in my bag to take to lunch, and had lunch all over the inside of my bag instead of to eat.
Toffee
Love this!
1) Curel itch defense (I have extremely itchy skin. Works on DD’s eczema too)
2) mypocketderm (prescription skin cream with tretenonin, the active ingredient in retin-A, vitamins B and C)
3) dr. dennis gross alpha beta daily peel pads (drastic reduction in pore size, smoother texture, and faded dark marks)
4) vitamins (D, B12, B complex, multi, and liquid iron ), probiotics
5) Amazon prime (I really need to break this addiction)
6) fitbit flex
7) home elliptical (having one at home has been a life saver)
8) chrome
9) InstaNatural Facial Oil Cleanser and Makeup Remover
10) sunscreen
Toffee
Just thought of so many more. My dry bar hairdryer, roku/netflix, droid mini, acer laptop, so many more. I use a lot of stuff. This makes me want to try some sort of minimalist challenge.
newbinlaw
i would love to have a home elliptical but i’m not sure I would use it — you’re convincing me. How do you find you use it? where do you keep it in the house?
Anon
Enjoying seeing everyone’s lists:
1. OMG: Use mine every day and for work travel. The handle on mine broke while traveling, I emailed a pic, and I had a new one replaced for free within a week of deciding which color I wanted.
2. Aveda hand relief
3. Good bras bought at NAS
4. Small glass condiment bowls from Williams Sonoma: use them for everything
5. Cashmere
6. Bobbi Brown lip gloss
7. Estee lauder more than mascara
8. Good salt
9. French press
10. Glass storage containers
Anon
+1 for good salt. I like Himalayan salt — it’s pink and delicious.
Sydney Bristow
Similar to salt, I just started using fancy balsamic vinegar. Its so good its like the cheap stuff doesn’t even count as balsamic to me anymore.
NOLA
1. Kindle – I read in bed, on airplanes, and on my treadmill or the elliptical and it’s the absolute easiest.
2. Amazon Prime – to get things when I need them quickly.
3. Sonicare rechargeable toothbrush
4. MAC Prep+Prime BB cream
5. My regular nail stuff – OPI chip skip, OPI start to finish, Zoya nail polish, Sally Hansen Insta-Dri
6. Kenneth Cole Hammered Silver hoop earrings (they’re my go-to when I don’t know what else to wear)
7. Quicken
8. Google calendar – I don’t know what I ever did without it.
9. Throat comfort tea (Yogi)
10. Kate Spade purse with a center zip pocket – I have a few with all the same organization. I can always find my phone and keys.
anon
1) amazon subscribe & save: cheaper for some of our paper & toiletry staples where we won’t compromise on brand
2) Uniball jetstream pens. I have finally found my holy grail of pen. Not gel, not ball, not liquid. It’s a combo of all 3, and they’re incredible. Highly recommend
3) Secret brazil AP/Deo. Literally the ONLY deodorant that I have ever tried that, in conjunction with my own chemistry, doesn’t make me hate the way I smell at the end of the day. All the others tend to leave a very similar fragrance profile at the end of the day, despite whatever the fragrance started out as. And I didn’t/don’t like that smell. Brazil is the only one that has been able to stay true to its fragrance all day long.
4) My glasses. Never thought I’d need them (or enjoy wearing them so much) but the gift of better eyesight is amazing. I have astigmatism, and I can totally function without them. But, things are so much better with.
5) The wineglass-stem ring holder my mother got me as an engagement present. It’s a lovely fluted stem from a wineglass whose bowl was removed & filed smooth. I take off my rings every day at the end of the day.
6) Cremo Cream shaving cream. Better than anything else I’ve tried
7) LLBean shearling clog slippers. The love child of a birkenstock & an Ugg
8) H20 at Home cleaning cloths (for household, and for face), and rubber bristle broom, and laundry ball. I rarely use detergent any more. There are 4 of us living in the house, and we do some variety of laundry daily. I haven’t used but a cup or so total of detergent in the last 4 months–only a tablespoon at a time, if at all.
9) Netflix. Sadly, more for the kids than for me.
10) Hubs.
la vie en bleu
I’m going to post before reading..
1) French press (god i love coffee)
2) Built lunch bag
3) extra iphone chargers everywhere
4) Netflix/hulu – I just have my laptop, so I watch almost everything streaming
5) 12″ extra-deep stainless skillet (when I used to cook all the time, which I’ve been too lazy to do lately)
6) Sleep Cycle app on my iphone (completely changed how I feel in the mornings)
7) Apple wireless keyboard and magic mouse – esp at my last job where my only computer was a laptop
8) Dr Scholls insoles – I have them in almost every pair of shoes I own
9) Big, wide, pashmina style scarves. I wear one pretty much every day, I am always cold.
10) huge dark sunglasses
okay now to go read everyone else’s ;o)
Oh wait, swap out one of the above for my down comforter. I use them all year long, they are my one true love. Maybe for the skillet since I don’t cook at all lately.
KinCA
1. My Kindle – I read so much more now than I ever did, simply because it makes it so easy and convenient. A total e-reader convert!
2. John Freida Hot Air Brush – I get Kate Middleton hair with way less effort, time, and skill.
3. Amazon Prime – enough said.
4. Soap & Glory Hand Food – the best purse-size hand moisturizer ever
5. Zella Live-In Leggings
6. Kashi Oatmeal Chocolate Chip Cookies – a sweet treat that isn’t too bad for me and actually keeps me full for a while
7. Tarte Inner Rim Lightner – a lifesaver for anyone with allergies or easily irritated eyes
8. Bose Noise Cancelling Headphones – I don’t use them daily, but they have revolutionized the way I feel about flying
9. Gmail & Feedly
10. Sephora’s samples – I love sticking them in my cosmetics pouch when I travel. They’re TSA friendly and I get excited to try out new products, which livens up a lonely evening in a hotel room.
Fishie
+ 1 live in leggings. Ahhhh.
Fishie
I don’t think I can come up with 10…
1) Yes to Diva!!! I am such an evangelist. I can’t believe how many people who have had babies and who have regaled me with tales of their V fauna and episiotomies and giant mesh ice pack underpants are squeamish about that. Get over it! It’s a game changer.
2) Rusk hairdryer. Love the long cord and powerhouse blast of air.
3) Samsung phone – EVERYTHING is on it. Music, books, bookmarks, meditation timer, weather, news, email (work and personal), Evernote. I’m 41 and have had a cell phone since the early 90s, but I have never been so reliant on a device before.
4) Crest spinbrush. Brushing my teeth with a non-electric toothbrush feels like just wiping them off with a tissue.
5) Lo & Sons OG (thanks, this s i t e!) Everything, every where. Use the shoulder strap so I’m not hunching one arm to keep it up on one shoulder.
6) Kindle fire. Mine is broken so I have been dragging my laptop around like Linus with a blanket.
7) Maui Jims.
8) Papermate Flex Grip Ultra pens with clicky tops in blue.
9) My watch. A watch. Just about any watch. I hate not knowing what time it is and having to drag out my beloved phone to check.
10) My les cruset. I’d say 80-90% of the meals I cook at home are cooked in it.
Now I feel materialistic. They’re all cool, but they are just things.
anon
true story re: Diva. I am a total convert.
Liz
Awesome topic!
1. My bike, which is a money-saving, fitness-producing, environmentally-friendly machine of excellence
2. My Contigo thermos, because my office thermostat is apparently set to arctic all year so hot water/tea keeps me hydrated
3. My Kindle. God bless my public library, and my now-nonexistent need to pack an entire bag of books on long trips
4. Costco natural peanut butter (I forget what the actual brand is). This is basically a food group.
5. Whiteboard calendar. I think I have outsourced my memory function to it.
6. Philips light alarm clock, which has functions for gradually dimming to sleep and lighting up in the morning. I love this thing. This is how I got through winter 50% less grumpy.
7. Carmex
Excited to read everyone else’s!
Sunshine
1 – BioBrite sunrise/sunset alarm clock – the dimming helps me go to sleep, and it’s so much more pleasant to wake up to the light than a beeping alarm.
2 – Starbucks travel mug – keeps my tea warm for HOURS
3 – Bose SoundLink mini – play music via Bluetooth in my office, amazing sound quality
4 – Korean skincare products – Su:m37 rose cleansing stick, Missha essence and snail cream, VIP Gold BB Cream
5 – Amazon Prime and Subscribe + Save
6 – Philips goLiteBlu – late fall/winter/early spring for blue light therapy
7 – A great wristlet/clutch for my phone, money, debit card, work ID, and Burt’s Bees lip balm
8 – Staples ARC notebook system
9 – Oral-B electric toothbrush
ace
Had anyone successfully discussed moving to an in-house role with your main biglaw partner/boss and not had it blow up in your face?
My situation is that I’m in very good standing and on partnership track as a senior associate – but so are a bunch of my colleagues, and if past practices hold, at most 1-2 of us will be made partner per year. I don’t like my odds and don’t really want to stay around the next few years to see if my number comes up. I’ve started looking for in house jobs myself but nothing has panned out yet.
The partner is relatively good about associate development, but like all partners has a very well developed sense of self interest, so I’m worried that any benefit of his network, etc., will be outweighed by the risk he will cut me off/stop giving me good work. I’m not at “OMG I GOTTA GET OUT OF HERE” level yet, but I don’t want to be at my firm 6-12 mos down the road. Thanks in advance for any advice!
Ellen
Yay! I love this silk Blouse, Kat, but I can NOT wear this to work b/c it is way to shear, and it would defeet the purpose if I had to wear a Cami. It is time’s like this that I REALY wish Frank would get enough stareing in with his wife’s boobie’s w/o haveing to stare (and ocasionaly grab at) my boobie’s! FOOEY!
As for the OP, I have not been in this EXACT situeation, but I do face issues with the manageing partner where HE tries to uplift billieings of MY cleint’s so that he can also show that HE is involved with them. Right now this is NOT a probelem, b/c the cleint’s pay, but if push ever come’s to shove, I think we would have a fight if we ever decide to merge with our other larger competitor, b/c HE would cleaim to be the rainmaker, but in REALITY, most are MY CLEINT’s, b/c I was the one that wooed them to comeing to our firm and I am the one that does all the real work on them. Yes, the manageing partner brought them out to lunch at the Lamb’s Club and paid the bill, but it was ME who came, often dressed VERY provocativeley with silk blouses like the one Kat is showeing us today, so that they could stare at my boobie’s while I presented what I could do for them in court. Remember, I have NEVER let a cleint do anything sexueally with me. The worse that I have ever done is accept a hat from a cleint when we went to a baseball game, and I did NOT let him have sex with me, which he sureley would have. I even paid for his cab ride home in Queens! FOOEY!
So that is what I have to watch out for. In your case, see if you have alternative places to work where you would NOT have to compromise yourself sexueally. That is what you want, as long as you do want to keep workeing. Alternatively, you should find a rich guy who will MARRY you and you can avoid ever haveing to deal with this kind of probelem again. That is what I want. YAY!!!!!
Scarlett
It’s tough to give a general answer to this as I think it’s totally office dependent. My firm had most senior associates go in-house and they actively encouraged it as a business development strategy (become a client not a partner). Not all firms are like that so it’s hard to say without knowing the players. I’m also not sure why you’d need to tell them – I’d just keep looking and give notice when you have a job. Then you can bring up the “now I can be a client” angle and ease your departure. Unless some partner is hugely connected at a company where you want an open job, I’d stay quiet.
mascot
I agree with this. I also think it depends on the role. If the company is looking to reduce its usage of your firm as outside counsel, that is a slightly harder sell than a position where you are replacing a departing employee.
AnonLawMom
I would err on the side of not disclosing this to a partner at your firm. Are there any people that have moved from your firm to another firm that you could call? Also, in my experience from myself and colleagues, I would expect the in-house job search to take a full 6-12 months minimum unless you are in a very large market and have lots of financial flexibility. Most people with the right resume and good interviewing skills can find something in 6 months, but the odds of it being the right fit and reasonable pay are low (once again, depending on where you live). You’ll be in a better position to find something that works for you if you give yourself plenty of time for the search.
ace
Thanks folks. My self-preservation instincts say “don’t tell.” My boss is really connected to a lot of companies in our city, including some that would be great for me, and he’s done a great job of helping to place friends/contacts/associates in other departments with potential clients. I think this may be a little too close to home for him, though.
Office politics...
I am terrible at office politics and I have a dilemma. I’m in charge of hiring a summer intern at my large company. It’s a prestigious program with high expectations. There is Candidate A, who meets all our requirements and is really spectacular. Then there is Candidate B, who meets very few of them and is the child of an executive. HR and the executive have called me directly several times to say that they want to be sure I do not feel like I need to give Candidate B any special treatment–which in my experience is the same as saying, please DO give the child special treatment.
The head of my department is very personally ambitious. Thinking about what SHE would want, I truly think she would want to build her relationship with the executive and hire the executive’s child. (Here’s where my natural instinct is, of course we hire the more qualified candidate, and the executive can find his child another job.)
I feel like I need to at least let my department head know what the choice is, but I’m having trouble thinking about how I should frame it. “We have great candidates, and it’s a tough choice, but I am thinking we should hire someone who is already very familiar with our company through her father and can really grow in the role, versus someone who might meet the requirements on paper but won’t “get” our culture [or other BS reason].” With my terrible political skills I don’t know if I can pull that off without sounding disingenuous.
I know I am getting way too worked up over a summer internship. But if I misplay this, I think there could be repercussions. Ugh.
And for the record, I can’t stand that this parent thinks it’s OK to call and pressure me. Ugh.
HSAL
I think you need to support the more qualified candidate. If you want, tell your department head about Candidate B and say if she feels strongly about it, she can overrule you, but lay out the pros and cons of each one fairly.
Hildegarde
This sounds terrible. I would only do what your department head wants if she explicitly says you have to. So, I would tell her I’m hiring Candidate A, because Candidate A is awesome, and Candidate B is completely wrong and unqualified. If she tells you to hire Candidate B anyway, then you have to, but I would not back down without trying.
Meg Murry
Do you really only have space/budget for 1 intern? I’ve worked at more than one place where a position was “created” for a 2nd intern when there was a political need to hired someone’s kid. Sometimes the money even came out of the executive’s department budget for the 2nd intern.
I agree with HSAL that you should advocate for the more qualified candidate, but leave the final decision up to your boss if you think she would want to play politics.
Diana Barry
I like this idea. Maybe the executive could find the money in his/her department’s budget somewhere? Or if these are unpaid internships, hire both!
anon
““We have great candidates, and it’s a tough choice, but I am thinking we should hire someone who is already very familiar with our company through her father and can really grow in the role, versus someone who might meet the requirements on paper but won’t “get” our culture [or other BS reason].”
This really doesn’t sound genuine. I know it’s not actually genuine, but it sounds totally transparent and ridiculous. I’d support the qualified one. If the exec is THAT powerful and that important and that invested, then he can make a special spot for his special snowflake. I have such a strong distaste for this sort of thing….
If you feel you HAVE to support the nepotism hire, I’d say something simpler like “I think there’s more long-term potential with (exec’s kid) as its the family business, which merits investment.” Don’t knock down the good candidate.
ace
Totes agree. I’d be a lot more forthright if this is the path you’re going to take (and I agree with PPers that it may not be the right one.)
“Candidate #1 has a lot of the skills we believe we’re looking for — X, Y, and Z, and during the interview she presented very ___. Candidate #2 is a little more rough around the edges/has a lot of potential but not experience yet/this will be a stretch assignment for her [pick your euphemism poison]. While I think Candidate #1 will be better equipped to handle the job on day 1, I recognize that there are political reasons as to why Candidate #2 may be a better fit. How would you like to handle?”
Anonymous
I think this is a good internal script – “political reasons”
houston, we have a problem
I’d love to hear what Ask a Manager says about this type of situation.
houda
Hey hive;
I just wanted to give an update since my mum’s passing last month and me being in charge.
HR called me saying my line manager complained about my performance and they will put me on some performance improvement program to get back on track.
I have been supporting my two sisters and two cats but hoping eventually my sister who works might at least help a bit in groceries even contributing 10 dollars a week would make a change vs nothing now.
I plan on taking a 3 week vacation; think of it as a leave of absence, except I accumulated 30 days of vacation that I need to use, so I will still be paid. I’m having a call with my manager today to let him know.
Regarding the issue of finding petite clothing, I have spent the past 10 days scouring every brick & mortar shop since online shopping is not an option.
Today, I bought a small black blazer from Mango. It looks great and fits me perfectly (same as the navy Tahari one). This means I now have 2 options for interview blazers, so will need to find solid color dresses that are not clingy on my pear shape.
I am holding on and I believe that after the time off, I will be in much better shape.
I plan on using this time to unwind, prepare for interviews and engage in my extra professional activities that bring me a lot of positive energy.
Thanks to this community for the support, you are amazing and it feels awesome to know I can share such things with you without being judged.
Wanderlust
Oh Houda, sending hugs! You are wonderful, and a hard worker, and a great sister and daughter, and please don’t let one small moment in your professional life define you. Enjoy your well-deserved time off and everything will sort itself out.
Wanderlust
PS I think your line manager is absolutely ridiculous given all you have gone through. S/he could have at least had a chat with you before getting HR involved.
Carrie...
Houda, I’m so sorry that you have been struggling with so much. You are doing an amazing job. Your checklist is dizzying to me, considering what you have been through.
I hope that during your “vacation”, you are able to sit down with your sisters and let them know you need help. Think about what might be reasonable/fair, such as clear assistance with cleaning/errands, paying their fair share of rent/food/utilities, and a long-term time line for your sisters’ living location… ideally, all of the above.
You can do it.
Bonnie
Your manager just sounds horrible. Good luck with the job search.
Toffee
Thank you for the update! Just keep taking it a day at a time. As for the performance issue, you’re in manufacturing? DH has been in manufacturing for 10 years and has been put on a “performance improvement program” for a similar reason. He received the highest rating possible every year for three years after that. So, at least in some places, that program is actually beneficial and not at all negative.
Enjoy your vacation! Be sure to take time entirely for yourself. You sound very giving and deserve some selfish time.
First Year Anon
I am thinking of splurging on Bose noise cancelling headphones. Anyone have any opinions on whether they’re worth it? I would use them mainly for travel and possibly commuting.
Killer Kitten Heels
They work really well, but given how well they work, I’d be cautious about using them for commuting – I’m not a big fan of not being able to hear what’s going on around me when I’m using public transportation. When I was in college (in a major metro), a friend was a victim of one of a string of muggings where the mugger was specifically targeting folks wearing headphones because he could come up behind them without them hearing him.
First Year Anon
Yes, you’re right- the second I typed that out I realized it may be dumb to do that, for various reasons. I’d wear them on a commuter train and I am not that concerned about muggings but what if I don’t hear an important announcement? So I guess I will use them just for travel :)
Emily
I like them for travel. I was able to plop them on for a 7 hour trip, fall asleep and wake when we arrived at the destination and felt a ton better than if I hadn’t slept, etc. It doesn’t always work that great (if you end up watching movies and staying awake the entire time) but I also found that in-ear buds with decent noise cancelling helped when I forgot my over the ear headphones.
I also find that noise cancelling means that it drowns out certain noises and not ALL noise so if there’s an announcement, you can usually tell, and just remove the headphones to listen.
Basics
Consider space when traveling. I bought the earbuds instead of the headphones for this reason. After almost an hour of experimenting in the store, I couldn’t tell the difference in terms of how much noise they canceled, and they are so much easier to throw in a bag.
KinCA
I absolutely HATE flying (which I have to do 1-2 times/month), and the Bose headphones made travelling 150% more pleasant for me. You can still hear intercom announcements and people talking around you, but they cancel out engine noise and luggage rattling around in the overheads during turbulence.
They are tough to wear while sleeping, but I never sleep on planes anyway so that doesn’t really bother me. The case is bulky-ish and takes up a lot of room in my bag, but that’s a sacrifice I am happy to make for some peace on a plane.
Emma
Does anyone use essential oils? I hear about them, and I like the idea of having good-smelling things around me. I’m not sure if all of the claims — that they can improve your mood, concentration, sleep, allergies, etc — are supported scientifically. But I am interested in getting more anecdotal information from anyone with experience.
And if anyone does use essential oils, any recommendations on brands?
Miss Behaved
I add them to my humidifier. I don’t use a a specific brand. I buy them at TJMaxx.
Anonymous
My SIL uses them obsessively and brought them with her to a family event this weekend. She applied some cedarwood while we were all sitting around the living room and my allergies immediately flared up (eyes itching, nose burning) and I had a headache shortly thereafter. I think if you’re someone that has allergies and migraines from fragrances, IME they’re going to make the problem worse. The smell was also incredibly overpowering and I think would be really annoying to anyone else in your home or office even if it didn’t cause physical symptoms. It was not exactly a subtly pleasant smell, but more like sitting next to someone who’d taken a Pine Sol bath.
Baconpancakes
I don’t think they’re going to cure anything like allergies, but they have been shown to affect mood, like lavender and chamomile can have a calming effect on most people. As usual, I think the crystals and candles crowd took a tiny amount of well-known folk medicine (lavender helps you sleep, mint tea can help an upset stomach, honey is good for a cough), and ran wild with it. If you have fragrance sensitivity, of course, your SIL should refrain from applying them around you (or expecting hugs while she’s wearing them).
KittyKat
If you still have access to your alum academic database now is the time to use it. I always look stuff like this up academically. Personally I use tea tree oil for skincare but that’s it.
Frozen Peach
I don’t believe they have magical powers, but I use lavender in baths or on my pillow for sleep, and I use peppermint for motion sickness/ nausea/ headaches. I almost never fly without a tiny bottle of peppermint oil. Sometimes just having an alternative scent to “smelly dude next to me” is helpful.
My favorite brand is Aura Cacia.
Leigh
I have been using them off and on. I really like using peppermint and frankincense for my headaches. They don’t work for really intense ones, but for the light ones they usually knock the pain back enough to avoid using meds. I also use them in my diffuser (orange for mood, etc.), and I’ve made bath melts with them. I use the Doterra brand, but I’m betting they all work similarly.
Toffee
Not obsessively, but Punkin Butt Teething oil did help DD. Also, I love epsom salts with essential oils (eucalyptus, lavendar, etc).
Miz Swizz
I buy the Plant Therapy brand on Amazon. I use them as an alternative to scented candles and they were wonderful this winter when I wasn’t getting any fresh air into my house. I only decant about 4-5 drops onto a small plate so I don’t have issues with the scent for the most part. I stick to lavender or citrus because I’ve gotten some that sound great in theory but the smell wasn’t quite right.
Anonymous
There have been a lot of studies done of different oils (based on a quick search of an academic database) so it’s hard to sum up, but most of it is about antimicrobial properties.
LilyS
I use the This Works calm balm to help me sleep – just rubbed into the insides of my wrists.
ezt
Question for the hive: what’s the appropriate time during the job interview/offer process to bring up the possibility of flex time/ telecommuting? I have a telecommuting arrangement at my current job, would like to explore continuing it if I end up getting an offer at job I’m interviewing for (my current childcare arrangement depends on it), but I could make other arrangements if necesary and would for this job…it feels like starting off on a bad note to bring it up after accepting an offer, but I wouldn’t want to jeopardize an offer either…thoughts?
PS – worth mentioning that the nature of work at potential new job is similar to current and conducive to telecommuting
Miss Behaved
I would wait until the end when they ask if you have any questions…
Meg Murry
Are you 100% telecommuting now and would you want that to continue? Or certain days of the week? I agree that this is worth bringing up at the “any other questions” stage. If its not a deal breaker to you, you could say something like “at my current position, I telecommute 2 days per week, and while it isn’t a dealbreaker, it is a benefit I enjoy. Does newcompany or newgroup at newcompany have an official telecommute policy one way or another? Is it common, or is it an “only in emergencies” type of policy?”
Coach Laura
Meg has a good statement to use but I would replace “benefit I enjoy” with “it improves productivity” or “cuts commuting time while allowing me to be more productive”. In my experience, telecommuting has appear to benefit both employer and employee or it will not be widely accepted in the culture.
HSAL
I liked Meg’s suggestion, but I’m a big fan of Coach Laura’s tweak. A normal workday has me out of the office from 8-5, so when I work from home, those are generally my hours, so the second point is really spot-on.
Niktaw
It would be helpful if you could research the company wrt family-friendliness beforehand: you know, “Best Places to Work” lists, company website and so on. You will get a general idea of the employer’s policies (but for example, while my company is generally very family friendly, some units require all employees to be physically present 40 hours a week).
If the telecommuting aspect is not covered at the in-person interview, you can ask about flex/telecommuting options, but do not expose it as a high-priority issue.
The time to negotiate is after you receive the offer, so the flex schedule and/or telecommuting arrangement can be included in the final offer letter.
B
I’m looking at a 4-5 day vacation somewhere in Michigan’s lower peninsula in late May / early June. Suggestions? It’s kind of a babymoon, so nothing strenuous or really isolated; we have food sensitivities, so food-centered vacations aren’t fun; and we’re more nature people than beach people (though not ruling out beaches – just need other activities too).
So far considering Sleeping Bear Dunes National Lakeshore and/or Traverse City, but would really love input from you all.
Also would consider non-MI vacations in the general area – just picked that for driving distance. UP would be too far for my husband.
quailison
I like both Sleeping Bear Dunes and Traverse City (we spent our honeymoon in Glen Arbor at a relative’s condo there). Good hiking on the dunes, and the towns are just resort-y enough to have decent food and some shops for browsing but I wouldn’t count on spending any actual time in town. We also went kayaking/canoeing on a river for a day and that was really fun – could probably also do lake kayaking depending on your ambition level. So, it’s a good spot for your purposes.
Friends like renting lake houses etc. in the middle/east of the state, but that doesn’t sound quite right for a couple.
Depending on where you are coming from and how long you want to drive, Mackinac Island is fun too! You could pair that on a lakeshore road trip with the dunes/Traverse City if you didn’t want to stay in one place for too long. Not quite as far the UP but almost :)
TXLawyer
Mackinac Island might be nice for that
Baconpancakes
Mackinac Island is beautiful! I felt like I’d stepped back in time. Terrible for horse allergies, though.
Annie
I got married in Northern MI, and love the area. Either Glen Arbor or Traverse City would work for what you want to do. Glen Arbor is much more resort-y than Traverse City. I know people who have stayed at The Homestead and liked it. There is also Leland, a little north of Glen Arbor. You could take the ferry out to South Manitou Island and do a day trip there. There is a pretty awesome shipwreck that you can see from the beach. May and June will be a little too early to plan on swimming in Lake Michigan, but the hikes around there are lovely. Alligator Hill near Glen Arbor is one of my favorites.
If you go closer to May, you may hit the tail end of morel season, if you are interested in hunting for mushrooms. You should also check the Interlochen Arts Center calendar, sometimes they have some pretty awesome concerts and shows that go through there. That might hit an odd time between school ending and camp beginning. I’m not sure if you’re interested in wine or beer, but the Old Mission Peninsula near Traverse City has some really nice wineries, and there are a lot of breweries in Traverse City.
ORD
Leland!
Out of Place Engineer
I’m not sure where you are coming from. The Traverse Bay area is lovely, as is a little farther north. We prefer going to Little Traverse Bay and spending time in Harbor Springs. If you are heading that way, make sure to drive through the Tunnel of Trees! Be prepared for cool weather in May/June. If you don’t want to go that far north, but still stay on the west side, Saugatuck/Douglas/Holland is a really nice area, too. You aren’t too far from Grand Rapids and could spend some time walking around the Sculpture Park.
Meg March
I’m looking for socks that have a low enough vamp that they won’t stick up above my shoes (I need some for Keds, so they can be higher than the ones for ballet flats). Any recommendations for ones that will stay on my heel? I have a couple of cheap pairs meant for ballet flats, but they always slide off my heels and get bunched up.
S in Chicago
I have some I love from Cole Haan. They were a bit expensive but they’ve held up really well/no shrinkage and they have a small gel patch on the back of the heel (like three dots, you can barely see/feel–in fact I missed it at first, but it magically keeps them from sliding).
http://www.zappos.com/cole-haan-ombre-dot-liner-3-pack-w-gel-heel-assorted
Anonymous
Nike makes ones like this, too, with the little sticky gel thing on the heel.
Love Hue
HUE Perfect Edge Liners are AMAZING. Get multiples. Seriously. I was recommended these to wear with my golf shoes, and I’m obsessed.
Baconpancakes
I love mine from SmartWool. I think I actually have a men’s pair, and they’re perfect for my Keds. http://www.smartwool.com/socks/mens-mens-no-show-socks.html?swatch=Black
Zelda
Random question: I just bought a glass bottle from Whole Foods to make homemade Vitamin C serum. Do I need to sterilize it before using? If so, what’s the best method?
AIMS
I would, and I think the easiest way to do is to just put it in some boiling water for a few minutes or however people used to sterilize baby bottles.
First Year Anon
Make sure it’s tinted so the vit C is not exposed to light.
Gail the Goldfish
My kingdom for a white silk/fake silk blouse that’s not “semi-sheer”… I don’t want to have to wear a camisole under it.
Amy H.
+1000!
Micromanaging
Any tips on how to handle a boss (or bosses) that micromanage you? It makes me CRAZY. I guess I have always been a confident independent worker and this management style is really rubbing me the wrong way. I may be more sensitive to it than others, but I basically get filled with rage when I am trying to work and I (for example) get several follow up emails “how’s this coming”. Per day. Same update I gave you yesterday, I expect it to be done by Friday. I’m happy to provide status updates and I always meet or exceed deadlines, I just want to be able to know how to withstand the constant monitoring better. I might need a relaxation technique?
mascot
Beat them to the email. I find that works to show that you are on top of things and can sometimes decrease their need to check-in. If you need to give some more detail, like I’ve finished parts one and two and you are on track for total completion by Friday. There may also be external pressures, like a micromanaging client, that is blowing up the phone so your boss is passing that on to you. Or your boss has a lot going on and is stressed that they can’t remember the status on each project. Yep, it’s annoying.
Wednesday
Agreed. I used to send a morning email with the status of each of the projects we were working on, how we were on track to meet or exceed deadline.
If that’s not enough, I’d go to twice daily.
Toffee
Microwork. Update them several times a day by email, pop in to chat at least twice a day, be overly eager to discuss. Don’t ask questions, though. Show up with solutions, clearly explain your game plan, etc. It’ll only take a month or two (sometimes less) to either irritate them so much they back off or to gain their trust.
MJ
I would have an honest conversation with the person next time in person. Something along the lines of “Do you have any concerns? You seem to be checking in on me quite a bit. Please note that I have projects for A, B, C and you, and when I give you a deadline, unless you hear otherwise or I contact you with questions, I am on track with that deadline. In fact, it tends to slow me down when we check in so often.” Then pause and see what they say.
2 Cents
Do you work with my old manager? I understand your pain. I used to give daily update emails about my projects’ status, even if it was the exact same status as the day before (but still on track). It prevented the multiple emails of checking up, plus it was good evidence should I be accused of not prioritizing correctly. (This manager LOVED to give me 3 “high priority” tasks, all with the same importance, all due at the same time, then criticize how I handled it, even when I asked for specific suggestions about how to handle it.)
Anon4this
I just need to vent for a second as I don’t feel like I can vent about this with my non-internet friends.
Over the last 6 months, I have lost a some weight and am now very small. I have always been on the smaller side of things, but a combination of taking up running, eating better, and drastically cutting back on my alcohol consumption has resulted in me becoming pretty tiny. I am not unhealthily skinny – I eat plenty, I am just in the best shape of my life. I really love how fit and strong I am and that I can run long distances without wanting to die.
As you can guess, as a result of being smaller, I have a hard time finding clothes that fit (can’t complain about that right – oh too small, so sorry for you), have had to spend quite a bit of money getting clothes tailored, am an A cup for the first time since I was 15 (hahaha), and have to fend off comments from people all the time about whether I eat or just straight telling me to eat more. Again, I am really happy with where I am and, overall, am the happiest I have ever been. I have a healthy relationship with food and my body right now, but I can’t “complain” about the above to my friends. I don’t critique what other people eat, I never ever comment on people’s workout habits, and I am very conscious of not being judgmental of other body types and sizes. I just want to be able to joke about having a hard time finding clothes or lament the money spent on alterations or whatever, but I know that if I do, my friends will be all oh poor you or the common “I wish I had that problem!” I wish that someone could just say, I am so proud of you for being healthy and taking care of your body and cutting back on the alcohol. I am proud of me and would love it if I could feel like others were too.
I am dreading going home in a couple weeks to run a race because I know my mom will see me and think I am not eating despite the fact that I will go out to dinner with them and shovel all kinds of food in my face.
Some of you will probably think this is a humblebrag, but dang it I AM proud of my fitness right now!!
Anon
“I wish that someone could just say, I am so proud of you for being healthy and taking care of your body and cutting back on the alcohol. I am proud of me and would love it if I could feel like others were too.”
– Why do you need external validation? If you’re happy with where you are in your life, fitness-wise and health-wise, and you’re doing it for you, then isn’t that enough?
Anon4this
Because it’s nice when people you care about are supportive? I tell my friends and loved ones that I am proud of them when they do something that I think is cool or whatever. Why is this different? I don’t live in isolation.
I probably shouldn’t even bother responding based on the comments so far . . . but, yea, internet.
Anon
I think that the issue here is that you want (1) people to notice and say something to you and (2) for that something to be what you want to hear. You can’t control other people’s thoughts/reactions about your size/shape/fitness level.
You might be super fit and at a very healthy place. You might be unhealthily focused on exercise/diet. In the grand scheme of things, though, you’re looking for other people to give you a gold star because you think you deserve one, and you might be TOTALLY ROCKING IT right now, but that still isn’t how life works. You can’t tell people how to react to things or what opinion to have.
Anon4this
You are absolutely correct that I cannot tell people how to react to things or what opinion to have. Nor do I want to. I am/was venting. Never in a million years was I planning to run out to my friends and tell them how disappointed I was that they weren’t patting me on the back for every step I take.
I guess I am struggle to see how is this any different than wanting a spouse/SO/loved one to be supportive of a promotion or something else that you have accomplished? Obviously the person who has achieved the accomplishment should be happy with it on their own without the external validation, but if someone came on here and said they were disappointed that their spouse/SO didn’t show them support when they had achieved something good, I feel like everyone would tell them that was an issue, no? And before everyone jumps on me, YES, I am in therapy.
Anonattorney
Anon4this: I’m proud of you. I think health is very important, and I know personally it’s very hard for me to adopt healthy habits; especially when I’m working a lot of hours. I think it’s wonderful when professional women can carve out the time and willpower to get themselves into rocking shape.
It sounds like you are acting appropriately with your friends. I get why you would post on here about this – you can’t really talk to it about anyone else, so you post here to vent. Anyway, just wanted to give you a show of support.
nutella
Why are you in therapy? Do you have a healthy relationship with your body image and food? Could that be why you are “dreading” seeing your mother? Perhaps she and your IRL friends see something the internet doesn’t and that is why they are reluctant to praise your weight loss for fear that it will encourage an unhealthy or distorted body image. As Blonde Lawyer states below, positive accomplishments should be celebrated, but maybe your friends aren’t snarky and jealous but rather worried this isn’t a positive or healthy accomplishment?
This might not at all be the case; your comment about therapy just worried me. Either way, I hope you learn to love the body you have at all times (just as much as when it is strong and fit as when it can’t climb stairs without panting or is a little softer in the middle).
nutella
Kate/Kat, please get me out of moderation, I don’t see the usual offenders in my post!
Anon4this
Hi Nutella – thanks for your comment. My comment about being in therapy, while true, was meant to circumvent the usual suggestion of therapy on this site.
I am not, and have never been, in therapy for body image issues. I have never thought I was fat and always knew and accepted that I was on the small side naturally. My personal belief is everyone would benefit from therapy once a month or so, which is where I am now. I have some anxiety issues that were recently exacerbated by environmental factors. Those have resolved themselves and I am now just going to catch up with my therapist (it’s been two years with this particular one due to relocation) and also to run a few things by her regarding some friendships I have and how to deal with certain issues there (unrelated to the issue I wrote about above).
I am dreading seeing my mother because she is someone who always assumes the worst. When I injured myself several years ago, her first question was whether I tried to kill myself. Like totes out of the blue! I have finally managed to get our relationship to the point where I can call her to chat without the first thing out of her mouth being “What’s wrong?” or “Is everything okay?”
So yes, without context I can understand why that comment would worry you!
Anon4this
Thank you anonattorney. I appreciate it. I truly do.
First Year Anon
I get what you’re saying, Anon4this. I think it’s awesome what you’ve accomplished! If people are telling you you’re “too skinny” and to eat more, you are confident you are a healthy weight, then it seems as though there might be some projecting going on.
Anon4this
Thank you! I recently had a physical with my doctor and she had no concerns. Interestingly, a lot of those comments have come from men. One of them is laid up from surgery and can’t workout and the other is very preoccupied with his weight and physical appearance. So I think you are right there!
My female friends are not quite as harsh, but again I almost NEVER talk about this stuff with them because I know it is a sensitive issue for most women.
First Year Anon
Gurl, I’ve had men who haven’t worked out in 2 years (literally not a single workout) tell me that my training pace of 7 minute miles is “slow” (it’s not, and if it was, that’s still mean to say when I never once said I am super fast or anything like that). I’ve had men who have never played a competitive game of xyz sport tell me that they could beat me in a game of xyz sport. I’ve had men tell me that they totally could have gone to ABC professional school had they applied (never mind they tanked the standardized test to get in).
I think sometimes you have to realize, haters are gonna hate.
I’m not saying other people’s responses on this thread aren’t valid at all, and I think there are a lot of great comments in here. I think you have a valid reason to vent about some of these issues, but you gotta shake it off!
Anon4this
First Year Anon – a 7 minute mile training pace is badass!! That’s awesome.
First Year Anon
First Year Anon – a 7 minute mile training pace is badass!! That’s awesome.
anyanony
I’m proud of you and wishing it would rub off on me. I certainly need to take better care of myself and loosing a few pounds wouldn’t be bad.
Baconpancakes
So what are you asking for here? It’s great that you’ve gotten so healthy – congrats! And running a race and doing activities where other people are also fit is probably going to put you around more people who are healthy and fit and will decrease the comments. If you’re strong and clearly working out, and eating a lot when you’re out with people, your friends will eventually shut up.
But you’re a small, skinny woman in a society that prizes small, skinny women. You’re getting some flack for having lost weight, and that’s not cool, but the societal benefit you get from being small and skinny (being thought attractive, being able to find clothes that will literally go over your body vs not being able to actually fit in clothes, etc) far outweigh the societal negatives, whereas the societal negatives of being overweight and large (being portrayed as sexless, not attractive, not being able to shop in normal stores, job discrimination, not fitting in normal airplane seats, getting judgement from everyone for eating anything, etc) far outweigh the societal benefits of being overweight and large (ie being like most other people). I understand you want to be able to talk about your life and your problems to your friends, but if your friends are overweight and trying to lose weight, it’s going to be really hard for them to have any sympathy, like it’s hard for a couple struggling to conceive to sympathize with the trials of parenthood their friends are going through. Maybe try just not talking about how hard it is to be skinny with friends who aren’t skinny.
Anon4this
I guess I just wanted to complain. Lesson learned.
I definitely do not complain about this to my friends who are not skinny. I am not that much of a terrible person.
Baconpancakes
Maybe your friends who are reacting negatively think they’re overweight, even if you don’t see them that way?
I’m a person who hasn’t been an A cup since I was 10. I could be skin and bones, literally hospitalized, and I wouldn’t get under a size 4. Since size 6 models are being told they’re too fat, what am I supposed to take from this? Even when I’m super healthy, even when I was running 6 miles 5x a week and could bench press 180 lbs, I was ashamed of being big. This is probably the place that friends who aren’t naturally small are coming from. But you should find friends who are into fitness and running and have lost a lot of weight themselves. Having someone to complain to who has gone through the same thing is usually best, because they know where you’re coming from.
roses
I think it’s great that you’re proud of yourself, but honestly, if one of my relatives who was already small showed up looking especially tiny, I would be worried about them. Granted, you should be able to resolve such concerns by saying “yeah, I’m actually eating much healthier and not drinking anymore, so I feel great.” To which, hopefully, they will be supportive. But losing weight when you were already at a normal weight before isn’t always a sign of positive health, so I wouldn’t be shocked that people are expressing concern.
nutella
+1, I’ve always been on the smaller side and I’m short so a difference (either loss or gain) of 5-7 lbs really shows and family will become concerned. I think because whether it’s loss or gain, for most adults a change in size is tied to how you respond to stress unless it’s well known you have taken on a strict exercise/diet plan to either bulk up or trim down.
nutella
I’ve also been on the thin side of the spectrum – between a 0 and a 4. Sure, it’s annoying to have small breasts (my body is one where the weight comes off there, too, they don’t magically stay large while the rest of me whittles away), but that’s how it works. When my bra is fuller, so are my thighs. I think your complaints, however, are unfounded as it seems nearly every woman needs alterations or doesn’t fit precisely into clothes off the rack – be it, short, tall, thin, large, big busted, small busted, thick-waisted, athletic legged, long torsoed, hourglass, you name it. Achieving positive goals you’ve worked hard for is a wonderful thing, but I agree with Anon above, what is causing you to want the external validation?
Carrie...
+1 agreed
I am small and sometimes become smaller. Don’t you realize, most of the rest of us…. even the tiny ones… struggle with weight fluctuations and have clothes of multiple sizes and have done multiple alterations in the past and have a hard time finding clothes that fit? So this is not something for you to complain about… especially if this is the first time you have had to deal with it.
Everyone knows what you have achieved. They have eyes, and ears, as I suspect you have told them. Try not to blame them. We’re all struggling to deal with our own insecurities… Of course, you know that. Or else you wouldn’t want people to be complimenting you more often!
But I will give you this…. I HATE when people comment on me being small, but in a negative/critical way…… do you eat… etc… I’ve actually had random near strangers and some male friends comment on me being too thin. It makes me feel bad about myself too.
If only all of us could just keep it at… “You look good!”…. and then, “thanks!”. That should be enough.
Anon4this
It’s not the first time I have had to get clothes altered and I certainly understand most people cannot get clothes that fit off the rack. Why can’t I complain about it anyway? People complain about all kinds of ridiculous things that happen to other people.
It would just be nice to get a little reciprocal support from friends who complain about other workout related sizing issues and who I support in a way that emphasizes their fitness, strength, health, and not what size they are. But since they are bulking up with muscle and I am slimming down because I am doing a different workout, it’s not okay for me to complain.
Ugh I need to stop responding and get back to work.
Thank you everyone for your comments.
Sally
I hear you, but I think some people would take the complaints as humblebrags. A la “It’s so hard to figure out how to invest all of my lotto winnings!”
SB
Super late so who knows if you will see this, but also I think you’re framing this wrong. If you want compliments or congratulations, then you can’t bring up complaints (things not fitting, etc.). Instead, talk about how excited you are that you were able to hit X miles running, or how you hit Y milestone. Bring up positive things / frame things positively, and you’ll get more positive reinforcement. Bring up negative things, and why wouldn’t you expect more negativity rather than congratulations? If my friend started complaining about clothes not fitting, I wouldn’t think to say “congrats on losing all that weight!”
rice
Honestly I’ve gone through a relatively similar transformation. Now that everyone has adjusted to my size, there is no more “Oh my you’re getting too small!” because they understand I just live a healthy lifestyle and this is my new set point. So those uncomfortable moments where people act like you should be ashamed rather than proud of yourself will minimize.
However you will probably never hear others say that they are proud of you (as Anon quoted above), and you might have to learn to accept that. Be proud of yourself, it is awesome! Hopefully you have even just one person in your life (SO? Parent?) who reminds you that they are proud of you for working hard, as well as being kind and intelligent and all other great things. Sometimes you do need external validation – but it will be limited and ultimately isn’t as important as your own internal happiness.
Blonde Lawyer
I’m someone who has been relatively thin due to genetics and unfortunately illness. However, I haven’t always been athletic. I have found no shortage of encouraging friends and family members who will give me kudos for going from “couch to 5k” being able to lift, doing a 9/11 stair climb, hiking a mountain, etc. They see those things as accomplishments.
I’ve also received encouragement when I had to change my diet for medical reasons.
However, no one has given me kudos (nor have I expected them) on losing inches from my waist or weight overall.
Maybe reframe your accomplishment on what you can do now rather than what you look like and you might find your real life friends are really interested in supporting and encouraging you. I have a super fit friend that is a personal trainer yet we still rally behind her each time she runs a marathon. We all recognize that is a major feat.
I do think you have every right to complain about getting sized out of adult clothes.
Anon4this
Thank you BlondeLawyer. I went back to read my original post, and I definitely complained about things that are appearance based, but at the end I said that I wanted someone to say, “I am so proud of you for being healthy and taking care of your body and cutting back on the alcohol.” I didn’t think I asked for validation on being skinny. I will take your advice to heart on reframing my accomplishments, thank you again.
Maybe part of my problem is I work out and run alone, I don’t talk about it very often, and have signed up for races, etc. without telling anyone except in passing, so a lot of people aren’t clear on exactly what I am doing? Because of that it ends up that they can only go on what they see as opposed to what I am doing and therefore my vents come across as looking for validation on how I look.
Wildkitten
If you want people to congratulate you for doing healthy things like running races, you’re going to need to tell them that you are running races.
anon
are you me??? I totally could have written this post, and without diving into the throes of the debate, I am just commiserating with you.
It is hard, frustrating, disheartening, use-your-own-word, when someone says “you’re too skinny! put on some weight!” when you have worked SOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO hard to get there. Or, if you had health issues that made that weight loss a pretty awful experience too. I’ve lived both worlds–I got fit with exercise & better eating, but then spent almost all of last year in a state of nearly constant poor health with endocrine problems. Left me without an appetite for probably 50% of the time. I was subsisting on a few hundred calories a day, because I had zero appetite for anything.
It was awful, and I wouldn’t wish it on anyone. BUT, I worked really hard to lose the first 50 pounds of that weight, and the last 10-15 was a result of the sickness. And, like others have said, when you’re 0-4, 5-8 pounds makes a HUGE difference in your body/size/clothes. For me, the difference between 115 # and 105# is about 3 sizes.
Must be Tuesday
Congrats on successfully taking steps to become healthier!
I used to be a thin size 0, and it was very frustrating to shop for work clothes. I used to be able to find casual clothes easily because I could shop in Juniors departments and in stores aimed at teenagers, but I used to get so frustrated trying to find work clothes when I didn’t fit in the smallest size at a lot of stores aimed at professional adult women. I also had trouble finding bras in my size. So I understand your frustration.
I’ve gotten less healthy in the last few years, working out less and eating larger portions of less healthy foods. I’ve gain about 15-20 pounds, which I don’t love. But, one of the silver linings is that it’s now super easy to find appropriate looking work clothing that actually fits me. I’d rather weigh 20 pounds less and have a hard time finding work wear, but it was truly very frustrating to shop for professional clothes as a slim woman.
I also get your frustration with not being able to share your complaints with friends, especially when they’re in the midst of a complaining session about weight-related shopping difficulties. Despite the fact that your complaints are just as legitimate and just as frustrating as their shopping complaints, you joining in the complaining will not be well-received and might instead be taken as bragging. It is frustrating though to not be able to vent with friends about the same topics that they vent to you about.
Liz
Are you at all interested in joining a running club? SO MANY PEOPLE there would have these stories! I just make them into inside jokes with my sister. And/or rock out to “Shake It Off.”
Either way: Congrats! Glad your workouts are going so well! Keep doing you!
Weeknight Hobbies?
So this may make the most boring person in the world, but my DH and I have fallen into a rut. Every night we eat dinner, clean up, then watch about 3-4 hours of TV before going to bed. Not exactly great. We both talked and would like to try to do something during the week, but honestly we’re kind of at a loss. I sound like the most boring person in the world, I know. Any ideas? We’re trying to be cheap, which is what started the rut, but at this point I’d be willing to spend a little money to not be a couch potato.
NYC tech
Take a walk, read a book (and if you read the same book together, you can discuss it), start a small freelance project together and save all the incoming funds for something fun, tackle a home improvement project that you can work on a little bit each night, play a board/card game, schedule at least 1 night a week out with friends (maybe alternate cooking at each others’ houses to keep costs down).
Catan-o-lot
Re board games. Many board game stores have game nights where a selection of games are available for play (and regulars bring their own). It’s a cheap night out.
Also, I went through a phase where a friend and I went to a new bar almost every Tuesday. It was a great way to explore and we had a ton of fun. Maybe something like that?
Color!
Coloring – Buy some crayons and pencils. Print mandalas and other illustrations for free off the internet. You can also find adult coloring books on Amazon
InfoGeek
How about a walk together? Either around your neighborhood or somewhere more scenic? Even better, it costs nothing and is a great time to talk about random things with each other.
Our local food bank has a Thursday night “Rock and Box” where they play music while volunteers box up donations. Maybe check for similar week night volunteer opportunities near you?
Do any museums near you have a late night during the week?
If there’s a university or two around, then there are probably a range of events on campus. Within just about a week, we’ll have attended a musical ensemble concert (free), a regional women’s gymnastics competition (cheap), 2 dance concerts (not as cheap), and a national men’s gymnastics competition (cheap).
Have you checked Meetup for things happening in your area?
Are you looking for something to do together or are you open to things for you to do individually?
TXLawyer
I’m late to the party on this one, but my husband and I walk our dog every night for a 1/2 hour. It’s the best time we have all day because it gets us both outside, away from our gadgets, and talking about whatever happened that day. It’s part of our routine, but it also breaks up the monotony of wake up, go to work, come home, eat dinner, watch tv, go to bed, repeat.
Emma
This might sound even more boring, but my SO and I like to do puzzles. My favorite thing is when we listen to some NPR weekend shows (Prairie Home Companion, This American Life, or Car Talk), and do a puzzle. You can stream episodes of those shows, I’m pretty sure, and do it on a weeknight.
My other suggestions would be going on evening walks as the weather improves. Or maybe just doing something spontaneously once or twice a week. Like, decide over dinner to go see a movie, or go grocery shopping together, or anything.
MB
I love puzzles so much! I actually find they help with my anxiety.
2 Cents
Me too! I just finished a 1,500-piece one that tormented the heck out of me.
meme
Where do you live? That makes a big difference. I live in a rural/suburban area in the west, and I like hikes/walks at the parks/mountain trails nearby, biking (road and/or mountain depending where you live), stopping by the library for a bit, running errands together, browsing online for planning house upgrades/renovations, major upcoming purchases, etc. If you’re in an urban area, add in walks around the neighborhood/shops.
anon
Gosh, I’d love to have that problem!
Here are some ideas:
1. Take a before-dinner or after-dinner walk.
2. Get a dog and take it for walks.
3. Read and discuss books. Join or start a book group.
4. Go to museums–many are open late one night during the week, sometimes with live music and/or drinks.
5. Prep food for amazing gourmet packed lunches.
6. Join a community or church choir.
7. Clean the house and run errands so you have the entire weekend free for fun day trips.
8. Take an art class together.
9. Play tennis or hit some golf balls at the driving range.
10. If you have the experience and interest, coach a kids’ sports team.
11. Invite friends over to dinner.
12. Attend lectures.
13. Take a ballroom dance class together.
14. Take yoga or another fitness class.
15. Play board games or card games, just the two of you or with friends.
Must be Tuesday
These are all great suggestions. If you’re looking for free activities, check to see if your area has a website or newspaper listing free activities. Some free or low cost activities that I enjoy:
-local fitness studios often have a free intro class or reduced prices for new students
-local art galleries often have opening parties for exhibitions that are free (and they sometimes include free wine and snacks!); the exhibitions are also frequently free (though the snacks are limited to the opening parties)
-local festivals and fairs can be free to enter and walk around
-volunteer at a local animal shelter or with any other charity
-museums often have free days or free hours at some point during the week or certain months out of the year
-if you go to a bar to hear live music or standup comedy anywhere that doesn’t have a cover charge or drink minimum, you can buy a single inexpensive beverage while enjoying the show
-go to the library together, read books, and join a book club together
-search craigslist’s free section for new items for your house and fix up the items together (this will have an initial start up cost if you don’t already have the necessary tools)
-play on a sports team or take art classes or join a community theater (some of these will have costs, which vary depending on locale and activity)
-go to author readings at local bookstores (sometimes these are free, but not always)
MNF
Do you own a home? DIY projects – since we bought a house, my DH and I have learned all kinds of fix-it skills (painting, wallpaper removal, electrical wiring (turn off the power first!). We mostly figure out how to do things from youtube and it’s fun to do a project together.
Exercising/learning a sport – running, tennis, golf (anything where you don’t need a whole team)
Volunteer work – We have a junior league in my area, but I know there are volunteer groups specifically for young professionals around here too.
Hang out separately – girl’s/guy’s night out? Sometimes being together too much can cause a rut, some time apart gives you more to talk about when you come back together.
Blonde Lawyer
Bowling or pool. Most places are open late and conducive to an after work after dinner activity. In the summer, mini golf, batting cages or go carts.
HSAL
These responses are really helpful as I’m in the same boat. I’m pregnant so I pretty much only want to sit on the couch and watch tv in the evenings, but I’ve thought about implementing one screen-free night every week, and these ideas are great. Already trying to add walks to the evenings.
Blonde Lawyer
How about video games together?
HSAL
Oh believe me, that’s already taken care of. :)
Anon
We like to go for walks in the evening and try to vary our locations (even if it means driving to a different area). We have some nice nature preserves that are nice to walk through. We also do geocaching sometimes just for a change, which is fun. We also (well before kids came along, hard to have the quiet time now) do puzzles or word searches. We used to read books aloud together as well (we would each read a chapter out loud.) We also played on a co-ed softball team and bowling team (I was horrible at both, but it was fun to hang out together and go out for a beer after.)
Sydney Bristow
We hung up a map of our neighborhood and like to take different routes and then trace them in sharpie on the map. Our goal is to walk all the streets in our neighborhood. It’s fun to see the progress.
LondonLeisureYear
I love this idea!
LondonLeisureYear
We have a box that we wrote up ideas that we both like that we can do at home without much planning. We wrote them on little pieces of paper, and the box has two compartments. Then when we have one of those nights that we are starring at each other, twiddling our thumbs, we take one out. We work through the whole pile before starting over again.
Some of them include:
-Reading our own books but making a pot of tea or really good hot chocolate or boozy hot chocolate and cuddling while reading
-ping pong (the park across the street has a table)
-going for a walk
-he plays on his guitar while I knit
-video or computer game
-meet somewhere for dinner/drinks/dessert on the way home from work
-make a cocktail together
-cook a meal together (or dessert)
-plan a future trip somewhere
-practice wedding dance
-practice Hebrew (he is teaching me)
-Take a book to the pub and read there
-Watch a documentary
-Skype with friends
-Go see a movie
-Play a board game or card game
-Swap articles to read
We are taking my Jewish conversion classes together now which eats up Tuesday nights, but once those are done I think we might sign up for an evening yoga class to meet up at after work.
Anon
Have a kid! Then you’ll be dying for a quiet meal and a couple hours of uninterrupted TV watching! :). Seriously, though, maybe try cooking some new or more challenging recipes? If you like sushi, that could be fun.
August
I am in the same boat. So I decided to work two hours more at work doing things that I always wanted to do but always was put on back burner as they were not important for my team. I have enrolled in fun courses in https://www.edx.org. So I watch a lecture and call it a day.
Coach Laura
Some cities/municipalities have free bicycle rentals along a trail or in a park. You sign up and get a pass-card to check out the bike, give them your contact info a credit card in case you walk/ride off with the bike and then you can check out a bike anytime. Our local program is called “Dasani Blue Bikes” and now that I google it, it appears they have similar programs in Dallas, Lynchburg, Pittsburg, Provo, Greensboro etc.
Also, it’s Farmers’ Market time (or soon will be). Often Farmers Markets are on weekdays to 7 pm or so. Cheap eats, fresh veggies.
Coach Laura
Thought of more – First Thursday Art Walk in many cities – a group of galleries are open, walk from one gallery to another. Some have free wine & cheese.
Also, free museum evenings. Art museums, history museums, science museums. Some are first Tuesday, some first Thursday.
CPA Lady
Just thinking about this on my drive to work this morning– I have a coworker who was doing the envelope system because she wanted to get on the right track with her finances. She and her husband just bought a nearly half- million dollar house in our low cost of living area (the average 2,500 square foot McMansion in the area is around $250k for reference). She is planning on sending her kids to expensive private school for middle and high school. I cannot wrap my head around how on earth she is going to manage to afford it. Maybe she’s got a huge trust fund or family help or something on the side, which is all fine and good, and quite frankly none of my business.
But it just made me really think about how much more important the big picture decisions are than the little ones, at least if you’re paying for everything in your life yourself. I hate the “stop buying lattes” financial advice. Saving $600 a year by not buying coffee, doing the envelope system, using coupons, and all those tricks are great when you’re in a place of genuine poverty or financial crisis, but I wish more financial advisor people would stop giving such detail-focused advice, and talk about how important big picture decisions are, like housing or education or cost of living or even buying life insurance.
It just made me wonder– what big picture things do you think have most contributed to your financial success or failure?
Blonde Lawyer
I think many people are overwhelmed by the big picture advice and can’t see themselves getting to the point of having a fully funded emergency fund, retirement account or paid off mortgage. So, the envelope system (and other small scale changes type advice) get people focused on their money and feeling like they have some control. I think the snowball method is powerful for paying off debt and once you start making progress, suddenly your mindset changes. You can see those long term goals and you feel like putting a bonus towards debt instead of a vacation could actually make a difference. In the past it felt like peeing in the ocean. I completely agree the big decisions are far more important but if people do the small ones, they might start appreciating the big ones.
Senior Attorney
OMG this is so easy! The biggest financial disaster(s) of my life, by far, have been my two divorces! From the vantage point of my mid-50s, I can say without hesitation that the very best thing you can do for your financial health is to choose your spouse wisely!
On the other hand, I lived to tell the tale because during my last marriage I resisted the temptation to “move up” and stayed in the modest house I bought after my first marriage. Even though I was dumb enough to put Husband No. 2 on title, we still had enough equity to allow him to buy me out, and allow me to start over in a new place. Other wise decisions were maxing out my retirement accounts for years and years, and avoiding all kinds of consumer debt after a nasty experience with debt in my 30s.
(former) preg 3L
I am having the worst time with my divorce. That’s all.
AIMS
I think for me the two biggest were 1) not taking a penny more in loans than I absolutely needed in law school and picking a college with an affordable tuition and 2) continuing to live in a smaller apartment that costs less than what we can afford so that we can buy a place sooner. Both of these things give me a certain amount of freedom and peace of mind. For instance, Mr. AIMS was able to take a gamble with his career recently because we knew we could afford the rent on just my salary alone and long term I think it will be a great move for us. For the latte stuff, I could definitely be much better – I’m sure there is an easy $100-200 I could save every month by not taking cabs or not going out to eat, but that doesn’t seem like fun to me so I feel like the other trade offs are worth it.
ETA: I’ve also always treated my tax returns and any other “cash bonuses” as “not money.” I’m not great at building an emergency savings account regularly, but what works for me is putting any extra checks I get into a savings account I don’t touch unless I really need to. This includes any refunds, FSA payments, checks from relatives, etc. Over a few working years I’ve managed to build a nice little extra cushion with no extra effort.
Anon
I went to a law school where I had a 50% scholarship (it was private, so this made it pretty close to a state school tuition-wise) and I lived at home during school and took out the minimum amount of loans I needed. I graduated with about 1/3 of the loans most of my classmates had, and I have been aggressively paying them down.
CountC
Stupidly taking out the max amount in student loans for law school, even though I was in a low COL area and had a partial scholarship. I have still been able to accomplish most of my other goals (buy a house, etc.), but it’s made budgeting and finances much tighter in general.
anon for this
Honestly? Being “partnered” but not married because of the marriage tax penalty. Over the last six years, we’ve saved around $100,000 ($15,000-20,000 per year depending on the year) by not being married. We’re both high earners so the marriage tax penalty hits hard.
SoCalAtty
I wish I had known about this before I got married! There should be a disclaimer or something.
AIMS
It’s pretty widely known (hence the term “marriage penalty”) but a lot of people ignore it. I agree that there should be more information about it.
Anon
Brutal honesty? Marrying someone with money. I come from a working class background and have massive student loans. Husband has a similar income to me but came with a modest trust fund and no debt. There is no way I would in the position I am now if I hadn’t married him.
Since then, buying a small house at the low end of our budget in an area with good public schools.
August
:-) You are right. My sister married some one who got good amount of assets as inheritance and I married some one with no assets (I didn’t have any assets either). Though my sister and her husband earn less than me, me and my husband will have to work at least 15 years just to catch up with what they have !!!!
Carrie...
Contributors to financial success….
1) No loans for grad/med school. Scholarships/worked throughout to pay for them.
2) Living in an apartment I can afford easily, and saving saving saving. I’ve done the calculations and that means renting and not buying. I am saving a ton, and investing it all for the long term.
3) Living close to work, to minimize commuting cost and saving my most valuable possession… time.
And I’ve simply learned over time to live simply.
Anon
Big picture things – positive:
– I max out my retirement contributions
– My rent is only 11% of my gross income (and actually less than that b/c I split it with my fiancé)
– I love to cook, and so even though I buy higher-priced groceries, I end up saving a lot of money from not defaulting to takeout or prepared meals
– Honestly? I went to law school, enjoy being an attorney enough to stick with it, and work in-house for a strongly-performing publicly-traded company. As a result, I enjoy a good salary and bonus (incl. stock), without which I wouldn’t be as comfortable as I am today.
Big picture things – negative:
– I did NOT max out my retirement contributions from the get-go (thought it was unnecessary b/c I was so young when I first started at a firm out of law school). Oh, the ignorance of youth…wish I could get those years back!
– Too much shopping before I finally figured out my personal, minimalist style
– Expensive hobbies (but I enjoy them!)
– Should have paid off (or at least REALLY down) my student loans while still at Big Law
Anon
The biggest thing for us is our house. We live in a low cost-of-living area and bought a house we can easily afford on one salary. It is not a new, fancy nice house. But it has plenty of space for everyone (3 kids), is safe, and we have been slowly making cosmetic changes to it. What is really important also is that it is in a great school district. So we feel comfortable sending our kids to public school. We also drive old, paid off cars and fully fund our retirement.
However, we have lots of student loans, did not always max out retirement, our kids have expensive hobbies, and we like to take at least two out-of-state vacations per year. So it is always a balancing act to put a limited amount of money in all the places we need it to go.
Miz Swizz
Successes:
-Realizing at the end of my 20s that I was headed for a rude financial awakening and reigning it in. I paid off a lot of credit card debt and switched to a model where I could afford to pay off my credit card at the end of each month, rather than let the balance hang out.
-Budgeting everything. When you sit down and figure out how much money comes in and how much goes out, it’s much easier to understand where you’re overspending and where you’re underspending. DH and I recently sat down with our bills and pay stubs from the last 6 months and set forth a budget. We were able to increase our grocery budget (I love to cook) and the amount of money I put toward my student loans just by taking a broad look at where the money goes and adjusting other lines. It’s done a lot for the way I think about money too.
-Stop paying full price. I shop at TJ Maxx, Marshall’s, etc and look for deals wherever I can. I recently found out one of my favorite pet stores takes competitor’s coupons and I don’t feel any shame in using a $5 off coupon from somewhere else.
August
I have not made big financial decisions like buying a home and I didn’t go to an expensive school. So I don’t have any reference to compare. So everything I have done is save on small stuff.
1. I used to get a face wax every two weeks to remove unwanted hair, now I do it at home which saves at least $600 per year
2. I have budgeted money for eating out which is $150 per month for me and my husband because this was one area which was spiraling out of control. Once we are out of that money, we just don’t eat out till next month.
3. No shopping this year for clothes, shoes and accessories. I have not bought anything this year till now. I want to be this way till the end of this year. If I really really feel like shopping then I want to use the gift cards that I have received at work and from family members. But I want to hold off till thanksgiving.
4. Reduce wastage of food. I have been planning a bit better and buy less vegetables than I think I need so that they don’t languish in the fridge for weeks and then be thrown out. If I run out of vegetables, I can always stop by the grocery store on my way back from work.
5. Call the service providers (internet, vonage etc) and ask if they can give me a better deal. Change the provider if they cannot provide me a good deal. Also, no cable at home and no expensive gadgets. Like I don’t have a tablet or a personal computer. We just have our cell phones and a desktop at home.
I did stop buying a latte when I had to repay a loan which I had taken to buy a small property and now I don’t feel like going there any more. I buy coffee outside when we are traveling or when we have breakfast/brunch in a restaurant. It may not be much but it definitely saves $250 per year for me.
CPA Lady
For me, my two “good” decisions are:
1. going back to school to become a CPA. I spent about $10k on classes and CPA test prep materials. My first year as a CPA, I made $25k more than I did when I was working as a bookkeeper. Its not often that your investment more than pays for itself in the first year.
2. Buying a super cheap house. We’re sending our daughter to the same overpriced private middle/high school my coworker is sending her kids, but we should have our house entirely paid off by then and tuition payments can just replace mortgage payments.
Bad decisions:
1. Going to an expensive private college to get a liberal arts degree. I don’t regret the education I got, but because of this decision I spent the majority of my 20s underemployed/not saving for retirement
2. Not buying a house in a good school district. At the time we bought we were on the fence about having kids at all. So now we’ll probably be paying for private elementary school as well as private high school. We’ve considered moving, and probably would if we were planning on having a second kid, but for now we’ll stay put.
padi
This is an interesting and timely question for me. About 2 months ago, I realized that I was spending way too much money on my house and commute. Plus, it really limited where I could work in the future.
Four years ago, buying a house was a good idea and it will return more than money that I had in index funds.
But my income is less predictable and will likely be lower this year and in the following years. So I just bought a condo in an urban area that is walking distance to work and commuter rail. I will shave $1200-$1500 off my monthly expenses by moving. The transaction costs of moving should be covered by lower expenses in about 2 years.
Gail the Goldfish
Failure-going to the law school I did at sticker price instead of taking a partial scholarship at a slightly “less prestigious” but still excellent school. And believing everyone when they said “oh don’t worry, you’ll pay those off in about 5 years, what with law firm salaries and bonuses being what they are.” (Hello, economic recession, wish I’d seen you coming).
Success-moving out of NYC. I got a better paying job in a much lower cost of living area.
Zelda
Big decisions that have made a big difference include:
-Going to law school on a full scholarship (still top 14) instead of taking loans to attend the highest ranked school that accepted me
-Working between college and law school and saving enough to cover living expenses
-Continuing to drive my 12 year old, fully paid off car instead of upgrading to something newer
-Living closer to work to cut down on commuting costs and time (less than 20 mins even in rush hour)
-Pay myself first. Savings are automatically transferred out of my account when I am paid
Bitter Betty
Biggest success was refinance to a 15 year mortgage. Our house should be paid for by the time DS starts college. Biggest oops was leasing a vehicle. It just didn’t work for us. I’m looking forward to reading the other comments on this post!
SC
Our best “big” financial decision was buying a rental property as our first home. DH and I (with a baby on the way) live in the nicest of the 3 units, which is about 1150 sq ft. The rent from the other two units entirely covers expenses — taxes, insurance, interest, and maintenance. The amount we pay on our mortgage each month goes to principle/ building equity. We also expect or hope the value of the property to go up in the next 10 years, but even if it doesn’t, we’re basically living there for free.
mascot
Biggest contributors: no student debt and very little consumer debt when we got out of school, living in a low cost of living area, buying a house at a good price in a desirable location/school zone (if we needed to sell it, we could), only having one child, both of us have good jobs.
Failure- We are guilty of frittering money away on going out to eat, buying small things that we don’t need, wasted groceries, etc. If we could cut down on some of that, we could reallocate that money to other things like retirement or trips. A cash only system might be the right solution to get us out of the bad habits.
Brant
Save for retirement as much and as early as possible. Funnel spending money into its own account and splurge as much as you want, as long as it is from that pot of money. If you own a home, invest in maintenance (same with cars). Drive your car for a few years longer than you want to. Try and “pay yourself first” by diverting a portion of your paycheck into a savings account that you don’t touch, then just pretend the rest of the money is your actual salary.
roses
I have never had any consumer debt ever – no credit card debt, no car loan, etc – just student loan debt and now a mortgage. I simply never saw credit cards as “free” money and only spent what I could afford to pay back at the end of the month.
Other than that, the biggest contributor to my financial success has been being in a dual-biglaw marriage. Won’t last much longer, but it certainly has allowed us to become financially stable very quickly following law school.
anon
Worst decision: Going to law school (had scholarship and in-state tuition but still had to take out some loans, then took a nonprofit job) instead of getting a Ph.D. (typically free tuition + stipend, plus I would have earned more in that field).
Best decision: Buying a reasonably priced house in a great school district in a low-cost-of-living area and staying put for a long time.
Anonymous
Having a severely disabled spouse, who started out as a high earner with me.
Liz
By far, having a tight handle on my savings rate (…which is where I might quibble with your beef with latte-type financial advice…but whatever, everyone has a different life to live) and learning about low-fee index funds.
Anon for this
Best: Not having kids!
Anonattorney
Blazer fit question:
I’ve noticed that a few of my blazers are getting tight around the collar – specifically, the back of the collar seems to be pulling on my neck. I am 6 months pregnant, so I have gained about 15 pounds, but I’m not sure what specific weight gain would cause this fit issue. I’m not buttoning my blazers, so it’s not my chest. Is it my shoulders? My back? Otherwise the blazers seem like they fit fine (except for the fact that I can’t button them . . . ). Does anyone know?
NYC tech
It might not be weight gain at all – you might have a subtle change in your posture, due to your changing center of gravity. The whole alignment of your body changes. Luckily, there’s a good chance this will magically resolve post-partum (though it may take some months), so I wouldn’t advise getting rid of the blazers or altering them.
anyanony
You could ask a tailor at Nordstroms or a high-end tailor (i.e. not a drycleaner) but I would suspect it’s a larger ribcage and/or larger chest causing the back to be tighter. Even though you’re not buttoning it’s still larger from point A to point B. It would be easier to explain in person by demonstration but harder to write it out…
tesyaa
Exactly – you may not notice, but the distance from underarm to underarm is probably wider than before pregnancy. Most blazers are not stretchy so you’ll notice the fabric tightening in one place or another.
NavyLawyer
I’m 34 weeks pregnant with my second and my blazers fit oddly around my shoulders each time. Only gained 20 pounds. It’s normal – more than just your belly is expanding. My rib cage expanded right under the bra band, and thankfully later contracted. Your entire body structure changes to support the weight of the belly. Don’t alter anything since you have only 3 months to go, and your body could change again in a month!
Anonattorney
Thanks all, this is very helpful. I won’t change the blazers – I’ll just tough it out for another couple of months. Maybe some day I’ll wear well-fitting clothes again . . .
anne-on
Just an FYI, your ribcage might not go back down. After my pregnancy I went up a band size in my bra, despite weighing less than my pre-pregnancy weight. Between that and how my hips moved I had to replace a significant amount of my work clothes despite weighing less.