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Updated: Oct 31, 2018 145 Comments · by

Thursday’s TPS Report: Denisa Skirt

The Personal Shopper (TPS) |

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Club Monaco Denisa Skirt | CorporetteOur daily TPS reports suggest one piece of work-appropriate attire in a range of prices. Club Monaco is having a pretty great sale right now — take 30% off the sale pieces, and take 40% off the clearance pieces. Nice. There are a lot of lucky sizes left, so sort by your size first, but for example look at this fun fluted skirt. Originally it was $170, but it's now marked to $99 — use code THESALEONSALE to take another 30% off. There are only limited sizes left, alas (0-6), but here are a few other picks: this silk tank, this crisp white jacket for work, and I'm a bit obsessed with this textured winter coat that was $995 but comes down to $560 with the sale. Club Monaco Denisa Skirt Here's a plus-size option. Seen a great piece you'd like to recommend? Please e-mail tps@corporette.com. (L-all)

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Comments

  1. Boot shopping in Paris

    Does anyone have recommendations for where I could get a pair of quality leather boots (riding style) in Paris? I’ll be going in September and really need a new pair. Price range is preferably under 200 USD, but would be willing to stretch a bit for the perfect pair (especially since I have wide feet and calves). I would love if they were made in Europe. Thanks in advance!

    • Anonymous

      Is there a reason why you need to buy these in France? I haven’t found European makers, and the French in particular, at all accommodating of wide calves.

    • Kdlaf

      I agree with anonymous, is there a particular reason you need to get these from Europe? I got my favorite black leather riding boots from DSW (pretty much the only place I go for shoes). Aldo and Nordstrom have some great leather shoes as well!

    • Boot shopping in Paris

      No real reason other than having trouble finding a quality pair here. I had a great Steve Madden pair that lasted for five years, but I’ve never been able to find a perfect replacement. I tried on some Frye Melissa Button boots, but they just didn’t fit right (although I know they’re popular with everyone else).

      Also figured it might be a good time to take advantage of shopping in Europe with the weak Euro…

      • Mpls

        The Melissa Fryes didn’t work for me either, but Frye has multiple fit options if you’re willing to experiment a bit.

        • waffles

          I got the Frye Melissa button boots in extended calf width last year. At first they were super uncomfortable but they got much, much better after I broke them in.

      • Em

        While I understand the sentiment, I’ve found that it’s actually difficult to buy big ticket items unless you know the brand/reputation since unlike Nordstroms, you can’t return it if it breaks apart and I would hate to spend $200 or so and find my leather boots falling apart.

        In buying quality european boots, I find shopping at a local store when they’re having a clearance sale can be great. Eg. I bought a heavily discounted pair of boots in fall 2010 or spring 2011 and they’ve been going strong with almost daily wear from October through March each year.

    • LondonLeisureYear

      Just an observation from living in London this year but no one wears taller boots. I brought over my riding boots etc and didn’t wear them once. Everyone wears Chelsea boots or Ankle boots with heels. So it might be harder to find them here then you think to find pairs in Europe.

      • Frenchie

        +100000. Knee high boots are no where near as popular in Paris as they are in major US cities. I see them mostly on tourists.

      • Frenchie

        +10000. Knee high boots are no where near as popular in Paris as they are in major US cities, so while you’ll find some, the selection will be infinitely greater state-side.

      • Anon

        Kat – why is my comment not showing up? It isn’t even showing as pending moderation. PLEASE GET NEW TECH PEOPLE!

        +10000 on knee high boots not being nearly as popular in Paris as they are in major US cities. I see them mostly on tourists. You’ll have a far greater selection in the US than in France, for sure.

    • Anonymous

      La Botte Gardiane are a traditional maker of riding boots for the cowboys (‘gardiane’) of the Camargue region near Arles. Everything is made in their own factory (can take special orders for hard-to-fit sizes) and the quality is superb, especially of the more-traditional styles with stitched soles. Details here on styles, finishes, prices and the locations of their Paris outlets.

      http://www.labottegardiane.com/

    • Anon

      For under $200, probably not. You may be able to find something made of fake leather. Everything you find will be more expensive than in the US/Canada, even with a strong US dollar, and you probably won’t find anything for wide feet or wide calves.

    • Sparrow

      For wide feet/calves, check out Duo Boots. Wardrobe Oxygen has done some reviews of them.

    • Anonymous

      Yeah, the French don’t do wide calves (or wide anything). Paris is not the place to shop for these boots.

    • Boot shopping in Paris

      Thanks everyone!! Lots of good tips – might have to expand my U.S. search.

  2. Calling all pears....

    Any pears able to recommend work appropriate pants currently available at the Nordstrom’s Anniversary Sale? I am looking for classic wider leg, and/or flare at the foot to wear with heels.

    I have bigger butt and thighs, with a very small slightly high waist, 5′ 7″. Nothing fits me off the rack. I wear size 2 to a 6 depending on the brand. The last pants I bought at Nordstroms were Theory, and after they took in the waist, they no longer fit right. No more Theory for me.

    • Pear

      Halogen Taylor pants are frequently there. Even if not, they are not too pricey.

      I wore mine off the rack for years and recently had to go in and get the waist taken in b/c I am even more pear-shaped than before (and a size down was a hot mess, so I am truly settling into this shape).

      • Calling all pears....

        Thanks for this. So do you size up, compared with their size chart?

        • Pear

          I’m a 6 at Gap (waists often huge and seat/thighs can be tight unless I’m in a curvy cut) and a 6 in these pants.

          • NO

            Halogen Taylor OR the Lafayette 148 Menswear slacks. They are going to discontinue that style – but they sound like exactly what you are looking for.

  3. lawsuited

    Re: the plus size option. I have this skirt is really not the greatest – the top part is more or less a straight up and down tube and does not accommodate curves well. A better option (and more similar to the straight size look posted) is the Seasonless Wool A-line Skirt, which you can get now on deep, deep discount.

  4. Wearing Purple/Lavender/Lilac to Work?

    Would you wear shades of purple to the office? What about pastel/light shades of it? I am starting a new job at a business casual law firm soon and want to refresh my wardrobe. I have been avoiding pink because I don’t want to give off a Legally Blonde vibe (even though it’s a great movie and I do not have blonde hair!), but I wonder if a solid lilac-color structured dress would be in Elle Woods territory. I have a lot of neutrals as well as shades of green and blue, and I don’t want to wear the same colors all the time. Thanks!

    • Asideralis

      Purples and pinks are totally fine. The way to avoid a Legally Blonde moment is to make sure that you’re not head to toe pink. I regularly wear a hot pink pencil skirt into work with a black shell and blazer and no one bats an eye.

      I, personally, am not a fan of pastels on myself but other people can pull them off quite nicely. Maybe start with a few accent pieces in your new color of choice before going all out?

    • Anonymous

      Yes. Definitely. A lilac dress wouldn’t get a ton of wear for me because it’s quite summery, but I’d consider it appropriate and would love it with a navy blazer.

      But, it’s not necessarily something I’d buy right before starting a new job. Personally I think you’re better off wearing stuff you already have to start and adding on as needed.

      • Wearing Purple/Lavender/Lilac to Work?

        Thanks! I would prefer to start with what I have as you suggested, but unfortunately I do need to buy some new items. My entire current work wardrobe is designed around suits for a business formal environment, and needs to be expanded anyway. I also anticipate working far more hours than I currently do, so I would like to have a selection of more casual outfits ready in advance. Maybe I will stick to neutrals for now (the dress I have my eye on also comes in black) and keep purple in mind as an okay color to add in after I get settled in the new position.

    • Anonymous

      Neither pink nor purple is inherently unprofessional. I’m wearing a purple dress right now. Unless you are planning wearing either color head to toe every day I don’t think you are in danger of giving of a Legally Blonde vibe. I like wearing pink (and purple) with grey or black. I have a purple sheeth dress that I wear all the time with a black blazer over it. Do not see an issue at all.

      • January

        I agree, it had never occurred to me not to wear pink or purple. I don’t wear them all the time, though. And you can always wear a black, gray, or even navy blazer with something like lilac to make it a little more sober (I would need to do that anyway, since pastels alone don’t suit my coloring).

    • Anonymous

      I wear lots of lilac and lavender. they go nicely with my skin tone, and I don’t think that it comes off as too twee.

    • lawsuited

      I wear a lot of purple/lilac at work, but blouses, cardigans, shoes, scarves and jewellery paired with neutral suiting and dresses. I do have an eggplant purple sheath that gets a lot of use at work and in the rest of my life, but I’m not sure about lilac. Maybe I have a bias that dark or saturated colours are more powerful and pastels are more ladies-who-lunch?

    • Anonymous

      I’d say it depends on where you live, and the culture of your workplace. I wouldn’t buy clothes that you’re uncertain about until after you start the job and see what other women in that office wear. I work in a law firm in a northeastern city. To me, a structured lilac dress sounds more mother-0f-the-bride than wear-to-work.

    • Anonymous

      really? youre concerned about wearing purple or pink to the office? I mean, I probably wouldn’t wear all pink all the time (a la Elle Woods), but pink and purple are office appropriate, court appropriate, etc. it just depends on how you wear them. I have tons of pink and purple — in dark and pastel shades. I pink blouse under a navy suit looks great. An eggplant dress would be lovely. etc.

    • Senior Attorney

      I wear purple and lilac to work all the time. I especially like shades of purple with yellow and gray.

    • Wearing Purple/Lavender/Lilac to Work?

      I am hoping the V won’t be too deep for work, a bunch of the reviewers said they found it to be work appropriate. I tend to be on the conservative side with attire though (as you can probably tell from the fact that I am asking this question in the first place).

      I like the Classiques dress except for the neckline. I had my eye on another Boden dress too and was all set to order it when I noticed the dreaded exposed zipper. Ugh.

    • anonymous2

      Agree, not head-to-toe lilac or pink or everyday anything else is fine. Black and charcoal grey accents are the best.

  5. Wealth and Friendship

    TJ – Would you consider yourself wealthy? I know this has been touched on before here but I graduated undergrad a few years ago and I’m starting to realize that various friends and I will all have different levels of wealth and success. It’s really interesting to observe since we’re all the same age, starting to create our own lives, etc.

    • Anon

      No way. I recently saw the acronym HENRY – “High Earner, Not Rich Yet.” That describes my scenario. I make market salary at a big law firm, but my student loan debt (law school) is so high that I don’t even feel financially secure, let alone wealthy. Maybe in five years I will!

      • Anonymous

        +1 this is where I am as well (did you see the acronym on Skimm?). I personally do not make a ton but DH does very well so combined we make much more than our friends (and our parents). We also have a huge chunk of this going to law school loans. My minimum payments alone are over 20% of my pre-tax income– over one-third of my take-home. I think in ten to fifteen years we will be considered “wealthy,” though.

      • SoCalAtty

        This is exactly where I see myself. Once the student loans are gone and the other miscellaneous debt we have left over from starting my husband’s business, then maybe I’ll consider us “wealthy.” The last time we did taxes I think we were in the top 3-5% of gross household incomes, which seems crazy to me because the money just….goes. I guess student loans + high cost of living area will do that!

      • Ellen

        Yay! I love poll’s like this. Personaly, I do NOT feel wealthy, or even comforteable b/c I have NO precollege saving’s like other women who got alot of money for their sweet 16. Dad did pay for schooling, so I do NOT have debt, but he said I am responsibel for my OWN retirement money. Since I have NO rich man, I have to rely on me to fund it. FOOEY!

        The partnership I work at is small, and could fold at any time, leaveing me out in the street with only my smart’s. So since I am onley 34, I have to work for another 30 years. If the manageing partner fire’s me, I will have NOTHING saved b/c dad is makeing me pump all my saving’s into a 401K and my apartement. At this point a rich guy should ride up in shining armour and sweep me off my feet. I would even marry him if he had a mid-6 figure income, so HIVE, tell your brothers about me!

        Once I hit 40, I will NOT be abel to bear kid’s so now is the time for men to step up, marry and imregnate me! YAY!!!!!!!

    • anonymous

      Yes, I would consider myself wealthy. It’s weird, because I grew up really, really poor (as in didn’t have a place to live sometimes and definitely skipped meals and had a whole wardrobe of tattered clothes with holes). I’m in my mid-twenties now, bought a house a few years ago in a HCOL area, and have a household income of about 150. Most of my friends grew up comfortable and are a little less comfortable now. It’s weird because I hardly spend anything, am convinced in my head that I’m poor, and yet I have more money and financial flexibility than most of my friends. And I’m still always the one who’s trying to limit eating out and things like that. I wonder when I’ll stop feeling poor.

      • Anon

        I am like you: good income, still debating about purchasing some corelle. Corelle!

        But I have a parent who was raised with an outhouse, so a dollar you have is not a dollar to waste. They are both very frugal even now.

        I have rich friends and poor friends. We all live like we’re in grad school (and we haven’t been for more than a decade).

      • Anon

        I grew up in a family that just barely made it. We never had our power shut off, but at one point an anonymous $500 check mailed to us made sure we had heat one winter.

        Husband and I make a good income now, but I am only now slowly realizing that ‘hey, maybe we COULD afford new towels,’ or ‘huh. maybe it ISN’T a major financial decision for me to buy new socks when my current ones are falling apart’.

        I will say that my background has made me passionate about giving to causes I believe in- specifically for me my local food bank and a local women’s group that helps women get back on their feet (I actually earmarked my donation ‘for feminine hygiene products’ after finding out from an employee what a need and what an expense it was for them.)

        • AnonInfinity

          This is my experience, too. My husband and I have been married more than 10 years, make around $160k, and we JUST bought towels to replace the ones that were given to us at our wedding shower.

          I grew up in a trailer, so the fact that we live in a beautiful house and can buy just about whatever we want at any time makes me feel wealthy. There are honestly times that I feel fabulously wealthy. We are so, so lucky.

    • Anon for this

      I don’t necessarily consider myself wealthy but I do realize that as a single professional in my late 20s making over 6 figures, I’m in a much different category than most of my friends (and my boyfriend incidentally) who are my age and probably making half of what I am. It usually becomes more obvious when we’re shopping and it’s clear I can afford more expensive clothes (I like clothes so it’s usually my one splurge).

      BUT – I work a minimum of 60 hours a week, more in fall/winter/spring, am constantly stressed out, and feel like I’m on call 24/7. My boyfriend can leave the office at 5 and take a lunch and go to the gym 5 times a week. If I make it to the gym once a week, it’s a miracle.

    • Anonymous

      HHI is 200K (family of 4), and do not feel wealthy. All income goes to bills, kids’ activities, saving for kids’ college and our retirement, and helping my parents who retired with insufficient savings.

    • Away Game

      By the numbers, we (DH and I, combined income) are 2 or 3%ers compare to the nationwide stats, which I suspect most folks would reasonably define as wealthy. It depends on how you measure, though, and while I recognize we are wealthy by the numbers I don’t “feel” wealthy. We live in the highest COL are of our state, where 1% is 400K on average. We own a minivan (newish but not top of the line), have our kids in public schools and couldn’t afford to send them to most local privte schools, eat in “nice” restaurants 1-2 per month, mostly cook at home, and our kids are dressed exclusively by Target and Old Navy, with Lands End winter outerwear, and hand-me-downs. I bring my lunch to work 4 days a week to keep expenses down. On the other hand, we can afford to take our family to amusement parks in the summer, visit the opposite coast for a couple of weeks, and pay for soccer and gymnastics and Scouts. We don’t have any trouble meeting our monthly bills or mortgage, but have to budget carefully for summer camps and pick cheaper ones. We can go on vacations out of state (LOVE vrbo), but not to Tuscany every year. In short, we are wealthy enough to cover our actual needs if we are sensible about which “wants” we fund. If you define wealthy by income bands, yes we are. If you define wealthy as not really having to budget and make trade-offs when you spend, then no. We live about as well as relatives in the mid-West making less than half of what we do, but we don’t “worry” about money.

      • another anon

        Yes, this is always the distinction I think about: “If you define wealthy by income bands, yes we are. If you define wealthy as not really having to budget and make trade-offs when you spend, then no.”

        I make twice as much money as either of my parents and I would suspect people from my hometown think of me as a fancy-pants lawyer, but I still feel like every item I buy is a trade-off and I budget very carefully.

    • Anonymous

      I think the answer is yes. I certainly do not feel “rich,” probably because my husband and I grew up in solidly middle class homes and do not now make millions. But we never have to worry about money, have a $1.5M home, and are in the top 1.5%. I know that is wealthy by most people’s standards.

    • Anonymous

      Wealthy on paper, but we have a disabled family member who may need significant out of pocket care. Medical expenses are no joke.

    • Anon

      No. I make about 60K and been working for 15 years. As I live in a low cost of living area I can still have a pretty nice middle class lifestyle. I own a home (although in a lower middle class home). I can afford to go on the occasional vacation. I don’t worry about paying the utilities. But, I’m not wealthy, and I never will be. The chances of me making six figures are low (not impossible, but it’s unlikely).

    • Senior Attorney

      I felt wealthy when I was married. We had two six-figure incomes and very low housing costs, so we could pretty much spend on whatever we wanted — vacations, clothes, theatre, charity, etc.

      Now that I’m on my own with just 2/3 the income and a much bigger mortgage, I’m feeling a little pinched. But I am on track for retirement, if I’m careful I can have pretty much anything I (reasonably) want, if not everything I want, and I still give to charity. I count my blessings every single day. My freedom and peace of mind have been more than worth the economic trade-offs!

    • Anon

      Yes, but only in the context of our LCOL city. Here, we feel wealthy because we can basically buy whatever we want (including a lovely house in our preferred neighborhood) while still saving heavily for retirement & college. We don’t join fancy social clubs or go to lots of big cultural events, but we could afford to if we wanted. When our kids are older, we will be able to afford private school if we choose that route, although we hope to stay public for other reasons. If we lived in NYC/SF/etc, all of those things would be 3-10 times as expensive, and we would not feel wealthy at all.

    • Tabby

      Academically speaking, yes, we’re wealthy. We are in the top 1-5% of our age bracket. Practically speaking, while we pull in about 300k/year, we don’ t *feel* wealthy. We live in a somewhat fixer-upper of a 4br home in a very nice but not the top 1-2 suburbs that was in the $750k range (but not over a million, and there are a lot of those around here). We live in a very HCOL area and pay taxes through the nose. We drive one entry level luxury SUV (an acrua, bought certified preowend) and one non luxury sedan that we’ve had for years. We have one (and one on the way) young kids and spend $20k/year+ on childcare. We don’t typically wear high end brands (DH’s suits, dress shoes, and 1 pair of my dress shoes are an exception). After all the bills (including our retirement accounts, to which we contribute heavily, student loans, which are ~$700/mo, and our ‘money for known home improvements because we bought a fixer upper’ fund) are paid, we don’t have a ton left over at the end of the month.

      That said, we recently had an unexpected $10k home improvement expense and we had no issues just writing a check. Our retirement funds (at early 30s) are in the ballpark of $350k.

        • Anon

          Not my story, but I remember 2009. If I lose this job, it is probably in circumstances where I would have to take something like a 50% pay cut and a long period of no income before landing my next job.

          TL, DR: I have > six figures of debt; when I have no debt, I may feel differently.

    • AnotherAnon

      I don’t consider myself wealthy. Me and my husband’s combined income is around $300K in a medium cost of living area (like 500K will buy you a very nice house), but still I don’t consider us wealthy. We are completely dependent on our paycheck to maintain a middle class living. The day I feel wealthy is on the day when we no longer are dependent on our salaries for living a middle class life. I don’t mind living a rich person’s life, but I don’t necessarily miss it. I am happy living a somewhat minimalist life.

    • Gail the Goldfish

      No. Comfortable, yes, but not wealthy. On the one hand, I have a six-figure salary (but not BigLaw level) and have plenty to cover expenses. On the other hand, I have a six-figure student loan debt, drive a very old car, and still rent an apartment because I don’t have enough money saved for a down payment on a house (due to that whole six-figure student loan debt). Once I get the student loans paid off, if I still have the same job, yes, maybe one day I’ll consider myself wealthy, but that’s going to be a while.

    • Chicago Bean Accounter

      Not wealthy, but financially stable/comfortable. I share a condo and car with my boyfriend in a desirable neighborhood, we have the ability to save for retirement and save in general, travel, eat out every Friday, occasionally make fancy dinner reservations, and splurge on something fun every once in a while. But we think about larger ticket items before buying, he has student loans still, we don’t buy top of the line, and I generally always try to find areas where we can save more money. We do own a sailboat, but it is 43 years old and docked at the least expensive harbor possible in Chicago and we found winter storage outside the city limits for way less.

      My view on our situation is that we have the ability to live where we want and to do the things we want, but we remain conscious of our spending and try to maximize savings wherever possible.

    • Wildkitten

      Yes. I wouldn’t say wealthy, which I think means assets, but I would say rich, due to my income. The average *household* income in America is $50k. As one person, I already make more than that. Also, most people couldn’t scrounge up $2000 in an emergency. I can. I am rich.

      • Anonymous

        Exactly this. I am rich, objectively, and when I’m tempted to say I don’t feel that way I really push myself on it, because I am. I don’t consider myself wealthy because my student loan debt means my net worth isn’t high, and in fact it’s only been positive for the past two months.

        • Wildkitten

          I’m $250,000 in debt. Most people aren’t rich enough to go that far into debt.

      • Senior Attorney

        This. I told my therapist I was feeling pinched because I was down to my last $50,000 in cash and he about died.

        I totally get that by any objective standard I am far, far, FAR wealthier than almost anybody in human history up to the present moment.

        • CountC

          Yea, if my friends had any idea how much money I had in savings, they would probably fall over dead.

          I do not consider myself wealthy because my net worth is negative, I have student loans, etc. However, I know that I am doing far, far, far better than the majority of Americans. I own a home (LCOL area), I can afford to pay for my next car in cash (which I plan to do), I don’t struggle to pay my bills in a water will get shut off way (although I do budget because I do not have much left over every month), I can attend social events, go on the occasional vacation if I plan and save, buy a new thing if I want to, and not worry about feeding myself, etc. But I do not consider that wealthy. Everyone’s idea of wealth is different though.

      • DisenchantedinDC

        Puts it in perspective. One of my friends told me last night he “forgot” about $500 in his paypal and I was like, it must be nice.

        In reality, my mid-60k pay may not feel like a lot in DC because I have 100k in debt from my master’s degree, but there are probably people who live down the street who don’t make as much in their household. I may “feel” poor, especially stacked next to my friend above who is a several years my senior and my best friend who just entered BigLaw, but poor is objectively NOT what I am.

    • ace

      Nope. DH and I have earned about $450K a year gross the last two years (Biglaw salary plus SmallLaw salary, both about 10 years out). If we didn’t have kids, I think it’d be a different story, but we have 2 under 5 years old and still pay for FT childcare as a result.

      One factor for me is that I never count on my biglaw bonus until it lands in my bank account in December, so we operate on a smaller amount and bonus ends up being “extra money” that goes towards an extra mortgage payment, estimated tax payment, a chunk towards our very-low-interest student loans.

      Also, I feel like we work too much to really enjoy our money. Sad life of two lawyer families!

      • Senior Attorney

        I kind of feel like this is why people hate lawyers. “Oh, we’re not wealthy on almost half a million dollars in annual income! Because we have two kids! And plus we don’t enjoy it!”

        • Anon

          +1,000,000

          In no world is a $450k salary not going to land you solidly with the wealthy.

        • ace

          Sorry, I guess? That seems like a pretty harsh response to an honest answer.

          I think I’m feeling a lot of the same things that other people feel — that we’re still budgeting, that we can’t count on the BigLaw Gravy Train lasting forever (and are planning accordingly), and that we’re not able to take long/luxurious vacations due to work demands. There’s also the time-is-money issue of biglaw that you need to work a lot to make a lot of money.

          • Anonymous

            But there is a real definition of wealthy – and in no world does 450k not hit. No one is begruding you making it or wanting to make more, but if we put it in terms of sizes for instance, a size 2 is skinny right? I think we can objectively say a size 2 is not over weight. But this is the equivilent of everyone going no, I am overweight. I am a size 2 but I hang out with models, and so its not really that small.

          • kdlaf

            Agreed anon, when the average household makes around 50k and your household makes 450k? Youre wealthy as F*CK. Of course you have to work crazy hours for that in your field and take into account student loans, mortgage, etc – I get it. But you’re wealthy, well off, etc – own it!

          • Senior Attorney

            I don’t want to be harsh but I do feel like you could use a reality check. Lots of people work just as hard as you do and make a tiny fraction of your income. Seriously maybe some counting of blessings might be in order, along with just owning the fact that you make a gigantic pile of dough every year?

        • anonymous

          Double yup. I hate these questions b/c you know that if you asked some of the super elite wealthy (I’m thinking ibanking MD types in NYC banking $1mil+ a year), they probably say something like they don’t feel wealthy either. And I’m hard pressed to not roll my eyes at them. Just as I’m hard pressed to not roll my eyes at y’all.

      • Um

        PLENTY of couples have to pay for daycare for two kids, and make nowhere near your household income. Yikes. Of course earning in those digits means that you have to work long hours, but you also have the ability to walk away from it if you truly wanted to. Get some perspective.

    • Meg Murry

      Wealthy? No. Especially not compared to others on this s!te, since I am not a lawyer or other very high earner and I live in a LCOL area.

      Fortunate, yes very much so. I’ve been through some lean times in my family, and I am so grateful that right now I don’t have to do crazy calculations or wait for my next paycheck to clear to put food on the table or buy new clothes as needed. I know that compared to many in my community my family is doing quite well, and compared to a lot of America we are darn lucky – and so much better off than so many in the rest of the world.

      Will I feel poor again when it’s time for my oldest to go to college and we aren’t paying his full way (or much at all)?Probably. But at the moment, I am happy in my station in life, and extremely happy that I have a job I don’t hate to pay me to live this life.

    • roses

      Yes, I do, but 1) only recently (paid off student loans last year) and 2) only compared to how I grew up. DH and I bought a house in our HCOL city, we go to nice restaurants regularly, and travel 7-8 times a year to see friends and family scattered across the country. This kind of lifestyle was unimaginable to me as a kid in a lower-middle-class home where dinners at the Cheesecake Factory were the very occasional treat.

      That said, many upper-class people in our city would not consider us to be wealthy – our home was under 1 mil in a place with not the greatest public schools, we don’t travel internationally much at all, and we don’t have a lot of fancy electronics or appliances in our house. But I think it’s a little absurd that that would be the measure of “wealthy” in a city where tons of people don’t have heat in their homes and where 20% of children are food insecure.

    • s-non

      I’m rich. My SO and I can do whatever we want together… EXCEPT buy a condo in our HCOL city and specifically, neighborhood.

    • Must be Tuesday

      I don’t consider myself wealthy, because wealth to me signifies having sufficient assets that I do not need to work and do not have to worry about expenses. I finally have a positive net worth, but only just barely and I only got there within the last year.

      I’m comfortable, but not a high earner compared to others on this site. As long as I continue working at my current job or another one with a comparable salary, I can afford to pay my mortgage, utilities, loan debts, living expenses, and save for retirement, with a little left over for fun stuff. So that’s why I say I’m comfortable. As long as I maintain my income, I don’t have to worry about whether my expenses will be paid. All of that is dependent on my being able to continue earning a steady income and not having large unplanned medical or other expenses.

    • anon

      This thread is so depressing. Everyone is like, “I don’t feel wealthy,” but you make four times as much as I ever have….

      I remember feeling wealthy when I could walk out of the grocery store with bags full of food and even splurge on things like fresh orange juice without holding back.

  6. KT

    I was pondering yesterday’s question about looking put together and something else occurred to me that is invaluable…

    Being early. Waking up 15 minutes earlier and then getting to work 15 minutes earlier is the single most important factor in me looking polished and together every day.

    When I would roll in right on time I would be frazzled, running around collecting files, etc. By being just a little early in the morning, I can get my things arranged, get tea, skim red flag emails for anything ground-breaking, and then I’m perfectly composed when everyone stumbles in.

    • Basics

      This is a good point, and I would add “being organized.” I have had colleagues who were forever pawing through handbags looking for things (only to either spill everything on the floor or declare that the item must be “in my other purse”), constantly dropping bags on the ground or stepping on a dragging strap and spilling everything, or tripping on a dragging belt from a coat or scarf coming out of a pocket/sleeve. It looks very not polished. As an aside, it also leaves colleagues in an awkward position because we don’t know whether to help (but if we pick up an errant item and hand it over, there are terse words) or just stand there.

      • L

        Oh no. I am definitely that purse person! What I can’t figure out is what to do with all the paper I get! It’s so frustrating. If I may add the ultimate TJ, how the heck do you all keep your purses organized?

        • KT

          Organized and early is key for me! I’m naturally a clumsy slob, so I have to work extra hard to look together. Being early and organizing everything (and setting aside time to tidy up) is key.

          A structured tote that can stand up on its own helps–you can see what is in it!

          I do the pouch system for personal items–pencil cases in different colors with different items–pink for makeup, blue for phone charger cords and flash drives, green for medicines, purple for pens and post-its.

          I have a small redweld I keep in my purse for files, paperwork/receipts, etc. It’s labeled so I can find things quickly.

          That way if I switch my purse, I just move the pouches/file and be on my way. It keeps me from scrambling through my bag.

        • mascot

          I try to keep paper out of my purse. My makeup/personal items are in a small makeup bag. I switch to small purse on the weekends and that only holds my wallet, phone, sunglasses and keys.

        • Clementine

          I keep a (clean) ziploc bag or two in my larger purses. I use them to corral whatever is getting out of hand- receipts, trash, random makeup, etc. Sometimes just being able to shove all the receipts, tissues and pieces of paper into one place until I can go through them makes it a million times better.

        • NYtoCO

          Not gonna lie, my former manager’s purse was hands-down my least favorite thing about her. I suppose I am particularly organized with my purse, but I can’t, for the life of me, imagine throwing receipts/credit cards/other things that belong in my wallet loose into my purse. She would constantly be digging for her credit card (again, how do you let this loose in your purse?!) when needing to pay for things.

          I guess I really only keep about 5% of my receipts– expensive things that I have a possibility of returning.

      • Anonforthis

        Yes! I’m one of those people who, especially in hot weather, will just melt (sometimes actually dripping… it’s disgusting, I know) a few minutes after I arrive anywhere on foot or by bike. I run a few times a week so it’s not unfitness, it’s just heat (and being borderline for thyroid issues…). Arriving early gives me time for that to subside and to feel more put together again.

    • Senior Attorney

      Yes! I’ve been getting up an hour earlier than usual for the past few weeks and it’s been a real game-changer! Totally worth it!

      Also, I keep a purse insert in my bag so it’s easy to switch purses and it also keeps everything reasonably contained.

  7. Gift for a new MD?

    A relative is sitting for his Boards soon and I would like to give him a gift to celebrate his achievement. What would the hive recommend?
    Background: male, married with a kid, and soon to move across country. Has med school loans to repay.

    • Carrie...

      Gift certificate to something he and his wife would enjoy doing in the city he is moving to? Maybe to a nice restaurant or to a cultural activity he enjoys?

      I am less likely to recommend “items” for situations like this. He has already had many medical milestones, and will have many more Board exams.

      And I hate to say this… but people fail the Boards all the time. So almost better to make it a “Congratulations for finishing…. ” and a going-away gift, just to be safe.

    • Steak

      A very nice dinner somewhere (maybe with you babysitting). That way he won’t have to pack it up when he moves.

    • Gift for a new MD?

      Thanks Carrie and Steak (ha!)
      I imagine that the “cultural activity” will be lots of sleep for the first few months, and catching up on the time with the kid.
      And yes, I will not jump the shark and celebrate his quals before they are confirmed, so thank you for the suggestion to frame it as a going-away gift.
      They live 3 hours from me, so I will not be able to babysit. I will only see their family once before they move.
      I’ll probably give him a bottle of high-end liquor, and an Amazon gift card for $$$ or a restaurant gift card.

  8. Roper boots -- styling help

    Now that shorter boots are coming into their own, can someone style me a pair of roper boots? I can’t mentally move beyond jeans with a slight boot cut and winter casual dresses with tights. I have so many cropped/tapered/skinny/etc. pants that I am confused what to do with them and a pair of ropers.

    • Anon

      Aren’t roper boots fairly high? You could wear them with ankle pants and no one would see the ankle, similar to skinny jeans. I think the shorter boots that are more en vogue are chelsea boots.

      • Roper boots -- styling help

        I think they’re about ten inches, so would maybe be midway up my shin (but suspect not high enough to contain pants when sitting down).

        Skinny jeans in ropers to me would suggest that I need to perm my hair and get to a Hart concert.

    • Wildkitten

      I am also stumped. I only wear mine with skirts and dresses. I think they are a weird height for pants.

    • Anon

      I have seen women wear them with their pencil skirts and black tights to work during winter this year and then they change into regular shoes. It was actually very cute looking. Also, I think they look nice with dresses or a dark blue skinny jean. Depending on the top, they would not look so Hart concert. You could even put a cute, casual jacket on top of a nicer shirt. Depends on the roper boots you have, though.

  9. Anonymous

    What I learned at the networking event last night: Never stand without a drink in your hand (even if its water or soda) or a senior will keep asking you if you want one.

    • BB

      Yup. Learned that one after 1-2 events. I hate beer and generally don’t like to drink at work events. I usually do a glass of wine if available. I find that people tend to “track” where you are with your beer (“Hey, want another beer?”) but don’t say anything about a glass of wine. Also easier to hold :)

      • tesyaa

        My mother always suggested getting a ginger ale if one didn’t want to drink at a party. It’s a very generic looking drink.

        • Anonny

          +1 This is my go to as I’m too much of a lightweight to have more than a glass of wine at work events. Depending on the crowd I might ask the bartender to put it in a lowball/cocktail glass… sometimes they try to put it in a pint glass, like they would a soda.

  10. Shopping Challenge!

    I’m planning to get married at city hall in NYC in a couple months (my parents want to come too so we’re waiting for them). I would love a pretty blue purse or clutch to carry during the day. I would want it to fit my phone, wallet, and a lipstick, but don’t need much more than that. My dress has silver beading so silver accents or hardware would be best. I can find a lot of small pretty blue purses with gold, but not with silver! I have a simple style so nothing too flashy or edgy (although I like sparkles). Budget of less than $200.

    TIA!

  11. Return Policy

    Speaking of Club Monaco – Does anyone have experience returning a worn item to their stores? I bought a knit top from them 2 weeks ago (at full price, no less), wore it 2 times, and discovered this morning that there is already a hole near the arm opening. I tossed the receipt already (but do have a credit card bill if it helps)? Typically if a piece of garment dies on me, I would just let it go, but this is the first time that it happened so quickly!

    • Anon

      I actually wore almost exactly that to a wedding this year, it was the Blue Parrot dress on RTR and I really loved it – get a size up in that particular dress. If you are in the NYC area, they have a warehouse store in Secaucus that you can buy old dresses from. Otherwise I’d just look around for deals on Elizabeth & James dresses, if you’re really opposed to renting for RTR. You can find them at places like Saks Off Fifth.

  13. Horrible bosses

    I’d love the Hive’s opinion on how to handle a boss/co-worker whose developed bad-boss habits. I’s a mid-level associate in biglaw. I work closely with two equity partners and two senior associates. The senior associates are technically my supervisors in the law firm food chain, but we’ve generally had very good working relationships more like peers than supervisor-subordinate.

    One senior associate has recently started treated me differently. He has started micromanaging everything I do for him. And every time I talk to him about a project he finds something to lecture me about. The other day I stopped in his office to give him an update on a project and he lectured me for 20 minutes about organizing our trial “war room” and how it reflected badly on him that it looked disorganized and that I needed to come in on Sunday at 6 a.m. to clean it. (Seriously.) Then he proceeded to instruct me down to ridiculous levels how I should go about organizing it. Last week he scolded me for not talking to him “like I would talk to a partner.”

    I know it’s not a performance issue on my part. I continue to get good feedback from everyone else I work with.

    We are all super over-worked right now, so I don’t know if that’s part of it. He’s up for partner this year, so maybe he feels pressure to start acting more like a boss. (Granted, he’s been up for partner for a few years now and has not made it.) I’ve also started doing more direct work for our partners and have developed relationship with clients he hasn’t, so I don’t know if he feels threatened by that.

    Whatever the reason, it feels disrespectful to me. I’d like to find a way to say something without making it a big confrontation. But, what would I say and how? He is technically my supervisor, so do I just have to shut my mouth and take it?

    • AR

      Giving him the benefit of the doubt (meh) Maybe he was spoken to about his relationships with his subordinates and he is trying to be more professional, or what is in his mind more professional. There are a whole slew of reasons why he might be acting differently.

      I’ve had this once before and after I was lectured I just randomly asked him if everything was alright, and if there was anything I could do to make sure I was meeting expectations. It is a way of asking him ‘what the hell’ but not actually saying it. It pushes him to tell you if something is wrong with him, or if he wants you to do something different. Or it just brings his attention to the fact that he is being a jerk. For me, it turned out to be a really good conversation and I learned a few things. About him and his boss, and myself.

      There are small things you might be doing that may be ticking him (or his boss) off, but he does not just address them and then does this crap instead. Or he is just stressed and you are the easiest target. At least if you ask, you have tried to fix the situation.

  14. Meg Murry

    I am working on the project that will just never end. It was supposed to wrap up at the end of this month, and I was on track to do so, but the client keeps adding new parts to it every week. Luckily, the timeline has been extended with his additions, but unluckily that means it just keeps stretching out.

    This is a project I was enjoying at the beginning, but now I just want to get it off my desk and MOVE ON. Ugh. Every time the phone rings, I flinch, thinking it will be the client adding something more to the project.

    Thanks for letting me vent.

  15. (former) preg 3L

    Has anyone been through a divorce trial? I have a great lawyer (a firm) but would love some tips/comments from anyone who’s been through it (either as a party or close to someone who was a party). Custody of our one-year-old baby is contested.

    • DisenchantedinDC

      No, but my mother wanted to try to subpoena me in to hers (with my father) (I’m a financially independent adult in another state)(yes, seriously). No advice, but lots of good vibes and thoughts your way, because it’s tough for everybody impacted.

    • Anonymous

      Also no experience with this, but sending hugs and good wishes for you. From what I remember of your posts over the years, you are doing the right thing for yourself and your child.

        • MJ

          Yeah–noticed yesterday that the Edit function is gone. I miss it.

          KAT–Please bring it back!

    • Senior Attorney

      Not as a party but have worked on plenty of divorce trials. Some tips:

      1. Keep a poker face in court. Judges hate it when you sit at the counsel table and make faces and sigh and gasp and generally telegraph how much you hate the ex. Weeping softly into a lace-edged hankie is okay if you don’t overdo it, but expressions of anger and exasperation will not be looked on favorably.

      2. Similarly, if/when you testify, listen carefully to your lawyer’s questions and answer them. Avoid the temptation to list every single grievance you ever had. If you think your lawyer left something out, wait until a break and talk about it then. Again, no histrionics although it’s okay to show emotion if you can keep it under control.

      3. Take care of yourself. Do your best to get enough sleep and eat properly. Exercise if you can.

      4. If you can settle before trial, do that. Once you are in trial it’s a crap shoot and literally anything can happen. If you can agree on an arrangement it’s best to that so rather than betting the farm. Have you tried mediation?

      Good luck! It’s going to be awful but you will get through it!

      • Brunette Elle Woods

        This is all great advice! Try to focus on what is best for you and your baby, rather than your animosity, if any, towards your husband. I’m sure it is difficult, but you will have to interact with him for the rest of your lives assuming he is in your child’s life. Definitely try to settle if possible. One last thing, go out for drinks with girlfriends. You need to unwind and relax too!

    • Anon

      I have zero advice, sorry. But I just wanted to say that I’m sorry he’s putting you through this. I cannot believe he is contesting custody (or, actually, I can, because custody plus alimony means he won’t have to find a job, ever). WHAT A DOUCHE. I’m so glad you left him.

      • (former) preg 3L

        Ha, thanks. [no further comment on this oh-so-public internet forum]

        • Anon

          Totally get it, and wasn’t asking for comment or details. We are in your corner.

    • BeenThatGuy

      I might be too late to the party on commenting on this one, but left I should respond.

      My experience was different although very difficult as well. I was 37 weeks pregnant when my divorce was finalized (delivered 5 days after). Negotiating a parenting agreement of an unborn child was complicated to say the least.

      My only advice try to mediate everything. Be reasonable but stick to your guns on what you feel is important. As long as your soon to be ex isn’t a lunatic, 50/50 legal and physical should be do-able (as heartbreaking as having your little one away is).

      Hugs to you!

      • (former) preg 3L

        Ha — 50/50 legal and physical would not be do-able in my situation at all. But, I’m sorry for your split and I can’t imagine how complicated that must have been to negotiate a parenting agreement of an unborn child.

  16. EB0220

    I know that thissite has covered corporate headshots once or twice, but I have a new wrinkle. Next week, I’ll be having both a team photo and a headshot taken at the same time. The team photo will be full-length, so I need to wear something that looks good in both cases.

    I’m thinking of either a gray dress with cap sleeves or a black pencil skirt, greenish top and gray blazer. Thoughts? I don’t want the color to look outdated in a few years.

    • Senior Attorney

      I would definitely wear a jacket rather than just a cap-sleeve dress with no jacket.

      • Senior Attorney

        Oh, and (wow! miss the edit function!) I think professional photos should be updated regularly so I wouldn’t worry all that much about how it’s going to look years from now.

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