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Anonymous
In Good Lawyering News:
http://www.vox.com/identities/2016/10/24/13382568/trump-sexual-assault-accusers-lawyers-pro-bono
In Bad Lawyering News:
http://www.nytimes.com/2016/10/25/us/politics/donald-trump-lawsuits-american-bar-association.html?_r=1
Anonymous
Ha- I saw that ABA item and thought what kind of message is this sending if the ABA won’t even step forward? How sadly ironic.
Anon
I haven’t renewed my ABA membership… was debating whether I should. This helped me make the decision. Nope.
Frustrated Scientist
Today’s rant. A diploma is not a degree and an arts designation is certainly not the same as a science designation. Rawr.
Anonymous
This is obviously dependent on the field. Context?
Anonymous
I presume the OP is referring to certificate type program for which someone obtained a ‘diploma’ being misrepresented as an B.A. or B.Sc degree.
My former university offers both an MA and an MSc in Psychology so depending on the nature of a particular job – you could have appropriate applicants with an Arts degree or with Science degree.
In some places ‘diploma’ refers to the piece of paper you get at the end of the program. So my DH would refer to his PhD diploma in conversation when speaking about the physical piece of paper. But for an international applicant, I wouldn’t assume that the language difference is understood as there are differences in many places. E.g. – in Scotland there used to be M.A.s as first degrees (3 years from high school graduation). Other central European countries didn’t have a bachelor system – if you went to university you went straight into a 6 year masters program.
Frustrated Scientist
People trying to pass off one of those ‘lab tech’ things as a BSc. Or in disciplines like Psych where you can have BA or if you take the additional bio-chem, calculus, biology classes etc you can get a BSc in Psych
Anonymous
agree that the first is ridiculous but the second is a legit degree. If they took the appropriate level classes – they earned the degree.
Frustrated Scientist
I’m not saying a BA isn’t a degree just that it isn’t a science degree and they don’t have the appropriate background in math and science for the job.
Anonymous
I have a BA… in math, so that may not be entirely true. My school (major university), only offered a degree in math as a BA.
Anonymous
But my point is if they do the coursework for a BSc and are granted the degree – then they legitimately have that degree – regardless of whether or not they have a BA as a previous degree.
Frustrated Scientist
I’m talking about people with ONLY a BA applying for BSc things. I don’t care if they have both
Anonymous
I would also like to add in that depending on the school certain BA programs can be very math and science heavy. Some schools have a BS in Psychology, other schools with the exact same requirements call it a BA because it is in the liberal arts college despite needing the BS math and science classes, and some schools have both BS and BA programs that are completely different. Similarly with anthropology. I even know of a school who has their statistics department in the liberal arts college so you graduate with a BA in stats despite taking all but one class needed for a math minor. Universities are weird, don’t just based on BA/BS, look at their actual transcripts. I had a ton of friends getting a BA, but were doing tons of lab work and took a lot of classes in biology and chemistry because it was helping them through their anthropology lab work. It doesn’t show up in their BA/BS designation that they took organic chem for the hell of it.
lost academic
I see what you are saying there, but just to be clear: some institutions do not traditionally grant a BS/BEng in writing. Everything is a BA. It’s an old-school/Ivy sort of thing to do. A BA is not necessarily some sort of junior BS degree. I think as we have sought to make degrees more professionally/career oriented certain schools have moved in that direction and others have not, but a BA in physics from one school is potentially much more rigorous, scientific and valuable than a BS in physics somewhere else.
Edna Mazur
My undergrad was a small liberal arts college that only awarded BAs. So you could get a BA in chemistry, math, physics, computer science, etc. They were legit science degrees. I would hate to think that they were filtered out of science jobs because they have a BA instead of a BS. They took all the requisite courses for their major but also had to take “liberal arts” classes to round it out.
I always understood the BA was traditionally a harder degree. They took all the course required for the BS but needed to take a broader range of gen eds. More well rounded and that.
anon
BA in Psych here who had a math minor and a biology minor but it’s still a BA because that was all my university offered for Psych.
I would say the BA vs BS designation differs from school to school.
Also, only difference between ScM and MA at my grad school was writing a thesis.
(not that) Ellen
Another BA in a science field here– Biology. I went to Johns Hopkins, so please don’t generalize or try to tell me that somehow my BA was less science-y. Aside from about 4 humanities requirements, I had ALL science and math classes.
JHU simply awarded bachelors’ according to school, and only the School of Engineering awarded BSes. The School of Arts & Sciences (which included all sciences, “hard” and “soft,”) awarded BAs.
Thistle
Scottish 3 year degrees are ordinary bachelors, 4 years get you an bachelors with honours.
Some English unis convert their BAs to MAs after a set number of years but not at any Scottish unis I know of.
Anonymous
Should have been clearer – I was referencing how it “used to be” in Scotland and Central Europe – EU has since standardized things with the Bachelor/Master/Phd system.
Anonymous
All the ancient Scottish unis award M.A.s (Edinburgh, Glasgow, St Andrews, etc.)
Runner 5
My best friend has a BA from Cambridge. In Maths. I have a BSc in Politics from a 1966-founded uni. It’s a thing.
Anon.
I have a BS in Engineering. I used to work for a company that hired people for roles with the title “Engineer” regardless of what your degree was in. It was super frustrating to do the same job as someone with a BA in music who had absolutely no idea about the technical part of what we were doing. There is nothing wrong with a BA in music, however there is no expectation that that person took enough math &/or science classes to participle in the math / technical knowledge required to do our jobs well.
PLR woman
I find that many music people are also exceptional math people. So much so that I have my children in music classes just b/c I think it will make them better at math (and it is very sweet).
Signed,
I liked violin b/c I always had the melody line
Anon.
Maybe a BA in music was a bad example. Substitute that for a BA in Art History or religion. Either way the point is that there is no requirement for higher level math and science to graduate with that degree.
Anonymous
Often though there are math/science requirements to graduate with a degree regardless of field of study. My school had a web of distribution requirements to make sure you knew some science / arts / social sciences regardless of major. But we also had a PE requirement (gym class, not engineering).
Anon.
Very true, however I know that former company did not screen for this. They handed out “engineering” jobs like cookies…much of the reason I no longer work there.
Systems "Engineer"
But do you have a PE? That is also a major sticking point for engineers, as multiple engineers I met on okcupid pointed have shared with me. I swooned every time they asked me my job title and pointed out that my official job title wasn’t even a PE designation and that I was definitely not a real engineer. It never occurred to me before that this was a thing people care about.
Anon.
I do not have a PE either! At this company a PE wasn’t required – which is why they were hiring anybody with a degree for the position with the title “Engineer”.
Just Another Systems "Engineer"
Lol! I’ve never encountered people like that before, but I know that PE is definitely only required for some jobs/fields. I’d love to know what your OK cupid suitors thought the rest of us should call ourselves. Fake engineers? Enginots?
Anonymous
I’ve also found that a lot of employers don’t understand the difference between “Engineer” and “Engineering Technician.”
Anne-on
Hilariously (to me) my film degree is marked as a bachelors of science, I guess because we had to learn film processing and editing as well as camera work? I now work in a comms field so I can’t say I ever put that stuff to use, but it is amusing since I took all of 2 hard science classes.
Anonymous
At least in the olden days, there were chemicals when you developed film. Now: what is film?
Signed,
Parent who realized I have never taught my children how to use a phone (you just keep pushing on the screen until Aunt Kathy or someone random at i-banker (pls don’t bother mummy’s clients) or the yoga studio pick up).
Anonymous
At my undergrad, the students in the career-oriented schools (business school, communications school, engineering school) got B.S.s and the students in the liberal arts school got B.A.s. So my friend the biochem major has a BA (because the biochem program was housed in the liberal arts school) while I have a BS in public relations (because PR was in the communications school). The way it was explained to me was that the BS was the technical/practical/more career-specific degree, while the BA reflected having had a broader liberal arts base to your degree.
Sydney Bristow
At my undergrad, you could pick. I got a BS in political science because I never thought I was good with languages and getting a BA required language courses. Microbiology seemed less scary than language 101!
Senior Attorney
Similar, here. I have a B.S. in Management even though I also took, I think, two hard science classes.
Anonymous
Like if I do hair, I have a diploma but not a degree? Like my cousin who went to nursing school and is an RN but doesn’t have a 4-year degree?
I have a diploma from my b-feeding class (and based on results, it’s like a very low pass on a P/F test). It’s science (like doing hair and nursing), no?
Anonymous
I went to Harvard College, where everyone receives an arts degree: “AB”. Even if you study science.
Anonymous
It seems that the classicly well-educated gentlemen studied both arts and sciences (incl. Latin, hence the AB). I think that with a BS, you still assume some arts. With a BA, I assume no science.
Although I had about 40 science/math hours (mixed, so no major, but maybe a minor if I had planned it better) and a lot of symbolic logic in philosophy (ANY other philosophy majors? what did you do with that degree). I just liked learning stuff and I still do.
Why
Why would you assume no science? I had to take core science classes to get my BA.
Anonymous
I’d check a transcript, but I’ve heard waaaay too many times people (who are otherwise capable) say “oooohhh math is so hard” or “oooohhh science is so hard.” I really lose a lot of respect for them.
I’d check a transcript any day, but I am tired of people ‘fessing up to avoiding things just b/c they are hard.
Anonymous
Me too. I had to take a number of science and math classes to get my BA.
all about eevee
I had to take A LOT of science and math courses to get that BA.
Anonymous
Yes, I didn’t, but examples like this is what I thought of. Maybe this is a US vs other distinction?
AEU
While this may have once been the case (I don’t know), it is no longer true — at the least, engineering students may elect an SB.
Anonymous
Interesting. I graduated about 10 years ago, and it was all AB, but the engineering school hadn’t opened yet. It seems engineering is now an SB. But chemistry or physics or earth and planetary sciences are still an AB.
Anon
Actually, it wasn’t. I’m class of 2001, and there were a very small handful of graduates with a SB instead of AB.
Anna
I went to a different Ivy and it’s the same thing- I had a double science major but my degree is still an AB. Many liberal arts schools only offer a BA, but that definitely doesn’t mean that the science degrees are watered down, so I wouldn’t judge a BA as “lesser” unless you know the specifics of the program.
Jitterbug
I was always under the impression a diploma was what you got after finishing high school, a degree is what you get when you graduate a college or university-level program (undergrad, post-grad, etc.), and you got a certificate for most other courses where you learn professional skills.
I was also under the impression that a BS means you took courses which applied the scientific method to your field of study, and a BA was a more generalized, well-rounded education. At Northeastern, for example, you had to study a foreign language for I think two semesters to get a BA, but not a BS, and I’m now wondering if only BS degrees had science requirements whereas BA’s maybe didn’t.
Anonymous
Depends on the university. My university had no foreign language requirement but there was a requirement for BA students to take at least two science courses.
Anonymous
Man, we had 4 language semesters + 3 in physical education. Yet my tennis is much better than my latin.
Jitterbug
You had a phys ed requirement in college? I wonder how common that is nowadays, it definitely wasn’t a thing where I went to school.
Anonymous
I had to take 4 PE classes to graduate. Private Northeast university, graduated in the last 10 years. I think it was well-intentioned (to help students burn stress and take their minds off intense academic courses) but in reality it was just another thing stressing me out and I ended up taking some ‘academic’ PE classes (where you watch lectures and take tests) like nutrition because it was less time-consuming than regular PE was when you factored in walking to the gym, changing, and showering after.
Anonymama
We had a PE requirement, which I filled with ballroom dance and Pilates, neither of which required showering.
all about eevee
We had to choose a mandatory team sport. Go tennis!
Thistle
Well if you go to Oxford, Cambridge and a few other older English unis then after a certain number of years you can claim a free upgrade from BA to MA. Winds me up so much.
And as for honorary degrees for celebrities…
PhD
Get a grip, and stop whining about your co-worker. You’ve posted about this silliness before.
Poster is from Canada, and the semantics vary from country to country.
Worry about yourself. Do good work. Get a higher degree if it will help you advance.
I hope you are not complaining about this to your colleagues. It will make you look bad, and your colleagues with degrees higher than you will really think you are being immature.
all about eevee
Right, why is this something that matters to OP? Someone sounds like a little bit of a Bitter Betty.
Anonymous
Exactly.
Role Playing & LGP
DH and I were texting about my Halloween costume when he vaguely suggested interest in LGP role playing. This didn’t completely surprise me because he prefers fantasy and sci-fi for reading and movies and has even more vaguely suggested role playing before. I need help with this. Internally, I had two responses. First, why isn’t having LGPs with me enough? Why does he want to pretend that I’m someone else? I did not convey this thought to him and am not sure that I should because I don’t want to shut down a conversation about what he wants. Second, I have an absolutely terrible imagination and have never enjoyed playing pretend. Even as a child, I didn’t play school, house, dress-up, etc. I’m a very analytical lawyer who has always felt like she lacks imagination. I feel like a fool playing pretend. So I have no idea how to engage in this kind of play. In response to his text, I mentioned my poor imaginative skills and said he would need to lead me on this journey.
I don’t know what my question is here, but I am confident other women either enjoy roll playing as part of LGPs or have partners who do. And so I’m looking for any thoughts and suggestions that might be helpful to me. Thanks!
Anonymous
Maybe LGP as Lilith Crane? My husband finds her hot (which is fine — I have Lilith qualities myself).
Anonymous
First, take the conservation out of texts and into real life. Grab a glass (or two) of wine, and talk about this, without distractions. So much gets lost in texts.
Third, try to think about role playing not as “s3x with you isn’t enough” but as “this is fun and silly and a way to get beyond some of our natural inhibitions.” Dressing up for Halloween isn’t you telling yourself “being me isn’t enough,” right? It’s you wanting to have a little fun playing dress-up. For a lot of people, role playing is just about novelty, not about identity. That’s why it’s important to talk about it. A conversation might reveal he’s not expecting you to put on an Oscar-worthy performance as his boyhood fantasy of Princess Leia in the gold bikini, but thinks it would be fun to step outside of your routine s3x roles.
Fourth, brainstorm role playing situations that make both of you feel comfortable/excited. It can feel uncomfortable or unnatural to play it out, but a lot of times that’s because you’re suddenly being vulnerable in a new way. Also, start small. Glasses if you don’t regularly wear them. A blonde wig if you’re a brunette. Leave your heels on during the act. Also, ask him to do something too. Ideally each time you role play you’ll both be engaged, rather than one of you being the active player and the other passive.
I personally can’t get onboard with the super involved backstory and costumes. It just takes me too out of the moment. But a little light “pretend” and on occasion? A little role playing banter and the right amount of accessorizing? Just the right amount of spice!
Sydney Bristow
I’ll second the wig recommendation. My husband has always been super imaginative and I always just dressed up my barbies without making up storylines for them. OP, I totally feel you on not having a good imagination. In my experience, a wig is enough spark for my husband to be imaginative without me really having to do any of the imaginative heavy lifting.
Anonymous
1. Omg no. Role playing isn’t about wanting to have sex with someone else. He wants to have sex with you, and occasionally play dress up. You will still be you. He will be him.
2. Talk dirty to him. Tell him to buy an outfit and leave a note with instructions.
Davis
+1 to the second suggestion here. Talk dirty, if that’s your thing. But the suggestion of making him figure out what kind of outfit and to provide instructions takes the pressure off you to be creative and make this happen. If it’s his fantasy, he can start with some of the heavy lifting.
Never too many shoes...
I totally agree that this is not about you being “not enough”. At all. Just a little something extra and fun.
What about something closer to your personality…like lawyer so attracted to her accused-but-innocent client she cannot help herself? Or hot maintenance guy surprises lawyer working late at the office?
anon
This is so cute.
Anonymous
+1
CountC
I’ve always been into the strangers meeting at a hotel thing. I’ve used that both in sexting and done it in real life.
BabyAssociate
I am clearly not up on my internet lingo….what the heck does LGP mean? Google was shockingly unhelpful.
Anonymous
Lady Garden Party. Absurd slang for sex.
TLA expert
LPG is an acronym for ‘Lady Garden Party’, which on this site is a euphemism for s*x.
Signed, Old and super proud to have helped someone with internet-speak.
BabyAssociate
WOW. Never in a million years would have guessed this. Shocked it isn’t “low ground pressure” or “Legend of the Golden Plume” (apparently that’s an internet game).
Thank you!!!
Anon.
Ha! In my engineering (non engineering) job (see degree convo above) we used to refer to Low Ground Pressure Vehicles all the time… every time anyone said “LGP” i used to crack up….
Anonymous
Umm..what? Lady Garden Party? Can we not say sex on here?
Anonymous
I believe in the past “s3x” sent you into moderation.
Laura B
Yes, “sex” used to send you straight to moderation. Interesting that it doesn’t anymore.
Personally, I think it’s a fun quirk of the community. Weird stuff like that is what makes a community a community and not just a random collection of people.
emeralds
I think people started using it widely to avoid moderation. Kat has even said in the past that she’s pro-euphemism, because if you’re on this s*te and using the terminology, it’s clear that you’re a member of the community and are having a real conversation…whereas if a bunch of new posts started springing up with words like s*x, p*nis, etc., they’d probably get thrown in the mod queue because they’d be more likely to be spam posts and she’d want to monitor the conversation more closely.
Blonde Lawyer
Plus I prefer if someone accidentally sees my monitor they see LGP instead of the other word. Nothing catches a wondering I faster than the word s3x.
Meredith Grey
Ditto to all suggestions and adding in, make sure to tell DH that you feel silly when you’re into that second glass and having your real-life convo. It’ll help!
anonshmanon
As the person on the other side (have occasionally dropped that role playing seems enticing, SO has ignored those hints), please believe me: you are a great partner and he wants to have LGPs with you! And the fact that he broaches this topic means there must be a certain amount of trust there as well!
If you can’t readily come up with a fantasy that you’d like to play out, just let him come up with a suggestion. Then see where you end up.
Anonymous
So much this!!!
Yup
Maybe while looking at different costumes for halloween gauge what he likes and pick something you are comfortable with?
MargaretO
He wants to have sex with you, he just wants to have some variation in your routine. Its the equivalent of trying out a new position, but with slightly more effort. He likes having sex with you so much he wants to try it in every way possible. Get him to tell you what fantasy he wants! Tell him to pick out an outfit or wig as suggested above. As far as I’m concerned the best part of sex is playing around with power exchange, and that is definitely the way to go with role playing – as suggested above, a lawyer with her criminal client who she can’t resist, or a professor and student, babysitter and dad – they’re cliches for a reason! Basically playing out a relationship with a very different power dynamic from the one that you have with your husband. You get to have the exciting forbidden/taboo feeling in your stable and safe relationship.
OP
Thank you all for your comments and encouragement. I like the idea to start by asking DH what he has in mind and what the scenarios might be; I’ll start by relying on his imagination. And I appreciate the comments that his expression of this desire actually means we are in a good, safe place in our marriage and not that I’m not enough.
Anon
To piggyback on your question from the other side –
I have never had an o and have seen several recommendations on this site to use a device. How do I even broach this with my DH without him feeling hurt and that he is not enough for me? Our interactions have become too mechanical after many years of marriage and I would love to do a bit of role playing or go shop for a device together, but DH appears happy as-is and his favorite costume for me seems to be my birthday suit. I think he would be quite hurt if I suggested this is not interesting to me at all.
Anonymama
Don’t talk to him about how bored you are with what you’re doing now. Instead, talk about how you are excited by the idea of dressing up, or playing with toys together. (“I read something that mentioned xyz and it kind of turned me on… what do you think about trying it?”)
Anonymous
Suggestions. A good friend is engaged in self-destructive behavior. How can I help her? Another friend reached out to me, also worried about her, and we’re thinking of an intervention. Has anyone done one? Did it work?
Context: she’s broke, narrowly avoided foreclosure, got divorced a couple years ago, and is enjoying her “freedom” by (1) getting drunk and (2) having one night stands. As our other friend put it, its a good thing she hasn’t had herpes yet. I’m worried about the drinking and the finances and the sex. She’s told me the morning after how she feels stupid. Recently, we were out, she ditched our group, and called me the next morning saying she didn’t know where she was, she didn’t have her car, and she didn’t know the guy’s name. She is really lucky that nothing bad has happened.
I’ve tried suggesting she slow down, but she downplays it saying its all consensual and not to be a prude. Ok, true, but I think its self-destructive. I’ve shared I go to therapy and find it helpful, but she poo poos therapy or medication. She’s the type who doesn’t even want to take ibuprofen or allergy medication (but apparently getting drunk is ok).
Anonymous
Does she have any family members who are aware of the behavior and concerned? Could you reach out to them?
Anonymous
Good suggestion. I could potentially reach out to her grandma or sister, although I don’t know them well. She’s estranged from her single mom. I know her grandma has been loaning her money and presumably knows at least some of the destructive behavior.
Anonymous
I’d focus on how she feels about her own behavior. You said “She’s told me the morning after how she feels stupid.” And that she. s opposed to medicaton so I’d reframe teh excessive drinking as self-medicating. So the message could be “You don’t seem happy. As an adult you can chose to have one night stands but doing that doesn’t seem to be making you happy. We are worried that you are self-medicating with alcohol. We are worried that you will get robbed or hurt.”
Anonymous
Yes, it essentially IS self-medicating. Good idea. We definitely are worried she’ll get robbed or hurt, and she doesn’t drink every day. She actually quit drinking for 4 months over the summer because she’d gained weight. I don’t think she’s an alcoholic per se, in terms of having a chemical addiction, but she self-medicates to lose control with alcohol and gets in dangerous situations.
Anonymous
Her behavior does sound a little unhealthy, especially the part about regretting it the next day and waking up not knowing where she is. But to be honest, you sound very judgmental about the casual s*x (“it’s a good thing she hasn’t had herpes yet”), which is not a problem in and of itself (absent the regret, etc.), so I can see why she is resistant to hearing your viewpoint on this. I’m not sure your the right friend to talk to her about this.
Anonymous
*you’re
Shopaholic
+1 – I have a friend who is engaging in similar destructive behavior but my problem isn’t so much with the casual s3x, mainly because I engage in that type of behavior and don’t think it’s problematic in itself.
Does she have other friends who are more s3x positive?
I also think that sometimes this behavior runs its course. I’ve had bouts of self-destructive behavior after a breakup or something and have always toned it down after a few months. How long has this been going on?
I wouldn’t necessarily reach out to her family… I think that could make things worse. Perhaps a conversation over brunch with a couple s3x positive friends would be the best start to this?
Anonymous
It could be I’m not the person to speak with her. I think she knows I love her and worry about her. I thought it would run its course. Its been going on for 2 years since she got divorced. The issues are related.
She’s a self-employed consultant with no one to hold her to task to be at work at a certain time and produce. If she doesn’t produce, she makes no money, and she’s shared that her income has reduced by 70%. She avoided foreclosing on her home because her grandma gave her a loan. She still is in a precarious position because I don’t see how she’s taking any steps to increase her income and pay the mortgage in the future.
She recently went to a work related function out of state, and all I heard about was the guys she met on Tinder. Ok, that’s fine. I’ve engaged in NSA conference sex. I just really hope she got something else out of it, like ways to grow her business and stabilize her financial situation.
Anonymous
See, this last paragraph is why people are finding it hard to take your concerns seriously. “She recently went to a work related function out of state, and all I heard about was the guys she met on Tinder. Ok, that’s fine. I’ve engaged in NSA conference sex. I just really hope she got something else out of it, like ways to grow her business and stabilize her financial situation.”
Blackouts are bad, I agree. But casual sex is not inherently problematic. Why do you say “I just really hope she got something else out of it”? So what if she didn’t? Maybe she just wanted to have a little fun. Why does a hook-up have to lead to growing her business? It can just be a fun hook-up. I’m not saying your friend’s behavior is healthy. Some of what she’s doing is definitely troubling. But you also sound way too judgmental about plain old, normal casual sex to be delivering any kind of lecture to her. Find a sex positive friend to talk to her about how blacking out and waking up not knowing where you are is not normal or healthy.
Anonymous
I read it as got something else out of the CONFERENCE, not the hook up. That she hopes the friend didn’t just go to an out of state conference to have fun hooking up when her business is in trouble.
Anonymous
Agreed. That last paragraph? You are not the person for this convo.
emeralds
That was my read too, Anonymous at 10:15.
To the OP, I would be worried about one of my friends if they were in this situation. But I also think, based on your tone in these posts, that you are not the person to be talking to her about the hookups (which is only an issue at all if your friend regrets her hookups; I certainly have had my share of no-strings-attached one-night stands that I feel zero shame or regret over, even though my honestly-beloved BFF was side-eyeing the h*ll out of my antics). Could you try focusing more on the finances, the job, or the heavy drinking?
Anonymous
OP here: Thanks anons @ 10:15 and 11:01. I meant that given her business is in the crapper, she is broke and in debt, I was frustrated that she focused on Tinder rather than growing her business. I said I myself have had no strings attached conference sex. I’m not judging her for the sex! I’m not judging her for having fun! I’m concerned that for the past 2 years, all she seems to do is have fun. Its negatively affected her business, her ability to sustain herself and have a roof over her head, and even caused her personal concern about waking up at a stranger’s house.
I had hoped the conference out of state would give her the opportunity to get out of town and her routine and feel inspired. But she just continued the same behaviors that are negatively impacting her life.
Anonymous
And that is none of your business. If she wants to fail financially that is her call.
anon.
My thoughts exactly.
Anonymous
Don’t. You’re judgmental and ill suited to this task. Worried about herpes? Are you kidding? Nearly everyone gets it and it isn’t a big deal. Neither is casual sex. Or being in a bad financial situation. Yeah, her drinking soubds problematic, but that doesn’t make you a good person to intervene and certainly don’t go tattling on her to her family. Respond in the moment- I didn’t know where I was. “I’m scared for you. This is dangerous and it isn’t making you happy. Can I help?”
Anonymous
OP here: I didn’t say the herpes comment, it was another friend who reached out to me concerned about her. One of the reasons I haven’t said anything is precisely because I don’t want to slut shame her if she’s engaging in consensual sex. But waking up in a stranger’s house without your car and having no idea how you got there is concerning. She’s said herself its concerning. I do worry she could be raped. If she’s blacking out, who knows if she really consented. You can consent and then remove your consent during sex. If you don’t remember how you ended up some place, its hard to see how you consented to be there.
Anonymous
Thanks for the sanctimonious lecture. You have Zero reason to believe she isn’t engaging in consensual sex, so idk why you say “if.” You are not a good person for this convo and neither is your herpes friend.
Anonymous
Last Sun. she called me at 7 Am saying she had blacked out, was at a stranger’s house, didn’t know his name, didn’t know how she got there, and didn’t know where her car was. She was scared and wanted me to go get her. How is that not reason to believe whatever went down wasn’t consensual?
Anonymous
um the blacking out is definitely a reason for the OP to be worried about consent
Anonymous
Did she tell you that she got raped? Then don’t substitute your judgment for hers. Talk to her about how she was scared and you were and are scared for her. But you can barely write a sentence that isn’t judgmental so don’t do some big intervention.
Anonymous
OP here: the sentence saying I car barely write a sentence that isn’t judgmental is hurtful. I consider myself to generally be a sex positive person. I have casual NSA sex with multiple partners in a given time frame. But I am also a survivor of sexual assault and big on consent. I’ve went to a lot of therapy to work through that experience, and maybe I am hyper-aware about someone being sexually assaulted and not even realizing it. That is “a thing”. It can happen if you’re blacking out. I do realize I could be projecting my own experience and concerns onto my friend, which is why I hoped to get feedback here anonymously.
I came here asking for perspective and advice, and I’m willing to admit that maybe I’m not the person to have this conversation. But I do love and care about my friend. She scared me last weekend, she was scared, and I don’t want her to get hurt.
Anonymous
I don’t care if you are hurt. You are not an appropriate person to do this. I get that you are scared, but you have just enough therapy to be dangerous. You do not get to decide she is being sexually assaulted. That is not your place. If you’re scared, tell her! But don’t intervene.
Anonymous
+ 1 million to “someone being sexually assaulted and not even realizing it. That is “a thing””
If you’ve blacked out with a stranger, you don’t know if you’ve been assaulted or not.
Anonymous
Wow. The only person who gets to tell me the sex I had blackout drunk was assault is me.
anon
Idk why people are jumping on you for having totally legitimate concerns after receiving that kind of phone call. I have a friend who went through a period like this and it was terrifying for me (also an assault survivor). She didn’t seem to really get the danger she was putting herself in. I got it because I’ve lived it.
I think it’s fair to talk to her about this incident. It scared her, it scared you, and this should be a real wake up call for her. She lost control that night and she needs to think about how and why that happened to make sure it doesn’t happen again. Having you as a sounding board can help with that.
Anonymous
at Anon at 10:37
She’s not saying it is assault or that her friend experienced assault. She’s saying that when someone blacks out, they have no way of knowing what happened.
If you don’t know if you had sex or don’t remember having sex, you have no way to know if you were able to consent or not. Incapacity means an inability to consent. Just because you blacked out doesn’t mean you weren’t able to consent, it means that it is impossible for you to know if you consented or not because you cannot remember the act.
Whether or not you want to personally chose to process sex that you do not remember because of a blackout as an assault experience is your personal choice.
emeralds
Given the phone call, I would absolutely be concerned in your place. I’d would 100% talk to her about it (being mindful of your tone of course) and also assure her that you’re always there for her if she needs help, to be picked up, etc.
ANon
“Nearly everyone gets genital herpes and it isn’t a big deal.” Ew. Don’t be so cavalier about STDs. People need to try to avoid giving and getting STDs. That’s not judgment, that’s just good health for the population at large.
And no, not “nearly everyone” has genital herpes.
Anonymous
Yeah they do. Herpes isn’t a big deal. Over half the sexually active population has it.
CountC
And something like, what, 80% has HPV? I dated someone with herpes, we took precautions not to pass it, but as anon said, it wasn’t a big deal.
IMO, when we stop freaking out and making people feel shameful about STDs, discussions about sexual health will become more commonplace and easier for people and that will help not make it worse.
Anon for this
Half the sexually active population has genital herpes? Sounds high. Have any proof of this? I agree ANon’s sentiment. I would not have sex with someone who took a “this is so not a big deal!! lighten up!!” approach to STDs. Maybe that’s why I don’t have any.
Anonymous
It’s actually low. 74% of the adult population has had it.
http://www.ashasexualhealth.org/stdsstis/hpv/hpv-myths-facts/
You prob do, or have. They don’t routinely test for it because it doesn’t matter, and many infections clear on their own before they are caught on a pap.
Anon for this
HPV is not the same as HSV (commonly called genital herpes – does not clear on its own).
Anon for this
I should also add that this is what scares me about people who’re all “no big deal!!!” Many don’t even know the difference between the different infections. Yes, HPV can in some cases manifest as warts, but it is not the same as genital herpes.
Anonymous
You’re an idiot.
Anon for this
I’m sorry that my correction embarrassed or offended you. But you need to educate yourself. HPV and HSV are different. HSV (herpes) is not curable and 50% of SA people don’t have it. You’re spreading misinformation.
Ugh
“Ew”? Thanks for the judgment and shame! That’s what everyone needs to hear.
It may be true that not nearly everyone has g*nital herpes, but what the F do you think cold sores are? The reality of the situation is that nearly everyone has been exposed to herpes, and most people have the virus (either HSV-1 or HSV-2) in their blood stream. Not all of those people will experience a break out.
While HSV-1 generally presents around the mouth and HSV-2 down below, that’s not always the case. You can absolutely have HSV-1 presenting g*nitally and vice-versa. Importantly, that means that you can pick up “g*nital” or “oral” herpes when your partner has a cold sore.
People treatt cold sores like they are no big deal, but pretend that g*nital herpes makes you a diseased, festering s!ut. I’m sick of it.
Yeah, take care to protect yourself and your partners when having casual LGPs. But the reality is that of all the STIs you could get, herpes is not the worst. Which is why it’s silly to sit there and bemoan that OP’s friend might get herpes!??!? omg clutching my pearls so hard they broke. It causes temporary and very sporadic sores that can be managed. Most people have very few, if any, outbreaks after the first one. You can take medication to reduce the risk of passing it along. It doesn’t affect the health of your reproductive system like many other STI’s do. It’s just stigmatized, because of people like you.
Ugh
Lol, anon at 1:12. More sanctimonious judgment. No one is saying that STIs should be treated with a “its not a huge deal! lighten up!” in the context of two people about to bone. That’s not what anyone at all is saying on this tread. Simple googling will show you that more than half the population has HSV 1, and about 1 in 6 have HSV 2. The CDC’s website is the first that pops up.
Most doctors will not even test people for herpes if they haven’t had an outbreak because the test will likely turn up positive, as most people have been exposed. I’d bet money that even your squeaky clean self has been exposed to either HSV or HPV and you’ve prob got one or the other in your bloodstream.
Anon for this
Yeah, so 1 in 6 have what is commonly referred to as genital herpes. Huge difference from 50%. I’m concerned that some people in this thread who are giving stats and advice don’t even seem to know that’s HPV and HSV are two different things. That’s what’s giving the poor impression of “no big deal lighten up!” I’m not into stigmatizing any more than you but let’s talk real facts.
CountC
Oh FFS, I completely understand the difference between HSV and HPV. I think we should stop, as Ugh said, treating people who have STI/STDs as lepers. Quite a significant portion of the population has HPV, and many are exposed to at least one strain of HSV. I am not suggesting anyone go out and have unprotected sex willy-nilly, but we should all feel comfortable talking about STI/STDs and the judgment thrown by a good percentage of the population STILL makes those conversations more unlikely to happen because folks are worried about people going OHMYGOD you have WHAT? Instead of coming from a place of compassion.
Good grief.
Anon for this
Nowhere in this thread did I advocate for any kind of judgment towards anyone who has STDs. Yup, completely agree that we need to talk about them. And part of that is informing ourselves and not spreading misinformation in an attempt to reduce the stigma.
Anonymous
Herpes isn’t the problem, casual S#x isn’t the problem, occasionally getting drunk isn’t the problem BUT waking up from blacking out in a stranger’s house is a HUGE problem – focus on the drinking leading to bad and scary situations.
CountC
+1 IMO/E – the solution is for her to stop drinking. At least until she is willing to get therapy to figure out why she is doing it. I was doing this up until my late 20s. I had to stop drinking until I worked through the issues in therapy, and now I can drink in moderation with self-control because I actually like myself.
CountC
BUT, she has to want that. No one telling her they are concerned about her is going to change her behavior unless she wants to. It doesn’t sound like she wants to, so the best thing you can do is be supportive (if you want) and ask her to check in or reach out to you if she needs help.
Sydney Bristow
Could you try and get her to return to some of the techniques some of us used in college? If you are out together, no leaving the group to go off with a guy without a quick check in. If she is out alone she sends a quick text to say who she is with and where she will be. And a check in text the next morning. Or even just turning on Find My Friends (or whatever it is called) on her phone so that she can be found if she isn’t responding to calls and texts.
anon
I like these ideas, but I think this is a know your friend situation. There’s a fine line between being supportive and being enabling.
I’ve been the supportive friend of someone in a destructive spiral. I’m not saying that OP’s friend is at this point yet, but my friend shifted all responsibility for her safety to her friends. It was always someone’s job to track her down in the middle of the night or first thing in the morning. I eventually had to take a big step back for my own sanity. And, what do you know, she got herself straightened out pretty quickly once her friends stopped enabling her. After that experience, I would be pretty hesitant to suggest that a friend do something like enable a GPS locator so I could track her down in the morning. If it happens once, OK. But I’m not going to sign up for that in advance. Ymmv, of course.
Sydney Bristow
Definitely a good point and something I didn’t think of. I’d start with the first ones that puts the responsibility on her to let friends know where she is. Know your friend and know your own ability to be involved is something to keep in mind though.
Anon
I have been this person. I, in fact, woke up naked in a dude’s bed with no recollection of how I got there. HAd no car with me. I had to take a picture of google maps to have my friend pick me up. Took me another 3 years before I stopped drinking.
It sounds like while she doesn’t need to drink, when she does it’s problematic. For me, the stopping drinking has changed all of that. This was me.
HOWEVER… it took a long time for me to get there. Unfortunately, none of the conversations with friends, family or coworkers ever had an impact. It took me driving home drunk one night, going over a median, and thankfully not hurting anyone or getting arrested, for me to wake up. Haven’t drank since. For me, it was realizing that holy sh*t, I’m going to lose everything I’ve worked hard for if I get arrested for this crap. I also had very bad anxiety the day after drinking and got to a point where I didn’t want to feel like that anymore.
Be gentle with her. Tell her you’re concerned but know she’s a big girl. Let her know that you’re there for her if there’s anything she ever wants to talk about. Suggest doing things with her that don’t include alcohol. Remind her of all the good in her life.
Anonymous
OP here: thank you anon for being candid. YES, my friend literally sent me a Google Maps screenshot to determine her location when I went to pick her up. She was scared when I picked her up. I just said I was glad she called and was ok because we (the group she was out with) was worried about her. This was a week ago, and I haven’t talked with her about it yet although we’ve hung out since then, and I do want to have a conversation and avoid judgment. I like your suggestion to remind her of the good things she has going and suggest things that don’t involve alcohol. For instance, I invited her to a play this weekend. That should be a fun, sober night out.
Anon
No problem!
It sucks going through that. I am someone who lives with anxiety and depression (treated) and act out when I drink. There are many things below the surface that need to be worked on. I’m hopeful that with my new therapist that I’ll actually get to root of it all.
That said, I grew up around mental illness and I am very open to all of the treatment options as I have seen the benefits first hand. I am sure that your friend is going through a lot of issues related to insecurity (financial and relationship).
One thing that helped me was seeing other people making positive changes for themselves. This is a fine line though. Not too preachy but maybe confiding in her that you want to make some change and asking for her support / if she’ll do it with you. Think of like a Whole 30 or a 30 day work out challenge or even a 30 day journaling challenge. Maybe you suggest that you both train for something (a spartan race, half marathon, for charity, whatever) together. It is very difficult to maintain the drinking at her level if also training for something, particularly if you have long runs the day after.
KS IT Chick
I’m the campaign manager/treasurer for a friend running for the state house. We’ve decided to effectively run against the governor & his record, rather than our opponent, as the governor is incredibly unpopular. I heard one of the ads I wrote for his campaign on the radio this morning on my way to work. It is just the coolest thing to hear words that you wrote read by a trained orator (a retired theater professor who is a acquaintance) playing on the radio! And it sounded almost exactly like I heard it in my head when I wrote it.
Anonymous
That’s awesome! GO YOU!
HSAL
That’s so cool! Congratulations! (and good luck!)
Sydney Bristow
Really cool!
Never too many shoes...
That is *way* cool. Good for you!
Anonymous
I’m in PR, but I still love seeing my statements run under agency attribution, or getting bylines – it is cool! Congrats!
Anonymous
That’s really cool! Congratulations!
Chicago 'rettes?
Hey Ladies, DH and I are planning a move to Chicago in the next few months, and I could use some advice. We’re looking to rent a townhouse/duplexup or loft, near the Southport corridor, in Roscoe Village, or up near Andersonville. Does $3k seem reasonable for 2-3 bedrooms, 2 bathrooms, laundry, outdoor space, and a parking spot? I’d prefer contemporary/upscale kitchens and bathrooms, and would love to be in a vibrant, residential neighborhood close to the El- I’d like to avoid a high rise if at all possible. Are there other neighborhoods we should be looking at? Anything else we should consider?
chicagoan
Check out urbanrealestate dot com. $3k is probably right around it, which means you may pay more or less, depending on the neighborhood and finishes of the place. If you are renting, your parking monthly fee will likely be on top of your rent (say, an extra 200-300). Also note that you might get a simplex or duplex down. Duplex ups are rare and more expensive (and likely to be more bedrooms). Southport Corridor is awesome but getting hotter every day due to the Cubs’ success. Most of the buildings in that area are three-flats with a duplex down, simplex 2bd/2ba in the middle, and either another simplex on top, or sometimes a duplex up on the 3rd floor. Outdoor space is typically limited to a large porch/deck, with the 1st unit getting the garage rooftop if it’s built out and the 3rd sometime getting the rooftop. I also think most three-flats are condos, but check out the link I wrote for actual rentals.
AND GO CUBS!!!! Welcome!
nutella
Do you know where you and your husband will be working? This is a big point to consider. From Southport Corridor, your commute on the el will be around 30-35 minutes to the loop; from Andersonville, closer to an hour. The el does not run perfectly on schedule, either, like our commuter rail (Metra). You can access the Metra from a few city stations, like Ravenswood, but that area has become very expensive lately and if you are not close to the Metra, there is no parking nearby. As to the el, I prefer brown line over the red line – cleaner and less crowded. Other things I would want to consider: amount of stairs, ice/snow removal from steps/sidewalk, air conditioning!!!, where you are parking your car if you need one. If you are parking on the street and need it every day, neighbors get extremely territorial about the snow removal around their car – then claiming their snow-cleared spot with folding chairs, etc. as ‘dibs.’ If parking is in a garage behind your place, who is removing the snow from the alley and how tight is the turn to get into the space.
Also, I don’t know your financial plans, but we sold our 2bed/2bath (with in-unit laundry, fireplace, hardwood floors, deeded parking – built in 2010) in Southport Corridor a few months ago and were paying 2300/month mortgage.
ChiLaw
Hmm my commute from Andersonville to the Loop was reliably 30-40 minutes. I gave myself 45 minutes and was always early. I guess a lot of that depends on how long your walk to the train is (3 minutes for me) and how long your walk to your office in the loop is (5 minutes?). I saw friends end up with longer total commutes by moving geographically closer to the loop but further from a train station — they spent less time on the train but lost that time walking to the train.
I’ve heard the complaints about the red line being dirtier and more crowded, but it’s just general “yeap you live in a city and share public spaces with the public” levels of dirty/crowded — nothing to worry about!
There are super cute little neighborhoods off the brown line, though. I loved the Damen/Montrose/Iriving Park area.
JLW
Hi, other neighborhoods you might want to consider are North Center (around the Addison and Irving Brown Line stops) and Ravenswood. North Center is very close to both Roscoe Village and Southport corridor and all there businesses but not as expensive. Andersonville is awesome, but we left bc it wasn’t ideal for public transportation…you have the Clark Street bus and a few other bus lines, but for the El, you are walking pretty far east to the Red Line. Ravenswood and Lincoln Square (Montrose, Damen, and Western stops) are also awesome, with tons going on, it just takes a little longer to commute downtown from there.
ChiLaw
We lived in Andersonville, and right near the Bryn Mawr stop, just west of the train (like, between Broadway and Clark, right by Bryn Mawr) I think you’re likely to find something you’ll like! The box I would draw for public transit reasonableness, for fun walking and for cute houses would be north of Lawrence, south of Bryn Mawr, west of the lake, east of Clark (though some streets in that area are better than others). A lot of duplex/triplexes around there are being redone. I *loved* the neighborhood. (Every damn time someone posts here asking for where to go in Chicago I am the one yelling “Hopleaf! Go to Hopleaf!”)
Price-wise, we had a great deal paying $1k for a well-maintained but not super recently updated one bedroom in a small courtyard building on a street mostly full of single-family homes in the area I described. Shared outdoor space, shared laundry, storage, no parking (not a prob because husband biked to work and I took the train).
ChiLaw
Like look at this cute place! (I know it doesn’t check off all your boxes, and is actually a block out of the box I drew, but it’s also way less than your budget!) http://chicago.craigslist.org/chc/apa/5842277484.html
Similarly, http://chicago.craigslist.org/chc/apa/5798563633.html
http://chicago.craigslist.org/chc/apa/5835409365.html
Etc.
anonymous
How’s the quality of M.Gemi? Like, would I be able to get 200-300 wears out of a pair and have them still look pretty nice?
BB
I think their quality is top notch BUT that does not mean that they will wear well. They have very high quality, fine materials and construction, but things like softer finer leather actually break down faster (but feel and look much better when you’re wearing it).
anonymous
Interesting, thanks I didn’t know that. So do you think my target # of wears is too high? What do you think would be more reasonable?
BB
I don’t think it’s unreasonable now I think of the number. There are a couple of things I would do to make sure they last as long as possible. I would take them to a cobbler either immediately or after the first 2-3 wears and get rubber soles (not the full sole replaced, but like a rubber veneer), assuming you’re getting pumps/flats and not sneakers. I would also give them at least a day’s break between wears.
For reference, I got flats…don’t think they make them anymore, but it’s basically the stellato. They look very, very nice (like $400 shoes), but the leather sole started wearing down after 3-4 wears because they are made using a soft leather. I took them to the cobbler and got rubber and toe tips put on them (good cobbler will probably run you ~$50 here). I’ve probably done another 10-15 wears since then and they haven’t changed at all beyond a slight crease on the top.
Mindy
I got the stellato in bronze metallic last November, wore it through the winter as my office shoes and whenever I’m going to business events but want flats (I rotated through other heels and the stellatos throughout the winter); I tried to extend its life by resoling over the summer, but the shoe store ruined it with a heavy sole (UGH!) and between the natural stretch of leather and my foot shrinking a half size it’s too big so I am getting rid of mine; BUT, I definitely got 200+ wears out of it, and had I taken it to my regular shoe guy, I think I could have gotten more wears out of it.
Skipped Period
I’m on the pill and last week was the off week (iron pill). I should have gotten my period at some point midweek last week, but it never showed. There were a few LGPs with DH. Pregnancy tests have been negative (taken twice, three days apart first thing in the morning). My stress level is truly through the roof (family member going through medical crisis). Has this happened to anyone else?
Anonymous
My period is really light and short on the pill. Do you consistently get it? I would think stress could result in a skipped period. Try a pregnancy test from the Dollar Tree. Super cheap and it measures a smaller amount of the pregnancy hormone than many more expensive tests.
Anonymous
I’m not on hormonal BC but I had a scare where my period was really late and a doctor told me if you’ve taken a pregnancy test after you expect your period and it’s negative, there’s virtually zero chance you’re pregnant. Stress messes with your cycle, so I would guess that’s the explanation.
Anonymous
You aren’t pregnant. Move on
Troll Hunter
You aren’t pregnant. Move on
Anonymous
Why?!? She isn’t pregnant! She took her pill as instructed and has two negative pregnancy tests. If ever a question call for get a grip this is it.
Anonymous
The pill works by preventing ovulation. There is no egg that could be fertilized. You didn’t bleed, but that isn’t a problem, because you only bleed when you’re taking the pill out of a hormonal imbalance — not because there is a real egg + uterine lining to shed. You aren’t pregnant. Continue taking the pill as you normally would.
Emmer
To be fair though, the pill may not prevent ovulation if you miss a dose/doses. But if you’ve taken it as directed, and still have a negative pregnancy test in a few days, I agree – don’t worry about it.
lawsuited
+1 You don’t actually have a period (menstruating the uterine lining and unused ovum) while taking the pill, because the hormones trick your body into thinking you’re already pregnant so you don’t ovulate. The bleed you have between pill packs is for psychological comfort because women are used to having period, but is not actually a period at all. If you didn’t miss any pills at the beginning of your cycle, there is no way you could be pregnant, because there was no ovum to fertilize.
I’ve completely skipped 3 bleeds for no apparent reason while taking the pill, so it just happens sometimes. If you’ve taken a pregnancy text after the last day of your cycle, trust the result, and move on.
Anon
the uterine lining still builds up even though the pill prevents ovulation. still not pregnant, but the period is the discard of the lining.
An
Yes, most women will skip at some point in their life. Stress can make you skip. It’s normal.
Mindy
Yes. I was late by a week and a half once in 15+ years of periods because of stress.
Anon
For a variety of reasons, I cant use hormonal birth control. We had a baby a little while ago and are planning to try for another in just over a year. So my question is: Mirena IUD, worth it for that short a time? My husband says he doesnt mind going the condoms route either.
Anonymous
Mirena is hormonal, fyi. But even assuming your doc oks that I would still go the cond*ms route, since you want to TTC again so shortly (and presumably wouldn’t be devastated if it happened slightly earlier than expected). If you were done having kids or didn’t want one for five years, I would say go with the IUD.
Anonymous
I wouldn’t get an IUD for less than a year’s worth of time. You’ll want to be off of it 3-6 months before TTC anyway, I believe. Use c0nd0ms.
Anonymous
+1 Stick with condoms if you’re planning to TTC – gives you the most flexibility on timing and no worry about the period after coming off pills before you can get pregnant. You can pull the goalie immediately.
commenter
I agree that they probably don’t want to bother for such a short period of time, but there’s no waiting period after getting a Mirena removed – you can get pregnant right away. It is hormonal but the hormones are so much less than BC; a large part of the efficacy is the physical barrier.
Anonymous
Mirena is hormonal. Paraguard is non-hormonal (copper, I believe).
ChiLaw
From personal experience and that of my friends, there’s a long settling in period for an IUD (I had paraguard, which my body hated, and friends have reported the same with minera). Like it takes 3-6 months for things to feel “normal” after insertion. I’d go for condoms.
An
Mirena is hormonal, but sometimes it can be tolerated when you can’t tolerate other forms. Frankly my insertion was the most painful moment of my life, but since you’ve had a baby, it probably won’t be like that for you. If you plan to leave it in for an entire year, I think it’s worth it. If you’re planning to leave it in for 6 months, I don’t know that I would. I think it felt “normal” maybe 2 months after, there is an initial adjustment period.
Anon
Did your obgyn numb your uterus or provide any pain relief? (will likely get an IUD soon and scared).
An
No, I took ibuprofen. I knew it would hurt, but it was physically shocking in a way I didn’t expect. I would ask the person doing the insertion to do it as quickly as possible. Some women just report mild cramps, though. You’re usually supposed to get it done during your period, but mine was at the tail end and maybe my cervix wasn’t very open.
pugsnbourbon
I’m on my second Mirena. Some docs numb you, some don’t – call the office and ask. You can also ask for a prescription for xanax or valium, but you’ll need someone to drive you home after.
pugsnbourbon
Also I will say that my periods have gotten lighter and lighter since insertion and I didn’t get one at all this month. With my first Mirena I didn’t have a period for 2.5 years. It’s great but also kind of a mindf@ck.
Anonymous
Mine gave me cytotec, I believe, to open the cervix. I inserted it vaginally the night before. Its 1 of the 2 pills people take for medical abortion. However, I still had a lot of pain. There was no numbing.
Anonymous
“since you’ve had a baby, it probably won’t be like that for you”
Not necessarily. I found Mirena placement to be more painful than natural childbirth. Still worth it, though.
Anonymous
No, not worth it for that short amount of time. Neither is the copper IUD is, either if you truly want no hormones. It took me a year and a half to adjust to having the Mirena.
anon
I have a copper IUD, and didn’t have a “settling in period” or anything, but it does make my flow very heavy. Between having an appoint for insertion, a follow-up a month-ish later to check it, and then the removal appointment, I don’t think the amount of trouble is worth it for a year. But it depends on how much you really don’t want to get pregnant in that year and how you deal with condoms.
Marshmallow
Just weighing in to say my Mirena insertion was NBD– maybe five minutes of pain. Worse than any period I’d ever had, but not as bad as a sprained ankle. I have not given birth. But it took a week or so for cramping to go away and a couple months to stop spotting.
Anonymous
+1
I’m always surprised when people say it was quite painful. It wasn’t pain free for me, but I’ve definitely had worse pain. I don’t know what others mean by “settling in period” but if cramping and spotting are what people mean, then my experience was also consistent with Marshmallow’s above. It was not a hassle at all, and with the invention of Thinx since I had mine put it I expect the next one (having this one replaced on the same day I have it removed) to be basically hassle free.
Laura B
My Mirena insertion wasn’t super painful and adjusting wasn’t too bad pain-wise and period-wise (no periods for me), but the extraction and Paraguard insertion (done at the same time) was very painful – probably the most painful moment of my life (no childbirth for me). I was surprised because my Mirena insertion had gone so smoothly. Same doctor. Definitely take those pain meds when you get it switched out and be ready for a possibly different experience.
That said, for longterm birth control use, I love my IUDs and will never go back. I only switched my Mirena because I was trying to go hormone free to see if it helped my chronic cystic acne (it didn’t).
Anonymous
It may be too late to weigh in, but +1 that Mirena insertion was painful. I’ve had 2 D&Cs from miscarriages, and Mirena hurt worse. I know it varies per person, but I seriously cried from pain, and I didn’t cry from the D&Cs. I took ibuprofen before and then leftover Percocet after the insertion. My ob-gyn was nice about it, but I was shocked at the pain.
Business brunch
What would you wear to an information session/networking brunch? I am applying for several fellowships that bring together business and education fields, and some of them have this kind of event. The brunches are usually held at a restaurant. Information sessions, networking dinners – I can handle these. But brunch?
Am I safe if I wear business casual? Work dress and a waterfall cardigan? Or will that look too stuffy? The fellowships usually draw applicants in their 20s.
Anonymous
I think work dress and a cardigan is perfectly appropriate. Some people will be more casually dressed, likely, but it’s better to be a smidge overdressed than be the one person in the room in shorts and flip flops.
Also, how fancy is the restaurant? If it’s a super casual restaurant, I might dress slightly more casual.
Slander defense
Question for lawyers: So Trump is planning on suing all the women who claimed he was inappropriate with them. Since many women do not ever come forward precisely because they fear retribution and/or “who will believe me,” is this just one of those things where they will be forced to hire an attorney? What sort of message does this say to less affluent women who cannot afford lawyers…are they really then at the mercy of someone else? How many different ways could this play out?
Anonymous
They can hire an attorney, represent themselves, take a default judgment. Or most likely hire an attorney but also demand attorney’s fees. And probably get them.
lawsuited
Hopefully there are lawyers willing to take the cases on spec, as many people would not be able to pay a lawyer’s fees upfront and ongoing during litigation. In this particular scenario, I expect there will be pro bono help for these women.
nutella
This is how he operates. They are not forced to hire an attorney (see above: pro se or take default), but the alternatives aren’t great choices. He sues so often because litigation costs time, money, and sanity and he waits people out until they can’t take it anymore. While it is true that they could ask for attorney’s fees, s3xual as$ault is hard to prove, so I wouldn’t say they “probably” get them.
Anonymous
But he is suing for slander, and they’ll have a great claim the litigation is frivolous.
anon
But he’s a public figure, so doesn’t he have the burden to prove the statements are false?
Anonymous
http://www.vox.com/identities/2016/10/24/13382568/trump-sexual-assault-accusers-lawyers-pro-bono
Some of the most impressive lawyers in the country have offered to represent these women pro bono. This alone should have a chilling effect on Trump and his legal team. They won’t be pushing around rookies. They’ll be up against some of the best.
OP here....
Trump aside, it is the last 2 paragraphs that sadden me:
“Even if a victim is vindicated in the end, she still may have her character dragged through the mud before that happens. And she may have to spend months or years of her life dealing with the court system. Legal fees or no legal fees, that’s a personally and emotionally exhausting experience that many victims would just as soon not bother dealing with.
It’s one more illustration of why victims have a lot to lose, and little to gain, when they come forward about sexual assault — especially if they’re accusing a powerful man who has the resources and the will to make their lives as miserable as possible.”
Anonymous
Right…but most low income women victims won’t have those high powered pro bono attorneys.
The OP is absolutely right to be concerned about the message it sends to low income women. This is yet another barrier to reporting sexual assault.
I was a GAL in a southern state, and I sat in on many court sessions and saw another common barrier. This state has a large immigrant population, yet the court didn’t provide (read: pay) for interpreters for sexual assault cases. Domestic violence, yes. Low income sexual assault victims were on their own. The court also required interpretation certification through the state, so it wasn’t like a victim could bring a friend or family member to a protective order hearing to assist with interpretation.
Anonymous
Sorry, I read her question to be specific to the Trump situation, in which case I believe any woman being sued by Trump is being offered the services of those attorneys pro bono.
Wildkitten
He won’t sue them. He doesn’t want to go through discovery.
Anonymous
This. He’s all bark and no bite.
anon
Isn’t Gloria Allred representing one of them?
NYNY
I think I’ve seen her with several of them as I scroll through my news app.
Philosophy majors?
Interesting comment up-thread — are there any philosophy majors out there (are there even philosophy majors any more)? What do you do with a philosophy degree? What have you done with yours?
Linked in is always telling me who is hiring philosphy majors these days (I was dying to know so I clicked through). It was all tech companies and . . . surprise . . . the army. Whaaaa?
This is totally exciting to me and yet I feel like I have missed All. The. Boats.
Anonymous
I work with two philosophy majors who then went to law school. We are appellate lawyers. I also dated guy who was working on his Phd in philosophy. He originally had a marketing background. He is now a professor in California.
Anonymous
I knew a couple people who went to law school because they weren’t sure what to do with undergraduate degrees in philosophy. I also know someone who got a PhD and is now a professor.
ALX emily
I’m a philosophy major who went to law school. Most of my classmates did that or went to work in investment banking/finance (this was pre-recession, I assume now those people would be working in tech).
Anonymous
I majored in Philosophy and went to law school. I’m a practicing attorney now.
Anonymous
Also went to law school b/c the philosophy firms weren’t hiring.
I do seriously use symbolic logic all the time and wished that more people studied that. Totally the most useful class.
anon3
+1
At Stanford years ago Symbolic Systems was a popular major that combined Philosophy and Computer Science. The most brilliant people I knew were in that major and they are a mixture of academics and innovators/company builders in Silicon Valley.
soaps
This just gave me flashbacks to the logic class I took in middle school. I haven’t thought about logic symbols or truth tables in decades! I’ll be brushing up now
lawsuited
+1 Use symbolic logic all the time to assess arguments.
Killer Kitten Heels
I have a philosophy degree. I went to law school and am now a lawyer. My former classmates are lawyers, high school teachers, college professors (after getting PhDs, obviously), working in various communications-related fields (public relations/copywriting/etc.), working in politics/government, one is a librarian, one is a doctor, a few work in publishing in various capacities, and a number of folks are in middle-management at non-profits (started in entry level positions at 22 and worked their way up, we’re in our early 30s now). Basically none of us use our degree in any meaningful way at this point (except the PhDs who are now professors, and maybe a little bit some of the HS teachers who incorporate very, very basic philosophical concepts into some of their lessons).
In my observation, if you’re a philosophy major, the post-college path is either (1) immediate grad school of some kind; or (2) find an entry level job that doesn’t require a specific degree (or where the specific degree is similar enough to philosophy that you can sell it in an interview – i.e. a political philosophy major applying for a job looking for a poli sci major or a philosophy major applying for a publishing or communications job looking for English majors) and then work your way up.
The degree was interesting and challenging and I learned a lot, but it is not even a little bit of a reasonable path to any kind of “philosophy-related” career. If it’s something you’re interested in, great, but a bachelor’s in philosophy on its own isn’t really going to get you anywhere any other liberal arts degree couldn’t, and will probably hurt you a little in the entry-level job search (since no one is specifically looking for philosophy majors, you’re likely to be closed out of specific-degree-required opportunities, and also, there’s a certain view that a philosophy degree is the most useless of all of the useless liberal arts degrees, so that’s super-fun to deal with in the job-hunting context).
anon for this
To be fair, I think art history takes the prize for perceived “most useless of all the useless liberal arts degrees.” :-)
NYNY
I got a BFA in dance. I think I win!
Anonymous
Doesn’t Madonna have one of those? From Michigan?
Is it, with her, “dance degree” or “degree from Michigan”? I see the two wildly differently (perhaps I shouldn’t).
Anonymous
I mean, I think if you get a dance degree from Michigan either “dance degree” or “degree from Michigan” is a fair description. But I’m pretty sure Madonna dropped out of UM.
anon for this
My husband was a philosophy major, and he is now a wine salesman. He is the general manager of a wine retail store, and he is looking for a job as a wine distributor. He says the philosophy helps him with the tech stuff and with setting up processes to keep things running smoothly.
Anonymous
My college boyfriend majored in philosophy and minored in Romance Languages. He was a native Spanish speaker and gained fluency in Italian and Portuguese. He’s now a high school ESL teacher. Note that you don’t need to be bi/multilingual to teach ESL. He got his Master’s in ELL Education (probably not the formal name for his program), and most people in his program were monolingual speakers.
Anonymous
I was a philosophy and political science major – thought about law school, decided I didn’t want to be a lawyer, went into insurance handling complex litigation claims and coverage.
Kay
Political Science and Philosophy major. Worked on the hill for a while. Now working for my home state legislature. Most of the other philosophy majors I know when to law school.
Anon
My husband double majored in Economics and Philosophy (he liked the intellectual challenge of philosophy but wasn’t sure what he could actually do with that degree alone). He worked in politics and consulting before business school and now works in finance.
Anon
Dear HR person at the company I’m in the process of being hired by,
The fact that you asked me about a thing that is a) an essential part of your job b) takes less than thirty seconds to google is rather concerning. I sincerely hope you’re not as incompetent as you seem to be.
Yours in disbelief,
The candidate who can’t believe she’s doing your job for you
Anonymous
As a former recruiter, I’m interested to hear what question they asked you.
CountC
Same.
Anonymous
Thirded.
OP
Basically, I am not a national of the country the firm is in, although they hire foreigners on the regular. The HR person wanted to know what the procedure would be to get me a visa… when said procedure is listed, in detail, on the website of the labor ministry of the country in question, as well as on several expat forums, in both our languages, all of which can be found by googling ‘how to hire a foreign national.’ I know, because I did so as soon as soon as the first round of interviews was over.
I would have been much less taken aback if she had said, I’m not familiar with the specifics of hiring people from [my country], can you double-check with your consulate? But nope, just… completely clueless.
Anonymous
Even if it’s something that can be Googled, she may need the answer directly from you to confirm it’s accuracy.
Anon
Every experience I’ve ever had with HR leads me to believe that s/he likely is that dumb.
Anon
Sweeping generalizations such as these aren’t helpful at all. how does it make you feel when people make these remarks about lawyers, women, teachers, firefighters etc.
Anonymous
+1
I also really hate sweeping generalizations. When people use them, I start to doubt and disregard much of what they say.
Pesh
Shopping advice needed…I know tall boots aren’t as “in” this season, but I still like having a nice pair of riding boots in addition to booties. I’m looking for a sleeker style of riding boot…some tend to look clunky to me. I love the Tory Burch Sidney boot (link below) but don’t want to spend that much. Has anyone seen something similiar?
Pesh
https://www.toryburch.com/sidney-boot/31441.html?cgid=shoes-boot-guide&start=7&dwvar_31441_color=229
Killer Kitten Heels
The Rockland, Genevieve, or Hayes boots at Cole Haan might fit the bill (they are less expensive than the ones you linked to and are similarly sleek, but still not cheap).
At a much lower price point, the Karen Scott riding boots at Macy’s are cute (and on sale for $50), and Macy’s Style & Co. line has inexpensive riding boots that look similar as well. Actually, Macy’s seems to be carrying a lot of riding boots right now in the $50-$250 price range – definitely check their website.
Duchess
Sam Edelman Penny? On sale at Nordstrom for $149 right now.
(Former) Clueless Summer
+1 for Sam Edelman Penny. I’m about to go into winter #3 and they have held up beautifully, even subjected to the insane amount of wet and road salt in my city. I sprayed with a protector and clean and condition the leather every few months. I find them to have a very sleek look due to the height, which is just at the knee on me (5″6, long legs) as opposed to a few inches below the knee like some riding boots, which frumpifies them I think.
Pesh
What protector do you use?
Why is Daycare so expensive?
Hoping its not too late in the thread to get some responses but I’m curious, why daycare is so expensive and increasingly so?? I’m mid 20s and wont be having kids anytime soon but this is something I’ve been thinking about as I will likely be working full time while raising a family with my future spouse. I guess I understand the fancy schmancy daycares but even like basic ones, are thousands and thousands of dollars a year. But im still hearing about people not being satisfied with the care, service, hours, etc. of these places.
WTF is being done with all this money??
Anonymous
What?!? They pay for real estate, insurance, and staff. All of which cost a lot of money.
Anonymous
A lot of it is just that paying someone to watch your kid for 40-45 hours a week, 50 weeks a year really adds up. My daycare is $13k a year, but it works out to less than $6 an hour, which doesn’t seem like a crazy rate. In our state, there must be at least 1 teacher for every 4 kids under two, so the daycare is collecting almost $24 an hour per teacher. The staff is probably getting $10-15 an hour and the rest is going to overhead (including rent) and profit. The math makes sense to me.
LondonLeisureYear
100% agree! – Especially considering the hours they work – they are there early so you can go to work, on time, and late so you can stay after for your meetings. They probably have their own families too. Also consider that some of your money is hopefully going into trainings so the people that are with your kids 40 hours a week are using techniques that are appropriate.
Wildkitten
And you really don’t want to pay less. http://www.salon.com/2016/04/16/religious_exemptions_kill_church_day_care_deaths_and_injuries_show_the_dangers_of_expanding_the_privileges_into_law/
Wildkitten
And you don’t want to pay less.
Wildkitten
http://www.salon.com/2016/04/16/religious_exemptions_kill_church_day_care_deaths_and_injuries_show_the_dangers_of_expanding_the_privileges_into_law/
Wildkitten
Link in moderation.
Sarabeth
Plus they are usually paying more staff than strictly required by ratio – they have administrators, like any other org, housekeeping staff, possible kitchen staff, and they probably also have “floaters” so that they can maintain ratio while teachers are on lunch break, etc.
We use a nonprofit center. No one is making much money there, unfortunately, but it’s still over $1,200/month in a LCOL city.
Anon
$13k/year? It’s double that in most major cities.
Anonymous
Yes, I live in a very low cost of living area (the average mortgage on a single family home is under $1,000 a month, so daycare is the biggest expense for many people). But higher cost of living areas would have higher rents, higher insurance costs and would probably pay their staff quite a bit more than the daycares in my area do, so I still don’t see the “where is all this money going?” perspective. It costs a ton, but the costs make sense to me when you think about all the expenses the daycare has.
lawsuited
+1 The daycare closest to my house charges $2800 per month for an infant (1 year+).
H
+1. Yes, $1500/month (or more) is a lot for us to spend. But think about it. Could you live on $1500 a month? Childcare workers are notoriously low paid.
Anonymous
Many eyes to watch over the little ones (4:1 ratio is common for children <1) and eyes to train / substitute / watch over them. Most daycare workers make <15/hour. Centers are often open 10 hours a day and must always be cleaning things in the rooms. Good workers, many of whom have an AA degree in early childhood, do better working for fast food restaurants. No one is getting rich. I'd pay more if I could — these folks deserve it.
anon
In our area 2:1 is required for kids under 2.
Anonymous
If you want a real shocker, look up the cost of elder care / assisted living / adult day care.
Daycare often costs more than housing (MCOL southern city) if you have >1 and have a child in an infant room.
Anonymous
+1 to the costs of assisted living. Don’t become incapacitated!
Jitterbug
I’m sure the cost is justified (rent, caregiver salaries, supplies, insurance, etc.) but I understand why you’re frustrated, it would be awesome if everyone had access to adequate childcare.
Maddie Ross
This. I know the cost is justified when you look at facilities, security, salaries, supplies and insurance, but whoa, it is steep and I totally get being baffled at how one makes it work. It is sad, as it does make a huge difference for a lot of families as to whether everyone who wants to work gets to continue to work, whether families have as many children as they ideally want or spaced out how they would ideally want. I do think it would benefit the country as a whole to have a more uniform, progressive policy on childcare from an early age – esp. given the maternity leave policies (or rather the complete lack thereof).
Sarabeth
We need subsidized childcare in this country. It is insane that individual families are expected to shoulder these costs alone, regardless of whether they can afford to or not.
Anonymous
Did anyone else hear this story a couple weeks ago? It blew my mind that the U.S. ever got this close to a federal child care program.
http://www.npr.org/templates/transcript/transcript.php?storyId=497850292
Blonde Lawyer
I’d vote for subsidized childcare and elder care. Personally, I think both should be covered the way K-12 school is covered.
Anonattorney
I would vote for subsidized child care over “free college for all” any day.
Anonymous
IDK
Child care is one of those things where I’d be very reluctant to use. To do it right would be almost prohibitively expensive. No one is going to raise taxes that high. And to do it wrong means that I’d try all sorts of things (job share with another person and we tag-team joint child care , co-ops, nanny, au pair) over it.
And so many people are childless these days that it does not seem that they should have to pay for something like this. [If you don’t pay for the costs of your own children, how are you going to persuade others that they should pay those costs? And the after-tax income of the working parents will still go down, even once their kids are out of the daycare years, so it may not be a win.]
Maddie Ross
Really? You pay for public school, I don’t see where extending that care down age-wise would be so shocking to the conscious. Obviously, like public school or so many other things in life, people with certain advantages or the wealth to do so may opt out and use nannies or private care, but to not provide it at all on a national scale is so difficult to comprehend in this day and age to me. If you didn’t want to use it, fine. But I would totally be willing to be taxed for childcare that I may actually have a prayer of using.
Sarabeth
This is no different from thousands of other services that the government provides and I don’t personally use. If you don’t believe in the concept of public goods at all, I’m not sure we have enough common ground to talk about this issue, but I doubt that’s the case. Many more people would benefit from childcare subsidies than benefit from higher education subsidies, subsidized services for people with disabilities, etc. Plus, society benefits if women are more likely to maintain their careers (and therefore pay more taxes over their lifetimes) and children are more likely to get decent quality early childhood care.
Also, childcare subsidies don’t necessarily mean public provision of childcare, so not sure why you’d be reluctant to use it? If you don’t want to use daycare at all, that’s fine, but that’s not a common enough position that we should be basing public policy around it.
FWIW, I am in a high enough tax bracket that I would probably pay for my own children’s childcare costs and then some in a subsidized system, and I’m fine with that. Right now, I can afford to have my kids in a high-quality daycare, but many other people can’t, and I am very happy to pay more taxes to ensure that everyone’s kids have decent care in their early years.
Anonymous
Childcare (and childbirth) costs should be tied to the child – everyone was a child once. I’m not sure why you’d be reluctant to accept a childcare subsidy you were eligible for, because it would certainly cut down on the expense of a nanny. A subsidy can be money for you or for childcare providers, to cut down on costs – it does not mean that your kids would be forced to go to a government-run facility that is unreasonably expensive to run.
Subsidies could enable more people to work if they would like to, which is good for our economy and benefits everyone.
Anonymous
Seriously???
Anon
Think about running a business with involves responsibility for lives. The costs around labour, real estate, insurance, systems, capital costs, admin costs. Added to this complexities around various state codes, liabilities and admin around various kids allergies/medicine etc. It’s a complex business without very little government support (unlike, for example elderly care).
Anonymous
Elderly care doesn’t get much support either! Families pay for it themselves until they spend down enough to end up on Medicaid.
Anonymous
Well Mirena is hormonal.
Wildkitten
Significantly less so.
Peggy Olson
Where is the recent thread re: salary survey? I know there was one sometime in the last 6 weeks or so but can’t find it. Can anyone link to it?
Anonymous
Any suggestions for a plus size olive green blazer? TIA!
Assistant
I have an assistant question for you all – my assistant has the habit of calling me every time she gets ready to do an assignment I’ve asked her to do. She does this with oral or emailed instructions, and even with very simple things. Most of the time she answers her own question while she’s on the phone with me (for example, she’ll read my instructions out loud, or she’ll figure out a technical glitch). It feels like whenever she encounters a momentary issue, she immediately picks up the phone instead of trying to work through it herself. If she’s truly confused about an assignment I want her to feel comfortable calling me, but I don’t want her to call me because her computer lagged. How do I address this?
Mel
Do you think it is a confidence issue that will resolve itself later? Is she new?
Maybe just say “after you read these questions, please let me know IF you have questions.”
H
Maybe a conversation like, “You’re smart and you’re able to figure things out on your own. I would encourage you to work through issues before asking me about them.”
Wildkitten
Is there someone else she can talk to, like another assistant? It sounds like talking through issues out loud is how she solves them. Is there a way she can do that without wasting your time, specifically?
Cold Shoulder
I have a weird situation at work. One of the relationships I had with a manager has been deteriorating because of mutual frustrations (he claims he doesn’t like my work, despite the fact the steals credit for the good parts, and I get mad that he doesn’t hold himself to the same standards he holds everyone else to) and lately he has resorted to giving me the cold shoulder. It wouldn’t have been noticeable except: (1) I see him interacting totally differently with other coworkers (being more warm and joking around); and (2) I held a door open for him and he didn’t even bother making eye contact while the person behind him said “Thank you.” It is sort of small stuff but it is really making me not want to come in. Not sure what I could do to fix the relationship quickly.
This is a half vent half look for advice.
anon
The frustrations about him not liking your work but stealing credit for it have to be addressed in the moment. It’s too hard to discuss those in the abstract. I think it’s fair to ask him what you can do to improve in his eyes. That’s a pretty bitter pill to swallow if you don’t really respect the guy, though, which it sounds like you don’t.
How critical is this guy to your success at your company? Is he in a position to bad mouth you to others who will listen? Can you shift your focus to working with other managers instead of him? Hopefully others will have better advice, but ime when the well is poisoned, sometimes it’s just time to brush off the resume.
Cold Shoulder
I figured it was time to start looking.
The sad thing is I used to respect him, but his moods vary so greatly that I got frustrated. I don’t think there is any coming back.
Anon
Just have to vent about shopping frustrations. I need a suit for a job interview this week, and shopped basically an entire mall outside Boston this weekend without success (Nordstroms, Neiman Marcus, Ann Taylor, J. Crew, Talbots). I not unusually hard to fit, or even all that picky, and was prepared to spend a decent amount of money. I found nothing — very few suits available in general, and those on the rack were ugly, poorly made, ill-fitting, or all three! Such a bummer.
BabyAssociate
Try Tahari. I have a really hard time finding suits that fit and just got 2.
Anon
Look at Reiss they have two Boston locations
Anonymous
There is no such thing as a suit that fits anybody well straight off the rack. You need a good tailor. If you are in a hurry, Nordstrom should have an in-house tailor.
Anonymous
Macy’s, Lord & Taylor, or BR are usually good bets for actual selection in stores. Suit selection at most stores is horrible.
Lorelai Gilmore
I’ve basically given up shopping for work clothes in brock-and-mortar stores, which is terrible because I am hard to fit and really need to try things on. It’s really frustrating.
CatToo
Lafayette 148 online store has a good selection but it takes forever for them to arrive.
Anonymous
I find that suit selection varies mall to mall. I live in LA, and some malls barely carry the basic women’s suiting brands (theory, Elie Tahari, Boss, Lafayette 148, etc.)
I would look online availability for Nordstrom, Macy’s, saks, etc, for these brands as an indicator of women’s suit selection.
H
Thank you to whoever recommended the book “Rocket Girls”! I started it the other night and I’m really liking it.
Sydney Bristow
Glad you are enjoying it!
Sydney Bristow
Just saw the Gilmore Girls trailer! I’m so excited. Watching Emily Gilmore trying to Marie Kondo her house is just awesome.
My parents are going to be in town visiting that week so I probably won’t get to watch it until Saturday after they leave. I think I’ll have to avoid the interwebs entirely that Friday!
Anonymous
Yessss! I got a little misty-eyed at my desk. My parents are coming for Thanksgiving but my dad was a fan of the show too so we’re going to binge-watch it together on Friday (my parents have to leave first thing Saturday morning). I know mothers & daughters watching it together is the stereotype but I’m psyched to watch with my dad. Ah, I just love the show so much and am super excited it’s back.
Sydney Bristow
I got my husband into the show and I’m sure my parents would be cool watching it. Friday is Christmas-decorating day at our apartment though so I don’t think they’d be able to give me the amount of focus I’ll require for watching it. That is really sweet about your dad!
Carrots
I’m wondering if I’m crazy enough to host Thanksgiving dinner for about 15 people on Thursday and then host a “OMG Gilmore Girls” viewing party on Friday…
Anonymous
Make the Gilmore Girls watching party super low-key…make coffee and maybe hot chocolate or cider and ask your guests to bring snacks (bonus points for foods featured on the show!)
Sydney Bristow
If I didn’t have other stuff going on, I’d love to go to something like this! Or host one.
Carrots
Poptart platter with one apple!
New Tampanian
Over the weekend, I wanted something “cozy” to binge watch so I started GG from the first episode. It’s been years since I watched. I forgot how much I love this show.