Since the early days of this blog I’ve mentioned my love for the 6-can refrigerator as the perfect mini-fridge for your office — but I don’t think we’ve ever featured one on a Coffee Break!
I’ve always loved mine because a) it doesn’t take up a ton of space (I had mine sitting on a radiator ledge behind me at my law firm office), b) it runs on pretty low power needs, and c) it’s big enough to fit the few personal things you don’t want to subject to the communal office fridge, like a full pack of string cheese or beef jerky, a favorite creamer or salad dressing, a can or two of diet soda or seltzer.
It’s a tight fit for anything major like leftovers, but if you just want a few things close at hand it’s perfect.
(They’re also great if you’re a pumping mom and want to either a) keep your parts refrigerated between uses to cut down on cleaning time, or b) keep your milk super close at hand).
There are a ton of brands that make them; this one is “Amazon’s choice” and is $40, but you can also get them at Target (pictured on social media) and Walmart.
Psst: In my experience these things the electrical output of a lightbulb; here’s a link to the Target fridge with an estimated yearly electric use of 252kWh (estimated energy cost of $30). That’s approximately the same output as a 25-watt CFL bulb, but 4x less than a 100-watt incandescent bulb.
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Workwear sales of note for 3.24.23:
- Ann Taylor – 40% off everything
- Athleta – 20% off shorts, swim, linen & more
- Banana Republic Factory – 40% off everything; extra 15% off purchase
- Boden – Up to 50% off
- Brooks Brothers – Clearance styles to 70% off. Some pretty serious markdowns!
- Express – 40% off dresses & tops
- J.Crew – 25% off your purchase; up to 50% off special-occasion styles
- J.Crew Factory – Up to 50% off everything; extra 15% off 3 styles; extra 20% off 4 styles; extra 50% off clearance
- Sephora – Up to 50% off select beauty
- Talbots – 25% off select styles; 25% off markdowns
Some of our latest posts here at Corporette…
And some of our latest threadjacks here at Corporette (reader questions and commentary) — see more here!
- What are your favorite parts of a typical day?
- At what point in your life (age, income level, whatever) were you able to take an annual vacation?
- What shoes can I keep at the office to go for mid-day walks (that go with everything)?
- How do you release stress or trauma that’s stored in the body?
- What are the best “networking for women events” you’ve ever been to?
- I feel like we’re burning through any savings we acquire…
- I hate my job and make 30% of what DH makes – should I quit?
- What do you keep in your office?
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Overnight in Miami
Recommendations please: connecting through Miami on a Sunday night in a couple of weeks, with a pretty significant layover. Staying at an airport hotel and will be checked in by about 5pm, outbound flight not until the next morning. Anything that’s fun to do and open late-ish on a Sunday night? Any recommendations for dinner, Cuban food or otherwise? Something that’s accessible via public transit from the airport would be great.
Miami is not a public transit city
Since you have from 5 pm until the next morning, I’d leave the airport by cab/uber, go check in/drop of luggage, and then uber from the hotel to wherever you want to go. Where are you staying? It’s a fairly big city. South Beach is always the first thing to do though obviously it’ll be too late in the day for the beach but the area itself – plenty of food and walking around if you want that.
I would do this. Staying at an airport hotel you’ll be a fairly straight, short shot via Taxi or Uber to South Beach, and you can stroll along the strip and choose a restaurant. Watch out for drink price rip offs.
Yep, plenty to do in South Beach. You can easily take an Uber/Lyft there. Sweet Liberty Drinks & Supply in South Beach is open late and has good food and craft cocktails.
Definitely do this! Taxi/Uber to South Beach is extremely easy and very quick.
For restaurants, I really like Yardbird. Prime 112 is also fun for people watching. Neither one is right on the beach though. You could also grab a drink at any of the hotels right on South Beach if you want to be “fancy” (1 Hotel, Delano, SLS, Setai, etc.)
Airport is really close (<3 miles) to Little Havana. I'd Lyft over to Calle Ocho and walk around and get some Cuban food. Versailles is the most famous place and has good food and a fun atmosphere, but that has an airport outpost as well, so you could try something else for variety.
The Beach is out of the way and the food there is overpriced and mostly mediocre, although there are some exceptions.
When I was in Miami for a weekend a year ago, we took Uber everywhere and it was pretty affordable and we always felt safe.
At my old job if you were on insulin you got your own fridge but not otherwise. It doesn’t seem very green to be adding this to the power load in an office building.
Yeah, seems a little wasteful to me. Plus I actually like the excuse to get up and walk down the hall.
I’m thinking about getting a small fridge for upstairs in my house. When I’ve had any surgery, I have had to go stay with a friend until I can do stairs. I was thinking that, if I had a fridge, I could just be upstairs with bedroom and bathroom and still be able to get to food and drinks. I could live on protein shakes, right?
If you have to get a refridgerator, it should be big enough so that when other people put their smelley sandwiches that they don’t squash the food you put in there. I had a nice canoli that I wanted to keep cold, but Frank shoved some takeout box from a local place that completely destroyed my canoli. He did NOT even say I am sorry, so I told the manageing partner to get a 3 foot high refrig. to put under the counter in the conference room. What a thoughtless jerk he is. FOOEY!
That was my thought too.
I’ve noticed over the last ten years that Kat tends to be in the “buy your way to convenience” camp – nothing wrong with that, but I agree that in this instance, it’s worth a second thought to see if this is necessary or the least wasteful way to accomplish the refrigeration goal.
I mean, it anchors the afternoon chatter. I could see it if I were pumping (I used an old lunchbox with a gel ice-pack b/c I’m thrifty). Or insulin. And maybe there are IVF drugs that you need to chill?
I think the “buy your way to convenience” mindset is part trying to help blog readers cope with with 90 hour work weeks, family demands, etc.. Years ago a lot of people here were all in on that strategy, and now it seems that every post/comment about something convenient is met with a reply as to why the proposed convenience solution is “troublesome” in the sense that you won’t be winning in the woke olympics if you do it.
This is what I think as well.
OMG people pointing out things that aren’t environmentally friendly aren’t participating in the “woke olympics.” Sorry if you feel called out, but that’s your problem.
Oops – by “troublesome” I meant “problematic” – the PC way to say something isn’t PC.
I have an office fridge a little bigger than this one. The communal fridge is too small for the demand, and tends to be crowded and stinky as a result.
Same. Got it while pumping and wouldn’t live without it now. It’s this brand and is going strong now for 2+ years.
I’m in the “you only need your own fridge if you have to store medicine or breast milk in your office” camp. Those are both items needed for specific purposes where a replacement can not be easily purchased at a store, and where I can see significant downsides to losing the item. Otherwise, no.
My firm provides mini fridges after you return from maternity leave. Once it is no longer needed, the firm takes it back and then gives to another employee when a need arises.
Never too many shoes...
The only reason I would want a fridge in my office is to keep emergency wine and this fridge is too small for that…
You can get wine in cans now!
I don’t know, I stored both breastmilk & meds in the communal fridge, just put it in a lunchbox. I appreciate that the crowdedness and cleanliness of office fridges vary, and if I hadn’t felt ok about those things, I would have been more hesitant. But it’s ok to use the communal fridge. And drink non-diet soda.
So what if it isn’t green? Every person have multiple phone lines and monitors, and printers and copiers at every corner in an office aren’t green either – what’s one more device? Not stated as someone who needs/wants a fridge as I bring nothing to work but if others want it so as not to have to share a gross fridge with an entire floor, who cares? Frankly if I brought lunch I wouldn’t want it in the common fridge.
I think it’s pretty clear who cares – some of the commenters care. What’s one more device? It’s exactly one more device. As soon as we’re all raving about how convenient it is (without mentioning any cons) it will become 10 or 20 more devices in a large office.
You can insist on wanting the thing anyway, and others can point out the downsides. It’s a free country.
I have my lunch sit at room temperature for the 3-4 hours until I eat it. I’ve done this all my life, whether it be vegetarian, meat or dairy.
Totally agree. Gasp… Horror. No everyone cares if every single aspect of their life is “green”.
Cool. Some people do. You don’t have to participate in the conversation if you’re not one of them. Scroll on by.
Worry About Yourself
A lot of buildings won’t allow personal devices like this anyway, at my last job things like space heaters and mini fridges at your desk were expressly forbidden.
+1. Fridges definitely not permitted in my Biglaw office, though management looks the other way at the many illegal space heaters under desks.
I wouldn’t write off a fridge as not very green before looking at the alternative—if a personal fridge means you pack lunch in reusable containers (or just have packages of things like mayo or cream cheese from the store to make your own lunch) versus getting takeout, with its too-big portions and disposable packaging, the fridge might be greener.
I loved having my own fridge while pumping, to store pump parts, milk, and food so I wouldn’t have to bring food daily on top of the pumping stuff.
This is what I couldn’t articulate, but thank you. This, 100x this. Enough with this “ohmigosh it’s not green!” reaction in a vacuum. You know what? I’m doing the very best I can with what I have right now. What goes in and out of that fridge are reusable glass containers. That also means I’m bringing food from home, so I’m being healthier, which means I’m less of a burden on the healthcare system. Which means that I’m a better mom and wife and business partner. Not everything’s intrinsic value can be weighed in ‘greenness’.
My office doesn’t provide fridges. Some employees get together and bring in a small fridge for their group. I have a dorm fridge in my cubicle to keep drinks, leftovers for lunch, and when I was pumping, milk in. My husband has the microwave in his cubicle.
To those who are single — Do you feel like your parents/other family infantilize you because you have not been married? I am in my mid-forties and never married. I haven’t even dated in many years. Longer than I want to admit here. But now I am finally in a relationship of about 9 months. Outside of this, I am a lawyer who people rely on to solve their toughest problems (sometimes involving many millions of dollars). I have navigated my career without even a single piece of advice from family, purchased a home, several cars, and furnishings with no assistance or consultation with family since age 20, managed my own health care since 18, and traveled to many places by myself, etc. I recently told my parents that I will not be traveling to our next family gathering alone. They did not know I had been seeing anyone because even though I see them regularly, they don’t ask questions about anything other than my job (to be fair — there’s been nothing to report for a long time). But their reaction was to ask if he’d be sharing my room and, when I said he would, then to ask when I’d be getting married. The only follow up was in inquire as to what he does for a living. And then they never brought it up again over the course of our 2-day visit. I am truly confused by this response, and it feels like I am being treated like a young child and like they don’t care about my life other than as an extension of their own.
I don’t know your relationship with your parents but I could see my parents doing something similar because they were following my lead on how much I want to share rather than infantilizing me. But I do think it can be harder to get appropriate boundaries in place with your parents when you’re single.
+1. I can see how this reads as standoffish, but I think they’re trying to respect your boundaries. I don’t really get how it’s infantilizing.
That’s my read as well (late 30s, divorced about 4 years ago). This sounds like they’re treating you as an adult, keeping the questions straightforward, and will wait for more info if and when you want to share it. Maybe they’re stumbling. The asking “when you’ll be getting married” bit is definitely premature and should have been left out, though.
+1 – I was coming to say the same thing. It might just be well-intentioned trying not to push you too hard on the subject. But I agree, I have had similar issues with my parents, and it can come across as not caring and very hurtful. Maybe see if you initiate sharing more if they follow your lead.
+3, I think they are trying to be respectful and waiting for you to share more (if you so choose). Given that my South Asian parents would never act this way, I find it kind of sweet.
I’m jealous of the fact that your parents were not consistently asking about your dating life. I’m in my late 30s, and every time I mention that I’m doing something with friends, my mom asks if the group includes guys. If I say yes, she always asks if any of them are prospects. I have told her multiple times that I will tell her if there is something worth reporting, and to please stop asking. It makes me feel like all she cares about is my relationship status and that none of my other accomplishment matter to her. So, this is a long way of saying that maybe parents just can’t win on that front.
As regards to other questions, is it possible that they are not asking more because they don’t want to badger you and figure that you will raise the possibility of introducing them earlier if you wanted to do so?
Nothing at all about this suggests they are infantilizing you. You didn’t tell them about this for 9 months. Obviously they’ve concluded you don’t want to discuss your personal life with them and are respecting that boundary.
I agree it could easily be misguided respect for your privacy. If my son, who is early 30s and hasn’t dated for quite some time, mentioned he was seeing somebody, I would do my level best to give him his space rather than indulge my desire to ruthlessly interrogate him.
If this were to happen, what about lightheartedly saying I’m your mother and you know I want to ask you a million questions and that I’d love to hear all the details, but I also want to respect your privacy so I won’t. But when you would like to share I’d love to listen.
That’s probably how I’d approach it. Also he has known me for 30+ years and there is no way he doesn’t know I’d love to hear all the details!
This is close to how my parents would react and I wouldn’t find it infantilizing at all. I agree that if you haven’t mentioned something to them other than to tell them that you will be bringing a guest, they probably assume you don’t want to share any more information and are letting you guide that. At worst it may signify disinterest, but we really don’t have much information to go on. At best, they are respecting your privacy and not asking many questions.
very much anonymous this time
That doesn’t sound infantilizing, it sounds like they’re trying not to pry too much into your personal life. Your mom wanted to know where the guy was going to sleep, in case she needed to make up the guest room or something.
I’ll admit, we have a mid-40’s woman in my family we’re starting to see as a bit of a child (my mom says hanging out with her is like hanging out with someone who’s both a teenage girl and an old lady), but it has very little to do with her marital status! It’s more due to the fact that she’s been so dependent on her family throughout her life, constantly moving back in with her parents, then going off to school, talking about how fabulous her life will be, trying to launch a career off her new degree (we suspect with her family helping with living expenses), and then going back to mom and dad when it doesn’t pan out, and repeating the process a few years later with another program.
You don’t seem to be doing any of that, it sounds like you do have it together, and it actually seems like your family is respecting your privacy and independence. Infantilizing you would be if they were constantly giving you unsolicited life advice, second guessing your life choices and prying into your personal beeswax because they’re concerned you don’t know what you’re doing. Also, talking to you in an unusually slow manner, with an unnaturally gentle tone they don’t seem to be using with others. But again, asking you if your boyfriend is going to sleep in your room doesn’t seem infantilizing. Unless there’s some major detail you left out or we’re all glossing over.
As a parent with adult children, the first time they had an overnight at home (parental house) there are logistics – where will they sleep? What bathrooms are involved?
It’s really best if the adult child speaks up first, and is pretty matter of fact on where things are: We’re serious enough, and there’s no need for a separate bedroom, please no pressure to talk about marriage, they are meeting you (parental units).
If there are *rules* like, you need to be *married*, then you ask, and mention that you can stay at a nearby place, they just won’t see you as much while you show your Plus One the local, hometown sights.
If you surprise them, like my mom, sometimes what they might reserve comes up as a blurted question. I would count it as a blessing if it happened on the phone before the visit and not in person.
I’m basically you and could have written this (except that I’m not actually dating anyone). My parents have never been inclined to ask lots of questions about who I am dating, and they never ask if I’m dating anyone. It’s been so long that I assume they either don’t want to bring up what might be a sore subject or just assume nothing’s going on. The relationships I have mentioned did not generate much interest from them. I think it boils down to their nature and the nature of our relationship. We don’t share a lot of “intimate” details. I realize that to most people talking about your relationships isn’t intimate, but I guess with my parents, it is. I expect its not a conscious or unconscious effort to be infantilizing, but maybe it feels that way in general for you? For example, my parents assume I’ll go home to spend holidays with them like when I was in college (as if I don’t have the busiest schedule out of anyone), my dad assumes l’ll travel with him to a family member’s wedding because I won’t have a date, they make off hand comments like I shouldn’t worry about buying property or nice furniture because it’s just me and I don’t have a husband, I should “wait”until I meet someone to travel…. I think in many people’s minds you transition to adulthood fully when you get married. My sister, who is married with kids, is treated like she and her husband are their own family unit (they are, of course) while I’m still part of my parents’ and therefore, remain their child.
I manage a small team (about six) and lately in a busy period I am losing track of deadlines, both my own and those for tasks that are delegated, and I have missed a few things. I used to maintain a basic pen/paper list, supplemented by the task feature within our email client, and a great memory This clearly isn’t working anymore, and as work is growing, I need to find a better system to track tasks, track what is delegated, when due, etc. Any suggestions? [I don’t work in an industry where we need to track time for billing.[
Sounds like you need Asana, Trello, or another project management system for your team.
I use Trello. I miss the simplicity of my basic lists, but as our team becomes larger and more complex, that doesn’t work as well. I’ll use the email task feature for my own stuff, but not for what I assign to others.
S in Chicago
Smartsheet is super easy to use. Perfect for this sort of thing.
I manage a team of 4 and we use Asana for project management. It takes a bit to set up, but really gives me a great idea of my team’s bandwidth and productivity.
Would you quit a job if you didn’t have another lined up, but you were in the final interview stages with three other jobs? Asking for a friend who is completely miserable at current job to the point where mental health and marriage are being affected. She’s torn (and I am a bit too) on whether she should stick it out until she gets an offer.
No. Wait and get the offer. Take sick days. Take vacation.
It Ain't Over Till It's Over
Better safe than sorry. Echoing everyone. For more ideas, she can read this article from Bauce. Short, but will keep her busy until she walks out of there for good.
Lordy, no. It is tempting the universe to eff you over. This is where leaning out is what you do.
I wouldn’t, but I don’t think that’s necessarily a good thing. I am just so terrified of being unemployed that the stress about finding a new job would outweigh leaving the bad job and would make me more likely to take a not-so-great offer. But since you said your friend’s job is so toxic that it’s affecting their marriage, if their partner is supportive of them possibly being unemployed longer than expected, then sounds like it might be worth it.
No. A friend of mine quit his job and turned down 2 offers after receiving an offer from a law firm (in their international office) pending background check and work visa. The firm revoked the offer because the main partner in the group he would have been joining left to join one of the firms whose offer he rejected. He ended up unemployed for 6 months.
I’d stick it out. If everything goes well, it’s just a few more weeks. Final interviews are not final offers. If none of them pan out, she can reassess whether she has the financial stability and resume to handle looking for a job without current employment
Go for it
A supportive spouse & cash for 6 months expenses would have me saying absolutely! I’ve done it as a single person. Having backup $ is the way to go. YMMV.
Wallet on Chain
Does anyone have one of those wallet-on-chain things? Chanel has one, but I am am eyeing a much less spendy version for a replacement for an oblong wallet that can also hold an iPhone and a Burts Bees chapstick. They talk like you can use it as a clutch, short-double-strapped purse, or cross-body and honestly this would solve 99% of my accessory problems (vs showing up with oblong wallet + iPhone b/c my normal bag is an OG and I’m too lazy to re-bag stuff on the weekend). I guess I’d need to throw in a car key at times, but only maybe 50% of the time (walkable ‘hood).
Too lazy to just put your stuff in a bag? I cant
I’ve been using a wristlet as a wallet/purse for years. Started with Coach, now have an MZ Wallace. Holds all my cards, cash, lipstick/chapstick, etc. Can be thrown in purse or larger bag, or just carried on it’s own. I used to attach my keys to it as well but haven’t been doing that as much recently because it also holds my swipe access card for office and is too noisy, but otherwise would. Love having all my essentials together and easy transportable.
Not the OP — I love the MZ Wallace in theory but I feel like I would love it more if it were not quilted. Does anyone know of a similar option?
Yes, I have the Chanel one and use it all the time. But mostly as a crossbody. If I am using it as a clutch, the chain takes up room inside so your space is limited… but it would be limited with any clutch. I typically fit phone, wallet essentials, lip gloss, small mirror and comb, and keys but car keys may be pushing it. I have a YSL one that I also use a lot where the chain comes off, thus creating more internal room. Both are great for travel, too, as you have a daytime crossbody and a nighttime clutch. Note that the purpose of the wallet-on-chain is that you take your cards/cash out of your wallet and put them in the slots in the ‘purse’ – so you create more room. Try one out, though, as proportions look different – I don’t double up the Chanel one because it just looks too small under my arm but I do double up the YSL on occasion. Mostly, though, I use as crossbody and clutch.
This might fit your needs:
Matt & Nat has several options. The one I used to carry is the Bee Crossbody – big enough to hold phone, chapstick, car key, and cards.
I have the Dagne Dover clutch wallet and love it. Holds iphone, lipstick, several cards, cash, etc. I throw it into my work bag or take it alone to lunch or on the weekends. There’s a loop to attach car keys.
Check out Italic
Pro tip: If someone uses the word “kindly” in an email, what is about to follow will NOT be kind. (This particular colleague is an interesting blend of passive-aggressive and aggressive-aggressive. I’ll admit my part in a — minor — screwup, but geez, can you assume best intentions?)
Yeah, it’s one of those things like “No offense, but…” What follows will always be offensive.
Or if someone says “I don’t mean to sound sexist/racist etc…” you can be very sure that they’re about to say something very much that. There are plenty of respectful ways to preface a sensitive statement if you actually have something relevant and substantive to say, and care about your audience.
Sure, it can be like that for known aggressive colleagues, but you also need to assume good intentions for others. I know a colleague who ALWAYS says “kindly find ___ attached” and similar and it’s never aggressive or passive-aggressive.
OP, and I totally agree. Trust me, the content of the email (past “kindly”) was anything BUT kind.
“Kindly find attached” is different. Kindly is just a synonym for please in that phrase.
I think it was clear OP meant “Kindly, _____” and the ____ is never kind.
I agree that “kindly” could go either way.
“With all due respect,” though? Always means “with all disrespect!”
My husband occasionally uses “Respectfully,” to which I told him don’t ever use that with me because there is no tone or context in which that means anything but “disrespectfully” or “I think you’re an idiot”
Never too many shoes...
I absolutely use respectfully as a preface to telling another lawyer that I think they are egregiously incorrect.
When I use it it means, “with all due, but very rapidly shrinking, respect.” ;)
Yeah, or “with all due respect, which is none…”
Kind of like “would you please”, which I always, always hear as “would you PLEASE FOR THE LOVE OF GOD DO THIS YOU DUMMY”.
Resolve a silly argument for me with my SO. He thinks whoever cooks doesn’t have to clean up. I think we should both clean up after ourselves when we cook. Our friends all agree with him.
Before you judge, let me explain. I make all our breakfasts and lunches for the week on the weekend. When I cook, I clean as I go, so there’s basically no mess to clean up after I’m finished, you just have to run the dishwasher.
BF cooks most of our weeknight dinners. He gets out of work much earlier than I do and wants to eat much earlier than I could fix dinner. He also doesn’t want to eat leftovers for dinner, so me cooking dinner on the weekend is out of the question. When BF cooks, he uses every pot and pan in the house. He splatters things, like blood and chicken goo, all over the place – including on the floor and ceiling – and doesn’t wipe them up. He also insists on using his fancy cookware that can’t go in the dishwasher. FWIW all of his dishes would be one pot dishes if I made them, but somehow he has to use 7 cast iron pans to make baked chicken and vegetables with no sauce.
I do not want to clean up after him. Cleaning my kitchen from top to bottom every night takes way more time than it takes for him to cook, and frankly, it makes me anxious to think there’s raw chicken drippings somewhere that I’m not finding. I think he needs to be more mindful, but barring that, he needs to clean up after himself. He’s pretty insistent that I need to clean when he cooks and it doesn’t help that all our friends are on his side. Help?
My husband cleans up after himself in the end, but he’s like your BF in that he does zero cleaning as he goes, and we ended up going pescetarian at home because I couldn’t stand the thought of him dripping raw chicken juice on the floor and tracking it somewhere before it got cleaned up.
OK, someone please explain how people are getting chicken juice anywhere outside the sink? I unwrap, rinse, and cut chicken in the sink, put it in a plastic dishwasher safe bowl and go from there. Wrapping gets picked up out of the sink like dog poop with a plastic bag left over from veggies or bread. Why is there “goo” and “juice” somewhere else?
How do you cut chicken in the sink?
Rinsing and putting raw meat in the sink isn’t great from a food safety perspective – it splashes germs and bacteria everywhere and it isn’t necessary to “clean” the meat since it’s being cooked anyway.
How the heck does he get stuff on the walls and ceiling? That would annoy me to no end. He needs to clean that stuff up on his own. My thought is that if he’s making such a mess of the kitchen and using a million different pans for everything, then he can do the cleanup. Or he can clean up as much as possible before you get home and then you can help with whatever is left over.
+1. You’re not his maid. He’s abusing the system that he unilaterally implemented.
We do “whoever doesn’t cook, cleans up,” and we are like you in that I am the cleaner-upper as I go, and my lovely husband is, shall we say, not. I clean up after him anyway because it’s a price of admission I happily pay.
That said, it’s not up to me, or anybody on this board, or your friends. You are completely within your rights to renegotiate your deal to “the cook cleans up” and I think it would be appropriate in this case. (Provided he will actually do it, but let’s assume good intentions, right?)
+1 I am in the whoever cooks doesn’t clean camp, but also agree with everything else SA said. You can renegotiate this and don’t have to do what any of us do if it’s not working for you.
That’s hard in some ways, because if he’s cooking every night, there should be some breakdown of tasks (because breakfast and lunch, in my world, do not create much mess – it’s not an entirely equal comparison), but I feel the same way about my husband and his cooking. I also clean as I go; him, not so much. Maybe just institute joint clean up for every meal?
So on nights you cook dinner, you also do clean-up. On nights your husband cooks, you do clean-up. Doesn’t seem fair.
No, we clean up together no matter who cooks.
And now I realize what you’re saying – yes, the nights I cook the joint cleanup is less because I still do some (wiping down counters, putting things in the dishwasher) as I go, but I’m not going to be purposefully messy to prove a point. I would just be in my own way.
This…is why I don’t like my husband to cook much. He IS a good cook. But I simply cannot be in the same room with him when he’s cooking because watching him stir a slowly simmering sauce while looking at his phone instead of cleaning up the dishes he’s now done with drives me BONKERS. I was taught to clean as you go as well, and generally we sit down to dinner with all counters wiped clean, and all prep materials (bowls, cutting boards, knives) wiped down/washed up/in the dishwasher and with the table set. If he cooks I have at least 30 minutes of cleaning up in front of me. Ugh.
That’s a very unequal division of labor.
How do you know?
When he cooks, she cleans up after for 30 mins. When she cooks, she does 90% of the clean-up “as she goes.” Stop cleaning as you go.
I will often follow my husband around the kitchen and clean up as he cooks. Usually works out great except that one time when I threw out the drippings…
I often hang out in the kitchen with my husband. I’ll go through the mail, do some dishes as he cooks, chop the garnish or some other simple task if asked, and set the table with our 4-year-old’s help. Meanwhile, we talk and have a drink together.
Exactly. I love it!
We are whomever doesn’t cook, cleans up (only for meals eaten together, which is ~2-3 dinners a week and really nothing else). I clean as I go, my husband does not. However, if he was making the mess you described, we would not be using this distribution of cleaning and cooking :)
Tell him no, explain why, and tell him he’s being disrespectful and selfish. And then move on in life.
That’s not the way you talk to your partner.
Every couple has to negotiate what works for them, but I must be a really bad cook since I find it so hard to clean up as I go if I have something on the stove. I hate getting too distracted and running around like a chicken with its head cut off just for the sake of getting the counters clean before the meal. More importantly, if the woman is doing the cooking AND she has to clean as she goes, then it’s just a way to make the woman do all the work yet again (this would be true if the man is the cook too, of course, but it’s often the woman).
I don’t really get the clean as you go thing, either. When I have down-time, I usually spend it getting what I need together for the next part of the recipe, or getting dishes and drinks ready for the table. Occasionally, I might make something that has a long cooking period after getting everything prepped where I can do some real clean up, but that’s pretty rare (particularly on a weeknight).
It doesn’t matter what we say or what your friends say. Is he actually going to listen if you say, “A bunch of people on the internet agree with me?”
Does he hear the point you’re making at all– which is that cleaning up after him cooking is entirely different than after you cook? If he’s not hearing or listening to you, do you know why? Are you guys just so entrenched on this you’ve stopped paying attention to each other, or does he just not hear what he doesn’t want to hear?
I’d say that, given your different cooking styles, it would be fair for you BOTH to clean up after dinner on weeknights and he cleans up after you on weekends. (And stop enlisting your friends in this and trying to use them to make your cases with each other.)
My husband is the dinnertime cook. What works for us (because I agree it’s fair for me to clean up given the cooking effort) is:
(1) he puts anything dishwasher-safe into the dishwasher himself as he finishes using it — it’s almost no effort but helps immensely with clutter,
(2) he fills messy pots with water to soak overnight, and
(3) this is really key — we’ve discussed that cleaning up from a bigger cooking initiative (basically, anything requiring more than two pots or that’s prone to covering the cooktop with splatter) is too much to deal with on weekdays.
I think you’re right to revisit this with your BF, when his choices of pots and pans and messy cooking impose an undue burden on the clean-up.
I used to be in the camp that you clean up if you don’t cook. But, my current relationship has made me completely rethink that. My boyfriend does almost all of our cooking, except that sometimes I dump my own yogurt in a container to pack for breakfast… He cleans as he goes and also thinks I’m slow and inefficient. So if I try to clean up after him, he gets irritated that I’m not doing it the “right” way, and I get irritated that he’s rushing me. Our compromise is that he cooks and cleans up the kitchen and I do other chores that he hates. He has never cleaned a bathroom or the floors as long as we’ve lived together. It works out about the same in the end, I think, and keeps us both sane.
In my house, whoever cooks doesn’t clean. Neither of us makes any particular effort to clean as we go unless it’s needed for space in our tiny kitchen. We’ve literally never had an issue or a conversation about how the other hasn’t done it right or whatever and neither one appears to be stewing with hidden resentment. I guess this one just isn’t an issue for us, probably because we cook simple meals and are a good team on this type of thing. However, I will say that a close friend seems to take it personally when her husband is messy in the kitchen so that every dirty pan is AT her. I think that you do want to veer away from that line of thinking and assume good intentions in your spouse.
This is why people need to be trained, as restaurant cooks are, to “clean as they go” when they’re cooking. My husband and I both worked in restaurants where not cleaning as you cooked could get a hot saute pan winged at your head by whoever was running the kitchen (or using your station after you). By the time dinner’s over there might be 1-2 pans to wash and a counter to wipe down, and plates/forks to put in the dishwasher.
We usually have a “the cook doesn’t clean” rule but it just depends. If I make something that required more pans than I anticipated I will clean so my husband doesn’t have to deal with it. If it’s getting late and someone needs to walk the dogs, the person who cooks may clean if the person who would be cleaning walks the dogs. Sometimes someone is tired and the cook takes pity on them and does the cleaning. Hard-and-fast, never-alterable rules don’t really work in long-term relationships, is my experience.
Your BF needs to take some cooking classes so he can learn to cook without using every pan in the house and contaminating your kitchen with biohazard material. Until then, I would not clean up after him either. He needs to elevate his cooking skills beyond a 7-year-old level and then you can discuss it again. Honestly, I think my teenager sounds more competent in the kitchen than this dude – but only because we trained him from the jump to clean as he goes.
On the surface, I cook and DH does dishes, but what this actually ends up looking like is this:
-I cook and sometimes load dishes as I go, sometimes not (although if there’s a 40 minute oven wait you bet I’m cleaning things up).
-DH loads, runs, unloads and generally supervises dishwasher.
-I take care of handwash cookware I’ve used, wiping down the counters and putting away the leftovers. I’d like us to share this bullet, but it generally falls to me.
-Any baking/recreational/outside normal mealtimes messes I might make are mine to clean up.
I think it’s completely fair for you to say that since you clean up your messes on the weekend, he can clean his up on weeknights. Your friends’ opinions should not matter here. And the food safety thing is a serious issue. But in terms of talking about all of it, I like Anon @ 4:08’s advice.
So you do everything except what a 7 year old could handle. Gosh I wish I were gay
I would try to not look at this as intentional on his part, but just a system that is not working for you. I am a clean-as-I-go person so that if someone else cleans up after I cook, they are not having to clean up everything I used. I also get what you’re saying about just using more stuff — we had a houseguest decide to cook in our kitchen for us as a thank you and it was awful, he pulled out so many pans and got them dirty to find ones that were most to his liking (I guess?), but there’s an in-between where if you think through what tasks you need to do for a meal, you can use one cutting board if you put things on it in the right order, and stuff like that.
I think in your case I’d have each of you clean up after yourselves, and since he is doing this chunk of the cooking & associated cleaning, maybe you do the laundry or some other chore.
I’m 100% in your camp, but I’m not your boyfriend so I’m not the one you need to convince.
The original Scarlett
My husband cleans up regardless of who cooks – it’s part of how we’ve divided things up, I loathe cleaning the kitchen but an good at other things he hates doing. So that’s 100% his job. I do try to clean as I cook if I’m cooking though so it’s not as bad a chore.
Same. I do all the laundry, he does all the dishes. The world is better off for this.
But he is also paranoid about raw chicken juice and would never just leave it on the ceiling until I got home (wtaf?!??!) to help clean. We are vegetarian these days, so at least that’s not a concern anymore.
I used to be on the team of “whoever cooks doesn’t clean,” but having tried it the other way, I now vastly prefer “whoever cooks also cleans.” I used to get so resentful if my partner left some dishes or a pan soaking, and now I don’t have to. If there’s a pan left behind after I cooked, and I need it again the next day, there’s nobody I can blame but myself. Fiance uses 10 pots? That’s all on him.
But seriously though, chicken juice everywhere? Is this a man or a tornado?
Does anyone have a Cuyana bag in the stone color? I’m wondering if it’s truly gray or has more of beige tone.
I do. I find it to be pure gray.
Lawyers/service professionals – what industry-related publications do you read, how, and how often? I do not litigate, although I understand litigation can impact my practice area. I’m a senior associate and buried under the daily emails, case reports, and hard copy publications that come through my inboxes. What should I read, and what’s realistic? Examples from last week:
– Monthly ABA magazine
– Monthly state bar magazine
– Three additional monthly magazines from industry groups (my practice area or adjacent)
– Weekly city business newspaper (‘who’s on the move’ type stuff, might feature clients)
– Weekly emails from ABA, state bar, industry groups
– Weekly general case law emails from the state and federal courts I’m admitted to
– Daily “FYI” digests from three industry listservs, and a Law360 report that I don’t subscribe to but get headlines from
– My browser opens to the homepage of a national newspaper and my state’s main newspaper so I skim headlines a couple times a day
I’m exhausted even trying to skim all these.
I’m a lawyer and do not litigate. I have a fairly niche focus.
– I’ve ditched the general ABA content.
– I do not receive any general case law emails from the courts I’m admitted to. If litigation affects my practice area, it’ll be mentioned in an industry email.
– I barely skim the monthly state bar magazine.
– I only look at the “who’s on the move” stuff in the city business newspaper. I also just pick up the copy in our lobby occasionally and do not mind if I miss an issue.
– I receive a weekly industry magazine. I rarely read it, but it comes with my subscription for the daily summary emails.
– I receive daily summary emails from 3 industry groups (one focused on business issues, one specifically for legal issues, and one for state issues). I skim the headlines, usually over coffee before I come into the office.
– I do not follow local news closely.
I’m a litigator and I only read the sanctions section of the bar newsletter and I’m pretty confident most of my colleagues do too.
I never read general ABA stuff or anything that isn’t specific to my practice area unless I have tons of time (i.e. pretty much never)
I try to keep on top of appellate court published opinions in my practice area and visit websites that summarize and give practice tips in my area (these are run by practitioners and aren’t Westlaw/Lexis sites, which I find overly general and useless)
Most major decisions or changes in the law are discussed extensively before and after they come out by the variety of practice groups I belong to that all email fairly extensively (and not the roundup emails that some groups do, these are active practice groups where we share knowledge and brainstorm)
Both state conferences I attend have summaries of major legislation and precedent in my practice area (it’s rare to not already be at least peripherally aware of them)
I used to subscribe to legal summaries and analyses, but my caseload got too high and I stopped being able to keep up with them
I read newspaper articles and anything else I stumble upon that could be useful to my practice. My coworkers share things they find and I read those too (usually in the evenings unless I have a slow day)
Basically I do what I can to stay on top of my practice area and I have great coworkers who freely share knowledge. I get so much email a day, it isn’t feasible to read daily or even weekly summaries, but I at least skim the discussions so I’m aware of what is going on.
San Diego Recs
Hive any suggestions of where to stay in San Diego in early May? Multigenerational family from 1 yrd old to active 70 year old. We are planning to rent a place and will visit the usual family-friendly sights (zoo, aquarium) but would also like to be able to not go far for drinks or a nice meal when the kids are down. We will have a car. Also any other suggestions of fun things to do, restaurants etc welcome.
English English speaker Q
What does the phrases “in the high street” mean when an English person says it?
I’m not English, but it’s akin to how “Main Street” is used in the US. The main shopping street in an English town is often called “High Street.” To me, “High Street” has more of a chain store/mall store connotation than “Main Street,” which has a more of a mom and pop connotation. So, “High Street fashion” would be stores like Gap, H&M, Zara, etc.
Never too many shoes...
Like a major downtown thoroughfare where there are common banks and shops – think of it as similar to “Main Street”.
In shops (which are on the high street).
With respect to fashion, it means lower end (as compared to designer labels), like common mall brands. They always say Kate Middleton is wearing high street when she wears Zara and the like.
With regard to fashion, it refers to what Americans would think of as “mall brands” – in other words, not high couture or custom but something anyone could go buy. You hear it a lot regarding Kate Middleton when she wears Zara or Reiss. As pointed out, High Street = American Main Street, and given that much of the shopping in the UK was on a street and not in a mall due to space and when the city was planned, that’s where you get the term from.
There are also connotations of accessibility. You don’t have to go through an exclusive shopping centre with perhaps hoity-toity security.
My boss just announced that he is leaving. Although I have been his right hand for a number of years, 2019 wasn’t the most productive for me. I had two employees on extended leave and my husband’s new job meant that I am doing both pickups and drop offs which limited the additional time I could spend at work to make up time lost to doing their duties. Well, husband now has a new job, employees are back, but it turns out I was not even considered as boss’s replacement. I get the reasons but it hurts.
Ouch! Sorry, Anon. Sometimes timing is just everything in life.