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Coffee Break – Calopha Slingback

1Barneys is having some great deals on shoes — including a ton of Manolo Blahniks marked to under $350. Sizes are very limited, but I'm liking, for example, this pink slingback, the Calopha. It's Manolo Blahnik! Need I say more? It was $850, now marked to $339 at Barneys. Manolo Blahnik Calopha (L-3)

Sales of note for 12.5

And some of our latest threadjacks here at Corporette (reader questions and commentary) — see more here!

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221 Comments

  1. Unrelated threadjack:

    I’m not going to make a deadline today — not the end of the world, but just waiting for the higher ups to be not thrilled. I should have asked for more help, but it wasn’t clear until I got far enough into it that I’d need it. Expectations for the project also changed part way through, which made budgeting difficult. I feel terrible and very pressured. It’s also my birthday.

    Any reassuring words of wisdom?!

    1. We have all been there. It sucks but it’s just part of being a human with responsibilties.

      Tell them now that you will not be making the deadline rather than waiting for the deadline to come and go. If they give you grief for not making the dealine, own up to it and acknowledge that with hindsight you should have asked for assistance and will be sure to do so in the future so this does not happen again. Tell them that in person if possible.

      Remember that everyone misses a deadline at some point and your higher ups have missed many of deadlines in their day. It’s just human.

      Be thankful that missing this deadline doesn’t come with severe consequences (e.g., losing a client) and use this as a learning event. Look back and try to identify the point in which you could have realized that you needed help but just didn’t, try to figure out why you didn’t realize that fact and then make a pledge that you won’t let it happen.

      You can always adopt our office mantra: take 10 minutes to kick yourself for mistakes, take 10 minutes to celebrate victories and always move on. Finish the project, spend 10 minutes reflecting on the project (what you liked, what you didn’t like, what you’ll do differently) and then give yourself permission to put it behind you and move on.

      1. I second SoBeenThere. Own up to it immediately. Don’t wait for the higher up to not be thrilled. Tell them now that you are going to miss it. Better to take responsibility for the error and move on from there. It sucks to be in that position, but right now you need to be in damage control mode. Sorry it happened on your bday. Hopefully, you will still be able to celebrate.

    2. Definitely let them know that you’re going to miss the deadline and why but also tell them what you will do in the future to keep this from happening again. We all miss deadlines or scre* up in some way. What’s most important is to learn from the experience and bounce back. Most importantly, when you get home today, have a nice big glass of wine or beverage of your choice!

    3. Everyone eles’s specific advice is great. Remember that the “problem” is never really the problem, it’s how you react to the “problem”. Yes, you will miss the deadline, but if you convey that everything is well under control and things will be just fine, everyone will remain calm.

      1. I missed a deadline earlier this year for a quarterly board of trustees meeting. I actually had it show up as a positive on my annual review because I made the decision to miss the deadline rather than present an incomplete forecast. They said they appreciated my thoughtful preparation and concern that things not be misrepresented. It all worked out for good in the end.

    4. Happy birthday! These things happen, don’t spend your birthday beating yourself up over something that really doesn’t matter in the grand scheme of things. We don’t get enough special days in life to waste them.

  2. I could use some help with pants. Whenever I buy a pair of work pants in what seems like my size at the store, by the end of the first day wearing them (like today), they are all stretched out. (I’ve found this with pants from Ann Taylor, BR, etc.) I realize the solution may be to buy nicer pants, though the same thing happened with two pairs I bought from Lafayette 148. Is a better solution to buy a size down, even if they look (& maybe feel) uncomfortably tight at first?

    1. Not a fabric expert, but perhaps it is the fabric of the pants you are buying – that and most items now have a hint of spandex in them. Perhaps buying pants with a different fabric would solve your problem.

    2. I have this problem too, more with jeans but with all pants. My waist is a little big for my hips/butt though, so sizing down would give me major muffin top! Also, the waist never seems to stretch out, just the hip/butt area of pants.

      1. With jeans, you can buy a higher-waisted pair that keeps you in. That’s what the lady who did my jeans fitting at Nordstrom told me (best money I’ve spent in my life, perhaps only second to the b r a fitting). They don’t have to be really high waisted, but just an inch or so makes a ton of difference, even when the ones I originally tried didn’t feel that low.

        As to work pants, I have no friggin idea. That’s why I don’t wear pants.

        1. I do look for midrise ones now! Thank god they’re coming back. They seem a little frumpy to me though, but maybe I should go to nordstrom’s and spend some more money. I have a levi’s straight leg pair (which i think are a little frumpy), and an express boot cut pair, which is nice, but still a little baggy in the butt.

          1. GO TO NORDSTROM! This very weekend. Seriously. The people there really take time and listen to what you like and don’t like about each pair. They help you find exactly the right pair. The pair I ended up with was much more than I usually spend on jeans ($175, I think) but I am SO glad I did it, and I’m sure they’ll take the place of a couple of cheaper pairs that I would have bought instead that didn’t look as good.

          2. I have had great luck with the J Brand “Maria” fit. It’s a high rise skinny leg jean. I have them in “starless” wash and am considering getting them in “terracotta” in the near future. The “starless” is not available on the Nordstrom website (although the Maria is available there in other colors) but I’ve seen it in many other places.

    3. More info. Where are they stretching out? Waist, hips, tush, knee? Are the pants made from knits? Knit fabrications (like ponte) are more comfortable but more prone to stretching out. Are they lined?

      Actually, spandex are usually put into fabrication to prevent the stretch out problem. The idea is that the spandex will give when you wear them, but then spring back to original form when you take the off. I believe that textile mills are increasingly doing a poor job finishing their fabrics (too high temp) which is scorching the spandex and making them brittle, which then defeats their recoverability.

      1. Oh, and mills also skimp on fabrics that include spandex. They add spandex and then reduce the warp/weft density which of course means less yarn used/lower costs for them. The spandex gives the fabric the appearance of a tight weave, but the low content means that it can only do it for so long.

        1. Great info, thanks. The sag is most noticeable in the tush area, usually, but also occurs in the knees, less in the hips and waist (though still sometimes there). I’ve had this problem with lots of different fabrics, though it’s certainly worse when the pants are unlined. Not ponte, for sure. Most of my work pants are a wool blend of some sort (just checked–the ones I’m wearing today at 56% wool, 40% nylon, 4% spandex).

          Frankly, it’s hard for me to find pants that fit & flatter, so while I’m open to seeking out certain kinds of fabrics, I find that almost impossibly limiting. Hence the desire for a shortcut, like buy a size smaller) .

          1. There’s two reasons why this might be happening to you: (1) the spandex content in the fabric is too high (anything over 2-3% will cause bagginess/growing, so the 4% in your pants today will bag out somewhat as you described) or (2) the pants are not properly stabilized in areas like the waist seams, crotch seams, etc and are not properly sewn under tension so that the knees don’t bag out.
            For (1), you can avoid the higher spandex content. For (2), you usually have to spend more money on the pants to get the proper stabilizing and sewing (which is the why it’s worse for the unlined pants — lining generally ups the price and the extra step of adding the lining at the waist provides stability, even if the waist itself is not stabilized with some kind of stay tape, fabric, etc). Buying a size smaller could help in the short run, but it may cause the seams to be under even more stress (if not stablized) and then they’ll give out rather than just bag. If you need to stay at the price point you’re at for your pants, and can’t get nicer quality pants on sale, it may actually work better to buy up a size so that the seams are not under any stress.

        2. Oh, I also have this problem with jeans & corduroys for weekend wear. I will definitely try b23’s advice. :)

        3. Given where you say your issues are, here are a couple of suggestions:

          (1) If you are going to get spandex content, you’re going to want to pay for higher price-point (so not BR, AT any more, unfortunately) because of what I mentioned above about spandex and what the factories are doing.
          (2) go for tighter weaves – plain weaves are best, no patterns (like tweed/herringbone, which use thicker yarns).
          (3) Plain weaves that are on the heavy side (look for words like double-weave) and lined are probably going to be your best bet.
          (4) When you try on the pants, do the squat looking at the stretched fabric in the mirror. If you see like a glimmery shininess in the fabric, you might want to avoid. This usually means the yarns are loose enough to allow you to see the spandex, which is not a good thing if you’re trying to avoid stretching.

          I’m personally not a fan of the whole buy a size smaller solution because I think that it will cause issues with the parts of the pant that don’t stretch out, making you look overall like you’re wearing something that is too small for you.

          1. Seconded the impressed with fabric knowledge. An additional question, where does one go to find the higher quality pants? And does this place have tall sizes (this is why I frequent BR and Ann Taylor) or will the pants have extra fabric at the bottom to be let out?

          2. Former textile developer.

            Unfortunately, I can’t help at all with where to find higher quality pants. Even the stuff from the high end designers are all blends now. (Synthetics are fine, but have their place. When I was in the biz, the difference was always that natural fibers have body, synthetics don’t (but have other attributes).) I’m horrified at how much the quality of fabrics used in clothing has declined over the last 10 years.

  3. Check the fabric content, and if it has stretch, size down. I usually wear theory pants (the Max C cut). They stretch a whole size. They are uncomfortably tight at the store, but after wearing for a few hours, they are perfect. They shrink back toward the original size after I get them cleaned, but they are never as tight as they are initially at the store.

    I’d buy the smaller size at Nordstrom or a store with a generous return policy and try it out. You could maybe wear them for a few hours at home before getting them tailored to test them out, or if they are close to the right length, either wear taller shoes or pin for one day.

  4. Oh wow, I really love these shoes! I suppose my wallet should be happy that only size 5.5 is left, but I have seriously never wanted to spend $340 that I shouldn’t spend so badly…

  5. Bought a pair of awesome jeans from Nordstrom (Jag Jeans, New Jane Slim). So awesome that I googled the brand I previously was not familiar with and found the same pair for nearly $30 less on 6pm. Since I’ve heard so many great things about Nordstrom’s customer service on this forum, I decided to call them and see if they would adjust the purchase price. I gave them the webite, they looked it up, and less than 10 min later I was $30 richer! Yey!

    1. I had a good experience with them too today – after an originally bad one. I placed an order for two coats, then realized one coat will definitely not fit. I used live chat to see if I could cancel the one that I knew I would need to return. The customer service rep canceled the wrong coat…so I had to reach out to them again. The second customer service rep apologized, said that the other coat (the one I wanted to cancel) had already shipped. She would send me the other coat and process and exchange immediately so that I would not be charged for the coat I wanted. She also expedited delivery of it. All I had to do was promise that I would return the other coat as soon as I got it.

    2. Love those jeans, and they come in colors too. Jag has some really nicely priced options even at full price.

  6. So, my secretary is really great. So great, that I want her to run my entire life. But I don’t think that’s okay. So here are my questions:

    1. I’m involved in lawyerly public service groups. Not directly related to work, but they do get my name out there, etc. Can I have her help me with that sort of thing? It’s quite a bit of stuff, actually – scheduling conference calls, booking flights, formatting documents, etc. I’m also wondering about my other community involvement (Junior League, church events, etc.)

    2. What about doctor’s appointments? I’m pretty sure this is a no, but I just thought I’d ask.

    3. What about keeping my calendar? So, if someone sends me a list of dates and times, can I forward it to her with a request that she put it on my calendar? Is that true with both personal and work-type things?

    4. Is it totally a no-no to ever ask her to get lunch? I’ve been swamped recently but haven’t asked, but there was a day I had to skip lunch because I literally couldn’t leave my desk. Would it have been appropriate to give her money to buy my lunch and hers, and tell her it’s just a one-time thing?

    What else do y’all use your secretaries for that fall along a fuzzy work/personal line?

    1. I struggle with this too. These are all the types of things that I’m concious of, but the higher-ups/old-timers don’t seem to be at all ( they even get their assistants to scheduled doctor’s visits). I wonder if it’s generational or if it’s more I’m-the-boss mentality.

    2. I say no to all four of those, with the exception of putting work stuff on your calendar. I’d make an exception for 4 if it was a true one time thing and it was more like asking a favor of a friend, but since you thought about the other day and are asking if you can do it again, I’m guessing it would start to come up more than once.

    3. Great post! Something I deal with a lot. At my firm, secretaries keep everyone’s calendar. I give mine tons of personal stuff too because it means that is when I am unavailable for a depo, etc. She will just put [out of office x-x for appt] on the publicly viewed area but will put in a personal section what more info if I gave it to her.

      My secretary calendars all my networking stuff for me too which means reviewing emails from groups and adding the events to my calendar under tentative and doing rsvps for the ones I’m going to.

      She also calendars after work events because they mean I need to be out of the office by a specific time. I keep weekend events in my personal planner but if you frequently work weekends, no harm in having her do those too.

      I’m on a board of directors not related directly to my work but giving me tons of great contacts. My boss is fully on board with my involvement (no pun intended) and often asks about it. My secretary is a little slow right now (we just hired someone else she will also support). In the slow time, she maintained a binder for me where she would print and file my board minutes, agenda, financials, anything else I needed to bring to the meetings. She knows that this is only loosely work related and that if she gets too busy it is the first thing off her plate. I do consider it work related though because if she wasn’t doing it, I’d be doing it instead of billing hours. The docs come via email the day of the meeting, hours before. So it is me or her and I’m sure the boss would prefer she does it.

      As for lunch, I haven’t done it but I’ve seen many a senior partner do it. If it was for a group (depo, mediation) I’d ask her to order take out for everyone and bill it to the firm. If it was just for me, I’d probably just order my own delivery and leave money at reception. If she was running out, I’d consider giving her money and say “just pick me up whatever” but that could be a little awkward.

      1. Also, I heard a senior guy at another firm explain it this way: if it is something that has to be done during work hours, that can’t be billed, and doesn’t require a law degree, your secretary should be doing it.

    4. I think (1) is OK with respect to professional development organizations (e.g., if you are involved in the local bar association), but not for more personal volunteer activities like junior league, and most definitely not for church stuff. And with the caveat that this stuff has to be lower priority than anything related to your work, or the work of other attorneys she works for.

      (2) definitely not.

      (3) Yes for work-related stuff and professional development stuff (see (1)). No for personal stuff.

      (4) Depends on your relationship with her, but I would probably say yes, if it is a VERY occaisional thing, i.e., 1-2 times a year and it is because you are trying to meet a WORK deadline (i.e., not because you are swamped with some volunteer project you are working on).

        1. Agree with this. (4) can be ok in some circumstances, like when you literally cannot leave your desk, but let her do it on the clock, not on her lunch break, and give her money or your debit card ahead of time. If for some reason your office would not allow that, then you should avoid (4) as well and start keeping backup bars or peanut butter or whatever in your office.

          1. I was a secretary for a non-law executive, and I agree with another anon and SC on this.

            I would make the exception of personal dates if they affect your work schedule, are easy/rare, and aren’t over-sharing (ie, vacations that need to be blacked out; standing weekly physical therapist appointments that only need to be set once). Personal appointments are best left to you.

            BTW, if lunch requires her driving your car, then it’s a no-no.

    5. If you don’t mind me asking, what lawyerly public service groups are you involved in? (I’m trying to do similar things.) BTW, I’d say that letting her manage those would be fine, if they are geared towards networking and getting more work, so they’re really a benefit for your firm more than just you personally.

      1. I’m really involved in the bar, which in Texas equates to tons of opportunities for pro Bono work and community legal education. I’ve heard that Texas bars are more into that sort of stuff, though. I give presentations to students about their rights in schools, to battered women’s shelters about the legal process and how to get away from their husbands, to veterans about probate issues, etc. I love it. We do so much good for the community and I’ve really gotten my name out there. If you have more questions, I can give you my personal email address.

    6. 4 is something that is really not okay at my firm, and GOD, I wish it was. Can’t tell you how often I’ve gone without food for this reason, or ended up eating snack machine pretzels. We don’t really have food delivery in my city, either, except for large orders for groups – if you order out, it has to be picked up.

      1. I often come in on the weekend and drop off a few frozen meals, which I stick in the freezer in a plastic bag. That way I always have lunch if I can’t get out of the office but I don’t have to worry about preparing it the night before.

        1. Frozen dinners are “de rigueur” in my office – I bring a bunch on Monday morning from home (short commute so I don’t need a cooler), mark them with my name (to disctinguish them for everybody elses frozen dinners) and stick them in the fridge.

        2. I keep a can of soup at my desk just for that reason. I hate canned soup, but it’s cheap, not terribly unhealthy, keeps forever without needing to be in a shared fridge/freezer, and is better than nothing if I’m in a pinch.

          1. I also keep soup for lunch in a pinch! Other contenders are lean pockets, eggo waffles and peanut butter or oatmeal. I’m like pantry queen at my office. In usually have a bottle of some vinegarette at work too, so that mixed with pouched tuna and some crackers in a pinch lunch. and I usually keep greek yogurt or cottage cheese and apples, oranges or baby carrots at work.

            I probably eat my in a pinch lunches 2-3 times a week and pack leftovers/lunch 2-3 times a week.

    7. My two cents:

      1. Yes to work-related orgs, no to community orgs except as it might impact your work (e.g. noting on your calendar that you’ll be out Thursday at 1pm due to a Junior League meeting)

      2. No except as they might impact your work (e.g. “Please call Dr. Smith, who’s listed in my Outlook contacts, and cancel my appointment this afternoon, because I have to attend a partner meeting instead.)

      3. Yes, of course. In fact it’s better that she’s aware of your personal appointments because that will mean she can stop you from double-booking a work appointment at the same time.

      4. I don’t think it’s inappropriate to ask her to get you lunch or coffee (I have asked my attorney coworkers to pick me up lunch if they’re going to get their own lunch anyway!), however, it might be a bit more respectful to ask her to order you takeout rather than actually leave the building and run an errand for you. But the purpose of a secretary is to enable you to do your job better, and if you need someone to bring you lunch so that you can work through a lunch break, it’s not inappropriate to ask her.

      Bottom line: Your secretary’s job is to support you so you can do your job more effectively and efficiently. Asking her to help with tasks that enable you to be more effective and efficient is appropriate; asking for help with purely personal tasks is not.

    8. I work in a different industry, but based on my observations:

      1. No.
      2. Probably better that you do this yourself; what if the doctor’s office has questions?
      3. Yes to professional calendar, but you should enter your own personal appointments.
      4. If I was your secretary I wouldn’t mind this if it was infrequent.

    9. I think all of those things are ok and have asked my assistant to do all of them from time to time (well, Ive never asked her to get me lunch, but she has offered). And as someone noted, many partners ask their assistants to do all of these things all of the time.

      Of course, this all should be done in light of the situation. If your assistant has 4 other lawyers (or whatever industry you are in) and has a lot of legal work to do for them, you need to make sure your non-specifically legal stuff is not making it hard for her to get the other stuff done. Additionally, you should feel her out and figure out if she would be happy to do this stuff, or whether it would bother her. If the later, do it yourself. Finally, if she does start doing this stuff for you, make sure you let her know often how much you appreciate her. And letting her know from time to time (or birthdays and holiday) with a gift as a token of your appreciation.

    10. I was an executive assistant for the CIO of a hedge fund. I did all of these things and more and never minded whether the task was personal or business related. I loved when he asked me to pick up lunch because I got to get out of the office and away from the phones for a bit. I would always rather be busy than idle and pretending to look busy.

      If your secretary covers more lawyers than just you, then it might be too much work for her/him to keep up with. If not, then I don’t see harm, though I wouldn’t be surprised if the expectations varied by field.

    11. I have my secretary do 1. and 3. She definitely does work to help with my community activities, which directly benefits the firm both in allowing me to spend that time billing and making it money and in getting my and the firm’s name out leading to referrals. She also puts work and community items on my calendar.

      I have only once asked a secretary to make a doctor’s appointment, when I was stuck in a deposition all day, and it was couched as more of a favor and had the approval of a partner.

      My secretary occasionally offers to get me lunch when she goes out to grab something for herself, and I sometimes take her up on it. I haven’t ever asked her to get me lunch, although I have asked her to order lunch for trial and client teams during trials.

    12. I say yes to number 1;
      no to 2;
      yes to 3 if for work only;
      and always okay to take to lunch. I take mine out once every two months and I let her take one other secretary and I pay. But, I pick the place and sometimes I have a groupon… :)

      1. ah, nevermind no to 4 I misread. Unless she (or HE) was already going out. Then again mine always asks… :)

    13. my .02 & haven’t read the others responses, but no to 1 & 2, 3 & 4 are probably fine, but could depend on where you are in the pecking order of things. if you’re the most junior on her desk, then i’d do 3 and 4 sparingly, if you’re more senior, more okay.

    14. There have been some interesting replies! Not that I suggest doing this (but I have to share), at my last company the administrative assistants would not only get lunch daily for their bosses, they’d plate it on china and bring it to them in meetings (while the rest of the staff starved). Or follow them around holding their coffee cup. Yes, really.

      So after seeing that, asking your dedicated assistant to order or pick up lunch for you seems like no big deal if you’re truly swamped. But absolutely not on their own lunch hour.

  7. We might have covered this before, but what are you thoughts about signing business letters “Very Truly Yours”? I have a number of opposing counsels who sign off that way, and to me it sounds more like a love letter than a business letter. I can get myself as far as “Kind Regards.”

    1. I’ve noticed that most of the partners I work with (even the younger ones) sign this way. I thought it was odd–“Sincerely” seems to fit the bill better–but it does appear to be the convention around here!

      1. I saw a lot of this, too, so finally looked it up. Turns out, etiquette-wise, it’s actually the most business-formal. It’s the black suit of sign-offs.

        1. I’m in Texas and my entire firm signs off professional letters with “Very truly yours.”

        4. Everybody in the firms I’ve dealt with signs “Very Truly Yours.” I use it on the occasional complaint letter I write to signal to any legal dep’t that might be reviewing that they’re probably dealing with a lawyer.

    2. I was taught to use that sign-off when dealing with government agencies. As in, “everything I just said was very true!”. Was taught to use “Cordially yours” with clients. For whatever reason, “Sincerely” was not favored. No one used it.

    3. i like “very truly yours” – one of the first partners i worked for used it religiously and i adopted it. “sincerely” is probably the most commonly used sign-off here. i always interpreted “kind regards” as “go @#(*& yourself.”

      2. Same…but if I really, really, want to say “*&)*& you, you &^**^” to someone, I will usually add “Thank you so much for your assistance and/or understanding with this matter.”

      3. Oh no, really? I always have used kind regards because it seems so much friendlier and less stiff than other sign-offs. I hope no one has interpreted it this way.

      4. Oh no, really? I always have used kind regards because it seems so much friendlier and less stiff than other sign-offs. I hope no one has interpreted it this way.

    4. It’s the convention at my firm. I found it odd, but I have conformed.

    5. Years ago, my officemate was goofing off and closed a letter, “Hugs and Kisses.” It went out, without proofreading.

      She called the recipient ASAP, who was a super good sport about it.

        1. Ha! I never write anything sarcastic or, er, too honest in drafts because I am afraid of doing exactly this. “Attached please find the stupid junk that you just made me waste several hours preparing and which you will likely not read anyway. Feel free to call me at 10 pm if you’d like me to resend it because you aren’t checking your email and just have a gut feeling that it isn’t there. xoxo!”

      2. I have a partner that I work for (and am very good friends with) who always has me sign his name on letters. Not “with permission,” just simply signing his name. Once in a while, I’m really tempted to put a heart above an “i” in his name, just to see the reaction.

          1. as long as it is not a contractual document, you don’t have to put the “with permission” part. letters are fine.

    7. I have been practicing for more than 35 years (yes, I am an old timer but young at heart) and I have always, always, always signed my business letters “Very truly yours.” I have practiced in Phoenix, Chicago and Los Angeles and it has never varied — that’s what almost everyone I have practiced uses. To me, “Sincerely” is more informal and used for communications with friends, colleagues, good or long-time clients and conveys a warmer tone. The most informal closing that I use is “Best regards.”

      1. I recent signed a letter with “Warm regards” and my boss made it a point to tell me that all business formal letters should be signed “Very truly yours”. I’m not a fan, but in the end it’s not that big of a deal to me.

      2. y’all are making me wonder if i should start signing my cover letters/emails with very truly yours instead of sincerely!

      3. Clearly it’s a business convention, but I just don’t get it. “Very truly” makes sense. It’s the “Yours” that bugs me.

    8. I hate this. I usually do “Best Regards.” Once I wrote an f-u letter and signed it “Cheers!” which was not professional but hey, it was an f-u letter.

    9. I’m in Texas and all of the firms I’ve worked at use “Very truly yours” as the standard sign-off and up it to “Respectfully” when writing to the court. Was always taught that “very truly yours” was the most proper, etiquette-wise.

      1. I had a b1tch boss that always signed “Warmly” and I’ve hated it ever since.

        I always do Very Truly Yours for business letters and always “Respectfully” to a judge.

    10. My old firm did this. It always squicked me out too. The firm I worked for pre-law school used Sincerely, and that’s my preference. My current firm lets us pick. I think I’ll stick with Sincerely.

  8. Does anyone have hair dryer recommendations? I’ve been using my old Conair one for years, and I’ve recently begun to wonder if a nicer one would cut down my drying time. My only real requirement is that it have a diffuser (I have very curly hair). TIA!

    1. I bought the T3 by Bespoke Labs and I’ll never go back. Plus, it has lasted two years. I had been buyng ~$20 dryers I think every 6 months at Walgreens before the T3.

      2. Another vote for the T3. It definitely shortens my drying time and also leaves my hair with less flyways and frizz when dried straight. I also had a great experience with their warranty. My original one crapped out after a year and when I contacted the company they had me send it in for repair (under the warranty), but then they just sent me back a brand new one instead!

    2. when my conair (that i’d been using since i was 15) finally kicked after about 14 years, i went middle-of-the-road with an $80ish ionic dryer i picked up at bed bath & beyond. no noticeable difference in drying time at all. i’m wondering if taking the big leap to the $200+ range would really make a difference.

      1. Yes, this is what I’m wondering as well. Spending $200 on a hair dryer seems crazy…but if it could seriously cut my drying time, I’d do it. It currently takes at least an hour if I want it 100% dry, which is really just not doable on most days.

        1. Yes, it ‘s loads faster for me, and seems to damage/frizz/overdry my hair less than other brands. It’s also suprisingly quiet, which I forget about but remember every time I have to use a hotel dryer.

      2. I have a T3 at home, but I bought a middle-of-the-road dryer for the gym, in the $60 range. I hate that dryer. It’s not as bad as the ones hanging on the gym wall, but it’s terrible compared to the T3. I think it’s worth it to pony up for a good one. The T3 dries my long hair in under 5 minutes and doesn’t dry it out.

        1. Can you tell me which model of the T3? A quick google search shows many types. I have thick coarse wavy hair that I straighten and I’m always looking for a better dryer to cut my drying time:)

    3. What does a diffuser do? One came with my hairdryer (a random one I got at Target for $25), but I never use it because its purpose is unclear to me.

      1. It’s only helpful if you have curly hair. Instead of brushing out your hair, you scrunch your hair gently and diffuse it to define your curls and prevent frizz. It works best if you start with truly wet hair and some product in it.

        1. Ah, thank you. I have incurably straight hair, which is probably why I never figured this out.

    4. I have the Jilbere Tourmaline hair dryer from Sally Beauty. It was $50 I think and it works so good. I used to have something cheaper from Target, but it would take me forever to dry my hair! I have long, curly hair that I often dry straight and I can do that in about 15 minutes with this one.

      Oh I just saw you want a diffuser. I don’t think this one has one, unless you can get it separate. But for others looking for a good hair dryer, I really like this one!

    5. I bought the Babyliss blowdryer from TJMaxx when my old one died. It’s so amazing I went out and bought one for my SIL and another to leave at my parents’ house.

      My hair dries smooth and straight in about half the time it used to take. I have very thick long straight hair. I’ll post the link below.

    6. I have thick, curly “Jewish” (I can say it because I am) hair. I dry it straight every day. And have. For years.

      Last year, my workhorse Super Solano that had served me faithfully for years died a respectful death. I replaced it with the SuperSolano 3600 Micro Professional Hair Dryer. I love it. You can buy a separate diffuser to put on the end.

      Link to follow in separate post in case of moderation.

    7. I used to have a t3 but recently switched to the Sedu Revolution based in reviews from folica and sephora. It is so much better than the t3,which I loved and used for5 years. It’s light, the controls are well placed and it dries my thick hair faster, it’s shinier and shows off my natural highlights more. Got it from Ulta with a 20% off coupon and it came with a free travel dryer.

    8. I have a chi (going strong almost 4 years later) and it cut my drying time in half. My hair is also less frizzy. If it ever breaks I’ll be buying th same one again- its red and silver and amazing.

  9. Tumblr gals – any tips for avoiding the dreaded spam bot/p0rn bot? I like to click through to see who liked my Tumblr posts. Luckily I don’t do this at work. Last night I clicked through to a very graphic xxx picture. I could just stop doing the click throughs but now I’m worried others I have shared my blog with that are less tech savvy will click through and either be really offended or think that these are somehow “friends” of mine.

    Any tips on knowing if a like is from a real person or a bot? I’ve shared on some photography sites and have “real” followers that are people I don’t know so I can’t just do the “don’t click unless you know them” thing. Thanks.

    1. The only tip I have is, sometimes the names are really random number/letter mishmashes.

      I think Tumblr automatically removes the likes from the bots after a brief period. For a while I had a TON of random bot likes, but they always seem to disappear after a couple of hours.

      1. PS – just a suggestion – you might want to enable your ask box so people on tumblr can message you without having to use the disqus interface! I just followed you.

  10. I have a dating question. I apologize in advance if this is a somewhat obvious or mundane question, I’m just wondering what is the general protocol.

    How many dates do you go on with a guy while trying to figure out if you like him?

    Say I’m move ambivalent than anything else, he seems nice and polite, generally easy to get along with, I just usually date more charming men (which obviously hasn’t worked out, but I do love charm, I fall for it every time). And so now I’m scheduling date 4, and I feel sort of like “well, this is a fine way to spend a Saturday night, but really…I still feel undecided”.

    At what point do I say to him – “you’re great, I just don’t feel enough for you”?

    1. Is your goal to date or to get married? I would have different expectations of feelings and timelines in each situation.

      1. Also, I’ve been out of the dating pool for 9 years, but I do have to say that my impressions after the first date were pretty indicative of how I felt 6 months later. If I had to start dating again now I would have a lot less tolerance for waiting things out.

      2. I sort of find dating for the sake of dating to be pointless (i.e. I don’t enjoy it, I’m happier around people I already know), so I guess the goal is really LTR w/ possibility of marriage at some point?

        I don’t know to be honest, which might be another part of my problem.

    2. I’m working through this myself right now. I went on a first date with someone I met online earlier this week. We get along well and had lots to talk about, but he is much more touchy than I am (i.e. running his fingers through my hair and massaging the back of my neck). I didn’t really like that, but I’ve decided to go out with him once more because everything else was good. My strategy for now I guess is 2 dates unless it is clear that it won’t ever work for me.

      I think if I were in your position, I’d probably go out with him again because I think attraction can take awhile to develop sometimes and as long as he isn’t doing something that bugs you, it might be worth a chance. Don’t feel bad though if it becomes clear he just won’t ever do it for you. It happens.

      I’m interested to hear the other responses.

      1. He ran his fingers through your hair and massaged the back of your neck on the first date? That strikes me as a bit creepy.

      2. Umm yeah. Super creepy. Is this the OKCupid date you talked about the other day?

      3. Oh dear. Someone who would physically touch me in that way on a first date would not be someone I would see again. I mean, if there’s mad chemistry and end-of-date kissing, that’s one thing, but what you’re describing sounds weird and over-familiar to me.

        1. Me too! Generally on a first date I’m mostly comfortable gauging how good a hugger a guy is….anything more would totally freak me out (well…except the mad chemistry thing….)

      4. I was wondering what happened on the date! What did you end up wearing and how did you like Celsius?

        1. Celsius was awesome. I highly recommend it, but it’s only there for another month or so. I ended up wearing a gray pencil skirt from the Gap that was a bit more casual, a black shirt with a small pleat detail and satin detail, and a green cardigan. I was definitely more dressy than him (jeans, long sleeve shirt with a short sleeve t-shirt over it, and converse) but not overly dressy for the venue.

      5. Yes, this was the OK Cupid date I was talking about earlier this week. I was put off by it as well. I havent dated in so long and I was kind of thinking that it might be somewhat common and thought it might be my own issue since I’m not typically a touchy person to begin with unless I’m ridiculously attracted to someone. Glad to know I’m not crazy to feel weird about it though. I’m probably having lunch with him this weekend and plan to tell him ahead of time that I’m not comfortable with the touching and will just see how that goes. I feel like giving it a second chance, but I’m out if it still feels uncomfortable. I’m in the midst of planning dates with 2 other people right now, so it’s not really a big deal to me if that happens.

        1. Yeah, he sounds like a boundary-tester. If you really want to give him another chance, watch your drinks and don’t let him try and guilt trip you about anything.

          Off topic, check out this wrap dress on sale for $113 at Neiman Marcus for a lucky size 12. I’ve never seen a wrap dress styled like a business suit before. If I wasn’t doomed to permanent unemployment, I would totally go for it: http://www.neimanmarcus.com/store/catalog/prod.jhtml?itemId=prod135230011

          1. I think jumping from he’s a bit too touchy-feely to Beware Date Rape ahead is a bit much! Some people like casual physical contact on a date.

        2. About two years after my divorce, one of my very first dates was to a baseball game with someone I did not know. He picked me up at my house (rookie mistake). Sometime during the first inning, he placed his hand very lightly on my jeans-clad knee. I made him take me home.

          1. This could be me. I went on a first date to a baseball game and he put his hand on my knee. I stayed for the evening because it was with someone I knew, but we didn’t go out again.

            Back in my 20’s, I went on a first date with another guy. We were sitting at a bar, when he put his hand on my a$$. Unfortunately, I knew him, too, so I stayed a while longer and then asked him to take me home. When he called for the second date, I told him no and that no one had ever treated me with less respect.

          2. Good on you that you felt strong enough to pull the plug. Lots of women who’ve been trained to “be nice” (a.k.a. “be a doormat for fear of hurting a creep’s feelings”) would have grimly continued on with the date.

    3. There may not be a good answer in terms of how long or how many dates, but I would say that you should let him down gently when you feel like learning more information about him will not impact your decision. Even if you think that maybe you need more time to consider a person who is less “charming,” I would advise letting this guy go for now and trying to keep open the possibility of dating him again in the future.

      1. How would I keep open the possibility of dating him in the future?

        I’m generally of the camp that on-off is a bad idea, so I date someone once, and that’s it, so I don’t even know how I would word that?

        1. Sorry, I don’t think there’s classy way to “keep open the possibility of dating him in the future” unless for whatever reason you happen to run into him again and things happen organically. People don’t like to be put on the shelf as an 2nd option just in case nothing better comes along (or just in case you change your mind).

          If you’re not into it now, end it. If you change your mind in six months, email him/ping him again. Maybe he responds and maybe he doesn’t, but the only way to end things now while also getting the option to revisit later is if he actually offers it. Otherwise, just let it go and let him be.

    4. Three dates, just to give you a number. Because at or after the three date mark, s3x or at least some serious making out is expected (unless your dates were really casual) and I’m assuming you don’t want to go there with someone you don’t really like.

    5. Normally I’d go with the advice that if you’re not feeling it by then and are looking for a LTR, you should politely move on.

      However, you mention that he’s different than the charming men you’ve previously dated, who haven’t worked out. Since it sounds like he may be a good LTR contender, more so than the kind of guy who sparks your attention immediately, I’d suggest sticking with it a bit longer to see if you can get an ember of flame going for him. Not sure when I’d cut ties, but certainly by three months.

    6. I’m doing that tonight after what I think is date 6. Nice enough but just not feeling it and my friends are confirming that nice enough is no reason to have a slightly dull dinner.

      1. ITA with your friends.

        If you’re bored with him already, at date 6, imagine how bored with him you’ll be after 6yrs of LTR/marriage.

    7. Three to four dates. If you’re not excited to hear from him, you’re not into it.

      1. I agree with this. I would ask myself, “if this guy never calls back after this date, would I care?” If the answer is no, let him down gently and move on.

        In general, I find that although a spark will not guarantee that a relationship will work, not having that spark usually means that it won’t (unless, of course, you have other priorities such as finding a genial companion to share your life with, grand passion not necessary, e.g., whihc is perfectly fine imo).

          1. Excellent question. Did the break up talk, blamed being really busy at work and not having the time to give. Kind of a lie but I thought it was better tha. ‘you’re boring’.

      2. Agreed. When I saw single and looking to date to potentially get married, I instituted a 3 dates/strikes rule which I thought was enough time to keep an open mind (and move beyond the initial jitters/wierdness that often happens with the first date) and not so long that I was wasting my time or theirs with something that wasn’t clearly there.

        And I will say that with my husband (and this holds true with most of my friends who are engaged/married), they would say they knew within 3 dates whether there was strong interest.

    8. 4 or 5 dates would be it for me. I figure some people aren’t at their best on the first or even the third date, but by the fourth I think you have a good idea of their personality. I’ve never had a problem where I date charming/kind-of-a-jerk guys, but I have dated my share of guys that left me thinking “well, I’m kind of bored, but he’s a really nice guy” and have resolved to not do that again because that kind of relationship is deadening. Give him date #4 and if after that you’re feeling less interested rather than more, cut it off.

    9. Haven’t dated for 5 years, but when I did, I kept seeing a guy if I wanted to know more about him / enjoyed being around him. Once that stopped, so did the dates with the guy. Sometimes it took one date, sometimes it took 9. Worked well enough for me. YMMV.

    10. I used to think you would know if there was chemistry immediately, and was disinclined to go on more than 1 date if I didn’t “feel” it. A very dear friend is a huge advocate of what she calls the “3-date rule” because it wasn’t until her 3rd date that she started to fall for her husband and saw him in a romantic light.

      I do think it’s different if you’re going on dates with someone you know/met through real life, and if you’re going on dates with people you’ve met online. I always struggled to articulate this, but I was reading some Carolyn Hax archives, and found this gem:

      “When you’re online, you’re meeting someone outside the societal vetting process, so your histories are obscured, and you’re meeting with your motives out in the open. Under older-fashioned conditions, it’s the exact opposite: Your histories are wide open but your motives are obscured. I haven’t seen anything to budge me from my belief that this stark reversal needs to be accompanied by a just-as-stark adjustment in participants’ expectations.”

      FWIW, I met my SO (after a lonnngggg dry spell of not dating, we’re talking years long) online, and it took me til the 4th date for it to actually click, and I am so glad I didn’t just write him off in the first date or so.

      But every situation is unique. If you’re actively getting bad or creepy vibes, or if clear dealbreakers are present from the get go, there’s no need to abide by an arbitrary number of dates before cutting them loose.

    11. RE: Charm

      “Charm is like love, like ice is like water”
      –William Matthews

  11. Sizing help needed! does anyone know how Reiss runs? “Small,” I assume since it’s a UK brand, but how small? I’m usually a 2 or a 4 in BR and JCrew. A 2 in AT. Am I looking at a 6? 8?

    THANKS!

      1. You may want to call one of their stores and ask. NYC, W. Bdway location – 212 925 5707

        They also have a store on Newberry St. in Boston 617 262 5800
        (I think you are in Boston, but maybe I’m wrong…)

        1. Thanks AIMS! Good thinking. (Definitely a “Why didn’t I think of that?!?” moment!)

  12. I don’t know if it’s the cold weather or what, but I can’t seem to shake dry scalp and dandruff flakes (I know, ew). Any recommendations outside of Head & Shoulders and Aveda’s scalp shampoo?

    1. I’ve used Neutrogena T-Gel with much success in the past. It smells terrible but really works; make sure to let it sit on your head for a few minutes. Definitely use a conditioner afterwards.

      1. Just be careful with it- there is a warning on the bottle that it may discolor light hair, and it did dye mine brown

    2. Add some tea tree oil to your regular shampoo–takes care of the dandruff every time after about 5 washes. I’ve also read Listerine helps (but I’m not sure what you do with it–the Google should know).

    3. Combing my hair while in the shower has eliminated my chronic flakes and issues. I put in the shampoo, comb it in, rinse with the comb, put in conditioner, comb it in, rinse with comb.

      I switched to sulfate and silicone free products at the same time. While I love what they’ve done for my hair, I think it was the combing and not the products that did the trick for my scalp.

      Before that, I had the most luck rotating between T-Gel, Selsun Blue (get the original version with selenium), and Head and Shoulders.

      1. Does combing your hair in the shower pull hair out? I’m so tired of literally washing my hair down the drain.

        1. I finger-comb mine, and that definitely does, so I would imagine that a real comb would get even more out. My shower would clog in two days flat if I didn’t, since I have a substantial about of hair.

        2. Uh – yes? It’s totally normal to lose several strands of hair every day. Not combing or brushing isn’t going to keep it on your head.

          I also finger comb my hair in the shower and always end up with some coming out. More if its been awhile since I’ve brushed it.

        1. Combing to combat flakes? Because it stimulates the scalp, I think. Helps to work out loose bits? Much like using your fingertips to massage the scalp while shampooing is also supposed to help.

    4. Good old Selsun blue. Helped me tremendously with flakes and dandruff. But only use once a week – it does seem to increase hair shedding

  13. Quck Threadjack question! I am a lawyer in the compliance department of a large broker/dealer. Bonus time is late February/early March. I am in the final stages of intervewing at another company (a regional bank) for a job I would much perfer to mine. Ideally if offered the new job I would like to negotitate some payment to make up for the bonus that I would be losing by leaving my current position. I know that this is not uncommon in the industry but I have never been in this position before and was hoping for some suggestions as to how best to approach this. Thanks so much!

    1. Once the offer has been made and you’ve settled on all the other terms of your package, you say “now, when were you thinking you’d like me to start ? soon ? well, it’s something I need to think hard about because my firm will be paying out bonuses next month – is there anything you can do to help about this ? “

  14. Here’s a question:
    I made an “it’ll never happen bid” on a gorgeous, grey blue, angora, Pucci wrap coat. And I won it.

    When I got it it I discovered out the fabric is super soft and drapey and the coat is very unstructured. This combined with the color and the wrap style gives it the appearance of a very expensive bathrobe-not the posh winter coat I’d hoped for. There are no refunds on this coat, and while I could relist it and hope to resell it- I doubt I’d sell it quickly or remake what I spent because I was the sole bidder on this coat.

    The coat is knee length on me right now. I’m considering taking it to have it cut off at the high to mid hip for a casual short coat. Do you have any other ideas? Do you think this will fix the drapey blue bathrobe effect?

    1. I’m not familiar with this coat, but from what I’m picturing, hemming to mid-hip (maybe even low-hip) sounds like a good fix. Take it to a reliable seamstress and ask her opinion. Perhaps looking at belted sweater lengths would be helpful for finding the right length.

      Another potential solution would be to have the seamstress add an interfacing to give the fabric some body. I would expect that to be significantly more costly, but it may be more authentic to the original, if that matters to you.

      1. It’s fully lined so adding interfacing would mean total deconstruction and reconstruction- and I’m still not sure it will help. The fabric is just so soft and doesn’t have any heft to it either.

      1. It currently has a self tie belt. I’m not sure about another belt that would work for it well.

    3. What about not tying the coat closed and embracing the drape?

      I can never make wrap coats look like anything other than a bathrobe.

      Last year I found a Max Mara wrap style at a discount store for $300, which is a huge bargain, and they only had one, and it was my size. I was having heart palpitations. But after I tried it on no less than three times, I had to convince myself I’d never wear it because of the bathrobe thing. It kind of killed me to leave it there, but honestly, it was for the best.

      I wonder if that’s how your Pucci coat ended up on ebay.

      1. It looks schlumpy when it’s left open. I was hoping it would replace my talbots beige wrap coat that is now WAY too big for me since I lost 30 pounds last year. Even my Burberry trench (Another really great ebay find) rarely gets buttoned. I tend to wrap and tie. I think the main problem really is just the fabric.
        I live in Tallahassee- so I only need a winter coat a few times a year. The ebayer I bought it from lives in Miami and likely needs it less often!

      2. Or, instead of wrapping the front sides over each other, if the fabric is lightweight enough, you could kind of gather each side, like grab it into a handful right at the edge of the fabric, then belt so that the fabric just comes together without overlapping in the front. Using a non-tie belt might help here too.

        1. Look at how the long gray sweater is belted here. This is what I mean by gathering in the front, though I am imagining the fronts just touching. You might have to experiment with what works.

          2. I’ll play with it a bit when I get home. I’m waiting for my husband to pick me up from work now.

        2. 1. get a seamstress to shorten it – depending on the cut and amount of swing, either mid-thigh or hip level.
          2. ditch the belt.
          3. since it sounds like it doesn’t have buttons and wasn’t cut for them, get the seamstress to add some heavy-duty hooks and eyes in several places down the front so it doesn’t hang open and look schlumpy – the hooks and eyes will be pretty much invisible.

    4. I’d use a thick non-self belt. Like, a 4 or 5 inch leather belt in a complementary color? It’s hard without seeing the coat, but I find for my stuff that’s too drapey but heavy material, if I belt it substantially, it can drape above and below the belt, but still have a defined waist and less bathrobe going on.

    5. Could you add a placket and buttons down the front? Again, hard to say without having a good idea of how much fabric is on frontside. The other thought I had was to convert it into a cape, if there’s a lot of excess fabric, with a couple of closures near the neck/collar.

  15. Did anyone see the article today that said that a model who is a size 6 is considered a “Plus Size Model” – are they kidding!?!? Man, there is just something wrong with that (which was actually the point of the article)

    I will post a link below!

    2. In college, at 5’7″, 125 lbs, and wearing a size 5/7 Juniors, I was approached by a recruiter and asked if I would be interested in plus size modeling. I looked at him and laughed and said “plus size, seriously?” Apparently my then C cup, made me “plus size” regardless of the fact that I couldn’t actually wear any plus size clothing in real life.

    3. Absolutely insane. It’s one thing for a woman to be naturally extremely thin, but I have a feeling that most of these models are constantly dieting/starving/working out to look that way.

  16. Quick question: Do you consider the Pixie pants from J. Crew pants? Or are they just expensive leggings? I really need some new pants, and it’s snow boot season, so I like skinny cuts. Thoughts?

    1. “Expensive Leggings”–well put. I have seen them in person, and that is my assessment.

      If you’re looking for a slim stretchy pant but don’t have to be able to wear it to work, I love my knit pants from Ann Taylor. 5-pocket styling but they fit like leggings.

    2. H&M has some great options for skinny pants in good fabrics that could work for work. I was pleasantly surprised

  17. Ugh. Question for anyone who knows what I should do about this…After I got my braces off, I had a retainer-like thing put in permanently, which includes wires (hidden completely behind my teeth). Sometimes while flossing, I knock one of the wires out of place, so it is sticking into my gums or tongue. Needless to say this hurts and needs to be fixed, but all I have is guesswork and my clumsy fingers to try to fix it.

    I have since moved away from the dentist who did this work, and currently do not have dental insurance. Can I go into the office of another provider and ask him or her to fix this up? Since I’d be paying out of pocket, should I expect this to be insanely expensive? I don’t think it all has to be redone or anything, but it’s been a few years and it feels like some of these wires need to be corrected. If anyone has a clue about this, thanks…

    1. Just curious: why did you have a permanent retainer put in? Is there some special reason why your teeth would be especially likely to slip out of alignment if you didn’t?

      And … sorry, I have to ask … doesn’t it get in the way during certain, um, intimate activities with men?

      1. Ha! First question: yes, my teeth were prone to go back to crazy if left to their own devices. Second: no–it’s quite unobtrusive. Neither seen nor felt.

      2. hahaha, well teeth have a tendancy to go back to the way they were…I’ve had braces twice (from 11-14 and 22-25), and they got crooked in the same pattern. Surprisingly, it didn’t interfere with anything!

    2. I had 2 permanent retainers. My top one remains steadfast and true, but the bottom one started poking me gradually.

      It’s not a big deal at all to have another dentist remove or fix it. I tried the fix at first, but it came unglued again within 6 months, so I finally just had him remove it, which took about 10 minutes of scraping the remaining glue.

      My teeth are still perfectly aligned and so much easier to floss with that wire gone. The way my orthodontist explained to me was that when it fell out would basically mean that it had served its purpose. You can always have a new one put on if your teeth feel like they are moving.

    3. I have one wire apiece on top and bottom teeth — just one little wire that runs across the back of the four front teeth, right? Mine is cemented in. I love it because it keeps my teeth nice and straight.

      Twice I have thought it was loose and have gone to a local orthodontist (asked friends with teenage kids who to go to) and the ortho has cemented it back in place. The ortho didn’t mind at all. 15 minutes in and out. And I went to two different doctors and neither charged me, although clearly I was not going to be a repeat customer.

    4. Oh, I feel you. I had a “permanent retainer” installed after my braces, too — my teeth were moving back to their jacked-up pre-braces state, so my orthodontist essentially glued wire to the backs of my teeth. They waited until I’d moved to start misbehaving, so I just got my dentist to recommend a local orthodontist and had him re-glue the wires where they’d popped off. It was under $100 (and that was without insurance covering the procedure), and the fix has lasted a couple years now.

      I will say that the ortho looked at me like I had two heads when I first came in with my request, and the first time he messed up one of the glue sites to where it didn’t clear my bite, which meant I kept chomping into the glue mound every time I ate, so I had to go back and get that one tooth re-glued. But it was pretty hassle-free, all things considered.

      TL;DR: get your dentist to recommend an orthodontist. If no dental insurance = no dentist, just call a local ortho and ask if they can fix it for you. (And if you’re in DC/Arlington I can give you the name of the guy I used.)

        1. Another option is to have the orthodontist take the permanent retainers out and take molds of your teeth for you to wear removable retainers at night a few days a week. But be warned; some teeth (like mine) misbehave and this ideal of 2-3x per week I was promised is not to be had. My teeth just want to keep moving apart and creating the gaps I had as a child that I got braces to get rid of :( If could go back 8 months, I would have told them to just glue new permanent retainers on since mine lasted 10+ years.

          1. I had braces in middle school and was diligent about wearing my (top and bottom) removable retainers for years afterwards. However, over time my bottom teeth began to migrate back to their original, crooked positions.
            I did 6 months of Invisalign to get them back to the desired straightness and was given an Invisalign-type bottom retainer to wear at nights for the indefinite future. After just a few months, I went back to the dentist and asked for a bonded (permanent, glued on) retainer for two reasons. First: convenience! No more worrying about forgetting it while traveling – or getting all comfy cozy in bed at night … and then realizing it’s sitting on the bathroom counter. Second: I had worn a hole all the way through the material (apparently by grinding) – something that would continue to recur if I got a replacement made.
            Flossing is a bit more challenging with my new retainer, but overall I’m very happy with my decision. Best of luck, whatever you do!

    5. I don’t think it’s necessary to have an ortho glue your wire back in. My dad is just a regular dentist and he inserts them and he fixes/replaces them when necessary. I think it would be less expensive to go to a regular dentist to have it done, but it shouldn’t be pricey at all. My dentist dad would probably take pity on you and do it for free and other dentists might too.

  18. I had one of these for a long time, and most of that time was when I was a teenager, so mine got busted all the time.

    Is the wire itself broken, or has the part of the retainer that attaches to your teeth detached itself?

    If the wire itself is broken (at least if it is the kind of retainer I had) you may need to get a new retainer, which might be pricey without dental insurance. If you just need it reattached to your teeth, that takes some compound, a big blue light, and 5 minutes. That shouldn’t be much more expensive than any regular visit would be. I would think that any provider would be able to do this, but maybe pick one that also does orthodontia to be sure.

    1. blerg, supposed to be a response to Random dentistry question. I eventually just had mine taken out like one of the posters above even though my dentist originally thought my teeth would become unaligned easily, but that hasn’t happened in the 4 or so years I’ve had it off.

  19. Set to take the depo in a divorce case next week. Due to some scheduling screw-ups (not my fault), the partner will not be available (though really, it’s “my” case now, but Partner’s been working on it for several years). Partner asked if I was comfortable taking the deposition, I said, based entirely on what would NGDGTCO tell me to do, “Sure.” He did not ask me if I’ve ever taken a deposition before, which I haven’t. (I’ve sat in on a number, but never on this sort of case.) I’ve been lawyering for a little over a year, wide variety of case types.

    Did I bite off more than I can chew?!?

    1. Something similar happened to me about 8 months into practicing. I pulled a bunch of depo transcripts from similar cases and read through all of them, making up an outline of questions as I went. Then I added questions and lines of questioning that were specific to our case. I also made a list of objections. Corny to have to carry into a depo (not that anyone else could see the list) but it helped having it there with me.

      2. I’ve been practicing for almost 20 years and still bring a list of objections with me to depositions. The list was on the back of a NITA laminated card with the rules of evidence on it, I think, but I imagine similar lists are available somewhere on the Internet. You also might want to ask around your firm to find out if someone has a standard outline for this type of depo. We keep boilerplate outlines for our most common depo types. Anyway, stay confident, you can do this! You’re just asking questions — try to keep the transcript clean, and don’t forget to follow up on the answers. It’s a great experience for you to get to do this.

    2. Congratulations for getting the opportunity. If this is the opposing spouse be prepared for some fireworks. Keep your cool no matter what the other side’s attorney says. I suggest putting together an outline for the depo and emailing it to the partner a few days ahead of the depo, along with a note- In case you want to look this over… That way he can’t, or at least shouldn’t, get on your case for leaving anything major out that you otherwise would not know to ask about.

    3. A list of objections is I think, actually, key. Also practice looking at the witness and telling them…”you can answer” if the other lawyer does a routine objection. Don’t reword unless they ask! They may smell blood in the water when they realize you’re junior and try to fluster you.

    4. You didn’t bite off more than you can chew. You can do this. Here are a few words of advice: make friends with the court reporter. The reporter can omit awkward “umms” from the transcript, but it isn’t automatically done. If the deposition goes long, be senstive to whether the reporter might need a break for a few minutes. Bring a list of names you’ll be using in the deposition so they’ll be spelled correctly in the transcript. No matter what the other side does to try to make you lose your cool, remain calm. If the other side shouts at you, say “Please stop shouting at me” so that it will appear in the transcript.

    5. You’ll do great! Just review the appropriate objections for your region (state or federal rules) so that you’ll be prepared for whatever opposing counsel tries to throw at you. Use an outline but don’t be wedded to it. I love the suggestion that I learned here about pausing a second after the witness answers before you say anything to omit any responsive “okays” and to keep the transcript clean.

      Always, always, always keep your cool if things start to devolve. That way, you’ll maintain your credibility with the judge if you need judicial assistance in the future. I actually have a deposition tomorrow of one of the parties to this case that has made my life hell for the past year, and I’m fully expecting opposing counsel to be a bully (it’s his MO…and it’s nauseating). Normally, I wouldn’t have a problem keeping my cool, but at 8.5 months pregnant and raging with hormones, I’m a little worried I might just snap back if things get bad.

    6. I am not sure how your rules apply, but here we can keep the deposition open at the end” should further discovery warrant additional questions.” Always good to CYA. Otherwise, you will do fine. If you have a question, ask to go off the record and figure it out. During my first deposition the opposing counsel objected and I did not reask the question. Then, the doctor died. So don’t let them bully you and if they object without a basis ask basis? Then keep going.

    7. You’re going to rock it! We all have to loose our v some time. ;)

      In addition to the other great suggestions, some things to keep in mind: If opposing counsel objects to one of your questions, do not respond other than to say to the witness “you can answer” (unless its privileged info). Its ok to pause and think between questions; take your time. Don’t be concerned if you are reading your questions from an outline. It doesn’t matter. I’ve been practicing for over 10 years and still go into depos with detailed outlines of all the questions I can think of, including notations of each document I intend to use (sometimes with bates numbers!). Finally, you may be nervous. That’s ok. You’re human.

    8. This is the best way to learn. My fourth month of practice (yup) my main partner had a last minute conflict and decided since I helped with the motion research, I should just go to the hearing since no one else had time to get up to speed. It wasn’t an MSJ or anything but it was big for me at the time. I was SO freaked out. She must have seen it so she gave me the sweetest pep talk that went something like this: “This is it. This is why you went to lawschool so be excited, not scared. Walk in there and make them think you’ve been doing this sort of thing forever to the point where they think there is a typo in your bar number. You know the law better than the other attorney so run circles around him.”

      I ended up winning the motion and 10 years later, I give the same talk to my associates.

      You will do great. Confidence is everything. The calmer you are, the more present you are and the more information you will obtain. Don’t let the other attorney get under your skin. If they are a jerk, it is likely because they know you are a “newbie” and are just trying to bully you. Ignore it and feel sorry for them that they are so lame that they have to resort to kindergarden tactics and just do whatever you need to do to represent your client. Take your time. This is YOUR depo. Not the opposing counsel’s and not the witnesses. It’s yours.

      Oh, and lastly, be nice to the court reporter.

    9. You’ll be fine. The best way to learn is to do. There is no magic to this: have a good outline (I’ve been practicing almost 30 years, and you are not prepared if you do not have an outline).

      Don’t say “ok” after the witness answers. It’s habit, but be aware and you can probably stop yourself from doing it. Just listen to the answer and move to the next question, or followup on that answer.

      LISTEN to the answers. Don’t get too caught up with only following your outline.

      Have discovery there with you to go over any obvious gaps in interrogatory and r/p responses.

      Have pleadings there to pin down any allegations/denials, depending on if you are the pltf or def.

      Good luck. As someone else said, you are just asking questions.

      1. Daisy is very light, fresh, youthful. I would say more universal of the two. Lola is on the very sweet, musky-ish, heavy floral side.

      2. I actually own all three (shameful, I know). FWIW I use them during different times of the year. Marc Jacobs feels more ‘winter’ to me, Lola more ‘spring’ and Daisy more ‘summer.’

    2. Thanks guys – I feel like I was leaning toward Oh, Lola more because I like the bottle!

  21. Super-late threadjack, but totally realted!

    I cannot wear slingbacks. I don’t know how you guys do it! The “sling” always slips right off my heel, then they end up flapping on my foot like flip-flops, finally the strap slips under my heel so I’m walking on it, which I can sometimes do for a couple steps but not if the sling has anything hard or sharp on it. I’ve tried those strap gel pad things, and they just slip around…any advice?

    I would love to wear them, they look great on my feet, but I haven’t bought a pair in a couple years and every time my boyfriend picks one out (yes, he shops with/for me almost as much as I do!) I have to disappoint him.

    1. Not everyone’s heels are made for slingbacks, unfortunately — I think it has to do with how pronounced the curve of your heel to ankle is. However, like most shoes, there might be some brands that are cut in a way that works better for you than others. If the hacks (I really don’t have anything to suggest other than the sticky tabs, though I find the foam ones work better than the slick ones) don’t work, just keep looking…

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