Frugal Friday’s TPS Report: Polka Dot Silk Blouse

222 Comments

1. I love this — can anyone give me an indication as to fit though? Button downs are difficult for me (small chested, wide shouldered type of difficult, not busty type of difficult). I usually do fairly well with JCrew tall dress shirts, though they usually are not slim enough in the waist area.

   1. I love this as well. Although I have the opposite effect of you – busty with broad shoulders – so I usually avoid button downs like the plague.

      1. I am also busty but I usually can wear lands end button downs with a minimizer bra (some how it displaces the bustiness).

   2. I don’t have this particular blouse, but I do know that Canvas tends to run pretty large in general fit. Go for at least a size smaller than you would usually get. Sounds from the reviews on the website that this one is not close fitting at all.

      1. I just received this blouse from LEC, and it is HUGE. I’m sending it back. I’m busty with a relatively smaller waist. I’m typically a 10 on top in sized items (wearing a size 12 BR button down today, to accommodate the girls), and a medium at places like AT and BR for sweaters and the like.

         I bought a medium, and it was way too big. I have been losing weight recently so my gauge is a bit off, but I was surprised at how blousy/boxy this one was.

         Very cute, though, with adorable covered buttons. I’m returning, though, not exchanging.

         1. Same with some cardigans I ordered from Lands End Canvas. I was swimming in a very shapeless small when I should really be wearing a medium.

2. I posted last night asking for hair dryer recommendations to cut down drying time and a bunch of you recommended the T3. Is there a particular model that you recommend? Thanks!

   1. I meant to respond to you yesterday — but about 4 months ago, I got an FHI dryer – the pink one – and I really love it. I’ve heard good things about the T3’s too …
      I’m sure it’s been said yesterday – but the folica.com site has a lot of reviews. Happy hair drying!

      1. My stylist told me that most of the folica.com reviews are paid, so keep that in mind when selecting a product.

   2. I just looked at photos on Amazon and mine is the featherweight ionic tourmaline. Did buy it through Amazon, though there are people who say that voids the warranty. Fortunately, I’ve had no problems with it.

      1. I have the same. I’ve had it for more than a year now. I bought mine on Ebay so probably no warranty. But haven’t had any problems either. I don’t know if it’s just in my mind, but I think my hair looks a lot healthier these days.

   3. I didn’t see your post yesterday, but I have the BaByliss Pro BAB2000 Ceramix Xtreme Dryer, which I love.

      1. +1 for a BaByliss 2000-watt. I tie my wet hair up in one of those wrap things for a few minutes, then blow and my hair’s dry in a snap. I got mine from Folica but I’m not sure I would order from them again – some weirdness with Out of Stock (or not) items happened, though I did get my dryer in a timely fashion.

         1. I have this one too, the nano titanium i think. I love it. I think for $75 it’s immensely better than a conair/revlon/hot tools (i also got a free mini babyliss dryer and flat iron when i ordered). I’m not sure if the T3 would be $125 better than a babyliss.

            I’ve heard that about folica reviews, but i’ve never had a problem with them. All I’ve ordered from them is the babyliss stuff mentioned above, and a solia flat iron 4 years ago that is still awesome (anymore i just use the iron to curl though). I look at reviews on other sites too but folica generally has the best prices. I don’t know if they sell T3 products though.

      2. I have this, too. I posted about it yesterday. I love it. I have 2 and I got one for my sister-in-law. It’s $39 at Amazon.

   4. I had a T3, loved it, but it burned out quickly. Thought it was a lemon, bought a second, same thing. I’ve since bought some other brand (can’t remember what it is & the label wore off as I’ve had a long time now) on the folica website — it’s a professional stylist site (my hair guy put me onto it) & it’s a pro ionic dryer. Was a little cheaper than the T3, but not much & same concept (ionic, fast drying, etc.).

3. Sorry for the early threadjack, but I just saw yesterday’s comments about dentistry, and it reminded me of a question! I’m considering getting braces, but I feel really conflicted about it. It’s not a financial burden, but I feel kind of silly getting braces in my mid-20s for purely “vain” reasons.
   Have any of you had adult braces? How did that work for you in a professional environment? How long did you have them? Was it worth it?

   1. I had braces in my late 20s and would do it again in a heartbeat. So long as you don’t get bright purple bands, nobody will think twice about it at work.

      1. I started out just getting grey bands but then ventured into colors. I think I mainly stuck to lighter colors and pastels.

   2. I’ve never had them, but if its purely for vanity (as in not soemthing seriously wrong) have you looked into invisalign? Those seem to be like “adult braces” for people who need straighter teeth but not an extreme change

      1. My husband did Invisalign in his late 30’s. It was expensive and time-consuming (ortho visits every 2 weeks) and not covered by our dental insurance, but well worth it.

   3. I’m doing Invisalign right now, in my late 20s. I’ve had it for 7 months now – and I’ve seen quite a bit of improvement (my bottom teeth were quite crooked to start with). Professionally, it’s been fine – they are invisible, though the buttons on my teeth aren’t really, but no one has mentioned them so far.

      I see it as a long term investment – our teeth are with us a lifetime! And it’s been worth it so far.

      1. My top teeth have been shifting a lot in the last few years and I especially notice it in photos so I’ve been thinking of trying Invisalign. Had braces forever as a kid so I hate the thought of going back to them but my vanity is getting the best of me.

         1. Ditto. I’m thinking of getting a consult this year and actually getting them in next year, so I can plan to pay for it via FSA. It’s causing alignment issues and the thought of going back to braces is just so depressing. Maybe I can get permanent retainers, I didn’t even know that was a thing.

         2. If you already had braces, you might be able to get a retainer that you wear just when you sleep, or just when you are not at work for the first couple months then just at night. My teeth moved a lot but I got them back into place w/ a retainer. This was about 5 years or so but I think I wore it whenever I wasn’t really interacting with people and that was enough. Now I just wear it to sleep.

   4. I was in law school and working when I had braces from 22-25. I got them for vanity purposes, but I was have a ton of tooth issues before them, and haven’t even had one cavity since I got braces. I also got 4 teeth pulled in addition to all 4 wisdom teeth (it was that or surgery) when I got the adult braces (which was my second round of braces).

      I got the metal ones because I was afraid the clear ones would stain, but I’ve heard if you get non clear rubber bands on the clear brackets staining won’t be so much of an issue.

      Visually, you get used to them and they’re not that big of a deal. I see mroe adults with them now out and about, and one of my parents friends (a 50ish man) just got braces.

      I also got a lot of good advice from the wiredlady blog. She had braces and jaw surgery in your in her early mid-20s while working in the television or some other entertainment industry in LA. There’s also other good sites online, I did a lot of research before taking the plunge, but ultimately I think it was one of the best things I did for myself.

      Oh they told me I’d only have braces for one year, but after 2 years and 3 months I demanded the top ones be taken off. About 6 months later I demanded the bottom ones take off. But the first time I had braces they said it would be two years and it ended up being about 3 years.

      1. I had clear braces when i was younger- they just don’t recommend them for people who are likely to be ‘hard’ on their braces (i.e. people who don’t follow guidelines and not bit into hard things, etc.).

         and yup, its not the actual braces but the clear elastics that get stained. I would get thin wires instead of elastics (which is what they did in the old days but elastics are a lot faster), and it was much better. no staining and the wires weren’t really noticeable.

      2. I had clear brackets but on my top front teeth and metal brackets on the others. That way I had the benefit of stronger brackets on my chewing teeth. The clear elastics do get yellow. I always got the light grey and they fared much better. Invisalign was not an option for me.

   5. I’m also doing Invisilign in my 30’s, for vanity reasons. Mine is taking longer than expected, but (don’t tell my orthodontist) I pretty much only wear them at night. And I forget some nights. I wore them all the time, as recommended, at first, but then I just started wearing them less and less. I space out my appointments – I wear each tray about 2.5 weeks instead of the normal 2 weeks – but to me, it’s worth it to not have to deal with them at work.
      I’ve already seen a huge difference, and would recommend it. I’ve been doing it for about a year and have a couple of months left.

   6. I finished 20 months with Invisalign about this time last year. I got them for myself as my 40th birthday present. Just this morning when I was putting on my makeup I smiled and looked at my teeth and thought about how much more I smile and how I am actually a bit more confident. I know its vain but I am really glad I did it.

      My advice – seek out a really good ortho (not a general dentist who does invisalign). Dentists can treat with invisalign but if things don’t work as scripted they don’t have the tools to switch you to another method. I had a few problems and if I had been with an ortho I know it would have been different. Fortunately, my dentist arranged to transfer my treatment to a ortho and we all three worked out the payment arrangements so my only out of pocket to switch was to bring my payment up to what his office would have charged originally.

   7. I’ve been using Clear Correct (Invisalign competitor) for almost a year now. It’s been expensive (over $5,000) and a big time commitment (appointments at least every six weeks).

      One word of advice: Ask your dentist for ortho recs. I think the Clear Correct is OK, but the office I’m seeing is horrible and I can’t switch since I’ve already paid. I would give anything if I had followed my dentist’s rec instead (I went with someone I found on the internet just because they had early morning hours). The ortho I went with forgot to order my alginers at the beginning, which delayed treatment. The aligners started fitting poorly and they ignored my complaints–so only after more than two months of my mouth being an open sore did they redo molds and order more aligners (I’m still waiting for the new set so am stuck wearing clear retainers now for almost a month in the meantime–meaning another month later until I can be done with all of this). The retainer has broken so took four visits until they got another one…long story. And add to that that his staff often don’t wear gloves or masks. I have actually cried in their parking lot twice now because I feel so helpless and frustrated. At least if you go with a dentist rec, then you know they are more likely to care since it is a referral base for them. (FWIW, I talked with my dentist and apparently my experience on needing to redo the molds is pretty rare. He also said to call him if anything like that happens again and he would talk to the ortho personally since despite a month of the retainers, he could still see where my mouth needs to heal. I got the impression it should have been addressed much sooner). I’m hoping this all is worth it in the end, but honestly I would not have done it had I known I would be going through all of this. I had braces in high school but had neglected to where my retainers, so my teeth weren’t all that bad to begin with. I don’t remember any real pain with wearing braces (just some slight discomfort when they took them off). Honestly, they were nothing compared to what I’ve experienced now.

      1. What? How is this even remotely ok? Isn’t there some way to get some of your money back? Malpractice or something like that?

         1. Sigh, I need to write in complete sentences. Is there a mechanism in which to file malpractice and to get some money back or payment for another orthodontist to complete treatment? You sound like you’ve been suffering for a long time. You can’t be patient when medical/dental professionals are neglecting your health.

   8. OP here, thanks for the recs/experiences. I’m thinking the InvisAlign might be a good option, since my teeth aren’t that bad.

      1. I am doing invisilign too (40ish) because my bottom teeth were crowded and crooked and (to my eye) getting worse. Dentist estimated 6 months, am at about month 4 and it’s been great. Am going in next week for new molds. Only caveat- “no one will notice.” Not true–everyone in my (small inhouse legal) department noted the retainer when I came in with it. But most of my colleagues had worn braces as kids and there was an empathetic undertone. Vanity schmanity. (And post invisilign I am supposed to get permanent retainers.)

   9. I’m 50, and if I could turn back the clock I would return to my 20’s and get braces. At the time I thought I was too old, and was in private practice so was worried about that, but I was wrong – and for vanity reasons I should have had them.

      Now, at 50, I really do feel too old. :-(

   10. I don’t consider getting your teeth fixed particularly vain. If you are self conscious about your teeth. It can affect many aspects of your life! My dh’s front teeth were gapped and very uneven (about 1/4 inch difference between the two), even after years of braces. I was amazed, when we could afford an implant for him, the difference it made in his confidence. He now smiles much more. He was always self consious about his teeth, but he told me he never realized how much it bothered him until we got it fixed. It was definitely money well spent, and we’d do it again in a heartbeat!!

   11. I am in my mid-20s and am about 2/3 of the way through Invisalign. I hemmed and hawwed and now wish I started it sooner! So far I have been very happy with the results. Agree with NYCMomof2 that they aren’t totally invisible. I think they would be were it not for the attachments. These form “bubbles” on the aligners that make them more noticeable. That said, I found that some people notice right away, but others saw me each day for months without noticing.

       Straight, properly-spaced teeth have a lot of dental health benefits. The sooner you start, the sooner you will be done! Don’t get me wrong-it’s not the most convenient thing you will ever do-but I think it’s worth it.

   12. I’m 31 and about half way through Invisalign and pleased. It’s nice to have the option to remove them for big moments. My sister has already completed the program and she looks great. If you are in NYC, I can give you an ortho rec.

4. Okay, early threadjack. Can anyone speak to being the single, working mother of a dog? Or making a fairly major move, both geographically and career-wise, with pooch in tow?

   Because I want one. My current lifestyle and work schedule would accommodate a dog fairly easily, provided he or she is good with cats and other dogs, and is down for the occasional weekend jaunt. The trouble is that my job ends in June, and I don’t know what I’m doing or where I’ll be afterwards. I’m applying to both grad school and to other jobs, so I have no clue what my schedule will look like, or where I’ll be geographically.

   I’ve been trying to make myself hold off until I know for sure what I’ll be doing next year, but ladies…it’s hard. I’m pretty lonely where I live (small rural community, no super-tight friendships) and I know canine companionship would raise my daily quality of life. But I really don’t want to get myself into a situation where I scr*w over a good dog, in case I end up in a situation next year where I’m commuting an hour a day to a job that expects me to work from 9 to 9. I just—don’t know. Sigh. Thoughts?

   1. if you’re in a place where you have a long commute, there are usually dog sitters available, not always hugely expensive – even neighborhood teens can often be trustworthy to take out a dog and play with him after school, but there are also professional dogwalkers. I know other working singles who manage in all sorts of ways. I mean, it would not be fair to a dog that is used to going everywhere with you all day long and running while you bike every day, for example, but my dogs have always adjusted to being home alone for a lot of the day some years. Rescue an older dog, not a puppy with gonzo energy, and quality of life will improve for both of you regardless of your work life.

   2. If you are willing to commit to keeping the dog regardless what happens (and to making the housing situation work, even if it means getting a less fancy place, etc.), I don’t see any issue with getting a dog now. I got my dog 9 years ago when I was single and working and had him through grad school and now working as a lawyer. It definitely takes some planning ahead for trips, but it is worth it. Having the cash to hire a dog sitter or walker helps tremendously, as does having a dog-friendly roomate, but neither are absolutely necessary.

      One piece of advice: consider adopting a dog under 35 lbs if you are going to live in an apartment. I found that my apartment options were severely limited by a 45 lb dog, even though he is much better behaved than many small dogs.

      1. I would absolutely be keeping the dog, regardless of where I went, and I would make the money work for a dog-walker. Which I completely forgot about being an option–it’s not really a thing where I live now.

         Could you expand on a larger dog limiting apartment options? I haven’t heard about that before, but 35 pounds is about as small as I’d be willing to go, both because I flat-out like big dogs better, and because Future Dog would be a running buddy. I have also heard from myriad sources (and verified through experience with family pets) that larger dogs are typically more mellow, thus often better-suited to inside life.

         1. Many apartment complexes place limits on the size and breed of dog. My large publicly traded complex will not allow so-called ‘bully breeds’ – boxers/rottweilers/pitbulls/chows/etc. nor any dog large than 40 lbs. Just something to keep in mind if you anticipate having to move to an apartment complex.

         2. Apartment complexes can be a pain with a large dog because the put strange restrictions on size. But if you’re committed to working around that limitation, you’ll be fine. There are big-dog-friendly rentals available everywhere — you just need to know that a dog will, inevitably, substantially limit your rental options.

            I’ve got a 70lb running buddy, and he’s totally mellow :-) As long as you’re well-informed and willing to take on the extra challenge of apartment hunting with a big dog, it will be fine. The benefit that the dog adds to my life is worth all of the extra challenges 100 fold.

         3. If you’re considering a big, apartment-friendly dog, might I respectfully suggest a greyhound? We adopted a retired racer, and he’s the best apartment dog ever, and is just generally a great companion. They also come leash, crate, and potty trained, which is a HUGE plus.

            As far as your original question — I think you have to do some soul-searching. If you’re truly going to be able to give the dog a good life in the next stage of your life, no matter what it is, then go for it. If you’re not sure, I think you should hold off until you figure out exactly what you’re doing.

            1. I posted a longer response below, but I don’t think I mentioned we have a greyhound. Our dog is not a good running buddy. She sprints and has no endurance. She would rather trot with lots of breaks to smell new things and explore than run at our pace, which is not fun for her. She likes to go from side to side to smell new things, so it’s easy to trip over her while running. I’m sure some greys can be good running buddies or could be trained to be, but it’s not working for our dog. I do recommend the breed, our dog is a wonderful companion and a great apartment dog, but she needs to run in a large fenced in area and offleash.

            2. Oh, ours is a terrible runner, too. I didn’t realize that’s what the OP was looking for. If so, I rescind my comment on the greyhound. Great for walking and meandering. Horrible for running on the leash.

            3. I absolutely love greyhounds but they’re not generally a good pick for running buddies. More coach potatoes that love a good off-leash sprint now and then. My advice is to research different dog breeds very thoroughly (you’ll get a better sense of those known for various personality traits, physical needs for exercise, etc.) and then use petfinder.com to find the breed (or a mix) in a shelter. Some dogs are known for being very vocal, while others aren’t. Size tends not to be so much the factor but breed.

   3. Will you be willing to commit to spending money to get him walked and cared for if you end up in a job with long hours? I just know so many people who leave their dog alone all day and it like kills me that they think they can handle a dog and leave him in a crate or apartment all day. And then wonder why he pees on the rug or is hyper when they get a dog that likes to run and take him on 2 20 minute walks a day and thats it.

      1. This. If you want to adopt a dog from a rescue (which you should do!) they will almost require this sort of commitment. They really don’t want to adopt out dogs who need exercise into families who can’t get them that exercise.

   4. Consider fostering a dog. Rescue organizations often need people to foster dogs, that way you get the canine companionship, and you get to see how a dog would fit into your life. You can always adopt the dog if there is an intense connection.

      1. I was going to make this suggestion as well.

      2. The only issue with fostering is that most rescue orgs are pretty regional so might not place a foster with someone who is maybe moving. But otherwise its a good idea. Maybe she’ll be a foster failure. :-)

      3. I’ve definitely considered fostering, but because of my current living situation I’m not sure it would be the best choice–my roommate is not jumping up and down with excitement (what a weirdo ;) at the idea of a dog, so I think she’d be even less enthusiastic about having to lint-roll hair from a dog that wasn’t even mine.

         I am also 99.99% sure I would be a foster failure.

         1. If your roommate doesn’t want a dog then don’t get one! That is a huge imposition and everyone needs to be on board!

            1. Well, it’s also a bit of an imposition that her boyfriend lives at our house and contributes nothing towards rent or utilities, but who cares about that. She also didn’t, when we were discussing this earlier in the year, say “Don’t get a dog,” it was more like, “If you get a dog, I want you to know that I am not going to take any responsibility for it, so don’t count on me to feed him if you’re gone for the weekend.” Which is her right.

            2. I would make sure your roommate was on board with getting a dog – but it’s different to not be on board with GETTING a dog vs not being on board with the responsibility of owning a dog.

               I don’t think your roommate’s expectations are unreasonable. I do *not* expect my roommates to do anything for my job – walk him when I’m going to be late, watch him when I go on vacation, play with him when I’m not home. Sometimes, they do offer to do those things, which is great, but I accept that the dog is my responsibility (and mine alone).

               However, I could not (and would not) live with someone who was not okay with having a dog at all, for whatever reason. When I got my dog I lived by myself, I have since moved into a place with roommates. One of my criteria was – you have to be okay with having a dog. Even though the dog is trained, sometimes the dog will bark or make a mess or steal the food you left out. I will do my part in terms of responsibility for the dog and paying for any damage and you need to be all right with having a dog in your living space.

               Make sure you have the budget for a dog – training (and you’ll want to do some, it helps cement the bond between you and the dog), vaccinations/vet visits (especially emergency vet visits), pet insurance (which I recommend), grooming (depending on breed), dog walking/daycare — it definitely adds up.

         2. Wait until you’re out on your own. It’s only a few months longer and it’s not fair to the animal to live somewhere where everyone is not on board.

   5. I agree with Gigi – fostering a dog sounds like a good option right now. Once you’re settled next year, then you can adopt.

   6. I did this. I graduated from college with an internship, and my “reward” to myself, I got a dog.

      Some recommendations – don’t go to a pet store. Happy to expand on this if you don’t know why. Go to either a reputable breeder (start with the local breed club of the breed you’re interested in for referrals) or a shelter or rescue.

      Don’t get a puppy unless you have plenty of excess cash. A puppy will need to go out much more frequently than an adult dog and will also need much more time spent training and socializing, which is difficult when you are shouldering all the “dog responsibilities” alone. Also, before age 3-4months, you can’t really take them anywhere because they haven’t finished their shots, and if you don’t have your own yard, that gets taxing (trying to find places other dogs haven’t gone). Doggie daycares in my area do take puppies – but if I had a 3-4mo old puppy (which would need to go out every 3-4 hrs), I’d have to have them in daycare every workday which would run me somewhere around $150/week.

      I think the best thing is to get an adult dog who you already know the temperament of – and the best place to find that is a rescue where the dog’s already been in a foster home so you already know (reasonably) how you’ll do in a home environment. Remember that depending what dog you get, a dog can be a 15+ year commitment. Think about where your life is going to go – I was 22 and single when I got my dog, but specifically bypassed all ads that said the dog wasn’t good with children or men since it’s entirely possible I’ll have both in the next few years.

      You can get a midday dogwalker – some dogs need this, some dogs don’t. My dog does fine holding it during the workday so I cutoff dogwalker services. I’d expect it to run anywhere from $10-$25 in my area, depending on the service you want (ie, quick 5 min business break or an hour playing with him, etc). My dog also does fine home alone but I make sure we have tons of activity and fun on the weekends.

      1. To be honest this is the sentence that drives me crazy that I hear all the time “My dog does fine holding it during the workday” unless its truly the one of few dogs that like to just sleep during the day or an older super mellow dog, please don’t get a dog and figure it can hold it for eight hours. (and to be honest, prob more than eight hours with any kind of commute or overtime)

         1. I think it depends on the dog. As I said below, our older mellow lab, if I come home in the middle of the day, expresses no interest in going to the bathroom. If there’s more than an 6 hour absence between my husband and I, we have a neighbor come let our younger dog out in the middle of the day.

            But I think there’s a difference between my situation and the situation where the dog can, physically hold it but is miserable for hours of every day.

         2. Well… I had a midday dog walker and 3/4 of the time she would take him out, he didn’t pee and if he did, it was mostly just marking (according to the walker). I wouldn’t GET a dog assuming that (I had a dog walker for the first six months I owned him) but it turned out that for my dog, it wasn’t necessary.

         3. Clearly youre a dog lover, cfm, and you don’t like the idea of a dog being left home for 8 hours. But the fact is, plenty of people have dogs and jobs ( in fact, I’d say most people) and the dogs do survive and feel loved and live happy lives.

            1. Well said, mamabear!

               I don’t think that an adult dog that likes to sleep all day is especially uncommon, actually, especially in large breeds. I occasionally work from home, and even when I’m there, my 3 year old dog usually just curls up on the couch and naps all day — and usually doesn’t ask to go outside until the normal “get home from work” time. Every dog is different, and of course you have to be prepared for the possibility that you’ll have to have a dog walker, but I really don’t think that my situation is that unusual.

               Since I basically think of my dog as a child (um, yes, I am the girl who brings her dog on vacation, etc), I’m somewhat amused that you’d be upset by the way that I treat him :)

            2. I know some dogs can do it, I guess because I know plenty of people who have dogs and jobs, and those dogs are pit/pointer/mutts with lots of energies whose owner is gone for 9 hours a day and that is just not the kind of dog that should be alone (or sometimes they crate them for that long!)

            3. I would agree with this. Most people I know who have dogs work. They have varying solutions for this depending on the temperament of their dogs. Their dogs are generally happy and healthy, though it may take some varied attempts to find the routine that makes them the most comfortable.

         4. That really REALLY depends on the dog. My dogs have always been fine with holding it. They get lots of attention, lots of running and walking and etc…and they are HAPPY to sleep all day. I’ve come home to let them out and it’s still been another hour or two before they actually have to pee.

            Now, to be honest, a great deal of the time I can leave my back slider open so they can go in and out all day, but during the summer I cannot because my lab goes into the pool and then makes big puddles of water on my wood floor, and during winter it sometimes get a bit cold. Still, I’ve never had an accident and never or rarely had a situation where they explode out of the house to relieve themselves.

      2. I’m glad to hear from someone who made it work! Seriously, mamabear, you are so my role model.

         I would absolutely be going through a rescue or shelter, and the thought of a puppy had not even crossed my mind. Well, it has, but only in a wistful “They’re so cute…” kind of way, followed quickly by “…but too much work.” I also volunteered at a shelter when I was in college, so I know how many absolutely fantastic adult dogs don’t get adopted, just because they’re not all tiny and fluffy anymore.

         1. Good! I’m glad to hear it! So many people bypass shelters and rescues because “adult dogs get surrendered for a reason/they all have problems/they’re all mutts” when really, you can get an EXCELLENT dog from a shelter, many of them even purebred, if that’s important to you.

            One thing I would recommend – do not get a large dog or a dog that is on ANY banned breed list you can find (pits, rottweilers, . When you’re renting, you want the dog that the fewest landlords will have an issue with. Also look into getting its Canine Good Citizen certification and don’t get a dog that has any history of aggression as obviously, a landlord will not want that kind of liability.

   7. As an adopter of two labs that have worked out great, and a person who works crazy hours, I think adopting a dog is a great idea.

      Specifically, you might want to look at adopting an older dog. There are a lot, a LOT, SO VERY MANY (ok I feel like Ellen) dogs that are 5-9 years old whose owners either died or went to a nursing home, and they were put in the shelter. All the puppies always get adopted out – those dogs have been trained to be calm, faithful companions for years and they end up getting put to sleep. In comparison to younger lab, our older lab is perfectly happy to go for a 30 minute walk at 7AM, spend his entire day switching sides in front of the sunny window, and go out for another 20 minute walk at 6PM and then one at 10PM.

      You also want to work with a reputable shelter. If you want to look at animals, we found both our dogs through petfinder. Google petfinder and the website will come up. You can restrict by breed, age, and location.

      Sometimes as a working professional it’s harder to have a dog. But the rewards are worth it a thousand times over.

      1. Shelter dogs are the best and you’re saving a life!
         I’m single and on my second dog living alone. I have a pit bull mix from a shelter and she is the best companion and sweetest dog. I will admit that sometimes it is a drag with working late/meeting people after work but I have a dog walker. And I can work from home some times since my job is flexible.
         Fostering could be a good test for you to see if it’s doable.

   8. Moving a long distance with a pet can be a challenge. I only have a cat, so the move I made driving was probably more difficult than it would be with a dog because my cat is terrified of the car. I also moved her across the country by plane, which was a total pain in the ass (but absolutely worth it because she is pretty much my child). It was much more expensive to have her in the pet hold, so I took her in the cabin with me. I didn’t know that was even possible when I started making plans. It ultimately worked out ok, but I felt awful for the flight attendants who had to move some angry fliers around the plane who were allergic to cats. Luckily the flight attendants were extremely nice about it. It’s stressful to make a long move in general, but there is definitely added stress when you are concerned about the well being of your beloved pet during the entire journey.

      I’m definitely not saying don’t get a dog, just know that moving with one can turn into quite the added expense on top of regular pet care expenses. I think flying in the pet hold was $250, plus I’ve paid multiple pet deposits at apartments that typically ran $400. My cat is so important to me and has been great for my own mental health and worth every penny to me. Just something to consider while making your decision

      1. I have 4 cats now (not that I recommend that, an irresponsible roommate who didn’t believe in spaying until her cat turned up pregnant, which I didn’t know at the time, etc!) one (my original) has moved cross-country with me many times and is an absolutely fine rider. She just curls up in a miserable little ball as close to me as she can get. Another seems okay, but a little rambunctious (and his longest car ride was 2 hours!) the other two girls…hells bells.

         The first two can ride in the car without being crated, in fact, if I try to crate my older cat she pees all over herself and will rip her paws up to blood even on a short 20 minute drive. The latter two…well, one wont come out of the crate and just pants and yowls the entire time, the other one starts foaming at the mouth and trying to burrow into/under everything…including her siblings. It was the grossest thing I’ve ever seen and she will NOT be the world traveler the others are.

   9. My SO and I got a dog about a year and a half ago, and here are some reasons I would hesitate to be solely responsible for a dog:

      – If you live in a rural area and work a ways from your home (this was us last year), your social life will be curtailed, because if you get an invite for drinks or dinner after work, you have to figure out what to do about your dog. For me, at least, I wouldn’t pay for a dog walker or drive an hour roundtrip to walk my dog myself and then come back to the area where I worked to go to a happy hour with colleagues (as opposed to seeing good friends).

      – Emergencies come up, so you have to have the time and money to deal with them. On a timely note, last night, our dog got bit by another dog at the dog park. We took her to the emergency vet where she had to have sedation, a drain put in, and stiches. They were done around 4 am, but the vet told us that we could go home earlier and they would keep her overnight. Luckily my SO isn’t working today, so he could go pick her up and stay home with her, and then we’ll both be home for the long weekend. She has to wear a cone unless we’re monitoring her, so if my SO wasn’t around, I would probably stay home with her to monitor her so she didn’t have to wear the cone for the whole day. We have to take her back in 2-3 days and then again in 10 days. This also was not cheap. We’ve had some other less severe injuries where we’ve decided to take her to our vet the next day rather than the emergency vet that night, but this requires scheduling flexibility.

      – It’s nice to have someone else take some of the responsibility for playing with the dog, letting her out, walking her when you’re sick. I don’t think this is as big a deal as the other two points, but still something to think about.

      – I used to run a lot, but not so much anymore. Although not entirely because of the dog, it turns out she’s not a good running buddy (it can be very distracting to have to worry about what the dog’s doing, and I prefer to be able to zone out on runs). I generally find it hard to fit in working out plus walking the dog after coming home from work.

      – On the issue of moving, our dog is freaked out by boxes and got really stressed out when we moved with her. When we were looking for a new place, we were obviously restricted–some by size (she’s 60 lbs), none by breed (don’t get an “agressive” breed, no matter how sweet the dog is, because many apartments have a blanket ban on certain breeds, including huskies in some cases), and we wanted close proximity to a fenced-in dog park (our dog cannot be off-leash unless she’s fenced in).

      That said, I love our dog. When my SO is away, she is a great companion. When my SO was out-of-town for 6 weeks last fall, it was so nice to have my routine where I went home, walked the dog, fed both of us, and we relaxed together before bed. When we aren’t home (or even when we are home), our dog goes from bed to bed taking naps. She is about 5 1/2.

      1. Really, really well said. I agree with all of this. I think it would be hard to be singularly responsible for a dog, and I have one of the most low-key dogs on the planet.

         First, she also killed my running habit. She is a terrible runner (again, with the sprints and the sniffing), and I used to go for a 30 min run and then take her for a 30 min walk, but that didn’t last very long. Honestly, if only one of us gets to exercise, it’s only fair that it be her. As a result, we walk every morning and I no longer run.

         For emergencies, when she gets sick, one of us has to take off, and it helps to be able to split the time between two people.

         With that said, I know many single people for whom their dogs are their closest companions – just please don’t give your pup up for a new SO that is less than thrilled about dogs!! I’ve seen it too many times, and it’s heartbreaking.

         Also, I recommend that you pick the breed you want, then google to find a specific rescue. We rescued a 3 yr. old lab from a lab rescue, and it was wonderful. We knew her temprement when she was adopted (i.e., no separation anxiety and was dog/kid/cat friendly), and it made the adjustment process easier on us all.

         1. Sorry – didn’t see the “other” Dog Lover poster earlier in this thread. To be clear, the above post is my first post in this thread.

   10. My one contribution is that if I were ever to get another dog, I would not get a puppy. My dog was an ADORABLE puppy, but he chewed so much he even chewed the baseboards off in my kitchen. Yes, I know, provide chew alternatives, but he wasn’t interested in those. He liked wood. He even stripped part of the siding off a redwood shed outside.

       I have been trying to convince my husband for a while that we should adopt a rescue greyhound. But for now, we just have two cats.

       1. Greyhounds are amazingly wonderful animals. If you need any convincing points, let me know!

       2. Ditto jr! I <3 my greyhound.

   11. You’re in a temporary lifestyle, will have major changes in the next year, and you live with a roommate who does not want a dog. You are not in a position to get a dog. You are only setting yourself up for failure and your dog up for distress, and you’re not being fair to your roommate. Everyone who adopts a dog has good intentions, but many people fail to look realistically at their situation. Get a fish if you really need something to take care of now and reconsider getting a dog after you make your move.

       1. Second this – In five months you’ll changing to the lifestyle you’ll be living for several years. Why not hold off and see if a dog, and what kind of dog, can fit into that lifestyle? (Last weekend I went with a friend to adopt a cat which was less than a year old. Her previous owners had gotten her, I’m sure with the best intentions, but then couldn’t keep her because of a move. I hate to think of you in the same situation.)

          1. Agree. This is not a great time. You really have no idea what your schedule or living situation will be like in a few months from now! And just because your roommate’s boyfriend lives at your house does not make it okay for you to get a dog against her wishes.

   12. How about fostering a dog from a nearby rescue? You’ll be giving a much-deserving dog some companionship but won’t have a full commitment. Then, when you’re settled into the next phase of your life, think of adopting a dog permanently.

   13. Thanks to everyone for all of the input! I think I’m going to have another conversation with my roommate this weekend, including the foster option, and take it from there. And I should, which I hadn’t thought about, talk to my mom, in case July finds me unemployed and living at home (ack)–I know she’d be okay with the occasional weekend visit, as long as the dog is 100% cat-friendly, but we haven’t talked specifically about what would happen if I was there longer-term.

       Also, can I just say, being a responsible adult and having to think about all of these things sucks.

       1. Good! Figuring out all the responsibility stuff is super important (if mundane and kinda boring)… When I got my dog, I knew I would be starting grad school in two years. I will apply for pet friendly housing but am not guaranteed it (though it’s likely). I refused to get my dog without a firm committment from my parents that during the time I was in school, if I couldn’t find pet friendly housing, or in an event I was unable to care for my dog, they would take him until I could. Backup plans benefit everyone, in the end.

          Also for 100% cat friendly, I’d avoid prey driven breeds. It actually sounds like a golden or something similar might be great for you. Remember if you get a puppy or young dog that it make take a couple years before its joints have matured to the point that it can be a good running buddy for you.

       2. My final word! When I was in law school (living by myself in a new city), I was extremely unhappy and extremely lonely and wanted a dog more than anything. I even picked out the perfect dog on petfinder.org.

          But, I resisted the temptation – I knew I wasn’t home enough to take really good care of her and I knew my situation was going to change a lot over the next three years (and it did!). As a compromise, I started spending a lot of Saturdays at a local rescue walking the dogs. It was great for us all. I left with a “dog fix” and some of the dogs got some exercise.

          In hindsight, I’m glad I waited until I was settled to get our girl, even though the companionship would have been really nice in law school. But, you do sound committed to making it work, so I wish you the best – whatever you decide!

          1. I don’t know if you are still reading these comments-but some rescue programs do training with prision inmates-we were lucky enough to get our 90 lb Lab-Rottweiler mix (mellowest 2 year old dog ever) after she had completed 3 months of intensive training while living with an inmate. She passed her Canine Good Citizen test before we got her. She came well trained, very sweet, and having her CGC certification was helpful. She also came with a journal the inmate kept about her, which was wonderful. She cost us $200, which included her chipping and spaying. We got so lucky!

             1. I’ve never heard of that program but it sounds awesome! good for the pups and good for the inmates!

   14. I am a “crazy dog lady” (3 dogs, 2 of which are rescues, 1 of which was *supposed* to be a foster dog, but turned into a forever dog) and I just want to weigh in about picking out a dog: Take your time to find a good fit for you personality-wise. And I must echo what the others say about getting a smaller dog that isn’t on a banned breed list so that you don’t severely limit your housing options in the future. It will be hard enough finding a place that even accepts pets, but in my area of the country, virtually no landlords allow dogs over 40 pounds. I know you say you want a bigger dog, but smaller dogs can have big personalities and can be rough and tumble like big dogs. Our Australian Shepherd-Jack Russel mix is a tough little nut. :)

   15. We have 3 cats and a dog — he’s a rescue , somewhere in the range of 2-3 years old, 50+ lb lab/chow/who knows what else mix. I now volunteer a bit with the rescue we got him from — have done home visits, some other stuff. Some thoughts on the whole process + dog ownership.

       Expect that the rescue will interview your roommate and will ask for her blessing. In fact, the shelter in my county requires *everyone* who lives together to come fill out the application. In my case, that meant corraling 3 kids and a husband to show up; in yours, it will likely mean your roommate and maybe even her boyfriend.

       Your roommate’s support is huge. The dog will be a large part of her life. He will swipe her food, shed on her clothes, poop/pee on her rug, jump on her in the morning. Yes, you will work hard to train the dog, but this is a process. After almost 2 years of hard work, my dog still has potty accidents and likely always will (he has *issues* from pre-rescue life).

       You may be a foster failure, but trust me, a foster failure is MUCH better than adopting and then bailing. Your life isn’t stable enough right now to make a long-term commitment to a dog. I’m sorry to be so blunt, but it’s not.

       Our dog is pretty easygoing and can handle most of a day alone,** but there is a limit to how long we can be gone. He does not handle weekend trips well, so we board. He is much happier going to the close-by boarding facility than to an unknown get-away (plus, he pukes in the car). Whether your weekend get-aways with dog are viable remains to be seen. Some handle it, others don’t. And unfortunately, you’re likely not to know until you try. ** During the workday, our nanny is home with him and lets him out. We also have a big fenced yard so walks are not as much an issue for us. Our experiences re long times at home alone are weekends.

5. Cute shirt, I would wear this for more casual days at the office. I’ve ordered a few things from Canvas and generally like their product, though I do find sizing to be inconsistent.

   BIG thanks to Anonymous and Kady, who gave me great advice on fabrics and pants in yesterday’s Coffee Break!

6. I have to go over my annual review in a few hours. The director going over it with me (who didn’t write it) just emailed me a copy, and …. it sucks. My overall rating was 3/5, or ‘average’, but the review itself is just paragraphs and paragraphs about various ways that I’m a bad employee, and almost nothing positive. It’s not that all the criticism is totally invalid, but really, it’s extremely demoralizing to read, and I frankly don’t think it’s a fair assessment. (given who did write it, this does not at all come as a surprise.) I would like to argue my case calmly and without crying but I’m not sure I can. Please give me some tips :(

   1. Others I’m sure can give you better advice but here’s what I’d say. (1) Get your closest friend in the office, go out for coffee, and cry and rage and complain and get it all out of your system before you step into the room. You will not help yourself (as you know) by doing anything in the room. (2) Begin polishing your resume, looking at job sites, and attending networking events. The sad truth is that this may be more about an effort to move you out the door rather than actually about your performance.

      Sorry! This really sucks.

      1. This. Especially if you are in BigLaw, and your firm is “up (partnership) or out”. A bad review is pretty de rigeur for the “out” folks starting around year 5.

         Move on, life will only get better when you are at a job that appreciates you and your hard work.

         Since when is “average” bad? Average is, well, average. Neither good nor bad. The thought that average is bad is another reason I will never work for biglaw again…

   2. Are you required to accept the review? Some firms will allow you to contest and or ask for changes to be made.
      Personally, I had an outgoing manager who I did not get along with well try to sink me by writing up a blatantly untrue review (along with other negative comments). I calmly called them out on it and asked them to change the tone, remove certain comments, etc. or I would not accept the review and notify their manager. The outgoing person quickly backed down. Sometimes people don’t think they’ll be called on this type of behavior.
      I’d go into the meeting with a list of things you would like to be reflected in the review (with examples of good work you’ve done) and suggestions for how to re-word or soften the negative criticism.
      Good luck!

      1. Good for you for standing up for yourself in a calm, assertive manner! I’m glad it worked out. Inspiring.

   3. I’m feeling pretty crappy about my upcoming review as well, but I’ve found it helpful to write out my own paragraphs of explanations as well. I would make a list of hard accomplishments and contributions to bring to the review. I would also look at the valid criticism in the document, and if possible, outline a few action plans to improve these areas next year. For the unfair portion, pinpoint exactly what you think is incorrect. Was it someone else’s project? Do they have the outcome incorrectly listed? Is it mean-spirited or too vague to actually implement (ie: “she’s lazy” vs. “frequently misses deadlines by 2-3 days”, “she’s stupid” vs. “frequent typos and grammatical errors in documents for final submission). Bring the corrections with you. If the criticism is too vague, ask for specific steps to improve next year. And, as the poster above mentioned, if this is just a “personality thing” from the manager, I would also suggest starting the job hunt. Good luck, and please don’t beat yourself up too much!

   4. 1) can you go reschedule and go over it next week? a “few hours” doesn’t seems like enough time to digest and have a productive discussion.
      2) if not, give yourself 15 minutes now to take a walk / go outside / go be emotional or what have you. let it out.
      3) then come back and make a list of the main points you’re seeing in the review. both good and bad.
      4) stick with the facts of what is written, not what you might be “reading into” or your feelings about what is written. that’s a key distinction. if the review says, “often late to meetings” don’t turn this into “they’re ganging up on me for that one time i was late which is really unfair because i do so much work for them and they don’t realize how long it all takes and besides, they’re always late too” etc … just focus on the facts and respond as calmly as possible to each one.
      5) really, really try not to take it personally.
      6) finally, don’t spend the whole time defending yourself. be constructive, not defensive. think of things you can do to change the facts, ways in which you could use more help or support, or other productive suggestions. remember that it’s not a debate about whether you are X or Y. everyone is (theoretically) after the same goal, which should be to serve the company and develop your career (hopefully those are not mutually exclusive) … so keeping that in mind may help you de-personalize the situation and handle it more objectively.

      Good luck!

      1. This happened to me recently… I found out that it was one person in the management team (20) that was making all the negative comments. That was helpful and I have since worked on building a better relationship with that person. I am of the camp that it’s ok to cry in the office behind closed door with your boss. I think that shows how it has affected you.

         I got my review in advance.. about an hour. I had counter points for some of the negative points. I fessed up to some that were true. Before I signed my copy though I made sure the two people evaluating me made a note that most of the negative comments were from one person and were not indicative of my overall performance.

         Sorry for the review… I give you permission to be rattled.

   5. I’m really sorry this happened. I have a difficult time accepting criticism myself, mainly because I already know about all of it and have probably been beating myself up about it. There are also instances of differences in style/philosophy that can be problematic between supervisor and supervisee.

      That said, it’s unfortunate that you are going over it in a few hours. Ideally, I think it would be best if you would have a few days before you respond so you can get over being upset and maybe see things more clearly and calmly. As a supervisor, I would counsel you to choose your battles carefully. Don’t try to dispute or even explain every piece of criticism. Pick those items that you think are unfair and address them. Those are the types of things that I, as a supervisor, probably agonized over including, so I’m usually willing to change language to soften them or even remove them. I would definitely ask why there is nothing positive, when you can see positive aspects to your work. It’s easy to write the negative – if you can provide examples of your positives, that would be good for you as well. A good supervisor will try to find a balance, but it sounds like the person who wrote this has their own problems.

   6. Carry a bottle or large glass of water into the review with you. Having water to sip on does WONDERS for preventing you from crying/having a shaky voice, etc. Sip regularly and it will physically relax you. Also, try to distance yourself during the meeting a little bit. Become an outside observer and learn – are they doing this review well? How would you do it differently if tables were turned? How is their choice of language? This sort of mental game can make it less personal in the moment and less likely to affect you emotionally (in the moment – you can cry all you need to later).

      1. I am coming at this from the BigLaw perspective, but it may apply to your industry as well. While I respect other commenters’ advice about getting your emotions out before the review, I would not do this if it will result in your going into the review looking like you have been crying. You will feel better about the review if you look and feel as poised and dignified as possible under the circumstances – red eyes and runny nose will undermine anything you actually say.

   7. So sorry you have to deal with this. You should take a moment away from the situation, go for a walk, have a conversation with a trusted friend, find some way to achieve emotional balance before having the conversation. Then it may be helpful to outline a few key points you want to get across during the conversation. It may also be helpful to role play during the conversation, to get some emotional distance from the situation. This may help you to avoid crying.

   8. Thanks so much everyone for your comments and concerns. After crying to my husband and taking lots of deep breaths, I did maintain my composure throughout the meeting– go me. We went over the review piece by piece and I pointed out where I thought the criticisms were valid and where I didn’t feel they were fair, giving specific examples as to why. His responses ranged from “well, you may be right, but that competency doesn’t matter anyway” to “hmm, OK, I should follow up on that”. He downplayed the importance of the overall rating but wouldn’t move it up. So that kind of sucks, but at least the version of the review that’ll go into my permanent record will have less negative comments and more positive ones.

      I should note that the only reason it went that well at all was because the self-review that I turned in a few weeks ago identified the same general weaknesses as my manager’s review. My demonstrated self-awareness was key to my credibility in saying “This particular criticism is off base and here’s why.” So there’s that.

      Anyhow…There’s actually a happy ending to the day! As I was sitting at my desk stewing about the meeting, I got a call from a female principal in another office. I did some work on one of her projects a few weeks back; it was low-level stuff that’s frankly below my pay grade to do, but it had to get done and I went above and beyond in making sure it got done well. In return, she just went to bat for me to accompany her on a business trip next week where I’ll sit in on meetings and get exposure to a totally new, but really interesting practice area. (which — bonus! — my current manager has nothing to do with). It really made my day since it showed that bad review aside, my hard work is in fact getting noticed and appreciated by senior people, and my career isn’t at a total dead-end after all.

      I hope when I get to her level that I’ll ‘pass it forward’ and do the same thing for junior women that she just did for me. Yay sisterhood :)

      1. That’s wonderful! Sounds like you did great and you should give yourself a big pat on the back and do something celebratory this weekend. By the way, it’s well known in supervisory circles that you shouldn’t have difficult conversations or reviews on a Friday. It’s called the “Friday dump.” But it sounds like the conversation went back and forth in a very positive way. Congratulations!

7. I bought it (ordered one size down based on reviews)! And I found a free shipping coupon by googling! Yay! Take that Friday the 13th.

   I also thought I’d share that yesterday I got a first round interview for a job I really, really want. I got laid off earlier this year and have been working at a contract position for a few months which is fine and actually has been kind of nice through the holiday (low stress), but this job would be great. I know its just a first rounder and they’re probably interviewing a million bazillion people, but I’m still really excited. So yay.

   1. Good luck with the interview!

   2. Good luck!

8. For Weight Watchers online members – I created a WW group for fans of this website at http://community.weightwatchers.com/Groups/GroupPage.aspx?sid=7652521. The group is a semi-private forum and message board that online WW members can access. 16 readers have already joined! I have to approve new members, so please bear with me if it takes a couple of hours for me to approve you.

   1. Can you change the name you post under or is it under your username for the site?

      1. I am not 100% sure but I think you cannot. If you go into your profile and edit, I know you can choose not to show your real name, but I don’t think you can choose another username for WW groups.

   2. I just saw this – yay!! :)

9. Somewhat weird threadjack:

   Yesterday I wore my Theory pants suit for the first time. I have the skirt too, and had worn it before with a slip with no problems. I have never had any problems wearing unlined pants before, and have really never had any wool sensitivities (and I’m a knitter so I work with wool a lot)!

   I had a longer than average day yesterday, which meant that I was wearing the pants for 13 or 14 hours. By the end of the day, I was beside myself itchy. Everything was fine when I got dressed and even through the morning, but around mid-afternoon, my waistline was itchy, and it just got worse and worse for the rest of the day. When I got home it was all I could do not to rip the pants off.

   What the heck? Has anyone else experienced this with Theory or any other brand? Should I buy some of those silk long underware things to wear underneath (if so, is that going to make me overheat if I’m not generally cold? and do you have recommendations for a particular product)? Take it to the tailor and see if he can add a lining at least at the top? Although I got this suit on sale, it was still pretty pricey to just give up on after one wear so I’d like to find a work around, but I’m not sure what to try. I also have no idea why I would have a reaction to this material when I’ve never had issues before. Thoughts??

   1. If it was itchy just along the waistline, I’d suggest wearing underwear that come up higher so that it’ll protect your skin or wear a tanktop underneath your top. If it was itchy everywhere, maybe wear stockings or tights underneath. But life is too short and the day is too long to deal with clothes that make you miserable.

      1. i have experienced this…my thighs were SO itchy by the end of the day whenever i wear one pair of theory pants. confession, they are theory outlet…so i think that may be part of the problem? I think theory outlet is not a true outlet, I think SOME of their stuff is made for outlet, which i think is more of a factory store, a la j crew and banana “outlets”. so if it wasn’t from an outlet, i’d take the pants back and ask the store if anything can be done, because i’ve experienced itchy pant syndrome and it the worst it’s not so bad in the winter, bc you can do tights under…but in the summer, when you need to wear your suit pants…ugh, sweaty, itchy…grossssss

         1. These are totally from the outlet! Lesson learned, I guess.

   2. So you were itchy around the waistline and nowhere else at all? Was it the actual waistline (as in the waistband of the pants, if the pants has one), or the general waist area? Is the waistband tight?

      1. Actual waistband of the pants, but the waistband is not tight. I was a tiny bit itchy elsewhere but the waistband was definitely the brunt of the problem.

   3. I’ve had problems with wool pants like this, too! I got those silk thermal long johns and they solved the problem. I don’t think you’ll find them too warm, it’s more like adding a lining to any pair of pants.

   4. Have you had them cleaned yet? I have heard that often new clothing has been treated with chemicals that come out after a few washes, so you may be allergic to that, not the fabric.

      Silk long underwear shouldn’t make you overheat. Synthetic long underwear will, though.

      1. I haven’t had them cleaned yet, good point.

         Thanks for all the responses. I’m going to try all of these things!

         1. can i piggyback off this discussion and ask if any one has a theory (haha i’m funny…or lame) on whether theory outlets (i frequent the one in leesburg, VA, but have also been to the woodbury commons one) are made for outlets or are the real deal, just last seasons or whatever…want to know if it’s really a “deal” or if i’m better off just getting a coupon for bloomingdales

            1. i’ve been to the theory outlet and i was pleasantly surprised by the quality and selection. some of it may be “last season,” but given the range of their basics available (gabe b. jacket, max c and emery pants, all in plenty of sizes and basic colors like black, navy, gray and tan), i suspect it’s more likely that they have some kind of flaw. i have bought several theory pieces from nordstrom and bloomingdales and cannot see a difference in the fabric or construction itself (unlike, say, coach factory or the j.crewlet, where the fabrics are clearly thinner).

               i got a full suit (gabe b jacket and emery trouser, in black tailor fabric) and a charcoal wool blazer with a subtle violet windowpane (only one of these left, less basic – more likely that this was past season) for under $500. if you have one nearby i’d definitely recommend making a trip.

            2. I tried doing some research on this before purchasing the aforementioned suit at the Leesburg outlets, and really couldn’t find any info online. I closely inspected a Theory suit at my local Saks, and then did the same at the outlet — no visable differences. Fabric seemed to be the same weight. Same construction, etc. Basically, I decided to give it a whirl.

               Of course, now I have itchy pants… but I don’t own any “non-outlet” Theory pants (only skirts) so unfortunately I can’t tell you if this is a outlet thing or not.

            3. Most of my theory clothes are either from the outlet or the theory sample sales in NYC. The clothes are (I believe) to be the same quality as Bloomies, etc. Sometimes the clothes will be from a prior season though.

   5. This is probably a weird comment to the weird threadjack, but until a few days ago, I didn’t own any :full-wool” pants – everything was a wool blend. Yesterday I wore a new pair of “full-wool” pants to work and oh my goodness – itchy city! I instantly thought of you ladies and your discussions of lined pants and unlined pants … you now have a lined wool pants convert before you. :)

      1. I bought a pair of J Crew wool pants second hand, and they’re even itchy through the lining. :(

10. Can anyone speak to the fit of J. Crew outerwear? I’m looking at buying either the Metro coat or the Lady Day Coat, would be buying with thinsulate and in a tall. I am a 14/16, larger chest, long torso, medium shoulder width. I don’t want to mess up the size, since it will be final sale.

    I’m leaning toward the lady coat – I can get it in black, and I haven’t had a black winter coat in years. Not since I swapped out a sensible black pea coat for the necessary North Face and uggs pre-college, in fact.

    1. I have the Lady Day coat, which I would say fits true to size or a little small. I’m usually a 4 in bottoms and an xs in tops at J.Crew, and my coat is a size 4. I can wear thickish sweaters or a suit jacket under it, but I feel kind of bunchy when I do that. J.Crew has been getting into vanity sizing the last few years, but I think they’ve avoided this more with suiting and outerwear.

       I have definitely noticed that because the coat is very structured and close-fitting up top that there’s not a lot of room for arm movement. I actually tore the lining under one armpit while I was trying to raise my arms above my head while seated in the car with the coat buttoned (not sure why I was trying to do this).

       Now that I re-read your details about your shape, getting the Metro seems like an even better idea. I have a very medium chest (32B), and the Lady Day is none too loose. I also think it’s kind of short-waisted, although most coats and dresses seem that way to me.

       So, if wild arm movement is important to you, or is you wear bulky clothing, I would say size up. Or just get the Metro coat, which based solely on website pictures looks like it would fit a bit looser because of the lack of waistband. I love my Lady Day coat, and have had it for three or four years now, but I think the next coat I get will be a Metro for that reason.

    2. Their clothing tends to fit pretty true to sizing. Also, a great investment. I have had many JCrew coats over the years and they have literally lasted forever.

    3. I normally wear a 14, got a 16 in the Lady Day without Thinsulate, and it gaps at the bust and is tight on the waist. I can’t wear anything except the thinnest tops under it, no sweaters. I got it on clearance/final sale online too, and honestly I wish I could go back in time and not get it. J Crew is not cut for curvy figures, and their sizes run small.

    4. The Lady Day (at least with the Thinsulate) runs slightly small. I bought in my regular size and have no trouble with normal shirts and such underneath, but it’s quite tight when I wear a suit jacket. It’s cut quite close in the arms and bust, so if you’re larger in that area I would size up.

11. Remind me again why I do this job?

    Weekend has just been cancelled on account of a last minute finance transaction which has to close by Monday. For those in transactional law jobs, you will know these thing usually take weeks or months to complete, so it is likely to get VERY interesting.

    I’m not looking for sympathy, just wanted to share, because I’m annoyed.

    1. Hug’s to you. I have the SAME probelem with the manageing partner. He wants me to come in on MONDAY even though it is a HOLIDAY so he can stare at me. FOOEY on him!

    2. Its okay to be looking for sympathy, cuz it kind of sucks. :-P

       But you can do it because you rock! You go Woods-comma-Elle!

    3. ah, sounds like one of those “f this job” kind of days. or weeks, or weekends, as the case may be. i’m sympathetic whether you’re looking for it or not.

    4. As a transactional lawyer: you do this job because you are such a deal junkie and just love the adrenaline rush. Right?

       OK, so that was me giving *my* answer, but I hope that it rings true for you too!

       Wear the comfiest clothes possible, stock up on snacks and some good drafting tunes!

12. Threadjack – I just came out of a convo with my boss regarding an employee of mine that is not performing (missing deadlines, making huge errors, generally not having any idea what’s going on). She warned me to be very careful in my feedback because “people love him” because he spends most of his day walking around chatting, going to coffee with people, etc. This leaves me back at my desk fixing things he screwed up. I like my work, but keep coming up against the conflict that my company/department prioritizes schmoozing and being nice over actually getting anything done, and I value getting things done plus relationships second. Am I totally out of line here? I’m getting to the point of saying “If you can’t beat ’em, join ’em” and just blowing off all my work too! Any words of wisdom/support?

    1. Wow, this would drive me crazy.

       For your feedback to him, I would stick to very specific facts of his work habits and the related consequences. “You missed the deadline on project X, which caused us to run over budget, so let’s talk about why you missed the deadline and how you can make sure that doesn’t happen again.”

       More generally, I would think about switching departments or roles or .. jobs? If your personal work and career goals and principles aren’t aligned with those of your company/group/colleagues, it’s pretty tough to keep coming into work everyday.

    2. People may love him, but they’re probably also wondering why he has all the time in the world to goof off. If he complains that he was disciplined fir not getting his work done, they may sympathize to his face, but will secretly agree with you.

       Just stick to the facts, particularly those you can back up with examples.

       1. Totally agree with this. We have a new manager in our office who oversees a number of junior level staff. Previously, the new manager’s boss oversaw the junior level staff. That boss is located in a different office, and so the junior level folks in our office felt it was OK to work from roughly 9 – 4 each day, and “work from home” in the evenings to make up for the short hours. The senior manager in our office didn’t seem to mind.

          The new manager wants the junior level staff in the office for eight hours per day, and one of them is having a rough time of it. She has a small child, and had taken advantage of the situation to leave early and pick up the kid from day care. Now she can’t do that. Unfortunatly, unbeknownst to her she had also developed a huge reputation as a slacker, so now when she complains about having to be in the office for so long, no one really sympathizes. (Unbelievably, I heard her on the phone to the new managers boss complaining that she had to be in the office and saying there should be an exception for people with children who needed to pick them up!)

          1. People with children, please don’t hate me, but this kind of behavior INFURIATES me. I get that not everyone with kids behaves this way and yes things do come up when you have kids, but the childless also have lives. Just because I’m “young,” unmarried, and don’t have kids yet, doesn’t mean I should have to pick up the slack for others who have children. Either the expectation is we all get to leave when our work is done or everyone can just punch a clock and leave whenever due to other commitments. Yeesh.

             1. THANK YOU!! I hate the (sometimes!) assumption that the singles around here can just stay late or work weekends to “pick up the slack” from co-workers’ procreation. Sorry, but I didn’t get a say in whether or not you had kids, you should not get a say in my personal life either.

             2. Right there with you.

          2. eight hours in the office is a rarity these days, she should be lucky! I work in the government and it’s a minimum 8.5-9 hour day.

             1. Seriously. I have a supposedly “cushy” in-house job and I regularly work 10 hours/day, and always on the weekends. Not much of a change from private practice, really…

             2. Agreed. Who are these people who are only working eight hours?! Isn’t 8-5 the minimum most places?

             3. I’m wondering if OP is in another country, because I legit don’t know anyone who only has an 8 hour day, whether you take a full lunch hour or not, most places expect a 9 hour day. Oh wait my dad let’s his secretary work 9-5; sometimes she goes out at lunch sometimes she doesn’t. and she has a dog!

    3. That sounds incredibly annoying and frustrating for you. I think this might be a wake-up call about what kind of behaviors are actually valued at your company. Sounds like your boss values relationships over the work product (unlike you). Maybe try repeating the serenity prayer to yourself throughout the day? Seriously, this sounds like a case of accepting that which you cannot change. Easier said than done! But if your co-workers see you freaking out over an issue that is completely outside of your control, they will respect you less.

    4. Unfortunately sometimes relationships are valued more than work in the workplace.

       As much as it’s getting tired on here, this is one of the lessons in Nice Girls Don’t Get the Corner Office: If your workplace values schmoozing, then schmooze more if you want to move up there.

       And another one straight out of the book: If your supervisors like one of your inferiors better than you do, it’s tricky when you’re caught in the middle. And the corollary: Make friends with you boss’s boss.

       I think it depends on how much control you have over this schmoozer.

13. For those interested in the Talbot’s jacket from yesterday (and any other discounted Talbot’s items), extra 40% off and free shipping with code: 019588431

    Don’t know how long this will last, just got a jacket and pant for just under $80.

    1. Thanks — just bought, in Baccara Rose, the skirt another Corporette was considering this week

       http://www.talbots.com/online/browse/product_details.jsp?id=prdi27120&rootCategory=cat90030&catId=cat80016&sortKey=Default&section=Sale&conceptIdUnderSale=cat90030

       With the extra 40% off I think it comes to $22 or so. Yay for corporette!

       1. Sweet! I just got a skirt, three pairs of pants, a bracelet, a dress, and a belt for under$100.

    2. Thanks! I had a shopping bag going and finalized the sale with your code–lots ‘o savings!

       1. Thanks! I used your code to buy my shopping bag too… 4 sweaters, a jacket and a pair of pants for $100!

    3. Thanks! Just bought this amazing jacket in cyan for a mere $37 including shipping!

       http://www.talbots.com/online/browse/product_details.jsp?rootCategory=cat70014&id=prdi27397

    4. Awesome! I had a full suit, including the dress, in my bag yesterday but couldn’t bring myself to pull the trigger without free shipping. You just saved me over $150!

    5. Wow. I resisted yesterday, but this definitely put me over the edge! Thanks!

    6. I hear that people size down in Talbots – is it just that you go down if you’re between sizes or that you go down an extra size? Loving this Kate fit idea. I’m between an 8 and a 10 for tops at Gap/Limited/Banana – do I go for a 6 or an 8 jacket? Shoulders are the biggest part for me… sorry for yet another sizing question, but I find the charts not to be very useful.

    7. Thanks!
       Got 2 cashmere sweaters, a merino cardi and a pair of funky gloves for under $100.
       Merino 3/4 sleeve cardis are $19.49 before discount; a few sizes/colors still left.

    8. Thanks! Got this dress, in the Cyan, for $23 with free shipping! Woo hoo. Now, hopefully it fits.

       1. Oops. This dress http://www.talbots.com/online/browse/product_details.jsp?id=prdi27341&rootCategory=cat90030&catId=cat1290050&sortKey=Default&section=Sale&conceptIdUnderSale=cat90030

    9. Confession – when I realized how much S&H would be, I didn’t buy the silk skirt the other day. But I just did now! Thank you so much!

       1. And now I bought the Donegal Tweed suit with pants. Getting off the computer for now!

          1. I have the Donegal tweed jacket (Kate fit) and really love it. It’s the first Talbot’s item that actually fits me well in years! I regret not getting the pants before they sold out in my size.

          2. i know – Free shipping enables multiple purchases. i came back and bought another dress, and then two more…

    10. Ha! I love enabling a bunch of shopaholics like myself. Fingers crossed that all of our various purchases work out in person!

        1. Aw man, I had been holding out on shopping for so long, but this sale finally got to me! Two pairs of pants, two jackets and a dress for $125. Now the real question, will I ever get up the guts to wear a leopard dress to the office?

    11. Just made my first Talbots purchase! Thanks! Got a couple of skirts, dresses, tops, pants, and some coats, because the only one that I currently own that doesn’t look awful is bright pink. Great to see so many petite sizes in stock on sale merchandise! I am a little confused that they use the word “woman” to mean plus size though. What does that make the rest of us?

    12. This is so awesome, thanks! not that I needed to shop or anything. I put a bunch of stuff in a shopping bag and am going to hit the Talbot’s down the street to try stuff on before I buy. I have never bought from them before…as others have mentioned, it is “my mom’s store”. They really have modernized tho and since I need petite sizes, i really need to put them in the shopping rotation.

        Honestly, if the code doesn’t work when i get back on-line, well, I didn’t need to buy anything anyway!

        1. Well, I am so glad I stopped at the store because I was ready to size down but it seemed the petites are pretty true to size. Thanks again for the code! Got a few jackets, tops, and a skirt.

14. I am so excited! I joined a mentoring program sponsored by my employer and I was matched with a 9th grade student. My only worry is that I was paired with a young man (14) and he probably won’t find a 20 something woman someone he can relate to, and will feel uncomfortable. I want this to be a good experience for him so is there anyone out there who has mentored or worked with teenage boys before who can offer me some advice? ?

    1. That is so fantastic that you are mentoring someone! I have so much admiration for people who take time out of their schedule to help others. Before becoming a lawyer and while in law school, I volunteered and worked with kids of all different ages. In a way, I actually think teenage boys at that age can be easy to deal with once you have some idea of their interests. They tend to be interested in sports, TV, videogames and movies. Start the conversation off by addressing these topics and you will find that you have something in common and he will definetly open up. All kids take awhile to warm up, but if you show genuine interest and kindness, they sense it and it makes the process a lot easier. Once you have some commonality, you will be able to do a world of good in other areas of this young man’s life.

       Also, if you move on to doing things outside the office, I would recommend interactive activities like mini-golf, etc. It keeps their short attention spans in check. Good luck!

       1. Really good idea about the interactive activities.

    2. I work with teenagers, so I know allll about this one :) The best thing you can do is to take an interest in the things he cares about. Ask him questions–does he do sports? is there a particular subject at school that he enjoys? does he have siblings?–and LISTEN to what he says. Don’t be afraid if it takes him a while to answer, or if he does in monosyllables (“Do you play any sports?” “Yeah.” “Which ones?” “Basketball.” “How’s your team doing?” “Fine.”); try to ask questions that require more compound answers (“Tell me about the best game you ever played!”). From mentoring session to mentoring session, follow up: “Hey, how did your game against County went? I saw in the paper that you scored eight points.”

       And remember–he’s a 14-year-old human being, not an alien. Chances are that you both have opinions on at least one topic in common, whether it’s the Republican primaries or Penn State or Jay Z. (For a first conversation, I would obviously go more Jay Z, less Penn State.) As you get to know each other better, you’ll probably find that you have more things to talk about.

       I will also say that I was really worried about this before I started my job–my school is in a small rural community, I went to an urban public school–but it ended up being just fine. Most of the students that I have the closest relationships with have actually ended up being boys, which I never would have expected going into it. They are fascinatingly weird little creatures, and I love hearing all of the wacky stuff they think about girls or Obama’s health care plan.

15. I see cakestyle advertised on here, and it looks pretty cool. Has anyone tried them?

16. I finally broke down and decided to buy a “real” gym bag after months of toting my stuff in a cheap canvas bag from H&M. I went on the Lululemon site and picked out the “Still Groovy” … and after going through the whole check out process got a message that it’s not in stock. Lovely.

    Does anyone have any suggestions for a bag similar to that? I’d like to spend no more than around $100.

    1. after the recent posting on lululemon I wouldn’t purchase from them. Anyway, I currently have lesportsac bag, which is pretty good, but I’m looking for something with more pockets and a mesh pocket for shower flops. I’m looking into an ll bean duffel, but haven’t made the plunge to purchase yet!

       1. You can spend WAY less than 100…the adidas “diablo” has gotten me thru about 6 years of heavy use(soccer cleats, mud, etc)…I think it retails between 25 and 40, depending what size you want. the “defender” bag is also a good option. 100 $ for a gym bag is absurd, you are paying for the lululemon name, not any better quality. your going to be throwing dirty sweaty clothes in there, plus what about when your shampoo leaks all over your 100$ bag…try dicks or sports authority, or a city sports if you have one close. Under armor also makes good bags, although I can’t recommend/remember what model i’ve used

    2. I use a LeSportsac, I think it’s the Erika style, which I really like.

    3. I got a cheap one from Target. It’s a dufflebag, and has a separate pocket for shoes. It was $16.

       I also have a slightly nicer one that’s also a duffle bag. It’s navy blue canvas Tommy Hilfiger. It also has a separate pocket for shoes. I got it at TJ Maxx about 3 weeks ago. I think it was about $25.

       1. I think I have the same Target bag and am very happy (and surprised) at how well it’s held up. Granted – I transport it mainly in my car, but the zippers are still going strong after about a year.

    4. I just bought the Gaiam ‘Everything Fits’ bag in black and I LOVE it. It has a different compartment for your shoes at the bottom, and yoga mat can get tucked into a drawstring at the very bottom as well. It is large and fits 2 changes of clothing for me, and I keep getting compliments on how it looks less ‘gym bag’ ish.

    5. What about the REI Balance Gym Bag? Comes in black and purple and looks like it has nice features. Although I don’t have this bag, I like REI’s products.

       1. I have an earlier model of this and it’s really great. Highly recommend.

17. Link to avoid moderation:

    http://shop.lululemon.com/products/clothes-accessories/women-we-made-too-much/Still-Groovy-Bag-MD?cc=0001&skuId=3427992&catId=women-we-made-too-much

    I was trying to get in black. I think the purple gradient is just a bit too much…

18. How do you all feel about competing with friends for jobs?

    A few friends and I have been looking for work. We are pretty open with each other and helpful. If I see a job posting, and I pass it on to a friend. Later, thinking about the position, I want to apply for it. Friend indicated that she’s applying. Should I back down and not apply? Should I apply? Should I tell friend?

    1. APPLY! You must take charge of your own career.

       One of my law school BFFs and I were ranked almost the same and were up for basically all the same jobs. We both seemed to just decide to be happy for each other, no matter who got what offer. It worked for us, and we both ended up at great firms. It was actually kind of great having someone going through the same thing, even with the same firms, because we shared a lot of information about who called, when, what they said, etc. We are extremely similar personality-wise, so that may have helped.

       If one of you gets the job and the other doesn’t, then there might be a tiny bit of understandable jealousy. However, I don’t think it would ruin a friendship that was already strong.

    2. Apply. If that’s going to cause a serious rift between you and your friend, i would reconsider whether she/he is such a good friend or not. We all need jobs, and if we only applied to jobs that our friends weren’t interested in we would severely limit our opportunities. I assume you aren’t in graduate school, but if this rule applied to law school or b-school, well, no one would get anywhere.

       If you both apply and one of you gets it and *that* really changes the tenor of your friendship … again, reconsider the friendship.

       Oh, and I would just be upfront let her know that you’re applying. To hide it from her makes it seem like it’s a big deal, which it isn’t. If you’re both looking for work, this situation is bound to happen again – may as well get used to it.

    3. I think you should talk about it with your friend; but if she says something you don’t want to hear about how your friendship will be over if you apply for the same position, be realistic and do what you think is best for you. I had this happen to two friends last year, who ended up in the final round of interviews for the same position. It was pretty rough on their relationship when Friend A got it and Friend B remained unemployed. They’re fine now, but I know Friend B was angry and bitter for a while.

    4. I’d apply as well. Don’t keep it a secret from her though. There is bound to be overlap in job applications with friends in your same position. It might get awkward if it comes down to being between the 2 of you, but that might be unlikely. If you would truly be happy for her if she got the position over you even though you’d be sad for yourself, she probably feels similar.

    5. I’d apply, and not make a big deal of “revealing” the information to her. Don’t keep your application a secret, of course (because you have nothing to hide), but just don’t make a big deal of it in general.

       I know OCIs in law school are a different dynamic, but I was good friends with most of the other students who were competitive for those jobs. My good friend ended up getting an offer from my first choice when I didn’t, and I got an offer from the first choice of one of my other good friends. Jobs are scarce, so while we were bummed, we were also really happy for each other and understood that there shouldn’t be any personal competition (maybe this generous attitude would have been wrecked had we not all ended up with an offer from somewhere, but I still think it was a good policy for a situation where we were all very aware of how everyone else was doing in our overlapping job hunts).

    6. Apply. A friend and I applied for the same job a couple of years ago. In our case, our team was being laid off and our supervisor recommended us both to a different team, so there was no awkward moment of revealing we were applying for the same job. We talked openly with each other about the position and how our interviews went (it was a bizarre interview). She got the job. I was jealous for 15 minutes, but I knew that she was the better choice and that I’d find another job that suited me better. She actually did help me find a great position with the same employer a couple of months later.

    7. Consider a nanny share. For us, a nanny share, even with an on-the-books nanny, is cheaper than day care, and gives us the flexibility for a night-and-weekend sitter when we need it. It takes some work to get it set up, but honestly, that’s true of any childcare arrangement. And I have found that it is wonderful to have another family in our lives. Our children play together and love each other, and our nanny loves both of them. It has been entirely positive for us.

    8. thank you! sage advice from corporette posters!

19. Does anyone have experience with a part time/occasional nanny? My husband and I are expecting our first child this year. He *may* take a job that requires a lot of travel. My job also requires some travel. My company subsidizes day care, but only the certified type (i.e. not a full-time nanny). But I am wondering if anyone has ever had an occasional childcare helper when needed. I am just trying to think through the potential options, besides a) I look for a new job without travel or b) we move to my in-laws city and ask them to help us.

    1. no kids myself, but a few friends have recently done this dance and uniformly, they all seem to have found that it made more sense to hire a full-time nanny, even if they only needed one part-time. apparently, the “good” nannies (with prior experience, references, certifications and whatnot) are all looking for full-time work, and none of my friends were willing to take a chance with any of the part-time nannies, all of whom had less childcare experience, no references, that kind of thing. also, people guard their nannies like crazy. and apparently there is a serious fee involved with nanny “brokers.”

    2. This is one of the reasons why I moved back near my mother. When my kids were in daycare, though, the woman who ran the daycare (out of her house) would sometimes take another little girl overnight if both parents were away, so it’s possible. Maybe look for an in-home daycare and explain the situation. You could also look for a college student, another mom, or someone who might like a little extra cash who would be willing to spend a night at your house and get your baby to daycare. I’m sure it’s possible. When I had just one baby, also, I carried her along on my business trips. Luckily I had relatives at all my destinations and they’d watch her while I went to my meetings, but most large hotels can help you find an on-site babysitter.

       1. I took my daughter on a few business trips (this is definitely a huge “know your office” type of thing), and it went great. I brought either my mom or my husband when I did that.

       2. I brought my husband and baby once, too. It was a non-issue. No one knows because they are doing their thing while we work. They happened to cross us during a break and some participants happily cooed at her before we all returned to the conference room. I did fewer social activities, but frankly, I hate those anyway.

       3. Yes, many travel-with-baby stories here! Once I had a short trip to somewhere far away, Hawaii I think, so managed a layover in my mother’s city on the way. I carried my daughter along, handed her off to my Mom, who had driven to the airport to meet me, then got on my next flight. I picked my daughter up again on my way home. I was also on travel with her on 9/11, and was glad I had her with me b/c DH worked at the Pentagon, and I couldn’t get back home for a long time because the flights were all cancelled. I would have been absolutely frantic if my baby hadn’t been with me. As far as mind-your-own-office, most of my trips were solo trips, so my co-workers wouldn’t even know if I didn’t tell them, but other moms in my office did the same thing, also.

    3. Part-time nannies are usually college students/young adults who work around their school schedules (ditto what above said about the good nannies wanting only full-time work). If you need occasional help as in you’re around and just want an extra set of hands, they’re fine. You can find lots of sites (care, sitter…) that cater to these needs. However, because they are young adults, there can be some issues. Scheduling can be difficult, since you’d be subject to the whims of their other life (school schedules, breaks, etc…). Also, because they’re temporary, it’s not unusual to go through several helpers a year (so you have to think about the time costs of going through the interview process several times).

       I didn’t start using a “mother’s helper” until my kids were pre-school. For really young babies, I was more comfortable with someone with more training and, honestly, more common sense than a just-out-of-teenager. This is why I ended up using a full time nanny instead of daycare. After a few weeks back at work, I realized that anything but a full-time nanny (or moving to be closer to grandparents) was not going to be compatible with an erratic work schedule.

       I’ve never heard of anyone taking kids along on business trips – I’m kind of jealous that North Shore was able to make it work.

    4. A nanny will still be eligible for your FSA, at least. I’ve never been fortunate enough to work for a company that subsidized childcare, so I’m not sure what level of assistance it would be.

       I would do daycare for work days to take advantage the subsidy and have a nanny for evenings and overnight when travel overlapped. I would think that would also open the nanny pool, since you could get students who aren’t available during days.

       Your other two options are good, also. You’d need to weight how much you like your job vs what else you could do. And consider how much overlapping travel you will have, how much in-laws could assist, and how day-to-day life would be affected by the move (for example, would your commute to work be insane).

       I have to travel from time to time and personally didn’t appreciate being gone during the first year, although later was a bit of a reprieve if the trip was short (2-3 days). Every parent is different, and I know moms who don’t mind at all. If you love your job, I’d try to arrange travel so that you are home for the first six months or so. If you plan to breastfeed, it will reduce the amount of pumping at least.

    5. My kids are in a full-time daycare with relatively long hours, but I have had to hire an occasional babysitter/nanny if I have evening events or travel. It’s not that hard, generally speaking.

       The way I found my sitters was through referrals from friends. While people make a lot of fuss on the internets about “poaching” babysitters, I’ve never had a friend who wasn’t extremely forthcoming about giving me referrals. Ask around, and pay the market rate.

       Our sitters kind of run the gamut in terms of age/experience, but the one who is most interested in evenings and weekends is a college student who likes to pick up extra work when she’s not in class or studying. Especially if I give her some lead time, she’s more than happy to show up at 5pm on some random Tuesday night in November.

       Also, some daycare teachers (especially the ones who don’t have their own kids) often moonlight as babysitters if this is allowed by their center. I’d do that in a heartbeat if I lived closer to our daycare.

    6. Thank you, everyone! I will have to do some math to figure out exactly how much money I’d be leaving on the table if I went with a full-time nanny. If I use my employer’s childcare subsidy, I’m not eligible to contribute to the dependent care FSA. The tax benefits of using the FSA to pay for a full-time nanny should offset at least some of the money I’d forgo from my company daycare reimbursement. It’s good to know that you all have found some workable blended options of day care plus occasional help, though, in case we decide to try that option. Option b) (moving to my in-laws’) city might actually be a decent option since my company is also based in that city. Right now, I work remotely so much of my travel is to the company offices. Moving there would reduce the amount of travel that I have to do, which would be nice! So we may land on some blend of options, but it’s really great to know that you all have been able to make travel work with kids.

    7. I did this in college and for a year after I graduated – so I would also recommend looking for a college student-aged person, if you decide you do just want a part-time kind of thing.

       Also – I had several years of part-time nannying experience, certified in infant/child CPR, good recs, etc. so it’s not impossible to find. You do have to pay for it though – it was *expensive* for parents to have me stay over night or handle their babies/houses for a weekend. :-)

       1. Just curious – do you mind sharing your hourly rate? The only college-age part-time nanny that I know makes 12.50/hr, even overnight. It seems a little low.

       2. I made $10/hour when I did it in college (a couple of years ago). It seemed low to me then, especially since there were 4 children and I had cooking and cleaning duties. But I wasn’t a corporette then, so I didn’t know better! FWIW, I was red cross certified as a professional rescuer in infant and child CPR and first aid, had significant baby sitting and church nursery experience, and had worked in a camp setting.

20. If you want a laugh, check out this Phillip Lim iPad case. Marked down from $750 to $262: http://www.neimanmarcus.com/store/catalog/prod.jhtml?itemId=prod133990232&parentId=cat21000740&masterId=cat8900735&index=2&cmCat=cat000000cat8900735cat21000740&isEditorial=false

    1. My god.

    2. That’s insane!

    3. Wow.

    4. My favorite part is how they describe his work as all classy and sophisticated and stuff.

       Its a blue fuzzy ipad case. Seriously.

21. Just to say a big HURRAH as my nightmare weekend-killing deal has DIED!!!

    Yay for the weekend!

    1. YAY!

    2. Vive le week-end! You should do something special for yourself, to celebrate its extra specialness :)

    3. This made me smile! I’m doing a little happy dance over here for you!!! Wooooo hooooo!!!!! Now to actually go get some of my work done so I don’t have to work this weekend. I have such a hard time refocusing after going out to lunch!

    4. Yay, congratulations! Enjoy your weekend!

    5. I friggin’ love it when that happens. Huzzah!

22. minirant!
    It’s just one of those days for me… I have no motivation to work at all- particularly because I just booked plane tickets for my spring break trip…
    And since I’m by myself in the office I’ve gotten maybe 2 hours worth of work accomplished in the 6 hours I’ve been here…..
    whyyyy does this happen?
    also- it’s no longer grey and disgusting here it’s bright sunny and beautiful which is not helping at allllll

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