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Coffee Break: Crescent Swirl Hoop Earrings

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large gold-colored hoop earrings

Hoops are big right now — but it can be tricky to find a statement pair that's lightweight enough to be comfortable to wear all day. Yet that's exactly what buyers are saying about these cute earrings with crescent swirl details — statement earrings with a super lightweight, comfortable vibe. Nice.

The earrings are plated in polished 18k gold, and $40 at Nordstrom.

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135 Comments

  1. I have an air fryer and an oven/stove, but currently don’t have a microwave (just moved, it’s getting delivered next week). The weather is so gross, I’d love to have a warm dinner this week but I usually just cook once or twice and then eat leftovers for the rest of the week. So, what are your ideas for meals that could be re-heated in an air fryer, oven, or stove top quickly (I’m not interested in throwing something in the oven for 45 mins to heat up! I am too hungry when I get home to wait for that).

    I did quesadillas last week (prepped the filling for the week and cooked on the stove each night), so something that’s 90% done and just needs a short cook time is okay too.

    I eat all types of food, but definitely try to be healthy during the week.

    1. I find the airfyer to be good for reheating things you wan to be crisp — fries, sandwiches and so on. My partner to prefers it to the microwave for reheating meat and veggies.

      1. Some things don’t lend well to the microwave, do they? I prefer to reheat leftover pizza in a skillet too.

    4. My friend did lobster tails with butter in the air fryer. Super fast and turned out great. Wasn’t all that expensive. I am planning to try.

    5. Soups and stews.
      Stir fry – veggies prepped, sauce pre-mixed, vermicelli noodles that almost just need a pour-over from the kettle, or a premade rice portion from the freezer.
      You can warm things like a bit of lasagna in a bain marie. Put in a bowl, bowl on saucepan with boiling water, lid – basically steaming it instead of microwaving.

    6. I will try to think of some specific things but I have lived without a microwave for 6 years and the only thing that ever took 45 minutes to heat was a whole uncooked pot pie. I regularly heat leftovers in the oven in 15-20 minutes and had only a hot plate for months one year and managed to reheat just about anything in about 10 minutes in a skillet.

  2. I posted late on the morning thread so reposting here.

    I am trying to find a new work bag and cannot seem to find a good fit. I just started a new “big” job and am willing to splurge for a nice looking and functional work bag (up to $3,000 but ideally closer to $1,500). I bought one sight unseen from a consignment store, but now that I have it, I realize it is too small (not totally size-wise, but the top has a zipper and is narrower than the bottom so it is hard to squeeze in my laptop and papers). Here’s what I would like to carry – 13 inch laptop, a notepad and some papers/small red weld, wallet, keys, phone, sunglasses, water bottle, chapstick/lipstick. Bonus if it has some organization/pockets, but i can live without. Why can’t I find a professional work tote that can fit all of this? Seems pretty standard. I ordered a Ferragamo tote, but it is only marginally larger than the one I bought on consignment, but it has a larger top opening so it could be a contender. Every bag I’ve seen that is a large “shopper” type tote is a basic boring black tote. I’d love some color or element of style. Also need to make sure the straps are long enough to comfortably carry when wearing a coat or blazer. I’m eyeing the Senreve Maestro, but I’m concerned it will be too heavy and I don’t know much about the longevity/quality. Help! Any recommendations??

    1. I’m an equity partner in a law firm and carry a Lo & Sons Seville in black saffiano leather. I worked through the 2008 crisis and the aftermath and it made me never want a bag for work that was identifiable as very spendy (to me, has a comma in the price). I’ve had the Seville for at least 4 years as a daily driver with a laptop, redweld, and often charger and miscellaneous things. It is the most functional bag I’ve had. It stands upright well, which I can’t say for every laptop bag.

      1. I’m a broken record on this bag here, but all of this. I love that it’s quality but not identifiable as spendy. I have a couple of designer bags I save for weekend fun. At work the bag should be sleek but not a focus.

      3. Just posted on the earlier question, this is what I have and I looooove it. It holds so much and keeps everything organized.

      4. Also equity partner in biglaw and love my lo & sons bags. Their backpack gets used the most for me (though I’m in a very casual west coast practice so ymmv). But seriously, L&S is great. Never found anything as functional for work stuff.

    2. mansur gavriel or bottega would be my first thoughts. chanel has one too i think.

      1. +1 – Also in a “big” job and seconding going to Tumi. I would also add that there are many more situations where a fancy bag is the wrong call than the right one – e.g., your clients don’t want to see you with a prada/ysl/etc. bag.

        Most women I know have work bags and then if need be a nice purse that holds phone, wallet, etc. Or, let me rephrase. Most of the time we roll up to work with the freebie tote bag work gave us five years ago stuffed with a binder and redwell plus a nice bag if we have to go anywhere else. Or, if we are feeling fancier than freebie tote either an LV neverful or Goyard.

      2. OP here. Agree with the points about the work tote not needing to be very high end designer. I just mentioned price as I am open to spending quite a bit on a bag that is truly awesome and functional, but I’m definitely not tied to spending my max budget and I have been looking for non-logo bags that are not overtly designer. The consignment bag I bought is a black leather Tods bag with no logos and not overtly designer, but it just doesn’t work because of the size. take a look at the suggestions here. I’d be quite happy to spend less on my work bag and treat myself to a fun purse – great idea!!

        Unfortunately, I’ve found Tumi bags to be well constructed but too heavy. I’m petite and don’t want a bag that weighs a lot.

        1. The Lo & Sons OG bag is incredibly light. My non-work bag is the Lo & Sons Pearl which has pockets to organize wallet, keys, lipstick, so through the week I convert it to a clutch and then throw it in my OG so I don’t have to move my personal items from bag to bag. If you’re primary concern in practicality then definitely look at Lo & Sons.

    4. And to follow up on your desire for a really high-end designer bag. I have two very splurge-y bags and both of them are for weekends and going out. It’s so fun to put on a really incredible bag with a weekend outfit, and I wasn’t tied to getting something that needed to be super functional for a laptop. I have a Celine belt bag and a Bottega mount bag with the giant gold chain (it’s gaudy and IDGAF, it makes me happy). I think I’m getting more joy out of them in off-duty outfits than I would if I had bought a very fancy briefcase to wear to work.

      1. OP here. I love this! I don’t need to have a really high end designer bag for work, but just mentioned price range as I’m willing to spend for something that works great and will last. Now you all have me thinking, and I may just end up spending less on the work bag and getting another bag for “fun”.

    5. A Goyard Saint Louis – may be less structured than you’d want but very roomy
      My Celine Sangle can also fit a 13inch laptop and a note pad plus phone and wallet but prob not a red weld. no zip but it’s one of my favorite bags

    6. Do you have access to upscale stores, rather than ordering online? You may be better off trying bags in person. I have literally put my laptop into bags to see how it works!

      1. OP here. I do! I live in a big city and have gone to Nordstrom, Bloomingdale’s, Neiman Marcus, and still no luck. Unfortunately, I think retailers are not keeps as much in stock, so the selection in person has been fairly slim. I agree with your sentiment 100% and would love to just find something and be able to try it out in the store, but each store has had a limited selection.

    7. It is much less spendy than you are looking for but I love my Knomo London Grosvenor Place tote which I think would fit your needs. I know people love the Lo and Sons but leather is just too heavy for me by the time I stuff everything I need in my bag. Congratulations on your work achievements which leave you with this fun problem to solve!

    8. I use a Goyard Artois (the larger size) as my go to work/travel bag. I can fit my laptop, some papers/notepad, waterbottle, small clutch/wallet, sunglasses, keys, etc. I love that it has a zip top and is more structured than the St. Louis. It is also very durable and has held up very well to daily use. It is not a very recognizable brand in my neck of the woods, so to me, it is more understated than a similar LV or Chanel. There is one interior pocket, but if you would like more interior organization, you can get an organizer (I find I like it better without).

    9. I feel like I’m always recommending Anya Hindmarch on here but she does fun expensive work bags excellently – op, check out her I Am A Plastic Bag line as well as her main line

  3. hot pink suits – shop with me?

    I’d love to get one and would love to hear from you if you have one or referrals!

    suiting material, tweed or velvet OK. please no corduroy, neon or patch pockets.

  4. I have at least 1 critter periodically scratching inside my walls. One critter died in a closet wall over the summer (fun!). Attempts were made to seal the house. Attempts seem to not be fully successful. From filming the critter (movie is a wall or closet with sounds of furious scratching easily heard), which is active when I’m up, occasionally when I get up or at night, friends think it is a squirrel. I’ve called the critter guy, but he won’t be here for weeks.

    QUESTION: is this critter going to burst through the drywall and/or plaster? It sound like it and yet for all his work, it hasn’t happened (yet).

    ALSO: to the extent food isn’t in the refrigerator or in cans, what glass containers should I be using for things like flour/sugar/crackers/cereal? I doubt the critters will go for boxes of dry pasta, but my understanding is that rodents can and will chew through paper and even plastic rubbermaid containers (what I’ve been using).

    I fear coming home one day or from a trip to a busted-out bit of wall and a dead or dying critter and droppings and spilled food all over the place.

    1. Ugh I would keep calling around until I could find a rodent specialist to come out immediately. They’re unlikely to bust out of the solid walls but they great at finding small openings from which to gain entry into the house. Also they can do a number on wiring an insulation inside the walls and in the attic. And spoiler alert: It’s never just one critter.

    2. Temporary solution – do you have an idea of where this critter is sleeping and/or spending time? If it’s something like the attic, get a cheap disco ball or strobe light and put it up there. They mess with the circadian rhythms of things like squirrels and chipmunks and encourage them to voluntarily vacate the premises.

      Re: keeping things – because this is temporary and you’re not just looking for a Pinterest worthy pantry, I would actually just go to Target/Home Depot and get big clear bins. Put everything – crackers, cereal, soup mix – that could theoretically be chewed through in a clear tote. Basically: prep like when you’re camping.

      1. Oh good tip about the disco ball.
        OP, a large family of squirrels lived directly above my dorm bed sophomore year. They woke up at like 5am (loudly) but never made it through the ceiling or walls. Never fell for the baited traps, either. They might still be there.

      2. Clear bins and disco balls! Both of these are extremely useful. Thanks Clementine. (Wish I’d known about the disco ball thing when we had mice!)

        1. I learned the disco ball/strobe light thing when I was living in an apartment with a weird drop ceiling and a small army of squirrels living in it… I needed a humane solution because my landlord was ignoring the issue. $25 later at Spencer’s Gifts my quality of life was improved.

          2. I am imagining the rodents in little three-piece white suits. I mean, this is a fashion blog.

    3. We had mice in our last house, and I still use basic glass cracker jars for my dry goods (link to follow). And I’m afraid some of them did go for boxes of dry pasta, or bags of dry beans. Keeping anything not packaged in rodent-proof material on higher cabinet shelves helped, but only because our mice’s point of entry was on the floor, so I’m not sure that helps you. I did have a thick plastic pitcher that I used to store rice that survived unscathed, so you may be able to get away with that.

      However, mice can get through an opening the size of a pencil. If it’s a mouse, I’d assume it’s already gotten in. Set a trap or two to see.

      1. https://www.target.com/p/128oz-glass-jar-with-metal-lid-threshold-8482/-/A-79474161?ref=tgt_adv_XS000000&AFID=google_pla_df&fndsrc=tgtao&DFA=71700000014804906&CPNG=PLA_Dining%2BShopping_Brand%7CDining_Ecomm_Home&adgroup=SC_Dining_Kitchen+Counter&LID=700000001170770pgs&LNM=PRODUCT_GROUP&network=g&device=c&location=9017964&targetid=pla-1461082358814&ds_rl=1246978&ds_rl=1247068&gclid=Cj0KCQjwkOqZBhDNARIsAACsbfK1lEunf5SO8XbrANoD8oUrv2_Hv0wgrupbhQ_38G3nBLUJSRIuNwAaAgAFEALw_wcB&gclsrc=aw.ds

        monster link, sorry, but something like this in various sizes has served me well – and they’re flexible in their level of Pinterestingness!

    4. No, to your question. Get a squirrel trap and put it outside where it’s getting in.

    5. we have something that plugs in and emits a sound (I can’t hear it, but then again I have bad hearing) that repels mice and rodents – maybe something like that? It seems to work for us!

  5. recs for a down comforter? full/queen, probably all season weight. want lofty, cozy, and nice, but upgrading from a very sad tjmaxx thing, so not necessarily seeking luxury.

    3. My Macys charter club “vail” one is still going strong after 17 years. Fluffy, light, and warm. Not sure how their recent quality is though.

    4. Whatever you do, keep track of its measurements. Full/Queen sizes are all over the map. I needed a new duvet cover. Fair enough. This company’s F/Q is 90×90, that one 88×96, another 94×94… Every.single.one. I had to get one from the same company as the original duvet, severely limiting my sartorial choices.

  6. Does anyone here use a spinning curler that’s not the high-end airwrap (e.g., there’s a curler from CHI) or a 3 barrel wave curler and can comment on the the ease of use? I would like to try something new for my fine straight hair just for special occasions, but I don’t want to spend a lot of $$ on it given I’ll probably use it, at most, 3 times a year.

    1. I got a spinny one-barrel one based on a recommendation here for likely <$50. I use a ton for me and my daughters. For that price, it has been well worth it. I took them to Dry Bar once but I feel like they didn't like it (I definitely did though) and this has worked out better for us.

    2. I inherited one of the spinning chi ones and I actually really like it. it is very easy to use (beeps to tell you when to let the hair out, and literally you do is lay sections of hair over the slot and hit a button). it doesn’t make perfect ringlets on me, but after letting them cool and brushing out it gives a nice wave effect that lasts me at least 2 days

    3. The Drybar one. Works well. Takes a bit of practice at first, but I can get all my hair curled in about 5-10 minutes (thick, long hair).

      1. FWIW, I have long thick hair and returned the Drybar one. My hair kept getting caught in it despite the tutorials and it seemed like too much of a hassle to see if I could continue to figure it out.

    4. I have the 1 inch beachwaver and I love it. I used to never curl my hair because I hated using regular curling irons and now I curl it all the time. It’s a bit pricier than a standard curling iron (around $100, I think) but nowhere near an airwrap

    5. I use a tyme styler – it works as a flat iron, curling iron and does waves. Takes a little practice and watching videos but totally worth it.

  7. I have posted a couple of times on this board over the last year about relationship issues, and I want to say a massive thank you to you all for your insight and tough love. I think a lot of you have said things that maybe my friends wouldn’t have said, and have helped me look at my own behaviors in relationships more critically in order to grow. I feel like I’m really reaching a turning point in how I approach my own anxieties/control issues in relationships, and I wouldn’t have gotten here without you all highlighting the aspects of my posts I was bringing upon myself. Even when it was initially very tough to hear!

    Thank you all! Sending you lots of love today. What a wonderful thing that a comments section on a corporate workwear blog has blossomed into such a wonderful safe space for women to be candid, open, and loving to complete strangers. Really something special…

  8. Has anyone seen “Dear Evan Hansen,” the broadway musical? It’s coming to my city on tour and I was wondering if it would be a good musical for me to take a bunch of freshmen in high school. It looks like the show won a lot of awards but the reviews of the musical are mixed. If anyone has any opinions on it, let me know. As for me, I’ve enjoyed all musicals – Phantom, Les Mis, Miss Saigon, Evita, Wicked, Book of Mormon, The Jersey Boys – except for Cats and Into the Woods (the latter two I didn’t understand and found boring, but it might have been my nose-bleed seats since I was on a student budget).

    1. I think it’s generally appropriate for that age group. I HATED it though. It’s the only Broadway musical I’ve ever left at intermission. And I’ve seen Cats! (Fwiw, my likes and dislikes list pretty similar to yours, although I haven’t seen Jersey Boys and I also loved Hamilton, Moulin Rouge and Come from Away). The music in DEH is good and the acting and singing were excellent in the tour production I saw. I just hated the plot, which is basically “misguided teenager does a bad thing and is celebrated for it and then uses that fame to do more bad things” (and apparently it’s worse in the second act!). Mental health issues, and teenage social media use are such important topics and there are interesting things to say about them, but the musical does not have anything interesting to say about them, and just glorifies a creep instead. This article (has plot spoilers) articulates how I felt about it: https://slate.com/culture/2017/06/the-dissembling-liar-at-the-center-of-broadway-hit-dear-evan-hansen.html
      They made it into a movie with the original Broadway star Ben Platt so you might check it out in advance to see if it resonates with you. The movie is generally regarded as worse than the musical though, because the terrible plot is even more front and center in the movie.

      1. Same. I saw the traveling version and hated it. I wanted to leave at the intermission but the people I was with overruled me. And it was super long

      2. I read the book, and I haaaated it. My DH was all on board because he loved the music, but I could not get on board with actually watching it because I disliked the main character that much. He was creepy, he was spineless, and insanely hurtful to everyone around him.

    3. I think Dear Evan Hansen is literally about high school interpersonal difficulties, ha. It does deal with suicide. I’d be prepared for both of those things to have emotional effects, but I don’t think it’s inappropriate for youngish teens.

    4. Depends on what you’re trying to get out the evening. It’s really sad, really awkward, and all about mental health, bullying, lying, and suicide. I do not think I would take high school students to see it, unless you’re doing it as part of a broader mental health program or something. Given what we know is happening with teenagers and young adults from a depression, anxiety, bullying, etc. perspective right now I just don’t think it would be a fun time.

    5. I wouldn’t take a group of freshmen unless it was 1) a group of kids who are theater nuts and are already familiar with the story; and 2) you have a plan to talk through the mental health issues after the show.

      1. Same. Otherwise I think you can do better for introducing teens to musical theatre.

    6. I recently saw it for the first time and loved it. It’s definitely appropriate for teenagers.

    7. Yes, it’s appropriate for high schoolers, but man, I really hated the storyline.

    8. I’ll be the voice of dissent. My daughter was dying to see it (as a sophomore in high school) and she and I took a trip to NYC to see Ben Platt in it. We loved it. Yes, it deals with heavy topics and yes Evan isn’t much of a hero, but we loved the acting and the songs. And while we weren’t taken in by the ostensible message of “you will be found,” we did find it meaningful. I definitely think that you could take freshmen to the show – there’s nothing inappropriate in it, as far sex or drugs (although of course, one character’s suicide is the impetus for much of the plot). I would agree with the poster who said that if the kids aren’t already into musicals they may not enjoy it that much, but if they are, I do think it’s worth seeing. By contrast, I really didn’t like the movie version, so don’t let that sway you.

    9. Echo everyone else that yes, it’s age appropriate, but it’s heavy. It’s not my favorite but I didn’t hate it like I did Cats (which is the only musical I would have walked out of if the people I was with didn’t insist on staying, because seriously, how many drugs was ALW on when he wrote that musical). For reference, my favorite musicals are Hamilton, Wicked, and the Lion King, with South Pacific, Les Mis, and Avenue Q not far behind.

    10. I saw it on Broadway, but not with the original cast. I loved it! I’m not sure why people are so critical.

  9. I screwed up and said some hurtful things to my husband yesterday, and he’s rightly extremely angry. I regretted it as soon as I said it but the damage has been done. I’ve apologized several times but beyond that, how can I fix this?

    Some details:
    * We’ve been married for almost 8 years & we have 2 young kids
    * I have been under a lot of stress at work lately, and dealing with intense pain, and I think I may be a little depressed as well (I find myself snapping at the kids after a long day, having a short fuse, etc).
    * We did premarital counseling but neither of us have seen a therapist either together or separately since then.

    1. – book yourself into therapy
      – talk to your regular doctor about treating your depression
      – explore other pain management options

      1. Seconding the advice to deal with pain as much as possible. Studies show it affects your brain (not an excuse but a reason to make sure you are dealing with it, for yourself and your family). Do your physio exercises; take the medication; get regular massages; do the yoga and meditation or binaural beats or whatever helps. Living with chronic pain can be be depressing so perhaps your doctor can help. I sympathise with how hard it it’s living with pain.

        Start showing your husband you regret what you did by taking action to change things.

    2. He might just need a while to feel angry and process being hurt. If I were you, I’d say one last time, “I’m not saying right now, but I think we need to talk about last night when you are in a place to do that. I’m very sorry about what I said.” Then give him some real space to be angry (not cruel).

      This is assuming he’s not doing something like the silent treatment or saying cruel things to you to get back at you.

    3. You will be okay! Everyone messes up and hurts the people they love sometimes. All you can do is apologize, give whatever space is needed, and wait for the impact of the words to stop hurting him. He will eventually stop being angry and all you can do is take accountability for what you’ve said – you don’t have the power to control his feelings or fix the way he feels.

      What you can do is take care of your own feelings so this happens less in the future. Don’t beat yourself up about it, make sure you’re getting enough support and help where it’s reasonable, that you’re prioritizing yourself where possible, and that you are getting treatment for your pain and depression.

      If you need individual therapy, definitely seek it out! That can be so helpful for working through the internal stuff to show up for other people.

      Did your words link to any bigger issues between you and DH? If so, couples therapy may be in order, though it sounds like the priority should be taking care of yourself over anything else.

      Also – words are just words. You didn’t kill anyone, you didn’t hit him. It’s possible what you said isn’t nearly as bad as you think they are. Same with feelings – they fade, no matter how intense.

      Sending you lots of love <3

    4. In your husband’s place I would want to hear some version of the following: I’m so sorry I said what I said and I understand how much it hurt you, it wasn’t called for and doesn’t reflect how I actualy feel. I realize that I’m under a lot of stress and it wasn’t right to take it out on you and our family. I’m going to prioritize my mental health/stress to be a better partner by (calling my doctor/therapist, going to the gym more, etc.). I will do my very best to control my stress at home going forward. Is there anything else I can do now that would help you heal and feel better about our relationship? (a night where you watch the kids, a date night, sleeping apart so he can be angry/process for a few days, etc.).
      I’ve been there (on both sides) and the best way each of us have healed is when the other partner apologized without qualifiers, and then did the work of addressing WHY they were so frustrated/angry. Also – this does NOT mean the ‘yelled at’ person didn’t do anything which may have contributed to your behavior, but you can address any frustrations in a different conversation or in couples therapy – ‘hey, I realize that I’m extra on edge when I come home from work – can we agree that I get 10 minutes to change clothes and switch into home mode unless there’s a true emergency’.

    5. Do not try to undo the hurt. It’s natural to feel uncomfortable with the pain that you caused someone else, but that’s on you.

      Individual therapy for you.

    6. You’ve said the apology, but what is stopping you from getting stressed out and snapping again? Someone once told me that an apology has 4 phases: Stop doing the thing, educate yourself on why the thing hurt the other person, reflect on what lead you to do the thing, and then and only then apologize to the person.

      I think you need to do the actions to prove that you take snapping at your spouse seriously and build the guardrails to help prevent in the future.

      A few things I’d suggest: consider couples counseling to focus on listening to his side of things, get a therapist today, figure out how to build in decompression time at the end of your day (can you sit in your car and listen to a podcast for 15 min?), offload what you can (i.e. childcare, takeout, housecleaning services), work on what it’d take to treat/minimize your chronic pain, and get a therapist.

      1. I have never seen the four phases of an apology spelled out before, just always intuitively thought that an actual apology – especially if the action really hurt – involves understanding why it isn’t an acceptable way to behave and some reflection on what motivated it. Often, there is a fundamental lack of respect or empathy motivating personal attacks – and that’s what really needs to be fixed. Other times, it’s badly handled stress or depression or whatnot, and the way to show you’re sorry is to fix that issue to the best of your ability.

      2. Your friend was actually quoting Maimonides, physician/Torah scholar from the 12th century Spain. According to Maimonides, four of the most important steps of repentance are the following:
        1. Verbally confess your mistake and ask for forgiveness (Mishneh Torah 1:1).
        2. Express sincere remorse, resolving not to make the same mistake again (Mishneh Torah 2:2).
        3. Do everything in your power to “right the wrong,” to appease the person who has been hurt (Mishneh Torah 2:9).
        4. Act differently if the same situation happens again (Mishneh Torah 2:1).

    7. Therapy. Time takes time, he will process in his own time. Consider reading the book “Us” by
      Terrance Real

    8. What did you say? I wonder if it’s an example of the size of his reaction making you think what you said was worse than it actually was.

    9. With the caveat that I have no idea what the OP said to her husband, I don’t know that a one-time situation warrants a therapy appointment to address relationship issues. Sometimes we just … mess up. And it sounds like OP is aware that she wasn’t at her best when this happened. Definitely treat the possible depression and pain issues. But I’m not convinced that this is a “run to therapy” situation.

      1. Yeah, I’d just be on your best behavior and take care of yourself so it doesn’t happen again.

        And don’t keep apologizing. Once is enough; twice is plenty; any more than that is not necessary. If he’s demanding them or trying to extort them (e.g., silent treatment), you’re NTA anymore.

      2. I think the therapy advice is in response to OP saying she has been under a lot of stress, may be a bit depressed, and has noticed herself snapping at her kids and having a short fuse. OP also mentions dealing with pain, and there can be a correlation between chronic pain (though OP doesn’t say it’s chronic) and depression. Addressing both physical pain and getting therapy could help OP in general.

      3. The therapy advice is for her admittedly untreated depression and other ongoing issues.

    10. Is your apology a real, abject apology? Does it contain any excuses for your behavior?

      “I am sorry I am that I said those things, and I want you to know that I don’t actually feel that way about you. I will give you time and space to process it, but I want to reiterate that I love you, I feel awful that I hurt you in that way, and that I know there is no excuse for my behavior” – this is an apology

      “I’m sorry I blew up at you, but I’m really stressed, in pain, and possibly depressed” – this is not an apology

  10. Furniture question! I am trying to replace an old leather couch (do not know what kind of leather; has held up remarkably well through 50 moves, 2 kids, and a puppy). I got swatches and they are “aniline leather” and “natural leather.” Some of the natural leather ones have finishes, but not all. I’m using them as coasters to approximate how my kids and husband will use the couch as a table and also that the dog is a hot mess that drools. But I’d like for someone not trying to sell me a couch to tell me what kind of leather will really be best for a house that is more like a fraternity basement in terms of abuse to things. Some web places love aniline but others go the opposite direction and still others say not to get anything with a wax treatment. What is the right choice here for another couch that we get a lot of use out of that looks good despite it?

    1. Aniline is gorgeous, but since it’s dyed with water soluble dyes and isn’t finished, it’s very delicate and will water mark at the thought of spilling a glass. It will age and patina gorgeously, but probably isn’t the best choice at this point in your life.Semi-Aniline has a lot of the same look, but has a top coating, so more durable. Pigmented leather is the most durable, but generally not quite as nice looking.

  11. I thought skinny jeans were dead but I went to a party in the ‘burbs this weekend and found the women were all wearing them – with heels! I guess I don’t have to purge my closet quite as deeply as I thought.

        1. A few nights ago, I quoted this line to DH, and he looked at me confused. I pulled up the YouTube video to play the clip for him. I’d forgotten the line right before this one, so both DH and my 7 year old were treated to Tai saying “You’re a virgin who can’t drive.” Fortunately for me, my 7 year old wasn’t paying enough attention to ask me what a virgin is. (Yesterday, however, he overheard me talking about Antonio Brown in Dubai, so I walk myself into a conversation about male private parts and consent.)

    2. Yeah, I think for most things there’s a continuum. What Fah-Shun says is Out < what stores are still selling tons of < what people are actually wearing. It's usually a good few years before the first stage becomes the last stage.

      1. You forgot the fourth stage: < Vicky decides to go ahead and try it out, at which point the cycle immediately starts over.

          2. Oh my god, I have not been harnessing this power as I should!! Yes, anything else while I’m at it?

      2. Proof of this to me is that most of the outfits in The Devil Wears Prada have only really started to look dated to *my* eyes in the last 5ish years.

        1. I mostly only have eyes for what Miranda Priestly is wearing, but since she was wearing vintage for the movie, I think she looks forever fashionable.

    3. I mean, it takes a while for things to phase out, but when people here ask about ways to look more current or on trend for cute weekend looks or office denim or a city trip, no one is saying “buy more skinnies.”

      1. Saw a lady in the metro this morning in very skinny jeans and very high heeled ancle boots. It came across as a very deliberate fashion statement, and I could not help thinking about the discussions on this board.
        This was in Scandinavia, not London though.

  12. Hi all, I figured you guys would be the place to turn for some non-judgemental advice… basically I feel like my brain has turned off over the last 8-10 years and I’ve lost the habit of seeking out new ideas, being interested in the wider world that doesn’t directly affect me, reading “hard” books… etc. First it was the baby and toddler years, then the balancing-work-with-preschooler years, and now both my kids are at school but other things in my life have got a lot more intense (eg I’m now a sole parent) and I feel like I rarely have the mental/emotional/physical energy to do more in my downtime than just scroll on my phone. Which is kind of fine if that’s what you want, and can accept that this is a season in life… but I don’t want to accept it. I want to get back into broader engagement with harder ideas, but in a way that is manageable and realistic. When I was younger I definitely read more widely etc and I think I’m overall happier when I’m doing that, and I think at least partly it’s just building the habit/muscle. Also a lot of the time I just feel embarrassingly ignorant, like I really hope no one ever gives me some sort of pop quiz on the middle east any time soon. So I guess what I’m specifically looking for is:

    – sympathy/empathy! Does anyone else feel a bit like this? Like basically I wonder if I’m describing quite a time consuming hobby rather than a mandatory part of an engaged citizen’s life and it’s kind of understandable that I might not be able to read as widely as, say, a 27 year old with no dependents.

    – recommendations for documentaries on Netflix that tackle big issues in an easy to follow way.

    – recommendations for news sources that I could regularly read to feel like I know what’s going on but don’t mean a massive time investment. Eg you know how the Economist has that summary at the start of each issue that just is a paragraph on basically everything in the bigger magazine? Something like that maybe. Also any tips to actually retain that information haha. I find I read it and then like an hour later I won’t be able to recall whether it was the Malaysian vs Indonesian elections that just had a major upset or whatever.

    – Fiction that will teach me something about the wider world but is not too “hard”. Eg I just read Esther Freud’s couldn’t love you more and that’s about the level of difficulty I’m talking about, and was about Catholic “adoptions” in the 1970s so taught me some new stuff. Ideally books that are set somewhere in the non-English speaking world though.

    I should also add that my job itself is quite intellectually challenging and involves engaging with big ideas so it’s not like I’m completely just atrophying my brain here. But I’d like to have just a bit more variety of thoughts inside my brain.

    Thanks a lot everyone, I am really interested in the replies I get because I feel like this might be something other people on this board have encountered to greater or lesser degrees.

    1. Do you have space in your routine to add a podcast? Thinking for the ‘what’s going on in the world’ section of your list, adding a daily short podcast (I like the FT Morning Briefing) might help with that without it being something you have to sit down and read

      1. Along these lines, I really like John Oliver’s show, Last Week Tonight. The full episodes are on HBO but you can watch almost the whole thing on Youtube.

    2. News sources:
      The Guardian and the Observer has great and varied background level articles.
      They also have great book recs for books set in the non-English speaking world.

      The BBC has little videos that explore different subjects in their “REEL” on the front page. Not breaking news, but small scientific studies etc. Snack bite science to get you interested in a subject and check out more in-depth.
      Also, BBC Worldservice radio and podcasts.

      For retaining information – repetition helps. You have to keep reading, so you get small drips of information and little mental hooks to chain together.

    3. I can empathize with that! My circumstances are very different, but between a job that sucked out my joy and pandemic worries, I did notice myself retreating much more into mindless activities. During that time, I also consumed a lot of already-familiar entertainment, and stopped seeking out new music or TV shows, which for me felt that a part of my brain was shrinking. So I can empathize with that aspect.
      I don’t have great advice, except that it got better when I got less stressed and had more bandwidth. I still do the mindless stuff, but now I have time and energy to also do interesting stuff.
      For easy to digest edutainment, maybe you will find something you like on YouTube. Scishow and CrashCourse have short videos to learn about all kinds of stuff, it’s beautiful visually, and you could even watch it with your kids.

    4. So much empathy. As for building up the book muscle, I recommend starting with really light and easy books. No way can a serious history of Latin America compete with phone scrolling when you’re tired. But maybe a book of funny essays or a book with musings on and recipes for cocktails with beautiful photos can. You can work your way up to more serious books, but always have something light in reserve.

    5. I empathize! For the last five years of raising young kids I have been reading primarily YA books. My work is often very heavy, and I read to relax and get away from it. There are some really good ones! I do recent books but also dive back into the classics occasionally- EB White is always such a joy. Roald Dahl was a great writer. Etc.

      In terms of fun ways to stay up to date with current events, I love Matt Levine’s Money Matters newsletter. Up to date musings on all things financial (Elon and Tesla, GameStop back when, etc) in a super approachable and funny way.

    6. I hear you!

      In no particular order – I got a subscription to the Atlantic; really enjoyed and was inspired by the Michael Pollan Netflix documentary series on psychedelics (How to Change Your Mind); and am reading and liking Sea of Tranquility (a real book but doesn’t feel like homework).

      I second the recommendation for podcasts. Ezra Klein has thoughtful conversations on his; Plain English with Derek Thompson can be great and different; and I like Pod Save the World for global topics in a digestible format.

      Also I like movies. I feel like I don’t have the bandwidth for many shows these days but a good movie can really make a difference.

    7. Thank you so much everyone, some really great suggestions here which I will implement, and also just nice to know I’m not alone! I do have a lot in my life but just realistically that’s not really going to change any time soon, and I really want to get back to living a life I feel good about rather than waiting for some amorphous change that’ll make it easier. And a big thing I miss is that sense of engagement with bigger ideas so I love these ways to bring it back.

  13. late in the day, but: if you got laser hair removal on your bikini area, did you do it all — or do some sort of shape? (any regrets?)

    1. I just did the hair that would be visible outside a standard bikini bottom. No regrets. I was tired of shaving for the beach/pool, and I also had a big ingrown hair problems along the bikini line even when I didn’t shave. There is still some hair there but it’s a lot less noticeable and I no longer shave.

      1. Same here! I guess the shape is “controlled chaos” but I don’t have to shave before going to the pool or trying on clothes in front of a friend, so it’s been worth every Penny.

    2. Not me but one of my besties decided to go bare, then had a lot of regrowth and decided just to focus on the bikini line, but is now not happy what remains, which is patchy. So know what you want for sure going in.

    3. I left a trapezoidal patch bc I wanted to still feel grown up ha ha
      and removed the rest straight through back door. Zero regrets~ wish I’d done it sooner!!

    4. I left a tiny patch on the…lips. I didn’t want to be completely bare but wanted to wear a bikini and feel confident. Zero regrets. I’ve gotten my legs and underarms as well.

    5. I removed it all and super glad I did, but I was shaving it all off for years before that. I’d probably do whatever has been your “style” long term.

    6. I did it in my early 20s and I just shrunk the whole thing. Essentially I removed all the hair that would be outside of a bikini and then a little more (sides and top). I wish I’d removed everything as I’ve now been shaving everything for years.I’m too cheap to go back and remove the rest.
      Also did under arms, which is the best.

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