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Updated: Nov 1, 2018 104 Comments · by

Coffee Break – Feel the Rhythm Pumps

Coffee Break

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Poetic Licence - Feel The Rhythm (Pink) - FootwearI really like the look of these Poetic Licence heels, high as they may be (4″ with a 3/4″ platform). I like the closed heel, as well as the fun colors — pink is pictured, but there's a lovely blue/fuchsia combo, as well as a black/emerald green combo and a white/taupe combo. Zappos has many of them on sale today — the shoe was originally $134, but the pink combo is now marked to $107.20. Poetic Licence – Feel The Rhythm (Pink) – Footwear (L-2) N.B. Peep-toe pumps are not appropriate for every office — know yours! Looking for something more basic? Don't forget to check out The Corporette Guide to Comfortable Heels!

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Comments

  2. Lawgirl

    Cute, but very non-Corporette! And very Lawgirl. Duck from those eggs, Kat ;-)

  3. AE

    So cute. I like the blue ones the best. I wouldn’t wear them to work, but I’m tempted to get them for going out.

  4. Anon for This

    After several interviews and several “thanks, but no thanks” responses, I – at the urging of my husband – applied for a position that was very senior and thought I had no chance of actually getting at a company I really wanted to work for in a position that was a dream job. Well, I didn’t get it. But 2 weeks later I got a call back for a less senior position in the same great company, with similar job duties, at a 30% increase in my current salary. I can hardly believe it – I’m on a cloud 9!

    Just wanted to thank those who told me to keep your head up and who encouraged their fellow Corporettes to keep trying. This community is truly a blessing!

    • Anonymous

      Congrats! Yay! Good luck!

      Mmmmm! Inspiration and hope for the rest of us too!

    • Monday

      Congratulations! I love when people post their career news, it always lends insight.

    • JessT

      Thanks for this. It is very inspiring, since I tend to self-select myself out of positions I think i don’t have the experience/qualifications/whathaveyou to qualify for. I guess this is a lesson that you can’t get something if you don’t even throw your hat in the ring.

      Congratulations!

  5. Off Topic

    Looking for foundation recommendations, please. Currently use Clinique Even Better, but not too thrilled with it.

    I am 30, with skin prone to the occasional breakout. I would like something that looks very natural, won’t clog pores, will even out skin tone, and camouflage both some under eye circles and the occasional blemish, without looking cakey.

    I don’t think I can master mineral powder foundation. Any suggestions?
    TVMIA!!

    • Monday

      Have you ever tried tinted moisturizer? I think your best bet is to do something like this as a base, and then use other products for the under-eye circles and blemishes. I just have never found a foundation or moisturizer that looks natural, doesn’t clog pores, and yet is heavy enough to actually cover problem spots. It means extra steps, but the full effect is a lot more natural IMO.

      If you want specific recommendations, here’s what I use:
      Tinted moisturizer- Aveda or Physician’s Formula. (Both have SPF)
      Concealer- Laura Mercier
      Underye correction- Origins Halo Effect or Underwear for Eyes

      • somewherecold

        I like Smashbox tinted moisturizer. It’s SPF 15. I got a sample in Luminous, which is apparently their color to make your skin “glow,” so it doesn’t need to match up well, and I ended up just getting a full size of that color instead of one of the others. I also had a sample of Sephora tinted moisturizer, but I liked the Smashbox one better.

      • anonymiss

        I recently started using the MAC mineralize creamy foundation (I’m not sure its exact name) and I rally like it. It has quite decent coverage for me (combination skin, freckles, no blemishes) and is pretty natural. I also like Bobbi Brown for tinted moisturizer (summer) and tinted balm (winter), but sometimes I find the pigmentation in both formulas a little heavy/uneven, so it can look streaky unless you’re careful.

        Here’s what I use:
        1) Aveeno or Neutrogena SPF 30 (winter)/50 (summer)
        2) Bobbi Brown corrector
        3) MAC foundation
        4) MAC mineralize skin finish powder.

        It’s enough to even out everything and still look natural.

      • Bunkster

        I use chanel tinted moisturizer. I’m a no-makeup kind of girl and this one works for me.

    • Classof2011

      Make Up Forever High Definition (HD) Invisible Cover foundation from Sephora. There are a lot of colors, so they will most likely find a match for you. This has changed my skin!The formula is light and holds up all day, but still covers imperfections well. Build-able coverage that never looks caked on. (I only use the primer for special occasions to avoid breakouts, and it is fantastic as well.) I found that tinted moisturizers didn’t do enough.

      • S

        Love, love, love Make Up For Ever! I use one of their other foundations – Mat Velvet – when I’m dealing with a breakout. Good coverage, good staying power, good match for my skin tone. Doesn’t clog my pores or make me break out.

      • mamabear

        Second, I was going to sign in to post about the HD foundation. It’s absolutely great – very sheer but also gives good coverage, somehow. LOVE. I am very fair and breakout prone and it’s perfect for my skin.

        (I have tried that Even Better and I found it cakey)

    • Emily I

      I’m 33 with skin prone to breakouts and thought there was no way I could master the mineral powder stuff, either. But I love it! There’s a slight learning curve, but it is just as easy as the liquid stuff and looks sooooo natural. Not to mention that there isn’t the guilt when I occasionally can’t get it off my face before I crash in bed.

      I use Bare Escentuals. I started with the starter kit with the basics and have expanded to using their “well rested” product under my eyes, and I use a different concealer thing for blemishes (can’t remember what it’s called right now). I can even do my eyes with the brushes, and this is coming from the least make-up savvy person on the planet!

      • M in CA

        Agreed, Emily I! I love the Bare Escentuals line, and it’s practically foolproof (and I am one of the biggest make-up fools I know!).

      • karenpadi

        I second bare essentials. I have incredibly sensitive skin. I literally break-out if I wash my face daily. Bare essentials doesn’t make me break-out (unlike every other make-up I’ve tried).

        I didn’t even start using make-up until after I started law school and now I have no qualms even doing the smoky-eye thing. If something looks messed up, I just use more of the mineral veil and that usually fixes it.

    • Original Lola

      I second the recommendations for tinted moisturizer.

      Coincidentally, I was at the MAC makeup counter in Nordstrom yesterday, and I learned two things:
      1) MAC has a new undereye concealer that you dab on, and it’s shaped like a magic marker, and it’s really neat. I almost bought it, but I’m on a budget.
      2) The saleswoman said that even people with oily skin need a moisturizer. I hadn’t thought of it that way. People with oily skin need a non-oily one, and people with dry skin need an oilier one. But if you have oily skin, and you don’t moisturize, then your face will produce more oil.

      • Jas

        #2 is so true. I have crazy oily skin (like, it overpowered face powder within a two hours of putting it on) and one of the best things I did to control it was to skip to washing my face only at night using a gentle cleanser and only rinsing in the morning and to start using serious moisturizer (jojoba oil at night, an aloe/almond cream in the morning). Once I stopped stripping all the oil off constantly my skin calmed down. It still is pretty oily, but considerably better than it was.

        • JMC

          I have breakout prone skin and I here is that I use:

          1) Cetaphil moisturizer summer/Nivea winter
          2) Bobbi Brown corrector for eyes
          3) YSL Touche Eclat for breakouts and redness (this stuff is expensive but totally worth it)
          4) Bobbi Brown skin foundation

          I want to make a switch to a tinted moisturizer or bare essentials for foundation though. Just hate spending $ to try new products that may make my skin freak out and that I may not like!

          • Ru

            I don’t know what others do but I do return the makeup if it doesn’t work out for me. There’s no harm in trying it out and returning it, really. I know that bare escentuals has a 30 day return policy, as does the various makeup counters in macy’s (and other department stores) and mac stores.

          • Original Lola

            Yeah – that’s what the makeup counter is for. They put all kinds of stuff on you, and see if you like it or breakout. No obligation to buy anything, but you can try all kinds of things!

    • SAlawchick

      I swear by Laura Marcier foundation. I use the Silk Creme foundation but the entire line is good. Silk Creme is full coverage but looks very natural. Great stuff.

  6. Ru

    I swear by Laura Marcier foundation. I use the Silk Creme foundation but the entire line is good. Silk Creme is full coverage but looks very natural. Great stuff.

    • Niktaw

      I bought a pair of open-toe patent flats from PL because they were super-cute. I wore them once for maybe 30 minutes (had to do a quick run to the mall) and they absolutely killed my feet… they were very stiff and made huge blisters on my heels, and the front, even with blister block, didn’t feel too good either.
      YMMV, but this is a case of “try before you buy”!

      • Ru

        Yikes, that’s too bad! As much as I love patent leather, most of the time the grief it causes is just not worth it.

  7. AK

    Threadjack! I really got a lot from the discussion several months ago about how parents’ divorce “feels” when you are an adult. It gave me insight into my own experience about 7 years ago when my father and step-mother (of almost 25 years) divorced. Now father has announced that he is remarrying. I live 4 states away, am 46 and have been married 16 years. I’ve met the woman once. My reactions so far have been 1)
    This won’t really happen. 2) If it does happen, it won’t effect me. 3) I certainly won’t have any FEELINGS about it. 4) Uh oh – I think that’s a feeling… but I’m not sure what it is.

    I’d love to hear from anyone who has been through this – any thoughts or experiences at all. There will be a wedding of some sort, but I’m hoping it will be so small that there’s no expectation of me (or my sister going). If invited, I’d “want” to go, only because I wouldn’t want to make such a non-supportive statement, but not because I actually am excited about going. I tell myself I’m just “over” him and don’t care any more, but obviously, I do. Thoughts???

    • Original Lola

      What I learned from the earlier discussion is that your parents’ divorce is harder the older you are.

      Of course the decisions your parents make about their relationships affect you – they were the original models for you. You’ve become who you are because of what they modeled. The way you act in relationships was influenced heavily by what they did.

      So yes, it’s completely legit to feel betrayed or upset when your parents get divorced/remarried. And it gets harder the older you are.

      But I don’t support attending weddings unless you actually feel joy for the couple.

    • found a peanut

      Do you really think there could be a wedding that would be so small that the groom’s children are not invited? If the couple’s children aren’t invited, who would be invited?

      I disagree with Original Lola’s sentiment about going to weddings only if you feel joy. If you are invited you have to go.

      • AK

        Peanut (love that name!), I agree that if invited I “have” to go because I love my father. Our relationship is complicated, but not angry or hostile, and I want to be supportive. As I explained in another reply post, the only reason I don’t join in his happiness is that I don’t sense that he is happy.

        Purely selfishly, there are some “advantages” for me – he is not in the best of health and lives alone so I worry about him. It will be good for him to have regular contact and will be a great burden off my mind for there to be someone to care for him if he needed help. At my age (and geographic distance), I’m not expecting to have an extensive relationship with her – good or bad. She has grown children (who also live far from her) and grandchildren, so I doubt she’s looking for that either

        It’s just odd. Something feels “off” and that troubles me. If it weren’t my father, I’d tell myself to mind my own business.

        • ADB_BWG

          I think we have a similar situation. My parents divorced after 35 years of marriage; my father “walked out” and told a variety of different stories about why. In reality, he had become involved with the woman (23 years his junior) who is now his wife.

          My father and I had a very complicated relationship, based in large part on his shifting stories and tendency to blame others. After his wedding, which I attended thanks to doses of kaopectate (!), I withdrew from much communication. Again – NOT because of his remarriage but because of his general actions. After my mother died (about 8 years later), I slowly re-established some degree of contact. Each step I took was based on how I would feel if he were to suddenly die and on my day to day feelings.

          Today he is 88 and she is responsible for his daily “support”, although he is quite healthy. That said, I’ve seen / met her about six times in the past 15+ years (they live less than 500 miles away) and I have no desire to maintain contact after he passes away.

          Coming to terms with this sort of thing is difficult. I wish you luck.

          • anon for this

            OMG, are we the same person? My parents divorced after 31 years of marriage. Although they should have divorced at least 20 years earlier, it didn’t happen until my father found himself another woman and flaunted that fact around my mother until finally divorcing her. He is now remarried (not to the other woman; shockingly, that didn’t work out). When I learned about the divorce, I immediately cut back on all contact with my father. I was SO ANGRY– about the way he did it, not that they were getting divorced. It’s been more than five years, and I’m slowly allowing more contact. I also think of it as, “Would I feel guilty about doing or not doing X if he were to die tomorrow?” I think the new wife is fine, but I haven’t made an effort to get to know her family because I simply don’t care. And, after they divorce or my father dies, I won’t try to keep in touch with her.

    • karenpadi

      My parents divorced when I was an adult and my mom remarried about two years ago. Both my parents are MUCH happier now that they are divorced and my own relationships with them has become much deeper. I know that, living 2000 miles away, I’m not really a daily part of their lives and I’m glad they’ve been able to meet new people and have a fulfilling life post-kids.

      When my mom remarried, I had barely met her fiance but I knew from my mom that he made her very happy and that he had excellent relationships with my mom’s friends and family. I was happy for her much like I’d be happy for a best high school friend who was getting married for the first time.

      I was the MOH at the wedding. I wasn’t invited to the bachelorette party that her friends hosted–thank goodness!

      • karenpadi

        Just wanted to add:

        I made a conscious decision to NEVER call my mom’s husband my “stepfather”. To me, it implies that he’s acted in a fatherly role in some way. I have a wonderful father.

        I just introduce him as my mother’s husband. He’s OK with it because he hardly knows me either and really isn’t a “father” in any way. My mom has made her peace with it and has learned to be grateful that we generally get along and try not to step on each others’ toes.

      • AK

        OP here – thank you for making me laugh! A bachelorette party was something I hadn’t even thought of.

        Part of the reason I don’t know how to feel is that I don’t know how HE feels about it. The circumstances leading to the engagement are “odd”. He broke up with “Ann” a couple of years ago. Three weeks ago he emailed me (and my sister) that this had been a mistake but now she was dating “Ed”. Two days later he emails that they are buying a house and getting married. When I called to congratulate him, his first conversation was all about the house. When I prompted him “what about the getting married part?” he said that marriage had not been important to her when they were dating earlier, but now it seemed to be, so he “guessed they were going to get married” and the issues over which they’d broken up would “get sorted out.” Every other conversation has been like that. If I thought he were happy, I’d be happy.

        I’d like to talk to him about my sense that he’s not excited about this, but I am afraid of sounding like I’m opposed. I’d feel more confident if I could have the conversation face-to-face. He’s 75 and has a lot of regrets about two marriages he describes as “failed” and I’d hate to see him repeat the experience.

        Thanks for this – until this moment it hadn’t occurred to me that part of what I am feeling is protective and worried for him!

        • karenpadi

          You’re welcome!

          If it helps any, I saw my grandparents go through seeing my great-grandpa finding a “special friend” after my great-grandma died. They were worried about how he really felt too. I think CW is right when she said that it’s very helpful to realize that parents are humans and they each deserve to be happy.

          If it helps, you can try to talk to your dad about why he wants to marry. These are the kinds of conversations family has. It won’t necessarily come across as opposition. I’d also recognize that, even if he’s your dad, he doesn’t owe you an explanation.

        • Laura #2

          Re “part of what I am feeling is protective and worried for him”: this is exactly how I felt when my dad announced his plans to remarry approximately a year and a half after my parents’ divorce. In my mind, there were plenty of red flags: this was her fourth marriage, they were both recently divorced, they didn’t really have couple friends, they hadn’t talked about the fact that my sister was still living at home…I could go on.

          Here’s what I would say: if you have concerns, voice them. I told my dad what I thought in a measured, specific, fair-as-possible way, then didn’t mention it again (which included holding my tongue when that marriage failed 5 years later). We aren’t especially close, so this wasn’t the easiest conversation to have, but I think you can frame it in such a way that it’s clear you’re looking out for his best interests. And, he might take the opportunity to respond to some of your concerns. Ultimately, you want him to be happy–I don’t know the details of your relationship, but I have to think he would believe you want that for him.

          As for attendance: I went to the wedding, which involved flying from out-of-state. I went to my mom’s wedding, too, along with some of my closest girlfriends (also out-of-state). It really helped to have them there. If you do go, it will probably help to have a good support person there, even if they don’t attend the wedding itself.

          My mom is still married, and although I like her new husband for her, I don’t think he and I will ever be especially close. Honestly, I think that’s kind of to be expected with a remarriage later in life, especially when you don’t live very close to one another.

    • Once upon a time...

      My parents divorced when I was in high school, and my mom remarried when I was about 30 (and single). I had a lot of weird, mostly surpressed, feelings around her wedding – and going wedding dress shopping with her! Esp. when she said that she expected to be shopping for *my* dress first (ouch! duh, mom, i know…). I handled the weird feelings with obsessive work/ exercise, and a flask in my bag at the wedding. A better way might have been to find a competent counselor with whom to explore some of those feelings…

      My feeling is that if there’s a wedding, you should go, to honor your dad and this new phase in his life. It will probably be a lot easier to do that if you can talk through some of it with a counselor beforehand.

    • CW

      It’s hard to see parents making choices that you disagree with. My parents are in the midst of a divorce. My dad has had several affairs over the years (my mom was unaware), and now that the truth has come out he almost seems relieved that he can spend time with his “friend” (as he puts it) without hiding it. I was so angry with my father when this news first came out, and sometimes even now I can barely bring myself to speak to him.

      I am now able to objectively step back (several months later) and recognize that 1) my parents are human; and 2) they each deserve to be happy, individually. Both of my parents will be happier without each other.

      I lost a lot of respect for my dad because of his actions, but I still think he has a right to be happy. And I am supportive of his happiness, even if I don’t particularly support how he got there.

      It sounds like you have a complicated (but potentially not terrible?) relationship with your father. I can totally relate about not wanting to make a public non-supportive statement (I’m trying to decide whether to have my dad walk me down the aisle at my wedding, and what it “means” if he doesn’t). I think that if you are invited, and it is not problematic to attend, then you should attend for no other reason than to support his happiness.

      • CW

        Sorry – reading the other replies I might be a little off base in my answer. I guess I wasn’t entirely clear if the reason why you were feeling weird about the remarriage was because of a poor relationship with your dad and whether you should support him during this time, or if it was that he was getting married again.

        I might be completely off the mark!

      • M

        To connect to the threadjack, my parents divorced when I was 20. My father remarried to a very nice woman, who is not my stepmother. She’s my father’s wife, and I call her “firstname.” We are both fine with that.

        CW, I am barely speaking to my father too. He recently admitted that he was cheating on his wife, lied to everyone about it, and then passive aggressively got caught so that his wife would have to be the one to demand a divorce. He’s now announced his plan to ride off in the sunset with the Other Woman. I am so angry I can hardly think straight, especially since my (half)sister is in elementary school and doesn’t understand why her family just fell apart. I find that this divorce is far, far more upsetting to me than when he divorced my mother.

        I know I’m going to have to to back into therapy to deal with this, but right now I can’t see ever having a positive relationship with my father again. He made his bed, now he gets to lie in it. CW, how are you managing to be supportive – maybe I need to think of this disaster in the way you are.

        • CW

          M – that sounds like an awful situation.

          I definitely don’t have it all figured out… this may sound awful, but in some respects, it’s not surprising that my dad did this, so it has been slightly easier to manage because it seems almost in-line with his character.

          But, that doesn’t negate the anger! It’s been about a year since all of this has happened. It took me several months (maybe about 6-8) before I could have a conversation with my dad that lasted more than 5 minutes. It also did not help that my dad was too dense to realize that I did not want to have a relationship with him at that particular moment, and kept calling.

          It has helped to talk to friends whose parents have gone through something similar, and to my fiance (who also very kindly runs interference for me when it’s obvious that I’m getting mad).

          I probably should speak to a therapist, but haven’t gotten around to it yet. I think you should give yourself permission to be angry for a while, and be there for your sister and her mom. Eventually the immediate anger will fade, and though your relationship with your dad may never be the same, you will probably find that you do want him to be happy. Best of luck working through this – I know how hard it is.

    • jd1040

      My SO’s dad did pretty much this exact same thing. Split from my SO’s step mother who helped raise him, and was remarried to a new woman within the year. None of the kids were invited to the wedding, and most of them had not met her. My SO and I had just gotten t0gether at the time, and it seemed that he and his brothers and sisters were really in shock.

      That was three years ago, and I now get the resounding feeling that SO’s dad and new stepmom are meant for each other in the way that makes you feel sad that they didn’t meet sooner. This could be the case for you, this also could be the opposite of what happens, but I think your feelings about it are totally normal (and completley mirror how my boyfriend’s sister felt at the time). From watching this situation play out, it seems that the best thing you can do is try to be supportive while managing your own feelings about it. If that means therapy, by all means do it!

    • anon for this

      AK – You asked for any experiences, so here was mine. I’ll repeat some of what I said above in response to ADB_BWG. My parents were married for 31 years. I was 25 and about to start my last year of law school when my father initiated the divorce after several months of cavorting around with another woman. I was unbelievably angry (like, getting into drunk fights with my friends angry; it was bad) that he was such a weenie, he couldn’t divorce my mother until he’d had an affair and, even then, had made no secret of the affair. Anyway, it’s been almost six years since the divorce. In many ways, things are much better than they were before. I’ve come to recognize my father for what he is (bully; emotional abuser; narcissist; all-around a**hole), and my mother and I have a great relationship that we were never able to during her marriage because of my father’s bullying and interference. Both of my parents seem happier.

      My father remarried less than two years after he divorced my mother. It was not to the “other woman” but to someone he’d known for only 6 months at the time he proposed (let’s call her “Current Wifey”). This is Current Wifey’s 4th or 5th marriage. She’s in her 70s. At the time my father told me he was engaged, I expressed that it seemed like an awful rush and that, after having been married for 30 years and single for less than 2, perhaps he should take some time to really get to know himself and explore what he really wanted. I did this in a very calm manner – just expressing what I thought and not fighting with him. It fell on deaf ears, but I felt better that I’d said it.

      I went to the wedding. It was a hard day because: (1) I didn’t think the marriage was a good idea; and (2) I was still pretty PO’d at my father re the divorce and his general crappiness as a person. And, to be perfectly honest, I felt like the wedding wasn’t worth my time. This lady’s in her mid-seventies, this is already marriage #4 or 5… obviously, this isn’t going to last terribly long one way or another. But I went. I was polite but didn’t try to fake enthusiasm. I met the people my father wanted to introduce me to but didn’t go out of my way to bond with Current Wifey’s family. I don’t regret any of that.

      So here we are a few years later. I still haven’t bothered to really get to know Current Wifey’s family. I occasionally spend time with my father and Current Wifey, and she and I get along well even though my father and I don’t.

      You said you feel like something is “off.” I would try to explore that with him. Ask him, “I get the sense you’re not very excited about the wedding. How are you feeling about it?” and kind of flesh out from there what’s going on. Or tell him, “Most people I know are excited to get married… you seem sort of ambivalent.” I think you can definitely express that you just want him to be happy because you care about him. I assume he’ll end up getting married no matter what, but at least you’ll have said it. And, if it is a mistake for him to get married to this woman, then I’m sure you’ll be there when he figures out what to do about that.

      Good luck.

  8. Res Ipsa

    Thought some of you might be interested in this post on women’s body language. Some of this was in NGDGTCO, like tilting your head (which i have been trying to consciously correct since I read about it!). i am still a bit surprised that wimpy weak handshakes seem to still be a problem for women. Perhaps it helps that I have large hands to begin with and my dad taught me how to shake hands when i was a kid?

    http://www.washingtonpost.com/blogs/on-leadership/post/10-common-body-language-traps-for-women-in-the-workplace/2011/03/03/AFl0GFbF_blog.html?hpid=z10

    • AnonInfinity

      Am I the only one who finds that shaking hands is one of my favorite business rituals?

      I have tiny baby hands, and have gotten lots of surprised comments of, “What a great handshake” from many men I’ve worked with.

      • anonymiss

        I have tiny baby hands too, but I find it painful to try to grasp the entirety of one’s hand to shake firmly. I try to give a strong handshake, but I still don’t like the ritual.

      • anon

        I hate shaking hands. I am not a germophobe or anything (can’t be, I have too many kids for that), but I don’t know what people have been doing with their hands. Icky.

        • another anon

          I’m with anon here. Plus, I find that some men squeeze way too hard. There is a line between “firm” and “OMG I think you just broke several bones in my hand,” and too many men cross it.

      • EC MD

        It’s traditional at the end of operations (especially difficult ones) to shake hands with your assistant. I love it! It feels so old school, yet so respectful. I feel like I’m part of something bigger when I reach across and operating room to table to shake hands.

      • houda

        I like shaking hands too. The only issue is that in my culture you are expected to cheek kiss, so it is really awkward to know when to shake and when to kiss as in you extend your hand while the person is leaning over..
        Any europeans or north africans to chime in?

    • MelD

      In my experience, men are just as bad with the wimpy handshakes as women. I think a lot of men go for the wimpy handshake with women because they assume women will have the wimpy handshake.

      • zelda

        THIS!! can’t say how many times i have met someone and gone for the handshake only to receive a limp… awkward… hand clasp. it seems to be mostly men that do this.

        • Sydney Bristow

          Exactly! I’m sure my handshake comes off awful in response to this. I just don’t know how to have my handshake come off as strong when the other person’s is awkward.

      • Jas

        Yes! And then I start second guessing myself thinking maybe I squeezed to hard, even though I’m pretty sure I don’t.

      • downtownist

        Wimpy handshakes make my skin crawl! From women, it’s just annoying, and from men, it’s creepy!

    • AIMS

      Wimpy “dead fish” hand shakes are a personal pet peeve for me.
      I don’t want, or expect, anyone to squeeze my hand to death either, btw, but I am consistently surprised by how common the weak/dead fish handshake tends to be.

      And, worse yet, I frequently get it from men, too, which I find doubly insulting because I think some of them are only doing it because *I* am a woman and they think that this is the kind of hand shake I will give back.

      Sorry about the rant! But I really think there should either be a class in high school on this or we should cease shaking hands altogether!

      • R

        My middle school had a “check out” policy where we had to say goodbye, with a handshake, to certain teachers before we left each day. You didn’t get to leave if you couldn’t shake hands properly. Combine the middle school desire to leave school with the reinforcement of doing it every day and you get a whole school full of people who have firm handshakes. Still love when we run into each other in business settings – it’s like an inside joke now.

        • AIMS

          It sounds like you went to a very good middle school! Everyone should be so lucky :)

          There are so many basic life skills that I think we are expected to just learn/know, but that, unfortunately, can slip through the cracks. It’s actually one of the reasons I really love this site. I know a lot of it is supposed to be learned at home, but I really think we as a society would benefit from having it taught in schools so everyone can be on a more even playing field. In the grand scheme of things, it’s much more useful than calculous! How great would it be if middle school covered hand shakes and other basic pleasantries, high school covered cover letters and resumes, college covered office etiquette, and law schools did more to teach networking skills and proper dress??

        • Lyssa

          My high school English teacher used to make us practice filling out college applications and doing job interviews. He always said that there’s just no other place that you learn these things. I still remember the day that he just started pulling students out and sticking his hand out with a “Hi, I’m John Smith”- I was the only one who “passed”, because I shook back, introduced myself in kind, and (he actually said this) “didn’t smell”- I don’t think he meant that anyone else in class did, he just explained that employers are hesitant to hire someone who has B.O., wears too much perfume, or smells of smoke.

        • Eponine

          Ha. I always shake hands when I meet kids, because I remember that I felt especially grown up when a grown up wanted to shake hands with me.

    • AnonInfinity

      After reading NGDGTCO, I noticed how much I tilt my head. I’ve been told by people (like my husband) that I am sometimes too brusque and borderline mean. So now I’ve been trying to tilt my head in situations where I don’t want to project that attitude. I tend to do the same thing with nodding. Good strategy?

    • Anon from Chicago

      I hate, hate, hate a strong handshake. I know its weird, but it drives me nuts — from a man or a woman. just cant stand it. its uncomfotable and it makes me think you are trying to compensate for something

      • MelD

        I think there’s a difference between a strong/firm handshake and a painful one. Some people do equate a “strong” handshake with something resembling a vice grip on your hand, but a good, firm handshake should not be uncomfortable to the other person. I think of it like holding a child’s hand- you want it to be strong enough so they won’t run off, but you can’t hold her hand so tight she’s going to start crying or squirming.

  9. afl

    Why oh why did you post these just after I committed to saving for our vacation!

  12. EC MD

    Taking my oral boards tomorrow. It’s a culmination of medical school and 5 years of residency. 90 minutes in a hotel room with the giants of general surgery, grilling me to determine if I’m a safe and thoughtful general surgeon. Good thoughts appreciated from the group of anonymous women I respect the most! The good news is that the results come back quickly so by Thursday midday I’ll know whether I’m a board certified general surgeon or whether I’m retaking the orals in October.

    Wish me luck!!!

    • Caroline

      Good luck, EC MD! You will totally rock them. Also, allow me to take this opportunity to say (from someone who rarely posts but reads comment threads religiously) that I very much admire your kindness and willingness to support the women in this community, as well as your general smarts and savvy and not-a-lawyer perspective. This anonymous Internet woman thinks you’re pretty great, regardless of how you do tomorrow!

    • MelD

      You offer some good advice here, so I am sure you will be a wonderful surgeon and will impress the examiners. Good luck!

      • shrink

        I thoroughly agree; your posts are thoughful, logical, well supported, and often a great blend of creativity and practicality. I was in the first group of folks taking oral exams for licensure in my State. Afterwards I have served as an examiner.

        I remember it as being overwhelming at the thought of it and then manageable once underway.

        Take your time, remain thoughtful, be able to offer your thinking/decision making points, and don’t be worried if you have to say something like “I haven’t been in that position, yet I would do (blank) and certainly consult with (blank) and refer out to (blank). They may still make you answer the question. The key is to know your limits, express them, and demonstrate how you’d work to improve them. After that, you can shine with the questions that are “right up your alley.”

        I was given a case that I have never experienced (after 20+ years in practice) and it is not part of my practice at all. However, I went on to address questions, give a line of approach etc., and passed the oral examination. Remember to stop and breathe after you read the scenario.

        You’re a great contribution to this forum and your patients are fortunate to have you. Just remember that and you’ll be able to demonstrate that to the examiners who just haven’t met and appreciated you yet! Best.

    • CW

      Good luck! I’m sure you’ll be great! (this coming from someone who would almost growl at people if they told me that I would “definitely pass” the bar exam!).

      You always have such thoughtful comments on Corporette – hopefully they will see the same thing that we see!

    • SF Bay Associate

      Good luck EC MD! I really enjoy your contributions here and know you’ll provide the thoughtful, smart analysis at your orals that you find the time to squeeze in during your busy days on Corporette.

    • AIMS

      Best of luck and many good thoughts!
      I am certain the giants of general surgery will be as impressed with your reasoning and thoughtfulness as we are here every day. Knock ’em dead ;)

    • meara

      Good luck!! You’re great fun as a commenter here, to have someone from a non-lawyery perspective!

    • Coach Laura

      Good luck! It’s sunny in Seattle today, so I hope the sunshine brightens your day. I’m sure your thoughtfulness will shine through.

  13. MelD

    FYI the shoes are available on Endless for $91.89. I absolutely love them, but it’s still more than I want to spend for a shoe that is a little bit over the top like this.

  14. Ms. Basil E. Frankweiler

    PSA: If anyone is looking for a nice white flare for the summer check these out (http://bit.ly/jOefXM). I just got them and love them. They are nice and bright, the fabric has a good amount of stretch to it, and the flare is wide enough to cover almost all the shoe. The only downfall is the rise is really low, but that can easily be camouflaged. Plus, only $20.

  15. Bonnie

    PSA: Filene’s in DC is taking 75% off clearance items. I got 2 Tahari suits for $25 each.

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